Northern Misfit

From Script to Panel

noreply@blogger.com (Avindair) — Wed, 29 Jan 2020 20:31:00 +0000

Portal to the Past

noreply@blogger.com (Avindair) — Sun, 25 Mar 2018 18:43:00 +0000

A FORGOTTEN TREASURE

I'd nearly forgotten about this blog.

That might seem impossible, but it's true. Life just got in the way. When your days are filled being paid to do something you used to do for free, it's easy to lose track of the coping mechanisms you had in the past. I forgot about this blog because I didn't need it any longer.

There's much I could write about since my last entry in 2014: The discovery of a tumor in my bladder, and the all-clear signal two years on; My son's move to his own place, and, eventually, out of state; Sporty Girl's numerous surgeries to find a tumor in her chest, and its subsequent removal and all-clear call; The arrival of our first granddaughter to Sporty Girl; ...and so much more. Life has been terrifying, heart-breaking, and triumphant. In other words, life has been life, and I won't write about any of those events for a very simple reason: I'd do every one of them a disservice.

This blog was always about immediacy, about the pain and few victories of the moment. Those things we've endured since 2014 -- all life-changing, all powerful, all signposts on the way to the grave -- deserve more than a dispassionate recollection. Suffice it, then, to say that they happened, and that I'm a genuinely better man for each and every one of them.

That's not to say our lives have more stress and turmoil than others. That's nonsense. It's just that we cope with it all in a completely different way than we did before. Having stared headlong into the idea that the number of days I had ahead might be very few indeed made me appreciate that each morning above the roses was a gift to be cherished, not one to be endured. It also made me realize that, ultimately, I am where I am today because of each tiny choice I made along life's journey. To complain about my circumstances would be to rage against life itself.

What's the point in that?

Life is to live, to enjoy, and to cherish. That, in the end, is what counts.

If there is anything I'd like people to take from this post --and from this blog as a whole -- it's this: Don't take life too seriously. Remember, folks, none of us are getting out of this alive. Might as well enjoy the roller coaster ride while it lasts.

A MOTLEY CREW

I'd be foolish if I didn't acknowledge that this blog, really, served as a production diary for Pray for Daylight, as well as a venue by which I shared my thoughts about micro-budget film making. I'd be even more remiss if I didn't address the cast of characters that offered humanity to what was otherwise an intensely introspective affair. As such, here's a quick breakdown of where everyone is as if the end of March, 2018:

MAGICMARMOT:

Jovial, funny, and supportive MagicMarmot -- in that baffling way that people in the U.S. do now -- stopped regularly communicating with us back in 2011. By 2014 we only chanced upon him at CONvergence, and by 2017, he'd made it clear to Garrett -- whom he sheltered during a particularly bad time -- that he was "dealing with his own thing" and didn't feel comfortable coming over any longer.

That's a shame. I'd love to have him here for some good old fashioned pencil and paper role playing game sessions.

If he is to stumble across this message himself, I'll just say this: Give us a call. We'd love to see you again.

I had thought that he'd still been volunteering for Transylvania Television in town, but a quick check of their IMDB page indicates he stopped that in 2012. I have no idea if he is doing anything these days in the film making arena.

MLRF:

My Lovely Red-Headed Friend (MLRF) moved to Chicago, dumped her skeevy boyfriend, found a good guy, got married, and moved to San Francisco. She works for a solid company out in the Bay Area, and chronicles her life regularly on the various social media platforms.

SpousalGoddess and I spent a weekend with she and her husband in June of 2016. They were kind hosts, but the Bay Area left both Spousal and I wanting. Still, she's active on our social media pages, and often has kind things to say.

After doing quite a bit of cutting-edge theater out in Chicago, as well as a lot of extra work on shows like Kelsey Grammer's Boss, she's left performing behind. She now finds her outlet as a writer, and is currently working on a memoir of those days in the Twin Cities.

SAVEAU:

Saveau's marriage dissolved, despite heroic efforts on his part to keep it together. As such, he's actually come back into our lives over the past few months. He's dealing with that life-change in an amazing way, and I'm glad to be able to talk to him directly once again.

While Saveau was always a much better actor than he cared to admit, he has no interest in pursuing that craft any further. As such, the demise of Stone Soup Films marked the end of his acting career.

GARRETT:

Garrett nearly moved out of state, but last-minute complications kept that from happening. He's since bought himself an affordable bachelor-pad home, and manages a bar and grill. He's come to enjoy the upper Midwest, and the quiet that it offers.

Garrett has left the film and theater world behind. Like many of us, he finds that there aren't enough hours in the day, nor energy left in his tank to consider doing anything else with his time. It's a shame, really; he's a fantastic actor, and one who should honestly have hit it big.

SPOUSALGODDESS

Spousal's MS diagnosis spelled the end to her acting career in 2009. While she had to turn down some wonderful roles in local theater that were offered directly to her, she's always kept the priority of work in her mind first.

Despite her diagnosis, she's thrived in her career. She's been promoted, and is looking to be promoted again soon as well. Lastly, her new role as a Grandmother to our wonderful little MicroNerd fills her with a joy that no stage or screen could provide.

If she misses acting she never says a word about it. She's far happier working on the house, traveling abroad with me, and painting miniatures for gaming at home than she ever was donning the leather pants of Cassie Banning. While she's proud of her work in our projects, she's happy to have left it all behind.

SUPPORTING CAST

While I didn't do anything to learn about these individuals from those early years of the 2000s, life offered that information up to me without any effort. In the spirit of closure:

MissMollyGrue ended up as a clerk at a for-profit film school and, to the best of my knowledge, made a couple of short films, and never made a full-length movie.

ConradZero's band "Jagged Spiral" -- the same band that scored Pray for Daylight -- played a few gigs in the early 2000s, then split up. Afterwards, he became active in the local SF and Fantasy writing community, and has a few pieces available online.

Baylor pursued his interest in AI, opened, then closed a game company, and never did anything with filmmaking ever again.

Colin and Jess broke up, and Colin apparently ended up with an amazing new partner; When we ran into Jess at CONvergence 2017, she was precisely the same as she had been in 2004.

The Lead "Horror, Incorporated" Producer orchestrated a brief theater-based revival of "Horror, Incorporated" in 2005 that went over like a drunken celelbutante on a visit to Phuket. Afterwards his wife divorced him, two other film projects failed to get funding, and, as of this writing, he hasn't made a film or TV project since.

PAST IS PROLGUE

If there's a theme to these stories, it's this: Nobody who worked on the Stone Soup Films stuff is involved in film making any longer.

Except for, you know, me.

I've written a dozen or so videos (okay, corporate videos, but still,) edited as many, and even directed four more with real-life, honest-to-goodness production teams over the past four years. Heck, just last Wednesday I was given a script concept, and by the end of the day had a draft written with storyboards to boot.

Best part? That's not even the part of my job that I like that much any more.

The irony behind this experience is this: I stumbled into film making, endured a hell of a lot of flack for how I did things...but in the end, I must have been doing something right, because I'm still standing.

I won't lie: That feels good.

I wasn't lying about film making not being the part I like any longer. My professional focus has, since 2016, been Unity, and Virtual Reality (VR).. The promise of VR technology is as exciting today as the Internet was in 1990. I'm loving what I'm learning, and I hope to ride its rise right into retirement.

Oh, yeah, and I did make my own little VR experience, too, because, well, why not?:

So, finally, after all the blood, sweat, tears, and fury, I'm actually paid to create things. Does that mean that I'll eventually get back to making my own movies again?

Not on your life.

I have less than zero desire to make my own movies any longer. If you're curious as to why, just re-read this blog.

