New Lesbian

Am I a bitch?

2019-03-18T12:36:00.000-04:00

Am I a bitch?

I wonder.

I stumbled upon something I wrote 8 years ago, when I was in the middle of a training experience that was horribly traumatic, due to the fact that I was in the process of realizing I was gay, in the process of realizing I had to leave my husband, in the process of my entire world crumbling such that I could rebuild it the way it needed to be built, and also, in the midst of all that, was being scapegoated by my fellow trainees because I would...say honest things and thought that others were being honest when they spoke to me.

That's a bit of a simplification, because that's not really what this post is about, but that is the essence of what I was criticized for and told to stop doing, because it was too hard for everyone else. As I read some of my frustrated musings when all of that was going, I found myself wondering if the problem is just that I need to keep my mouth shut, because me saying things, even if they are true, even if I don't say them in an aggressive way, even if I say them from a place of vulnerability, is just something that people don't like. So is my insistence on speaking up, my insistence on being truthful, but not mean, my insistence on being real and not fake and (perhaps foolishly) trusting the version of others that they present to me and the world the problem?

Am I being a bitch by not just shutting up so everyone else is comfortable?

My entire childhood, and up until now, I have been told in hundreds of ways to just smile and be nice to look at, nothing more. Don't argue. Don't "talk back." Don't question. Don't assert. I was literally told by my mother a few months ago that "maybe it's not necessary to tell the truth all the time." I didn't stand quietly by while my girlfriend's father mansplained something to me, interrupted him to say "Yes, I know that." and he perceived me as being rude and disrespectful. I once got upset that my own father didn't understand why I would want to know how to fix something on my car myself. I told him that he upset me, and my mother cried to me asking how I could be so disrespectful to him. At work, now, I often will question things that my boss says that directly contradict what she said the week before, in staff meetings where we all are confused and stressed, and when questioned she will raise her voice and get pissed off because I'm trying to clarify, trying to understand, not pretending that I don't have a functioning brain of my own.

Am I a bitch?

No one has actually said this to my face. But what I have learned, should stop forgetting, is that no one really seems to say much to anyone's face. Not what they really mean, anyway. So I am left to wonder, and seem to be often wrong, these days.

I think I've lost my talent at being able to tell how I should be. I used to be much better at it. I never upset anyone. I never said the wrong thing, I adjusted and demured and agreed and swallowed my reactions and my words as easily and automatically as I breathe. But then I also felt like I was suffocating, I felt angry and resentful and trapped and stifled. I've fought out of that cage, but now I don't think I know how to be. I have lost my sense of timing for when it's going to feel ok for others if I speak. I don't know anymore how to be the person everyone likes all the time.

Is this something I should be sorry to lose? I don't know. I really, truly can't tell if this is a bad thing. I am straining against those old chains that tell me that it is, in fact, very bad not be so good at being good anymore.

I keep playing over in my head an interaction I had with a friend yesterday. He was complaining about something objectively positive that had happened to him, and I found his reaction extremely confusing and didn't hide that from him. I playfully (I thought) ribbed him about his negativity, made clear my opinion that he was undercutting his accomplishment, that he was negating the love and recognition he was getting. I felt that, as my friend of many years, he could handle this honesty, and that part of a good friendship is this kind of communication. But, maybe I am wrong. Is he today pissed off at my words? I don't know, and wouldn't have even considered that he would be, but my girlfriend commented in the moment that what I said to him was "a read." I play this moment back and wonder if I shouldn't have said anything to him. But then what should I have done? What should I have said? Perhaps just let him negate his achievements, nod and smile and say congratulations and don't share that I think he is selling himself short? Was it rude of me to tell him what I thought?

Should I not be saying what I think? Does NO ONE want that?? Do I just not know when to shut up?

Am I a bitch?

(Feel free to comment below your thoughts, as this is really not a rhetorical question. I'm so confused. Help!)

Follow @edie_wyatt

The book is "coming out" May 9!

2019-03-17T12:45:00.001-04:00

Lovelies!

I have exciting news, FINALLY!

My memoir is being Beta read right now (thanks so much to the volunteers!) and the e-book is available for pre-order now on Amazon! Hooray!

Thanks to everyone for your patience for the many years that I've been talking about this book and not actually finishing it. It was tough, y'all. But the kind words that so many of you have sent me over the years, as I've gone through many ups and downs, reminding me that my words and my story matter and have helped some of you, and might help even more people, are the fuel that kept me going and have helped me to get to the finish line.

Thank you.

Pre-Order "Married, Divorced and Gay by 30"--Coming Out May 9!

xx

Follow @edie_wyatt

The Hard Way

2018-08-13T16:16:00.000-04:00

The past few months have been full of change and disappointment and realizations about how this world, and the people in it*, really are. It's been sobering and sad. But, there are some things I know now:

1. People really have a hard time when someone is honest and says no when they are not able to do those things themselves. This is very, very threatening to people. How dare I set boundaries if they (mistakenly) believe that they can't?! How dare I.

2. People think that they have authority to tell other people how they should be and how they should live in this world, with seemingly zero awareness that no one knows another person's life, path, motivations, or reasons for making the thousands of decisions we all make each day. It is stunning how many times I have been told how to be, and that who I am and how I take up space in this world is wrong, without ever being asked who I am, why I am, or what I'm going through.

3. Working as hard as I have to be more and more authentic each and every day, and being honest and clear about my boundaries, my needs, and my wishes, leads to a lot of people feeling that I am challenging and dangerous. It's hard to be treated as dangerous when I am just trying to live without the burdens of being who everyone else wants me to be--being who they want me to be so that they feel more comfortable, but then I am left feeling caged, pinned in. I lived that way for most of my life, but refuse to stay in that cage anymore. I am not dangerous, just real. The two are synonymous apparently.

4. People seem much more willing to abandon me and write me off for telling my truth (and not even in a mean or aggressive way--most of the time, in fact, I speak from a place of caring and vulnerability), than deal with the realities of their own choices and lives, which they choose to ignore, but I do not.

5. Being honest in this world isolates me more than I ever would have guessed. It doesn't matter that I am honest with compassion, not cruelty. I was told that "the truth hurts" and therefore it should sometimes, often, not be said. I know, though, that secrets, lies, repression, and suppression hurt much more.

I have learned these things the hard way.

I will keep telling my truth.

(* for those following along, this post has nothing to do with my romantic life! All is wonderfully well with Elle.)

