Bending Backwards

2020

2020-01-13T16:11:00.003+08:00

Two hospitalisations within 3 months, first Aminah, then Halim.

Stressful? Yes. But at least...

1. medical bills covered by Halim's company's insurance
2. no longer in LDR
3. own good health - at 7 months pregnant still able to care for my toddler alone while husband recovering
4. understanding boss/ company - emergency leave approved and not questioned
5. extended family living within 10km radius - they helped us a lot in times of need

Alhamdulillah

Done 1st trimester

2019-09-30T12:00:00.000+08:00

I was late but it was too early to tell. I was scared of the possibilities.

I was assigned to a new project and I have to work on weekends for the next few months. So I peed on the stick, just in case.

Two lines. Two freaking red lines.

That was 8/9 weeks ago.

Lepas tu memang hormonal teruk. Nausea 24/7. I threw up maybe less than 5 times. Rasa nak muntah tapi tak muntah, stress ya.

Food aversion? Spicy food gave me bad heart burns which sucks because I love spicy food. I love fresh milk, but not so much now. I don't really know what to eat or if I will be okay with it. Clear soup is my comfort food. No herbs whatsoever just plain soup - garlic, white pepper. I will have lunch at AK Noodles at least once a week. I had tomyam noodle once and I was okay until I walked out of the restaurant and nausea kicks in.

Dizziness, yes. Cranky, yes. Low BP, sometimes.

Being pregnant with a toddler - the first thing I googled when I found out about this pregnancy - was crazy. I'm tired all the time, I have lower back pain, until week 10 my left leg feels stiff, I can only rest when my husband is home because she's a Daddy's girl, when I'm alone with her, I feel like I'm gonna die. Drama tak?

We're going to change her schedule and send her to nursery on Sundays to Thursdays (following Daddy's off day) instead of Mondays to Fridays. I will have Sunday for myself. I'm gonna miss her but Mommy needs her rest baby, sorry.

Hoping the next 6 months will be better.

Baby A's birth story; before I forget

2019-09-23T12:00:00.000+08:00

It was Thursday, 27th July 2017. 40 weeks + 3 days and I was anxious.

I texted my husband with my plans to go to the mall on the weekends in hopes to speed up labour. But going out on a weekend is not really a good idea because it's gonna be crowded at the mall AND the hospital. So we went grocery shopping that night.

I gained 17kg. I can barely move but it's either walking or get ready to be induced.

After we load the car, I felt something came out - like my period just came. That was my first sign of labour.

We went for dinner, home, and then to the hospital. I was sent back because (if I remember it correctly) no dilation yet.

On Friday I took an emergency leave. Decided to stay at home just in case, but nothing happened. We had nasi kandar for dinner (Nasi Vanggey - now closed) and walked around Bazar Karat.

I can already feel mild contraction but I still can walk. I was still okay.

At 3am, we went to the hospital. 2cm dilated but the ward was full. The MA asked me whether I stayed nearby the hospital (yes) and sent me home, again.

I plan to go to a wedding and meet some friends in the afternoon. Tapi kita hanya merancang ya. I ended up sleeping the whole day. Waking up for prayers, lunch - fettuccine carbonara - & for back rubs whenever the contraction came. At one point, my husband fell asleep in front of the TV. He was watching Dendam Aurora, I was having contractions, waiting patiently for my back rub but heard him snoring instead.

The last text I sent was to my bestfriend telling her I won't be coming to the wedding.

I tried to be strong and waited until I can no longer stand the pain which was during Maghrib. I had to stop praying midway because it was just so painful.

Every 7 minutes, on the dot. At 6 minutes and 30 seconds, I brace myself for the next contraction wave. We had to stop once on the way to the hospital because of the pain.

Before we went up to the waiting room I told my husband if they sent me home again, I don't know what else to do. It was unbearable.

At 9pm, I was already 5cm dilated. They were short-staffed, labour room was fully occupied. Waited for 1 hour for a labour room and when I finally got in, only 1cm progress, 4cm to go.

