New Mommy Rant

Wordless Wednesday

2009-11-18T03:00:00.000-08:00

Bye Bye Binky

2009-11-15T07:06:00.000-08:00

Each weekend I swear I am going to blog every single day the following week- I have no idea what goes wrong-but I suspect it has something to do with Facebook and Twitter eating up my time. I'll do better this week-maybe.

On Wednesday I made the decision to put the kibosh on Eliza's binky habit. Since Jude was born she had become even more attached to her binkies and was asking for them almost all the time. Before Jude was born she had only used them for sleep. It was getting to the point where she would scream and cry uncontrollably saying, "ZAZA need binky" or "ZAZA want binky." I would say no for a while but eventually I would just give in to make her stop the insanity. I know this is probably the worst thing I could have done-but it did get her quiet.

So on Wednesday I decided no more Binky. It was kinda a spur of the moment decision. I was just fed up with the tantrums. Also, I had promised the dentist we would say goodbye at 2 years anyway and I didn't want to explain myself or lie at her appointment in December. We knew if we waited any longer it would just be harder for everyone.

We told her the binky fairy came and took her binkies to give to other little babies who needed them. We showed her the empty cup where we usually stored them and that was it. I never thought I would be using any kind of fairy story with E but-like I said-it was spur of the moment and I was desperate. Pete and I were both expecting her to go through some MAJOR withdrawal. I expected lots of crying, no naps and sleepless nights for at least a few days. However, Eliza really surprised us both. She has asked for the binky only a handful of times since Wednesday. She did cry and ask for it at bedtime the first night. I was laying in bed with Jude listening to her and Pete and I felt sad and guilty. Luckily, it didn't last long. She said, "binkies for the babies" and settled to sleep.

Overall, It has been a surprisingly easy transition. Thank goodness. She really is growing up fast!

Jude doesn't seem to be a big fan of the binky so I might phase it out after four months-unless he seems to need it still. I am wondering what life will be like when I am not constantly looking for a binky.

I'd unravel any riddle...

2009-11-08T10:01:00.000-08:00

I miss sleep. Or should I say I miss extended periods of sleep. I miss REM. I really miss the long naps I took with Eliza when I was pregnant.

Jude still gets up every two-three hours at night and sometimes he gets up more than that.I think I have learned to live on less sleep. I just tell myself adapt, improvise and overcome. I think that is what all moms eventually do in this situation. I really have no choice but to function on what I would consider to be a schedule of mental torture. I do go to bed VERY early. I know it makes me a lame ass but if I need to go to bed at 9:00pm to function- I am going to bed.

I am pretty much brainless at this point. I do pretty well in my house doing things that require little or no thought. However, I went to the store one day and totally lost my car in the parking lot. I was wandering around and around and had no clue where I parked. I also have trouble with simple things like food shopping-the thought that goes into selecting produce is just too much for me. I ran into a neighbor and could barely hold a conversation. That is what sleep deprivation does to the brain.

I might as well have straw up there.

I have big enough bags under my eyes for a two week vacation.

ah vacation- I used to sleep on vacation.

My straw for brains has me thinkin all funny. Eliza LOVES to watch Mary Poppins and usually watches a fifteen minute snippet here and there at some point during the day. Last night we watched it too close to bed time and every single time Jude woke up to eat I could not get this song out of my head.

Sister Suffragette

Wordless Wednesday

2009-11-04T05:15:00.000-08:00

Happy Halloween

2009-11-03T04:46:00.001-08:00

We had a fantastic Halloween. E dressed as a flower and Jude was a giraffe. I wore a scarecrow costume my mom made about 25 years ago! We went trick-or-treating for about an hour and then E was pooped. She discovered she could EAT the candy. She handed out candy with my mom- all the while taking all the Kit Kats and declaring, "red ones for za za!" Oh Boy are we in trouble!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-10-28T05:41:00.001-07:00

Fall Family Day!

2009-10-26T12:42:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we went apple and pumpkin picking at a local pick your own farm. It was a perfect fall day and we had a great time. her are some snapshots from the day.

