NickNotas.com

The “Hot Girl” Trap: Why You’re Still Single

Nick Notas — Mon, 27 Jan 2025 18:00:51 +0000

The “Hot Girl” Trap:
Why You’re Still Single

Nick Notas

Are you sitting alone night after night thinking, “Why am I still single?”

Then you need to hear this…

You’re ignoring great women because they don’t look like Instagram models.

Harsh? Maybe. True? Absolutely.

Let’s talk about how this obsession with dating only the most beautiful women is keeping you lonely and miserable — and what you should do instead.

The Root Of The Problem

Online dating and social media have warped our perception of what matters in a partner. They’ve trained us to focus on unattainable beauty standards.

We’re making snap judgments based on highly edited photos from one second of swiping. Dating is now this weird beauty pageant where personalities barely get a chance to shine.

This obsession with appearance causes guys to ruin their chances at finding real connections.

Here’s what they’re doing wrong:

They only swipe right on what they consider the “hottest” profiles, then wonder why they’re getting zero matches.
They put beautiful women on a pedestal and become too intimidated to approach them in REAL life.
They don’t approach more quote unquote “attainable” women because they’re so fixated on dating a perfect 10.
They walk away from amazing women who actually care about them, just to chase someone who’s marginally more attractive but treats them like garbage.

But there’s a way to fix all this self-sabotage.

The Simple, Game-Changing Solution

Instead of getting caught up in rating how stunningly beautiful a woman is, try this: make it a simple yes or no question.

If she kissed you, would you kiss her back?
If she put her hand on your thigh, would you feel turned on?
If she was naked in your bed, would you have passionate sex with her?

Yes or No.

If your answer isn’t a hard no, give it a chance.

Why This Works: Attraction is Complex

Attraction goes way beyond just looks.

It’s about someone’s energy, their laugh, their intelligence, the way they carry themselves, how kind they are, their smile, their voice, their sense of humor, how playful they are, their sexuality.

All these things that cannot be captured in a photo.

I hate the number rating system. But, for the sake of example, if you have a good dynamic with a woman you meet in person – she instantly is two points higher in your eyes than if you just saw her “not perfect” picture.

And on the flip side, a “10” can drop to a zero real fast if her personality doesn’t align with yours.

Attraction Still Matters

Let me be super clear about something: I’m not telling you to date people you’re not attracted to. Physical attraction is really important.

If you don’t have that spark, it’s going to weigh on you, and it’ll eat away at the relationship. If you’re not attracted to each other, it’s not going to work out in the long run.

But here’s a harsh truth: that initial “OMG she’s so hot” feeling? It fades.

The Long-Term Reality And The Novelty Of Looks

I can’t tell you how many guys have finally met up with their “dream girl” only to realize she’s nothing like what they were looking for. It’s like they built up this whole fantasy about her appearance and the reality just couldn’t match up.

And some men chase super attractive partners just to show off to their friends or get validation online.

The truth is that nobody actually cares about who your girlfriend is for more than like, two seconds.

In the end, you’re the one that actually has to live with that person.

I promise that you’ll never stay happy in a bad relationship just because your partner is gorgeous.

Are You Even Compatible?

Honestly, you wouldn’t even click with many of the women you’re putting on a pedestal.

I’m not throwing shade at attractive women. I don’t buy into the idea that being beautiful automatically makes you shallow.

But if you’re the kind of guy who loves deep conversations about philosophy, gaming, or science, yet you’re chasing Instagram influencers whose whole lives revolve around social media and maintaining their image…

Well, would you actually be compatible?

Do her values, hobbies, or interests even align with what you’d want in a partner? Would you even have anything to talk about at dinner?

If you want a fulfilling relationship one day, these things matter.

Cast A Wider Net While Leveling Up

Now, if you’re watching this thinking, “But I want someone who’s beautiful inside AND out!” – I hear you. That’s totally valid.

But you need to understand these women are in high demand, and often have high standards themselves.

So here’s my advice: broaden your dating pool while continuing to better yourself.

You’ll date more women right now and gain valuable experience, and that’s only going to make you more confident and attractive overall.

This article is based on my YouTube video here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_5gwSXUEvg

The "Hot Girl" Trap: Why You're Still Single (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_5gwSXUEvg)

How To Make Eye Contact That Attracts Women

Nick Notas — Thu, 09 May 2024 20:46:56 +0000

How To Make Eye Contact
That Attracts Women

Nick Notas

Want to command attention and create instant connections with women? It all starts with your eyes.

Repeat after me…

You can’t make powerful connections without strong eye contact.

People judge you within a split second of meeting you, and your eye contact plays a huge role in how they feel about you. The right eye contact can make people feel drawn to you, while the wrong kind can push them away.

Your eyes show your emotions, from confidence to nervousness, and even attraction. When you first meet someone, your eye contact tells them how to feel around you. Will they feel comfortable and open, or awkward and guarded?

In this article, I’ll dive into why eye contact is so important, why it can be hard, and how to make strong eye contact with any woman, anywhere.

Why Men Struggle To Hold Eye Contact With Women

Why do we struggle with eye contact? Why do we avoid it in the first place? I believe it’s a habit formed over many years.

Consider your younger self: there was likely a time when you didn’t even think about making eye contact. You just did it.

Children do this all the time. They’ll stare right at anybody, regardless of age or gender, and not even think twice. I would argue that almost all of us had a time when we were very good at eye contact, and something changed.

We started worrying about being judged, perceived a certain way, and felt intimidated by others. We didn’t want people to feel like we were doing something wrong, bothering them, or had nefarious intentions.

As a result, we consciously started avoiding eye contact with people. At first, we thought, “I don’t want to look too long” or “This is going to be weird.” We did that again and again, and before we knew it, it became the default mode of interaction with certain people.

I find that, especially for men, we do this with women we find attractive or men we feel are powerful or intimidating. We make up a story in our heads that claims that holding eye contact will be uncomfortable, awkward, and scary. We think it’s horrifying to gaze at a beautiful woman because it’s going to be a terrible situation.

That’s why many of us can still hold eye contact with people we’re comfortable with, but not with women. We’ve created a false narrative that says, “She is Medusa and I cannot look into her eyes. I can’t stare into the sun, or I’ll go blind.”

Mindsets

Mindset #1: The More You Avoid Eye Contact, The More You Fear It

The more you avoid making genuine eye contact, the more your fear of it will grow.

Constantly averting your gaze creates a self-perpetuating cycle that makes eye contact feel increasingly overwhelming and intimidating.

I worked with a client in Barcelona who struggled with this. At first, he would immediately look away whenever he saw an attractive woman, fearing that he would come across as creepy or make her uncomfortable.

He had built up eye contact to be this terrifying ordeal in his mind.

But by constantly avoiding eye contact, his fear only intensified. He never gave himself the chance to see that most people respond positively to a friendly smile and a warm gaze.

Instead, his imagination ran wild with worst-case scenarios.

When he finally started attempting eye contact, his deep-seated fear made him overcompensate. He would stare intensely, not really seeing the person in front of him. He was so focused on maintaing eye contact that he completely missed the subtle facial expressions and reactions that help create a genuine connection.

I advised him to relax and actually tune into the women he was looking at. “Really see her as a human being,” I told him. “Notice when she smiles or seems engaged in what you’re saying. Pay attention to the emotions on her face, not just the fact that you’re making eye contact.”

The more he did this, the more he was able to get out of his head and be present in his interactions. He started noticing the positive reactions he often got from women, which in turn made eye contact feel more natural and less intimidating.

The takeaway is this: Avoiding eye contact will only make it scarier in your mind. The only way to move past this fear is to look people in the eyes and connect with them as human beings.

Seek out the emotions on their faces, and allow yourself to feel and respond to them genuinely. The more you do this, the more effortless and enjoyable eye contact will become.

Mindset #2: Strong Eye Contact Is Healthy & Natural

The next mindset I want you to understand is this: what you are doing is healthy. Humans have been looking at each other for thousands of years. It is natural and essential to connection.

It’s okay to look at a woman and let her know you might be interested in her and you’re trying to get to know her. People are generally not upset by that. You have to believe that this is a normal, healthy process to building a relationship.

Say you’re attracted to a woman. If you avoid eye contact and don’t want her to see that you’re looking at her or trying to connect with her, she’s going to feel that.

Even unconsciously she’ll get the impression, “This guy doesn’t really want to connect with me. He’s hiding something. He’s ashamed of something. He’s avoiding getting to know me.” And that’s what makes people feel uncomfortable.

When you don’t make eye contact, you’re telling yourself other people are going to be weirded out by you. And then that becomes true in your mind because you have nothing to disprove it.

Avoiding eye contact and telling yourself others will be weirded out becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. By avoiding eye contact and never looking first, you miss out on warm reactions, people feeling flattered or excited to talk to you. Your mind concludes, “When I look at people, it will be weird.”

But, after a few attempts, you’ll see that many people respond warmly, react positively, and are happy to get to know you. Your brain starts to realize, “Plenty of people want to connect with me, and it’s okay to look at people and have them look back.”

If a woman tells you, “I’m busy” or “I have a boyfriend,” simply say, “No worries. Thanks for saying hi. Have a great day.” Most people are fine with that. Discomfort arises when you keep staring endlessly or persist in talking after they’ve expressed their boundaries.

Show people, “I’m excited to get to know you, even if it is romantically.” This builds trust and clarifies your intentions. It feels nice to be seen as interesting, attractive, smart, or desirable, even if someone might not like you.

Stop talking yourself out of opportunities before they’ve even had a chance to happen.

Now, let’s discuss practical tips for great eye contact.

Practical Tips

Tip #1: Make Eye Contact When You Introduce Yourself

The most important moment to make eye contact is in the first 5-10 seconds when you initiate conversation.

That is the time when someone will quickly judge, “Can this person look at me, and do I feel like they’re honest and present? Or are they uncomfortable, shifty, and awkward, making me unsure how to feel?”

Your eye contact (or lack thereof) sets the foundation in a very different way, depending on how you start off. People will either be relaxed, open, and more eager to talk to you, or they’ll be defensive, closed off, and unsettled because they clearly see you’re panicking and uncomfortable, which makes them uncomfortable, too.

When we notice someone is really anxious, we don’t know how they’re going to react. Some people may freak out, bail, or get angry.

So when you approach someone, give them strong eye contact within the first few seconds of meeting them so they feel, “Hey, this person’s here with me, and I can trust them a little bit more.”

Tip #2: Smile Once You Meet Eyes

When you initiate eye contact, it’s natural to smile at that point. It’s not always essential; you can have a neutral face or a smirk.

But if you make eye contact with people and remain very serious right at the beginning, it can come across as if you’re staring them down.

You don’t have to walk around pretending to smile or looking at people in a cheesy manner. But when you look over at somebody and they return your gaze, catching your attention, a smile should naturally come over you. You should think to yourself, “Hey, I want to get to know you. How are you doing?” and feel good about connecting with them.

Generally, a smile will start to appear. If you’re genuinely looking for their facial expressions and showing sincere interest, it’s like saying, “Cool, I’m excited to talk to you.”

Tip #3: Look At One Eye At A Time

When making eye contact, you generally want to look at one eye at a time. This is counterintuitive to many guys who try to look into both of someone’s eyes because they’re told to “make eye contact, look in their eyes.”

It’s really hard to focus on two focal points at once. It can make your eyes appear wide and unnatural.

When you go to break eye contact, do it gently and then move to the other eye if that feels more comfortable for you. You don’t have to keep looking at the same eye – it can feel a little weird.

Rotate between eyes and the nose or mouth. This is called triangular gazing, and it’s a good way to mix it up both for the other person and for yourself.

You might look at their right eye while talking, laughing, and hanging out for a bit. Then, you can think for a second, break eye contact, and go back to looking into the left eye. Maybe you talk for a while, then break eye contact again, think about something, and look at their mouth or nose.

Don’t get too obsessed about doing this rotation constantly. If you’re feeling uncomfortable looking at the person in one way for a long period, it’s okay to shift. Just keep it to those general areas.

Don’t look at the top of somebody’s forehead or their brow, as that’s an intimidation or dominance technique seen in the animal kingdom. It can feel like you’re about to attack them, and people can sense that.

Stick to the triangular gazing and your eye contact will feel welcoming and natural.

Tip #4: Hold Eye Contact When They Talk, Break When You Talk

During conversation, you should hold eye contact longer while someone else is talking and break it more frequently while you’re talking.

As an estimate, aim to look at them about 50% of the time when you’re talking and 70% of the time while they’re talking. Casually look away after roughly 3-5 seconds, and don’t hold eye contact for longer than 10 seconds.

For example, if a woman is telling you a story, you listen for about 5 seconds before she finishes her statement and has a natural pause. Then you respond to her, glance off to her side, and return to looking at her.

The reason why you want to hold strong eye contact while someone else is talking is to show that you’re present, interested in what they’re saying, and excited.

If you’re constantly breaking eye contact while they’re talking, saying things like, “Oh, yeah, cool, cool. Yeah, that sounds good,” they’ll feel like you’re checking out or they’re boring you.

If you break eye contact while you’re speaking and they’re listening, it doesn’t have the same negative effect. Instead, it feels like you’re thinking, trying to gather your words, or being thoughtful when you make a little less eye contact.

