Those are the words I heard the plastic surgeon said Friday when I went for my consult. I explained that I had lost 100lbs starting January 2008 and got to 160 by Pride (end of June) last year, and have maintained a weight in the 150-140s ever since then. He explained that it was a good thing that I lost the weight when my body is still young enough to heal and not be so stretched out.

If I would of let myself go and not lost the weight when I did, I might be left with more extreme measures, but as it turns out my procedure won’t even be THAT major. Now any time you go under the knife it is a big and life threatening experience, but I don’t need a a belt lipectomy, I just need a simple tummy tuck. The surgeon will remove an amount of skin from the top of my belly button down to my public hair from hip bone to hip bone. The skin from my chest will then be pulled down and reattached to the lower part, thus making a flatter, tighter toroso.

Sounds sort of painful, but it is something that I’ve wanted for years.

I explained where I work and what I wanted out of the procedure. He even tried to explain to me that if I got lipo on my sides and chest that the results would be less than desirable and I would end up with flappy areas of skin. I was shocked that he wasn’t trying to “upsell” me, but rather turned me away with good reason on certain procedures.

The cost for this surgery will be signifigantly less than the full lower body lift I had origionally thought of. He is going to mail me a full quote, and I am going to see another few doctors for other opinions, but he extimated his fee at $5,000, the hospital fee of $1,300 plus $300/hour, and the anesthesiologist fee of $150/hour. I am thinking the cost will be around $7,000-$9,000 (which seems to be the average on most local doctor’s sites I’ve seen).

I still don’t have the funds for the surgery, and with my paycheck as it is this week, and with all the Pride activities, iPhone 3GS purchase, etc I won’t be able to afford my rent this month, so my plans of moving out are unchanged. In order to save up the needed $7,000 minimum, I estimate 3 1/2 months if I didn’t spend a single dime, but more likely 5-6 months living without an apartment.

Any help that you can provide will be appreciated. I will have donation buttons on the site soon, and if you have a sleeping bag, pillow, side project, part time job, an Atkins friendly meal, or place to let me crash for a night or two it would be GREATLY appreciated. It is going to be a long ~6 months, but I hope to make the best of it, and can’t wait to see the results of my dedication and efforts. The doctor took before shots, and I will see about taking some myself and posting the progress.

I also will be working out quite a bit more, and concentrating on my upper chest to get that in a presentable condition so that by the time I have my surgery I will feel comfortable with my shirt off at the beach, pool, or at some circuit party. I’ve ALWAYS wanted to go to Gus Presents Underworld party (I have a huge underwear fettish), but been too scared to with my current looks. Underworld will be the first event I go to post surgery healing with my new toroso. I am so excited and can’t wait for what the future has in store.

P.S. The picture of the before/after is not me, but a picture from the surgeon I saw today’s site.

My ENTIRE life I have been overweight, fat, picked on, teased, mocked, etc. My parents in 2nd grade started to take me to a therapist to talk about the bullies at school. This was not the first nor the last time I was in a shrink’s chair.

Throughout grade school I saw another doctor or two for talk therapy…the only thing which stopped the bullies and the people picking on me was moving to a school where no one knew me, and I could start over fresh.

After high school I became even more suicidal and depressed. I moved to Alabama with this girl I was seeing, but didn’t really like when I was around age 21. When we separated and she stole all the money out of my bank account, I walked in front of a Semi only to be saved by my room mate. My parents came up and brought me back home to stay with them. A few days later my mom tells me that she called bill collectors and made payment arrangements for me…something I didn’t ask her to do, nor did I ever plan on paying them back. I didn’t know what to say so I gave her the silent treatment on the ride home from work.

She called both my psychologist and psychiatrist which I started to see and they had me put in the mental ward as they thought I had blanked out like I did when I walked in front of the semi. I hadn’t and was just mad at my mom…now was even more pissed b/c she got me locked up for about 3 weeks.

This wasn’t the first nor the last trip to the mental ward. There were numerous trips over the next few months & years. I saw more doctors outside of the hospital…I tried so many combinations of pills all of which had no effect on me or my mental state. Talk therapy didn’t work…locking me up didn’t work (I literally escaped on 2 or 3 occasions…once I got so far as to hop in a cab in the hospital parking lot, but the rush of hospital workers pouring out of the hospital to try to get me stopped the cabbie.)