Noodles 4 Brains

2009-10-23T11:51:00.000-07:00

I officially have noodles for brains. I missed Jude's two month appointment yesterday. I knew it was on October 22 at 9:00 a.m. I just didn't know that the 22 was a Thursday and not a Friday. Oops. I was so upset when I found out. Luckily, Pete called and got me in for a weight check this morning. I don't know why they didn't just schedule me a regular appointment. They did pretty much everything they do at a check-up except measure his length and head. I wasn't prepared to do vaccines but the doctor asked me what I wanted to do and I made a decision. I was annoyed that I hadn't checked my Dr. Sears vaccine book last night. Under normal circumstances Jude would have received 5 ( YES 5) vaccines today. Instead, he received the DTaP and the Rotovirus. Luckily , when I got home I saw that those were the two recommended by Dr. sears on the alternative schedule. We will go back in a month to do more. Normally, they would not see him again for two months. We will just go in more often so we can spread it out. This does mean more co-pays but I feel much more comfortable stretching them out.

Jude weighed in at 12lbs 6oz- exactly two pounds since the last visit. This is a good weight gain and I am pleased. He has changed so much in two months. He is not nearly as fussy as he was in the first sex weeks. Most of he time he is a happy smiley little guy. He has also become much more relaxed in the past few weeks. He will sleep in his bouncy seat or swing (still not the bassinet).

Eliza is also great. She is doing a great job as big sister. I am amazed at how well she plays independently. Somewhere between 23 and 24 months she really started using her imagination a ton. It is crazy to see the transformation. She has also suddenly become a cuddly child. She has never been big on physical affection but lately after naps she wants to cuddle with mommy. I must admit that I LOVE this change.I think she might be getting two year molars- but each ime I check I am scared I might lose a finger.

Pete is going to be working VERY late for a while. Last night he didn't get home until almost midnight. I was at my mom's most of this week and will be going back next week. My dad is off and my SIL is staying at my mom's. i think it is really important to surround myself with family and friends. Which brings me to the Zoloft. I took one dose and it messed my stomach up pretty bad. I haven't taken it again. Pete also brought up that it could make me drowsy and that could be unsafe in a co-sleeping situation. Not cool. I would really like to work through this without meds.

In light of Pete's late hours I am considering having a mommy's helper come over a few nights a week. It would be someone to help out with the kids (play with E!) in the evening.

so that's the update here on the home front- except I am not really sure where home is right now.

My Happy Boy!

2009-10-22T08:53:00.000-07:00

Musical Beds

2009-10-21T11:50:00.000-07:00

Right now our c0-sleeping arrangement is what I would consider musical beds. We rotate sleeping arrangements based on need at the moment. It is a bit like a sleeping circus at night in our room and when I wake up it takes me a few seconds to figure out where I am.

I usually sleep with Jude on a twin mattress on the floor. Pete and Eliza share our bed which is a queen mattress and box spring on the floor. Sometimes Peter and I switch so that i can sleep with blankets and a pillow for a few hours. Eliza somehow always manages to sleep in our comfy bed. If she wakes up during the night and I am with Jude and Pete is downstairs working she screams for Pete. Sometimes if she wakes up and I am in the bed she cries for Pete and tells me to go sleep with Jude. other times she is fine with me in the bed.

I would love to get back into my bed for comfort reasons but our mattress is too soft for Jude. We have tried to put him in the co-sleeper but he wakes up immediately bright eyed and bushy tailed. When Peter or I lay next to him we can pat his back and shush him back to sleep.

I want to transition Eliza to her own bed because eventually Jude and I will be moving into the big bed. We tried several months back to have her sleep on a separate mattress in our room (the one Jude and I are on now) but she would just come onto our bed when she woke up after a few hours. I am pretty sure the same thing would happen now. She is very sensitive at night and I don't want her to feel scared or insecure in any way. However, I can't have Jude and Eliza in the bed because that is very dangerous.

My brain literally hurts from trying to solve this problem. We don't have a toddler bed. I don't know if we should try a bed in our room again or we should just go for broke and put a bed in her room (and then just have one of us go comfort her when she wakes). I am not sure if I am comfortable with that idea. it seems easier to comfort her when she is closer to us. I guess I am leaning towards trying to put her in a bed in our room again. We just have to be a little more diligent that she sleeps in that bed and not in our bed. I could use another twin mattress at this point- or it would be helpful if Jude would sleep in his co-sleeper.

