Nice Girl Organization

Men & Women - Differences in thought processes

2011-11-05T22:15:00.000-04:00

Classic illustration of how men and women think differently.

Note to men: if a women asks you what is wrong, just say what is on your mind

Note to women: believe him when he tells you what is on his mind, even if it sounds silly

Love Language

2010-11-20T23:50:00.000-05:00

Love has no boundaries, whether it be race, language or country. It is a simple and true feeling.

Going Dutch - gender equality

2010-11-19T23:47:00.000-05:00

My friend Suzanne posted an interesting article on Facebook about how women work less and have a bigger pay gap in the Netherlands, but are still satisfied with their lives. On the contrary, women's happiness in the USA has not increased with their career success. Read the article here: http://www.slate.com/id/2274736/?from=rss

Though I am not Dutch, I think the fact that Dutch women are not obsessed with this idea of being a super woman is empowering. Their success is not measured in how well they can juggle work, life and family, but in their happiness and quality of life.

In the US, when you're a smart young girl and you tell someone you want to settle down and have a family in the future, you get scolded for how you would not be living up to your full potential. Pretty much everybody would look down on you because you would be a "housewife." Someone who had to "depend" on her husband, they would claim that you would be undermining everything that feminists strive so hard to change.

The feminist movement was a fight to gain the right to choose, but somehow the message became skewed. Nowadays, if you're smart and female, you should be the career women who has it all (like the enviable Angelina Jolie). But why can't I be a smart mom, who works part-time? If we're multitasking so many things, something has to suffer in quality and if it's not our work, it's our family or our life (or sanity).

In truth, I'm jealous of the Dutch culture and wish the American society was more accepting of the fact that I WANT to actually raise my kids and educate them instead of plopping them down in front of a TV or computer.

Mario used to teach typing, now he teaches relationship help!

2010-08-13T08:51:00.001-04:00

My friend forwarded me this hilarious depiction about the alluded jump from the friend zone to the relationship zone - Mario style! http://www.dailybento.com/2010/08/friends-vs-relationship-explained-by-mario/

The Difference Between Men And Women

2010-08-07T08:34:00.000-04:00

I came across this hilarious post from a friend on Facebook: http://dailyshite.com/2010/08/the-difference-between-men-and-women/

How many people should you date?

2010-06-03T21:02:00.028-04:00

A friend forwarded me this interesting vlog from ice1cube, who has been featured before, and it is about whether having "dating experience" is important.

I agree with the vlog in that ultimately the goal of dating is marriage. Of course, this view will vary depending on the age group that you ask. Most teenagers certainly aren't thinking of that level of commitment and dating at that point is really just for fun. It's nice to have a companion and that warm fuzzy feeling of falling in love can be addictive. However, for most of us as we get older we start wanting to settle down.

I don't believe that dating experience is anything to covet. If you're lucky to find the person who want to marry within the first or second try, by all means, embrace it! Don't worry about whether there is someone out there that might be better. If you're having thoughts like that, you're either not ready for any commitment or this person isn't the one.

A satisfying and long-lasting relationship is one that you invest your time in. Therefore it is quality not quantity that counts.

"Date Night" Movie Review

2010-06-01T22:00:00.000-04:00

This post is a bit late considering I saw this movie a month ago... but better late than never.

The plot line for "Date Night": In New York City, a case of mistaken identity turns a bored married couple's attempt at a glamorous and romantic evening into something more thrilling and dangerous.

This movie perfectly highlights the necessity of variety keep a relationship alive. Often times we get stuck in a routine, and unfortunately for romance, monotony is a killer.

In the movie, Tina Fey and Steve Carell attempt to get away from this routine by doing something different than their usual date night. And of course, they end up on a thrilling and dangerous adventure. It is that danger, that exhilaration that reignites their flames of passion. They rediscover their love for each other in a different way and see their partner in a different light.

Don't fall into a routine, do something different to bring surprise into your relationship. Whether that means showing up at her door with flowers, or sending a text that you're thinking about her, these small things can help revive a romance. Big things like going on vacation or starting a new hobby together can also help.