I have been so screwed up for my entire life. Hell the New York Times even published a story of my suicidal ideations in relation to Twitter. I’ve been in and out of mental wards, in and out of so many doctors couches for therapy my entire life…it just doesn’t help.

Since moving to San Francisco and being able to feel free about who I am and come out, I have been healthier…mentally and physically. I lost 100lbs since I moved out here and have really only had one major suicidal outbreak, although the thought still plagues my thoughts most nights.

As I mentioned before…as long as I knew of such a thing, I wanted weight loss surgery. I LOST 100 POUNDS ON MY OWN…BY GOING TO THE GYM AND EATING RIGHT. I am sick of people telling me, “just go to the gym” or “just eat right” …I FUCKING DO!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have 100 pounds of weight loss to prove it you assholes. I now also have skin left over from being overweight my entire fucking life. I want to get rid of that, and I need to (both for my physical state, but also for my mental state).

So don’t fucking tell me to just go to the gym or start dieting…I have…and don’t tell me to just seek help…it doesn’t work. I will live my own life, you live yours.

That was one of the most devastating days of my life emotionally…and I will never forget it until the day I die.

I never really had a good childhood. I grew up being made fun of and picked on all throughout elementary and middle school. I went to a high school full of nerds, called the Center for Advanced Technologies where no one knew me and I could start over fresh. I wasn’t picked on…I became anorexic for a summer and dropped a ton of weight, and had a pretty successful stream of girlfriends (although I didn’t lose my virginity until after high school).

Fast forward 10 years later. I ballooned upwards of 245lbs and was above 200 for a number of years. My body type (apparently) and years of not eating right had expanded my body in ways I am not proud of. I literally don’t go swimming, and in the rare case I do, I wear a shirt. I try to make it a point to leave my shirt on during sex. I wear black every day to hide what horrific scenes lie under my shirt.

I’m a mess….I hate how I look. I want to be able to go to an even with my friends…take off my shirt, dance, and feel free. I can’t do that without the fear of feeling different and having people look at me and think how ugly my body is.

I also can’t afford liposuction or what I really now want, a full body tuck (belt lipectomy). I have a stomach that won’t go away and love handles which would be corrected by such a surgery. At my lowest weight ever I was at 145 a few months ago when I was seeing a personal trainer, but still couldn’t shake the excess fat stored from when I used to be 100 pounds heavier. So…

I’ve decide to stop going out so much, stop spending my money on frivolously things and save every dime which I don’t need to live on towards a surgery which is estimated to cost between $13k-$20k. I’m not sure how much anyone has followed my life, but rent is one of the most frivolous expenses to me. I’ve moved into my car twice in my life, once for over a year. I have no problem living that lifestyle (even though I don’t have a car anymore…meaning I would literally be on the streets), so I am going to put in my 30 day notice (which I pre-paid my last month when I moved in) to my landlord at the end of the month and move out. I plan on saving every dime I make, getting a second job, and in the hopes that in maybe 6-8 months I can afford the procedure.

This is something I need to do for myself mentally as much as physically; I don’t think I will ever get over my hatred of my body until I do. I have a friend who has offered to let me store a box full of my stuff that I don’t sell at his place, and I plan on downgrading my life significantly for the time being. Hopefully, if everything works out sometime around the new year I will be a new thinner, more average man. I don’t want to fear being shirtless anymore.

One year later I couldn’t even imagine going back to being in the closet. It was such a liberating feeling. My family was accepting, my friends were accepting, and I think that the country has become more accepting. Every few weeks there are news stories about other states lifting gay marriage bans. It is really an amazing time to be living in for people in the community.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbWDNM0wuAc[/youtube]

I can’t say that everything the past year was easy, but I’ve been a happier and healthier person. I used to experience severe fits of depression, and they are very few and far between now, and less severe. I’m still keeping the weight off which I lost last year. I am just healthier than I’ve ever been in most of my life, mentally and physically. 

