New Jersey Moms Blog

Silicon Valley Moms Group Acquired By Technorati Media

2010-11-15T17:34:19-08:00

Reports of our demise, as the saying goes, were premature. The Silicon Valley Moms Group of sister sites is taking up residence in a new location. Look for that great timely, opinionated, poignant, and sometimes just plain funny parenting content you're used to seeing on this site over at The Women's Channel at Technorati. After 6 great years of blogging here, we've moved to a new home.

Fondly,

Jill Asher, Beth Blecherman & Tekla Nee

Co-Founders, Silicon Valley Moms Group

Fears of a Single Mom & Dating

2010-06-30T13:00:00-07:00

It's been over 7-years since I've last had a serious relationship, believe it or not. Wow....just writing that gave me that weird feeling in the pit of my stomach that everyone talks about when they experience a weird moment, or unsettling news comes to light. I've kept myself so busy during the past few years: finishing my B.A. degree, working full time, and spending every other single free moments with my little girl, refusing to let anyone take that time away from her. Dating was just something I had voluntarily put on hold. In other words, it was my own personal choice.

For so many years, I felt it was my duty to do just this. After all she didn't ask to be born into a world where she'd be surrounded by kids her own age, that are being raised by both a mom and a dad. She'd know early on that she was different and I didn't want her feeling like she was any less loved.

So for the past few years, I've casually dated here and there but never let anything get too serious. I kept telling myself that my perfect soul mate and father figure for Isabella was out there somewhere, and that when we met I'd somehow know he was the one. I've heard those who have found true love describe that moment being a feeling of just "Knowing" they were meant to be with one another. That "Real Love" wasn't something you needed to go searching for. It was the part of life that usually found you when you least expected it. My only problem was expecting for this "perfect soul mate" to knock on my door during the many Friday and Saturday nights I spent at home watching life time movies, getting lost in my newest romance novel and daydreaming about my vision of my perfect life in a perfect world I hoped to be one day.

It took what seemed like an out of body experience,watching myself as I blew out the 27 candles on my caravel ice cream birthday cake last year for me to realize that if I don't let go of the guilt I felt all these years of her father not being around by devoting my life to making up for his absence, that I was going to have to start preparing myself for a lifetime of loneliness. After all, my little girl was gong to one day grow-up and start living a life of her own, and I'll be alone again. Just like I was when he bounced like a coyote the moment I told him I was pregnant, and refused to have an abortion seven long years ago. When I really sat down and thought about what I really wanted for myself and my future I knew one thing. I didn't want to be alone and that despite the lack of luck in finding love, I still believed in it. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life never knowing what "True Love" really feels like, because its' obvious now that I never really had it when I thought I did.

But now that I'm beginning to warm up to the idea of dating again, my new fear is how those around me would perceive some one as young as me dating as a single mom. I'm already having a hard time feeling like an outcast at my daughter's past school PTO meetings (which by the way I stopped attending because of this). Even at my daughter's dance school, it seems like I'm the youngest parent in the waiting room during her weekly tap and ballet class. I'm not the type to really care what people think about me, but when it comes to someone looking down at me as a parent.....it really hurts no joke!

Most will understand and fully support a single parents decision to date again, but there are still those who are quick to label us as "bad parents" the moment they see us out on a Friday night with friends at a bar or dance club. They don't think about the fact that, that very single parent they're looking down upon could be someone who's worked 10 hr days all week, while staying up all night three days in a row writing a paper for her sociology class and carpooling back and forth to soccer practice twice that week and cooking dinner every night regardless of how tired she was. The ones who look down on single parents never look at the big picture. That maybe that outing was the first one in months and a way to unwind and take a break from single parenthood to relax and feel normal again for just a few hours, while her child is home safe with grandma and grandpa. The very people that are quick to judge without knowing me, are the very ones I pray to avoid during the few outings I have given in to during the many helpless pleas from my friends throughout the years.

Entering the world of parenthood at the age of 21-years old, wasn't exactly what I had envisioned for myself during my college years. All those who are close to me could tell you how much I've always loved kids, even when I was younger. In fact, as soon as I was old enough I began working after school at a daycare center for years, and even considered taking up a job as a nanny when I graduated high school when I began attending our local community college. I knew at a very young age that I wanted to be a young mom, but never did I see myself ever having to do it alone. I always thought I'd fall in love during my college years like so many others do and get married within a year or so and once we finished college start our family. It was a perfect plan that obviously did not fit in well with what was really in my life path journey.

The moment I heard my baby's heart beat, I knew that despite the circumstances of knowing, I'd be parenting her alone, I knew that this was how it was meant to be. Being a mother has been the hardest and most challenging job in the world, but there is no amount of money or career that could compare to the rewards that comes from being a parent. My little girl is the best thing that has ever happened to me and she will always be my first priority & influence in every single decision I make including the decisions on who I date.I hope that before anyone judges me as a parent that they'd get to know me first. If they did, they'll see that in order for me to truly open my heart to someone and let him come into our lives, he'd have to be someone who will be more then willing to accept the fact that with me...he'd be getting a 2 for 1 deal.

Re-disorganization

2010-06-30T10:00:00-07:00

Historically, summer has been a time of re-organization for me. As soon as the end-of-school craziness dies down and the longer, less demanding days of summer begin, I go into purge mode. There's something about the end of one school year and the anticipation of another that motivates me to clean out drawers and closets and prepare for the upcoming year. I find it really satisfying to shed the weight of the previous year and pave the way for a fresh start in September. Though somewhere down inside, I know that no amount of preparation will help me master all the details of mothering, I still spend an awfully large chunk of time trying.

But this summer, it's going to be different. This year, instead of changing the way I go about things, I'm changing my expectations. Though I'll probably still go through some of the motions, like throwing away old papers, and stocking up on extra school supplies, I'll do so with the awareness that being truly organized is an illusion. When it comes right down to it, I've learned that all my busy work is really more like re-disorganization.

Whenever I think about my desire to control the fine details, I'm reminded of a movie called Holy Man. In it, Eddie Murphy, who plays an unlikely guru of sorts, sagely tells a woman that she is always over-prepared because deep down, inside, she never really feels like she'll measure up. Because he's "enlightened," he recognizes that her hyper-preparedness is all about countering the reality that life is chaotic no matter how much we try to pretend it isn't.

The truth is, parenting is too. Though of course, parents have to plan ahead for things, we're never really properly prepared for the challenges. As moms, we're charged with an impossible task. To do everything "right," requires a non-stop herculean effort in all areas of expertise--something that no human being is actually capable of on a consistent basis. And in spite of our best efforts, we are often blindsided.

