I LOVE spaghetti. 

Growing up, I would get made fun of by my family for how much of it I would eat (seriously, two or three massive platefuls in one sitting).

Not enough of a visual?

How about this: as a toddler, I’d run into the dining room struggling to rip my shirt over my oversized head so that I could eat my spaghetti as fast as possible without getting sauce on my clothes.  After dinner my parents would have to practically hose me down in the backyard I was so messy – totally worth it.

Now, in my quest for a healthier lifestyle over the past few years, I’ve learned that…gasp…gallons of pasta at each meal isn’t the healthiest thing in the world!  So, I’ve cut back drastically on my pasta intake – I probably eat pasta once every few months now, when I’m out at an Italian restaurant with friends and feel like letting go for a meal.

If you are a paleo person but love pasta, I feel ya.  This could help.

Maybe you’re not paleo, but you’re looking for an alternative to carb-heavy pasta.  This will help you too.

Today, you’re gonna learn how to cook Paleo Pasta.  Now, this recipe takes a little longer and is a little bit more complex than the easy Chicken Stirfry I taught you how to cook before.

If that was level 1, this is level 2.

Yeah, eating a small portion of regular spaghetti every now and then ain’t gonna kill ya, but I found preparing paleo spaghetti and meat sauce to be a fun challenge, it took me out of my comfort zone in the kitchen by making me do new things, and actually turned out to be freaking delicious and nutritious.

Let’s level up your cooking.

WARNING: PICTURE HEAVY POST!

Ingredients

• 1lb. of Grass-fed Ground Beef (my grocery store didn’t have grass-fed, so I went with regular)
• 1 Onion
• 2 Tomatoes
• 2 Small Cans of Organic Tomato Paste (check the ingredients – it should only contain organic tomatoes)
• 1 Garlic Clove (it’s the small part that you’re breaking off a garlic bulb. i’ll explain more later).
• Pepper…and salt if you want some.
• Italian Seasoning (it’ll be in the spices aisle – pick the one that’s labeled “ITALIAN SEASONING.”  To be sure, open and smell – if it smells like ITALIAN SEASONING, you’re on the right track.  If you can’t find it at this point, you should probably just sit down and give up).
• 1 Medium Spaghetti Squash – will make enough for two people.
• Olive Oil – I like extra virgin olive oil.

Supplies

• 1 Iron Skillet/Pan
• 1 Medium Sized Pot
• 1 Cookie sheet
• 1 Sharp Knife
• 1 Spatula
• 1 Cutting Board
• Tin Foil
• Oven and Stove

If you’re like me (a nerd who generally stays away from the kitchen), half the stuff on the grocery list will be new to you.  I can certainly say I’ve never purchased a spaghetti squash before.  Honestly though, I found it fun to go exploring in new parts of the grocery store and track down these items.  Just keep the ingredient list with you, ask people for help if you need it, and pretend like you’re a contestant on Super Market Sweep (not that I do that…every time I’m in a store….).

Preparation

Start by pre-heating your oven to 400 degrees.  This will take a while to get warm so it gives you time to chop up your veggies and so on.

Chop your onion in half, and then peel off the outside layer - we only need half of it.  Put the other half in a plastic bag and stick it in your fridge.

After that, start slicing and dicing like a mofo until the onion is all chopped up.  Yeah, you might cry – suck it up.  If you have a food processor or a Slap Chop (you lucky bastard), this will be way easier.  I don’t have either of those, so I did it the old school way.

Next, rip off a clove of garlic – we only need a little bit of it.  Hang the rest of the garlic bulb around your neck to ward off vampires.

Take that little section, break it apart, and then carefully chop off the tiny ends of each section.  Then, use the side of your knife to smush it by pressing down hard on the side of your knife.  Peel off the outer layer, and then chop up the inside of it as small as you can without chopping off any fingers. That would result in a lot of blood, and the vampires won’t care about your garlic necklace, and you’re gonna have a bad time.  If you don’t feel like buying/chopping garlic, you can use garlic powder to add to the meat later, though it’s not nearly as fun.

Grab your two tomatoes (not a euphemism).  No seriously though, grab those two tomatoes.  Use your knife to carefully carve out the top part of it…

Then cut them in half, then chop them up into smaller pieces.  Depending on how you like your spaghetti sauce, cut them to your desired size – bigger chunks in your sauce or no?  The choice is yours, sucka.

Next, take your spaghetti squash, and use your knife to cut it in half.  Because the middle is kind of hollow and full of gooey stuff (like a pumpkin), I found it easiest to cut into the side of the squash, and then work the knife around it the long way.  Watch this video for a good demonstration.  JUST BE CAREFUL.

Use a spoon and scrape out all of the middle junk in the squash.  Yup, it’s kind of gross. Get over it.

Take your hollowed out squash, and drizzle the insides with olive oil, pepper, and tiny bit of salt. 

Give them a minute or two to sit and soak in the oil, and then put them face down on the cookie sheet, and stick them in the oven (which is now at 400 degrees) for 40 minutes.

Making the Sauce

While the spaghetti squash is cooking in the oven, put your skillet on the stove, add a little bit of olive oil, and drop in your diced onions.  After a few minutes, they’ll start to take on a clear/yellowish color as they sizzle and cook.

Now it’s time to add the garlic, and mix that around for a minute or two…

And then add the beef!

Using your spatula, chop up the beef and mix it up with the onions and garlic.

Now, make it rain with your Italian seasoning and pepper.  And by that I mean “sprinkle it liberally.”

Continue stirring and chopping and mixing like a boss until the meat is a nice brown color.

When the meat is done cooking, take the pan off the stove, and place it on one of the other not-hot burners…

OR, you can strain the beef and get rid of the grease.  I chose to strain our meal for the evening.  Use a strainer, collect the grease in a bowl, and then when the grease cools down, dump it into a coffee canister or other container that you can keep in the freezer and then eventually dispose of properly.  Google “how to get rid of grease” if you need help here.

Combining the sauce

Now, while your meat is cooking, take your empty pot, open up your two cans of tomato paste, and use a knife to scoop them out and pour in.  Then add your tomatoes.

Put the pot on low heat.  Around now, your meat should be cooked. 

Then dump in the meat, onions, and garlic into the pot and mix it all up.  If your sauce isn’t saucy enough, take your empty tomato paste can and dump in a can-sized amount of water (do one and see how the sauce looks, and then add a second if necessary).  At this point, feel free to add some more Italian seasoning and pepper.

You can leave the pot on really low heat and cover it up, while you’re finishing up everything else. Just stir it every so often so the bottom doesn’t burn.

Putting it all together

Pull your squash out of the oven after the 40 minutes is up, and using a pot holder and a knife/fork, flip the two halves over over.

Having two plates ready, use a fork to pull apart the inside of the squash…it’ll come apart very easily and look like spaghetti. 

Hollow out one, put it on a plate.  Hollow out the other, put it on the other plate.

This is the point where you say “OHHHH SO THAT’S WHY ITS CALLED SPAGHETTI SQUASH!”

Add your sauce on top, and BAM you have your home cooked, paleo spaghetti meal.  Finish off with a glass of water, red wine (not technically paleo I guess but hey, live a little), or some Drain-O and you’re good to go.

I’m kidding. please don’t drink Drain-O.

Any questions?

The dinner table is set.  Flower in empty wine bottle and Shadow of the Colossus on PS3 are optional.

I honestly had WAY more fun cooking this than was expected.  (thanks Jessie for helping me out and making sure I didn’t chop off any appendages).

If you’re struggling to come up with a fun date idea…nothing goes over better than cooking a meal together – and I think the total cost of the ingredients was around $15.  This meal made full servings for two people with enough sauce left over for two or three more servings.

If you don’t have anybody else to cook for, no worries!  This meal will make plenty of food for you to have for dinner tonight, lunch tomorrow, and beyond.  Plus, you can eat your spaghetti WHILE playing Shadow of the Colossus and nobody will yell at you.

I’m thinking of doing some more “how to cook easy meals” post here on NF real soon, coming from the perspective of a newbie in the kitchen.  They probably won’t all be paleo/primal, but they’ll be healthy and super easy to cook.

Is that something you’d be interested in every few weeks?  If I do, anything else you’d like to see in the posts?

Any thoughts, comments, or questions?

Let’s hear it!

-Steve

PS – Nerd Fitness is now on Pinterest!  Just in case you needed another way to waste your time at work besides the Nerd Fitness message boards

PPS - Remember how last week I said I was moving to Central America?  Welp, my plans changed over the weekend, ha!  I’m off to Manta, Ecuador instead!  From Mid-April to Mid-May, I’ll be living in a brand new condo on the beach complete with everything I need…for less than half the price of living in Washington DC.  I’ll do a MTV Cribs-style spoof when I get down there.  The plan is to spend four weeks in Manta with weekend trips to the mountains and a side trip to the Galapagos Islands so I can cross another goal off the Epic Quest of Awesome.

Ever been to Ecuador or the Galapagos?  Have friends that live there?  Email me! 

###

thanks to Fast Paleo for the recipe inspiration.

Things are about to get weird.

REAL weird.

Like the the thing in the santa hat in the banana mobile pictured above (wtf?)

Don’t worry, I mean weird in the best way possible

I’ve been running Nerd Fitness as my full-time business for the past 20 months, and I can honestly say I have never been more excited to make an announcement about the site than I am today.  On top of that, I get to make all kinds of OTHER cool announcements too, including a radical change in how I’ll be spending the next few months of my life.

Here we go…

Team Nerd Fitness Grows…

Yeah, you know Staci.

The woman who has inspired thousands upon thousands of women to start strength training.  The rebel who has been pretty much running the Nerd Fitness message boards since the day she joined them 18 months ago.  The 140-pound gal who can deadlift 350 lbs.

Yeah that one…

She’s joining Team Nerd Fitness full-time!

I’m beaming from ear to ear as I type this.  Staci has been a total rockstar in the Nerd Fitness community since day one – she embodies everything that NF stands for; in fact, I’d argue that she’s more “nerd fitness” than I am!  On top of that, she’s a great person and somebody I’d trust with my life.  It only took ten months of begging, pleading, and sucking up…but I finally convinced her to take a chance on helping me further develop this community into something truly epic.

Although it’s been a great problem to have, the growth of Nerd Fitness has really created a challenge trying to keep up with everything that comes with running a business, especially over the past few months.  I always felt bad when it took me days or weeks to respond to people’s emails, and it killed me every time I just lacked the energy to put together an article at the end of a long day.  I’m excited that Staci’s on board and can help me provide you, my dear rebel friend, with a better experience around here in every way possible.

I have never been more excited for the future of Nerd Fitness than I am right now.  NF got to where it is today…somehow…with just a one-man show.  And that one man is total goofball. I cannot WAIT to see what this community is capable of when we have TWO people working full time…especially when that second person has things like organizational ability, talent,  time management skills, and a 350-pound deadlift.

March 1st will officially be the day that the Rebellion gets some rocket fuel and Staci saddles up full time. 

Staci is my hero, and she’s probably yours too.  I am so thankful and grateful she for some reason agreed to babysit me and help provide some much needed legitimacy and guidance to the site.  Her role will cover pretty much anything and everything as the site continues to grow, so you can expect to see her name pop up here and there more often over these next few months.

