tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34827572Sat, 05 Oct 2024 02:10:39 +0000haikuBatmanDaycareGodzillaGray's PapayaMomofukuNinjaMomgriefsurvivinghttp://www.ninjadad.com/noreply@blogger.com (NinjaDad)Blogger40125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34827572.post-2648831401447408336Tue, 27 Jan 2009 19:43:00 +00002009-01-27T12:00:06.760-08:00BatmanGray's PapayaDear NinjaSon,OK. One day, when I am dead, you will be reading this and I will do a little dance from beyond the grave when you read once and for all in the undeniable truth of this repository of all NinjaDad knowledge the following....THERE IS NO REAL BATMANThis sentence should ring familiar a distant childhood memory of the years and years in which I told you day after day after day that THERE http://www.ninjadad.com/2009/01/death-of-batman.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (NinjaDad)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34827572.post-2036590462584661594Wed, 21 Jan 2009 21:46:00 +00002009-01-21T13:53:33.529-08:00GodzillaMomofukuNinjaMomDear NinjaSon,Sorry little man. I am really sorry. I blame you really.As you know this place is a repository for all of my NinjaDad knowledge to be saved and deposited for your future reference when I am dead which I thought was going to be really soon since in my old age of 30something human years I am sure something is going to kill me and leave you orphaned. Such things could be like maybe a http://www.ninjadad.com/2009/01/you-deserve-better.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (NinjaDad)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34827572.post-4082759603214506699Wed, 02 Jul 2008 18:48:00 +00002008-07-02T11:57:05.921-07:00Things NinjaSon Can Do...kill a manpush button on coffee makerdeproof any childproof device including human guardsknow what time Wordworld is on using only the length of a pidgeons shadowget out of carseatget into carseat of another car...while on the freewayname 5 colors: red, blue, yellow, orange, magenta and infrared which he calls "Instafred"block thingscatch birdsdig a holeslideclimb http://www.ninjadad.com/2008/07/you-can-do-it.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (NinjaDad)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34827572.post-8157520132621476297Wed, 30 Apr 2008 03:44:00 +00002008-04-29T20:48:55.733-07:00srry pplez i gon so longg. iv bn tring 4 fiv month 2 lrn to blog wth only the pwer of my mind.today isucceeded.finally.1 typing thiswithon;ymy brain.dear ninjason,bloging wit only pwer of ur brain issuperhard.lv,ninjadadhttp://www.ninjadad.com/2008/04/wher-iss-ninjadad.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (NinjaDad)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34827572.post-2292197532858840199Wed, 31 Oct 2007 04:11:00 +00002008-12-09T17:28:00.006-08:00Stop...the...Madness.Prejudice doesn't just hurt Ninja-Americans. Prejudice hurts all Americans. And Ninjas hurt some Americans too and once some French people when I was visiting Lyon last year but that is neither here nor there. Don't dress like a Ninja and ask for candy. Ninjas don't ask for candy.http://www.ninjadad.com/2007/10/stop.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (NinjaDad)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34827572.post-2099240873345648546Sun, 09 Sep 2007 04:56:00 +00002007-09-08T21:58:09.024-07:00Ha Ha Ha Ha HaHa Ha ha Ha ha ha Hastop you're killing mehttp://www.ninjadad.com/2007/09/haiku-saturday-great-ninja-joke.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (NinjaDad)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34827572.post-287064776443881191Tue, 28 Aug 2007 03:24:00 +00002007-08-27T21:55:19.117-07:00Dear NinjaSon,There are things in this world that you know about through words or tales or history or dreams or imagination or fortune cookie fortunes and yet until you hold it in your mouth, you know nothing.I thought I knew how to kill a Siberian Muskateet with a blade of grass and three peanut skins. I thought wrong.I thought I knew how to find Carmen San Diego. She's not real.I thought I knewhttp://www.ninjadad.com/2007/08/crap-i-didnt-quite-know-10000-times.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (NinjaDad)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34827572.post-8225541327132147018Wed, 22 Aug 2007 06:39:00 +00002007-08-22T00:06:44.493-07:0013 days since NinjaSon stabbed anybodyIt always starts with some waiter or waitress uttering the ridiculous sentence: "Look how cute the little NinjaBaby cuts his food!"StabOuchNinjaBaby laughterTIMEOUT!!!!Turn the kid around in his highchair and start timing his timeout. He usually throws imaginary shuriken at all the restaurant patrons.They smile thinking he's waving.SighSo here are a list of http://www.ninjadad.com/2007/08/13-days.