I have a shirt that says “I Am Still Alive” across the front of it, and I am wearing it right now. It’s fitting as I type in this space for the first time in 2 1/2 years!  It was created by the late David Wenzel and mimics a tattoo he had written backward across his chest so that he could see it reflected correctly in the mirror each day. As a cancer fighter, it reminded him to keep fighting. It’s written backward on the shirt, too. It’s one of my favorites & I remember David fondly every time I wear it. I have so many stories about this very shirt. One of the most poignant stories will be in a book I’m soon to publish, but I digress.

I’m not sure what has prompted me to log into this online space that meant so much to me for so many years. I guess I just wanted to say hi, and that I’m still alive.

I say that a bit tongue in cheek, but also for real…I’m so very thankful to be alive. 11 years out from my own stage 3b cancer diagnosis, and on top of that, I don’t think I’m alone in saying there has been loss in the past 2 1/2 years.

Much has happened to us all since late 2019. It’s crazy to think Covid didn’t exist then. At this very minute, I am on day 8 of finally getting it. I’m doing well despite the cough that just landed all over my keyboard, and the sense of smell just lost this morning, which is odd being this late in the game. I will take the joy of smelling my coffee in the morning much less for granted from now on.

Despite deep loss, there has also been an overwhelming joy.

So. Much. Joy.

The last post in 2019 was about witnessing our daughter Teagan’s engagement. We had a Covid wedding, and the above image captures joy unspeakable, greeting our guests as they pulled around a circle driveway to celebrate safely with us. Her now-husband Lucus is an addition to our family that is “beyond words” amazing. God has used him to bring about his will in many ways. Teagan just recently graduated from UNL and we could not be more proud and eager to continue to witness these two continue to build their life.

Then there is our daughter Colsie, who in 2019 had just graduated from high school. This was an amazing feat when you factor in all that she was up against. She has with grit and grace overcome so many obstacles put in her path and we are honestly in awe. She is now engaged to another “beyond words” amazing man Vance, and we are simply blown away by God’s goodness. We cannot wait to celebrate them in September.

Our youngest Avery is now a student at UNL. She was the recipient of a scholarship that pays full tuition and man are we SO proud. She is thriving as a college student and has a very full social calendar. We are enjoying the wisdom that she has that is beyond her years and her easy-going demeanor as her parents.

Todd is thriving teaching middle school (lucky students!) but he is home for the summer, of which I am most grateful as he is available to help support a SUPER FUN NEW ADVENTURE that has been in the works since March.

THE NEW NOSTALGIA HOUSE!

During March, April & May I had a blast setting up our Airbnb and it is currently hosting our 4th guest! We have had 5-star reviews so far and goodness it has been a fun project. You can take a peek here and if you are ever in the Lincoln, NE area (or driving cross-country and need a central place to stay!) we would love to have you as guests! It is a project encouraged by our amazing son-in-law and daughter, who now own a duplex and are prepping their own Airbnb. Such a fun thing to do together and have in common!

Now that The New Nostalgia House is off and running (and getting bookings!) I can get back to finishing another very important project, the one that has been years in the making and what took me away from writing here on the New Nostalgia site.

It is a legacy book written about my Kelly, one of my closest friends who we lost in April 2020. I cannot wait to share it with you and it will be available to purchase on Amazon.

Loss & joy.

I know I’m not alone in doing the dance of life between loss and joy. As I type I so wish this was more two-way and I could know how you all are doing. You could always let me know in the comments if you wish! I would love to hear from you.

The post 2 1/2 Years Later I Am Still Alive appeared first on New Nostalgia.

I’ve had a secret heart’s desire for a few months now.
I’ve wanted a little get-away, some solitude, a writer’s retreat.

I have an important writing project deadline at the beginning of next year, so now that fall is almost over, this desire has been felt a bit more acutely. The idea of a retreat was not a demand or need, just a little nudge of thought in the back of my mind, a desire of my heart that only God and a couple of my besties would know about.

Desire of My Heart

“Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4

“Be faithful in a little, and he will give you much” Luke 16:10

God has a way of weaving stories and heart’s desires and bringing them about in ways I couldn’t even begin to dream up on my own. I am in the middle of a beautiful moment in his tapestry of this life that I get to live.

It is a moment that I honestly can’t believe I get to be alive to see, much less to witness it with my own eyes. It is the moment my OLDEST DAUGHTER GETS ENGAGED!

I have had a heart’s desire since day one of each of my girls being born…a prayer of my heart; “Lord, if getting married is part of your story for them, would you build-up, raise up and hold the future men that will one day hold my girls’ hearts?

I have prayed for their potential future husbands for years. I know the importance of marrying a good, good man who trusts in a good, good, God, with Him as the foundation of their marriage.

“Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7-8

God holds stories.
God holds hearts.

God gives hearts desires to those who delight in him.
God answers his children when we ask in line with what he also desires.

A Writing Retreat and An Engagement at Highlands

I am typing away in a room in Colorado, the view out my window is snow coming down covering pine trees and mountain peaks. I’m writing snuggled under a handmade quilt on the bed, with a big “H” lovingly crafted right into the design by a local church. The corner is marked with the word “Highlands”

I am at Highlands Presbyterian Camp & Retreat Center. Located in Allenspark, CO.

It is a very special place to my Teagan and her Lucas, a place they have come for 3 years in a row to meet with God in the beauty of majestic mountains with REACH, the name of their yearly church college group retreat.

It is a place that, as of the day after I am writing this, will not only be known to them as Highlands Retreat Center but will forever be remembered as the place where they got engaged.

I am hunkered down, hiding from my daughter. I was invited by God and my future son-in-law who asked me to be here to witness. He knows our daughter well, how she would want me here…how close my Teagan and I are.

Not only are we Mother and Daughter, but close friends; another deep desire of my heart granted by God. I’m so thankful for my girl and our relationship.

I stretch my neck side to side as I write, and turn to look out the window to see if the snow is still coming down. It is.. a horizontal small-flake type of snow, proof that I made a good decision to get here a couple of days early ahead of the snow.

The wind blows and pines disappear into swirls of white for a just moment, then reappear. My eyes squint and smile as I glimpse bright red against the white. A vase in my window of 2 dozen red roses brought all the way from Nebraska.

This was my one and only task given to me by my future son-in-law. “Bring the roses,” he said.
They scented my car yesterday as I made my way up the curves of the mountain, knuckles gripped as I got the hang of twisting and turning.

The roses stayed steady, as did my eyes, although I was quite tempted to look at left and right at the breath-taking views. I breathed in the scent of an up-coming momentous occasion while car-climbing and winding up majestic mountains.

How can it be that you are this mindful of me Lord?

These plans you’ve had in store for me!! I smile at how God is not the only ones with plans.

My future son-in-law also has plans of a rose petal path leading to a proposal. I think about how pretty they will look sprinkled on snow. The wind will die down tomorrow, and skies should clear and reveal the view of mountaintops.

His plans include two professional photographers to capture the moments, a table set up to hold roses and framed photos of the forever couple that have captured their story so far. There will be candles and twinkle lights on top of a large boulder.

He scouted out the perfect spot, built steps with stacked stones and a railing out of an upended tree trunk, to steady my girl as she climbs up and takes in the view as it takes away her breath.
Rose petals will mark the place where he will kneel before my daughter on one knee and slip the ring on her finger.