Now, in case you don’t know who Staci is (meaning you haven’t read her story or spent any time on the boards), I’ve put together a list of fun facts about Staci so we can all get to know her better:

• Twitter handle: Stacixmarie
  
• Hometown: Hyrule
• Favorite food: nails and drywall
• Favorite movie: Air Bud 2: Golden Receiver
• Favorite video game: anything Legend of Zelda
• New job title: Master of Deadlifts (not even kidding on this one)
• Favorite exercise: machine iso bicep curls…okay definitely kidding on this one.

Trust me when I say I can’t think of anybody else on earth I’d rather have as the first person to help me take Nerd Fitness to the next level.  Please welcome her aboard!

The next nerd fitness ebook

Speaking of Staci…

Since her article has kind of taken over the internet, we have a ridiculous number of new female readers on Nerd Fitness who are interested in getting started with clean eating and strength training.  Although I already offer the Rebel Fitness Guide and Rebel Strength Guide – both of which have helped many women get in great shape – we realized there’s nothing we offer specifically dedicated to women rebels!

So, Staci will be partnering with me on the next nerd fitness ebook for women, answering each and every question a woman might have about getting started with strength training and building a body to be proud of.  All videos will be filmed with Staci, she’ll be dealing with issues specific to women and strength training and weight loss, and more.

Expect a survey soon asking what you’d like to see included in the book, and we’ll do our best to accommodate you.

Oh, and if you happen to be a dude, don’t worry – we have something in the works for you as well - hint: it begins with an L and ends in “evel Up Club.”  Expect more details shortly.

Yes, these are premium products that will cost money.  Yes, I’ll still be cranking out as many free articles as my brain will allow on Nerd Fitness weekly, and yes the message boards will remain free, and the site will remain ad-free.

This is your community, I’m just here to be a part of it

Upcoming speaking engagements

Looks like my speaking schedule is starting to fill up over these next couple of months! Unfortunately, two of the talks I can’t announce yet, but one’s kind of a big deal and the other will give me one hell of a story.

In the meantime, I can share that I’ll be speaking at the Killer Tribes Conference in Nashville, TN on March 31st!  If you happen to be in the area and you’re interested in attending, use the code “nerd” to get a discount!

I had so much fun doing my talks at Google and Facebook (footage coming soon), but I’m excited to give a talk on something that I’m beyond passionate about: building a kick-ass community like Nerd Fitness

Until I can get my talks page up (Staci, please yell at me to do this), if you’re interested in having me come speak at your school, business, conference, mom’s basement, or spaceship, email me at steve@nerdfitness com and hopefully we can make it work!

NF Tank Tops

In case you missed the announcement on Tuesday, we’ve added Nerd Fitness tank tops to the store. $20 to ship anywhere in the US or $25 to ship anywhere in the world!  

Okay, well maybe they’re not in the store yet (see, these are the things that Staci will yell at me for), but they are available for sale and shipping as we speak!

We sold through a third of our first order in 48 hours, so if you’re interested in grabbing one before we have to reorder more, grab one today!

• 100% Rib cotton construction
• Form-fitting American Apparel brand
• Will shrink an average of one size when put in the dryer
• Sizing Chart here.

And if you’re a dude, I realize this is yet another lady announcement - we’re working on the next NF shirt too: a performance shirt (think like Under Armour, but nerdier).  We hope to have that out within the next month or so!

My next adventure…

I’ve been living in Washington DC for the past few months, and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed my time here.  However, I’ve caught the travel bug again (though with probably 15 domestic flights and a trip to South Africa since I’ve “stopped traveling”…did I ever lose it?), and it’s time to move on.

It probably had something to do with THIS video that was shared with me yesterday.  WARNING – the second half of this WILL give you goosebumps:

a story for tomorrow.

My lease is up here at the end of February, on March 1st I’ll be headed out to sea on The Rock Boat, and then I’ll bouncing around the states for most of March with four other short trips planned.

Beginning in Mid-April, I’ll be spending 4-6 weeks down in Central America!  I haven’t quite narrowed down the location yet (this decision was made less than 72 hours ago!), but I’m looking at somewhere in Costa Rica, Nicaragua, or Belize.  I’m looking for a cool 1BR house/condo (with internet) on or near the beach, in a fun but not overly touristy town (I’d like to practice my Spanish), where I can get my work done, soak up some sun, and possibly get in some surfing!

Although I’ve had fun in DC, I desperately miss the ocean and the warm weather, so I figure why not get both while working on all things Nerd Fitness!

If you happen to have any suggestions, or better yet, specific towns or connections to people with rental property in any of those countries, PLEASE email me at Steve@nerdfitness.com and we can talk about it.

Thank you

I don’t say it enough.

Seriously, thank you for helping make Nerd Fitness what it is.  Whether you’ve been reading for a day or for three years, thanks.

I feel so fortunate to be able to do what I love every day: help people live better lives.  I’m excited to see what the future holds for Nerd Fitness now that we have twice the number people working hard on making things better.

I’m a lucky S.O.B. and I know it.  From the bottom of my heart, thank you…I have never been more proud to be part of something than I am of Nerd Fitness and the Rebellion.  You, my friend, are in good hands.

Before I sign off, I’d love to hear from you about a few things in the comments:

1. Say hey to Staci, and feel free to ask her any ridiculous question so you can get to know her better.
2. Help us come up with a name for the Fitness Guide for Women.  Don’t suggest “Fitness Guide for Women” – that’s too boring, right?)
3. Let me know if you have any suggestions on specific towns or rentals in Costa Rica, Nicaragua, or Belize.  I’m okay with paying for a decent place (say around $1000 a month?)

Thanks again for making this place what it is.  Let’s find out what it can become, eh?

Better grab some sunglasses, the future around here is bright.

(see what I did there?)

-Steve

###

photo, photo, photo

Dear Conventional Wisdom! 

For decades, you’ve been giving us rules to live by for a “healthier life.”  I understand that you think you’re doing us a solid with these tips, but you’re old and somewhat senile.

Okay, really old and very senile.

Now, if you were like the nice old man next door who yells at trees in the park, I wouldn’t mind – he’s harmless.  But for some reason, people don’t realize you’re not playing with a full deck…so they’ve used your advice to get fatter, slower, and unhappier.  I know you mean well, but when the stuff you tell us is either useless or dangerous to our health, I have to draw the line.

It’s time to put you out to pasture, gramps.

Here at Nerd Fitness, we do what we can to challenge everything (it’s in our rules to live by).  We understand that just because somebody told us it was true does not make it so; that often times going against what you say by doing the exact opposite is how to get results.

I know you have a huge majority of the population brainwashed, which is why a lot of my qualms below might even freak out some of the newer Nerd Fitness rebels.  I’m okay with that – like Neo in the Matrix, they need to be woken up.  Let’s take a look at some of your more egregious offenses and set the record straight.

It’s on like, Donkey Kong.

(ps – tank tops now available in the store.  Order here or get more details at the end!)

Eating fat will make you fat

This one must have been pretty easy for you.  eat fat = gain fat…right?

How dare you sir.

You’ve been pitching this one since like, the 50′s, which is why every food these days comes in a low fat variety!  Unfortunately, the low fat versions are almost always way less healthy for you than the regular version.  Why? Because they just replace the fat with sugar, or salt, or some other chemical compound…and THAT’S the stuff that make people fat.

Fat has been wrongly accused, and I’m here to bail him out. 

Fat as a nutritional compound is actually incredibly beneficial to so many different functions in our bodies!  In fact, there’s no shame in a majority of one’s calories (50-60%) coming from healthy fats (avoiding trans fats, of course).  I realize you tell people to minimize fat and load up on “heart healthy whole grains” – but it’s those grains, sugar, and other processed carbs that make people fat!

I bet you don’t like this video, huh?

This article by Gary Taubes in the New York times pretty much puts you in your place here.  Hell, he even wrote a whole book about it, which I wholeheartedly recommend reading for anybody interested in this stuff – it’s much easier to get through than his incredibly researched but difficult to finish Good Calories, Bad Calories.

Can we stop it with the “low fat” crap, and get people focused on eating real food?

Thank you.

Eating cholesterol will give you heart attacks

Another softball right down the middle.

When people die of heart attacks and clogged arteries, their arterial walls are lined with a compound that is composed of cholesterol.  So, it was a simple enough conclusion for you to draw that eating too much cholesterol would cause these issues with cholesterol in the blood stream and lead to clogged arteries.  Factor in the pharmacutical community pushing cholesterol lowering medication on everybody over the age of 50 and its easy to see how this idea became so widespread.

You tell us that the lower our cholesterol is, the healthier we are (allegedly)…

And that food has cholesterol which increases the cholesterol in our bloodstream…

Which means if we eat less cholesterol in our diet, then the healthier we’ll be!

FAIL!

As the Framingham study determined (which legitimately made the researchers sad because they wanted so badly for a correlation), “There is no indication of a relationship between dietary cholesterol and serum cholesterol level.”  Despite no evidence that linked the two; the doctor overseeing the study refused to believe it – “it is incorrect to interpret this finding to mean that diet has no connection with blood cholesterol.”

Seems like somebody wants to be your Valentine, Conventional Wisdom – he refuses to believe anything other than what you say!

Here’s the real deal:

Cholesterol, like fat, is actually something that our bodies need to survive, which is why our liver cranks out up to 1400 mg of it each day.  Yeah, the stuff we so desperately try to avoid in our food is produced by our body to make sure we survive!  On top of that, our bodies are pretty effing clever, which means that if we eat more cholesterol…our body regulates itself by producing less of it, and vice versa.

On top of that,  when it comes to cholesterol in our blood stream, it turns out that there are different KINDS of cholesterol – HDL, the good kind, and LDL (which actually has different types – large billowy LDL and small dense LDL).  It’s the small, dense LDLs that cause the inflammation and start people down the path to atherosclerosis and heart trouble.

Want to know what contributes most to increasing the number of the small, dense LDL?  Sugar and simple carbs!

I could go on about cholesterol until I’m blue in the face, but it’s time to move on.  So I’ll let Mark Sisson take over, who’s written an incredibly comprehensive article on all things Cholesterol, including why it’s been vilified.

Please note: I’m not advocating disregarding your doctor’s orders, but rather having a serious conversation with him about your cholesterol – if he/she continues to recommend cholesterol lowering medication (and remember, there’s more to it than just the number…), get blood work done before and after 30 days of an improved diet and then discuss things with him.

Remember, question everything!

You need cardio to lose weight

It’s no secret around here that I’m not a big fan of boring cardio.

As my friend Vic will tell you: “treadmills are for hamsters.”

But I understand why this one is so prevalent.

Life is a simple math equation, right?  “Burn more calories than you consume and ye shall lose weight.”

That means that if somebody wants to lose weight, all they have to do is simply spend more time on a treadmill every day and they’ll lose weight.  So, they spend 1-2 hours per day, every day, on a treadmill or elliptical or rowing machine or in a Zumba or step aerobics class and torture themselves to lose weight.

In this blogger’s humble opinion, there are only two reasons to do hours of long cardio:

• You legitimately enjoy the activity.  If it makes you happy, do it!
• You want to improve your endurance/cardiovascular health.

