I am very excited about Chinese New Year this year because I am a Rat! My high school’s mascot was the River Rat so I wholly embrace my Chinese zodiac animal. The Great Race account of the Chinese zodiac tells the story of a race across a river. As legend goes, the crafty Rat hopped on the back of the Ox and sang to him as they crossed the river but when they neared the other side, Rat jumped off ahead of Ox winning the race and was named the first animal of the Chinese Zodiac.

So as we begin a new decade in 2020, we also begin a new cycle of the Chinese zodiac.

Celebrating Chinese New Year can seem daunting, but it can also be a lot of fun – and is a great way to bring some Chinese culture and new family traditions into your home. Our celebrations may be a bit like Chinese food found in America: not quite what you find in China, but it’s what we have. And as my mom always says, “Done is better than perfect.”

We completed our first adoption from China in the summer of 2013. We celebrated our first Chinese New Year in 2014, the year of the horse. Since we had only been home six months, I am not sure how we pulled it off but we did have help. We were blessed to meet friends while in China who have become some of our best friends in life. We actually met in Beijing, on the front end portion of the trip and then spent the entire time together in Guangzhou since both of our boys are from Guangdong. Our friends live about 4 and ½ hours away but we wanted to keep up the friendship and celebrating Chinese New Year together became a tradition. Our friends come for the weekend once a year sometime around Chinese New Year depending on our schedules so we don’t always celebrate on the actual day.

One great place to get started is at your local library. Sometime after January 1st I stop by our local library and check out every book on Chinese New Year; sometimes I even request other books from libraries in our network. These books are full of information and great ideas. Some are just fun stories about Chinese New Year for elementary age children. They also can be displayed as decorations on a mantel.

One website I have found to be very helpful is called Chinese American Family. I love this site and their page on how to Celebrate Chinese New Year is full of information especially if this is your first rodeo. This site contains a lot of information including; history and folklore, activities, decorating ideas, information about red envelopes, recipes, crafts and buying guides.

I have to admit that I don’t have a Pinterest account so my friend is in charge of the decorations. I keep all of the decorations from year to year in a bin that I pull out each year when they come; we add a few new decorations each year. Since we host, I am in charge of the menu. Division of labor has helped us pull off this family celebration each year.

If you don’t have another adoptive family to celebrate with you can ask any family to join you as this is a great excuse to get together with friends and family in January or February (depending on the year) that doesn’t include football as the main theme.

Decorations can be ornate or simple. One year we left up the Christmas tree after Christmas. We took off all of the Christmas decorations, left the lights on and added homemade Chinese New Year decorations. We made little pandas, plum blossoms, and fortune cookie decorations all out of old scrapbook paper. This was the “most ornate” year. Other years we have simply used red streamers, paper plates, napkins, plastic wear, and decorations all from a dollar store. Red, corresponding with fire, symbolizes good fortune and joy. Red is found all over the place during Chinese New Year.

A big bowl of mandarin oranges is a perfect centerpiece for your table not to mention delicious and nutritious. Mandarin oranges symbolize luck in the New Year. In China the word for a mandarin sounds similar to the word for gold and so having a big bowl of them in your home at New Year is sure to bring riches into your life or at the very least your daily requirement of vitamin C.

Our kids look forward to the red envelopes each year. Each child gets one at our celebration. There is a lot of etiquette surrounding the giving and receiving of these iconic envelopes filled with money at Chinese New Year. Some of the basics are that they are usually filled with new bills and not coins and in even numbers (except for the number 4 which is unlucky and sounds like the word for death). You can find these envelopes online and the amount you put in them doesn’t really matter, what matters most is the generosity of the giver and the thankful heart of the receiver. Please, thank you and hugs all around!

Chinese New Year includes traditional foods. The ones that are most common, and we find most commonly enjoyed, are dumplings, spring rolls, noodles and any golden, round citrus fruits (mentioned above). Some years we have made what I call American moon cakes using our moon cake mold and a shortbread recipe I found here on NHBO.

I know one adoptive family who gets take-out for Chinese New Year. I love this simple tradition. This is a splurge and a treat and makes for a great family tradition with a lot less fuss in the kitchen. I have to admit that this year I bought frozen dumplings and frozen spring rolls. In the past we have made our own dumplings assembly line style using store bought won ton wrappers. I want to spend less time in the kitchen this year and more time drinking coffee with our friends. The kids are growing up and have increased in number and size and somehow I have gotten older too and spending the day in the kitchen is not as alluring as it once was.

The point is that if you love being in the kitchen and that is life-giving, there are many great recipes online. If spending the day preparing a feast is not life-giving, there are so many great options out there. You don’t even need to go to a traditional Chinese market to find great dumplings and spring rolls, although a trip to one could be a great part of your tradition. I have found some great frozen options at grocery stores and warehouse stores.

One additional food item we enjoy is the “tray of togetherness”.

Traditionally this is a sectional serving platter with eight compartments (eight rhymes with the word for good luck) filled with bite sized treats such as candy, dried fruit and nuts. Each treat has a symbolic meaning and you offer these treats to guests wishing them sweet life in the coming year. It is similar to serving hors d’oeuvres. I improvise and use an old Rubbermaid tray that only has seven compartments. I use whatever small treats I have on hand or remember to pick up and we have made up our own meanings for the foods.

Red and black watermelon seeds, candied lotus root and seeds and dried sweet potatoes are not staples in my cupboard, so in the past we have used things like peanuts, cranberries, mini marshmallows, pumpkin seeds, Cheerios, M&Ms and oyster crackers. My daughter came up with meanings for each. For Cheerios she came up with the circle symbolizing eternal life in God. Even the number seven for the number of compartments in our family tray symbolizes perfection and completeness.

Over the years we have included crafts from downloading coloring pages of the zodiac animals to making paper lanterns. We have also made up some of our own games like Chinese New Year Charades and Chinese New Year Pictionary depending on the ages and stages of our children.

If you are lucky enough to have a Chinese New Year parade with fireworks and a dragon and lion dance nearby then by all means go! Here in the Midwest Chinese New Year comes at a time when the days are often cold and gray. It is a great time to make your home look festive again as it always seems to look a bit barren once the Christmas decorations have come down. It is a great time to gather with family and friends between Christmas and Easter.

Celebrating Chinese New Year is also a great way to celebrate your child’s Chinese cultural heritage. We have five kids, two of them are treasures from China, and they all love celebrating Chinese New Year. As adoptive families we are already considered “nontraditional” – our Chinese New Year traditions may not be authentically or traditionally Chinese but they are ours and they create family togetherness. They may not be Pinterest perfect but they are filled with family, friends, delicious food and well wishes for the New Year.