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (NinjaDad)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34827572.post-594747017231777826Fri, 13 Jul 2007 21:53:00 +00002007-07-13T15:16:42.013-07:00Wow. Sometimes being a single NinjaDad is hard. I mean where did all the time go? Here’s a typical day.1. Wake up, kill somebody.2. Brush Teeth.3. Find NinjaSon.4. Keep Looking5. Keep Looking6. Go get breakfast (the kid is loving hotdogs these days)7. Kill somebody8. Pay for hotdogs.9. Go to park.10. Remind NinjaSon, NO STABBING!11. Give first of 39 timeouts for stabbing.12. Answer other parents http://www.ninjadad.com/2007/07/day-by-numbers.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (NinjaDad)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34827572.post-6016073233782853403Sat, 26 May 2007 05:17:00 +00002007-05-25T22:23:17.489-07:00So I'm at the local Mommy's group and the topic of discussion is protecting our kids from violence in the media and all of a sudden everyone's looking at me. I'm like seriously what the hell? Hey ladies for your information I have never, not once in my life never ever, killed anyone on TV. I was so upset one of my fake boobs almost fell out. The stuff I put up with trying to learn how to raise myhttp://www.ninjadad.com/2007/05/who-me.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (NinjaDad)3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34827572.post-2037445100919554964Wed, 11 Apr 2007 06:40:00 +00002007-04-22T03:00:11.035-07:00DaycareThe whole Ninja Nanny thing definitely is not working out due to the fact that NinjaSon has not quite mastered the please don't stab the Nanny thing. Have you ever tried to enroll a Ninja Baby into daycare? Why oh why does every damn daycare in Manhattan 1) Hate Ninjas 2) Hate Ninja-Looking Babies. I mean actually it borders on racism...except for the fact that they really can't tell what race I http://www.ninjadad.com/2007/04/ninja-daycare.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (NinjaDad)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34827572.post-4756276499458332801Wed, 07 Mar 2007 22:21:00 +00002007-06-01T21:25:09.754-07:00griefsurvivingBaby D rolls into heaven. Bumps into Buddha, Ghandi and Jimi Hendrix. Baby D asks who they are. They recount their tales of life on earth. Baby D is amazed. The guys ask Baby D about his life on earth. Baby D tells them that he had a life in which each and every day, he knew only love. Enough love for a lifetime. The boys smile, and are amazed.My son,They say grief is the price that we pay for http://www.ninjadad.com/2007/03/on-grief.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (NinjaDad)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34827572.post-5943562224637519910Sun, 18 Feb 2007 05:42:00 +00002007-02-17T21:45:44.524-08:00haiku29 tantosa good mobile does not makeunless you're my sonhttp://www.ninjadad.com/2007/02/ninja-quarterly.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (NinjaDad)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34827572.post-116892746457152782Tue, 16 Jan 2007 05:35:00 +00002007-01-15T23:34:11.323-08:00When I was a young Ninja, I tore up this city like a chainsaw oil fire. It helps when you can get into any venue at any time on any whim. Even if I did not have the ability to seemingly pass through walls and make the impossible common, or if I didn't have mind control abilities, or if you took away my intimidating fear induced mastery of the common man, or even if you stripped me of all Ninja http://www.ninjadad.com/2007/01/i-used-to-be-cool.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (NinjaDad)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34827572.post-116823784119837459Mon, 08 Jan 2007 06:21:00 +00002007-01-15T23:36:51.126-08:00It's not the girl you miss,you miss the days she's wrapped in,you can find the girl today,but as a good man once said,the days run away like wild horses over the hills.http://www.ninjadad.com/2007/01/lesson-245-how-to-heal-broken-heart.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (NinjaDad)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34827572.post-116785308571035182Wed, 03 Jan 2007 19:19:00 +00002007-01-06T11:12:39.483-08:00Ahh the holiday season has come and gone, Ninjmas, Hour of Perpetual Midnight, New Years etc etc. With all of the evil and danger and deathly faces of deadly death that I face throughout the year, why am I so afraid of the Holiday Season? Here are some highlights....Snowflakes: Nature's Little ShurikenOK. Nothing reminds me of youth like killing somebody with snowflakes. OK here's my gift to the http://www.ninjadad.com/2007/01/deadly-silent-sounds-of-season.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (NinjaDad)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34827572.post-116614577942289789Fri, 15 Dec 2006 00:56:00 +00002006-12-14T17:22:59.446-08:00Dear NinjaSon,In a world that so many view as so profane. In a life surrounded by death and rebirth; anguish and utter joy. There is something we must keep in mind. It is the beauty of this moment. As those who pass clutch so tightly to that which they claim is theirs, I hold my life in an open palm. We all get greedy and ask for more. One year more, one month more, one week more, one day more, http://www.ninjadad.com/2006/12/how-to-die-46.