One year later I am the proudest mom to the most adorable, swing loving…

growling!, STANDING!

silly, messy, little boy!

But now, just 18 long short months later (the 10 months waiting for Wes felt like f o r e v e r and the last 8 months have flow by), I am on the other side.  And this side is good.  So good.  So much better than I ever could have imagined it would be.

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While talking to these couples and hearing their fears and apprehension about domestic infant adoption and answering their questions about our experience with open adoption, I realized that we come so far mentally and emotionally when it comes to open adoption.  Craig and I had so many fears about openness when we started the adoption process.  In the beginning, openness felt like something we needed to be okay to in order to get what we wanted (a baby), but if I’m being honest, at the time I would have been perfectly content if a baby had dropped on our door step and we never heard from or saw our child’s birth parents again.  Openness is a strange concept.

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It’s their child, but it’s our child.

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Whose child is it?!

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I don’t want to share my child.

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These are the thoughts that went through my head when I thought about openness, all while I was saying out loud that I was open to openness…simply because I thought that was my only way to getting a baby.  My heart wasn’t really in it.  So when we were talking to couples who were sharing their fears, it took me back.  I get it.  It’s terrifying.  But I also realized that today my heart is different than it was 18 months ago.

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When we met Wes’ birthparents, we instantly bonded over him.  All four of us wanted the same thing….the best for him.  That alone opened my heart to loving them, because they loved him, my son. And we loved him, their son. When I would tell his birthmom how thankful we were that they chose us, she would tell me that they were just as thankful that they found us to be his parents.  I never expected to hear those words.  Throughout the two months we spent getting to know them before he was born, our relationship grew, and while there were uncomfortable and awkward moments, they became real people to us.  Not some statistics, not a page of facts, but real people with complicated lives just like us.  Their journey and our journey to Wes was not easy.  It was hard for all of us.  But once we all found each other, what was hard became worth it.  Because two people who waited years to become parents were having their dream come true.  Because two people who found themselves unexpectedly pregnant in a difficult place in life were having their fears relieved in doing the best they could for their child by finding people who could care for him in the way that they wished that they could.  No one that we knew really understood this.  In wanting to protect us, our friends and family had an attitude that it was us verses them.  But it wasn’t.  It was the four of us together, going through a crazy experience with a common goal….loving Wes in the best way we could.

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Even though our relationship with Wes’ birthparents is better than I could have ever hoped for, getting to this place was hard.  Scary.  Awkward.  Strange.  And I’m sure it was for them too.  This is not a natural path to building families or relationships.  But the four of us have a bond that no one else ever will.  The four of us love him more than anyone else ever will.  The four of us went through one of the most difficult and beautiful things that this life will bring.  They took a risk on us.  We took a risk on them.  And because of that, all of it, every tear, every moment spent in fear, in what ifs, in putting my whole heart on the line with the risk of it breaking was worth it.  Because I get to be Wes’ mom.  And because I get to tell Wes that he is so loved by his birthparents because I have witnessed their love for him with my own eyes.

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Today I am so thankful because being open has given me so much more than I could have hoped for.  It’s given me the gift of his birth, his stay in the hospital, and answers to questions about his family medical history whenever they arise.  It’s given me the gift of knowing the people who gave me the greatest gift I could ever receive.  And I hope that as Wes grows, having a relationship with his birth family will be a blessing and not an unanswered mystery to him.

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Don’t get me wrong.  There were moments in the weeks after he was born that I wasn’t sure I could do it again.  Without a doubt I knew that he had been worth it, but I didn’t know that I could go through it again.  For me (I can only assume since I have never done it), adopting was like giving birth.  In the moments after you think you can never go through that again, but over time, your heart and love for your child grows and grows and the pain of labor fades away.  It’s hard.  But it was worth it.

Wes took his second flight recently, this time to New York City (it was my first time to NYC too, so I was pretty excited). Craig has been to NYC a lot in the last couple years, but most of his trips are pretty last minute so it’s never worked out for me to come until now.

