Niente Peaches

The Monthly Telegraph (Jun '09)

nienteuniverse@gmail.com (Ernie, Tom, Igor) — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 16:10:00 -0700

Sir Rutherford Welch writes-

Well! It's been quite a month! My dear master Ernie Zahn tells me that there have been many many shoots since the beginning of May. I was rather humdefulgeded at how many shoots there have been! Whew! Ernie promises to bring you all, many stories and photos from the past shoots.

While we were swapping syllabic noises, he told me that many production companies are trying to boost movie going interest by introducing a third dimension of viewing. Little did I realize that there was a third dimension to be examined! I thought I was a cartoon character! Now that I've discovered this new area of space, I feel as though there is oh so much elbow room for my enormous elbows. I feel great now, but I was having a bit of tantrum when Ernie told me I was a real person living in three dimensions. To calm me down he gave me a handful of pills that looked like this:

Now I'm loooopyy....doooopppyyy...dooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Yaahahaahahahahahahahah! IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy! Gooood shoowww!.,ljbggdjrxjrfccnv gyhg

(72 hours later...)

Oh, I see I'm still writing on the blog. Well, I shan't delete my previous comments, I believe that one's personality is defined by one's actions and I'm truly not a cartoon character.

Anyway, did you know that there is a dinosaur still roaming the Earth? I thought his show was canceled eons ago!:

http://www.barney.com/usa/index.asp

I love you potatosaurus!

The Monthly Telegraph (May '09)

nienteuniverse@gmail.com (Ernie, Tom, Igor) — Wed, 20 May 2009 11:32:00 -0700

Sir Rutherford Welch has taken ill, I'm going to be taking over and I'll try to emulate him to best of my abilities.

Ernie writes-

My word what have you people done?! Robots in car factories, automated check out stations at retail stores, robots that can diagnose autism and now social robots that are meant to comfort humans!

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=89942783

As it states in the article:

Inventors describe their efforts to design robots that can interact with people on a deeper level...

Now in my time we may have kept robots as freaky sex objects as seen below

But to connect with them emotionally? Is that asbestos finally getting to our head?

Now I hear on the portable Victrola called NPR that scientists at Yale and MIT are developing robots that are self aware! Self aware! Oh my-my...word! Somebody call John Connor!

There he is! Whew, now I'm not worried. Wait...wait a second now what are they doing?! Oh my God, they're upstaging John Williams!

NOOOOOOOO! WHY?! And what's this? A defector! It seems that our beloved Yo-Yo Ma is in cahoots! Why? Why? He was one of the good ones!

If you can stomach it, here is the footage. Please keep small children away:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=90401704

What can we do to stop this madness! Perhaps we can call up that 80's group Madness to have benefit concert to get people to realize the severity of this growing robot threat. Please Madness if you can hear me, save the day!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwIe_sjKeAY

The Monthly Telegrapgh (Apr '09)

nienteuniverse@gmail.com (Ernie, Tom, Igor) — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 06:47:00 -0700

Greetings one and all! If you've been keeping up with my Tweets on mine twitter: http://twitter.com/SirRuthy or if you read last month's post, you'd know that I've been upgraded from Ernie's basement to his couch. Now that money is tighter than the Queen's bottom, or the Prince's for that matter, I need to start pulling my weight round-about this domicile. Ernie has granted me residence on his couch under the condition that I find a job and procure some dead presidents, which in turn will allow us to acquire bread to be placed on the dinner table. Knowing only a luxurious life of Ernie's basement, feasting on mold to my hearts content, I'm not really sure what this "bread" can really offer me.

Thus far, it has been quite difficult finding a job. Whilst engaging in my noble search, I found a $5 bill under the couch cushions! That was a glorious day! Instead of simply spending the money on frivolous pursuits, I decided this money would be better off being invested. Thus, I decided to stroll down to the local market called, Walgreens. There are all sorts of vendor booths in this (indoor) market. Oddly enough, there are no vendors at their booths. It was very curious. I went to the cereal booth and there was no one. The same was true at the cosmetics booth, the toys booth and even the cold drinks booth. In fact, I could only find vendors at the cigar/candy booth, the apothecary booth and the mobile/stagnant pictures booth. Someone should inform the managers of Walgreens market that unattended booths spell high levels of thievery!

