Our Little Cuckoo's Nest

My Worst Nightmare

2012-05-25T15:26:00.002-04:00

You always wonder what your first serious 'mom freak out' is going to look like and what will have caused it-- or maybe that's just me and my well-known gift of perpetually going to the dark place. Not in a 'wandering hopelessly through life in a depressed state of mind' kind of way, but in the 'hypochondriac, overly worried, everyone's going to die, spaz' kind of way-- not sure which one is worse.

It's not my fault really; despite my truly optimistic lease on life, my mind just can't help but to "go there" a bit too often, and my friends make fun of me about it all the time. Oh, that's just Kerry thinking her plane is going to burst into pieces while she's in mid-flight. Oh, that's just Kerry worried that she picked up that case of e-coli that was spotted out in Utah last week. You get the idea.

It's pretty much the popular SNL skit of "Debbie Downer" to a tee...

"Hey, do you guys want to go on the haunted elevator? It's supposed to drop straight down!"

Debbie: "Did you guys hear about that massive train crash in North Korea? The media is so secretive there, we may never know how many perished..."

So, the first mom freak out happened today. Well, the first warranted one. I did have 1 tiny little setback when Niall was 2 weeks old. I was holding him and he went completely limp so quickly that I thought something was really wrong. I noticed that his pigment was a little bluish and I couldn't seem to find that rising and falling of his chest. After telling the 911 operator that my baby wasn't breathing, 2 firetrucks later, we discovered that he had been peacefully sleeping, as 2 week-olds often do. Just putting my tax dollars to good use, no biggie.

But today was different. Today, my 2 year old and 4 month old were locked inside of a hot car with my diaper bag containing my phone and keys.

Begin heart palpitations.

Thank God my neighbor was with me. We were going to drive to a trail and go for a long walk, but her car died on our way up our street. When we turned around for her to switch cars with her husband, I decided to nurse Brendan on the front steps while she got the car seats situated. As I was nursing him, Niall began rifling through my diaper bag (on the front seat), took my keys out and put them in the ignition.

He didn't turn it on, just managed to figure out the right key and get it in there. I was highly impressed! And a little freaked out. But hey, thanks for getting half the leg work done for me, right? Wrong. When Brendan finished nursing, I put him in his car seat and grabbed Niall out of the driver seat to move him back to his seat. Once everyone was buckled in, I shut the doors and walked around to the driver's side.

Clu-clunk. The sound of the doors automatically locking. Apparently, there is a feature that turns on "lock-down" mode when the keys are in the ignition, but the car isn't turned on. I haven't even attempted to wrap my head around the reason for this, and it doesn't matter because I am never shutting any car doors ever again unless all of the windows are rolled down.

My first reaction was honestly, "Shoot, now I'm going to have to call AAA..." Followed 1/18 of a millisecond later by "MY KIDS ARE TRAPPED IN THE CAR!*^#@+=/<;" Followed 1/4 of a millisecond later by "MY PHONE IS TRAPPED IN THE CAR!!" Again, Thank God my neighbor was with me. She had gotten into her car already at this point, so she didn't see any of this... but she definitely saw me stumbling up to her car, pulling the skin off my face zombie-style, and promptly got out to see what was wrong.

She put it together pretty quickly and as I began shouting out pointless observations (i.e. "It's hot in there!", "I can't get in", "I'm hyperventilating!"), she called 911 and the firetrucks were there in about a minute and a half (no joke). It took them a good 5 minutes to get the lock popped, which doesn't sound like that much, but Debbie Downer here has seen the Dateline special of kids being left in cars while their parents go grocery shopping-- and I know it only takes a couple of minutes for them to really become dangerously overheated (wah wahhhh).

I had my face glued to the window and kept asking Niall if he was OK throughout the whole thing. But I knew that Niall had his water and his snack and could be comforted by me talking to him through the window... it was Brendan that I was worried about. I could see the beads of sweat flickering on both of their faces and poor baby B was getting really squirmy and flustered in there.

Once again, I couldn't be happier to have 2 boys who I know are going to be such great friends. Niall came to his brother's rescue right away by reaching over to hold his hand, making sure he was ok the whole time. When the locks finally popped and the doors opened, I busted in there in true mom-freak-out fashion, got my boys out of there and hugged them tight.

And then I thanked my tax dollars (and firemen) for bailing me out once more.

Between 2 worlds

2012-05-23T13:51:00.002-04:00

A toddler's life can be tough. They want to taste that sweet nectar of freedom and independence, but sometimes they just need that little bit of extra help from mom (or many times, mom needs to beat it and only dad will do).

Niall turned 2 1/2 yesterday and I can really see the struggle unfolding between his two worlds-- the 2 year old who is still living in a baby-proofed house vs. the 3 year old who is a real boy.

There are days when he shouts from the rooftops "I WANT TO DO IT my-SELF!!!=*u(@$&^#" and then there are days when he timidly hugs my leg and asks "do you want to play with me, maybe, mommy?"... that's the point where I melt into a puddle and drop the laundry and dishes and say "Of course I do!"

Honestly, on most days, he's the 3 year old. The grown boy, doing things himself, running and climbing as far as he can without ever looking back.

He's really getting there. And it's exciting to see him conquer these hurdles. But I have to admit, it's also a relief when he occasionally turns around and decides that he doesn't want to go any further without mom by his side.

I remember vividly when Niall was 7 weeks old, Matt and I just wanted to freeze time. It was this one particular day and we knew he would be turning 2 months soon, which just sounded like he was slipping right out of babyhood before we could blink. We didn't want him to get any older; we just wanted him to stay a tiny little baby forever.

But then he turned 2 months, then 3 months, then 6 and then a year. And at every milestone, there was that split second of sadness for the baby we were losing, but then this overwhelming amazement at how it was even possible that he was getting cuter and funnier and everything that we never thought he could become any more of. But he did. He just kept getting better and better.

So now Brendan comes into the picture...

And suddenly I don't want to freeze time anymore. I surprisingly want it to move forward. It's not just that I know he's going to become so much more fun every single month, but I can't wait for these two little guys to be able to play together.

And Niall really can't wait. He's so ready, he's taking matters into his own hands-- dumping train tracks and helicopters and all kinds of hard plastic toys onto Brendan's lap (and head).

