New England Mamas

Please stand by...

2010-02-23T19:18:42-05:00

There are happenings and goings-on going on and happening behind the scenes for the Mamas which are, unfortunately, taking longer than expected. Hopefully the situation will be rectified shortly, but in the meantime might we recommend checking out our archives for your necessary dose of parenting from the northeast. You won't be disappointed.

And keep your fingers crossed all this technical-type web stuff doesn't do us in once and for all because seriously, while we're fantastic and talented, anything beyond basic HTML makes our heads hurt.

I’m the Mom of a Catholic School kid

2010-02-10T12:50:21-05:00

I attended Mass this morning at our church. I'm not sure I can technically say "our" church since the only one going on a regular basis is my daughter. But today was Family Mass Day, so I rearranged my company's entire morning schedule (no joke) to be there.

Why? Because it's Catholic School Week, and she asked me to go. And how could I explain to her that everything else in my life is more important than church right now when I'm sending her to Catholic school?

Which resurrected the nagging, internal discussion I seem to have over and over in my head - why am I sending my child to Catholic school? What am I hoping she'll achieve there that she may not achieve by attending our public school?

I went to public school from kindergarten to graduation. No issues here, unless you count that time in Virginia, but the warrants have been dropped. Oh never mind that for now.

But seriously, education isn't something I take lightly. It's one of the most important things that I believe you can give your children as a foundation for success. And I'm not just talking monetary or professional success - I'm talking about success as a person capable of making good, smart, solid decisions that not only affect you, but everyone around you. I remind my kids all the time, this isn't your world, you share it with everyone you meet so be considerate.

So, why Catholic school? Well, outside of the obvious opportunity to learn about Catholicism (which is fascinating to me as an adult learning it all over again), here are some of the reasons that helped us in our decision:

1. Class size. First and foremost is the basic criterion that there are only so many slots, and only so many desks, and even with desired growth there will be children waiting to attend instead of being crammed into a room. Expectations are similar to college - you pay to go but if you can't muster the grades or follow the rules, you're out. You don't get to just take up space.

2. I hate the MCAS. I believe teachers should be allowed to teach to help children learn, not to test well. I think there are plenty of other standards that could be put in place to help with the changes in education. I am NOT a school educator but it just seems that stressing kids out over their MCAS tests can't be effective. And sadly, our teachers aren't making nearly the salaries they should be and are expected to keep every individual child on track. Getting off topic here, sorry...save it for another day.

3. Morals. I want my kids to respect adults, their peers and the value of life in general. With the separation of church and state such a hot button in public education (and trust me, I don't advocate kids praying in public schools), I think it's more difficult for public educators to teach morals and proper values simply because some parents will inevitably challenge them on it. So I pay extra for morals to be taught to my kids. Odd, I know. I also believe a majority of those values have to come from the home and with the school and families expected to work together, it's harder to be lax on that in their early years (the reason I attended Mass today is a perfect example of the two in motion). Where we fail with kids and morals in the public system seems to be evident from examples like this, recently.

4. Uniforms. Man I love those uniforms. I really can't say enough about that. Some public schools in our area have instituted them as well and I think it's fantastic. I wish we had them as a kid. Probably would have saved me a ton of angst searching for parachute pants and Calvin Klein jeans that actually fit me back in '82.

5. Curriculum. Art. Music. Computer lab. Library. English. Math. Social Studies. Science. Language. Sports. School newspaper. Swim club. Ski club. Latin club. Chess club. Basketball. Yup, looks like a good curriculum to me. And there is little risk of losing any of it due to grant or budget cuts. Supplies are stocked. Computers work. Extra-curricular school activities are available.

6. I've seen it work. I think having friends that graduated from Catholic schools, and knowing parents and kids who attended the same school as my kids was a big influence on me. They are all solid, kind, smart people. The kind of people I'd love my kids to emulate.

I also think part of the decision can be summarized by something my colleague said to me once, "My job was to raise respectable adults and I feel like I did my job. That's the best I could do. It's up to them now." So while I'm extremely hypocritical in that I can't follow a Catholic Mass to save my life; don't insist the family goes to church every Sunday; haven't confessed a sin since, well, um, forever, why should that prohibit me for wanting a better education for my children? I've enrolled my son to start there in the fall and we're looking forward to seeing what our children can become. Which education choice is best for your children? Are you happy with your school options or have you been thinking of making a change?

Puppy Love

2010-02-09T07:00:00-05:00

Who doesn't love playing with puppies? Who doesn't love finding fun things for the kids to do? What if you could combine both of those things and tie in the fact that it's for a good cause?