Do you play musical beds?

The OB Check-Up.

2009-10-16T10:25:00.000-07:00

I had my OB check up today. She prescribed Zoloft for me. She said I could take it or throw it away- it was up to me. I am not thrilled with the idea of taking meds, but I know I am struggling a bit and it might help me get through the worst of these feelings. If I am no good- then I am no good to my kids.

I felt a lot like this after I had Eliza but I started feeling better at around 6 weeks. I anticipated it happening again but was hoping for the best. I had some good days this week and some bad days. I think overall I am doing better- but I am still struggling. The worrying and anxiety is just overwhelming at times. I hate that I am not one of those mushy "I love my being a mommy all the time" moms. I love and adore my kids but the truth is that sometimes being a mom is exhausting and overwhelming. I know that eventually I will feel myself again. Until then I just need to work on taking care of myself so I can take care of the kids.

Getting Out and Staying Sane

2009-10-15T05:25:00.000-07:00

I have started venturing out of the house some. I haven't braved a store yet and probably won't for a while. Eliza loves to take off running so I have been staying away from parking lots and stores in general. I don't want to have to choose between chasing Eliza or staying by a cart with Jude. She isn't the best about sitting in the cart either. She has already jumped out of a moving cart into my arms.! I have though of wearing Jude but I need to get up to my full speed to catch E and not sure I could do that with a wrap.

I have been going and spending some time at Pete's grandma's (gramam) house. Pete's mom (Grammyita) spends a lot of time there taking care of gramam. When she isn' t there or at work she is visiting and helping me out! So last week and this week I took the kids out in the evening to hang out at gramam's house. It was great to get out and E really enoyed seeing her grammyita and gramam and of course I LOVE the company.

Tonight we are going over to Pete's sister's house for a bit when she gets out of work. Aunt Amber comes here to visit and help me a lot. Since she only lives five minutes away I figured I could go there some nights too. It gets us out of the house and Aunt Amber doesn't have to be away from her house all the time. Tonight we have special plans to make pumpkin scented play doh!

I go to my mom's quite a bit - but she is an hour away and Jude isn't always the happiest lil man in the car. My mom also comes here to help out when she can which is awesome. I am sure I will probably try and trek there once a week in the future.

Tomorrow night is dinner with good friends Rose, Mark and Alessia. they live across the street so getting together is a breeze. We haven't seen them that much lately and we really miss them!! I have also been trying to set up some play dates with other mom's in the development.

Trying to keep busy and interact with other adults is what keeps me sane. I truly believe that the invention of the house has led to many moms home with small children getting depressed. People tend to stay shut up in houses which I think is unhealthy. Friends and family are so important and I am so thankful to have so much help and support!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-10-14T11:35:00.000-07:00

8 Weeks Old!

2009-10-13T05:44:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't blogged in forever. I had the page open all day on my computer yesterday but never wrote anything. It was actually a pretty good day for me and it most likely would have been an upbeat post- but today I woke up feeling anxious which doesn't bode well for a good day. Jude spit up a lot this morning so that made me anxious and he seems much sleepier that usual. I am fixated on how much Jude eats. I am happy he has been sleeping some longer stretches but that means he is eating less often. At my last visit to the lactation consultant Jude took in under 2oz-of course she said it was fine for his age. He only eats from one side at a time- he doesn't want the other if I offer- so I am assuming he is is full- but if he is only eating 2oz at a clip he would have to eat very often to get enough. I know he probably takes more than that sometimes- but my neurotic mind gets going. He also cries after he eats sometimes- he is very fussy. Not sure if his stomach is upset or he has air gas- IDK-but it makes me so sad that he cries after eating.

Jude is 8 weeks old today! He is smiling and getting more and more alert. We don't go to the doc for his appointment until the 22 so I will update his stats then. I go for my 6 week appt. this Friday. It has been rescheduled twice- the last time because the dr. was out sick. I am a little concerned I am still spotting and cramping on and off and hoping to get some answers.

Eliza and Nana make cookies!