Even though Brendan can't physically join in yet, he is already participating with his eyes and his expressions. He loves watching Niall play-- actually it kills him because he wants to join in so badly. He flails his legs and arms and lets out these excited grunts when Niall puts toys on him and plays in front of him...

Well, most of the time. But sometimes, he gives me this look:

The "Mom, are you going to save me from this crazy kid any time soon?" look. And instead of saving him, I run and get the camera.

Anyway, Brendan is getting bigger even faster than Niall did. He's already grown out of the newborn phase. He's now an infant, holding his head up, smiling, rolling over and too big for me to hold like a football anymore. And it should make me sad, but this time it doesn't, because there's so much to look forward to.

I just know they are going to be such great friends. And somehow that trumps holding onto those sweet little baby faces and chubby little baby thighs for dear life. I'm willing to make an exception this time and let Brendan graduate from babyhood and move onto brotherhood. Something tells me it's going to be worth it :)

Garden Gurus

2012-05-18T15:48:00.000-04:00

One of my favorite things about the spring is starting anew with our garden. Just when the old stuff is starting to look a little drab, it's time to pack up the kids and take a trip to Home Depot to get some bright new plants and flowers.

Ok, let's be honest, the trip to Home Depot with 2 kids is the not so fun part. Chasing Niall around the nursery, begging him to stop pulling the blooms off the flowers with a baby strapped to my chest, trying to hold 10 pound potted plants at the same time is not exactly fun...

But picking out the new plants really makes me happy, and once we get home, Niall is ready to work hard...

And its a good thing because guess who's not ready to work hard?

That's right, I'm willing to pull the "I'm just a frail little lady" card on Matt when it comes to these things. I do the part I like and I leave the rest for him to deal with. That's probably my favorite thing about gardening :)

I like to dig the hole and put the plant in... and if I'm feeling really ambitious, I'll even throw the mulch on top of there.

But weeding and pruning just ain't my jam. That's up to the hubs.

Mmmm, no thank you

I might also just find that after all my hard work on one garden bed, I'm just too exhausted to go on to the other side. And it may sit there half finished for a number of weeks or so...

But hey, at least I put the plants in. I got the ball rolling and that's what counts in my book.

Apparently Matt ran into the same problem with the stone pavers leading to the back yard. He worked so hard putting those first 6 in a few months ago that he decided he was never going to put the last 3 down...

But let's not talk about lack of motivation. Let's get down to my real pride and joy--

The plant bed in the back yard never existed before my brilliant idea. I dug this puppy out next to our new basement well fence to test out a little theory about bugs. Supposedly, rosemary, marigolds and basil keep mosquitoes away, so I planted them near our fire pit in the hopes that we would actually be able to sit out there this year without experiencing the plague.

It seems to be working so far in terms of mosquitoes. But I didn't realize that it's the gnats that really get to me, not so much the mosquitoes. Those things find their way into my nostrils, mouth and the corners of my eye within about 5 minutes of being outside. And there aren't any plants that repel those suckers.

Anyway, Niall loves to help with yard work, and help he did. He immediately grabbed his blue shovel and started scooping out all of the mulch that I had just put into the plant bed. I would put some in and he would happily scoop it back out. That's what I call symbiosis.

Baby B helped even more by staying quietly in his little beach cocoon while we worked.

This thing is amazing because it has netting over it to keep the bugs out. I can just plop him in there and go about my business, while he plays with the dangly toys that hang down from the top. It keeps him occupied for at least 45 minutes, which is a new record. It's a must have for all serious baby gardeners.

I don't know what I'd do without my little helpers :)

Niall loves your votes!

The Mother of All Mother's Days

2012-05-14T21:22:00.000-04:00

When I was little, I would imagine myself as a mom on Mother's Day and what it would be like... in my little fantasy, the day would only be complete with a giant bouquet of bright, beautiful flowers, a heartfelt card with touching messages from each individual family member, breakfast in bed brought to me on one of those little wicker trays, and the whole family would be smiling and holding hands as we sauntered into church in our prettiest outfits.

Oh, and pictures... lots and lots of family pictures commemorating the day.

Now, as a mom, I can say with confidence that what really makes me happy on Mother's Day strangely doesn't include any of those things. And somehow my day was still fantastic...

Yes, of course I got flowers. But Matt is very thoughtful about his floral arrangements. No massive bouquet-- just 2 yellow roses, one for each of my boys, and yellow for my favorite color.

No heartfelt card-- Matt couldn't find a pen anywhere in the house, so I got a blank one instead... and we have a running joke of getting each other the cheesiest cards we can find every holiday:

No breakfast in bed, but Niall did bring me an uncooked egg that he had cracked and licked on his way up the stairs... so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he doesn't get salmonella.

And no Sunday Stepford Family Brigade walking into church in our finest garb holding hands-- instead we were 15 minutes late due to my inability to find a dress that a) fits me and b) allows me to nurse, so I had to wear some shabby beach bum dress that made me look like the bag lady. Niall sported a pair of too-tight shorts from last summer and Brendan stayed in his puke stained onesie from earlier that morning. Matt looked nice, though...

Oh wait....

Sorry-- no family pictures, like I said. I think I've made it through 4 holidays now, where I've woken up the next day and said "Seriously? We didn't take a single picture yesterday??"

No, I don't need any of those fantasies to make me smile. What made this Mother's Day truly special was that Matt really went out of his way to give me exactly what I wanted:

-to sleep in
-to take a long, quiet nap
-to not have to give the kids a bath
-to not have to clean anything up
-to go somewhere for brunch where I wouldn't be stressing about Niall not sitting still

Niall and Uncle Pat

How's this place for an amazing kid's spot? Mexican brunch with a sand pit... and a margarita. It's almost exactly like being at the beach, except there's no water and it's overlooking a major highway. Does life get any better?

Hubby delivered, let me tell you. I couldn't have asked for a better day, and as much as I joke about just wanting some peace and quiet, I truly love being a mom. It has been everything I ever dreamed and more. Happy belated Mother's Day to all of you moms out there!

Niall loves your votes!

Food Wars

2012-05-09T15:45:00.001-04:00

Dear Niall,

You have won so many battles. And yes, for a while I thought you had won the war. There are only so many times I can puree, disguise and tuck away those veggies into cheesy, noodle-y concoctions before I shamefully hang my head (and my apron), and just give up.