Last week a moms' group I'm in arranged an outing to a place called NEADS in Princeton, MA. NEADS trains puppies to eventually become service dogs. I say "eventually" because the puppies leave NEADS at 16 weeks to go live with families and have further training. They do not actually become official service dogs until they're about 2. Part of the training for the NEADS puppies is to become familiar with children. They actually want the puppies to be around kids.

Do you get where I'm going with this? Are you getting the same sense of excitment that I got when I saw the email announcing an outing to play and snuggle with puppies!?!?!

The boys and I arrived at NEADS and went into a large room in one of their buildings. There sat 5 Labrador Retrievers in cages. They were just 16 weeks old. Two were yellow labs, one was chocolate and one was black. Three staff members came and let the puppies out to play. There were toys and tunnels for the puppies...and the kids. Maybe they weren't exactly for the kids, but no one objected when the kids were playing with them.

The staff members all had treats for the dogs and they showed the kids how to give them treats properly. The kids got to pet and play with the puppies. The more noise the kids made, the happier the staff seemed to be. One staff member told me it's because they want the puppies to be used to loud noises. How often do you get told that someone is actually happy that your kid is being loud?

After a half hour, the puppies went back into their cages and the staff brought down three puppies that were 8 weeks. Two were black labs and one was a Shih Tzus. This time the kids sat in a circle and the puppies came up to the kids. Again, the kids were able to give the puppies treats with the help of the staff.

This program is run from 4pm-5pm Monday-Thursday. Every week they get new puppies. I was told that they prefer to get a call saying that you're coming but you don't have to call them in advance. They recommend a donation of $5 per family.

I'll definitely be back with the kids. After all, who can resist puppy breath?

They can call it Snowmageddon. We call it a good time.

2010-02-08T08:00:00-05:00

The Mamas want to welcome Liz to our ranks. Please help us make her feel at home.

Hi. My name is Liz: long time reader, first time contributor. I am a fan of reading blogs and sites like this one, but have never written for one before. I am a SAHM of two young boys. I grew up in a mostly female household but now find myself the minority in my house full of males. It's been a bit of a learning curve, but I think I'm getting the hang of this testosterone-driven lifestyle. In fact, I might even be starting to like it.

As a life-long New Englander, I tend to love winter. I like wearing sweaters. I like building a big fire in the fireplace, curling up with a good book and sipping hot cocoa. But most of all, I love the snow. In my opinion, there is nothing more exciting than staring down the barrel of a big snow storm. Everyone rushes to the supermarket to stock up on milk and bread (or in my case, ice cream). The news breaks into every program to give us an update on "The Storm of the Century" or "The Blizzard of the Decade" or "The Snowstorm that Will Finally Swallow the Entire Eastern Seaboard". And then the snow starts to fall. Everything outside seems to go completely still. It is quiet. And we all settle into our respective, cozy houses and watch it fall.

Well, you can imagine my dismay, as I watch the DC area get all of these mammoth snow storms while we get NOTHING! Not a flake. Sure, we have had some snow on the ground for months. But we haven't had a big ole Nor'easter in ages. All of my friends in the Mid-Atlantic Region are complaining on Facebook about all of the snow. They don't understand. Yes, it's messy. Yes, it's inconvenient. Yes, it is a pain in the back to shovel. But it is beautiful. And, for those of us with kids, it helps make the wintertime seem like it's just as much fun as the summertime. The sledding. The snowball fights. The sweet snow angels.

So, if you happen to be driving around and see a woman and two small boys wildly dancing around in the driveway, you can be sure that we are doing a snow dance. Bring it on, Mother Nature. We promise to be more appreciative of your offering than those wimps down south!

[Image credit - FreeFoto.com]

Chocolate, Wine and a little Libido Boost

2010-02-05T08:54:50-05:00

I know that whatever I get my husband for Valentine's Day, he really just wants one thing, and it's not found in a box of chocolates.

So, this Tuesday, I'll be joining my friend, Motherhood Uncensored's/Cool Mom Picks' Kristen Chase, aka The Mominatrix, at Finale in Brookline to hang out with other local mamas for wine, chocolate and sex (talk). Hey, maybe I'll get some ideas for Valentine's Day.

And guess what? You're invited too!

Along with the awesome local owner of Magic Beans, Sheri Gurock, and Dara Kelly of Peadpod Fitness, The Mominatrix will lead an informal seminar which is bound to include loads of laughter and some tips for spicing things up in the bedroom.