Our little travel trooper did great on the flight, and since we were lucky to score an extra seat, he even took a nap!

Traveling with an 8 month old is harder than it was with a 4 month old since jumping and climbing are now in full effect, but Wes turned on the charm with our surrounding passengers which was helpful (thanks for being a cute flirt Wes!).

Wes took his first cab ride which he slept through.

Wes is trying so hard to crawl, he does his exercises constantly working out his little muscles so he can get going.

After we got settled, Daddy went to work and Wes and I headed out to explore the city. Thank goodness for smart phones and google maps!

We walked across the Brooklyn Bridge in perfect weather. Such a refreshing time for this mommy and baby who have been cooped up inside all winter.

Our view of the Manhattan bridge from the Brooklyn bridge.

When we got to the bridge, I thought there would be some sort of ramp to go up with the stroller, but there was only a big set of stairs. I looked at Wes in the stroller and decided it would be less painful to just pick up the stroller with him in it and carry it up then to take him out, carry him, fold up the stroller, carry the stroller, and carry the diaper bag. Before I even took one step up the stairs a nice man grabbed the front of the stroller and helped us all the way up!

The Statue of Liberty is way off in the distance, but since it is currently closed, this may be all we see of it. 

Our view of Lower Manhattan and the new Freedom tower being built.

Once we crossed the bridge, we came to this pretty building which I assumed must be important so I took a picture, but I had no idea what it was. Turns out we were in City Hall Park, but I’m still not sure about the building.

Freedom Tower

Wes and I walked through the financial district during rush hour which meant he was the only baby around and pushing a stroller among the thousands of people rushing around in suits was kinda crazy, but I kept telling myself to walk like I knew where I was going!

We found our way to Ground Zero and went to the 9/11 Memorial. It was beautiful. Being there was emotional thinking about what happened that day and the lives lost. The two pools where the north and south towers stood were beautiful memorials.

Wes slept the whole time we were at the memorial and he’s obviously too young to remember right now anyway, but one day we will tell him about what happened that day and how what happened changed our nation.

We managed to find our way back to our apartment via the subway which was crazy, but more importantly successful! I strapped Wes in the carrier, folded up the stroller, carried the diaper bag, ventured down the stairs, bought a ticket, made it to the train, got on the right one, and got off on the right stop! Five people offered to help me which was awesome. New Yorkers are alright in my book!

How do you feed a baby without a high chair? Strip him down and put him on the floor! I give our first day in NYC two thumbs up!

One year ago today Craig and I announced to the world that we were adopting. What a year it has been! One year ago we had absolutely no idea what was in store for us. We didn’t know that our son was already alive and growing, and that in just 7 months we would be meeting him! This has truly been the best year of our lives…and also the most stressful and emotional! This year has taught me to walk in faith knowing that if I just kept putting one foot in front of the other, trusting God, everything would be okay. So much of the adoption journey is about letting total strangers (in our case birth parents, social workers, lawyers, Native American tribes, court administrators, and judges) determine the future of your family. Early on in this process I learned that I had to let go, stop putting my hope and trust in people, and ask God to work miracles on our behalf. I had to stop thinking and just pray. The last year has challenged, stretched, and strengthened us more than ever. Every tear, gray hair (my first appeared while we were waiting to be matched!), and sleepless night has been worth it! Because…

God’s faithfulness has never been more real to me than now…in this adorable little face!

Christmas Eve cutie. He was giggling up a storm when we picked him up from the church nursery on Christmas Eve!

Our three babies.

Christmas morning stocking time! Christmas is 10,000 times better with a kid…even if he didn’t know what was going on!

Sophie the Giraffe has been his favorite present so far.

Cousin’s first Christmas! We first heard about Wes the day before our nephew was born…at his birth we were all wondering if we would be having a baby soon too!

Wes loves his puppies and they love him! Sometimes at night we hear Lucy open his bedroom door, walk in and check on him. Thankfully she hasn’t woken him up yet! And every time he makes a peep, Shelly goes running to check on him!