It's been about a year and a half since you've willingly consumed a vegetable-- or even fruit, really. Pears are the only one that you will eat, and that's only about twice a week if I'm lucky.

As the mom who proudly declared that I made all of my own baby food from scratch starting when you were 6 months up until a year, your sudden boycott of foods containing any nutritional value made my eyebrows twitch and woke me up from deep sleeps in the middle of the night. But then... one day... I finally stopped caring.

Don't get me wrong, I will never cave to your incessant pleas for M&Ms, ice cream and cookies for breakfast... but I've learned to happily accept a meal of nuts and cheese as a significant breakthrough. Really, I've become OK with it. Wash it down with a vitamin gummy and we'll call it a win.

But then came a breakthrough out of nowhere.

It was about a month ago, and I didn't want to get too excited at first-- because, I've had my fair share of false alarms...

i.e.:

-you ate 1 pea from my dinner plate one night and I thought that meant you liked peas... you spit it out about an hour and a half later.
-you ate an entire bowl of pasta with tomato sauce (tomato sauce being the vegetable) and exclaimed "I LOVE NOODLES!".... the next day, I offered the same thing, to which you immediately replied "I DON'T LIKE NOODLES!"
-I successfully mashed a tiny amount of pumpkin into some mac n cheese so that you couldn't even notice, only to find out that you don't have any interest in mac n cheese... not even plain (which I offered to you after the pumpkin version)

Anyhoo, I was sipping on my breakfast smoothie one sunny April day, when you got this sudden inquisitive look and asked if you could have a sip.

My eyes bulged out of my head and I just about fell out of my chair, but I quickly calmed myself down and shouted at myself inside of my head "PLAY COOL! GET IT TOGETHER!!" And I did.... "Oh, you mean this? Umm, I guess I should share, right? Sure, you can have a LITTLE sip."

The rest is history. I've tricked you every day for the last 3 weeks so I think it's safe to say you finally like one of my concoctions. I could probably call it one of my greatest accomplishments in life to date. That's how bad it is (both my accomplishments and your food aversions).

So for the rest of you moms struggling to pump some fruits and veggies into your little ones, here it is...

Niall's Secret "Foofie" (Smoothie) Recipe:

Frozen Strawberries

Frozen Blueberries

Banana

Plain Greek Yogurt

Almonds (optional)

Oats (optional)

Teeny tiny handful of spinach

lime

almond milk

splash of apple juice

Voila, nutrition in a cup :)

Now let's hope I haven't jinxed myself...

Ellen's Mother's Day Dance Dare

2012-05-01T15:08:00.001-04:00

I hate to break it to you, Ellen, but I've been doing dance dares since you were in diapers (or maybe high school... no, you were probably well into your 40s... but the point is, I've been dancing behind people like an idiot long before you had this segment on your show.)

So I was prepared for the challenge when she put out a dance dare for mamas. Except she was asking for pregnant women to send in videos, not moms who already had their babies... probably because she didn't think a woman would put her baby in harm's way by strapping him to her chest while aggressively dancing. Well, this girl does. So I hope it pays off...I'm not sure what the grand prize is, but I'll accept the loss of my dignity for bragging rights.

Enjoy! Niall loves your votes!

What a zoo-inkydink

2012-04-25T14:27:00.004-04:00

I think there may be a biological clock ticking away somewhere inside of me-- no, not the one that tells you it's time to have more kids... the other one; the one that tells you it's time to hit the zoo.

Obviously, spring is a great time to go, but what I found when I was looking back through my photos from when Niall was a baby was beyond a coincidence. I'm seriously freaked out.

April 19, 2010

April 19, 2012

I had absolutely no idea that I had picked the exact same day, 2 years apart, to bring both of my babies to the zoo for their first times. And I probably couldn't have picked a better day on both years. I like my zoo trips cool and breezy as opposed to the summer trips where I pant like a dog and drip with sweat the entire time.

The only difference this time around was that I stopped trying to position the stroller perfectly in front of each cage so that I could get pictures with both the babies and the animals together. As you can see, the only one I attempted this time involved a kid with food hanging out of his mouth and a sleeping baby who couldn't have cared less. Then my common sense kicked in and I decided to stop wasting my time.

So the photo shoots this time were mostly minus the kiddos...

I also decided, this time, not to take Brendan out of the stroller so that he could "see" the cool animals. It's pretty hilarious to me that I even did that with Niall at 5 months old. Brendan took a nice little snooze 'n stroll while Niall appreciated the zoo life (since he actually had the mental and visual capacity to do so).

I'd say that this time was slightly more engaging than the last...

But I'm sure we'll be back again soon :)

Niall loves your votes!

Spring Fever

2012-04-21T10:44:00.002-04:00

Spring has sprung, and where I would usually be jumping for joy this time each year, I'm having a bit of a love-hate relationship with this crazy season of rebirth.

I've been beyond blessed that I have never suffered from the dreaded "A" word, but poor Niall has pollen fever beyond belief. It's hard to watch.

This poor kid can't even walk from the front step to the car without his entire face becoming covered in gooey snot. He lets out more sneezes in a day than words, and he sounds like an 87 year old man with sleep apnea when he goes down each night.

He is so sick of having his face wiped, that he screams "NO BOOGIES!!!" whenever he sees me coming with the tissue and sprints the other direction. I can't even wipe food off of his face anymore without a fit. So sometimes I just don't (Shh, our little secret).

But we don't give up. Not in this family. We chug down that allergy medicine and spend the whole morning outside, just about every day. As much as those plants try to bring Niall down, he has nothing but love for them. Kill em with kindness, that's his motto. He is a nature boy- always has been and always will be...

The other predicament of spring: thermostat guilt

If I didn't feel extreme guilt for destroying the environment and wasting a boat load of money, I would have the heat on from 4am-9am each morning and the AC on from 10am-5pm. But since I'm so PC, we are bundling in some serious sweats for breakfast time and stripping down in the afternoon these days.

The good news... pretty flowers, fresh fruits and veggies, and perfect weather. I'm excited to work on my garden this weekend, hit up the farmers market, and try out some new recipes. What are you doing to celebrate the season?

Enjoy your weekend!

