No One's The Bitch

Whadya know: being wrong feels like being right!

Jennifer — Sun, 27 May 2012 22:37:56 +0000

One subject that we talk a lot about here is how difficult it can be to see the other person’s perspective. And because you can’t see it, you end up digging in your heels in a difficult situation, attributing intentions to them that may be wildly off the mark and stoking your own emotional fires.... [Continue Reading]

Mother’s Day vs. Stepmother’s Day? We celebrate you all!

Jennifer — Fri, 11 May 2012 19:14:03 +0000

As most of us know, this Sunday is Mother’s Day. And then… one week later, it’s Stepmother’s Day. But rather than put up one post this weekend and then… another one next week… we’d like to take this opportunity to salute, in Sandra Bullock’s words, “All the moms that take care of the babies and... [Continue Reading]

Never-before-seen Carol and Jen videos!

Jennifer — Fri, 06 Apr 2012 23:30:53 +0000

I’ve had these three videos of Carol (my kids’ stepmom and co-author of No One’s the Bitch) and I hanging around in a tech vault somewhere and completely forgot about them!They’re Part 2 of the following topics: The most common problems between divorced moms and stepmoms What to do if “the other woman” doesn’t want... [Continue Reading]

Guest Post: What Makes a Bitch?

Jenna — Tue, 27 Mar 2012 21:21:49 +0000

By Kat Kernohan It’s easy to dismiss a stepmom or divorced mom we are in conflict with as simply being a ‘bitch.’ In one simple word, we can shift all of the blame and responsibility for the conflict situation on to them – because they are the one at fault, they are the bitch. The... [Continue Reading]

How To Center Yourself When Things Get Ugly

Jenna — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 20:11:08 +0000

It’s hard to remain calm when you’re faced with threats of court, false accusations, bogus restraining orders and the defended ego of others. When you find yourself in the alternative universe of someone else’s truth , take a moment and remind yourself of who you are. The you beneath the constant state of defense, stress,... [Continue Reading]

Stepmoms: You Are Not Alone (Part Two)

Jenna — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 20:40:03 +0000

(These are excerpts from an article that was originally published in the July 2011 issue of Stepmom Magazine) Stepmoms often feel very alone in their journey, but they’re not. Here are some common thoughts and emotions that stepmoms experience. 4. “I’m a great stepmom. I can take care of everyone and everything. I’ll show everyone that... [Continue Reading]

Can You Stop Making Demands?

Jenna — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 02:38:55 +0000

I’m sure divorced moms experience this as well, but this complaint seems to be more prevalent among stepmoms, probably because moms hold more power when it comes to their children. Pick a situation, it could be anything: you think things are going well and then you get a nasty email or text telling you how it’s going... [Continue Reading]

Stepmoms: You Are Not Alone (Part one)

Jenna — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 06:46:24 +0000

(These are excerpts from an article that was originally published in the July 2011 issue of Stepmom Magazine) Stepmoms often feel very alone in their journey, but they’re not. Here are some common thoughts and emotions that stepmoms experience. 1. I FEEL LIKE AN OUTSIDER IN MY OWN HOME: This is one of the worst... [Continue Reading]

Are You Placing Too Much Value On the Divorced Mom Or Stepmom In Your Life?

Jenna — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 16:12:39 +0000

For those of you who are having trouble letting go of the stepmom or divorced mom in your life, this is for you. Do you find yourself obsessing about her? Stepmoms, are you feeling the need to show up at every event she’s going to be at so you can “monitor” her behavior? Afraid she’ll... [Continue Reading]

This old suitcase? Why your old baggage matters more than you realize…

Jennifer — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 15:42:45 +0000

As I begin decluttering my house in preparation for selling it and moving to Oregon, I’m struck by how many things I’ve hung onto over the years for reasons I can’t even remember. The things themselves are tied to memories, dreams, and old priorities. They’re also tied to “issues” I used to have and some... [Continue Reading]

Stepmoms, Why Your Husband Is So Important

Jenna — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 16:40:06 +0000

There seems to be an epidemic of stepmoms divorcing. I don’t know the details of every situation, but it’s a pretty good guess that their husbands did not step up and support them. Experts agree that the marriage needs to be the primary relationship. If your husband doesn’t realize this, you have a high chance of... [Continue Reading]

Repost: No One’s the Bitch – A Primer

Jenna — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 15:34:05 +0000

What are we shooting for here? How can we help you? Our best-selling book – and this site – focuses on how to create a better relationship between ex-wives and stepmoms, or, in other words, traditional enemies. We’re unique in that our perspective is informed by BOTH sides – a divorced mom and a stepmom. The... [Continue Reading]

