No Looking Back

Celebration!

2011-05-23T19:20:00.000-07:00

May 21st was Family Day - the day that we were reunited as a family of seven and we were all together for the first time! What a wonderful event to celebrate and remember God's goodness and faithfulness to us.

For the past week, my mind has been going over and over the events of this week a year ago - replaying all of the details. I wasn't sure I was going to make it through that week, and I'm not too sure the boys thought they would either. When I remember the pain, grieving, and confusion of that first week, and the depression and struggles that followed, I can only thank God that He allowed it all in order to create this beautiful family that only He COULD create. My family is God's idea. He fit us together like the pieces of a puzzle. I still think I'm only understanding the tip of the iceberg as far as really, really seeing the awesomeness of God's plan in adoption. I can't wait for Him to open my eyes more and more.

I remember thinking many times during those first months home: "I can't wait to see where we are when we reach the year mark..."

And now here we are! It has gone by very, very fast. At times, agonizingly slow, but mostly fast. :-)

The boys turned a corner around 9 months home and seemed to feel very at home with us. Their fears seemed to vanish, and they seemed to wholly invest in just loving us and believing that we were family - for good!

They are growing like weeds. Sleeping great. Their vocabulary is enlarging. I think we are parasite free... :-) Their health is excellent! We are laughing a lot. :-) Still eating a lot, too... Will that ever stop??

So, here are my boys - home for one year and counting. Can't wait to see what this next year holds for us!

My Beautiful Family

ISN'T GOD GOOD??

One Year Ago Today...

2011-02-22T11:12:00.000-08:00

One year ago today...we saw Lukas and Yakob's faces for the first time. It was the day that changed everything.

Late last night, I read the post that I wrote about the day that we got their referral. It was still as fresh in my memory as yesterday. It was so unexpected. It was so life-changing. We saw the pictures of these precious little faces, but we didn't know the people behind those faces at all. We knew that somehow we loved them. We knew that from that moment on, they would be a part of our lives...forever. Only God can do something like that. Take strangers from across the world and put them together to make a family. Blood really does not make a family...Love Does.

Those faces are no longer strangers to us. They are a very precious, very loved, very integral part of our family.

I read back over the blog entries that documented our journey to this point. And I worshipped God. I was reminded again how HE worked out every detail, provided for every need, moved every mountain in our path. It is so good to remember. My faith is encouraged and renewed by remembering His mighty acts.

If this is what can happen in a year's time - I can't wait to see where our family is at this point next year!

Our God sets the lonely in families!

It is good to remember. It is good to tell the stories of God's provision. It is good to make sure our children know the awesome deeds of the Lord. In the day to day of our lives, it so easy to forget the miracles that God performs on our behalf, on behalf of His children from ages past and even to today. Today, our family is remembering and praising His name!

Joshua 4:6-7

"Let this be a sign among you, so that when your children ask later, saying, 'What do these stones mean to you?' then you shall say to them, 'Because the waters of the Jordan were cut off before the ark of the covenant of the Lord; when it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off.' So these stones shall become a memorial to the sons of Israel forever."

Our New Normal

2011-02-15T11:53:00.000-08:00

We will celebrate the 9 month anniversary of meeting the boys tomorrow!

There have been lots of changes happening in our home in the meantime. Lots. :-)

God is SO good. I can not say that enough.   He is SO good. He is SO faithful. He is SO merciful. He is SO kind. He is SO powerful. He is SO real.

He has brought us through the difficult transition period of getting to know each other and starting to feel like a normal family again. The transition was longer and harder than I anticipated - but it is SO worth it!   We will always have progress to make, but we have found our "new normal" and are looking forward to continuing to grow and change together.

God has begun the healing process. We are seeing the fruit of His work in the boys' hearts more and more all the time. There is nothing sweeter than hearing YJ sing "Jesus Loves Me" or hearing Lukas pray, "Jesus, thank You fam-i-ly all togedder. Thank You Jesus love me. Thank You Jesus always with me."

Personally, God has done a mighty work in my life. To be honest, I really, really struggled with the changes that this adoption brought into our lives. It was not pretty. I have prayed that God would use those struggles for His glory, despite the ugliness of them, and I believe that He will.  He has been showing Himself to me in a way I have not seen Him before. I am learning to listen for His voice in a new way. I am clinging to Him in complete dependence.   All of the struggle is so worth it - to have a closer walk with Him. I have seen evidence of His promise that He will use all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose! (Romans 8:28).

I feel so hopeful for the future and for whatever God may call us to in this life.   We are committed to following Him whereever and however He leads.   We are fixed on the hope that awaits us in eternity and pray that all of our lives are leading to that moment when we see Jesus face to face.

And now, for your enjoyment, I give you the Marshmallow Man:

Getting ready to head out and enjoy playing in the frozen, icy tundra that has become our yard:

Lukas and YJ jumping for joy:

Lukas is celebrating his first birthday with us. Turning 5!!

We are so thankful that God added these two boys to our family. We feel immeasurably blessed with the five beautiful rewards that God has given us.

"I have learned the secret of being content in any circumstance...I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me."

Philippians 4:11,13

Time is Flying...

2010-12-03T18:29:00.000-08:00

The boys have now been with us for 6-1/2 months!! Unbelievable. Time is going so fast. The boys have now been with us longer than they were in orphanage care. That was a big milestone for me.

Life is very busy right now. Each day is packed and then the next one begins. I haven't had time to keep the blog updated, but I had a request to post some current pics and I do want to show my boys off!

There is just no way that I could begin to put into words all that has happened here in just half a year's time. It has not been easy. But, I can say without a doubt, that it is SO worth any difficulty that we have encountered. And there have been many. I've heard it said that Satan really attacks families that adopts, and based on our experience, I would say that is true. But I have been blown away by God's faithfulness and goodness throughout all of it.

Communication is improving all the time. It is a true joy to me to have a real conversation with Lukas. I am beginning to get some insight into what is going on in his head. He has shared some from the past. He is such a sensitive, tender soul. He is so loving and tells each of us that he loves us daily. He is really blossoming in so many ways. Tonight, as he cuddled up on my lap while I rocked him at bedtime, I marveled at how far we have come. He trusts me. He is willing to let his body melt against me. He feels safe and he knows he is home. I am so thankful.

Wow - he has grown and changed so much!

YJ is repeating everything he hears and adding to his vocabulary every single day. He is rambunctious and hilarious. He cannot help but dance when he hears the slightest rhythm - and that boy has moves, I'm tellin ya! He keeps us laughing all the time. I am amazed at how much and how fast he is learning and changing. He is growing up very fast. We are definitely growing in bonding and attaching. He is a cuddler which I love!

Yes, he is as mischievous as he looks!

I'm trying to find my rhythm with homeschooling with two little ones underfoot. It has been a challenge, I won't lie. Some days are harder than others. But, I'm learning as I go and we are definitely making progress. This is the scene many days as my little guys are learning to be content doing table activities.

Whoever invented Play-Dough, I thank you!

Another big milestone - I became the mother of a teenager - and I couldn't be prouder of her!

That's all I've got time for now. I will leave you with a picture of my five precious children, couresy of my sis-in-law. Aren't they beautiful? Each one a unique blessing. I am one thankful mama.

Bless the Lord O my soul!

Let all that is within me rejoice!

Four Months Update

2010-09-25T12:12:00.000-07:00

I just can't stand to not post some pics of our little guys as we passed the four month mark and give an update on how we are doing.

I went through some post-adoption depression during the first couple of months home. It was hard for all of us. I read this article found here: http://www.melissafaygreene.com/pages/adoptanthology.html which was written by Melissa Fay Greene - author of the book about Ethiopia called There is No Me Without You. This article spoke so much to me and encouraged me that I was not alone in the way I was feeling. I won't go into the details of my struggles during these months, but I will say that God has delivered me! While the days can be hard, my heart is filled with hope and rejoicing in all that God has done and will do.

