Nikita's Handwriting

Roadmap to God's Presence - Benny Hinn

2012-02-18T03:48:00.002+08:00

A Deeper Commitment to Prayer - Benny Hinn

2012-02-17T11:07:00.002+08:00

"You have got to seek God with everything inside of you,

because half-hearted prayer will not work." - Benny Hinn

Prayer is More Important than Power - Benny Hinn

2012-02-17T11:05:00.003+08:00

Benny Hinn - Why It's Important to Pray

2012-02-17T11:03:00.002+08:00

Silence Says It All

2012-02-15T22:11:00.002+08:00

My room.

September 14, 2007

11:06 pm

God

The Throne of the Almighty

Heaven

Dear Father,

I definitely don’t want to practice writing sad stories here because I don’t want to remember. Father, you know that you’re the only one I can lean on. I’m having or I’ve been having one of the toughest moments. But I chose to divert my attention. Now, help. It’s yours. I don’t want to live in agony nor fear. You said, blessed is the man who trusts in you. So here I am. Trusting you. I may sound hopeless, but people, though sad to admit needs to be hopeless many times just to remember your being the God of the impossible. I may have people around me, but at the end of each day, before I close my eyes, in my heart, I know you’re the only one for me. I’ve shed a great amount of tears this past season, so writing you this time is waterless. I guess, this is not a letter of complaint but a letter of submission. You are the chief engineer. You are the master planner. I always remember what you said to me on my way home “hindi kita pababayaan”. I believe you. These tough times will pass. I trust you. And after the storm you will rebuild Israel. So here I am, a ruined Israel. Ready to be rebuilt. Gather the stones Oh Father. Embrace my soul. Tears are superficial. But silence says it all.

And I don’t care what people say to me about “us” because the way I discovered you is just specially between us. You taught me yourself, although painfully. I need scars to remember. Protect me Father in heaven.

Holding on to You alone,

Will You Give Me A Heart?

2012-02-08T17:01:00.004+08:00

A heart to love
The heart to accept the unexpected
The heart to believe in things unseen
The heart to see beyond what is
The heart to hear your heart
The heart to overcome
The heart to embrace joy and not be afraid to be happy
Give me the heart to cherish every moment, one day at a time
Give me the heart to forgive, not just others, but as well as my self
Give me the heart to surrender and and not be scared
I pray for a heart that will always choose your ways over mine
A heart ready to forget failures, but instead...
A heart that is hopeful
Give me a heart to love you above all
And a heart that would let me be loved by You.

I Never Thought

2012-01-16T15:58:00.003+08:00

Until I met Him,
I never thought
Someone could love me
far beyond the measure of love
I thought I deserve.

Simply Impossible

2012-01-08T12:12:00.001+08:00

It is impossible to know Jesus Christ and not surrender to Him your life.
It is impossible to have known who Jesus is and not fall in-love with Him.

Love is a Decision.

2011-12-20T09:34:00.000+08:00

Scrapbook

2011-12-03T01:53:00.002+08:00

I’m not afraid to grow old alone. I have faith that You’ll take care of me in my old age if ever. But what I’m concerned about is what my scrapbook would look like. I don’t want them to be empty. I want it to be filled will all kinds of photographs and colorful souvenirs. Keepsakes which will remind me of the colorful life You cared to write for me. With all emotions surging in my chest. I want to have memories. Whether sad nor quiet, frantic and horrible... everything. I want to live to the full like what You promised, but still within the scope of you words.
You know my heart and it makes me love You more.
I have trust in You.
Take over my new found friendships.

Walking Home

2011-12-03T01:47:00.002+08:00

Stepping out of the battlefield. Wounded, no armor left. Some bruises on the right shoulder, left elbow and legs. A pierced heart, somehow bleeding. I’m coming home Father. It is over. I remember seeing this certain movie, based on an epic or a myth I suppose. A young boy was sent out to the wilderness, with only a spear on hand. He was able to plunge the weapon into the flesh of this huge dark wild beast, planning to devour his body. He stayed alive. And went home carrying more strength, with all unseen weapon in his heart and mind.

Like the Israelites who were exiled to Babylon in the time of the great prophet Jeremiah. I ask for the forgiveness of my sins Father. Take me home, I was exiled. But because of Your deliverance I’m coming home.