Follow @edie_wyatt

Confessional

2018-04-05T23:45:00.000-04:00

I need to write about what happened to me in the past two years. I don't want to.

I need to put these words down, though. I need to get them out of my body, stop carrying them. They have been stalking me lately. Tap-tap-tapping on my brain. You need to look at me. You can't ignore me forever. I'm hurting you.

I need to write about this because until I do I can't process it. Until I do I don't really have to process it.

I have to process it.

TW: alcoholism

For almost a year and a half, I was in a chaotic, dramatic, emotionally manipulative (abusive? I don't know...) relationship with an alcoholic.

I was scared most of the time. Not for my life, but for hers. And maybe for my life with her. I was scared of that, too. Of being dragged down.

She lied to me. I didn't know the extent of her issues with drinking, the truth of her alcoholism, until about 4 months in. 4 months in, when she got black out drunk, got angry, got belligerent, got scary, almost walked into traffic, and peed in my bed in her sleep. When I woke up in the soaked sheets at 3 AM, bewildered and shocked, when I woke her up and asked her to please please get up so that I could change the sheets, she was still angry, still drunk. The next day we fought in a restaurant. She was mad at me somehow, for her drunkenness and her behavior. Probably because I had seen. I spent two weeks trying to get the smell of her urine out of a mattress that was not mine. I needed to get my deposit back.

Early on, before I knew, before I understood, I drove 5 hours in a tiny rental car on icy roads in the dark just to spend two nights with her. When I got there, the sheets on her bed were mussed and tangled. I saw this, but didn't understand. Hours later as we're in her kitchen drinking wine, leaning against the counters, she confesses to me, "I slept with someone else." "Oh, when?" I dumbly ask. This is allowed, after all. Allowed in that she wants it to be and so I agree, trying on the mask of someone who can be in an open relationship even when the relationship in question is brand new and built on a paper-thin foundation, ready to break. "A few hours ago," she says. She apologizes, cries, rationalizes. I am stunned, embarrassed, hurt, confused. I spend the rest of that weekend licking my wounds, pulling away, trying to pretend I'm not. Wondering what I am doing there, but staying all the same.

I spent a weekend alone in a snowstorm, in the apartment I had shared with my ex-girlfriend, surrounded by the artifacts of our life together, fully faced with the choice I had made. She "wanted time alone," though she was always, always telling me how much she wanted to see me whenever she could. But then, she didn't. She disappeared. One of many, many times. Only looking back can I understand that she was trying to hide her drinking from me. She spent that weekend, I know now, with bottles of wine, passed out and escaping from everything. From herself, from the world, and from me. I had no idea. I spend that weekend devastated, heartbroken, confused, utterly alone. Re-reading text threads, trying to figure out how I could have misunderstood so completely how she felt. I thought I was crazy. I wasn't.

"Have you heard from her?" I got this text so many times. From her mother, mostly. Her mother, who knew, when I didn't yet know, why she was gone. Where she had gone. "Have you heard from her?" was a call to arms. "Have you heard from her?" meant that she was in danger, again. All the calls, the texts, from me, from everyone, pleading and begging for her to let us love her. Begging her to let us save her. "Please just let me know you're ok?" So much fear. Boundaries broken. I begged friends I barely knew, had just met for the first time the week before, to go knock on her door, use the spare key, check that she hadn't choked on her own vomit, died in her sleep. Sometimes I feared she might try to hang herself, her depression was so violent and so full of self-loathing. Horrible images of this filled my thoughts as I spent sleepless nights waiting for my phone to ring. These were my weekends when we weren't together. Always scared. And also? Victimized. Terrorized by her refusal to be in the world. By her anger that no one was there. But we were. I was.

It took me too long to realize that we mostly just got shit-faced together, stumbling home in the cold, too late, her falling down drunk, banging her head on some dangerously hard surface, startling me out of my drunken revelry. “Oh. Wait, that was bad, are you ok?” Always laughed off, brushed off, sometimes angrily, by her. One time it was the tile-on-top-of-concrete kitchen floor that met her head so violently, as she slid off the stool. I remember the sound.

Most mornings her hands would shake. I noticed it almost from the beginning, and told myself it was a side effect of a medication, or something. No. Withdrawal. I could have known this if I wanted to? I didn't want to.

One day, she was found in the parking garage at her job, half in the car, half out, passed out. She had driven to work and passed out. She had been drinking all weekend. She hid this from me, though we texted and Facetime'd and I suspected but didn't ask. I guess I wanted that weekend off.

I went on a vacation with her and her family. Much too soon, but it felt romantic, daring, welcoming at the time. We walked on the beach, lingering far enough back behind her family to have our own conversation, still learning about each other, shyly exploring what was happening between us. Every night of that trip, she would be too drunk, sometimes furious at me for not wanting to have sex, or not in the right way, or at the right time. Once, in the hot tub with her mother and her brother, she was suddenly belligerent, clearly drunker than everyone else, and not the same person I thought I knew. I watched her mother change, too, into someone I didn't know, staring her down, telling her to calm down, to stop. Oh. Now I see what that was, the warning in her mother's eyes. They all kept this secret from me, naive in the cold spring sun.

She invited me to go to her friend's wedding in Maine. I flew in the early morning. She was to meet me there, driving up herself as I flew. I didn't hear from her until I landed in Maine. She wasn't there. She had "overslept." She gave me no more explanation, then told me an hour later that she was on her way. I waited for 5 hours. I didn't know where we were staying. I was stranded.

She showed up drunk, a half empty bottle of vodka at her feet in the car. We fought in Arrivals as she begged me to get in the car with her. I refused and she tried to grab my bag from me, to make me go with her. I yelled at her to stop, begged her to leave the car where it was and catch a cab with me. She stubbornly climbed back in the car, stared straight ahead as I pleaded with her on the curb. I took her phone from her to find out where we were staying, begged her again to come with me. She ignored me. I stood on the curb in shock as she drove off, still drunk, heading to our rental. I followed behind in a cab, too stunned to cry, wondering if I should have called the police on her. I still wonder.

When I pulled up behind her at the rental house, she was sitting in the driver's seat, sulking. We checked in together, me all smiles and lies for the host, trying to distract from her drunkenness, the fact that she could barely make it up the stairs. In that adorably quaint room in a strange city, I stared at her bewildered, speechless, scared. She was a stranger, then. She had no answers for me. "What do you want me to say?" she repeated every time I asked her why. She stormed her way back down to the street to get her bags. She was gone too long. I watched her stumble back up the steps to the house with her suitcase, almost falling every few steps. She re-entered the room drunker than she had been, finished off the vodka in the parked car.