I hope this will encourage you to make some Chinese New Year traditions of your own.

Happy New Year! Shǔ nián xíng dà yùn!

– guest post by Tanya

The post CNY 2020: The Year of the Rat appeared first on No Hands But Ours.

Being a family of faith, we try to find most of the stories we tell and lessons we teach to our children this time of year from the Bible where the Christmas story is found. But we do own and enjoy a copy of the Limited Keepsake Edition of the Original Christmas Classics, including Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

And this is where my story begins…

On our first trip to China in 2013, we spent nearly two weeks at the Garden Hotel in Guangzhou, as our son is from a city in Guangdong. The medical appointment took place on a quiet week day (before all of the other families arrived from the various provinces) instead of an insane Saturday (which we will get to). We and the other family traveling with us may have been the only ones there.

But the lobby of the Garden Hotel where we were staying was a perpetual hive of activity filled with new families bustling about. At one point my husband commented that the lobby of the Garden Hotel reminded him of the Island of Misfit Toys in Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. I had actually been thinking the very same thing.

///

Fast forward nearly five years and we find ourselves at the medical which took place after arrival in Guangzhou from the various provinces on an insane Saturday. The entire crowd from the Garden Hotel lobby was gathered as all of the families that had arrived from the provinces hustled through the medical stations.

At one point I looked up and the other mom we were traveling with, overcome with emotion, said, “This is the Island of Misfit toys from Rudolph.” And at that moment I knew this wasn’t just some crazy connection my husband and I had conjured up.

In the movie, the welcome on the Island meant you were also a misfit.

Metaphorically, if you were welcomed you were joining a group who was disabled or incapacitated in some way. On the island there was a Charlie in the Box, a spotted elephant, a train with square wheels on the caboose, a water pistol that squirts jelly, a bird that swims, and a cowboy who rides an ostrich. And then there is the “Dolly for Sue” – who seems perfectly normal -but the producer of the movie, Arthur Rankin, revealed in an NPR interview in 2007 that Dolly considers herself a misfit due to her low self-esteem and psychological problems. She is a doll who feels that she is unlovable; I would say that she suffers from a broken heart.

In the lobby of the Garden or at the medical on an insane Saturday the “misfits” are not toys but children. Children.

Children, not seeking refuge or community on an island, but children, many with broken pieces and all like Dolly, broken hearted, finding family. Family, in the arms of loving mamas and babas who had flown not on a sleigh but on a 747 from places that seem as far away as the North Pole.

Rudolph and Hermey, misfits themselves, end up on this island. As a mom to two boys with limb differences, I would say that Rudolph was born with a “nose difference”. Hermey is an elf who can’t make toys but aspires to be a dentist and this difference makes him feel rejected by the community he is born into.

Rudolph also feels different and rejected. As the song goes, “All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names, they never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games. But then one foggy Christmas Eve Santa came to say…” In a moment everything changes for Rudolph. And in a moment, in a civil affairs office, everything changes for a child.

The title “orphan” is replaced with the title “beloved son or daughter”. Names are changed. Families are born. The process of healing broken hearts begins.

And about those special needs. In the story of Rudolph his “special need” – his nose difference – actually turns out to be more of a special power. A nose so bright that it can guide Santa’s sleigh around the world in a night through fog as thick as pea soup sounds like a special power to me.

This makes me wonder, could the special needs our children have been labeled with on medical forms really be special powers in disguise? When my son with a lucky fin (limb difference) brings the ball up the court, he lights up the gym. When my son with two lucky fins zipped his coat for the first time, the entire kindergarten classroom lit up and erupted in cheers.

What about your kids? Have their lives grown compassion in others? Have their lives given others joy? Have they grown patience in you? That sounds to me like something even more than a special power…

that is the miraculous.

So when you snuggle in with your little treasures to watch Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer this year likely your child won’t make these connections, but I hope you will. I hope you smile when Rudolph takes flight. As the song goes, “Then how the reindeer loved him”…. love really is what changes everything.

I hope that you are seeing glimpses of the miraculous in how broken hearts are healing in your homes. I hope that in the midst of the challenges you have moments when special needs can be seen as special powers that may not “go down in history” as the song goes but become a part of your family’s… your children’s stories.

Merry Christmas.

– guest post by Tanya Strong, wife to Luman, mom to Selah 15, Boaz 13, Simeon 9, Shadrach 7, Meshach 6 & Abednego with special powers yet unknown

The post Lessons from Rudolph appeared first on No Hands But Ours.

Dental health is important to one’s overall well being. Most of us do what we can each day to prevent oral issues by visiting our dentist and having a dental routine at home. However, for children with Down syndrome, they may be at a higher risk for dental issues.

While this can be challenging, there are ways to work to prevent oral problems. I have been practicing dentistry for more than 17 years, and have experience working with children who have Down syndrome. This article will discuss some common dental issues in children with Down syndrome may suffer from and how parents can be prepared to deal with and prevent them.

Dental Issues

There are a number of dental issues that parents who have children with Down syndrome should be aware of and prepared to deal with. Here are the most common:

Periodontal disease

This is a disease that affects the gums and can cause one’s oral health to deteriorate rather quickly. It’s most often caused by poor oral hygiene, bruxism, and underlying issues with the immune system. This can lead to loss of adult teeth if left untreated. Luckily, parents can work with their children on preventing this disease.

Malocclusion

This condition is seen in a lot of individuals with Down syndrome as a result of delayed eruption of permanent teeth. This leads to an open bite, poor positioning of teeth, and an increased risk of periodontal disease and tooth decay. While this can’t be prevented, there are plenty of options to help combat the condition.

Other Tooth Anomalies

There are other dental abnormalities that your child may experience which can affect the form, function, or position of the mouth. As mentioned, delayed tooth eruption is one of them as well as missing teeth or irregular tooth formation. If your child is showing signs of any of these, visit your dentist to discuss the best way for your child to have a healthy mouth.

Dental issues can be confusing and challenging. Luckily, there are ways to prevent them and work through them and parents should use their child’s pediatric dentist as a source of information and support.

Going to the Dentist

To help work through some dental issues that children with Down syndrome may face, parents should take them to the dentist. Dental visits are the best way for your child to receive an examination of their dental health to uncover any issues. Plus, you and your child’s dentist can discuss any necessary care and treatment plans.

It’s also best to begin taking your child to the dentist at an early age to help them have the healthiest mouth possible. Not only is this a good idea for combatting oral issues, but it will also help your child be more comfortable at the dentist as they get older.

Dental Care at Home

Parents should also help their children develop an effective oral care routine at home. A good routine includes brushing twice a day, flossing once a day, and regularly rinsing with an oral rinse. Certain behavioral issues or sensitivities may make implementing a routine more difficult, however, there are ways to work through this.

