First off, a nip party isn't all about Nips and Nipyatas.

You can bring other types of stuff- beer, wine, pills, whatever it is you're into.

That being said, most of the cool people at the party will think you're an idiot if you bring that shit.

Nip Parties are ALL ABOUT THE NIPS.

The last nip party we hit up was a real doozie.

They had two coffin coolers stuffed with ice and nips. Ice cold nips are amazing.

Looked like there were about 30 different brands represented across the 1,000+ nips.

 Fireball was obviously a dominant player. As the coffins were getting low, I realized they also had a back up bath tub of nips upstairs- really savvy move here by the veteran- always have a backup tub or two of extra nips. And remember, lots of ice.

Nip Parties are great because they really help me with regulating my alcohol intake.

I know after about 14 drinks I'm feeling really good, but if I go too far past it or have too many strong poured cocktails I turn into a mutant.

Nips are a nice way to make sure I'm walking the line.

Portability of plastic 50ml bottles is also a KEY success factor to these Nip Parties.

When the volley ball game started getting nuts, I knew I needed to get in there as Ice Man and lay down some massive spikes.

Tucked three nips into my waistband and headed onto the court. Every time we changed serve, I had my nips ready to quench my thirst- like a goddamn pro.

As the party is breaking up and people are getting ready for after hours / bar crawling, it's always helpful to have a few nips in your pockets as you're strolling the town with the rest of the party people.

Enjoy your next party, make it a Nip Party, and don't you dare forget the back up tub!

If you'd like to bring a festive NIPYATA! your next social gathering, click the green button below to see the products that Ice Man brought to his last beach volleyball Nip Party. 

But if this is your first time organizing a private birthday party, don’t worry. Our birthday party planning tips will guide you and help ensure your bestie and guests have the time of their lives.

So, after you’ve decided on your guest list, the party theme and decorations, and gone shopping for gifts, there are a few more things to consider for a unique party experience.

Choose a fun birthday party destination

Assuming you have the budget to go big and plan a birthday party for a whole weekend, traveling to a fun party destination can show your celebrated bestie how much you want her to feel special on her birthday. It’s an experience that she probably doesn’t get to enjoy every year, so she will surely remember it.

A sunny party destination that can offer you fun party activities, top-notch eateries, and vibrant nightlife will elevate your birthday party celebration. We recommend planning your travel to one of these amazing locations:

• San Diego - with amazing white sand beaches, luxury yachts to rent with the girls, and the popular Gaslamp Quarter to explore
• Austin - perfect for a cowgirl-themed birthday party, fun booze pinatas to smash with your friends, and lots of outdoor activities to choose from
• Miami - with fashionable clubs, fine local Bad Boys, and great party rentals to book that are equipped with spacious pools
• Scottsdale - has many late-night fun and plenty of clubs to dance the night away, live music events, and fun, Instagrammable spots

Throw the birthday party by the pool

If you want to throw a special birthday party for your friend, you can rent a party house with a pool, fill it with floaties, and enjoy a BBQ in the backyard. This is a great option if you want to celebrate in an all-year-round sunny location such as San Diego, Scottsdale, Phoenix, or Miami.

Decorate your party rental to your taste; make it as colorful and Instagram-worthy as you and your friends like. And don’t forget the birthday booze pinata!

To surprise your bestie and keep all guests entertained, you can book some local Nice Cabana Boys who will serve the drinks, give you ladies light shoulder massages, apply suntan lotions, clean the pool, and do pretty much anything to pamper you. These muscular hunks will also be eye candy for your guests and charm you with their seductive smiles.

Planning your bestie’s birthday party by the pool in a sunny party destination has many advantages you’ll appreciate. You’ll relax under the sun and get that desired tan, drink refreshing cocktails, and create fun memories together.

Create the right birthday party vibe

To keep everyone in the right mood to party and celebrate this special occasion, you need the awesome unicorn pinata  - the Majestic Unicorn-Yata! Watch your bestie smash that cute unicorn to pieces while blindfolded. This is the cherry on top, and it will make the party super fun!

Take Instagramable photos of this fun moment, enjoy some sorted candies together, and don’t forget about the majestic booze included. Grapefruit vodka, rum, and tequila will create the right party vibe. And if your birthday party crew doesn’t wish to stop drinking here, book a hot, topless Bad Boy party bartender to mix your two-pour drinks.

With Nipyata, alcohol is delivered in a fun, festive, and majestic way, and Bad Boy bartenders can mix and serve it while chatting and flirting. It’s the recipe for a successful birthday party!

Book a luxury Bad Boy Party Bus

Hoping on a luxury party bus and touring the best spots is a fun and safe way to explore a party destination city for your best friend’s birthday party. The party buses you can rent with Bad Boys have comfortable bus couches, are equipped with a killer sound system to play your favorite party songs, and come with an ice and bar area to store your booze.

You get a designated driver while you can relax, drink, dance (a dance pole can be included), and take your birthday party crew to your favorite restaurant, winery, bar, or nightclub. Doesn’t this sound fun?

So book your party bus, decide on the pick-up and drop-off location, and don’t forget to welcome your celebrated bestie onboard with a drinkable greeting card.

Get help from an expert party planner

If time is limited and you want to focus on the fun, leave party planning to an expert. A local party planner knows best what fun activities you can add to your birthday party itinerary, the top-rated venues, and local party services, and can help you get what you desire within your budget.

You’ll save time and money, be guided by friendly booking agents, and customize your birthday party package for a memorable celebration experience. So relax, and let a trusted party planning agency make organizing your bestie’s celebration easy and fun.

We've been fielding a lot of questions lately about the proper way to initiate the Nipyata experience at a social gathering.

Lisa from Yonkers asked, "Do I actually need to string it up and have people swing at it? I'm pretty lazy and don't want to be that girl at the party telling people what to do..."  

Answer: Nope. Sometimes the best way to open a NIPYATA! is to fist your way in and pull the nips out. Or smash it over your friend's head when they least expect it.

Paula in Somerville asked, "What if i just want to cuddle with my Stay Classy? Is that okay? I can't bring myself to smash it."

Answer: Pacifists are 100% approved. Be gentle. Get cozy. Get boozy. #nipyatalove

Here's a few ways to handle your Nipyata! that will make you feel much more comfortable when you walk into a patio party with a Stay Classy underarm.

The Chick Magnet - Whether you're a group of guys going out on the town, or a pride of cougars looking for young meat, a night at the bars with a Nipyata! will help attract mating partners.

You can bring the blindfold for added sexual tension- heck even the smashin' stick could come in handy.

Make sure your Nipyata! is in plain view either on top of someone's shoulder as you enter each establishment or positioned proudly on top of the bar or table.

Reach your hands into the insides of your Nipyata! to find delicious nips and hand them out as bait to help attract your prey.