Tip #5: Don’t Break Eye Contact Quickly

When you go to break eye contact, make sure you do it casually. The worst thing you can do is quickly dart your eyes.

Sometimes during intense eye contact, you may feel, “I need to look away. I can’t even look at this person anymore. I’m going to freak out!” But you have to train yourself to calmly look past them and then look back. And just take a breath.

When you break eye contact abruptly, it shows panic, fear, and discomfort, making the other person feel the same way. As humans, we reciprocate and mirror body language.

If you are relaxed when you break eye contact and come back, it feels easygoing. It doesn’t feel like you’re doing it because things are getting too intense.

Not only will the speed of breaking eye contact dictate how it feels, but also the direction of the eye contact when you break it.

Tip #6: Don’t Break Eye Contact Downwards

It’s fine to break eye contact off to the side, past somebody, or directly to the side of them. Just don’t look down, as that’s the natural inclination for many guys when they get nervous.

When somebody tucks their head and looks down, it’s a very defensive position. This is what animals do when they’re getting attacked or wounded. They close up, protect their neck, and get smaller.

That sends a signal of, “Whoa, this person’s really feeling defensive or scared right now.” Even if people aren’t conscious of it, it’s just a gut feeling.

Exercises

Exercise #1: Develop A Natural Smile

Let’s talk about some practical exercises, starting with developing a natural smile.

There’s a fake smile and a real smile, and the difference is whether or not you smile with your eyes. People are incredibly perceptive at picking up on this.

If you smile and your lips go out straight, it looks like a fake smile. A real smile doesn’t just go horizontal; it tends to go out and up towards your eyes.

Instead of pulling with the muscles from the sides of your mouth, use the cheek muscles and pull so that your smile crinkles your eyes. Most of the time when guys are fake smiling, their eyes are not expressive or crinkled, and it feels disingenuous.

A great technique is the pencil trick (see my video here). Take a pencil, go in the mirror, put it right between your front teeth and bottom teeth, and clench down. It engages these muscles and naturally pulls your smile up.

Do this until you learn how it feels to use those muscles consistently. Take some selfies while trying the trick. Look up the “Duchenne smile” to see more examples.

I used to have a horrible natural smile, which is why I hated taking photos of myself. But now, I’ve made the whole face smile my default. When I laugh or am warm with people, my body’s been trained to smile that way, and it’s easier for people to reciprocate.

Exercise #2: Practice Soft Eye Contact Using A Mirror

The next exercise is to practice soft eye contact using a mirror. Natural eye contact is soft, meaning you’re not putting any real intention behind looking at the object – you’re not straight up glaring at it.

Hard eye contact is when you’re really focused, trying to stare at something. When you’re doing this, your eyes tend to widen, pull back, and bulge a little bit. Your face gets stiff and looks scary.

This is what happens with many guys when they first start thinking about eye contact. They’re so afraid of looking away or not making good eye contact that they put a lot of intention behind it, but end up appearing kind of intense.

Soft eye contact happens when we casually glance and look at something. If somebody calls your name and you look over, you’re not going to immediately stare intensely. You’ll just look over and say, “What’s up, man?”

To train soft eye contact, do this exercise in a mirror. First, pick something in the mirror or your room behind you. Close your eyes, look away, and think about some serious thoughts or get a little upset or serious. Then, look over and really stare that object down. See how your face looks.

Next, shake your head out, close your eyes, and try to relax. Think of something good, positive, exciting, or a place that makes you happy. After a few seconds, gently open your eyes. As you open your eyes, you’re not forcefully looking; you’re just opening your eyes and happening to look in that direction. You’re not staring or needing to focus.

That’s soft eye contact – there’s no tension in your eyes.

If you combine a natural smile with relaxed eyes, that’s what makes people feel comfortable.

You can practice these things: the smiling technique by pulling your smile upward or using the pencil technique, and hard or soft eye contact in the mirror by staring and looking gently.

If you can get those two things down, when people first meet eyes with you, you’ll look warm, chill, inviting, and still very confident.

Exercise #3: Try Eye Contact Drills In Stages

Let’s talk about eye contact drills so you get used to holding eye contact with strangers. You can do this in stages.

Most men think, “I have to get good at eye contact with women,” and then they see a woman and think, “I have to look at her, stare at her, smile, and hold it. Oh God, this is so intimidating!”

Then these guys can’t follow through or put so much pressure on themselves that when the woman looks up, they panic. If you find this to be the case, find smaller steps to get there.

Here are four smaller steps:

Practice eye contact in passing. As you walk in a store, mall, or street and somebody walks towards you, look up and smile when they’re about six feet away. You can say, “Hi,” but you don’t have to. Naturally, you’ll break eye contact in a second because you’re moving past each other. You can do this with anybody you want. This is a safe way to get some initial exposure.

Pick somebody who is less intimidating than a beautiful woman when you’re out in the world. That could be a man, couple, older woman, or even someone working like a cashier or barista. Make brief eye contact for a second, nod or greet them as they look back, and then look away. This gets you more comfortable making eye contact with someone who will still be in the same room as you.
Increase the duration. Start holding eye contact for at least 2-3 seconds or until the other person looks away first.
Hold eye contact with attractive women. Look at a woman you’re interested in, she looks back at you, you both smile, and you hold it until she’s the first person to look away. Then you can look away.

There is no other secret to good eye contact. You need to consistently practice until it becomes second nature.

Before you know it, you’ll feel great about looking at people and in turn, seeing how many are excited to look right back at you.

https://youtu.be/uCm3PvQ4dZE

Attract Women With Strong Eye Contact (https://youtu.be/uCm3PvQ4dZE)

Why You Can’t Fake Confidence With Women Long-Term

Nick Notas — Thu, 29 Feb 2024 21:15:55 +0000

Why You Can’t Fake Confidence
With Women Long-Term

Nick Notas

Let’s face it – you want to be seen as a more attractive man.

You want people to think you’re confident, smart, and funny. You don’t want to come across as insecure, inept, and boring…or even worse, creepy.

So you probably spend a lot of time finding ways to show off your attractive qualities to new women.

You try to play it cool to not seem overeager when answering text messages. You memorize witty questions that you think women would love to answer. You don’t show too much interest too soon so women will chase you.

So why, sometimes even when you’re trying so hard, do things still not work?

It’s because you can’t just use a couple of tricks to convince someone how attractive you are. Faking confidence backfires and you aren’t sending out the signals women actually respond to.

You need to start sending out “honest signals” instead.

What Are Honest Signals?

Signaling theory is an idea in evolutionary biology about how living things communicate with one another through honest or dishonest signals.

Honest signals are when someone behaves in a way that you feel reliably shows their true character. You feel like that behavior has no ulterior motive, it’s just authentic self-expression.

Dishonest signals are behaviors you feel could easily be faked or cheated. When you feel like someone has a pre-planned outcome or is just seeking your approval, you know they’re not being genuine.

In the animal kingdom, this is an important part of mate selection.

Basically, if a woman’s looking for a romantic partner, she wants to make a smart, educated decision. So she will look for signs that help her determine whether or not a new prospect has the traits she desires. She wants to avoid men who don’t.

For example, a woman might want a man who is socially outgoing, can provide for offspring, and loves caring for others. These are all virtues she wants in a father to her children.

So what’s the most accurate way for her to judge if a guy has what she wants?

She’s got to observe those qualities for herself.

She has to see him acting in a way that shows he embodies those traits for himself and not just for other people. THAT’S an honest signal.

If that same guy were to just brag about his money and how awesome he is, it wouldn’t have the same impact. He could easily be lying or just behaving a certain way to appear more valuable to her. THAT’S a possible dishonest signal.

Anyone can claim to be something but when you truly live it, it’s much harder for anyone to doubt you.

Seeing Is Believing

Let’s say that same woman is in an ice cream shop. She sees a man park a new Mercedes outside and walk into the shop with his niece. He’s dressed extremely well — wearing tailored, designer clothes.

As he walks in, he’s smiling and excitedly explaining all the options to his niece. When he gets to the counter, he warmly greets the cashier and they seem to have an existing, friendly rapport together. He looks over and tells his niece she can get whatever she wants, even extra sprinkles!

At that moment, that guy is sending out a lot of honest signals:

He’s outgoing because he’s playful with his niece and has a good vibe with the cashier.
He can provide because he has the money to spend on a Mercedes and expensive clothing.
He seems to care for others because he’s spending time taking his niece out and showing her love.

The woman recognizes those qualities and becomes immediately more attracted to that man. She has clear evidence that he is a high-quality partner she would desire.

Of course, he could somehow be faking these virtues…but that’s less likely.

Now imagine if that woman met that same man randomly in a bar. He’s dressed casually and having a drink by himself. When they end up talking, he’s eager to showcase those same desirable qualities.

He tells her that he’s a really fun, sociable guy. He claims he’s successful and well-established. He says his niece is the most important thing to him in the world.

All those things may be true, but they aren’t nearly as meaningful as if she got to see them in action, first hand. Why? Because again, it’s so easy for anyone to lie and exaggerate about themselves.

So obviously, your goal here is to SHOW not TELL what a “catch” you are.

Why You Can’t Fake The Signals

I know all of this isn’t necessarily news to you. You already know you want to appear highly valuable to others.

The tricky thing is that sending out honest signals requires you really embody these attractive traits — and that takes work. So sometimes, you might try to find shortcuts to save time and energy.

And occasionally, these shortcuts work…but not for long. Because in reality, taking the easy way out means you’re still sending out dishonest signals.

Let me give you 3 examples of how it usually plays out:

1. You initiate conversation with a woman using a suave line you read on the internet

After that, however, you struggle with maintaining that same level of wit and playfulness. You get stuck in your head, stumble over your words, and suffer through awkward silences.

Your inability to have a natural conversation cancels out your supposed charisma.

2. You pretend to be a secure, independent guy over text

But when a woman doesn’t respond to you throughout the night, you send consecutive texts asking her if everything’s okay. Then you call her the next day and leave a pleading voicemail, apologizing if you did something wrong.

Your desperate attempts to get her attention overshadow any “cool” factor you had.

3. You act like a more cocky risk-taker when you meet a woman

But when you have your first date, you don’t get too personal so she doesn’t judge you. You don’t flirt with her when you really want to. And you act like a “yes” man to everything she says, even if you disagree with her.

She doesn’t end up feeling that “spark” with you because you were timid and afraid to be yourself.

—

When you’re wearing a mask, it’s inevitable that your true self will eventually be revealed — whether you want it to or not.

Once a woman notices you’re sending out dishonest signals, she’ll feel misled and manipulated. And you will prove you’re not only missing the qualities she desires, but you’re a charlatan she can’t trust.

How To Send Honest, Attractive Signals

So unfortunately, if you want to be seen as a high-quality romantic prospect, there are no shortcuts.

Keeping up a charade is stressful, impossible to maintain, and prone to failure. You will always feel like you need to pretend to be a great guy, which means you’ll never build real self-confidence.

So instead, choose a few values you really want to uphold and work towards living them every day.

Let’s look at some qualities we know are attractive and how you can signal them honestly.

You hang with groups of friends out in public.
You strike up short conversations with various people around you at an event.
You host small parties.
You perform at a music show and talk to people afterwards.
You regularly chat with the staff at your favorite cafe, bar, restaurant, or gym.

“I am not desperate and I have self-respect.”

You pursue and take chances with women until you become exclusive with someone.
You’re willing to disagree with people in a constructive manner.
You set your boundaries when someone crosses them: e.g. telling a woman you value your time and don’t appreciate her cancelling twice last minute. You don’t keep chasing her and leave the ball in her court. If she doesn’t make plans, you focus on someone else.

“I am spontaneous and adventurous.”

You check out new events or hobbies in your city.
Your social media profiles are filled with pictures of you hiking, surfing, and traveling around the world.
You plan out road trips with your friends.
You immediately jump up on stage when the previous people singing karaoke finish.

“I’m funny and like to have a good time.”

You go out out with friends and they laugh at your jokes.
You have a great time dancing at a club, even when you’re alone.
You can take a tease from a woman and be playful back without getting defensive.
You lead with a more nerdy or dark joke because you think it’s funny, even if it might be risky.

“I have a good heart / I am father material.”

You do volunteer work. You hold the door for other people.
You hug and high-five your friends openly.
You give your niece or nephew a piggyback ride.
You treat workers well even when they make mistakes.
You enjoy being silly with your dog or run around with them at the park.

“I am comfortable in my own skin.”

You wear more flamboyant or statement clothes.
You walk around with your head held high, looking at the horizon.
You might have visible tattoos.
You speak with a clear voice that projects with energy and enthusiasm.
You take up more space with your body and don’t scrunch yourself up.
You maintain strong eye contact with people.
You express yourself with vibrant facial expressions and gestures.

—

When it comes to showing off your best qualities, no words can compete with a woman witnessing you in honest action.

People will see you when least expect it and it will tell them everything they need to know.

So the only surefire way to come across as an attractive man is to live as one.

https://youtu.be/7X4N43Fufss

Why Your First Impressions Turn People Off (https://youtu.be/7X4N43Fufss)

9 Ways To Attract Women And Arouse Their Emotions

Nick Notas — Thu, 15 Feb 2024 19:59:29 +0000

9 Ways To Attract Women
And Arouse Their Emotions

Nick Notas

The opposite of love is not hate. It’s apathy.

