Nicole Parker in Chicago

I've Been on Hiatus

2019-08-09T11:04:00.001-05:00

Until Trump is out of office, I am not even bothering with posts on this blog because everything is asinine, and I have checked out.

Mood Lately

2019-01-10T14:13:00.000-06:00

I haven't posted here in a really long time, and I miss writing, even though this isn't the most private way to do it, it's close! :) We've been living at this new apartment for about seven months, and I don't really like it. It's a nicer, bigger place, and I kind of like having roommates, but it doesn't feel like home. That's really hard for me. There are two rooms that are almost a waste for all of winter and most of fall because they're too cold. and the roommates don't keep the heat on in rooms they're not in. So the whole apartment is freezing. As a result, everyone spends most of their time in the bedrooms; I don't like that. I get stir crazy. I'm still not working, so I've also been climbing the walls by 8 or 9 every night dying to get out; so then I go out and spend money I don't have just to have a change of scenery. I think the two things that make me happy lately are talking to people, and going out. More of extroverted qualities than I usually have. Anxiety is a big part of my life, I think. It's been a hard year; anxiety keeps me from dealing with my life. My dad has Parkinson's and dementia and is in a nursing home, and I hardly ever go visit him. This fills me with guilt, but anxiety and depression keep me from finding good times to go. Yes, I said depression. I'm pretty sure I'm depressed; I'm sleeping more than I'm awake. I saw the doctor yesterday about changing meds, and she was the opposite of helpful, and for now, said no. I cried for an hour after I got home. Stymied. Okay, this is too much of a downer of a post; more later.

Move

2018-07-05T12:51:00.001-05:00

We moved last Wednesday to another place in the city. I'm slowly getting used to it, but we'll see how I do when I'm alone. Moving in with friends as roommates; I haven't had roommates in ages and ages. It's kind of strange and feels a little like a downgrade. BUT there's a dishwasher and washer and dryer, and there's air-conditioning even in the bedroom. I love those perks.

"Growth Mindset"

2018-04-29T19:52:00.003-05:00

I always thought I had what is apparently known as a "growth mindset," but maybe I didn't, or maybe over time, I have changed. Any change to my life makes me way stressed out to the point that I've been living with the main goal of complete relaxation with no disruption. Of course, life happens, and you can't have that completely, but I've been trying to have it as much as possible. I came across this article, and I keep thinking about this paragraph. Maybe it will help me deal with change. (going to see my dad who has Parkinson's and dementia and now lives in a nursing home; moving to another apartment in a couple of months; possibly getting a job; two interviews, etc). All of this stuff is making me super stressed.
"People’s core attitudes fall into one of two categories: a fixed mindset or a growth mindset. With a fixed mindset, you believe you are who you are and you cannot change. This creates problems when you’re challenged, because anything that appears to be more than you can handle is bound to make you feel hopeless and overwhelmed. People with a growth mindset believe that they can improve with effort. This makes them happier because they are better at handling difficulties. They also outperform those with a fixed mindset because they embrace challenges, treating them as opportunities to learn something new."--Forbes

Finally

2017-12-05T21:32:00.001-06:00

It's been a long time since the last one: I finally have an interview tomorrow, and another one in the works. Both for part-time positions, which might be good, since it's been a while. I feel irrational fear and anxiety. I hope it goes away. I hate interviewing with a passion.

Grocery Shopping

2017-11-26T19:14:00.002-06:00

Why do I get so agitated when I go grocery shopping. You'd think it was the worst thing ever. It's never bad, but it's like pulling teeth to go! And I feel so bad because there was a boy who must have been struggling with Autism, and I could only begin to tell how difficult it must have been for both he and his family. Then I saw a poor old man in a wheel chair asking for money on the street....one of those that sits in his wheelchair in between lanes. I just wanted him to move so that he doesn't get hit! But it reminded me of seeing my dad in his wheelchair, which is so hard. Actually, I don't think my dad really used a wheelchair; I think he's too proud. But he needs to work on his strength for more walking. Parkinson's really sucks; especially when you add dementia. Luckily, that has been better, but I got a taste of what it will be like, and that was horrible. At least now he's back home instead of at a facility, thank goodness. I just feel bad for people today.

Dad and me Oct 14, 2017

2017-10-14T20:56:00.000-05:00

This was taken in the nursing home. It's not a great picture, but I'm happy to have it. I love my Dad so much.

Stupidity

2017-10-10T16:16:00.002-05:00

The media is giving Trump exactly what he wants: attention. The media is obsessed with him: on both sides of the political spectrum. Don't feed narcissism. Talk about WORLD issues; there's a lot of shit going on all over the world. I don't want to hear any more about the idiot in chief. In other rants: the infamous Dove ad is NOT racist. I think people aren't seeing the whole ad. It has THREE women in it changing shirts. It's not dark to light or bad to good. It's dark to light to dark again. People are overly sensitive, which in my opinion, IS racist. To be overly conscious of it wreaks of it. Just my opinion.