Arm locked nip swigs lead to late night debauchery.  

The Friendly Enabler - A creative friend of mine used the Hanging Twine to secure his Nipyata! like a messenger bag.

He walked around the party handing out nips from the partially opened Nipyata!

This will make you a ton of friends and there is no violence required. Leave the Blindfold and Smashin' Stick at home.

Get your friends nipped with zero violence.

The NIPYATA! Surprise - An advanced Nipyata! maneuver is to strategically hide the Nipyata so that your hungover party host will find it when they are doing their mandatory depressed post-party clean up.

Usually sad and hungover, she will need a pick me up surprise and a Nipyata is just the trick!

We recommend hanging the Nipyata in the coat closet, on the shower rod in the bathroom or stash it in the passenger seat of their car.

They can grab a nip or two to make their recovery day that much better! 

The Revenge Nipyata! - Nothing like leaving a Nipyata! for an ex-boss, ex-boyfriend or ex-wife filled with some cheap warm tequilas and a pound of glitter.

Secure your amazing purchase today.

Little did I know that this was the year I would break my poor grandmother's heart at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

The afternoon was going along swell- football on TV, nips of McGillicuddy's flowing like wine.

My crazy cousins were in town, one of whom we call "Pills and Booz" - needless to say we were really enjoying our Thanksgiving festivities.

After Thanksgiving dinner, I'm sitting at the table like a lazy sloppy mess while the rest of my family is hustling around picking up plates and washing dishes.

My 93 year old grandmother hobbles over and sits down next to me.

She's decided that it's time we do our annual catch up on life talk. 

Usually it's polite small talk. But this time, there's something different going on. There's this gleam of joy and hope in her eyes.

"So how is your new business going along, William?" I didn't know she knew about NIPYATA!, so I was pretty excited - I immediately pictured Gram trying to break open a 'yata.

Before I can tell her about NIPYATA! she asks, "So you're selling baby products? Is it a company to help nourish babies?" 

Now this sweet crazy old lady thinks the Nips we sling are related to baby bottles and I'm not sure if I should get into the whole booze piñata thing.

So I just come right out and tell her what a Nip is and that they're selling like hotcakes.

At that moment, as she comprehends what we are selling, she looks as if she just sucked on a lemon.

She squints her eyes real tight and says, "Oh William! You mean you're selling those liquor bottles that homeless people drink?! That's just terrible." 

Luckily the boat did not run me over and I had zero contact with the engine blades.

But the abrupt juxtaposition of falling into what I was 100% certain was a massive ball pit - when in reality, it was actually crystal clear cold blue lake water - I opened my eyes under water to see a twelve foot tall stallion approaching me at full speed from the depths of the ball pit.

It was galloping in an underwater rhythm and red white and blue fireworks were shooting out of its eyes, mouth and nose.

As it came closer to me and as I rose to the surface of the lake, I realized it was painted in bright metallic red white and blue and it was smiling at me saying "Hey Will- it's 4th of July. I'm the party donkey- the freedom donkey. Let's get back to the rock 'n roll." I agreed and followed him upwards out of the ball pit.

As my friends pulled me back on the vessel and my ears were immediately filled with "Born in the USA" by Bruce Springsteen - I knew at that moment we needed to create The Freedom Donkey to help all those patriotic nut jobs tripping balls on some of the best summer holidays the world has to offer.

After the weekend wound down and I was sober enough to get out my laptop, I immediately Skyped my mentor "El Casco" down in Mazatlan and told him about my trip and my vision for The Freedom Donkey.

He could tell by the tone of my voice, that I meant business, so he immediately flew me down to Mexico in his private jet to work with him in an intensive 1 on 1 creative workshop to dial in the product.

The feel of the crepe paper on your hand needed to be perfect. The hue of the scarlet red around the eyes of the beast needed to be as red as the blood red fireworks I saw shooting out of its eyes 14 feet deep in Whitefish Lake.

I needed this product to be authentic and perfectly designed- and El Casco knew this- he wasn't the head of the North American Piñata Makers Guild for nothing. 

We worked non-stop for 36 hours - stoking the flames with special 'workshop pills' that El Casco reserves for the most important creative workshop sessions.

At the end of the furious session, we had a prototype that looked almost identical to that beast I met head on in the bottom of that ball pit on 4th of July in Whitefish, Montana. And this thing was glorious.

 

Because of the mescaline, we like to schedule all of our meetings and high-level corporate activities for early in the trip when we’re still fairly lucid.  

We've had a productive first week.  We've paid off our debts to the piñata elders in Monterrey, we've done some tequila tastings in Jalisco, and we've held some meaningful discussions about the current state of affairs of the piñata industry.

We've covered pretty much everything there is to cover for a nip piñata company.

By the end of the week though, things are getting ugly.  

We're steadily battling gastrointestinal illnesses, our hallucinations are getting stronger, we've been robbed a few times, and we’ve lost our intern.  

We haven’t seen him since a particularly gnarly night in Puerto Vallarta, where, incidentally, we made a wrong turn.  

We ended up in Zamora about 400+ miles southeast of Mazatlan where we were scheduled to meet with Juan "El Casco" Del Rio, the head of the Mexican Piñata Maker's Guild, the next morning.  

We eventually made it to Mazatlan, but El Casco was a no-show.  

We were supposed to meet him on a Monday, but we found out it was Thursday when we got there.  

We had no clue.  Our intern was our time keeper and he had our laptop, so without him it was impossible to know what day it even was or when we were supposed to do anything business-related.  

We should've known we were fucked the night we saw him running down the beach, tripping his balls off, with that laptop in his backpack.  

That was the last time we saw him.  

Things were looking bleak for us, and this corporate retreat was unraveling quickly.  

After a wild night, we woke up late Friday(?) afternoon.  

We estimated we had been in Mexico for about three weeks at this point, but that was just a guess. 

We were running out of pesos, we were down to our last Nipyata, and someone had taken the wheels off our van while we slept in it.  It was time to make a move.

While we gathered our thoughts, we strung up our last Nipyata on a nearby tree and took some whacks at it until the nips fell out.  

In between nips of tequila and massive doses of mescaline, we talked about how we really wanted to meet with El Casco, but at this point we were pretty sure he wouldn't  see us.  

Everyone in the piñata industry knows you get one shot with El Casco, and you don't blow it.  

We decided instead that we should retrace our steps to see if we could find this missing intern.  

We also agreed that, "next year, no drugs from strangers until we're done with all of our meetings."

Finally we sobered up and realized our predicament wasn't so bad.  

We don't even have an intern. That was a guy we picked up on the way out of Monterrey; evidently he managed to hang with us for a few days until he robbed us blind that night in Puerto Vallarta.  

That was him running from us with our backpack and laptop.  

