New Mom Survival Adventure

Toddler Throwdown: Cutest Wins

2013-04-03T16:06:00.001-05:00

If you didn't know, Elena is battling Caroline @bebehblog for title of cutest little girl. Lately my heart has been cracking under the strain of her overwhelming cuteness.

Caroline considered yourself served.

PS Ethan didnt want to be left out.

PSS Caroline, I really love talking to your pictures on mommy's computer. So no hard feelings and I offer you the title Miss Cutest Ginger because are the cutest little ginger I know.
xoxo, Elena

[This is a no hate zone and we all adore Caroline. Obviously, we have been having too much fun over here and are a bit silly.]

Trying New Things

2013-03-26T10:46:00.001-05:00

I have never thought of myself as a writer. Story teller, yes. Writer, no. My grammar is not that great, more from laziness and style than lack of knowledge. I don't have a burning desire to write. However, I have been accused of talking to much. I do have a burning desire to share. Yeah, I know, annnnoooyying.

I do write ad copy, sales pitches, and technical documents on a daily basis, but I have never written fiction. Like never ever. I love reading so much that occasionally I wonder, why haven't I written fiction before? Well last night I was inspired and started developing a basic short story plot, this morning I just couldnt let go of it so I put it on paper, did a few rough edits, and then realized that its really not bad. Actually its better than some of the stuff I have read. If I can flesh it out with a decent long term plot (versus series of short scenes) and develop the characters, I would even characterize it as good. Great would require some serious story telling depth without loosing the reader's interest.

I can't believe that I actually wrote a story. An interesting piece of fiction. Not just imagined but captured in words. I am so beyond proud of myself. I left a copy for my husband to read, but I am not ready to share it with the genneral public so don't ask. Maybe in the future but dont get your hopes up. I cant wait to put more on paper, I have several future scenes playing in my head and am mulling about where I want my characters to go.

I think I might have a new hobby developing.

Like Woah Weigh in.

2013-03-13T11:12:00.001-05:00

I don't own a scale but am committed to getting down to my pre-Elena target health/weight. Its not just about weight, its also about strength and, more importantly, endurance and lung capacity. I know there are very few pictures of me on here. I have cuter kids. Plus, no one ever takes pictures of me.

Here is my weight by the numbers ...
High school skinny: 103
My just married weight: 112
Pre-Pre Elena (no exercise + marriage weight): 130lbs
Pre Elena (after getting healthy): 122
At 40wks with Elena: 167
At 8wks with Ethan: 142
At 38 wks with Ethan: 175
Keep into account I have been the same 5' 3" through all of this.

My healthiest. See the one handed hold? These guys have it easy.

For years post marriage, I coasted on being naturally petite. Hormonal birth control packed on the freshman 15 unlike college ever did. For my height I was overweight. Not obese but definitely on the blurry line between normal and overweight for my build, but more concerning for me I was that I was unhealthy. As a child I was diagnosed with chronic bronchitis from severe allergies turning into bronchitis and then pneumonia. I was briefly on a twice a day inhaler. With prescription meds we were able to control the allergies and the bronchitis cleared up. My lungs were never the same. Pre-Pre Elena I was very upset with not how I looked but that I was winded easily and felt drained of energy. I started a work out routine that works for me mixing weights and cardio. I felt great, lost inches, and could breathe again! That's how I got to my pre-Elena weight and condition.

I dont have any real pictures so you get old bump pictures.

4wks 3 days with Elena

That is right at my pre-Elena weight of 122. At this point my shape was starting to change but not my weight. Current me is at 132.5lbs as of last night! My boobs are twice as big and my pooch is similar to this picture but I have extra weight in my love handles, legs and lower hips. I can see those ten extra pounds. What you cant tell from a pictures is that that stomach is hard. My new post two babies one is mushy with lots of lovely extra skin. Oh my abs, I miss you! Now the hard part begins: building muscle tone and cardio health. Apparently my weight loss is drastic enough to where our therapist keeps commenting on it. I am not doing this for my husband but I think it would be pretty awesome if he commented on it and enjoyed it too.

Next Friday Ethan turns 4 months old.

Last days

2013-02-28T14:18:00.001-06:00

My best friend is headed back to work after having her son and it had me reminiscing about when my maternity leave ended for both my kids.

With Elena, I only had 4 weeks off and then I was forced back early because the mortgage company wouldnt let us close on our new house until I was back at work. After 4 weeks at home, I was going out of my ever-lovin' mind. I was so bored. My sweet little girl slept a lot and required very little work. I was excited to go back to work.

With Ethan, I am drowning in the dirty laundry (clothes only, not diaper laundry - husband does that.) of two kids. There never seems to be enough time to clean up after my toddler much less basic house maintenance. The Elena effect is much like if you used a leaf blower to to dust. It is amazing what destruction one little girl obsessed with organizing (moving things) can do. Even beyond that I would rather make silly faces at Ethan all day and talk with my big girl.

Every day is so precious and that is underscored by the fact that it may be the last day. I want more children. I have made that very clear. My husband is on the fence. As much as I adore my children, I love their father more. This idea seems to be a rarer these days. I hear so many people say that their children come first in their lives. That their children are somehow more than their spouses. I don't understand this thinking. When I fell in love with my children, I did not fall out of love with my husband. He still remains the one person I have chosen to love for eternity. I cant help but love my family, my kids. They are physically a part of me. My husband is more than that to me. The kids will eventually leave and create their own families. My husband is with me beyond that. Our relationship is deeper. We share our struggles and laughter. We support each other no matter what. That being said I have told him that if he doesnt want more children, we wont have any more. No questions asked. I have two. 6 years ago that was two more that I thought I would ever have. My children are in many ways a miracle of God's grace. Elena was named after that grace. I will not selfishly badger him for more children.

These children. These two children may be the only two children I ever have. Ethan's 3 months smiles, silly faces, and laughter may be the last I ever get. When I sweep Elena's curls into a hairbow, a tear comes to my eye. I may never have another little girl who wakes up saying bow! hair! bow! Who prances to give her daddy kisses before night night. These days are the last that I may ever have and I greedily cherish them. I did not want to go back to work, but at least I am blessed to have them with me at work.

From Blah to Wow.

2013-02-25T14:49:00.001-06:00

In my quest to re-find my inner chic, I created a list of my basic must haves. From this list, I will be buying my highest priority pieces first. Or at least I will try to stick to the list. My sorority girl self is clapping her hands excited about colors! jewelry! bright patterns! I haven't had this much fun since rush week :cough: 8 years ago :cough:.

Considerations

These basics are just that - basic. It doesn't matter if you work or stay at home. You should still own these pieces as they help you span many different occasions. Not in the working world? You may not want slacks with pinstripes. Spend a lot of time 9a-5p in an office? You probably want a sleek black pencil skirt versus a flirty number.

Nursing mommas probably want to think of boob access especially if you keep finding your kids doubling like mine. Being ever increasing, I prefer tops that can stretch through my second trimester. I also shop in maternity dresses and skirts that work regardless of stomach size. In bottoms, I buy most of the basics in maternity and non-maternity pants.

Know thy colors.