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (NinjaDad)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34827572.post-116588765260378737Tue, 12 Dec 2006 01:20:00 +00002006-12-11T17:40:52.626-08:00NinjaDad: HelloNinjaNanny Candidate #214: Hi! KewL Hat! RU a terroRisT?NinjaDad: *Sigh* I am NinjaDad. Why are you talking like that?NinjaNanny Candidate #214: Lik wHat?NinjaDad: You talk like my kid types.NinjaNanny Candidate #214: I thOugHt Ur KidZ waz a Baby?NinjaDad: Yes but NinjaBaby so he learns things quickly...oh nevermind. Ok I will now attack you as if I am a Brooklyn Mystic and http://www.ninjadad.com/2006/12/ninjerview-214.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (NinjaDad)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34827572.post-116536803369682502Wed, 06 Dec 2006 00:43:00 +00002006-12-05T17:20:33.713-08:00 According to the Non-Ninja World today is the day of the Ninja. Ok if you say so. Yay! Happy Day of the Made-up-Non-Ninja Holiday to celebrate those we don't have any freaking idea about other than some kooky sterotypes born from GI Joe, The Master, American Ninja and a bunch of other crap. Never mind the fact that there is a real day, December 32 also know as the hour of perpetual midnight in http://www.ninjadad.com/2006/12/happy-dotn-i-guess.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (NinjaDad)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34827572.post-116417687028678338Wed, 22 Nov 2006 06:08:00 +00002006-11-21T22:27:50.296-08:00Dear NinjaSon,Don't take any wooden nickels. Do you know whattheNinja this means? Nor do I. But as Ninja sometimes you have to use common sense. Be careful about lending your trust too easily. For example when answering the following ad:Models needed for Warrior campaign. Must embody the following character traits: Noble, Toughness, Wisdom. Must be comfortable holding a sword. Title of http://www.ninjadad.com/2006/11/bright-lights-big-warrior.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (NinjaDad)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34827572.post-116366094787893818Thu, 16 Nov 2006 06:56:00 +00002006-11-15T23:10:05.476-08:00Thanks to a certain unnamed Korean French first-named daddy blogger who lives on my block, I have been introduced to a kick ass NinjaDictionary. Like the room of 1000 angry monkey blades, I have found that this site is a great Ninja trainer because it has a random word button. Give a Ninja these random words...marshal (v) : arrange in logical order; place in proper rank "marshal facts or http://www.ninjadad.com/2006/11/ninjawordscom.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (NinjaDad)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34827572.post-116292713010488874Tue, 07 Nov 2006 19:15:00 +00002006-11-07T11:18:50.146-08:00Why do kids always say this? And what will my kid say?Kid: My Dad can beat up your dad.NinjaSon: My Dad's dead.Kid: Oh sorry...NinjaSon: But he just killed your Dad.Kid: What?NinjaSon: Live with the guilt...let it be your pillow...Kid: What are you talking about?NinjaSon: ...a pillow full of pointy things.http://www.ninjadad.com/2006/11/my-dad-can-beat-up-your-dad.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (NinjaDad)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34827572.post-116280084659706487Mon, 06 Nov 2006 08:04:00 +00002007-02-17T21:46:24.052-08:00haikuSitting in tha SlopeBrooklyn Mystics took my legsBugaboo-hoo-hoohttp://www.ninjadad.com/2006/11/haiku-monday-park-slope.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (NinjaDad)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34827572.post-116227826909710053Tue, 31 Oct 2006 07:01:00 +00002006-10-31T13:29:50.170-08:00I think it's time to find a NinjaNanny. I say this after spending the last six days on the verge of death waiting for my legs to grow back after being bum rushed by a group of mystics from Brooklyn. Bastards. So spending a week on the street with my NinjaSon not knowing if I was going to live or die makes a ninja reflect on stupid things he's done in his life.Top Ten Stupid NinjaDad Things10. http://www.ninjadad.com/2006/10/damn-legs-grow-slow.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (NinjaDad)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34827572.post-116164898393374413Mon, 23 Oct 2006 22:55:00 +00002006-10-23T17:16:24.023-07:00Dear NinjaSon,I took you to Color Me Mine the other day to get one of those imprint frames made but thanks to your damn speedy NInjaDevelopment, we couldn't get you to make a footprint. (Sigh) Kids grow so fast...one moment they're leaving footprints the next they leave no signs of their existence. I'm lucky you haven't turned invisible yet. I had to paint little footprints instead, you thought http://www.ninjadad.com/2006/10/timing-is-everything.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (NinjaDad)0