I still haven’t found a relationship or a really close friend, but I think I am becoming better friends with the ones I have, and I dated someone for the first time in over 7 years. I’m sure happiness and love will come in time, until then just ignore my rants on Twiter about love not existing.

If you are thinking about coming out…do so. It will be one of the best things you could ever do. I haven’t regretted doing it for a moment. 

Read my coming out post here.

That being said, what is the average amount or percent which I should set aside for myself? Right now I estimate that after bills, not including food, I have around $1300 extra a month left over. I just got my tax return, so I am in the green right now (although it might be going towards a deposit on a new apartment). I would like to set aside $250 into a seperate savings account, which is already setup through work, but I always end up needing to pull it every paycheck. Now that I am ahead right now, I am going to try to build that up. 

So with food costs being miniminal…I maybe spend a few hundred a month on food. With the $250 savings, and lets say food is another $250, I have around $800 per month in which I can “play with.” A night out typically consists of pulling $40 out of the ATM, and spending most, but never all of it. Going out on JUST Friday & Saturday every week is about $320. I typically go out on Thursdays and often Sundays as well. With all of that, it brings my total to $640 on going out…..only $160 left of my disposable income. 

Ugh…I think I need a second job.

I have been single since 2002, when I was dating this girl (yes a girl) who was married and had children, but was in the beginning stages of a divorce. It was a VERY messy breakup, and things went horrifically wrong. The girl and I were ….well let me explain this first. I am VERY codependent. In this girlfriend I found someone who was like me in more ways than I ever imagined possible. Ultimately it didn’t work out, and we separated. I moved back to Florida and moved on with my life. 

Before 2002 and this girlfriend, not during, but after the breakup I have been attracted to men and gone on to do things with other guys. This is really no secret, but the entire time which I have been attracted to guys, not ONCE have I had a boyfriend. Now the last relationship was in 2002. Here is where I get pissed off when people say, “Sometimes you need to stop looking.” Since 2002….SEVEN FUCKING YEARS AGO, I have gone through periods of REALLY doing anything I could to get in a relationship, and MANY times where I just couldn’t be bothered with one. Hell I lived in my car for over a year, and that entire time there was no way that I was looking for a relationship. So…by your “logic” when I’m not looking I am bound to find a relationship…WRONG!

Okay, let’s take into account that I’ve only been “datable” looking (I was really fat before… and still have fat left over, but I’m hoping to get Belt lipectomy sometime within the next year) for say 7 months now. During that time frame I have been working, going out, making “friends”, etc. I have had periods where I was far too busy to concentrate on looking for a boyfriend. Only until recently, did I actively start looking for one. I signed up for Chemistry.com on Christmas Day, and spent $159 for a 6 month membership. Since then I have had not one….not even ONE…person contact me back on there, and apparently I’ve gone so far as exhaust all available “candidates” in San Francisco, that Chemistry is now trying to connect me with people as far away as Sacramento (remember I don’t have a car). 

I really don’t want to be mean sounding, but I can’t stand hearing people say, “Just stop looking and it will happen.” That ISN’T TRUE…and don’t believe it when people tell you it is. If you want something you have to go out of your way to get it yourself. You can’t count on anyone in this world but yourself, and if you want something you must be willing to fight tooth and nail for it.

My friend Martina and I were talking earlier in the day when I was deciding if I wanted to go. I sort of thought the guy was attractive, but felt like I might be forcing myself to like him if things didn’t go well because I want a relationship, or as Marcus says, “I’m relationship orientated.” Actually Marcus said that about Andy (the guy from last night).

After dinner we go to The Mix and it is really loud. I’m getting over a cold and with the loud noise, I had to speak louder then normal, and wound up nearly losing my voice by the end of the night. Here at The Mix is where things started to go downhill. He would mention this guy or that guy was hot, and I sort of just brushed it off, or was like, oh yeah I guess…. Well this didn’t stop there.

Oh let me explain the title of this post. I sort of went off my diet between Christmas day and New Year’s…so I decided to re-start the induction phase of Atkins, which means no more then 20 carbs a day, and no BAD carbs..aka beer. I’ve never liked the taste of alcohol at all, and can only barely stand the taste of beer & wine, so when I go out that is what I drink. I haven’t had a drink in about a week now, so I’ve been drinking diet coke and water when I go out.