While I wait on a Sunday for this momentous occasion to happen on a Monday, I marvel at how God winds and weaves this writing retreat right into their story, a gift He knew he had for me. I believe He planted that desire of my heart to get away with him in the quiet, just so we can delight together when He actually makes it happen.

I longed for quiet and He has shut down the noise of my phone, as I am high up enough for connection to not happen from my room..one of the best perks of this place if you ask me. I notice the absence of the alerts, and my body exhales and mind clears enough for words to flow.

The quiet reveals the sound of the wind. I marvel at it howling through pine trees. This is new-to-me background noise–this roaring of wind through pine trees. It reminds me of God’s power, and these verses displayed in the Highlands Lodge lobby.

I pause my typing, look around and take in all the ways he delights in me and brings me delight.

I think about how God created and delights in marriage, and imagine a boy on one knee before my girl, surrounded by pine trees clapping their hands and singing for joy.

I feel giddy.

Delightful Things I Experienced at Highlands

~ handmade quilts

~ white folded towels set out that I did not have to wash or fold. A gift for this Mom!

~ a never-ending supply of the creamiest of hot chocolate or hot coffee or hot herbal tea from the beverage area.

~ the stone fireplace flickering in the lobby, a place I can go if I want connection (wifi & people), as long as my Teagan is not around! Sneaky sneaky!

~ a place for everything, and everything in its place in my cozy room

~ a forced slow, by snow and just a touch of altitude sickness, a slow body but still, a clear mind to write

~ a labyrinth outside my window, the reminder to still, focus in and pray

~the views, the views, the mountain views!

~ my essential oils brought from home, with the perfect blend of citrus, spruce, clove, lemon, frankincense, cinnamon, and cypress. Mountain scents!

~ a knock at my door, my Lucas snuck away to visit and discuss the plan. I cannot believe he is hiding a ring! Weee!!

~ new heavy snow boots found on sale just weeks ago. Who knew I would need them to hike a mountain to the perfect engagement spot?! God did that’s who!

~ the sound of the wind howling through pine trees. A reminder of his power, the same that is in me.

~ the set up of communion I spot in the hall that stops me in my tracks. The reminder of his blood, shed for me so that I may know him and he, me…for all eternity.

~ how the staff here marvel at the fun of putting me up in the quietest room and being part of the surprise…the room at the end of the hall

~yummy comfort food made by the Highlands chefs

~ icicles hanging off the cabin that is hiding my car in its shadow. Water frozen in motion. God art.

~ how the sun lands directly behind the cross backlighting a Highlands directional sign

~ being reminded by staff that if I left any snack food in my car the possibility of a BEAR visiting it is quite, well… possible! I am in a place where there are bears…permagrin again!

~ the beautiful lodge lights when walking back from my car in the dark of night

~ listening to college kids sing when I came out of hiding the day after the engagement. “And I will be ever rooted in You God, ever be rooted in You, Lord.” How the words apply to marriage, too.

~ the future plans on my heart to bring my loved ones back here. A family reunion perhaps? A refreshing get-away retreat with my man? A writer’s retreat with my writing friends?

—

Yes, please!

I snuggle in, calm my permagrin, and thank my Lord for Highlands.

A place where a fun, mysterious God answers the desires of my heart, and the place where my daughter’s heart was captured, permanently.

————

Highlands Retreat Center

I will share more about my personal experience of the engagement and my daughter’s reaction to the surprise of me being there in another post, but now I want you to know more about Highlands Retreat Center. This place that has become very special to me is so very warm and welcoming to all kinds of people, ages and groups.

Mission

The mission of Highlands is
to provide gracious hospitality & quality Christian programs
in a majestic mountain setting
& to nurture spiritual renewal & transformation
in a safe & inclusive environment.

I am witness, I’ve experienced it firsthand. They live their mission. This place and these people are the real deal and took such good care of me.

From the Highlands website:

This beautiful facility includes 24 sleeping rooms, an administrative suite, reception lobby, conference room, and kitchen and dining facilities.

Highlands Presbyterian Camp and Retreat Center encompasses 285 acres, has 42 buildings, zip-line, archery range, gaga ball pit, rock climbing, a low-elements challenge course, and access to the wilderness areas of the Roosevelt National Forest and Rocky Mountain National Park.

Highlands offers a wealth of program and lodging options for adults, youth, and children alike at our versatile 285 acre camp and retreat center.  Participate in one of Highlands’ organized camps or design your own program.  Let our staff assist you in planning your next family reunion, meeting, wedding, church retreat, or educational event.  In addition, take advantage of recreational offerings that are unique to our mountain setting. 

The location? It is ideal, in Allenspark which is just a little over an hour’s drive from Denver up to Highlands. The drive and the views are so spectacular that it felt like just minutes. Estes Park is just 30 minutes away and a bit further from there is the epic Rocky Mountain National Park.

As you read above, there is a lot to do at Highlands, much of which I didn’t get to experience as I was tucked away hiding from my daughter. I did get to walk some trails, and loved that there all types of levels of difficulty! It was hard to imagine my time being any better than it was, even though I didn’t participate in all Highlands has to offer.

Things I am looking forward to experiencing the next time I go? Exploring a “hidden room,” campfires, creek hiking, rock climbing, team building, canoeing, and taking more time than I was able in nearby Estes Park. Also, sharing all of the experiences with my husband!

I look forward to visiting again, to find quiet, community and activity:

“In a place set apart called Highlands”

Learn more about Highlands Retreat Center by visiting their website. It is full of great information!

You can also follow them on Facebook

The post An Engagement, Writing Retreats and Heart’s Desires at Highlands appeared first on New Nostalgia.

Goodness, it has been a hot minute since I have written on this site. I miss it!

This past summer had me living day by day, minute by minute…and I have loved it. It was a strange feeling as I am usually a planner and like to think ahead and stick with the plan.

When God is in the minutes, living moment by moment is so very fulfilling and I feel more present than I ever have in my life. Minute by minute is a great way to live well!

It is not natural for me and the fall is bringing rhythms I am thankful for, but even now, I am enjoying a more fluid schedule and the unknown adventure each day brings. I will share more about what I’ve been doing in these more fluid moments soon, but for now…lets talk YouTube videos!

Here are some fun YouTube videos I have loved that have helped me live well in the moments lately. I love watching YouTube videos while relaxing in the evening.

Notice how many involve food! Ha!

I hope you enjoy them too!

12 YouTube Videos To Help You Live Well

Pour Over Coffee

I have been doing this Pour Over Coffee method months now and now know what an exceptional cup of coffee tastes like. It may have made me a bit of a coffee snob…or at least able to really appreciate a fine cup of coffee! No more expensive, plastic K cups or a machine taking up valuable kitchen counter space in our small kitchen. I always wondered if it would affect my health drinking coffee every day that had passed through plastic, and now I don’t have to worry.

I love grinding fresh coffee each morning —the aroma!–and the few minutes this takes feels slow and luxurious in the morning. I empty my dishwasher while I wait for my gooseneck kettle to boil which is a bonus. Little rhythms and routines like this each day seemed to have balanced the less routine moments of my summer.

