It’s a paradox but taking that extra time to:

- check your email one more time.
- make sure the room you are hosting an event in is cross checked to be accident free.
- look backward one last time to make sure you did not leave your cell phone on the back seat of the taxi you are leaving.

Get the picture? Remember this simple paradox and benefit from the street smart wisdom you are now using!

There is a saying in the bible from Luke that states, “Give, and it will be given to you.”

This saying has bothered me ever since I first heard it. I don’t know how about you, but it’s a concept that doesn’t always play itself out the way you hope it will. I have questioned this concept frequently, particularly because many of the top professionals I have networked with over the years have used this phrase again and again. I took their advice. They knew what they were talking about. Right?  So, I would continue to give free talks, free coaching and free consulting as often as possible.

I didn’t do this because I wanted something in return of equal or greater value, but, deep down inside I knew I was investing in something that would yield a return. But, recently, I discovered a better way of giving. I still give and give. I love to give. But, now I have discovered a much more thoughtful way to give–a way benefits both myself and those I give to much more successfully.

I now focus on fewer people and projects to give to and follow these simple strategies:

• I make it clear that the reason why I am helping is because I have targeted 12-29 year old professionals and entrepreneurs to help them get better starts in their lives. I share with these chosen people that I had a hard time in life getting a good start and so I want to make a difference in the lives of others as my “give back.”
• I also make it clear that I am not interested in helping just once but in being a mentor until I am satisfied that the person or people I am helping get the support they need to really get traction with their ideas and efforts.
• I spend at least an hour once every two weeks or once a month by phone or in person coaching these people. We finish with a simple, solid “to-do” list that both of us work on between calls.

So far I have helped more than 12 people in the last couple of years for free. I also hire interns and see my giving back as part of the structured mentoring I love doing. The results have been amazing. The work I have done with these people is so powerful and long-term. Neither of us has any fear that the relationship will end because there is no money exchanged and that makes successes all that much easier to achieve. Finally, I have also sharpened my skills and improved outcomes  for my paying clients dramatically as I get to see my ideas tested and developed much more often.

So if you want to give where you will benefit more from your giving,create a much more strategic, long-term, committed form of giving. What do you think? Have you done something similar?

Steve Jobs once said, “ ”I have a great respect for incremental improvement, and I’ve done that sort of thing in my life, but I’ve always been attracted to more revolutionary changes.

I don’t know why. Because they’re harder. They’re much more stressful emotionally. And you usually go through a period where everybody tells you that you’ve completely failed.”

I have had that experience of feeling complete failure, but somehow, some way, I did, pull myself back on track and try again. Has it made me rich like Steve Jobs? No. But, I do take solace in the fact that I have never, ever, not once, given up and that big success is just around the corner. For now, steady, ongoing success is working for me.

So, don’t give up on a revolutionary change of your own. For those who know me, they know I absolutely love mentoring young professionals. Just the other day I received a request from a young woman I’ll call Beth to protect her identity. Beth impressed me from the start with her confident yet open attitude about learning about publishing and online marketing.

In my Networlding process I help people practice “opening up possibilities.” So, I shared with Beth that one of the most important things I have learned through the years is to explore the adage, “You don’t know what you don’t know.” For example, Beth knows that she wants a new jo

b, maybe even a new career, but she didn’t think of options such as part-time work that might make her more than she is currently making full time or starting her own business in a location where her skills and experience would be in high demand.

So where do you find these options out? How do you make revolutionary change? You go to your network. But what if your network is not the right network for the change you want to make? You seek out new people, just as Beth sought me out.

She challenged herself to seek out people who: 1) knew more than she does right now about a number of career options, 2) are open to mentoring such as I am and 3) knows about options she didn’t even know existed.

Once you challenge yourself to explore those things you might not know are out there by reaching out to new people who would be open to help you, you’re in a position to grab brass rings and create revolutionary opportunities. How do you do this?

Beth reached out to me on LinkedIn and emailed me through InMail. I checked out her profile and request and felt she was very

worthy of free mentoring. I was excited to help. So what is possible now? Stay tuned. I think Beth has many options and only time will tell which ones she will grow into substantial stepping stones. One thing I do know, however, is that Beth took a great, brave step and I look forward to helping her succeed. That’s how revolutionary opportunities happen–through revolutionary connections. Go out and find some!

Image via CrunchBase

I should first answer the question, why do I follow Seth Godin? To those who know Seth (which are most people I know), they clearly understand my reasons for following his blog, talks and projects. But there is even a deeper reason. What has been a truly profound experience is that I keep intersecting his timely conversations. So I have to ask WHY?

I think I am on to something big here. I had shared last year that the secret to my improved success was because I started to follow Seth prior to him starting The Domino Project where he “redefined publishing” as we know it. His partnering with Amazon and launch of 10 or so amazing books was a wonderful venue for me to participate in as I am  so passionate about book writing, publishing and marketing.