This time, let me begin with You.

For Memories' Sake

2011-12-03T01:44:00.002+08:00

Going through the pages of my daily journal is a mixture of encouragements, surprised eyebrows and realizations that such moments actually transpired in those years. This may sound a bit sad, but we sometimes forget. The people close to our hearts, those faces we never thought will ever fade from our memories, will in fact vanish… somehow we lose them…. Some would go to better places, cities where they can find themselves, some through painful fights, some would just simply slip away.

After some not so beautiful memories, I prayed to the Lord of the Heaven’s Army to grant me splendid farewells. I mean, if it’s time, then allow me to have a graceful goodbye. And because nothing is constant, people come and go, I tried to love when I want to. God has now given me the courage to show I care when I want to. I don’t expect anything back. I love because I know I am loved. This is something I can give, because my source is the ever-loving Father in Heaven. Not getting what I thought I deserve from them don’t stop me from loving them. I avoided saying goodbye and putting an end to everything when it’s not yet time. I let God decide when to. And I love it when he does give me great people with whom I can share candid moments and most especially when He teaches me to love in spite of and even if. This is living. And I am grateful to God for showing me how.

Now, saying goodbye is not that difficult anymore. Because I know in my heart, I gave them mine. No more “what ifs” or “what could’ve been”. I love when my heart tells me to. We can never tell the length of time God gave us to spend with that person, so as for me, I will love them truthfully, with all that I can give.

When Someone Mortal Comes Along

2011-12-03T01:33:00.002+08:00

The music, the movie and the characters were remarkably spectacular simply because they cause people to change. The message of the movie undoubtedly springs hope to those who seek their soul’s safest haven. When the ultimate definition of love was displayed through the scenes, the words written in Your book were magnified to the extent of touching my obdurate interior. It served its purpose, and I applaud you for the magnificent movie. It actually convinced my eyes to look at love differently...to a

Love that is not afraid to give and has sufficient valor to accept less return from what was voluntarily offered. You mentioned in your book that “love always protects”, those words make me smile. Love has the audacity to defend and shield the beloved. Father, like what Peter told you when you asked him to feed your lambs, “You know all things.” There are episodes and secret statements hidden in a person’s humanity which are veiled and buried. I would love to translate those delicate sentiments but I ran out of words. That is why I depend on your Sovereignty that even though my tears were unnamed, your being God would decipher every drop and every sob.

Brown Bench at the Bus Stop

2011-12-03T01:26:00.002+08:00

At this point, that is the only sure thing in my heart. I love you. It may not always begin with that, but the end is always me being captured by your pure love. And when I begin to contemplate on your mercy for my life, all of the heartache caused by this nonsense grievance of waiting diminishes. The smoke which blinded my eyes fades away and left me with your wonderful vision. That you send your beloved and only Son to offer his body and blood, and used it’s holiness to purify my soul.

Like Jumping to My Death

2011-12-03T01:14:00.003+08:00

I know I’ve accepted weakness as part of my failures. I just wanted a peaceful life, but in my heart I know that if I stop that would be the end of me. I know that if I turn my life around from Your ministry, it’s like facing a cliff and jumping to my death. I will be living a worthless and lifeless life. I want to thank You for not letting me go to that direction. Help me see situations through Your eyes. Father, I never intend to live apart from you. You are my life and salvation.

It Doesn't Matter

2011-10-26T02:13:00.002+08:00

As They Hear My Cry

2011-10-26T01:52:00.002+08:00

I will sing to you tonight from my soul. The wind may not hear my voice, but I pray that your heart will hear my worship. My tears are never hidden from your sight and as I bow down before your throne, as the elders with the angels in heaven hear my cry… Let me love you tonight.

Unknown

2011-10-25T10:04:00.001+08:00

I love you without knowing how, when or where it came from.
I love you without questions, without doubts, and without answers.
I love you for every sparkle I see in your amazing eyes.
I love you for making me embrace hurt as well as pain.
I love you for making me risk so much… just to feel your shadow.
I love you for every time I walk alone, you make me smile.
I love you for making me trust you and love the world around me again.
I love you for everything you are, and everything that you are not.
I love you for teaching me to love so much greater than I could have imagined.
I love you for making me quietly love you, and love myself even more, because now,
I know how to love.