Kristen will also have copies of her book, The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex: A No-Surrender Advice Book for Naughty Moms, that she'll sign for you. Plus I'll be there, as will New England Mama Tania too, so don't worry about not knowing anyone.

Hurry though and get your tickets because space is limited. They are only $5 and include a cool wine tasting, some delicious chocolates and some great company.

Details: Date: February 9, 2010, 7-9pm

Location: Finale (Coolidge Corner location) 1306 Beacon Street, Brookline, MA

Fee: $5 gets you some wine and chocolate samples; food and drink (and books too) will be available for purchase.

Other goodies provided by Mominatrix sponsor Eden Fantasys

Go here for tickets.

Tooth brushing in Massachusetts

2010-02-03T10:38:04-05:00

If you have young children in preschool or daycare in Massachusetts chances are you've heard about the new state-wide mandate to have those children brush their teeth while in care. How do you feel about this? I don’t hate it. I actually really like the idea. However, I realize not everyone agrees with me.

If you haven’t heard, the mandate, which took effect January 22, requires caregivers and teachers to “support good oral health by requiring that children brush their teeth when they are in care for more than four hours, or consume a meal during care” (source). In other words, the teacher or caregiver must assist the children in tooth brushing. One more thing for daycare providers and preschool teachers to add to their busy schedules but it sounds reasonable to me. Good habits start young.

From what I’ve read so far about this tooth brushing regulation it seems some parents aren’t very happy with the government, for lack of a better way to describe it, putting their hands in their kids’ mouths. To that I say, better someone help them brush now than someone filling a cavity or extracting a rotted tooth.

According to the Massachusetts Department of Early Education and Care (EEC): One in four Massachusetts kindergartners have dental decay; 50% of which goes untreated. Low income children affected almost twice as often as their more affluent peers. Early tooth loss is linked to failure to thrive, impaired speech development, poor concentration, and reduced self-esteem. (source)

I was surprised, but pleasantly so, when I first heard about the regulation in September from my daughter’s preschool teacher. I needed to buy a new toothbrush and tube of toothpaste to leave at the school for her but that seemed a small price to pay for good oral hygiene habits. And I should note, my daughter’s teacher made a point to mention to all the parents that each child had their own individual space to store their toothbrush and toothpaste, one that will be kept very clean. I understand that some parents are concerned about germs, I have no doubt our preschool is on top of keeping things clean and as germ-free as possible.

Parents can opt out of this program if they choose. If you have young children in daycare or preschool, what are your thoughts on this new regulation?

(February is Dental Health Month. What a great coincidence! Check out the Massachusetts Dental Society's website for ideas on how to get your kids excited about keeping their pearly whites shiny and clean.)

Friday Family Fun Night

2010-02-02T10:31:57-05:00

Some time ago I promised my children, ages 5 and 7, that my husband and I would try our best to keep Friday nights free of adult plans so we could institute Friday Family Fun Night. It would be a guaranteed night of the week when we would put down the laptops, blackberries and remote control and just do something silly or fun or creative as a FAMILY. It's crazy that we even had to pick a family night, but during the week between their school work, my husband and I working full time, and extracurricular activities that creep their way into our lives, I had to make this promise to them and to myself.

What do we do on Friday Family Fun Night? It totally varies on the weather and the mood. But here's an idea of what we've done this winter and maybe you can incorporate them into your family fun night, or use them to kick off your own weekly routine.

Popcorn and a Movie

With DVD's falling out from bookcases and TV stands, we often pick a favorite movie and cuddle up on the couch with a fire, movie candy (M&Ms and Starbursts are big hits) and fresh popped popcorn. And while I appreciate the convenience and low calories of a microwaved bag of corn, we have found our way back to a real oil popcorn popper when making our favorite snack. The West Bend Stir Crazy was a gift for the kid's birthday and they love watching the kernels inside the bubble pop right in front of their eyes. And yes, I do occasionally doze off during the 5^th showing of Hotel for Dogs, but not every time, I swear!

Game Night

Trouble is the hit of the house these days. And don't mistake that for my son, I mean the game Trouble. Leave it up to the pop of the bubble to decide your fate. Obviously there are many options out there thanks to Hasbro resurrecting the game night passion. We even have a rule for Don't Break the Ice that the person who breaks the ice has to run a lap around the house. Don't ask - I don't know how it started but the kids think it's a riot and why not combine exercise into the games, right?

Wii

Ah. The Wii. The I-was-so-on-the-fence-about-getting-it system. I'm glad we did. My daughter is a bowling ace and has quite a serve in tennis. My son rolls around on the ground no matter what he's playing and I make a FOOL out of myself with Just Dance. If you are thinking of a game system, but don't want to provide your children with just a thumb work out, I'd recommend the Wii. The graphics won't win awards, but the purpose is to get you up and laughing – and it delivers on that.