The basics are for the most part neutral since they are the foundation of your wardrobe. You will need accent (colored) pieces from each section. When picking accent pieces, having a pre-planned pallet is essential to building a mix and match wardrobe that has the most versatility. I like to stick with two non-black neutrals and 3-4 accent colors that all work together. When picking colors its a good idea to balance light and dark colors. You don't want an entire wardrobe of neon even if you prefer bright colors. For example: navy and lime green balance each other out.

My colors are blue (navy/aqua), green (lime), purple (plum), and red. I believe every girl should have at least two pieces of red in her wardrobe - a red dress and red heels.

Neutrals: Grey and White

Start shopping!

It is just the beginning, but I bought two pieces I needed. I couldn't help but chase a little bit of color and it fit my church appropriate item! In case you wondered what church appropriate is, it is semi formal and not slutty. So no short shirts, spaghetti straps, or breast baring. Just the thing you need for dinner party, baby shower, or afternoon wedding. Once I get together the basics, I will take picture of possible outfit combos from my wardrobe so you can see how things fit together.

$24.99, Target

$29.99, Target

Mommy Life Crisis

2013-02-23T19:53:00.002-06:00

There is something about two kids that changes everything. It underscores the fact that your life is not your own anymore. With one kid you could juggle things just so to where it didnt take over your whole life. For example, it used to take me 15 minutes to get ready in the morning. After Elena it took 35 minutes to get us both ready and out the door. Now with Ethan and Elena, we are happy if we can get the three of us together and in the car with shoes on in one hour. It normally takes closer to 1.5 hours and hair is finger brushed.

It also seems that the more kids that are added, the less my hair is down or make up is applied. None of my clothes fit right. Even though I lost all of the Ethan weight and most of the weight I gained with Elena, I am a different shape: bigger boobs (hello nursing!), more soft squishy in the tummy area, and lingering lovehandles. Not that I look bad. As far as moms 3 months past birth go, I am looking pretty hot body-wise. Style-wise, I am a far stretch from polished.

Part of me wants to snatch back those pre-mom days of not deciding where I shop based on aisle stroller clearance or if they have shopping carts or drive-thrus. The thought of running into the grocery store for milk and not adding 30 minutes to pack kids in car, unpack kids from car, prevent Elena from running through parking lot, get everyone situated in cart and then repeat in reverse to go home is heavenly. Firmly entrenched in those pre-mom days are the thoughts of looking nice, feeling great (versus tired), and having fun. These days my life revolves more around wiping butts, preventing ER trips, teaching our future (Good girl! That IS a CAT!), and putting meals on the table. I wont lie, there is not much cleaning going on here.

While I wouldn't trade my kids for anything, I do think I can add back in some of that nice stuff - like looking nice in clothes that fit. I am not going to go all Rachel Zoe and start taking hours to put together the perfect outfit. However, in my way of thinking, if everything in my closet fits and I love it, then all my outfits will look great. So, I am going to start rebuilding my wardrobe. It wont be over night. But the goal is to by the summer be much closer to filling my closet with things I love that look great on me. I know how to dress. I just fell off the bandwagon. I will try to keep yall up to date on my progress.

My life lately

2013-02-12T13:31:00.000-06:00

I know I have been gone a lot lately. I have been busy living instead of writing, so please forgive me. This is what has taken over lately and I am loving every minute.

Better camera phone pictures courtesy of my new iphone.

The Dust Clears

2013-01-11T12:47:00.000-06:00

Yesterday Ethan turned 8 weeks old and the dust is finally clearing after the major overhaul this has made of my life. Even more than with Elena, Ethan's conception to birth has effected every area of my life in a huge way. This boy child has had a big impact on my husband, our relationship, our home, our finances, our sleep schedule, our emotional strength ... everything.

Now at 8 weeks, it feels like everything is finally settling back into a happy place thanks to a few big things. First, emotionally its been a very rough pregnancy and its been that way for so long I started forgetting how it felt to not be constantly on the edge - for every little thing to throw you into a dark place. Before Ethan's birth, my doula and I sat down and had a serious talk about postpartum depression. My husband always has a harder time in the winter which wears on me - plus I didnt think that emotionally I would be healed after birth. So we brainstormed preventative measures and decided to proactively encapsulate my placenta. With Elena we kept our placenta but never felt the need to encapsulate and use it. After birth I felt okayish and decided to wait to take my placenta pills until I needed them. Last Friday the day started out fine but ended very badly. I can only describe it as complete meltdown. I lost it. Completely utterly lost it. I am not going to get into the gory details. Just know there was screaming and sobbing and it was very ugly - am emotional breakdown at its finest. I cried myself to sleep that night and woke up Saturday morning feeling unhinged. I picked fights. There was more screaming and crying. The ugliness continued. In the midst of it all I thought: this isnt me. Something was obviously wrong. So Saturday afternoon once both kids were in bed, I took my first two pills. Within 30 minutes I felt like a new person. A rational, composed person. I felt happy. Like myself again. Since that day I have taken my pills a few times. They help a ton. I no longer feel like life is spiraling out of control. I often don't see it creeping back up on me but then will realize I am edgy feeling and need to take another dose.

If you havent heard of placenta encapsulation before, its pretty simple. The placenta is filled with tons of vitamins and nutrients - and most importantly hormones. Civilizations for ages have consumed the placenta for many reasons. In the United States at the turn of the last century, it wasnt uncommon for midwives to use the placenta to stop hemorrhaging after birth by placing a piece between the mom's cheek and gum. This makes since when you realize pitocin is a synthetic hormone and while it is used to induce labor, almost every ob/gyn in the United States uses pitocin after birth to contract the uterus and stop bleeding as a preventative measure against hemorrhaging. So as you can see, hormones are pretty cool when they arent making your crazy.

Despite my temporary insanity and its resulting clingyness, therapy is working. I think. I am in general happier. I see change even if its baby steps. I have really needed authentic change. Also, Ethan is sleeping! He has a mild case of reflux. Mild in that we cope well. However, he has a hard time going to bed. I dont know what magically happened. Maybe the sleep training is finally sinking in some, but Ethan has slept a minimum of one 6 hour stretch every day for the last week in his crib. Last night he slept 9 hours and I didnt wake up once to feed him. Sleep is nice, especially when you haven't been feeling well. I also very much enjoy having my husband back in my bed. The first month he spent on the couch after drifting asleep at work (dangerous when you work with heavy machinery) while Ethan and I were co-sleeping.

Life seems to be getting into a groove. A happy place with mommy daughter dates, baby boy smiles, and laughter and sharing over the dinner table.

Unexpected Surprises

2013-01-04T11:39:00.001-06:00

I meant to post yesterday but time didnt make its self available. For Christmas my husband actually listen to me and gave me my deepest desire. I told him I wanted him for Christmas. He gave me marriage counseling. Know that this isnt any normal therapist, she specializes in sex. While our problems arent sex (hello two kids under two), sex is a big important part of marriage. Everything seems to effect it and it effects everything. My first priest actually said that a very healthy sex life was essential to a strong and lasting marriage. I agree.