In our state, we were convinced he was our intern looking for better wireless reception so he could call El Casco's people to confirm our meeting.

A wave of relief washed over us as we realized we could close this soon-to-be-filed missing person case.

As we hopped on a bus headed back to the US, holding our heads high with a sense of accomplishment from another productive retreat, we polished off the last of the mescaline and got excited about getting back to work and continuing to spread Nipyata! joy and happiness to people all across the country.

It feels good to be back.  Now, let's kick off a sweet summer - best wishes for a happy, healthy, and nip-filled Memorial Day weekend!

It’s any number of reasons as to why these people are forced to sit with their younger (or degenerate) cousins, invalid grandparents, and the strange, reclusive, neighborhood acquaintance who was invited to one Thanksgiving years ago and somehow keeps showing up years later.

But the family as a whole has determined that it’s for the greater good to keep these people away from the more mature and enlightened conversation that flows like gravy around the grownup table.

For these people, we have a suggestion:  Show up this Thanksgiving with a Drunken Santa NIPYATA! or a Boozy Advent Calendar to increase your chances of moving up to the grown ups' table .

Your boozy relatives will love it, and you may just get that wink and a nod letting you know you've graduated to the grown ups' table this year.

Make an effort this year to earn your spot at the grown ups' table.

If you don’t, you can bet your drumsticks that you’ll be watching from the kids' table again as Grandpa Dave dumps the gravy boat down his pants; you've had a front-row seat to that spectacle for far too long, amigos.

via GIPHY

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! To shop all of Grandpa Dave's favorites, click the big green button below.

The headlines tell the scary story...

"There's been gridlock at the Port of Los Angeles, where shipping containers holding products like toys and sneakers have been stuck offshore. Alcohol is among those products affected."

"Shortages and other challenges across liquor supply chain throw a wrench in summer rebound."

"Drinks and raw material shortages are beginning to impact the US with out-of-stock products becoming increasingly prevalent across all tiers of the industry."

"The holiday season is completely ruined." 

So what does this all mean? As demand increases and supply dwindles, the threats to your best and boozy holiday season grows with every passing day. 

BUT WAIT!

WE. CAN. HELP. 

We have the 'yatas, we have the advent calendars, we have the cards, and most importantly..... we have the booze!!

Don't let the supply chain ruin your year, be a hero. Get your order in now and make sure your friends and family have the #twelvedaysofnipmas the really, truly, deserve.  

Grab your trusty booze filled unicorn and bust through the subpar competitors (can we even call them that?) to grab the attention of the one your heart desires. 

Not sure how to start? We got you, Boo!

For the Freshmen

• Is that a piñata in your hand, or are you just happy to see me?
• Wanna play with my (uni)corn?
• Let’s play a game… it's called smash the peen-yata
• Did someone call for a party animal?
• Free Booze!

Ready to Level Up?

• Hey babe, will you help me free my donkey?
• Don’t worry, I have my own blindfold
• I come equipped with my own hydration kit (point to NIPYATA, wink very slowly)
• Is it still considered a threesome if we bring my donkey? 

Advanced Nippers Only

• Oh hey… you know what you and my NIPYATA have in common? I could smash you both all night long. 
• You and Whiskey make me frisky, and I’ve got all the whiskey I can handle
• I believe in equality… You get one smash, I get one smash. 
• Dating is hard, smashing doesn’t have to be.

Shop Now and let's go make some good, bad decisions. 

 We love The Today Show almost as much as Carson loves the nips. 

NIPYATA! BEST SELLERS

THE #1 ADULT BOOZE PIÑATA: THE STAY CLASSY BURRITO®! (15 BOTTLES PRE-LOADED)

THE WATERMELON-YATA! (15 BOTTLES PRE-LOADED)

THE DISCO BALL RUM NIPYATA! (15 BOTTLES OF COCONUT RUM PRE-LOADED)

"What the hell is all that shit down there!?"

"The boxes?" I ask, pretending to not know what she's talking about.

"Yeah, the boxes- what the hell is all that crap?" she demands to know.

"Those are the NIPYATA's I was telling you about. They are gonna sell like hotcakes, sweetie." I responded with a confident smile.

Then came the death stare.

Anyway, the moral of the story is there is NO GOOD TIME TO DISCUSS 500 NIPYATAS STORED IN THE BASEMENT.

So please get your orders in quickly before my wife throws out all of our inventory. Thanks and have an awesome day!

-Señor Nippy Yata

Thank you very much for recently supplying me with a donkey-shaped piñata stuffed with Fireball nips.

It's hard to convey in words how much my friends and I enjoyed the experience: from drunkenly waving around a stick, violently tearing open the belly of the piñata, and then giggling with glee as it erupted and rained Fireball--like manna from heaven--onto a group of fairly intoxicated merry-makers.

Fortunately, this allowed us to go from "fairly" intoxicated to "yes, definitely" intoxicated, which was, of course, the goal of the event.

I can't say for sure--I may have blacked out--but it's possible that several children were conceived as a result of your product. If I do become a new father as a result of this, rest assured that, boy or girl, my child will be named NIPYATA! (probably "Nippy" for short).

Cheers,

El Condor

To have your own unforgettable NIPYATA! adventure, click "Shop Now" button below and let's go make some bad decisions.

Lizzie wasn't your average college senior. But she also wasn't anything spectacular.

Solid grades, a cute smile and plenty of friends - but, like many college students her age, she wasn't sure where she was going in life.

She hadn't had a steady boyfriend and other than a wild Spring Break night in Tijuana with a young local stud and a midget pony, her love life had been somewhat underwhelming.

As senior week approached, a large mysterious box appeared unannounced at her Sorority's front door.

The package was unassuming except for a shiny purple envelope attached.

Lizzie quickly opened the envelope to find a day glow pink note card with cursive writing.

It read, "Dear Lizzie, that NIPYATA! changed my life, and I truly believe it will change yours too. I love you! Congratulations on your graduation! Love, Aunt Matilda."

Lizzie felt a burst of warmth and excitement overpower her entire body as she quickly picked up the box and opened her door to share the mysterious delivery with her roommates.

"Change my life forever?" she asked herself. "What COULD this be?"

Lizzie carefully opened the box and unwrapped the contents to find an adorable rainbow colored donkey piñata with beautiful eyes and the word NIPYATA! embossed on each side.

"That's the cutest thing I've ever seen!" one of Lizzie's friends exclaimed as she jumped up from her position on the bed to get a closer look. "

But...what the heck is it? A piñata?!"

As Lizzie silently read the enclosed NIPYATA! Rules of the Game, she began to blush and blurted it out, "THIS IS A BOOZE PINATA!" the roommates all jumped up in ecstasy and ran over to get their hands on the NIPYATA!

