Niconica's Pinpricks

A Flurry of Activity

niconica — Sat, 11 May 2013 17:13:28 +0000

I have been quite remiss with posting this past week or so owing to both expected and unexpected flurry of activity which have come my way. Being busy has its perks because the active moving forward and social interaction with people hold their own rewards, however, it can wear thin when we crave the sensation of feeling centered within our own solitude and reverie and in not being able to examine my thoughts and digest my experiences through blogging, I have felt some unease.

It is important to be able to process our experiences as we go through them–it can be said that it is essential to our sanity to be able to do so. I admire people who go through life engaging in action after action without much introspection because it feels that they don’t have the limitations which I seem to have–which is, feeling affected and unhappy when I am not able to regularly write and share my thoughts and be able to organize them more or less coherently than they appear in my head.

A flurry of activity can be tolerable when they appear in short bursts, but I do value my routine and I generally prefer that my routine is not disturbed as much as possible. Having alone time is important and no matter how busy we are, we would feel unsettled when we do not have certain down times where we get to rest, be quiet, and enjoy our own company and indulge in our flights of fancy.

Having space and solitude is essential for natural introverts to be able to cope with the extroverted world. Being able to write daily is invaluable to a writer–most especially, an aspiring one such as myself. To be able to escape into the comfort of my reverie in a starburst of words and sentences is bliss. I will endeavour to make up my lacking posts somehow.

Facing the Uncertain Nature of Reality

niconica — Sat, 11 May 2013 17:12:10 +0000

The past decade of my life has been eventful, to say the least. It is basically a constant refresher on the Buddha‘s teachings of impermanence. It has not gone according to plan and it makes me realize that we can make plans and aspire all we want to certain things but there are things which are beyond the grasp of sheer will and hard work–while of course, there are certain things which are achievable through perseverance. Yet, there is no assurance about the future outcome of events because the nature of reality is that it is unpredictable and sometimes, even appearing random, while having some strange thread flowing through them when we look back.

I’ve come to learn that there may be things which we would desire and which to come into fruition but sometimes, it is not within our control or for us to say. And it seems that each year that we live on this earth, the ante goes up and we are given more and more challenges, and sometimes we feel that we might even reach our breaking point because everything seems to be going awry and when we look at our fellow human beings–it may seem that everything is going peachy for them while we stand in the rain looking at their blessings. What we may not be aware of is that they may be thinking the same thing because we hardly get everything that we want and while one facet of our life may be going more smoothly and we may feel that we are gradually getting a grasp on how to handle it; there would be other facets of life which feels like Russian roulette and we’ll just have to deal with what we are given and see what happens.

It is the lack of control of the outcome which really gives us pain because the uncertainty is not pleasant to bear and we would then have to cultivate both patience and courage with dealing with all things which are out of our control. It’s not comfortable to think that there are more things which are out of our control that is within our control, but yet within this limitation, we may begin to harness the strength that we have and work with it. We are in control of our own body, speech, and mind–or so we should be. I think that beyond thinking about making situations or people conform to our will, we must first look within ourselves and investigate the nature of our own thoughts and seriously learn to hone our own unruly thoughts so that we may not become our own worst enemies.

We must also learn to harness the power of our speech so that we may be able to promote goodwill amongst fellow human beings instead of creating strife and conflict–and these then lead towards the further step of doing good with our presence here on earth–which is just a meager few decades. This realization should spur us to make the most out of our limited time on earth and allow us to be of benefit to our fellow inhabitants of the planet/cosmos/galaxy. It is in this manner which we would be able to better ourselves, as well as others, and even though we might still not be able to surmise or fully control what the future holds, we will be planting positive seeds which would eventually yield pleasant experiences for us.

Just Like That

niconica — Sat, 11 May 2013 05:13:37 +0000

Just like that, someone can transform from a stranger to a friend, or even mean something more to us and as much as we would like to quantify or qualify the reasons for it being so, the reasons which we come up with do not suffice to describe or justify how we feel for the person. It just happens like that, in the blink of an eye… and sometimes it disappears just as quickly as well. It almost seems like a random divergence of possibilities and causes which result in what we feel or experience as true–without any guarantee of how long it may last or where the attraction may develop.

We proceed from leading our mundane lives to having an infatuation for a person whom we might previously have not known or cared whether they existed or not but now, we cannot get them out of our minds–and it happens just like that. In such cases, we might feel confused as to how to act or react to our feelings and try to pinpoint which factors have contributed to the developing of romantic inclinations for a certain person and while there may be several points to consider, it might simply be a matter of chance, a passing fancy–or if it turns into something worthwhile, a matter of fate.

It’s hard to know what the ultimate outcome it from this side of the infatuation and yet the anticipation and hope fills us with excitement and we allow ourselves to be alternately elated and crushed in a rollercoaster of emotions in our interactions with the person based on whether they respond to our bids for attention. Each non-reply to an SMS, a message, or an email, feels personal and monumental and calls to mind the popular book/saying that perhaps the person is “just not that into us.” And most likely it might be true, but we cannot help but hope against hope that maybe, perhaps, just like that, they would also reciprocate our sentiments.