We head to The Lookout for Social Club and blow right by the $4 cover as we were on the list and knew the promoter. Some other friends were there including Marcus, Aaron, and a number of other people. Andy is drinking vodka cran’s all night and I don’t mind while I’m drinking my waters and diet cokes. It was very busy at The Lookout with tons of hot guys, and Andy kept pointing that out.

Subplot: I ran into this guy at The Lookout who I apparently I had spoken with during a party at The Castro Street Fair. I unfortunately couldn’t remember him, but we talked for a few minutes and he seemed like a really nice guy…and cute.

Andy late in the night (around 1am) tells me he wants to go to Badlands because…AND I QUOTE, “I can tell I am not going to meet anyone here tonight.” Now here is where the evening really took a turn for the worse. Marcus had asked me when we go to The Lookout how it was going, 1 being OMG AMAZING, and 5 being shoot me now. I said 2 at the time…once Andy said this, I texted Marcus and said that the evening, “turned into a 4.”

We head to Badlands and it is packed, but not nearly as many hot guys. Andy gets pretty drunk at this point…while I’m drinking my water…and by the end of the night wants to dance…I barely dance when I’m drunk…sober, not going to happen. I go out to the dance area and stand there while he dances a bit, then sees a guy and goes over to start talking him up. I think the night is pretty much at level 5 now. He does a shot at last call and some guy buys him another one right after that. Him and this other guy (not even the one he was talking to) are now DRUNK.

Back to the subplot: While I was walking out, the guy from The Lookout was leaving Badlands as well. We talk for a bit and he says, “enjoy later tonight.” I explain to him that there I am going home alone tonight..and won’t be going home with Andy whatsoever. He says he is too, now we are being shuffled out the door, and I jokingly say, “oh really? Where do you live?” He was already out the door and I really had to go to the bathroom so I run back and go….STUPID ME! I should of gone out side and at least gotten his number. He was with this other guy all night, and I guess they were just friends by his last comment. I didn’t realize that until then, hence why I wasn’t more outgoing earlier. Hopefully I will see this guy again….

Well after I leave the bathroom I see Andy and this other drunk guy still inside. I am outside now, trying to find the guy who I was was mentioned in the subplot. I see the 33 bus coming and realize it will take me 3 blocks from home…it is REALLY cold last night and I didn’t feel like walking the 1 mile home, so I run to catch the bus and head home.

Andy texts me asking where I was…I said I was heading home…It seemed like I was a fall back if he didn’t find someone else. I didn’t really like that feeling, and while my actions with subplot guy were friendly, they weren’t out of line like the comments Andy was making all night.

He texted me this morning, and literally 10 seconds ago asking what I was up to. I think I’m going to hit up the gym then who knows what. I am sort of proud of myself that I didn’t say, ehh it is just sex and go home with Andy anyway.

Well…until my next “dinner” I guess…although they are unfortunately too few and far between.

Two thousand eight…2008….wow what a year. I don’t even know where to begin. I started the year off…well I don’t even remember what I did for New Year’s Eve last year. The year started off though for me when I joined a gym and actually started going for real. I set a goal in February to change my life and body and come down from my all time high weight of 220-230 down to 160 within 120 days. This was surprisingly not as difficult as I would of thought, and while I still hate doing the weights at the gym, cardio is something I am less scared of now. I met my goal ahead of schedule, in time for the 2008 San Francisco Pride fest. 

Speaking of which, I also finally came out this year. It was one of the scariest few weeks of my life as I drafted my email/post which I would send to my family and friends, and post on the site here. I got a reply from my mom a few hours before I had planned on posting it on the site and to my shock they took it a lot better then I would of thought. 

It was one of the biggest reliefs after I hit submit ever. It was like a weight lifted, and I finally feel free to be myself without trying to hide who I am. 

I got to travel quite a bit this year as well. I went to Toronto, Chicago, Milwaukee, Las Vegas, Seattle, Los Angeles, and back to where I grew up in Tampa Bay, Florida to see my family for the first time since I moved out to San Francisco nearly a year and half ago.