Here is another video of a pour over coffee method that I loved.

Cleaning Rhythms

This video and method has really changed my attitude and thinking about cleaning. I have always done bits and pieces of it, but her 3 Wave Method as a whole room or house cleaning really does work well and gives the satisfaction of having an entire room tidied and cleaned all at once.

I have binge-watched her videos, cleaning tips from a professional definitely has helped me live well by keeping a company-ready house most of the time, at least in the main rooms that matter! My storage room and garage…that is another matter…

Rescue

My theme song for the summer was Rescue. I have been doing some legacy writing projects, which brings some of the bravest of cancer fighters, cancer survivors and trauma survivors into my world. I find that deep friendships form when I am allowed to enter into others’ stories in such an intimate way. This song not only calms my heart but it has brought great hope to those I have shared it with.

Blow Out Curtain Bangs and Loose Waves

Living well can look all sorts of ways, and sometimes it looks like taking the time to blow out my bangs! I must admit most of the summer my hair is in a messy bun, but when I used the techniques in this Blow Out Curtain Bangs and Loose Waves video, I actually got a compliment on my hair from my man! He is an “enneagram 5” so he holds those compliments pretty close and can often think the positive things but not voice them. When a compliment actually makes it from his brain to his lips, I know my hair must be on point!

Ocean Waves

Here is a different type of wave that has helped me to live well by bringing calm. My sister sent this to me and said she uses the sound of these Ocean Waves in her morning quiet time. I tried it out and loved it too. We recently were in the Chicago area and sat by Lake Michigan, and the waves sounded very much like this. I just love big bodies of water that bring the waves. The never-ending ebb and flow, sometimes crashing sometimes soft and calm. Reminds me of life.

How To Make Oat Milk

Have you noticed some of the best coffee shops are now offering oat milk as an alternative plant-based milk? I just love the creamy texture and have made it myself using gluten-free oats and this How To Make Oat Milk video. An easy peasy and inexpensive plant-based milk for my lattes.

How To Pick The Perfect Produce

Gimme all the fresh fruit! We constantly have melon in our refrigerator during the summer and still have been now into fall.  Fall apples are my favs and I just love peaches too! Cannot wait to make my favorite peach dessert.

This How To Pick the Perfect Produce video is by Jordan Page and I just love her energy!

Yoga For Neck Shoulders & Back

I’ve been taking random jobs here and there to help supplement our income. I don’t want to depend on sponsored posts…I’d rather just write what I want for the most part on this blog. Sponsored posts depend on eyeballs on the blog, and Google has algorithm changes that have the power to show my posts to eyeballs or not. I’m exhausted from trying to keep up with by marketing myself, and have decided I don’t want to play the game of trying to be seen in Google results.

Plus I’ve been transitioning to a different type of writing along with this blog, which I cannot wait to share more about soon!

My husband also recently had a job change and is in the classroom again as a middle school teacher, and for the next couple of years will make a bit less than what we were used to. Because of these reasons I have taken on a couple of house cleaning jobs to supplement my writing and even a gardening job this summer!

I cannot tell you how good it has been to MOVE this body. It is the perfect compliment to my “sitting for hours and writing” job. Cleaning and gardening are no joke…it is hard physical work and great exercise! I feel like I get paid to work out!

Between these hard workouts and sitting at a computer writing, I am very much in need of yoga in my life. I especially love this video called Yoga For Neck Shoulders & Back on extra sore days.

9 Ingredient Chocolate Blender Muffins

These 9 ingredient Chocolate Blender Muffins are so fast to zip together in the blender and a great way to use up over ripe bananas. I like that they are gluten free and dairy free, as both have made me bloat lately! TMI? Or do you relate? If so try these muffins. The almond flour gives these some protein power, which is a nice bonus to balance out the usual carbs of a muffin.

Mixing Wringing & Mopping

This method of mopping has transformed my opinion of mopping. I used to really not care for mopping. It just was so time-consuming. This method is so fast and easy for all types of floors. I have learned that with the right tools, cleaning is a breeze. Tools I use for mopping? This mop, lavender castile soap, and these washable microfiber cloths that stick to the bottom of the mop. No more buying refills that rip and leave a residue. Buy these items, watch this video & fall in love with mopping just like I have!

1 Serving Blueberry Crumble

This Blueberry Crumble is perfect for after-dinner sweet cravings. It uses Swerve, which is a sweetener that a lot of people who are on a keto diet use,  but if you would like to stay away from that ingredient, you can just use sugar or maple syrup.

Instant Pot Cilantro Lime Chicken & Lentils

This dinner of Cilantro Lime Chicken & Lentils is fast, easy and everyone in my family loved it. I have been using my slow cooker and my instant pot much more often for dinners now that my schedule is more full. It is a way to work smarter not harder!

Do you love watching YouTube videos? PLEASE share your fav follows in the comments or tell me about what you like to watch. Also tell me if you like a simple post like this one of sharing my favs. If so I will do it more often!

The post 12 Fun YouTube Videos That Help Me Live Well appeared first on New Nostalgia.

This is how God works with me.

I seek his face, my own expressionless, staring out the window

Smeared mascara, tears wiped away with a swipe of my wrist while doing dishes.

Heart sad, my spirit so discouraged.

My lack is in my face.

I go upstairs and gather my tools to enter into His presence.

Coffee, journal, blanket, fan, pen, books, phone…

A habit that carries me into the only thing that brings hope.

A holy habit.

I seek his face.

I draw close to him because he promises he will do the same.

“draw close to God and he will draw close to you” James 4:8

Sometimes I leave feeling empty even though I know I’m not,

for he is always with me and within me.

And sometimes I receive multiple kisses from the God I so love,

a feeling that overwhelms my broken heart

and it becomes fixed and full, and feels like it might burst.

I deep breathe and think about His presence in me,

fully known and fully loved

and I am full.

Today, it is because he has shown me so tangible his limitless G R A C E

Grace = unmerited favor

Abounding, limitless.

Grace.

I came empty, hollow and lacking, yet feeling like I am too much

I leave reminded that I am complete and in a safe ocean of grace, sinking deep

I can offer the same to others, even when I don’t want to

He becomes my why, my reason and motivation.

I watch a video on a favorite app and I feel God communicating

through poem and images of light.

Broken pieces start to mend as I watch it 3 times,

words jumping, straight-shooting right to my heart.

{PRESS PLAY, WATCH A MINUTE}

my days are full of possibilities

none more exhilarating than when I cross the threshold of GRACE

 

sky opens and space clears

a radiant landscape of belonging unfolds

 

and held circled by love I stand in sunlight and remember faithfulness

warmed and awakened I am

 

stilled by wonder

& breath deeply of this

subversive beauty

 

grace never loses its power

to startle

to wrongfoot

to scandalise

 

limitless and immeasurable

there are no strings

attached

 

Isn’t that so beautiful?

So what is GRACE?

God’s blessing even though we don’t deserve it.

A gift to the unworthy…of WHICH I AM THE MOST.

Grace –“beauty of form”

I am reminded of His name for me, given years ago

Shining One…I am because He is.

Grace abounds…yes, LIMITLESS.

His unmerited favor for me = My unmerited favor towards others.

I get up from my bed, to refill coffee, and I raise my hand to him.