Rethinking Dating Criteria

niconica — Thu, 02 May 2013 15:00:48 +0000

When we get to a certain point in our lives and we find ourselves still single, it may be that it is because we have not met the person who is meant for us but at the same time we might wish to question ourselves as to whether we have contributed to the situation as well by having dating criteria which hinder the opportunity to meet the person who might be suitable for us. It’s a bit of a double edge sword when we have a preference for a person with certain attributes because while it’s good to have standards, it might be these same standards which might keep us from allowing in certain people whom we might not have imagined dating but yet be suitable for us in the long run.

We must be reminded that we are not omniscient and sometimes, we might lack foresight or a realistic assessment of ourselves. Our outlook and expectations might also have been skewed by our own biases, upbringing, or popular media. These would contribute to our possible limiting ourselves of the possibilities available which we have not considered, encountered, or imagined. We must also review whether our criteria for the ideal mate or the ideal range of mates are really our own, or whether we have adopted the acceptable criteria of our society, culture, religion, parents, family, or friends. In order to be able to secure our future happiness, we must be honest with ourselves as to which qualities we are really looking for and not confuse the expectations of others into the equation because this might compromise our chance at a truly suitable mate.

We will be the ones being in a relationship with the person and if we do so choose to enter a committed relationship, we will be the ones enjoying or suffering within the confines of our choices therefore, we must consider which qualities and criteria are truly ours in order to be able to proceed with dating and selecting the right partner–and giving ourselves a fair chance at happiness.

Priceless Moments

niconica — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 19:15:15 +0000

If I remember correctly, the opening scenes of Gone With The Wind includes a shot of the text “Do not waste time for that is the stuff life is made of.” And it is not more true than it is now. Time is running out for all of us but we are not usually mindful of it until we have life experiences which jar us to our senses.

My dear friend’s condition is already pretty grave and it pains me to realise that each moment we share or each conversation we have might be our last. Even though my friend is still functional and does not appear to be dying, the results of the medical tests are not encouraging and I’m hoping against hope that some miracle would happen but I’m trying to be pragmatic with the facts and possibilities at hand.

I am not ready to let go of the friendship and relinquish the bond we have but the choice is not up to either of us when it would be terminated. This uncertainty manifests as an aching pain in my heart which accompanies me through the day and I am unable to share my concerns with others due to respect for my friend’s explicit request for privacy.

Each moment in which we can to interact even remotely through chat or SMS is priceless and there is no way to be fully prepared to lose someone we genuinely love but we must attempt to be prepared for the eventuality which may result from the seeming randomness of life.

It’s not an easy path or navigate and yet we must treasure each priceless moment and appreciate the poignancy of gradually being able to let go and say goodbye while making each moment count.

Reeling

niconica — Sun, 28 Apr 2013 20:45:18 +0000

I have not managed to write my regular daily posts but I will make up for it in the number of posts I write instead. I’m still reeling from the shock and the pain of my valued friend’s HIV diagnosis. It could just as easily have been another terminal illness such as Cancer, the anguish and the devastation would be the same.

It’s too late to point fingers now because it doesn’t change the facts which are quite bitter pills to swallow. The challenge is to be able to recover from the shock and be able to help my friend deal with his predicament and be able to maximize the cards he has been dealt with.

Intellectually knowing the facts does not take away the gnawing pain inside my heart–I feel that it is breaking. Last year has been an unfortunate year of medical emergencies and losses, and this year, this situation is something new to struggle with. Undoubtedly this would be an opportunity for growth because if we do not adjust and evolve, we will not be able to survive unwanted changes, and yet an understanding of these facts do not take away the dull ache in my chest.

On one hand, I want to cheer up my friend and try to pretend that the situation is non-existent or not as serious but on the other hand, the alarming and severe symptoms exhibited does not allow me to escape from the thought that the remaining time from now are fraught with gravity of saying goodbye in not so many words but in actions and interactions which are so poignant because they might be the last few memories we have before time runs out because having a compromised immune system is nothing to joke a about–anything can come in and screw up the precarious equilibrium.

I have written a about preparing for death in one of my past posts but it was in the context of my grandparent who is already an octogenarian and has advanced stages of a degenerative at the twilight of a very long and full life or a relative who is already a senior citizen who suffered a debilitating illness. In both cases, it can be said that death can more easily be viewed as a more acceptable eventuality because they have managed to live long and full lives free from disease until these years.

It is an altogether different matter to be faced with the possible demise of someone yet in the prime of their life and the ticking clock announces the pressure of cramming as many meaningful moments into the limited time remaining. The ghosts of what could have been will haunt us while we attempt to enjoy the company of the ill person and we cannot help but feel anguish at that tragic turn of events.