Visit to Nana's House

2009-10-05T06:15:00.000-07:00

Pete is back at work this week. I will certainly miss him at home. Jude and Eliza are doing great. We visited Nana's house this past weekend and enjoyed some sunshine. I don't want to miss any of these beautiful autumn days. It will be winter way too soon.

Here are some shots from our visit.

CHEESE!

Crazy

2009-09-28T12:04:00.000-07:00

My lil sweetie!

Eliza wearing her jersey to a football themed 2nd B-Day Party!

I am not laughing- I am losing my mind-don't be fooled! I am actually on the phone with my mom complaining about how Peter never takes any pics of us.
Daddy and Jude!

Sleeping in Swing!

and here comes the crazy

So I have been feeling a little crazy lately. The hormones and the stress are making me insane. I am sure my husband is at his wit's end with me- it is no fun living with someone with anxiety. I lost it the other night and called my mom in hysterics. I have been having a hard time coping even with Pete home. I stress about everything- I stress about stress. I am on the verge of breaking down pretty much all the time.

I feel like I am a new mom all over again. I had Eliza on a schedule- and I found such comfort in the schedule. She would drink her milk, play for a bit- then I would put her down to nap in the swaddle for about an hour. Rinse- Lather- Repeat. It took me nine weeks to figure her out but when I did things were very smooth for the most part. Without the swaddle she would wake herself up every time I put her down or she wouldn't sleep at all.

Jude is a mystery to me still. The breastfeeding changes everything. He is up a lot at night and I am exhausted. He doesn't fall asleep after breastfeeding. He has been avoiding sleep altogether today- or he wakes up after a few minutes or Eliza wakes him up. I haven't been swaddling him because it doesn't seem to work as well with him-but that might be because E was swaddled with a binky and the combo really seemed to work.

Jude eats a lot (every hour and half- two hours 24/7). I don't know if he fills up on air but he chugs milk for about 5 minutes and then is done. He won't stay on after that. I try to relatch him but he doesn't really stay on (slides to nipple) and if he does he just nibbles and then cries or pops off when milk comes down. I am tired and worn down to say the least. I keep thinking- I have been getting up every two hours for forty one days- at what point will I go completely and irrevocably insane? I now breastfeeding is a challenge but I would love just a three or four hour stretch of sleep.

So I'm going crazy. Wanna Come?

Happy Birthday Eliza

2009-09-25T10:55:00.000-07:00

I have been a bad blogger. I haven't had the time, energy or the brain power to sit and blog lately. My hubs is home this week and for some reason I don't feel like I have any more time. I have close to 1500 e-mails in my inbox and I am scared to look at my Reader. I guess I will get back on track eventually.

We have had some exciting things going on during my absence.

Eliza is now 2 years old! Happy belated Bloggy Birthday to my sweet lil girl! We had a small dinner for her on Sunday to celebrate the milestone.

Here Comes TroubleKisses for Uncle Kyle!

Pop's Sweetie!

We used Skype so that my brother and my two nieces could be with E for cake! That is what everyone in the pic is looking at while Eliza chows down on her cake. She tried chocolate for the first time- and I have to say she preferred the vanilla.

Jude turned 1 month old! He weighed in at 10lbs 6oz. I think he was 20 1/2 inches but I am not sure. He is only in the 25th percentile for height and in the 50th percentile for weight.

I promise to get some Jude pics up very soon! It isn't always easy to get pictures of us when Pete is always working on pictures for everyone else!

We are still breastfeeding. We have our good times and bad. I still haven't mastered nursing while lying down. Jude won't latch like that and then milk starts spraying everywhere. I really wish I could get it down because he is up a lot at night. Last night I was up every hour. I think I might have eaten something that bothered him. It seems that a lot of different food bother him. He is a bit fussy in general and so I really try to avoid anything I think might make it worse. Needless to day, I am currently enjoying a diet of chicken and rice.

Choosing a Baby Carrier

2009-09-24T10:42:00.001-07:00

Choosing a Baby Carrier

Posted using ShareThis

Baby Name "Stealing"

2009-09-16T18:22:00.000-07:00

We all know I am way too into all things baby for a person who is not a mom, and not even pregnant. So I get bored and look up baby names online...no big deal right. Maybe it's the girl scout in me that thinks "always be prepared". I actually looked at my calendar today & realized that we are going to ttc in 8 months. So depending on how long that takes, it couldn't hurt to have a few ideas ready to go.