One interesting fact is that participating in exciting and dangerous activities with your partner can help further your bond due to the high you get from the event and associating that high with your partner. So though you might not become involved in a spy mission, but you can at least go ride the roller coaster to get that bonding.

Never meant to hurt you

2010-05-02T22:41:00.000-04:00

Image from gallery of Alp Arslan
(http://www.usefilm.com/photographer/76421.html)

Recently I witnessed a fight between a young couple - one complaining that he wasn't spending time with her, and him wondering where he had gone wrong. And this scene was so familiar, despite it being a different couple, it was something I had gone through and I feel like many people have experienced.

There's a lot of pain in being next to the person you love, but yet feeling as if you're not there. There is an emotional disconnect and at that moment you feel that he doesn't see you and you're not important. Your heart feels like it's being torn into two, and you wonder to yourself... "does he love me? do I mean anything to him?" These thoughts turn your mood afoul and suddenly you are angry and upset, and he is oblivious to what is going on or if he senses something is wrong, he is confused as what to do.

In the past, I have gotten angry and just like that young couple, would have a fight and leave in tears. However, someone once told me that even though he didn't understand why I was upset and didn't know what he could do, he wanted me to know that

"I never meant to hurt you."

And at that moment I realized that all my fears were unfounded. I was important to him and that was all that mattered.

It's nice to think that relationships will be lovey dovey forever, but reality is that there will be moments where that burning passion will be a slow fire and there is a disconnect. You are two separate beings, and naturally there will be a disconnect at some points. However, realize that this feeling may just be temporary. I have that same tendency to wonder if I'm an important person in his life, but I know that his actions speak louder than his words. If he loves you, he will show you - recall those moments and calm yourself. It may just be a fleeting emotion.

A long winter

2010-04-22T22:41:00.002-04:00

After a long winter hibernation, I am going to try posting again. (Yes, I know pandas don't hibernate) However, due to work and life, I will only be updating sporadically. Though I still hope to at least post once a week. In addition to relationship advice, I might also tangent into thoughtful musings.

Thank you to all those readers who still continue to follow this blog despite my lazy bear behavior.

To start off - I'm going to showcase yet another Wong Fu video, because they have such great video composition and are amazing storytellers. This one is a music video for AJ Rafael’s song "When We Say (Juicebox)." The music video paints a bittersweet picture of two lovers, their happiness, their heartbreak and finally their acceptance and moving on in life. Here is also the director's commentary.

A lot of people will come and go through our lives, whether that is a significant other, a friend or a loved one, it is good to cry about it, to be sad about it, but don't dwell on it forever. Move on, only then can you truly grow.

Rings?

2009-11-01T21:22:00.002-05:00

Wedding rings, engagement rings, friendship rings, promise rings... There's just something about a metal band as a declaration of love that is romantic. The constant reminder on your hand that someone loves you and that you love them too.

In medieval times, rings were often given as tokens of love. These were often engraved with lines of poetry,and are known as posy rings. In recent years, promise rings have become increasingly popular, especially among graduating college couples.

But what are these a promise of? It's not quite an engagement ring, but it symbolizes a commitment deeper than just being girlfriend/boyfriend. Long-distance couples will often wear matching rings as a reminder that they are still linked despite the distance.

I've heard 2 sides about the number of rings a girl should receive during a relationship.

1. The first ring a guy should ever buy is an engagement ring. Nothing else.
2. A girl should receive 4 rings during her relationship. One during courtship, one during the relationship, an engagement ring and then a wedding ring.

How do you feel about promise rings?

Why women have sex - all the reasons you always knew, but never realized...

2009-10-02T23:42:00.000-04:00

My friend forwarded me this interesting article Why women have sex: According to a new book, there are 237 reasons why women have sex. And most of them have little to do with romance or pleasure.