The boys are doing amazingly well. We have had some grieving, and some rough spots, but overall, they are adjusting beautifully. Within the past week or so, I think we have really crossed some hurdles. The boys seem very comfortable right now and we are really finding our groove as a family.

So, some pics and some news:

Lukas just took off riding his bike all on his own without a helping hand from me at all! We started him just gliding on a bike without pedals which he did for several months - and then one day, he said, "Mom. Put them back on. I can do it!" So, the pedals went on - and away he went - full speed, down hills, around corners and never looking back. He is very athletic and runs super fast!

Lukas also discovered that he likes painting and that he's pretty good at it. I love to hear him tell the story of his painting. They are proudly displayed on our mantle. He is enjoying books more and is understanding the stories now! He is expressing his love for us more all the time and it brings joy to our hearts!

Best of all, we are really communicating so much better! It is a relief and a blessing to be able to have a give and take and be able to understand more of what is going on in his sweet little head.

YJ has discovered that he really likes wearing big shoes. He finds them all over the house and wears them around. But he especially likes Mama's high heels.

He is talking so much more and it is wonderful to hear new words added to his vocabulary. He is hilarious! We laugh at him (I mean with him) all day long. He is very dramatic and loves to show off. He is also an escape artist. I found him one night at 2:30 a.m. hanging out in the recliner in our living room - wide awake with the foot rest up! I have to keep my eye on him at all times.

Today, he got his second haircut - and Daddy did this one! He was so cute during it and seemed to actually enjoy it.

In family news, the girls and I participated in a project to bless the girls and women of Ethiopia last night. It was designed to provide women with sanitary products. Did you know that such a simple thing to us in American is life-changing to women in third world countries?? We are looking and praying for ways to continue to serve and be involved in helping "the least of these". We pray that our hearts would be broken by those things that break God's heart and that we would be willing to be His hands and feet in whatever way He calls us to. I love that my girls could participate in this project. And a huge thank-you to the 21 women and girls who helped make this happen! God will use the work of your hands, ladies! I have a template with instructions available if any of you would like to do something similar on your own or with a group. There is always a need for these products and I can help you get them to Ethiopia. Please let me know and I will e-mail it to you. (Template courtesy of my good friend, Cindy!)

God continues to amaze us by His goodness and His sufficiency. HE IS what we need in every situation and circumstance. We continue to appreciate your prayers so very much.

"Now they may say to me, 'What is His name? What shall I say to them?'
God said to Moses, 'I AM WHO I AM.'"
Exodus 3:13-14

Three Months and a Leave of Absence

2010-08-16T18:10:00.000-07:00

Today marks 3 months from the day we met our boys. That is hard to believe for me. In some ways, it seems like yesterday. In others, it feels like an eternity. We have had so many ups and downs during this time. It has been life changing in a way that nothing in my life can really compare to. I pray that we have all grown and become more Christ-like, that we see the world in new ways, that we have the eyes of Christ as we look at the humanity surrounding us.

My boys have changed and grown dramatically during this short time. When we first laid eyes on them, these precious faces changed everything for us:

Today, when I look at them, I marvel at how healthy and strong they look, how happy their smiles are, how jubilantly the yell and run and jump all over the house, how early they get up, how much food they eat... :-) They look so much older:

Today, we also started our school year officially. Again, I am just floored by God's timing. We brought the boys home just at the end of our school year and we are ready to start right at the 3 month mark of having them home. We've had the whole summer to get used to each other before jumping back into our new year of homeschool. What perfect timing! AND - we had a wonderfully fantastic first day back at school. I asked God to really surprise me at how great our day would go - and HE DID!!!

So, with teaching a 7th grader, two 5th graders, a preschooler, and a toddler, my hands are very full. Oh, and did I mention that I'm cooking challenged? Which makes meals for 7 people day after day more of a challenge than it should be. In fact, I'd rather blog than cook! Between running a household, homeschooling with 5 kids, and somehow keeping these kids' hungry bellies filled - I am having to prioritize my time more than ever.

This blog has been such a blessing to me. Having an outlet to share what is going on with our adoption process, knowing that people were and are praying, and getting encouragement through the comments of others has been a wonderful thing. However, blogging is difficult for me. Writing is not an outlet for me - it's a chore. I have to force myself to write in my own personal journal because I want a record of our lives.

I have found so much help and encouragement through the blogs of others and I'm so thankful that God has gifted others to be able to write so beautifully and effortlessly because it blesses me!

I have struggled over whether to continue this blog or not. I want so much to encourage others on their own adoption journeys or to maybe inspire someone to consider adoption. I want to be an advocate for orphans and for their needs. I want to be a voice for the voiceless. I'm just not sure that this blog is the way to do that.

I purposely do not write about my older 3 kids' personal lives or issues. I want to protect their privacy. Now that the boys are home with us, it is difficult to write much about our story without sharing details that I consider private to them.

I believe the answer is to quit blogging for the time being. I just don't have the time. It takes me a long time to write a paragraph - I check and recheck it for errors - I drive myself crazy!! I have some issues... Should I blog about them?? :-)

I desire to continue to share our story with others in ways that can be an encouragement. I still want to be able to send out prayer requests because I rely very heavily on the prayers of others. So, I may use the blog to do periodic updates or to share a specific prayer need or just to put out some updated pictures of the kids. But in the meantime, there won't be a whole lot coming out of our corner of the woods.

As I was writing this, Riley came in to talk for a bit. She asked me why, if God cares about the smallest things in our lives, does He allow such hard things like children living in trash dumps? As you can imagine, that led to a long discussion. Part of that discussion included that, as God's children, we have the responsibility to use the resources and gifts He has given us to serve those who are suffering. It ended with both of us having tears rolling down our faces. When I asked Riley why she was crying, she said, "I'm just so glad that we adopted."

Many of our fears when considering adoption had to do with our biological children. Was it fair to them? How much would they have to give up? Our family would never be the same. We would be asking them to make sacrifices in many ways. Riley's words are such a testament of the work of God in all of our lives. No fears should ever keep us from obeying and following where God leads. If God calls and we follow, blessing is the result. It's a lesson I needed to be reminded of. I am just beginning to grasp the full joy of adoption.

Thank you so much for sharing this wild ride with us. Thank you for being present with us. Thank you for truly caring about us. Most of all, thank you, thank you, thank you for praying for us. God has been listening.

"But Jesus said to him, "No one after putting his hand to the plow and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God."

Luke 9:62

How do you like my teeth?

2010-08-13T17:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Lukas had some dental work done. It was scheduled at a surgery center and he had to go under general anesthesia for about an hour. I was very concerned about how he would handle being taken away from me. I had some people praying. It was rather traumatic - for both of us - when the nurse carried him away from me. He was very upset and didn't understand what was happening. However, I was so thankful to be allowed to be by his side as he awoke afterwards.

He had multiple cavities fixed, two front teeth pulled and then stitches put in, coatings put on the remaining teeth and lots of serious black stain scraped off. We are unsure of the origin of the stain, but assume it is from a food that he had eaten lots of in Ethiopia. The dentist had a very hard time removing it, but got the majority of it off.

Lukas had an amazing recovery! Not once has he complained of pain. Not once. No pain reliever needed! I kept asking him if he had "ouchies" and he kept insisting "No ouchies!" He asked for a mirror to see why the front of his mouth felt so funny. He looked and looked at the gaping hole and the stitches in his gum, and finally nodded, and smiled as if to say, "Yep, they did good!" He looked in the mirror the rest of the day, checking and checking. He seemed rather proud of his missing front teeth. :-) Thank you to all who prayed for him. God definitely answered those prayers!

