Noodleproof Soup

2012-01-21T19:31:00.000-05:00

After 38 years I've decided it's finally time to reveal my gender to myself.

2011-12-11T22:41:00.000-05:00

Since his firing Penn State's 2 minute drill has become much more efficient because they don't have to wait for him to finish his story about how they used to be only 1 minute long when he was a kid.

Shameless Self Promotion - ACT NORMAL AND NO ONE GETS HURT

2011-10-25T10:09:00.002-04:00

You are normal as long as you tell yourself you are
normal as long as you tell yourself you are
normal as long as you tell yourself you are
normal as long as you tell yourself you are
normal tell yourself you are
normal tell yourself you are
normal tell yourself you are
normal you are
normal you are
normal you are
... normal?
 
ACT NORMAL AND NO ONE GETS HURT
An Evening of Monologues
Written by Michael D. Sepesy and Steve Maistros
Directed by Chris Johnston
Featuring Sarah Kunchik, Allen Branstein, Mark Rabant, Joe Milan, Doug
Kusak, Amy Bistok Bunce, Christine Fallon, and John Busser
 
November 3, 4, 5 and 10,11,12
The Oboe Gallery
8308 Lake Road
Cleveland, OH 44102
 
All shows are at 8pm.  Suggested accepted donation accepted at the
door (we suggest $2.6 million dollars, but may settle for less).
 
visit us on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/#!/events/257059207669521/http://www.facebook.com/#!/oboecleveland
visit The Oboe at

2011-09-23T15:05:00.000-04:00

Below is my analysis of the highlights of the beginning of the Lingerie Football League schedule with a detailed breakdown of the most pertinent information about the league, teams, players and coaches that matter most to dedicated LFL fans.

WEEK 1 - Nobody's top fell off.

Join us next week for further analysis of the top stories from the LFL 2011-12 season.

2011-09-15T15:58:00.000-04:00

The liquor store is NOT having a 50% off Back To School sale so I should stop sending my kids in to buy stuff for me (or so I have been told repeatedly).

2011-09-09T11:10:00.000-04:00

CNN just had a very moving and emotional memorial marking the ten year anniversary of the outstanding Nielson ratings they were getting after 9/11.

2011-09-07T10:33:00.000-04:00

Well ... the latest prospect fell through. Another case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong resume and wrong education and the wrong hygiene and the wrong time to not have pants on and the wrong tendency to show strangers my appendix scar and the wrong scar and the wrong time to prove what a hard worker I am by licking the interviewer's desk clean. I just have no luck at all.

2011-08-27T23:47:00.000-04:00

I'm Pro Kitty and I vote.

2011-08-23T15:39:00.000-04:00

We gave our co-worker a real ribbing about trying to "Stop, Drop and Roll" during the earthquake. That's for a fire, you dope! We had a good laugh about it until he tried to deny it with that old, "I'm having a seizure ... I need immediate medical attention" line. Nice try, dude.

2011-08-16T14:42:00.000-04:00

Eating the remnants of your neighbor's dinner out of their garbage can is not technically considered Upcycling (or so I've been told).

2011-07-27T16:11:00.002-04:00

To appeal to Iowa voters I'm going to keep my message as pro-corn and anti-corn abortions as possible.

2011-07-25T22:47:00.000-04:00

I personally don't think that doctors communicate enough so with my patients I am open to honestly and candidly answering any possible question they have with the only exception being, "are you sure you're a real doctor?"

2011-07-25T14:16:00.003-04:00

Took a first aid class yesterday. Here's an interesting tidbit. When you encounter a choking person in a restaurant it is considered improper to finish the victim's dessert before administering the Heimlich maneuver.

2011-07-23T09:39:00.002-04:00

It's so hot out you can fry an egg on the sidewalk, but I suppose you want one of your fancy properly cooked gravel-free eggs don't you, you elitist bastard?

2011-07-18T22:37:00.000-04:00

If you could shoot humidity I'd be gun shopping as we speak.

2011-07-14T10:38:00.000-04:00

TODAY'S CELEBRITY INSIDER REPORT - She'd never say this in public, but in private conversations with friends Oprah wonders what use it is being the most powerful woman in the world if you can't also shoot lightning bolts from your vagina.

2011-07-12T13:51:00.000-04:00

Today marks exactly one Neptunian year since the planet was discovered. Next Tuesday will mark the anniversary of when scientists were finally able to differentiate between Uranus and a hole in the ground.

2011-07-09T23:00:00.000-04:00

Congrats to major leaguer pitcher Ted "Uncontrollable Muscle Spasm" McGinty for joining the 3000 balk club.

2011-07-08T22:16:00.000-04:00

TODAY'S NEWS - A young cancer patient broke royal protocol and rushed into the arms of Princess Kate today. The newest member of the Royal Family was so touched by the gesture that she asked her bodyguards to taser the girl on the lowest possible setting.

2011-07-03T22:31:00.000-04:00

Watching a History Channel special about the American Revolution. It seemed the whole thing started because the British wanted a salary cap.

2011-07-01T14:47:00.002-04:00

It's a little known fact that the Declaration of Independence would have been adopted in late June, but the Continental Congress was delayed when signer Button Gwinnett ran into the session and declared, "I've got a carriage full of fireworks outside, dudes ... let blow some shit up!!!". Button Gwinnett put the art in party.

2011-06-29T22:08:00.000-04:00

The Chicago Cubs seem to be running out of celebrities. Tonight Muammar Gaddafi is singing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game".

2011-06-29T09:10:00.001-04:00

Never go to a fireworks show sponsored by a company that makes prosthetic limbs.

2011-06-27T15:28:00.000-04:00

Supposedly an asteroid the size of a tour bus will narrowly miss hitting the Earth today. Are we talking a U2 sized tour bus or a Winger reunion tour with only one original member only playing Midwestern rib cook-offs sized tour bus? I need to know whether I should bring the cat in.

2011-06-22T22:43:00.000-04:00

I tried to help this guy ghost write a book, but I could never see what I was typing with that sheet over my head.