I have known Mike or rather “Goldie” for a “few” years. We first connected with my work at the newspaper as he was a firefighter and often, I was a photographer on scene for fires or car accidents. But he approached me one day about being the photographer for a Pink October firefighter calendar. Of course I said yes! But it also meant me working with an organization that has a special place in my heart as breast cancer has touched my life in so many ways.

And recently, Goldie approached me for another photo shoot that I cannot say no to.

He is getting married to the most wonderful lady, Tarah! The moment I met her, I knew why she was his lucky lady! She is sweet, compassionate and has the greatest laugh.

So we met and discussed their “Save the Date” session. They laughed about how they were doing everything backwards. We discussed their Napa train wedding, so we decided on Old Sac for the session. I tried to contain my excitement we talked about 40s/50s attire.

Can you tell that I love these two?

Here is a look at their session.

They so killed it!

LOVE THESE!

So there is a reason I hadn’t called this an engagement session up to now.

Like I said before, they laughed about doing everything backwards. So they needed their “Save the Date” images for their cards. But earlier in the week before the session, Goldie gave me a call.

He decided that he was going to propose to Tarah at the session. I tried to hold my complete giddiness as I was sitting in the church office and it was pretty quiet. But I was smiling like a goober from ear to ear! It was going to be truly be an engagement session.

So I tried to give Goldie his cue.

Now at first, Tarah could not stop talking. She may have said something along the lines of, “This will be good practice for you so when you really propose to me you won’t be nervous,”

  as she continued to fiddle with his tie. And their might have been some sarcasm as Goldie was trying to have a beautiful moment with his bride-to-be.

But oh her expression when she realized, “oh dang!” I love her sassy side!

Congratulations you both! I love you to the moon and back!

xoxo

Jen

I have been battling with this post for some time.

Pride has been my enemy.

I have let people down.

For that I apologize and sincerely ask for their forgiveness and grace.

Photography, aside from my family and faith, has been my passion and my love. Just when I think I am finally putting my lenses away, I find myself rekindled and burning to create memories for families that love and that I love. I also have an incredible cheerleader that makes sure I don’t give up on this gift. (It’s you, Lindsay, just in case you are reading. And I love you dearly for that!)

In the past four months, my life has been turned into a crazy, packed, over loaded mess that I have yet to find perfect balance in.

Two years I was able to just shoot, and be mom.  I could turn a session in a couple of days. And in a week, be able to have the product in hand or in the mail.

If you know anything about me, you know my family is crazy busy. We even did away with taekwondo for the moment to allow for family time.

In the last two years, I found my faith.

In the last four months, I began a new job for my family. It hasn’t been easy. It is a blessing, please don’t get me wrong. I love what I do and the people I get to work with. But still it hasn’t been easy. The adjustments to my schedule, that have changed three times now, has worn on the kids especially. Yet I am blessed for the opportunity. When I get home, it is straight off to practices, making dinner, dealing with the day-to-day family needs. By that time, I am spent.

And what happened, is, I basically shut down. I didn’t know what to do. I felt like it crept up on me. And then “it” devoured me. I am not able to turn those beautiful sessions over in the same amount of time I could a few months back. I made promises that I was able to keep just weeks before, but can no way humanly do now. And let’s face it. In this day and age, consumers want everything now. Right now. And with my background in journalism, I had to get things done quickly and now. And really, I enjoyed it so. Because we were both so excited to see what we made in our time together.

I was drowning. So I just shut down. I couldn’t even look at the images waiting. I was so frustrated and overwhelmed. I wasn’t giving up. I just stopped. I was overwhelmed with being overwhelmed.

There was also the pain of knowing, no matter how much love, talent, sweat and tears I gave a certain number of people, it just would NOT be good enough. I would be compared to what others did for other people. I just wouldn’t be enough. As an artist… as a creative creature, this can crush a soul. I am not saying that I expect that everyone needs to give me rainbows and gold stars for everything I do. It would be totally awesome, but that is not reality. And while my minds reminds me that, “You can please some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.” My heart cannot help but try.

I don’t like confrontation by any means. Ask my husband. Nope, I will walk away and shut the bathroom door. Then I bawl my eyes out because I have let someone down. I shut down. And after a “time out”, all is good again. I can focus and regain my footing.

It by no means is what I should do. It isn’t even remotely professional. It is however human. It is who I am — my constant battle. And if I am going to be very exposed and raw here and now — here it is. Usually I have this annual episode in February. It comes as regularly as my birthday. And as much as I try to pretend it isn’t coming or it arrives, it comes like a scheduled train. But usually in February, there are very few photo sessions because the weather is gray. I can have my break down in peace with no one really depending on me. I can turn to the Lord and know that this too shall pass.

