Bicara Hati Seorang Lelaki

Aku, Guru & Kerjaya

2013-11-18T02:59:00.001+08:00

Terasa sebak plak membaca sajak peninggalan arwah nie... perginya tiada pengganti.. hilangnya akan dingati. di bibir ayah terukir kata," seorang tiada seakan sepuluh yg telah pergi", betapa sunyi dirasakan. dan di mata mak berkaca.. mengulanginya kata arwah, "biarlah kita pergi dulu, kita redha... xdelah kita sedih bila mak ayah tiada". doa dan bacaan yasin xputus dihadiahkan kepada arwah sepanjang pemergiannya... semoga arwah bahgia di sana. amin.

Kelmarin...
Aku adalah budak hingusan,
Yang sentiasa bersama kenakalan,
Yang hanya kenal satu hingga sepuluh,
Yang hanya kenal ayah, ibu, kakak abang,
Yang hanya kenal apa itu teady bear.

Mereka sentiasa menjagaku,
Sejak lahirku,
Yang mengajarku apa itu solat dan
Apa itu puasa,
Yang mengajarku erti sopan.

Namu hari ini,
Aku bergelar pelajar,
Yang kenal apa itu a, b, c,
Yang baru kenal apa itu guru.

Hari ini juga,
Aku telah mengenal apa itu bahasa,
Apa itu sejarah,
Apa itu agama,
Dari apa itu kehidupan alam,

Kerana apa,
Kerana engkau wahai guru,
Yang sentiasa mendampingku,
Diam yang setia & tetap,
Tidak mengenal erti jemu & lelah,
Tidak bencikan aku tetapi menyayangiku,

Keranamu jua,
Aku kini bergelar sarjana,
Keranamu jua,
Aku kini bergelar manager,
Dan keranumu jua,
Aku kini bergelar usahawan.

Aduhai guru,
Di manakah harusku letakkan mukaku ini,
Sekiranya aku bergelar pencuri,
Sekiranya aku bergelar penagih,
Kerana itu bukan salahmu,
Aku harus dipersalahkan.

Guru...
Titik pertemuan kita di sekolah,
Titik perpisahan kita entah di mana,
Namun titik ajaran pertamamu,
Tetap tersemat dikalbu,
Pelajaran yang mengenal
Apa itu jasa guru...

Al Fatihah Buat Kak Cik

2013-11-04T00:00:00.000+08:00

Jumaat malam 4 Oktober 2013 bersamaan 1 Zulhijjah 1434H, kak cik ku pergi buat selamanya... alfatihah.
sudah genap sebulan. terasa dia baru pergi semlm meninggalkan kami semua, kami redha dengan pemergiannya untuk bertemu dgn maha penciptanya. semoga arwah bahagia di alam sana dan ditempatkan dikalangan para solihin. walaupun kadang2 sebak mengingatkan gurau senda arwah... even rumah pun rasa sunyi semenjak ketiadaanya. mak ayah masih x lekang bercerita ttg arwah itu ini, kadang2 sebak. sabar lah mak. sabarlah ayah. doakan saja kak cik lebih bahgia di alam sana dari hidup menderita sedemikian rupa. selama 4 thn menanggung sakit yg xberkesudahan. alhamdulillah, bacaan yasin dan alquran senantiasa dihadiahkan kepada arwah. kadang2 ada kelapangan aku ikut ayah menziarahi kubur arwah.

ya allah, kau tempatkanlah kakakku dikalangan orang2 yg soleh dan jauhi lah dari seksamu. semoga dia beroleh ketenangan dan kemenangan di sana.

p/s: alfatihah.

Rumah Terbuka kali ke-3 2013

2013-08-13T02:58:00.000+08:00

5th raya. buat rumah terbuka buat kali ke3 kot dlm sejarah family. bila dh kali ke3 ni, organize la sket.. xmcm sebelum ni la.. kalut. hidangan xcukup. mcm2 hal dan ragam. sib baik la adik beradik ramai saling tolong dan membantu walau ada lah salah faham sket2. hari baik hari gembira. xleh la masam2 muka. mesti kena ceria kan... masing2 ada tugas.

memang klakar kalu diingatkan balik open house yg lepas2. yg 1st tu, aku hanya sempat berkain pelaikat. xdan nk tukar seluar pun, memanjang dok kt dapur.. buat itu and ini. sebabnyer.. buat tempahan nasi dagang hanya segantang.. aduiiyaa. x smpai kol 11, dh habis. laksa pon xcukup, satay habis. memang kalut didapur tanak nasik dan bagai2 lagi buat preparation.. mmg jd chef bidang terjun la.. masak air and buat air lagi.. semuanyer xstandby. sampai kol 2ptg aku dh tertiarap atas sofa. keletihan. pastu aku xtau apa jadi. sedar2 dlm kol 6ptg. semua dh setel kemas. hehe.