Not only did he stay awake the rest of the day and seemingly felt great, he got up at 3:00 a.m. and went out in the yard with Tom and the older 3 kids to watch the meteor shower for an hour! I think he fits in just fine around here...

So, how do you like those beautiful white teeth and that devastatingly handsome smile?

Korah is calling us...

2010-08-11T18:17:00.000-07:00

Where do we go from here? That is a question that is on our minds a lot. Our hearts have been broken for the helpless and the hopeless. We are seeking God continually for His guidance in what He has for us to do. We want to be wholly yielded to Him and His work. To have His eyes and His heart.

We know that we cannot forget the orphans who are still left behind - all over the world and in our own country.

"Not everyone is called to adopt. No one wants parents who adopt children out of the same sense of duty with which they may give to the building fund for the new church gymnasium. But all of us have a stake in the adoption issue, because Jesus does. He is the one who tells us his Father is also "Father of the fatherless". He is the one who insists on calling the "least of these" his "brothers" and who tells us that the first time we hear His voice, He will be asking us if we did the same."
-Russell Moore in Adopted for Life

We do not know what the future holds, but we know that we want to be able to answer Him when we see Him face to face. My heart cannot forget what I read and what I learn about the voiceless in this world. What can you do to help? What can I do to help? How can we be the hands and feet of Jesus to this hurting world? It can seem so overwhelming.

There is a village in Ethiopia named Korah which means "cursed" - just outside the capital city of Addis - and this village is built entirely around and within a massive trash dump. 100,000 people call this trash dump "home". To the rest of the country, the people who live there are cursed. To read a firsthand account about the plight of some of the "least of these" who live there, go to this blog entry.

Please watch these few videos that show the reality of life for 100,000 souls, each one precious to the Lord.

The Village of Korah - A short documentary from Session 7 Media on Vimeo.

Ordinary Hero~ A day in the trash dump in Ethiopia from Kelly Putty on Vimeo.

There is a wonderful organization called Project 61 who is doing something to help the "least of these" in Korah. Through them, we are able to sponsor a child who lives in the dump and provide 3 meals a day, clothing, education, housing, and transportation to and from school for $700 a year. Yes. $700. That's it. To totally change a life. To bring hope where there was none. To feed someone who scrounges around in mountains of trash every single day looking for enough to live on and feed brothers, sisters, parents. The $700 allows this child to go to a Christian boarding school for the year where, most importantly, they will hear the Good News. They will receive an education which will enable them to change their life and the lives of their families. Truly, it is priceless.

When I first heard of this situation, I was struck to the very core. So many emotions. I cried and cried. The next day, I could think of nothing but those dear people who lived in that dump. The next morning, I told my youngest daughter about it. She said, "Mom, let's give up Christmas this year and give that money to sponsor a child there." That night, we asked the other kids about it. They all immediately said, "YES! We don't want Christmas presents. We want to help someone in Korah." It was unanimous.

Now, we don't normally spend $700 on Christmas. But, we believe the rest will come as well. How could it not? And lest you feel sorry for my poor little ones - they still get gifts from grandparents!

We "met" our child today. He is 18 years old and lives in the dump with his sister. Our house was filled with wonder and with joy at the knowledge of the privilege we have to be able to help this precious young man. Because of our American prosperity, he will now have 3 meals a day, education, housing, clothing, and a hope and a future. We won't have Christmas presents that would be forgotten in a few weeks or months. A pretty good trade-off, I think.

We will be corresponding with this young man and sending packages, letters, pictures, etc. We have been told that he will now consider us his family. One day, I truly hope that we will visit him and meet face to face. We hope to be on one of the mission trips to Korah in the future.

Project 61 is still accepting sponsorships until August 31st. There are still children waiting to be sponsored for the September school start-up. Please consider what you can do. I know that most of you already give and maybe already support an orphan somewhere. I'm certainly not telling anyone what to do or putting on the guilt trip. There are thousands of real needs and worthy causes out there. But the situation is so dire in Korah and the money goes directly to helping one hopeless and helpless person - not to postage or mailings or administrative costs. Consider, if a few families go together, then it would not be costly at all to be able to give this kind of a gift. They encourage small groups or extended families to go in together to sponsor. Their website is www.p61.org.

I'm really looking forward to Christmas morning this year. We are going to brainstorm how we want to spend the morning in focusing on the eternal rather than the temporal and giving thanks for the greatest gift we have already been given. I'm excited to see what this does in our kids' hearts and how it impacts us all. So, for now, we serve Korah. We wait to see what God leads us to next... It is a grand adventure!

"Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink? And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You? When did we see you sick, or in prison, and come to You? The KING will answer and say to them, "Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to ME."
Matthew 25: 38-40

Fam-i-ly

2010-08-02T18:15:00.000-07:00

From the first week home, we would recite all of our names and Lukas would repeat after us. "Daddy. Mommy. Riley. Isaac. Eva. Lukas. Yakob..... FAM-I-LY!" in his strong African accent. It was so special to hear him saying that.

We are now nearing the end of our strict cocooning phase. The boys have been with us 11 weeks now. We have been very deliberate about not doing much, staying home a lot, limiting exposure to strange situations or large groups, never leaving them with anyone, etc. It has been hard and isolating...but I think it is having the desired results. I think the boys recognize that we are their family. I am Mom. Tom is Dad. They love their brother and sisters. They are showing signs of feeling safe with us and learning to trust us more and more. Of course, there is much farther to go, but I think that we are on the right track. There is definite progress.

So...part of this is seeing more of our extended family. The boys got to meet more family last Friday. Tom's family from Chicago came into town and we had a great time together. So, that means they have met all of their immediate aunts, uncles, and cousins - except my brother who is serving our country in Afghanistan. With each new experience of meeting family, the boys have shown more and more relaxation and seem to really recognize the difference between family and others. They love their grandparents!

In light of this, we decided to take our first road trip. My older three kids have been in Ohio all week at our annual family reunion gathering at my grandmother's house. It has been very hard to not be there with them since we decided that it was too soon to take the boys. But, we cracked and just had to take them for a few hours this past Saturday. It turned out to be a wonderful experience! The boys handled the 4 hour drive there beautifully. And they slept the whole way home, too! It was really special to introduce them to my grandmother's home where I have made so many lasting memories of my childhood. The boys loved the lake and ran for it as soon as they saw it. They didn't want to get out of the water! I'm so glad that my grandma could come out and see them enjoying the lake that she and my grandpa created so many years ago just for the purpose of watching their family enjoy it. The boys were heartily welcomed by great aunts, uncles, and cousins. It was a good day - and a fitting end to the beginning of coming out of our cocoon.

Road trip - oh yeah! And who can start a road trip without a stop at WalMart for the necessary supplies - Gobstoppers and Junior Mints - oh, and Pull-Ups.

It's been in the 90's for days, but this day was cold and rainy. It didn't stop anyone, though! Eva couldn't wait to get playing with Yakob and Lukas in the water.

Riley was so happy to be reunited with Yakob after not seeing him for a week.

Made to be brothers for sure!

Yakob kept wanting to jump off the dock. We have to watch that little dude at all times.

My older three get home in an hour or so and I can't wait for all FIVE of my kids to be home together again!

Nine Weeks

2010-07-19T11:18:00.000-07:00

Nine weeks ago yesterday, we met these little guys for the first time.

And, yes, that is a syringe Yakob is holding in his hand. You got a problem with that?

Nine weeks. I never knew that so much could happen in nine weeks' time.

