Noktah Hitam

Pemandu Perasan Gile

NoktahHitam — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 17:28:10 +0000

There I was, doing 90kmh taking my sweet time over taking cars on the fastest lane. Until I saw an Orange MyVi, I slowed down. There were 2 girls inside the car and I’m not sure they’re hot or not. It was dark and obviously I had to focus on driving.

The driver’s door wasn’t properly shut, so I honked them, worrying of their safety.

I honked again. Raising my hand, trying to get some attention. She looked at me and pretended she didn’t see me.

The third time I honked, she raised her hand as if refusing to communicate. WTF?

Eventhough I am driving a souped-up Gen2 with nasty looks and peeled paints, doesn’t mean I’m trying to get girls on the road! What more while driving! Obviously I know a better technique to get a girl’s number. Shessh. Perasan gile ok!

Down-shifted and sped back to chase the traffic.

It left me puzzled for minute there. Here I am, concerned about their safety while they tried hard to refuse my good-will gesture.

It’ll probably be too late to tell her, “I told you so”, when she’s thrown out of her car.

ps: I can imagine her telling her friends, someone is trying to woo her on the road. Ko igt ko abes comel la?

pss: That’s not my car, in case you’re wondering. Bad ass pipping exhaust, good design but fail air flow.

‘I’m going to tell my son the worst swearword in the world’

NoktahHitam — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 14:48:08 +0000

Funny story, read on.

My eight-year-old son, Joel, comes into my office to ask if there’s a worse swearword than fuck. “No,” I say.

There’s a silence. “You’re lying,” he says.

“There’s none worse than fuck,” I say.

Joel narrows his eyes. “I know you’re lying,” he says. He leaves the room.

On Saturday I take Joel to Chessington World of Adventures. What a crappy theme park! None the less, we have a wonderful day together.

“You’re a great dad!” Joel says as we drive home.

“And you’re a great son!” I reply with a magical twinkle.

We smile lovingly at each other.

“There is a worse swearword than fuck, isn’t there?” says Joel.

“Yes, there is!” I say, still with a magical twinkle.

“What is it?” asks Joel.

“It’s c…” I begin. I stop. “Uh,” I say.

“Tell me,” says Joel. “I swear this is just for me. I’ll never use it. I just need to know. I will never use it on anyone. I swear. Just tell me.”

I feel clammy and hemmed in. “And you won’t tell Mum we had this conversation?” I say.

“I promise,” says Joel. “Mum will never know.”

There’s a silence. “I can’t tell you,” I say.

“Tell me,” says Joel.

“I can’t,” I say.

“Then why did you almost tell me?” Joel yells.

“Because I wasn’t thinking responsibly!” I yell. “I was swept up in the magic of the moment.”

“You have to tell me,” Joel says. “It’s only fair.”

“Uh,” I say. “I, uh… I…”

I look around the car. For some reason we have an old can of Italian lemonade down on the floor.

“It’s limone,” I say.

There’s a silence.

“Limone?” says Joel.

“That’s the worst swearword of all,” I say. “Limone. But I’m holding you to your promise that you will never use it. OK? Never.”

“Limone?” says Joel. He seems disappointed.

“There’s nowhere to go after limone,” I say. “Limone is the Everest peak of swearing.”

Joel looks out of the window.

“You know,” I say, wisely, “sometimes the mystery is better than the knowing, wouldn’t you say? Sometimes the journey is better than the destination. Anyway, don’t tell Mum.”

We reach the house. Joel rushes inside.

“Mum!” he yells. “Dad told me the worst swearword of all! I know what it is! Limone!”

My wife, Elaine, appears at the top of the stairs, an inscrutable expression on her face. I shrug, anxiously.

A month passes. We go for a weekend away. At the hotel, a boy on a tricycle crashes into Joel.

“Limone,” mutters Joel under his breath.

Another month passes. Joel has a friend round for a sleepover. At 11pm I hear them talking. They’re saying, “Limone” in awed whispers.

“I feel terrible about this,” I say to Elaine. “I’ve tricked my own son. I’m going to tell him that limone isn’t a swearword, and is in fact the Italian word for lemon.” I pause. “I’m going to tell him the actual worst swearword in the world.”

“You are not!” says Elaine.

“I’d rather he was foul-mouthed and accurate than see him like this,” I say. “All because of my stupid, stupid slip of the tongue in the car on the way back from Chessington World of Adventures.”

“You are not going to tell Joel the worst swearword in the world!” Elaine yells.

And so I don’t.

Today, Joel comes into my office. “Hi,” he says.

“Hi,” I say.

There’s a silence.

“Anyway, I’ll see you later,” says Joel. He goes to leave. Then he turns around.

“Oh,” he says. “Cunt.”