So the worst outcome you can have on a date is for a woman to feel…nothing.

Yet many guys do everything in their power to not rock the boat.

They try to never offend a woman, say anything too forward, or show too much of their weird, quirky side.

Many men, in their effort to avoid offense, inadvertently hide their most interesting traits – their quirks, humor, and desires.

Basically, they cut off all the best sides of their personality.

You do this when you don’t ask any personal or intimate questions, you don’t set your boundaries because you don’t want to upset a woman, or you don’t get into your goofy sense of humor. And when you don’t show your sexual intentions.

And I know that you don’t really enjoy these types of dates, either.

So if you stick to this approach, you will never learn how to attract women.

Indifference Is A Death Sentence

Whenever I ask a guy, “Tell me a few interesting things you talked about on your date.” They often reply, “I don’t remember.”

What that says to me is that you never said anything real, meaningful, vulnerable, or different. Because if you did, you’d definitely remember it!

Attraction is an emotion. If you’re not getting these women to feel anything on these dates, then you are completely forgettable. You will fade into oblivion like the countless other dates she’s had.

You have to start saying things or doing things that polarize people and get them to feel strong emotions around you. Yes, sadly, that can mean evoking negative emotions, too.

That’s why lots of jerks still get laid because at least they’re making these women feel something. They often make a woman feel shocked, frustrated, intimidated, challenged, or even desired.

(Now, I’m not advocating for being an asshole. I’m just trying to explain why a lot of those men still can get women.)

A woman is usually going to pick one long-term partner at some point. She’s almost always going to choose the guys she feels emotionally connected to and not the guy who’s just a planned, safe option.

You cannot mediocre your way into love. You might get some dates out of it, but you’ll never be the man of a woman’s dreams.

Here are 9 polarizing techniques to attract women and arouse their emotions.

So many men are afraid that if they share their own views or values on a subject, a woman is just going to get really upset, freak out, and exclude them from the dating pool.

A woman doesn’t need you to be a clone of her. She wants you to be an individual. She wants you to be driven, strong, and independent. For that to happen, you have to share your difference in opinion and not judge her for her own.

You’re not trying to attack her or shove it down her throat. You’re trying to have an open dialogue and at least understand her point of view, share yours, and have a positive discussion about it.

When you do that, she sees that you’re a guy who’s not desperate for approval and being a yes-man like everyone else. You’re actually showing up honestly and have the self-respect to want to connect with people that align with you.

2. Ask Hard Questions That Require Her To Be Vulnerable

These could be really deep and personal questions, sexual questions, or really thought-provoking questions that get to her core values and opinions.

These should come from a genuine sense of curiosity.

You don’t want to just be on a million first dates where you only talk about things like, “What’s your favorite music?” and, “What’s the last movie you saw?”

You actually want to get to know each other because that’s when you can come from a standpoint of, “Do I want to get to know this person better?”

Yes, she’s attractive, but a self-confident man says, “Okay, besides that, is she cool? Does she have the values that I’m looking for? Does she have an interesting personality?”

Women pick up on that as well.

Similarly to sharing your own opinion, as long as a woman feels it’s coming from a place of wanting to get to know her – you’re not judging her for it, and you’re not mocking her for her answers – then by her opening up, she’s giving you a part of her heart that she hasn’t given to any other guy.

THAT’S when we start to feel a deeper human connection.

Then she’s like, “Oh, my God, this guy really gets me. He really likes to know more about me and he understands me in a way that other men don’t.”

And if she’s willing to answer intimate questions and share her sexual side, she’ll start to feel those emotions with you. It can immediately turn the vibe red hot.

Be willing to ask the hard questions and to answer them for yourself, too.

3. Step Into Your Humor

Embrace your silly side. That means getting goofy, weird, saying some outlandish shit, or being really physical with your humor and expressiveness. Whatever style of humor is yours is fine, it doesn’t need to be exactly the same as hers.

For example, I have a more dark, cynical, and vulgar sense of humor that my wife doesn’t, but she can at least appreciate it.

The deeper message is: if you’re showing a woman that you’re stepping into your own humor, then you are comfortable with yourself.

Even if you guys are a little bit different in your sense of humor, she’s still like, “Wow, this guy’s really expressive, open, and doesn’t care about being judged.” That’s what is attractive.

If you don’t know how to bring out your humor, then I suggest you look up different forms of humor and start trying one at a time. Understand what sarcasm is, and then focus on going on a date and try being a little sarcastic to see if it resonates with you.

I also think it’s great to watch the best people in the world at it, whether that’s late-night talk show hosts, stand-up comics, or great comedians in general. Learn about delivery, punchlines, styles of humor.

Finally, consider taking an improv class if you’ve never done it. It’s awesome. It’s a great way to intentionally be loose and step into your creativity in a nonjudgmental environment.

Every guy I’ve seen who’s taken an improv class and stuck with it, even for a little bit, immediately feels much more witty and open. They feel like they can joke in ways that they do with their guy friends, but actually translate that to a date with a beautiful woman.

4. Push To Meet Up Sooner

Stop letting plans be wishy-washy.

So many guys text women for days, weeks, or even longer before meeting up. They think that they’re building a connection, but they’re not.

People don’t connect over texts. There are no facial expressions. You’re not hearing their intonation. You’re not getting their presence and their energy. It all doesn’t mean anything if you aren’t hanging out in person.

I can’t tell you how many times guys have talked to women for weeks on end and they’re like, “We’re getting so close.” Then all of a sudden, the women just find somebody else or get bored with it and cut them off coldly.

Then the men are stuck thinking, “I thought we had something.” You didn’t.

As I’ve said before, I’m generally going to invite a woman to do something the very first day of texts back and forth, or the next. At that point, most women can figure out if they’re at least open to meeting up and if they’re potentially interested based on photos, conversation, and overall vibe.

If not, waiting doesn’t usually increase the odds. If you invite a woman out and she gives you some vague answer and says, “Oh, yes. We’ll meet up sometime soon,” don’t let that hang.

I value my time and so should you. That’s what a confident person does. You don’t act desperate and beg for her to meet up with you, but you set your expectations.

You can tell her something like, “I’m generally pretty busy during the week, so I like to schedule things further out. I’m free for cocktails on Thursday. How does that work?” Most men are afraid to do that because they’re worried about being too forward or assertive.

I want a woman to feel, “This guy isn’t desperate. He’s independent. He does cool things. He’s not waiting around begging for me, but he’s self-confident and knows the value of his time.”

I want her to feel the slightest bit of fire and pressure to be like, “If I really like this guy, I also have to invest in him.” If you don’t make a woman feel like she has to invest in you a little bit, then she generally doesn’t value the connection.

That’s just human nature. We don’t value things that we don’t have to work for.

If she’s actually into you, suggesting a more concrete time is unlikely to push her away. She’s not going to think, “This guy is so awesome. I can’t wait to meet up, but he suggested an actual time for us to hang out. Screw him. Never mind.”

5. Set Strong Boundaries

Let’s say you’re on a date and she’s on her phone pretty regularly. She’s checking Instagram or responding to something. Deep down you’re like, “I really hate this. I feel like it’s breaking up the flow. I just don’t want to be on our phones.”

A lot of guys are afraid to say anything because they’re worried that a woman’s going to respond with, “Don’t tell me what to do.”

But I’m not going to tell a woman what to do. I’m going to tell her what I want. That’s the difference between being a leader and somebody who’s controlling.

I’m not going to say, “Get off your phone and put it away.” I don’t know her. She doesn’t owe me anything. If she cares about a connection and she cares about me staying interested, then she’s going to compromise and try to work for it.

Instead, I’m going to share my feelings and say,”Hey, listen, I understand that sometimes we’ve got to check stuff. In general, I like to be present on a date and put our phones away so we can really get to know each other.”

A friend actually shared another idea recently, which is he’ll just text a girl while she’s on her phone saying, “Over here.” He gives her a playful nudge that he’s not getting the presence he wants.

Self-respect is only going to make her respect you more and feel closer to you. In that moment, she might even feel a little challenged or guilty for doing that. But when you’re showing self-respect, that’s more likely to make her want to invest in you further.

The same goes, for example, when a woman cancels on plans multiple times at the last minute. So many guys just put their head down and say, “No problem at all. Cool. I understand. We’ll find another time.”

You’re showing her that you have no backbone so she’s not going to feel anything other than, “Hey, this is just a guy that’ll wait around and be wrapped around my finger.”

Instead, you need to challenge her a little bit and say something like, “Hey, listen, I understand stuff comes up. But my time is really important to me and I really value it. I’m looking to connect with people who feel the same way.”

I can’t tell you how many times that has shook a woman because most men will never say that. Or they only say set their boundaries in a controlling way like, “What the F! I can’t believe you. You better make it up to me now.”

That’s not what we’re saying. What we’re saying is, “That’s not really cool with me. If things continue that way, I’m going to focus my energy elsewhere.”

That feeling of loss really wakes a lot of women up to thinking, “I have to make it up to this person and I have to commit to showing up.”

6. Don’t Cancel Your Existing Plans

If you just met someone and she’s like, “Hey, can you hang Friday?” and you already have plans to chill with your friends, a bunch of work to catch up on, or an important meeting in the morning to prepare for – then don’t change your plans.

You can tell her something like, “Hey, listen, I’d love to but I’ve got X plans on that day. How about we hang next week on Tuesday?”

That behavior sparks a lot of curiosity because most men do the opposite.

She starts to think, “Whoa, this guy is really independent and has got his own stuff going on.”

When you are somebody who has purpose and is driven and independent, a woman feels excited to convince you to invest time in her.

If she finds out that you obliterated your plans with your good friends, she might feel some disdain.

That basically says to her that you really don’t value yourself, your personal life, or your friendships. And that is going to reek of desperation.

7. Bridge Into Personal Experiences Or Emotions

A lot of times when guys are on dates, they talk in facts.

I went to this school for this many years now. Now I work for this company. I work these amount of hours.

That is not likely to get a woman to feel anything. You could just be a giant LinkedIn resume that’s sitting in front of her on a date.

She wants to know the “Why?” behind those facts.

She wants to know WHY you do these things: why do you love them? What was challenging about them? What was scary? What are you looking forward to? What do you regret? What are you really passionate about in the future?

That’s what makes you an individual and that’s what makes her feel something. Because we all can connect to those similar emotions.

Let’s say you have a certain job she’s doesn’t know much about — like a software engineer.

She’s not going to relate to the practical technical terms around coding, but she can relate to your feelings. The drive to get something right, the critical thinking aspects of it, the accomplishment of finally doing something that has been a problem for so long.

She has to connect to those shared emotions and that’s what’s going to make her feel close to you. It’s how you can make any subject interesting.

So many guys are afraid of bringing up nerdy interests, hobbies, or things that they think women won’t like. It is just a missed opportunity to show your personality and relate it in a way so she can actually find it engaging.

You want women to get fired up about you.

If you’re really passionate about something, and it’s going to be a big part of your life, then you want a woman who at least respects that and is open to it.

Exercise 1

If you’re somebody that has a hard time with sharing more about yourself, take a subject that you’ve recently had on a date or that matters a lot to you.

Consider, “What do I spend a lot of my life thinking about, reading about, watching, or investing my time in?”

Write those topics down on a piece of paper.

From there, you can either ask a lot of the W questions (who, what, where, when, why).

Like, why do I do this? Why do I love it? Why do I hate it? What’s my best experience around this? What’s my worst? How has this helped me grow? How have I felt more connected to it.

You can even Google “thought-provoking questions to ask yourself”, and there are endless ideas to dig into who you are.

Even if you do this outside of dates, your brain starts getting used to expressing yourself and then it translates to once you’re in front of a woman.

Exercise 2

You can also use a technique called the 7 Whys. Take one of those topics from exercise 1 like software development.

Start asking yourself a why question and answer it:

Why do I love software development? Because it helps me think critically and I get into a zone that stimulates my brain in a way that other things don’t.

Then, ask a why to that answer. “Why does it stimulate my brain in a way other things don’t?”

Repeat this process to go seven layers deep.

You will get to some really interesting areas of yourself that you never even thought about, just by continuing to prod and poke.

I promise you, if you share more emotional stuff – I’m not just talking about sadness and pity, but positive emotions like ambition, excitement, passion, curiosity – a woman is going to feel SO much closer to you.

You’ll immediately stand out from every other date where guys just talk about the same generic stuff over and over.

8. Flirt And Step Into Your Sexuality

Flirting is the act of showing desire in more than a platonic way.

You can do that with your words, or you can do that with your physical body. It includes anything more bold: compliments, asking more intimate or sexual questions, physical contact on a date, and going for a kiss.

All of these are showing your desire for more than a friendship. And when we feel desired by someone, it starts to stir up a lot of emotions.

If a woman’s not interested in you – it may turn her off, and that’s okay. I’d rather know that sooner than later instead of spending five mediocre dates paying for dinner with a woman that’s not actually into me.

Otherwise, they’re going to start to feel aroused because they already like you, find you interesting, and now you’re showing that you’re into them, too.

A woman begins to think, “This cool dude that I really like also has gotten to know me. And because of that, he’s starting to desire me and think about me in a romantic way – that’s hot.”