Nonetheless, I'm now in year four of a career I built because of those experiences. For that, I'll forever be grateful.

WHITHER "DISCARDED LIVES"

If there's been a real casualty to my new career, it's been Discarded Lives. As much as I'd like to finish it, I don't have the time nor the energy to devote to it any longer. I'll be closing down the site shortly, and just writing it off to a failed creative endeavor. Lord knows it won't be the first.

THE DAYS AHEAD

What does this mean for this blog?

Honestly, I can't tell you. Northern Misfit existed as a way for me to vent, to connect to other creatives, and, honestly, to set the record straight during some awful shit-talking times I endured between 2005 and 2009. Now? I don't need any of that. I have a job I love, co-workers I like, and I work on professional productions. I'm happy. Simply put, there's not a lot of reason for me to vent here any more.

As problems go, those are the kind you want to have.

I wish I could promise that I'd write here more, but the truth is I have enough on my plate these days. I might occasionally drop an article, but I won't make any more promises. These days I know that I can only do what I can do...and I'm okay with that.

As for now, I won't say good-bye, but I will say "See you later." After all, you never know what lies around the corner.

Tony Bruno
March 2018

Stone Soup Films Closure

noreply@blogger.com (Avindair) — Tue, 10 Feb 2015 21:40:00 +0000

LOOKING BACK AT LOSS

I haven't touched this blog for far too long.

My mistake. I'll rectify it going forward.

Much has happened since the days where I used to share my world with strangers. Some of those things have been good. Much has been bad. All of it has been important. Having turned to this blog to remind myself of days that now seem impossibly long ago, I realize now that these past few years need to be recorded.

I just don't know where to start.

So I won't. I'll start with an ending.

On May 8 of 2011, I closed the Stone Soup Films Yahoo Group for good. It was a largely symbolic act. Back-biting, passive-aggression, and production fatigue had killed the group years earlier. By the opening year of this century's second decade, I had neither the interest nor the patience to try to do anything with what had become a bitter reminder of better days. Better to shutter its doors and move on.

Since I'd closed the group's public access years before, my final message wasn't public knowledge. Today, I rectify that oversight.

The following message was shared on the Stone Soup Films Yahoo Group on 8 May 2011:

---
To Anyone Who Still Reads This Update --

A FAREWELL TO ARMS

Stone Soup Films is no more.

This really isn't news to anybody. The last major project produced by this entity was finished five years ago. In the time since there has only been a single one-man shoot, two trailers, and a script that ultimately went nowhere.

This group will be kept in place as an archive of the efforts of a bunch of talented amateurs with too much money and time on their hands. Though we never produced art, we did, in the end, manage to produce entertainment.

Though there have been many others who joined us along the way, I think it's only fitting that I close this group out with a message to those original five who started the madness. To all others I can only offer my gratitude for any of the help you offered us in years past.

To Rick:

I'm happy we managed to bring at least a semblance of your "Cassie Banning" to life. I just hope that, going forward, you understand that it's as important to embrace your own hopes and dreams as it is to support others.

To Christopher & Genevieve:

You were both dragged into the whole movie-making thing unwillingly. Movies were never your thing: You just wanted to game. I'd apologize for the sudden shift of personal activity in our group, but I honestly can't. It's just who we were at the time. Besides, you never, ever, just said "No," when a camera was anywhere nearby.

I hope you find some measure of happiness in your life.

To Baylor:

Thanks for letting us use your camera. Thanks for buying the external hard drives. Thanks for showing me what an "Alpha" did in Premiere in 2002. Thanks for having the props with which to make our movies.

Sadly, having re-read the archive as a way of reaching closure, I'm afraid that's where my gratitude for your contribution ends. I recognize now that many of the problems we faced can be traced right back to you. I wish I'd seen that more clearly years ago.

Good luck in your future endeavors.

Kristi:

Thanks for letting us record you, for hurting your knee on that dowel, for taking a katana to the hand, and to enduring a tremendous amount of back-biting from a surprising number of quarters. I know that acting was never more than a diversion for you, but I regret how much it took out of you.

Most all, thanks for being "Cassie" for us. She's not you, and never has been. I'm just glad your survived relatively unscathed.

LOOKING BACK

Stone Soup Films managed to do a lot in its time. Between 2002 and 2005 we:

Produced "Steve the Vampire"
Produced "The Chickenshit Syndrome"
Produced "The Thing That Happened"
Produced "Pray for Daylight: Hunter"
Co-Produced two seasons of "Horror, Incorporated" for KSTC Channel 45
Produced "Pray for Daylight", a feature-length indie movie.

That's not bad for a group of people who made movies with left-over change in their personal budgets, and equipment they could beg, borrow and steal.

Did we ever produce award-winning material? Nope. But -- with the exception "The Chickenshit Syndrome" -- we also didn't produce any real steaming turds.

Did we ever aim high and utterly miss the mark? Just watch "Pray for Daylight" and you'll have that answer.

Did we make mistakes? Of course.

Did we make movies of which we could be proud? Absolutely.

Did we embarrass other, more classically-trained teams? Without question.

Did we push ourselves too hard, and ultimately burn out? Yes.

Stone Soup Films was never really more than a garage-band of filmmakers. We got together, made movies for fun, and were tickled when people liked them. When they didn't, our trusty response "Well, make your own damned movie" meant something because that's exactly what we'd done. We knew from personal experience that, if we could do it, anyone could.

No matter what happened during the making of our little products, we should all be proud of what we accomplished.

THE "WHY" OF THE END

So, why did we stop making movies?

It stopped being fun.

Though I'm more proud of the later efforts, the movie of which I am most fond is "Steve the Vampire". No, it's not a good movie, but it was hands-down the most fun movie we ever made.

I look back at how green we were back then and I laugh. We had no idea what we were doing, yet, despite that, we never gave up. We made a little movie for $125.00 in under 2 months. It was clumsy, silly, and cliched, but it still managed to be entertaining. I'll always be proud of that.

Unfortunately, after that it all became work. Our group -- who had really only come together to play games, mind you -- started spending all of our time working on movies. In my case in particular, Stone Soup Films became my second job, with "Horror, Incorporated" acting as my third.

Too much.

All of this ignores the real point, however: We only ever made movies in order to have friends up here in the Great White North. The same group of people who shot "Steve" were also our gaming buddies. We enjoyed these people's company. That we could make something more solid and less ephemeral than a gaming experience was exciting.

After four years, though, we didn't feel the need to forgo family vacations, home improvements, and investment money all to keep people coming over to our home. Sadly, the moment we stopped was the moment that many of them vanished from our life. One does not necessarily lead to the other, but their loss is still felt.

WHAT'S NEXT

Stone Soup Films is finished. This group will remain an archive to recall what was made by a bunch of overly-creative IT folks.

I don't know yet if I'll ever make another movie. Should I decide to produce again, it will be under another production group. Depending on where we are at the time, I may or may not work with the same people. It all just depends on things which I can't foresee.

Either way, Stone Soup Films is finished.

Thanks for having read this group throughout the years. It's time to put it all to bed.

Good luck to everyone.

Tony Bruno
--

Stone Soup Film passed on, but didn't die Within months I noted that the name "Stone Soup Films" had been nabbed by a film-making organization dedicated to share the stories behind numerous non-profits. I couldn't blame them for grabbing the name -- it's catchy -- but I have to admit that I was annoyed to see the sands of time bury our efforts so quickly.

Stone Soup Films was dead.

Long live Stone Soup Films.