Notice that weight loss is not one of those reasons. 

Thanks to your crap, CW, I have to convince people every day that unless they like the activity, cardio can only take them so far.  If pure weight loss is the goal, the far better option is to focus on cleaning up their diet.  Or even better yet – combine strength training with a fun mobile activity AND clean eating!

This study revealed that 185 extra hours of cardio in a year created minimal weight loss in a group compared to compared to those who didn’t exercise at all.    Doing hours of cardio makes your body crave the very foods that make you fat and keep you fat: carbs!  It’s why this Time Magazine article accurately pointed out that exercise alone is not enough change for weight loss (even though they were lambasted by the media for it…it’s true).  They should have replaced “exercise” with “chronic cardio” though.

I don’t do traditional cardio. Ever.

Why? 

Because I don’t enjoy it.   SO I DON’T DO IT

I strength train with heavy weights and strenuous body weight exercises, which gives my heart a helluva workout. Despite never doing cardio, I could still take off and run five miles at a moments notice with no ill effects.   My cardio comes from my strength training, sprints, frisbee tossing, and the occasional pick up basketball game when I’m visiting my brother.

Here’s the best article I’ve ever read creating a pretty great case against chronic cardio.

So, can you please start telling people that more cardio will not make them skinnier, and that they should instead clean up their diet and pick activities that make them happy.

Thanks, okay I’m done with you. 

Just kidding. Definitely not.

You need to eat every three hours to lose weight

Okay, CW.

I have to admit, back in the early days of Nerd Fitness…even I fell for this one.

And it’s a pretty convincing argument – in order for our metabolism to operate at maximum efficiency, it needs to be constantly working…hence, the whole “eating every three hours for weight loss” thing.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t really work that way – our metabolism isn’t that bright!  Want to know the real reason eating every three hours helps people lose weight?  It’s because it keeps them from OVEReating during their actual meals.  For example, not eating breakfast isn’t the end of the world…unless you work yourself up into such a frenzy by lunch time that you eat 3000 calories.

Now, this shouldn’t discourage the folks that only have time for two meals a day provided they can control their cravings and consume HEALTHY food.  After all, the quality of the food plays a big role in all of this along with quantity.

On top of that, our bodies CAN adjust to not eating for intermittent periods of time, which CAN lead to fat loss.  Come on, you think cavemen had meals evenly spaced every three hours? 

Now, CW…I will agree with you that eating every three hours can be really beneficial…for skinny nerds looking to bulk up.  Because they need to overload their bodies with calories to promote mass and muscle gain, it’s easier and to overeat by a few hundred calories every few hours than overeat by 1000 calories in two meals.

So you can stop this one right now.

Seriously, stop it.

Machines are safer than free weights

I’m going to slap you in the mouth for this one, you smelly pirate hooker.

Machines are the devil, and robots will one day take over the world…if zombies don’t do it first.

Honestly, I cannot think of a more useless/potentially dangerous invention in exercise history than weight machines.  They put the body in weird angles, they do all of the stabilization work for one’s muscles (which leads to imbalances and injuries), and they promote isolation movements rather than compound movements, which don’t teach your body.

I know you want to convince people that machines are better because picking up a free weight is scary and machines are easier to get started….or something like that.  Which is all crap.

I want people to think of it like this: getting behind the wheel of a car for the first time and driving in 6-lane traffic at 80 mph is dumb.  So, take the time to learn how things work, study, practice, repeat, and THEN hit the big lanes with confidence.

Where am I going with this story? Using weight machines is like having somebody else ALWAYS in the car also holding onto the wheel and guiding the car with you, developing a sense of undeserved overconfidence and reliance upon somebody else.  If you’re taught like this and only train like this, your first trip out into the big world on your own will result in an accident.

So, I tell people to suck it up learn proper form with free weights.  These newbies should start with a super light weight and work on their form.  They can also ask a competent trainer to check their form on their squats, deadlifts, and overhead presses.  A good trainer should be able to teach proper form in just a session or two.

I actually had a guy email me a few months back and say “I know you don’t like machine,s but I’m afraid of free weights.  Can you design a workout for me using machines instead?” I told him that I couldn’t do so with a clear conscience, and that he would need to look elsewhere if he couldn’t try weights.  Never heard from him again.

You might have brainwashed that guy, CW, but not the rest of this community!

(quick note: the only machine i can condone are the cable machines, as those still allow a full range of motion, but even those shouldn’t be focused on at the expense of good ole fashioned free weights or body weight training)

Lifting heavy weights will make you bulky

I feel bad for all of the women of the world you’ve convinced of this one.

Do you realize the damage you’ve done? IT IS FREAKING IMPOSSIBLE FOR A WOMAN TO GET BULKY WHILE LIFTING WEIGHTS unless they are overeating, have superior bulk-up genetics, taking supplements, and actively training and working hard and TRYING to get bulky.

Shame on you, sir.

I’m grouping this one with one of your other pearls of useless wisdom: “lift light weights for lots of reps to get that toned look that all women want.”

NO. STOP. FAIL. Picking up pink dumbbells and doing 50 bicep curls will do absolutely NOTHING for a woman’s arms, and neither will 50 leg press reps with 25 pounds.

Higher reps with low weights build muscular endurance, but do nothing for creating the look they want.

If women want to look “toned,” they need to realize that it’s heavy weights for low reps on things like squats, deadlifts, and presses combined with a clean diet that will get them the results they’re after.

It works.  Ask Staci.

You might have fooled most women CV, and even many of the people who should know better – but not the women of Nerd Fitness!  I received an email last week from a female who said “the trainers in my gym told me that girls don’t need to do deadlifts!“  Luckily, she’s smarter than them, so she’s going to learn without their help.

Oh, and this doesn’t just go for ladies – guys who strength train and eat right burn the fat but keep the muscle they have…which is how to build a body to be proud of. 

And that’s not all

Those are the six biggest crimes against the fitness community you’ve committed, but there are more.

For example. more expensive and heavier padded shoes do NOT make people less likely to get injured while running.   A better running technique and proper training will keep the injuries away.

Oh, and more sit ups will not reveal a six pack.  Stop telling people that! My friend Saint and his abs will back me up on that one.

Yeah. “heart-healthy whole grains” don’t make them healthy either.  They’re still grains and tons of carbs.

Well, that’s all I have for you today – I realize you’re old and you probably fell asleep at least twice during this rant Mr. CW, but try to get your act together and help me out here.  I’m sure it’ll take you another 30 years to catch up, but do it.

Oh, and you can tell your wife “Old Wives’ Tale” to go to hell too!

With love,

Steve

[PS - NF Reader, if you happen to have some more conventional wisdom fallacies you'd like exposed, please share them in the comments!]

PS – Nerd Fitness tank tops are now available for sale!  I ordered a bunch up front, but I’m not made of money so I couldn’t order hundreds of them.  If you want to be one of the first to rock a NF tank and be the coolest gal in all the land, place your order today!

$20 with free shipping anywhere in the States, or $25 to ship anywhere in the world.

They’re printed on high quality American Apparel tank tops, which are great for working out in…and also kicking ass in. So, yeah.

• 100% Rib cotton construction
• Form-fitting
• Shrinkage: will shrink an average of one size when put in the dryer
• Sizing Chart here.

Place your order for your Nerd Fitness tank top today – available RIGHT NOW!

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It’s a jungle out there.

I’m not sure why this jungle has a shark in it, but that’s neither here nor there.

If you’re getting ready to navigate the dangerous world of commercial gyms, I feel your pain.  As a member of the Nerd Fitness Rebellion, it’s often difficult to infiltrate the empire and work out properly in one (don’t worry, I have you covered there).

Today, I wanted to take a comical look at the different types of species you’ll tend to encounter in a gym, how to identify them, and how to evolve depending on your classification.  I’ll be borrowing the style from a guest post I wrote on The Art of Manliness back in the day, because that was too much fun.

WARNING: you will want to act like you’re on a safari next time you’re in the gym after reading this.

Feel free to do your best Crocodile Hunter impersonation while reading along, because that’s what I did while writing it.

Let’s go hunting!

(Not literally.  That’s illegal.)

Ellipticus Ad Infitinitum

Habitat:  The cardio section of the gym, and nowhere else!

General characteristics - Easy to spot, the Ellipticus Ad Infitinitum have the biggest numbers and can be found EVERYWHERE.  Typical characteristics include wearing the newest, neatest workout clothes and the latest style in sneakers. These individuals choose to live like hamsters (right Vic?) rather than enjoying nature, so they spend hours upon hours on a treadmill, stationary bike, or elliptical.  They are often watching TV, reading a book, or talking on their cell phone while performing one of the previously mentioned activities.

The Ellipticus Ad Infitinitum tend to look the least happy and the most bored at what they’re doing, and yet spend more time doing it than anybody else.  A large majority of Ellipticus Ad Infitinitum go home from their “workout” and stuff their faces with unhealthy nutrition or high calorie beverages as a reward, unfortunately undoing all of the work they just did and more.

Steps for evolution - Thes Ellipticus Ad Infitinitum would do well to explore the rest of the gym, namely the free weights section!   Hours of cardio won’t produce the type of body they are looking for.  It needs to be a combination of strength training (preferably circuits if the goal is weight loss) and healthy eating.  If they happen to ENJOY running, it’s important for them to do it properly to stay healthy and safe…you guessed it, running combined with strength training and healthy eating.

Wherism My’Absicus

Habitat:  The mats section of the gym for at least 45 minutes every day.

General characteristics - Never seen without an ab roller, weight to hold while doing side bends, or some other “ab sculpting” tool, the Wherism My’Absicus species spends a strong majority of its time in the gym desperately trying to sculpt abs that they can’t really see quite yet.  Unfortunately, this species doesn’t realize that no amount of ab work will actually make their abs pop out – 1000 sit ups a day will result in no changes unless the body has a low enough body fat percentage to remove the layer of fat covering the muscle.

Steps for evolution - These individuals can evolve by focusing on CLEAN EATING, heavy lifting, and sprinting.  It’s how Saint evolved from a Wherism MY Abicus into a RAH monster (he can explain that to you).   Believe it or not, squats, deadlifts, pull ups, and chin ups do wonders for your abs.  If direct ab work is required (when you have sub 10% body fat, dudes – or sub 17% body fat, ladies), then the emphasis should be on full-range movements: things like planks or hanging knee tucks.

MeatHeanderthal (Comeseehow’goodIlookum)

Habitat: The free weights and weight machine section…or anywhere with a mirror

General characteristics – The MeatHeanderthal is a semi-advanced species with knowledge of its surroundings.  However, they use their surroundings for two main goals – to either get strong as Hell and/or big as hell.  Ultimately, they want to be really really ridiculously good looking.  For that reason, the glamor muscles are emphasized above all else: chest, biceps, and calves – not just to attract potential mates, but also to compare against other MeatHeanderthals.  Leg work consists of things like machine leg presses, leg lifts, and hamstring curls.

You’ll tend to find MeatHeanderthals using the squat rack for hours at a time, but it’s usually just for bicep curls; also, they will perform 5-6 different exercises with multiple sets for each of the aforementioned targeted muscles.

Most meatheanderthal conversations begin with something like, “hey bro can you spot me on my bench” and terms like “ripped” “shredded” and “swole” are commonplace. 