Lessons learned -

Marry an accountant

Then I learn why women marry accountants; it's a trade-off. "Clooneyish" men tend to be unfaithful, because men have a different genetic agenda from women – they want to impregnate lots of healthy women. Meston and Buss call them "risk-taking, womanising 'bad boys'". So, women might use sex to bag a less dazzling but more faithful mate. He will have fewer genetic benefits but more resource benefits that he will make available, because he will not run away. This explains why women marry accountants. Accountants stick around – and sometimes they have tiny little feet!

Sex time is a great time to make lists

We also use sex to "mate guard". I love this phrase. It is so evocative an image – I can see a man in a cage, and a woman with a spear and a bottle of baby oil. Women regularly have sex with their mates to stop them seeking it elsewhere. Mate guarding is closely related to "a sense of duty", a popular reason for sex, best expressed by the Meston and Buss interviewee who says: "Most of the time I just lie there and make lists in my head. I grunt once in a while so he knows I'm awake, and then I tell him how great it was when it's over. We are happily married."

Your significant other only loves your symmetry

I am not sure if I feel empowered or dismayed. I thought that my lover adored me. No – it is because I have a symmetrical face. "I love you so much," he would say, if he could read his evolutionary impulses, "because you have a symmetrical face!" "Oh, how I love the smell of your compatible genes!" I would say back. "Symmetrical face!" "Compatible genes!" "Symmetrical face!" "Compatible genes!" And so we would osculate (kiss). I am really just a monkey trying to survive. I close the book.

In all seriousness, there is a very elaborate biological process that is responsible for falling in love and for wanting to mate. However, that doesn't mean it's not magical. It is one of those unique things that can't really be completely understood and reproduced. Yes, ultimately we mate for survival, but that doesn't mean we can't enjoy the process while we're at it. Plus all that biology happens unconsciously, so most women don't choose accountants because we know no one else wants them.

LDR: Separation

2009-09-30T09:00:00.001-04:00

The joy you feel when you're reunited with your significant other in a long distance relationship is the best feeling in the world. You're both on cloud nine and so glad to be together. The time you spend is cherished deeply and spent wisely. However, this time cannot last forever and so you have to go back to being long distance again.

If you're the one staying behind, it may be harder because everything reminds you of him/her. The cafe where he/she really liked the breakfast, or the street where he/she shared a kiss. Every turn will lead you to another memory and make you miss him/her even more. It's painful, but know that soon you will be able to see each other again.

The few things you can do is get back into the rhythm of your life prior to your "vacation" together. Engage in activities such as taking classes, picking up a hobby, etc, anything to keep you occupied. In addition, you can start planning the next time you'll see each other so that you have a timeline to look forward to.

It's the little things in life - real life romance

2009-09-27T15:57:00.000-04:00

Thanks to my friend Suzanne for this article about a real-life example of true romance.

True romance: Britain's real-life Romeo has put a rose by his wife's bedside every day for 60 years

Sorry!

2009-09-23T22:01:00.000-04:00

Major apologies for the lack of updates and my sudden disappearance. It's been a busy month and I haven't had time to write.

I'll have another post up next week, and try to maintain a once a week schedule.

Why won't men ask for directions? Part 3

2009-08-25T09:00:00.000-04:00

A lot of people left their comments on the article Why won't men ask for directions? Part 2 And the best answer to the dilemma of how to deal with a boyfriend who's lost and refuses to ask for directions comes from my friend Louise. Her response:

Then you are taking a risk. If the people you ask point in a different direction from the one your boyfriend is taking you in, what do you do?

If you are very honest, you can weigh up "how much time will we waste being lost?" vs "how long will he be sulking over this?" and then decide whether to ask or not, but this is a bit crude.

A better way ... is to hedge your bets by surreptitiously asking for directions (e.g. by going to the toilet) - if the response is in his favour; continue as before - if it is not; whine that you want to have a look at/ go past/ admire the view from/ take a picture of/ browse W... X...Y... Z... until you get there.

And that leads us to the most important skill any girlfriend can have: the ability to get certain things done without hurting our boyfriend's egos. And Louise is right, is it really worth not being lost for an extra 15 minutes to have him sulking for the rest of the day?

Thanks Louise!

If you meet a woman like this, RUN!!