I have been googling baby names recently just for something to do to kill time. I was kind of surprised to find many message boards on different sites full of women complaining that someone had stolen the name they had picked out for their baby. I was very interested and read quite a few of them. They all go something like this. Woman #1 is pregnant. She & her partner agonize over the name of their baby and finally hand pick the perfect name. Then she tells woman #2 who is a friend or family member who is also pregnant. Woman #2 has her baby first and guess what happens? She uses the exact name that woman #1 picked!

I never really thought of it as "stealing" technically, but I guess it could be in certain situations. Obviously you can't exactly own a name before the baby is born. Let's say two sisters are pregnant at the same time and one tells the other the name she plans on using. If the other sister has her baby first & gives the baby that name while fully knowing she is taking it away from the other, that's totally stealing and they have every right to be royally pissed off. If in the same situation, both sisters just happen to be thinking of the same name but they don't talk about it before hand and then one sister uses the name, that just plain sucks but you can't really be mad about it.

Being pretty much the last person out of my family & friends to have kids, I have accepted the fact that some people may get to a name I like before I do. That's just the way it goes. If you are thinking your name is so great, chances are there are other people who think so too. Hate to break it to you but if you're in love with the names Ava or Madison for a girl and Aiden, Caden, Jayden, Brayden, etc for a boy...get used to the fact they will have a bunch of friends with the same name. On the other side of the spectrum, little Jude and Eliza have quite a good chance of going their entire lives and never meeting someone with the same name which is pretty cool. I have always said I will not use a name in the top 10 and still plan on sticking to that. My hubby and I have names that are normal yet not very common which is what I would like to try & go for with our kids.

My current favorite girls name is not even in the top 100 so hopefully it's not on anyone else's radar. Not only is it my favorite, I literally can not think of any other girl's name I like. My current favorite boy name is in the top 20, however 2 of my backups are between 50 and 80 and my last backup is also not in the top 100.

So I guess the question is, if you were pregnant & worried about your name being "stolen" there are 2 things you can do, which would be better?
1. Tell everyone you possibly can that name so they all know you are planning to use it.
2. Keep it a secret so nobody hears the name & then falls in love with it for their own kid.

How Do I...

2009-09-15T08:38:00.000-07:00

I am here!

I am alone with the kiddos this week. Pete should be having some vacation next week- but for this week I am flying mostly solo- still getting some help from family here and there.

So....Um

How do I go to the bathroom?

I can't leave Jude alone because Eliza knows I am occupied and thinks it is a free for all. She takes this time to HUG her brother, POKE her brother, SCREAM in his face...and all that good stuff. I am currently sitting Eliza on the potty and reading to her while I go to the bathroom. Jude is stationed near by in his bouncy seat. OR Eliza sits on the big potty while I read to her and rock Jude in the bouncy seat. Oh the joys of motherhood. If my husband ever tells me he needs to go use the bathroom alone I might just smack him upside the head.

How do I cook dinner?

My answer to this is cook on weekends for the week, cook dinner in the morning when everyone seems to be in a better mood, and utilize the crock pot. Hopefully this strategy works! I can say the baby weight shouldn't last long because I have no time to eat.

Get Eliza to nap?
I still rock Eliza to sleep. So...I basically need to wait for Jude to either be sleeping or in a very good mood to rock E to sleep. If I lay with her she will NOT go to sleep. I can't lay with Jude and her because she is a whirling dervish and will smoosh him like a pancake. Wish me luck on this one.

Eat?
Eating dinner myself is not going to be easy. Jude, like most babies, can be fussy in the evening. Of course it seems like I am always the last one to eat. I need to work on this one stat- I can hear my tummy rumble!

Why am I so Whacked?

2009-09-10T11:04:00.000-07:00

Today I went to the breastfeeding mother's group at the lactation consultant office. I actually made it to group without getting lost. This is a major accomplishment for me. Last time the GPS basically gave up on me. This week i went a different way and told the GPS no funny business. Everyone is really good at something. I finally figured out I excel at getting lost. I rock!