Steps for evolution -With all of the effort focused on glamor muscles with isolation exercises, imbalances and ultimately injuries are bound to occur should a MeatHeanderthal have to actually perform functional strength movements under duress.  I have absolutely no problem with their overarching goal – looking good naked should be on everybody’s to-do list.  However, it can be done in a way where the body is built safely, with functional, happy joints and muscles.  Big movements that recruit muscles from different groups (yup, you guessed it – squats, deadlifts, pull ups, chin ups, overhead presses, and inverted rows) help build a balanced body.  Throw in some sprints, dynamic stretching, and functional training combined with some ending isolation work will build the evolved figure they’re after. 

Public service announcement: Speaking of squats, I struggle every day in the gym while watching  people doing a “squat” but only dropping down an inch or two and calling it a full repetition.  If they were squatting properly, the tops of their thighs would be parallel to floor or LOWER at the bottom of their movement.  The more you know…

Crossfitterus

Habitat:  Random isolated corners of the gym, free weights section, and/or the bathroom (puking their guts out or bandaging their legs/hands).

General characteristics – Generally alone, but often in pairs, the Crossfitteri (plural) speak in a language that nobody outside of Crossfit can understand  For example, if you approach a Crossfitterus, do so with caution: he or she is in the middle of “WOD” (possibly “RX’d”) and he/she might be on the verge of passing out and/or puking blood to try and beat a previous record on “Fran.”

I swear that sentence makes sense. 

If you encounter a crossfitterus in the wild (probably doing a kipping pull up), be careful! There will be a kettlebell somewhere nearby ready to be swung violently.  Some of the most intense, competitive, masochistic, and aggressive animals in the wild, crossfitteri take pleasure in the fact that they push their bodies to the utmost limit on a daily basis in various ways, often at the expense of their own sanity, bodily fluids, joints, and personal well-being. 

Steps for evolution – For elite members of the crossfitterus species, evolution can come from the tutelage of a coach that specializes in program design – often the criticisms of crossfit revolve around the lack of true structure.  A proper program and instruction will keep this animal safe, healthy, injury free, and not burned out.

If you don’t hear from me again, it’s because I was mauled by a crossfitterus disciple for writing this.  Pray for Mojo.

Nofreaking Clueicus

Habitat:  the weight machines…kinda…and the ellipticals…kinda…and the treadmill…kinda.

General characteristics - The Nofreaking Clueicus are easy to spot, as they always have a “deer in the headlights” look on their faces.  They have taken their first steps towards a better life by signing up for a gym membership, but their brains haven’t evolved yet to understand how to properly take advantage of these surroundings.  For that reason, these animals tend never to stray too far from their safe zone: the weight machines or treadmills, because those functions require little to no thought.

You’ll find the Nofreaking Clueicuses often wandering alone, like sheep without a shepherd, trying out each and every weight machine in a gym for a total of 10 repetitions (no more, no less) before walking aimlessly on to the next machine…which has been arbitrarily selected because it doesn’t look scary.  Rarely is a sweat broken by a Nofreaking Clueicus, but a “workout” has been completed.  Not really though.

Steps for evolution – The Nofreaking Clueicuses need to elevate their brainpower by spending a little time exercising their minds before exercising their body.  They need to learn that machines should NEVER be used for weight training, that spending a few hours online doing research on how to NOT SUCK at working out will make their lives more fulfilling and their precious time spent in the gym more efficient.

Here at Nerd Fitness, we aim to assist as many NoFreaking Clueicus as possible, educating and nurturing them before re-assimilating them back into the wild as an evolved super-species…

Nerdium Fitticus Rebellionaire

Habitat: The free weights section, empty corners of the gym, or outside.

General characteristics – The rarest of all the breeds – for they are difficult to find in a gym!  For the strain of this species that CAN be found in the gym, they are most always alone and unassuming, dressed in funny shoes like Vibrams, wearing old t-shirts with video game characters on them (or bulletproof ones), ripped shorts, tall socks, and/or disheveled hair.  They might even smell funny.  A Nerdium Fitticus Rebellionaire can be found in the squat rack doing things like…squats…ACTUAL squats…. or activities like jumping rope, pull up progressions, or work towards full push ups.

Although the Nerdium Fitticus Rebellionaire in your gym might not be the strongest, biggest, leanest, or most athletic person in the gym…you’ll notice one thing that you might not find with any other species in a commercial gym over a long period of time – they are constantly evolving!

Another unique characteristic you’ll find amongst the Nerdium Fitticus Rebellionaire is that the females will be spotted in the free weights section, training in the same way alongside their male counterparts – with heavy weights and functional movements!  These animals understand the benefits associated with heavy weight training.  Where the Ellipticus Ad Infitinitum and NoFreaking Clueicus might avoid the free weights all together (or opt for weight machines or…ugh…pink dumbbells), a female Nerdium Fitticus Rebellionaire will jump right into weight training, for she knows this is how to create a body to be proud of.

Steps for evolution – The biggest issue relating to the survival of the Nerdium Fitticus Rebellionaire is mental – many members of this species are often far too shy or self conscious to train with others around, and thus often avoid doing any training of any sort!  However, once they realize that every other species is equally self-conscious and far too concerned about themselves to care, they can begin their evolutionary process and level up their lives. 

What’s missing?

Aw, crikey – there you have it! 

Hopefully I didn’t offend anybody – clearly this was all meant in good fun.

Anyways, hopefully you learned a little something and are already working on how you can evolve TODAY.

What sort of changes would you make? 

What species did I leave out?

-Steve

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Looks like we have our first official Nerd Fitness mascot!

Meet Coda, the dog of my buddy Vic Magary (co-author of the Rebel Strength Guide).  I got a chance to meet Coda while I was in Austin last month hanging out with Vic…this pooch embodies everything Nerd Fitness stands for.  Plus, Coda can deadlift 350.  So, kind of awesome.

I’m headed back to the west coast this weekend (San Diego) to watch the Super Bowl with my brother – yes I know I was JUST there and the game is in Indianapolis.

However, I’d rather be sitting by the beach in 70 degree weather hanging out with my brother instead of dealing with chaos and cold in Indy.  Unfortunately my time out there is incredibly limited so I won’t be able to do a NF meetup, but I hope to return soon!

Let’s jump right in to what’s happening around the community today!

(and so far, “Nerd Alert” made me laugh the most and seemed the most appropriate for our Friday update name – Scotticus came up with the suggestion, so I’ll have to get in touch with him soon for his free shirt).

Blogs of the week

This entry came in like 20 minutes ago but I freaking love it.  CreativeDisco listed 5 things he’s learned since going to the gym regularly:

1. Form is everything.
There’s a good reason why the SL 5×5 program recommends starting with the empty bar and moving up by 5 lb increments. That reason is form. When I started out, I made (and am probably still making) so many ridiculous form errors that it’s a wonder why I haven’t developed tendonitis all over the place. Thankfully, I’ve had plenty of helpful people who’ve aided me in fixing many of these issues, and it shows.

2. Stretch
My workout no longer ends as soon as I rack the weight. I’ve learned, thanks in no small part to the community here, how vital mobility work, stretches, and foam rolling are to my muscles.

3. Gyms really aren’t that scary
I used to assume that gyms were full of ‘roid monkeys that took immense pleasure in tormenting regular folks like me when they weren’t lifting obnoxious piles of metal. Even when I’d visit the gym in college, I’d get nervous around some of the big guys and start having flashbacks of being in school where I would get picked on by the bigger kids.

Truth is, that’s a stereotype, and a very unfair one at that. Most of those guys don’t even notice I’m there, and to date, I’ve had only two interactions with them. I asked one guy to observe my squat form this past Wednesday, and he was kind enough to do so–even gave me a few pointers–and today, one of the guys very politely asked me if he could jump in on the squat rack in between my sets.

Thus far, in fact, the only thing slightly rude that I’ve observed is how folks will sometimes leave their crap lying around after they get finished working out.

4. Eat.
I learned this one the hard way. One does not go balls-to-the-wall on a workout after the only thing one has had in one’s belly is three cups of coffee. One also does not do so if the majority of things one has put in one’s belly has been cookies in one form or another. I might not know much about the human anatomy, but from what I’ve learned, it seems to function in many of the same ways as a car (something I do know a few things about). If you expect your car to do anything besides act as an enormous paperweight, then you need to put gas in the gas tank. You also need to make sure that you put the correct gas in the gas tank. Sugar in the gas tank, for instance, is a bad idea.

5. Working out makes me happy.
It really does. When done right, I actually enjoy spending time at the gym. Even on the crappy days, I still feel like I’ve accomplished something (even if it’s what not to do). Compare this to my job where, most days, I feel like I haven’t accomplished jack sh** no matter what I do. In fact, I’m thinking of writing Toby Keith a letter asking him to change the lyrics of his song to “Let’s hit the gym and be somebody.”

Congrats to Bondgirl311 for having the awesome success with paleo.  Extra points for the How I Met Your Mother reference in the title. 

I feel REALLY good. So good, I’m going to continue with Paleo.

Ending weight: 219.8lbs
Total Lost: 10.2lbs

Ending body fat: 35.7%
Total Lost: 2.3%

This really wasn’t as difficult as I thought it’d be. What really convinced me though, was how good I felt (okay, and the numbers helped!).

I learned a lot about myself during this process.
1. I have far more willpower than I give myself credit for.
2. I CAN stick to a diet plan
3. Fresh food is NUMMY (spaghetti squash = omnomnom)
4. Pasta? Rice? Nah, I’m good for now, but thanks!

Thanks guys!  If you’re on the boards you can start your own blog too! 

Post of the week

ETF Nerd started an awesome thread on why we make excuses and trying to be the best person possible…and received some incredibly personal responses.  I bet there are a few responses in here we can all relate to.  The one that stuck out to me though (Thanks Rosie) was this quote from some dude named Winston Churchill

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”

Woots of the week

If you do something awesome, congratulate yourself for being awesome.  And tell us about it!  

Who cares if it sounds like you’re bragging – we’re among friends, and we love to see our friends succeed.  So, we have a Woot Room where rebels can post their successes.

Hiimrif went Paleo and dropped 28+ pounds in 28 days.  Um, holy crap.  Plus, there are pictures…where’d his stomach go?

Nighlight went to Crossfit last week and did her workout as prescribed, not scaled.  If you’re a crossfitter, then you’ll know this as WOD rx’d.   If you’re not a crossfitter, just know its kind of a big deal.

Waldo for doing his first pistol squats and joining the fifty pounds lost club!  On top of that, excellent use of the discount double check.  If you don’t know what a pistol squat is – its a one legged squat where you go all the way down to the ground with your other leg out in front of you.  It’s freaking difficult.  Big props Waldo!

Big things coming…

So I can’t announce them yet, but just wanted to give you a heads up that things are starting to get REALLY exciting around Nerd Fitness HQ these days.  And by HQ, I mean the desk that I sit at in my apartment in Washington DC.

I hope to be able to make a few announcements next week, but we’re not quite there yet.  Just know that this community is only going to get better, and you’re only going to get more looked after.

Oh, and we’re getting some new apparel coming into the NF store soon for the NF ladies in the crowd.