Just think about yourself on a date. If that beautiful woman looked you in the eyes and said, “You look so handsome tonight.” How would you feel?

Your heart’s going to be pounding. You’re going to be like, “That feels amazing.” You’re just going to have all these emotions bubble up.

If you don’t know how to show your desire, I have a bunch of videos on my YouTube channel around compliments, physical contact, going for a kiss, eye contact, and intimate questions.

9. Say Something Embarrassing, And Own It

We all have flaws and that’s what makes us human. That’s also what makes us relatable.

People that try to be perfect, snobbish, or buttoned up all the time are less relatable to others.

They even see this in studies with doctors. Doctors who act really professional and closed off generally have higher malpractice rates. Doctors who are a little bit more low key and casual – who can joke and poke fun at themselves – have a much better relationship with patients.

If you have an embarrassing moment in a story, be honest about it. If you’re feeling nervous in a moment to answer something, or you don’t know what to say, own it. If you’ve struggled with something in the past, like your mental health, share it.

That doesn’t mean you sit there, dwell, and throw yourself a pity party. It means that you accept everything that you are and show how you’re moving forward.

You might say something like, “The last year I’ve felt a lot more isolated and it really weighed on me, but I’m excited about all the stuff coming up. I have a couple of vacations and joined a couple of run clubs to prepare for a marathon.”

You’re not asking her to feel sorry you or letting yourself wallow in pain. You’re sharing your growth as a person. And that’s only going to help her share more of herself with you.

It’s like that famous Tyrion Lannister quote from Game Of Thrones: “Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.”

–

All of these are polarizing actions that get an emotional reaction. And any reaction is better than none at all.

You cannot “safe” your way into being the man of a woman’s dreams.

I’d rather you spend the next month trying to evoke real emotions and failing, then succeeding at being milk toast.

https://youtu.be/SrTXB6CaW8Y

9 Ways To Make Her FEEL Attracted To You (https://youtu.be/SrTXB6CaW8Y)

How To Support Your Partner In Difficult Times

Nick Notas — Thu, 08 Feb 2024 21:38:23 +0000

How To Support Your Partner
In Difficult Times

Nick Notas

A client’s girlfriend recently had a problem at work. Her co-worker said something in front of other employees that embarrassed her. She didn’t know how to respond in the moment and was left hurt and upset.

So she came to her boyfriend, my client, for support.

In turn, he came to me because he knew this was a delicate situation. He said, “I don’t want to mess this up, man.”

He knew that moments like these are absolutely critical to a relationship. If you support your partner well, you deepen your trust and closeness. If you support them poorly, they may hesitate to open up with you the next time.

He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do. Because like many men, he himself struggles to express his own problems to his partner. He’s been told since he was young to bottle things up and just deal with it himself.

I see this scenario happen a lot in relationships: a woman shares with her partner how she feels disrespected by a friend. Or she expresses frustration with her mother getting into her personal business. Or she feels left out because she didn’t get invited to an acquaintance’s event.

So she turns to her partner for guidance and he’s sitting there terrified, thinking, “What am I supposed to do? Should I help? Do I just listen? Do I tell her what I would do?”

So I’m here to teach you the right way to support your partner when she needs you most.

Note: I tend to find that women more naturally know how to navigate these situations. But if you feel this is something you want to improve upon for your boyfriend or husband, the advice still applies.

1. Seek To Understand, Not Just To Solve

Men are often told, “Women don’t want you to solve their problems. They just want you to listen.”

This infuriates guys to no end.

I’ve had countless men tell me, “If she doesn’t want my help, then why is she telling me about it?!”

I get it. You want to support your partner, especially when you feel like you have something productive to contribute. You feel ignored or undervalued when you provide a solution that is overlooked.

In theory, I do think it can be healthy for you to advise from a place of love. Strong relationships grow together. I don’t believe you should always just stand by as a passive participant.

But to make things better for everyone, we need to clear up some misunderstandings.

When your partner comes to you with a problem, she may first just want someone to help her safely process those emotions. She wants to know she is understood, her feelings are valid, and that she can talk through them to gain perspective.

Because when we’re facing personal struggles, we usually already know the answer deep down.

When you complain about your health or your tough day at work, are YOU automatically looking for an answer? No, you know you need to fix your diet or address your boss directly.

You just want to vent or share your frustrations openly without judgment. Then eventually when you’re ready, you take action towards change.

So to start, you need to listen to your partner intently. This provides the necessary space and comfort for her to either do something about it or be much more open to accepting your help.

And on your end, listening well will help you truly understand what she’s experiencing, see the whole picture, and provide the best solution possible — if necessary.

2. Make Your Primary Goal To Listen Well

The key to being a great listener is being present in the moment.

This means you have to make a mental shift from “I’m here to give answers” to “I’m here to listen really well.”

If your mind is running wild with problem solving ideas, you’re not staying in the present. You’re not allowing your body and emotions to connect to what your partner is saying right here, right now. You’re not actually listening on a deeper level.

This is also true if you’re going to lecture or tell her what she’s doing wrong. You’re waiting to cast judgment, which means you are less likely to be engaged with an open, compassionate mind.

She knows she has a problem, so she doesn’t need to be told again. People pay for therapists to have someone listen without judgment so they can speak freely and uncover a better path for the future. She’s human and it’s okay to make mistakes.

So if your partner can tell that you ARE really listening to her, she will be more vulnerable. She will open up in new ways. She will drop her guard and dig deeper into her feelings.

When you’re truly there with her, you will feel the full weight of her emotions and her experiences. You’ll be able to relate to what she’s going through using your own experiences. You’ll get a clearer understanding of why she feels the way she does.

Doing all this helps you provide the most informed, caring support she needs.

3. Eliminate Distractions And Commit To Giving Her Your Time

We’ve all been trained to have short attention spans. We’re constantly stimulated by flashing screens, buzzing notifications, and social media feeds galore.

Staying present for an extended amount of time is really hard. So the first step to having a productive conversation is to eliminate all possible distractions.

Finish out that text or email. Quickly clean up the clutter around you that would make you preoccupied. Go put on some comfy clothes if you need them to relax.

Finally, turn your phone off. Yes, completely off. In fact, go put it charging in a different room. Studies show that even having your phone in the same vicinity can create restlessness in our minds.

From there, I want you to make a conscious time commitment to being present. Tell yourself, “For the next 10 minutes, I am completely devoted to giving my partner the time she needs to express herself.”

If you can only stay present for 5-15 minutes right now, that’s fine. People first learning meditation can often only sit still for a couple of minutes. With practice, you’ll find it easier to quiet your mind and dedicate your entire self to your partner for longer periods.

4. Actively Show Her Your Presence

When someone is venting, they’re often worried about being a burden. They don’t want to come off as dramatic or stupid.

It’s a vulnerable act for your partner to share her feelings and frustrations with you. If she sees you spacing out, she may shut down and get defensive.

So it’s wise to preemptively convey that you are committed to being there with her. Listening with your ears is one way to do that. Listening with your body and voice is another.

Sit close and face your body towards her. Physical closeness creates more intimacy and trust. Don’t sit across from her on another chair or far away on the couch. Get next to one another, maybe let your bodies lightly touch, and show her you’re right there by her side.

Hold good eye contact. Sometimes while we’re listening to our partners tell a long story, our eyes wander around the room. This is not the time to just listen with your ears – you need to show her that she has your full attention. Eye contact reassures her that you are an ally. When you get to see her eyes in return, you can better feel and connect to her emotions.

Give verbal cues that you’re listening. A simple, “mhmm” or “that sounds awful” goes a long way to making her feel heard. So does, “I’m sorry you had to deal with that” or “that’s a really tough situation.” If she’s getting emotional, reassuring phrases like, “it’s going to be alright” and “I’m here for you” can remind her that you’ve got her back.

Give some non-verbal cues, too. Hold her hand when she’s really opening up. Gently stroke her shoulder when she’s sharing something difficult. Hug her and hold her in your arms if she starts to cry.

Simple gestures like these show your partner that you’re the man she can rely on.

5. Ask Her The Right Questions

Just like you needed to change your mindset from “provide answers” to “listen well”, you need to reframe the way you think about asking questions during these tough conversations.

A poor line of questioning can feel accusatory and aggressive. Even if you did all of the above to build trust and an open line of communication, the wrong questions can put your partner on the defensive.

For example, men might think they’re being helpful by asking about previous actions: “Why did you do that?” “Why didn’t you do that?” “Why didn’t you do THIS instead?”

This is incredibly unhelpful and makes her feel like you’re talking down to her. It’s like asking a person who got injured in a car crash, “Why didn’t you see the other car coming?”

The same goes for asking why she’s repeated a past behavior. She clearly didn’t mean to do it intentionally and sometimes we need to make the same mistakes to learn from them. Old habits die hard.

The past is over and done with. Your questions should be about helping her get a clearer picture of the situation at hand and what she can potentially do now.

Let’s say that your girlfriend is always being mistreated by a so-called “friend”. Your girlfriend overlooks her bad behavior and ignores her disrespect. You shouldn’t ask her, “Why haven’t you just told Samantha to fuck off?”

Instead, ask questions that will take herself out of the equation and get her to think more objectively.

Questions such as, “Would you ever treat a friend that way?” or “What would you tell me if Tom was doing the same thing to me?” or “If you weren’t afraid of losing her friendship, what would you want to say to her?”

All of these points are SO much more useful. They provide clarity and new ideas, leading to healthier perspectives.

6. Uncover The Answer Together

The purpose of these steps is to help your partner feel understood, accepted, and supported. You’re allowing her to work through her feelings and see possible paths of action.

This is what she needs to make a change or move past her problem.

When she comes to a decision, she will feel accomplished that she figured it out for herself, rather than being fed an answer from you. We are at our best when we feel loved, but also self-reliant. And your support will have helped her get there — which what you wanted in the first place.

If your partner is still trying to resolve the situation and doesn’t have an immediate answer, give her a little time. Check in with her in a supportive manner to see how she’s doing later.

Now if you still feel she’s being haunted by this problem, you can then share what you think she should do. But because you’ve laid all the groundwork, she should be infinitely more open to hearing your advice.

She won’t take it as, “he’s not even listening, he just wants to tell me what to do.” Instead, she’ll recognize, “this is my adoring partner who’s given me his heart and wants the best for me.”

—

Simple gestures of empathy and support often mean the most in a relationship.

Show up for your partner when they really need you. It’ll show them that no matter how hard things get, together you can face anything life throws your way.

5 Sex Tips To Satisfy Her Like Never Before

Nick Notas — Tue, 19 Dec 2023 20:26:18 +0000

5 Sex Tips
To Satisfy Her
Like Never Before

Nick Notas

My dad and I used to go to the movies a lot when I was a kid. Once when I was 12, he took me to see the classic wholesome family film… American Pie.

For those who aren’t familiar with the movie, it’s basically a bunch of nerdy high school seniors that decide to make a pact to lose their virginity before heading off to college.

Great father and son bonding experience, right?

In the film, one of the guys seeks out this legendary book called the Sex Bible. It’s this tome of sex tips that gets passed around the school over decades that teaches men how to be great lovers.

Of course, it focuses on things like technique and using your tongue the right way.

This is how a lot of young men approach being a great partner in the bedroom. Especially if they’re with a new woman, they want to give her a great time. So what do they do? They focus on technique.

I’m here to tell you today that technique is OVERRATED.

Of course, you need to know a little bit – are you putting it in the right area, how to change positions, and the basics of touching her. After that, a woman’s mindset and emotions are what’s crucial to creating a strong, powerful experience.

The Power Of Desire

There’s one specific thing that almost all women say drive them wild in the bedroom. And that is:

The act of a man showing desire while in bed with her.

You’re going into a lot of these sexual experiences nervous about making a good impression. You’re thinking about touching her the right way and making her feel good.

But she’s also of the same mindset: she’s nervous, she wants to look pretty to you, she wants to make sure her stretch marks aren’t showing. She wants to make sure she doesn’t look awkward, that she smells good, and that she tastes good.

While you’re sitting there reading the masterstroke technique of how to lick her in this specific star pattern…

She’s sitting there worrying about, “Do I look attractive to him? Is he enjoying his experience? Am I what he wants right now?” This is pretty universal.

Go ask women anywhere or search, “What’s the hottest thing a guy can do in the bedroom?” Always towards the top is the answer, “Feeling that the guy is really excited and just wants me so much.”

This is the premise of every romance novel everywhere. Guy meets girl, they start hitting it off, and things start heating up. He becomes so overwhelmed with desire that he just has to have her and he shows her that.

THAT’S what drives women wild!

A leading man’s overwhelming excitement gets them into a sexy headspace.

Now that you understand the bigger picture, here are five sex tips that will make her grip the sheets in pleasure.

1. Hold Strong Eye Contact

There is almost nothing sexier than looking into a partner’s eyes when you’re in the bedroom. Staring into each other’s souls while you’re embracing is a huge turnon.

When you study things like tantra, that’s a big part of it. It’s about getting good with eye gazing and looking at each other during intimacy. It makes you two feel so close and it shows her that you want her SO DAMN MUCH.

This is something a lot of guys don’t do. They aren’t looking at a woman. They’ll be looking past her while thrusting – all checked out.