Tummy time/Reading time.

Toes are his new favorite thing…built in toys that taste soo yummy! Sometimes we just take his socks off so he can eat his toes and he loves it!

Hey cute boy!

Lucy snuggles are the best!

Thank you for following our journey this past year! For praying for us, encouraging us, and supporting us! We *hope* to be better bloggers this year (no promises…someone keeps us busier and busier each day).

Wesley is 4 months old! It’s crazy to think he’s already a third of the way to 1 year old! Time is definitely flying by. We are loving being parents to this little guy so much. Everyone said our lives would change forever, and I expected that, but I could not have imagined how much. I was trying to explain to my friend the other day just how much I love him. So here’s the best (and weirdest) way I could: I love Craig so much, I chose to marry him and spend my life with him. I think that if a bus was coming and I could save his life instead of mine, I would (I hope I would cause I can’t imagine my life without him). But with Wes, I know I would jump in front of the bus. Now let’s hope this never happens! All that to say, I didn’t realize just how strong my parental instincts would be.

The last few months have been great. Wes is such an easy baby. Really! (I’m really sorry to those of you who don’t have easy babies. Parenting is hard work no matter how easy a baby you have, so I feel for you!). I think the longest he has ever cried is maybe 5 minutes and this has happened only a couple times because we couldn’t make his bottle fast enough. He wakes up talking and smiling (much unlike his mother, good thing father is a morning person!). And since about 3 months old he has been sleeping through the night (sleeping through the night is 8 hours + fyi–I thought something was wrong with him when I was hearing about all these 2 month old sleeping through the night which come to find out was only for 5 hours. The night is much longer than 5 hours!). He has been a great little traveler road tripping across five states and taking his first flight.

He is an easy baby, but I have a feeling he is going to be giving us a run for our money in just a few short months. This kid is active! A lot of mornings when I go to get him out of his crib he has done a 180! I can see him already frustrated with his body…he wants to play with his toys and his hands will not do what he is telling them to do! Getting rid of extra furniture, play mats, and a fenced yard are hopefully in our near future.

As our first Christmas with a kid approaches, we are trying to do as many fun things as we can like putting Wes in a Christmas tree! Don’t worry, he was well supervised and didn’t mind one bit! Craig is excited for Wes’ Christmas presents, but I think he’s gonna be a bit disappointed that he’s not quite ready for legos.

]]> http://www.noduedate.com/2012/10/30/happy-halloween/feed/ 0 http://www.noduedate.com/2012/09/21/nursery-tour/ http://www.noduedate.com/2012/09/21/nursery-tour/#comments Fri, 21 Sep 2012 16:14:57 +0000 Amy http://www.noduedate.com/?p=753 We started working on the nursery in January, soon after we were approved to adopt. It was a good distraction, time taker, and hope builder. I spent a lot of time dreaming about what it would be like to finally hold my baby in that room (and when I finally did…the tears did not stop coming). When we were matched with Wes’ birthparents in June, we only had the basics ready. Room painted, dressers, rocking chair, and crib. Oh, and a couple unframed prints. That was it. Even though we knew from the start that Wes was a boy and that we only had 10 weeks til his due date, I was nervous to make a boy nursery. What if? On the outside we jumped right in with full confidence that he would be our son, but inside, there was still a risk that we wouldn’t get to bring him home. I literally did not cut the tags off of any of his clothes (except his coming home outfit) until the day we came home. So we kept the nursery gender neutral with plans to move him into a bigger room when he is older and hopes that one day, another baby will come home to this nursery.

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Once we were matched, I was spending ALL of my extra time getting his room ready (this wasn’t much since I was in school full time, interning 20 hours a week, and working while driving 300+ miles a week). The nursery is the reason why our neighbors probably hate us since our acre of a yard basically died this summer from total neglect (sorry neighbors!).