Jon Ronson, The Guardian, UK

10 Useful RSS-Tricks and Hacks For WordPress – Smashing Magazine

NoktahHitam — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 02:39:31 +0000

10 Useful RSS-Tricks and Hacks For WordPress – Smashing Magazine. Sweet nifty trick for Wordpress! I’ve never tried this before.

I’ve been wondering for ages, how do I save links that I like and post it directly on my blog. I’ve finally found my way

Drag “Press This” (found in WP Admin > Tools > Tools) to your Browser’s Bookmark bar. It will appear as “Press This”
Go surf the web.
On your bookmark bar, click “Press This”
A popup window will appear along with Editor tool.
Write some gibberish (like this) and hit “Publish”
Tadaa~ Awesome stuff.

Happy “Press This” people.

ps: Jgn salah press sudah.

I’m Just Pissed Off

NoktahHitam — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 00:14:40 +0000

The more I look at it, the more frustrated I become. Unraveling my thoughts made it worst! What more dealing with the same problem, over and over again.

Not sure you follow? Well, I’m talking about spammers at Negaraku.net.

With spammers and bucket loads of bug, I am beginning to worry about the bitter-sour experience the users are facing. Ye lah, I made a solution, then tak maintain. What kind of person am I? And Bat was also kind enough to redesign the interface and yet, I procrastinate. It’s even worst when someone offered to purchase it from me. Ini keje gile!

No way in hell I’ll sell a half baked solution. Back to drawing board.. Go!

Deadline: Saturday.

I Am Unsubscribing You and You

NoktahHitam — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 17:06:50 +0000

Yes, you heard me.

You’re too much fun. You thrive on your love stories on daily basis.
You always talk about your work. It’s too technical and exciting, I kinda like it.
You are a good influence, you think the world revolves around you.
You talk and talk non-stop, not giving room for others to express their emotions. Which is good. Most guys are shy. Such as myself.
You’re rich. You spend your plastic money recklessly.
You’re in fashion. With your striped pants, pink shirt, pointy shoes. You my man is one metro-sexual dude.
You’re so informative, that when you talk, you made it sound funny.
You are so great, you’re giving out advises freely without people asking you.

Let’s face it. We’re not kids anymore.

As egoistic bastard as I can be, I do listen when people talk. I do hear out for any cries. I do lend out a hand to those in need. And I pretty much reserve my ammos.

You might think I’m boasting. Yes I am. At least I know who I am, do you?

ps: I haven’t been called up yet. So I guess, I’m not that good.

For the Numb Nuts

NoktahHitam — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 00:39:27 +0000

Orang yang berfikiran besar, akan bercakap tentang ilmu.
Orang yang berfikiran sederhana, akan bercakap tentang peristiwa.
Orang yang berfikiran rendah, akan bercakap tentang orang lain.
Orang yang berfikiran cetek, akan bercakap tentang diri sendiri.

Now, sit down and think about it. Where do you belong?

ps: I got this from @bat

For the Numb Nuts

NoktahHitam — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 00:39:27 +0000

Now, sit down and think about it. Where do you belong?

ps: I got this from @bat

Tick Tock Tick Tock

NoktahHitam — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 23:35:25 +0000

*Teet Teet* Unlocking my phone with my face flat on the pillow, I was wondering what time it is.

It’s 5.00 am. I’ve been rolling around for 4 hours. It was dreadful. Even an insomniac tablet can’t help me take off. Urggh, I need to learn to shut my brain. STOP THINKING AND SLEEP! YOU’VE GOT A MEETING AT 9am!

*sandwiched my head with 2 pillows*

I passed out. The last time I checked the clock was 6.05 am. Good 2 more hours of sleep.

25 minutes later, a couple of knocks landed on my door. My lovable-living-alarm-system (mom!) never fail to get me off the bed at 6 30am. Now I can’t sleep anymore, I might as well work or do some light reading drawing.

Current record, 7 hours on the bed and still wide awake.

ps: I need a horse tranquilizer. Anyone here a Vet?

Tick Tock Tick Tock

NoktahHitam — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 23:35:25 +0000

*Teet Teet* Unlocking my phone with my face flat on the pillow, I was wondering what time it is.

*sandwiched my head with 2 pillows*

I passed out. The last time I checked the clock was 6.05 am. Good 2 more hours of sleep.

Current record, 7 hours on the bed and still wide awake.

ps: I need a horse tranquilizer. Anyone here a Vet?

Kelantan Lawan Negeri Sembilan Bola (ke Bertumbuk)?

NoktahHitam — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 22:31:41 +0000

I know there was gonna be football, Piala Malaysia Final but I didn’t bother. Not because I’m ignorant or prefer European leagues over local flavor, but because football is a game to play, not watch (unless you are not talented enough, that, I can comprehend). Seriously, I don’t really like watching football.