I resolved by investing in something that truly yields a profit, for my taste buds and mustache! I am speaking of course of, Rolos. Yummy, yummy Rolos in many forms. Just look at these many triumphant forms:

What great goody greatness! That g-g-g-great goody goody greatness will only be greater if Nestle had me coming up with their further Rolo incarnations! Come to think of it, I believe I know what job I'm going to go after. I believe I will be a think tank for Rolo! I will keep you posted.

The Monthly Telegrapgh (Mar '09)

nienteuniverse@gmail.com (Ernie, Tom, Igor) — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 13:58:00 -0700

It's month three of me living in Ernie's dark, leaky basement. I'm enjoying myself quite a bit down here. I found a gold mine of fungus and mushrooms growing around the water heater down here. They are truly scrumptious little things. I particularly love when I find small morsels trapped in my mustache from time to time. They make for a fine snack treat!

Anyway, one day I was getting especially anxious in this wonderfully humid dank so much so that I began eating the drywall. To calm me down, Ernie bought me a device called an iPhone. If you don't already know what an iPhone is, it is a audible/mobile telegraph that can fit inside your pocket. It fires signals up to the cosmos that are then reflected by a fine china dish floating in the heavenly realm, back down to this flat blue planet we live on. It is a popular method to communicate to other bi-peds like you and me.

Besides this, it also has a mobile web for spiders, a miniature victrola, a miniature movie theater and I recently acquired a very small bird called twitter which I have inserted into my iPhone. You see, I tell this bird what's going on in my life and this small bird tells others of my exploits. When I write "I'm taking the GREs." I may bump into a chum later who might say, "A little bird told me that you are taking the GREs" and I'd say "Yes, my little twitter must have mentioned that!" It's marvelous what you can do with birds these days! In my time they were used for hunting runaway worms or sent into coal mines for sport. Perhaps even on occasion as an aphrodisiac.

If you would like to follow my birds tweeting just click here and do so my friends!

http://twitter.com/SirRuthy

Please enjoy these two videos by my dear whom I hope to be friend, David Lynch:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eruvQY5_jFU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKiIroiCvZ0&feature=related

The Monthly Telegrapgh (Feb '09)

nienteuniverse@gmail.com (Ernie, Tom, Igor) — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 05:40:00 -0800

A miracle! That's what I've discovered in Ernie Zahn's living room! While I'm looking for a place to stay, Ernie has been kind of enough to let me sleep in his home's crawl space. Well, it's Monday, so he always generously let's me out to see the light and gives me some food!

Whilst being in a bit of a trance due to malnourishment, I wandered into Ernie's living room and discovered an odd looking box. Ernie turned it on for me and I saw pictures...and...they were coming alive! He told me the device was based on a technology called motion pictures. I seem to recall such an invention in my time, but I thought it was a thing that was only frequented by unsavory men who'd like to sneak a peek at ladies' ankles (hehehe)!

I also recall however, that there was a man in a small room projecting these living pictures. I was pleased to find that when I stood in front of this device, which Ernie called a letter T and a letter V, that my shadow was not cast across its screen.

When I asked Ernie what sort of grains must be fed to this TV to keep it sustained, there was a bit of a silence. He then began explaining that this device is powered by something called electricity. Whatever it is, it sounds delicious and I will try it someday.

This new device is a bit overwhelming and quite confusing. My sentiments only increased when Ernie started mentioning things like "TV will switch to DTV in 2009." After hearing this my heart skipped a beat when I realized that people were still cutting of switches to discipline animals.

I was growing worried that this change to DTV would be too much for me to take right now but was relieved to hear that the change date has been moved from February to June. Thank my lucky German helmet!

I was even more relieved to see I'm not the only one who's confused about all this! Below, is a small living picture window with a very small lady who's speaking my language! Let' have a look:

That's one fine gal! Perhaps her and I can push a hoop down a road on our way to a nice box social!

BTW, I found this living picture box on a youtubery binge. Thank you to DTV2009 for a PSA!