Joy and heartache. Grieving and rejoicing. High highs and low lows. Sickness and health. Hospital stays and powerful healing. Parasites and expelling of parasites. Accepting and denying. Rebelling and surrendering. Changing and staying the same. Going forward and going back. Doubt and faith. Questions and answers. Holding on and letting go. And lots of growing.

None of us are the same people we were nine weeks ago. Not even close.

God has broken me and is in the process of rebuilding me. Who I thought I was, I am not. What I thought I knew, I did not know. God alone is my sufficiency. I have so very far to go, but "one thing I do, forgetting what is behind, and pressing forward to what lies ahead." I am learning more to trust, yield, and obey.

"Trusting simply means that when we have yielded, or given, ourselves to the Lord, then we have perfect confidence that He will manage us and everything concerning us exactly right, and we consequently leave the whole care and managing in His hands."

In family news, Lukas got his first haircut which was great fun apparently:

And he learned to copy his name with his sister, Riley's, help:

And after our dentist visit, we found out that Yakob is actually closer to an 18 month old rather than a 2 year old. No surprise, there, really, since we suspected that all along. So, I still have a one year old! :-) A one year old who really enjoys big shoes...

The Great Physician

2010-07-08T19:11:00.000-07:00

Wonderful news to report! God, the Great Physician, has healed our son. Yakob's bloodwork was redone last week and has come back perfectly normal. This little boy with a hugely swollen spleen and severe anemia is being healed! There is no anemia whatsoever anymore! His spleen is recovering slowly, but surely. What joy! What a privilege to be his mama and to see the Lord at work healing him. What a blessing to see immediate restoration of health in our sweet son who would have been without hope a very short time ago. To God be all the glory! Only God could bring him to us in such perfect timing in order to save his life. To be a part of this story is beyond compare!

Yakob also saw the ENT today. We found out that he does have mild hearing loss (as we suspected) in both ears most likely due to recurrent ear infections that have left holes in both eardrums. The right ear is missing 20% of the eardrum. The doctor told us that he doesn't do surgery to repair this sort of problem until age 6 due to the nature of the surgery which requires skin grafts. He did say that there is a "minimal chance" of the tissue regenerating on its own. In the meantime, we are not to allow any water in his ears for.....4 more years! Since there is no seal in his eardrum, water can lead to continual infections. Gulp. So, please join us in praying that God, Jehovah Rapha, heals and restores his eardrums and his hearing. We will have check-ups every 6 months to keep an eye on him.

And, can I just say, that the difference in today's doctor appointment from our first one the week we got home is truly astounding. Today, I had a completely calm, quiet, happy little boy on my lap during testing and prodding. He felt safe and secure and trusted me to take care of him. He was not in pain. He was healthy. It is amazing to me the changes that can occur in 7-1/2 weeks. God is weaving our lives together into the family that He intended us to be before time began.

Oh, and did I mention that Yakob has great taste in sports teams?

Go Boilers!!

Go Colts!

Adjusting - Part I

2010-07-01T18:55:00.000-07:00

I'm not gonna lie. The past 6-1/2 weeks have been some of the hardest of my life. Adjusting is hard to do. I've never been good at it - and guess what - I'm still not. :-)

We had been told that preschoolers and toddlers were the hardest age groups to adopt and that adopting two at one time was very difficult. I would agree with that. :-) We've done twins before, so we've added two at a time to our family before, but this is a whole different thing... :-)

The boys are incredibly wonderful little boys. My 10 year old son said it best when he told the social worker at our first post-adoption visit that "they fit perfectly into our family!" And they really do. Their personalities fit right in. They are funny and goofy and giggly and silly.

So, it's not the boys that have made this hard. I believe we were blessed with the sweetest boys in all of Ethiopia to join our family. It's the adjustment. There are multiple, multiple facets of adjustment that we are dealing with - none of them bad, just necessary and often difficult.

I have struggled with my sinful nature more than I can ever remember. I battle daily with my selfishness. I have failed often. I'm not proud of it. But it's true. I have been discouraged and overwhelmed, frustrated and exhausted.

But...

God.

God is present. God is at work. God has called us to this. I wake up every morning and I pray "God's grace is sufficient. His power is made perfect in my weakness." And it's true.

Tonight, when I was putting my sweet boys to bed, I became overwhelmed at the incredible privilege God had given me. These boys trust me. They cling to me while I rock them to sleep. They grab tight with their little hands and hang on to my neck or my arms. They allow their bodies to melt into mine and they sigh loudly as they let their defenses down to prepare for sleep. They feel safe with me. Their walls are steadily, but surely coming down.

While I hold them and rock them, I pray that their birthmother knows in her heart of hearts that her boys are being rocked to sleep. That they are loved. That they are safe. That they are laughing. That they are playing. That they are eating tons! That they are healed of the disease that took the life of their father. Oh, the ways of God are so beyond our understanding. What a privilege. What an honor.

I do not think that I could know God in this way without going through the difficulty inherent in adoption. There is no question that God has shown me more in the past weeks than ever before in my life. My life will not be the same.

So, no, this has not been easy. We didn't adopt because it was going to be easy. In fact, I don't recall Christ ever saying that following Him was going to be easy. I remember Him saying things like "die to yourself", "take up your cross", "share in my sufferings". We adopted out of obedience to our Lord. We adopted because, for us, there was no other option. We adopted because our Father adopted us - and I guarantee that was not easy.

A woman I highly admire who adopted 4 older siblings from Ethiopia wrote about this topic at Our Unveiled Faces . Her words spoke exactly what I have been pondering over the past weeks. I hope you will take a few minutes to read it.

So, tonight, as I was rocking the boys to sleep, I felt strongly that God was telling me to write this down and to say to anyone reading this who might be considering adoption and is worried that it would just be too hard - well, it probably will be. :-) Do not let fear of difficulty stop you. But, seek the Lord and His ways. "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for My sake will find it." I want to find my life. My life is only found in obedience to Christ.

I read this tonight and it really spoke to me. I only have one life. It will be over soon. Oh, how I want to spend it on eternal things.

“Two little lines I heard one day,Traveling along life’s busy way;
Bringing conviction to my heart, And from my mind would not depart;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, yes only one, Soon will its fleeting hours be done;
Then, in ‘that day’ my Lord to meet, And stand before His Judgment seat;
Only one life,’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, the still small voice, Gently pleads for a better choice
Bidding me selfish aims to leave, And to God’s holy will to cleave;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, a few brief years, Each with its burdens, hopes, and fears;
Each with its clays I must fulfill, living for self or in His will;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

When this bright world would tempt me sore, When Satan would a victory score;
When self would seek to have its way, Then help me Lord with joy to say;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Give me Father, a purpose deep, In joy or sorrow Thy word to keep;
Faithful and true what e’er the strife, Pleasing Thee in my daily life;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Oh let my love with fervor burn, And from the world now let me turn;
Living for Thee, and Thee alone, Bringing Thee pleasure on Thy throne;
Only one life, “twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, yes only one, Now let me say,”Thy will be done”;
And when at last I’ll hear the call, I know I’ll say “twas worth it all”;
Only one life,’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last. ”

C.T. Studd

And, how could I leave you without a picture of my sweeties...taken at YJ's 2nd birthday!

Please do not stop praying for us. We really do rely on your prayers.

Isaiah 26:3
"The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, because he trusts in You.
Trust in the Lord forever,
For in God, the Lord, we have an everlasting Rock."

What a difference a year makes!

2010-06-26T10:02:00.000-07:00

A year ago, we were not even thinking about adoption. Well, at least I wasn't actively thinking about it at the time. I know Tom wasn't thinking about it. We had just figured out the source of our daughter's health problems and we were working on getting her healthy again. That had consumed us for quite a while. We were trying to make adjustments and get on with living. Riley had won an art contest and we were heading out for our FREE dude ranch vacation in Wyoming!!