Start by making a child’s dental routine fun. You can do this by turning brushing and flossing time into a dance party and play music or set small incentives to help them get through their routine.

Diet can also play a big role in a child’s dental health. Try to limit the amount of sugar that your child eats as it can lead to tooth decay and gum disease. Find your child’s favorite fruits, vegetables, dairy products, and whole grains as these are rich in vitamins and nutrients that are essential to healthy teeth and gums.

Dental issues can happen to anybody, but children with Down syndrome are at a greater risks or some oral complications. Parents can help them by knowing some of the common issues, taking their child to the dentist, and practice proper oral care at home. Everyone deserves to have a healthy mouth, as it’s essential to one’s overall well-being. While oral problems can be challenging, never give up on finding ways to provide the best dental care for your child.

Resources:
Down Syndrome and Dental Care
Questions to Ask Your Dentist Before an Appointment

– guest post by Dr. Greg Grillo: Facebook || Dentably 

The post Dental Health & Down Syndrome: How Parents Can Help Their Children Have a Healthy Mouth appeared first on No Hands But Ours.

Every adoptive parent dreams of how they will “meet” their new child…

Will they see him or her on an advocacy post and be flooded with warm fuzzies?

Will they get “the call” or open an email to an endearing face that will change their family forever?

I had been dreaming about this moment for over twenty-five years. Yep, that’s a bit of a wait! At age six, my parents bravely moved our family to Russia right after the Iron Curtain fell in the early ‘90s. We spread God’s love in a once cold and shackled land, especially visiting orphanages.

One of my clearest memories from our time there was playing in a room full of love-starved little children. When it was time to leave, a boy probably four years old clung to my mother’s leg and had to be pried off by the nannies. I begged through tears, “Please, let’s take him home! He can sleep in my bed!” My little mind didn’t understand the labyrinth of international adoption, just that this little boy needed a home and we seemed to have room in ours for one more child.

I carried this heavy burden of wanting to help vulnerable children in my young heart and never forgot his pleading tears.

Fast-forward many years later to when I was dating my now husband and I told him adoption was part of my “plan A” for growing a family. Thankfully, God had been working in my husband’s life too, as he was able to see firsthand the need for adoptive families when he visited Romanian orphanages on a youth mission’s trip years prior. Although I wasn’t a big fan of his last name, I agreed whole-heartedly to becoming his “Mrs. Mann” in 2008.

Through a turn of events that can only be accredited to God’s sense of humor, we ended up moving to China as teachers a few years later, despite my serious concerns about Chinese food. Orange Chicken and I weren’t good friends and I couldn’t imagine a whole country filled with nothing but Panda Express-ish cuisine. Thankfully, my stereotypical ideas of Chinese food were completely and utterly wrong! This American quickly learned that there is no such thing as “orange chicken” in China, only oily goodness that I’ve craved every day since.

I had high dreams of going into orphanages and rocking crying babies, however foreigners weren’t allowed into the orphanages in our city. However, we did have the privilege of walking beside friends who adopted from China and had another friend who ran a foster home, so we were able to learn firsthand the desperate need for adoptive families for precious Chinese children.

But we didn’t qualify yet to adopt from China and would still have to wait many more impatient years. During the waiting season, God taught us lessons of trust and faith in Him despite serious battles with the one-eyed monster, Mr. Fear. We, who lived in China, knew the language, and celebrated the culture, but were almost paralyzingly scared to dip our toes in this mysterious world of adoption. Thankfully, our loving heavenly Father built a solid worldwide community around us and led us to a church with numerous adoptive and foster families once we moved back to the States. Plus, He gave us a blonde-headed, blue-eyed little girl, growing our family in His perfect timing and perfect way.

Somehow, I found No Hands But Ours and gobbled every post, researching and preparing for the day we could say “yes” to every one of China’s qualifications. It gave us such strength and encouragement that we weren’t the only crazy ones wanting to bring a child home from a culture much different than our own.

Finally, on November 28, 2017, with pounding heart, we sent in the initial packet to our agency and eagerly began combing the advocacy websites for our precious little boy. (At that time, you could be matched at any time to a Special Focus child.) We sweated over and Googled every special need on the MCC (medical checklist) and wondered how in the world could we provide for a child with possibly significant medical needs on our teacher’s salaries.

I begged my husband daily if we could request the file of each precious little soul that paraded across my computer screen. I thought he’d never, ever say “yes!” But then, one day about two months into the process, I saw a profile that caught my eye.

It wasn’t his piercing eyes or seriously adorable look that captured my attention. It was his name.

Man.

Yes, the very same name as our last name, minus one letter. His file said the nannies called him “Man Man” and he was ten months younger than our daughter. Ironically, his special needs listed were delayed development and anemia. Through our friend’s experience with children coming from institutionalized living into her foster home, we were already prepared for a child with global delays in speech, motor skills, and cognitive abilities. And funny enough, I had anemia as a teen and already knew quite a bit about it. (So much for those hours of becoming Dr. Google!)

Even though his name seemed like a pretty obvious flashing sign from God that he was ours, we spent a week praying, struggling, and asking medical professionals to review his file. We got opinions that his needs could be anything from minor to serious, making us realize that we just needed to trust God and say a resolute “yes” to this precious child who already shared our name.

A few days before leaving to bring him home, we joined a chat group with the other families in who were in our travel group. We noticed that one family was coming from the same city as our son’s orphanage, which just so happened to be only two-hour fast train from where we previously lived in China. To make a long story short, this adoptive mom used to be a social worker at our son’s orphanage and gave us so many details about our son’s wonderful first home. And the icing on the cake? She not only lived in our same state and city, but just a few minutes down the road from us! Today we go to the same church and our sons play side-by-side while we have community group together in our home. Astonishing!

Our new friend also told us that his orphanage was formerly part of the ICC (International China Concern) partnership program, making this the sprinkles on the icing of an amazingly orchestrated-by-God cake! The man who founded ICC previously attended our church in Hong Kong and we had heard, seen, prayed for, and given to support their work with orphans in China for years.

Only God, in His almighty sovereignty could plan that our son with our last name would be cared for in a place that we were already praying for and that we would be placed in a same travel group as someone who previously worked in his orphanage and now lives a few minutes away!

Sometimes you have to take a giant leap of faith in the adoption world and say a daring “yes” to a child with so many unknowns. But it’s been a beautiful thing to stand back and be awestruck at how God was weaving the beautiful tapestry of our son’s life all the while, making him a perfect fit for our family. God’s impeccable plan was beyond what we could have ever imagined and on November 28, 2018, we made him officially a “Mann,“ one year to the day we started the adoption process.