Things That Make Me Happy

2012-04-17T14:00:00.002-04:00

I've finally gotten a little better about taking pictures-- although my camera has become this dusty heap at the bottom of my diaper bag, I've become quite the sly fox with the smart phone shots. It's the only way I can capture a moment fast enough with these little guys on the move. So the quality of the pix are probably not as great as I'd like, but it's better than not having any, right?

I've been looking back through my photos from the last 2 weeks and trying to find the common thread to tell a story on this blog... but there is only one thing that comes to mind as I look at each and every one of these pictures: things that make me happy.

There's really no story to tell this week; just a compilation of photos that make me smile for a boat load of different reasons. I hope they do the same for you...

the pride of mastering tummy time

Niall's idea of what a smile is supposed to look like :)

a big brother taking care of his little brother

sneaking off to climb a tree in the middle of a parade

exploring by the dock

kisses for baby bro

a log cabin in the middle of the forest...

...and a "tea party" setup made from tree stumps

Mr. Owl McCullough, as Niall calls him

Daddy bonding time


3D movie with a best buddy

and wearing the glasses the next day just because it's cool

What made you happy this week? Link up below:

Have a great week :)

Niall loves your votes!

No more nappy

2012-04-11T08:07:00.004-04:00

As I'm sitting here at my refuge-- I mean, computer desk-- all I can hear from upstairs is loud thuds, banging on walls and some kind of screaming/singing about climbing and Kermit the frog. I knew this day would come. The day of no more napping. The day of infamy.

It's been almost a week now, which is how I know that it's official. I thought that maybe the change of scenery over the Easter weekend might be enough to shake things up and get back to normal once we got home, but something tells me that nap time is definitely over. And I'm nowhere near ready to accept it.

The culprit?

Bam:

The toddler bed.

It's actually a really good thing, for the most part. Niall has had this toddler bed set up in his room since he started climbing out of his crib 6 months ago. But when we tried out the big boy bed, he had this sudden shift of miraculous obedience and decided that he wanted to stay in his crib. Never tried to climb out again after that (so bizarre!).

We were obviously fine with that because we wouldn't have to worry about him getting out of bed and trying to leave the room... but time has started ticking for Brendan to move into that room and that crib. So I put a date in my head of May 1. I wanted to get Niall used to the idea, so I've been saying things like "Hey, do you want to move into your new bed soon?" or "Wow, those train sheets are so cool-- much cooler than the crib sheets." But he had no interest.

Until...

Last week, I said "Hey Niall, do you want Brendan to move into your room with you?" He immediately replied with a booming "Yeah!!!"

Well, the very next day, Niall told us he wanted to sleep in his bed and hasn't turned back since. Matt and I cringed that first night, just waiting for Niall to leave his bed and come running to the door, but he never did!

So I really can't complain; it's just the nap that has been affected. He gets right out of bed and runs around his room-- which I'm actually fine with, as long as he's not begging to come out... but that usually comes full throttle after about 30 minutes.

I do have a safety gate up at the door, so at least he can't get out, but he sure can put on a good crying show. I told him today that if he didn't want to take a nap, he could have "quiet reading time" in his room. I'm just not sure if I can expect a 2 year old to spend 2 hours entertaining himself in his room... or if I can even trust him in there.

But I NEED those 2 hours! There's so much I have to get done during that little chunk of time and I just don't think I can do it with him awake. Checking emails, making appointments, going through the never-ending mail pile, writing a blog a few times each week, cleaning, doing laundry, checking the bank statement, and chipping away at the ongoing to-do list. It would take at least 3 times longer if he were "helping" me, which is what he always wants to do.

The bottom line is that, with babies and toddlers, as soon as you get used to things being a certain way, they're gonna go and change on you. You constantly need to adapt, and somehow, you always find a way to make it work. Unfortunately, I think my way of making this work out is that the laundry, cleaning and to-do list are just going to be "indefinitely suspended" a lot more often than I would like.

Oh hey wait, look what I just found:

Ok, so it's not technically a nap in the bed, but I'll take what I can get. Better go get some work done while I have a chance!

Niall loves your votes!

The Hunt

2012-04-04T21:27:00.001-04:00

What could be better than watching a bunch of kids on an Easter egg hunt?...

When those kids are all 2 years old and can't seem to find eggs that are staring them right in the face.

It was so dang cute and hysterical.

The assisted living community in Kensington hosts the egg hunt for my mom's club every year and this was my first time going. They put out bright purple, yellow and orange eggs in their garden-- and when I say "in" their garden, I mean along the perimeter, in the open, where the eggs are not covered by any shrubs or anything.

I was sure that the entire egg hunt would be over in a matter of seconds, but sure enough, they had all been stumped by the Easter bunny. At one point, Niall and his 2 buddies were standing in a circle around one of the eggs and we 3 moms were desperately trying to get one of them to notice it and pick it up. Eventually, I just tossed it against Niall's shoe so that he would have to see it.

All this egg hunting can be exhausting! Break time...

He didn't make out too bad, though. Despite his mommy's complete failure at parenting-- forgot to bring an Easter basket to collect the eggs-- we had a friend who was on the ball and brought an extra. Niall ended up with 6 eggs and consumed about 38 jelly beans before I could hide the remaining ones in my diaper bag "for later."

Speaking of not noticing things that are right in front of you, it took me about 10 minutes of running around with Niall to remember that I have another child-- one who happens to need a lot more attention than Niall. I sprinted over to the stroller (about 50 feet away) to make sure Brendan was ok and found him completely smitten with this little old lady. She was just leaning over the stroller talking to him, and he could not stop smiling. I felt like I should pay her for babysitting.

Anyway, that's the main perk for the home in hosting this event-- is that all of the little cuties walk around saying 'hi' to the residents, showing them all the eggs they found. It really makes their day. Well, Niall is not the walking around socializing type, but I made him do it... As we passed each resident, they would pat Niall on the head and say something like "Hi there sweetie! Did you find some eggs??", to which he would reply "I want mowe CANDY!!" and put his basket in their face.

Luckily, they were all pretty hard of hearing and would just say "Oh, that's great! Bye, bye!"... a response that he was definitely not happy with. This weekend will make up for any lost candy, let me tell you. I bought quite the mother load of chocolate- mostly as an excuse for me to pig out, but still. It's gonna be a great Easter for all!

Niall loves your votes!