yg taun lepas nyer.. ok la sket. ada sedikit preparation yg sepatutnya. nasi dagang 5 gantang. hehe. ditambahnye ngan menu2 lain. sampai x habis kot.. haha terlebih plak. yg sedihnye dua kali rumah terbuka, xde sorang plak member aku datang bertandang.

so kali ni ada la jemput kekawan kt fb. ingatkan at least ada la 5 org dtg.. tp 2 org je.. ok la tu kan.. mat duan ngan gmie. sorang pegawai bank rhb sorang cikgu kt cameron. im happy and thanks to both of u. kawan2 sekampung pon ada gak dtg, mungkin aku je yg xbrape kenal org. mmg jenis x sosial aku nie. yg happy nyer, semua ingat jamuan kali ni skali ngan aku nye jamuan.. hikhik. sib baik si dia xdpt dtg. dh keje pn. mak awal2 lagi pesan, jemput la si dia tu.. wat pe malu2. sambil urut kaki dia pelbagai soklan yg diterjahnye.. mana yg tau aku jawab la.. mana yg x aku sengih. siap dia perli, kamu ni kenal si dia dh brape lama.. itu xtau ini xtau. hikhik. iye lh, aku apa pun x tau and x kenal keluarga dia. aku ada bukak fb and tunjuk je kt mak her photo.. so thats it. back to topic.

yg aku tau, menu kali ni memang byk, nasi dagang, nasi minyak, laksa penang + laksa trg, lontong, bihun goreng+kopok, satay, ketupat+rendang, tapir pulut, kek lapis, fruit punch, air sirap soda. apatah lagi.. so alhamdulillah. cukup. semua org lebih rilex... siap boleh lyn tetamu yg dtg bertandang. start kol 9.30pg sampai kol 5ptg. dalam 5.30ptg semua siap kemas dh. majlis berjalan lancar.

tapi seingat aku la.. menu utama memang x berubah dari tahun2 lepas.. haih... heran aku. sama je. aku siap tegur xmo ubah ke menu nyer.. tiap2 tahun pon sama, naik cemuih plak.. dijawabnyer org kata sedap menu or masakan tu.. iye lh kn xkan la org nk kutuk plak.. harap2 thn seterusnya ada perubahan menu plak. buat spagheti ker, nasi arab ke, beriani ke, nasi khoumok ke, nasi kerabu ke.. laksan ke.. buat abc, cendol.. pepe je lah asal lain dr thn sebelumnyer. best per.. setahu aku xpernah plak pi rumah terbuka org buat menu yg sama je..

p/s: taun ni aku cuti raye mmg lame giler.. seminggu lebih.. :))

Diari Ramadhan 5

2013-08-05T07:09:00.000+08:00

Mlm 27 ramadhan. Jam dh kol 3.30pg lebih... mata stil xnak lelap.. ntah apa yg aku pikirkan.. mostly si dia la.. ya allah ampunkan daku kerna lalai dari mengingatiMu.. hurmm dh xlarat nk paksa tuk tido, xmo jugak..nk menangis pon ada.. kan ada yg tak terkejut nanti, dh pasang niat nk bgn kol 4 lebih.. nk buat solat sunat tahajjud. malam sebelum2 ni alhamdulillah. xde plak masalah. dlm kol 3pg gitu after 2 or 4 rakaat solat sunat hajat aku boleh tido lenanya. dlm kol 4.30pg lebih, automatically terjaga... alhamdulillah, mudah sgt nk bgn bulan pose nie.. yg penting niat... harap2 lepas nie berkekalan la..

my cycling activity, dh totally paused since 10 mlm terakhir bermula.. mula2 nyer sebab hujan, tiba2 terpikir mungkin ada hikmahnya.. maybe nk suruh aku tumpu kt ibadat kot.. pasal biz pn aku x pikir sgt.. sepanjang ramadhan ni, bukak kedai ala kadar aje, aku bukak lepas zohor sampai 6.30 ptg. then sambung balik lepas terawih sampai la dlm kol 12.30 pg. xramai sgt org, boleh la tumpukan pada bacaan alquran sambil2 dok kt kaunter tu. alhamdulillah dh khatam pun pd mlm 26 ramadhan. masa sgt flexible bile kerja sendiri kan.. hehe.. syukur. xde la rasa semacam kita mencuri masa semasa bekerja.. xlarat nk menjawab kt padang masyar nanti, hurmm secara x langsung rezki tu kurang berkatnya. x gitu? so kepada korang yg bekerja dengan kerajaan ke swasta ke.. masa bekerja jgn sibuk nk berblog je, sibuk ber fb ke, sibuk bewassup ke, sibuk tang itu sibuk tang ini.. itu pendapatan korang, rezki korang, pastu dengan hasil tu korang suap anak bini plak.. haa pikir la sendiri.