Two days after our son, whom we renamed “Titus” (because “Man Man Mann” would be just slightly confusing!), was placed in our arms, we had the privilege of visiting his first home and family. We are so thankful that he spent his beginning two years of life in a colorful and caring place, however our hearts left burdened for all those precious souls we left behind. It felt like a flashback to twenty-five years ago, when the seed of adoption was planted deep in my heart.

We brought our three-year old daughter with us to China and as we were leaving, she asked, “Where are mommies and daddies for these boys and girls? They need mommies and daddies too, just like my brother.” We are so grateful God is at work in her young heart and she already has big plans of filling our house with as many brothers and sisters from China that she can!

Titus has transitioned splendidly into our family and most of his developmental delays have been addressed with a nurturing family atmosphere. Now, he’s able to jump, climb (furniture is his specialty!), swim, run, and do just about everything his big sister does. He approaches life with caution, sitting back and observing before diving into something new. For example, it took him about three months to step into the pool on his own, however once he realized it is a safe and fun place, he’s been our little water bug ever since!

His language abilities are still a bit delayed, however he is adding to his vocabulary every day, with his most favorite sentence being, “I want more bacon!” We are so grateful for our daughter who has become his personal translator and can understand about 95% of what he says. Most of the time though they seem to communicate in their own little language and their adorable tight-knit bond is nothing short of miraculous. Their favorite activity to play together is loading their backpacks with toys and pretending to fly to China…to bring back another brother or sister of course!

And after a few months of home-cooked meals and green smoothies, his anemia has been resolved! He’s gained five whole pounds and grown two inches in the last ten months, mostly due to his love of bacon!

Of course we couldn’t shake our daughter’s pleas or the faces of the beloved children we left behind, so we started our adoption journey again this summer as soon as we were able. We know some families are surprised with a child whose needs are much greater or different that what was in the file, however we are thankful our son’s special needs have been easily manageable, allowing us to pursue another son or daughter as quickly as possible.

They say hindsight is 20/20 and that is definitely true in adoption. We wish we could take back those wasted hours and squandered energy worrying about how we would be matched to our son. We spent many hours lying awake at night doubting if this new child would truly fit into our family, bond with us and our daughter.

If only we could have seen a snapshot of our home today, with our son and daughter spending every waking moment playing, laughing, and learning together.

We wondered how we could afford the adoption expenses and life with a child possibly having major medical needs, only to see now how God has provided everything that we need. And we worried how we would preserve our son’s Chinese culture and identify with his given name. Never in a million years would we have guessed he would get to keep his name, just adding an extra letter to it. He now interchangeably calls himself “Titus” and “Man Man,” while we marvel at how our little man is flourishing in our family!

So what is in a name?

Every child is just one courageous family’s “yes” away from being called son.

Daughter.                                                                                                         

Brother.

Sister.

Wanted.

Chosen.

Loved.

– guest post by Brittany: email || Facebook || Instagram 

The post What’s in a Name appeared first on No Hands But Ours.

We are their world and they are ours…..

A few months back I wrote about the first time I rocked my son to sleep. He was four and had never let me rock him in the two years we had been home with him. It was a little thing for most moms, but a huge moment for us.

Attachment is an ongoing and changing part of life in the adoption world. Somedays it’s amazing and other days it can be heartbreaking reminder of early childhood trauma that we, as parents, just cannot fix.

It is important during times of change to be mindful of attachment and how it fits into each part of our day.

We recently moved into our new home. A much bigger house to suit a busy boy and his new dog. During the move I was having a typical conversation with my son (honestly, I don’t remember about what) and a friend of ours looked at me and said, “You are his world.”

A seemingly simple comment, but a really that comment is anything but simple.

In the day to day of life with a sensory seeking toddler I have few moments to slow down. But during this move, it was more than crucial we didn’t let stress overwhelm us. My husband and I are used to moving as we are a military family, but our son, was not.

In just two years time he experienced…

the loss of a first family; leaving the orphanage which was the only home he’d known; leaving a culture; moving to a new country; entering into a new family; and having to learn a new culture. That’s an incredible amount of change for such a young person.

His special needs are incredibly minor, but nonetheless we have therapy and social groups to attend weekly. Add in a move and all the stress that comes with it and we could have had a disaster.

But, we didn’t. In fact, quite the opposite. He went house hunting with us so he was a part of the process every step of the way. He is verbal now, so he was able to communicate all his questions and excitement. He was so happy to show everyone his very own room. Side note, he had a room in the old house, but we co-slept so he didn’t really make a connection to that room.

This move brought about such growth in this little guy. His communication exploded because he was so excited and curious. He decided he wanted to sleep on his own like a big boy. In being a big boy now he also decided to take potty training very seriously so he could wear his big boy underwear. He started riding his big bike with training wheels. He was moving more and more toward typical four-year-old milestones.

With all this new independence I was starting to notice he was needing me less and less. But, let me tell you, I was wrong.

He still needed me, just in a different way.

You see, the day to day is where we tend to miss the little moments. The moments, as my friend pointed out, where we are their world. We are their world because our worlds revolve around one another in the most amazing way.

The day to day moments are the ones worth stopping for: when he sits on the couch and silently snuggles up and holds my hand; when he asks me to feed him; when he wants me to read him a book; when he holds my face and says I love you mommy; when he asks why a million times a day.

These moments are the world to him and to me. These moments are the moments where he needs me as much as I need him.

As hectic as special needs and adoption parenting is, these little reminders each day of how we fit into each other’s worlds give me pause. The parent-child relationship ebbs and flows over the years. As much as I want him to stay little, I am excited to see what the future will hold for this little guy. I just hope this mama’s heart can handle the growing independence.

– guest post by Dana

The post We Are Their World appeared first on No Hands But Ours.

Our son Falcon’s adoption story began three years before he was born. We were in China adopting our first child, a baby girl, through the NSN program. Touring her orphanage, I remember cresting the top of the four flights of stairs, excited to hear the sound of little voices. We asked our guide if we could play with the babies. The director of the orphanage quickly said something to the nanny who, in turn, looked toward us with eyes cast downward as she closed the door.

“No. You cannot go in there because these children have some special medical problems.”

The shame on their faces imparted so much. What would it be like to grow up in a place where you were hidden away? As we were ushered down the hallway to the NSN baby play room, I remember whispering to my husband right then and there, “We’ll be back and we’ll do a special needs adoption next time.”

Four years went by, during which time we adopted our second and third children, both with special needs, through U.S. foster care. Our family was happy and thriving, but those kids in China behind the closed door had not stopped tugging at my heart.