I begged her not to drink for the rest of the trip. We had a drive the next day, to actually get to the wedding, and I couldn't drive her car. Please just don't drink tomorrow? She would not promise me, and was annoyed at my asking. She passed out. It was early afternoon.

I sat in that quaint little room in that strange city and couldn't believe what had happened to my life. I tried to figure out if I could just leave. Fly back home and leave her there. I called my ex, the only person I wanted to talk to in that moment. The only person I could trust. It all felt like a twisted dream. I was terrified to actually leave, scared of what she would do, how she would hurt herself or worse if I left her. I felt trapped, caged, pinned in by her self-destruction. I rented a car, took a cab back to the airport to get it. When I returned, I noticed her tire was flat. I envisioned her driving up onto a curb with enough force to split the tire, somewhere along her drunken drive, and shuddered at all the tragedy that had been narrowly avoided somehow.

The rest of that trip is a blur of sadness. She couldn't explain to me what was happening, or why. She was angry. I was stunned and could hardly believe that any of it was my true and actual life. She continued to drink, defiantly, aggressively, the entire weekend. I drove. We smiled for the selfies, pretended to be happy. How did I get here?

We broke up, of course, after this. But, it did not take.

She went to rehab, of course, after this. It did not take.

She convinced me in the fall that she could "drink moderately," didn't need abstinence, that it was too rigid, too one-note. The AA party line was not for her, she said. She was stronger than those people. She was different. She convinced me. I wanted it to be true.

In Las Vegas she drank and drank and drank. I watched and noticed and worried and said nothing. I was not happy. I was scared, again. I wondered, again, what I was doing there.

I took her back (went back to her?) so many times. What haunts me most is why. Why and how was I so sucked into her orbit, her vortex, her pain and fear, again and again?

To escape from my own?

Once, long after I knew, a call from her mother, after days of no communication from her. "She's drinking and she won't stop, I don't know what to do." And more calls, and more begging. Please don't drive right now babe. Why don't you take a nap? Please don't get in the car. You don't need more to drink right now. Please? Please. She Facetime'd me as she drove, drunk, to the liquor store, to make sure I knew that she was ignoring all of us, that she was intent on continuing to hurt herself, to put her life and others at risk. More calls and texts with her mother, helpless and scared. A plea to a cousin, who called the police, to try to save her from herself. She spent that night in jail, drying out. She lost her job soon after that.

She had bought a ring for me. Had ordered it. Had shown my best friend. She cancelled the order, told me so, after she was fired for showing up drunk to work. She was fired for showing up drunk to work.

Two months later we sat at a fancy dinner in a fancy place where she told me she had been planning to propose to me. That very weekend, if everything hadn’t fallen apart. But everything did. I was relieved. Angry. Ashamed at how much I had lost myself. At how much I had been fooled. At how much she had fooled herself. At how much I had fooled myself.

How much of it was willing? How much of it was running? How much of it was me?

Things ended because I finally couldn’t ignore that I would never believe her again. She was sober (again). She was trying (again). I felt trapped (again).

I was not often angry while I lived through all of this. I am so angry now. I know she is sick. I know she hurts. I also hurt. I am also hurting. I wonder sometimes if she really knows. Sometimes I barely know myself how truly affected I am, how terrifying so much of it was, how much it all still haunts me now. Does she know? Does it matter? I don't want it to. I hate that it does.

I want to forgive. Myself. And her. I know that I really have to look at what's happened to me, acknowledge what I am carrying in order to be able to put it down, to be able to heal from it. I know that I have to feel it to do that. I'm feeling it now, ready or not.

I'm ready to be unburdened of this. I hope writing it out, saying it aloud, helps me to be free.

Follow @edie_wyatt

Poem.

2018-03-26T14:22:00.002-04:00

I am so angry.

I'm angry at this world that I was thrust into, unwittingly. That we all are dragged into, not by choice.

Is it a gift? Is it?

I am angry that it feels like in order to survive this place, this world, this country, I need to feel less, see less, know less, care less.

It feels impossible to keep going otherwise, sometimes.

What is this place? Why is this place.

Living is so easy and so hard. For every solitary being.

Solitary.

Being.

I am so angry

about it.

Follow @edie_wyatt

Dear Maximum Security Diary--Part 1

2017-08-22T18:24:00.000-04:00

Lovelies!

I finally found my journals, which I feared were lost forever when my parents moved while I was away at college--I NEVER got over it and pestered my father for about 15 years until he finally found the missing box holding all of my young little musings. I've been reading through them and...they're hilarious. And kind of sad. So, you know, me in a nutshell.

I've decided to share some selections here, partly to give the people what they want (I feel guilty about not writing much in the past 2 years) and partly because it's just funny, and partly because I'm avoiding working on the book because it's hard. This is much easier and provides much more instant gratification.

So, here's Installment 1, from Edie, Age 11:

Saturday, 11/21/92

Dear Maximum Security Diary,

This is my first entry in you. J---‘s party was today. It was okay but as soon as the part was over the trouble started with my brother, C----. This started a giant pillow fight that started lots of tears. Some from me too.

For some reason mom seems to hate me. I just ask a simple question & she snaps at me. She never listens to me. She’s too busy snapping. “Snap, snap, SNAP, snap SNAP!!”

If only they would listen. I’m always afraid to say anything to them because I’m afraid they’re gonna make a big deal of it as they usually do. I hate it when they do that. And when I tell them they’re doing it they always say they’re not so in a way, it’s a lost cause.

Good night!

Friday, 11/27/92

Dear Maximum Security Diary,

My brother C----‘s friend, B----, is spending the night tonight. Boy do they make noise! I hope I can confide in you with this. I’ve been pretending I have a boyfriend! (Secretly of course) If anyone found out, I’d die! I’ll have to remember not even to let K----- read my and diary and she’s my best friend. Oh, well.

Today Saved by the Bell: The Movie came on. I recorded most of it. I forgot to unpause at one point and didn’t copy about 5-10 mins of it. I felt so stupid after that. Oh, well.

B---- and C---- are still talking & there [sic] supposed to be going to sleep. I hope I get at least a little sleep tonite. If I’m lucky.

Nite!

