A while back, I had read post about a married lady who shared that staying active as a couple helps boost your overall morale. Since then, Josh and I have been busy finding fun ways to get exercise & quality time together. Here’s a few ideas!

Biking Together

We were lucky enough to have one bike already when my family donated another one. We’ve enjoyed biking local trails, parks and even around our neighborhood. You can find great deals on bikes during the holiday sales or even at yard sales. Who knows, someone you know may be willing to donate to a healthier marriage cause, too!

Playing “Games”

I am NOT an athletic person by any stretch of the imagination. But, what I can say is that we have enjoyed playing a couple of sports together like bowling, basketball and racquetball. Even if you aren’t good at it, give it a try! You can also make the time more interesting by turning the sports into an actual game (the first personal to miss has to run a lap or two scores in a row gets an extra point, etc.)

Taking Local Lessons

Learning something new together could lead to exercise and fun. Try signing up for ballroom dance classes or rowing classes. You could even take surf lessons or try horseback riding together.

The important thing is that you learn to enjoy activities, exercise and make memories together. In what ways do you stay active with your spouse?

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Ann Voskamp’s book One Thousand Gifts is changing my life right now. She felt as though she were going through life always wanting more time. Sometimes it seems like we all want more time to do the things we love, and it feels like we’ll never get it. But the problem isn’t finding time for all the best parts of life, it’s realizing that every part of life is the best part. Everything is a gift. Everything is something to be thankful for. At first, this idea seems super cheesy to me. I imagine my childhood prayers of “God, thank you for my brother. Thank you for my mommy and daddy. Thank you for my friends.” And that’s kind of how it goes. Except, the more you acknowledge the gifts around you, the deeper it gets. Soon, we start to realize how deep the Father’s love for us really goes. He is in every detail. Every moment is a gift from Him.

Personally, I find it much easier to be negative. My friend Rebecca recently told me that she’s always able to comfort herself by remembering that no matter what, it’s good to be alive. To be perfectly honest, I don’t always feel that way. I don’t always feel like at the end of the day, it is a good thing to be alive. I think it’s difficult and brutal and complicated. So because my personality generally leans toward the negative side of things, I have to really genuinely try to find things to be thankful for. I have to stop myself from complaining, and I have to really look for the good around me. The amazing thing is that once I actually open my eyes and my heart to all of the good in life, it’s very clear that I’m surrounded by beautiful things. There is an infinite amount of things to be thankful for every single day.

I don’t have much else to say on the topic other than that.
Be thankful. All the time.
The world is imperfect. Especially right now in a time where people are confused and angry and afraid. Super storms and elections and debates and sickness. All of that sucks, it really does. But when you are able to open your eyes and see the little things, you start to change: the sunlight streaming into your home, the baby that smiles at you, the husband that will be with you forever, even when things get hard. All of these things are good, and they are all worth living for. So look around and be thankful.

1. Budget BEFORE you get your pay check. Make sure that before you even receive your paycheck you and your husband already know where you should be using it. Most people forget about everything else when they receive their paycheck. All they care about is the most awaited sale or eating at that fine dining restaurant. Hold your horses! Think forward and focus on the things you need: house, education for kids, etc.

The plans of the diligent lead to profit

as surely as haste leads to poverty.

Proverbs 21:5

2. Live on one income. Although we may say that we have a stable job or a stable economy, we will never know! The recession in 2008 have left a lot of people all over the world with employees who’ve lost their jobs in an instant. If you or your spouse had been laid off, then one of you can still pay your monthly bills.

Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches?

Luke 16:10-11

3. Create an emergency fund. What if both of you lost your job or decided to resign at the same time? Will you be able to support your family? Having an emergency fund that can let you live for 6 months without any single income coming in is the most ideal. Within this period, at least you have enough time to find another job to replace the previous one.

Go to the ant, o sluggard, observe her ways and be wise, which, having no chief, officer or ruler, prepares her food in the summer and gathers her provision in the harvest.

Proverbs 6:6-8

4. Pay your debts first. In the first place, never have debts. But if you started your marriage with separate debts or have acquired one during your marriage, then make every single effort to pay it off as soon as possible. If you let this accumulate, without noticing it, you may actually pay double the amount you borrowed because of interest.

The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender.

Proverbs 22:7

5. Be honest with your spouse. I can’t agree with Kelly more as she mentioned in the previous post that being dishonest with your husband in any area of your life does not facilitate life and growth, it only invites negativity and distrust. If one spouse has a problem handling finances, then the other can help, encourage and pray for her so she would know how to handle it. Allowing issues to be unresolved will just make things more complicated in the long run.

Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord,

but those who act faithfully are his delight. Proverbs 12:22

How are you in managing your finances?

Viviene is happily married to the man of her dreams for more than 2 years. Her heart’s desire is to minister to single women and young wives to be more Christlike and reach their full potential for God’s glory. She blogs about faith and marriage over at The Journey of a Woman. Connect with her on Twitter and Facebook.

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When we first got married, we kept our bank accounts separate. My husband had recently started his own business, and the excuse was that if anything happened early on to the business, my credit and my name would be unharmed by a loss. I would take my paycheck and pay some bills and keep every single penny of what was left for whatever selfish purchases I wanted to make. He would pay the rent through his account, and we wouldn’t talk about it much unless I ran out of money and couldn’t pay my portion. This method gave me very little accountability. I have very weak willpower when it comes to spending money, and I can easily blow through all my extra money on tiny things that add up way too quickly. I found myself hiding a lot of my purchases, afraid that he would be disappointed in where my money went every month. I know I could have been honest with him and he would have forgiven me, but my own shame kept me from sharing with him. I wanted so badly every month to be able to control myself in the makeup section at Target and say that I had leftover money, but I just never did. I couldn’t do it, and keeping our money separate enabled me to continue that way for a while.

Part of the lesson in spending money was very personal for me. It was a matter of my idols and what I held as the most important thing in my life. I wanted more stuff, even when I didn’t need any. I wanted more makeup just because it was pretty and made me feel good. I wanted new, nice things. I wanted all these more than I wanted to honor my husband and his hard work. I wanted all these more than I wanted to honor God. It’s still a daily struggle for me, and I probably should never be allowed to walk around Target by myself.

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The biggest lesson for me in all this was in honesty. Being dishonest with my husband in any area of our life does not facilitate life and growth, it only invites negativity and distrust. The feeling of anxiety in my stomach is not worth it, and even if it seems like such a small thing, any amount of dishonesty between a husband and wife can be fatal in the end. Money is such a touchy thing and can have such a huge impact on people. I’ve heard plenty of times that money is one of the top reasons couples fight, and I’ve seen it cause huge rifts in between couples. In the end, it’s just not worth it. Whether you share a bank account or keep everything separate, honesty in finances (and in everything, honestly) is the way to go. Even if you’re still struggling to figure out which way is best for you, I really want to encourage you to come clean with your husband about struggles you may be having financially. I struggle to resist buying the small things, such as cute little items in the checkout line. Rob struggles with bigger things; he’ll wait for months and then out of the blue, he’ll buy a new, expensive xbox game. Everyone has their own struggle with money, but I truly believe they’ll be resolved ten times faster if we are honest with each other about it.

{saying goodbye to my childhood home}

Last month, my mom finally sold our childhood home, where I lived from the time I was 8 to 18. Saying goodbye to that haven that I loved so much has been hard, but I’ve also encountered the unexpected burden of even more stuff. For the past few years while the house was on the market, I left behind boxes of items I didn’t need but didn’t want to throw away yet. Dolls, soccer trophies, baby stuff, etc. Now that the house is sold, all of those things are with me again, and Rob has discovered that we need even more storage space. However, the older I get, the more I realize I don’t want all the clutter in my life. As much as I cherish some of the items I’ve held onto over the years, I don’t want a house full of things that I never use or even look at. And I know that Rob wasn’t expecting to have even more boxes and storage containers line the walls of our apartment. At the same time, it’s so hard to decide what to keep and what to give up forever. Here are some questions to ask while going through your childhood things:

{sad, empty house}

+ Is there really sentimental value in it? It can be really difficult to choose to throw away or give away an item that was a part of your childhood. I’m a very sentimental person, so I can find a memory attached to just about anything. I also believe there has to be a limit to what we hold onto. Does every item I want to keep have true sentimental value? Do I need every single one of the dolls I played with as a girl to help me remember how much fun I had? Probably not. I figure that if I can explain to my husband why it’s important to me and he thinks it’s valid, I can keep it. If I really can’t come up with enough memories or good reasons to hold onto something, then maybe it’s time to let it go.

+ Does it make sense to hold onto for my future children? Now that we’re married, it’s reasonable to think we may be having our own children in the relatively near future. If you’ve been lucky enough to hold onto some of your childhood toys, books or blankets, it can be wonderful to pass them along. Find the items that are in great condition and keep them that way! I don’t think there’s anything wrong with holding onto some pieces for a few years so that your children can use them in the future. We have a set of really nice Disney pictures that don’t make sense to hang up now, but I know in the future they’ll look great in a child’s room.