Shaking my head in disbelief that the God of the Universe

cares to communicate with me.

I say aloud with hand lifted “Lord, you are so beautiful.”

That moment a song from my past pops in my head, another God kiss.

“Oh Lord, you are beautiful…your face is all I seek.

For when your eyes are on this child, your GRACE abounds to me.”

 

Of course, the word GRACE, for it abounds!

It goes on in my head, the second verse, I notice the word “light” and “fire”

and think about the images I just watched in the video.

The familiar image of an Edison lightbulb —

I just purchased one to place in a light fixture found on a fav marketplace of mine.

He knows me.

I see how it shines in the dark and it reminds of who I am,

and he who named me all those years ago.

God is so personal, he knows my name, and what I love.

SHINING ONE

I have not lately. Shined. (Shone?)

I feel the opposite of light.

So discouraged and dull.

In the darkroom. Stuck.

But then yes, the second verse

“Lord, please light the fire, that once burned bright and clear

Replace the lamp of my first love, that burned with holy fear”

 

And then, this version, one I have never heard goes on with these words

“I wanna take your word and shine it all around

First help me to just live it, Lord, 

 

And when I’m doing well, help me never seek a crown

My reward is giving glory to you”

I’m reminded of my pastor exhorting and escorting us into the lightroom with his words:

“get in the lightroom. Stay in the lightroom.

Flee from the dark, especially dark thoughts.

Where there is light darkness cannot exist”

I ponder and I am amazed at God’s sweet connections with me.

He knows I need to hear that it is not a crown I seek

I am plugged into his presence and feel a flicker of hope.

Hope, for I am enveloped in the presence of his Holiness.

This is true Happiness.

Freely floating in an ocean of grace,

(here, minute 3:49) the sun on my face.

Heart safe.

This is how God works with me.

Is your heart discouraged? Distracted? Sad?

Do you feel stuck? Hurt?

I read this post, editing it a week or so later after I have found my light and joy once again.

I want you to know that there is hope.

The dark can be so lonely, and if you find yourself there now

Know this:

You. Are. So. Loved.

Seen.

There is an ocean of grace that is waiting for you.

Don’t stay in the dark.

Seek Him who is Light.

As this song says…we “don’t have time to maintain these regrets” when we think about how very much we are loved!

I cannot imagine walking through this life without knowing Love.

If you have not encountered His love, He wants you to!

The post Oceans of Grace When Discouraged, Depressed, Sad or Mad appeared first on New Nostalgia.

I’m sitting at a new to me table in my updated sunroom, in the mood to talk…so let’s talk!

Boy, I have missed writing on this blog. It has been a while, and this year I’ve only written a handful of posts.

The year started out with:

healing from surgery in January,

a bout with vertigo in February,

a life-changing local cancer conference that I spoke at in March

learning how to be witness and extracting story in April

and a donut-filled graduation celebration in May.

I’ve taken it slow on this blog of mine since that conference back in March, where I spoke of “pivoting’ in my talk to a room of beautiful fighters, survivors and caregivers…a talk of which I will share here on the blog soon.

I looked out in the crowd as I took in a breath before speaking and thought, “These are my people.”

An impression that was quite dramatic, and took away any nerves I had standing in front of an audience, which did not go unnoticed by me. A small miracle in and of itself. I usually do not like standing in front of a crowd, but this was different.

I spoke of pivoting and had what I think might be a moment of life-pivot myself. I feel called to these beautiful people:

Fighters.

Survivors.

Caregivers.

I think the last few months have brought a pause in the pivot as I try to figure out what it all means for this space.

In the midst of the pause, God has brought about much life change and opportunity for me, which has caused a feeling of movement even though paused.

My friend Ali talks about life feeling full but not busy. Yes, life has felt full on the verge of busy– how is that possible while paused?

God has a way of doing that. Slowing us in our own plans to reveal bigger and better plans that were not part of our own planned agenda. Yes, his are always better.

Movement while paused has included:

• Campaigning, cheerleading and coming alongside a friend who is willing to do something for kids who hunger in Africa. She is tackling a mountain of need by climbing a literal mountain. She is gonna kill it on Kilimanjaro and I get to be witness as she prepares and help her get the word out about this important work.

•  Entering the world of legacy writing and a writing project so precious and meaningful to me that I cannot even fathom that I have the privilege of doing it. The cancer conference I spoke of above created one of the most precious connections with one of the most inspiring people, one who I now call one of my dearest friends. I will share more about this when the time is right.

• Caring for my body. My Oncologists took me off of the protective cancer med that I have taken for the past 8 years. The goal was 10 years but it is causing my bones to thin so no more popping a tiny pill right before bed. My joints feel so much better off of this medication, but the sense of comfort I found in that tiny pill was not easy to release. Honestly, this false comfort was misplaced, and I realize my hope is in Jesus alone and he knows my story and the plans he has for me. Despite this truth, I feel strongly about taking the best care of this body of mine. Again, I will write more about this in an upcoming post, but for now, I will share this book and say that this 131 Method is working wonders for me.

There is more movement in the pause, from the gift of meeting with and mentoring a beautiful young Mom of 3, to minimalizing our home and purposefully creating more and more areas of beauty and rest for my sweet family, celebrating our middle daughter Colsie’s graduation and getting used to our youngest, Avery, becoming a driver!

Yes, full on the verge of busy.

Back to this space, this place where you all have been so kind to me over the years, willing to read my words.

Back to this pull towards cancer survivors, fighters, caregivers.

I am called to keep writing here, but I’m not sure what it will look like. It may be more like documenting, as I cannot get the words “I am witness” out of my head. Yes, a pull toward documenting instead of content creating.

Content creating is what all the “experts” say must be done. “Create content for your readers’ needs. Write what is important to them. Figure out what they want…the more viral the better.”

I love you my readers, but I am not sure I am made to create content for you.

I think instead I am made to be witness, to document what I see and share it with you–what it is that delights me, moves me, or brings me joy. To share the tools that help me to live well, because maybe they might be something you would l like too?

It is not that is is about me. Life is NOT about me.

It is not that I take you for granted…goodness no, I am so thankful for every set of eyes on these words of mine… for every single visit to this site. 

It is more what I feel I am called to, and that is learning how to live well, having eyes to see, and documenting it for others, and maybe becoming a bit more niche in the area of cancer.

I am learning that life is so very very short, that we each have a calling, and I don’t want to miss that calling while I am chasing the next post that may go viral. My heart to help support our family (which is possible by the number of people reading this blog), can quickly be distracted by chasing the viral.

The viral can become virus, infiltrating my mind and distracting me from life and what I am called to do. I am not called to chase numbers.

I hope you will continue on this journey with me, even if the destination seems a bit nebulous. Really, the destination is not, for I know exactly where I am going…because it is where I have always been. Right beside my Creator.

What is nebulous is how I am to spend the time while on the road to the destination, which is quite alright. The nebulous forces one to slow, take it day by day –post by post–revealing what is meant to be.

As this happens, I will document, for I am witness.

Thank you for allowing me to be.

Will you do me a favor?

If you are a cancer fighter, survivor, or caregiver, will you let me know in the comments?

If you are a fighter survivor or caregiver in general, not having to do with cancer, will you also let me know in the comments?