2009-08-20T09:00:00.000-04:00

Watch the video below, and watch how a girlfriend doesn't realize her boyfriend is on vacation (despite him having told her) and flips out on him. I actually had a similar situation happen to me, but it was my friend who was flipping out.

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.

Lessons learned (besides the one he writes):
Guys

Set up vacation response for incoming emails while you are away. Try checking it every few days.
Put on your facebook status that you're going away.
Don't break up with your girlfriend by not calling her!!

But at least after all that email drama, you know she's not worth your time and that she's crazy.

Girls

Pay attention to what your boyfriend is telling you.
Leave your phone number when leaving a voicemail.
Stop freaking out if your boyfriend doesn't call you for a few days.
Do not send emails or leave voicemails when you're angry!

The New Trophy Wives: Asian Women - Thoughts?

2009-08-18T09:00:00.000-04:00

A friend forwarded me this article from Marie Claire on the phenomenon of the coupling between powerful men from the West marrying younger women from the Far East. Sound familiar? Remember the Yellow Fever short from Wong Fu Productions featured last month?

It may sound a bit creepy to marry a man who is that many years your senior, but as an Asian and having studied abroad in Asia, I can see why marrying a man from the West regardless of age might be the only chance for them to make a better life for themselves. Though we used to joke about Chinese girls dating someone for a green card while we were abroad, but the reality is that it happens.

I feel that it's not the Asian women who are trophies here, it is the men. In addition to improving their own standard of living, they also become the envy of their friends. Western men are exotic, exciting, daring, etc. obviously they've been watching too much television...

I don't understand how this is any different than the phenomenon of Hugh Hefner and his Playboy mansion. These older men have money and power, and that attracts women to them, regardless of race or culture. Some things don't change.

Read the article and feel free to leave your thoughts about

Why are the West's most powerful men coupling up with younger Asian women?

Why won't men ask for directions? Part 2

2009-08-13T09:00:00.001-04:00

So last month, I asked the question of why won't men ask for directions. The response I got mostly had to do with the fact it hurts the man's ego and that he feels his girlfriend should trust that he'll get them there.

Now here's a slight twist to that scenario.

How do you feel if WE asked for directions then? Does that still hurt your ego?

Wong Fu Production: Hitting on Cathy

2009-08-11T09:00:00.001-04:00

Wong Fu Productions hits the nail on the head again! Here is a short reminding us of our dorky selves and attempts to hit on the cute girl/boy who captured your teenage heart.

Stay-at-home dads

2009-08-06T09:00:00.001-04:00

I came across an article today "More men becoming stay-at-home dads" about how the recent economy has hit men harder than women, and how that has affected the dynamics of a family.

In June, the male unemployment rate was 10 percent, versus 7.6 percent for women.

This means that more men are staying at home and taking on the role of stay-at-home dads. The role reversal in the traditional balance has affected their pride and threatened their masculinity.

Household identities shouldn't be so rigid, and I feel that there is constantly this double standard when it comes to gender roles. Taking care of the kids is just as challenging (if not more so, since lives are at stake) then an office job or a career. I feel that a lot of people take for granted how important and difficult it is to be a stay-at-home parent. It's not just staying at home and watching tv all day. The kids need to be taken and picked up from school and extra-curricular events; the house needs to be cleaned; meals need to be cooked; bills need to be paid. It is a 24 hours/7 days a week kind of job. You are even more on call than any other profession, and the effect lasts a lifetime. These are your kids, and you are shaping their future.

So ladies and gents... there's no shame in being a stay-at-home parent. I think it's the greatest job anyone could have, and also the best gift you could offer to your children. They will grow up around you, instead of being raised by some maid, and only seeing you for a few hours everday.

Buying presents for your girlfriend

2009-08-04T09:00:00.000-04:00

Alright, I have to admit... it's hard buying presents for women, because we're so picky. So here are some helpful tips that will guide you in being a better gift-giver.