WEIGHING WORTH

It's been years since I've seen the people who started Stone Soup Films. Chris and Gen moved out of state. Baylor fell out of contact. Rick was forbidden to see us by his wife, for reasons that, sadly, don't baffle us. In the end, film-making -- started, as it was, with a question, and pursued as a lark by a group of friends around a gaming table -- ended up costing us the very friends who made it happen.

Was it worth it?

Absolutely.

1. It Kept Us Sane

As I've written before, our first two years in Minneapolis were extremely lonely. When filmmaking entered our life, it gave us a ready-made way to meet people and to remain productive during our downtime.

When I look back at 2002 - 2004 now, I realize that, had I not been making films, I likely would have driven us out of state into a challenge we might not have been financially able to face. Staying allowed SpousalGoddess to grow her career into what it is today, and afforded us the ability to send our son to college debt-free. For that, I thank Stone Soup Films.

2. It Taught Us Tons

Everyone knows that making a movie is hard work. What most people don't know is how much goes into every single project. Making a movie requires:

Project Management
Creative Direction
Personnel Management and Support
Script Development
Logistical Management
Conflict Resolution

...and that's pretty much all before you call "Action!" for the first shot.

Stone Soup Films was a crash course in all of those skills. While it was exhausting, and yes, it did cost money out our pockets, it was a helluva lot cheaper than a film school.

Of course, some would argue -- and not without reason -- that all of the time, money, and effort we poured into our film-making endeavors and subsequent DAVE School trek would have been better put towards a Master's or even a Doctorate degree. After all, at least in those cases I would have had something to show for all of my work beyond "Lookit the purty pictures I done made!"

Well, as it happened...

3. It Got Me Work

On 30 January 2014, I was informed that my IT job -- along with the entire team, for which I was a Lead -- would be laid off as of 31 March. I was handed a handsome severance package, and wished well on my future endeavors.

When I walked out the door of what had been one of the worst jobs of my life on 31 March, I had no plans to look for work for the next month. I needed to clear my head from what had been a soul-crushing half a decade. More importantly, I had to remember who I was again, before I dived into something new.

Eight days later I landed a job as a 3D Modeler and Animator at a local company.

That's where I am today. I build complex 3D models for an engineering firm, I compose shots, cut video in Premiere, and sweeten it in After Effects. Better still, I work with my own son, who sits down the hall from me doing the same work. I wouldn't be here if it hadn't been for Stone Soup Films. Far more than DAVE School, I owe my income -- and in no small way, so does my son -- to our Stone Soup Films work.

Not bad for something that started with a 1 CCD TRV-350, handheld flashlights, and a gaffer-taped boom microphone in 2002.

4. It Showed Us Dragons

We met a lot of people through our Stone Soup Films efforts. At the height of our production schedule, SpousalGoddess and I were out-and-about three or four days a week, rubbing elbows with no less than a dozen different people whom we considered friends.

Eleven years later, in the era of Facebook, Twitter, and every other digital stalking medium you can imagine, we've lost track of every single one of those people.

The people who we considered friends, simply put, weren't. Film-making introduced us to a class of person with whom we'd not yet become acquainted: The "Hanger-On." These people wanted to know us only so long as we were making a project that they could attach their name to, and thus gain some notoriety. The moment -- and I do mean the moment -- we stopped making films, these people -- some of whom we thought of as dear friends -- vanished from our lives.

That was a hard lesson.

Even more troubling was the discovery of how petty and vindictive some of the most charming of these people turned out to be. We learned first-hand the pain of being derided by people suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder who -- unfortunately -- had a circle of people under their thrall. The shock we felt as we saw once friendly faces turn to enemies once we were no longer deemed "useful" shook us to our core.

While both of those lessons are hard ones, they're also incredibly useful. Charm and charisma no longer win us over as they once did ; now, the quality of a person's character -- gathered from honest interaction and careful observation -- means far more. While it makes for quieter days and nights for us now, it also means we no longer have the drama we once faced.

5. It Made Us Love Movies Again

Want to like a bad movie? Try making one yourself.

When I watch movies now, I'm amazed by the products that I see. Yes, I know that major films have massive teams, and yes, I understand that it's a business for them, but that doesn't diminish the awe that I feel. Movies today are spectacular, like Guardians of the Galaxy, or witty and smart, like Gone Girl. Even turd-burglers like Jupiter Ascending display amazing art design, and jaw-dropping visual effects. Those alone justify the ticket price.

When I see a shot in a movie, part of my brain imagines the camera, the crew, the marks, and the myriad other pieces that make the illusion happen behind the scenes. The rest? The rest enjoys what these folks do, and do well.

So yes, folks. Yes, Stone Soup Films was worth the effort.

***

Now Stone Soup Films -- my team, my production group -- is gone. It's gone and it's never coming back.

That's okay. Yes, it's always hard to say good-bye to things in life, but it's important that we do. We have to make room for new things after all. For SpousalGoddess and I, well, we have a lot of room to make now.

...but that's a post for another day.

So...Is This Dead?

noreply@blogger.com (Avindair) — Mon, 16 Dec 2013 15:54:00 +0000

I haven't updated this site in over a year. By any definition, that seems pretty dead.

Thing is, Northern Misfit is not dead. It's not shagged-out, nor is it pining for the fjords. It's waiting.

SpousalGoddess and I have some very big changes coming up in our lives soon. Very big. When those hit, I intend to outline the real reasons for my silence here. Then this site will have another, more exciting purpose to fulfill.

I wish I could say more. I really do. Suffice it to say, in this era of corporate monitoring of every form of public communication, the less I say now, the better.

Until that time, this site will remain quiet. Until that time, it will remain a window into the past. For now this site reminds me of a time when my kids were small, where my son and I camped out for an XBox360, and where my moving into the VFX field seemed like a real possibility. It's also a reminder that, once upon a time, I made movies.

In the meantime, check out Discarded Lives. That's my active site, and is part of the reason I've been quiet. While I won't be as personal there as I was here, it's still a way to stay connected.

I leave you with this image from the Volume One cover of Discarded Lives.

Until the change comes, folks...

It's Alive!

noreply@blogger.com (Avindair) — Thu, 25 Oct 2012 14:23:00 +0000

Discarded Lives is now officially a "thing."

Twenty-two months after fiddling with Poser figures in Lightwave 10 and thinking "I should really get back to that comic project..." the first issue is now starting its daily march to online publication.

I don't have much too say about the comic here; that's what the Discarded Lives blog is all about. I will, however, offer this thought:

Wow, it feels good to be back.

Discarded Lives -- Teaser Poster

noreply@blogger.com (Avindair) — Tue, 23 Oct 2012 15:01:00 +0000

Next up: The website and the first issue release.

"Discarded Lives" -- Issue One Is In The Can

noreply@blogger.com (Avindair) — Sun, 21 Oct 2012 14:42:00 +0000

I finished Issue 1 of "Discarded Lives" yesterday.    I didn't intend to. In fact, when I reached the ending I was caught by surprise.

How is that possible? How can a writer and artist not know where he is on a project?

Simple: When the artist and writer is blazing a new trail in how to tell a story along the way.

"Discarded Lives" presented a mountain of technical and creative issues to be surmounted on its journey to the first 'To Be Continued' placard. Given that, it's forgivable for the artist to be surprised by the first metaphorical oasis along the way.

"Discarded Lives" gestation was half creative exercise and half technical workflow generation. Many will tell you that figuring out processes like this will "take time." I'm here to say that, in this case, it took twenty-two on-and-off months. As with many things in life, if I'd realized how hard it would be to lock down a workflow, I'm not sure I would have started in the first place.