Divorced Moms and Stepmoms: We’re Not That Different

Jenna — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 23:45:19 +0000

We’re all women. We all struggle. We’ve all had thoughts and feeling we wish we didn’t. We’re all in situations we wish we could change. We’re similar in so many ways, yet we continue to be separate. Mom has to struggle knowing her children are part of another family, one that doesn’t include her. This... [Continue Reading]

What We Can and Can’t Change

Jenna — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 16:57:07 +0000

Do you think you’re able to change someone? I’m guessing intellectually you know you can’t. After all, how many times have you heard “The only person you can control is yourself”? Yet you continue to think: “Maybe if I’m nicer to her…” “Maybe if I appease her…” “Maybe if I ignore her…” “Maybe if I... [Continue Reading]

Inspirational Quotes To Motivate and Comfort You

Jenna — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 14:23:51 +0000

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” – Maria Robinson “We judge others by their behavior. We judge ourselves by our intentions.” – Ian Percy “Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at... [Continue Reading]

Happy Stepfamily Day!

Jennifer — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 20:14:06 +0000

To all our stepmoms out there, we wish you and your family a Happy Stepfamily Day! Thanks for everything you do to keep your families running smoothly and nurturing your stepkids, along with your own (if you have them!). We know blending a family can be tough work at times, but also hugely rewarding. Take... [Continue Reading]

Intentionally Bring Peace to Your Life

Jenna — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 00:27:36 +0000

“Our thoughts create our reality — where we put our focus is the direction we tend to go.” – Peter McWilliams - A colorful sunrise. - Contentment. - Growth. - Family to laugh with. - Inner wholeness. - Peace. - Crisp morning air. - Nature’s beauty. - Health. - Opportunity to help others heal. -... [Continue Reading]

Carol and David lost their home – a fundraiser

Jennifer — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 15:29:39 +0000

Hi everyone, Carol and David Marine of Daily Paintworks and their 6 yr. old son Jacob lost their home in a terrifying fire yesterday out near Bastrop. Their entire subdivision was wiped out (up to 300 homes) and the fire is still spreading – it’s currently 16 miles long, 6 miles wide, has covered over... [Continue Reading]

Why Silence is Sometimes Golden

Jenna — Thu, 01 Sep 2011 02:11:25 +0000

(Stepmoms! Tired of struggling? Register now for Jenna’s Stepmom Bootcamp!) I know many of you have been falsely accused of a variety of offenses by the other woman. Some of them completely ridiculous that left you thinking, Where the hell did that come from?? She couldn’t be more wrong! Its like she concocted some strange story... [Continue Reading]

What’s under the surface?

Jennifer — Mon, 29 Aug 2011 15:35:40 +0000

I caught the tail end of the Little League World Series (Japan vs. the U.S.) today…. I stopped mid-channel-surfing because I thought–wait–what are these little kids doing playing such an intense game of baseball? And why is it on TV? I was reminded of, many years ago, living in Spain as a child and my... [Continue Reading]

Can You Be Generous Instead of Right?

Jenna — Thu, 25 Aug 2011 06:22:03 +0000

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about generosity. And wishing we could be more generous to each other. Websters defines “generous” as : –adjective 1. liberal in giving or sharing; unselfish: a generous patron of the arts; a generous gift. 2. free from meanness or smallness of mind or character; magnanimous. In the context of these relationships,... [Continue Reading]

Impossibly High Standards

Jennifer — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 12:40:41 +0000

When it comes to how you expect the other woman to behave, could you meet those same standards? Never say a single bad word against you. Always do what’s best for the children (according to your private interpretation). Never be late (come hell, high water or bad traffic). Never get angry, be snippy, play the... [Continue Reading]

To Divorced Moms and Stepmoms Trying to Make Peace

Jenna — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 05:04:44 +0000

There are plenty of divorced mom and stepmom “couples,” trying to make it. Hoping to find a way, at the very least, to be cordial to each other. Maybe even friendly. Peaceful. But this relationship is tricky at best. Just when you think you’ve made some progress, a rude comment or accusation comes out of... [Continue Reading]

What Should Other Divorced Moms and Stepmoms Know?

Jennifer — Mon, 15 Aug 2011 12:57:21 +0000

Our deadline is September 15. That’s the date Jenna and I will be turning our book proposal over to my agent for “No One’s the Bitch in Action: Real-Life Insights Into What Works — Even If She Doesn’t Change.” Two noteworthy things about the second book: it’s based on YOUR stories about best practices –... [Continue Reading]

Top 10 Best Things About Being a Stepmom

Jenna — Thu, 11 Aug 2011 03:28:47 +0000

There are probably 100 reasons why the most common words out of a stepmom’s mouth are “this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.” But why focus on the negative? Here’s a countdown of the top 10 BEST things about being a stepmom! 10. You get to have kids AND keep your kickin’ body. No... [Continue Reading]