Brendan's Baptism

2012-03-27T16:50:00.003-04:00

We were wandering into uncharted territory that morning... things could have gotten really ugly and we just weren't sure what to expect. Niall was undoubtedly going to miss his entire nap on the day of Brendan's baptism and there was pretty much no way around it. So how would this all pan out, we wondered?

But to my complete and utter shock, Niall was a total angel through the whole thing! I could hear the occasional "My pretzels!" and the clanking and jangling of rosary beads being used as a moracca...but all things considered, he did great.

And so did his little bro-- slept like a champ through pretty much the whole thing. Even when the deacon poured the water over his head, he just grunted, rolled his eyes in the back of his head, and went right back to sleep.

He looked really cute, but there was one little glitch that definitely was not an issue with Niall-- Brendan's fat neck would not allow for the gown to button closed. I have a little chunker on my hands and I love it. I vividly remember Niall was practically drowning in that thing. Poor Brendan could barely fit!

The bonnet was also a wash. I tried to tie it around his head but there was no denying that it was way too small. I took a few pictures with it dangling off and then decided to call it a day. Let's not humiliate the poor kid, right?

We had a nice little service, complete with some strange anecdotes about Marilyn Monroe killing herself and how we don't want Brendan to turn out like that... umm, thanks for scaring us straight, Deacon. But it really was nice. He talked about the importance of the godparents in leading Brendan through a meaningful, faith-filled life.

And we have just the right people to do that...


Matt's brother and my best friend

After a little celebration and cake, I was ready to hit the sack. That's what I call a successful day :)

God bless baby Brendan!

Cherry Blossoms

2012-03-23T15:28:00.002-04:00

Wow, am I ready for spring. Not that we had a bad winter-- I'm actually pretty sure that it was the onset of global warming in full effect (which I prefer to blissfully ignore and enjoy). But something about the winter months just makes you want to hibernate and find excuses not to do anything outside.

Maybe it has something to do with the sun going down at 4pm and I feel like I should be in bed by the time 6 rolls around, or maybe it has something to do with the fact that I have a newborn baby and a 2 year old, which creates quite the debacle when it comes to loading up bags and getting in and out of the car. I feel like I'm packing for the airport every time I want to leave the house.

Either way, I'm ready to get out and about. And what better way to do it than this?

Sometimes I forget how lucky I am to be so close to so many fun, beautiful and free things to do. The cherry blossoms have to be one of my favorite reasons to go into the city. It's about a 40 minute drive, plus 6-10 dangerous u-turns/ city boxes (when you keep making right turns to find parking somewhere near where you started), plus 8 minutes of packing kids into strollers and unloading the contents of the diaper bag into the basket under the stroller. But definitely worth the effort.

One of the major downers of having a baby brother: not riding the paddle boats. Geez Brendan, can't you just gain 20 pounds real quick?? Way to ruin the day (as displayed by Niall's pouting).

Guess who didn't care about the paddle boats or the blossoms?

THIS GUY

But Niall found other ways to enjoy himself... or I should say 1 other way:

Watching the ducks. And that's all he wanted to do for the rest of the day. Cherry Blossoms? Not interested. Taking pictures? Not interested. Sitting in the stroller? Not interested. So thank goodness I had my friend with me, because I'm pretty sure I would have been diving in the water to save Niall, while simultaneously holding Brendan (and all 3 of us ultimately drowning).

Another perk of having Caitlin there was that I got to take pictures. If it were just me, I'm about 99% sure that I would not have had a free hand to pull my camera out, which is the whole purpose of going to these things. And we managed to catch them on their peak blooming day, which never happens! Plus, we like her company :)

Happy Spring!

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Wordless Wednesday {Luck o' the Irish}

2012-03-21T17:02:00.000-04:00

Happy Belated St. Paddy's!

So nice of drunky McDrunkerson to drop in on our photo ;)

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too tired to deal with it

2012-03-18T21:53:00.001-04:00

...that describes my now 3 hour battle with my blog header, which is a really bad draft version that I am currently not able to remove. I tried to change things up around here to include Brendan (slowly but surely; I've still got a lot of work to do!)-- anyway, I made the mistake of uploading Picasa a few weeks ago and now it's taken every single photo I've ever taken and connected to my blogger account, so it's saying that I've used up all of my storage space for photos. Does anyone know how to get around this??

Now it's wayyyy past my bed time and I just don't have the energy to deal with it. Stay tuned for a new look on the blog later this week. (Fingers crossed!)

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More to Love

2012-03-16T14:19:00.001-04:00

I honestly thought, while I was pregnant with Brendan, "how am I going to love another child as much as I love Niall?" It actually worried me a little, even though everyone reassured me that it just happens in this unexplainable way-- and I knew it would. But seriously, HOW? I love Niall so much and it was hard to imagine.

Then Brendan came along and I had that immediate overwhelming love and bond that everyone spoke of. But after spending 4 days in the hospital because of my c-section, poor Niall was wondering where on earth his mom and dad disappeared to. And it put a knot in my stomach thinking about his sadness and confusion.

When he came to the hospital, he was definitely not thrilled about meeting his new brother. I've never seen him act that way-- just completely apathetic; not just toward Brendan, but toward us. He didn't want to hug me or talk to me, and it really took a toll on my emotions.

After he went home, I felt this guilt for loving Brendan-- like I was cheating Niall with each kiss and hug I gave this new baby. I hated being in that hospital bed, wanting to cuddle my sweet little Brendan, but wanting even more to be home with Niall, proving to him how much I still loved him. It was the strangest feeling and I wondered if it would ever go away.

When we got home from the hospital, Niall was still distant and I really pumped the brakes on showing affection to Brendan. Now, I felt I was cheating him. Would this sick cycle ever end!?

The point is... YES. It does end. And it doesn't take 8 weeks for it to happen-- it just takes 8 weeks for me to put all of those crazy feelings into perspective and find the words to express what was going on.

It's absolutely amazing how much I love these 2 kiddos the exact same amount but in completely different ways. It's like apples and oranges. Now I finally understand how it just works itself out. While I'm holding and kissing Brendan, Niall is right next to me giggling and squeezing his hand (usually a little too hard). And while I'm playing legos and trains with Niall, Brendan is in the bumbo or the snuggle nest, watching his brother intently-- just yearning for the day he can join in.