Sunday, 11/29/92

Dear Maximum Security Diary,

If I could commit murder and not get arrested I would. C--- is getting on my nerves! The lettle [sic] twirp is going to pay one day. I really do need a boyfriend. I wonder if L----- has kissed T--- yet. Gosh I hope not. I’ll die! I still think he’s cute. J----doesn’t interest me anymore. IF I did his name would have been mentioned already.

I may not have to go to school tomorrow. I hope not since I don’t have my spelling work!

I hate Dad and I never want to see him again! I really wish he’d flush himself down a toilet! It would do us all good! I could do this: [insert hand drawn face with tongue sticking out] to him! The dumb, stupid, dweeby, JERK! (and I don’t mean a genuinely educated, rich, kid!) Ohhh!

P.S. C--- started a diary! I’m dying to read it. I know whatever he wrote is bad because he told me that it is! Him & his little games. Uggh!

Monday, 12/14/92

Dear Maximum Security Diary,

I’m sorry I haven’t written in you lately. So, we have a lot to catch up on in my horrible, trash dump resembling life.

For starters, I got braces! They hurt so bad the day after I got them. I didn’t go to school! Oh well.

Then the trouble started with all my friends. First A--- started to ignore me. Then I started taking my anger about that on K------. So, she got hurt because I started talking to A--- a lot to try to get her to remember that I was alive. This is before the L----- chapter began. It was almost her birthday and she was having a slumber party. I didn’t find out that she was having it, K---- was going, and that I hadn’t been invited until about 3 days before the party.

So now I hate L----. I’m not even going to start the Ly---- chapter!

Now the family problems. Actually, they’re more like mom problems. She’s been pushing me to (sic) hard and hogging in on my social life. First, she takes up most of my time with music lessons & ballet rehearsals. Then she’s making me be in this stupid Christmas play at Auntie’s church. She’s probably gonna make me miss a dance! If I miss the dance K----- might not be able to spend the night on Friday! That better not happen! I wish Mom would LEAVE ME ALONE!!! FOR GOOD!

----------------------------------------------------

So, you know, nothing's really changed in 25 years. Cool. Also please note that I literally wrote "Dear Maximum Security Diary" before every post. So precious.

Stay tuned for the next installment. There's SO MUCH MORE!

Follow @edie_wyatt

Gut (aka INFJ woes)

2017-04-10T14:54:00.002-04:00

I haven't written about this here before, but I have a confession.

I believe very strongly in the Myers-Briggs personality types, and...

My name is Edie, and I'm an INFJ. This means a lot of things. But what it means most of all is that my "gut" stays telling me things I don't want to hear.

It's always right, too. It annoys the fuck out of me.

Often, what it's telling me is "This is not good for you. You need to step back. You need to step away. This is not what you need or want. You don't have to keep doing this. You don't like this. It's not right."

Then, like clockwork, my brain: "But, how do I know? Are you sure? Am I sure? I think I'm being too particular, too picky. This should be good for me! This should be what I want! Why isn't it what I want? It used to be what I want. It used to be what I want? Why doesn't it feel good? I don't want to hurt them. They are so good and nice and love me. I love them. This is good. This is fine. Right?"

I really shouldn't be asking that question so much, I don't think.

"This is fine, right?"

All the time. On repeat. Never sure.

And I can never, really, say yes. I can't ever, really, relax into something being fine. Safe. Good. Right.**

Not for long anyway.

I have felt it before, for brief, beautiful moments--that feeling of safety, right-ness, clicking.

Then it goes.

Something happens. Maybe big, maybe not. Maybe a hundred little things. Little moments, little pin pricks. Little things that smart, that really shouldn't matter much, but they all really do. They all sting and they keep stinging.

There's this INFJ thing, where it feels like we can predict the future, can see how things are going to play out, especially in interpersonal interactions, based on hundreds of little clues that we process faster than we're aware, that manifest as an instinctual Knowing of something that we can't really know. But we do know. To our core, in our bones. We know how this person will react to that person, we know that so-and-so is feeling hurt right now about something no one else even noticed, we know that this other person feels left out, we know with this person, or that person, or you, or them, whether or not we'll be seen, if we'll feel safe, or if we won't. If it is right, or if it's not.

I hate it.

I can't ignore it.

It's happened again.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**An article on Personalityhacker.com describes this experience perfectly:

"INFJs are far less interested in validation and are more interested in protection. They don’t need you to agree with them, they need to know you’re not going to hurt them, even if the fear of hurt is deeply unconscious.

There are some INFPs that have experienced trauma in the past and fear being hurt by others, but that’s more a product of wounding than anything intrinsic. The most protected, well-treated INFJ on the planet is still going to have something inside them scanning for people who would be deliberately hurtful."

Follow @edie_wyatt

grey

2017-02-13T11:46:00.000-05:00

Hi lovelies. This is one of those posts where I'm not in therapy so I'm writing instead. Feel free to skip right over this bleakness.

I feel like I want to scream and rage at the top of my lungs. All the time. "I'M NOT OKAY! HOW CAN NOBODY TELL! LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!"

It feels like that's what's in my head, overpowering all other thoughts, all of the time. All. Of. The. Time.

I think I'm depressed.

My depression presents as irritability. I forget this and then am surprised when I realize that the fact that I've been pissed off at every single thing, living and non-living for months actually means I'm depressed, not just hateful. I mean, yes, I also have no motivation to do anything and nothing gives me much pleasure at the moment other than the thought of being alone in my apartment with my Roku, and every single solitary action I take feels exhausting and useless and pointless, but mostly I just hate everything.

So the fact that I'm wondering if I should just end my relationship because being around anyone makes me annoyed and I just want to be left the hell alone is probably my depression. The fact that I am constantly wondering what the point is of any of this, why do I have to do any of this when I'm just so fucking tired all the time, can't I just not? is probably my depression. The fact that I'm asking myself if maybe relationships and connection just aren't for me, because it all feels so impinging and pointy and unpleasant and hard and I'm not interested and don't want any of it thank you very much, is probably my depression. That I look ahead and see nothing working out, nothing being fun, nothing being enjoyable, never feeling free, is probably my depression.

Right.

It doesn't mean that everything actually is terrible, that I should be alone, that I should push everyone away. This is a lens that is making the world seem grey and pointless. That's not the truth?

Right.

Okay...

Follow @edie_wyatt

I'm (well, the New Lesbian Podcast) is back!