So tonight, I sit in front of this bright screen, the glow of the it illuminating the dark surrounding me. I am bearing my soul.

I have spent much time in prayer, asking, “what do I do?” And as much as I would like it to just be erased.; be gone; hit the delete button or click restart… I wish it was totally something out of my control like a computer frying. A tornado touching down in my dining room and sending my computer to Oz. A dog ate all my drives. But it isn’t anything like that at all. I have been on bended knee. All I hear is ask for forgiveness and grace. If they can’t, it is okay.

I know I will lose work for this. I totally and completely understand. I do.

I can just move forward. Make things right and move on.

I will be sending out the drives that have been sitting on my desk out for weeks out tomorrow. I will be answering my emails and Facebook messages in the inbox over the next couple of days as well as placing the orders I need to. I hope to be up to speed by the end of next week minus books that need to be completed.

I will be uncomplicating my “social” media pages.

I have one more beautiful wedding to photograph next month I am super excited about. These two love and I will be reunited with friends/clients that have been with me for so long whom I completely appreciate.

I will be… me.

If you pray, keep me in your prayers.

XOXO

Jen

]]> https://newvintagephotography.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/apologies/feed/ 2 16746 newVintage photography https://newvintagephotography.wordpress.com/2014/09/25/ellie-sean-baby/ https://newvintagephotography.wordpress.com/2014/09/25/ellie-sean-baby/#respond Thu, 25 Sep 2014 15:54:46 +0000 http://newvintagephotography.wordpress.com/?p=16701 Continue reading →]]> Oh these two!

You may recognize these two from their stunning wedding last year. Well now Ellie and Sean are expecting their first child. A little girl.

We met in my favorite place, Locke. It was amazing.

In the garden.

Love these doors.

And what about the cutest lil Toms you have ever seen!

Then amazing got more awesome.

Thank you Ellie and Sean! I cannot wait to meet your bundle of joy!

xoxo

Jen

They are amazing!

My dear, sweet friend Jeran and her amazing husband, Dustin, are expecting a new addition to their wonderful family.

Tyler is oh-so-excited!

Jeran was just radiant!

We made it down to the water on a hot Sunday afternoon.

At first it was just going to be Jeran. But how do you keep a little boy from following. YOU DON’T! Then behind me I hear Dad say, “Well this may never happen again,” and he too joins in the cool, refreshing waters.

LOVE!

Sweet Jeran — Thank you for allowing me to capture your radiance! I cannot wait to meet your sweet babe.

xoxo

Jen

I have photographed his family, beginning with Jennifer, his sister and her family for years.

Now they were beginning a new chapter.

The blending of a beautiful family…

This is Judy and Ross. I love them. They are beautiful people.

Congratulations Kyle and Sue!

Love is patient and love is kind. You are both. Here’s to many, MANY years of happiness!

xoxo

Jen

]]> https://newvintagephotography.wordpress.com/2014/09/09/kyle-sue/feed/ 0 16709 newVintage photography MARTIN_IMG_0009 MARTIN_IMG_0112 MARTIN_IMG_0426 MARTIN_IMG_0556 martin_IMG_0894 MARTIN_IMG_1488_BW MARTIN_IMG_1545_BW https://newvintagephotography.wordpress.com/2014/09/09/dane-6-months/ https://newvintagephotography.wordpress.com/2014/09/09/dane-6-months/#comments Wed, 10 Sep 2014 00:15:27 +0000 http://newvintagephotography.wordpress.com/?p=16689 Continue reading →]]> Oh DANE!

I love his little grin!

It was time for Dane’s 6 month photos. We met at William Land Park for his close up.

Love this little man!

See you again soon!

xoxo

Jen

We meet on a nice evening at Oak Grove Park in Stockton.

These guys and dolls were so much fun! This is why I still photograph. These people love. And I love love. They laugh. It makes the heart happy.

Here is a look at their session…

Thank you Brittany for asking me to photograph you guys! You are all fabulous!

xoxo

Jen

August 2nd, I had the pleasure of photographing Brandi and Marcus’ wedding.

It was held at Faith Community Church amongst friends and lots of family.

The reception was at the Moose Lodge. Stylish and Saavy really transformed the hall into a beautiful reception.

It was a beautiful day.

Thank you Brandi and Marcus!

xoxo

Jen

planning/decorating: Stylish and Saavy

Floral: AZ Floral

Meet Valerie and her mommy and daddy, Monique and Jarrold.

Valerie recently turned one, so we met in Knights Ferry and captured this fun age.

Love her smile! Thank you Monique and Jarrold for meeting me and introducing me to you lovely little girl!

xoxo

Jen