ni pun nk tunggu waktu dhuha.. sempat la update blog, rasanye solat sunat ni la plg sukar tuk aku amalkan.. dari dulu lg akak aku dok bebel suruh bgn pagi2, amalkan. byk kelebihan nya. aku tau, tp ya allah xtau la nape.. kadang2 aje aku buat. degil sgt. ya allah Kau permudahkan lah segala urusan ku, buka kan lah pintu hatiku.. beri kan lah hidayahMu.

bukan nk banggakan diri ke apa, semoga ianya menjadi panduan dan peringatan pada masa2 hadapan. lepas solat sunat dhuha baru sambung tdo.. sebab tu la aku bukak kedai lepas zohor.. hehe.

p/s: alhamdulillah terkejut gak aku dlm kol 5pg, tp aku pun x sure aku tido ke idak, aku cuba pejam sedaya upaya... even terasa otak masih aktif berpikir.. yg aku sendiri pon xpasti. hanya mengharap segala amalanku diterimaNya.

2nd hand goes to 3rd hand

2013-08-04T07:30:00.000+08:00

I bought 2nd handphone for my sis, samsung galaxy s3 mini. dah tiap2 kali aku balik dia dok bising, tipon dia always hang x leh nk main game itu ini and whatsoever. tipon asalnya galaxy s2, adik dh kebas.. bertuah punyer adik. pastu digantinya ngan galaxy y kalu x silap. bijak2.

pastu aku tya la dia ske ke tak? slambe kodok dia jawab, abg aku amik and pakai. aku like wth!!! ske2 hati je dia bagi kt org lain.. dh aku beli khas tuk dia.. well its my long and short term investment actually.. hehe.. ada udang disebalik batu gitu..tp diam2 sudaa la. sib baik ni bulan pose bulan mulia bulan rahmat.. sabar je lah. tp aku bising gak la... stil x puas hati.. akak aku ckp, xpelah yg ni pon blh pakai lagi.. pastu siap tya how much does it cost me, she want to pay back.. aku cakap xyah but she stil insist. tp siap la dia kalu dia bising pasal phone dia. time aku balik rumah konpem tipon aku jadi mangsa. haih... sabau je lh.

Diari Ramadhan 4

2013-08-03T06:39:00.000+08:00

Terawih malam ke-25, diimamkan oleh imam dari arab saudi, bacaan nye ya Allah, terang dan jelas gitu.. harap2 dia jadi imam lagi tuk 2,3 mlm... sampai abis ramadhan pun xpe. bukan xske imam kt kg nie.. tp terasa gak nk tukar selera.. hehe. mlm ke-15 aritu plak diimamkan oleh imam dari palestin, pun best. khas didatangkan oleh group aqsasyarif. dapat gak la sumbangkan mana yg termampu tuk tolong rakyat palestin.

yg sedey malam semalam kot, paling la mengantuk aku solat terawih, xtau apsal.. mengantuk nye mcm nk tumbang je.. tp abis gak la 8 rakaat, balik bilik terus tumbang atas katil.. sedar2 kol 11.30 mlm... hehe. agak nyer mungkin xbertenaga kot... aku bukak pose mcm biasa, 2 jenis kuih, tp aku belasah 2 bgks air tebu.. hurmm harap2 pasni mintak jauh2 dari rasa mengantuk bagai semasa terawih.

Alhamdulillah, terawih tahun ni mmg strict sket la.. masa berbuka, minum air, 3 biji kurma, 2 jenis kuih, xpun 2 bijik martabak or 2 biji capati. itu je. lepas terawih plak, baru aku pi mencari capati (incase x mkn capati waktu berbuka), 2 biji.. my limit. kadang2 je lh. ala2 moreh laa katakan.. nk join moreh kt masjid tu segan plak. makan nasi? ada la skali dua aku mkn nasi masa berbuka, tu pun sebab satu balik rumah. mmg kena mkn nasi la.. kan terasa plak org yg memasak x jamah masakan dia tu.. 2ndly, ntah la.. teringin sgt so aku mkn la nasi kukus + lauk ayam.. ya allah kenyang giler.. pastu dh serik, xmo dah.. dh la sebelum tu mkn rojak ayam yg tauke nasi kukus tu bagi free. haishh.. nyesal giler.. asal nye nasi tu nk buat sahur.. hehe.. oo lagi satu, ada lagi skali tu, asalnye aku beli nasi palao kashmir nk buat sahur.. last2 aku terlajak sahur... so keesokan masa berbuka aku bantai.. hurmm still x basi.. tp x abis pon.. mkn sket je, takut gak sakit perut kan.. xpasal2. itu lah alkisah aku dibulan ramadhan. harap2 tahun depan dan seterusnya dpt kekalkan prestasi cemerlang ini. :))

ya allah, kurniakan aku kesihatan dan kecergasan agar dapat ku tunaikan kewajipanku sebagai hambuMu.