2016-08-06T17:41:00.001-04:00

Hello lovelies!

Well. It's been a minute. Life has finally settled down enough (i.e. I have achieved the Major Career Goals I've been working toward for the past 10 years) and I have enough distance from my breakup with Elle (we're still close friends, btw, and I'm sure I'll have lots to say about that, and how very lesbian it all is, in another post later) to finally finish editing an episode of the podcast that we recorded almost a year ago, with some of our lovely friends. It's called "Queer Round Table" and it's a great episode, full of a lot of interesting topics, and a lot of laughs, and a lot of crickets (we were outside, in the woods).

So, you can search for the New Lesbian Podcast on iTunes or whatever podcast listener you use (though it might take a day for the new episode to show up) OR you can listen in the player below, OR you can click the link below to listen on the podcast website, where you can also find every single episode of the show, since they eventually disappear from the iTunes feed.

New Lesbian Podcast website

I'm also working on answering all of the email questions I've gotten this past year, so stay tuned! I haven't forgotten you guys, so watch this space and the podcast for that.

So, in other words, I'm back!

xx

Follow @edie_wyatt

Can't not.

2016-03-11T20:53:00.000-05:00

Well. I finally NEED to write.

Why, you may wonder?

This weekend I'm packing up all of my stuff and moving it out of Elle's apartment.

Elle's apartment.

Not ours, anymore.

Was it ever?

I don't live there anymore. I haven't for awhile and it's better that I don't. Of course.

But.

The fact that this is what my weekend will be, that this weekend I will be packing my self out of that space where so much happened, where so much was gained, and lost, has rattled me. I feel awful. Depressed. I think I'm dehydrated. I feel fuzzy and sad and anxious and lonely and also ready for it to just be done.

I feel out of sorts and like I don't understand what my life is. Why is this my life? How is this my life? I feel completely out of control and terrified. I also know that I did the best I could (whatever that means, whatever that's worth). That this needs to happen. Needed to happen. I know all of that.

I know that I have capital-g-capital-t Good Things happening, too. And I should be, and am, really fucking grateful for a lot of things, for what I have, even as I feel so utterly, helplessly unmoored. I am grateful.

But I'm mad. I'm mad that everything is so hard and that at the end of the day you always have to deal with your shit alone. No matter how much love you have, how many people are supporting you, how many things are good.

Still, at the end of the day only you can deal with your shit. Only you can lie in the bed you've made.

Unmade.

And it all hurts.

Even the good, right things hurt?

Ain't that a kick in the pants.

Follow @edie_wyatt

Break.

2016-01-12T14:51:00.000-05:00

I've been having a hard time figuring out how to write this post. It's weeks (months, really) overdue, but I just haven't known what to say. How much to say. How little.

Elle and I have broken up. I initiated the break up, and not in a way that I am proud of. I made mistakes in how I ended things, and thought the pain and hurt I've been silently enduring for many months would soften, if not justify, the way things ended. But of course, things don't happen that way. Of course not.

So the way we broke up wasn't good. It was, in fact, bad. And I am to blame for that.

But, the reasons at the core of it all? Those have been there for a long time. We should have ended things sooner. We were both scared. Stubborn, maybe. I wanted it to work. I'm not a quitter. This is a problem that I very much need to work on. I saw ending the relationship as a failure on my part. As a negation of our time together, of the sacrifices and work that have gone into the past 3.5 years.

That's not the right way to think about a relationship, and when it should end.

And yet, that's where I was. I wanted to wait it out. I KNOW that relationships are hard, take work, are not always wonderful and lovely and easy. But I think I forgot that they SHOULD always feel safe. Even when things are hard. Even when there is work to do.

I forgot that.

So things ended in a way that was born of feeling scared, trapped, avoidant, lonely, sad. Things should have ended differently, but the result is the same. We have broken up. I feel it is what we both needed.

Our timing was always off. We could never get in sync. That is heartbreaking to me, but it is so, so very true.

I want us both to be happy. I want us both to feel safe and held.

I hope we both find that.

Follow @edie_wyatt

on loneliness

2015-10-07T14:58:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I think we end up feeling more alone when we are in relationships. Do you know what I mean? Like when you want that one person to be your confidante, your friend, your lover. Just them. But what if they can't be? What if they're gone? What do you do? If you can't go to them, be with them--if they are not there...

Then what do you do? It's hard because--you can't go anywhere else, really. Nor do you want to. You want it to be them. Want to get all of those things from them. But they aren't available. They're not there, for a thousand potential reasons. A thousand valid, completely understandable reasons.

So, you are alone.

With your thoughts. With the chores. With your fears.

When you're single, it doesn't hurt so much. You learn how to lean more on yourself in moments like this. And more on a network of friends. Being alone doesn't feel so lonely.

But once there is The One, that network gets weaker. It shouldn't. It does. And it hurts more when you find yourself on your own, left alone with the weight of your life, because you don't expect it anymore. You're not supposed to be, anymore.

But really, aren't we always?

Follow @edie_wyatt

Season 2 of the New Lesbian Podcast!

2015-06-30T17:24:00.001-04:00

Lovelies!

It has been way, way too long. But I have good news! Though I don't have any new writing for you (though I am still chugging away on the book, and it's really coming together), I DO have a new episode of the New Lesbian Podcast for your aural pleasure :)

In this episode, Elle and I talk about a few of the big queer news events that happened in the 6 months we've been AWOL (though we recorded BEFORE the big marriage equality news, go figure) and we also have Episode 10 in the can, patiently waiting to be edited (by me), so that one will be out soon too! Episode 10 features a lot of great listener questions, and we always want to hear from you so keep 'em coming! Sharing what you're going through can really help others who are trying to figure out their path--it can make all the difference to know that you're not alone and not crazy for feeling the way you do, and I know this from some of the amazing messages I've gotten from you guys. That's the whole reason why any of this, the blog, the show, is here, so please reach out if you need a listening ear and a place to not feel alone.

I went off-track and got a little sappy there, sorry, but anyway here's Episode 9!

xx

Finally! It’s Season 2 of the New Lesbian podcast and in this episode it’s a queer news roundup: the tragic continuing trend of teen Trans* suicides, the unveiling of Caitlyn Jenner, the WNBA romance debacle, and the rise of the gay Youtuber. We round things out with everyone’s favorite/most hated segment, Who Would You Do: Harry Potter addition, where Edie explains why Virgos make the best lovers. PLUS, we’ve got a fancy new mic, and don’t quite know how to use it! (Please excuse the weird noises.) Happy Summer, lovelies!