+ Can it add aesthetic value to my home? I think it’s safe to say that most decoration in the home is pretty useless. Pictures, vases, trinkets. They don’t actually serve a purpose, but they are nice to look at. Maybe there is a blanket or pillow from your childhood that fits into your home decor now. I’ve inherited some beautiful jewelry boxes from my family that I held onto just because they looked nice. If you have an item from your childhood that could work well as decoration, hold onto it and find the perfect place for it. Those items can also have a great story behind them.

I think for the most part we know what is useful to us and what isn’t. It’s just so hard to let go of pieces of our childhood. Thankfully, we are sharing our living spaces with men, and they are more than happy to help us figure out what should and should not stay in the home. If you truly can’t decide what to part with, let your husband help you sort through it all. I think that it’s worth it to sort through all the things that can become just stuff in order to have a happy, clean home. Maybe you’re moving and you have to decide what to keep from the previous stage in your life. Maybe it’s just time declutter your home. Whatever the case may be, it’s always good to sort through what you own and make sure there’s a good reason to keep what you have. It also helps you really appreciate what you do have when there’s less clutter to hide it all.

{an embarrassing set of pictures of my brother and i, just for fun}

1. Don’t borrow money from them, ask them to co-sign on a loan, etc.

Nothing puts strain on a relationship more than owing money. Many newlyweds who are too eager to have all the “stuff” they want right away end up strapping themselves to a heavy burden of debt to to their parents. Even if your parents offer to loan you money, do you really want to  live with them questioning your vacation choices, shopping habits, etc. until you pay them back?

2. Don’t criticize them to your spouse.

They are his family, and no matter how much they annoy you, he still loves them, and wants you to love them too. So be respectful. Keep your opinions about things like how and where they spend money, give gifts, eat, and otherwise choose to live their lives to yourself.

Note that this is not the same as discussing a real issue between them and you with your spouse. If your in-laws are doing something that creates a real problem for you, DO talk to your spouse about it!

3. Don’t tell them “Well, my parents_____”

No one likes to be compared to someone else. Even if you think the way your parents raised you, saved for their retirement, or decorated their living room is far superior, your in-laws probably won’t appreciate your my-parents-are-better-than-thou attitude.

4. Don’t tell them marriage issues you’re having with their son.

Even if you and your mother-in-law are close, she should not be your confidant in this area. One, because issues with her son might make her feel like she failed as a parent, and two, it’s not respectful to your husband. Keep your disagreements between yourselves or a trusted, impartial counselor. Three, imagine how you would feel if your mom called you to tell you to “behave” because your husband complained to her. There’s no guarantee that if you confide in your mother-in-law, she won’t decide to do a little parenting of your husband. And four, most likely, she’ll side with her son anyway!

5. Don’t let them come between you and your husband.

You and your husband need to stay united, both supporting the other. You two are a family now. It is unacceptable for in-laws to pit one of you against the other. Unity in marriage is extremely important, and if an issue with your in-laws is threatening that, I recommend getting counseling to work through the issue and restore unity between you and your spouse.

Let’s hear from you: what would you add to this list?  

Yesterday, I received a dreaded phone call.

My car, that was in shop, needed major repairs.

Nothing simple about it. Major repairs = major cash blowout.

Why is it that when something goes wrong everything else seems to follow the same pace?

My Article gets rejected. My clothes don’t fit right. My head is pounding with a headache. I’m being grumpy to my husband (for no reason). Final paperwork is due…on and on it goes.

A complaining spirit. I’m cloaked in the ugly, unforgiving hand of faithless following. I didn’t stop to pray about the car. I didn’t show grace to my husband who’s feeling the drain, too. I didn’t ask for direction with my writing. I didn’t take time to eat healthy or work out the day before.  A whole lot of “I”s floating in that paragraph that leads me to the truth.

The truth is I can’t make it on my own. I don’t have the necessary strength. Instead of  whining, I should spend my time waiting for the storm to pass with prayer and thanksgiving of what He has blessed us with.

After, all isn’t that what He did for us? He was despised, rejected, humiliated and crushed. Yet through it all He gave everything over to the will of His father. Maybe someday I will learn to model the attitude of Christ during my stormy seas that pale in comparison as to what He did for me.

Today I’m giving it all over to him one car problem and bad article at a time.

Last Friday I celebrated my best friend’s wedding. Her colors were yellow, with black and white stripes. I also had the honor of helping with her invitations and programs. For a wedding gift, I used the tutorial I shared on my other blog for dishwasher-safe sharpie mugs to create a design that incorporated the colors, font, and stripes from her invitations and decor!

From that post, here are some of the basic instructions, for more detailed steps and pictures of each step, visit the tutorial post.