Be sentimental and creative. The best gift in this category I've gotten is a printed photo album with pictures from a romantic vacation. Or a framed photomosiac of the two of you (you'll need lots of photos though). Remember putting effort into your present shows you care.
Notice what she looks at and what she likes when she is shopping. Just make a mental note about what she gushed about or thought looked really nice, but was too expensive. That's a big clue, it's too expensive. If it's not pricey and we like it, we would have bought it ourselves. Or it wasn't in the color/shape that she wanted, that's another clue. Find it in the exact color/shape that she wanted, and she'll be so happy.
This point is my personal opinion, so it doesn't apply to everyone. I don't like it when men buy me gifts right in front of me. I'm not a gold-digger and I'm not dating men because I want to spend their money. Please have the courtesy and discreteness of paying attention and noticing what I like, coming back at another time and purchasing it. This way, I'm surprised and moved by how thoughtful you are.
Don't buy her clothes (unless it's that Burberry coat that she's tried on a billion times, but won't buy because of the pricetag). Women's fashion is complicated, and even I don't understand it. Handbags, accessories, and jewelry are safer bets.
When a girl says she doesn't want anything, don't take it at face value. We just say that because we don't want to appear like greedy pigs. In reality, we really appreciate the gift and will hold a grudge against you if we don't get anything.
Don't buy her things you want for yourself. Remember that Simpsons' episode when Homer bought Marge a bowling ball. Yeah... don't be Homer.
I know that a lot of women who are frustrated from constantly getting bad gifts just give up and opt for practical gifts instead. Once in a while, take a risk and buy something different. Enlist the help of her close female friends.
Pay attention!! Women drop hints all the time about what they want, it's only a matter of if you're actually paying attention.

Here's an awesome website with 10 gift buying mistakes that men make. How many have you committed?

Evolution says women are getting more beautiful

2009-07-30T09:00:00.008-04:00

I came across this article in my free local newspaper about how apparently through evolution Women are getting more beautiful.

Over generations, the scientists argue, this has led to women becoming steadily more aesthetically pleasing, a “beauty race” that is still on. The findings have emerged from a series of studies of physical attractiveness and its links to reproductive success in humans.

Beautiful women are more likely to reproduce and have children, hence they pass on their beauty genes and these children grow up to have more beautiful children...

In men, by contrast, good looks appear to count for little, with handsome men being no more successful than others in terms of numbers of children. This means there has been little pressure for men’s appearance to evolve.Gayle Brewer, a psychology lecturer at the University of Central Lancashire, said: “Men and women seek different things in their partners.

“For women, looks are much less important in a man than his ability to look after her when she is pregnant and nursing, periods when women are vulnerable to predators. Historically this has meant rich men tend to have more wives and many children. So the pressure is on men to be successful.”

Men, be reassured! It doesn't matter if you're not as good-looking as David Beckam, what matters is that you are successful and can provide for a family. No pressure ;)

See through - another WongFu Production

2009-07-28T09:00:00.000-04:00

This is one of my favorite shorts from The One Days: HK shorts.

Sometimes the most personal advice can be found in complete strangers. Listening to the experiences of another can help us apply what they've learned into our own lives. Two travelers on different ends of a similar situation find peace and understanding through each others words and presence.

Why won't men ask for directions?

2009-07-23T09:00:00.000-04:00

Here's a question that has puzzled me for a while...

why won't men ask for directions? Even when we're obviously lost...

Any ideas??

Ex-girlfriends/boyfriends

2009-07-21T09:00:00.001-04:00

Last week, I heard a great piece of advice from a friend. When asked about what she thought about someone meeting up with their ex-girlfriend to just hang out, she replied that it's fine as long as that person didn't have any other intentions, such as getting back together or reigniting the flame.

I believe that former significant others can be great friends even after the relationship is over, given enough time to cool off and to move on with life. This person obviously gets along with you and you have plenty in common, but just remember to keep your heart guarded, lest those feelings within you arise again.

That is why I often emphasize that you prior to ending a relationship, you should really consider and think about the reasons why. This way, you won't regret your decision 8 months later when you see him/her again. You'll remember the reason why you broke up with them and that should keep you grounded.