HA! I also finally cut my hair, after years of growing it out and thinking that it looked good…wow was I blind or who knows what. It really was a transformational year for me. Quite a lot of changes, and hopefully 2009 will lead to more changes. 

I am really proud of myself and accomplishing nearly everything I set out to do in 2008. In 2009 I want to set some tougher goals and hope that I can be as successful. I want to not just lose weight, but tone up and get over my dread of working weights at the gym. I want to more then double what I can bench press, which isn’t much at all, and have a body I am proud to show off when I head to Gay Days Disneyworld in June. I also REALLY need to get my finances in line. I am looking to getting a second job part time in order to help jump start this process, but I would really like to set aside 25% of my paycheck into a savings account, and build up a few month buffer as a ‘rainy day fund.’ Right now I am literally living payday advance to payday advance and often have little to no money by the time it is time to pay bills. 

Also a sort of major thing for me is to get out more (I know I go out to bars all the time, but I mean in other venues), and go out on dates which hopefully will lead to a relationship. I have been single since 2002, when I was living with a girlfriend in Portland, Oregon. A lot in my life has changed since then, and I would like to share my life with someone else. I’ve signed up for 6 months on Chemistry.com (for $159) and hope this jump starts the process. I might sign up for Match.com as I sort of have become not a fan of the way Chemistry.com works by sending you only a select few matches. 

I also want to develop friendships in 2009. I have a TON of “friends” as I see it. Plenty of people I see at various parties, clubs, bars, etc who know me and vice versa

 and the conversation is always small talk yet nothing of substance. Sometimes it is nothing more then a, “Hey…” I really feel as if I don’t have any REAL friends here though. I want to develop friendships hopefully with some of the people already in my life, but also others who I might not know yet. I really feel alone here in San Francisco at times, like there is no one who KNOWS me. I know that a lot people who read my stuff online know more then anything my “friends” here know about me. I don’t even think a single one of my gay “friends” know that I lived in my car for over a year, or any of the other major events which have shaped my life. It really is depressing at times feeling so alone in a city where I know so many people. 

Well that was my 2008, and hopes and dreams for 2009. I hope that I can be as successful this upcoming year as I was last. Regardless I’m sure that there will be no shortage of stories and exciting adventures which I will be sure to write about here as well as on Twitter (my microblog). I look forward to seeing what the future has in store.

I’m behind on my cell phone bill 2 months, and have had my cable internet turned off…

Now I am not saying I am responsible with my money. I go out all the time and spend money on doing so. While I don’t go out to eat virtually ever, going out at night can cost a lot over the long haul. Quite honestly I haven’t really purchased any new technology in a long time. Right now I am REALLY wanting an Eee PC 1000HA, as I travel some for work and want something small to take with me, but I can’t afford it right now…and it is only around $400.

I think it is about time to start to get things in line financially. Now I know the best way is to just stop going out and spending money…now if I were to go home every night I would be bored out of my mind and never see my friends. Personally, I know that I couldn’t just sit at home on my ass on a Friday or Saturday night…or any other for that matter…and be happy.

So…what do I do? I think that getting a 2nd job might solve a bunch of problems. It will provide a 2nd source of income, and since I have a M-F 9-5 right now, it will keep me busy at night when I tend to be out spending money. The problem is finding one that I won’t totally hate. Any suggestions are appreciated. One of my favorite ones so far is a barback at a bar that I frequent…which sort of is an interesting idea and sort of not. I don’t want to burn any bridges at a place where I like to spend large amounts of time, so I try to shy away from a 2nd job where if I quit or am fired that I won’t be allowed back…or it would be awkward. I’m looking online, but I think the best way would be to just go out applying. Retail is always easy to get, and with not being able to work during the daytime hours, sometimes that is all that is readily available.

As of today, I am going to go out and start applying a few places and see what if anything pans out…wish me luck.

The title of this post comes from the late Harvey Milk, the first openly gay man to be elected to public office in California, spoken back in the 70’s and those words stand true nearly 30 years later. As many of you know Proposition 8, which defines marriage between a man and a woman in California passed a week ago. There have been a number of protests in the San Francisco area, as well as other parts of the state, but there is a National Protest this Saturday in EVERY state in the US. Check this site to find out where the protests are happening in your area. Get involved, this isn’t about gay/straight, it is about basic human rights. 