We had our first appointment yesterday, I was going to write about how excited I was. Now? Not so excited. In many ways I felt ganged up on. Like I was the cause of everything, which hurt a lot. I am not foolish. I know it takes two and I hold my share of the blame. But what about him?! He has been no saint either. The even more frustrating point is that my homework was to do what I have been doing to correct a known problem. I need to focus more on me and making me happy as an individual. It felt like a slap to get the label of caretaking co-dependent. If you couldnt tell, there was very little talk of sex.

To me co-dependency is unhealthy obsession of another, to live to make the other happy. That IS NOT me. But google today is showing me that modern co-dependency doesnt always look like thor or defined in that way.

From wiki: Codependency is defined as a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (typically narcissism or drug addiction); and in broader terms, it refers to the dependence on the needs of or control of another.[1] It also often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.[2] Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including family, work, friendship, and also romantic, peer or community relationships.[2] Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, or control patterns.

That soothes my ego some, nothing but honesty here.

That definition places some blame on his shoulders. When have you ever met a person with anxiety and major depression that didnt have control issues?

Dr Irene (found through google: http://www.drirene.com/codepend1.htm) says codep people may do the following....

Codependents may,
1. Think and feel responsible for other people---for other people's feelings, thoughts, actions, choices, wants, needs, well-being, lack of well-being, and ultimate destiny.
2. Feel anxiety, pity, and guilt when other people have a problem.
3. Feel compelled --almost forced -- to help that person solve the problem, such as offering unwanted advice, giving a rapid-fire series of suggestions, or fixing feelings.
4. Feel angry when their help isn't effective.
5. Anticipate other people's needs
6. Wonder why others don't do the same for them.
7. Don't really want to be doing, doing more than their fair share of the work, and doing things other people are capable of doing for themselves.
8. Not knowing what they want and need, or if they do, tell themselves what they want and need is not important.
9. Try to please others instead of themselves.
10. Find it easier to feel and express anger about injustices done to others rather than injustices done to themselves.
11. Feel safest when giving.
12. Feel insecure and guilty when somebody gives to them.
13. Feel sad because they spend their whole lives giving to other people and nobody gives to them.
14. Find themselves attracted to needy people.
15. Find needy people attracted to them.
16. Feel bored, empty, and worthless if they don't have a crisis in their lives, a problem to solve, or someone to help.
17. Abandon their routine to respond to or do something for somebody else.
18. Over commit themselves.
19. Feel harried and pressured.
20. Believe deep inside other people are somehow responsible for them.
21. Blame others for the spot the codependents are in.
22. Say other people make the codependents feel the way they do.
23. Believe other people are making them crazy.
24. Feel angry, victimized, unappreciated, and used.
25. Find other people become impatient or angry with them for all of the preceding characteristics.

I only posted the care taking section because the rest very much doesnt apply to me. Even of this list. I only see myself in the red. The purple is the complete opposite of everything I believe. It also is what I think of when someone says co-dependent.

Through our appointment and more mulling afterwards, I see how I have been at my heart a reluctant caretaker, but still a caretaker. Easy to do when you have a spouse dealing with mental illness, no matter how mild. We have developed patterns of coping that arent good for either one of us. Maybe I am naive but in the beginning I think those patterns were important, needed. They got us to today: a place of a lot of growth and maturing. Maybe it wasnt to best way, but it worked and it happened and the people we are today - both of us- need different patterns. I unwillingly carried them by my conscious choice and now feel like we have a chance of getting rid of them. Writing about this and learning are a big part of how I process it. I am still struggling with the idea of giving and caring (something I enjoy) without being a caretaker. Hmph.

So my homework is to focus on me, not husband. I as told to find something I enjoy doing and do it without him at least once a week. Ha! Been there done that. In his strongest struggles, my world got very small and very focused on him. He needed me. Today, I am not there at all. I am not a victim, never was. I knew what I was getting into. I made a conscious and very selfish decision to accept it. I didnt/dont get my kicks off of him needing me. I did not want to wait hand and foot on him and pull him into the land of the living. I selfishly decided I didn't want a life without my best friend, from seeing the laughter in his eyes, to - yes I will say it - the amazing out of this world sex, to connecting on a very deep knowing level with another person. I didnt want to loose the good because of the bad. Thats why I married him. Thats why I stick around. Not obligation, not guilt, not pity, not the kids.

I dont see how my homework accomplishes anything, but I am going to trust that our amazing therapist knows what she is talking about. I am going to let go because thats what she is really asking me to do. I am going to trust her to take care of the crazy, or more appropriately, make him deal with it without leaving me. I am trusting her to help him learn how to handle the bad so that I dont have to loose the good.

In the end my assignment was just to find something to do every week. I still think this is an inane assignment but I am deciding to have fun with it and am looking into striptease classes because that has always sounded like a lot of fun. In reality I feel like I have taken the first step in accomplishing something, not striptease classes, really important that she didnt really ask me to do, or did she? After dealing with my husband's wonderful personal therapist these last 5 years I have come to see that the really good ones get to to the ah-ha, to the change through showing you a different way to look at the situation. Its kinda sneaky, what they ask is not really what they are looking to accomplish. Regardless, I feel positive, relaxed and ... free?

Welcome 2013.

One Month and so Many Changes

2012-12-21T21:04:00.000-06:00

I cant believe this little man (pictured one day old) is now one month old.

I celebrated his month day yesterday with being able to fit in my pre-prego jeans. A respectable size 4 though I still have some work to get back to my size 2 pre-Elena jeans. Before anyone flames me, remember that I am petite (read short). You dont want to see how bad I would need to look to get into a size 10. Super skinny for me is well below a size 2. I dont think I will every be "high school skinny" again unless its depression related.

I am enjoying the return of my body and anxious to get back in shape. I currently have this lovely pouch of fat/skin that bulges above my waist band that has got to go. If I can swing it financial we will be getting a gym membership. Husband wants one but has been talking of possibly adding some really big expenses which could prevent it. In that case, I will have to switch to biking for my cardio.

I am at a weird place right now. Torn between happiness of the moment and possible sadness for the future. I have hope. I really would like to start seeing a relationship counselor to brush some skeletons out from the closets and strengthen us for the future. There is a reason the divorce rate for those with mental illness (especially depression) is so high. I dont think the husband will like this idea much. I wont push even if I think its a worthwhile investment. We will see.

In the mean time, I am avoiding the future and relishing the present. I love my husband. I adore my babies. And I am very much looking forward to being cleared by the Dr at my 6wk appt for many reasons.

Sentimental Fool

2012-12-20T11:22:00.000-06:00

To me, wonderful events should be celebrated and marked. Since I rarely buy or get jewelry, each piece is very special and I typical use jewelry to remember momentousness things. My husband gave me two gorgeous necklaces for Elena: one to celebrate her conception and another when we found out we were having a girl. I have another necklace that marks our transition to a family of three with her birth.

For Ethan I have nothing. He wasnt anticipated and emotionally his gestation and birth were very difficult. But he is no less loved. I adore my little man and didnt realize I had a hole in my heart that only he could fill. Our family needed him and he is such a blessing. I doubt I will get a push gift so its up to me to celebrate and mark his birth. His is very important to me.

Keeping the tradition of jewelry I found this:

sold here.

What a great simple and beautiful way to celebrate him and our new family of four. I am not a gold fan so I will probably get a custom listing for a shorter (15") silver-tone chain.