But we moms are either very foolish or very optimistic. Because in spite of the knowledge that we can't outrun what life throws at us, we keep trying. We do our best to arrange the flotsam and jetsom of parenting into systems that make sense to us. We file papers and make lists and clean out drawers, sign up for classes and life-coaching and therapy. We hire babysitters and arrange carpools and playdates. We do whatever it is that we need to do to fool ourselves into thinking that we are in control of forces that are much larger than our little will.

My own little will wants control over the circumstances. But as I'm trying to teach my kids, I keep reminding myself that being able to go with the flow is an important life skill. It's something that's gotten a little lost in our collective craze to be on top of everything.

When it comes to raising my children, I can be a lot like that over-prepared woman, obsessing about the details in my efforts to ward off chaos. But I'm also a little bit of the guru. I've learned that in spite of my attempts to keep things under control, somehow things seem to work out best when I don't try quite so hard. That's why this summer, I won't be using the extra free time to get a leg up on tomorrow. I'll be enjoying the time off today. One glorious, long summer day at a time.

This is an original NJ moms post. When Lori Landau isn't trying frantically to keep it all together, she spends her time enjoying present moment, writing about parenting, creativity and meditative philosophy, and creating her own art.

Living Standards in Expensive New Jersey Made Worse by Poor Economy

2010-06-30T08:17:45-07:00

I truly understand just how bad the economy is both globally and in the United States. Personally I think things got worse for Americans already wallowing in credit card debt when recent government regulations to curb future problems went into effect. I agree that something had to be done. What I do not agree to is that credit card companies had the right to apply this to old debts when proper legislation could have grandfathered it in.

In my area of the country where BENNIES rule from Memorial Day to Labor Day, local residents not in the high income bracket are struggling to make ends meet. They have had to make more and more discretionary cuts. They don't want lose their homes and be out on the streets homeless.

Dining out is rare. Traveling is on the decline. Most home renovations have come to a halt. Look at clothes fashion. Lots of people are wearing things from the closet instead of splurging on new styles. What Big Business has chosen to do or not is affecting us. Its concern to remain viable in the competitive marketplace is reasonable; however, some of its decisions are pushing Americans to the brink.

A recent Press article bombasted Spirit Air for its "one cent" fare advertising campaign. For anyone not acquainted with airline marketed in the New York/Philadelphia metropolis, Spirit is the area's low budget airline. It claims to keep its travel costs down by dropping frills like snacks, beverages, and meals while supplying the bare necessities. Fliers don't need coins to use the lavatory yet.The flight I recently had no magazines whatsoever not even Spirit's own. Its employees are disgruntled, some even striking.

People may be going into malls but most are not buying. If you want proof of poor retail sales, take notice how most people in the stores are carrying little if anything out. Businesses are closing doors. Strip malls have empty fronts.

The reports employment figures are down is deceiving. Too many workers have been out of work so long that their unemployment benefits are gone. People remain out of work even in a heavily trafficked tourist area known for its abundance of summer employment. It is the peak of summer yet our beaches and boardwalks are dead. How do young families keep their homes?

Tent cities exist in both Ocean and Monmouth County for the homeless. Food banks are being depleted. More and more Americans are losing medical insurance. Only one state, Florida, has more senior citizens concentrated into an area than us. How do seniors on social security with fixed incomes cope?

Jersey's governor's slashing the state budget and rebates hurt everyone except the rich. The U. S. A is a world power. Conditions like this should not exist. Let's focus on our citizens and their problems before it is too late.

This is an original post for New Jersey Moms Blog. Pat. can be found talking about travel, family and her favorite products on her blog Here And There.

Abortion and Graduation

2010-06-29T11:52:12-07:00

I am sitting outside on our front porch, beside my husband, eating frozen yogurt out of the carton, impressed by the magic of fireflies rising and glowing in the dusk. We watch our neighbors walk home from the high school graduation ceremony. Though it's hot, dads are dressed in long sleeve shirts and ties. The moms are in heels that catch in the cracks of the sidewalk.

In my mind, I am fast forwarding to this point in our future. When it becomes real that Sophia is leaving us for whatever comes next. I can feel the loss. The pain. I am bereft in this moment, watching these other parents make their way home from school with their children for the last time. My toddler is upstairs, already tucked in for the night, a good sixteen years away from graduation. But still, I mourn her eventual loss.

And though my husband and I have made the decision to not yet decide whether we will have a second child, I find myself wanting another. A replacement child. One that will fill the void I am feeling. Occupy this empty womb, Sophia's empty room. It's not so much that I want another child really, but I want to fill the absence of Sophia. This hole that she'll leave in my life when she's gone.

I know this is not a good reason to have a child.

Just this morning, I was driving home listening to Fresh Air with Terry Gross thorugh one ear bud on my ipod, while Sophia rocked out in the backseat to a Raffi CD. Terry was interviewing Ayelet Waldman, author of the memoir Bad Mother. I was prepared to dislike this woman, who is best known for declaring in a New York Times article that she loves her husband more than her children. I reject this kind of hierarchical thinking, as if one kind of love can trump another. But I was interested in what she had to say about it. She wound up speaking very little about the controversial article and more about the experience of her two abortions. During her third pregnancy, she had an amniocentesis which revealed that the fetus had a rare trisomy. It was unknown whether the baby would be cognitively impaired, prone to certain cancers, and face a number of challenges in life. She and her husband made the incredibly difficult decision to have a second-trimester abortion.

I never want to have to make this decision.

As a former teacher of children with autism, I am well acquainted with the joys of having a differently-abled child in your life. I learned so much from my students. Patience. How to be satisfied with the smallest of accomplishments. And above all, never to make assumptions baout what people are or aren't capable of doing. Thus, when I made it to 20 weeks, despite my advanced maternal age of 37, I opted not to have an amnio. After three previous miscarriages, I knew I would keep whoever I got. I was ready to devote my life to the child I might be fortunate enough to bear. And then, I was blessed with a "neurotypical" healthy baby girl. Now, two months away from 40, with the memory of the miscarriages still bright in my mind (eggs that, perhaps, were chromosomally abnormal and spontaneously aborted for this reason), I am not ready to roll the dice again. I do not feel confident now that I or my child could bear the weight of a child, a second child, with a disability. I have witnessed too many marriages dissolve under the strain of caring for a child who has special needs. I am no longer prepared to make the sacrifices that I know parents of differently-abled children make every day.

And though I believe in a woman's right to choose...and I would fight to preserve that right...I don't think that I could make the choice that Ayelet did. I know I couldn't.

Thus, I am alternately plagued by both longing and fear. Longing for more children--to experience the world anew through each of their eyes. To marvel at their first smiles, first steps, first words. My life filled with the delight of their discoveries. But my fear of what could happen, what I might be forced to think about, what I might have to do is the counterbalance to this longing, keeps it in check. There is no room in my life for sizable regret.