The post Let’s Talk | Life Update appeared first on New Nostalgia.

A Pancake Tradition

I have a tradition with my girls of taking them to breakfast after orthodontist appointments. If your teens have had braces, you know these appointments happen often…about every 3-4 weeks for over a year!

Because of this, and the cost of braces, we staggered it and had our girls in braces just one at a time.

I loved using these ortho appointments as an opportunity to have a breakfast date with my girls, but wanted to send them to school with a belly full of healthy food and I didn’t want to pay too much for it!

Because of this, we found a local breakfast restaurant called The Egg and I, and ordered the same gluten-free oatmeal pancake breakfast every time, and split it.

The pancake was hearty and huge and would fill the entire plate, and it came with fresh berries on top and a side of eggs and sausage. We always asked for a double portion of scrambled eggs instead of the meat, and we would leave full and happy!

I found a random recipe on Facebook for blender gluten-free pancakes and decided to give it a try. I loved that it used bananas (of which I always have sitting around getting too ripe) and the ease of a blender. It also called for oats which give a heartiness and texture that I crave in a healthy pancake, so I had high hopes.

Oatmeal Gluten-Free Pancakes Just Like The Egg and I

When I tasted the recipe, it tasted very familiar and I knew we had a winner. I had my youngest daughter taste it and she instantly recognized it too….they tasted just like our Oatmeal Gluten-Free Pancakes from the Egg and I!

One thing that made it so very familiar was how the outside is almost crispy and the inside is super moist on the verge of underdone. This is very much like the pancake we always order. We love the texture and would eat a ton of them if they were not so filling!

This has been my go-to oatmeal pancake recipe lately and will continue to be. I always have the ingredients on hand and we all love them. Simply add the ingredients to a blender, whip then pour right from the container onto the griddle. It could not be any easier!

My oldest 2 girls, Teagan and Colsie, are out of braces, and my youngest has just 2-3 appointments left. She also just got her license, so the last time we sat at our breakfast date I found myself very nostalgic and wondered if she would be driving herself to the last few appointments.

If she does, I think I will still meet her for breakfast. I’m holding on to these precious traditions that last long but change quickly as life just keeps passing and they just keep growing up!

What a gift to be here & experience these moments, and how fun is it that we now have a recipe we can make at home to remind us of our fleeting, fun traditions.

Gluten-Free Blender Oatmeal Pancakes

Print

Blender Banana Oat Pancakes

Throw ingredients into the blender and blend away! Gluten-free, healthy, filling and delicious. These Blender Banana Oat Pancakes taste very similar to the gluten-free pancakes from The Egg and I restaurant. Yum!

Course Breakfast

Cuisine American

Keyword blender, breakfast, brunch, glutenfree, oatmeal, oats, pancakes

Prep Time 5 minutes minutes

Cook Time 5 minutes minutes

Total Time 10 minutes minutes

Servings 5

Ingredients

• 2 cups rolled oats
• 1 cup unsweetened almond milk
• 1 large ripe banana
• 1 large egg
• 1 tsp vanilla
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp cinnamon
• Dash of sea salt

Instructions

• Blend quickly just until ingredients come together. You want a bit of texture, not completely smooth. Pour onto a hot griddle, allow the pancake to become a golden brown, then flip and repeat on other side.

The post Blender Banana Oat Gluten-Free Pancakes appeared first on New Nostalgia.

Thank you Facebook Marketplace for sponsoring this post. There’s something for everyone!

I have a fun new hobby of turning another’s used into something NEW thanks to Facebook Marketplace. I wanted to create hygge in my sunroom now that the weather is finally nice!

Just last week, my sunroom was full of broken down cardboard boxes that were needing to go to recycling and was quickly becoming overloaded with stuff. It is the first greeting for my guest when they visit, so this was not ok. It needed a little TLC, but I needed to keep it simple and inexpensive. This is where Facebook Marketplace comes in.

Facebook Marketplace has made it so fun and easy to browse and buy items from your local community, and sell any items that are in your home and need a new home. Make money while minimizing and beautifying my home? Yes, please!

It really could not be more simple. If you can take a photo with your phone and know how to send a text message, then you have the skill to use Facebook Marketplace!

Along with a posted photo, add a description of your item, name your price, and wait for messages from people who are interested. I have found some of my most favorite home items locally sourced on Facebook Marketplace.

It is a place to find amazing items to bring beauty into your home. It is a place to post the items you no longer love to make space for the NEW! Yep, I’m all about it.

Used Items to Create Hygge

Here is a secret about me…I really don’t like huge DIY projects. I’m too impatient to get out a bunch of tools and wait for layers upon layers of paint to dry. Plus, I’d have to borrow my in-law’s pickup to transfer anything large, which is simple, but not simple enough for me.

But I what I love, and am pretty good at, is seeing beauty in what someone else might see as used and would want to discard, and knowing how to place it in the right spot, or creatively use in a different way.

I’m also passionate about creating hygge in my home, and often that means getting rid of excess and being purposeful about what brings beauty and a welcoming atmosphere.

While searching Facebook Marketplace, I kept my eye out for things that would beautify my sunroom, fit in my small car, and were practical, but beautiful.

I kept in mind that anything can be updated with a quick layer of spray paint if needed.

Items I Found Recently on Facebook Marketplace:

Plant Stand

I searched Facebook Marketplace for items I can use to update the sunroom. I really wanted a place to display plants in an uncluttered way.

I found the cutest plant stand that was perfect for my needs and met the nicest farmer in a busy grocery store parking lot. He lived close, but outside of the city limits, and was so kind to drive it into town for us (the roads just outside of town had been affected due to the awful flooding here in Nebraska).

I felt safe meeting him. Facebook allows you to see some information on each seller, depending on their privacy settings. I could see that his main image was of his large extended family, and we would be meeting in a public place.

The plant stand fit perfectly in my little hatchback, we said a few cordial sentences to each other, he even lifted it from the back of his truck into the back of my car for me, and we both went on our way.

I had planned on spray painting the plant stand white, but when I saw how the wood looked in our sunroom, I changed my mind!

I love it just the way it is. Isn’t it so cute? It is very practical, too, as I needed something to hold my plants that would not create clutter.

Swivel Stool

This was my second purchase, and when I saw it on Facebook Marketplace, I knew I had to have it!

You would not believe how heavy and well made it is. There is wood on top that is so sturdy, and the bottom leg part is made of a heavy metal…and not the head banging kind. {grin}

It can be used for extra seating, as a side table to set a coaster and a drink on, or as a plant stand.

I paid $20 for it and picked it up in the most beautiful lakeside local neighborhood, which conveniently was right by my in-law’s home where I needed to be that day anyway!

My Favorite Items to Search on Facebook Marketplace

I continued with my online search. I made sure to narrow it down by putting our city in with just a 30-mile radius when searching.

Here are some of my favorite search terms:

• Mirror
• Plants
• Frames
• Side Table
• Planters
• Garden
• Lamps
• Stools

Notice that all of these searches would come up with items small enough to fit in my car. You can extend your search into whatever you are looking for…furniture, art, clothes…there are so many great things!

Facebook Marketplace lets you bookmark the items that catch your eye, and quickly ask the seller if the item is still available with the push of a button, which then starts a conversation in Messenger, if you desire.