One-Way Compassion

Jennifer — Mon, 08 Aug 2011 15:37:49 +0000

Many problems between houses start because someone is actually trying to solve a problem. A father desperately misses his kids. A stepmom is trying to find her place in a family with lots of history that came before her. A mom feels disoriented, sharing parental responsibilities with someone she doesn’t know. People struggle with their... [Continue Reading]

Meet August’s peace pioneer: Renee Stone

Jenna — Thu, 04 Aug 2011 06:00:24 +0000

(Register now for Jenna’s August Stepmom Bootcamp!) Welcome to our monthly feature, where one of YOU shares your story with fellow moms and stepmoms. Let’s welcome a popular voice on our Facebook page and in our Member’s Community private forum, stepmom and mom, Renee Stone. (You might know her as “Lucky.”) NOTB: Welcome Renee! When... [Continue Reading]

Are you ready to release her? When to say “when!”

Jenna — Fri, 29 Jul 2011 04:01:13 +0000

(Register now for Jenna’s August Stepmom Bootcamp!) How much energy are you spending on the other woman? How often during the day do you think about her? Have you googled her lately? Complained about her latest antics to your friends? Your husband? Anyone who will listen? And how does it feel to be consumed with trying... [Continue Reading]

LIVE WEBINAR Thursday: The most important things divorced moms and stepmoms don’t understand about each other

Jennifer — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 19:07:03 +0000

(Thursday, 7/28 from 7-8:00 CST. The call is limited to 100 attendees, so reserve your space! Click here to register.) (Work through your toughest stepmom issues at Jenna’s Stepmom Bootcamp!) Join us this Thursday for a free, live webinar with two leading experts in their field: Debbie Nigro, co-founder of First Wives World and “Stepmonster”... [Continue Reading]

What are you resisting?

Jenna — Thu, 21 Jul 2011 05:14:22 +0000

(Register now for Jenna’s Stepmom Bootcamp!) “What could be more futile, more insane, than to create inner resistance to what already IS?” – Eckhart Tolle Have you ever noticed how much you’re resisting your current situation? Start paying attention to your thoughts. How often do you catch yourself complaining about the way things are? How... [Continue Reading]

NOTB Book #2 – Here We Come!

Jennifer — Mon, 18 Jul 2011 14:29:44 +0000

(Join Jenna for Stepmom Bootcamp!) I just got the go-ahead from my agent this weekend for an NOTB follow-up! The book is tentatively titled, “No One’s the Bitch SUCCESS: What Worked and How to Do More of It – Even If She Doesn’t Change.” I’ve learned a lot over the years since writing the first... [Continue Reading]

What’s your foundation?

Jennifer — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 17:30:33 +0000

(Register for Jenna’s Stepmom Bootcamp!) I took my two big dogs for a walk down at the greenbelt for the first time the other morning. I had to admit, I was nervous. New retractable leash. A German Shepherd (Lucy, almost 12, still going strong) who’s rarely, but nevertheless potentially fearful and aggressive. A Siberian Husky... [Continue Reading]

Apologizing 101

Jenna — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 04:38:43 +0000

“I’m sorry…” Two very powerful words, when spoken from the heart. Why? Because you’re acknowledging that you’ve caused another pain, whether it was intentional or not. It’s an opportunity to express your regret about the way you behaved, the words you spoke, or the intentions you held. Without an acknowledgement of wrongdoing, how can the... [Continue Reading]

Meet July’s peace pioneer: Katie Potter

Jenna — Fri, 08 Jul 2011 05:05:41 +0000

Welcome to our monthly feature, where one of YOU shares your story with fellow moms and stepmoms. Let’s welcome, stepmom and soon-to-be-mom, Katie Potter! NOTB: When your situation was at its worst, what was that like for you? Katie: It was so horribly stressful. (I just didn’t realize how much at the time!) It felt... [Continue Reading]

The Power of a Name: Just-A-Stepmoms and Bio-Moms

Jennifer — Tue, 05 Jul 2011 17:07:51 +0000

I sometimes like to think of weird things that might have extremely large numbers assigned to them. …How many breaths each and every creature that’s ever lived has taken, all together. …How many times the clouds have passed over the sun as someone looked skyward. …How many times you’ve eaten lunch. …How many times your... [Continue Reading]

How I survived this stepfamily “stuff” – Part 2

Jenna — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 03:12:12 +0000

Last week, I described how my strong sense of self is partly responsible for me surviving my stepfamily journey, sanity intact. The other crucial part of this is my husband’s support. I don’t think men know just how much influence and power they hold. After all, they’re the whole reason we’re here, right? We fell in... [Continue Reading]