New Title for Niente: The Movie?

nienteuniverse@gmail.com (Ernie, Tom, Igor) — Tue, 3 Feb 2009 06:18:00 -0800

Ernie writes-

Someone on the Niente team, and I won't say who (OLD MAN STROLL!!!!!!), wants to change the title of Niente: The Movie. We've been having a tough time coming up with a good name, so we want to here from all of you niente peaches out there! Thinking of a new movie title is a tall order especially when all you have to go on for the plot is a dancing ostrich and Igor dressed as Shrek meets the Texas chainsaw Massacre:

Yeah...that's what I mean.

Anyway, what you need is a good run through of the plot, well here you go:

So there's this scientist named Claudio Chiuso who experiments with ocular frequencies. His next project, which he calls "Immaculate Perception," is supposed to adjust the eye to be able to see God in Heaven. Well, he succeeds! Yaay! Get this, God turns out to be a skinny 20 year old white kid with beautiful locks of brown hair. Kind of like this:

Yeah...that's what I mean.

Anyway, this God character decides that the cat's out of the bag now! So he might as well address the public, do a few miracles and see what happens later that night. Turns out, everybody in the world freaks! World War III breaks out and (publicly) God seems disappointed and angry but really he and his angels planned all of this! God and his apostolic/angelic cronies want humanity to destroy itself so they can justify declaring Judgment Day! You see, God and his buddies want to take over the Earth and turn it into Eden once more so they have a cool place to go to during the summer. I don't know if you know this but Heaven is dreadful in the winter and they've only got basic cable. Yeah, so God declares judgment day, but the humans don't take this lying down. The U.S. government meets with the President at the Pentagon to come up with a genius plan! They say "Hey! If we declare war on God and win, then America can rule the world!" And so every nation of the world comes to same conclusion and launches their own campaign against Heaven. Turns out bullets didn't really take against these holy beings. So every nation is blasted back to the stone age. But right in the last moments of humanity's end, one brave knight, named Charlie Kemp, stood tall and and decided to fight for the salvation of the good in all of us. Here's what he looks like:

Yeah...that's what I mean. (Hey! I know that guy! His feet smell!)

Will Charlie Kemp win? You just gotta see Niente: The Movie to find out! Or maybe it won't be Niente: The Movie, maybe it'll be Captain Angry Pants Does it Again!: The Movie

You can help us decide! Let us know what you think!! You can let us know by visiting this place: http://peachboard.phpbb.net/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=206&p=1533#p1533 . Just sign in if you're a niente peach! Not a niente peach? Sign up for free today! Jut use that same link and click register! It's fast and free! If you sign up, then I'll let you dream about me!

Movie Update: Shooting in Israel!

nienteuniverse@gmail.com (Ernie, Tom, Igor) — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 13:16:00 -0800

Ernie Writes-

You heard correctly, we've just returned from shooting (umm...that is...filming) in the holy land! Well, actually I didn't go, our buddy Old Man Stroll did! That's right Old Man Stroll, who portrays Charlie Kemp, filmed in the old city of Jerusalem and in the surrounding dessert this holiday season! Quite a step up from last year when we were filming in crappy old Connecticut! I hate this state! And fuck Tom Stroll! I want to go to Israel! I hate that kid!

There will be a follow up to this post in which Tom will share his experiences on this, the holiest of movie sets. Also! Stay tuned for another column by Sir Rutherford Welch in February! Anyway, here are some stills from Tom's adventure (fuck Tom Stroll!):

The Monthly Telegrapgh (Jan '09)

nienteuniverse@gmail.com (Ernie, Tom, Igor) — Fri, 9 Jan 2009 15:48:00 -0800

Good morning, day or night to all of you inside of the net. How did you get there? In the net I mean. I'm not actually in the net, I'm sitting at a console right now in an office. I'm told that this miniature motion picture screen is called a monitor. And this apparatus with various buttons is called a keyboard. I've become quite proficient at keyboarding as you can see. Look how many letters I have placed on this motion picture screen already! I must admit that I'm having a bit more trouble using this cursor device called a rodent. It's a curious name for a device. In my time, rodents were the sewer dwelling scum of Czarist Russia. They were also used for transporting medicine to the high mountains of Nepal.

Now that I'm somewhat versed in my keyboarding skills, I would like to invite you to read my monthly column "The Monthly Telegraph." Join me, Sir Rutherford Welch as I discover the 21st century and all the wondrous things it has to offer.