It is easy to get caught up in the wanting, trading it for the satisfaction in what I have. I have to remind myself that I have a lifetime of Sophia's discoveries to look forward to. My nest is full. And even graduation, sixteen years away, cannot be the end of parenting. It wasn't for my parents, who now both parent and grandparent. It is simply the end of one phase and the beginning of another.

I am consoled by this thought as the street empties of the mothers and fathers of the graduates, their grown children at their sides.

This is an original post to NJ Moms Blog. Melissa can be found writing about beginnings, endings, and everything in between at Life with Sophia.

A Sunny Outlook

2010-06-29T02:16:00-07:00

One of the biggest goals I have, since turning 30 (ahem) years ago is to live my life authentically. I know it sounds very hip and new agey but really, I'm not that cool. More likely I am just too tired or even lazy to keep up appearances. I am who I am and lately I realize life is easier to live that way.

Recently I shared a pretty big and not so pretty piece of who I am and used to be on my personal blog. I was driven to do this by my desire for authenticity. I realized I couldn't get online and share funny anecdotes every day without revealing the giant elephant in the web chat room. Now, I don't believe you have to give everything away online. Everyone has their right to boundaries. But what I write about is the real side of marriage and parenting and this was pretty real stuff for both. So, after a year of living it and never writing about it, it started to feel deceitful and ultimately I knew I couldn't continue on blogging without sharing this piece of me.

Here is the catch, what I share wasn't pretty and usually what I share is. I mean, I often write about the crazy and hectic and not-so-fun aspects of being a modern wife and mom, but I do it with the lightness of perspective and acceptance. I also include a whole lot of positive spin about where and who I am. So, after a year of writing about how great my new town is, or how handsome my man is and then all of a sudden dumping my money woes on people, I worried that anyone who read my posts would think I was anything but authentic. And then wouldn't that be fabulous irony? In an effort to be completely real, I convince people I am a total fraud. Perfect.

Here's the truth:sometimes life sucks. Lately, through my own actions I had gotten myself to the bottom rung of life's ladder and will have to spend a while climbing back up. Here is my truth: I make a decision every day to focus on what is at the top of the ladder and all of the beauty on either side, rather than focus on my feet at the bottom and all the climbing I have yet to do. That is how I survive.

Yes, like everyone else, my life is far from perfect as I have plenty of struggles big and small. AND (Not but-see, that's purposeful too.) my life is also beautiful. I do love the town I live in. I do adore the man I chose to marry 12 years ago this month. I do have three amazing and hilarious children that I am fortunate enough to spend my days with. I do have fantastic mom friends that help get me through with a story and a bottle of wine. I do get to live at the beach. With all these dos in my life, it is hard to spend too much time on the don'ts. It isn't always easy. Some mornings I have to make a conscious decision to be happy. Yet, most days, no matter how big the pile of sh** is, I can step right over it into my otherwise beautiful life.

This is an original post for New Jersey Moms. Cristie can be found over sharing good and bad about her life at The Traveling Circus.

Leaving it Alone For Now

2010-06-28T05:00:00-07:00

Taking Tyler to a pediatric neurologist for an opinion on his Tourette's Syndrome and possible Obsessive Compulsive Disorder was one of the worst experiences I've had since Tyler was born. For someone who is supposed to specialize in children, this neurologist had the worst bedside manner for both child and parent. He was extremely clinical in his conversations with us, he used words that I didn't understand, and my husband and I are pretty well researched in Tyler's conditions. I could tell he scared Tyler too.We already know that Tyler has Tourette's so none of what he had to say about that came as a surprise.

"Do you like puzzles, Tyler?" Tyler nodded. "Well why don't you see if you can put this one together?" We talked for a while and when Tyler finished the puzzle, the doctor asked him to bring it over to us. "Ah-ha, look at this, he's got OCD." "I-I don't understand," I said. "Look at the pattern he made. No normal three-year-old can make this pattern if they didn't have OCD." I was shocked at the way he had just diagnosed my son. My son loves doing puzzles, and he has a subscription to a puzzle magazine where he does puzzles that are meant for older children.

The Neurologist also recommended that Tyler get tested for sleep apnea, even though I told him he slept through the night, didn't snore, etc. He has a belief that TS can be caused by sleep apnea (and is part of a sleep studies clinic). "How do they do sleep studies for children?" I asked. "The same way we do them for adults. You can stay the night with him." Oh yeah, I'm thinking, trying to go to sleep with wires stuck to you in a clinical setting won't freak out a child too much.

I don't know why pediatricians think children are so stupid as to know they are not being talked about, but we were not allowed to have Tyler leave the room with either Grant or me after the examination. Tyler was becoming bored and kept asking to go. Then he resorted to repeating everything we were saying. "I see he also has Echolalia. It took me a moment to realize he meant Tyler was repeating everything we were saying. Tyler has done that exactly ONCE in his lifetime, and we were at the pediatrician's. The Neurologist didn't want to hear it.

I left that appointment feeling shaky and trying not to cry. Suddenly, Tyler had all of these diagnoses.

And when I read his follow-up report, well let's just say I couldn't get through it. "...In addition, he has obsessive-compulsive behaviors. He lines up his toys and has made patterns of puzzles. He has some repetitive behaviors with his stuffed animals. He had to get "just the right" one. He may have repetitive touching and echolalia with aggressive features. He has occasional tantrums."

I stopped reading there. I knew that my husband wanted to pursue the sleep study, referral to a psychiatrist, and other therapies but I DIDN'T! Most of these behavior this doctor was talking about could be attributed to any preschooler!

It turned out that after thinking it over, Grant decided he didn't want to pursue anything further at this point either. Tyler's T.S., and perhaps anything else he may have are not stopping him from being a normal child along with his peers. I think at this point to bring him to this test or that doctor would only serve to confuse Tyler more and start him on the way to thinking that there MUST be something wrong with him.

He's three-and-a-half-years-old. For now, I think I want him to just enjoy being a kid.

This is an original post to New Jersey Moms Blog. Emily writes about being chronically ill and raising a child on her blog Mama Sick, and encourages you to follow her on Twitter for everything else in between.

Understanding The Shrew In The Store

2010-06-25T02:41:00-07:00

In prehistoric times before I had kids (now known as the BK era), I would see mothers, usually in grocery stores, yelling at their kids. The women, faces pulsating red with rage, would be looking down into the faces of absolute cherubs who would either be A) sniffling, tears streaming from their eyes or B) looking bored as if a human wasn’t lashing into them with all the force of a maternal hurricane. Other shoppers gave sympathetic nods to the children as if to say, “You poor thing! I pity you for having such a shrew of a mother.” Having been one of those judgmental bystanders, I know how easy it is to make assumptions as to who is bad (the mommy) and who is good (the innocents).