It was mostly new mom's and I was having flashbacks listening to them talk. Lots of anxiety! Now that is something I know about. I shook my head up and down in agreement so often my neck is sore. It felt good realizing I am not alone in being a basket case!

Here is a perfect example of how my screwy mind works. I had Jude weighed. According to their scale he is up 2lbs and 4oz from his birth weight. I am now convinced the scale was not at zero when they put him on. I am whacked. It is like I can't allow myself to believe I am doing ok with breastfeeding- because the minute I think I am successful-something will go terribly wrong.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-09-09T06:40:00.000-07:00

Change, Change, Change!

2009-09-08T07:38:00.001-07:00

Jude is three weeks old today! Where has the time gone? I have no idea. One minutes it was summer and I was pregnant and the next it is starting to smell a lot like fall and I have a three week old son and an almost two year old daughter. I'll try not to think about the fact that I'll be turning 30 in just 4 months.

Jude has been waking up every 1 1/2 - 2 hours at night. We haven't been swaddling him because-well-I was waiting to see if he had a temperament that would benefit from swaddling. It seems as we approach week three that Jude will most likely spend quite a bit of time in a swaddle blanket just like his sister. I broke out my copy of Happiest Baby on the Block to review soothing techniques. He is much happier when he is swaddled and sleeps better during the day- at least. At night we use one of the Velcro swaddles and he is still waking a lot. I am thinking of buying a Miracle Blanket because I have heard really great things about them. I am hoping his nighttime sleep will change over the next few weeks so i can get at least one longer stretch of sleep myself. A mom can dream right?

I can't believe Eliza is going to be two years old in ten days. I have been very sad lately that I haven't been able to spend as much one-on-one time with her. I keep replaying the last kiss I gave her right before I left for the hospital. As I bent down to kiss her while she slept, I knew that things would never be the same for us-but I guess I didn't quite GET how that would make me feel. I have spent day and night with Eliza for the past year. I ate with her, played with her, napped with her and slept with her at night. Although she is a daddy's girl and doesn't seem to mind much that I am busy with Jude, I still think longingly of the Mommy and Eliza show quite often.

A Mother's Love

2009-09-06T00:00:00.000-07:00

We call this survival mode...

2009-09-05T11:20:00.000-07:00

I think I can safely say we are still running in survival mode around here. I spent the past week at my mom's house so they could help out with Eliza. If I were to stay here with her in the condo she would never see the light of day and I don't want to do that to her when the weather is still so beautiful. Plus, I think the extra attention is helping her to cope with becoming a big sister. We are home for the weekend and then back to Nana's for another week. After that Pete will hopefully be spending some time at home- although he is doing his photography biz on the side- so he is pretty busy with that.

I give so much credit to all of you mom's with toddlers and newborns. Holy moly how do you do it without a lobotomy. Eliza is like a whirlwind. She is constantly climbing into the baby's cradle swing, bouncy seat, or on the nursing pillow etc. If I am trying to nurse she gets into everything! When he is sleeping she is poking every part of his face saying, Jude's eyes, Jude's ears etc. I know she usually just wants to give him kisses and love him but she doesn't exactly understand the concept of GENTLE! When the baby starts to fuss my body works too well and my stress hormone soars through the roof. This is usually happening at a time when Eliza decides to finger paint -say- the dining room table. If there were a black market for cortisol I'd be a millionaire. Any advice on this one?

Jude is doing great. He had his tongue released and we are still getting into the nursing groove. He is eating better but I am still having some soreness and that weird lipstick shape after he nurses. I have stopped keeping track of how often and/or how long he nurses especially at night. He has plenty of wet and dirty dipes and is gaining weight so I know he is getting enough to eat. I am hoping the latch issues will resolve with time. I hope to make it to the breastfeeding mom's group next week at Postpartum Place. I can have him weighed again which always help to ease me anxiety ridden mind. Sorry for all the info but that is my life at the moment. Nipples and milk people. That's it!

Other than that we have been doing lots of baby wearing. I received a purple sleepy wrap from Heather and it is AWESOME! I have also taken the kids out a few times in The BOB stroller and I do have to say it is worth every cent.

Now I am going to close my eyes quickly because both kids are ASLEEP and I am actually not holding Jude at the moment.