If you are not familiar with me, I am a WWI RAF pilot who was cryogenically frozen in 1918. I was thawed out by my new friends Ernie and Tom. Now I am discovering this new world day by day, trying to grasp and take in everything around me. Join on this journey each month on the Niente Peaches Blog.

Warm Squishy and A Little Wet Regards,
Sir Rutherford Welch

Niente MySpace Tricked Out! Is That The Right Word?

nienteuniverse@gmail.com (Ernie, Tom, Igor) — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 06:57:00 -0800

Ernie writes-

If tricking out is good then, Niente Peaches' MySpace page is that! We've added a really funky video menu where you can sift through our latest and most tight videos as well as a news ticker so you can see what's what! But wait that's not all you chillin vilians! Now that our MySpace page looks so gorgeous, you can be our friend and everyone will find you tricked out by default! (Do kids say default now?) Holla!

Here's what you can expect in the future for the MySpace page:

Buddy icons, wallpaper (for your iPhone too!) an perhaps even ringtones!

Keep a sharp eye on our fancy MySpace page, which you can totally visit by clicking right here, awesome!:

http://www.myspace.com/nientemovie

Hang ten, you teenage demographic, you!

E-Mail Syndication Goodness!

nienteuniverse@gmail.com (Ernie, Tom, Igor) — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 09:03:00 -0800

Ernie writes-

You can now subscribe to the Peaches through e-mail! Mmmmmmm! Yummy e-mails. I eat them all the time! Yummy e-mails oooooooohhhhh.

There's a little form on the left column of this page. Just put in your e-mail, click submit and follow the super-duper-diaper simple instructions. It's as easy as biting into a brand new buffalo! Mmmmm yummy buffalo e-mails, yummy yummy town!

Excuse me, I have to get the phone!

"Hello?"

"Yes, this is Ernie..."

"You found my what?!"

"I didn't lose it though! How is that possible?"

"It has my raccoon on it?"

"Oh shoot, I'm still on the blog!"

(Hang up the blog)

Find out what Ernie lost and has his raccoon on it, only on Niente Peaches blog! And the best way to keep a tab is to subscribe to out blog via e-mail!

God-Man is on Facebook!

nienteuniverse@gmail.com (Ernie, Tom, Igor) — Fri, 7 Nov 2008 18:33:00 -0800

Ernie writes-

You heard right. The antagonist of Niente: The Movie has just opened an account on facebook! Friend him or feel the wrath of God-Man!

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?id=1353248665&ref=ts

And while you're on facebook, don't forget to become a fan of the movie on the official Niente: The Movie facebook fan page!:

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/pages/Niente-The-Movie/13535087670?ref=mf

If you don't, then we'll sick God-Man on you!

Alright Chazzau, We Got a New Shoot!

nienteuniverse@gmail.com (Ernie, Tom, Igor) — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 19:42:00 -0700

Ernie writes-

Yes we're back in business! This time an American Oil Tycoon, A Chinese Rice Paddy Farmer, A Russian KGB agent and a French...Guy united in the destruction of an Italian scientist! Let's review what we've shot so far:
-A scene that shows a single Nazi conquering Poland on his motorcycle
-A Knight chases a thief through NYC because his candy bar has been stolen
-A sex scene that involves a serial killer, a stoner, a guy carrying a propane tank like a baby and one pissed off chick who's not getting any
-Jewish-Chilean news reporter named Mauricio Feldman who simply can't get enough of...Maurcio Feldman
-A man who takes his lies from Alabama to Malaysia and back
-And now a bunch of guys rip another dude to shreds

This movie is making more sense with every scene we shoot!

Don't agree? I think these stills from the shoot speak for themselves:

Charlie Kemp Public Appearence on Oct. 31!

nienteuniverse@gmail.com (Ernie, Tom, Igor) — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 12:35:00 -0700

Ernie writes-

You heard right! Charlie Kemp will be walking through the streets of Manhattan, NY on Halloween night! Check back here for more details in less than a week. But before then, look for a new shoot report on Monday! Next week will be a great one for all you Niente Peaches out there!