Now that I am one of those shrews in the store, I know what’s behind the yelling. Pick any or all of these scenarios:

- Mother told her brood to eat before they went to the store. Her brood decided they’d rather go hungry than eat the swill before them, so they feigned being not hungry only to get to the store and demand the packaged garbage manufacturers call food.

- Mother told the kids that if they behaved, they might earn a treat. Children forgot the “behaving” part and proceeded to reach out for any glass items they could touch prompting courtesy desk personnel to announce “Glass cleanup in aisles 4, 5, and 6”; children ran in front of shopping carts causing shoppers to swerve out of reach and plunge into various displays; children decided it would be fun to touch the packages of raw chicken and then place their fingers in their noses; and children decided they would only choose the apples on the bottom of the displays so they could see the cascading fruit waterfall they’d created.

- Kids told mom that if she didn’t buy them various sugar-filled crap, they’d call DYFS.

- Kids decided that reaching for loose candy, licking it, and putting it back was fun.

Some of the parenting books I’ve read would say that at the first sign of trouble, Mother should have taken her brood of out the store. What the parenting books forget to include is when the hell mom is then supposed to get the shopping done since the kids are up at the crack of dawn and have worn her down by bedtime.

MY summer solution, so that I'm NOT the shrew in the store, will be to order Peapod once a week for the majority of the shopping and take the kids only for the ten items or less grocery runs. And people, remember: when you see a mom screaming at her kids, there are two sides to every story.

This is an original NJ Moms Blog post. To read more of my work, check out: Moms Crayon at http://momscrayon.blogspot.com.

Girl in Translation by Jean Kwok: A SV Moms Group Book Club

2010-06-23T01:00:00-07:00

Transplanted from Hong Kong to New York City as a (very poor) young girl with her mother, Ah-Kim or Kimberley, struggled to make things better for her family, to learn English, to walk the line between traditional Chinese duties and the Americanized teenager she grew into. Join us today as we discuss the book Girl in Translation by Jean Kwok.

Here are what the SV Moms Group contributors ave to say today, all inspired by the book Girl in Translation:

Marinka from Motherhood in NYC tells her immigration story in America, Baby
Pamela from 2 Much Testosterone felt empowered
Emily from Mama Sick has hope for her son
Sharon from Channeling Ricky recognizes her own childhood embarrassment
Vanessa from Chefdruck Musings goes for a taste of America
April from It's All About Balance is a girl in gratitude
Emily Paster from West of the Loop examines secrets below the surface
Melanie from tales from the crib just wanted to fit in
Elena from Cara Mamma reflects on dreaming big
Lisa H. from Hannemaniacs has aunts just like Aunt Paula
Alma from Marketing Mommy had culture shock
Kristine from Mommy Needs Therapy or a Bottle of Wine was moved by the reality of immigrants who come to the U.S. for a "better" life
Rox from Rox and Roll has thoughts about honor
Julie from Just Precious opens her eyes in her own neighborhood
Jen B from Anybody Want A Peanut? tries to translate autism

Silicon Valley Moms Blog is hosting the book club discussion this month. Please leave a comment here to join in the discussion.

Past SV Moms Group Book Clubs have included:

I am Nujood, Aged 10 and Divorced by Nujood Ali
The Body Scoop for Girls by Dr. Jennifer Ashton
Just Let Me Lie Down by Kristin van Ogtrop, Editor of REAL SIMPLE magazine
National Geographic's Green Guide Families by Catherine Zandonella
Top 100 Finger Foods and Top 100 Baby Purees by Annabel Karmel
The Possibility of Everything by Hope Edelman
The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex by Kristen Chase
Coco Chanel & Igr Stravinsky by Chris Greenhalgh
See Mom Run by Beth Feldman
Close Encounters of the Third-Grade Kind by Phillip Done
This is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Topper
Do One Nice Thing by Debbie Tenzer
Birth Day by Mark Sloan, M.D.
What Happened to the Girl I Married? by Michael Miller
Testimony by Anita Shreve
Comfort Food by Kate Jacobs
Much to Your Chagrin by Suzanne Guilette
It Started with Pop-Tarts by Lori Hanson
Who By Fire by Diana Spechler
The White Trash Moms Handbook by Michelle Lamar
Writing Motherhood by Lisa Garrigues
The Vaccine Book by Dr. Robert W. Sears
The Other Mother by Gwendolen Gross

Click here to read all about the SV Moms Group Book Club.

Barracuda Baby and the Carcinogens

2010-06-22T05:00:00-07:00

My 6 month old daughter, whom I shall call Barracuda Baby, loves to bite anything she can get her little mouth around.

My finger, my nipple,

The tasty fat around my middle…

A teething toy, a stuffed animal...

A napkin or paper towel…

Her blanket and Thomas trains...

Little Tike airplanes…

Every time she grabs up a toy (left next to her by an older brother) she not-so-gracefully navigates it to her tongue. When I catch her in this act of natural baby behavior, a twinge of fear slowly creeps up my spine. This mini-monster pauses for a moment at the nape of my neck and then slowly turns either to the right or left and begins its journey to my ear. When it reaches the lobe, it climbs its tiny little body into my canal and whispers, oh so softly,

“Lead….Cadmium…. Phthalates… BPA.”

Just this past month McDonald’s recalled its Shrek glasses for high levels of Cadmium. So, what are these little known carcinogens that can cause major health problems for our children? Let’s take a look.

Lead- Pb, atomic number 82. A heavy metal. There is no known safe level for lead to be in the body. Lead poisoning causes neurological and behavioral problems in children as it interferes with the development of the nervous system. Remember, the Romans went crazy and then died from drinking water run through lead pipes?

My friend’s two year old son tested positive for lead poisoning. They are unsure of the point of exposure, either her childhood toys he played with or paint dust as they remodeled their old house. Needless to say, he underwent chelation therapy to rid him of the poisons.

Cadmium- Cd, atomic number 48. Similar to zinc and mercury. Derivates of cadmium are used as pigments for yellow and red paint. Ingestion can lead to liver and kidney damage, as well as cancer and respiratory problems.

“I’ll take a soda with that glass… NOT!!!”

Phthalates- used in plastics to increase their flexibility, longevity and durability. Literally, they are used in almost every household item including toys, shower curtains, food containers, paint, liquid soap, eye shadow, etc. Since phthalates don’t bond to plastic molecules, as an item ages, phthalates are released into the air. Exposure can lead to birth defects, changes in the hormone and reproductive systems of children, allergies, asthma and possibly, autism.

BPA- Bisphenol A, a building block of plastics. Like phthalates, BPA adversely effects the endocrine (hormonal) and neurological systems of fetuses and infants. Exposure can lead to cancer, drug hypersensitivity, thyroid malfunction, and obesity.