Robbed

2012-12-18T10:58:00.000-06:00

I want this place to be a place of honesty. That is hard to do because there is a certain amount desire to save face that comes from public admissions. Its something that I have to work against. I would like to think that you understand that life isn't perfect and all people struggle. Sometime that is hard to remember after endless status updates of perfectness from those around you. The fact is that everyone likes to display their best side.

At the risk of being a Debbie Downer, abet a honest one, I am not really happy right now. Its not post-postpartum depression. life is just sucking right now. Not terribly uncommon for winter in my world. Without getting into all the whys right now, my husband is in a weird place right now and has been talking about his inevitability in leaving me. Not that he is planning on it, just that he doesn't trust himself to stay. This is not a new conversation. Yes, my life is all kinds of crazy. Yes, he could leave at any moment. I don't think he will. I trust him more than he trusts himself. But it all still hurts. A lot.

I once heard a guy say that women manufacture relationship problems. As 100% male as my husband is, he definitely fits in that category. I am a doer, a fixer. I so much want to fix this and go back to living my amazing blessed life. Have you every wanted to do something so bad but unable to do anything? Yeah, that. When he gets all contemplative and scared, he withdraws. Add the fact that he isnt able to sleep because of the baby and he has a bonafide excuse to sleep on the couch. I hate it. Last night, after a lot of tears and feeding Ethan, I snuck into the front room and slept on the floor next to his couch bed. Pitiful? Probably, but it made me feel so much better. I miss him like crazy.

I feel like I have been robbed of much right now. mainly joy. The ability to enjoy my amazing husband, to enjoy my new son fully, to enjoy being a stay-at-home-mom, and to enjoy Christmas. I just want to enjoy today - as it is. The problem is that he is so caught up in his manufactured problems that he sulks constantly unless I can distract him from them. Very doable but exhausting, especially when juggling two kids. In my opinion any problem you can be distracted from isnt a problem, its manufactured crazy head stuff. We are all guilty of it. Right now I am depressed. I am sure all the hormone changes arent helping the situation. I have pills to help with that, but I am not taking them. Part of the depressed me wants to be sad. Wants to mope and dwell. So I avoid the pills which could help some but wont fix my problem. It wont kick my husband in the butt and make him see that he is beyond blessed. That his has a beautiful life worth fighting for. That his happiness lies here not at the end of some mythical rainbow. He has to discover that for himself. He has to learn he can trust his own judgement. That making mistakes does not make you untrustworthy. Especially when you made those mistakes knowing they were mistakes in the first place.

Its amazing how youth can haunt us. How in our lack of restraint we can make foolish decisions, not that our judgement is off. We know the consequences, the right choice, and yet still choose the wrong, the feel good now choice. After 11 years together, starting in high school, my husband I have grown together. We have made many stupid choices and it colors our relationship. Forgiving each other and ourselves is hard but necessary. A lot of people glamorize high school sweethearts. Let me tell you, they are a hard path. I wouldnt change it for the world. I wouldnt want any other husband. Even if its easily to take for granted that your spouse will always be there, like they always have been.

For now I am going to hug my little man and big girl close, continue working my ass off to keep our house looking nice, and waiting on my husband to get his head out of the clouds and realize that what we have is incredibly rare and worth fighting for. That the romance is there even if its hiding under the rug (or suppressed from the reality of raising two young children). If two kids in less than two years doesnt prove that we still got it, I dont know what does.

Men can be ridicules, and I will probably be sleeping on the floor again.

"Life is awesome, the challenge is keeping it that way." - a friend

Meet Ethan!

2012-12-18T09:13:00.002-06:00

You might have noticed I fell of the face of the earth. Its been a crazy month or so.

In that time, I had my son Ethan James.

Ethan was born Thanksgiving day (crazy right?) at 7lbs, 7oz and 21 inches at 6:45pm.
Like Elena, Ethan definitely takes after my husband. My little man means the word to me. My hands are full with two kids and I havent been feeling up to writing his crazy birth story, but I will soon.

Best Workout Inspiration

2012-11-09T19:52:00.002-06:00

Warning: if you are male and know me personally you probably dont want to read about this so skip this one. Also skip if things like talking about sex in vague terms bother you.

We are all adults here and I assume that someone told you at some time where babies come from. What people dont tell women is that sometimes pregnancy actually increases a woman's sex drive. And after the baby comes, yeah you may not actually hate sex or the idea of sex. I read so much that first pregnancy about women who wouldnt let their husbands touch them after birth. It honestly scared me that I could be that way. I.. ummm... actually like sex, like a good part of the population.

I dont know if you only hear the horror stories or what is "normal", but let me just tell you that I LOVED my daughter's birth, pregnancy didnt stop anything, and waiting 6 weeks after birth felt like forever. So.... fast forward....

I am already thinking of after this baby's birth and let me tell you I am ready to loose this bump. I think I make a decent looking pregnant lady. For the guy who enjoys lots of curves, I must be quite enticing - but my personal preference on how "I" view myself would be sans huge baby belly. I am ready to feel sexy again. To fit in my lingerie again. Secret: I like to wear lingerie for me. I like feeling pretty... for me.

I was on pinterest today and a friend pinned this beautiful, classy but sexy teddy. It was named Danae, which caught my eye. Well I actually look at the links beyond pins so I followed it and discovered a store online that carried a lot of unique items. Many were very beautiful and the girls looks so pretty. Many had my pre-baby body (not anorexic) but with bigger boobs. Like my nursing porn star boobs! Did I lose you? Jill at Baby Rabies first mention the awesomeness of pregnancy/nursing boobs being "cup runth over" porn star type boobs. Mine were in the more Ds than I could count size. I loved them temporarily. Great for sexy time but can be annoying to stuff into clothes, especially for the petite. So as I am looking at all this lingerie it hits me: (1) I cant wait to get back into shape! (2) This is way better inspiration than all that inspirational nonsense on pinterest. So seriously if you are lacking motivation to work out, make a lingerie wish list. Best idea I ever had.

Trying to get my head on paper.

2012-11-07T12:10:00.000-06:00

I was shocked at how long its been since I posted. Sorry guys. I didnt mean to drop you. Its been rough over here. I am in my last two weeks till my due date. (?!). I am tired in so many ways. My heart has very much been on my sleeve and very vulnerable plus Elena is all about testing boundaries.

This boy is pushing OUT. I am not very basketball shaped as he has turned me kinda oblong. I even have new stretch marks below my belly button. Several new marks. I am not getting much sleep and my hips creak like an old floor. My contractions are frequent and much stronger than with Elena which makes 99% of anything painful. The house is in beyond disaster mode. I hate it but am so tired and hurt too much to kick my butt into gear. Every time I neglect picking up something or cleaning the dishes it hurts my heart. I know I am letting my husband down. I think he understands but he still doesnt like it. If it wasnt for him doing the dishes, we would have a definite hazmat situation on our hands.

Emotionally I am a wreck. I cry at the drop of the hat and am super sensitive. I try not to whine or complain. Honestly the pain and exhaustion I am trucking through. Its not that big of a deal. Its everything else that is. The crushing disappointment from my husband. The distance from this baby. Not looking forward to birth. Staying on top of disciplining Elena when I just want to cry and be held. Sleep would help. An affectionate husband would be better.