The Invisible Drivers in Your Life

Jennifer — Mon, 27 Jun 2011 18:20:11 +0000

The other woman is out to get you. Everything she does is motivated by an intense, burning desire to see you fail, to make you suffer. Her life revolves around making you miserable — and miserable you are, despite yourself. Although… something about this feeling seems familiar. You can’t quite put your finger on it….... [Continue Reading]

How I survived this stepfamily “stuff” – Part 1

Jenna — Thu, 23 Jun 2011 13:30:49 +0000

The discord in our families is reflective of the discord in ourselves. So when we heal ourselves, we will heal our families. That’s what Jen and I came up with while we were discussing why we’re compelled to do this work. Why we spend hours a week interacting with you on Facebook and in the... [Continue Reading]

Why Owning Your Own Crap Empowers You, Instead of Takes You Down

Jennifer — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 06:00:14 +0000

Most of us are reluctant to turn the flashlight back on ourselves and look at the ways we might have screwed up. After all, who likes feeling like they’ve messed up? Like the balance of power has shifted in the story and all of a sudden, instead of the other person being so predictably wrong... [Continue Reading]

How expectations affect us

Jenna — Thu, 16 Jun 2011 18:31:04 +0000

Unmet expectations can be our greatest source of disappointment. Moms, did you expect your ex-husband’s new wife to take a back seat in the co-parenting car? Did you expect your kids to miss and need you when they went to your ex’s house, only to find out they had a great time and even…gulp…liked the... [Continue Reading]

No One’s the Bitch: A Primer

Jennifer — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 17:06:17 +0000

We’ve gotten lots of new readers lately, so I thought it might be a good time to take a step back and summarize who we are and what we’re shooting for here… Our best-selling book – and this site – focuses on how to create a harmonious relationship between ex-wives and stepmoms, or, in other... [Continue Reading]

What divorced moms should know about stepmoms – a stepmom’s perspective

Jenna — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 13:32:36 +0000

(Disclaimer: these descriptions don’t encompass all situations. There are outliers and extremes and hundreds of different scenarios. But these are the most common experiences for many stepmoms.) 1. She isn’t playing house with your child and your ex-husband. Stepmoms are trying to build their own family, a very real family that includes their husband, and... [Continue Reading]

Meet June’s peace pioneer: Korina Jones

Jenna — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 09:00:15 +0000

(Did you read Jen’s recent article in the Huffington Post? Leave a comment and share your thoughts!) Welcome to our monthly feature, where one of YOU shares your story with fellow moms and stepmoms. Meet soon-to-be stepmom, Korina! NOTB: Welcome Korina! When was your situation at its best and at its worst — and what... [Continue Reading]

Jenna takes the “Just meet her!” challenge

Jenna — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 09:00:32 +0000

As some of you may already know, Jenna has had a less than ideal relationship with the mother of her stepchildren. These relationships are contentious! But in the spirit of showing women what’s possible with our Just Meet Her! Challenge this month, she agreed to serve as a guinea pig and issue an invitation. Lo... [Continue Reading]

A Challenge: Just Meet Her!

Jennifer — Mon, 30 May 2011 09:00:10 +0000

(Audrey S. [mom] and Gina W. [stepmom] on Mother’s Day with their children.) The problem of the world is that we draw the circle of our family too small. -Mother Theresa Our old grievances can change in an instant when we simply open to the other… and listen. WHAT IF… the divorced mom or stepmom is... [Continue Reading]

What all stepmoms should know about divorced moms

Jenna — Thu, 26 May 2011 16:06:59 +0000

In my three short years as a stepmom, I’ve learned some things about divorced moms that I wish I would have known at the very beginning. It would have made my journey SO much easier. I’m sharing them with you now, in hopes that your ride will be a little smoother than mine. Keep in... [Continue Reading]

Painful stereotype, meet reality!

Jennifer — Mon, 23 May 2011 17:53:53 +0000

Over the weekend, we learned a valuable lesson. Jenna shared a link to an article on our Facebook page that she thought might be potentially inflammatory, but also stimulate an interesting discussion — given the fact that some stepmoms do indeed wrestle with this kind of behavior with the mom in their lives. All hell... [Continue Reading]

Jen in NYC and Jenna in Outer Space!

Jennifer — Mon, 16 May 2011 14:47:10 +0000

(Jen is seeking 15 collaborators for her next book! More information here. Please help spread the word!) If you live close to the Big Apple, please consider joining Jen and good friends Brenda Ockun from StepMom Magazine, Paula Bisacre of ReMarriage Works and writer Joel Schwartzberg (a remarried father of 3) at the Peace Summit,... [Continue Reading]

Stepmoms, 5 ways to avoid the Mother’s Day blues

Jenna — Fri, 13 May 2011 18:16:54 +0000

(Jen is seeking 15 collaborators for her next book! More information here. Please help spread the word!) Mother’s Day has come and gone, but there are some stepmothers who are still recovering from the aftermath. What were your expectations for Mother’s Day? Did you expect your stepkids to make you breakfast in bed? Give you a... [Continue Reading]

Happy Mother’s Day!