Amidst the commotion, one of Lizzie's nerdy friends, quietly stood to the side, reading the directions on the back of the box.

"Uhhhh, guys, this is no ordinary Booze Piñata - this thing has Special Powers- check this out: 'The NIPYATA! is scientifically proven to enhance the libido, ward off evil forces and bring good luck to all those who come in contact with it.'

The roommates all giggled with delight as they petted and stroked the mystical creature and wondered what types of delicious spirits it might contain. 

Lizzie would go on to have one of the best weeks of her college career during Senior Week, with her NIPYATA! in tow.

She made new friends, rekindled old relationships, handed out nips of sweet delicious liquor to her classmates, reenacted her wild night in Tijuana with her crush and became a more relaxed confident version of herself.

She could never bring herself to smash open the NIPYATA! as it became a symbol of her transformation into her true self.

Two weeks later Lizzie accepted the job offer all the seniors in her class had been coveting- Media Director and Lead Content Creator at a small NJ Company: NIPYATA! World Enterprises.

Here's to Graduation, Success and Finding Your True Self.

Click the button below to send a lucky grad a Graduation Gift that might just change their life's fortune.

Nippy has been enjoying his time in Amsterdam, but last night he commented that he was maybe partying a little ~too~ much. He had visited every hash bar in the city, drank ungodly amounts of Dutch beer, and had made a mockery of himself during Amsterdam Dance Event, a 5-day electronic music festival.

As we sipped wine over dinner he told me, “Enough is enough. Tonight we have a classy, cultured night. I am done with these tourist traps and want to experience the history of this city.”

He was a couple of glasses into a 13% ABV bottle, so he wasn’t making much sense. When I asked him what he meant by a “cultured” night, he eventually told me he wanted to go on a walking tour of the oldest part of the city. He had learned that Amsterdam has over 400 years of history and had decided that instead of turning up at a club tonight we were going to go for a nice evening stroll through the De Wallen neighborhood. Surely the tourists that came to Amsterdam wouldn’t be interested in the rich history when there was so much weed to be smoked.

I tried to convince him otherwise. It was a Friday night, and I knew what we were walking into, even if Nippy didn’t know which direction was up after his fifth glass of wine. I told him this neighborhood is actually the worst place to be on the weekends. I pleaded with him to go see a movie instead. He was relentless though in his desire to see the history of the city, and so I finally conceded and we hopped on the bike.

As we cycled closer, I could see Nippy becoming more concerned as he saw more and more people around us. “Where are we going?” he shouted at me from the back of the bike where he was guzzling a new bottle of wine he had made me stop at the grocery store for. “Why are all of these people drunk?”

Then, he saw it. The unmistakable red glow washed over his face, and all of a sudden Nippy knew he was home.

What Nippy didn’t know was that by visiting the oldest part of the city, he was about to get a first-hand education in the world’s oldest profession. Sex work, entirely legal in the Netherlands, has made this section of Amsterdam its home for over 800 years, and today’s Red Light District continues on the age-old tradition of wild drinking and sexual misadventures. The tiny alleyways that serve as streets are packed with people, and red LED lights illuminate windows with women wearing lingerie smiling and flirting with passersby, hoping to entice someone to buy her services.

We stumbled our way through the twisting streets that were packed with people, doing our best not to fall into the canals that seemed to pop up at the end of each path. The wine was hitting Nippy pretty hard, but he still wanted to go into bars and talk to the beautiful women. H had abandoned any pretense of being cultured as soon as he realized where we were, and had become as stubborn as a mule in his desire to continue drinking.

"If you call that work, then I'm ready for a career change. Sign me up!"

Nippy was too excited by the Erotic Museum to sit still. Unfortunately he was too drunk to go in.

We kept getting turned away from bars because Nippy was too rude to the bouncers, so Nippy thought he might try the Erotic Museum instead. We were laughed away at the door as Nippy tried to convince the ticket seller he was a British aristocrat in a very unconvincing accent.

After being turned away from a museum, Nippy couldn’t take it anymore and felt ashamed of his sinful state. As we continued walking we passed the Oude Kerk, Amsterdam’s oldest building which is also conveniently a church located in the heart of the Red Light District. Since 1213 this building had been offering solace to the sinners, and Nippy was ready to repent, if only he could pull himself away from the draw of the red lights that were just next to the church...

The hardest choice: pleasure on the left, salvation on the right.

Ultimately, Nippy was too drunk for either choice and was turned away at the door from both the church (which wasn’t open) and the sex workers (who didn’t want to waste their time on a drunk piñata head). I suggested we get some food from Febo, a Dutch delight that serves ready-made hot meals, which Nippy agreed to.

When in doubt, greasy food will help you out.

After food, Nippy had had enough. He was ready to go home, light up a joint, and pass out after a night of debauchery. I asked him if he still felt cultured, and he whispered in my ear, “I have a much greater appreciation for the Dutch heritage,” as his eyelids began to grow heavy. I tucked him into his bed, turned off the light, and congratulated myself on a job well done.

If you want to feel cultured, sexy and inebriated, click the green button below, grab a majestic NIPYATA! and let's go make some bad decisions.

Amsterdam also has a wide range of craft breweries, and one rainy Saturday night, Nippy was ready for a tasting. He texted me and told me to organize a group to go on a bike tour of four different breweries in the city: Brouwerij ‘t IJ, de Prael, Bier Fabriek, and Brouwerij Troost.

I heeded his wishes, and organized an event. I should have known better, but I guess you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

Nippy was nervous to meet my friends, so before joining us at Brouwerij ‘t IJ, he drank a bottle of wine by himself while watching Shrek. When he showed up at the bar, he was aggressive, to say the least.

Brouwerij ‘t IJ is one of the most famous spots in Amsterdam, located in an old windmill. Their beer is delicious, but also really strong. This hotspot also closes at 8pm, so you have to get there early, and be ready to drink a lot before cut off time.

Nippy bonded immediately with my friend Auke, a tall 6’4” Dutch man who can hold his alcohol. They started going drink for drink, something that’s never a good idea to do with Auke.

Auke and Nippy ordering their 6th drink.

At the stroke of 8:00, Nippy ran out of his drink and we decided to move onto the next bar, a cafe called de Prael. Our friend Liva joined us at this location, and I think she was a little disturbed by how drunk we were after only one brewery.

 "Show me scared. Now show me pure fear. Horror. Excellent."

After a serious conversation about what language Liva, who is Latvian, and her Swedish fiancé were going to raise their children in, Nippy was ready to move on. At this point he was about 9 beers in and feeling pretty confident about himself. He turned to his new best friend Auke and said “Dearest friend, what do you say about cycling to the next brewpub? I hear their beer is marvelous!” Auke, a steel tank of a human and still sober, was confused why Nippy was acting so weird all of a sudden, but agreed that it was time to move on. We said goodbye to Liva, and climbed onto our bikes. Nippy chose to ride along with Auke, because apparently I’m old news.