I am unsure how I will be able to negotiate this new jagged emotional terrain. It is definitely a work in progress where we just have to do the best that we can to prevail despite discouraging and painful circumstances because no matter how badly we feel, we must not fail to appreciate that the person who is in the predicament would likely be feeling infinitely worse and our own selfish concerns and worries pale in comparison to theirs. We must then set aside our own misery, and attend to them while we have the opportunity to do so. There will be enough time to grieve and deal with our own pain in the future. Meanwhile, the present time should be devoted to them.

Terminal

niconica — Sun, 28 Apr 2013 18:10:17 +0000

Just like that, everything can change in an instant when we find out that a cherished friend has been diagnosed with a terminal illness. There’s a sense of disbelief that all this is actually occurring and there is a resistance to the events unfolding…

It’s a sobering wake up call that we never really have full control over our lives and we must do the best with the cards we are dealt with. Our lives are all finite and yet we live as through we are indestructible and being diagnosed with a terminal illness simply reminds us of the fact that we will all die.

It is not apt to assume that a terminally ill person will surely die before people who are not terminally ill since the causes for an abbreviated life can come in many forms for so-called healthy individuals. Yet we must be aware that the diagnosis signifies that there is no more time to waste and we must cherish the present moments with the person and make the most out of it.

Having death looming at the door is sobering and yet there is a clarity that dawns upon those he awaits–about which things really matter the most and which things are merely peripheral and it is with this perspective that a dying person manages to squeeze the most out of life–choosing not to waste any moment. This is what we can and should all learn, because in one sense, we are all dying as each day, month, and year heralds advancing age and eventual deteriorating health.

Having our lives prematurely cut when we are not ready is not a welcome circumstance by any chance, and yet when the situation is already existing, we must endeavor to be pragmatic and endeavor to live each day to the fullest because we don’t know which breath may be our last–and this advice would hold true for every human being.

On Collaboration

niconica — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 12:00:21 +0000

It cannot be denied that life is increasingly more intricate and complex now than it has been before. Inasmuch as we enjoy the benefits of the connectivity of social media and the quick information access on the Internet, it has become that much harder to thrive in a dynamic and complicated world. It would be narcissistic to assume that we can survive and excel individually in our careers.

One cannot possess all the necessary skill sets to excel in every facet of our endeavour and it would greatly benefit is to be humble enough to recognise this truth and consider collaborating with different experts in their fields. Contrary to the previous beliefs that collaboration might take away the integrity or our creations or take away the spotlight from us… True collaboration can only make everything richer–that is if we fortunately find like minded and compatible individuals or groups to collaborate with.

There is a delicate balance between standing our own ground and being able to relinquish control where it is required and it is this skill which we must learn to develop in order to experience the richness of being able to benefit and enjoy other’s perspectives together with our own. The growth this experience provides for our souls is amazing if we dare give it a try.

Impermanence

niconica — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 08:45:04 +0000

I have not been able to post for the past two days but I’ll strive to make up for it. One of the most painful truths which the Buddha has taught is the everything is impermanent and subject to change. We are aware on it on an intellectual and theoretical level but the reality is harder to grasp because we are creatures of habit and change is difficult to accept especially when it catches us by surprise.

It is then when we must remind ourselves that life is unpredictable and everything is impermanent and any attempt to hold onto something or someone is likely to eventually lead to sorrow or disappointment not because it is wrong to be attached to certain things or people but merely because the inherent nature of anything which exists is that it is subject to change at any time and for any reason possible.

We must overcome our grasping at permanence because we don’t know when the changes will come and we must not erroneously assume that anything will last forever just simply because we desire it to be so. We must learn to detach and go through the changes and learn to adapt, because as Charles Darwin has observed, those who do not adapt, perish.

On Good Company

niconica — Tue, 23 Apr 2013 02:20:36 +0000

Whether we like it or not, who we choose to surround ourselves with reflect who we are. People who can stay long within each other’s energy fields usually have similar or compatible energy. This applies to people whom we keep company with in both our personal and work life.

Judging the quality of whom we are with should not be based on external attributes such as good looks or wealth but on something more substantial–character and integrity. After a period of time, their beliefs and outlook in life will influence or affect is and this must not be taken lightly because it would affect the person we will become, the choices we will make, and the future we will mold through our decisions.

We must endeavour to surround ourselves with good and kind people who transforming us into someone better and we must avoid people who weigh on us and are a detriment to our psychological and emotional wellbeing. This applies to even family members and long time friends.

If we are in the company of dishonest people long enough, lies start becoming more and more acceptable or at lead tolerable and eventually we find our moral compass being compromised. It does not happen drastically so we may not be able to tell exactly when we start finding less than ethical behaviour tolerable but it will happen if we stay within the energy fields of such characters.

The next time we find ourselves criticising the company we keep, must must examine whether their flaws are something which we will be pleased to exhibit as well because such character deficiencies are contagious over time and we might wish to distance ourselves from such people in order to preserve our sanity and moral character.

The next time you start badmounthing your closest friends, be aware that sooner or later these characteristics will rub off on you. Can you live with it? If not, try to seek better company. Be in the vicinity of people who are truly kind, compassionate, and generous and you might even learn a thing or two–and hopefully move closer to bettering the world and if not, at least not causing harm to it.