Having said that, I do follow people from Twitter about the game’s progression. It was mainly a live commentary from Abdus.

Although I do favor Kelantan over Negeri Sembilan, there are things that disgust me. Kelantan fans were throwing fireworks (edited: so was Negeri Sembilan)!

Kelantan fans also decided to take the BBQ party indoors. Darn. (from Blowie)

Soon after match was over, they took the finals onto the streets. Again people, it’s JUST football. (By they, I mean both teams).

Even before the match, Kelantan fans were aggressive. They broke the Gate at Bukit Jalil. (from Yusni Arifin)

I know, they spent hours driving/flying down to KL, get stuck in traffic jams and queued for hours to get a piece of action. In the end, their team failed to shine. I would burn in anger too. But this is no way to face defeat! Take it like a man. Train a little harder and come back next year.

* * * Edited * * *

What happens if they burn down the stadium? Thousands will die. Not to mention those flare thrown,.. Kalau terbakar orang mcm mane?

This isn’t the first time it happened. They even lid fireworks at their own stadium! Ini kerja gile!

To all Kelantan’s aggressive fans, LOSER SIAL.

ps: I personally think these people were never involved in any competitive sports. If they were, they’d be just like the rest of us. Go home and sulk till you fall asleep.

pss: All goals were awesome (except for penalty of course)

Total Freedom

NoktahHitam — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 11:46:33 +0000

They keep telling me, the best tool for a Web Developer is a Mac. Everything is there. I’ve read somewhere also that it’s built for the creative industry. Sadly, I’m not even in the market of buying one, yet.

It’s not really easy designing a web. The process and technology keeps improving by the minute. Even as experienced as I am, I usually get tangled between codes and designs.

Where did I save this? Where did I save that? Can I make it this way? How bout that way? Does this look good? Is this light enough? Minimalist enough? .. the never ending bucket load of questions never cease to end.

Then the software. “Use this, use that. Eh, this is better, use this.” Also series of recommendations on how to free yourself from designs and codes.

Personally, wearing nothing but a towel is TOTAL FREEDOM.

It’s cheapest solution I know, so far. (Try it, you might like it!)

Oh well. Maybe it’s just a series of bad habits I developed when I was in Uni.

ps: Geek meeting with @bat at Taman Connaught tonight. See yah

The Un-sangka-rable Marketing

NoktahHitam — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 09:34:41 +0000

“Dude, let’s go out. Wear something smart ok. I’ll pick you up after Maghrib”

Yeah, someone is paying for a Karoake session and bloody hell, I’m up for it! la La LA La la. Voice check. Ok, I’m good to go. About 7.30pm he picked me up. It was rather weird seeing him wearing a jacket. *Malaysia’s hot ok, no need jacket lah*.

“So where are we heading?”, I wasn’t too sure about the road.

“Somewhere you might like”. He continued driving.

“We’re here”, he said.

“Where is here?”

“Just follow-lah”

It was a hall filled with people wearing business suit. I didn’t bring my glasses, it was almost impossible to see the signs.

“Selamat datang ke…” I held the pamphlet and saw.. it was an MLM meeting or some shit. For a minute there I felt like punching my friend in the face. But it’s not worth breaking a sweat over tedious matter.

I sat there, 2 hours listening to “successful stories”. Non of them were inspiring.

“So what do you think bro? You can join under…”

“Bro, don’t ever call me again”, I interrupted and left him dumbfounded.

ps: Yes dude. I really mean it!

The 100m, 9 Years Ago

NoktahHitam — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 20:02:44 +0000

(Taken from my diary, year 2000, of course edited)

Breathe in, breathe out. This is it. This is the time to rise and shine. This is what I’ve been training for, for the last 3 years.

Remember how you used to do 1,500 sit ups per day? Remember how you used to do push up 1,000 per day? Remember all the running, endlessly? Remember that pylometrics move you did earnestly every single day after rugby training? And people usually had to stop you for dinner? Not to mentioned those calling you crazy?

Yes, I do.

“Loosen up a bit”. The coach (more like manager, as I coached myself) shouted from afar. “No pressure”, he added.

Yeah right! If he was next to me, I’d park my foot up his ass.

On your mark! Everyone got on their lane, excessively trying to lock a perfect footing for the startup. I was still starring at my toes, wondering if I could ever pull this through.

It was the Men’s 100m Final (district level). On my right was the Perak runner, left was the runner-up. I’m sandwiched between two giants. I felt so small. At times like these, I wished they added IQ test on top of sprinting. Unfortunately, it’s a race of the fittest and fastest.

Locking my foot carefully, not to get tied to the staring block. I double checked just to be sure, trying my best to delay the start and pile the pressure on my neighbors.