Dad,,,Sad

2017-09-29T19:14:00.001-05:00

This year, My dad was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. I was really sad, but had no idea how bad it gets. I did not even know that dementia is a symptom, but my dad now had dementia. It is heartbreaking. He is 83 years old. I love my dad so much, and he has always been a hero of mine. I always felt like even though on the outside, I seem very much like my mom, I felt like on the deep, soul-type stuff, I'm a lot like my dad. My dad is the most gentle person you could ever meet. I have rarely seen him raise his voice, and never seen him cry. Well, he looked like he had been crying when I went to visit him (In a nursing home!!!) Monday as he said, "I thought I'd never see you again." That just about killed me. I cried for half the ride home from Streamwood. I really thought it was all the changes in medication that were causing the dementia because it came on so quickly! We went to Gatlinburg, TN for the solar eclipse in late August, and I talked to him on the phone right before we left. He was still living at home, and sounded normal. Now, in late September, he's in a home, and not making sense. On the upside, when I got there, he said, "Well, look who it is!" which sounded like my dad. But then he made the comment about never seeing me again. And Then....well, I won't go into all the particulars. It's private. But I hope they can change the medicine so that he gets better. Apparently, he has good days too; I'd like to visit him on one of those days. At this point in time, I'm scared to go see him. I need to face that and not just think of myself. So, that's the update.

Pool Night, 5-2017

2017-05-18T18:01:00.003-05:00

Ennui?

2017-03-30T20:28:00.000-05:00

I think I'm suffering from ennui. I can't stand being home; I still haven't made myself get a job, and so by evening, I'm so sick of being in the apartment that I could climb the walls. But it's not good to always go out either. ugh. and I miss my old friend whom I haven't seen in FOREVER. I hope he's doing well.

Word to remember

2017-01-11T14:40:00.002-06:00

For some reason, I like this word. I should try to remember it. (from Dictionary.com) feint [feynt] Spell Syllables Examples Word Origin See more synonyms on Thesaurus.com noun 1. a movement made in order to deceive an adversary; an attack aimed at one place or point merely as a distraction from the real place or point of attack: military feints; the feints of a skilled fencer.

Another picture from Christmas/Hanukkah

2016-12-29T19:40:00.001-06:00

My mom, Noah, Zoe, and my brother!

Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah!

2016-12-25T18:18:00.000-06:00

This is my niece Zoe and me. Can you believe she's already 12?! And I love her dress!

What to do???

2016-12-09T21:23:00.001-06:00

Since the election, politically, it is nothing but bad news about the upcoming four years. The question is: What do we do with all this information? What do we do about it? Isn't there something that can be done to stop all this nonsense??

It's the End of the World as We Know It...

2016-11-09T15:01:00.001-06:00

I am rendered speechless. I am so ashamed of this country, and I feel like I've been hit by a truck today. I wish I could say something intelligent about it or be optimistic or even strong, but that's not how I feel. I feel dismal: depressed, scared, etc. It's so bad...I mean, healthcare: gone. Fighting climate change: gone. Inspirational speeches: gone. Improving America's standing in the world: gone. The list goes on and on. What are we going to do to fight against this idiot asshole??

Early Birthday Party

2016-11-04T16:34:00.002-05:00

I'm going to my mom's for an early birthday pizza party with her, brother's family, and sis-in-law's mom. Should be fun!!!

Birthday

2016-11-01T18:04:00.002-05:00

My birthday is election day. Clinton better win.

I miss Tivo

2016-09-14T19:13:00.000-05:00

We got an Apple tv because SOMEONE wants to cancel cable--wah! Although it hasn't been canceled yet, the Tivo has not been plugged in. I already miss it. I like the little dancing guy, and the sounds, and all my Charlie Rose episodes, and Frontline, and and...I guess I can watch some of that on Apple Tv, but I haven't experimented yet; I just haven't been watching tv, which I guess is okay. Slow news day/month/year for me. I hope you're well.

I feel out of the loop!

2016-08-08T19:01:00.002-05:00

between not working, not going outside, not watching much news lately, I don't have very much going on. I should go swimming at my mom's place soon, but that involves waking up before 2. ugh.

Obama!

2016-07-28T11:20:00.002-05:00

I'm really going to miss Barack Obama. He has been such a great President, and his speech at the DNC was amazing, and I would have expected nothing less. The DNC has been so refreshing after all the negativism and name-calling of the RNC. I know it's a strategy--probably the only one they have--but the Republicans spent their entire Convention bad-mouthing Clinton. The Democrats have been talking about policy and ideas and optimism. That's what it should be! Sure, Obama mentioned Trump several times, but the point of the speech was so much more.

Back to the Old House

2016-07-26T03:56:00.001-05:00

I went back to the old bar that I haven't been to in forever tonight. I was hoping to see my old friend, but he was not there. Still, it was fun to hang out and see lots of people that I don't see very often anymore. But I miss my friend!

Melania Trump

2016-07-19T12:33:00.000-05:00

OMG, I just watched Melania's speech from the Convention, and then watched Michelle Obama's speech that she plagiarized from. Unbelievable. How did her speech writers think that no one would notice that, and it just goes to show how...I don't know, I'm speechless.

Convention

2016-07-19T12:08:00.000-05:00

The Republican National Convention is so frustrating to watch. I don't know if I'm too dumb to argue against all the bullshit that they're saying, or if they're just laying it on so thick that I wouldn't even know where to begin. Maybe it would be like arguing with a squirrel: kind of pointless because we would be on such different wavelengths. How can you argue with just wrong information, and emotional pleas? ugh.

History

2016-06-24T02:42:00.001-05:00

Wow, what a crazy year in politics. Brexit vote: leave. Shocking! Seriously! I am so surprised; this truly is a big moment in history. What on earth will the rest of this year bring? Scary stuff.