I also think of the greatest gift in Christ….it gives a lot to think about.

The goal is to have your own needs heard and to hear where the other person is coming from.

Steps in Resolving Conflict –

-Soften Conflict – Know what you need to say about it. Explain the issue nuetrally.

-Accepting Influence (verses getting polarized) – Seek to understand. Make sure it’s something you want to dig your heels into. Is it worth all the intensity.

Choose a topic. what do I feel and think? What my partner feels and thinks? (Questions to help hear what partner feels and thinks.) What do you feel/think about this? Where do these thoughts/feelings come from? Is there something about this that scares you? What makes this so important to you? What is it that I am not understanding? My partner’s point of view makes sense because:

-Calm down by self-soothing. Just Breathe. Stay calm and carry on. Don’t defend yet.

-Compromise / Collaborate

What do I need? What can I not be flexible on? What can I be flexible on? What does my partner need? What can my partner not be flexible on?  What can my partner be flexible on?

-Repair Attempts – Joke, Say sorry, Take responsibility, anything that helps move closer and helps get back on track.

-Processing the fight

I highly recommend this class. I think it should be taught often and really, really publicized so that couples can have a sure foundation for their marriage after the birth of a child. Suzanne is a great teacher and shares personal stories to illustrate the points. And it is again, so good.

10 Ways to Connect with your Spouse

Discover your spouses love language.

Pray for your spouse and marriage.

Date night and overnight getaways.

Your own relationship with God.

Change your perspective (Is spouse a lover or liability?)

Intimate Conversation – Build and maintain a friendship

Fun Activities – What can be in a habit? What are common experiences?  (For us it’s running, gym, small group, movies, and tv)

Affection – Give appreciation [thank you….]  and admiration [praise and flattery]

Rituals – (For us it’s breakfast together and dinner together. Greet each other in the morning when leave and when come home.)

Intimacy

-Identify the gifts in your children. They have particular paths God has chosen for them.

-Allowed one activity at a time.

-Stop pushing sports hard.

-Sunday morning is only for church.

– Required to come to one worship serve and one youth event per week.

-Speak to his/her direct character and relate that characteristic to who God is

I appreciated the input. So good.

Then I thought, how can I share the blessing with others. Who could I call for lunch? So simple, but made such an impact.

Then I thought of all the blessings I have received. All the ways that people have intentionally said – let’s bless them. We have benefited from people blessing us. Man, what a blessing! Now all I want to do is do that for others. I think I got the idea of – blessed to be a blessing.

My mom came to visit the 3rd week of January (and 3rd week of baby J’s life). She helped me figure out a majority of this. After she left, I shared with her this list that I wrote down. It was good to let her know that I really did listen.  Also, I have a dear friend in my small group who has a baby  10 days younger than baby J. So I decided to share this list with her too.

Just so I don’t lose it, I’m sharing it here too.  Here’s Parenting a Newborn- from the first month of J’s life – most of all parenting a newborn.

Accept Help

There are people all around you that can offer help and guidance. Always ask the experts-nurses, doctors, lactation consultants, and yes, even your own parents. Voice any and all questions

Accept help from others. If someone wants to bring meals, say yes. If offering advice, listen. Use family’s offer to watch and provide respite care. You will have plenty of time to bond with baby. The newness will wear off. You need rest and help. This is not a sign of weakness or incompetence.

Be Yourself

Don’t forget about you- for me its taking a shower, earrings, makeup, dressed every morning.  30 minutes makes all the difference for the day.

Remember: You are the best ones who know the most about your baby (scary but true).

Do what works for you. All the while, knowing what works today may not work tomorrow.

Call it like it is.

Distinguish between wants and needs. Gone are the days when you have a to do list and you get the things done on your schedule at your pace one by one. The ‘to do’ list is now called a ‘wish list’. Identify 1-2 things wants to get accomplished for the day. It’s a great day if you get them done. The number one thing for each day is to keep your child alive.

Identify errands and outings. Someone else (husband/family/friend) can do errand to pick something up or drop something off. Outing is your time to get out of house- since husband has to drive it may be a family outing (for all three). Make sure to have some outings (min 1 every other day, max 1 a day) for your sanity

Figure out labor of duties- who is doing what. Make sure people around you are cross-trained in all areas (except for breastfeeding).  Things change when you come home and when you go back to work. Adjust is the key. Let everyone who wants a turn to have a turn.

Really, sleep when the baby sleeps. Hardest adjustment to go from 14 hours awake and 8 hours sleep to 3 hour sleep, wake, eat cycle. Realisticallly, plan at least one nap sometime during the day.

Dwell on the basics.

Time takes on a new meaning.  No need for alarms, beeps, bells and whistles. Listen to the baby. He’s got his own alarm clock.  Leaving the schedule behind will alleviate 90% of the stress. It’s an adjustment when you’re used to the professional world of appointments at certain times. Your baby does not work that way. He will let you know what he needs.

Remember, all that needs to happen is: eat, poop and pee, be content and gain weight.  Nurturing an infant has gone on since the beginning of time. This is all that needs to be done.