Have a great weekend folks!

-Steve

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PS- NF hoodies and shirts keep selling like crazy…which means I know there are people all over the world wearing them.  Send in your pictures of you doing something epic while wearing one!  I know…being the next photo AFTER Coda is going to be tough, but we’ll allow it

You failed at something.

Maybe  you’ve already given up on your New Year’s Resolution.  Hell, maybe you don’t even remember what your New Year’s Resolution WAS.  Or maybe something else happened in your life that would be considered a fail.

Long story short: We’ve all been there. 

We all fail at something at some point in our lives – it’s what separates us from the animals.

“But Steve, that doesn’t make ANY sense, and it’s definitely not true.” you’re probably saying.

Okay you’re right.  But shut up, and go with it.

Here are five actionable steps you can take to get back on track immediately after failing.

Suck it up, sucka!

First and foremost, stick your right hand over the lower left half of your chest.

(No, your other left).

Do you feel a heart beat?  Fantastic, you are officially “NOT DEAD.”  If you don’t feel a heart beat, I’m impressed you’re reading this, so you can stay.

As I like to say: “Did you wake up this morning?  That’s a good start.  Build on that.”

I’ll give you a few hours, maybe even a day or two to feel sorry for yourself.  Hell, you can even send me an invite to your pity party.  I’m not going to attend, but thanks for thinking of me.

Do what you need to do to get your failure pity/guilt out of your system.  Put on angry music, mope, go cry in the bathroom, rage, whatever you need to do.

And then freaking SUCK IT UP.

So you failed – big deal.  Sh** happens.  What’s important is that your failure doesn’t result in a downward spiral. So, after sucking it up…

Figure out why you failed

Lion King Rafiki Quote

Simba: I know what I have to do. But going back means I’ll have to face my past. I’ve been running from it for so long.
[Rafiki hits Simba on the head with his stick]
Simba: Ow! Jeez, what was that for?
Rafiki: It doesn’t matter. It’s in the past. [laughs]
Simba: Yeah, but it still hurts.
Rafiki: Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the from way I see it, you can either run from it, or… learn from it.

Yup, I quoted a Disney movie…try finding that on another fitness site designed for people above the age of seven!

The mutli-colored baboon does, in fact, make a good point.  If you failed and sucked at something, CONGRATULATIONS!  You just discovered what particular method doesn’t work for you.  As Tony Robbins will tell you -“I’ve come to believe that all my past failure and frustration were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy.” (thanks Caleb!)

The ONLY way a failure is a bad thing is if you refuse to learn from it.

So figure out WHAT went wrong:

• Did you try to lose weight by running on a treadmill and starving yourself?
• Did you try to get healthy by weighing yourself daily?
• Did you try to quit smoking by going cold turkey?

Yeah, this part might be painful – but it’s so important.  Identify what your goal was, what the outcome was, and why it went wrong.  If you’re being 100% honest with yourself, identifying these issues shouldn’t pose too much of a problem.

Plan your new approach

As it has been said by people far wiser and better looking than me: “those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it.”

It’s time to go back to the drawing board.

Nothing drives me crazier than watching people try to do the same thing over and over again without success…and expecting different results!  It’s like trying to jam a square block in a round hole and then getting pissed after the seventh try when it doesn’t work.

THAT METHOD DOES NOT WORK FOR YOU.  TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

• If eating less and running more didn’t work six times before – that probably isn’t going to be the method that sticks.
• If stepping on the scale every day causes you to freak out when it goes up half a pound – clearly daily weigh-ins have a negative affect on you.
• If setting weight loss goals make you angry – then continuing to set weight loss goals is a horrible idea!

Instead, may I suggest some alternative ideas?

Set strength training goals - When my friend Staci wanted to get in incredible shape, she realized that starving herself while spending 3 hours a day on a treadmill turned her into a weak twig.  Instead, she shifted his focus to “I wonder how strong I could get?” She tracked each of her workouts, and started making her decisions based on “will this help me or hurt me in my quest to getting stronger?”  I’d say it worked.

Adjust how you’re going to eat better - Saint went from just “eating less calories” to “eating the right kinds of food.  Eating less calories got him part of the way to his goal…but not all of the way.  Adjusting his diet allowed him to focus less on counting calories and more on just eating the right stuff.  Combined with some heavy strength training – Saint dominated his goals after two years of failing.

Build habits instead of setting goals - I love this one.  Joe weighed 310 pounds, and was afraid of stepping on the scale and getting depressed at the results.  So, instead he set different goals – never eating more than ______ number of calories, and working out 4 times a week – no excuses.  Yeah, the first month was brutal, as his body wasn’t used to exercising….but he powered through it because he REFUSED to accept any excuse as to why he’d miss a workout.  10 months and 128 pounds later…I’d say he did pretty well

What’s important with all of the goals above is that they are all SUPER SPECIFIC.  “getting in shape” doesn’t work.  “I wanna lose weight” is far too generic.

Be crystal clear with what you want - determine your level 50, and then you can start working towards it.   It might be a strength goal, it might be a “lose x% of body fat by this date” goal, it might be a habit forming goal.  Whatever it is, the more specific you are, the more you can plan on how to get that goal accomplished.

Track it.

Notice any similarities about the success stories above?

Each nerd tracked their progress to make sure they were on the right path.  Saint tracked his body fat percentage and workouts.  Staci tracked her workouts.  Joe tracked his calories and made sure he worked out 4 times a week.  They all took before and after pictures to see how their bodies changed.

It’s quite tough to know how you’re doing unless you have bench marks to know if you’re progressing:

• If your goal is strength - track your workouts!  I use a simple excel sheet to see exactly how much I’m lifting and how much I need to lift next time to show that I’m stronger.  If you did three sets of five reps of 135 pound deadlifts, then next time aim for 3 sets of five reps of 140 pound deadlifts.  If you can do 8 push ups in a row, next week go for 9.
• If your goal is eating better - track your calories for a few days and determine what you’re normally eating.  Want to lose weight?  500 less calories per day (roughly) will result in one pound loss per week.  Maybe you set a goal of eating 18 good meals per week and 3 cheat meals.  Track it!
• If your goal is consistently working out - put your workouts into your calendar, and refuse to budge on missing them.  Set an alert for 5:30PM every other day to work out.

WRITE IT DOWN.  I’ve covered how to properly track your progress extensively here, so I won’t go into it too much…

Above all else, I recommend one thing:

TAKE PICTURES. 

Take a picture of yourself from the front, the side, and the back.

Repeat this process on the same day, every two weeks, once a month…whatever works for you.  I like every two weeks.

If you’re strength training and eating clean, your scale might not move nearly as much as you think it should.  Hell, depending on your genetics and how hard you’re training, your weight might even go up at some point…but the scale does NOT tell the whole story.  On a month to month basis, if your body is changing for the better (by comparing your pictures side by side), it should be clear to tell if what you’re doing is working or not!

If your body composition isn’t changing in the way you want it to…then it’s time to repeat steps 2-4.  Figure out what you’re doing and what’s not working, adjust, and then start tracking again.

Shut up and start

I need a commitment from you.

A commitment to shut your face, look yourself in the mirror, and hold yourself accountable.

I can’t come to your house and drag you out of bed in the morning and tell you to exercise.  I can’t sit on your shoulder while wearing angel wings, playing a harp, and tell you not to eat that donut.  That would be really creepy.

You have to WANT this for yourself.

If you failed at your New Years’ Resolution already, good – glad we got that out of the way.  As Rafiki told us, the past is in the past…all we can do is learn from it.

After work today, go home and make a change.  There are 29 days in the month of February – what positive changes or habits are you going to make?  If you need to pump yourself up, start here.

In the next 29 days, I vow to not miss a workout.  3 intense strength-building workouts per week for the next two weeks, and then five workouts per week for the final two weeks (I’m trying to get in the best shape possible before cruising on The Rock Boat with my friends on March 1st!)

What’s ONE change you hope to make over these next 29 days?  

How are you going to start TODAY after work?

-Steve

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This is a guest post from my friend and cycling fanatic Jim Hodgson

Hello and welcome to cycling, friend!

We are glad to have you, even if you haven’t actually bought a bike yet. Like becoming a real estate salesman or web designer, literally anyone can become a cyclist merely by declaring that they are one.

Congratulations on taking that step! Your life just got better.

Of course, eventually you will likely want to get yourself a physical bicycle. Riding an imaginary bicycle around your neighborhood is generally frowned upon these days.  So let’s get started, shall we?

Who the hell is Jim?

“Biking may be great,” you’re probably thinking, “But who the hell might you be to tell me so?” A question well-asked, hypothetical reader.

My name is James C. Hodgson, Jr.. My friends call me Jim, but you can call me James C. Hodgson, Jr.. I’m a former 320+ pounds male person (that’s a picture of me back then) who now hovers in the 220 range depending on season (Winter is beer season). I rode bikes as a kid and always liked it, but gave it up after middle school in favor of a policy of becoming profoundly overweight and out of shape.

Sometime around the year 2000 or so, at the age of 26, I stepped on a scale, and the needle wheezed its way around the dial so far it simultaneously shrugged its little shoulders and screamed in pain.  Realizing that something had to be done and remembering my childhood enjoyment of riding my BMX bike (a Torker II) everywhere I wanted to go, I bought a BMX bike (a dk S.O.B.) off of eBay and began riding it to work.

I dropped 60lbs pretty much effortlessly doing this, which was pretty sweet.

Not long after that, a work buddy of mine recognized that I owned and rode a mountain bike now and again. He asked me out of the blue if I’d like to do a triathlon.

I said “Okay, let’s do a triathlon, whatever that is.” I bought an entry-level road bike (a Specialized Allez Elite), and started riding farther and farther. I signed up for a sprint distance triathlon in August of 2008, figuring that would prepare me for the Olympic distance Nation’s triathlon in September.

While doing the sprint triathlon, I overhead some other riders talking about Ironmans.  I don’t know what it is about me or my mental state at the time that made this happen, but right then and there, without having set so much as a toe or a jiggly love handle in the water on my first race, I said out loud “I would do an Ironman.”

The other racers regarded me, my love handles wrapped tightly in a triathlon skinsuit, looking exactly like a multi-colored modern art representation of a lumpy sausage, and kindly reserved comment.

In fact, I ended up doing the Nation’s tri in september of 08, a Half Ironman in Florida in May of 09, and finishing Ironman Louisville in August of 2009.

In the fall of 2008, I bought a cyclocross bike (a Surly Crosschek) and raced in my local cyclocross series, finishing 24th of 60 for the season.

At 6’1” 220lbs I still consider myself to be a little overweight, and it’s something I struggle with every day, but I remember how much it sucked to be so huge. Plus I really enjoy athletics, my favorites being cycling and sex. I don’t claim to be particularly talented at either, mind you. I’m just glad to be there in both cases.

But enough about that – let’s get back to biking.  If I can do it, you can too.

Just remember: the big round parts go down on the street.

Why should I ride a bike?

There are a lot of excellent reason to take up riding bikes:

• It’s a great and healthy way to move from point A to point B.
• It’s free – no gas to put in, no parking spaces to pay for.
• It’s low impact on your body.  There are no jarring-impact moments like with running.
• It’s a great place to start with exercise.  Sit on bike. Pedal. Done.
• It’s fun!