This Father's Day, we have five children rather than three! More arrows in our quiver, more gifts from the Lord.

The day we drove off for the ranch last year was June 27th. This June 27th, we celebrate our youngest son's 2nd birthday! What a difference a year makes!

Happy 2nd Birthday, YJ!! We love you so much. We are so glad that you are a part of our family and we get to celebrate your life together!!

Travel Journal

2010-06-17T10:44:00.000-07:00

This post has been in the works for a long time now. I haven't had the time or the energy to do it. But, so many of you prayed us through it. I wanted to give you a glimpse into that week and the many ways that God answered your prayers during it. Get ready -this is long!

Our trip to Ethiopia to pick up our boys is really beyond description. In many ways. It was surreal. It was miraculous. It was unbelievable. It was exciting. It was what we expected. It was not what we expected. It was harder than we ever imagined. It was the beginning of the rest of our lives with our two precious sons.

FRIDAY

Tom and I left on a Friday afternoon. We were so excited to finally be on our way. I was so glad the bags were finally packed!! We dropped off the kids at my moms and driving away from her house, I finally let the tears fall that I had been holding back all week. We flew to Minneapolis, to Amsterdam, stopped in Sudan for refueling, and then on to Addis Ababa. I really enjoyed the very long trip. I knew it was time for Tom and I together that would be hard to come by for awhile. We watched movies, slept off and on, ate, and met some other adoptive couples. I kept imagining what it would be like to make the same trip home with two little boys - and it scared me to death!

SATURDAY

We arrived in Addis late Saturday night, totally exhausted. In the very long customs line, we met a nice man fronm South Africa who currently lives on the West coast. As we talked, he told us that he was going to be preaching the following morning and had worked for a long time finding sponsors for children with Compassion International. The man in front of us in line was with John Piper's ministry. We felt surrounded already by God's people and it was so encouraging. After getting through that long line, we finally met up with two other families in our travel group and got in the van with them to head to the hotel. It was so neat to finally meet some other families. One of them was adopting siblings as well and one was adopting a four year old girl. Our travel group was very unique in that four out of the five of us were adopting siblings (and Yakob was the youngest of the group). There were no babies in our travel group which my CM told me was a first. What a blessing to have other families in our group with similar situations and ages so that we could relate to each other. We were actually in Addis and only a few hours away from meeting our sons! We were extremely exhausted and ready for some good sleep!

The hotel was very nice. We were supposed to have a suite with two bedrooms and a living room, but we ended up with a single room since the suites were all being used. It ended up being the perfect room for us.

SUNDAY

We got up about 9:00 a.m. after the only good sleep we were going to get on this trip. This was the day! We were too late to eat at the buffet, so we had protein bars in our room.

On Sunday afternoon, we met Almaz in the hotel ballroom to finish the paperwork that was necessary before meeting our sons! Did I mention surreal?? Almaz was just as amazing as everyone says she is. What a servant and what incredible work she does to bring these orphans into homes!

After this rather lengthy meeting, we crowded into the van and headed off for Hannah's Hope. I think I felt rather numb actually. I knew I was excited, but it just felt like it wasn't really happening. Almaz had warned us that she didn't think Yakob would come to us and that he would cry a lot. She thought Lukas might do okay.

Our meeting of the boys was not the fairy tale story. It was a realistic one, though. And really, we knew it would be. God had been preparing me all along. I knew the meeting was going to be difficult. Our boys are pretty sensitive little guys. Lukas was old enough to know what was going on. I don't blame him one bit for his reaction to us. It makes perfect sense. He just didn't want to be with us. Period. He understood that the life that he just become comfortable with was about to be taken away and he was going to be forced to leave with total strangers! Yes, he definitely understood. To say it was hard would be quite an understatement. And, even though it was hard for us, I cannot begin to imagine how hard it was for our sweet little 4 year old boy who just trying to survive in this world. I don't want to go into details for his privacy's sake.

We don't have pictures or video of our meeting the boys because we were taking pictures for another family and they just brought the boys out to us when we weren't prepared. We didn't even have our cameras nearby. I'm sad about that, but I think it may be for the best really.

Yakob did go to me intially, but wasn't real happy with me. I put him in the sling carrier and kept him with me for the rest of our visit. The lollipop bribed him enough to stay with me. Definitely no eye contact, though! We got a short tour of Hannah's Hope, but it was all pretty stressful as we were trying to focus on the boys. The other families left without us because Lukas was having too hard a time to get in the van. The van returned for us and we did make it back to the hotel, but it was just a pretty heartbreaking situation for all of us. We knew that God had orchestrated this and we were trusting Him to work it all out and get us all through it.

It was a difficult first evening together. Lukas was really, really grieving. However, at some point, God just intervened. Lukas allowed me to give him a bath and we saw his first smile! I can't tell you the joy and relief we felt to see a glimpse of that!!

MONDAY

On Monday, we got up bright and early to make our 9:00 a.m. U.S. embassy appointment. The drive with all 21 of us in a small van in out of this world crazy traffic was something else! We were quite nervous about how Lukas would do given his initial reaction to us. However, again, God just stepped in. (The prayers of His people.) We did all successfully make it through that very long morning of waiting in a small room packed with people. Lukas just kept his back against the wall and stayed very quiet and still, but he made it! He didn't want us to touch him at all. YJ allowed me to keep him in the sling the whole time and was rather happy! An Ethiopian man there asked me about the boys and our situation and then thanked us for giving the boys this opportunity. He really encouraged me with his words. I know that God knew I needed that right then!

After arriving back at the hotel, we all took a 4 hour nap. Now that I know Lukas so much better, I can tell the stress he was under to be willing to take a 4 hour nap. All of us really, really needed that nap!

Tom and I didn't sleep much at all during the trip. The jet lag, the stress, the emotions, just kept us awake most of the time. We didn't eat a whole lot either. In fact, we both lost 6 lbs. each in one week!

TUESDAY

Tuesday was rather hard. There was a lot of crying going on. Lukas was afraid to leave the room at all. And we had no words to communicate anything of safety or comfort to him. We tried to go down to the breakfast buffet, but it was a disaster. So, we spent the day in the room. A really long day. The rest of the families headed out for the shopping trip. They leave their kids at HH and go out to buy souvenirs. Almaz had told us that we were basically on "hotel arrest" with Lukas and we knew there was no way we could take Lukas back to HH at all.

I gave a short list to one of the other moms, and she picked out some nice things for us. Thank you, Donna!

Another family (the curly headed brothers) bought a pizza for us when they were out and brought it up to the room for us. They hung out for awhile and I think it was comforting for Lukas to see his friends. It was a huge blessing for us just to have some company and not feel so isolated. The pizza did not taste like ours, but I ate it because I was desperate for some comfort food. The boys gobbled it down. Thanks, Nelson family!!

We were able to skype with home and that was a wonderful blessing. What joy to see the kids at home! Lukas really enjoyed seeing them, too.

WEDNESDAY

I was awakened at 5:30 on Wednesday morning after having just gone to sleep by very loud pounding on doors and very loud voices. I felt panic immediately. I had seen people being frisked the night before coming into the hotel and we knew the election was just days away. I envisioned us grabbing the boys and having to flee the hotel. Fatigue and stress compounded to make me very nervous! Finally, the pounding reached our door. Tom jumped up to get it. It was a man and woman with suitcases saying they were looking for someone. That's all we knew. Well, no more sleep after that! I was sure there was a bomb or something in one of those suitcases... :-)

Both boys really struggled on Wednesday. Yakob cried inconsolably for hours as did Lukas. At one point, both boys were wailing at the top of their lungs and we just sat and looked at each other. They would not receive our comfort. On the positive side, each day we all took 2-3 hour naps and that helped so much.