Arts & Crafts Time

Glue. Paper. Markers. Something foamy. Popsicle sticks. Scraps of ribbon. Styrofoam balls. Rubber stamps. Paints. Yarn. Beads. Paper bags. Rubber bands. Enough said? Combine any and all of those items and my kids could create masterpieces for hours! We can't always identify what they are, but they smile proudly when they are done and that's good enough for us.

Diner Night

Breakfast for dinner is a huge hit in our house, probably because my daughter only eats eggs and cheese or pancakes, but nonetheless, the idea of a flapjack shaped like Mickey Mouse at our local diner gives them a thrill. We all sit around the restaurant table and get sticky while we enjoy corn beef hash (Okay, I enjoy corn beef hash) with eggs and pancakes. And someone else takes care of picking up the maple syrup mess. Love that!

Master Chef

It really doesn't matter what we're making in the kitchen, as long as they can lick the batter and help mix the ingredients they're good. So far this winter we've make cupcakes, cookies, banana bread (yeah, don't eat that batter), muffins, juice pops, chocolate nut fudge and rice krispie treats. I'm not a big sweets person so this activity is okay for me. However, if we were whipping up chips and dip every Friday, I'd be in big trouble!

Hide and Seek or Make Believe

Come out, come out wherever you are! Running through the house and hiding behind curtains or in closets not only helps them burn off all that pent up energy from the cold days, but makes us laugh because my daughter cannot hide to save her life. Giggles is her nickname. Follow the laughter and you'll find her in .045 seconds.

Or how about playing "school" to pass the time? Apparently they only have reading, snack and nap at school (at least in my kid's versions). On occasion my son will coerce my husband into "karate studio" or "police" when he's feeling especially aggressive. I don't mind, as long as he keeps it in the house; I don't need him drop kicking or shooting at his friends at school. My daughter would spend the night playing "vet" if we let her. No stuff animal is safe from a shot or two when she's on duty.

As you can see, at the end of a long week, during the cold months, these are very simple things that don't cost a lot (except for purchasing a Wii), and when I tell you that my kids have told everyone from their teachers to their friends about Friday Family Fun Nights, well that makes this ritual even more rewarding. How do you spend time with just the family? Are you in the same boat as us in having to reserve at least one night? I'd love to hear more suggestions to get us through March when we may be able to incorporate outside activities once again. I don't venture out when the wind chill hangs below 10. Sorry.

Safe outdoor skating rinks for the skittish mom

2010-01-29T07:00:00-05:00

The Omen (II) ruined me for ice skating on a pretty lake in the winter (no, I'm not linking to the scene; if you are too young to know it, consider yourself lucky).

Yes, that's my little guy standing on a frozen pond a couple of years ago, but it was after five days of sub-freezing weather and seeing 250-pound ice fishermen walking on it before I could agree to let him out there.

It would figure I’d marry a guy who loves to ice skate and wants the kids to follow in his footsteps. And, while we could go to an indoor rink, I agree that there is something so quintessentially New England about skating out-of-doors.

So instead of flashing the dreaded movie scene in my head every ten seconds, I've scouted out a few safe outdoor rinks that my kids and I can enjoy without me stopping every ten seconds to say, “did I just hear a crack?” We haven't tried them all, yet, but we will. Feel free to add your favorites that are beyond my little corner of the world.

We've played in the warm summer spray of Frog Pond in the Boston Common but once winter comes, this area becomes a big outdoor skating rink. Nestled in the middle of a park, it feels like a little frozen oasis with the skyline just beyond the trees. Kids under 13 skate free, and adults are just $4. Skate rentals available.

Providence also has outdoor skating in the middle of the city, at Kennedy Plaza (called The Bank of America City Center). More urban than Frog Pond, but still lovely at night when all the buildings light up. Kids under 13 are $3 to skate, adults are $6. Skate rentals available.

The newest game in my area is the Winter Skate at Patriot Place in Foxboro. It was packed last Saturday night as my husband and I walked by on our way to dinner, although I've also seen it at more quiet times during the day. The location of the rink isn't the greatest (in the middle of the parking lot), but I love the heated "tent" in which skates can be put on without freezing fingers. Kids under $12 cost $4, adults are $6. Skate rentals available.