Cycling has a magical ability to be whatever the rider wants it to be. Fun, challenging, scary, romantic, social, silly… you name it and there’s a type of cycling for it. You can even change what type you are doing to suit your mood on any given day, which is why most avid cyclists end up with several different bikes.

Having done a bunch of different styles of racing and bought and sold a few different bikes, I’m increasingly sure that I’m most interested in road riding. There’s just something beautiful about riding with, and, in my case, ultimately being dropped off the back of, a peloton, though I struggle to put it into words.

What kind of biker should I be?

Whew! Ok, let’s forget what kind of rider I am (slow) and spend a few minutes thinking about what type of rider you’d like to be.

The below list is not mutually exclusive, mind you. You can flip back and forth, contradict yourself, or mix and match them to suit your own needs just like our government leaders do every day.

Mountain Biker - No one loves the outdoors as much as these guys do. That’s why they don’t mind skidding to a stop in gravel using only their faces or rebounding off of boulders during their rides.

Roadie - Have you ever driven up a hill in a car and thought, “This would be a lot better if I were crying and trying not to vomit?” If so, road riding may be for you. You also get a sweet superhero costume to wear!

Track - Track racing is like the freebase version of road racing. It even rhymes with “crack” to make this easy to remember. Do it if you want to be in a bunch sprint without all the climbing beforehand.

Triathlete - This type of riding is only for sociopaths for whom the idea of human contact is abhorrent. If you only ever want to ride alone and you dislike going uphill or turning, you could be a triathlete someday!

Casual Rider - This is, in my opinion, the best kind of riding, where you do whatever you want to on a bike and enjoy yourself in the process. Sounds simple, right? It is!

Imaginary – We already went over this.  Not in public.

How to buy a bike

Truth be told, the best bike for you to buy is whatever one you like the best.

I think it’s wise to get a bike shop’s help in buying a bike that fits you, but other than that, go nuts.  Yeah, suck it up and go find a bike shop in your area here.

Now, bikes do cost money. Expect to spend a few hundred bucks minimum at your bike shop. You don’t have to spend thousands, but you’ll have more fun on a decent bike than a heavy, crappy one from a department store.

If you must buy as cheaply as possible, in my opinion, most people are best served with a steel-framed 80’s road bike. They’re cheap, nearly indestructible, and easy to find on Cragslist.

My beloved home of Atlanta has a great Craigslist, but other cities don’t. People are usually asking way more than their bikes are really worth, so don’t be afraid to make counter offers and negotiate a bit.

If you do buy a used road bike, steer away from 27” wheels and from friction shifters mounted on the stem. Friction shifters are fine, but Sheldon prefers downtube-mounted shifters, and thus, so should we.  A little Googling should clear up these terms if need be.

As long as we’re on the subject, let’s turn once again to the inimitable Sheldon Brown for some thoughts on saddle choice, and cycling comfort in general.

There’s also a web site called bikeforums.net where any question that pops into your mind can be asked. Prepare to be amazed at the infinitesimal levels of bicycle minutiae over which flame wars can start. Still, they have some great guides and tons upon tons of info.

You can also check out the newly formed Biker’s Guild on the Nerd Fitness Forums. 

Lots of people get mountain bikes for their first bike, and I think it’s a mistake. They are heavy and slow because they’re meant for trail riding on mountains. I don’t know about you, but I don’t use a mountain to get places often. My house is on a “road,” and so is my local bar. Road bikes are perfect for getting around, and they can take all the abuse you can dish out.  Yes, “all the abuse you can dish out.”  Remember: I used to weigh 320lbs and I’ve never once broken a bike component. Worn out, sure, but not broken.

There’s also a cheaper bike option called bikesdirect.com. They sell off-brand frames with name brand components, and seem to have good customer service from what I can tell. Even so, I prefer to do business with my bike shop. It costs a little more on the front end, but you get better service overall. A cheap bike with no service support is false economy in my opinion, but many people disagree.

Remember: get the bike you like. If you like it you’ll ride it. Keep that in mind as you’re reading the flame wars and conflicting advice. After all, it’s just bikes. It ain’t rocket surgery.

Other Stuff to buy

Now, once you buy a bike, there are a few other things you should consider. 

Helmet – In my opinion, it is imperative to own and wear a helmet when cycling. I don’t think it should be a law that everyone has to, but I think everyone should of his own volition anyway.

I have had the displeasure of bouncing my head roughly on concrete twice in over ten years of daily riding, and both times I distinctly heard the sharp crack of my helmet on the pavement. I’m super glad it wasn’t my precious melon. Thanks, helmets!

What kind of helmet should you buy? Giro, Bell, and Specialized all make good helmets. Try a few on and get a bike shop’s help with how it should fit.

U-Lock – One of the most awesome things about riding bikes to get places is that you don’t have to park a car. You can just ride right up to the place, lock your bike, and go inside. You will need a lock if you’d like your bike to be there when you come out, though. Read up on locking strategy here.

Blinky Lights – Get yourself a good set of blinky lights for your bike. I like the Blackburn Flea set, but also own the Spok LED light set, and the Planet Bike Superflash rear light.  All are fine choices.

Outside has the unmitigated gaul of getting dark without my consent every single day. It will do it to you, too. It’s wise to have lights in these cases, so that you can be as visible as possible on the roadway.

Clippy Shoes – If you’re going to ride often, eventually it’s wise to switch to clipless pedals and shoes. If you’re worried that they’ll make you fall over, rest assured. You will definitely fall over in them at least once. It’s called a zero mile per hour fall, and it’s a rite of passage. It’s also completely worth it.

Lycra – If you’re doing any amount of riding at all, I recommend getting yourself a pair of bibs. Cycling shorts are nice too (they both have a chamois) but bib shorts are the ultimate in comfort.

What else do I need?

When I set off on a ride, I carry these things: A spare tube, tire levers, a CO2 inflater, a master link, a spare cylinder of CO2, and $20. Everything except the tube fits nicely into a little canvas bag that I slip into my center jersey pocket, which eliminates the need for a seat bag.

I dislike seat bags. The velcro on one side invariably wears out within a few hundred miles, giving the seat bag the appearance of a monkey swinging one-armed from a tree branch. Did I mention I also hate monkeys? Fling poo at me will you? Bastards!

Don’t buy an expensive bike tool to carry on your rides. Any repair you can’t do with the above kit is a ride ender. Take a cab with the $20 instead and spend your tool budget on nice tools to keep at home if you want to wrench on your bike.

Also don’t buy a frame pump or mini pump – they don’t work well at all.  Get a floor pump for home and carry CO2 with you.

How To Ride Your Bike (By Request)

1. Turn pedals.
2. Don’t hit anything or fall off.

Getting started is that simple. There are a few tips to remember after that that can help out, though:

For instance, use your rear brake to check your speed and your front one only if you really want to stop. If you grab a handful of front brake on a modern bike it might become a catapult.

Remember when I said clippy shoes were worth it? It’s because they allow you to apply power throughout the whole revolution of the pedal, and to use your whole leg and butt to do apply said power. They’re awesome.

Keep in mind also that it’s more efficient to spin than to mash. This means that you’ll be able to deliver more power for longer if you ride in a smaller, easier gear at higher cadence (RPM) than in a bigger, harder gear at slower cadence. Ideal cadence is said to be 90rpm or so, which is the exact tempo of Cake’s song The Distance. One foot should make a revolution for each beat of the song, or in other words, your foot is a quarter note. Your other foot will be offset, of course, so as a pair your feet will play eighth notes. And you didn’t even know you were a musician!

Cycling is a beautiful sport because it is a sport about suffering, style and smoothness, or as the French call it, souplesse. If you watch the pros ride, you’ll notice that their movements are smooth and controlled even when they’re outputting near the same wattage as the Boulder Dam.

Your body should be pretty much still when you’re riding. Your knees should be in line between your hip and ankle, not out as if you’re trying to climb a pole.

Keep it smooth and supple on the pedals, like the well-oiled machine that you are! Ideally you’ll never be told by a legend of track cycling that your pedal stroke resembles a monkey attempting to get romantic with a football… which is what happened to me!

How can I get better?

Cycling is beautiful and amazing, but the best cycling is also social.

Having some friends who are into it will help keep you into it. Mind you, it is ten buh-jillion times easier to meet people who already like things you want to do than to convert people you already like into doing something new. So, you should go do your local group ride. There’s guaranteed to be a beginner one near you that is run out of a bike shop.  Ask at the bike shop.  Yay for socializing!

If you’re interested in being a little more athletic on the bike — and I encourage it — the more advanced group rides help let you know where you stand with regards to the rest of your local area. There’s guaranteed to be a ride in your town made up of all the local cat p/1/2 and master’s riders. They’ll happily wring every ounce of strength from your body and then drop you ten miles from town, wheezing like an accordion with a hole in it.

Pedaling home on a summer’s eve at 10mph half blind from trying to force my body to stay on the pack is among my favorite feelings. What can I say? I’m a cyclist. I love it.

Riding Etiquette

There’s a tendency for new riders to want to express their liberation from the metal cage of the automobile through a certain free-spirited attitude toward traffic laws.

Please don’t do this.

Whatever we do while riding in traffic will be remembered by every driver who sees us and counted either for or against cycling as a whole in that driver’s mind.

When I was a new rider in traffic, I adopted a Me-Vs-Cars attitude, and it was a mistake. I was in a lot more danger with that philosophy than I am now with my current zen-inspired sense of calm and one-ness with the traffic around me.

Figure out what the laws regarding cyclists on the road are in your area and follow them always!  Google “bicycling laws + [ your state ]“

You’ll also have a much easier time in traffic when you ride like traffic. Don’t hop on and off the sidewalk like a meth-addled cat. Changing states willy nilly from vehicle to pedestrian is only going to create confusion and danger for you.

(Public service announcement: Please don’t do meth or give it to your cat. It’s not good for either of you. The more you know…)

Hit the road, Jack.

Above all, remember that cycling is a fun, social activity.

Wave to other riders. Say hello to them when you pass them. They’re nice folks! Well, except “serious” roadies, of course, but only other roadies listen to them!

If you have any questions on getting started with cycling, leave a comment and Jim will answer those questions for ya.

Have fun out there, and ride safe, cycling friend!

Jim Hodgson is the author of Jack Dick and Other Stories, and the Editor-in-Chief of The Atlanta Banana, Atlanta, Georgia’s local unofficial version of The Onion. He rides bikes for fun and fat management, and is doing a century this year to raise money for Team in Training.

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 Greetings from San Francisco!

I’m headed back to DC tomorrow, but so far my time out here has been fantastic.  Yesterday I had a chance to meet up with Scott of Live Your Legend and Maria from Fitness Reloaded, and today I’m gonna be hanging out with Leo from Zen Habits and Amber from Epic Self.  I wanna give a big shout-out to all my new friends over at Facebook for hosting me for my talk on Wednesday!  I had so much fun and it was great to talk about not sucking at goal setting and travel hacking with those guys.  Thanks Jen and company!

Let’s jump right in to see what the Rebellion looks like this week!

More moderators!

In news that will surprise nobody, the Nerd Fitness Rebellion is growing rather quickly.