Once I'd knocked out many of the technical issues (an issue I'll discuss in another post) I focused on how to tell the tale I'd been noodling over for a the last five years. Did I go with my standard Gaimanesque method of detailed descriptions of each frame, and with each comic page taking up to several pages of prose? Or did I try the Ditko / Lee model that I'd worked a bit with from my Storm Productions days?

I decided to be daring: I'd try the first half of the book as a Ditko / Lee comic, and then do a "sanity check" at that point to see how I felt about doing things that way.

Here's the thing:   It turns out that I'm a lousy Ditko / Lee comic writer. Oh, I turned out some nice visuals, and I did work in some readable prose, but damned if it all didn't feel awkward. Yes, I knew where the story was going, but I didn't feel like I had any real control over the moments. I needed that sheet of music in front of me before I could play a tune to which anyone would want to listen.

My decision was nade. Once I'd posted the first half of the comic to Facebook as a teaser (which, to be fair, went over like a lead balloon), I picked up Final Draft Writer for my iPad, along with a wonderful Zagg keyboard, and went back to a grind of crafting prose for my comic book.

That's when I got my first big surprise: Writing prose for "Discarded Lives" wasn't a grind: It was fun. The characters spoke to me, as did the mystery I wanted to lay out and the world in which they lived. I knocked out the first script within a week (and, yes, have been reducing and tweaking it ever since,) and within a space of a day knocked out the detailed treatment for Issue 2. Writing again -- just sitting and letting the story flow through me like it had in days long gone -- felt wonderful. Sure, it was for a silly web-and-iDevice-based comic, but it was my story, my characters, and my world again. Writing allowed me to feel like me again for the first time in over three years.

Once the script was completed I dove into the art side of the project. Thumbnails came together quickly, as did the list of custom props I'd need for the 3D packages I'd use. Building those props was -- and remains -- one of my favorite zen exercises, so that was a joy. Then it was back to setting the stage, lighting the set, and finally the "action" of shooting the frames and working with them in Photoshop.

Tedious? For some I could see how it would be. For me, though, the process was clean, quick, and more fun than any video game I'd ever played. I was building something here. From now on my hours of mouse-clicks on an avatar would result in a product to share with others. How could I not love doing this?

Most exciting of all, though, was the speed of the final workflow. With a finished script, thumbnails, and set pieces, I could knock out pages quickly. Two pages per day was practically no effort, whilst four was possible, if tiring. Regardless, either number is insanely quick. I felt like like a kid who'd discovered the teacher's edition of the book right before a test. I tried not to grin when I locked down a new page in under two hours, but I failed miserably.

Which brings me to yesterday.

When I knocked out my allotment of pages yesterday (four, for those who are curious,) I assembled them in my comic app and made an embarrassing realization: As scripted, the first issue would be over 40 pages long.

Forty pages? Really?

Crap. That was just too damned long.

Comic books run between 22 and 27 pages in length. Much like a screenplay, each page of a comic should correspond to roughly one minute of "viewing" time in a film or on TV. In other words, comics are essentially pen-and-ink sitcoms with superheroes and unlimited budgets.

There are longer comics, of course, but that wasn't my goal. I wanted this comic project to be readable in standard lengths. Yet here I stood, twenty-two pages into the project, with eighteen pages left to go for the first issue.

And lo, did I crap myself.

Then, just by chance, I looked down and saw Issue 11 of "Batman: Dark Knight" on my wife's desk. I'd read and appreciated the story, but had found the ending -- or lack of the same -- extremely unsatisfying. I'd just felt like I was getting into the characters and their peril when the story came to a halt. I'd wanted more, and felt a little cheated that all I'd gotten was an introduction to the tale…

…and that's when the proverbial light bulb exploded over my head and jammed a piece of glass into my brain.

Issue 1 was nearly completed. I had the perfect stopping point only two pages on. The next scene was both a logical and dramatic hook for this comic project. Sure, it didn't wrap up the chapter like I'd originally intended, but it did provide a twist and a hint of peril to spur readers on to the next issue.   It wasn't perfect, but it was already scripted, and it would serve the purpose well.

So, I did it.

I built and textured the final set piece in under fifteen minutes, lit and rendered the shots, and knocked out the final two pages -- which, of course, turned out to be two of the most special effects-heavy pages -- of the book before the close of the day.

And lo, I was knackered.

Then it hit me: Issue 1 of "Discarded Lives" was completed.

Holy crap.

Even bettter, Issue 2 is now scripted as well (save an intro piece that I want to add now.) and Issue 3 has a complete treatment that only needs slight working into a script.

Imagine that: Somehow, with all of that prep work, I'm actually ahead of the game now.

Which brings us to the next question: If I'm done, where is the comic?

Well, give me a little more time. I don't want to share this project with the world before I can protect my intellectual property better than in my Stone Soup Films days. I need to look up the rules for proper Creative Commons release, as well as figure out how to use the iOS app to make the panels interactive for iPods, iPhones, iPads, and Android devices. I'm actually more worried about the legal stuff than the technical issues, but I'll face both shortly.

Regardless, I did it. My comic project -- while not yet released --has ended its beginning.

In case you're wondering, the answer is "Yes." Yes, it does feel good to be at this moment in the the project. I've climbed a technical and creative mountain to reach this milestone. I can't help but be happy about it.

Today? Today I celebrate.

Well, after I look at the Creative Commons stuff, that is. And, you know, I should really look at that iOS app...

Rage Against the Darkness

noreply@blogger.com (Avindair) — Mon, 01 Oct 2012 18:35:00 +0000

Editor's Note: This piece dates back to December, 2008. It's a reminder of the culture shock I felt coming back to Minnesota after several months living in the south during my time at DAVE School.

It's a deeply bitter entry. Re-entry into my Minnesota life had left me hurt and confused. I had noticed an evasiveness in Saveau's communication with me that I'd never before seen, and some newer acquaintances had turned out to be far more interested in local theater status than in being our friend. We'd suffered more than our share of ditched-date experiences with local theater friends, and attempts at socialization at local clubs and bars had met with disastrous results. Within two months I understood completely why SpousalGoddess had needed me to come home from school when I had.

Things are different now. While we're still more isolated than we'd like, we've learned to cope. We do have a couple of friends with whom we spend time, fortunately. We play trivia at our local Irish Pub, where the managers know us by name. We dance once a month at a local nightclub, if only to just enjoy each others company. Thanks to the wonder that is the "MeetUp" site, we also attend social gatherings with "Transplants" groups to talk to people who aren't a product of the local culture. That alone has made life far better for us than it was in those waning days of 2008.

That's not to say we don't wish we were more social. We do. Unfortunately, with our schedules both pushing through forty-five hours per week at a bare minimum, we don't have as much free time as even six years ago. We err on the side of financial responsibility, of course, but it's occasionally a high price to pay.

We also realized that perhaps -- just perhaps -- spending our time exclusively with other creative folks wasn't such a good idea. Time has proven that conclusion to be a wise one indeed.

Finally, we accepted things that we could not change. We had no right to expect natives of this region to act in any way other than they always had. To survive, we had to be the ones to adapt.

As for moving away, well, the winters alone make that an eventual certainty. Even so, it's been delayed until Sporty Girl graduates High School. After that we'll see.

What's most poignant about this piece to me, though, isn't the loneliness that is being expressed. Instead, what kicks me in the gut is the lost potential for so many of the people I referenced:

RedFro has yet to land a job in the VFX field.
GeminiTwin has been out to the VFX field and back again. A year of insane hours and incredibly short deadlines sent him packing, though on good terms with his employer.
Of the students of with whom I attended DAVE School, only one currently has a job in the field. All others have either been let go or have opted to move on to other things.
Of the people I met in other classes during my stint there, only a handful remain in the industry.

