New York is Ridiculous

Bros icing 'nauts

2010-06-17T16:16:00.005-04:00

Just when I thought I was done with this blog you, New York, pull me back in. The above is the illustrious Foursquare founder trying to “ice” actual Apollo 11 astronaut Buzz Aldrin at a Meatpacking District club. Icing has now jumped the shark. For you late-comers check out the instructional video below. I am going to now go ice Davey Delcourt and never speak of this trend again.

Photo via RandomNightOut

The A list? More like the gay list

2010-06-07T17:51:00.004-04:00

Because Logo's new show The A List is just a reality show filled with gay models. Seriously Logo. If you don't take that gAy List title now I'm gonna create my own gay reality show based in NYC. Come meet the cast.

City Drive Live

2010-06-03T16:04:00.003-04:00

I recently purchased this beautiful new TV which, apparently, is useless unless you have an antenna. So I got one of those and now I can watch FOX. Well, FOX and City Drive Live. And with FOX's line up I have to admit I can't turn away from this new channel. This video fish bowl flashes on different parts of New York City from the FDR to Riverside Drive to Times Square displaying traffic. Just traffic. Nothing else. I hate traffic when I'm in it but as an entertainment source it's UNBELIEVABLE. I'm just worried that if I leave it on for too long I'll see one of you get him by that taxi on the left.

Marina Abramovic and Sex and the City 2 Review

2010-06-01T10:16:00.002-04:00

I was gonna post a picture of vomit here but it's early after a long weekend and you don't need any encouragement...

Jump to Gawker to view the full story

Now showing at a theater near you

2010-05-28T10:15:00.001-04:00

Last month we warned you. Now it's here. We have taken off and are hiding in our secret bunkers from the 39422395870 posters, commercials, and subway ads sounding the arrival of the four archangels of apocalypse. These shoe shopping movie characters are now everywhere amongst us and it is only a matter of time before wanna-bes flock to our city and martinis are being sipped on every single upscale outdoor restaurant patio.

Just to encourage you out-of-towners to come sip your martinis in the city of lore here's a chance to win a trip for two to NYC to meet the Sex in the City 2 stylist for a VIP consult and new wardrobe. How Carrie!

Guess who has a new subway hero?

2010-05-26T10:41:00.002-04:00

We do! How exciting! And this time he ran off into the night like Batman, not even sticking around to let us see who he is and spend all summer praising him. Full article on Gawker.

Oh yeah, this naked exhibit is still going on...

2010-05-24T18:41:00.005-04:00

“I waited eight hours and the dumb bitch in front of me sat with her until MoMA closed!

I just wanted to cry. I just wanted to cry in front of Marina Abramovic.”

Thanks for reminding me, rosadelauroisafuckinghipster.tumblr.com, or I would have forgotten to tell everyone that Marina Abramović: The Artist Is Present is in its last week at MoMA.

I recommend starting out by watching people sit there across the table while Marina doesn't even have the good manners to say "Hello." Yeah. She sits at a table and anyone can just walk up, sit down across from her, and demand an autograph. She won't do it though. Here's a live video feed so you can watch her totally blow off her fans.

When you're bored of watching someone sit still all day long calling it performance art go check out all the naked people reliving her glory days when she would actually do stuff like lie naked on top of a skeleton. Def worth the admission fee.

For you LOST fans out there...

2010-05-20T10:55:00.002-04:00

We all know the bad news: the beloved TV show LOST ends next week. After the series finale five million fans will exclaim, "THAT'S IT? THAT'S IT?!?" and go on a Frankensteinesque rampage through our cities, ending civilization as we know it.

Before that happens you might be interested in checking out the Vilcek Foundation's LOST exhibit. It opens today and celebrates the artists and filmmakers behind LOST. The primary focus seems to be the images and biographies of 20 immigrant and first-generation contributors to the hit television show, including Executive Producer Carlton Cuse, writer Melinda Hsu Taylor, actor Jorge Garcia (Hurley), and cinematographer John Bartley.

Yeah. I know. All five seasons I've been wondering what made Melinda Hsu Taylor tick too. In my opinion, the real draw of the exhibit is the abundance of original props from the show. For a preview of what they're featuring check out this short video. The Vilcek Foundation is located at 167 East 73rd St.

Things are getting worse...

2010-05-17T14:24:00.003-04:00

It was just two weeks ago that we were reporting on the subway etiquette posters that then sparked violation reports. Now the city has been taken over with blame. Victim Number 1, as usual: the Hipsters.

hipster image courtesy of latfh.com

Steal me!

2010-05-14T13:03:00.004-04:00

Borough President Scott Stringer says "Only YOU can prevent ATM theft." When questioned further about his underworld dealings with fellow drug dealer Avon Barksdale, Stringer scratched his head and repeated himself.