We’re up to 4,200 members with more than 105,000 posts and growth is rapidly accelerating.  To make sure everybody has the best possible experience on the boards, we’re looking to add a few moderators to the mix – these volunteers will just keep an eye on things, help out when people have questions, keep the place SPAM-free, track down the best stuff for these Friday articles, and help sort out any arguments (which are still surprisingly minimal).

So we’re looking for people who are interested in becoming Mods!  However, rather than just ASK (come on, this is Nerd Fitness), we want you to fill out a quick fun “application” complete with questions like “if you could have any super power, what would it be and why?”  Feel free to have some fun with it and get creative.

If you have interest in becoming a moderator, please fill out this form and we’ll start digging through them.

Posts of the Week

1) Earlier this week, our resident power-lifting hero Staci started a thread about what she was struggling with, and encouraged others to jump in and share what they were struggling with…we’re already up to over 75 responses, but this one made me smile the most:

bigm141414: “And lastly, I am struggling with the fact that I am an awesome jar of awesomeness. All thanks to NF.”

2) Awsd00 asked what changes people have made since joining the NF community:

These are her changes:

• Hating the gym -> going to the gym 3-4 times a week
• Thinking lifting weights was for men -> lifting weights WITH the men
• Eating pasta once or twice a DAY -> not eating pasta at all unless I have literally no other choice
• Eating other grains such as bread and rice every day -> eating rice once this month and eating as little bread or cookies as possible
• Not understanding ANYTHING about lifting or working out/the evils of machines -> knowing a lot (more than before) about working out and how machines can be bad
• Not knowing proper form for almost anything -> knowing proper form for more things than probably almost anyone I know
• Eating lots of microwavable food -> not eating any at all
• Thinking that I wanted to be super thin just to be thin -> wanting to be super fit and healthy

3) Dawsy and the Runner’s Guild (killer band name, by the way) are going to be (virtually) running to the South Pole.  I freaking love this.   Join them!

4) I desperately need to do more of this – mobility!  Join Bprime and get limber, people! 

Woots of the Week

If you do something awesome, congratulate yourself for being awesome.  And tell us about it!  

Who cares if it sounds like you’re bragging – we’re among friends, and we love to see our friends succeed.  So, we have a Woot Room where rebels can post their successes.

Like these heroes:

MattewD went for his first run and his neighbors didn’t attack him with pitchforks and torches.  Win.

JediGirlPHX ran her first half marathon last Sunday!  It was less than 6 months ago she ran her first mile without stopping.  We call this “progress.”

Where’s Waldo? Atlanta.  And he needs to buy a new belt, for the first time in like seven years old, because he’s getting thinner.  Peace out BELT!

Syndey Australia Meet up

Dawsy, who’s runs (ha!) Beginning Barefoot, is organizing a SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA Nerd Fitness meetup for Thursday, Feb 2nd, at 5:45 PM at the Sydney Opera House.  You can join the discussion here.

This makes me happy for so many reasons:

• Dawsy is the man.  I met up with him in Sydney last spring when I was in Syndey.
• NF is apparently big enough in Sydney to actually have a meetup!  How cool is that!!!
• This is something I want to do MORE of – I can’t be everywhere I once, but I know there are Rebels ALL over the world looking to meet each other, so we’re working on coordinating easy ways for meetups to happen in cities and towns all over on a regular basis.  Thanks for getting the ball rolling Dawsy!

More pictures!

I know we have rebels around the world, like our girl Mama T here   I want your pictures of doing awesome things to put up in these Friday updates!

So send in your awesome photos to steve@nerdfitness.com and we’ll get them added to these Friday updates.

Speaking of Fridays…what the heck do I call these Friday updates?

Futureheroes in Training?

State of the Rebellion?

Rebellion Update?

I’m taking suggestions – if you come up with a great name that we go with…free NF shirt for you!

Have a great weekend!

-Steve

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“Mutation.

It is the key to our evolution. It has enabled us to evolve from a single-celled organism into the dominant species on the planet. This process is slow, and normally taking thousands and thousands of years.

But every few hundred millennia, evolution leaps forward.”

For your entire life, you’ve been told to hide your differences.

You’ve been told to fit in, and be like everybody else.  After all, the kids that fit in don’t get picked on.  The kids that fit in don’t cause trouble.  The kids that fit in go on to become fine upstanding citizens.

What if I told you that it’s okay to be different?

That there’s a group of people who are waiting for you to embrace your differences?

That those who make fun of you for being different are the very people who will need your help?

My dear nerd fitness rebel, there is a war coming.

Are you sure you’re on the right side?

You’re a mutant, embrace it

Let’s be honest – you’re a mutant.

Yeah, you might not have blue skin, adamantium running through your body (yeah, not a power but bear with me), or the ability to change shapes at will, but you are still vastly different than everybody around you:

• You’re the ONE person in your group of friends who wants a better future.
• You’re the ONE person in your office who wants to get in shape and eat better.
• You’re the ONE person in your family who believes you deserve a better life.

It’s tough, I know.  After all, being different makes you an easy target.  You’ll hear it from everybody – “why do you have to be so weird?” or “come on, join us!”  After hearing this day in, day out, for so many years…you might even start to believe them.  You might start to wonder if it would be easier to just conform and go with the flow.

And then you take a closer look at the people who you are considering trying to be more like:

• Overweight
• Out of shape
• Have a litany of healthy problems
• Up to their eyeballs in consumer debt
• Living a life that leaves them unfulfilled
• Generally unhappy.

SCREW THAT. Yeah, you ARE different from those people.

Be thankful!

Identify your differences

Are you the girl with superhuman strength?  Are you the guy who has iron willpower and can say yes or no to ANYTHING?  Maybe you can transform at a moment’s notice for any skill required.  Maybe you run more marathons than should be humanly possible. 

What makes you different?

If you’re not different yet…HOW do you want to be different?  What skill do you possess that makes you stand out from the crowd?

Me personally? I have an unique ability to synthesize boring, intimidating information in the nerdiest, most accessible way possible.

I don’t quite fit into most nerd circles.  Yeah, I’ve read all of the Harry Potter books multiple times.  I’ve built my own computer.  I’ve devoted years of my life to Everquest and Everquest 2, and the first thing I bought after coming back from my 14 month trip was a Playstation 3.

I enjoy being a nerd, but that’s not all I am.

I also love exercising, but I don’t quite fit into that conventional demo either.  I get weird looks every time I set foot in a normal gym.  I wear funky shoes on my feet.  My ripped t-shirt and shorts I bought a decade ago aren’t going to win any fashion awards.  While everybody around me is running on a treadmill like a hamster or doing their 47th bicep curl exercise…I hanging plates off a weight belt to do weighted chin ups.  I’m usually foaming at the mouth and jumping around with my eyes closed in between heavy deadlift sets.

And don’t even get me started on how I don’t fit most entrepreneur/businessman molds either.  I’m sure I do most things counter to how you SHOULD run a business, and I don’t care…hell, I rarely put pants on these days! (too much info?)

I don’t quite fit in anywhere, and I love it. 

They’ll shun you til they need you

As it has been said in the X-men movies, “Mankind has always feared what it doesn’t understand.”

And this quote from Nightcrawler (my personal favorite X-men) sums up my thoughts about our less evolved neighbors: “You know, outside the circus, most people were afraid of me. But I didn’t hate them. I pitied them. Do you know why? Because most people will never know anything beyond what they see with their own two eyes.”

I’m not going to lie to you – it’s going to be tough to be different:

• You’ll get made fun of when you say no to birthday cake at the office today.
• Your friends will goad you into skipping your next workout to play video games
• You’ll get funny looks the next time you’re in the gym doing your workout.
• Your family will ask you to be normal when you tell them how you’re eating.

These are people who are afraid of being left behind and/or afraid of what they don’t know.  Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do for them yet – trying to force them to adapt to your point of view is a recipe for disaster…for they are not ready.

Instead, wear their snide comments and insults like a badge of honor.  You are the one who is mutating and evolving.  You cannot force motivation on others – you can only inspire with your actions.

Days, months, or years from now, when you are operating at a higher level of existence and health, the questions will start to show up:

• “hey, so what was that site you told me about three years ago?”
• “hey, I’m thinking of getting in shape – what do you think of this workout plan?”
• “can you help me with this?”

This is not the time to gloat – but rather the time to help and support.  Remember, it took years before the switch flipped in YOUR head.  Everybody operates on their own timetable, so when its their turn to change, they’ll let you know.

Focus on evolving yourself.

Your friends, families, and loved ones will come around eventually.

Until then…

Understand you are not alone

Every day, the evil forces of obesity, laziness, and apathy grow. 

Fortunately, every day its resistance grows even stronger. 

I’m talking about a group of people who work hard to embrace their differences and help out their fellow mutants.

No, not the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning.  (But that would be sweet if it actually existed.)

I’m talking about the Nerd Fitness Rebellion.

We understand that being different is the only way that we will progress as a species.  We understand that being different will provide us with unique perspectives that could lead us to breakthrough revelations and new solutions.

So bring your differences, bring your unique perspective, but check your biases and reservations at the door.  We’re all learning from each other every day, and we’re all feeding off the successes of each other.

There’s a war coming…

Professor Charles Xavier said it best: “When an individual acquires great power, the use or misuse of that power is everything, will it be used for the greater good or will it be used for personal or destructive ends? Now this is a question we must all ask ourselves.

Why, because we are mutants.”

Thanks for being part of this funky group of mutants over here at Nerd Fitness.

So let’s hear it: What’s your unique ability?

-Steve

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PS – NF San Fran Meetup Tonight - Harry’s Bar around 7PM – Come grab a beer (or whatever) and meet your fellow San Fran rebels!

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With today being the first day of the Chinese New Year, I figured it’d be a perfect opportunity to post this incredibly in-depth guest post on why Kung Fu is perfect for nerds, written by NF community member Anna Spysz.

“If you want to learn how to change positions, throw a catfish in the bathtub and try to catch it.”

This pearl of wisdom, spoken by my sifu (master, or the kung fu version of a sensei) during a recent class, is a fairly typical thing to hear at my kung fu training. Nearly two years ago, I walked into my first Wing Chun Kung Fu class one cold March evening, equally nervous and curious. In the weeks before I had come to two realizations:

• I needed to start working out, as the long winter had turned my body into mush
• gyms bored the ever-loving crap out of me.

I wanted an alternative that would keep me in shape while teaching me new skills that would train my mind as well as my body, so when I saw a poster for a local kung fu class advertising a free lesson for beginners, I signed up.

I had always thought martial arts were cool in movies, but never expected to find myself not only practicing one, but diving headfirst into it. Now that I have some experience with Wing Chun (one of the many branches of kung fu out there), I realized why I took to it so quickly: kung fu, and specifically Wing Chun, is perfect for nerds. If your impression of kung fu is all about Jackie Chan flying through the air with fists of death, you might be a bit disillusioned.

But if you’re interested in a form of training that emphasizes speed over strength, brains over brawn, bodyweight and simple tools over expensive gym equipment – in essence, most of the principles of the Nerd Fitness Rebellion – read on.