I always knew that attending school so late in life for VFX was a gamble. After all of the research I did prior to heading out, though, I just didn't expect it to be this big of one.

Oh, well. I'm glad I had the experience. Heck, four years later I still miss those people every day.

Tony Bruno
1 Oct 2012

---

December, 2008

FADING MEMORIES

I've been back in Minnesota for a little over two months. The stormy skies, sweltering heat, and air conditioned chill of Florida have all become a dim memory.

That distance isn't all bad. I've nearly forgotten soul-crushing feeling of being without my family. I've saved the family a tremendous amount of money by being home, instead of maintaining two households across two states. I also don't live in perpetual fear of losing my phone, and thus my lifeline to home. Regardless, I lament the fact that those times are fading from my memory.

Of course, those times were always going to end. As strange as it is for me to think about, RedFro is now a DAVE School graduate, and has moved out of our former apartment. GeminiTwin has claimed the master bedroom -- complete with its own bathroom! -- and is now the "grizzled old veteran". Those who remained in my class are on to Block 3, and will be learning how to work with Fusion, and MotionBuilder, and on another group project. In six short months they, too, will be done.

I miss those folks. I miss them a lot. To a one, they were good people, and will make excellent additions to the VFX field.

Most of all, though, I miss the light. I miss it because I'm living in the dark.

TWO MONTHS IN THE DARK

After four months away from home, the first major difference between Florida and Minnesota that struck me as genuinely strange was the fact that it's dark up here all of the time. When the sun is up -- which seems to be for an absurdly short amount of time -- it can't really be enjoyed because of the bone-crushing cold.

Breaking The Circle

noreply@blogger.com (Avindair) — Mon, 01 Oct 2012 17:23:00 +0000

Editor's Note: Just as I reached to press the "Publish" button back in May, 2007, I realized that I didn't have to accept the situation I'd just described. Instead I called the Riverview Theater, got the rates for renting it for a premiere, and the rest is history.

This piece is now offered as an artifact of a life I barely recognize. It serves as a reminder of why I doubt I'll ever make another film. Let's face it: Pray for Daylight was made for all of the wrong reasons. Stepping away from it -- and from the madness surrounding the entire micro-budget film making process -- was the wisest move I could have made for my health.

Tony Bruno
1 October 2012

---

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.

-- Bill Cosby

9 May 2007

"Why won't you make any more movies?"

I wrapped the spaghetti around my fork, then smiled up at the newest of my co-workers.

"It stopped being fun," I said.

There. Succinct. Simple. Move along now.

"Well, it looked fun," she said.

I took a bite of my pasta. Moist. Firm. Compliments to the chef.

My new co-worker smiled across at me. I returned the smile and waved my fork in a "Hey, how's it goin'?" motion. I figured that would be better than the short, blunt "Hey, drop it, okay?" gesture I had in mind.

My co-worker grinned.

Oy.

"What movies?" another of my co-workers asked, taking a seat at our table. Group lunch. Forced fun. Free food. Can't complain. Much.

"His movies," my new co-worker said, nodding towards me. "I watched them last night. I liked them."

I knew I shouldn't have checked the damned download counts at work.

"Oh, I'll have to watch them," the other co-worker said.

I swallowed my pasta and smiled.

"Are you going to make any more?" the other co-worker asked.

I didn't answer. I was too busy drinking my Diet Coke.

***

14 May 2007

"I haven't heard from many people about the walk," SpousalGoddess said. She tried not to fret. She failed.

"Have you emailed them?" I asked.

"Yep."

"Called them?"

"Some," she said. "The ones that don't hate us, anyway. I just don't know what else to do."

I stirred my coffee. She'd put her heart into this charity. At the very least she expected a few friends to walk with us during the event. So far only one had agreed. One out of seventy.

Some had politely declined. Most hadn't bothered to reply at all.

That wasn't right.

I looked up at her. She scribbled on the calendar, her eyes focused on an event yet to come.

A good person. Good intentions. So why this? Why not more common courtesy? It wasn't like she was asking them to make a movie or...

Ah.

"You named the team 'Stone Soup', right?" I asked.

She looked over at me. "Yeah, so?"

I just gave her a look.

Her hands clenched into fists.

"Oh, you had better be wrong."

***

23 April 2007

"So you made everybody mad?" Dad was calm. That was Dad.

"Yep," I said. We'd been talking about leadership, about friendship. About character. Inevitably it led to Stone Soup.

"You already know what you did wrong," he said.

"I tried to please everybody," I replied. "I get that. But..."

"What, son?"

I sighed. How to say this in a way that didn't sound like the same thing re-hashed over and over again? Heck, why was I even thinking about this crap?

"What I don't understand is this: I did the best I could," I spoke as calmly as I could. "I was honest and direct . I was supportive as I could be without paying these people actual cash. I never, ever stopped saying 'thank you' because I meant it. How does that make me a monster?"

"It doesn't," Dad said. "You're trying to blame yourself for something you didn't do. Knock it off."

I smiled. Since when did parental pressure start feeling like a good thing?

"But I will say this, son: You have to let it go. You need to make some different memories because, boy, these are killing you."

I had nothing to say to that.

***

Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness.

-- Richard Carlson

I hate my movie.

There, I've said it.

Oh, that feels good to get off my chest.

Oh, I don't hate the work. Far from it. For $6,600.00 of my own money we turned out a pretty good flick.

Sure, it's not what I wanted. But you know what? It's not half bad.

So no, I don't hate the work.

I just hate what it did to my life.

***

Want to experience insanity? Try making movies for a while.

Exhibit A:

We started making movies because it was something fun to do with our friends.

This hurt our friends. Why did we have to make my movies? Why not theirs?

So we backed away from my movies to let our friends make their own. We even offered to help.

They never asked. Their movies never got made. Somehow that was still our fault. We were the Bad Guys.

Exhibit B:

We helped another team make their product. It even showed on TV. We did it for a whole year.

Then we asked for help on our movies. The answer wasn't pretty. Soon after, these people stopped talking to us.

Somehow, stepping in to help save someone else's product made us bad guys.

Exhibit C:

We opened our home to others. "Sure, drag your crap on in!" we said. But then we said "But please be polite."

Somehow that made us -- you guessed it -- bad guys.

Would that I was kidding or exaggerating about all of this. I'm not. It just doesn't make any sense.

***

"But art is messy!" the artiste whines at me. His hair falls in carefully-arranged dark curls, and the light of the room gleams off of the lenses of his black horn-rimmed glasses. "It's about conflict and anger and touching the bottom of your soul and finding the black stuff and then making that black stuff into goo and that goo into goldfish, and then --"

I hold up my hand.

"Yeah, that's great...." I say. "But that's not what I wanted. What I want is a Venti Soy Chai..."

***

I'm not an artist. I'm too much of a dad, too much of a husband to live a Bohemian Life.

Of course, the irony here is that my responsibility allowed me to make movies. Movie making is an artistic endeavor.

Huh. How about that.

***

I realize that the one constant in my struggles to understand what went wrong is me. That's why I find myself in this circular introspective loop:

Other people wanted to make a movie.
To make people happy I make a movie.
Because I made a movie, people wanted to make a movie with me.
I worked hard, and led by example.
Movies got made.
People got mad at me for what I did to make the movie.
People won't tell me exactly what I did wrong.
People won't say, so I have to figure out what I did wrong.
I re-trace my steps.
Other people anted to make a movie...
To make people happy I make a movie.

It's ridiculous, and I know it.

It's time to break that circle once and for all.

***

First order of business? Closure.