Show links:

Leelah Alcorn

Caitlyn Jenner in Vanity Fair

Laverne Cox on Caitlyn Jenner

Youtuber Ingrid Nilsen’s coming out video

Refinery 29 article about Ingrid

Ingrid Nilsen with Hannah Hart on My Drunk Kitchen

The Bleacher report on Britney Griner and Glory Johnson

“I Am Here: The Untold Stories of Everyday People“-Edie has a story in this new book from StoryShelter!

Forever Links:

Send us your thoughts and questions on ask.fm!

Stitcher Radio app

New Lesbian blog

Advertise with us! Email Ediewyatt@gmail.com

DONATE: Help us pay for Yvette (our new microphone)!

Social Medias:

Twitter:  @edie_wyatt  |  @new_elle

New Lesbian on Facebook

Follow New Lesbian on Tumblr

New Lesbian on Instagram

Follow @edie_wyatt

Casting call

2015-03-19T15:11:00.001-04:00

Lovelies!

Long time, no type, I know, and I'm sorry! I have no excuse.

But I'm back online to pass along an opportunity that some of you might be interested in, and possibly really helped by! Also, maybe be on TV!

There's a new reality show on the horizon that is planning an episode where women who are trying to figure out if they are gay, or bi, or queer, and want to start dating women will be paired up with a coach who will help them through the scary, stressful, invigorating morass of entering the lesbian dating scene. I heard about it because they actually want me to be one of the coaches! I can't do that, sadly, what with the pseudonym and the other career and all, but I can still pass the info along to you.

So, the blurb they sent me is below-I don't love the implication that a woman might be interested in dating women solely because she's "fed up with men" (that's the kind of stuff that I think invalidates and minimizes the reality of sexual fluidity and reinforces the false binary) but I do think it's an interesting idea and something that should be on TV, if for no other reason than to bring more attention to something that so many of us have struggled through and felt so alone in experiencing.

Let me know what you think about this, I'm really curious if people will actually sign up.

--------------------------------------------------------

ARE YOU A BI-CURIOUS FEMALE

Are you fed up with men and considering dating women? Have you just gone through a serious breakup or divorce and are ready for a big change? Are you feeling a pull towards women and want to see where it leads you? Magilla Entertainment and a major cable network are now casting women who are jumping back into the dating game and are looking to change their approach for 21 days. Following the “21 Day Myth” in which people can mentally and physically make changes after this specific time period, this docu-series will capture the excitement and the fears of the women as they test out this new lifestyle change with the help of a coach. If you think you are ready to embark on this journey, contact us ASAP at castingdirector@magilla.tv with “BI-CURIOUS” in the subject along with your name, age, location, occupation, contact numbers, recent photos and a brief paragraph about why you want to experience dating women.

Happy Gaysgiving!

2014-11-27T10:09:00.001-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving lovelies!!

As my thanksgiving gift to you all, here is Episode 8 of New Lesbian: The Podcast for your listening pleasure as you try to avoid your family today!

Enjoy, I'm grateful for all of you!

It’s Thanksgaying at the New Lesbian podcast and Elle is a little drunk! In this episode we talk about how we handled yet another family gathering in the pseudo-south, the continued annoyance of having to endlessly come out, and how much of our hiding our relationship might be coming from…ourselves? Then it’s Props and Peeves, where we rant a little too much about Amtrak trains. We recorded this episode late at night, so bear with us, lovelies! Happy Thanksgiving!

Show Links:
Lesbian couple denied hotel room in Hawaii
New Lesbian blog post: Coming Out… Again
Daddy’s Out –www.daddysout.com Twitter: @daddysout

Forever Links:
Send us your thoughts and questions on ask.fm!
Stitcher Radio app
New Lesbian blog
Advertise with us! Ediewyatt@gmail.com
DONATE: Help us buy a microphone!

Social Medias:
Twitter: @edie_wyatt | @new_elle
New Lesbian on Facebook
Follow New Lesbian on Tumblr
Edie on Instagram

Follow @edie_wyatt

"Momma Says" by guest blogger Hunter Nhlapo

2014-10-10T12:48:00.001-04:00

Lovelies!! Finally it's here, the first guest writer on New Lesbian!

This powerful and thoughtful piece is by Hunter Nhlapo, who writes at deathbyhoney.wordpress.com and is on Twitter at @h_nhlapo. Read more about her in her bio at the end of this post.

—————————————————

MOMMA SAYS...

My mom said something to me yesterday. This was in light of a topic that had suddenly illuminated my twitter timeline and initially broken my heart. You see unawares to myself, another black lesbian had been murdered in South Africa and I knew nothing about it. I, who had made it a habit to keep abreast of all things lesbian, light or heavy, celebratory or painful that occurred in this country in the small hope that my immersion into the culture would somehow help me in my transition. I was never ready for the embarrassment I felt from my lack of knowledge that yet another Lioness had fallen. Too caught up in my life of heavy rain and small fires . I'm ashamed that it took a trending topic to lure me back into my world and give me a wet slap of a wake up call. I'm ashamed still that I haven't gone to my usual sources to find out what actually occurred to snuff out the life of a woman who chose to live real and unfortunately died young. I am ashamed but thankful that the #homophobia hashtag started by Sly found me.

My mom has only experienced me as a lesbian for 4 months. Yes, prior to that my girlfriend and I had been visiting her monthly over weekends and even then, I suspect that for her it was merely a my-daughter-has-a-friend-over situation. I'm not saying that I hadn't come out to my mother, no. She knew that I had fallen in love and subsequently moved in with a woman almost two years ago. My visits to her with my girlfriend were not under false pretence. It was important to me that I showed my mom that I loved my girlfriend and that we were in a normal relationship. It was important to me that we remained authentic in relation to each other because if my mom was going to acclimatise herself to something, it would need to be the purest truth. But she still didn't see it that way, until I moved back home and was gay. The devil is in the detail I often hear and boy did satan make his rounds. A necessary evil that I am grateful for though because today my mother can say that she loves and accepts me for who I am, as is.