I know I can’t live in constant fear; it’s not healthy or wise. But a bit of worry does keep a person on one’s toes, ready for action. A bit of worry can be proactive; precautionary instead of reactionary. For example, I am more likely to shop for safe toys. Just the other day I went to purchase a new teether for my Barracuda Baby. I witnessed products proudly stating, “lead-free, BPA-free and phthalate-free.” Another boasted it was “sans paint.” These are all selling points for a mom living in the days of multiple and way too many recalls.

If you want to receive emails from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission to keep informed of the latest recalls, go to https://www.cpsc.gov/cpsclist.aspx to sign up.

We need to keep our little barracudas safe so they are free to bite whom and what they may.

This is an original post to NJ Moms Blog. Brenda gives credit to Wikipedia.com for the above information regarding lead, cadmium, phthalates, and BPA. She hopes her Barracuda Baby grows up healthy without any adverse effects due to her biting obsession.

Photo credit given to http://www.divemagazine.co.uk/news/images/Barracuda2006SRogerson1.jpg

I ♥Teachers

2010-06-21T05:00:00-07:00

Last Friday was the annual 5^th graders vs. teachers kickball game at my kids’ elementary school. It’s not advertised to the general parent population as an event that we are invited to watch, but I’ve still managed to see each of the games since my oldest child started kindergarten three years ago.

The kickball game is one of my favorite end-of-year activities and so when I went to pick up my daughter and her friend for our weekly lunch date and was greeted with wails of “We can’t miss the kickball game”, I quickly devised a plan. We ran to Subway for sandwiches and then drove back to school to watch the game while we ate in the car.

The kickball game is the traditional start to the whirlwind of activities that culminate in the fifth grade graduation ceremony on the last day of school. Most of the student body gathers on the wall beside the field to watch as the kids who have ruled the school take on the teachers/administrators who have reined them in. This year, as every year, there were roars of approval as one of the 4^th grade teachers launched the ball into the adjacent parking lot, the librarian made an amazing catch, and the gym teacher was run down and tagged out at second. Allegiances wavered, a few were heckled and a good time was had by all. Too soon, the bell signaling the end of lunch rang and my lunch dates headed back in for the afternoon.

There has been a great deal of rhetoric floating around these past few months dealing with our teachers. That they should open their contracts for negotiation, that the tenure system is unfair, that they get more than they deserve. Some folks have even gone so far as to say that teachers don’t really care that much about kids. Some have even attempted to influence school budget votes by demonizing the teachers and their union (not naming names, but his initials are Governor Christie).

I just don’t see it.

As I write this, my children are painting pottery with my son’s second-grade teacher. Afterward, rather than heading home to have dinner with his four year-old son, this teacher will be escorting my kids to dinner at our local Chinese restaurant. It’s an item we won at our school auction a month ago. At that auction, the teachers in our school offered about a quarter of the items up for bid. Their donations brought in some of the highest dollar amounts of the night. Most of their donations, like the one in which my kids are currently participating, required that the teachers furnish a prize that involved both their time and their money.

Tonight, we will be attending the dinosaur museum in the first grade. One of the teachers spent her time in these chaotic last weeks of school having t-shirts made up for this event. All of the teachers will be leaving their families at home for the night so they can come and hang out with the kids they see all day. Our music teacher, who has just returned from maternity leave, will have to re-introduce herself to her daughter once this season of concerts and events is over. Our librarian has already started working on her curriculum for next year. Our most recently tenured teacher is planning to start a school-wide news program next year. He’ll spend the next few months looking for a camera and a grant to fund his project.

And so, as we wind down toward our summer break, and we all heave a sigh of relief that the homework is over, the reading logs are completed, and the math facts have been packed up for the year, I want to take a few moments to acknowledge the little kindnesses that our teachers constantly extend; the gentle hand on the back of the child who for some reason is reluctant to head into school in the morning, the understanding smile that comes at just the right time. The book recommendation that is so right on it ignites a child’s love of reading. And the kickball game that reminds nostalgic fifth graders that they’ll always have a home at their elementary school; and that their first teachers won’t forget them. I hope they all have a calm and restful summer. They deserve it.

When Beth isn’t sneaking uninvited into school events, she can be found blogging at The Luddite Blogger.

Original post to New Jersey Moms Blog.

RSVP For Goodness Sake!

2010-06-18T12:44:57-07:00

The other day I emailed Junior’s closest friends for his upcoming sleepover birthday party. As much as I love parties and the joyful expression on my kids as they reach their much-anticipated special day, I am reminded of what I went through last year when I planned my son’s birthday party.

Junior had decided he wanted a birthday party for his 9^th. We had hoped this would be the year we just took a few of his really good friends to a minor-league (go Jackals!) baseball game or to the Funplex for some Magi-Quest magic wand thingy. But no. He wanted a party.

Okay, the YMCA does some really fun parties. He had had his there the previous year and our instructions to the coaches had been to “run the kids until they drop” with fatigue, that is. ALL of the parents were on board with that. We were doing the same thing this year. Play, pizza, cake, and then run them again (with my husband acting as the post-meal coach). The after-dinner play REALLY surprised the kids. I guess they thought that the cake meant that the party was over. They were so happy that they got more playtime!

Anyway, the only part of this whole process that proved to be a drag was the whole RSVP thing. Some people REFUSE to RSVP and it mystifies me. It takes all of two minutes to let someone know whether you’re coming or not. No hard feelings. No excuses required. Just tell me whether your kid will be there so I know how many favors to make, how much pizza to order, and how large the cake should be. I don’t care if your kid doesn’t like my kid and doesn’t want to come. I don’t care if you’re waiting to see if you get a better invitation. I don’t care if you don’t like me and are taking it out on my kid (although that’s pretty stupid). Just LET ME KNOW IF YOUR KID IS COMING.

In discussing this with other moms, not RSVPing does a few things: 1) it makes us think less of you which means 2) we’re less likely to let your kid come over for playdates and 3) makes us less likely to invite your kid to future parties. Not fair, but true. For better or worse, you and your kid are a package deal. If the mom is reliable, the kid gets more playdates. If the mom is ditzy (as in doesn’t pick up the kid when she said she would, sends the kid over for unannounced playdates, etc.), the kid suffers because it’s just not worth the trouble it takes to have that child over.

My son had a wonderful party without those who RSVPed. We had plenty of pizza and cake. But if your child got a party favor that was not personalized like everyone else’s, know that it was your fault, parent, for not RSVPing. I can’t personalize for people who may or may not show up. I hope that your kid did not notice. And I hope you did.

Since these are The Boy's good friends and I know the parents, I'm hopeful that they'll all RSVP this year. Yeah, they will.

This is an original New Jersey Moms blog post.