We also ordered room service for the boys several times since we had a hard time making it down to the dining room. They loved the food and it seemed to help comfort them.

Wednesday afternoon, Tom went with the rest of the group back to HH for the last meeting with Almaz. I so much wanted to go, but we felt it was best that I stay with the boys. I was very disappointed not to see more of HH. I wanted to have more to memories to give the boys as well as just soak up their environment, meet some of the other children there, even say a word or two to the boys' special mothers. It just wasn't to be for us on this trip. God knew that and I trusted Him with it.

On Wednesday night, we decided that we either had to venture out for the cultural dinner or lose our minds. We opted for the dinner! Wes, our driver, was so good with the boys. He explained to Lukas what was happening and Lukas was able to get back in the van without too much fear. We all really enjoyed the restaurant experience. The dancing was unbelievable! We took lots of video footage. Or I should say Lukas took it. The video camera became his security blanket and he held it in front of his face a lot. We could not believe that we were actually in Ethiopia and really tried to soak it up since it was really our only opportunity to experience the culture firsthand. The boys devoured the food! Yakob was the last one eating, including all the adults, and we finally had to just remove the food. That night really helped us a lot. It was such a relief to get out of the hotel. And we had some hope for Lukas making it through the trip home. We had both been having lots of trouble sleeping and were quite concerned about how we were going to get these boys home!

I felt really sad driving away from the restaurant. I knew this was the last time they would eat a real Ethiopian meal like that in their own country, listening to the music, seeing the dancing, and being surrounded by things that were familiar. At least for quite a while. We really do hope and pray to take them back someday.

THURSDAY AND FRIDAY

We were so happy to wake up Thursday and know that we would be on the way home that night. It was another long and emotional day. We did get out to the back parking lot and hang out for a bit with another family and their sweet little 4 year old daughter. That helped. We spent the rest of the day packing and preparing. I felt sick to my stomach all day - my nerves were churning like crazy. I just could not imagine how we were going to get them no an airplane and make that 24 hour trip home.

We left the hotel around 7:00 p.m. for our 10:50 p.m. flight. Lukas had a hard time getting in the van. It was emotional for all the kids. Several of them were quite a bit older and truly did realize that they were leaving everything familiar behind. One of the older girls cried and cried as she watched Yakob drive away on my lap. It was very eye-opening and difficult to watch.

As we drove up to the airport, there were mobs of people everywhere. And the lights in the whole airport went out just as we pulled up!

The boys did amazingly well through the very long lines and the long wait for the flight. It was such a blessing to have three other families on the same flight to Amsterdam with us. There is safety in numbers!

We knew so many were praying us home and I can't tell you how much that comforted me! They slept almost the whole flight to Amsterdam (middle of the night their time). Amsterdam to Detroit was a little more interesting. But, we were mainly concerned with Lukas and his fears - and he did so well!! He did not cry once. He allowed Tom to take care of him and really enjoyed the screen in the seat in front of him. The power of prayer once again!! Yakob was another story. Now I realize how severe his double ear infection was as well as other medical issues - it's amazing he did as well as he did. About five hours into that flight - I thought I was done - I just couldn't finish it. Funny how you have no choice at 36,000 feet. :-) We did make it and it could have been much worse. The flight from Detroit to home was short and sweet. The boys slept the whole way.

Our homecoming was wonderful!! It was the best feeling in the world to arrive home to our loved ones' faces. I had kept telling the boys over and over during the week - "We're going to make it, we're going to make it." And we did! By God's grace and the loving prayers of so many.

As hard as that week was for us, we know that God was with us every second. I continually thanked Him while we were there for the many answered prayers that we were experiencing. As hard and uncomfortable as it was for Tom and me, it was infinitely more so for our boys. They amaze us with their courage, strength, and resiliency. It really is beyond my comprehension how they have survived so much and come out with this joy and love of life in them. What a testimony to the way that God has designed the human spirit.

We have come so far since these pictures and this story. So very far. And it's only been 4-1/2 weeks. Just think of what the future holds! I will post some more of our story in the days to come. God is at work without a doubt. He is alive. And He is moving in our lives.

TO GOD BE THE GLORY! GREAT THINGS HE HAS DONE!!!

OK, I Lied

2010-06-09T19:23:00.000-07:00

There was not an update coming soon. And there still isn't. I'm afraid that sleepless nights, doctor appointments, medical issues, and five needy children have gotten the best of me. I do intend to blog about our trip and hope to this weekend. In the meantime, we sure do appreciate your continued prayers for us. This has not been an easy adjustment for me and we are feeling the effects of all the changes. The boys are doing very well, overall, and are truly amazing little guys. Please pray for the boys' health and for effective treatment for multiple issues that we are dealing with. Pray for our bio kids in their adjustment and having less of mama. Pray for our bonding and uniting together as a family. Pray against Satan's attempts to discourage us. We rely on your prayers. As always, we pray that all glory goes to the Lord! He is so faithful and merciful.

My favorite men!

Update Coming Soon!

2010-05-29T21:03:00.000-07:00

It has literally been impossible for me to find the time to update the blog since we left for Ethiopia. It has been an indescribable two weeks, including a hospital stay with Yakob. I am going to update this blog very soon, I hope. It will have to be done in the late or the wee hours, but I do hope to get to it soon. In the meantime, I leave with you with my boys, Lukas and Yakob!

This is it!

2010-05-12T19:15:00.000-07:00

Thank you for praying. We know that you are! We can feel your prayers covering us right now.

It is almost unbelievable to me that we will be on our way in less than two days to go get our beautiful sons!

There is not a lot of time for blogging right now. But I wanted to give you a quick update. At this point, our agency does not think the birthmother will be able to meet us. But, we are still praying for that to happen and we will leave it in God's hands. We are praying the most right now for the boys to be willing to come to us and to know and somehow feel our love for them and that they would feel safe and not scared. We will only have two to three hours with them at Hannah's Hope before we take them with us - forever. Wow.

So, we arrive in Addis late Saturday night.
On Sunday in the early afternoon, we have a meeting with the orphanage director, a truly wonderful woman who serves the Lord day in and out. She will come to the hotel and go over the paperwork with us and the paperwork will finally be completed! Until we get home, that is...
She will then take us over to Hannah's Hope to meet our boys! So, please be praying especially at that time. I think it will be approximately 9:00 a.m. in the United States. We will then take the boys back to the hotel with us.
Monday morning, we head to the U.S. Embassy to receive the final approval.
Tuesday, we will spend the day in the hotel. Possible birth family meeting on Tuesday or Wednesday, but not likely.
Wednesday, more of spending time in the hotel. That evening, we will attend a cultural dinner and get to be treated to a show of Ethiopian singing and dancing. Can't wait for that!
Thursday, I'm not sure of the timetable, but I think we may have an opportunity to visit the original orphanage that was home to the boys for a very short time. We will be heading for home late Thursday night - real late. So, please pray for all of us as we start our journey home around 11:00 p.m. and pray us all the way home until Friday afternoon.

That's all, folks! We will try to update if possible from Addis...

To GOD be the glory! His will be done.

"The LORD Himself will go before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forget you. Don't be afraid and don't worry."
Deuteronomy 31:8

To Our Family and Friends...

2010-05-07T19:45:00.000-07:00

I copied much of the below from a friend's letter because I really liked what it said and I didn't want to take the time to type it up myself! We hope that this information will best equip everyone important in our lives to
assist us in laying the strongest and healthiest foundation for our boys - emotionally, physically and spiritually.

In many ways, Lukas and Yakob will be like the children who entered our family through birth; we will parent like other Christian families as we bring all of them up in the instruction and discipline of the Lord. But there will be a few, initial differences. We have researched bonding and attachment in children, especially those coming home through adoption from an orphanage setting.