Because I was not trying to follow too many leaders–just Seth and Chris Brogan, when Seth announced he was beginning The Domino Project I was right at the epicenter where, as a number of thought leaders have stated, “preparation met opportunity.” I was blessed to become part of one of the most amazing teams I have ever joined.

So jump forward now with me to today. I get Seth’s blog daily (well worth it) and here is the beginning of it:

“Why?” is the most important question, not asked nearly enough.

Hint: “Because I said so,” is not a valid answer.

• Why does it work this way?
• Why is that our goal?

To read more click here. 

My goal of writing 101 WHY blog entries has now intersected the master of great marketing early on. Yes, as the saying goes, “bright minds think alike,” but I think something BIG is happening now. My hypothesis is that if you pay attention, really listen–listen with your eyes and ears, and stay dedicated to your goals, you will achieve amazing results. As Thoreau put it: Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.

And perhaps even more . . . keep asking WHY? Here are my Why’s for today:

• Why can’t it be you?
• Why are you waiting?
• Why do you stop yourself from doing even one, small thing today?
• Why can’t you ask for help if you need it?

Finally, just a quick note on this last Why–why can’t you ask for help from others? Believe it or not but I gave a speech to the MIT Forum once and the big “AHA” among the members was that they did not have to go to networking events alone. They did not think, for whatever reason, that they could take someone with them. When they realized that they could have a buddy with them to “break the ice” it made a huge difference in their attitude about meeting new people.

Again, as I said before, it is “always” about the people. So don’t stop short of you changing your life for the better. Ask WHY . . . now!

• amazingly simple
• incredibly powerful
• wonderfully fun

So what would your plan look like?  It could  look like some of these ideas:

1. Building a contest into your company to attract participants: For an example, at Networlding we held a “Will You Be at the Table for Lunch?” event. I had people send in emails as to why they wanted a seat at a table at a wonderful, local Chicago restaurant. I only had seating for eight people. The emails were engaging, creative, funny and compelling. I ended up with an incredible Networlding (we don’t use the term networking here if we don’t have to) lunch and everyone walked away with better connections and opportunities. It was just as fun as any Oprah Book Club!
2. Creating a special “Pay As You Wish” Day for people who had not tried our services but wanted to experience them without paying our full fees. It worked well and got people who I had not yet had the opportunity to talk to ringing me up and requesting coaching sessions.
3. Hosting a free mentoring breakfast. I reached out to 10 people I admired and asked them if they wanted to come to a “Mentor Breakfast” where they could get mentored and they could also offer mentoring support to others. It was that day that was one of the most unique days of my business as I was surprised when I asked the question, “Who is one person who has made a huge impact in your success?” I found out that the majority said, “You, Meilssa.” I was shocked. I had no idea that I had helped them to the tune of thousands or even hundreds of thousands of dollars in extra income from my support. Needless to say, it was a very special moment.

So what will you do to make to today that day you do something very different? You know WHY? It’s because if you do something different it will result in something different, perhaps something better or even, something AMAZING! What will you do?

• to probe deeper into discovering what is attractive and unattractive about working with you. It will give people the chance to express their opinions based on who has been hired recently and who has departed.
• to create an awareness about hiring and firing policies.
• to address troubling problems such as turnover and absenteeism.
• to address creative ways to think about issues around working with you and your company.

WAR STORY

This question was perfect for a group of senior consultants at a management consulting firm. They had been having problems with a few clients who felt their thinking had a “sameness” to it. One of the clients claimed they had hired the firm for fresh approaches but they were coming up with “tired old ideas.” Or, as the client bluntly put it, “if we wanted ordinary strategies we’d just assign these projects to our own people.”

When we asked this question on a whim (we weren’t quite certain if it would lead in an appropriate direction), we struck pay dirt. The group agreed that most people left because they were overworked and bored; they also agreed that they were attracted to the firm because it seemed like a challenging and glamorous work life.

What happened in between? The problem, most of them maintained, was that their clients all had the same, unsolvable problems–how do we operate leaner, how to re-engineer without downsizing, how to become a global company. Every client engagement began to have the same feel, the same issues. Because most of the consultants had similar backgrounds–they’d all come from a handful of prestigious MBA program–their thinking was very similar.

As the group talked, they came to the conclusion that it would really help if the firm developed a new process for working with clients, a process that would stimulate new (if somewhat riskier) ways of grappling with clients problems. They also suggested that it would be beneficial to hire some non-MBA types who might contribute to a new process.

USER’S MANUAL

The caution we issue to every facilitator asking this question is: Use both parts of it together. The dynamic of the question requires that people think about both why people leave and why people want to join. There is usually dissonance between the two, and the dissonance produces neat ideas and lively discussions.