Summer’s Here & Quiet Is An Endangered Species

2010-06-18T02:00:00-07:00

Tomorrow is Diva’s last day of preschool until the fall. That means any chance of my having quiet is in peril. Not that I don’t love/cherish/need/have fun with my daughter. She adds sparkle and insanity to my life. She challenges me to come up with solutions for problems I could never have anticipated. She makes me a better person. It’s just that around her, quiet becomes an endangered species. And her energy must be channeled toward good for the sake of humanity (and my relative sanity).

This is a sprite who is always skipping or running or doing – any adjective that ends with –ing. If she’s not physically active, she’s whining, laughing, giggling, crying…you get my drift. My daughter needs more stimulation than mom can often give otherwise she will FIND things to stimulate her. Our town pool will provide most of the energy-release she needs as will the various 2-hour camps I’ve signed her up for. So will The Tween, aka The Boy.

He finishes school next week. The constant pleas for playdates will hit a feverish pitch, especially since Little League is now over (thank goodness he’s signed up for soccer in the fall!). He, too, will attend camp but I’ve built in a good amount of mother-son time in just for us. With him, at least, I can get some peace (maybe). It’s the combination of both kids together that challenges me.

The Tween was a mere three-year old when he looked at me one day, sighed, and said, “I wish I had a brother or sister.” Bippity-boppity-boop! Three years later, his sister arrived from China (although his desire for a sib was only one reason we adopted) and it was LOVE AT FIRST SITE! He took one look at this joyous little girl, took the stroller away from me, and said, “Mom, she’s MINE now!”

The love is still as intense as ever, as are the usual sibling squabbles…which happen lately on a minute-by-minute basis. Keeping two such diverse beings is a challenge only magnified by their five year difference in ages. He’s sweet enough to often do the limited act ivies she can do, but she is quite frustrated that she cannot do what a nine-year old can do. My refereeing skills are getting quite a workout (a black and white striped shirt should be standard attire for most moms).

To get peace I’ll do what I need to do. Sometimes they’ll watch television together. At the pool they usually play well. I’ll institute some reading time and get them each playdates.

And, I will lock myself in the bathroom more often than I choose to think about.

This is an original NJ Moms Blog post. Look for more from me at http://momscrayon.blogspot.com.

A Day At The Beach

2010-06-17T02:00:00-07:00

It’s going to be hot tomorrow, so Hubby says, “Let’s head to the Jersey shore.” To many people, that may sound relaxing. To a mom, it’s a cry to prepare for battle.

Dear, well-intentioned spouse will pack his bathing suit and towel along with directions to one of the many lovely shore points we have here in The Garden State. He’ll figure out the best way to get us down there with the least amount of traffic.

I, however, am preparing the best, most painless way to mobilize the troops (aka, our children). I’m figuring out which snacks to bring which will be nutritious without offending The Boy who doesn’t eat ANY fruits or vegetables. I’m thinking about which toys we can bring that won’t weigh too much as we trek across sand and which we won’t get upset about should we misplace them. And I’m packing:

Changes of clothes, water, sunscreen, bug repellant, chairs, beach umbrella, the thing that screws the beach umbrella into the sand, food, towels, books, MP3, Blackberry, camera, sunglasses, baby powder (to get residual sand off our bodies), and money.

While Father and Son blissfully play ball on the beach, I’ll be calculating how far it is to the nearest restroom in anticipation of the preschooler announcing, “Gotta go potty, Momma – BAD.” I’ll be making sure she doesn’t throw herself too hard on the sand (she thinks the beach is a cross between a massive sandbox and her bed). I’ll be keeping an eye on a child that wanders like a nomad in the desert. I’ll try to remember how long it was since the last time I lubed the kids up. I’ll be worrying if this will be one of the last days to enjoy the beach once the BP oil spill reaches our lovely shores and kills this experience for all of us. I’ll be calculating how to get the sand out places on the body that sand doesn’t belong. I’ll be enjoying myself in the warped way that mothers usually do.

And, on some level, I will treasure these moments because at some point, the kids won’t want to go to the beach with us. They’ll leave these shores for others more exotic. I’ll probably hit the nude beach in our garden of a state (my husband will be able to track me by the breast tracks in the sand). It will be just him on another beach, since I can’t see him wearing only his birthday suit in public, and me. That’ll be nice. And my day at the beach will cease to be a battle cry.

This is an original NJ Moms Blog post.

Have You Signed Oprah's "No Phone Zone" Pledge Yet?

2010-06-16T02:00:00-07:00

Have you signed Oprah's "No Phone Zone" pledge yet? I know I did right after watcing the episode that started the whole movement on what is now known as one of "America's most dangerous obsessions".What was even more shocking was how the latest statistics have proved that talking or texting on the phone while driving is just as dangerous as getting behind the wheel while intoxicated and/or under the influence of an illegal or abused substance. In other words.......DRIVING DRUNK or DRUGGED UP!!!

For those of you who have yet to watch the episode which Oprah herself claims could "Save You or the Life of a Loved One", have easy access to the full episode now by clicking here: The Oprah Winfrey Show: America's New Deadly Obsession (Full Episode) . If you're a mom, dad, brother, sister, uncle, aunt, step-mom or dad, or just a normal human being who cares about his/her own safety and the life of others, then you need to take the time to watch this video. If you're too busy to watch the full episode....no problem. Click here: Texting While Driving Video and watch the less then three minute video that demonstrates just how devastating texting while driving is and tell me if texting a message is really worth risking the life of others and your own.

In 2008, U.S. reports on auto safety concluded that approx 6,000 deaths occurred due to distracted driving and about 500,000 injuries in just a year. Millions of people text, talk and even email on their cell phones while driving. A recent survey found that about 71% of people between the ages of 18-49 admit they talk and text while driving. That message you're too eager to respond to or that call you just can't let go to voice mail could kill and destroy families including your own. It's as simple as that!

I was so inspired and touched by the heart-breaking stories of the families and people, who's lives have been forever changed, due to accidents caused by distracted driving. In fact, for the first time in all the years that I've been watching Oprah (2nd time being the special episode segments where Oprah conducts one on one, no-holds barred interviews with child molesters) I found myself sitting on the edge of my couch, bent over slightly with my elbows on my knees and both hands clenched over my mouth with tears running down my face and heart pounding rapidly throughout the whole 60-minute segment.

Well approx 45 minutes if you deduct the commercial time, which by the way was when I was able to catch my breath during what seemed to be very long, long extended commercial breaks. It was during this time that I started to analyze my own destructive bad habits while behind the wheel and was shocked at the amount of times I could remember past my ten fingers in just the past month, where I've felt my phone vibrating or ringing and glanced over quickly without a second thought while driving to see who was reaching out to me. As a mother who's supposed to keep her daughter safe and take all safety measures imaginable, I felt a sense of disappointment in myself for taking such a risk at times. Doing business conference calls in the car using my head-set or speaker phone while driving takes a lot of focus and attention away from the road and my surroundings. I should have known better.