I have the final DVD out to duplicators now. Within a couple of weeks I'll be able to mail the movie off to all involved.

Finally.

Mail. In town.

Once upon a time I would have dropped them off in person.

Now? All it took was one disgusted look at a party from a person whom I used to consider a friend to make me realize that I'm no longer welcome in many people's homes. In the immortal words of a former associate, "I don't have to be told to fuck off twice."

Yeah. The Post Office will work just fine.

***

Second point? Get beyond the pettiness.

Here's a good example:

"If you have a product you believe in, stand behind it!"

That comment came from an actor in a rival local film. He was part of a mini-flame war on this very blog about how to promote my movie.

It was a legitimate critique. I just couldn't bring myself to back the project as wholeheartedly as I should. I'd fought too many battles just getting it made. Too many battles, and far too many casualties.

Then I found out that the actor was an associate of a former member of my movie.

The critique suddenly seemed awfully circular.

That sort of stuff bugged me for a long time. I was just myself, I used to whine. Why am I getting this crap?

Then, finally, I realized the truth: Yeah, I was myself. Apparently, just being me pissed this person off enough to bad-mouth me to others in the local theater and indie film community.

You know what? It's not my responsibility in life to please everyone.

I am who I am. Accept it, or take the quickest train to "Get Bent" town that you can find.

Me? I'm moving on.

***

Third Point: Remove the stress from my life.

The biggest source of stress in my life over the past two years has been Pray for Daylight. I need to close it out and move on.

So, does "closing it out" mean that it's dead?

No.

Everyone involved will get a copy. That will bring closure to a lot of people, not just me. That's why I dropped the cash for duplication.

It's going out to four more festivals. I've even been chatting with one of the organizers already. They watched the crappy copy on Google Video and liked it. My guess? It'll play there.

If it plays well at these festivals, maybe I'll send it out to more. If not, I won't.

Then there's the "Cassie Banning Saga" compilation for Cable Access. Steve the Vampire, Hunter, and Pray for Daylight all back-to-back. It's mostly done now. Just a final assembly and it's off to a few cable access places where people have agreed to show it. We'll try to have it on air for as long as we can.

But after that, it's done.

I need to close this out so I can finally, finally make some new memories.

I need to because it's long overdue.

***

9 May 2007

"So, are you going to make any more movies?" my co-worker asks again.

I swallow my Diet Coke and smile.

"I've done that," I say. "Time to do something else."

Clearing Out the Circular File

noreply@blogger.com (Avindair) — Mon, 01 Oct 2012 17:20:00 +0000

Remember how I said I'd make this blog relevant again?

Yeah, I know, I know. I suck.

I could offer up a long-winded and carefully-crafted list of reasons as to why I haven't kept up with "Northern Misfit," but I have neither the time nor the inclination for that level of effort. Instead, I'll just offer up this list:

Reasons Why I Haven't Blogged in 2012

Facebook
Facebook
Facebook
Work
Comic Project

FACEPALM

I've decided that Facebook is evil. Not for its relentless data mining (though, let's face it, you can almost hear Palpatine himself cackling "Good, good..." while people voluntarily spill their lives all over the screen) but for the Everquest-level time sink it represents. Keeping your friends appraised of your life no longer requires forethought or, let's face it, even simple language skills. All that's needed is a smart phone, a thumb, and the ability to transpose numbers with letters in order to save bandwidth. Add in the ability to scroll through impulse-of-the-moment updates from a list of your "friends" and it's probably the greatest time-waster since the invention of television.

Yeah. Facebook? Not a fan. Twitter? Don't even get me started.

So, why is it listed three times on the list? Because I've eschewed this blog in favor of writing short bullet-statements about my life.

Not any more. I was once a professional writer. If I intend to be again, I need to sharpen my core skills. This blog, then, will once again serve that purpose.

ALL WORK AND NO PLAY SOMETHING SOMETHING...

The fourth item on this list could keep me writing for hours. Rather than waste anybody's time, let me break down my current work experience into this short list:

It has transformed into a completely different role than I accepted
It's completely dead end
All of the positive aspects of the job have eroded away

I can't express how unhappy this job has made me. If it weren't for the medical challenges facing our family -- which are going nicely, I should add -- I would have quit a year ago. It's been an utterly isolating, emasculating, and demoralizing experience all around. This job is a paycheck, and nothing more.

You know what? I didn't fight my way to get my degree to accept a life compromise like that. Things have to change, and will.

That's a post for another time, however. Now? This is time to just catch-up.

FUNNY PAGES

Remember that comic project I mentioned last year?

The first issue is almost completed. I have a comfortable workflow that exercises all of the skills I've honed over the past decade, and I'm enjoying the project immensely. Most of all, I'm excited to share this story and its universe with others.

I should also point out that this project has saved my sanity in the past year. If I hadn't had this creative release I honestly don't know what I would have done.

Here's a sneak peak from issue one of Discarded Lives:


Despite what you may see here, it's not going to be an ultra-violent, panel-based Mummenschanz product.

Unfortunately, given my forty-five hour-per-week work schedule, I can't work on this project near enough. Losing those five hours per week means I'm forced to juggle everything else in the remaining time. This means less time to create, and less time to produce.

Hopefully, that will change soon. More on that in another post.

CLEARING OUT THE OLD FILES

In looking through the blog today, I discovered a number of old entries that I'd never published. They were full of passion about a life I scarcely recognize now. Trust me, on this folks: Nothing makes creative differences between people seem more petty than dealing with a loved one's chronic illness. Nothing.

Regardless, there is some good writing there. More importantly, these unpublished entries represent a snapshot into a world before the economic meltdown, before my ill-advised return to IT, and before the entry of those two little letters that would define so much of our lives.

Still, given the -- ehem -- volatile nature of some of these older posts, I'm going to provide updates before each piece. In many ways I'm not the man who started this blog in 2004. As such, I hope my readers will understand how much both the context and the messenger have changed in the ensuing years.

As for the newer stuff? Oh, yeah, that's coming. That's coming very soon.

"Pray for Daylight"

noreply@blogger.com (Avindair) — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 23:52:00 +0000

It only seems fitting -- after all I wrote about the movie -- that I finally share Pray for Daylight here in a format worth watching.

I wish I could say "It feels like it was just yesterday," but that would be utter bunk.

The version here still looks small, but to see it in full-screen format, either click on the "Watch it on Youtube" button or follow this link. You'll be treated to the full-resolution film we produced in 2005 and 2006.

Enjoy the movie, folks. Invite some friends over, crack open a bottle of wine, nuke some popcorn, and enjoy the last Stone Soup Films production.

2011: A Year in 3D

noreply@blogger.com (Avindair) — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 11:35:00 +0000

2011 was the year that I lost touch with who I am. In every measurable way, I stagnated. Instead of pushing myself to grow professionally, I played it safe in a time-consming, dead-end tech job. Rather than grow my personal and professional circle, I lost contact with people I considered close friends. Most importantly, rather than crafting new stories set in far-off lands, I took shelter in the creations I loved in my youth. Battered and bruised by a half decade of mis-steps and loss, I gave up and hid from the world. Deep down I knew that. Worst of all, I didn't care.

The only creative escape I allowed myself was working in 3D. Though most of my efforts were spent either modeling, or facing technical challenges like rigging or designing a LightWave-friendly displacement workflow, I did manage to create a few images. I didn't put too much thought into what I put on the screen. I just let my build process be utterly unedited, and allowed the images to flow as they would.

Here, then, are the results. I've included a few "Work In Progress" (WIP) images to also allow people to see the flow from unfinished model to final image. Remember, for every finished 3D image, there are dozens of WIP images that preceeded it. As such, the renders I've included below are honestly a fraction of what I created in 2011.