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Thank you to the always amazing Gina Zeidler for taking fabulous pictures of our nursery! *Gina took the good pictures (I’m sure you can tell!). I took the crooked, funky color pictures with my iPhone.*

Mobile from Once Upon a Child for $12. It doesn’t really go with my nursery decor, but my friend suggested something fun, colorful, and musical for Wes to look at. And he loves it!

A friend gave us this cute sign. She hadn’t seen the nursery and it is so close to the color of the nursery (obviously she has good taste!), so Craig framed it out with some wood and painted it white for some contrast from the wall.

Fillable glass lamp base and shade from Target.

Letter blocks from Walmart.

Retro Metal Fan (I got mine for less than $30 from Menards, but I think it was a seasonal in-store only deal).

After Wes was born, I changed up the lamp to say his name (we were keeping a secret). It’s crooked and a bit funky looking, but I’ve been a bit distracted and haven’t taken the time to fix it yet.

Shelves from Ikea.

Side table from Ikea 6+ years ago, spray painted.

Chair from Ikea scratch and dent, turned into a rocker (see more here).

Pillow from Home Goods.

I loved the simplicity of these Pottery Barn blackout curtains, but not the price at $99 per panel (I needed 4…you do the math!). Instead I bought one package of curtains from Ikea for $24.99. Since the Ikea panels were much wider than I needed, I cut them in half, added blackout fabric to the back, hemed them, and added yellow ribbon which matched the crib skirt I made. In total all four blackout panels cost about $50 to make!

I went the blackout fabric route after thinking about future nap times and how the sun rises at 5am in the summer time…I am not a morning person so every minute of precious sleep will be worth it!

We have two labs…how could I not buy these cute little dog butt hooks from Ikea?!

Clock, baskets, shelf from Ikea.

 Cheap canvas painted by me with a free Chevron stencil I found online.

Repurposed frame spray painted with a Gus and Lula print.

Cute baby….a gift from God!

]]> http://www.noduedate.com/2012/09/21/nursery-tour/feed/ 3 http://www.noduedate.com/2012/08/29/adorable-wesley/ http://www.noduedate.com/2012/08/29/adorable-wesley/#comments Wed, 29 Aug 2012 16:49:36 +0000 Amy http://www.noduedate.com/?p=738 Our good friends (really…Craig and Alan have been friends since elementary school) and amazing photographer friends, Alan and Naomi of Viveria Photography blessed us with taking some amazing photos of Wes on his 2 week birthday. We are already trying to figure out how we can fill our house with all these amazing photos!

To see more photos of our beautiful boy, check out the Viveria Photography blog. Thank you Alan & Naomi!!

P.S. Thanks for not freaking out when I peed on you a couple times! Love, Wes

Wesley

6 lbs. 14 oz.

20″

A happy, healthy, amazing little boy!

We had the honor of being present for his birth and got to stay in the hospital with him until he came home. It was the most beautiful, emotional, and exciting experience of our lives.

Wesley’s full birth story is a story just for him, but know that he is greatly loved by ALL of his parents. The gift of him into our lives was a gift of love. Nothing more, nothing less. He will grow up always knowing this.

The last couple weeks have been the greatest (and most sleep deprived!) of our lives. We loved him when we first knew of him a couple months ago, but the moment we saw him come into this world, we knew without a doubt that he was always meant to be our son and we felt our hearts grow bigger than we ever thought possible.

We cannot thank you all enough for your love, prayers, and support over the past few months. When we started this journey we had no idea how many people (friends, family, and even complete strangers!) would show us such support! Our road to parenthood was long and hard, but feeling loved and supported by all of you made the journey not quite so hard.

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Wesley is truly a child born of God. He is not our natural descendent, our will did not bring him into life, and in reality, our society and culture says that he should have been aborted and never see the light of day. But God created him, protected him, and opened all the doors to bring us together as a family. Our biggest hope for him is that he always knows how loved he is not just by us, but also by God, and that one day, he will choose to believe for himself.

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“Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God–children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.” John 1:12-13

Photos by Gina Zeidler

*A big THANK YOU to Gina for coming to the hospital and taking photos we will cherish forever!*