In this Sacred Silence

2011-10-25T09:57:00.002+08:00

An avalanche of sadness which is covering up the surface of this heart has been drowning every part of me. I am simply sad.

Psalm 77:1
I cry out to God without holding back.
Oh, that God would listen to me!

But this will soon fade. You will once again shower me with joy and will give a new meaning to the word rejoice. I worship you in different stages of my life, Father God. I worship now in this sacred silence. I want to go up there with you and hide in your arms. Father, cover me with the banner of your love. I need you tonight. I need you for the rest of my life. Hide me and keep me safe. I just don’t know where to turn and what to think. Let me be the daughter, the lady, the servant that you want me to be. Not this naïve, bewildered me. Give me the courage to face trials and overcome. I need that kind of heart. I will wait. Take this ill feeling away.

I Love that You were Silent

2011-10-25T09:51:00.001+08:00

Father, I must say it was quite a difficult year for me. It was the most silent and saddest weeks and months. You taught me to be still and cry in a corner, until it breaks me through the core. I know you will not let anything happen without your permission… painful as it is, I know it was for the best. I asked you to make me stronger, and I know in my heart this is one way of training me for things to come. I love you for being you. I love that you were silent in those dark nights of confusion and sadness. I appreciate your distance. Even though it was just me thinking that you are far from me, you just want me to have faith that against the odds, you love me and will always rescue me. I know that you love me so much that you gave the blood of your Son Jesus Christ for the redemption of my sins so that on your appointed day, I will walk past the gates of heaven, most probably running, and see you face to face. I will finally see you. I will see Jesus and the nail-pierced hands which took the nails that should have been nailed to my own two hands.

I will never run out of reasons to love you… it begins with your heart. I adore you and appreciate the time spent on pursuing me. I found you and my heart just rejoices in your salvation. More years of you and me. More years of us walking the streets you have laid on the blueprint of my life.

I pray that this year will lead me closer to your heart.
Use me as you wish, for I am yours.

Sharing life with You

2011-10-25T09:44:00.002+08:00

When I found and met you in 2002, I was contented and satisfied. I felt I have found what I’ve been looking for and was finally home. These days, things, people and situations seem to convince me that believing you are enough is not enough. But you are. I just want to live the rest of my life with you, sharing life and thoughts and secrets with you. Father God, help me figure this out. I need to continue breathing until it is time for me to go home in heaven. You know that I love you. Help me. Help me go through life.

A fighter, not just a survivor

2011-10-25T09:19:00.003+08:00

Romans 16:20 NIV
The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet.
The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you.

I ask you Lord God, to strengthen my heart and spirit. I want to be a fighter and not just a survivor. It’s time to conquer and be like David, be like Joshua and the kings of the Old Testament. Father, give me a courageous heart. I pray and ask you in Jesus’ Name to keep me standing in faith, focusing on what you want me to do that I may glorify your name.

No matter what stupid thing you say

2011-10-22T01:43:00.002+08:00

No matter what stupid thing you say, or do or think, he will never stop loving you. He will love you everyday, and his love is always new and always fresh.
And even if you decide not to love him, he will still love you.
Even if you decide to stop loving him, he will love you still and will continue to love you.

For God says in his words,

The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying:
“I have loved you with an everlasting love;
I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.
(Jeremiah 31:3NIV)

Even if you decide to love him less than what you think and know he deserves, he will love you fully and completely, without reservations.

You are not going to improve

2011-10-22T01:42:00.002+08:00

The voice in his love does not develop a person.
His love does not improve a person.
His love changes a person (2 Corinthians 5.17).
The old things which caused death have now passed away, behold the new has come.
There is no greater influence than the powerful voice of the one you love.

That Sweet Sound

2011-10-22T01:40:00.001+08:00

There is no sweeter sound than the voice of the one you love calling your name. It was the power of the love of Jesus which restored Lazarus back. He called him by his own name (John 10.3). He came back to life because of love. There is power in the voice of love. Once you hear it, it will be like springs of living water gushing all over your body, cleansing away all impurities.

I will open rivers in high places, and fountains in the midst of the valleys: I will make the wilderness a pool of water, and the dry land springs of water (Isaiah 41:18 King James Version).