You need to get good at just looking at her, especially when you’re taking her. In a moment where it’s getting intense, that’s just going to make her go crazy. Probably the sexiest time to do this is when you are both going to climax.

Those last 30 seconds when you’re going harder, the tension is building, you’re both about to moan and scream. Then you lock eyes with her and it’s game over.

Eye contact at this pivotal moment is unbelievably powerful in a way you can’t describe.

Examples

Make eye contact for a few seconds as you start kissing her neck. Hold the gaze and watch her reactions.
When you’re caressing her, glance up at her eyes periodically and give a sly smile.
As you’re pleasuring her, lock eyes to connect on a deeper level.
When you shift positions, maintain eye contact as you enter her again.
When undressing her, pause periodically to stare into her eyes as you remove each article of clothing. Let the tension build.
Lightly trace your fingers over her skin while maintaining eye contact.
Tell her how beautiful her eyes are as you gaze into them.
Tell her in a sultry tone to keep her eyes on yours as you pick up the intensity.
As you enter her, go slowly while gazing into her eyes to maximize anticipation.
Lay next to her after and trace fingers down her body while staring lovingly into her eyes.

2. Breathe And Moan

I know this sounds horrific to a lot of men. They’re so worried about using their voice, grunting, and making noises.

But just like how you probably don’t want a woman to lie there and give you no feedback…

Women want to know that you’re expressing ecstasy and pleasure through your voice, guttural noises, and your animal desires.

This is when a lot of men will hold themselves back and actually subdue their voice when women want the opposite.

They want to hear you let out a moan when you’re feeling incredible. They want you to grunt and show when you just HAVE to have her and grab her tighter.

When you’re thrusting, getting intense, and you’re both panting and out of breath – all these little sounds create an erotic atmosphere.

If you’re quieting your voice, you’re doing a huge disservice to yourself and to her.

I know it feels embarrassing and a lot of guys are nervous about doing it, but I promise you that almost every woman wants to know and hear your pleasure so that she can step into hers.

Examples

Let out a soft moan when she kisses a sensitive spot on your neck.
When kissing down her body, let out approving groans as you discover areas that elicit sounds from her.
As foreplay intensifies, start breathing heavier to signal your growing arousal.
When you’re against her, grab her tight against you and breathe her scent in deeply.
Tell her breathily, “I want you so much right now…”
Growl softly when you smell her hair or neck.
As intensity grows, match the sounds she makes with your own masculine versions.
As you move together, sync the rhythm of your strong and uncontrolled breathing.

3. Worship Her Body

As you’re starting to undress her, touch her, and get into foreplay, I want you to become obsessed with her body. I want you to check her out with your eyes. I want you to lick down her lips and every inch of her.

If she gets a little nervous, I want you to touch her skin and reinforce how good it feels. Then spread her legs and look at her. I want you to drink it all in so you get more and more aroused. I want you to kiss down her body and feel her skin under your hands and taste her.

The more that you can see her as the most delicious dessert you’ve ever consumed, the more turned on she’s going to feel. Because a lot of women are self-conscious: they’re worried that they’re not perfect naked, they look a little weird, or maybe there’s too much hair down there.

If your actions are showing her otherwise, that really helps her relax, which paves the way for arousal.

Look at her like you’re hungry and you want to devour her. Kiss her lips and use them everywhere. Not just on her mouth and on her neck, but all down her body. Run your fingers down her skin or massage her.

She’s a block of marble and you are the sculptor. You are sitting there studying it, touching it, and shaping it slowly. You’re appreciating its beauty and just marveling in everything that she is.

Examples

As you undress her, kiss every newly exposed area reverently.
Light scented candles and give her a sensual massage, stroking her body with your hands.
Trail fingers slowly down her spine and plant soft kisses along it while caressing her skin with praise.
Kiss any insecurities she expresses, affirming that you appreciate every part of her.
Between passionate kissing, gaze into her eyes and tell her emphatically, “You’re so beautiful.”
When kissing her deeply, let your hands wander her body freely.
Tell her in a husky tone, “I want to put my lips all over you…” as you kiss and lick various erogenous places.
Tenderly kiss the places she least expects — her shoulders, butt, and ears.
Spoon her and glide your hands over her curves in awe.

4. Tell Her How Much You Desire Her

While you’re using your eyes, hands, and mouth to worship her, you also want to tell her how sexy she is. You want to gaze her in the eyes and say, “Oh my God, you look incredible right now,” or, “Your body is stunning.”

Tell her while you’re touching her skin, seeing how amazing it feels under your hands, and thinking about how soft she is. You want to check out her body and tell her, “I can’t even contain myself right now. I want you so fucking much.”

When you enter her, tell her how unbelievable she feels, how good she makes you feel, how wet she is, and how hot that is.

The more you tell her these things, the more comfortable she’s going to get, and the more likely she’ll start telling you how SHE feels about YOU. And when you both start talking dirty to each other, you’re dialing up the heat and exploring your sexuality together.

Examples

“God, you are so unbelievably sexy.”
“I want you so bad right now. I need to have you.”
“You drive me absolutely wild. I want to do so many things to you.”
“Do you know how fucking hot you look right now?”
“I’ve been thinking about you all day. I couldn’t wait to get you alone tonight.”
“You have no idea how much I want you. I can barely contain myself.”
“I’m going to kiss every inch of your perfect body.”
“I am so hard thinking about how amazing you’re going to feel.”
“You taste so good, I love going down on you.”
“I’m completely entranced by your curves. I’m going to devour every inch of you.”
“Your skin is so soft and warm. I can’t wait another second to be inside you.”
“Every time you moan it makes me want push deeper in you.”
“You feel so fucking good, I want to lose myself in you.”

5. Be Spontaneous With Your Passion

This is especially good once you guys have been intimate a few times, or you’ve been dating for a little while, and you’ve built up some trust.

Maybe she’s hanging out at your place and she stands up to get something. You come up behind her, wrap your arms around her waist, and pull her against you. If she’s feeling a little turned on, you start kissing her neck.

Right then and there, you were casually hanging out, but you both felt so aroused that you just had to consummate that feeling immediately. Instead of waiting for hours and building up slowly, there’s a bit more passion when you act in the moment.

Maybe you don’t even make it to the bedroom and you guys hook up on your rug, on the couch, or against the wall, and just start making out right there.

It’s really sexy to have random passionate moments.

You can also do this by being a bit more intentional and faster with your moves. When you lift up her shirt and start kissing her stomach, or you pull her pants down by her thighs.

It’s deeply arousing for her to just feel like, “Oh my God, this guy is starting to take me. He’s overwhelmed with passion and he just has to have me.”

You showed her, “I just got so turned on by you that I couldn’t hold myself back.”

The dynamic went from chill to fiery instantly. That contrast fills her with strong, sexual emotions she’ll never forget.

Examples

Come up behind her while she’s doing dishes and start kissing her neck while pressing against her. Whisper in her ear how delicious she looks.
When she bends over, gently grab her hips and grind against her from behind. Tell her you can’t resist her.
If you catch a glimpse of her bending over or see some skin, groan audibly with desire. Let her know the sight of her turns you on.
After a romantic date, passionately kiss her the moment you close the front door.
When she wears something you find irresistible, press her up against the wall and ravage her with kisses. Tell her how crazy that outfit makes you.
After a night of sexual tension and flirting, throw all inhibitions aside and have passionate sex outside of the bedroom – on the couch, floor, etc.
While watching a steamy scene in a movie together, mime the actions with her.
When she stretches and you catch a glimpse of her stomach or waistline, impulsively lift up her shirt further and kiss her bare skin.
As she walks by, lightly smack her butt and get playfully physical together.
After she teases you or makes a joke, come up behind her and whisper that she’s in trouble now. Show her what happens when she gets you worked up.
After a bath or shower, “catch” her naked and act so turned on you take her then and there.
If you haven’t seen each other for a while, the next moment alone should lead to frantic tearing off of clothes and animalistic desire.

Key Takeaways

Technique is overrated. While basic sex tips are important, a woman’s mindset and emotional state are most crucial for a powerful sexual experience. She will orgasm because of how you make her feel, not some super secret finger tactic.
Showing overwhelming desire is what drives women wild. Make prolonged eye contact, breathe heavily, moan, and let her see that passion coursing through your body.
Worship her body with your eyes, hands, mouth, and words. Appreciate every inch of her. Tell her all the ways you want her and how incredible her body feels. This helps her feel more comfortable and paves the way for arousal.
Spontaneous passion is very hot. Don’t always wait for after dinner sex while watching TV. Ravish her in a moment when she least expects it. This contrast is memorable and maintains the spice of a vibrant sex life.

—

If you’re still stressed out about being a great sexual partner with a woman and trying to figure out all her buttons and have the perfect technique, drop all that shit.

When you’re watching a nature documentary, are the animals studying the right approach before they go at it? No.

Embrace that animal lust. I promise that both of you will have some of the best sex you’ve ever had.

Do your dates stay friendly instead of sexy? Want to learn how to flirt naturally and turn women on in the moment? Talk to me for a free consultation so I can better understand your challenges and teach you how to make the right moves.

Schedule a consultation call here

4 Reasons Your Dates Don’t Turn Intimate

Nick Notas — Wed, 29 Nov 2023 18:45:16 +0000

4 Reasons Your Dates
Don’t Turn Intimate

Nick Notas

Every guy knows they shouldn’t act like “just friends” with women they’re romantically interested in.

They’ve been told to avoid the dreaded friend zone for the last decade. They understand they have to flirt with women to ignite attraction. They get that they can’t just hang out with a girl for months and hope she’ll magically feel chemistry.

Yet despite their best efforts…why do so many men still struggle to create intimate connections?

Every week, men come to me claiming that they’ve tried everything. Yet somehow, things haven’t progressed sexually with the women they date. At most, they might get a kiss but then girls still end up telling them they “just don’t feel that spark.”

And then the connections fizzle out.

If this has happened to you once or twice, you can often chalk it up to incompatibility. But if this keeps happening, no matter what you do, it’s usually due to one or more of these four reasons.

1. You Wait Too Long To Move Things Forward

Attraction is fleeting. You have a short window of time to take your shot before a woman will move on.

If you wait too long, a woman may lose interest. Or she’ll think you’re not interested in her and feel rejected. Or she’ll question whether or not there was a connection between you two in the first place.

And if there’s another guy pursuing her, she may turn her attention towards him instead.

However long you normally take to move things forward with a new woman — you probably should speed it up.

Don’t keep texting back and forth for a week or two before setting up a call or a date. Instead, write more personal, emotional messages to get past small talk. Then invite her to get together during the first or second set of messages.
Don’t wait to flirt until those calls or dates happen, either. Show your interest well before then and build sexual tension. Tell her what you like about her or tease her about how she’s totally hitting on you right now.
Don’t go on multiple dates before going for a kiss or inviting a girl back to your place. If you’re feeling attracted to her, show her within that first date or two.

Waiting almost always works against you. We all know rather quickly how we feel about someone and whether or not we’re open to exploring an intimate connection.

94% of women want a guy to compliment their physical appearance on a first date. At least 50% of women are open to kissing a guy on a first date and 71% are down with a kiss on the cheek. Another study shows it only takes between 90 seconds and 4 minutes to know if we’re attracted to someone.

Does that mean every woman will be ready that soon? Of course not.

But if you’re trying to give yourself the best odds of creating an intimate connection, lead with your sexual intentions. Then let her tell you if she needs more time.

Don’t sit around waiting for the perfect moment…it might just pass you by.

2. You’re Not Being Bold Enough

If a woman is going to be intimate with you, she needs to be aroused and able to imagine sex with you. Yes: steamy, sweaty sex with two people moaning and gyrating like the animals they are.

It’s raw, primal, and dirty in all the beautiful ways.

I’m not saying you should be vulgar with a woman you just met, but you also can’t be a forgettable, meek guy.

When I ask men how they drop hints that they find a woman attractive, they say things like “you’re so cute” or “you’re just adorable”. She’s not your niece, she’s a woman you want to get naked with!

It’s OKAY to tell her that you think she’s sexy. It’s OKAY to say that you find one of her qualities to be the hottest part about a woman.

When you’re trying to get more physically close to a woman, don’t graze her shoulder and think that your seduction is complete. You need to eventually get more physical in more personal ways — with a hand on her back, with the sides of your legs touching while sitting close, or with your forearms gently touching while talking.

She needs to get comfortable with these simple touches first if she’s going to rip your clothes off later.

If you’re trying to get into more intimate discussions, don’t ask her about her experiences with online dating and expect to get her all hot and bothered. You’ve got to ask sexually charged questions.

Ask her, “What’s your secret bedroom fantasy?” “Where’s the most adventurous place you’ve hooked up?” “How important is a sexual connection to you?” “Where do you love to be touched the most?”

By doing this, women are more likely to dig into their sexual arousal with you.

One client had been talking to a girl for a month. They had some playful, almost friendly, teasing but not much more. He loves data science and one day asked her if she had seen Pornhub’s insights (their annual report with fascinating findings from their user data).

That one question sparked a long conversation about porn and their individual interests. The next day, they had phone sex. A few days later, she couldn’t wait any longer to see him. So they met up, hooked up, and immediately moved the connection forward.