Diari Ramadhan 3

2013-07-31T23:00:00.000+08:00

Alhamdulillah, berjaya gak habiskan 8 rakaat solat sunat terawih mlm ke-22, walaupun kaki sakit terketar2 menahan sakit... sampai mengalir air mata ni. sakit nyut2. ya allah ampunkan lah daku, kerana kelemahanku, kesakitanku mengganggu kekusyukan dalam mencari redhaMu. ampuni lah dosa2ku ya allah. semoga cepat lah ilang sakit ni agar dapatku meneruskan ibadatku kepadaMu seperti sediakala.

aritu xkhusyuk sebabteringatkan si dia, haih~~~ so terpaksa kurangkan berwassup and whatsoever... tp bila x wassup, hati kan main merindu... terbayang2 di mata, fikiran lagi la melayang2... ya Allah, jauhkan aku dari mainan perasan ini.

mendamba cintaMu.

My Mom > Breaking News

2013-07-30T23:00:00.000+08:00

adoiyaa my mom... i told her to make it secret dulu, lay down. tp disebabkan dianyer over xcited.. semua org dia kasi tau.. ini pon aku baru tau dari my sis. tgh2 sms, dia bilang x sabo2 nk anto rombongan. terkejut gak la dibuatnyer..tp syukur, semua org terima dengan hati terbuka my lady choice. hehe.

thats why lah aku terima mis call from my dad sejak dua menjak nie... bila aku tya ada apa dia senyap je, ada tu dia suruh topup kan no nyer. aku tgh cycling pon dia col... ada tu aku dh pi terawih dia col.. so balik dr terawih aku col balik tya ayah kol ke tdi... tya lg ada apa ayah? dia ckp xde pepe.. aku just tya khabar la.. and then bagi salam. hang up.

agaknya dia nk aku ckp kt dia about that lh.. tp its better with face to face. nanti jan balik jan cakap la kt ayah.. ayah sabar ye. jan pun sabar nie. hehe...

Diari Ramadhan 2

2013-07-29T17:00:00.000+08:00

Sedey tol tgk anak2 muda skrg ni, bukan setakat anak muda, bapak org pun sama... nape la susah sgt nk puasa. ari ni aje ntah berapa org dok ulang alik beli air. padahal baru kol 3 ptg. sampai masuk kedai xbukak pn helmet, nk cover muka punyer pasal... yg ada wiser langsung x angkat.. xpun pakai tuala tekup mulut.. mcm2 ragam. langsung xde perasaan malu la diorang nie.. nk marah pun ada..

ada jugak aku tya, nape x puasa? xbangun sahur bang, jawab nyer. alahai, setakat xkejut sahur..mmg xleh terima la alasan nie. ada tu jawab ala keje la bang, panas. keje apa? masak2 lauk nk tolong member punye pasal, sampai x pose. kalu mcm ni baik xyah keje. lgsg x berkat rezki tu..

apa nk jadi la wahai saudara seagamaku..

Ya Allah, terimalah amalanku, berkati lah daku.

Diari Ramadhan

2013-07-27T05:22:00.001+08:00

Dh nak masuk 10 terakhir ramadhan... harap2 semua amalan diterimaNya. tapi agak sedih, bila pi masjid tuk terawih, masjid semakin lengang.. dari penuh tinggal separuh, sekrang ntah berapa saf je yg tinggal.agaknye semua sibuk shopping, but not busy to worshipping Allah. for me alhamdulillah, tahun ni terawih stil penuh.. quran pun tinggal dlm 10 juz lagi.. insyaAllah sempat khatam. so masuk 10 mlm terakhir harap2 dpt tingkatkan amalan.. semoga mendapat kerberkatan dan keampunan dariNya. Amin.

Jom tingkatkan amalan.

Sketsa Hidup 3

2013-07-23T17:40:00.001+08:00

Suatu petang di bulan puasa, sedang asyik aku mendengar bacaan alquran, datang seorang pakcik naik moto parking betul2 depan kedai, melambai tangan... aku buat tak tau je.. kenal pun idak, bagi salam jauh skali.. pastu skali lg dia melambai.. aku keheranan, dia ni xleh turun dr moto ker apa.. aku pun bgn la datang dekatnye.. nape pakcik? selamba aku btanya... dia jawab, mintak ic. aku pun katalh, nk buat apa ngan ic saya pakcik, sy xbleh bg kat sebrangan org, ic tu hak sy. dia agak tersentak, awak xtau ke sy ni sapa, ntah jawab aku ringkas, sy polis.. mmg dh terdetik dlm hati aku, saja je aku buat tak tau.. hehe.. dh tu encik nk buat apa ngan ic saya, sy ada buat salah ke? dia pun mula turun dr moto.. awak xnak bg lah ic kat saya.. gentaknye. xde, sy nk tau je.. ic ada kt dlm, kejap la saya gi amik. jwb aku malas nk melawan.