You can tweak this question for use in different situations. For instance:

• Why did you join the company; why might you leave it? This personalizes the question if the discussion isn’t going anywhere when the focus is on others. It is also good for an individual to use as a thought starter.
• Why did Jack leave the organization? Why did Mary just join it? By substituting names of real people, you give the question specificity that takes it out of the theoretical and anchors it in real employees.
• Who do you think might leave the company in the next year? What type of people do you think will join this orgaization. This is a good discussion tool for HR. It helps them figure out what types of employees they are attracting and those they are repelling.

Let me know if you use this question how it served you and other questions that came out of this question.

But what made the trip so powerful was the faith we all held in our hearts that Graham was and would continue to thrive in the world and make a difference in the path he has chosen which is all about improving the environment.  This realization made me think of the blog post I saw today from Seth Godin where he was differentiating Gladwell’s bestselling book, “The Tipping Point” from what he calls it, “The Flipping Point.” He says that the difference between one person making it to the point where everything changes, influencing one person at a time with your art and your heart as I would put it, is all about faith and persistence.

I love that Godin gets it. I also reference a recent book I read by Albert Einstein. Einstein was talking about the same thing. He said that we think there is a huge chasm between science and religion when, to the contrary, there isn’t. Those who use their faith daily and don’t give up (persisting) find that they are able to achieve so much more. Think Marie Curie. Here are her words, “Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained.”

Graham did not give up and is a Cancer Survivor. Gavin, my son you see above, is a lover of words (he is a writer). He is also a best friend to his brother. Me? People who know me would say I’m shy but brave. Those who don’t know me well think I am not shy at all. What they don’t know is that every day I am afraid. But each day I get up and go out into the world and really, truly, have faith that something good will come. I don’t know when. I don’t know how. But I BELIEVE.

So when resistance pushes you back and sideways, as Winston Churchill so aptly said, “Never give in, never give in, never; never; never; never – in nothing, great or small, large or petty – never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense.” 

In the book Reid points out that the WHY of LinkedIn is its focus on the “trusted repository of our professional selves.” It’s interesting to me to hear people talk about Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, Google+ and, now, Pinterest still trying to figure out WHY they should be on each or some or all of these sites. I have always found that the WHY of what I do online helps me decide which site I put the most effort into.

For me, I spend 80% of my time on LinkedIn still. Why? Because I get results. Yesterday I spoke to a great CEO from a wonderful company in the promotion products area. He shared that the world has changed for his company. The old marketing isn’t working for him anymore. He realizes he needs to do something different. Can LinkedIn be helpful to his company that sells promotion products? I believe it will be. With so much competition online today, you need to get down to the individual level as Reid has pointed out.

Very practically speaking, LinkedIn is that tool that creates better networks for anyone who really wants to do so. In the business-to-business space, every connection could lead to thousands of dollars worth of new revenues. It all starts with a one-to-one relationship with individuals who are decision makers. These individuals are on LinkedIn.  Now, more and more, many of these decision makers are becoming more and more network savvy. So why wouldn’t you want to grow your relationship building skills too and practice daily in an online environment where you can connect effectively? Does it take time to build your networking skills? Absolutely. I have been working, training, speaking and coaching these skills to others for more than two decades. But it pays off.

What touched me most about my conversation with the CEO was that he said to me at the end, “I trust you Melissa.” That’s what matters most and WHY I love what I do. I am out to connect and make a difference, with one great CEO or company decision maker at a time. How about you?

Now my weekly work takes me to offices teaching people LinkedIn or working with CEO’s on their books or building websites and growing online communities. But I remember when I was on the online marketing panel for Crains in Chicago a few years ago. I was sitting next to the CIO of a company called Shop Local. I had made a statement to the audience that when it comes to building online success, it’s “All about the people.” The CIO turned to me and smiled and said very emphatically, “No, Melissa. It’s always about the people.”

This is a better way of thinking about why I work each week–a more powerful way. This last week the reason WHY I worked was because of:

• The owners of C-Speak: a marvelous website that offers video and audio email.
• Maranne Murciano who is a wonderful media trainer, helping people show up like stars for interviews on radio, tv and print.
• The folks who created Bagmasters.
• The new book coming out on global values called “The Adventures of the Tornado Kid.”
• The amazing people at PlanetFassa who are helping the author of the book coming out on global values.

I could go on and on as each week I am also meeting new people, introduced from one great person to another. WHY do you work each week? Is it just to get a paycheck or is it something deeper? If you are like me and people inspire and motivate you then find the right people to connect to and make something great happen. It all starts with one person who can make ALL the difference.

As an UBER GIVER you have been TAKING away from you and your family.

Instead, stay in the MIDDLE of THE EXCHANGE. Think of the OTHER PERSON or PEOPLE, BUT ALSO, think of YOU.

ASK, “What would an outside observer see would be a HEALTHY EXCHANGE where both parties benefit?

If the exchange is working then both parties involved benefit and the outcome produced will ripple out to others beyond the two parties.