Get set… The sweet serenity of Kuala Kangsar’s air suddenly became dense. The sky went dark, the crowds were at the edge of their seats.

POW! The gun went off.

Everything shuts down, except for my medulla oblangata. Adrenaline rushed in and out of my muscles. The next second, I was leading the pack. If only it was a 10 meter race, I would’ve been wearing the gold medal by then. Unfortunately Eddie, the race has just begun.

Slowly yet surely, both left and right runner were out-pacing me. No thanks to their genes (and maybe luck).

Half way down the lane, the three of us were side by side, shoulder to shoulder. (More like shoulder to neck, I am a little shorter than them). We were already at top speed. Everything went by so fast. It was pure ecstasy. If you ask any 100m runner, what is the hardest thing to do? It’ll definitely be maintaining top-speed. Yes, I too struggled at that time, so were my competitions.

This meter they took the lead, the next I snatched from the them. It was like 3 kids fighting over the same candy.

80m mark. We were still head to head. Having to run 100m for the past 3 years, I have developed an ultimate plan, or mind set. This is where you imagine something precious is falling and you need to catch it before it hits the ground. I imagined my mom.

At the end of the line, I dived. Plunging myself through the air and into the ground and pretty much smashed my face. I had nothing left to give and that pretty much was the last push of the day.

Laying down, looking at the sky, I know and I admitted, I lost. I finished forth.

Still laying down, I crossed my feet, tucked my palms under my head, just like a mat-salleh enjoying his last day of summer and closed my eyes. I wanted to burst in tears but some part of my anatomy told me not to. It wasn’t ego. It was empathy. Of wanting others to excel before you.

I knew it there and then, I wasn’t the only one giving my best. I’m sure the rest did.

As I dragged my feet across the hall to my dormitory, a few batch mates asked about the result. “Kenape tak bole menang bro?” they fired a difficult question. Still exhausted and moody, I replied,”sebab aku yang lari, bukan kau. Kalau kau lari mesti menang!“. Pun, very much intended.

* * *

A few months later, I learned the gold and silver medalist won state’s level. No surprise really, because that day, I clocked 11.03 secs. It was my personal best.

Quote: Reasoning won’t help you win.

To this day, whenever I lost something, be it business opportunity, turned down job offer or having girl troubles, I’d recall this painful memory. And you have to admit, some things are just meant to be.

ps: Thanks AzmanIshak sebab lepak pastu belanje aku teh-tarik. Khamis ni Qiilans87 plak blanje MekDi. Bestnye buat theme free!

Funny Feeling

NoktahHitam — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 17:55:58 +0000

It’s funny. When you feel like writing something, you’re lost for words.

When you’re down flat on your back, you want to write something, but instead you prioritize your sleep. For me, sleep comes first because feeling sleepy is not something that comes by easily. (The usual is 2 days awake, 1 day sleep.)

Thanks to Dr. KJL, he gave me 10 insomniac tablets. Time to correct my biological clock people.

ps: Sorry Ain for not helping your puncture tyre. Thankfully everything went well.

LiteTheme – Live Blogger, Free WP Theme

NoktahHitam — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 03:12:05 +0000

You can check it out at http://dev.litetheme.com/mrblog/

Designed for those who loves to LiveBlog from mobile phone via email to flickr. Also suitable for photoblog or portfolio. There are 6 widgets area. It’s only a matter of drag and drop. Main page, one column style. Single page, 2 columns with sidebar on the left right. Tested and worked with standard WP plugins. 100% CSS and introduced some CSS3 Elements. Can be seen on Firefox (Gecko) and Chrome & Safari (Webkit).

2 days from scratch. Not bad for an old man huh?

Hopefully when weekend arrives, I’ll be able to complete the full blown coding. I’ll probably throw in some jQuery stuff and something I picked up very recently. Let’s just hope it’s not much of a hassle.

As far as I’m concerned, everything is order. Till then, good night!

Interested in using the theme? Subscribe to LiteTheme’s twitter and I’ll keep you posted. Comments are very much welcome.

Mirror download.
Features

There are 6 Widget ready area. 1 for advertisement, 1 for right bar, 4 for the bottom row.
Automatically extracts the first image from your post. No need to manually update excerpt.
Very light. Minus the unused graphic, it should stand below 80kb.
Specifically designed for Live Bloggers who uses Flickr to update their blog.

Changelog

Version 1.0

Completed. Looking forward to add some javascript to spice up the theme
IE 7, Firefox 3, Chrome and Safari compatible (thankfully doesn’t require me to pull my hair out!)
Needs Option Page. Will explore a little more on that soon.

ps: As part of my ongoing effort to kill IE 6, I will NOT waste my time to troubleshoot the lazy outdated browser. Come on guys, it’s time to upgrade.