This by far was the biggest eye-opener revelation in all of television history to have made the impact it did on my life. Main reason being is that talking and texting while driving seemed to be so 'second natured" to me. I'm a natural multi-tasker and always have been since my teen years. Even though I have always been aware of the dangers that lurked behind the action of texting while driving (something I gratefully have always tried to avoid and still do), I never once thought about how dangerous it was to even use a blue tooth or headset while driving a vehicle! Like so many working parents out there hussling on a daily basis trying to juggle careers and family and for some like me, even school, it's so easy to forget that it all it takes is one split second of losing focus of your surroundings while on the road to cause a devastating life-changing event in your own life and/or the lives of another family.

I went to bed that night thinking non-stop about the lives of innocent children and adults lost due to distracted driving. All these deaths could have been easily avoided if the person wouldn't have been looking down at his or her phone texting. It could have spared those families and person who caused the accident all the pain and hurt that will most likely last a life-time. It must have been at least two hours of just staring at my daughter while she slept before I feel asleep right next to her that night. Just being so grateful to god and the universe for keeping my precious little girl, me, my family and close friends safe on the road and just praying that we'll all continue to remain out of harms way from distracted drivers.

It is so very important for everyone to understand how it just isn't possible for the human mind to keep focus fully on what's around you when driving, while engaging in the act of texting at the same time. Numerous studies have proven just this and as a mother I feel it's my duty to help spread the word on Oprah's movement. Not because she's one of my biggest mentors and heroes, but because distracted driving happens all around us and the more action I can take on increasing awareness on one of America's biggest and most deadliest issues, the better I can sleep at night in knowing that hopefully I've reached another driver, or two, or three but hopefully more. In doing so, the safer my family, daughter, me and other innocent people will hopefully be on the road.

So if you haven't signed Oprah's "No Phone Zone" Pledge yet, please do today and make your car a no phone zone and commit to do your part in driving responsibly. I've given all readers easy access by inserting the link below for your convenience. Once you do, pass it on to your friends and contacts so they too can do their part in practicing safety driving. You'll be saving lives, keeping your children safe and possibly even saving your own.

To join forces with Oprah and help her put an end to the distracted driving that has taken the lives of thousands of innocent people please sign the pledge now if you haven't already done so. It will also be a wonderful way to honor all the lives lost due to distracted driving while texting, that inspired Oprah to start this movement.

It only takes a minute to complete. Isn't this minute worth the lives that could be saved? Click here NOW to sign the pledge: No Phone Zone Pledge

For more information on Oprah's "No Phone Zone" movement to end distracted talking and texting while driving once and for all and to learn about other ways you could get involved to help spread the word, visit www.oprah.com.

How A Skipping Kid Started The Clock

2010-06-15T05:00:00-07:00

I was one of those rare women who never wanted children. Didn’t know a thing about kids. Didn’t want to. Honestly, didn’t see what the big deal was about kids. Everyone looked at them as if they were miracles. They subjected themselves to the tyranny of these little megalomaniacs who wanted everything NOW. I mean, adults who wielded power over millions of dollars, doctors who saved lives, allowed themselves to be at the beck and call of two-feet tall midgets. Why? How stupid were they?

My husband and I got married with the understanding that we would have a dog. He wanted kids, I did not, but we agreed on the beagle. For nine years, the man told me I would change my mind while I adamantly refused. He said I was the “type” to have kids. I assumed he meant warm and loving, not insane. Once, I broke down and almost agreed while on a trip to Bermuda, but I REALLY wasn’t ready (translation: I cried a lot).

Then, one day on my way to work, I saw a little girl…skipping. It was like one of those scenes you see in a movie. Something about the kid just hit me. She must have been 6 or 7 and I never did see her face. I just saw her…skipping.

For the rest of the day, I couldn’t get her out of my head. I never saw her again, or if I did, I didn’t know it was her. There was nothing special about her. It was just the site of her and what she was doing. I still get chills thinking about her because she literally changed the course of so many lives.

My husband and I went off the birth control saying, “if it’s God’s will” and two months later it was. I was pregnant.

I love motherhood. I love kids. And now the woman who “didn’t want kids” has two. One biological (“the will of God”) and one adopted from China (another “will of God” just carried out in a non-biological way – and EVERY BIT a miracle).

What brings this to mind is my daughter has been…skipping. A LOT. She skips to school. She skips from the car to the house. She skips from the den to the bathroom.

And in some way, I feel she’s paying tribute to the anonymous little girl who started it all.

This is an original NJ Moms Blog Post

Fired For Being Hot

2010-06-14T05:00:00-07:00

I have never worked at a bank. The last time I worked in an office building was when I was in college. In 1991. As a teacher my response to not being able to wear jeans every day was to buy a bunch of long jean skirts and corduroys, so I realize that I'm not exactly up on appropriate office attire. Still, I would have thought that turtlenecks, blazers and pencil skirts would be okay. Appropriate, even. But apparently that's not the case at Citibank.

At Citibank, a curvaceous woman was fired because she looked too sexy in her blazers and turtlenecks. She was too distracting for her male colleagues and bosses so they fired her. Seriously.

I wonder if they would feel better if she was wearing a burqa? Presumably they would be able to get their work done then. Hey, maybe all hot women should start wearing burqas? Because I'm pretty sure I saw a traffic cop get distracted the other day when a cute young woman jogged by. Of course, then we'll have to decide who's hot enough to need a burqa and that will surely cause some logistics problems. I know! All women can start wearing burqas and then no more men will be distracted on the job. Why shouldn't we emulate the Taliban?

I had no men are incapable of doing their jobs properly when a hot woman is around. I wonder how the male bartender manages to work at Hooters? Or how the male crew members manage on a Megan Fox movie? Or how a bouncer works at a strip club? Or how male doctors manage when the anesthesiologist is curvy? I sure hope all of the White House staffers are ugly, I wouldn't want the President to get distracted. Although Michelle Obama is quite attractive - I hope she doesn't visit the Oval Office too much.

I pray that when the lawsuit gets to court (c'mon, you knew there had to be a lawsuit) we find out that this woman was totally incompetent and that this "too sexy" thing was just a cover story to spare her feelings. Otherwise this is sexism at it's most basic level and I really thought we'd gotten over that.

Jennifer Z. normally expresses her feminist outrage on her blog, Dirty Little Secret. You can also follow her on Twitter or visit her on Facebook.

'Sex & the City' Needs Hormone Replacement Therapy

2010-06-13T05:00:00-07:00

I finally went to see Sex and the City 2 the other night. I’d skimmed the mostly negative reviews so I didn’t have my hopes up too much. I just had my fingers crossed that it would be an improvement over the first one, which I found to be really depressing with everyone in crisis through most of the movie; it just didn’t have the energy, humor, and pizzazz of the show. Well, this one didn’t either. Sadly, they have now officially jumped the shark, particularly with the character of Samantha.