Jennifer — Sun, 08 May 2011 09:00:37 +0000

Happy Mother’s Day! Thank for all you do for these little beings (and sometimes medium and big ones) who can be moody, uncooperative, whiny, over-sensitive and angry –- but also wonderfully innocent, vulnerable, warm, playful, all-accepting, and sweetly kind. Our children need ALL of us! They need as many adults to love them as possible... [Continue Reading]

Meet May’s peace pioneer: Holly Orange

Jenna — Thu, 05 May 2011 10:50:19 +0000

Welcome to the launch of our new monthly feature, where one of YOU shares your story with fellow moms and stepmoms. Meet Holly! Her family tree is pretty wild, so we’ll let her describe it to you: “I qualify as both a mom and stepmom. When I was 19, I became a stepmother to my... [Continue Reading]

One woman’s prince is another child’s neglectful father

Jennifer — Mon, 02 May 2011 09:00:57 +0000

On Thursday, Jenna’s post “One woman’s frog is another’s woman’s prince” lit up our blog and Facebook page with massive hits and fascinating feedback. She really struck a nerve. Most of the feedback was from stepmoms, but her post was important for moms to read too. We often forget that the men we divorced can... [Continue Reading]

One woman’s frog is another woman’s prince

Jenna — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 04:48:03 +0000

Note: I’m apologizing ahead of time for anyone that I might piss off with this post. It is not my intention . Okay, here goes! There are 2 complaints I hear often from moms regarding their ex-husbands. The first complaint is that if he’s remarried and the stepmom plays an active parenting role, then he... [Continue Reading]

Who’s that jerk driving that car?!

Jennifer — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 09:00:50 +0000

Funny thing about us and driving…. When we cut someone else off in traffic because we have a lot on our mind that day — we’re tearful, or pissed, or stressed out about a gut-wrenching problem with no end in sight — we cut ourselves some slack. We’re really not THAT kind of driver, we... [Continue Reading]

A challenge: Can you respond instead of react?

Jenna — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 13:54:20 +0000

On Tuesday, I posted a challenge on Facebook for all of you peace pioneers, and I was pleasantly surprised to see how many of you were ready to take it on. For those of you who missed it, here’s the challenge: For one week, when faced with an emotional trigger, wait 5 minutes before responding.... [Continue Reading]

Repost: First, do no harm…

Jennifer — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 17:26:38 +0000

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. -Philo Here’s a little experiment to try this week…. If you’re wanting to create a friendlier relationship with the mom or stepmom and aren’t sure where to start, first, consider doing something simple and stopping any subtly combative behavior. Is your voice tight when... [Continue Reading]

Do our thoughts cause us pain and suffering?

Jenna — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 09:00:54 +0000

What thoughts keep you company at night? Thoughts about how wonderful, beautiful and bright you are? Or thoughts about how you’re not skinny enough, smart enough or good enough? Thoughts about what an awful person the stepmom or ex-wife is? Or thoughts geared toward understanding, curiosity or acceptance? Our thoughts are so powerful, that they... [Continue Reading]

Top Ten Reasons to Forgive the Stepmom, the Ex-Wife, or Your Ex

Jennifer — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 18:16:18 +0000

1. Your grievances live inside you long after the event has passed, which feels terrible. 2. Your grudges don’t actually improve the outcome of future problems. 3. You’re inadvertently “leaking” your resentment onto innocent bystanders. 4. It’s possible to forgive… and still create healthy boundaries that protect you from future pain and unhappiness. 5. When... [Continue Reading]

The missing link (a new direction)

Jenna — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 17:05:43 +0000

Ever just get tired of talking about all the problems and conflict and drama between ex-wives and stepmoms? Between the two households? So do we. Although we’re strongly committed to helping women “deal” with the conflict between divorced moms and stepmoms, we realized something big this past weekend when we met up. There’s something hugely... [Continue Reading]

Jenna’s story (video)

Jennifer — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 14:39:21 +0000

Relationship and stepmom coach Jenna Korf talks about why she’s here, her own journey as a stepmom, and how she’s hoping to connect with all of YOU here on No One’s the Bitch. Jennifer’s version of her story can be found here. And stay tuned for another video this week, where Jen and Jenna describe... [Continue Reading]

Co-parents: Are you keeping the kids out of the middle?

Jenna — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 18:22:34 +0000

Since none of us would be here if it weren’t for the kids, I started thinking about how some parents can’t help but put their children in the middle of their mess with their ex. And every time I think of it, I’m reminded of an extraordinary book my husband and I read, called “Keeping... [Continue Reading]

I’m done trying to make peace with the other woman. Now what?