Seriously, this kid is ready to be a big boy... he is already trying desperately to roll over. Not to mention his love for the bumbo-- a seat that is probably meant for 6 months +. (Don't worry, he has really good neck control and I usually put a pillow behind his head).

I like to say that Niall is my favorite boy in the world and Brendan is my favorite baby in the world. Brendan can't say the incredibly funny and adorable things that Niall says, and Niall can't make the heartwarming "goo-gaa" noises that Brendan makes. Niall is the kindest, sweetest boy I know and Brendan is the cutest little wide-eyed chunker I know. It's just that simple. They are loved equally, but in completely different ways.

And did I mention how much Brendan LOVES Niall? It's kind of crazy how Niall can be "head knocking" (as Niall likes to call it) this poor baby, yelling in his ear, and putting all of his body weight on Brendan's tiny stomach... and the little guy is smiling through it all. He will be fussing and crying and squirming up a storm, but when Niall walks in the room and he hears his voice, it all stops. It's unbelievable.

It has taken me way too long to post something sentimental and thoughtful up here, but I needed time to rest and recharge and just post some cute pictures for a while. Now I'm ready to share some of the stories and feelings that I worry I might forget in a year. The time is going by so fast; even faster than it did when Niall was a baby. I'm so grateful for my sweet little boys and can't wait to see what's to come.

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Wordless Wednesday {the boys}

2012-03-14T14:05:00.000-04:00

...and Big Bird, of course

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Freaky Flashback Friday

2012-03-09T14:12:00.002-05:00

Take 2... so crazy!

Niall:

Brendan:

Niall:

Brendan:

I'M NOT KIDDING YOU- THESE ARE DIFFERENT CHILDREN!

I'm going to have to put them into different folders and write names on the back of all my pictures or I won't know who is who!

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Wordless Wednesday {Power Nap}

2012-02-29T15:05:00.001-05:00

Seriously, how do they sleep like this? I remember Niall did the same thing-- it takes some serious muscles to snooze with your hands in the air!

Ahh, it must be nice to be able to take a nap whenever you want :)

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1 month in

2012-02-23T14:45:00.006-05:00

I'm not gonna lie, I had no intention of putting any time into this blog for at least 3 weeks after Brendan was born... but I didn't expect that once I decided to come back to it, I would wake up determined to post something 7 days in a row... and never actually do it.

Time is the prized jewel these days and I definitely don't have a lot of it right now. Every day, I try to make myself a mini schedule with just 2 or 3 small tasks on it, in the hopes that I can get back to "normal"... and every day, without fail, it just doesn't happen. The day literally runs away from me. Where does it go, seriously??

But that doesn't surprise me at all; I was expecting that. What surprises me is that despite the lack of time, handling 2 kids has been surprisingly do-able! Who would have thought that having a 2 year old and a newborn would somehow be easier emotionally and mentally than having 1 newborn?!

I think it's something about knowing what to expect. I know this time around that I'm going to be up several times a night; I know that babies have this shrill, urgent, constant cry that sometimes can't be soothed; I know that there are certain times in the day and certain patterns that work best. And somehow I don't feel like I'm going crazy yet.

A lot of credit should be given to the kiddos. Niall has been unbelievably understanding-- he naturally wanted to be picked up more when he saw Brendan being held all day, but he knew that mommy had a "tummy boo-boo" and just couldn't do it. He would cuddle up next to me and point to my stomach, saying "tummy boo-boo! Mommy tummy boo-boo!"

He also loves to hold Brendan's hand and give him big hugs (sometimes too big). And every morning when he sees Brendan for the first time, it's like he forgot that Brendan existed for a minute and belts out "BABY BRENDAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Then, there's Brendan. He could not be an easier baby. I swear he is asleep for about 20 hours a day, and-- don't hate me-- he only wakes up once a night. So I think I'm actually getting 6 or 7 hours of sleep (broken up). Which has been crucial because I haven't been able to coordinate Niall's nap, the breastfeeding schedule and Brendan's sleep to be able to sneak in a nap of my own more than 4 times since he's been born. God works in mysterious ways, but I'll take it :)

Disclaimer: I do have to mention that when he IS awake, there is a lot of shrill, urgent crying... but I'm not complaining!

My actual c-section recovery was a lot easier this time around, too. I think it was over a month before I felt back to normal with Niall and this time, it was about 2 weeks. Breastfeeding is going well this time, too. Not perfect, but the fact that I'm not screaming and holding back tears like I was with Niall counts as a success in my eyes.

But along with this blissfully busy period of time has come a completely pathetic lack of picture taking. I have a few more to share, but I don't think I've taken more than 10 pictures since this boy has been born. I'm going to try harder in the coming weeks, but I honestly don't have a spare hand most times-- and by the time I realize that a certain moment is desperately screaming to be captured on camera, the moment has passed. Practice makes perfect, I guess. I'll do better next time!

Pre-Death Grip Brotherly Love Hug

Uh-oh, cross eyes

Best Buds

Most recent photo- about an hour ago

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Something's Gotta Give: A Birth Story

2012-02-01T20:56:00.003-05:00

If my birth story were a movie, I feel like this name would be most appropriate-- Something's Gotta Give. But apparently, nothing would give. What-So-Ever. Not with Niall and not with Brendan.

I was convinced that Niall's disaster of a birth story was a fluke, considering I was induced and nothing happened. I figured that my body just wasn't ready and you can't force a baby to come out if he's not ready. So I chalked it up to the intervention of the OBs, not me.

Now I'm convinced that my body was beautifully designed to carry a baby for 9 months, but not to labor and birth one. After 2 different natural birth classes that prepared me with as much knowledge and confidence as humanly possible, I now know that there just has to be something wrong with me. At least that's what I'm telling myself to make myself feel better, so work with me.

With Niall, I went through 40 hours of induced labor and only made it to 2 cm dilated. With Brendan, I went into natural labor, all on my own (WooHooo!! The part I was the most worried about actually happened!). I woke up on Wednesday night around midnight (I guess that's technically Thursday) with contractions that were about 30-50 seconds long, 5-8 minutes apart. This went on until 5am. What a great sign! This had to be it. Matt called in and took off work, my in-laws came over and picked up Niall... and then it stopped. No labor for the rest of the day Thursday.

Thursday night/ Friday morning, I woke up at 2am with contractions that were 40-60 seconds long, 4-7 minutes apart. This had to be it! Matt called in and took off work... and then nothing happened for the rest of the day Friday.