One of the negatives of our brew tour was that we had to cross through one of the busiest parts of town. The Warmoesstraat is an old alleyway that used to serve as one of the main thoroughfares through the city, but is now filled with burger shops and other drunk food restaurants. It is also swarming with tourists who are traveling by foot, something that’s infuriating to anyone who is on a bike on a Saturday night.

Nippy was having none of it. All he wanted to do was get to Bier Fabriek as quickly and efficiently as possible. As a result, he started shouting at people from the bike as Auke tried to navigate his way through the throngs of people.

“Hey! What are you doing!? You’re in my way!”

“This is a street, not a sidewalk! GET IT RIGHT!!”

“Ajca;jclajdkaljcakhda;cjugggggghhhhhhhh”

The last one was the funniest, and somehow it stuck. The rest of our bike ride was spent growling at passersby in an attempt to get them out of our way.

Once we got to Bier Fabriek, all bets were off. At this point we were definitely inebriated, but still having fun. This brewery is right in the heart of the city, and is infamous for their floors, which are absolutely covered in peanut shells. It was the perfect spot for Nippy, who at this point was too intoxicated to care about being tidy.

Double fisting at Bier Fabriek like a Golden God.

Bier Fabriek was where Nippy started winding down. His drink-for-drink challenge was not going well. They were about 13 drinks deep. Auke was just getting started, but Nippy was starting to lose his mind. He was loud. He was boisterous. He was complicated. At one point, I think he was crying about being too drunk. Honestly, who knows what was happening.

Eventually, Nippy returned from the bathroom with some smudged mascara around his eyes and apologized for being so dramatic. We were all kind enough to not say anything, and decided that it was time to clear the air and move to the next bar.

At Brouwerij Troost, we met up with more friends, by Nippy was too far gone to pay attention. He was tired. He was hungry. He wanted bed more than anything. I tried to entice him to eat a burger, but it was to no avail. Nippy was toasted.

I took Nippy home after Troost, helping him wobble his way up the stairs and get into his bed comfortably. He asked me to stay at his place and offered to sleep on the couch, but I just patted his head and left a water glass and two Advil on his bedside table. I shoved a bucket next to his bed in case he needed it, then quietly let myself out and biked back home. It had been a long night, and I was excited to get back to my own bed. It had been another fun night in Amsterdam thanks to Nippy’s creative ideas, and it was only a matter of time before the next adventure came.

If you'd like to have your own wild adventures with a NIPYATA! in tow, click this green button and do the deed. Then get a few nips inside you and go make some bad decisions.

"I love Halloween and I've got 10 nips of Cutty Sark in my pants."

As I stumbled down the street in the cool autumn air, proudly dressed in my skin tight Bat Man costume, gently tugging on a tightly rolled joint, I realized that it’s not only the best holiday, but maybe also the most underrated holiday of all.

Underrated? Why underrated? Great question. Let me try to explain...

Fun people get it. For fun people, it's the best holiday created and it's fairly rated as the most perfect and absolute best holiday. It's clean and simple and the best damn night of the whole year. Act like a lunatic. Wear a mask. Purge. Make bad decisions. Take on an alternate persona. Pretend you're Bat Man saving the city. Drunk as a skunk. Bravo, Halloween. Bravo.

"If only I could be more like Bat Man in real life.."

But for all the rest of those people out there, you know, the ones we aren't so sure about. Well, for them, there's a lot of anxiety and fear and worry and 'oh no, you're going to stay up too late, drink yourself into oblivion, costume might not look sexy enough, miss your morning meeting, blah blah wah wah wah.' That's where this underrated rating comes from.

"Guys, I don't think I wanna go out for Halloween..."

There's a huge cross section of the population that just doesn't get Halloween and all the amazingly bad decisions that can be made without any real consequences. And I'm writing this post today to rally these people to realize that Halloween is a truly NIPTASTIC holiday and I'd like to properly quantify the holiday with real math. Real science here. Good old fashioned Pro's and Con's, so that these people on the wrong side of the fence can jump over that fence and get on the side that thinks that Halloween is the greatest holiday of all time, especially if you want to drink 10 nips of Cutty Sark and fall over a fence in your neighbor's yard pretending to save the city.

Let's first weigh the Pro's. You get to dress up as anything you want, eat candy, scare people, play pranks, smoke joints, carry open containers and get hammered. (As a footnote- later in the night during our trick or treating session, I abruptly learned it's actually not okay to carry open containers or smoke joints in public on Halloween. Or any night rather. At least in the fine state of Massachusetts. Luckily, the cop was an old high school pal of mine and he looked like he'd been pulling at the bottle a bit himself as he let me off and sped away in hot pursuit of some young hoodlums hurling rotten eggs.)  As I quickly sobered up from my near run in with the law, I watched the flashing lights disappear on the horizon and swapped out my solo cup of Witches' Brew (equal parts Absinthe, Everclear and Mountain Dew) for an ice cold nip of Cutty Sark. The moment I cracked the metal cap of the palm sized delicious nip, my son and his friends realized I had fallen behind and pierced the night air with 'Daaaaa-aaaad, let's goooo-oooooooo! Come ooo-oooooon!'  C'mon Bat Man, you can do this, I said to myself as I ran to catch up with the crew.

This guy loves good music and Halloween. He gets it.

What a night. Only on All Hallows Eve! Parents and children! United as one! Finally! To conquer and pillage and capture the most candy and largest buzz possible. Me 1. Cutty Sark 0. I slammed the empty nip into the trash barrel and wondered if Bat Man ever dabbled in nips as he conquered his evil rivals tearing up Gotham. Every night's Halloween if you're Batman. What a lucky bastard.

Anyway, to summarize, Pro's for Halloween- you can do almost anything you want and you can rally with your kids to consume everything in sight in massive quantities... rather than yell at them about everything that they do. 

And now for the Con's of Halloween. The candy. The leftover candy. The candy that you find that's been hidden. The hidden candy that you re-hid after you found the originally hidden candy. Can I really eat another Kit Kat? The wrappers. The proof is everywhere. I'm a tubby piece of crap. Next week health kick. Woah, where'd this bag of candy come from? Ok a few more Starburst. Wow, I didn't think I liked Butterfinger. December. That's my month. Health kick.

It’s also truly NIPTASTIC because of how it evolves as you get older. As a kid, you would sprint from house to house and pick the best neighborhoods to optimize your candy collection. As an adult you'd optimize your night around the best parties to hit and how many nips you can fit in your skin tight Bat Man Costume.