I’d written our children’s names down in my prayer journal and added one more name to the list. I had envisioned adding a little boy with cleft lip and palate to our family. He would be called Falcon, and we’d keep his Chinese name as a middle name like we had done for our daughter. Since I didn’t know the middle name, out of the blue I wrote down Falcon Xin Bao.

Another year later, we sent in our application to adopt two children through China’s Special Focus program. We had fallen in love with a five year old girl we’d seen on an advocacy site. When we got her file, we learned that her name was Xin Ai. Wow. I had intuited half of her name “Xin”. We let our agency know that we also wanted to be matched with a little boy. We checked off many different special needs that we were open to parenting.

One month later we got the call. Would we be interested in a baby boy with a third degree cleft lip and palate? His name was Tian Bao. That was all I needed to hear. Bao. It was the second half of the name I had written a year prior (at a time when China had only been allowing the adoption of one child at a time)!

We opened his file to see a beautiful, stoic baby boy in a puffy blue snowsuit. He had the deepest, most soul-piercing eyes, a unilateral cleft lip and palate and a little squished nose and he was perfect!

In his file was a photo that we weren’t as prepared for, showing the inside of his mouth. His cleft was severe and complete. Later, our surgeon would share that it was one of the widest clefts he had seen in over thirty years of specializing in craniofacial plastic surgery. At the same time, he was very reassuring and confident that he could help our son.

One day during the wait, we received an update about our son that included a new photo. There he was, with his lip already repaired! Someone had done an amazing job! We’d later find out it had been repaired by Smile Train.

This was great news, as our doctors had explained that once the lip repair is done, it functions as a brace to bring the sides of the palate closer together.

We traveled to China and the day finally came for us to meet our son! He was so quiet and tiny, malnourished with a fever of 104 degrees. He looked exhausted, as if he had traveled seven thousand miles to get to us. He walked straight into our hearts. He clung to his Daddy like a baby koala.

Whenever his Daddy had to pry him off of his chest in order to take a shower, he cried and pounded his fists on the bathroom door of our hotel room. I vowed to put a smile on that face as soon as possible. It only took a dose of Tylenol and a couple hours with his family to make that happen!

In order to give Falcon time to bond, we waited seven months once we got home for his second surgery. This was to be his palate repair and placement of tubes in his ears (common among cleft- affected kids). He went in with a smile, as I choked back tears watching them roll him through the doors of the operating room. It was terrifying to bring a child all of this way and then have to let go and trust that he would recover.

It was Valentine’s Day and we couldn’t think of a better way to share our love than to have a lunch date in the hospital cafeteria waiting on our little guy to come out of surgery. This time, Falcon had a family right by his side the whole time. His big brother prepared him a bed on the couch and snuggled by his side as soon as he got home. My husband and I set up a mattress and took shifts.

Each of Falcon’s surgeries has been one overnight stay in the hospital. My husband and I alternate who stays over with him because it truly is great bonding time. His surgeries have been spread about two years apart.

Next was a palate lengthening surgery, and then a bone graft. The bone graft ended up being a little bit tougher because they took the piece of bone from his hip, which hurt more than his mouth! This kid is an amazing warrior and always bounces back within three days of surgery. Good pain management and lots of ice cream go a long way!

The hardest thing for Falcon, and for us as a family, hasn’t been the surgeries; it has been the coping with his grief. For the first four years of his life, he struggled with speech apraxia. He didn’t have the ability to speak clearly. He had a lot of emotions trapped in there, and it was a frustration that I didn’t feel prepared for! He had severe tantrums between the ages of three and five.

One evening when Falcon was four years old (he’d been home two years at the time) my husband locked his keys in the car and needed me to meet him in his parking lot at work with the spare key. I loaded up the kids and we made the hour trip to deliver the key. Once together, we all went out to dinner at a nearby Chinese buffet. Dinner went the usual way with staff all whispering and gazing in awe at our mixed family of hungry kiddos.

When it was time to go, Falcon had followed my husband up to pay the bill. I came to fetch him on my way to the restroom because he was infamous for having to go potty at the most inconvenient times and I knew he wouldn’t last the hour ride. He refused. Using one of his only words, he said, “No,” very seriously. I went to take his hand, insisting. “No!” he said. So I picked him up and carried him to the restroom. He screamed bloody murder! It was out of place, and the stares were palpable.

We got to the restroom and he screamed the whole time in the stall scrambling like a frightened squirrel to get out. He clung to my legs for dear life. He was acting like I was taking him away forever.

Then the realization sunk in. He thought I was about to abandon him in the restroom while Daddy snuck out the door with the other children. I was broken for him.

At two years home, I had thought he was so secure in his family. Although his speech was only a few words by then, his receptive language was spot on. I knelt down and cupped my hands around his elbows, looked him in the eyes.

“Falcon, did you think I was going to leave you here?“

He peeped out the tiniest squeak of a “Yes,” his eyes brimming, his whole body shaking.

“I will never leave you Falcon, you are a part of our family forever. You are our little boy and we are Never going to leave you. We love you! You are coming home with us!”

He collapsed into me. I carried him out to the minivan and buckled him into his car seat, still whimpering. On the way home, all of the kids fell fast asleep, except for Falcon. He was a sentinel in fight or flight mode.

A thousand times he asked me wide-eyed, “Where’s Daddy?” And I’d point out Daddy’s tail lights in front of us. When we turned down our street and neared our driveway, Falcon started clapping and exclaimed one of his first words, “Home!” His voice was different, relieved, the fear had left it, and was replaced with a new and deeper trust and joy. “Home!” he repeated.

“Yes, Buddy, We’re home.”

After that, the little feeble, fearful boy vanished. Falcon became absolutely fearless. At five years old we went to camp and this pint-sized Spider Man was suited up and climbing the ropes course so high I had to hold my breath just watching him. His confidence soared.

Falcon also became a ladies’ man. At the restaurant where we frequently eat Sunday brunch, he charmed our favorite waitress. One day, he presented her with a plastic ring from the gum ball machine, and asked her to marry him. She played along happily, flattered that he didn’t mind she was fifty years his senior. Falcon’s beaming smile is recognized everywhere we go. He always makes a huge impression on people.

Something I never tire of is watching our children rally around one another. Our community pool has four sections. So far, being the youngest and smallest, Falcon had been swimming in the second section. He desperately wanted to gain the privilege to swim in the next section, which is over his head, without a life jacket. He knew in order to do this he would need to swim ten laps without touching the bottom of the pool. His big sister and big brother swam the whole ten laps, one on either side of him. With Falcon’s tenacity, and that kind of support, he can do anything he sets his mind to.

Although this article focuses on cleft lip and cleft palate, this special need is not Falcon’s identity any more than the root canal I just had, is mine.

Falcon is just a boy who happened to need some surgeries.