Become a Niente Peach!

nienteuniverse@gmail.com (Ernie, Tom, Igor) — Sun, 5 Oct 2008 13:13:00 -0700

Ernie writes-

Ya know, there is Niente Peaches community forum. Why not sign up and join in on the fun! Learn ever more about Niente Peaches than you ever could on the blog by becoming one of us! One of us, one of us! Muwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

http://peachboard.phpbb.net/index.php

More Vloggin' Time Children!

nienteuniverse@gmail.com (Ernie, Tom, Igor) — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 08:04:00 -0700

Ernie writes-

Yet another vlog entry! How sweet it is to be a Niente Peaches fan! This vlog features clips from the legendary sex scene. It involves intercourse! The scene features our heroine Callia and introduces another great Niente Peaches character, Mauricio Feldman. I promise, you're gonna love him. He's the one that sounds like a game show host. Enough of this. Here's that vlog enrty we promised you, enjoy!:

I forgot to mention that we didn't show any of the sex in the vlog entry, because you have to see it in "Niente: The Movie." Psych!

P.S. You folks look like you might be wanting more. So how about I give y'all another vlog enrty next week!! What a great guy I am. Remember how great I am when you get you're next pay check. Maybe pick up a thing or two at the Niente Peaches store?:

http://www.cafepress.com/nientepeaches

Pyro Maniacs

nienteuniverse@gmail.com (Ernie, Tom, Igor) — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 05:07:00 -0700

Ernie writes-

So, here is the the first of many new vlog entries coming your way. Let me introduce this one a bit. One of our shoot days this summer was a pyro fx test with our video camera. Old Man Stroll threw this video together to try and appeal to the younger crowd seeing as how all kids love fire and such. Enjoy!:

We're taking a break from shooting this weekend and catching up on some story boarding and shooting for a different movie, so in lieu of new stills, I guess we'll just have to give ya another vlog entry! Stay tuned...

Double Whammy!

nienteuniverse@gmail.com (Ernie, Tom, Igor) — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 15:46:00 -0700

Ernie writes-

So, once again, we've completed two shoots in one weekend. Friday, I met with Old Man Stroll in NYC to do some final add ins for the Prologue to "Niente: The Movie," then I scuttled on back to CT for some additional reaction shots for a scene. At the close of Friday's shooting Tom (Old Man Stroll) and I happened upon a most triumphant sun set, where beams of light were bleeding through the clouds. It was sublime! I won't show you a picture though, you'll have to wait and see it in "Niente: The Movie."

Sunday's shoot went even better! After completing everything needed for the shoot, with the help of my good friend Phil, we proceeded to celebrate by getting some din din with our Gaffer, Steve Kompar at our favorite mexican restaurant. We all ordered a round of Tequila shots to cap off a successful day. We decided that this needs to be a large cap, so we all got another round. Then we still felt that we hadn't really capped off the evening so we asked for yet another round. Much to our suprise, our waiter came out with another round and told us it was on the house! Sweet! Then as we were eating our food, our waiter came back out and gave us another free round! This waiter is awesome! He told us, he was in such a good mood because he's getting married in a week so I said, "Holy crap man! You have to join us for the next drink." Hand shakes and "congrats" all around. That's when we noticed the three ladies sitting at a neighboring table, so we got them a round too. After the check was on the table and it was time to go, we knew this night still needed something more so: me, Steve, Phil, our waiter (his name's Christian by the way) and the three ladies all joined in for a drink to wish Christian the best of luck and congrats to him and his fiancée.

We stumbled out of the restuant and were still in such a good mood, so we continued to celebrate at a bar down the road till about midnight. Now it was a school night, so we only had like 5 more drinks..........

....and that's how I learned my lesson.

Anyway, here are some stills from the shoots. Enjoy!

Post Production Season

nienteuniverse@gmail.com (Ernie, Tom, Igor) — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 13:20:00 -0700

Ernie writes-

To get this shebang-a-bang ready for y'all by Summer of '09 like we promised, Production and Post-Production have to kinda overlap. So this past Sunday was spent doing some heavy duty editing for the Prologue to "Niente: The Movie."

In addition to this, I've started throwing together a new vlog entry for everybody that highlights the best moments of the shooting season thus far. It's not quite ready yet, but while I was working on this, I stumbled upon some really neato production stills that I never shared, with you, our adoring public. So until I get this vlog on the road, please enjoy these truly awesome stills!