lepas hulur ic, dia pn cakap, sy nk awak berterus terang dengan saya, saya ada dengar aduan awak ada jual mercun. kali ni aku yg mengucap panjang, astarfirullah.. dari sapa encik dengo tu? boleh encik bawak org tu ke mari, sy pn nk tau sapa buat fitnah tu.. dia terdiam. agaknyer dia main belasah aje sebut kan.. ckp pun x serupa bikin, cam ne aku nk hormat.. dia tya lg utk kepastian dan masih gertak aku, awak ada tgk paper hari ni, dh ramai sy tangkap org dan saman sebab jual ngecun.. giler glamer la tu.. haha.. aku pn bersumpah la dengan nama allah. berani kerna benar.. and aku pun ckp la.. kalu 3 thn lepas sy ada la jual, tp sekrg xde dh.. ngecun pop2 yg mydin jual pn sy xde jual... kalu dia geledah kedai aku mati la.. stok ngecun 3 thn lepas pn ada lagi kt dlm... haha.

lepas puas gertak aku, dia pon beralih topik... awak bukak cyber ada lesen x? xde jwb ku ringkas.. berani awak ye katanya lg.. xde lh berani sgt, tp sy nk berniaga.. sy bukak la.. dh tu encik nk saman jugak ke, bukan ke encik saman org jual ngecun je.. tya aku. xde sy nk buat repot je, nanti ada la org dtg check. kalu mcm tu ikut encik lah.. jwb aku. dh mls nk layan. ntah apa merapu dia ni.. walaupun dlm hati hya tuhan yg tau..

dh tu siap mintak kertas ngan aku lg.. encik nk buat apa plak kertas nie.. nk tulis nama kamu laa.. adess buku nota pon xde polis nie.. sengket sgt ke.. dh bg ic boleh lagi tya nama aku, aku tya balik, encik xde spek mata ke.. hehe.. sementara dia dok tulis aku pn berbual lh mcm biasa.. tya dia dr mana and duk mana.. asal mana.. hurmm.. lepas tu dia tya lagi, sebelum ni xde ke polis dtg.. aku ckp xde. kalu ada pn, org menyamar check mesin judi ada lah.. kata aku.. aku tya lgi, betul ke ni urusan polis.. bukan ke majlis perbandaran.. dia cakap ada lah geng seven.. ntah apa geng seven pun aku xtau.. byk kali gak la dia dok ulangkan.. sebelum dia pergi dia masih lagi tya aku, betul ni awak nk sy buat repot? aik aku keheranan.. nape plak ditya aku.. nk suruh aku hulur ke? jgn harap la.. aku pun ckp la.. terpulang la kepada encik.. baiklh kalu mcm tu sambil berlalu pergi dgn hampa agaknye..

naik moto sempat lagi dok membebel, kesian kt org lain, bukak cyber dh berbelas2 kali kena saman, awak sekali pon xpernah pn ye.. aku diam je.. mls nk menjawab. biar lah dia..

hurmm kat dunia ni boleh la dia nk ckp apa pun, mendabik dada, berlagak spt dia yg berkuasa.. aku bukak cyber tu haram ke? nape nk sekat rezki aku plak.. aku harap dia jalankan tugas ngan adil dh la.. jgn sampai kt akhirat aku dtg tuntut ngan dia sudah..

xpasal2 aku keresahan... harap2 cepat la aku pindah balik kg..

He Still My Dad

2013-07-17T04:48:00.001+08:00

I went home last week, but the atmosphere totally different, not the same it used to be. so gloomy, everyone in my family is so tense, so depressed. and everyone got long face and tired too. i know its my dad. he is kinda out of control, if u look at him now, 100% u will say "that guy is crazy". even my bro and sis said he is insane. im sick and sad with this situation. almost every year he went 'berserk'.

no one can stop him, no one dare to say something to him... and even u not, u still got scolded. he take an anger out of him to crash and smash something. i was there, and suddenly he kicked out the chair and smash it with parang, and blabbering out of something he mad off. everyone silent and doing nothing and stop talking. i was surprised and shocked. out of the blue. what the heck he is thinking.

my bro told me he danced in front of everyone, and sometime turn on the radio out of loud. every corner of the kampung totally will hear it. usually he will listen to bollywood songs. he will not sleep at night and woke up everyone in the house to make them listening to what he is going to say, the same thing over and over again. all the lights in and outside the house is on and the car headlights too. with the high beam he projected to neighbours houses. the worst he will go around the kampung and knock the neighbours house at 2 oclock in the morning. what a shame! the blame goes all to my family.

and sometime he spent alot. he take all the sales money and buy anything like machines, scoops that he called a guitar and whatever he like. also give to people he love to. free money for everyone. its the money my 3 brothers working on their asses.

the way he was driving is totally reckless and dangerous. usually 160-170km/h. he goes around and around till late evening. and the car is full with pieces of shit and trashes.

im ashamed of it, but still he is my dad. and that is the result of the sihir. we knew it, we tried to cure but still not good enough.

to Allah we put our hope and hope the one who make whatever my dad looked like a crazy person is repent for the wrong being.