Most women, especially those with any kind of experience, are not delicate flowers. They know why you’re with them. They want to feel desired and they want to get turned on.

3. You Only Tell, Not Show Your Interest

There’s a golden rule in writing that says “show, don’t tell”. It means you want a reader to experience the story through the characters’ actions instead of you just stating the facts outright.

We make strong emotional connections to vivid, powerful storytelling. We hardly remember anything when it’s written as cold data in a textbook.

The same goes for dating. Women make strong emotional connections to men who show their sexual interest through confident actions, like going for a spontaneous kiss. They don’t feel the same spark with guys who ask, “Excuse me, can I kiss you now?”

This is why it doesn’t usually work to act like a friend for weeks and then randomly say, “I really like you.” You haven’t painted a picture for her of how you feel about her. Instead, you just said it in a non-exciting, factual way.

Arousal is an emotion a woman must feel on her own, usually in response to a man’s behaviors. And she feels it when a man confidently shows his desire (through flirting) for her.

You telling her that you like her conveys your intentions, but it doesn’t necessarily arouse her in the moment. It doesn’t create those butterflies and ignite the sexual tension that something exciting is going to happen.

So again, you need to show her the passion and strength of your desire for her.

You should compliment her on some quality you find attractive about her, rather than just saying you like her in general. And you should hold eye contact a little longer when you do, to show the strength behind your statement.

You should invite her to a late night drink and tell her that you can’t wait to see her smile in person, rather than stating “it’s a date”.

You should get closer to her when you’re hanging out. You should let your touch linger a little longer. You should look down at her lips, gently pull her towards you, and lean in slowly to kiss her. Taking your time to do this conveys to her that you want to kiss and she can turn away if she’s not ready.

You should ask her more intimate questions about sex, sexuality, and attraction that you’d be excited to discuss. You don’t need to ask her if she’s interested in you as more than a friend. You’ll know by her answering those questions.

All these behaviors imply your interest in her without needing to spell it out. They build anticipation and are fun, arousing hints at what’s to come.

4. You Flirting Romantically And Not Sexually

There’s a difference between sexual attraction and romantic attraction.

Sexual attraction is the desire for physical intimacy with someone. Romantic attraction is the desire to pursue a more involved romantic relationship.

For men, much of our initial sexual attraction is based on physical appearance. If we find a woman beautiful, then we are likely to keep exploring a romantic connection as well (unless she shows you some really unappealing values).

For women, their initial sexual attraction is based on the emotional experience they share with a man. Physical appearance is just a doorway to exploring more. They might find a guy handsome, but that doesn’t mean they’re turned on enough to sleep with him.

But once a man confidently leads and flirts, women will start to feel that “chemistry” — aka sexual attraction. They will want to get more intimate and open themselves up to a deeper connection. After that, they will develop stronger romantic feelings and then consider a relationship.

Unfortunately, a lot of guys focus on the romantic attraction too soon and completely ignore the sexual attraction. Let me explain…

You go on a couple of dates with a girl you find attractive. You’re totally into her and think you just need to show your romantic feelings to make her feel the same way.

You text her good morning with pet names like sweetie or cutie. You try to hold hands while walking down the sidewalk. You ask her about her hard day at work and get her to vent about her problems. Right away, you tell her you’re not going to see anyone else. You start talking about future plans or a trip together.

You’re treating her like your wife of ten years rather than the new flame that you’re crazy about.

You haven’t even given her a chance to get turned before discussing your future together. You’re putting her in a position where she has to make a big commitment before she really knows how she feels about you. This can feel overwhelming and scary.

If a woman is going to consider an exclusive relationship, you have to be the one guy that will fulfill her intimate needs. So she needs to know and feel that you two will have amazing sexual experiences for the foreseeable future.

Sexual attraction needs to come before romantic attraction, not after.

Key Takeaways

Act quickly to flirt and escalate physically. Women aren’t on dates to make friends. Wait too long to make a move and she may lose interest or question the connection.
Don’t be too meek in your flirting and compliments. Be bold and polarizing when conveying your sexual interest. Her feeling something is better than her feeling nothing.
Show interest through actions rather than just stating you like her. Get closer, touch her, hold romantic eye contact, and ask intimate questions that arouse sexual tension.
Focus first on building sexual attraction, not romantic feelings. Don’t jump into “relationship” behavior too fast without establishing intimacy. If she can’t imagine kissing you, she definitely won’t date you.

—

Be decisive. Be brave. Be a man of action. And be a sexual being.

Embrace these core elements of an intimate connection and be seen as more than a friend.

P.S. Still struggling to take the shot in the moment? Don’t know how to flirt naturally? Talk to me for a free consultation so I can better understand your goals and design a plan to conquer them together.

Schedule a consultation call here

https://youtu.be/slMb0UuV0_k

How To Gain The Courage To Kiss Her (https://youtu.be/slMb0UuV0_k)

7 Ways You Waste Your Time In Dating

Nick Notas — Mon, 28 Aug 2023 16:50:19 +0000

7 Ways Men
Waste Their Time In Dating

Nick Notas

You know how some entrepreneurs turn their garage startups into empires, while others can’t get past the “idea” phase?

The secret sauce is time management.

Dating is no different.

You can either be the guy who’s refining his approach, cutting through the noise, and scoring meaningful connections.

Or, you can be the guy who’s endlessly spinning his wheels on dead-end tactics that keep him lonely.

If you’re finding dating to be more draining than fulfilling, it’s a clear sign you’re not spending your energy wisely.

But before you say, “Screw it, I’m becoming a monk,” take a step back.

Ask yourself: “What am I wasting my time on?”

When you eliminate the actions that aren’t serving you, you eliminate a lot of the stress. That leaves you with more room to focus on what works and actually makes dating an enjoyable experience.

Through my coaching, I’ve identified the most common ways you might be wasting your time…

1. Delaying Sending Messages After Matches Or You Meet

We live in an era of instant gratification. People always have their phone in their hands or in their pockets.

So when we reach out to someone, we expect them to respond in a timely manner.

After you meet a woman for the first time, she wants to hear from you — usually within 24 hours. If you match with a woman or she messages you from online dating, she is in the mood to connect.

In those instances, she thought you were appealing and wanted to learn more about you. If you leave her hanging, you risk letting the spark die out completely. Then she’ll lose interest or move onto someone else.

This is why I get so frustrated when my clients wait for multiple hours or days to respond. They claim that they don’t have time. They say it’s overwhelming to feel the pressure to reply right away with a flawless message.

News flash: Delaying your message will only consume MORE of your time and energy. You will spend pointless time ruminating and sabotaging your chances.

The #1 thing women need is reassurance that you will have a positive experience together when you meet up. They want it to be safe, enjoyable, relaxed, and fun.

The way to do that is not obsessing over writing a Pulitzer Prize-winning message. It’s getting more comfortable riffing and amusing yourself. Because when a woman can sense you’re having fun and not taking yourself too seriously, that’s when you’re most attractive.

Read my thoughts on good messaging and then set a timer for yourself. Make yourself write and send messages within 30-60 seconds. This will eat up less of your time while increasing her response rate.

2. Texting Women For Days Or Weeks On End

Who someone is over text doesn’t represent the nuance of who they are in real life. So the only way we can form meaningful connections is through more intimate mediums, not through emojis on a screen.

Most women don’t need to learn everything about you before moving to a phone call or in-person meetup. Again, they just want to feel that you have a positive vibe together.

Consider exchanging 3-5 messages back and forth (at most) and then take it to the next level. Invite her for a voice/video call or to hang out. If she’s not ready, you can talk to her a little more (another day at most), and try again.

If she’s still not ready, odds are she will never be. I find it better to throw a hail mary like, “I understand you need time to know someone, but I feel that’s better accomplished in ways other than texting. If you want to connect further, let me know.”

Then focus on other, more excited women. If she’s genuinely interested, she knows where you stand and she can take initiative.

3. Spending More Time Reading About Talking To Women Than Actually Doing It

We all want to make good first impressions. But sometimes guys get carried away with the hours they spend reading about how to talk to women.

The truth is, you aren’t going to find a magic line or tactic that guarantees your success. You will encounter rejection and awkward moments at some point. Those situations are inevitable and give you the foundation to grow.

Once you’ve read some basic principles on introducing yourself (which should only take a couple of hours), you’re wasting time avoiding what you need most: experience.

Because honestly, what you say doesn’t really matter that much.

What will make a difference is the combination of staying present in conversation, being expressive because you are connected to what’s being said, and displaying confident body language because you’re comfortable in your skin.

Stop trying to be perfect before you’ve even said hello. You already have enough knowledge; what you need now is action.

Knowledge is of no value unless you put it into practice.
—Anton Chekhov

4. Using Online Dating With Crappy Photos

Your results with online dating will largely come down to your photos.

Please read that until it’s buried deeply in your mind.

Yet the MAJORITY of men who get poor results and say they hate online dating don’t fix their pictures. They just stay frustrated with the fact that they don’t get many matches or match with the women they want.

Guys will spend inordinate amounts of time swiping but don’t invest a couple hours to take a few pictures outside with good lighting. Instead, they hope their low-quality photos, selfies, and group photos where they’re obscured will be enough.

They won’t.

I hate to use this analogy…but it’s like a sales funnel. You want to capture more people’s attention from the start because you know the number will only decrease through the screening process. Inevitably, some women won’t be ready to connect, won’t be compatible, and won’t be serious about moving things forward.

Invest in taking six good photos of yourself and your hobbies or lifestyle. Then do basic edits to enhance them further. No photographer delivers a picture straight from the camera. There are a million apps that automatically do this for you where you only need to make small adjustments.

Invest a little time upfront in getting photos, and you’ll save so much more time in the long-run.

5. Chasing People Who Aren’t That Into You

Human nature is to place value on things that are difficult to obtain. This works well when dealing with precious metals, but not so much in courtship.

Men often mistake a woman who is aloof, distant, or hot-and-cold as a “catch”. When really, that usually means one of two things about her: she’s not that interested or she has some personal issues and insecurities to deal with.

People who are interested and emotionally available will not want to lose a potentially great connection. They will not arbitrarily make someone beg for their attention.

Yes, it’s a red flag if she barely knows you and suddenly wants to spend every minute with you. But that doesn’t mean the opposite avoidant behavior is healthy, either.

The right woman will maintain her independence and may not be available for you around the clock. But at least she’ll communicate that it’s not about you, reassure you she still wants to spend time together, and work to make that happen.

Chasing people who aren’t into you not only kills your time but also shreds your self-esteem.

6. Not Making A Move Until A Later Date

Sometimes when men land a date with a woman, they go into “preservation” mode. They finally got a woman to hang out, so they don’t want to risk screwing it up.

You may believe that making a move like giving a bold compliment or kiss will ruin everything if it happens at the wrong time. So you play the waiting game…and try to find perfect moments or hints that a woman is ready.

The problem is, you won’t typically get these signals. Most women are much more subtle and want the guy to make the first move. Once he does, then they feel more comfortable with reciprocating.

More than that, flirting is what often arouses a woman and builds that chemistry. If you treat her like just a friend, she may question both of your feelings.

Remember, she chose to go on a date with you. Therefore, she’s potentially attracted to you. She’s going in with the desire to explore an intimate connection.

She knows why you’re there, so take the shot!

If she’s not ready, she’ll let you know. She’s not going to hate you if you accept that gracefully. In fact, she’ll see you were confident but respectful, which reassures her that you’re a good candidate when she is ready.

But if you never take it to that next level, all that time spent on those dates will be for nothing.

7. Putting All Your Eggs In One Basket

Some guys get really excited once they hit it off with a new woman. Maybe that’s after she texts them back a few times, they have some phone calls together, or after they have their first date.

Those men feel confident they’re attracted to this woman and that she’s potentially feeling the same way.

So they focus on just her from then on.

They stop using online dating. They don’t talk to other women. They pine over this one woman instead and keep imagining the next steps.

Then as what naturally happens with new connections, feelings change.

With more time communicating, the woman realizes you two aren’t quite right for each other. Or she’s not ready as she thought. Or her ex comes into the picture.

Or, she was continuing to explore other prospects until she was sure about one person — just like you should’ve been doing!

And sometimes, because you’re so laser-focused on this one woman, you become desperate and clingy, pushing her away.

By that time, you’ve got no other prospects and have to start from scratch again.

I’m not saying you have to be some player who tries to get with several women at the same time. I don’t want to devalue the beauty of meaningful connections.

I just want you to know that those connections can take time to find and build. Keeping your options open is smart and helps you stay balanced.

If a connection continues growing with someone you like, then you can dedicate more time to them and consider going exclusive.

Key Takeaways

Stop Waiting To Reach Out. If you’ve matched with a woman online or gotten her number in-person, message within 24 hours. She wants to hear from you – don’t let the spark die out by overthinking a text.

Quit The Texting Marathon. Messaging for weeks is a dead-end. Invite her out or get on a call within 1-2 days of texting. If she’s not ready to move forward, focus your energy on someone who is.
Think Less, Act More. Don’t keep burying yourself in articles and videos about talking to women. Nothing replaces real-world experience. Dive in, make mistakes, and learn from them.