Call it ‘Bummer for the Summer’: Samantha, once the provocative, confident, trashy-but-still-classy sexpot, is now the modern face of menopause … and it’s not a pretty one.

Hauling around a travel case full of vitamins, creams, and assorted cure-alls, bathed in sweat, and honking incessantly about her unreliable libido, she is supposed to represent a woman taking charge of her hormonal health, rather than letting it take charge of her. Brava for her, I’m sure we’re supposed to think. But instead of coming off as strong (strong!) and invincible (invincible!), she is portrayed in nearly every scene as simply desperate. Every encounter she has with a man is an incredibly embarrassing exaggeration of what used to be her sexy trademarks on the show: ready & willing anywhere, anytime; zero inhibition; the promise that she could do things to them they wouldn’t dare to dream of. As the scenes are written here, or at least as they’re executed, she comes off more like an unpopular teen willing to give b.j.’s just to get noticed.

The rest of the movie has its faults, too, don’t get me wrong. Are we (by “we” I particularly refer to we real-life moms) really supposed to sympathize with Charlotte when her daughter splats her “vintage Valentino” cream skirt with red handprints? What the hell is she doing wearing it while baking cupcakes in the kitchen with two little kids?? And Carrie doesn’t have enough “sparkle” in her life because Big doesn’t take her out to dinner every single night? Whatev.

The over-the-top wealth and fashion aspect of the whole thing has been amplified beyond reason from what used to make the show so much fun, but it’s really always been the characters and their relationship to each other that made me a fan. The movies have really failed there. When Samantha explains in one painfully contrived bit of dialogue that she didn’t ditch the girls to go on a date because “they made a pact a long time ago … we’re soulmates,” I didn’t feel a rush of warm sorority. I just rolled my eyes.

But it’s this Samantha-as-Menopause-Hag thing that’s really bugging me. Maybe it’s because I’ve started wandering down that dark corridor myself, wondering what horrors lie in wait. Or maybe it’s because you hardly see women on screen dealing with the issue and I was hoping there might be something between hackneyed hot flash jokes and Betty White’s charming (but wearing thin) horny old broad shtick. Samantha was once hot. Now she’s just overheated. What a bitter end for such a great character, the original cougar now made toothless.

If the producers decide to continue beating this poor horse and make another installment, maybe old Michael Patrick King should recuse himself from script duties and bring in some actual women to repair the hormone (and humor) deficiencies that are, sadly, turning this franchise into cinematic roadkill.

This is an original New Jersey Moms Blog post. Deanna Q has never worn a pair of Manolo Blahniks but admits to still ordering a Cosmopolitan now and then.

Teresa Giudice's Extravagant Spending Leads to Bankruptcy

2010-06-12T02:01:00-07:00

Does it make me a bad person that I'm happy to hear that The Real Housewives of New Jersey super-spender, Teresa Giudice, has to sell her tacky mansion due to bankruptcy? BTW, if you're in the market and have $4 million to spare, check out the listing for this "incredible custom home with extensive marble, granite and custom wood floors throughout." Still not sold? It's set on 3 1/2 acres of wooded property with 2 ponds where "privacy and tranquility reigns."

Worried that you can't afford the hefty price tag? No problem! Neither could Teresa and her husband Joe, but that certainly didn't stop them from building the monstrosity. You see, the Giudice's owe more than $11 million to their creditors according to their bankruptcy filing, and now it's time for the extravagant couple to make some changes. I bet you could negotiate the price down to $3.5 million. Maybe they'll even throw in the Escalade because they can't afford the $1,300 monthly payments on that either. It's a buyer's market, you know! All offers considered!

If you're like me and you gasped in horror when Teresa dropped $2,000 on designer clothing for her daughters during one of her infamous shopping sprees, you might understand why there's just a hint of joy running through my middle class veins as the Giudice's are faced with the harsh reality that the world isn't theirs for the taking.

You see, I'm one of those people who had to move into a "dirty" house that would have "schieved" Teresa because someone actually lived there before. I buy my kids' clothes on sale so I don't find myself in the hairy situation of owing $100,000 on more than eight credit cards. As for birthday parties, we're hitting Monster Mini Golf to celebrate my son's 5th birthday this weekend, and strangely enough he seems just fine with the fact that we're not buying him an ATV.

I wish I had the time to reach out to Teresa so I could offer her some of my money saving tips, but working for a living cuts into my time to educate spoiled brats about the fact that you have to earn money before you spend money.

Plus I'm busy writing a pitch for Bravo's next hit show, "Deadbeat Makeover." Picture this: Suze Orman moves in with Teresa and Joe and informs them that money trees don't really exist. Teresa gets a job. The Giudice girls hear the word "no" for the first time. Hilarity ensues.

This is an original post to The New Jersey Moms Blog. When she's not working and paying her bills, Melissa can also be found blogging at Fits "N" Giggles.

I Went To Parenthood And All I Got Was This Flabby Stomach

2010-06-11T09:00:00-07:00

OK, OK, I got more than a blob of a belly from this parenthood thing; I got two adorable kids. Whom I fully blame for the state of my belly.

I never had a completely flat stomach to start with. They don't run in my family. Also, I like to eat. Also, I like cookies. Then I had my son, and I got a c-section. Stomach tendons: severed. Time to work out: nada. Willpower to workout: negative nada. When I had my little girl I got another c-section, completely destroying whatever semblance of stomach firmness I had left.

My son is 7, my baby girl is 5, and I am vaguely tempted to get pregnant again just so I have an excuse to have a big belly.

Did I just say that?

I stand in awe of women who've given birth and who have retained their flat stomachs; I gape at them at our town pool from the safety of my Slimsuit and wonder what planet they hail from. Recently, I was at a zoo with the kids, and noticed that the mama chimp seemingly had a flatter belly than I did (though at least she wasn't wearing a bikini and flaunting it).

Random fact: the slang for the pouch of fat directly beneath your belly button is "sneetch," in honor of those Star-Bellied Sneetches in the Dr. Seuss book. Drop that tidbit at your next cocktail party as you stand there in your little black dress (and Spanx)!

Stomach woes aside, I do have other winning body features. Like, my toes. They are so svelte, you would not believe it. And my wrists are buff, I tell you. Buff. I also do not have cellulite (take THAT, six-pack mamas).

But this belly of mine that's carried two children is in need of some help. If only I could upgrade it to a new model. If only there were an app that would make it flat (maybe Apple could work on that next, although I am a pear). If only I could do sit-ups. Oh, wait: I can do sit-ups.

Crap.

So, how's your post-baby belly?

This is an original NJ Moms Blog post.

Ellen blogs daily at Love That Max, where she never discusses her belly.

Photo/Adam Lyon