Enough talk. Let's look a year of 3D images, shall we?

January & February

March

April

May

June

July

August

September

October

NOTE: The NX-01 pictured here was modeled by my son, Alex Bruno. My sole part in its creation was providing image maps, surfacing, and the two final renders found in this article.

November

December

***

Well, that was sobering.

Seeing my work splayed out as it is on this blog entry makes me realize just how upset I've been this year. The choice of images is the biggest clue. Just as some people turn to memories of their childhood home, their beloved long-lost pets, or to that one special dish they eat while blue, I turn to Star Trek when I'm feeling troubled. I do this not because the show had any deep wisdom to share (though the little morality plays that made up the original series are still worthwhile) but because it reminds me of the security and simplicity of youth. It's my "safe place", and one that I'm aware I'll visit while I'm down.

Looking up at those images, I realize now that I wasn't just down, I was depressed.

There's no mystery as to why I felt that way. I've allowed myself to trade everything that I am for a steady paycheck in a dead-end job. Sure, it bought me security, but it cost me my soul.

Those images above were made by a man trying to re-connect with that part of his youth that still had hope. With every render of steely ship hanging in a void, I was expressing the lust for adventure and unknown horizons that defined me even a few short years ago. As each day passed and I saw yet another opportunity to escape whither and die, all I could do was create another picture to help me guide my way back to who I was.

Fortunately, there is good that came out of all of this. First of all, I've already taken steps to change my life for the better. I work out five days per week, have lost weight, and have a personal fitness goal that I'd just as soon keep private, thank you very much. It's kept me motivated for nearly two months now, and I'm definitely feeling the effects of that change.

Secondly, looking back over the year's work, I see genuine improvement in my skills. The most dramatic changes, in fact, occurred in December of this year, after I'd been working out regularly again. Though that was not a result I'd intended from restarting a genuine workout routine, I'll happily take the result.

Lastly -- and most surprisingly -- my Star Trek work resulted in my son and I being tapped for a new project that is both exciting and very fulfilling. So, despite the corny and cliche'd images above, the work did lead to something much better.

The moral, of course, is that it was far more important for me to be honest about who I am than it was to shove myself into a role that society expects.

As life lessons go, that's not a bad one to take from 2011.

So, what does that mean for the coming year? In answer I think I'll offer up a cliche' that goes very well with the images I've provided above: "Damn the torpedos, full speed ahead."
Here's to a better, more fulfilling 2012.

2011: The NerdPod's Year of Entertainment in Review

noreply@blogger.com (Avindair) — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 20:32:00 +0000

2011 was a year that was equal parts exciting, heart-wrenching, and trying. The entire NerdPod has been through the emotional wringer, and bears more than a few scars from the experience. With all of that, it would be understandable if I didn't craft a "Year In Entertainment" post for the past tweve months . After all, with everything that we faced, how the heck did we find time to actually be entertained?

Well, we did, and it was a terrific year to boot.

Before I get started, I will say this, though: Neither Skyrim nor Star Wars: The Old Republic are anywhere on this list. This isn't because I don't like them -- quite the opposite, in fact -- but because I need more time to really evaluate them. Expect to see them mentioned in more detail at the end of 2012.

Let's get this show on the road.

Really, she was cuter in person...

"Okay, just one more mission and I think I can nail the Elf chick..." -- MOST ENTERTAINING VIDEO GAME STORY OF THE YEAR

Winner: Dragon Age II

A lot of people have a serious hate-on for Dragon Age II. The team behind this sequel streamlined the experience found in its predecessor, Dragon Age: Origins (DAO). Players are no longer able to choose from a variety of races and backstories, and instead are forced to play a human named "Hawke". Instead of roaming a massive world, as in DAO, DragonAge II (DA2) is limited to the city of Kirkwall, and a tiny collection of external locations. Lastly, where DAO had deep tactical planning and the ability to micromanage your party's gear (which, to be fair, is a lot more fun than it sounds), DA2 went with a far more action-oriented model. The final result of all of these changes was a game that felt less a continuation of DAO, and more like a version of Mass Effect being played at the most violent Ren Faire in history.

Were these changes bad? Well, just do a quick google on "DragonAge II Sucks" and feast your eyes on the largest collection of whining since the Nerderati first beheld a digital creation named "Jar Jar Binks". You'd think that the developers had personally stopped by each and every one these people's homes and bad-touched them while they slept.

By contrast, I actually dug DA2. Frankly, for a busy corporate worker, father, parent, and part-time freelance 3D artist, DA2 delivered exactly the right amount of thrills, combat, chills, and plot twists to keep me entertained. I looked forward to each of my play sessions, and was both gratified and a little saddened when I completed my first playthrough.

So, what was it that brough me back to my couch to see this title through? Was it the graphics? Well, on the XBox360, they were competent, but not particularly noteworthy. (The PC graphics, by contrast, were really lovely.) Was it the combat? To an extent, yes, though there was far more button-mashing than I'd experienced in DAO. So if it wasn't the graphics or the combat, what wasn't the real hook?

Simple: The story.

BioWare once again gave me a solid, entertaining story with terrific voice acting and compelling resolutions. I cared about my party members, the world, and even some of the villains I faced. Playing DragonAge II felt less like being in a video game world than it did being engaged in an interactive season of a terrific Fantasy TV Show.

Um...you got your polygon jammed into my mesh...

Was it perfect? Of course not. The romance options -- though oddly emotionally fulfilling -- still come off as about as erotic as two GI Joes being slammed together in Barbie's Medieval Playhouse. Some of the combat did get repetitive, and yes, by the end of the story I was deathly sick of Kirkwall, too. Nevertheless, I loved my time in DragonAge II, and look forward to playing through it again.

Runner Up: LA Noir

Seriously, I would watch this show.

If DragonAge II was a great Fantasy series, LA Noir was a period detective drama with blood and bite in equal measure. Using a new facial capture system, players are forced to read body language and correctly choose the right clues to collar their perp in the fabled City of Angles.

Where LA Noir faltered, however, is in its gameplay. The interrogation system was hampered by a confusing set of clues choices to play against your suspect. This often led to failures that had nothing to do with evidence or logic, and more to do with having chosen the incorrect option to play against your opponent.

Lastly, though it was entertaining, I lost interest in the story in the last disc of the title. In the interest of full disclosure, I have yet to finish it. Regardless, I will, and I still recommend the game to people who like puzzles more than action.

"Oh, would this thing just end already?"-- BIGGEST GAMING DISAPPOINTMENT OF THE YEAR

"Come and give grandma a kiss..."

Winner: Fallout: New Vegas

Fallout3 is one of my favorite games of all time. Offering nearly limitless gameplay options, a massive world to explore, and some terrific extras, it's a game I wholeheartedly recommend to any RPG fans I meet.

With that in mind, it makes perfect sense that I would be excited to play the next game in its series, New Vegas. After all, what would be better than Fallout played in a different part of the country, and later in the game world's history?

An awful lot, it turns out.

Spoiler Alert: This reviewer liked the game a lot more than I did.

Fallout: New Vegas is a game that somehow feels like it is less than the sum of its parts. Big, messy, crowded, and crammed with detail, it still manages to be barren. Though some of this had to do with the game's engine showing it's age, ultimately it was the writing that let this installment down. Nothing about the situations you face ever feels clever, intruiging, or even the slightest bit compelling.

I finished New Vegas because I was determined to see its resolution. Once I did, I packed it up and immeditely traded it in at the local software shop.

Here's hoping its next iteration gets a new engine and better writers.