We are confident of this: God's design is PERFECT! His plan for parents and children is a beautiful and meaningful picture of His love for us. Attachment between a parent and child occurs over time when a baby has a physical or emotional need and communicates that need. The primary caretaker (usually mommy) meets the need and soothes the child. This repeats between a parent and child over and over to create trust within the child for that parent; the baby is hungry, cries in distress, mom nurses and calms the baby - which teaches him that this person is safe and can be trusted. By God's very design, an emotional foundation is laid in the tiniest of babies, which will affect their learning, conscience, growth and future relationships. The security provided by parents will, ultimately, give children a trust for and empathy towards others.

Children who come home through adoption have experienced interruptions in this typical attachment process. The loss of a biological mother and father at an early age can be a major trauma on their little hearts. The good news is that we can now, as Lukas and Yakob's parents and forever family, rebuild attachment and help them heal from these emotional wounds. When the boys come home, they will be overwhelmed. Everything

around them will be new and they will need to learn not just about their new environment, but also about love and family. The best way for us to form a parent/child bond is to be the ones to hold, snuggle, instruct, soothe and feed them. As this repeats between us, they will be able to learn that parents are safe to trust and to love deeply. We are, essentially, recreating the newborn/parent connection. Once Lukas and Yakob start to establish this important bond, they will then be able to branch out to other, healthy relationships.

Lukas and Yakob will have, what may seem like, a lot of structure, boundaries and close proximity to us. Please know that these decisions are prayerfully and thoughtfully made choices based on research and instruction from trusted adoption mentors. We will be doing what we believe is best to help them heal from those interruptions in attachment as effectively as possible. Why are we telling you all of this? Because you will actually play an awesome and vital role in helping our our boys to settle in, heal, and lay a foundation for the future. There are a few areas in which you can help us:

The first is to set physical boundaries. It will help us immensely if adults limit what is typically considered normal, physical contact with Lukas and Yakob. This will (for a while) include things like holding, and excessive hugging and kissing. Children from orphanage settings are prone to attach too easily to anyone and everyone - which hinders the important, primary relationship with parents. Waving, blowing kisses or high fives are perfectly appropriate and welcomed! The boys should know that the people with whom they interact are our trusted friends.

Another area is redirecting the boys' desire to have their physical and emotional needs met by anyone (including strangers) to having us meet them. Orphans often have so many caretakers that they, as a survival mechanism, become overly charming toward all adults. A child struggling to learn to attach may exhibit indiscriminate affection with people outside of their family unit. It may appear harmless and as if they are "very friendly" but this is actually quite dangerous for the child. To share this is difficult for us because we have snuggled, cared for, fed and loved so many of your children. Please understand that we want nothing more than to have our boys hugged, cuddled and cherished by ALL of you (we know they are going to be very hard to resist!) But until they have a firm understanding of family and primary attachments, we would be so grateful if you direct them to us if you see that they are seeking out food, affection or comfort.

We are incredibly blessed to have so many loved ones around us. We couldn't ask for a better extended family circle of friends for our precious Lukas and Yakob. We would love to talk to any one of you more about any of this or answer any questions that you may have. You are all so important to us and we can't wait for the boys to get to know you!

Things are moving along well in preparing for the trip. Making small steps every day. There is still a large mound of stuff on our bedroom floor that I have bought throughout the week. I can't wait to sort it and start packing it tomorrow. We have enjoyed some good conversations and times with the kids. God has been very present and very available in meeting our needs. We have received encouragement through many different sources.

One week from right now, we will be on our way to Amsterdam!

"Your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need."
Matthew 6:32-33 (NLT)

At a Loss

2010-05-06T13:00:00.002-07:00

I am finding it difficult to write on the blog right now. I am at a loss. I am at a loss for time for sure. There are a million little details that we are working on to get ready for our trip. We are trying to make family time a priority. We don't want to be rushed and stressed up til we leave, so I am trying to make an effort to accomplish several things every day and be in good shape by this time next week. I want to have some time of quietness and stillness before stepping onto that airplane on Friday afternoon. I want my kids to see me with peace and calm when we leave.

I am at a loss for words. I cannot express what my thoughts and emotions are doing right now. I certainly can't express them to the world. It seems so private and deep. I can say that I am experiencing some huge ups and some huge downs. Satan is attacking. There is definitely spiritual warfare going on in our family. I know our Enemy would love nothing more than to fill us with fear and discouragement as we embark on this next leg of our journey. We have all felt it.

However, greater is He who is IN us, than he who is in the world. Much greater. Victory has already been won. Hallelujah!

God gave me a very specific detail of confirmation last night. There was no doubt it was from Him. He prompted me to look in greater detail at some recent paperwork we had received about the boys' case. As I was intensely scrutinizing the pages, a date on one of them caught my eye. The date that our boys' birthmother took the very first step in seeking help in finding care for her boys so that she could give them a life where they could grow and prosper, live and be healthy - was TWO DAYS before God moved in Tom's heart to say YES to adoption.

God was there in that moment. He knew that we weren't ready to adopt yet. So, He opened our eyes. He made the way for our boys to get to us. He did it. It was not from human hands. He was orchestrating each event in perfect timing.

I'm absolutely sure that He opened Tom's eyes in response to a mother's prayer. I pray that she knows that her prayers were answered.

We have been told that we will most likely have the privilege of meeting her when we are in Ethiopia. Despite the difficulty of such a meeting, I pray that it does occur. Words fail me as I think of this earthshattering event. Please pray for us in that time. It should be on Wednesday or Thursday of that week. We would love to be covered in prayer especially during that time.

Scripture is so real to me. It is my hope, my strength, my joy. Each day, the Word speaks directly to my need and renews me again. How could anyone live this life without the Word of God speaking truth to each and every need that only God knows about? The needs that are too deep to speak of.

My youth pastor (and good friend of ours) called a little while ago and said that his girls had been saving up change to give to us before our trip. They will be delivering it shortly. Once again, we are so touched and humbled by God's beautiful provision through His people. What a blessing to our family.

If you want to have a picture of what we will be experiencing day by day while we are gone, my friend and encourager, Cris, who adopted two brothers almost the exact ages of our boys, has blogged their daily experiences while they were in Ethiopia. I find it very helpful to have a picture of our days and I would love it if you would read it and know specific things to pray for us each day. You can find her travel journal here. Just hit the newer post button at the bottom and it will go to the next entry.

We appreciate prayer more than ever. Please lift us up to the Father whenever He brings us to your minds.

"The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace,
Because he trusts in You.
Trust in the Lord forever,
For in God, the Lord, we have an Everlasting Rock." AMEN!
Isaiah 26:3-4

All Systems Go!!

2010-04-29T20:17:00.000-07:00

Ethiopia here we come! We are confirmed! Lukas has passed his TB test! All the paperwork is in order! We are heading to Ethiopia two weeks from tomorrow. The plane tickets are purchased.

Overjoyed. Overwhelmed. Stunned. In awe. Nervous. Delighted. Exhausted. A wee bit scared. :-)

Praising our Lord from whom all blessings flow. Praise His holy name.

"I love You, O Lord, my strength."
Psalm 18:1

Showered with Blessings

2010-04-24T20:52:00.000-07:00

I had the most beautiful, special adoption shower today that ever was. Truly. I am overflowing with God's love being poured out on me through His people. Thank you, each one of you who blessed our family in such a meaningful way today. I tried to pay attention to each moment and store it up in my heart.

Leah did the most amazing job putting all of this together today. My mom and sister did so much and put so much of their love, time, and effort into this.as well. Many others helped out with food, setting up, and cleaning up.

It started with a huge surprise that was waiting for me when I walked into the room.