P.S. did I mention that there are too many great moments in this shooting season, thus far, to limit it to only one vlog entry? That's right! It will be a series of entries! Win!

The Return of "Chock Full O Stroll"

nienteuniverse@gmail.com (Ernie, Tom, Igor) — Mon, 8 Sep 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Ernie writes-

Yes, we've completed principle shooting for the Prologue to the film, which we have named, "Catch That Candy Bar." And the candy bar of choice? You guessed it-Chock Full O Stroll! Our protagonist of the film, Charlie Kemp, saves the day and discovers something extraordinary about the heroine. The heroine as in, "the principal female character in a literary or dramatic work," as defined by Merriam Webster's online dictionary. Not to be confused with "a strongly physiologically addictive narcotic C₂₁H₂₃NO₅ ." Anyway, you'll find out by watching "Niente: The Movie" to see what is so extraordinary about the heroine who is named Callia.

Anyway, the shoot went well in the end despite some difficulties that were my fault, his fault, her fault and your fault. But let's not kid ourselves, it was mostly your fault America. Why? Why would did you do what you did? It was totally not cool.

Sadly I was too busy being big shot asshole movie producer that I forgot to bring my still camera to snap a few shots of the production. But I won't make that mistake twice. Next Monday you'll get even more stills! Maybe even some heroin, on the house!

Till next week America...

IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!

Closing in on it!

nienteuniverse@gmail.com (Ernie, Tom, Igor) — Mon, 1 Sep 2008 17:28:00 -0700

Ernie writes-

Well, there hasn't been much in the way of updates because there hasn't been much to say. Not that we aren't hard at work at making you the best damn religious satire you'll ever feast your eyes and or nose on (via iSmell). It's simply that much of the work that's been going on has been the less exciting part of film making. Things like:
-Script editing
-Shot list making
-meeting, after meeting, after friggin' meeting!

But guess what, we shot something yesterday! Yay! And that means that Monday updates have returned! Wheeeeew!!!!!

Okay, so it wasn't the most exciting shoot. No one was offended, sexually assaulted or murdered, like you'd usually find on our sets; but it was a damn good shoot. I ventured to eastern Connecticut to get a few shots of some landscapes to use as backdrops for the epic battle sequence in the movie. I was aided by my trusty side kick Spencer. We took a great many shots and were feeling ambitious so, we thought it would be fun to get some random people that we find and have an impromptu scene shoot.

Essentially we wanted to find a couple of people who could be extras for a scene where they simply are in shock and awe as they gaze up at the sky and point at an object (that our visual effects team would add in later). An object kind of like those ships from Independence Day where all of the pedestrians are just petrified, ya know? Trust me, it'll fit in the movie. Anyway, we approached a couple who we thought would be perfect for the scene. After explaining who we were, what we were doing and what we would hope they could do for us, they're response was something like this:

"Wow!"

After that first comment I felt hopeful, but they finished they're response:

"Ya know what? I have...absolutely...zero interest in that."

Bummer!

Luckily, as we were driving back home, we passed a farm and saw a guy driving a tractor. I figured "what the hell," I'll take my chances and ask him if he wants to be in our movie. As I stepped out of the car and walked toward the farmer (who hadn't noticed Spencer or me) I anticipated our question would bring on one of three likely responses:

Possibility one:

Ernie:
Excuse me would you like to be in our film?

Farmer:
Trespassers eh ya? Ah well, I best get my shot gun, kill ya, skin ya and roast ya.

Possibility two:

Ernie:
Excuse me would you like to be in our film?

Farmer:
Well sure! But just don't be a touchin' my three beautiful daughters! Or else!

Ernie:
Or else what?

Farmer:

I best get my shot gun, kill ya, skin ya and roast ya.

Possibility three:

Ernie:
Excuse me would you like to be in our film?

Farmer:
Well sure! I love helping people in the arts, especially struggling film makers like yourselves. What do you need me to do?

Fortunately for us, it was possibility three that ended up occurring! Therefore, I'm alive and able to share these great photos with you courtesy of my good sir, Spencer! Look for another update next Monday because you can bet your ass there will be a shoot! Enjoy!:

A Wisecrackin' Spell Checker

nienteuniverse@gmail.com (Ernie, Tom, Igor) — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 13:02:00 -0700

Ernie writes-

So, Igor and I were making some small revisions to the "Niente: The Movie" screenplay with a program, called Celtx, that's geared specifically toward screenwriting.