Fix Those Crappy Pictures. Women only spend a few seconds glancing at photos and they’ll always swipe left if they’re mediocre. Invest the effort to get quality photos that showcase you and your lifestyle.
Don’t Chase The Uninterested. If she’s constantly aloof or hot-and-cold, move on. Chasing someone who’s just not that into you is a soul-crushing time-sink.
Make Your Move Sooner. Stop waiting for the “perfect moment” to flirt or kiss. She’s on a date with you for a reason. Waiting only lessens your chances and kills momentum.
Keep Your Options Open. Remember, dating is a numbers game. Keep meeting new people until you’ve found someone who’s excited to invest in you, too. Otherwise, you always start from scratch if things don’t work out.

How To Ask For A Girl’s Number (And Actually Get A Date)

Nick Notas — Fri, 04 Aug 2023 17:19:38 +0000

How To Ask For A Girl’s Number
(And Actually Get A Date)

Nick Notas

How many times have you let an incredible woman slip away?

When you meet someone you like, you have to go for her number if you ever hope to see her again.

But even then, I hate to break it to you…

That number doesn’t mean much by itself.

Yes, it sets up the possibility of a future connection, but plenty of women hand out their info without any intention of actually going on a date. In fact, some won’t even respond when you first text them.

So today, I want to teach you how to ask for a girl’s number in a way that genuinely excites her about meeting up with you again.

Tips To Maximize Your Chances For Success

Take The Shot – Even If You Doubt Yourself

Stop making excuses to avoid going for a woman’s number.

Maybe you felt you needed to chat longer. Maybe you think you didn’t make a strong enough impression. Or you’ve convinced yourself she’s out of your league.

The reality is, you don’t know any of that for sure. These are all stories your mind is telling you rooted in fear or insecurity.

In fact, you’ll be surprised at how many women say yes when you least expect it. Don’t let wrong assumptions talk you out of potential connections.

Make this a hard rule to follow in every situation:

If you’ve spoken to a woman for more than a minute and want to see her again, propose a way to make that happen.

That’s it.

Sure, you may get a “no” sometimes, but you’ll also get so many more “yes”s. And trust me, you won’t care about those “no”s when you’re on dates with beautiful women.

Never Just Give Her Your Number

Many men make the mistake of giving a woman their phone number instead of getting hers.

They’ll say something like, “Here’s my number, give me a call sometime.” Or they’ll write their digits down on a napkin and hand it to her before walking away.

This might seem cool and aloof, but the passive approach usually backfires.

Even if a woman is interested in you, she’ll likely feel hesitant to take the initiative of reaching out to a stranger first. Most women are anxious about coming across as too eager or forward.

Instead, you taking action to ask for her number communicates assertiveness and a clear intent. These are qualities women find attractive. By putting the decision on her, you’re essentially shying away from showing that confident, leading side of you.

Handing her your number is like gently tossing the ball in her court. What she really wants is for you to slam dunk that shit and sweep her off her feet.

Do It At A High Point In The Interaction

Timing is crucial when it comes to asking for her digits. Many men wait until the very end of an interaction, right before saying goodbye. But this is often when the energy and excitement have faded, leading to a greater chance of rejection.

Instead, make your move to get her number when the conversation is at a high point and you’re vibing well with one another. This could be in the midst of laughing together, feeling spontaneous and adventurous, or passionately discussing a common interest.

Those moments of shared enthusiasm, excitement, and flirtation are goldmines for connection.

When she’s experiencing positive emotions with you, she’s so much more likely to want it to continue.

Don’t Rush Away After Getting The Number

Here’s a scenario I see all the time…

You get a woman’s number. You feel a rush of excitement followed by an immediate sense of tension. You start worrying about what to say next and blowing your shot now that you got her info.

So you start angling your body away getting ready to eject from the conversation. Maybe you mutter an uncomfortable goodbye before rushing off.

Big mistake. This cheapens the whole interaction and signals to her that you weren’t actually interested in connecting with her. It makes it seem like your sole objective was to get another number in your phone.

Stick around for at least a couple more minutes after getting her number. You can even just continue on the same subject you were digging into before you traded contacts.

This leaves her feeling appreciated as a person rather than an item checked off your to-do list.

Make Eye Contact When You Ask For Her Number

Maintaining strong eye contact oozes self-assurance and helps put her at ease when you ask for the number. It signals that you go after what you want and have nothing to hide.

A man who skittishly looks away is someone she can’t fully trust.

But when you boldly yet warmly hold her gaze and tell her you want to see her again, it feels genuine and impactful.

Nowadays, it’s common for women to offer up their Instagram handle or other social media instead of their phone number when approached. It may seem harmless to connect with her online first – but resist the temptation.

When you accept a woman’s Instagram rather than push for her number, you inevitably fade into the indistinguishable crowd of guys sliding into her DMs. You want to stand out, not blend in.

“If you wait for opportunities to occur, you will be one of the crowd.”
Edward de Bono

Yes, some women are wary of handing out their digits to men they’ve just met. But in my experience, if a woman is truly excited to get to know you better, she’ll give you her number when asked.

It requires vulnerability and trust from her to do so. And when a woman invests that kind of courage in you, it makes her feel more committed to actually following through.

So if she offers you her Instagram, gently tell her you’d prefer to get to know her over text. You can even say you’d only take her number if she was genuinely interested in talking more.

This shows your standards and self-respect, which makes you more attractive and increases the odds of her giving you her number.

If she only offers her social media account, you can choose whether to accept it or not. Personally, I interpret this as a lack of investment and I prefer to pursue women who are more interested in me.

3 Steps To Smoothly Ask A Woman Out

1. Suggest a shared experience

Every woman has been asked for their number by countless men. That situation inherently feels like a guy is trying to get something from her.

Consequently, some women default to a defensive response during those encounters.

Women want to have an amazing adventure with a great guy. They’re not getting turned on by the idea of exchanging a 10-digit number.

A woman is infinitely more excited about seeing a beautiful lake, grabbing coffee and listening to Spotify in the park, checking out a new art gallery, tasting margarita or beer flights, playing mini-golf, or seeing a sunset on the beach.

So suggest a fun activity you can enjoy together. For example:

“There’s an amazing new exhibit at the MoMA. We should check it out next weekend.”

When you invite her to something tangible, it paints a picture in her mind she can get fired up about. She can see you two strolling through a fascinating gallery or bonding over your observations of the art.

This is true even if you’re just grabbing dinner. Talk about trying this legendary dish at a new restaurant or checking out the slick vibe of this secret cocktail bar.

Once she agrees to an experience, the number becomes a natural way to make that happen.

Then she can even tell her friends about this cool guy she met and how you’re going on this cool experience. It reinforces her likelihood to meet up because she can tell herself that even if you two aren’t totally into each other, she’ll do something fun and have a good memory from it.

Stimulate her imagination and you might end up stimulating much more.

2. Make it a bold statement rather than a question

Don’t undo your confidence by nervously asking, “So, uh, would you want to grab a bite sometime?”

Asking for permission puts the decision on her. And just like handing a woman your number passively, many women are nervous to be in that position.

They are then forced to make a bold choice with a stranger. It becomes a fight or flight situation and women will often just back out.

Instead, make a clear statement. Tell her you want to take her out. Consider using the words “I’, “let’s”, or “we”. For example:

“I’d love to take you out to dinner at that new French place.”
“I want to show you my favorite pieces at the art gallery.”
“We should totally check out that trail next week.”
“Let’s get buzzed and go throw some axes.”

This assertively demonstrates your interest and shows that you believe in the idea. That confidence will help reassure her that it’s going to be a damn good time.

3. Get specific with the details

Many guys are worried about coming on too strong. So when they invite a woman out, they leave it vague. They say things like, “Awesome, I’ll hit you up later and we can make plans.”

The issue is that when people don’t have a specific idea in mind, they don’t commit to anything. It’s not real or tangible to them. So a woman will often not take it seriously and prioritize other plans.

While you don’t need to lock down an exact date and time, it helps to discuss some level of detail.

It takes you suggesting an activity and checking in with a rough timeline. Keep it to only one or two days of availability.

You can present the idea first and then ask her availability on those specific days. Because at that point you’re not asking for permission, you’re stating what you want and seeing when she’s around. For example:

“I was thinking about hitting up that new Arcade Bar. Are you around Thursday?”

Exercises To Prepare For The Big Moment

Exercise: brainstorm awesome date ideas

If you’re already talking to a woman and discussing a common interest, you can invite her out to a related activity.

But in general, you shouldn’t scramble to come up with ideas to invite a woman out in the moment. You should always have a few ideas in your back pocket you can suggest to anyone you meet.

So before asking the next woman for her number…

Brainstorm 1-2 activities. They should be ideas you are excited about, already comfortable with, or really want to try.

Dinner or drinks are classic options but try to specify a particular place to add a personal touch.

The key is that it’s something you’re connected to. That passion will show in the way you invite her out and put you at your best once on the date.

If you need some help coming up with date ideas, check out my article on how to plan a first date.

Exercise: practice your invite

I’m not going to lie, your delivery is important. That moment is a chance to show your courage.

Ideally, you don’t want to timidly ask with mumbled words. But I understand it can be very stressful in the heat of the moment.

That’s why you should practice before the show like any performer does.

Take 1-2 ideas you wrote down from the previous exercise or from the examples above. Speak them out loud.

If it helps it feel more real, look at a picture of a woman online and imagine saying it to her.

I’m not saying you have to memorize what you want to say. It’s about getting used to the sound of your own voice and really stepping into it. You have to mean it when you say you want to keep connecting with her.

Practice this a few times until you can say your invitation clearly and directly.

Examples Of Creative Date Invitations

Now that you’ve read the steps and exercises, it’s time to put it all into action. Here are some examples of what that can look like:

“Grab your favorite snacks and let’s have a little picnic in the park on Saturday.”
“There’s this amazing glass-blowing exhibit at the Museum of Fine Arts. We should check it out.”
“I’m going to a wine tasting this Saturday, let’s get wined and dined.”
“Get your game face on and join me for a fun night of trivia on Friday.”
“The beach is calling our names, let’s go make sandcastles.”
“I know this hidden gem that has the best tiramisu. Are you free Wednesday?”
“I’m hitting up the farmers market Sunday, are you around to sample some fresh produce?”
“I found this trail that has stunning views. Let’s see the sunset from the top.”
“Join me for a night of smooth tunes at the jazz club on Saturday.”
“We should go sing our asses off at karaoke.”
“I have tickets to a comedy show next Friday, come with me and let’s laugh our asses off.”
“I’m going to the Natural History museum this Sunday, and I think it’d be more fun if you came with me.”
“Put on your dancing shoes and join me for a night of bachata.”

How To Handle Any Response From Her

If she says yes

If she accepts your invitation, congratulations! You can trade numbers or even hand her your phone to put her number in.

Once the number exchange is done, say something like, “I’ll text you later to confirm the details” and roll back into conversation. Remember, don’t suddenly hit that eject button.

Now one final piece of advice…

You don’t have to text her right after, but don’t wait longer than 24 hours. Too many guys try to play it cool and wait for like three days.

When a woman randomly meets a great guy in-person, it can feel like a page from a romance story. If she liked you, she wants to hear from you.

Delaying for days on end pours water on the fire and makes her question if you’re actually interested.

If she hesitates

Sometimes when you ask a woman out, she hesitates. She might say things like: “I don’t know, I don’t really do this.” or “Umm, I’m not sure. What were you thinking we’d do?”

Why do women do that? Sometimes it’s her way of gently saying no, but it doesn’t always mean she’s uninterested.

Giving her number to a new guy is intimidating. She doesn’t know you and there’s always a small risk a new guy could end up putting her in an uncomfortable or dangerous situation.

Of course, most men are perfectly kind. But many women have dealt with guys freaking out or getting aggressive when rejected. So if she seems a bit cautious, it’s understandable.

Give it one more try to see if it’ll help move things along.

When she hesitates, avoid logically arguing why you’re a good guy or why she should give you a chance. That generally backfires.

Instead, relieve her tension with humor or enthusiasm. For example:

“Haha I promise I won’t drunk text you…much!”
“I’m way too excited about those pasta noodles you mentioned to not get your number.”
“The band’s energy is insane. It’s going to be an epic night.”
“You’re just scared I’ll crush you at air hockey, huh?”
“We’ll never know who is better at trivia unless you take my number.”
“Do you really want to miss out on the best ice cream in the city?”

If she still seems uncertain at that point, you should let it go. Take it as a no and follow the instructions below.

If she says no

When faced with rejection, it’s critical to handle it with grace. Take a moment, breathe, and reassure yourself that it’s not as earth-shattering as it feels.

Rejection often signifies incompatibility, not personal failure. She might be involved with someone else, not in the right headspace, or freshly out of a relationship.

Or maybe you simply aren’t her type. And that’s okay.

Rejecting you doesn’t mean she suddenly feels disgusted. Think about the times you’ve turned someone down; did you suddenly despise them? Absolutely not. The same goes for women.

Everyone wants to feel beautiful and interesting. Most women are still flattered by your interest and will view the interaction positively if handled well.

Most women are just going to say something simple like, “Thanks but I’m not looking for anything right now” or “I have a boyfriend.” It’s almost never worse than that.