I bookmarked some items that I loved and then noticed that 3 of these items were from the same seller! I messaged her right away and she responded stating how convenient it was that I was interested in several of her items.

I was thinking the same thing, that I could pick the items up from one spot. She was moving out of town and had a really great lamp, plants, a side table, and a really cool plant holder. She was very friendly and gave me some great deals on her items.

Here are images of her items:

Side Table

The side table is so fun. I couldn’t decide what to paint it. It would be so cute with the tray white and legs gold, or tray white and legs black, or I could leave the tray wood and just stain it. I really like the weathered look it has, too. So many good options!

This could be in a bedroom next to a bed, or in a living room with a lamp on it. I am using it unconventionally as a plant tray in my sunroom. I think it fits so great in this space.

Planter

I ended up just spray painting the legs gold and I am so happy with how it turned out. It took me minutes and transformed the look of it, giving it a bit of a modern edge.

Lamp

This is another item I was going to spray paint, but then decided not to once I saw it in person. I just LOVE IT. It is much larger than it appeared in her photo, which was a nice surprise. I didn’t pay attention to the measurements she put in her description, but started to pay attention to this while I continued to shop.

This lamp might end up in my bedroom or on a desk, but it sure adds a warming glow to my sunroom in the evening!

2 Plants

I got both a snake plant and a ficus plant from this seller. I am doing my best to take good care of them, as I am sure she didn’t really want to give up such good plants, but needed to due to her move.

Plants bring such life to a space and I just love what a good deal I got on them. The seller also gave me 2 lamp shades to put around plants…how great of a hack is that? Why have I not thought of that? I just think this is a brilliant tip if you don’t have a planter to use.

My Favorite Facebook Marketplace Purchase

The last buyer I contacted was selling a large round mirror. The buyer wanted $35 dollars for this mirror, and I asked if he would take $30 and he said “why not?”

I noticed the measurements in the description showed that it was a 36-inch mirror. That is a big round mirror! It was a bargain, as round mirrors of this size and quality usually go for over $170.

It was noted in the description that there was a crack in the frame of the mirror, and it showed a close up of the crack in one of the photos. It was small, and I knew I might even be painting it, so a crack really didn’t bother me.

It already looks so high end, but it will be amazing once I decide on whether I’m going to paint it gold or a brass color. It would be great in a shiny white, too! Oh, the decisions…so fun!

This was the BEST purchase. I have yet to paint or hang it but it will go over the dresser in my room and I will use it daily. It will bring my favorite modern shape to our bedroom wall and will almost act as a window, reflecting light. I’m giddy about this purchase…it was a great deal.

{To Pin}

Selling Your Items On Facebook Marketplace

We had a family gathering this past Sunday and I overheard my sister-in-law ask what is the best way to sell an item online. She wanted to sell a child’s table that her youngest has outgrown. Of course, I interjected and said Facebook Marketplace! It really can’t be easier to sell your items and have a local buyer pay you for them! I told her to take a look around Facebook Marketplace as it is not only a convenient way to sell items, but to also discover and buy some, too.

My bestie from California just called me and told me what fun she is having purchasing baby items on Facebook Marketplace for her first grandchild coming soon!

It really is a great way to find treasures that someone just may have been nostalgic about at one time, and make them items that end up meaning something to YOU…you could even call it….NEW NOSTALGIA!

The post Creating Hygge in my Sunroom With Facebook Marketplace appeared first on New Nostalgia.

*This post contains affiliate links to products. I may receive a commission for purchases made through these links.

In this space of Anti-Procrastination Updates, I will periodically share with you all the things–things that are important to me, things I want to get to, and all the things that add up to help make life purposeful and meaningful.

UPDATE ON THIS ONE LIFE I GET TO LIVE

It has been over a month since I posted about my debilitating vertigo, and I am so pleased to tell you that it is completely gone! I had 2 of the best physical therapist that specializes in vertigo treatment, and after just 3 sessions with them, my vertigo was completely gone.

If you suffer from vertigo, there are maneuvers that you must try! Yes, you can find some YouTube videos that show these maneuvers, but I highly recommend finding a physical therapist that is trained. The maneuvers that worked on me were the Epply Maneuver and the Brandt-Daroff Maneuver.

My pt put me through some tests that help rule out more scary, central nervous system type symptoms. This was so reassuring to me.

I was able to skip what would have been a very expensive scheduled brain scan thanks to their expertise. I am so grateful to have my health back. This was a great reminder of just what a gift health is!

Another gift? Our home. We live in Nebraska where there has been devastating flooding. We are safe but have seen devastation all around us.

Our city had some water restrictions for about a week, but that is it. We are so thankful but are heartbroken for all of those affected by this historic awful flooding.

I especially think of the farmers who not only have lost their homes but also their livelihood, whose fields are now rivers. There are many ways you can help, listed here.

ONE BOOK I AM READING

Born Survivors

A book about 3 outstanding women who not only survived the Holocaust but gave birth during that awful time and a 3 of their babies survived. This book tells their unbelievable stories.

ONE SONG I AM LOVING

Peace Be Still (feat. Lauren Daigle) The Belonging Co

“Peace be still
Say the word and I will
Set my feet upon the sea
Till I’m dancing in the deep
Peace be still
You are here so it is well
Even when my eyes can’t see
I will trust the voice that speaks
Peace peace over me”

ONE THING I AM LISTENING TO

Don’t Drink Another Glass of Wine Until You Listen To This Podcast

The Chalene Show Podcast…this episode was super interesting. Makes me happy that Trader Joes offers so many organic wines. I don’t drink wine often, but when I do, I will now reach for organic!

ONE PURCHASE I MADE

Full Circle Dust Whisperer

Clean Mama recommends this duster so I had to try it. I was using the Swiffer duster but got very tired of buying refills. This one is great! It makes dusting so fast! I love the length of it and is easy to clean. Simple throw the removable microfiber in the washer.

Speaking of Clean Mama, did you see her new book “Clean Mama’s Guide to a Healthy Home” just came out?

ONE RECIPE I WANT TO TRY

Moroccan Quinoa Salad

I think this salad sounds so amazing. Bits of sweet dates in the savory dressing has to taste delicious! I love a filling, healthy salad like this one that I can quick scoop and eat for lunch.

ONE RECIPE I MADE RECENTLY AND LOVED

15 Minute Meal Prep Cilantro Lime Chicken and Lentils 

This recipe was so easy to make, well received by my whole family, and tasted delicious!

ONE ITEM I’M THINKING ABOUT BUYING

Purism Plant Mister

I just drool every time I see this plant mister. Spring is coming and I’ve been getting my sunroom all ready and plants out. Now I want a cute mister!

ANTI-PROCRASTINATION HOMEMAKING

The things I do every day that keep my home running smoothly (and that I try very hard not to procrastinate on) are all laid out for you in this post:

Everyday Home Chore Systems That I Use

FOLLOW ME ON INSTAGRAM

See behind the scenes of my day on my Instagram Stories. 

Use these hashtags on Instagram or Facebook and tag me to show me how YOU  are living intentionally or what you are thankful for.

#NNLiveWell   #NNThankful

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

What are you wanting to get done this week?

What book are you reading–song you are loving–or podcast are you are listening to? How about a recipe you are loving?