He is nine years old now and is preparing to get partial braces (as he’s missing two adult teeth). He still takes speech class, but can order his own food at the restaurant and is understood perfectly well. Falcon is full of joy, loves beating everyone at Monopoly, and training to one day win American Ninja Warriors. He likes watching PBS on his Kindle Fire and can floss like a boss. Falcon is very talented at building in Minecraft.

Falcon is the most adorable, caring, and obedient child. In third grade he was given an award for being the “Most Understanding”. We couldn’t be more proud of our son’s transformation. We are blessed to be continually witnessing the gift of him unfold.

And that Chinese name? It means Heaven Treasure. And that’s just what he is.

– guest post by Charmaine

The post With Open Doors and Open Arms appeared first on No Hands But Ours.

“Mom, can we please do a lemonade stand today?” begged the kids. They had been wanting to do one for a long time, so I reluctantly agreed to do a stand that hot day in May 2015. We got a poster board, some lemonade, a table, and headed down to a park in our neighborhood. Although we profited about $20 that day, the Lord birthed an incredible idea in the hearts of our children.

While we were sitting there doing our stand, one by one, ideas began to pop up. One child commented that they wanted to give the money we raised that day to Lifeline. Wheels started turning, and my children were blurting out ideas fast and furiously: “Let’s not only give this money to Lifeline, but let’s encourage other kids to host their own stands and give the money to help kids around the world.” “What if we asked a donor to match all the money raised this summer up to a certain dollar amount?”

Later that day when Herbie got home, we bombarded him with all our ideas and then asked if we could call Rick Morton, Lifeline’s Vice President of Engagement, to share our ideas with him as well. That night we bought the domain names standfororphans.com and standfororphans.org.

Stand for Orphans® was official.

As a family, we have spent many hours in orphanages around the world in places like China and Colombia. The sights and smells are like nothing I’ve ever experienced. Seeing orphans with my own eyes definitely spurs me to do something for them. It took the simple idea of selling lemonade to bring to fruition what had been stirring in my heart for years – a means of engaging children here at home to do something tangible to help children around the world.

From a young age, we have tried to teach our children that life is not about them. Stand for Orphans is a great way to demonstrate this truth. They use hard work and determination, not for their own benefit, but for the benefit of others. Nothing makes me more excited than to see my kids’ passion for helping children around the world who are just like them.

Many times, as the church, I think we have the mindset that serving is reserved for adults. However, I strongly believe that the more we involve children in thinking about and serving others, the more likely it will become a natural part of their lives. Thus, serving others will be carried into adulthood and throughout their lives.

The values of generosity, serving others, compassion, selflessness, hard work, determination, ingenuity, and entrepreneurship are taught through Stand for Orphans. Aren’t these values that we all want for our children? Stand for Orphans is a perfect way to engage your kids at an early age in caring for others – even people they cannot see with their own eyes.

It is a simple, yet effective way to engage local communities to make a global impact.

Frequently Asked Questions:

 1. Why should we participate?

There are 153 million orphans worldwide that need our help! God commands us in James 1:27 to care for the orphan and the widow. While adoption is certainly one way to care for the orphan, the reality is that less than half of one percent of all orphans will be adopted. Consequently, that leaves millions of precious image-bearers languishing in orphanages around the world.

While you may not have room at the table in your home to make another orphan a son or daughter, we can all do something to care for the fatherless.

2. What should we sell at our stand?

Anything! Lemonade, brownies, cookies, bracelets, slime, hand-made crafts, etc. Get creative!

3. When/where should we do our stand?

Location, location, location – it really does matter. The last thing you want to do is get all set up and then not have any customers. Try to go to a populated place such as a park, dog park, Farmer’s market, splash pad, your church, or in front of a local business (Make sure to ask for permission first!). Do a stand in conjunction with a yard sale – a neighborhood yard sale would be even better!

4. Who can be involved?

Anyone – young to not so young. This is what makes Stand for Orphans such a unique fundraiser. Use it as an opportunity to bring your family together to help those who don’t yet have a family.

Sign up for your kit at StandForOrphans.org!

Help us spread the word so that numerous families will participate in the Stand for Orphans initiative, resulting in more children being helped. Post your pictures on social media using the hashtag #standfororphans and encourage others to do their own stands.

Tell your moms’ groups, Bible study groups, book club, PTO, sports teams, etc. about Stand for Orphans and encourage them to do a stand as well. Ask your church if you could set up a stand one Sunday after church as people are leaving.

Maybe you know someone who would be willing to match all the donations you make at your stand – who could you approach to ask if they would be willing to match?

Doing a lemonade stand as a kid seems like a rite of passage. Why not make it count for something other than ourselves?

The generous will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed. – Proverbs 11:25 (NLT)

– guest post by Ashley Newell

The post For Kids, By Kids appeared first on No Hands But Ours.

Life is full of things we thought we could never handle… until we have to.

As we considered growing our family via adoption, one thing we thought we “couldn’t handle” was a child with limited mobility. We already had three very active children. We love to hike, bike, go to the beach or spend a day exploring the city. We did not want that to change.

Thankfully, though, we chose to approach adoption with an attitude of complete submission.

We wanted God to write our story, not us.

This meant making our choice of gender, age and special needs as broad as possible. But we still had our ideas of what we thought we could handle. We also asked God to make it abundantly clear who the child was that would complete our family.

Once our dossier was off to China and we were waiting on a match from our agency, it occurred to me that the medical needs we had dealt with the most with our older three children were orthopedic. All three of our children have broken both arms, some of them multiple times. We have also had one broken finger, one broken leg and one broken foot. And, yes, our children drink a lot of milk! We could definitely handle an orthopedic need.

When our agency finally sent us a match, my heart sunk almost immediately. Something about the little girl’s file and medical needs did not seem right for our family. While doing some research online about this little girl, I managed to find the NGO where she was receiving care. As I looked through their website, I saw a little boy who caught my attention. I let our agency know we did not believe the file they had sent us was our child, but we would like to know more about the little boy we had seen.

For about two weeks, we waited while our agency worked to get the file of this little boy. In the meantime, our family reunited with some old friends who had moved away. We shared with them that we were waiting to hear about the possibility of being matched with this little boy. I mentioned the name of the NGO that was caring for him and my friend, Kim, said she had a friend who had just returned from volunteering for a year in China at this particular NGO. She was going to reach out to her and see if she was right.

What were the chances?!?

The next week, we received his file. All of the medical information was over two years old and he was now 4.5 years old. We learned he was born with bilateral club feet and bilateral webbed elbows. From information on the NGO’s website, we learned that his clubfeet were corrected under their care at the age of three and he was now walking.