You know how they tell you dont marry someone expecting to change them. SO TRUE. I adore my husband and I know he loves me deeply. He supports me 100%. He just isnt affectionate. Hasnt really ever been much for physical cuddling, well unless he wants something. He is male. Being very whale like, I doubt I am currently inspiring in that regard. Dont get me wrong, he doesnt treat me like slime while pregnant (or ever). He just isnt the type to hold you while you cry. Or want to feel the baby.

I think he has his own struggle with this baby. Less because of the surprise nature and more because its a BOY. He isnt sure what to do with a boy. I understand his insecurities but dont believe they have much of a foundation. He is a wonderful dad. An affectionate dad (yeah dont ask where that came from). He has no problem bonding with boys - even playing pokemon with them. Regardless they are real insecurities. I wonder how much of this junk will fly out the window once we have our little boy. Probably most of it.

I still am not sure how I am going to keep Elena from loving her brother to death. I still hope that my heart and head snap into place pretty quick. Its painful to even call him by name. I love his name, but its so foreign. Denial is very much alive over here. His room isnt done. The carseat is not in the car. My hospital bag is not packed. I have no pre-prepared food. Or snacks. Or even a sterilized house. I feel alone and like its all up to me to do even though my husband is obviously picking up more slack than I am attempting in effort. I want to look forward to this child and I just dont.

Its weird because I very much want more children. But I want them on my terms... selfish right? I hate his coming because of me, not him. Because MY heart isnt ready and that bothers me. I love the idea of a little boy running around, twice the laughter, a sibling for Elena, seeing my husband grow even happier with two children. Why am I not embracing that now? Maybe its because my twisted pregnant brain seeing my husband not wanting this boy (not true) and by extension not wanting me, carrier of same child. Its like living a dream you know is a nightmare and not really occurring but you feel it and it hurts the same regardless. And I definitely hurt even though its silly.

Two more weeks and I am still burying my head in the sand. And crying.

Real life isnt glamourous.

2012-09-27T10:05:00.000-05:00

Its so easy to look at others or TV and think: I wish my life was like that. (Reality TV excluded.) Lately I haven't had much to say because who wants to hear about the dishes I didnt wash? or that Elena has a new I hate diaper changing fit? Our days are monotonous. The beautiful parts are hard to show. Sometimes we take them for granted and dont even see them, much less share them.

Right now, my husband is having Days Like This. Today I have woken up, got myself ready, said morning prayers with Elena (new think, not easy), got Elena ready, gone to work, fed and changed Elena several times, put her to bed, called customers, ordered parts, followed up on orders, dealt with a pile of email, encouraged a friend, and much more. Its not yet even 10 am. Glamorous my life is not. But I also just got a call from my husband and it was beautiful. He shared his head space with me and that it not a common spouse trait. He is tired. I am tired. We are getting on getting on in our own way. On the heels of this I read Jill's post and it snaps in my head that THIS HAPPENS. Its temporary - but we arent alone.

I try to not focus on the tiredness. The I wisheses. They seem to make the weight heavier. Today I am going to choose to focus on the beautiful parts: my husband's surprise phone call, the way Elena tilts her shoulder and flirts at strangers, her mommy kisses, the peace that comes from a quiet office.

And I will go drink a Dr. Pepper. Because sometimes the best cure, abet temporary, for exhaustion is caffeine.

First Look: @Bumgenius Freetime #ClothDiaper Review

2012-09-18T14:38:00.000-05:00

The Freetime by BumGenius is not a super new diaper. It was released awhile ago (last year?). However, it is one I am am guilty of not understanding and ignoring. Yesterday I got a free one from Kelly's Closet with my latest cloth diaper order. I admit even holding this new diaper in person had me going, "Huh?!"

You see the Freetime is considered a One-Size (OS) All-in-One (AIO). Let me tell you these are the two most difficult terms to wrap my head around in cloth diaper lingo as a newbie. It doesnt help that not all AIOs are OS and vice versa. Not being a cloth diaper expert, I actually cant name a diaper other than the Freetime that fits the qualifications for both features (its not a large category).

So some vocab for the clueless ones like me....

One-Size (OS): This means that there is no sizes to buy. No small, medium, or large diapers. There is only one-size and it is a one size fits most. Most is frequently defined as 8-35+ pounds. The diapers typically use a snap system to adjust rise (aka crotch room).

All-in-One (AIO): This means that the diaper has no removable "pieces". No inserts. No pockets. No covers. Its one single piece, normally like your typical disposable diapers.

When we originally established our cloth diaper stash, we decided that OS was the only way to go since you paid more per diaper, but bought only 1/3 of the quantity of diapers - making is the most affordable and practical option for us. At the time, there were not really any options I liked in the AIO market. They were all sized and people were critiquing them for not being easily customizable (absorbency wise) and they took forever to dry being one sewn together sandwich of absorbency. This led us to pocket diapers where you place inserts in a OS pocket.

While I completely see the allure in not having to disassemble diapers (remove inserts from pockets) for washing, or stuffing clean diapers; we really don't have a problem with either. For us, being able to add extra absorbency is a requirement for our heavy wetting daughter. Her fluffy but might be huge, but the leaks after one serving of milk are not worth the trimness (my big disposable diaper complaint as well).

When I heard that the Freetime might be the holy grail of diapers for us, I was curious. Looked into them, and was confused. Getting my free diaper spurred me to get past this confusion. So off to youtube I went and found the following video from Dirty Diaper Laundry ...

Doesnt that make much more sense than the manufacture provided pictures?

Yeah that explains nothing to me. I thought it was some weird hybrid diaper with snap inserts.

Now I know you what to know, How did it PERFORM? Do you like it?
While we havent washed it yet, I have used it and I must say I am impressed for a few reasons.
1. SUPER EASY to use.
This is my new go to favorite for Grandma and all those not stuffing friendly people.
2. Extra trim while super absorbent.
I decided to test it on our hardest test: overnight diaper use. First look, the super fluff bottom was gone! I really appreciate the trimness. I read it has 5 layers of microfiber built in with the ability to add more inserts if needed. This meant nothing to me. The question remained could it keeps my "drinks 16oz of milk in one sitting" daughter dry? We did have the slightest overnight leak in the front. In our BG 4.0s we upped it to two one-size inserts for overnight use to keep Elena dry. After research this morning, I discovered that is 6 layers of microfiber. She can normally use the infant insert and one one-size insert on a daytime diaper without a leak which equals 5 layers of microfiber. So I believe that the diaper as is, with its lovely super trimness, will work for our heavy wetter's daily use and we will need to add an infant insert for nighttime use.
3. No Unstuffing! Huzzah!
Normally Elena's diapers are so saturated that we can use the weight of the insert to slide it out of the pocket. Not having to think about that and just throw it into the pail is a wonderful luxury. I also look forward to not restuffing diapers after the wash. I had no issues removing Elena's waste into the toilet for disposal before washing.

I dont expect washing or drying issues since it should be very similar to the 4.0s we currently use. Overall I have been impressed by the wearability of BG diapers and expect these to perform no differently. I expect these will quickly become my new favorite.

I rate these diapers an A+.
This is just my first experience, What do you think of your Freetime cloth diapers?