Happy Fasting 1434

2013-07-10T03:48:00.001+08:00

Syukur ke hadrat Ilahi, sekali lagi bertemu dengan bulan yang penuh keberkatan. Alhamdulillah. hope this year much better than last year.. harap2 terawih penuh thn nie... hehe. puasa pun penuh. of coz la kan. no reason not to.

juz pesan buat diri sendiri, tingkatkan amalan, perbyakan sedekah... bykkan bersabar... semoga semua nye berjalan dengan lancar dan mendapat keberkatan dariNya. amin

jom sahur dulu.

is it love?

2013-07-08T02:41:00.002+08:00

Alhamdulillah, everything was clear for now. i take a very first step to tell her that i want her to be the one and completed me. so relief, like the load i've been kept for so damn loong was lifted... what a feeling. though i was ready if being rejected.. like im having in my dream and keep hunting me for those years... and becoz of that dream i have once in awhile keep me from tell her that i want her and need her to be my side, i was chicken out before i take an action.. prick! and the 2nd reason, its my financial. its sucks. what a shame!

2 years.. that the time i set to strengthen my financial and whatsoever. hope i can make it short. im old u know. and i dun wanna make her wait for that long.. after that, ready or not, i will go with the flow.. hope she still with me by that time.

now it juz left my heart keep beating like a dab dib dub... like its gonna explode any time soon. im over excited. guess i cant sleep for tonite too. and im smiling like an idiot.

Friends Everywhere

2013-07-04T01:29:00.003+08:00

No more hiding, no more feeling guilty, no more alone and lonely... thats what i decided. so i re-activated myself in my 2nd fb account with my real name. walla!! found my friends everywhere... from my primary school, secondry school, colleague and university and more and more...i just add them one by one. and its make me happy. well most of them happily married with kids, im grateful for them and kinda jealous.. just a little bit. well for me im still searching for the other half of me.

and now im starting my online business thru fb. its a good start. and maintaining it will be challenging. thats good. well hope see u soon. enfin.

p/s: my last posts seem ridiculously short, not bother to elaborate or explaining. just stick to the point since the time is running... :))

Courses Day

2013-06-16T01:40:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, i filled my day with attending the gold courses.. from morning til late evening, and continue later on til night. fuh! well lesson learn..

My Best Friend's Wedding

2013-06-02T01:29:00.000+08:00

Congrats! Syabas! Félicitation! to my frenz, Affero, kawin jugak akhirnya... lucky for me to be there. barely make it, iye lah stil selsema and batuk after come back from China... hurmm aku bila lagi? kekeke...

My 1st Flight!

2013-05-30T01:38:00.000+08:00

Yup, after 30 years im living, this is my first flight ever... From Terengganu to Kuala Lumpur on 23rd May, and From Kuala Lumpur to China on 24th May... historical moment of my life, please take note. :)), but the worst moment ever, im having diarrhea the whole day... shit happened! i spent 4 days and 3 night in China til im totally broke... well, wish i'll be there once again this year.. hehe.

I Need Lappy

2013-05-04T02:39:00.002+08:00

I hardly can update my blog lately... its not i dont want to, its becoz i dont have any laptop. thee thee. laptop pinjaman sudah diambil oleh tuan punyer. so i only got pc at my counter with 32 inch screen. eh malu la nk update blog kt skrin besar2. x privacy gitu. ni pun curi masa 5 mins sebelum tido, sib baik la ada pc dlm bilik ni haa.. pc ni pon mcm dh uzur sgt.. its old and too slow.. i hate it but still useful la kot.. nk2 time cam nie haa..

last month i decided to buy zenbook.. but sadly no stock available at that moment. and becoz i need it by then so i just grabbed acer ultrabook. well its okay la.. but still i want the zen one. so frustrated. eh apa citer nie.. forget it.

so semua org dh bz balik kg tuk ngundi.. so am i. tp esok ptg baru balik kot. tetiba excited nk balik ngundi.. fyi, saya x pernah ngundi. hehe. so who am i gonna pangkah.. sapa yg bertanding pon aku xtau.. mmg x amik kisah pon pasal politik nie.. xde kesedaran lgsg. huh! well its my fault. guilty as charge!

so thats it for now.. need some sleep. see ya later.