Until about 7pm. They started as just a crampy feeling and quickly grew into really painful contractions that were a distinct 3-4 minutes apart, 60-90 seconds long. This went on for 2 hours and I was gently moaning through the contractions because of the pain. THIS HAD TO BE IT. We called the midwife, threw our bags in the car, and drove 20 minutes to the hospital.

Just to make things interesting, as we pulled into the parking lot, it started snowing hard-core. There was no going home, no turning back. As I walked into the hospital, I had to throw myself against walls and moan like a wild ape (to my complete humiliation) in the direction the onlookers in the lobby. THIS WAS IT!!!

The nurse checked me to let the midwife know how far along I was before having her come in. I couldn't wait to find out if I was 5, 6, maybe even 7 cm at that point. Was I on the verge of transition?? This felt so different than my labor with Niall. Things were really happening, I could feel it.

Drum Roll Please....

1 CM

I could feel my face turn white and all my muscles just collapse with disappointment and defeat. This couldn't be happening again.

My initial plan was to turn around and go home if I was any less than 4 cm, but I didn't anticipate such strange circumstances that would keep me at the hospital...

a) it was really bad weather and we shouldn't have been driving back and forth in it
b) I would have no idea how long I should wait to come back-- I met ALL of the criteria for coming to the hospital: contractions should be 5-7 minutes apart, 1 minute long, uncomfortable, for a couple of hours. I was 3-4 minutes apart, 1 1/2 minutes long for 2 hours, moaning with discomfort. If I went home, how would I know when to come back??

So my midwife suggested I walk around the hospital for a while to get things moving and see if we could get to 3 or 4 so I could be admitted. She was on her way.

I probably walked around for 2 hours and when she checked me, I was 3 cm. I saw a lot of hope in this, because I was 1 cm farther along than I ever made it with Niall. It seemed like things were moving along and this was actually gonna work.

But 15 hours from the start of my intense, 3-4 minutes apart contractions, I was only at 4 cm. I was exhausted from not sleeping the previous 2 nights (being kept up with false labor) and in serious pain for more hours than most people do their entire labor, pushing and birthing- only to find out I wasn't even half way to the finish line.

I opted for the epidural at that point and was finally able to rest, which I felt really good about. But I also knew that the epidural would likely slow down my labor. This led to my midwife eventually breaking my water, which also got the clock ticking in terms of potential infection. 7 hours later, I was only at 6 cm and my epidural wore off. My contractions were ON TOP of each other and so painful that my moaning turned into this horror movie- style gyrating yelling.

I was seriously terrified because I knew that I still had hours to go until I got to 10 cm, a good 2 hours of pushing (average for first timers), and could absolutely not get through this without the epidural. In the 20 seconds or so between each agonizing contraction, I would try to catch my breath and hold it together because they were now so intense that little Brendan's heart rate was severely decelerating with each and every one.

I could hear the beeping of the monitor slowing down to a seriously scary pace and my heart would just pound out of my chest because I knew that even though there was a good chance it was just the baby squeezing down, there was also a good chance that this was a sign of uterine rupture (the most common concern for VBACers). My midwife was slightly concerned, but not convinced there was an emergency yet at that point... we were running up against some time constraints in the coming hours, but we still had some time. But I just didn't want to risk anything anymore. We had a conversation about the risks of uterine rupture and I was officially scared.

I'm a worry wort as any of you who know me can vouch for, so I knew there would be no getting that out of my mind for the remainder of this birth. If I had a potential 4,5, maybe even 6 more hours... that "uterine rupture" was going to be racing through my mind for the remainder of this journey. We decided to call it.

I cried and moaned through the contractions while I waited for the doctor and anesthesiologist to come in for me. I sobbed to Matt, asking him what was wrong with me. I sobbed to myself, asking God what was wrong with me. I thought about how my plans for having 5 kids were going to be shattered. How I would be lucky to have 3-- it's scary to even think about having another c-section, so I won't let my mind go there yet. But Matt reminded me of how blessed we are and how many people try to get pregnant and aren't able to have children, and I know he's right. It's just hard when you have this dream and things suddenly change.

Anyway, I couldn't be happier about switching hospitals and switching to the midwives. The care that I received this time compared to my experience with Niall was like night and day. The midwife held my hand pretty much through the whole thing and told me what a great job I did and how we really gave it our best shot and there was nothing to be ashamed of.

And when Brendan came out, she took that baby away from the doctors so fast, I barely blinked and she had placed him on my chest and held him there for me since I couldn't move my arms. All of the nurses and hospital staff went out of their way to make sure Brendan stayed with me as much as possible- through all of the tests, baths, shots and procedures. I basically held him and they did everything with him right there in my lap. They helped me with nursing, they helped me with questions I had, questions I didn't even think of and they were so attentive and responsive. I will definitely be going back there for the next (and probably last) baby.

Here's the freaky part of all of this-- after feeling like such a complete failure through my 2 botched births, my midwife came in to my recovery room a few hours later and said "I'm not sure if this will help you emotionally or not, but I feel like I should tell you that the doctor said your scar was shockingly thin... I'm not going to say it would or wouldn't have ruptured, but it looks like you probably did the right thing." And I'll never know what would have happened, but I do feel better knowing that.

I just wanted to experience a normal, natural birth; a normal, easy recovery; and have the option of having as many kids as I want. My recovery will certainly not be easy with a baby and a 2 year-old, but life constantly throws you curve balls and it's how you handle them that shapes you. I'm finally at ease with the way things went down. I have 2 happy, healthy kids and no complications with my own recovery, so I couldn't ask for more. I can't wait to see what's in store for our little family in the future.

Welcome to the world, Baby Brendan!!

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Baby Brendan Is Here!

2012-01-27T20:06:00.003-05:00

Elated, exhausted, delirious, melting with joy and disappointed all at the same time... Baby Brendan is here- happy and healthy and cute as can be, but he came into this world by the dreaded c-section. I'll give the full birth story next week, when I have a chance to sit down and do it right (after some much needed rest).

We're all safe and healthy, so I know that's all that matters. It's just that it's going to be a long, rough recovery- especially when Niall wants me to pick him up all the time and I'm trying so hard to give him extra attention and love.

Anyway, I'll get into all that later. For now, enjoy some photos...