I can't wait another 4 hours... tsk

Around 10.30pm the midwife did the amniotomy procedure and left the room. I took a sip of the akar fatimah water - something my older cousin gave me - and shortly after, I felt the sudden urge to push. Our midwife was no where to be seen but another midwife who just delivered a baby in the next room came and helped us.

After a lot of grunts, pushes and an episiotomy, Aminah was born on a Saturday, 29th July 2017 at 11.02pm. She looks exactly like daddy.

Pregnant & nursing safe* sunscreens part 2

2019-07-26T17:00:00.000+08:00

Wow. It's actually really fun listing out this stuff.

I know it's debatable and probably the amount found in sweat/ breastmilk is not enough to affect us in any way, whatever, it's still a fun thing to do and it keeps me sane.

So here's another short list of safe* sunscreens:

1. PURITO Centella Green Level Safe Sun SPF50 +/PA++++ (Chemical: Uvinul A Plus & Uvinul T 150) (link)
2. PURITO Comfy Water Sun Block SPF 50+/PA++++ (Mineral: ZnO2, TiO2) (link)

and not asian beauty but interesting:

1. REN Clean Screen Mineral SPF 30 (Mineral: ZnO2, TiO2) (link)

I still have 3 sunscreens in rotation and 2 in stash and doing a buy ban until late October/ early November / next Sephora Black/Gold Member Sale so might be awhile before I can purchase these babies.

The most interesting one is Purito Comfy Water Sun Block because I read a review about it having a gel-like texture. For a mineral sunscreen, that sounds amazing.

Read part 1 here.

Pregnant & nursing safe* sunscreens

2019-07-18T12:00:00.000+08:00

You should really read this article on sunscreen. Both mineral and chemical sunscreen is risky. Nak elak skin cancer, hormone and reproductive system affected. Tsk. But it is still important so you need to know what you put on your skin. Make informed decisions all time, every time.

So what is safe (*no oxybenzone, octocrylene, octinoxate, octisalate, homosalate, 4-Methylbenzylidene camphor (link)) for me might not be for you.

Whatever it is, since I've spend few weeks going through ingredients in stores and online (CosDNA/skincarisma/ratzilla), here's *MY*{asian beauty} safe list:

1. dear, Klairs Soft Airy UV Essence SPF 50 PA ++++ (Chemical: Uvinul A Plus & Uvinul T 150) (link)

2. Huxley Sun Cream; Stay Sun Safe SPF50+/PA++++ (Combo: Uvinul A Plus, Parsol SLX, TiO2) (link)

3. Make P:rem UV Defense Me. Blue Ray Sun Fluid SPF50+ PA++++ (Mineral: ZnO2, TiO2) (link)

4. SHILLS Baby Gentle Sunscreen Lotion SPF 50+ (Mineral: TiO2) (link)

5. SHILLS Super Power Sunscreen Gel SPF 50 (Mineral: Zno2) (link)

6. Innisfree Perfect UV Protection Cream Triple Care SPF50+ PA+++ (Mineral: ZnO2, TiO2) (link)

7. Etude House Soon Jung Mild Defence Sun Cream SPF49/PA++ (Mineral: ZnO2, TiO2) (link)

8. Etude House Sunprise Mild Airy Finish SPF50+/PA+++ (Mineral: ZnO2, TiO2) (link)

9. Shiseido ANESSA Perfect UV Sunscreen Mild Milk SPF50+/PA++++ (Combo: ZnO2, TiO2, Uvinul A Plus, Uvinul T 150, Tinosorb S) (link)(link)

10. Shiseido ANESSA Essence UV Sunscreen Mild Milk SPF35/PA+++ (Combo: ZnO2, Uvinul A Plus, Uvinul T 150, Tinosorb S) (link)(link)

11. Shiseido Perfect UV Protector S SPF50/PA++ (Mineral: ZnO2, TiO2) (link)

12. Althea Petal Velvet Sunaway SPF50+/PA++++ (Mineral: ZnO2, TiO2) (link)

13. The Saem Eco Earth Power Pink Sun Cream SPF50+/PA++++ (Mineral: ZnO2, TiO2) (link)

14. Some by Mi Truecica Mineral 100 Calming Suncream SPF50+ PA++++ (Mineral: ZnO2, TiO2) (link)

I've personally used Klairs (1), Anessa (9 & 10) and Some by Mi (14) and Klairs is my favourite - the reason I cannot imagine not using chemical sunscreens. I have Innisfree (6) in my stash and Etude House (8) is on the way.