Jenna — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 14:13:00 +0000

(Make sure to check out Carol’s art fundraiser for Japan. They’ve raised almost $6,000 so far!) Some of you have already done this, and some of you are considering it. You’ve reached a point in your life where, for whatever reason, you’ve decided to take a break from trying to make it work with the... [Continue Reading]

Beyond counting your blessings

Jennifer — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 16:30:14 +0000

Let’s say some prayers for our friends and neighbors in Japan. The earthquake and tsunami have once again reminded us just how easily everything can be taken away from any of us in an instant, and now, a terrifying nuclear crisis is unfolding before our very eyes. May they find a way to cool the... [Continue Reading]

Stepmoms, is it time for you step back?

Jenna — Mon, 14 Mar 2011 19:58:43 +0000

Many stepmoms enter into their new family, and before they know it — without warning — find themselves providing transportation for the kiddies, cooking for the family after a long day of work, making sure homework gets done, dealing with their husband’s ex, and doing many other energy-draining tasks. Unfortunately, when they come up for... [Continue Reading]

Your new FREE Member’s Community

Jennifer — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 21:19:58 +0000

With all the extra activity from our readers on the blog and Facebook, it’s clear to Jenna and I that you want to interact and support each other. However, we know there are probably a lot of folks who want to participate, but aren’t comfortable sharing such private details on Facebook or in the public... [Continue Reading]

How to deal with a defensive person

Jenna — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 15:00:46 +0000

A common theme in my stepmom support group is how defensive some husbands get when their wives attempt to address an issue regarding the kids. Most of time, the issue never gets addressed, because defensiveness usually leads to one, or both, parties shutting down. If someone gets defensive when confronted, it’s usually because they’re taking your issue as a... [Continue Reading]

What to expect when you weren’t expecting… a stepmom

Jennifer — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 15:47:42 +0000

Maybe you experienced a long, slow slide towards divorce. The communication dwindled. The awesome sex became lost in the tidal wave of daily life demands. It was always one thing after another with the kids. Or perhaps you were unlucky enough to be blind-sided by the sting of infidelity. However you found yourself in the... [Continue Reading]

Are we sabotaging ourselves?

Jenna — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 13:48:31 +0000

Credit: anankkml The other day, during our webinar with the super insightful publisher of Stepmom Magazine, Brenda Ockun, she said something that struck me. Something that I would like to shout from the mountain tops and that I wish someone had told me 3 years ago: If you and the other woman can’t have a... [Continue Reading]

Why we created our new Member’s Community

Jennifer — Mon, 28 Feb 2011 17:44:07 +0000

We are standing at the edge of an unexplored frontier in family relationships… and we have an unprecedented opportunity to create a new paradigm for our children that heals the damage of divorce. And did you know that, according to the census, only a child’s primary residence counts as a stepfamily, even if they live... [Continue Reading]

Help us find another two families for Dr. Phil!!

Jennifer — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 23:37:42 +0000

I just spoke to a producer for the Dr. Phil Show and they’d love to do another show highlighting the issues between dual-families – meaning, either a single parent family and a stepfamily — or two stepfamilies connected by divorce – that don’t get along. Things move quick in TV Land, so the two families... [Continue Reading]

Moms: you are the crux

Jennifer — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 17:18:24 +0000

At 46, I’m certainly not one of the greatest rock climbers around, but it’s a obsession I truly love that has changed me on many levels. Just like any sport that attracts die-hard followers, it has its own lingo and insider terminology. “Beta” are the tips and inside scoop to help you successfully complete a... [Continue Reading]

Happy Valentines: six secrets to communicating with men!

Jenna — Sun, 13 Feb 2011 09:00:49 +0000

The relationship between mom and stepmom is a tense one. Add a dad into the mix, and all effective communication can get thrown right out the window. Not because he’s not good at it, but because men are wired differently than women. Ever notice when you’re talking to your husband or ex-husband that a few... [Continue Reading]

Confessions of a(n enlightened) stepmom

Jenna — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 21:01:24 +0000

I consider myself pretty successful in my transition from single girl to stepmom and I’ve always had the best of intentions when it came to my husband’s ex-wife. And yet, I’ve made some moves that seemed right at the time, but weren’t. Here’s one of them: I won’t get into the details for privacy’s sake,... [Continue Reading]

An exercise in compassion

Jenna — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 13:00:52 +0000

Who wants a break from all the ugliness you feel when you think about “the other woman”? OK, put your hands down. Since we all know we can only change ourselves and not others, the key is to find a way to calm ourselves regardless of what the other woman is doing. And one of... [Continue Reading]

The dangers of certainty

Jennifer — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 19:56:09 +0000

(Burnt Forest photo credit: Ramsey Kunkel) We have an interesting opportunity to learn something, after what happened in Arizona on Saturday. As many of you know by now, 6 people were tragically killed (including a nine-year old girl born on 9/11) and 13 were critically injured when a 22 year-old man opened fire at Democratic... [Continue Reading]

A new voice on the blog!