What she is struggling with is the having to deal with having a lesbian daughter on HER level. She says "I go to church to heal. Church makes me happy. Just the other day I asked the congregation to pray for me, and they did, although I did not tell them why". Apparently, although she has reached the point of being able to accept my being gay on my level, she has feelings of resentment and sadness with having to deal with it on her level. Her face is that of a woman who deeply loves but is strongly resentful when she tells me of being an outcast in groups that she so seamlessly fit into before. Her friends, family and peers have begun to show signs of change in their treatment of her whether it be subtle or outlandish. Her exhaustion she says comes from guarding her back and being defensive. "I am always thinking of comebacks, readying myself emotionally and mentally for hurled words. This is no way to live. Why is your lesbianism my problem? How do I feature into it?"

I've stopped myself from trying to advise her on how to deal with it. I've wanted so many times to tell her that her peers will largely learn from her how to treat her with regards to this. Empty words really because I'm still having issues with walking hand in hand with my girlfriend at a mall without soft utterances or blatant stares. And me throwing mini tantrums over it. Sandton...Vaal Mall, anywhere. I guess it becomes better when I start not to care. I'm hoping the same lesson is revealing itself to my mom.

In the meantime, I'm grateful that my mother does not judge me for being who I am, even though it makes her life difficult.

Being a mom is tough.

-----------------------------------------------

Hi! I’m Hunter Nhlapo. I’m a singing entrepreneur from Johannesburg, South Africa. I am also writing my first novel. I like to blog about my life experiences in first person and other people’s experiences from my own point of view. My readers like to read about my encounters as a new lesbian, my struggles as a 30 year old starting over and articles from blogs I visit that Ifind interesting. I generally have a lot to say about everything. I think, I write.

Call for guest bloggers!

2014-09-03T12:43:00.001-04:00

Hello lovelies!

I have some grand plans to actually finish my book this year, and while I do that (I'm really gonna) I would love to have some guest bloggers here on New Lesbian to keep things moving!

Do you have something to say about sexuality, being gay/queer, your experience of realizing that you were gay/queer, the coming out process, a dating tale, or any other experience you've had that you think it would be helpful for others to read about? Of course you do!

Send me either your full piece or the first few paragraphs so I can get a feel for your writing, to ediewyatt@gmail.com with "Guest Blogger" and your topic in the subject line. If your piece seems like a good fit for New Lesbian, I'll be in touch!

Fyi, any guest bloggers will obviously get promo for their own blogs/projects in their post, and some tweets too!

Can't wait to read and share your stories.

Lesbian Hodgepodge (Episode 6 of the podcast!)

2014-09-01T16:55:00.000-04:00

Hello lovelies! Episode 6 of the New Lesbian Podcast is here!

In this episode, Elle and I discuss some femme lesbian couples we are LOVING right now (specifically, Samira Wiley and Lauren Morelli from OITNB), and how seeing femme lesbians in the media matters. We answer some listener questions sent in from ask.fm, including how to prepare for moving in with your girlfriend, then it's a new segment, Peeves and Props, and everyone’s favorite, Who Would You Do: Grey’s Anatomy edition! newlesbianpodcast.wordpress.com

Episode Links:
Samira Wiley on Instagram
Lauren Morelli on Instagram
Samira and Lauren at the Emmys
Lauren Morelli’s open letter
Angel Haze Article
Props of the Week: Blue Stockings Boutique | @BlueStockingsBo
Peeve of the Week: “Faux Lesbian” Weddings? What do you think?
Who Would You Do suggestions? Put ‘em in the comments!

Forever Links:
Send us your thoughts and questions on ask.fm!
Stitcher Radio app
New Lesbian blog
Advertise with us! (ediewyatt@gmail.com)

Social Medias:
Twitter: @edie_wyatt | @new_elle
New Lesbian on Facebook
Follow New Lesbian on Tumblr
Edie on Instagram

Help us buy a real microphone!

Follow @edie_wyatt

On Queerness (Podcast Episode 5)

2014-08-23T17:17:00.001-04:00

Hi lovelies!

I wanted to share the most recent episode of the New Lesbian Podcast with you, called "Can I Be Queer Here." I'm really proud of it. Elle and I talk about what being "queer" actually means. There's a lot of misinformation that gets spread far and wide about what it means if someone identifies as queer, and we were inspired to do this episode after seeing up close and personal some of that misinformation being spread to thousands of people on twitter, and then being defended as truth. It was really upsetting and disappointing to see, so we thought we would try to do something about it.

Please share this episode on your twitter and facebook--we all have to help educate people. Ignorance is the basis for so much of the discrimination in the world--fight back! (And now I'll get off my soap box.)

So, here is Episode 5 of the New Lesbian podcast. You can also listen on iTunes, SoundCloud, or any other podcast app!

xx

Links:
Edie’s Facebook friend: MJGardner.com
Derek Jarman (British Gay Rights Activist)
The Mighty Ducks Movie
Aaron Schwartz grew up nice
Emilio Estevez looked great in 1985
Send us your questions and tell us what you think on ask.fm!
Stitcher Radio app (please rate us if you like the show!)

Social Medias:
Twitter: @edie_wyatt | @new_elle
New Lesbian on Facebook
Follow New Lesbian on Tumblr
Edie on Instagram

Follow @edie_wyatt

New Lesbian: The Podcast Episode 4!

2014-08-15T19:11:00.001-04:00

Hello lovelies!
New Lesbian: The Podcast Episode 4 is here! (It's actually been here for awhile, but I never got a chance to do a post about it, oops). Listen in the player below, or on iTunes, Stitcher, Soundcloud, or whatever podcast app thingy you like! Show notes are below--this was a good one!

xx

In this episode we talk about Elle meeting ALL of Edie’s family on a visit to the South, during which Edie dissociated slightly, and why you shouldn’t start a detox when you’re introducing your girlfriend to your family. We also answer a listener question about what to do when you’re feeling scared about dating. Then it’s Who Would You Do: Orphan Black edition! (Watch that show, guys, it’s excellent.) newlesbianpodcast.wordpress.com

Links:
New Lesbian Blog post about Edie’s experiences at her parents’ house

Zaxby’s

Orphan Black (You can watch all of Season 1 free with Amazon Prime if you have it!)

Edie’s XOJane.com piece on bankruptcy

Send us your questions on ask.fm!

Social Medias:

Twitter:
@edie_wyatt @new_elle

New Lesbian on Facebook

Follow New Lesbian on Tumblr

Edie on Instagram

Very feelings.