Around the same time, we also learned from Kim that indeed her friend had worked at the NGO and knew this little boy quite well. We were able to connect with her and learned a lot about him. We learned he was an incredibly smart, determined and friendly child. Nothing about his physical disabilities seemed to slow him down and, if anything, it heightened his ability to focus and learn.

In her words, “You should run to get him!”

That was all we needed to hear.

Once we received LOA, I began to do some more digging into what might be the cause of his being born with two major bilateral orthopedic needs. I googled “born with bilateral club feet and webbed elbows” and began to read about some scary stuff. Even as I read some scary diagnosis, I was reminded that God had used our friend as well as his orthopedic medical needs to make it abundantly clear that he was our child.

Thanks to the NGO providing his care, we were able to get more detailed photos of his hands, feet and other features. And through my online research, I narrowed the cause of his special needs down to a rare genetic disorder called Nail-Patella Syndrome. But only genetic testing once he was home could confirm this.

Nail-Patella Syndrome has two distinct features and many others that can occur. The main two features are missing or malformed fingernails and missing or malformed kneecaps. From photos, I was able to gather that our son had malformed fingernails and missing kneecaps. There were also two other major issues that can develop with this syndrome: one relating to the eyes (glaucoma) and one relating to the kidneys. Again, this all sounded pretty scary, but we moved forward with confidence that this little boy was our son.

On Friday, November 9, 2018, we met our son in person for the first time at the NGO in Beijing. He was so much smaller than we ever could have imagined (also a part of Nail-Patella Syndrome) and so much smarter and braver than we ever could have imagined, too.

We were able to spend two days getting to know him and letting him get used to the idea of us at the NGO before we all traveled to his home province on Sunday for Family Day. On November 12th, Meng Bei became our Henry Bei (still affectionately known as “Bei Bei”).

Our time in China with him was a dream come true. We fell in love with our son and his birth country and look forward to returning someday.

His first six months home have been full of some of the hardest and most beautiful moments for our family. He has attached beautifully to each of us. As usual, Baba is the fun guy who everyone runs to the door to greet when he comes home in the evening. Mommy is a must when comfort and cuddles are needed. Jie Jie (big sister) is a great substitute “mom” when mommy needs a break. Our “middle child” Ge Ge is good for a toss on the couch or a tickle fest. Our youngest Ge Ge is the best big brother we could have ever hoped for. And, our Bei Bei makes us smile just by walking in the room and guarantees we will get a lot of attention wherever we go from now on.

The past six months have also been full of a lot of doctor appointments. We were able to confirm the Nail-Patella Syndrome through genetic testing. We have a team of specialists at Boston Children’s Hospital that includes a geneticist, two orthopedists (one for arms, one for legs), an ophthalmologist and a nephrologist. We also have weekly PT, OT and speech therapy (for feeding). We have begun preparing for school next year with meetings regarding his 504 plan for accommodations due to his medical condition.

As you might remember our thoughts on not being able to handle a child with limited mobility, we are learning to make adjustments. While Bei Bei can walk, he doesn’t go anywhere very quickly. While he can be carried for hiking and ride along on a bike for now, accommodations will be needed in the future. Exploring the city pretty much consists of navigating traffic in and out for doctor appointments right now.

As he grows and ages, the chances of limited mobility go up dramatically due to the lack of knee caps and nothing to stabilize bones, muscles and tendons. Our prayer is with good medical care including lots of PT, he will be able to walk unassisted and without pain for as long as possible. We also pray for stability in his vision and kidney function.

Bei Bei is the most wonderful reminder that when we give over control and let God write our story, He will write a story that is bigger and more beautiful than we ever could have imagined.

I’m so glad we didn’t look at Bei’s medical condition as that thing we couldn’t handle. Instead, we looked at the almost unbelievable story God was writing as He weaved our lives together and added the missing piece to our family.

– guest post by Amy: facebook || email

The post Letting God Write Our Story appeared first on No Hands But Ours.

My husband and I love talking about adoption. Among our greatest joys is sharing our journey with others and communicating that God uses the most ordinary of people (like us!) to participate in something extraordinary.

I always feel a deep need to impress upon those who are considering the call to adopt that every family’s story looks different. The joys, the fears and the struggles are so individual and couldn’t ever be prescriptive for others. I know of families that have gone through unimaginable pain and trauma with their adoption journey. And I’ve known families who’ve experienced unbelievable joy and bonding. It is my prayer that as families share our stories this month, that prospective adoptive families will gain a realistic picture of the potential struggles with craniofacial needs, but will recognize the amazing joys and delights, especially as they relate to the journey to communicate.

Years ago I sat down with a doctor friend to obtain counsel as to what special needs our family was equipped to handle. We don’t live in a big city with renowned surgeons, and we really didn’t have a strong sense of calling to a particular “need.” At that point, we indicated on our form that we would consider a child with craniofacial abnormalities.

A lot of time passed. Our adoption journey was unusual (another long story), so after obtaining our LID in 2008, it would be another eight years before we were matched with a little boy and traveled to China. During that interim, God gave us two biological children, as well as a lot of other family changes. I quit my full-time job, and my husband began a second part-time job in addition to his full-time university teaching position.

Fast forward to March 2016. At that time, after a lot of uncertainties, our agency sent us a couple of files to consider, and we matched with a little 18-month-old boy who had a repaired cleft lip, and an unrepaired cleft palate. In our decision-making, I can honestly say that his special need never caused us much anxiety.

I was very naïve at that point. I assumed that cleft care was pretty straightforward, although I did enough reading to know that there could be some challenges, depending on the child. We thought we were mentally prepared for the journey to surgery and the years of speech therapy that would be ahead of us. Our last update before we left for China showed that our son was very healthy and robust – a far cry from his 9-month-old referral photo.

When I met Asher, a month and a half before his second birthday, he was basically non-verbal. That’s what his file had indicated, and that’s what I found to be true. He did make noises, and I was constantly asking our guide if she recognized them to be approximations of Chinese words. She couldn’t recognize any of his sounds.

He had no problems eating during our weeks in China, although his paperwork had indicated that he was primarily on bottles. He also did not need the special cleft bottle that I had brought along. I had also brought a specific sippy cup that a fellow cleft adoptive mom had suggested, so we worked hard on that from the beginning, and he eventually was able to drink water easily from it by the time we left for the USA.

As soon as we got home, I started all the rounds of appointments with his pediatrician, ENT, and palate surgeon and began the application process for early intervention therapy, including speech therapy. We are blessed to have a surgeon in our city who specializes in pediatric facial surgery, but since he is the only one, we had to wait to see him. And, after that initial consult, there was another long wait for surgery. I wasn’t worried about that – from everything I had read it was not a bad idea to have plenty of bonding time before going into major surgery.