Disclosure: I received a BumGenius Freetime Snap Cloth Diaper in Ribbit Green as a part of a cloth diaper promotion from Kelly's Closet. Kelly's frequently runs coupon codes for free diaper with minimum purchase. Free diaper is selected randomly at the discretion of KC staff. Neither Kelly's Closet, nor BumGenius solicited this review from me or compensated me for this review. All opinions are strictly my own. If you are looking for a great cloth diaper store, I do highly recommend Kelly's Closet.

Celebrating fall with Pumpkin Coconut Muffins

2012-09-04T10:42:00.002-05:00

The beginning of September harolds the beginning of fall which I only care about for two reasons Christmas and pumpkin flavored everything. Christmas has already arrived at Hobby Lobby, SQUEE!! and now I can make even more pumpkin stuff. Here in Texas we dont have cool fall things to look forward too such as pretty leaves or taffy pulls. (Do people still do that? Well I wish they would.) I am also not a fan of Halloween. But pumpkins, and pumpkin baked goods I can definitely support.

This past weekend I whipped up some
Pumpkin Coconut Muffins
inspired by Culinary Concoctions by Peabody

1/3 cup of chopped pecans
1 2/3 cup all-purpose flour
1 cup sugar
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
2 tsp pumpkin pie spice
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
2 eggs
1 can of pumpkin
1 stick of salted butter, mostly melted
1 cup of shredded coconut
6 oz (1/2 a bag) of white chocolate chips

1. Preheat oven to 350F.
2. In a large bowl mix the flour, sugar, spices, baking soda, baking powder and salt.
3. Add wet ingredients: eggs, pumpkin, and butter. Mix till combined.
4. Incorporate pecans, coconut, and chocolate chips. Do not over mix.
5. Scoop batter 2/3 full into greased or paper cup lined muffin cups. Bake for about 20 minutes. Muffins will be super moist and fairly dense. They will not rise much. Use toothpick to test doneness. Cool then remove from cups. Makes about 12 muffins.

I love that its so easy to convert this recipe to a vegan one for advent or any other Orthodox Christian fasting season. Just sub vegan butter for the regular and add 4 tbs of apple sauce instead of two eggs.

If you do not already follow my Yummo! board on pinterest, and love pumpkin stuff, you should: http://pinterest.com/newmomsurvival/yummo/

Fleas and other fun stuff.

2012-09-04T10:07:00.001-05:00

Lately I have been either crazy busy or laying in bed moaning <- because that is what people in their 7th month of pregnancy in Texas do. Overall I feel great until I do all the things and my body screams BAD IDEA back. My joints feel like I have arthritis and lots of movement makes it worse. I am officially a moaning whale.

In halfway related news, my husband almost died yesterday by being smashed by a whale. Let me tell you people, when your legs are blocking the path of a moving whale and they decide to fly over the this hurdle DO NOT TRY MOVING your legs up when the whale is in mid flight, unless you want to be smashed to death by a whale. Just sayin'.

Back to the update, we have been super active for the most part. The front yard is almost completely done. It needs a few more plants but the hedges we pulled out along with the random 6" wide tree that wanted to live in my flower bed. All the beds were mulched.

Level 2 of baby proofing is almost complete. We have a new baby cage at work which is AMAZING. And the second extra wide gate at the house is invaluable. I have a few more specialty plugs and cabinet locks to install but other than that Elena has had to find more creative ways of killing herself such as death by climbing. Yes, I am in the process of trying to secure all the furniture to the walls. If only the chairs could be bolted to the floors too.

We went to a fabulous pool party at my doula's house. It had all of little girl's favorite things, Elena was in love: kids! water! food! I was flying solo for this party since the hubs had other commitments. Thankfully Elena only tried walking on water a couple times. I was having to be quick (ha!) and ever vigilant.

We went to the zoo with friends where once again I failed to take a single picture. Elena did well despite her molar teething crankiness. We thanked the Lord (seriously!) for an overcast day of 85 degree weather and the many "Cool Zones" at the Houston Zoo. Belatedly we discovered they have a splash park at the zoo. Its definitely on our summer approved destinations.

Close family friends we rarely see flew in from Ohio which was a big treat. Since they moved out of state its been harder to see them. We had fun catching up and were excited about learning that in 2 years, after a trip to London, they are going to start trying for a baby. I know Mrs. J will make a GREAT mom. Hopefully we will see her again when she comes back in Sept. They only come in town about 2 times a year.

We had a baptism that was so sweet. Baby and Daddy were baptized at the same time. We are so happy for that little family. At the same time we learned other church friends are pregnant again. Their son is two days younger than Elena. Yay for more babies! I believe the count is currently 4 more church babies (not including Ethan), my BFF's second little one (this time a boy!), a family friend, another Bradley group baby, and several sorority sisters babies all due within 6 months of each other and Ethan. Can you tell its baby season? Now I just need Mrs. A (yeah you!) to stop dragging her feet and have another adorable little one.

And then finally this past week/weekend we cleared out all the junk in the guest room, had an electrician install a new ethernet drop in the new office space, built new wrap around desk space in the front room, built a new shelf topper for Elena's toy box, moved the office, rearranged everything in the front room, moved the guest room, repacked all the Christmas decorations so they could be properly stored, and painted Elena's big girl room. Of course this included a trip to Goodwill to get rid of perfectly good junk that we didnt need. Also I got our house set up on an annual pest control contract as a gift to my hates the bugs, acts of service (love language) husband.

Did I mention that immediately after we discovered the dog was infected with FLEAS. Yes, my husband has been going crazy about fleas. Apparently Ana caught them from her dog cousin. I have seen much worse cases. Actually when I got Ana from the shelter she had both fleas and ticks much worse than this. I had her washed a few times and started her on the preventative stuff and we were cleared up in a few months. In 3 days, for my husband's sake, we have washed/dipped her twice, treated her with preventative, flea bombed the house, washed all the bedding, and vacuumed the carpet and upholstery. I have yet to see a single flea or flea bite on me or Elena. Upon second washing (self vs professional dip and wash), I saw more dirt than fleas come off her. Maybe 5 fleas? Seriously its not that bad. He is spoiled in that he only had an indoor dog that was professional groomed monthly. I really doubt he has even seen a flea before.

I still need to finish refinishing the fireplace doors, fix Elena's ceiling in her big girl room from our recent water damage, buy/build/set up Elena's big girl room, finish sewing her big girl bedding, covert the girly girl nursery into Ethan's boy room, install the new master bath vent fan and treat the corresponding mold that has appeared from the broken one, paint our master bath, refinish the master bath cabinets, and replace the master bath faucets. I should be able to get that done before Ethan arrives, right? This week I also need to set up the house on a regular lawn contract as a thank you to the husband. None of this would be possible without him working to take care of us.

Less than 3 months left till B-day and I would kill for a good night's sleep, no heartburn, and less emotional angst. 9 months of pms emotional roller coaster is not my idea of fun. I still want more children but please, do not talk to me about that till Ethan is two and I have had enough wine to forget pregnancy.

I will try to post pictures later. After all the afters are complete.