In summary, just so we are clear, Halloween is a religious holiday. Halloween is ‘All Hallow’s Eve’. The night before ‘All Hallow’s Day’ which is a day dedicated to remembering the dead. At least this holiday has kept traditions like trick or treating and the spooky/afterlife décor of skulls/skeletons, and bats….. not like Christmas which somehow got a red nosed reindeer involved  and a jolly old fat man named Santa, who comes down your chimney…… which is just ridiculous. God, I'm hungover. Happy Halloween and until next year. 

Your partner in crime,

Bat Man

PS Order some NIPYATA! Products. Those other shittier holidays will be here before you know it. Stock up early.

The NIPYATA! Tours an Amsterdam Coffee Shop (Where they don't sell coffee)

Holland: the land known for tulips, wooden shoes, cheese, and of course, sex workers and marijuana. Amsterdam in particular is Europe’s Sin City, and as a result is the location of many British stag parties and drug-induced stupors- perfect for a NIPYATA! Adventure.

I live in Amsterdam, and wanted to take NIPYATA! on a tour of the best that the city has to offer. So on a typical rainy day, Nippy the NIPYATA! head joined a friend and I for a smokey afternoon.

Please excuse the low-quality iPhone photos; my camera broke halfway through this excursion.

Weed in Amsterdam is kind of confusing. Unlike in the U.S., there are no “weed stores” (what we call dispensaries) that sell only marijuana. This is because the substance is actually technically illegal, so there can’t be stores that are outright for the sale of weed. Instead, marijuana is considered a “tolerated soft drug”, so the government essentially turns a blind eye to the sale of it, rendering it essentially legal in places like Amsterdam.

As a result, if you are looking to imbibe, don’t look for a dispensary. All you have to do as you wander through the city is find one of the hundreds of store fronts that contain the words “Coffee Shop”. These are the places that you can buy weed (and coffee), and aren’t to be confused with “cafes” like Starbucks.

Thankfully, our NIPYATA! didn’t have the awkward experience of walking into a Starbucks looking for weed. Instead, he cycled with us to a favorite local place: The Green House.

"We visited the Green House - the very coffee shop where Ali G famously interviewed former UK Prime Minister Sir John Major on legalization of cannabis. We might have this fact wrong. The Amnesia Haze is stronger than we expected. The NIPYATA! is now speaking fluent French and we're understanding every word."

Located near Waterlooplein, an area that is fairly close to the city center but isn’t as swarmed with tourists as Dam Square, the Greenhouse is a great place to sit outside and watch the world go by. Just around the corner from where Rembrandt lived and graced the world with some of the finest masterpieces known to man, we bought a gram of Amnesia Haze and sat down to begin our adventure.

While you can buy pre-rolled joints at most of these places, we chose to roll our own while sitting outside of the shop. Nippy was actually our greatest ASS-et (get it? He’s a donkey?) in rolling the joint: it was a typical windy day, and the cavity of Nippy’s head gave us a place to store the weed while we crafted our smokable masterpiece.

After rolling, we lit that shit up and sat back to smoke, chat, and talk about life. My friend brought her dog along, and once we were good and high we sat laughing at the tiny wiener dog trying to play with a huge stick and attack pigeons.

"Angsty wiener in the background. Also speaking French. Amnesia. Haze. Muy. Fuerte."

Our NIPYATA! loved the coffee shop’s offerings, but there was one negative to the adventure: there was no food, and Nippy was getting hangry. The Stay Classy Burrito NIPYATA! made it very clear that he wanted a burrito, so we made our way to the Dutch version of Chipotle before Nippy got too mean.

After our pit stop, we biked back to my apartment because it was too cold to eat outside. We ate our amazing burritos and started watching some TV when I realized Nippy had gone missing!

"Nap-yata. The nerve of that guy."

Turns out that imbecile had the nerve to sneak off and crawl into my bed for a post-smoke nap. I had to wake him up and kick him out so I could get some rest for the following big day of weed smoking and jack-assing around Amsterdam.

Overall, I think our NIPYATA! had a great time on his first tour of Amsterdam and is excited for the many adventures to come.

To shop the products that could lead you on a similar radical adventure, click the big green button below and buy something magical for a special friend or for yourself. You deserve it. 

"I pretend I'm Billy Madison. But there is no bubble bath. And no swan."

After a couple weeks of "getting organized" and reconnecting with my folks, I start sending my resume out to a bunch of companies. I'm feeling disciplined and focused- "I'll land a job and be out of here in a few weeks, no problem," I say to myself. Then suddenly at 6pm on a Thursday, I hear a commotion upstairs and its the first sign that things might not be all that they appear with my parents and their seemingly normal social life.

The loud voices and sounds of feet clacking on the hardwood floors reminds me of a flamenco dance hall. Maybe it's an in-home ballroom dancing class? I put on my headphones to cancel out the noise and continue my online job hunting in the dark basement.  When I take off my headphones a couple hours later, there’s music blasting upstairs and there is a serious raucous going on. "What the hell are those assholes doing up there?" I say to myself as I get up to go investigate the situation upstairs...

"This was my dad's move. It will haunt me forever."

I find 20 visibly intoxicated people in their 50's - dancing, drinking, having snacks, and stringing up a piñata - except it’s got the NIPYATA! logo bright and spectacular across the sides. "How do these old fogies know about NIPYATA!?" I wonder to myself. I grab a beer and talk to an old friend of my mom’s and just hangout while everyone gets ripped and on the 4^th person’s turn, the NIPYATA! explodes and people dive to the floor in a frenzy to have a shot and read a ‘NIPYATA! Fortune.’ An old friend of my dad’s yells out “I’m gonna get goosed tonight!” Everyone laughs and an hour or two later, the last person leaves. My parents mention it was a friend’s birthday so it was just a little birthday party. I hug them goodnight and have a nice buzzed laugh together, then call it a night.

Friday morning, there’s some sluggishness about the house. A coffee and some breakfast and everyone is on their way to work, errands, meetings, etc. I've got some housekeeping to take care of, and I'm meeting an old friend for drinks and dinner, so I'm out of the house around 3pm.

When I get back around 10pm, there’s nowhere to park at the house because there’s about 7 cars lined up on my road and in the driveway. When I walk in, there’s the same 15-20 people, music blasting, NIPYATA! debris all over the floor, people sipping on nips, a bunch of hors d’oeuvres , and about 10 empty bottles of wine. My dad, sporting a black tank top, comes over and says ‘How was dinner!?’ in a loud, exclamation.

"Black tank top. So hot right now."

At this point I'm a little concerned. I tell my dad that I'm confused about another party and another NIPYATA!, but my dad explains that "it just lined up that way with a friend’s retirement party." I decide to join in for a little, but when things get awkward with Mrs. Robinson, I'm forced to retreat to the basement.