Asher’s ears were pretty typical for a little boy born with an open palate. His hearing tests came back indicating that he needed intervention, so our ENT (a fellow adoptive China dad!) put in ear tubes which had an almost immediate effect.

What delighted us the most was that upon coming home, Asher almost immediately began to try to speak. Although there were many sounds that he could not produce, the point was that he was trying. We were thrilled to find a speech therapist whose specialty was working with cleft kids, and she began working with him verbally and with sign language just as soon as we could get the paperwork approved. Even though he would ultimately not have his palate surgery until nine months after coming home, he made consistent progress with his speech therapist in the interim.

Surgery was a challenge – as I’m sure it always is. Asher was an avid ambidextrous thumb sucker, so for our 2-year-old to wake up with arm restraints was extremely traumatic. However, after that first rough week, he healed amazingly well. He ate his soft diet without too much protest. Favorites were a porridge made of ground up cheerios with milk and chicken broth, quinoa, and cooked broccoli pulverized in our blender. And he never went back to thumb sucking.

As we entered this new life of doctors and therapies, I began to deepen in my understanding of the challenges connected to this special need. When I was in China, I remember feeling almost embarrassed that Asher even was considered to have a special need. The other families in my travel group were adopting children with profound special needs – Down syndrome, blindness and profound hearing loss. However, once we came home, I began to understand that communication struggles could be much more profound than I had imagined.

In the Lord’s providence, Asher himself has not experienced a great deal of struggle. Everything has certainly taken time – and he has not always gracefully submitted to the multiple surgeries, procedures, and therapies. However, as I’ve read more about the cleft community and built friendships with other families, I began to understand that there is often no straightforward path to communication and healing.

While Asher has made steady progress with his speech and has not required additional palate surgeries, I began to meet families whose children had experienced myriad surgeries due to fissures and failed bone grafts. Our dearest adoptive friends have experienced the complications of multiple p-flap surgeries and sleep apnea.

We’ve learned to not take the road to communication for granted.

The biggest key to Asher’s progress has definitely been the amazing speech therapists that have poured their lives into him. He will have been home three years this September, and the three women that have worked with him have persevered through toddler willfulness, inattention and just plain orneriness. I will forever be grateful to them and to the Lord for giving him the gift of communication.

As Asher gets ready to turn five this fall, and we begin to think ahead to school, I am encouraged that God will continue to provide the people he needs on this journey.

I know that as Asher matures, he’ll face new challenges – his bone graft, extensive orthodontic work, decisions about cosmetic lip revisions and scarring, as well as dealing with the grief that adoptive children face. One of the things we are trying to do as a family is provide him with friendships with other adoptive children so that as he grows, he will have friends with whom to relate and share.

We cannot imagine our life without our precious boy. He delights us and continues to teach us what love looks like.

We will never take for granted the priceless gift of communication.

– guest post by Anne

The post Treasuring the Gift of Communication appeared first on No Hands But Ours.

Early in our marriage, my husband showed interest in the idea of adopting.

“Wouldn’t it be great to be able to give a family to a child who doesn’t have one?” he said one day.

I remember thinking, “I don’t know if adoption is for me. I don’t know if I could do that.”

Throughout the years, the idea of adopting came up periodically; looking back I can see that God was watering the seed He had planted in my heart. After we had our second biological child, my husband’s friend was adopting an older special needs child, and my husband said to me, “We need to be open to adoption. We need to pray about this.”

At that time, in the midst of working over 40 hours a week and having two young kids, I remember thinking, “I don’t know if I can handle any more kids.”

But over the years, the desire to adopt continued to grow in my heart. Shortly after we had our third biological child, I brought the idea of adoption up with my husband. His reply? “That was before we had three kids.”

In the following year and a half, we spoke about adopting, and prayed about adopting. I really wanted to pursue knowing God with all I had, including his heart for the orphan. What I believe was a call to adopt became so strong; I knew that I needed to move forward if my husband said yes, but, if he said no, I needed to accept his no and let it go. This time period included a lot of earnest prayer, and laying the desire to adopt down over and over again at God’s feet.

My husband is a high school math teacher turned stay at home dad and I am a full time OB/GYN physician with a very busy work schedule, including nights and weekends. He is the primary care giver of our children. He had his hands full as a stay at home dad of our three biological children and he knew what a huge commitment it would be to bring another child – especially a child adopted from another country with special needs – into our family. He wanted to be sure he was ready for this lifetime commitment before we proceeded.

During this period of waiting on God and waiting on my husband, my husband and I had conversations about how we could lay down our comfort for God’s sake – and if one way of doing this was through adoption. I am truly grateful that my husband is committed to following Christ and that he was willing to earnestly seek God’s will in our lives.

In early 2017, my husband said that he wanted the two of us to fast and pray about starting the adoption process. We met the elders of our church to talk to them and pray together at the end of our fast. Shortly after this, my husband agreed that God was calling us to begin the adoption process.

We began to process to adopt from China in February of 2017. In February of 2018, we were officially matched with our son, Ethan, who was 18 months old at the time. I traveled to bring him home in June of 2018.

Overall, we feel that Ethan has transitioned very well into our family. He was welcomed warmly by our two older daughters. Our youngest daughter took a bit longer to warm up to him because she was used to being the baby of the family; she is only one year older than Ethan.

For about the first nine months that Ethan was home, he woke up three times a night. He seemed to be having nightmares and he would wake up seemingly not aware of where he was. Thankfully, this improved and now he is sleeping through the night. Ethan also scratched himself when falling asleep at night to the point of causing bleeding and scabbing, likely a way for him to cope with his anxiety. This has also resolved, although it still happens with certain stressors such as traveling, sleeping in a different place or recovering from surgery.

Ethan had surgery at eight months of age in China to repair his cleft lip, but his cleft palate was not repaired in China. He had surgery to repair his cleft palate here in the United States in January of 2019. His lip had to be fully reopened and repaired again at that time in order to repair his palate.

Ethan healed from his surgery and started speech therapy once a week. His speech therapist says that it will take time for him to learn his consonant sounds, but he is working very hard. Ethan’s surgeon says that his next surgery will be a bone graft between ages 6 and 8.

Ethan is truly a delightful child. He loves his three older sisters and he loves his parents! He is very active and loves to ride his bike and play in dirt or sand. He also loves to dance.

He is our treasured son. We are very grateful and blessed to have him in our family. I am grateful for how God placed adoption in our hearts and fulfilled this part of His plan in our life through entrusting us to be Ethan’s parents.

–  guest post by Ani: facebook || email 

The post Ethan: Adopting a Son with Cleft Lip and Palate appeared first on No Hands But Ours.