Popular and affordable brands like Biore and Sunplay use octinoxate in most, if not all, of their sunscreen products.

Might edit this post from time to time and looking forward to try everything on the list.

Not asian beauty but interesting:

1. Aveeno Baby Sunscreen Lotion with Zinc Oxide SPF 50 (Mineral: ZnO2) (link)

2. CeraVe Baby Sunscreen Lotion SPF45 (Mineral: ZnO2, TiO2) (link)

3. Supergoop! 100% Mineral Matte Screen Broad Spectrum Sunscreen SPF40 (Mineral: ZnO2, TiO2) (link)

4. Banana Boat Simply Protect Kids Sunscreen Lotion SPF50+ (Mineral: ZnO2, TiO2) (link)

Linking Lab Muffin's sunscreen spreadsheet and ratzilla's mineral sunscreen list for reference.

My baby's first steps at 22 months

2019-07-01T17:00:00.000+08:00

Yes, you read that right. 2 months before she turns two years old!

It's been a month since that first steps. She's still wobbly but she's getting there, getting better at balancing herself. Having fun running away from us walaupun bak kata Halim, macam layang-layang. Gone were the days when I worry day and night about her not walking pass 18 months. Now I exercise - kutip anak sana, sini.

Today gonna be her last day in baby class and she will start toddler class tomorrow - yeay! Happy tears and also sad tears for my bank account because now I have to buy uniform/school sports attire. RM80.00 each set and I have to buy at least 2 sets 😐

Baby(ies) are expensive!

Whatever it is, I can't wait for her school concert in November. She'll probably just cry on stage with most of her friends but yeah, mommy is excited!

Aminah, slowly but surely. Mommy will always be with you every step of the way.

MBJB found my stolen car

2019-05-10T13:30:00.000+08:00

March 2019, I received a letter from Majlis Bandaraya Johor Bahru.

They compounded my car last year. 30.04.2018. My car. The car which was stolen on 12.11.2017. They found it 3km from my house.

Do you know how frustrated I am?

They wrote to me to collect the car in March 2019. A year after they compounded my car? What the actual fuck?

Can you not be so incompetent?

I was so mad, and sad.

My insurance claim was completed October 2018. If MBJB have done it's job properly, it would probably be easier for us. The car would still be mine. No need to buy another car (we only bought another car after insurance claim completed right before Halim start working at a new place).

When I call the no. given in the letter and explained everything to the person in charge, I don't think he fully comprehend what I said because he asked me "Oh, Puan ingat kereta Puan kena curi?"

Headache bila teringat balik that day.

But everything happens for a reason, right?

I went to see my car. Everything was in place. No missing anything. Perfectly okay except for the rusty rims. Sedih sangat urgh.

After that I e-mailed Takaful Malaysia - they paid off my loan so they're the rightful owner of the car now - because I want my personal belongings back.

After a few weeks (so slow these people) they finally told me the car is at a workshop, gave a number to call and tadaaaa the workshop is in freaking Subang Jaya. Seriously? *sigh* and it's Ramadan some more. Malasnya nak travel...

Some friends offered to help but the workshop boss finally told us no need to come, he can courier everything. So I thought, great!

And then... a week passed by, he didn't pick up his phone anymore.

Sedih nak mati.

My Yuna CDs. Angin Kencang. Adele, Sia, dan entah apa-apa lagi. My car was my second home okay. So...

Maybe I should just let go and move on but please allow me to mourn again.

"15 months baby not walking"

2018-11-04T13:30:00.000+08:00

When Aminah turned 1 and still not crawling, cruising, let alone walking, I panicked.

Our parents keeps on asking and basically it made me go mental. Having two same-age cousins made it worse.

I google about it every other day, going crazy over it. Even consulted the doctor about it when we went for checkup post discharged (See: Pneumonia) and the doctor doesn't seem concerned. As if I am overreacting.