2014-07-17T16:01:00.000-04:00

Hi lovelies,

It's been awhile, I know. Sorry to be AWOL-ish. A lot's been going on in the past month or so, some of which I want to write about here, and some of which I'm not ready to write about yet. Things I'm ready to write about, and am working on posts for, include:

Elle and my trip down south, during which we stayed at my parents' house (in the same room! très scandaleux), and met an extremely large swath of my family, many of whom DID NOT EVEN KNOW I WAS DIVORCED, as it turns out. I'm trying to figure out the words to write about the experience. But I will. So stay tuned.

The fact that Elle and I will be moving in together in about two months! This is a big announcement that probably shouldn't be reduced to a bullet point, but there will also be a nice long post about this MAJOR development. So much to say about that one.

Some things I'm not quite ready to write about/am not sure I SHOULD even write about in this space include:

some health stuff I've got going on
my disillusionment with New York
my endless money woes
how I've realized that my trust issues weave in and out of every aspect of my life more than I'd like to admit.

I mean, does one write about such things on a blog called New Lesbian? Shouldn't I be able to just decide that myself since it's my blog? One would think. But I find myself feeling...stuck and a bit confused and like this blog has gotten away from being what it used to be for me, and what it used to do, emotionally, for me. That's no one's fault but my own, of course.

I think maybe I started to limit the scope of what I wrote about here as a defense against all the stuff that I really SHOULD be writing about. And at this point in my life, a lot of that stuff doesn't have much to do with my gayness. I'm here, I'm queer, I'm used to it, and now I need to write about ALL THE OTHER SHIT.

Can I do that here? I think I feel like maybe that's not okay, or won't be okay, with you, the nameless, faceless, lovely person reading this.

Maybe I need to get over it. Maybe I'm underestimating all of you.

I'm gonna work on that. It's time to really open up again.

My soul needs it.

Stay tuned.

Follow @edie_wyatt

Pride Recap (and Episode 3)

2014-07-01T13:46:00.000-04:00

Hi lovelies,
Well, pride has come and gone. Elle and I had a very long, VERY hot, but ultimately great day at NYC Pride on Sunday, and I'm glad that I dragged myself out and celebrated. We of course missed seeing the OITNB float (endlessly crying over that) but we had a great brunch (so important), walked about 1000 miles trying to get around the parade (which I dubbed "the monster"), were delighted at the diversity and joy of the day, met up with some old friends and made some new ones, so all in all, a great, gay success.

We also recorded the next episode of the podcast over Pride weekend, and you can listen to that below if you're so inclined (show notes are below the player!). The episode is called "Clem"--10 'cool nerd' points to anyone who gets the reference before they listen! Put your guesses in the comments, I know I have some nerdy queer ladies lurking who know what's up :)

xx

In this episode of the New Lesbian podcast, we discuss our pride plans, our endless love for Tegan and Sara, and talk about some new-to-you reader/listener questions. Edie shares her experience with dental dams, and then it’s Who Would You Do: Buffy the Vampire Slayer Edition! Share your thoughts with us at newlesbianpodcast.wordpress.com

Links:

Tegan and Sara-So Jealous

World Pride, Toronto

Edie’s First Pride

Dyke March NYC

It Happened to Me-I Didn’t Know I Was A Lesbian (XoJane)

Great Article on Sexual Fluidity from NPR

Send us your questions on ask.fm!

Stitcher Radio app

New Lesbian blog

Social Medias:

Follow New Lesbian on Tumblr

Follow Elle @new_elle

Follow @edie_wyatt

HAPPY PRIDE!

2014-06-26T12:47:00.002-04:00

Happy Pride lovelies!!

It's June, that time of year when all the gays frolic in the streets of their respective cities being loud and rainbow colored and proud of who they are. A lovely time.

But...so far all I've done to "celebrate" this wonderful and important month is go see Tegan and Sara twice in 3 days. That counts, though, right?

I have to admit, I've been feeling pretty lazy lately and just haven't been able to get myself fully into the pride spirit this year. Maybe it's because I've haven't been feeling 100%, maybe it's because I'm just fucking old and don't want to do the whole party thing anymore. Parties always end up being a really expensive and exhausting let down. Why not just celebrate pride by...being proud, you know?

I think I'll probably do the Dyke March this year, which has become a bit of a tradition with my group of queers, and might actually watch the parade this year instead of just being drunk somewhere while it marches past LOL. And maybe brunch?

Wow. Can't you just feel the enthusiasm??!!??

Anyway, what are you loves doing (or what HAVE you done?) to celebrate this month? Inspire me!

xx

(P.S. Elle and I will be recording another episode of the New Lesbian podcast this weekend, too! So keep your questions/comments/thoughts coming, and click here for a more podcast specific update.)

Follow @edie_wyatt

Podcast Episode 2!

2014-06-15T16:14:00.002-04:00

In this episode of the New Lesbian podcast we answer listener questions about having sex with a girl for the first time, and the best things about dating women. We discuss realistic lesbian portrayals on screen, our favorite lesbian sex scenes, and how Orange is the New Black continues to DO IT RIGHT. Also, Scissoring? Yes? No? How?
We have some slightly harsh words for Jodie Foster, and our first installment of “New Lesbian Story Time”, where Elle talks about sleepaway camp, and those pesky “boy attraction feelings” she had for another girl camp-mate.
Finally, Who Would You Do-Saved by the Bell edition, plus some nostalgia about why the show was important to Edie as a young black girl who has always loved blondies.
Please rate and share our podcast, it helps alot!

Links:

The Straight Girls Guide to Sleeping with Chicks by Jen Sincero

Blue is the Warmest Color

Stitcher Radio app

Send us your questions on ask.fm!

Follow New Lesbian on Tumblr

Got something to say about anything we said? Share your opinions in the comments, we'll talk about them next week!

Podcast Episode 1 is here!

2014-06-08T23:22:00.000-04:00

Hi lovelies!

The New Lesbian Podcast is finally here!

Listen to episodes right here, thanks to Stitcher Radio:

Check out the New Lesbian Podcast blog for show notes!

You can also listen on iTunes, Pocket Casts, or any other podcast app! (feed URL: http://feeds.feedburner.com/NewLesbianPodcastEpisodes)

(BIG NEWS: Elle finally has a twitter! She swears she will never actually tweet, but just in case, go find her at @new_elle!)

We'll be recording episode two soon, so keep your questions coming (ask.fm/ediewyatt) and thanks so much to those of you who've sent them in already!

xx

Follow @edie_wyatt