At one point I was describing that a character in this certain scene would combust. I literally typed in "SHE COMBUSTS." And the spell check on this program insisted that I had spelled the word "COMBUSTS" incorrectly. So I went to check to see what the spell check suggested the proper spelling was. The only thing it offered was (I kid you not): "CUM BUSTS."

Aside from that the fact that its Spell Check needs to keep its mind out of the gutter, it's a really great program. I highly recommend it.

Celtx

On an entirely different note, if any of you are familiar with the movie game:

One person names a movie, the next person names an actor from the movie, the person after that names a move that actor was in etc.

It would work like this:

Igor: The Dark Knight to...Ernie.

Ernie: Heath Ledger to...Kat.

Kat: A Knight's Tale to...Steve.

And so fourth.

A few of us have created a new version. Instead of the pattern: Movie>Actor>Movie etc.

It's Movie>Element>Movie>Element etc.

Instead of naming actors, you name things that appeared in the film, for example: the color brown was in the film "Ice Age."

Here's essentially how it went down:

Igor: The Dark Knight to...Ernie.

Ernie: A large truck to...Kat.

Kat: There's was a truck in Spiderman. So Spiderman to...Steve.

Steve: There was a chair in Spiderman. So chair to...Ben.

Ben: I saw a chair in Raiders of the Lost Ark, so Raiders to...Tommy.

Tommy: I saw the color blue in Raiders, the color blue to Igor.

Igor: Deep Blue Sea, I win. Everybody get the fuck out of my house.

After I left, I ate a sandwich and thought about writing this blog post all night. I'm so glad I finally got to tell all of you about this.

Movie Frames!

nienteuniverse@gmail.com (Ernie, Tom, Igor) — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 11:12:00 -0700

Ernie writes-

Sorry for the total lack of set report this week folks. We did have a shoot and it did go well despite what Old Man Stroll might tell you. Don't listen to him, he's just a diva getting out his yayas. But we do have a treat for you, a couple of frames from "Niente: The Movie!" These stills feature Tom Stroll and Justine Cotsonas. Enjoy!:

Look for a new Vlog entry very soon and perhaps Igor will write about something besides movies that have nothing to do with our movie! Wheeeeeeew!

X-Files: I Want to Believe Review

nienteuniverse@gmail.com (Ernie, Tom, Igor) — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 23:01:00 -0700

Igor Writes:

Me: Oh shit, this one doesn't have aliens in it. Let's change the channel. Oh no, we can't! Ugh.

51/100

The Sandwich Police

nienteuniverse@gmail.com (Ernie, Tom, Igor) — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 16:40:00 -0700

Igor Writes

So the other day I'm sitting in my parked car eating a sandwich and listening to the Mets recap. It's right around midnight and I'm getting ready to head home, but not before I finish my damn sandwich.

Suddenly a cop speeds up my street and jams his little utility light/death ray directly into my eye in mid sandwich bite.

Cop: Hey

Me: Hi

Cop: How you doin', man?

Me: I'm good.

Cop: You're good?

Me: I'm good.

Cop: Good.

...
...

Me: I'm having a sandwich. *waves sandwich*

Cop: Nothing illegal about enjoying a picnic in the street, but...

Me: Yeah.

Cop: Yeah. Well enjoy your sandwich.

Me: I will, thanks.

And then the cop sped off into the night.

So there you go. For anyone who was ambiguous as to the legal status of eating a sandwich in a car, it is in fact still legal. But barely.

The Dark Knight - Igor's Review

nienteuniverse@gmail.com (Ernie, Tom, Igor) — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 08:13:00 -0700

Right off the bat, I want to let you know that this review will be very light on spoilers for the most part. However, the end of this will be spoilerific. There will be a warning, but beware.

That having been said, let's jump into it.

Every once in a while, a movie is so well carried by one acting performance that it gains absolute epic status without being the kind of drawn out dramatic piece that have had success with the Academy lately. There Will be Blood and No Country for Old Men, for example, while indeed carried by the acting performances of Javier Bardem and Daniel Day Lewis, were also immaculately written with inescapably fantastic plots and characters backing them up.