Perfect Pancakes

2012-08-21T07:05:00.000-05:00

Its only 6:39am and already Tuesday is trying to copy Monday. Knock it off Tuesday, we have enough Mondays over here.

Woke up earlier than I should, again, after another night of next to no sleep. We have gotten to a new point where nothing helps my pregnancy reflux which means I am awake and hyper-aware every time my husband steals the blankets and I am left shivering until I yank them back. Got out of bed at crack of dawn and decided to attack neglected things. Last week the entire family caught some sort of cold bug. Elena and I are still recovering from the congestion. Needless to say my job was to keep everyone alive while we all perished from sickness. I did not maintain house. And husband certainly didnt. So its Tuesday at crack of dawn (literally) and I tackled the looming pill of neglected dishes. I am sure little boys aspire to such tasks just like little girls do.

Of course as I do all this husband is getting ready for work. He isnt happy with me. He is grumbling and angry. Lunch was not made. The pantry is very bare. I am surprised he scraped together breakfast. Pickins' are slim yall. I am a wife failure. I havent drug the baby and my exhausted self to to grocery store. I was going to go early yesterday morning but Elena was so tired and still healing so I let her sleep in. So I figured I would go after work. Except I was super late in leaving work and Elena kept asking for her daddy and to go night night. I only have 3-4 hours a day to cook dinner, feed Elena, eat something and clean up the dinner dishes. The first two items take about 2 hours. And selfishly I reserve an hour or two for me time every day and things like showers. You appreciate that I am sure.

I should have gone grocery shopping over the weekend. It didnt happen. Elena was a handful. We had a baptism. And I desperately tried to get more than the 4 hours of sleep I have been getting - to no avail. Elena has been stuck to my side for 24hrs daily and since she hasnt been sleeping much, naps are out of the question for me. Its hard to leave the house when she is screaming or sleeping and for some reason my husband always asks before I try to leave her with him if she will stay asleep as if I need to be there if she doesn't. Huh? I fail to see why this is important oh one who used to be a stay at home parent. I bust my butt continuing to try to be perfect wife who is a full time worker, nanny, cook, and maid with the goal of making all these big changes in our life easier on him.

Lesson of the story: Husband will not appreciate perfect pancakes or their rarity. And I am underpaid.

How we did baby led weaning.

2012-08-14T10:30:00.001-05:00

A friend of mine asked me how we did baby-led weaning with Elena. In turn, I wrote a book on it. (Just kidding, mostly.) So I thought I would share with you because some of you are actually faced with feeding babies and this transition to big people food.

Birthday cake and first taste of chocolate, 12 mths

Spaghetti baby, 11 mths

Toddler Puffs for Snack, 10 mths

Counting apple cubes before we eat them, 10 mths

Gnawing on her chunk of Holy Bread, 8 mths

Experimenting with Self-fed Foods, 6 mths

First Solid Food: Hands, 4 mths

You have to realize that until a minimum of 12 months every pedi will tell you you should be feeding your child the same amount of breastmilk/formula regardless of solids. You should also know that these milks have more calories than solids (purees) per oz. So conclusion: there is no medical reason you need to feed your child anything than what they are currently eating (breastmilk/formula) till after 12 months old.

While every child is different in timing, we knew Elena needed more than milk when she was still displaying signs of hunger after eating her normal fill for over a week. At the same time she lost her tongue thrust reflex and stopped drooling all over herself. Normal breastfed baby eats 28-36oz of milk a day. A growth spurt may see you on the higher end. Elena at 7 months started standing on her own and demanding 40oz or more consistently. She never was a fat baby and was burning calories at a very high rate. There was no keeping up with her milk needs so we tried avocado. I cut it up in about 1" squares, put it on her tray and watched her, she picked it up and ate it. For the most part we gave her soft foods in large chunks that she put in her own mouth. BLW says to wait till the child can pinch fingers together to pick up food. Elena hit that milestone around a month before she was really ready for solids. Bread was always a great beginner food. A large chunk was often about the size of half a dinner roll. Smaller only if she had a hard time grabbing it. Too small and she would choke. We were very relaxed about the whole process and would offer her foods and watch her reactions starting at 6 months, either she was interested in getting it into her mouth and chewing or she wasnt. No pressure. We were not anxious to push her to it and the circus that comes with dragging food around and feeding her. Breast or bottle is so much easier on parents. The pedi put a lot of pressure on us because of her weight to start other foods at 4 months. She obviously wasnt ready and was satisfied with what milk she was getting so we ignored the pedi. Everyone, including the pedi, agreed she was healthy even if not a rolly polly baby. Even though we experimented earlier than 7 mths and she showed interest in some foods, we did not feed her daily or regular meals until she showed us she needed the extra calories. Early introduction of solid food will cause a baby to reduce milk intake - replacing milk versus adding to it, which equals mom-led weaning and against the minimum recommendations from the American Academy of Pediatrics.

As they learn how to gnaw and manipulate food in their mouths babies frequently make small gagging - coughing sounds. This is them moving the food from the back of their mouth to the front so they can try the chewing stuff again. True choking is quieter and has minimal to no air expelled while trying to dislodge stuck food. If choking, use two fingers to swipe any accessible food out of mouth, follow with very firm taps to back right below shoulder blades with heel of hand. Honestly Elena never had a choking experience till much much older - around 12 months when greedy tried inhaling a whole strawberry instead of chewing it like normal. Little mouths are good at taking sized bites they can handle. My big mouth toddler can get ahead of herself, we often remind her to slow down.

First BLW foods we did were steamed soft carrots, bananas, avocados, bread, steamed sweet potato, whole steamed soft broccoli, steamed squash (without seeds - many types), pears. Try to stick to chunks that are larger than baby's hand. We did use the puffs and toddler freeze dried yogurt drops as early foods as well since size doesnt matter, they are made to melt in their mouth. Gerber and Plum both make these. Before we knew it she was eating firmer foods such as green beans and strawberries. We did no grains (including pasta, rice, or oatmeal) till she was eating table food. I fail to see the nutritional value of rice cereal and it is against my personal nutritionist's recommendations for me. We didn't try it till about 10 months and Elena hated it despite eating everything we put in front of her (except peas).

We frequently would spice foods but did not add salt or sugar. We never feed her soda or candy. Very rarely she gets a bite of ice cream or cake without icing. We didnt want to develop that habit. She isnt a sweets fan but adores her strawberries.

When in public we used purees and fed her by spoon for cleanliness sake - and still do frequently in the absence of access to clean finger foods (like grilled chicken). I am sure our waiters appreciated it. She currently eats everything we eat aside from sharp (chips) or super chewy (dehydrated fruit) or hard things (granola bars). Once she has all four molars in, then she will be able to eat everything. We are avoiding nuts/nut products till 2yrs at pedi's rec since allergies (not food) run in our families. She started cows milk after 12 months and is already proficient at all types of table food (like spaghetti). We did not feed her water or juice (other than a sip of mommy's) until after 12 months. Even then we limit it to milk unless its hot and we are outside, then we switch to water. We avoid juice because she honestly doesnt need the extra sugar and I want her to like drinking water instead of seeing it as a punishment. Her pedi confided in us that giving her children juice instead of water was one of the things she regrets about raising her children.