Also, if you haven’t seen it, watch this Special Comment from Keith Olberman on MSNBC on the Prop 8 issue. It is very touching and has brought a tear to many eyes.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ChanTFSmqao[/youtube]

“I know that you cannot live on hope alone, but without it, life is not worth living. And You… And You… And You… Gotta give em hope.” – Harvey Milk

Also, be sure to see Milk on November 26th, which tells the story of Harvey Milk in the neighborhood I call home, The Castro, in San Francisco, California.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WW0lQrWn5VI[/youtube]

It was one year ago today when I arrived in San Francisco. It has been quite a journey over the past year. I started off living in my car, having everything I own stolen, getting a job about 25 miles north of the city, moving into an apartment, moving back into my car, moving to the city, coming out, getting a job within a few blocks from my apartment, lost 70 pounds, and having my car get broken into for the 3rd and 4th time where it got stolen and torched. It’s been a rough and very bumpy ride, but I wouldn’t exchange the past year of my life for anything. 

I remember seeing online all the cool events, people, and things to do and see in San Francisco while living back in Tampa Bay, Florida. I was so jealous of all the stuff I was missing out on. San Francisco is the hub of so many things I am passionate about and enjoy it felt like a perfect fit to move out here. I wasn’t working a full time job, just contract jobs and I had nothing really holding me back besides family and 1-2 close friends. I packed up everything I owned into my car, which pretty much was already packed that way..and drove out here a few days after my brother’s wedding. 

Even the trip out here was filled with disasters, but I continued on and made it across the country in about a week, with some stops along the way for a few days here and there. It was a personal experience by myself which I won’t soon forget and I think everyone should do a cross country road trip by yourself at least once. You learn so much about yourself when all you have is 3,000 miles of road in front of you. 

I remember driving over the Bay Bridge when I saw San Francisco (at the time I thought I was crossing the Golden Gate). I got out a dollar in change ready to pay the toll, when to my surprise I saw it was FOUR DOLLARS to get across the bridge. The biggest toll I’ve ever paid is $1 to get across the 5.5 mile Sunshine Skyway bridge. That was the first of MANY sticker shocks I have come across living in this very expensive city. 

It hasn’t been easy at all, but I feel like this is where I was meant to be. I had a dream nightmare dream the other night where I lost everything and was forced to move back to Florida. When I got back to Florida, it didn’t feel like home anymore, and all I could think about was trying to get back here. I woke up upset because I simply didn’t want to leave. 

Along the way, I’ve met so many amazing people and developed some great friendships. Back in Florida I had but one friend who I would ever see and that was quite rarely. Here, there are so many people who I can see out and about and hang out with nearly every night of the week. I’ve always been sort of introverted and never really had a large group of friends who I can count on and talk to. I still don’t quite have that here, but I know a ton of great people who, while even though I may not even have their phone number or go to a movie/dinner with, I know that they are there if I really needed someone. 

That being said, this has been one of the greatest years of my life and I’m happy I can be me. I feel like for the first time in my life, I am able to express myself and live the life I’ve always wanted in a city where I feel at home. There is still so much more to see and do here, and I look forward to many more adventures and friendships along the way…in my new home, San Francisco.

I’ve almost been in San Francisco one year, and this is the only holiday I haven’t celebrated yet in my new home. Come out if you anywhere nearby and celebrate with me and my friends at one of 4…YES 4 birthday celebrations I will be at tonight & Saturday! 