Share with me in the comments!

The post Anti-Procrastination and Life Update {3.23.19} appeared first on New Nostalgia.

This post was sponsored by   All words and opinions are mine.

It has been 8 years since my mastectomy and reconstruction due to breast cancer, and it’s been quite a ride. I’ve had several surgeries because of reconstruction complications over the years, which is quite common with mastectomy reconstruction, so I know I am not alone.

It was so it was strange to focus and heal elsewhere with my most recent oophorectomy surgery. It was a much easier surgery than what I am used to and I am so happy to be fully healed from that!

Focusing elsewhere may be shortlived, however, as I will be needing another breast reconstruction surgery in the future.

I am prone to keloids and have scar tissue pushing my implant toward the center, and causing discomfort. The discomfort is bearable, but if it gets worse it will become more than a nuisance. I am hoping to put this surgery off as long as possible!

Memories of Mastectomy and Reconstruction

I had 4 different reconstruction surgeries between 2010 and 2014. It has been so nice to have a long 4-year break from surgery!

Oh, the memories I have of reconstruction…from being delighted about my immediate reconstruction right after mastectomy, and nipple reconstruction a month later, to both of those procedures being ruined within a year thanks to a sliding implant…oh yes…that one that gave me bad dreams in 2011!

There was another time when my surgery was postponed, and we were surprised by a phone call while on the road to the hospital the day of surgery.

It was my nurse calling to tell us that my implants were stuck on a plane in Texas due to an ice storm of all things! Surgery was canceled and we turned back around and headed home.

There was also that time I had a hole in my expander which meant 2 surgeries in one week.

My surgeon is almost retirement age, the best in the region, and it was first expander hole he has ever experienced in doing hundreds of these procedures over the years. He calls me his rebellious patient and I couldn’t agree more!

Oh yes, do I have reconstruction stories and memories!

Cold Breasts After Mastectomy and Reconstruction

One memory that stays with me..quite literally…is how chilled I felt right after my mastectomy.

There is a difference between a woman who gets breast implants for enhancement compared to a woman who has mastectomy then implants for reconstruction purposes.

That difference? Breast tissue.

When enhancing, you get to keep your breast tissue. The soft, blood-vessel-filled tissue that is warm and insulating. Ladies…don’t take this warm tissue for granted, no matter what size or shape you are. Embrace it! It is a gift that literally keeps you warm.

I didn’t have much breast tissue naturally before my mastectomy, but boy was it cozy warm!

When it comes to mastectomy with reconstruction, they take all fat and tissue and leave you with muscle and skin…and it is cold!

This is one reason why there are so many complications with reconstruction.

Other complications include little to no tissue to work with which means less blood supply,  an immune system that is compromised thanks to recent chemo or skin that has been radiated which makes things a bit trickier.

Once I healed from mastectomy I remember being so puzzled that my implants made me so chilled…even to the touch, they are cool. It is a very different feeling from natural breasts or enhanced breasts.

Our midwest winters don’t help much…it takes quite some time for my chest to warm up after being out in winter weather.

Elemental Thermal Bras

There is an answer to “chilled” problem that now exists thanks to a thoughtful company called They are an awesome company that creates quality thermal bras designed with needs of breast cancer survivors and previvors in mind.

Their uniquely functional, innovative bras are made to be warm, comfortable and beautiful…and I think they are amazing! I’m so proud to tell you about this company and their great products.

addresses several issues for those of us who are going through or have had reconstruction, and this video shows you the dedication, science, and thoughtfulness that they put into making their bras.

Complicated Breasts Means a Thoughtful Bra

Having chilled breasts and chest can be such a unique problem for cancer survivors. We are complicated.

We are chilled from chemo and radiation and think we will never get warm again.

Then our warm tissue is taken replaced with cold implants.

On top of that, a percentage of us are given medications that mess with hormones or brings on premature menopause, and we don’t know from minute to minute whether we will be hot or cold.

Hot flashes make us sweat, and we are so hot but then are chilled immediately after the flash passes as the sweat cools and we instantly add clothing layers that were just ripped off.

We heal from surgery and find ourselves needing a bra that is soft, comfortable and made with healing in mind.

Many of us have multiple surgeries, reconstruction is often not a one-time thing, and according to this article from the NY Times, 1 in 5 women have complications from their reconstructive surgeries and need more than one.

I can’t tell you how much money I have spent on bras specifically for comfort while healing. So much time in stores, shopping before or after all the numerous surgeries I have had.

I was looking for just the right bra that is soft enough, warm enough, breathable, won’t hit incision points in a rough way and is still attractive and one I would wear after I heal, too.

I have memories of being measured by strangers in a store while still healing, and it was uncomfortable and vulnerable. Not a fun memory, but I was on the hunt for a specific bra. I didn’t find what I wanted.

Trust me, that bra did not exist until now. Thank you I have a drawer full of bras I bought after surgery that won’t ever wear again or wish on my worst enemy…ok that is a little dramatic but I certainly don’t like them or ever want to wear them again.

I’m not sure why they are still there, especially now that I have an Elemental bra. Time to do a bit of “Marie Kondo-ing!”

Yep, we breast cancer survivors are complicated….especially when it comes to our temperature and our bras!

We have more than needed a company like Elemental to address these specific issues and create a thoughtful bra. They have, and the solves every one of these issues.

Features of the Elemental Thermal Bras

The are beautiful, comfortable, warm without being suffocating. I have 2 styles– the Jodie and the Gretchen. The Jodie would be my choice to wear right after surgery as it is just a ‘gentle’ bra.

It has a super soft thicker band that reduces pressure at the underbust area which is not only great for incisions but also tender nerves that are healing.

It is a wideband bra and the straps can be straight or criss-cross in the back. It has a 4 hook clasp.

The Jodie is a narrow strap bra and the features are a bit more traditional. The straps can also be straight or crisscross.

They are both very very comfortable and the fit was right on.

They instruct very clearly how to measure yourself on the Elemental website…no more need for awkward measuring in store with a stranger!

I love that there are no underwires and that the wicking fabric keeps skin super comfortable.

It feels like a custom bra made specifically for me as a breast cancer survivor, and on top of that, it is attractive, provides ongoing comfort.

It will not sit around in a drawer but will be worn no matter how far out you are from reconstruction.

It fits nice and smooth under t-shirts and I’m not dying to take it off at the end of the day unlike when I wear my old bras.

Elemental truly has made a phenomenal bra and I’m happy I get to share this great company with you.

If you are interested, it is easy to determine your perfect bra size. Go here for their sizing guide.

Gift A Cancer Survivor – Elemental Thermal Bra

Have a friend who is going through breast cancer and reconstruction or has been through it before? An thermal bra would be such a thoughtful gift.

Send her the sizing chart and let her know you want to gift her with a bra made specifically with her in mind.

Breast cancer and reconstruction is complicated enough. Finding a bra for our unique needs shouldn’t be. My hope in sharing my mastectomy and reconstructive surgery stories is to help another feel less alone in their unique story.

I also love letting the world know about this very unique and caring company called .

You might also like:

Breast Redo’s & Nipple Tattoos

Shaving My Head

My Cancer Story

This post was sponsored by Elemental company. All words and opinions are mine.