I know it's normal. I read about it. A lot of people assured me that it's fine. I finally let go and let be when she turns 14 months.

I should've seen it coming though. She didn't roll over until she turns 8 months. Didn't start moving on her tummy until 10 months. Fast forward to 13 months, she has build her confidence to 'climb'. At 14 and a half months, she finally sits on her own. And now, at 15 months, she just started crawling (???).

My baby, taking her own sweet time to do things. She's probably scared, or maybe just plain lazy.

Maybe she needs more tummy time. Maybe I shouldn't work on weekends as much. Maybe her dad should be less protective, just let her be and don't hand her stuff as often. Maybe if we know better she would have walked by now. But we'll never know for sure.

I need to keep in my mind that all babies are different and milestones guidelines are just guidelines. As long as she's happy and healthy.

Halim's big 30

2018-09-01T12:00:00.000+08:00

We celebrated Halim's birthday with a trip to KL.

OK so actually I have a work appointment at KL, moving on...

We had birthday lunch at Meat Point Dataran Jelatek.

Our eyes were red because the whole family, yes, including Aminah, had conjunctivitis.

Food was good and service, tip top. I really love the scallops. Aminah enjoyed the mashed potato so much (I know, MSG and all, bad parenting), she totally ignored her baby food. I think I had pasta, it was six months ago, I can't recall and I can't find any picture of my order.

The only thing I want them to improve is their servers' photography skills because our pictures were... meh.

No more birthday roadtrip for Halim next year because we had to brave CNY traffic on the way back to JB, I had a bad case of car sickness - I don't even want to think about being on the road during CNY ever again.

Ayam Goreng Dapur Kayu

2018-08-29T12:00:00.000+08:00

I think I've mentioned before that I really like simple tasty food like plain rice served with fried fish and cili potong, kuah gulai.

Dapur Kayu is one of those places that serves simple dishes. Fried chicken - using old school traditional firewood stove - served with acar timun and nenas, sambal tumis, kuah asam pedas and curry.

Just a normal ordinary gerai but must try.

This gem is located at Jalan Petaling, Kawasan Perindustrian Tampoi. Google says it is open daily 7.30am to 3.30pm but there were a few times we drove by on Sundays but it was closed.

Adulting

2018-08-23T22:00:00.000+08:00

Hi. I really miss this bunch, like, a lot. Pictures were taken at Sasa's wedding in December 2017. Missing, Nuar, Ayam, Nana + Dyan. That was almost 8 months ago. Adulting is cray cray.

Embracing change and new beginnings

2018-08-17T22:00:00.000+08:00

Career change. Not mine but Halim's.

For years I've been telling him, give up the sale & marketing life. Give up the bankers life. Try something else, yada yada yada. But he was young and he wants to have fun, don't want to leave because... friends. He was such a boy.

Until one day, I was 5 months pregnant when the bomb drops. He have to leave his job. So it's just me bringing the bacon home... wow. That was... scary af!

I cried, a lot. I was afraid. And then I persevered. We persevered.

for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part

kan?

Anyway, fast forward November, our baby was 4 months old, he applied for a new job. Not a banker. Not gonna have to sell anything or market shit and stuff. Did the online exam, got the job interview in February.

Picture is of him on his way to the interview.

Who knew, two months later, we received the good news. He got the job. Out of hundred thousands of application, he was one of the lucky ones. After a year of freelancing with no actual fixed income, sujud syukur.

Now here comes the not so happy part, he had to go for a 6 months training at KL-Melaka.

Mixed feelings there. At that point of time I don't know if I can do it but here we are, 3 months later. It's not easy but InshaAllah, we will survive.

Semoga rezeki dan permulaan baru ini jadi berkat buat keluarga kecil kami.

10 more Sundays until he's back in JB for good. Counting weeks (I'm a lawyer, counting days is too many numbers I can't keep up).

Pneumonia

2018-08-11T22:54:00.000+08:00

These past 4 weeks has been very challenging.

Mondays were clinic-day.