It’s all about physics

Looking around my kung fu class, I realized that if you took all of the guys and girls there you could easily put together a decent IT department. Most of the guys are pretty skinny, a few look like they could front a metal band, and all of them are decidedly nerdy. As for the girls, I’m the tallest at 5’ 7”. And yet, any one of the students in my intermediate class could hold their own in a dark alley. Why?

Because of Newton.

Ok, specifically, because of Newtonian kinetic energy: Ek=(1/2)mv^2.

Or in English: the energy of an object in motion increases with the square of its velocity. Or in even simpler English: when you’re hitting something, speed is more important than mass. If you double your mass, you’ll hit with twice the force. But if you double your speed, you’ll hit with four times the force, and so on. Quite handy to know when you only weigh 140 pounds.

Wing Chun Kung Fu is all about using speed to your advantage. Our sifu usually places as much emphasis on improving our speed as on helping us get stronger, and with good reason. A lot of us on Nerd Fitness tend to side with the underdog – the smaller, but usually faster guy in a battle. I know I do. With kung fu, the underdog gains all the tools he needs to beat the bad guy (as for getting the girl, you’re probably still on your own there).

There are no flashy acrobatic leaps or flowery techniques in Wing Chun; every move is necessary and based on scientific concepts of human movement rather than animal forms, as in many other martial arts. One of my favorite parts of the class is when our instructor explains the physics of any given move, and why it’s more efficient than doing it another way. Most moves aren’t taught because they’re part of a tradition; rather, they’ve been proven to be the most effective attack or counterattack in a given situation.

But don’t listen to me when Bruce Lee said it best: “Wing Chun Kung Fu is a very sophisticated weapon, nothing else. It is a science of combat, the intent of which is the total incapacitation of an opponent. It is straightforward, efficient and deadly. If you’re looking to learn self-defense, don’t study Wing Chun. It would be better for you to master the art of invisibility.”

Girl power

According to legend, Wing Chun Kung Fu was invented by a woman, which is why it’s designed to rely on speed and efficiency rather than brute strength.

The history of Wing Chun goes back to the famous Shaolin Temple in China, where a group of rebel fighters gathered to train and plan attacks against a much stronger invading force (sound familiar…?), but it was burned to the ground in the 17th century. One of the survivors of the fire, a nun, fled to a village where she met a beautiful young woman named Yim Wing Chun, who was being threatened by a brutal landowner demanding her hand in marriage. Using a combination of the techniques she knew, the nun taught the young woman a modified form of kung fu that was tailored specifically for her size and relied more on speed and agility than muscular strength.

Yim Wing Chun then took the skills she had learned from the nun, challenged and defeated the brutal landowner and married the man she had chosen as her husband, and he then passed on the system that carried her name to the next generation.

Today, Wing Chun continues to be a system that can give women and smaller men the advantage in a fight. But next to speed, smarts are also essential.

Brain strain

When making a move in Wing Chun, you’re always simultaneously defending and attacking.

While the system is relatively simple, there are still a few forms to memorize and perfect, and certain ways of moving that must be followed. All of that concentration can occasionally hurt your head – in a good way. Often after practice, my brain is the sorest part of my body. I might complain at the time, but then I think – would I rather be mindlessly punching a dummy for an hour (or worse yet, running on a treadmill), or concentrating on coordinating both arms while maintaining the proper footwork so that my punch is as powerful as it can be?

If you’re looking for something easy, then kung fu is probably not for you. But if you like the challenge of straining over an equation or piece of code for an hour followed by the immense satisfaction that comes from finally figuring it out, you’ll find a similar rush with kung fu.

Bodyweight for the win

While there are hundreds of styles of martial arts out there, Wing Chun Kung Fu’s advantage is its simplicity and efficiency. You don’t have to memorize hundreds of forms; rather, you spend most of your time discovering the natural movements of your body and how to make them more effective. And to get your body to its most effective state, you train using the same methods Steve advocates on Nerd Fitness: bodyweight techniques.

Our typical strength training consists of jumping jacks, sprints, squats, push-ups, burpees, side-to-side push-ups, and several other techniques also found in the Rebel Strength Guide. On days when we’re working our arms we’ll do hundreds of push-ups of all kinds, while leg days include squats and lunges in addition to various kicks. As far as equipment goes, the only thing we use in class is a wooden dummy to practice forms and occasionally punching bags, because they’re fun (and useful, of course, but not necessary). There isn’t a single barbell or piece of gym equipment to be found in our school – because the only thing that’s necessary is your body and someone to teach you how to use it effectively.

And finally: Bruce Lee did it. ‘Nuff said.

Kung Fu Training

But what does a typical kung fu training session look like? Of course, it depends on your school and the type of kung fu, so I can only give an example of my particular style, Wing Chun, as taught by my sifu, Andrzej Szuszkiewicz.

First of all, we begin with a dynamic warm-up – and when I say dynamic, I mean you will be soaked in sweat within 7 minutes, though it typically lasts about 15-20. Since as a writer I’m a fan of showing, not telling, I’ve included it at the bottom so you can use it before your own training sessions of any kind, whether it’s another martial art or just running or lifting weights.

Then we’ll do continue with intensive drills for the first hour, either working on kicks or punches depending on the day. Typically, that means throwing some 500 punches or kicks per session, with either push-ups (on arm days) or intensive stretching (on leg days) in between.

The last hour or so is spent on technique – this is when we learn proper forms and usually practice sparring with a partner. This is also the most educational and brain-intensive part of the training, because you’re often learning new movements and practicing them right away, so getting the technique right is crucial.

Of course, there are days when technique is pretty much all we do, and days when it’s mostly strength training (punching bag days are my favorite), and there are also seminars several times a year where either our sifu or a visiting one will focus on one aspect of Wing Chun, such as forms, wooden dummies, butterfly swords or even strength training with kettlebells, as we did recently. We practice three times per week for two hours usually, though the advanced class has extra sessions on top of that.

This all may sound tough now (and it sure as hell seemed that way back when I started), but of course when you’re starting out in the beginner class you won’t be expected or forced to do any more than you are capable of at the moment – the goal is to gradually get you stronger and faster, not to try to force it and have you end up either injured or disillusioned or both. When I first started, I could barely do two sets of 10 push-ups. That was fine (and I definitely wasn’t the only one), and our sifu encouraged me to do knee push-ups until I got stronger. And I did. Now I do 7 or 8 sets per session, usually on my fists.

In the end, kung fu, much like Nerd Fitness, is a way of life rather than a quick weight-loss fad, and it’s as much philosophy as it is training, both of which should prove quite valuable in life.

As Bruce Lee said, “‘Being’ is more valued than ‘doing’.”

Kung Fu resources

If you’re not yet convinced, check out these awesome uses of kung fu in movies:

Ip Man (2008)

One of my absolute favorite martial arts films is the excellent Ip Man starring Donnie Yen, as well as the sequel, Ip Man 2 (the later prequel is decent as well). It’s well-made, with a fantastic story as well as amazing fight scenes, and best of all, it’s based on the life of Wing Chun legend and Bruce Lee mentor Ip Man himself.

Ip Man Video

Sherlock Holmes (2009)

A very fit Robert Downy Jr. takes down his much bigger opponent with what seems like minimal effort. The secret? He’s using Wing Chun techniques.

And who can forget the Green Hornet, both old:

Green Hornet (Old) Video

and new:

Green Hornet New Video

Best of all, you’ll always be able to say in your best Keanu monotone, “I know kung fu”:

Keanu Knows Kung Fu

Convinced? Then the next step is to find a class near you and try it out – usually the first couple of sessions are free!  If you’d like to read more before diving in, here are some resources I found interesting and helpful:

• Chinese Gung Fu: The Philosophical Art of Self-Defense by Bruce Lee
• Books and DVDs on Wing Chun Kung Fu by Sifu Randy Williams
• Complete Wing Chun: The Definitive Guide to Wing Chun’s History and Traditions

The Kung Fu Warm-up

Note: this is an advanced warm up suited for Kung Fu – just looking at it might make you exhausted.  Do the best you can and work up to a full warm up!  Don’t forget why warm ups are so important.

First 8-10 minutes: a round of basic dynamic exercises to get your heart racing. During this time you never stop moving, even between exercises, when the default “rest” position is to lightly jog in place while loosening your muscles. In class, the sifu actually calls out the exercise and everyone switches, but it usually goes something like this:

• 100 jumping jacks
• 10 squat jumps (start in a squat position and jump with your arms up, like the first half of a burpee without the push-up)
• 30 seconds jumping oblique twist (kind of like this, but we hold our fists up to our faces when we do it)
• 30 seconds jumping jacks (or seal jumps)
• 10 squat jumps
• 30 seconds jumping jacks (or seal jumps)
• 20 jumping windmills – forwards
• 10 knee jumps (jump from a standing position, bringing your knees as close to your elbows as possible)
• 30 seconds jumping oblique twist
• 20 jumping windmills – backwards
• 10 knee jumps
• 30 seconds jumping oblique twist
• 10 quick position changes (start with left foot forward like a normal kung fu/boxer stance, lightly jumping forwards and backwards, and then very quickly switch so now your right foot is forward – that’s one)
• 30 seconds jumping jacks
• 10 triple position changes (same as the position change, but change three times really quickly for each count)
• 30 seconds jumping jacks
• 10 punches from the left (start the same as for the position change, but this time punch with your left arm each time you jump forward, like a boxing move)
• 30 seconds jumping oblique twist
• 10 punches from the right
• repeat until you hit about 10 minutes

This part of the warm-up ends with what I call a “burpee ladder”, though I’m sure it has a proper name, probably in Chinese. Basically, you’re starting with the basic squat jump like during the first part of the warm-up and building up with several varieties of burpee:

• 10 jump squats
• 10 crunch burpees (jump squat, then drop to your back and quickly do three crunches and get right back up, repeat)
• 10 crunch + push-up burpees (jump squat, drop to your back and quickly do three crunches, from that position change quickly to a push-up position by moving your feet under your body, do one push-up and get right back up like from a normal burpee, repeat)
• 10 crunch + push-up + back bridge burpees (jump squat, three crunches, one push-up and from there move your feet under you to get in position on your back and do one full back bridge and get right back up, repeat)

If you can’t do 10 yet, start with 5 or however many you can do.

Finally, about 5 minutes of kicks and stretches, focusing not on strength or speed but on stretching your legs and kicking as high as possible:

• standing hamstring stretch, 10 seconds each leg
• 10 straight kicks, right leg
• 10 straight kicks, left leg
• (repeat 5 more times)
• standing calf stretch, 10 seconds each leg
• 10 side to side kicks, right leg
• 10 side to side kicks, left leg
• (repeat 5 more times)
• hip flex stretch, 10 seconds each leg
• mix of neck rotations, arm circles, waist rotations and finish with seated leg stretches

If you’re still alive after that (and I really hope so, I can’t afford the lawsuits), your body is completely warmed-up, well stretched and ready for just about any workout you can throw at it!

So, do we have any future Bruce Lee’s in the community? 

What type of martial arts do you practice or would you LIKE to practice? 

Sound off in the comments! 

Anna Spysz is a freelance writer and translator currently living and kung fu fighting in Krakow, Poland. When not strength training, playing with her band or blogging at Saving Ink, she’s busy looking for freelance writing gigs to pay the bills.

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