Wind of Change

2013-04-20T15:14:00.001+08:00

Now im feel so embarrassed about my last posting. thats why lah long time no update. hehe.. well well thats life. just go on. lots of things happen but sadly no time to update. kinda busy with the real life lately.. need to work harder. i seriously need to improve my financial. and thats my goal for now. no bullshit.

something hit my head may be. suddenly i have objective in my life. something i really want to. hope its never too late. i have to change myself to be a better person. leave as much as the bad things behind. O Allah, please guide me all the way.

i dont know how long its gonna take.. but for now, just start it with slow and steady.. wasatiah is the best. its not easy to change, i tried a few times before but im lost.. and sometimes the result was worse than i used to be. it was backward and awkward moment in my life. :((

God I'm down here on my knees
Cause it's the last place left to fall
Beggin' for another chance
If there's any chance at all
That you might still be listenin'
Lovin' and forgivin' guys like me

I've spent my whole life gettin' it all wrong
And I sure could use your help just from now on
I wanna be a good man
A do like I should man
I wanna be the kind of man the mirror likes to see
I wanna be a strong man
And admit that I was wrong man
God I'm askin’ you to come change me
Into the man I wanna be

If there's any way for her and me to make another start
Could you see what you could do
To put some love back in her heart
Cause it gonna to take a miracle
After all I've done to really make her see

That I wanna be a stay man
I wanna be a brave man
I wanna be the kind of man she sees in her dreams
God I wanna be your man
And I wanna be her man
God I only hope she still believes
In the man I wanna be

Well I know this late at night that talk is cheap
But Lord don't give up on me yeah

I wanna be a givin' man
I wanna really start livin' man
God I'm askin’ you to come change me
Into the man I wanna be

I Need Someone...

2013-03-13T15:05:00.000+08:00

Once again after such long long time, my tears flows out, i cried on my bed alone. its not what i wanted but it happened. im not ashamed and no one to blame. its just me. lately im feel blue out of sudden. thinking of this kind of lonely life ive been through. its 3.00 am, tried to sleep but my eyes wont.. my brains kept recollecting the past memories... and then i realized my love life is so empty, there is alot empty spaces which i wasted for all these years.. my tears just burst out, non stop and i just let it be..

and after awhile when i came to my sense i reached out my phone, kept scrolling down the contact list from A-Z and from 0-9, but no one to call or sms.. and no one that i can rely on when i such in need. i only got salesman no and a few no that i not use anymore.. no friend no one. yup im alone and the loneliest guy in the planet. then my eyes just capsized with my own tears again...i just wish someone was here to comfort me and be with me rite now... doing nothing just to stare at.. and fall in love. and color my life.

then my memories rolling back when i still at school, i got my eyes on some girls i like, but ive done nothing. no action no game. just looking from far and hide my feeling deep inside when im with her. too afraid to step up. and then its gone. evaporating and drying. its so hard for me. and myself make it harder. and sometimes a few girls maybe, try to approach me and try to ask me and make me hers, but i resisted without guilty. i never gave her a chance to explain and i just act nothing happen and put a walls between us.. how cruel i can be.. how stupid i was.. im such a faggot! at least i should listen to her and give it a try..

i really dont understand, what am i afraid of? hurt? its okay to hurt and be hurt.. sometimes yeah. commitment? i dunno.. i never take the risk.. i always play safe. im scared to commit something in my life. oh geez, please. what the hell im doing... in my current state i know im not going nowhere, not going further and i will never move on. what im waiting for???

i drowned in the endless night...and ive been long longing for someone. i really need someone to talk to.. anyone.

Its Not Safe & Unsound

2013-03-11T02:20:00.002+08:00

oo dang! im scared to death... unbelievable and undeniable. the shop next row just got robbed! aww man thats crazy! its happen a minute later after i open my shop. im dunno what to say man... my brain just freeze and scared the shit out of me.. the f*cking mugger just put the knife on the neck of the cashier, nothing much to do. just take the money and get the hell out there.. thinking of that make me wanna juz close my shop for couple nite in case not so many customer around.

i dunno, i just pray nothing bad happen to me. lots of my customer sharing a couple stories before, that shop and this shop got robbed, i just listen to them and in my heart just praying hope im save from that kind of thing. i guess i need to buy besball bat and be prepare for what may come. hopefully nothing bad happen though.

and thanks to my sis coz told me to read abu darda dua and recite it every morning and nite. but until now i still dont remember, half to go. and its the best thing for me to do. pray to Allah.