Saturday morning is a bit more rough and I'm excited to get out of the house as quickly as possible for college football. I've had enough awkward moments with my parents and their friends the past few days. However, when I return at 6pm and walk in the door, my parents are stringing up YET ANOTHER NIPYATA! Fear has officially set in.

"This is Sussudio, a great, great song, a personal favorite."

They explain that they hadn’t thrown me a graduation party and that a bunch of my friends are coming over to celebrate – a ‘surprise’ graduation party (kinda). “Well, that’s super nice.” My friends arrive and the evening goes great. NIPYATA! explosion, more nips, more music and food. The NIPYATA! is a huge success. Nips are flowing like fine wine.

Sunday morning arrives like a nail gun to the head. I sneak out of the house early and head into my friend’s apartment to crash Sunday night because my interview is in the city and the commute Monday would’ve been ridiculous. Monday at about noon, I'm feeling great. Interview done, went well, and now back home to wait for that call.

When I arrive home, there’s a mess on the front porch, the kitchen is in disarray, and yet again, some NIPYATA! innards are strewn about. My parents are sitting on the back porch having coffee and relaxing. “Hey Ben, ohhhh man you missed a good one last night! Tom bashed the donkey’s head right off and it flew across the room and hit mom in the tit! HAHAHAH!” They are both hysterical.

I'm just in shock. No words.

"Who are these people. What did they do with my real parents?"

“Guys, what is going on?! That’s four days in a row of ridiculous partying, and a NIPYATA! every night!? You can’t be doing that. What’s the deal?!” I protest. Have they gone off the deep end?

My dad quickly replies, “Right?!? Yea, but they’re just so much fun! Now go get changed and help us clean up. Tom’s coming over in a couple hours with Debra, Steve, John, and Sarah, and they’re bringing another Stay Classy Burrito NIPYATA! We’ve got a band that’ll be here at 6pm.”

I was getting ready to move to Amsterdam from Colorado, had a thousand things to do, but was looking for an excuse to get drunk with my friends as a last hurrah. The Stay Classy Burrito with a variety of nips was just the excuse I needed, and also gave me an outlet for the stress that is inevitable whenever you move.

 So stressed right now. Moving to Amsterdam soon. So. Much. Weed.

As I beat the shit out of the NIPYATA! with some of my closest friends, the nips began to fall out like they were being delivered to me by angels from above. The NIPYATA! was filled with a huge variety of liquors, and while I was getting creative in my mixology I thought to myself “I am truly living my best life right now.”

 Staying classy before getting trashy.

However, the best part of the NIPYATA! was the sheer amount of alcohol that came in it. When I first received the package I was nervous because it felt kind of light, but it was the perfect amount for our group of 7 people. I even had leftovers, which I brought on the plane with me for a cheap rum and coke.

About ⅔ of the nips.

 As a whole, my NIPYATA! experience was unbelievable. Not only did we have tons of fun, but it was a great way for me to close out my last weekend living in the U.S. Thanks NIPYATA! for an incredible party with friends and for providing me with the alcohol for my trans-Atlantic flight a few days later!

(This was written by Grace Baldwin. She's a Pro Blogger. That's how big time we are now. We hire Professional Bloggers. Thanks Grace. You're a nip loving beauty! Click the big button below to shop Grace's favorite NIPYATA! products!)

There is one jacket, in particular, to which we'd like to bring your attention as we feel the product images don't tell an accurate story. Note the progression in the images on the "I Took All The Peyote" page:

1.  Man, presumably on a mild hallucinogen, sees brilliantly styled statement jacket for sale on nipyata.com.  Smartly, makes purchase.

2.  Goes happily to bar solo and orders a glass of red.  Smirks proudly and lays out the vibe.

3.  Puts glass down and surveys the scene.  No longer smirking.

4.  Sees people pointing and laughing.

5.  Thinks to himself, "Maybe the matching shirt was too much."  

Do NOT let these images dissuade you.  Despite the appearance that our model is quickly descending into crisis mode, we would like to reiterate that with our 100% satisfaction guarantee you can rest assured that this piece will make you one of the high end toasters you read about.  So, do the right thing and grab the jacket that leading tastemakers have called, "A true masterpiece.  When your spaceship lands, you damn well better walk out of it wearing this."

For a mere $399.99 this beauty can be yours.  Here are the FAQ on this beast of a gift.

Is this thing really worth $399???!! 

Sure, $399 seems like a pretty penny. But when you factor in that it'll probably cost NIPYATA! $150 to ship this behemoth, those idiots are under water on the product and you're getting a serious deal. And you'll instantly become the most desirable person at your Holiday Party, Birthday Party, Bah-mitzvah, House Warming Party or Family Christmas Weekend at home. Huge win. Huge value.

Will people think I'm a total douche if I spend $400 on a booze piñata?

Yes, many people will think you're a royal douche. But you probably don't want to be friends with those people anyway. You're the guy or gal handing out 50 nips of booze. You. Are. The. Man. or. Woman. People will love you. And you will enter nirvana.

Is this a practical gift?

No. Not even close. However, the nips will last all weekend long while you're home for the Holidays. Nips are perfect during that anxious Xmas Morning present opening session when you realize you don't have any gifts left to open and you're bored to death of your family. Drink up 'best gift of xmas' winner. Here's to you.

Will my wife or husband like this gift?

Let's face it. This is a gift for you. Nobody else. Your husband will think you bought him a new 50" flat screen. The disappointment on his face when he opens it up to find a ridiculously large pinata with 100 nips inside. That, my friend, is priceless.

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1.  Get online.  Skip the mall.  Skip the crowds. Skip traffic.  Point and click, point and click, point and click...BOOM, done!  Gifts for everyone!  And you haven't even had your coffee yet.  Now you have the rest of the day to get back online and watch porn...which is what you wanted to do anyway.

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2.  Wear ugly sweaters.  Not just to an Ugly Sweater Party, but every day.  Wear them to work, brunch, church, parent-teacher conferences, funerals, everywhere.  When you wore one to that party years ago, everyone knew you were the fun guy, but now people are seeing you in them every day and starting to think you have something wrong with you.  Which is great.  They'll start to give you a little more leeway in every day life...which is exactly what you need at this time of year.

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3.  Drink.  A lot.  I once met someone whose routine was to have six beers by the time he got to work (one when he woke up, one in the shower, two at breakfast, and two on the bus).  I remember saying to myself, "this guy has it all figured out," but then I watched him get ejected from the bar; thrown out the front door and into the night.  I've never seen someone look so calm and collected while being manhandled by a team of burly bouncers. I didn't realize it at the time, but he would become my role model for the next ten years.  You'll definitely need a good helping of booze on the daily if you expect to take the lumps this holiday season will give you.  At the very least, you'll be able to wake up on Jan. 1 asking, "what happened?" which isn't a bad alternative.