Her very advanced physical progress did move her timeline up quicker than the avg child. At 14 months she walks often backward while dragging things while other kids are just learning to stand/walk with confidence. Many children are not eating only 3 full (and large) table meals a day at her age. So focus more on readiness signs than age. Let your child lead the way.

I am sure I am forgetting much. If you have any specific questions, just let me know.

10 Reasons Today Rocks and a little #iPPP

2012-08-10T09:41:00.000-05:00

1. Because I love my husband (not always the case, sometimes he makes me really mad)
2. Because it is Friday!
3. Because Elena is super cute so its hard to stay mad at her.
Proof:

(Notice the lack of blur - once again someone else's phone.)

4. Because this week we got TWO paychecks.
5. Because tonight we have Bradley Potluck and I miss people who I will get to see at said potluck. Especially people willing to chauffeur around a laboring me. (I am loud people. Really loud.)
6. Because tomorrow is girls day at the zoo and Elena loves the zoo.
7. Because we got those stupid bushes out of the front yard.
8. Because EVERBLOOMING gardenias exist.
9. Because my friend thinks its great I am bringing my new double stroller tomorrow to the zoo without having two kids to put into it. <- She is even excited about it too.

10. Because simply I am just so blessed.

Monsters Under My Bed

2012-08-09T11:19:00.000-05:00

What is it about the unknown that makes it so scary? So here is a little secret, all moms go through an oh my gosh I have to birth this baby stage. Its where your fears, whether rational or not, come to the surface and you shake in your boots about something you were built to do: birth babies.

Even though I have birthed a baby, gotten my badge of survival and actually loved my birth experience - I am at that stage. I dont fear birth per se. More of being in the right head space. Head space was everything in achieving Elena's med-free birth. I couldnt have gotten there, or more importantly stayed in my special head space, without a lot of support. It helped so much that I had nothing to worry about. All I had to do was focus on getting through each contraction.

This time I have lots to worry about. I will be alone. ALONE. That scares the begeezers out of me. More scary? I cant just focus on getting through the pain. I will be by myself with a very active toddler. Are you scared now too? My last labor came so quickly. I didnt have time to think, prepare. I went directly into shutdown survival mode. I had about 10 minutes between this could really be the day and oh #$@$ while throwing up. This time I cannot shutdown. I have an adorable little girl counting on me. I have to be able to lift her, to drive, to call people. In the end of November, my office is very quiet. Most of the staff will be in field or on vacation. My family will be out of the country. My in laws will be at work 45 minutes away. My never answers his cell phone husband will be at work. My doula does not live down the street. It will be me and Elena. By ourselves.

I dont want to be at work laboring for all to see while phones ring and business cannot be ignored. I dont want to be at Thanksgiving dinner when it happens with my brother-in-laws staring at my like some crazy person. Funny how the girl that wants to be laboring by herself is scared of being by herself. I am just picky. I want my people with me. I want my doula and my husband.

If I can find a way to just stay at home, I will be okay. That way I can call Kathleen (doula) and wait for reinforcements. Elena can play in her playroom or nap. I dont have to transport anyone. I wont have to make decisions on my own about should I call my husband at work because he didnt answer my six "I am in labor why arent you answering your phone" calls. He claims he will answer his phone that day because its important and on call, but seriously guys. I have been married to this man for 7 years. He is damn good about not hearing his phone. Especially when its important. Like that time an Escalade hit my tiny Civic and I went into shock. He missed all 15 of those phone calls while I was by myself (thank you hit and run driver) shaking uncontrollably and scared. Several hours later he called back concerned.

Can you imagine driving while in active labor? To me, that sounds like pure torture. Its very evil and I am 99.98% sure a guaranteed way to get into a car accident. Does that not sound like even more fun? Getting into a car accident, while in labor, with your toddler in the car? See people. REAL FEARS. REAL SCARY STUFF. I feel like my husband brushes off my fears because he knows I can birth babies. I kinda have proof of that fact. He sees me as Sparta woman. Well I am not spartan and I am dreading labor - despite past experiences. I am not in the same place this go around. I have a toddler. My husband works. I cant take off a week or two waiting to go into labor.

Writing helps. Thank you guys for listening to my crazy rambling. All moms get scared. Voicing those fears is the first step to conquering them.

Because a smart phone makes everything better.

2012-08-07T13:22:00.000-05:00

So my friend the lovely Suzanne at Bebehblog has this awesome weekly iphone photo weekly link up thing she does. I love it because it allows me to experience a part of her week with her. Something that isnt easy to do with her living roughly 1, 761 miles away from me.

I do not own an iphone, or even a smart phone. My phone is dumb and has camera focus issues. Its called being thrifty and not shelling out big bucks monthly for a data plan. I want to do a better job letting yall in my daily what is going on life. Pictures seem like a great idea. Words dont do a great job making my boring but fulfilling life look exciting.

So instead I get to try to tell you what is so much easier to show.

This past week Elena's vocabulary shot through the roof. I swear she is learning several words a day. We are obsessed with saying HI! and BYE! to everyone and everything. She runs and gets into everything. Elena is also TALL. Nothing is safe. She climbs everything and can reach inside high drawers and on the top of counter tops. I very much have a toddler. Hold me.

Big events for last week were:
We found out we are having a BOY! Elena was unimpressed. My mom came with me to baby wrangle and oohh and ahhh over the ultrasound. My mind is spinning with plans and dreams. Its amazing how big of a deal this is to us.

Elena's second molar (tooth number 10) broke halfway through causing a picky, doesnt want to chew eater. Her gums are sore and hot resulting in we want more momma cuddles. Momma is not complaining.

Elena started asking, verbally, to go night night when tired. Best milestone ever.

Our house, to Elena's excitement, has become overrun with strollers. We now have three. Elena is in heaven pushing them around and sitting in them. More details to come about my newest strollers. Elena is not the only one in love.

My yard drove me over the edge. In a fit of "I will go crazy if I have to keep looking at this", I braved the heat and tackled the front yard. Dead annuals were removed and replaced with periannuals. The jungle of weeds and grass from our July monsoon season were removed. And part one of overgrown boxwood hedge removal is complete. Those boxwoods are the bane of my existence. They are big, ugly, and I wish the previous owners would have never planted them. Two of the five have been completely removed after discovering and killing several wasp nests in them. We had to cut off the tops and then take a saw to the roots. Yes, my amazing husband applied a power saw to dirt and cut out two of our horrible boxwoods. We hit a road block when the biggest bushes had such large roots that they bent the saw blade and drained the battery in seconds. Tonight we will tackle again with a corded saw. What a headache.

We survived week two of husband's new job. He really likes his job and coworkers. Yay! Its still a very big growing, adjusting phase. We are making it through that one day at a time.

PS: The BFF is pregnant too! Again. This time we flip flopped and she is about 2 months after me versus last time when she was about two months before me. Once again she has a ticker so I can keep track of this stuff. Now we just have to get her moving back to Houston. =)

Double Post Day: #iPPP Puppy Love

2012-08-03T15:30:00.002-05:00

I know I am super late but its worth it. Because oh my gosh the cute! Bonus points that they were taken with my friend's iphone (not blurry!) when she was babysitting Elena.

Elena loves Tink Tink! Who doesnt love a mouthful of fuzz?