STATS:
name: Brendan Michael McCullough
birth date: Saturday, January 21
birth time: 6:06pm
weight: 6 lb 15 oz
length: 19 inches
family consensus: looks just like big bro, Niall :)

Niall was definitely a little skeptical at first, but now he loves his little bro...

More to come soon :)

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The Home Stretch

2012-01-16T15:22:00.002-05:00

Well, this is it. Game time. 4 days to go until my due date and I'm completely in the zone.

I'm trying to visualize every detail and hoping that my undeterred focus will help Brendan to get his little cute butt moving. I don't want a repeat of what happened with Niall.

For those of you who don't know, I planned a natural, drug-free birth for Niall, but was forced to be induced when he was 6 days past due. I lasted 24 hours with cytotec-induced contractions but soon found out that I had only made it to 1 cm. That's when it was time to crank the epidural and the pitocin. 20 more hours later and I had almost made it to 2cm. What a sick joke, I remember thinking. It was c-section time... and let the waterfall of tears begin.

It all turned out ok, but I was not about to let that happen this time around. I took a hypnobirthing class to help with relaxation, meditation, breathing and visualization. I really feel ready this time, even though I did take a similar class (Bradley method) last time. I think part of me saw the whole birth thing as so completely surreal, that I never really believed I could do it. I knew all the methods, all the steps, all the facts, but the confidence was lacking.

I'm still not quite 100% cool, calm and collected this time, but I have really come a long way. Of course, there is some nervousness about the risks of VBAC, but those same risks are involved with major surgery. So it's a double edged sword, really.

I've worked hard to talk to Brendan every day over the last month, telling him what was going to happen, where to position himself, etc. And I've been telling myself every night before bed what I need to do to achieve a successful natural birth. I can't wait for him to come and I've decided that tomorrow is going to be the big day, so please send your prayers and good vibes my way.

So far, my attempts to visualize have been wildly successful! I was checked at my last midwife appointment and found out that I"m 50% effaced and 1 cm dilated-- exactly what I had pictured in my mind that whole week.

Anyway, I have the whole day tomorrow planned out in my head and I'm hoping that my continued determination will manifest itself physically. A lot is riding on the success of this birth. I want to have 4 or 5 kids, so I can't just keep having c-sections. This natural birth has to happen because after 2 c-sections, natural birth becomes more risky.

I know I can do this. My fortune cookie told me so:

How much more encouraging can it get?! This baby is coming out and it's not going to be through a gash in my stomach this time! Wish me luck :)

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Quality Time

2012-01-12T15:59:00.001-05:00

I realized last week that the time is really ticking for some QT with Niall before baby Brendan arrives. So yesterday, we went for a really special outing-- one that probably wasn't the best idea for a 9 months pregnant woman to take on with a couple of 2 year olds.

My friend and I took our boys to their first movie in front of the big screen... but not just a 'hop in the car and go to the nearest theater' movie. We made a full day of it and rode the metro into DC (another first). Double whammy-- trains and movies! Doesn't get much better than that in Niall's world.

No carseat!? Jackpot!

I have to admit, I'm not really that motivated (or crazy) to take on a journey like this by choice. The reason we went all the way into the city was because it was the only movie time that started before noon. But it ended up being a really fun experience. They were both angels the whole time- on the train and in the theater. I guess when there's this much stimulation and entertainment, how could you throw a tantrum, right?

Yes, let it be noted, the lucky selection for Niall's first movie ever was Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked. I'm not gonna lie, it was actually pretty entertaining. But not quite as entertaining as watching him...

His arms were tucked behind his head like this the whole time, except when he pulled one hand out to shovel popcorn into his mouth every 30 seconds-- a boy after both his mommy's and daddy's heart. Matt and I used to go see really bad movies at the theater just to get the popcorn. One time, all of the half-decent movies were sold out, so Matt had to convince the ticket collector to allow him to go up to the snack counter, buy a bucket of popcorn and then turn around and leave without even seeing a movie.

A word of advice for parents attempting to take a 2 year old to the movie theater: bring lots of jackets and maybe some medicine balls/ 5 pound dumbells. You know how our big butts hold the folding seat down, no problem? Well, their little tushies don't even come close. Both boys were literally eaten by the movie seats-- totally stuck in the crevice because they weren't big enough to hold the seat down. It was pretty hysterical.

Nothing that a little reclining and popcorn can't fix ;)

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True Love at the Aquarium

2012-01-10T15:29:00.001-05:00

I hope this never gets old. The whole "My kid's having so much fun that I'm having fun" thing. I was probably more excited to be at the aquarium this weekend (as a 27 year old) than I ever was as a kid-- just by watching Niall's reactions to everything.

Like, for instance, this is pretty cool-- a sting ray that is bigger than a person. I didn't even know they could get that big... but something about Niall yelling "WOOOAAAHHHHH" made me appreciate it that much more.

And you can imagine the "WOAH"s I got when we stepped up to the shark tank...

The reason we attended such a spectacular underwater show this weekend? True love... I mean, Niall's little friend's birthday.

But seriously, I hope they get married one day because they are so dang cute together.

She was a little freaked out by some of the displays, which I can't blame her for...

But Niall would excitedly try to hold her hand and run up to each window. And when he realized that she hung back for one particular window display or another, he would get really upset and look all around for her, yelling "Pypuh? Pypuh?" (translation: Piper)

Some of the stuff was really awesome to look at. Niall could have stood in front of some of these glass barriers all day.

Niall was even lucky enough to make another little friend while he was there...

This guy would follow Niall's every move. He would swim past and then immediately turn around and go right up to Niall's face. Which I'm sure made Niall feel really special because turtles are one of his favorite animals.

The catfish was kind of fascinated with him, too. I guess the animals got a show, themselves. Works on both sides of the glass ;)

But this was, by far, Niall's favorite display:

This really cool (and poisonous) blue tree frog was just sitting on top of the snake (Niall's other favorite animal) and the snake didn't do anything. I don't know if it was the amazing bright colors or just the fact that Niall is obsessed with snakes, but he cried for a little bit when we had to move on.

So we tried to make it worth his while after leaving the snake and frog exhibit and busted out the dolphins. I think he was pretty happy with that trade.

I'd say our day at the aquarium was pretty awesome.

But I think their day was even better (get lost, mom!)...

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