1st week - fever/cough

2nd week - diarrhea

3rd week - hives

4th week - rapid breathing (asthma?) which turned out to be pneumonia.

Kasihan my baby girl. We ended up at Hospital Sultan Ismail for 3 nights and 3 days.

Halim wanted to transfer Aminah to a private hospital because HSI was overoccupied, lagipun, bila lagi nak guna medical card right? but our preferred hospital was full and Aminah was depending on oxygen supply for the first two nights she was admitted so we don't want to take the risk of taking her off oxygen for few hours.

Honestly, HSI was good. We were satisfied with the service provided. And for RM11.00, I have no complains.

She's home now and healthy. No wheezing or coughing today, Alhamdulillah. Semoga anak mommy stay healthy inshaAllah.

ps. Please spare a prayer for my late grandmother. She passed away this morning due to breathing difficulties. She's been having asthma attacks for a week and just last night she had two rounds of nebulizer but Allah loves her more. Semoga Allah merahmati arwah Hajah Fatimah. Kurniakanlah syurga buat Mak Tok.

pps. Terkilan tak sempat bawa Aminah jumpa Mak Tok. Supposed to raya at Kelantan this year but, yeah, tak ada rezeki. Ralat.

Resolution

2018-01-31T22:00:00.000+08:00

Before the year started I made a list of resolutions...

No ice cream and iced drinks
Project #hitpan - one year makeup shopping ban, to clear off expired makeup and to finish off as much product as I can
To be less fussy, less naggy, less cranky, less annoying towards husband
No fast food
To become more presentable - after nine months of sloppiness at the office

... only to break most of it.

I've decided to let go of resolution #1 and #4 because, I got to be honest with myself, it's not possible right now.

Currently, resolution #2 and #5 are still ongoing. #3? Let's just say January is a trial month.

When I turned 29

2018-01-29T12:00:00.000+08:00

For my 29th birthday, Halim gifted me with a surprise post-birthday celebration with my uni friends... but of course one of them need to be on a holiday at Boracay.

If they want me to dress up in faux fur, diamond tiara and all the glitz, I WOULD.
If you thought I wouldn't you don't know me yet (seriously, Halim thought I won't do it).

Aminah was asleep the whole time

Missing the party planner

Spot the tiny tot.

Basically, ten other groups were celebrating someone's birthday too haha

On the birthday itself I had a mini celebration with my little family...

Thank you to everyone who made it happen. Especially to Halim. I was really surprised and happy.

Of course, the next day my first car was stolen - that's another 'surprise'.

motherhood... so far

2017-10-03T12:00:00.000+08:00

Alhamdulillah, delivery was a breeze...

when COMPARED TO RAISING A CHILD!

I regret not studying about breastfeeding before I actually tried, and failed a few times.

I only read about breathing and stuff after I had passed my due date. Nasib baik overdue.

If you're planning to breastfeed your baby, please take the time to learn and prepare yourself physically and mentally. Go to classes. Join support group. I would recommend TBAN group on Facebook.

Contrary to popular beliefs, some things doesn't comes naturally, not even motherly insticts nor feelings.

I remember asking myself - can I undo this?

Thoughts while watching The Secret Life of Pets - Why do I have to have a baby at the first place, why didn't I just get a pet?

Regardless, I love my daughter so much (especially when she's not crying) but it's hard work.

As hard as it is, I wish I can quit my job and take care of her myself.

Anyway, she can laugh now. Loves to look at the windows/ up at the lights, ceiling fan. Her favourite toys are her playgyms. She smiles a lot. Her cries are getting louder but it doesn't seem to bother her dad at all, happily snoring away in the wee hours of the night. She's skinny but tall. Sleeps a lot at nursery which means no sleep for mommy.

Long and winded labour story in progress.

Ayam's last single night out

2017-07-27T12:00:00.000+08:00

Birthday celebration for October and November babies (lah sangat) cum Ayam's last single night out with us before getting hitched.

I was tricked to the party and I didn't want to go at first (Halim told me it's makan-makan with his work-friends and I was not in the mood to mingle). Luckily I obliged - lepas kena ugut dengan api neraka.

Gotta love the details on the cake!