Jennifer — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 09:00:05 +0000

Happy New Year and farewell to 2010! I am thrilled to introduce a new direction for the new year – a new blogging and workshop partner! Jenna Korf and I have corresponded over the last several years and have finally found a way to work together. She’ll be doing some guest posts here, we’ll try... [Continue Reading]

Happy holidays!

Jennifer — Sun, 26 Dec 2010 02:02:52 +0000

Happy holidays to all of our friends, far and wide! Here’s a little festive video for you from Freiburg, Germany. Winter in Freiburg (Tilt-Shift-Video) from felixio on Vimeo.

Lots of announcements this week!

Jennifer — Mon, 20 Dec 2010 15:00:15 +0000

COACHING NOW AVAILABLE Please check out my new coaching page! You’ll find a variety of coaching options, if you’re interested in getting further support. There’s also a way to sign up for a free mini-session to test drive the car…. Coming this week: FREE DOWNLOADABLE GUIDE Free, in-depth guide on whether to take action on... [Continue Reading]

The Family-Family Meeting Blow-up

Jennifer — Tue, 14 Dec 2010 18:36:44 +0000

For a while there, whenever our dual-family family was ironing out some major issues—like which kid was living where, and for how long—we’d have these really intense family meetings. We’d all sit around the kitchen table after dinner, or in the living room, half of us sprawled on the floor… and we’d talk. One of... [Continue Reading]

Thanksgiving Day Tango, Part 5

Jennifer — Sat, 27 Nov 2010 04:46:41 +0000

So far, it’s nowhere near about you to the extent you might think, you’re going to be like a tree on a hill, you have more power than you think you do and it’s good to tend to the good.* On this last day of Thanksgiving week here in the U.S, there’s the post-holiday torpor... [Continue Reading]

Thanksgiving Day Tango Tips, Part 4

Jennifer — Thu, 25 Nov 2010 18:19:11 +0000

One very easy way to increase your feelings of gratitude is to TAKE CARE OF YOUR BLESSINGS. So often, we take for granted the things that are working well and assume they will always be there. Kids that still reach out. A reliable partner. Your job. Your health. The place you live. Your car. Friends... [Continue Reading]

Thanksgiving Day Tango Tips, Part 3

Jennifer — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 16:45:22 +0000

So far, it’s not about you and you’re going to be the peaceful, powerful presence in the room. It’s also a good time to be reminded…. YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM. That’s right. Even though you have your “story” about how all the things that have been done to you are so wrong and unfair... [Continue Reading]

Thanksgiving Day Tango Tips, Part 2

Jennifer — Tue, 23 Nov 2010 23:35:26 +0000

Yesterday’s tip was about how inconsequential you are — in a good way. Today, the focus isn’t on your belly button, but the spotlight does swing all the way back around to YOU. Think of an oak tree on top of a hill, buffeted by wind and rain. Hail. Bird poop and scorching sun. Gloomy... [Continue Reading]

Thanksgiving Day Tango Tips, Part 1

Jennifer — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 19:47:06 +0000

Each day this week, I’m going to dole out a short tip on how to deal with Thanksgiving for dual-families (where you’re “stuck” with the stepfamily or the divorced family). So here’s the first one…. IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU. No, really. It isn’t. I know most things are, but this actually isn’t. If you’re having... [Continue Reading]

Two very different kinds of momentum

Jennifer — Mon, 01 Nov 2010 11:42:28 +0000

If you’re a mom and you’re going through a divorce — or you’ve already been through one, where you are couldn’t be more different than where a stepmom is. Divorce makes you feel like a tornado just tore through your life. It ripped up all your dreams for your family, for your children, for your... [Continue Reading]

New videos are out!

Jennifer — Thu, 16 Sep 2010 05:02:01 +0000

But first, Happy National Stepfamily Day to all the stepmoms and their families! Thank you for all you do to love and care for our children. We’re all brave pioneers in this day and age, navigating a very different world when it comes to parenting and marriage. Did you know that 1,300 stepfamilies form every... [Continue Reading]

Who are you and what do you want?

Jennifer — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 00:22:02 +0000

Took a bit of a break here to let the well replenish itself, let the fields lie fallow, let the sediment settle– and any other nature metaphors that might fit. I’m back now and ready to crank up the rusty writing machine and noodle brain…. In the interest of starting a conversation back up with... [Continue Reading]

Ask the Expert Day on StepMom Magazine!

Jennifer — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 15:18:27 +0000

I’ll be participating in this today — come join us and ask your most pressing questions. The last one was loads of fun and very lively! CLICK HERE TO JOIN IN

Which boat are you in?