Be a Kid is Not Easy

2013-02-26T17:39:00.001+08:00

ok.. im gonna slowdown now.. less posting more working... so may be this is last posting for this month. plus the february come to end soon. so see ya in the next month...

about what i said in the last posing, my sis really excited about that, i thought she was joking with me... so for the last few days ive been busy with googling and searching for the material.. its not easy as is looked. i need to level down my brain with the kids level. its hard. seriously.

and for some reason, i never finished my preschool lesson, halfway and i stop going to school.. so i dont have much experience with this kind of thing. dont remember much, what i know is i always fight at my preschool and was scolded by the teacher and then i dont wanna go to school anymore. :))

i need to stop now.. just a flash and short story for now. i need to continue my sidekick-job.

iSale uBuy

2013-02-16T18:00:00.002+08:00

Dh 2,3 hari dok pikir... apa aku nk buat... apa aku nk jual.. idea still x mai2 jugak.. buntu, bingung dan gersang skali otak ni.. jenuh dok renung dan tenung. mcm xtercapai dek akal jer.. aritu adik ipar ada balik kg, sembang2 pasal jualan online,, jeles katanya tgk member dia dok jual online, kejap2 mesej bunyi, payment dan order masuk... sehari diia dpt untung dlm rm300. sapa xnk kan... hee tp yg aku tau dok beli online jer reje nya.. jual nyer malas..

sekarang nie mcm semua dh jual online, byk kelebihan. jimat masa dan tenaga. and blah blah.. aku yg ngadap pc almost 18hrs a day, xkan xnk amik peluang nie kan... rugi benar rasanya.. so aku rasa its time for me la plak.. tapi apa aku nk jual???

dulu2.. kak ngah ada offer kat aku, suruh pi kursus borang cina.. aku diam je.. skrg ni aku mcm beriya2 plak nk pi.. tp xtau lah offer tu still valid or not... iyelah skrg ni ntah apa yg dok rasuk dia, sket2 nk beli belian... ntah brapa karung dia nk beli belian.. heran aku.. ayah aku siap perli lagi, ada jugak org mcm rosmah..

pastu tadi baru je nk sembang ngan akak aku yg sorang lagi, lgsg suruh aku jual emas.. hampeh nguh, mcm la modal aku ni tebal sgt... skrg ni dia dok sibuk sediakan alat bantu ngajar pra sekolah.. and bg idea kt aku.. hurmmm mcm best.. modal mcm x byk mana, just masa nk buat je.. cari gambar2 menarik edit sana sini sket.. dh boleh jual. walla...

p/s: korang ada idea menarik?? share ler kt aku...

Aku, Cyber & ...

2013-02-09T15:35:00.000+08:00

Adoiii yaa... kantoi plak ngan tuan kedai.. malu ambe. semalam mesej kat tuan kedai kata nak bayar sewa tuk bulan lepas. esoknyer dia mai aku still tgh tido.. kehkehkeh. dah kol 12 rupanyer.. tu lah akibatnyer main game sampai ke pagi buta.. akak sebelah ckp lama dia tunggu and dh blah pon sambil hulur sekotak limau kiriman tuan kedai.. hehe.. aku pon mula lah rasa bersalah, pastu sms la mintak maaf, kata lmbt bukak kedai sebab x sihat.. memang aku x sihat pon, still batuk and selsema. xkan la nk ckp aku dok main game sampai ke pagi buta kan..

bukan apa, tuan kedai ni bagus sangat, amik cakna pasal semua ni. mmg susah nk cari tuan kedai cam ni.. seriously aku cakap. mmg terasa la kebajikan sebagai seorang penyewa tu terjaga. paling diutamakan kebersihan. selalu je pesan kt aku, kalu ada sampah suruh sapu, kalu sampah dh bertambun tambun disuruhnya bakar. kalu siling bersawang suruh dilap. kalu kedai bersepah dia susuh susun kemas2. sampai rumput sejempol kt depan kedai pn di bersihkannya...haih malu nyer.. laginyer aku selalu dpt cash in semula kalu byr sewa... selalu ditolaknya rm50, jarang2 rm100. buat minum katanya, dengan segan aku amik duit tu masuk kocek semula...:)) so biasanya sebelum aku msg dia kata nk byr sewa, aku bersih and kemas dulu siap2... hehe. so xde la dia nk berbunyi sgt, aku pun xde la malu sesgt. lain la kau dia dtg mengejut tgk2 kedai dia.. itu xleh nk buat apa la.. kalu datang mesti bertanya khabar bisnes cam no, beri sedikit pendapat dan teguran.. aku pon terima je seadanya. yg paling best, dia suruh aku tutup je cyber kt belakang, buat semua kedai runcit, perbesarkan lagi.. huhu.. kelu aku x berkata. tapi kalu tgkkan skrg nie, cyber semkn kurang sambutan, iyelh memasing dh ada pc and smartphone. kt memana pon ada wifi sekrg nie.. dalam diam aku mengiakan nya. ada betul katanya. ingatkan kalu aku balik kg aku tutup aje cyber kt sini bukak kt kg aje, so tinggal kedai runcit shj kat sini and 1 more thing, i need a person who in charge in grocery thing.. the honest person. haih susah nk dapat nie. setakat ni dh 2 org aku pakai pekerja, semuanya hampeh. nk tutup terus mmg sayang.. aku pun pening pikir semua nie..

p/s: korang ada tuan sewa cam aku?? hehe..