If you think its complicated its not. Keep it simple.  Is he wet? Is he hungry? Is he hot or cold? A simple answer is often the key.

You will learn each day something new. Something can go better the next day. You have another day to try it out.

Make things comfortable for you.  If a nursing position hurts your hand or your arm, change it.  No need to sacrifice more than you need to. You can also stretch times between feedings and naps out for him. As much as it’s his schedule make sure things work for you, too, and that everyone is working together.

Would YOU like it?  You have a small human – he has thoughts, feelings and experiencing something new everyday.  Think….would you like…..?  It can help put things in perspective.

Ever-remind yourself.

The moments you cry the hardest will be the moments you remember the most and may even laugh about later.

You are competent, You are doing great. You are doing the best you know how. Repeat. Repeat.

This too shall pass.  If you find thus time hard, make it through the next month. If you are enjoying it, cherish every moment. In fact, do both!

From Krista Klaus:

Be honest with your story. There is great power in sharing your struggles. Things are not always as they seem. It is so good to hear an authentically vulnerable life story.  It really set the tone of the entire conference.

From Lynne Hybels:

-Work less, rest more.

– The world has many simple pleasures – things to enjoy to be refreshed. (This is similar to counseling advice that I say to people when I say ‘Do one thing a day to bless yourself.’)

-Discover your own pace. In life, this is how God made me. Some go faster, some go slower. Find your own pace.

-People can ‘wear a life’ that is not their own.

-Her 5 to-do steps for women were: 1- Listen, 2-Pursue passion (and experiment to find passion if needed) 3-Say no a lot 4-Take a little step to get unstuck 5- Have intentional unavailability

From LaVon Hamilton:

See parenting advice post on March 4. I liked it so much it’s a separate post.

What makes something a divine vocation is 1- the spirit in which it is done and 2- the person for whom it is done for.  Everything is done in the name of Christ. That is what gives it value.

Words for Women: not let fear come in and stop comparing yourself!

From both Lynne Hybels and LaVon Hamilton on being Pastor’s Wives (which I kind of am):

You decide who you are and what you want.

No need to live into someone else’s expectations.

Do your gifts.

Be involved where you find a need for you.

Aside thoughts:

I need to chronicle my thoughts, memories and information in a way that is good for me. No need to do it a certain way just do it for me. These can be the illustrations in life. If I write something down, then I remember it.

It was a fun day to celebrate! I began the day with Andrew doing a lot of the work (besides the feeding) of John during our 1, 3 and 5 am feedings. Andrew was at an all day working retreat so I stayed with John for the full day. It was fun. I told John today we are going to do what I want to do because it’s my birthday! In the morning, Andrew made me an entire plate of brownies, we sang happy birthday and I blew out the candles. I ate the brownies all day long. John and I played together and he actually took a few naps – mostly in my arms. I watched a few girlie movies during the day and opened letters Andrew had left me. I went to the mailbox and got a lot of cards! I received a package of cookies from my parents, cards from them that made me cry happy tears, and a delivery of flowers!

I started reading a novel and began thinking of all the things I used to do during the day. I wondered – why don’t i do them today? so i cooked lunch, watched movies, read books, and played with John. We had a great day! Andrew came home around 5 and we all went out to eat at Lluelwyn’s Pub just up the street. It’s an old church turned restaurant/pub. It was good food. Then we came home and ate more brownies. We put John down to bed. Then, I had a foot bath and watched another movie called “Definitely, Maybe.” with Andrew. It was  a great day of celebration. A great way to take it easy and ease into my 30s! What a day!

Greeters in front of the room  and at intersections to get to the right room.

Registration – if not registered (which I wasn’t), fill in information on a spreadsheet – had many spreadsheets in case there were lots of people at the table. They had blank nametags for people like me. Printed nametags for those who registered.

There was a bulletin with the events, schedule, next steps, and paper for notes.

Ushers were in the aisles to indicate how many seats there were for each row. These women helped women get into a seat, scoot over and not worry about where to sit.

An emcee greeted us, shared her story and then was in charge of all the transitional elements. She informed us of what was going on and there was never a question as to what came next, introductions, prayers, and provided a consistent face.

We had desserts on plates and coffee.

There were tables for t-shirts, sorted by sizes.

This was repeated every time we were in a large session.

We were encouraged to have breakfast on our own.  There was a doors open time and then a start time. The large session on Saturday morning started with a video.

For our mid-morning snack, we had snack bags.  There were paper sacks with a colored napkin in them with a bag of chips and trail mix from Sam’s. The drink choice was water, coke or diet coke and there was still some coffee and tea options from the morning.

There was an interactive part to write a fear that we were giving to God. At the end, we were all given a gift with cards with prayers (in the same logo and font). The gift was a book from the speaker wrapped up.

We ended with lunch before heading out to a service opportunity.  There were box lunches, drinks in coolers and identified spots to eat.

This was the BEST hospitality I had received. Whether it was just where I was in life – caring for my 4 week old son and I just wanted a bit of pampering – coming to the women’s conference and experiencing this type of hospitality was so refreshing to my soul.

Thank you so much women for planning this amazing event! Copying is a form of flattery so I am going to copy it in my ministry!