The post Mastectomy, Reconstruction and Finding Warmth and Comfort with Elemental appeared first on New Nostalgia.

My life journey as a cancer survivor can pivot periodically, and sometimes I’m left dizzy, usually figuratively but lately quite literally. The last 2 months I have had vertigo and will be getting a brain scan on Friday to make sure it is truly a vertigo disorder instead of something more serious.

Vertigo and BPPV

So far, all signs point to what is called BPPV.

“Benign paroxysmal positional vertigo (BPPV) is an inner ear problem that causes short periods of dizziness when your head is moved in certain positions. … This dizzy sensation called vertigo usually only lasts a few seconds up to a minute, but often makes you feel like the room is spinning around you.” -Shannon L. G. Hoffman PT, DPT

In BPPV,  calcium crystals become loose and go into one of the semi-circular canals. When you move your head a certain way, the crystals move inside the canal, irritate the nerve endings, and you become dizzy.” -Shannon L. G. Hoffman PT, DPT

BPPV is treated with simple neck maneuvers usually performed a physician or physical therapist designed to move the crystals from the canal back into the area where they came from. The most common maneuver designed to fix the problem is called the Epley maneuver, which involves moving the head through a series of 4 positions, staying in each position for about 30-60 seconds. Another maneuver is called the Semont maneuver, which involves rapidly moving the body from lying on one side to lying on the other.

BPPV can return once you have had an episode, and often the treatment is ongoing.

My Story with Vertigo

I have had vertigo since early January, and it is now late February. I noticed dizziness when I would get up out of bed in the middle of the night to use the restroom. My gait would be off and the room would shift almost in waves. I also noticed it when horizontal and I would turn from one side to the other while falling asleep. It is a strange sensation to be dizzy while laying down!

I got online and found the Epley Maneuver on YouTube and tried it. If you watch the linked 2-minute video below, it will show an animation of the crystals in the inner ear canals, and what the head maneuver looks like. It also shows what the eyes do during the maneuver, called Nystagmus.

It is where the eyes move uncontrollably and rapidly either side to side or up and down. Mine did this during the maneuver, and freaked my poor daughter who was helping me out!

The nystagmus only lasts about 10 seconds, but it is quite off-putting both to me and to whoever is watching! I did find some relief in this symptom, knowing that it is a classic sign of BPPV. Not that I want BPPV, but I will take it over a brain tumor.

Yes, as a cancer survivor, your mind must go there, and I will talk about why, later.

These maneuvers worked eventually in January and I had about 2 weeks of no symptoms, but the last 2-3 weeks symptoms are back and are not responding to the Epley Maneuver.

The last 4 days have been pretty brutal, with pressure on the right side of my head, nausea, dizziness when I bend over or move my head in certain angles, and an unsteady gait that makes me feel pulled to the left while I walk.

The symptoms were at their worst on Tuesday,  I felt like I had the flu and felt off and nauseated with pressure in my and head and ears ringing.

I decided to clean out my freezer to feel productive, and since ours is the type that is a drawer, every time I would bend down to get something out of it or wipe it out, I would come back up dizzy. I ended up grumpy, but my freezer sure looks good!

The last 4-5 days I would just sit at my computer and kinda stare at it, unable to focus very well. Creative work and writing were not happening, and that concerned me, as it is my job and my favorite way to connect with you all!

Instead, I would do light cleaning or cooking. Needless to say, my house looks pretty good and my teenagers are well fed!

I am happy to say I now have a plan thanks to my doctor appointment yesterday, and this is the first day in a while where I feel clear and motivated enough to do some more creative type brain work.

Diagnosed with Suspected BPPV Due to Nystagmus

My Oncologist did some simple positional test on Wednesday, and when she had me follow her finger back and forth/up and down, my eyes had movement (nystagmus) when she would go to the far left. I could not feel it, but she could see it.

I could feel an uncomfortable pressure on the right side of my head and ear when I looked far left, and I felt nauseous.

She thinks it is BPPV due to these eye movements and my symptoms, and I am relieved to hear that.

I now know why I get dizzy while curling the side of my hair, as my head is slightly turned but my eyes reach left to look in the mirror. That movement with my eyes to the far left while my head is at a 45-degree turn brings on a dizzy episode.

It is interesting to notice what movement can make my symptoms worse.

A Brain Scan Because I’m a Cancer Survivor

I am an 8-year stage 3c breast cancer survivor. My type of breast cancer was lobular, and if it reoccurs, it is often either in the stomach or the brain. Because of this, we are very careful with any symptoms that could point to either of these things, hence a brain scan for me in two days!

I am so thankful to be this far out from diagnosis. What a gift! I am also thankful my Oncologist is being careful with me and doing what it takes to rule out anything more concerning than BVVP.

The Fear of the ‘What If’

Of course, this brings on some thoughts of “what if” and fears. This is normal, but have been doing this survivor thing for quite a while and have had some practice in dealing with fear, of living in the ‘what if’ and the wait, and feeling the ‘scanxiety’ that scans can bring.

It is not that fear does not come, but I know what I need to do when I start feeling it take over my thoughts. I am prone to anxiety and have lots of tricks, tips, and tools for fighting worry and fear.

I have had other survivors ask me about fear, how to live in the fear and not allow it to overtake, and because of this, I have a post in the works that will cover the subject of fear as a cancer survivor.

For now, I will say, when life feels like it is spinning, find the focus point while you pivot.

My focus point that never fails me is my Jesus. He promises to never leave me, to always be with me and died for me so that I can be with him someday, which gives me hope eternal.

My friend Anne wrote me a note this morning. She said a simple comment about how I am always on steady ground, forever and always. I knew she was talking about Jesus, who is the ultimate rock on which I stand.

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Update on my Brain Scan

UPDATE: IT IS FRIDAY AND THE BRAIN SCAN HAS BEEN CANCELLED FOR AT LEAST 3 WEEKS.

I had a very enlightening appointment with a physical therapist specially trained in vertigo and vestibular disorders on Thursday. Because all signs point to a more rare type of BPPV, and because I passed the tests she has to offer of the central nervous system (this is good) my Oncologist has decided to put the brain scan off for 3 weeks.

I will be having vestibular physical therapy 3 times a week for 3 weeks. If I find some relief of the symptoms I am having from this, then we won’t do the brain scan. If I don’t then we will scan.

I am so grateful that my symptoms pretty clearly point to a certain type of BPPV. It is called cupulolithiasis of which I will more than likely be writing about in a coming post.

My therapist said she “shook my brain up like a snowglobe” yesterday with all her maneuvers. She said I would feel brain fatigue while it all settles.

She also said my vestibular system is pretty off, which is like I’ve been riding roller coasters all day, which makes my brain quite tired.

This is why automatic work like cleaning and making food for my family has been easily doable, but creative work like writing this blog post and working on our budget numbers has felt almost impossible. This post took me days to write!

Finally, an excuse for typos and misspellings! Ha!

Tell me…have you ever had vertigo?

What was your diagnosis? What helped you when you had episodes?

I will keep you all updated in what helps me and if I end up having that brain scan. High hopes and prayers that I won’t!

The post Vertigo, Dizziness Can Mean a Brain Scan When You are a Cancer Survivor – Health Update appeared first on New Nostalgia.