Finally, closest to home we have the Yardley-Wood Rink in Easton, MA a free (yes free!) skating rink that is lovingly maintained by one of its namesakes who I often see clearing the ice on a quiet afternoon. On weekends, this place comes alive, with a big fire in the stone fireplace, music on loudspeakers, hot cocoa for sale in the hut, and a familiar face everywhere. Sure, the ice conditions can be iffy, but this is about as close to old-fashioned pond skating that I can find in a safe open location. Plus, it's free! Skates rentals not available, but there are sometimes used skates put out for sale. Little guys in boots (or non-skating parents) are allowed on the ice too.

Please add a comment about your favorite safe places to skate outdoors in the winter.

How can we stomp out mean girls?

2010-01-28T21:36:49-05:00

The other day, my five year old came home from preschool. As we talked about his day, he described three of his fellow classmates as "the mean girls".

"What?!", I asked him in surprise. Did I hear that right? Did he just call three girls, ages 4 and 5, the "mean girls"?

"What do they do? And why do you call them that?"

Turns out, they are sort of a clique. They like to stick together and not really play with anyone else.

Mind, you, this is the second clique I've heard of in his class of 20. The other is a small group of boys.

Cliques. Mean girls. Boys who stick together like glue.

In preschool. A great preschool with caring teachers who are actively trying to do something to stop what they see happening before their eyes.

And then today, I read the story of Phoebe Prince, a pretty 15 year old girl whose family moved from Ireland to South Hadley. Many of you have heard the story by now, and may have read the truly disturbing story in The Boston Globe of the bullying she suffered while here.

Earlier this month, Phoebe Prince came home and hung herself. Her 12 year old sister found her.

Her bullies had the nerve, the motherfucking nerve, to go on Facebook and mock her death.

I am so pissed about this story, I can barely see straight. If there is any justice in this world, those girls will be expelled and get themselves a shiny new criminal record, although I don't know enough about bullying to know if they can be charged with a crime.

I want the other kids in the town to start talking, telling officials who these girls are. I want them to tell the parents what monsters they have raised. Show the parents those Facebook comments so they can see what their darlings have been saying about another child.

But, would it matter to those parents or would they make excuses for their girls? Do mean girls and boys grow up and have kids who carry on the cycle?

How are these kids able to use social media in such a publicly malicious way without consequences? Why aren't more parents monitoring their kids' online activity?

But, is there really any hope for these kids if exclusive cliques are being formed among kids who are barely out of diapers? I wish I had an answer.

The State of Marriage Today

2010-01-28T07:00:00-05:00

I came across this interesting research report from the Pew Research Center while I was fumbling through some demographic data for work (I know – research reports – yawn!). But the basics of the report got me thinking about my own marriage and our family dynamic. I started to wonder if I'm more like the rest of the married couples across the country than I had thought.

In part it read,

"The institution of marriage has undergone significant changes in recent decades as women have outpaced men in education and earnings growth. These unequal gains have been accompanied by gender role reversals in both the spousal characteristics and the economic benefits of marriage…The shifts in the educational attainment and earnings capacity that men and women bring to marriage have played out against fundamental changes in the institution of marriage itself. These days, Americans are more likely than in the past to cohabit, divorce, marry late or not marry at all. There has been a marked decline in the share of Americans who are currently married. Among U.S.-born 30- to 44-year-olds, 60% were married in 2007, compared with 84% in 1970."

This is certainly representative of my life. I am the bread winner in our household (only 4% of women topped their husband's income in 1970). I completed a higher education than my husband (although trust me, you wouldn't always know it). I cohabited with my husband before we were married and we didn't marry until we were in our 30's. And one of us has been married once before.

I always thought that since I grew up in close proximity to the city of Boston and my husband grew up in the Bronx, NY, that we didn't represent the rest of America very well. We seem to work and live at a faster pace than other parts of the country. We don't know many people who married their high school sweethearts. Few of my friends had children while in their early 20's. In fact, I have several girlfriends who are married and have opted not to have children at all. I have close friends who never married and it's not even a topic when we get together. Marriage, schmarriage. You do it or you don't – not a deal breaker, right?

But I wonder if I am blind to what is around me and if we do look more like the rest of the country's married couples than I thought? Do married men and women in Kentucky, Alabama, North Dakota and parts of Texas live a life so different from mine? Do they value their marriage differently? How do you view your marriage – is it economics and education or love and passion?

I don't often think about what life would have been like if I lived and married in 1970 – but I do think about the decisions that lie ahead for my children as the state of marriage is obviously shifting. Will they find love and marry? Or will it be a world of "Snookis" and "The Situations" simply cohabiting on the Jersey Shore? (And for the record, I've never turned that show on ever! I swear!!)