The Dark Knight, on the other hand, had some flaws. The plot, while expansive and layered, had a few holes that threw me during the movie. Character motivations change rapidly, and it can be hard to keep up with what exactly the plan is. The message is overstated at times, with Michael Caine being used specifically to spout philosophical nonsense at the audience every time he had lines. Christian Bale's Bruce Wayne is still brilliant, and I love the continual dynamic that he has with this "friends". He is forced to be a stereotypical playboy billionare, and the acting there is very reminiscent of American Psycho. As Batman, however, his deep cover-up voice is just slightly campy, and usually unnecessary.

All that being said, I loved this movie with every inch of my being. Yes, it ran too long. Yes, I have no idea what actually happens to the villain(s). Yes, Batman's first entrance in the film is confusing and underwhelming. But none of that is the point. This movie is absolutely carried by the oscar-worthy performance of the late Heath Ledger. Yeah, I said it. Dead or alive, the man deserves the oscar more than anyone. He nails every fiber of the Joker. Facial expressions, ticks, voice, everything. It absolutely makes the movie.

Knowing way more than I should have known going into this movie (I'll deal with the topic of overzealous movie hype some other day), I still found myself shocked, frightened, and most of all impressed by Ledger's performance. He is in every sense and epic character, and possibly the best movie villain of all time. Let me repeat that. The Joker may very well be the best movie villain ever portrayed by anyone. Ever.

But it's more than that. Aaron Eckart nails down the part of good guy turned bad guy Harvey Dent, and his descent into madness adds a whole new layer of excellence. Pepper that with nice supporting numbers from Morgan Freeman, who continues to be the most badass CEO ever, Gary Oldman, who really comes into his own as a character here, and Maggie Gyllenhal, who replaces Katie Holmes in the role of Rachel Dawson. And thank god for that. Katie Holmes' flat performance in Batman Begins was a huge problem for me, and Maggie, while not necessarily impressive per se, manages to not annoy me for the entire movie, which is more than you can say for the vast majority of female leads in superhero movies (admit it, it's true).

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STOP READING IF YOU HAVENT SEEN IT

SERIOUSLY

JUST STOP IT

DON'T EVEN PEEK

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Some of the effects in this movie are absolutely stunning. How fucking cool was the truck-flipping bit? Also, the BatPod came off really well. There's a moment where Batman comes flying out from the side of a building sideways, and you can distintly see the front wheel spinning on another axis, allowing the BatPod to move sideways. Great touch there, I loved it.

I love some of the thematic elements thrown in for posterity. The Joker's continual willingness to kill himself just underscores the chaos that he embodies. He shows that in a world where there are no heros, the are no villains either. Yet all of this is so well contrasted by Two-Face's transformation from hero to villain. There were a few minor touches, like the Joker's simple line "I'm only burning my half of the money". I'm sure we all immediately thought of Harvey Dent, whose makeup work was both fantastic and horrifying at the same time.

A few questions: What happened to the Joker? We just kind of left him hanging there. And what happened to Harvey? Did he die in the fall? How could he be dead if Batman took a bullet to the chest, fell the same height and came out of it no worse for the wear?

Commisioner Gordon's (feels much better to put it that way, no?) death-but-not-really was a bit disjointed. I'm not sure how neccesary that was. Oh well.

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Was it a perfect movie? Not at all. But I for one am willing to forgive a whole lot when I am treated to such a memorable acting performance. What can I say? He really deserves an Oscar.

Go see this movie. It's that simple.

Rating: 93/100

For comparison:

The Good:
No Country for Old Men: 89/100
There Will Be Blood: 96/100
Batman Begins: 83/100
Magnolia: 94/100
Shoot 'Em Up: 86/100
Rear Window: 98/100

The Bad:
Garfield The Movie: 14/100
Epic Movie: 21/100
Beowulf: 17/100
Little Man: 3/100
Southland Tales: 41/100

The Ugly (because no one agrees with me on these):
Sin City: 56/100
The 300: 33/100
Lord of the Rings, Fellowship: 68/100
In the Valley of Elah: 94/100
28 Days Later: 92/100