You will need:

• Printer paper
• A pencil
• Sharpie Oil Based Paint Markers
• Graphite stick
• Printer (optional)
• Mugs to decorate
• Oven

For pictures of each step, visit the tutorial post. Do you have any plain mugs to decorate? Will you give them as gifts or keep them for yourself?

(via pinterest)

I love the fact that every single marriage is different. Some couples are exactly alike, some could not be more different. Some couples love to stay in, watch movies, and play games. Some like to be outdoors and find some new adventure. Some couples struggle to balance working different shifts and finding the time to see one another. Some couples are together all the time.

My husband and I are blessed to be able to own our own business and work together, so most days we are around each other 24/7. I absolutely love it, but it’s so easy to fall into a routine and forget to really appreciate what you have. If you’ve never heard of the concept and book of the Five Love Languages, I highly recommend reading it. There are five “languages” that we use to communicate what we desire in our relationships: quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, physical touch, and receiving gifts. I wouldn’t be surprised if quality time was very high on every couple’s list. A marriage without quality time can quickly turn into a neglected, broken relationship. I find it interesting when people who have gotten divorced say that they just “drifted apart” over time. If you don’t invest time and effort into your marriage, how will it last?

If your schedule prohibits you from spending as much time as you’d like with your husband, quality time is especially important. I know a few married friends of mine who work opposing shifts from their husband, and I can only imagine how hard it is to stay connected. If you are only able to spend a limited amount of time with your husband, make sure it’s quality time! If you only have so much time together, make sure you’re not glossing over the details of life. Ask questions and really listen to the answers. Leave notes and reminders that you’re thinking of each other even when you’re not together. Plan a special date at home where you can reconnect.

I think balance is really important here. My husband needs a certain period of time to unwind when he gets home from work. He throws himself into his work so much that if he doesn’t take time to rest and decompress, he can never calm down enough to sleep. I know that even though I desire as much quality time with him as possible, it’s good to wait and give him time to relax. I think it’s important to realize that quality time is important, but it doesn’t have to happen every second you’re together.

Rob and I spend the majority of our time every day with each other. There may be one or two nights during the week where we have separate activities planned, but for the most part we are together. Sometimes when you spend so much time with a person, it seems like time alone should be enough to develop and sustain a healthy relationship. But the longer we’re married, the more I realize that we can spend days at a time together and never have a minute of quality time.

Last week, I started to realize that Rob and I had been fighting a lot more than usual. Normally, I can blame those times on hormones, but it seemed like something more. After a while, I realized that we had been together all week but hadn’t spent any quality time together. We hadn’t gone on a date or even taken 15 minutes out of our day to ask how the other was doing or have a real conversation with one another.  We weren’t connected at all, and by the end of the week, we were snapping at each other like bickering children.

It amazes me that it’s even a possibility to spend days with someone and never have a real conversation with them. In a world of fast-paced, internet-driven communication, sometimes we miss the opportunity to really hear the heart behind our conversations.  We can spend hours with people and never really spend good time with them. This goes for friendships and for our relationships with our spouses. It’s so important to really connect to people, and it’s especially important to reconnect to our husbands on a regular basis. Even if you get to spend a lot of time with your husband, pay special attention to how much quality time you spend together. If you find that you’re stressed or angry at him for no apparent reason, ask yourself if it’s time to reconnect with one another.

“I’m so alone.”

Tears stung my eyes, and two drops escaped. I wiped them away, but they fell even faster.

Did that thought ever cross your mind after your marriage?

Did you ever feel alone, abandoned?

I met Brian the summer before my freshman year and his junior year of college at Iowa State University in Ames, Iowa. We started dating the first month of classes, and one year later, he proposed. After a nine month engagement, we were married on a perfect fairytale June day.

Real life set in fast: after the week of our honeymoon, we packed our college apartments, our belongings from our parents homes, our whole lives. We weren’t moving across town, or to a new apartment in Ames. We were moving 1,518 miles, to a new climate, a new city, and a new home in Phoenix, Arizona.

The temperature when we arrived was quite different from what we were used to in Iowa – a 118 sizzling degrees. But more than just the temperature would take getting used to.

I went from full classes, hallways, lecture halls, football games, Bible studies twice a week, bustling cafeterias, one on one discipling, college ministry, weekly activities, coffee dates, and hanging out with friends, all in addition to weekly church services… to online classes, knowing one family in the entire city, and once a week church services. I went from being immersed in community to near isolation.

Read the rest of this post at Unveiled Wife! While you’re there, be sure to follow the Unveiled Wife for more marriage encouragement!