This gorgeous picture was waiting for me. It is a picture of the southern region of Ethiopia where our boys are from. It is a birthday present from my Mom, my sis, and my two sisters-in-law. Nothing could have been more perfect for me. I loooooove it! Tears started early on...

Here we are minus my sister-in-law who is in Germany. I really wish she could have been with us as well. We missed her!

My family "from the north" drove down to share this special day with me. I love this group of ladies so much! It was so sweet to have my grandma Ruth share this day with me as well.

My sister gave a devotional for us that was so touching and personal. I couldn't really make eye contact with her or it would all be over - but I listened and stored it up in my heart. Thank you, sis! I love you.

Leah created unique goody bags. Yummy chocolates inside and on the outside were specific prayer requests for our family and the boys. Leah had asked me weeks ago to provide her with a list of very specific prayer requests. Each bag had one of those prayer requests inside the "Thank you" card on the front. Now, each guest has an individual prayer assignment for the coming weeks!

Rather than a traditional shower game, Leah taught the whole gang an amazing lesson about Ethiopia. I gotta tell you, I was SO impressed. She taught us about the landscape, the location, the climate, the animals, the food, the people, housing, religion. I think she knows more about Ethiopia than I do! It touched me so much and I love that those who were there went home with a much better understanding of where our boys are coming from. After her Ethiopia lesson, she gave us a quiz and the winners received prizes.

That's my wonderful mother-in-law on the other side helping Leah. She is a great blessing and huge support in my life!

The food was delicious! I wish I could have eaten a lot more of it! Thank you, each one, who contributed such yummy delights for all of us!

Several friends whom I hadn't seen in a long time came and even some friends whom I had never met! Thank you all so much for taking the time to share this day with me. It means so very much to me. It was precious to have each and every one of you there.

God provided again for our family above and beyond our imagination. We received so many thoughtful, special gifts today. I truly hope that one day Lukas and Y.J. will see these pictures and hear the stories of this day and know that they are loved, loved, loved.

The Hanagan family thanks you so much. Now we just need our two little guys home to make our family picture complete.

Thank you, thank you, Leah. You put so much of your heart into making this day so memorable and meaningful. I will never forget it.

"Enter His gates with thanksgiving,

And His courts with praise.

Give thanks to Him; bless His name."

Psalms 100:4

Tentative Travel Dates!

2010-04-23T17:35:00.000-07:00

Well, it looks like I might be getting the best birthday present ever this year! As it stands now, we will be leaving for Ethiopia on my birthday, May 13th!!! However, our dates are tentative at this point. We are still waiting on Lukas' TB test to come back. Please pray that we get a negative result and can move forward.

Right now, here is where we stand: We are scheduled for the US Embassy appointment on May 17th. That means we need to arrive in Addis Ababa on May 15th. We would get to hold our precious boys in our arms on May 16th. We would go to the US Embassy for our appointment on the 17th. On May 20th, we would leave Addis and we would arrive home the afternoon of May 21st!

Somebody pinch me... I cannot believe this is happening. We are about to leave home, travel to Africa, and gain two beautiful sons - all in about three weeks from now!

Tomorrow, my sis-in-law is throwing us an adoption shower! I am so looking forward to having this time of celebration with my dear family and friends. God is beyond good. His unfailing love is everlasting.

"For I know that the Lord is great,
And that our God is above all gods.
Whatever the Lord pleases, He does,
In heaven and in earth, in the seas and all deeps."
Psalm 135:5-6

That's Good...That's Bad

2010-04-19T19:07:00.000-07:00

Did you ever read that book as a kid? My mom used to read that to us and I loved it. It is a boy relating a story of what had happened to him. A good thing would happen, followed by a bad thing, and the pattern would repeat itself. Throughout the story, the listener replies with, "That's good" or "That's bad".

That's what my day felt like today. It started with Tom calling to tell me that a bonus he was expecting...well, we are no longer expecting it. That's bad.

A little while later, another phone call from Tom. He had just gotten off the phone with our insurance adjuster. I have been praying for God to provide us with a new roof since we moved in seven years ago. Guess what? Remember the hailstorm I blogged about recently? We found out today that God is providing us with a new roof! That's good. Really good! I'm talking, Praise the Lord good!

The phone did not ring again today. No, we will not be joining the May 3rd travel group. That's bad.

But, really, I can't say that. Because even though it was a really hard day and my heart felt crushed, I know that I know that I know that God is in control and He knows what is best. He knows what dates we should we travel. He knows the boys need to come home. He knows our little guy needs a doctor. He knows these things. And we trust Him with all our hearts. That's good.

So, we wait expectantly and we pray. Please pray along with us that we will make the May 17th travel group. It shouldn't be too long until we get the news we are dying to hear.

"Now may the Lord of peace Himself continually grant you peace in every circumstance."
II Thess. 3:16

No News Yet...

2010-04-18T19:58:00.000-07:00

But I gotta tell ya, my heart is beating with anticipation of what tomorrow might bring. I feel God at work. I feel Him preparing to do even greater things. My faith is growing daily. My heart is set on the Lord. I trust Him. I can't wait to see what He is going to do next! Yes, I hoped for news of a travel date last week. It was a long week of not hearing the phone ring. This means (or not) that we will not make the May 3rd embassy appointment travel group most likely. Truly, that is the most likely scenario. But I'm not giving up yet. God has not let me let go of it yet. One more day. Who knows what my God may do tomorrow? My enthusiasm is greater than ever and my hope is sprouting anew each day, each minute. Tomorrow is coming... One day closer to our boys coming home.

As I was reading the Word over and over this past week, I was just struck with the peace of really trusting who God is. Really trusting in what He is doing. When you really, really trust someone, you can have peace even when you don't understand. I really, really trust my Lord. I will wait on Him. I will rejoice. My heart is overflowing with His goodness and love.

I read a beautiful post from a fellow AGCI mom who recently got a referral of a precious baby boy. I thought I would share the link for those who might wish to read it. It answers some questions that I have struggled with. It is called Your Baby Has a Birth Mother? I hope you take the time to read it.

What a special weekend we've enjoyed. We celebrated my (used to be) babies' 10th birthdays, my mother-in-law's 70th birthday, my niece's 13th birthday, and my Grandmother's 87th birthday! Is God good or what?

"Let me hear Your unfailing love in the morning;
For I trust in You;
Teach me the way in which I should walk;
For to You I lift up my soul."
Psalm 143:8

Waiting on Travel Dates

2010-04-13T19:18:00.000-07:00

We are waiting right now to hear when we will be traveling. We know that there is a U.S. Embassy appointment scheduled for May 3rd in ET. We are hoping to be part of the travel group for that appointment. If so, we would be leaving around April 29th or 30th. However, we currently are not on that travel list. There is still time to be added to it, but we would need to hear that by the end of this week. If not, we would hopefully travel in mid-May to pick up the boys.

This is a really hard wait for me. Really hard. I know that there is a group traveling soon. I want to be going with that group. However, we may not be. Certain things need to happen and they may not happen in time.

So we wait.

While I was having a particularly hard struggle this afternoon, God just showered me with His peace. I felt my anxiety lifted. I love it when God steps in like that and just takes over. Of course, I know in my mind that God is completely sovereign and completely in control. He does all things well and for my good. I know that and I believe that. But...sometimes my emotions want to do battle with what my mind knows. Maybe you know what I mean? How thankful I am that God never wavers. His love for me and my family is sure and strong.

As always, I pray over and over, until my emotions agree with my mind. "Not my will but Yours be done. To GOD be the glory."

"Lean not on your own understanding,
In all your ways acknowledge Him
And He will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3:5-6

"Cast your burden upon the Lord, and He will sustain you;
He will never allow the righteous to be shaken."
Psalm 55:22