Speaking as someone who usually identifies whether he's visited a restaurant or not by the graffiti on the neighboring outside ATM I have to say that I am appalled to hear that these ridiculously expensive contraptions are being pulled from sidewalks all over the city. That's right, instead of endangering the innocents who try to pull out $80 for a round of Patron from a shady ATM, a group of thieves are avoiding the human element altogether and just stealing the machines altogether. That's smarts for you. For the full story click here.

picture courtesy of nydailynews.com

I know what I'm hungry for...

2010-05-11T23:42:00.000-04:00

Thanks to Vinny "The Bunny" Balducci for this excellent shot of his favorite ice cream truck in NYC.

It's coming...

2010-05-08T17:18:00.006-04:00

...and by it we mean they and by they we mean the massive amounts of sailors that will pour into our city. That's right gang, May 26th - June 2nd is FLEET WEEK!!!

Protect your heads ladies. As soon as those caps hit your noggin you are claimed.

NYC Pet Show

2010-05-05T08:43:00.003-04:00

The first-ever NYC Pet Show, at the 30,000 square-foot Metropolitan Pavilion, promises to be a treat. A treat for anyone who loves meeting weird pet owners. The NYC Pet Show website boasts "an interactive experience comprised of activities, meet & greets, seminars and panel discussions." Who have they lined up for the meet & greet? Former dog beauty contest winners? The man who invented the KONG toy? Will the panel discussions focus on the important "cat vs dog" debate? Or just cover the "will your dog play fetch with any old ball" controversy that always happens at these conferences? I CAN'T WAIT TO KNOW.

Flirting can get expensive

2010-05-03T11:50:00.003-04:00

A hot tip was sent our way that apparently there is a law in New York State that a fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. So watch out big guy hitting on my girlfriend at the bar or I will take you outside. And write you a ticket.

photo courtesy of angelfire.com/indie/boredinclass/

Ray's Pizza

2010-04-30T08:39:00.005-04:00

How many Ray's Pizzas are there in New York City? According to google, 567,000. There are "Ray's Original Pizza," "Famous Ray's Pizza," "World-Famous Original Ray's Pizza," "Another Ray's Pizza Down the Street from that Other Ray's" and "Look at me, I'm the real Ray and I will stand up Pizza." I may have made up the last two. The funny thing about this Ray phenomena is that I'm not entirely sure that I did.

Supposedly the original restaurant was opened by Ralph Cuomo at 27 Prince Street in 1959. There's no real way to verify the original location though. I might just start telling people that I did it to see if it will get me into all those cool clubs in lower Manhattan.

Enough of this ticket nonsense, let's arrest everyone

2010-04-28T09:53:00.005-04:00

Following on our super fascinating story of last week on guerrilla subway etiquette posters we are tickled to announce that the website Violation Report has posted a full manual on subway indiscretions. Check it out.

The beauty of Violation Report is that it focuses on what New Yorkers do best, publicly and anonymously shaming their fellow man. All you have to do is take a photo, file a detailed report on their site, and it will go live on their violation database. I know, I looked through it to make sure I wasn't already reported too.

If you don't feel like anonymously shaming people the site provides downloadable tickets you can issue in person. Good luck with that. Stay tuned for our follow up post: funny youtube video of guy trying to issue subway violation ticket getting beat up by old lady with umbrella.

The Return of the Spelling

2010-04-26T10:10:00.006-04:00

Die hard fans like yourself may recall that close to a year ago we reported on Tori Spelling's posters being defaced in subway tunnels around the city.

Well good news NYC! Tori Spelling's back with a new show and new graffiti art to match. We found this piece of art in the Carroll St F train stop.

The above gives you the basic flavor of Tori's new look. Obviously that adorable baby from before has grown up and is a total pothead:
Some of you may say, "That's despicable! He's only a child!" Hold on there Daffy Duck. Check out the pic without the blunt:

That kid looks high as f*ck. Which marketing genius thought this was a flattering photo? The kid is clearly tripping balls and thinks he's got the family maid and butler on marionette strings. I mean, what else could he possibly be doing with that gesture? Speaking of gestures, what's up with Mr. Tori Spelling?
Why would you ever pose like that? Is he ACTING? Is he doing a bollywood dance? Is he changing an imaginary light bulb? Listen Mr. Tori Spelling, you pose like that in NYC you're basically asking for this to happen:

Just like last time you remain the boner champ.

Last but not least I have to point out that Tori's head-giving abilities as espoused by the previous poster must have caught up with her because now she is a devilish and domestic sex symbol that even the dog wants to get with.

Wait, what? Her kid's a druggie and her husband fondles balls but she for some reason knows how to cook (note the serving fork), is dressed like a sexy devil and is all of a sudden attractive to other beings? Hmm...no...it couldn't be.

My god. It is. NYiR late-breaking story: Tori Spelling is the artist.