The best thing to do is maintain eye contact, show appreciation for her time, and depart amicably. Here are some ways you could respond:

“He seems like a very lucky guy. Thanks for chatting and taking a moment to hang out.”
“I completely understand. It was great talking to you though, see you around.”
“All good. I appreciate your straightforwardness. Take care and have a nice night.”
“I totally respect that. Just wanted to say you have an amazing sense of humor. Enjoy the rest of your day.”

You can even go for a handshake or half-hug, then calmly walk away.

Key Takeaways

Make asking for numbers a habit. Don’t let excuses hold you back from potential connections.
Take the lead and get her number rather than passively give her yours. Show confidence.
Invite her out when you’re vibing well, like during moments of laughter, excitement, or passion.
After getting her digits, stick around a bit more. Don’t rush off or it seems disingenuous.
Go for her number, not her Instagram. Stand out from the crowd.
Maintain strong eye contact when you ask. It signals self-assurance and desire to connect.
Have a few fun date ideas ready that you’re genuinely excited about trying.
Practice speaking your date invitation out loud with confidence and clarity.
Paint a picture of a shared experience you two can enjoy together.
Make bold statements like “I want to take you out…” rather than timidly asking.
Get specific on details like activity, day, place. Vague plans often fall through.
Text within 24 hours of getting her number. She wants to hear from you, waiting weakens the connection.
Respond to hesitation with humor or enthusiasm, not logic. Alleviate tension.
If rejected, be gracious. Breathe and remember it’s often just incompatibility. Thank her for her time, offer a handshake, make eye contact, and depart amicably.

—

Going for the number is well…a numbers game. The more you put yourself out there, the more you’ll succeed.

Get prepared. Then muster the courage to take a shot, paint a picture with some enthusiasm, and handle rejection with maturity. Do that, and you’ll be lining up dates in no time.

Still struggling to take the shot in the moment? Need help texting and securing the date after? Talk to me for a free consultation so I can better understand your goals and design a plan to conquer them together.

Schedule a consultation call here

https://youtu.be/JQw3XROHT6k

How To Ask Her Out: 7 Tips To Get A "Hell Yes!" (https://youtu.be/JQw3XROHT6k)

How To Position Yourself When Approaching Women

Nick Notas — Wed, 26 Jul 2023 18:07:14 +0000

How To Position Yourself
When Approaching Women

Nick Notas

Today, I want to talk about the best positions…to approach a woman (sorry to your dirty minds).

Many guys worry about intimidating women or creeping them out when they introduce themselves. So they keep their distance, start conversations from afar, or display non-committal body language. They make comments completely over their shoulder with their feet pointed away.

Guys think this will help women feel more relaxed around them – but it actually does the exact opposite!

It makes the interaction WAY more awkward.

When you stand far away or have hesitant body language, the connection immediately feels cold and distant. That, in turn, can give her a sense of unease and discomfort — the whole vibe you were trying to avoid in the first place.

Why is that?

To understand, you must first learn about proxemics.

Understanding Proxemics

Proxemics is the fascinating study of how humans behave and communicate based on physical distances.

It states that as long as someone doesn’t feel threatened, the closer you physically are, the more connected and comfortable you both will feel.

Think about the people you feel most comfortable with: your family, friends, or intimate partners. You can stand right next to them without an issue. In fact, you unconsciously move closer when interacting with them.

This principle can work in your favor with people you’re less familiar with, too. If someone gets near us without making us feel threatened, we will subconsciously feel closer to them.

Physical distance leads to emotional distance. Physical closeness leads to emotional closeness.

So you have to find ways to safely bridge the gap between you and a new woman. Keeping your distance will never create the intimacy or comfort you desire. And that’s what I’m going to teach you today.

Typically, I don’t want to encourage guys to micromanage their every move. But, body positioning is unique because slight adjustments can make a HUGE difference for first impressions and determining how people will feel around you.

3 General Positioning Tips

Never start a conversation from the “public space” – it’s just too far (reference proxemics chart). You always should start talking from at least the social distance, and occasionally the personal distance. For example, if you were standing right next to each other looking at books in a store.
You don’t need to get into “intimate space” during a first meeting, although it can happen. Once you’re on a date OR perhaps an instant date (15-30+ minutes of conversation into the first meeting), then you need to eventually get into the intimate space as well.
Point your head at the horizon and keep your hands out of your pockets. Otherwise, you look defensive and closed-off, which basically acts as creating physical distance.

When Approaching A Single Woman

If she’s facing your direction, walk over and introduce yourself from head on

Please don’t do the weird circle thing where guys walk in a big arch as if they’re totally just like “Oh wow, a woman!” and then walk up to her at the last second. Show her you are obviously coming to speak with her from the very start.

Within the first minute or so, take a step to her side. You can be almost shoulder to shoulder and face each other at an angle. This will help the vibe feel relaxed while also getting closer.

You can, of course, stick to talking head on. It will just keep more distance between you two, make it harder to touch if the conversation continues for an extended period of time, and will make the interaction feel more intense (generally not great for the first minutes).

If she’s standing somewhere next to you, start from her side

You want to have your feet and body pointed towards her a little, rather than staring straight ahead and talking over your shoulder. If she starts to engage in conversation, she should naturally turn towards you as well so you’re both talking at an angle.

If she’s walking towards you, there are two ways to approach…

1. Make eye contact and smile as she gets close. Then gently raise your hand, lean your body into the walking path, and say “excuse me.”

The combination of the hand movement and positioning, along with addressing her, makes it obvious you want to speak to her.

2. Make eye contact and smile as she gets close. Once she passes, turn around and catch up to her.

You can’t hesitate – it’s super uncomfortable to let her get 20 feet away and then decide to start running down the street after her.

As you catch up to her, make sure to get even just a step ahead so you’re in her peripheral vision before you stop her. You NEVER want to stop a woman from behind or to her side where she can’t see you first. It will only startle her and make it near impossible to have a good dynamic from the start.

Once you’re that step ahead, turn and pivot your body so that you’re facing her and part of your body is in her walking path. You can gently raise your hand and say “excuse me.”

By doing this, she will recognize you’re trying to get her attention and is more likely stop. If you just stay to her side, it’s easy for her to keep walking and ignore you like you’re panhandling.

—

Once you address a woman in either of those walking situations, stand firm in your ground.

A lot of guys shuffle their feet or start walking with a woman. This only encourages her to keep walking, while you standing there conveys a sense of, “I am here to talk to you (but I’m not following you.)”

When Approaching A Group

Find the opening and approach from ahead or at an angle

So let’s say there are 3 women sitting in a semicircle, their bodies somewhat facing the same direction. Follow the rules for approaching a single woman.

If you have to walk up directly to them, do so.
If they are next to you, you can approach from the side to start, but then move around to where you can see all the people in the group.
If you are too far off to the side, then some people feel left out and it can sour the conversation.

If there is no opening, approach from the side of the group

Sometimes people will be standing in a row. Try to engage the closest 1-2 people at first. If they want to talk, the rest of the group will start swinging around and facing you.

Some pickup guys used to just barge into the middle of the group and put their hands on two people’s shoulders, but I’m not a fan of it.

When In Conversation

If she’s sitting, get on her level within the first minute or so. Looming over someone while speaking to them feels really dominating and intimidating. So once she seems engaged and talking back:
Ask if you can sit with her. Say, “Would it be okay if I sat for a moment?” or “Could I sit and join you for a few?”
Just sit down next to her. Slowly sit down on the grass, bench, or ground. Again, sit close enough to at least be in her social space. Turn your body and face her at an angle. Don’t do the air squat where you place your hands on your knees. You will get tired and it feels stressful to look at someone who is obviously going to strain themselves. Commit to sitting fully next to them with your butt on the ground.

When Saying Goodbye

Positioning is really important when inviting a woman out and then saying goodbye. It’s her last memory of you before she’ll talk to you again – so you want to leave her with a positive impression.

If you’re inviting her out, make sure you hold strong eye contact and your body is facing her. You can also be more head-on at this moment if you’d like, it shows strength. Continue facing her through exchanging numbers and the final goodbye. Many guys turn their body and walk away as soon as things start to wind down. Instead, end strong.
Continue talking for 10-30 seconds after getting a number. Leaving immediately after she gives you her info makes it feel like that’s all you cared about, and not the connection you shared.
Give her a hug goodbye if you like. This doesn’t have to be a full hug, you can do the one arm goodbye as well. It can be a good way to get even closer at that last moment and create a bit of intimacy. (I’m a hugger so this comes natural to me.)

—

Now just remember, while positioning is important…

Taking an imperfect shot is still better than taking no shot at all.

Key Takeaways

Learn the power of proxemics. Proxemics, the study of human behavior based on physical distances, tells us that closeness often leads to comfort. Physical distance equals emotional distance.
Get closer. Never initiate a conversation from too far away. Approach from a social or personal distance.
Avoid seeming disinterested or evasive. By keeping your head pointed at the horizon and hands out of your pockets, you avoid looking defensive or closed-off. This open posture encourages more engaging interactions.
Strategize according to the situation. If she’s facing your direction, walk over and introduce yourself from the front. If she’s next to you, engage her from the side or at an angle. If she’s walking towards you, make eye contact and either intercept her with a gentle “excuse me” or catch up to her once she passes.
Approaching groups requires tact. If approaching a group of women, find an opening and approach from there. If there is none, start by engaging the closest 1-2 people in the group.
Get on her level. If she’s sitting, sit down with her. This creates a more relaxed and comfortable dynamic. Hovering over someone can feel awkward and intimidating.
Don’t rush the exit. Leave a strong, positive impression when parting ways. Keep eye contact, keep your body facing hers, and even go for a light hug. Your goodbye sets the tone for future interactions.

NickNotas.com

The “Hot Girl” Trap: Why You’re Still Single

The “Hot Girl” Trap: Why You’re Still Single

Table Of Contents

The Root Of The Problem

The Simple, Game-Changing Solution

Why This Works: Attraction is Complex

Attraction Still Matters

The Long-Term Reality And The Novelty Of Looks

Are You Even Compatible?

Cast A Wider Net While Leveling Up

Related Video

How To Make Eye Contact That Attracts Women

How To Make Eye ContactThat Attracts Women

Table Of Contents

Why Men Struggle To Hold Eye Contact With Women

Mindsets

Mindset #1: The More You Avoid Eye Contact, The More You Fear It

Mindset #2: Strong Eye Contact Is Healthy & Natural

Practical Tips

Tip #1: Make Eye Contact When You Introduce Yourself

Tip #2: Smile Once You Meet Eyes

Tip #3: Look At One Eye At A Time

Tip #4: Hold Eye Contact When They Talk, Break When You Talk

Tip #5: Don’t Break Eye Contact Quickly

Tip #6: Don’t Break Eye Contact Downwards

Exercises

Exercise #1: Develop A Natural Smile

Exercise #2: Practice Soft Eye Contact Using A Mirror

Exercise #3: Try Eye Contact Drills In Stages

Related Video

Why You Can’t Fake Confidence With Women Long-Term

Why You Can’t Fake Confidence With Women Long-Term

Table Of Contents

What Are Honest Signals?

Seeing Is Believing

Why You Can’t Fake The Signals

1. You initiate conversation with a woman using a suave line you read on the internet

2. You pretend to be a secure, independent guy over text

3. You act like a more cocky risk-taker when you meet a woman

How To Send Honest, Attractive Signals

“I am a guy people like to be around. I have social status.”

“I am not desperate and I have self-respect.”

“I am spontaneous and adventurous.”

“I’m funny and like to have a good time.”

“I have a good heart / I am father material.”

“I am comfortable in my own skin.”

Related Video

9 Ways To Attract Women And Arouse Their Emotions

9 Ways To Attract Women And Arouse Their Emotions

Table Of Contents

Indifference Is A Death Sentence

1. Share A Difference Of Opinion

2. Ask Hard Questions That Require Her To Be Vulnerable

3. Step Into Your Humor

4. Push To Meet Up Sooner

5. Set Strong Boundaries

6. Don’t Cancel Your Existing Plans

7. Bridge Into Personal Experiences Or Emotions

Exercise 1

Exercise 2

8. Flirt And Step Into Your Sexuality

9. Say Something Embarrassing, And Own It

Related Video

How To Support Your Partner In Difficult Times

How To Support Your Partner In Difficult Times

Table Of Contents

1. Seek To Understand, Not Just To Solve

2. Make Your Primary Goal To Listen Well

3. Eliminate Distractions And Commit To Giving Her Your Time

4. Actively Show Her Your Presence

5. Ask Her The Right Questions

6. Uncover The Answer Together

Related Video

5 Sex Tips To Satisfy Her Like Never Before

5 Sex Tips To Satisfy HerLike Never Before

Table Of Contents

The Power Of Desire

1. Hold Strong Eye Contact

Examples

The “Hot Girl” Trap:
Why You’re Still Single

How To Make Eye Contact
That Attracts Women

Why You Can’t Fake Confidence
With Women Long-Term

9 Ways To Attract Women
And Arouse Their Emotions

How To Support Your Partner
In Difficult Times

5 Sex Tips
To Satisfy Her
Like Never Before

4 Reasons Your Dates
Don’t Turn Intimate

7 Ways Men
Waste Their Time In Dating

How To Ask For A Girl’s Number
(And Actually Get A Date)

How To Position Yourself
When Approaching Women