Today September 11th (my 23rd birthday for the 5th time)

First there is Mager’s Birthday Party – His real birthday is on September 10th but we are co-celebrating on the 11th. 
Time: 6:00pm – 9:00pm September 11th
Location: Ducca
Street: 50 3rd St, right between Mission and Market
RSVP: http://tinyurl.com/nicks28Party1

2nd party: The Omnisio Founders (open bar)
Time: 7:00pm – 10:00pm September 11th
Location: Pink
Street: 2925 16th Street
RSVP: http://tinyurl.com/nicks28

3rd party: Nick’s Official Party
Time: 10:00pm – 2:00am, September 11th
Location: Badlands
Street: 4121 18th St
This is the one you SHOULD come to! Its going to be all of my friends coming out and celebrating and just having a good time drinking and dancing. 
RSVP: http://tinyurl.com/Nick28Badlands

Saturday – The recovery
4th Party: The Mimosa Factory
Time: 10:00am – 5:00pm Saturday September 13th
Location: Sugar Cafe
Street: 679 Sutter
RSVP: http://tinyurl.com/MimosaParty
This is the official calm after the storm party. Come and chill out and enjoy $10 unlimited mimosas as we invade this amazing space for drinks, brunch and a great time. 

I’d love to see you at one, two or all four of the events!!!

Download the show here!

I first met Fausto Fernós & Marc Felion of the Feast of Fools at the second podcast expo where I briefly said hi. I was very much in the closet at the time so I didn’t want people to see me talking with them. How ironic that I would be outed to some of my best friends at the time, Dawn and Drew, during that trip.

We hung out quite a bit more at the 3rd podcast expo a year ago. It was a week after I moved to San Francisco and was on the way to being able to be more myself and express who I was. I had a great time hanging with them and was there for a great cake sitting video with their hot fan Jonathan.

We then hung out at The Stud in San Francisco a few days after the expo for a live show. I was given a free pass from Curtis Jensen to Steamworks, one of the sponsors of the Feast of Fools show. I didn’t really think anything of it at the time but eventually decided to check out the club.

Thru the Feast of Fools and Curtis being there I learned about Steamworks, which is now the company I work for, and have for the past 3 months now. I was able to come out under my own terms 3 months ago and feel better about myself, and life. I am free to finally be myself.

Since then a lot has happened….It was great to be able to hang out with Fausto & Marc in Vegas at the 4th annual New Media Expo (formerly podcast expo). We recorded a show and discussed being outted 2 years ago by Nobody Likes Onions, depression and my suicide attempt on Twitter, and the future of podcasts and online communities.

Here is the invite code for Ping.fm which I mentioned towards the end of the show: vivalaping

It is a great listen as I think there are quite a few unanswered questions about me and who Nick Starr really is. If you are in the San Francisco area make sure to head out to Meet & Greet in San Francisco  (Pilsner Inn) with Peaches Christ on Thursday, August 21, 2008 • 7-10pm 225 Church Street, San Francisco, CA, and donate to their travel fund.

Download the show here!

I am getting ready to fly out to the New Media Expo (formerly the Podcast expo, and about 3 other names which everyone will be saying. You will be seeing a lot of tweets about different meetups, dinners, lunches, events, and parties if you follow me on Twitter over the next few days, as well as some cool info about people I meet out there.

This is my 4th year, and the conferences 4th as well. It sort of became a bit too corporate last year, but I think Vegas will bring the life back into the attendees.

I’ll be headed to the GLBT Podcaster & Listener Meet & Greet hosted by Fausto & Marc of Feast of Fools Thursday at 7pm at the SpaceQuest Bar, Hilton Hotel, NLOL Comedy show Thursday night at 10:30pm, Revision3 Meetup Friday at the Double Down Saloon from 6-8PM, and have friends flying in from Toronto which I met recently just for vacation. I am sure that there will be other great events I’ll be at, so if you want to say hi and are in the area, watch my Twitter stream.

Also, if you want to see what is going on (wether you are at the expo or not) watch/bookmark this link for all tweets related to the New Media Expo. I try to filter out all the noise and get all the tags people will be using in that customized Twitter Search, but if there are extra tags I should add let me know.

I also did an interview a few weeks ago, which is live today with Victor Cajiao of the Typical Mac User Podcast about social media & new media. We discussed a variety of services and how you can use them to gain and keep an audience as well as other trips and tricks of the this new media world we live in. Make sure to listen to the show here, subscribe to future shows in iTunes, and follow Victor on Twitter.

Well I’m off…my brand new Moo business cards arrived 1 hour before I was leaving the office so I’m ready to have fun and party it up in Vegas baby! Cya there!