Long overdue post. And I'm also currently overdue (40 weeks + 3 days) according to Klinik Kesihatan's calculation based on my last period. I'm more confident with my dating scan (6-13 weeks scan - EDD on 1st August).

Regardless, if I didn't pop by 3rd August I will be induced. Doctor's order.

When I turned 28

2017-07-04T09:21:00.001+08:00

I want to be 27 forever but...

final carnival

2017-05-26T12:00:00.000+08:00

The main Iskarnival event held in November. To be honest, I enjoyed Iskarnival Kreatif & Naratif more than this.

November to remember

2017-05-22T12:00:00.000+08:00

Team Princess annual jalan-jalan cari makan KL trip happened last November.

The best!

We had flowers for brunch.

Rimba & Rusa - Laksa Sarawak Haji Noh - western food dalam dulang - wondermilk - Fahrenheit 600 Café and Restaurant. Always gigih for food and jalan-jalan. Little that we know I was already pregnant at that time. Alhamdulillah, baby kuat.

Laman Seni 7

2017-05-18T12:00:00.000+08:00

During our lovelifest trip we stayed at Tree Boutique Hotel, Shah Alam. Laman Seni 7 was right behind the hotel's block so before we head back home we snap some pictures there, playing tourists because, why not?

lovelifest

2017-05-15T13:29:00.000+08:00

Wives-only trip to Lovelifest with non other than Azra, for Yunalis Zarai. Gigih? I know.

Five months pregnant at that time. So I sat down during the whole show from Oh Chentaku to Yuna.

It's probably the last music event/show I will ever attend. Halim cakap lepas ni boleh attend tilawah alquran je. Mmmkay.

29 weeks

2017-05-11T18:20:00.000+08:00

The biggest misconception I had about pregnancy / being pregnant: You don't have to worry about weight gain / eating too much.

Because I worry everyday. Especially when I've been gaining 3-4kg/month even when I ration my food.

Sugar level is normal. Nodes, normal. Blood pressure, normal.

Edema - abnormal. My feet are huge most of the times. Sometimes it's not so bad but I worry a lot because people have been saying that it's too early to swell etc. etc.

People.

I've been advised (more like instructed) to cut down on rice (carbs in general) and milk intake. But when I don't drink milk, I'll get heart burn.

Excessive weight gain + edema + heart burn = signs of pre-eclampsia which is bad for me and the fetus.

I'm so confused.

And for everyone else, the first one is so exciting. Most people can't wait to buy all those baby stuff. Not me though.

I've been busy with work and is still waiting for my transportation claims - January to April. I've been travelling a lot (work stuff) so...

Basically, I'm tired and broke.

Getting pregnant is hard work (for some), being pregnant - harder work (again, not applicable to everyone - or maybe it seems harder because you're not as energetic as before?). Raising a child(ren)...

Not complaining, just washed out - from all the *office* work.

11 weeks to go. Can't wait to say goodbye to all the files and travelling.

Amphawa Boat Noodle @ Taman Sutera Utama

2017-04-24T12:00:00.000+08:00

Tried and tested both Boat Noodle and Amphawa Boat Noodle and my favourite is definitely the latter.

The winning dish? The spicy tomyam broth.

Amphawa Boat Noodle Taman Sutera branch is located at 69, Jalan Sutera Tanjung 8/2, Taman Sutera Utama. Opens daily from 11.30am to 10.30pm.

There's another branch at Johor Bahru city area along Jalan Ibrahim/Jalan Tan Hiok Nee with a different more tropical vibe - 100% instagrammable.

Instagram

The Morso Pasta & Pastry @ Bandar Dato' Onn

2017-04-17T12:00:00.000+08:00

The Morso is located at Bandar Dato' Onn at shop lots opposite Masjid Sultan Iskandar.

They serves pasta *duhh* and they also have shell out. Everything is super affordable. I would recommend their lamb aglio olio. So simple yet so good.

The Morso is located at No. 22, Jalan Perjiranan 2, Bandar Dato' Onn, Johor Bahru. Opening hours 5.00pm to 11.30pm. Closed on Mondays.

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