Jennifer — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 01:07:08 +0000

Many of you come to this site because you’re looking for information that might give you an advantage with your difficult mom/stepmom relationship. You want something extra to help you create a shift. Movement in the right direction. A breakthrough out of nowhere. You’re the only one who knows what it’s like in your particular... [Continue Reading]

The Transformation Lab is live!

Jennifer — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 06:27:24 +0000

From Chaos to Partnership… The Transformation Lab is a solution-focused, online course designed to move you forward by enriching your understanding of a healthy step-bio relationship. Class begins Tuesday, June 22nd. “This is a really interesting walkthrough; a ten-step plan that’s well thought-out and experience-based. You didn’t invent this problem — you’ve just taken a... [Continue Reading]

Free group call with Becky Lippett on how she created her breakthrough with the ex-wife

Jennifer — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 15:07:27 +0000

(If you’re in the U.S., our show with Dr. Phil will be on as a rerun tomorrow. Tune in if you missed it before!) We’re going to have so much fun, talking to stepmom Becky Lippett from La Belle Mere about how she recently transformed her formerly nerve-wracking relationship with the ex-wife in her life.... [Continue Reading]

A course, a call and new videos!

Jennifer — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 23:25:23 +0000

Announcing an in-depth course just for stepmoms, a free How Did She Do It? call and no-holds barred videos from Carol and Jen! ** Have you lost your desire to even try anymore with the ex-wife? ** Have you been burned one too many times? ** Have you been drained by the constant stress, anxiety,... [Continue Reading]

National TV production company seeks stepfamily in crisis for an in-house pilot

Jennifer — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 22:47:20 +0000

This just in! Please help us spread the word! If you’re struggling in your stepfamily (either with your husband or stepchildren–or both) and you’d like to get some help, a major production company in New York is looking for YOU to film a pilot! The show will never be shown to the public and will... [Continue Reading]

Success Story: Jesica and Mayra

Jennifer — Fri, 28 May 2010 22:07:57 +0000

What does it look like when the “bio-mom” and stepmom transform the ex-wife/stepmom relationship from hell? Here, we talk to two women who were formerly at war for years, but have suddenly made a breakthrough into a whole, new world of cooperation and promise. Mayra (the mom) and Jesica (the stepmom) from the D.C. area... [Continue Reading]

Could you SPEAK to the ex-wives of America?!

Jennifer — Mon, 17 May 2010 23:40:48 +0000

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith were on Oprah today with their children—ALONG WITH HIS EX-WIFE. Fascinating stuff. Will was married to Sheree Zampino for four years (1992-95) and they have a 17 year-old son named Trey. She is now married to former San Diego Chargers player, Pastor Terrell Fletcher. Will and Jada also have... [Continue Reading]

Happy Stepmother’s Day!

Jennifer — Sun, 16 May 2010 19:09:38 +0000

A happy day to all the stepmoms out there! Please know that all your efforts make a difference. All the time and taking care of the stepkids, all the things you remember to do (that others don’t even seem to realize are on the list), all the ways in which you try to be flexible... [Continue Reading]

Happy Mother’s Day!

Jennifer — Sun, 09 May 2010 02:47:09 +0000

To ANYONE who takes care of our children, whether you made them or not, I salute you! Thank for all you do for these little beings (and sometimes medium and big ones) who can be moody, uncooperative, whiny, over-sensitive and angry–but also wonderfully innocent, vulnerable, warm, playful, all-accepting, and sweetly kind. Our children need ALL... [Continue Reading]

Join me on the Stepmom’s Tool Box radio show Monday evening!

Jennifer — Mon, 03 May 2010 03:44:54 +0000

I’ll be gabbing with my good friends, stepmoms Peggy Nolan and Erin Erickson tonight on the Stepmom’s Tool Box radio show (Monday, May 3rd / 8:00-9:00 p.m. EST). Have a burning question you’d like to ask? Disagree or agree with a recent post? Please come join us, I’d love to hear from you! Any and... [Continue Reading]

Why I sometimes want to give up too

Jennifer — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 05:29:57 +0000

Most of our readers are stepmoms. This makes sense to me because it’s the stepmoms who are locked out of the house, waiting outside in the snow. The dads have a lot of power, because, hey, these are their kids and they get the final say. And the moms certainly have a lot of power... [Continue Reading]

Taming the cobra – Part 3

Jennifer — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 18:21:42 +0000

(New here? Subscribe to our RSS Feed or via email. Follow us on Facebook or Twitter. Check out excerpts from our book or audio book, and join us on the forum.) Feeling like there’s an enemy in your midst can be really stressful. This is what a lot of stepmoms and ex-wives that are stuck... [Continue Reading]