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4.  Trim your shopping list.  You have your A-list (these people definitely get gifts), your B-list (these people get gifts if they give you something first), and your Shit-list (literally, the people whose homes you go to to drop off a flaming bag of shit at their front door).  First, forget your Shit-list...it's way too time consuming to find poop, bag it, then drive it around delivering it to everyone.  No one's got time for that during the holidays.  Next, and as much as it hurts, you gotta get rid of the B-list too...these are fringe people in your life and you won't miss not having to shop for them.  Plus, when they show up at your house and notice you reeking of booze, drenched in sweat and wearing an ugly Christmas sweater for no reason, they'll understand.  Now it gets tricky...you gotta trim the A-list to a manageable amount of truly special people in your life.  If you think long and hard enough, you should be able to get this down to one, two people, tops.  If even that seems like too much, skip them this go around...there's always next year.  

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5.  Stop doing what you do.  We all know the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.  You do the exact same thing every day, and you're at your wit's end.  Your work life balance sucks.  You need some "ME time."  Bang in sick next week so you can get caught up with all the things you've been neglecting all year.  As an added bonus, when you show up back at work with a newfound sense of purpose, your boss will appreciate your new outlook and give you some freedom to pursue new projects because you're the responsible and take charge kind of person she was looking for.

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So, there you have it, and as the interwebs say, "Five Weird Tricks" to get you through this most festive and overwhelming of months.  Stick to the plan and these holidays may very well be your happiest yet!

....................................................................

Applied Mechanics:  Hi, thanks so much for taking the time today.  We’re fascinated with the latest pinatas and we’re excited to hear about how you go from initial concept to final production.

Nipyata:  Thanks for having me.  How long will this take?

AM:  15 minutes, maybe longer?

N:  Let’s make it quick.  Care for a nip?

AM:  Uh, it’s 10am, I think I’ll pass.  So, you’ve been with Nipyata! since the early days?

N:  I’m having a nip.  The Company is only two years old, so I’d say they’re still in the “early days.”  But yes, I’ve been with them for about three months when we launched the “Adult Strength” line of Nipyatas.

AM:  That’s great, that’s what I wanted to ask you about.

Nipyata:  I know.  I was answering your question.  Can I finish?

AM:  I apologize.

N:  Where was I?

AM:  The Adult Strength Nipyatas.

N:  Right.  Don't do that again.  Because we’re an adult piñata company we have to keep in mind that some of our customers are real backyard power swingers.  You know, out there peacocking, trying to open the Nipyata in one swing, hoping to get the girl. 

AM:  Get the girl?

N:  Yea, some guys think that if they show the ladies they can open the Nipyata with one swing, they'll be all over them.

AM:  How does that usually work out?

N:  Well, what would you think if you saw someone open a Nipyata in one swing? 

AM:  I’m not sure, I’ve never really thought about it.

N:  You’d think they’re a goddam legend.  Anyone who can open a Nipyata with one swing can become legendary, but legends aren't supposed to be a dime a dozen.  That's why each Nipyata has a reinforced skeleton, a space frame sub-layer, and an impact resistant outer membrane.  But we have to walk a fine line because we have a lot of female customers who don't usually feel the need to swing for the fences every chance they get.  Plus, these need to be lightweight and easy to transport because people sometimes carry their Nipyatas for miles, depending on where they're going.  So it can be tricky to find that balance of durability and user-friendliness.

AM:  I see what you’re saying.

N:  Are you sure?  Because I don’t think you do.

AM:  Can we get back to the Nipyatas?  I understand the Nipyata’s outer membrane is the result of collaboration with an aerospace technology group at MIT?

N:  You’re a cocky little shit, aren’t you?

AM:  I guess we'll wrap this up.

N:  Okay, thanks for stopping by, it’s been a pleasure.  Nip for the road?

If you've been living under a rock for the past two years, you probably don't know what our patent pending NIPYATA! Fortunes are. The easiest way to explain the concept is think Truth or Dare meets Cards Against Humanity meets The Piñata meets Airplane Bottles of Booze. 

The NIPYATA! is no ordinary Piñata - this is an Adult Strength personalized drinking game for people who are party professionals.  When you place an order for a NIPYATA! you can personalize the Fortune Cookie inspired messages we attach to the airplane bottles of booze. Here's a list of some of our favorites from some of our more creative, witty and frankly perverted/demented customers (whom we love.)

1. "Rock out with your cock out!"   - Normally this wouldn't even make the top 50 list, but in context we felt this was especially weird and awesome considering it came from the birthday boy's MOTHER for his 21st birthday celebration. This mom clearly knows how to party. Let's hope her son kept it in his pants despite the urges that arise after 21 nips of Fireball on your big day.

2. "I LOVE LAMP." - A tribute to one of the best films of all time. Any reference to Anchorman is worthy of a top five. Drinking a shot of Jack Daniels out of an airplane bottle after reading a quote from Brick Tamland. If that isn't the definition of nirvana, I don't know what is.

3. "Rub a bald guy's head and ask for three wishes." - from a Bachelorette Party NIPYATA! down in Miami. Great dare. Our team debated on booking flights down to spy on these girls. They clearly get it.

4. "Collect two condoms from random men and blow them up as balloons in public." - same scenario as above. We love bachelorette parties. They drink the nips. They do the dares. They love the NIPYATA! Fortunes #nipyatalove

5.  "Drinking this nip will bring you eternal happiness and zero hangover." - Here's to hope and optimism! 

If you have a friend who might enjoy personalized NIPYATA! Fortunes while slugging down nips of delicious liquor. We suggest you place an order immediately.

Show off your pythons, as well as your love of nachos and Randy Savage in this 100% coverage printed tank from RageOn.  If you have little garter snakes instead of pythons, go for the smallest size available to achieve maximum buff-ness effect.  Or get back into the gym - you have 59 days til summer.

Next:   Hit up Mask Maniac for the finest Lucha Libre masks known to man.  No party is complete without these amazing 100% made in Mexico wrestling masks.  With Cinco de Mayo coming up, you're going to need to look legit when you drop a flying elbow onto the beer pong table...these will help.

Next up:  Fake mustaches.  Let's face it, you can't really have a big night on the town without some nice facial hair.  If you are follicly challenged in the face, or are too square to grow your own face mullet, these Faux Facial Hairpieces will help you celebrate like a mustachioed champion of the night.  With industrial strength adhesive that is sweat- and booze-proof these are guaranteed* to stick to your face all night. Plus, at the going rate of twenty-five cents per ride, why not put a little coin in your pocket while you're at it?

Finally:  Our favorite espadrilles from Soludos that need no introduction.  We have at least one pair in every size so all our party guests can slip into something comfortable while looking good.  Because life is too short for lame espadrilles.

*In no way guaranteed

Buy here