Subway etiquette signs

2010-04-22T22:46:00.005-04:00

It's about time someone did this. Check out these guerilla subway etiquette signs that artist Jay Shells is putting up in random trains this week. Collectors itemmmmm!

This

2010-04-19T20:19:00.001-04:00

No...words...poodles...NY Times...Sports sec...tion...?

photo courtesy of nytimes.com

NPR Reports: Hipsters suck, Williamsburg lame

2010-04-16T10:33:00.000-04:00

Yeah, my household is me, this girl I just met, my brother Tree here, an iPad, and twenty Smith albums.

NPR has noticed what NYiR reported a long time ago: hipsters in Williamsburg are lame.

The abstract from the NPR article:

Many New York City residents aren't returning their census forms. The return rate is only around 50 percent, but the lowest rate of return (around 30 percent) is the hipster enclave of Williamsburg, Brooklyn. These young, recent graduates with ironic mustaches and plaid shirts are apparently too busy tweeting to fill out a simple census form.

My fav part is when one hipster was asked what he thought would increase the return rate and replied, "I mean people would do it if they got like five bucks." He then went on to say that he could totally score two Sparks for that much and high-fived his friend who tweeted "NPR u r so 2009."

For the ever-funny SNL census skit click here.

photo courtesy of latfh.com

NY Mag declares New Jersey Most Livable Neighborhood in New York

2010-04-14T10:10:00.003-04:00

J/k! Take the plunge into the statistical madness that is NY Magazine's Most Livable Neighborhood article.

Spoiler alert: number 1 with a bullet is the place that has everything - Slobitches, YOGs, and gang warfare. Sounds ideal to me!

I imagine they will continue to update this list as the affordability, shopping, and restaurants change every five minutes.

Sparks Energy Drink

2010-04-12T09:06:00.007-04:00

First the bad news: Sparks has been reported dead. What is Sparks you say? Why only the number one best-selling alcoholic energy drink in the city of New York featuring malt liquor, taurine, caffeine, guarana and ginseng.

Apparently after corporate America (hate you corporate America! you ruin everything!) found out that kids love energy drinks and secretly drinking alcohol and Sparks is an energy drink and has 7% alcohol content in it they were like "Dagnabit! No more caffeine in Sparks!" and MillerCoors was all like, "Yes sir. Right away sir."

So the bad news is that in early 2009 everyone got all sad because Sparks was going to die without it's caffeine boost. Now the good news: we're here a year and a half later to point out that it did not. Sparks may exist in other cities but it in New York you can find it everywhere milk is sold. See?

So while it may not carry the same kick it used to it still tastes gross and makes you look homeless. Available everywhere in NYC.

NYC Prep, Gossip Girl, and 50 cent....Oh My!

2010-04-09T10:17:00.002-04:00

It had to happen. At some point someone would have to notice all of the successful Upper East Side teenager-does-drugs-and-has-sex TV shows and say, "I know. I'll be the 43975304976 person to do a movie about that." The movie, Twelve, received horrible reviews at Sundance and may not see much success but we had to bring you this trailer.

Why? Because it was not enough to just reference Upper East Side shows like Gossip Girl and NYC Prep, they had to deliberately pluck the stars from those shows to fill their cast. Check out Chace Crawford (Nate on GG) being moody or just zoom ahead to the 1:18 marker to watch PC from NYC Prep cum in his pants. What a way to break into the entertainment industry.

In our opinion it would be a simple editing fix to make this movie a great success: just switch in Chace selling his body to 50 Cent for drugs instead of that Blair Waldorf rip-off. Ta-daa. Instant millions.

You are 50% more likely to get a cab if you put your hand up

2010-04-07T10:59:00.003-04:00

The New York Times has graced us with info on where to get info on where to get a cab. For most of us New Yorkers it's a simple act of leaping into traffic with your arm upright (I prefer the thumb in, four finger method myself) but what once was an art can now be called science.

Using GPS wizardry a detailed map on the best spots to get a cab at a given day and time has been developed. Topping the list for 9 a.m. Monday cab hails are, not surprisingly, Pennsylvania Station and Grand Central. However, at 3 a.m. on a Sunday, passengers stumble into more cabs at 10th Avenue and 27th Street in Chelsea than anywhere else in the city. Is Bungalow 8 making a come back? If so and you want in on the action follow these three easy steps listed by an expert reviewer on yelp:

"1. bring a)women b)a regular or c)alot of money for bottles
2. dress to the nines (barneys or bergdorf can help you)
3. dont show up until 1 am because that is when it gets going"

Barneys or Bergdorf can help us all. Click here for the New York Times article.

OMG!

2010-04-06T17:47:00.001-04:00

10,000 of you have looked at New York is Ridiculous in the 11 months we've been up. Stop it! Go outside or someting.

J/k. Thanks for the love.