"Make it so." -- BEST BOARDGAME PURCHASE OF 2011

Winner: Star Trek: Fleet Captains

Simple. Nerdy. Fun.

Anybody who has even glanced at this blog knows I'm a major Star Trek nerd. I loves me my Matt Jefferies-designed starships, and I like the universe they inhabit. Sadly, though, there have been precious few strategic Star Trek board games out there, and even fewer that can be played in anything under a geologic scale of time.

Now with Federation Taxation Forms!

Enter Star Trek: Fleet Captains. The game's premise is simple: Each player commands a small fleet of ships for either the United Federation of Planets or the Klingon Empire. Their goal: Win controlling interest of a new sector of space. How they do this -- like the board, the ships, and the crews themselves -- changes every single time you play.

Oh, and the best part? A typical game lasts around one hour.

These guys are spot-fricking-on.

This is the Trek board game I've been waiting for since I was twelve years old. I'm just happy I finally get to play it.

Runner Up: Fortune and Glory

Nazi Zepplins. How can you pass that up?

Ever wanted to play a game where you're not only Indiana Jones, but where you have to compete with a bunch of other Indys to win? If so, Fortune and Glory is the game for you. Made by the increasingly-reliable Flying Frog Games, Fortune and Glory (F&G) both captures the feel of the Indiana Jones films, amd features compelling gameplay to boot.

The only thing that kept F&G out of the top spot, though, is that it's easily one of the toughest games we played this year. Setbacks are constant, and the title can run a couple of hours longer than you'd first expect. Regardless, it's a great game, and I'm proud to have added it to my collection.

"FOR EVERYTHING THERE IS A SEASON..." - BIGGEST CHANGE OF DESIRE OF 2011

When the only entertaining element for me are the crash videos, it's probably time to move on.

Winner: RC Flying

When I took up RC Flying in 2006, my goal was simple: I wanted to satisfy that twelve-year-old kid in me that had always wanted to fly RC airplanes. I jumped in with both feet, and was excited to enter the community of RC pilots.

Only one problem, though: I really, really didn't get along with the local RC pilots. At all.

During our clean-out-to-move-out efforts this year, I divested myself of a few of my planes. I sold them for a loss to another RC aircraft enthusiast who had all of the charm of a Pirhana with a toothache. I didn't get rid of all of my birds, but I plan to this coming summer.

Do I regret the time and money I spent on the hobby? Not at all. Now, though, I'm looking forward more to just jogging this summer than I am farting around with ESCs and foam birds.

***

Finally, a new catagory for the Year of Entertainment in Review: The "Best Video Game of the Year" award.

"We Have Lift Off!" - BEST VIDEO GAME OF THE YEAR, 2011

They're cute when they're screaming.

Winner: Kerbal Space Program

Kerbal Space Program is a Tinker Toy set for the frustrated Rocket Scientist in all of us. The development team at Monkey Squad made a title that combines equal parts charm, simulation, engineering accument, flight simulation, technical challenge, and out-and-out insanity. The result is a lightweight PC game that is just a little green ball of awesome.

If that's not praise enough, consider this: The game is technically not even out of Beta yet, but it wins my choice of game of the year. What does that say about it?

When I first tried out the title in July of 2011, the only thing you could do was try to get your three astronauts -- excuse me; Kerbanauts -- into orbit of their home planet of Kerbin. You had at your disposal a collection of fuel tanks, parachutes, engines, linkages, stage decouplers, and finally fins to make this happen. How you combined these into a rocket that could do the job was entirely up to you.

Excited, I cracked my fingers and got to work. How good a rocket engineer would I turn out to be?

Not so great it turned out. I killed a lot of Kerbanauts when I started. A lot.

So many little green widows and orphans...

Eventually, though, I managed to get them on orbit. Even later, I managed to bring them back again.

In the intervening months, the team has given us the Mun (Kerbin's Moon), as well as a whole slew of gameplay improvements. Add in a mass of freeware add-on pieces, and this title just keeps getting more fun with each passing month. Here, finally, is a game made for the kind of kids who read Footprints on the Moon cover-to-cover a dozen times over by the time they were thirteen, or who watched space shots on TV with a mixture of awe and wonder. Now, finally, there is a sandbox where they can really play.

Yes, it's actually fun to do this.

Kerbal Space Program is not a title for everyone, of course. It is, as its core, a simplified physics engineering simulation where would-be rocket scientists get to just play. Add in its educational benefits -- I seriously believe it should be used to teach basic orbital mechanics in the classroom -- and this is a less a game and more a toybox for the mind.

It's also not perfect. The world isn't persistent yet, so each space shot is made with no reference to the other. Though there are tabs for crew management, and references to "cost" for each space part, none of those options have been implemented. Finally, with no program to actually manage, the game ends up feeling a bit like a one-trick-pony. Fortunately, it does that trick better than anything else out there, and as such has won over my affections.

Caveat aside, Kerbal Space Program is my hands-down favorite game of the year. Best part? You can download it for free and give it a try yourself.

On to 2012!

2011: A Year in Review

noreply@blogger.com (Avindair) — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 21:03:00 +0000

NOTE: Eight years of this meme and counting.

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?

Stayed at an American Youth Hostel. (Two, in fact.)
Interviewed for a Visual Effects position with an honest-to-goodness VFX company in LA.
Returned a major 3D package.
Walked four miles per day for over five months.
Sat in the captain's chair of the starship Enterprise. (Yes, really.)
Critiqued student VFX artists at the request of the local Art Institute.
Turned down VFX client work in favor of keeping my sanity.
Spoke to the creator of "Arkham Horror"
Quit drinking Diet Coke. (Seems like a small thing, but it really wasn't.)

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions?

Partially. Some were easier than others (work out more, for example) while others (write a piece of original fiction, and do at least $1,000.00 / month of VFX client work) turned out to be nigh-impossible.

3. Will you make more for next year?

Yes. Life without goals is just as exercise in marking time until you're put into a pine box, or scattered over some field.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Not close, but more deaths than expected:

As summer just started to warm Minnesota, one my daughter's friend's fathers passed away suddenly from a stroke. He and I had chatted a few times, and I'd always found him to be the nicest, most gentle man you could imagine. He'd been laid off from his architectural firm in 2008, and had endured a run of bad luck since, but despite that he was always pleasant in public, and remained focused on making things better for his family.

I used to see him walk his youngest child to the bus stop every morning when I worked from home. He would chat with the other parents with an easy laugh and smile. Finally, when the weather started warming up, I got up from my desk and went out to chat with him. He and I walked up the street and back again, talking about job opportunities in North Dakota, and my family's then-plans to leave the state. Nothing much was said, really, but it was nice to connect with him again.

He died three weeks later.

During his wake, his widow told me that our little walk had brightened his entire week.

His passing reminded me of a truth I'd long forgotten: Life is too precious to let good people live their lives in solitude.

The other passing was my wife's cousin. A life-long outdoorswoman, she was taken too early by cancer. We'd only seen her a handful of times during our time in Minnesota, but she'd always been pleasant and warm. It may sound trite, but she really will be missed.

5. What countries did you visit?

None, though two trips to Northern California and one to Orlando, Florida did break up our year. After pissing the same kind of money down a movie-making hole, I'm happy to have spent the cash on building memories instead of stress lesions.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

A full-time 3D or VFX-related job
If not a VFX-related job, a job back in Technical Writing or Project Management
A regular gaming group
Another short VFX or animation piece for my reel, and just to show
A smaller belt size, and larger biceps

7. Tell Us About Your Year:

January 2011:

I started working in my role as a second-level Enterprise Application Support Engineer. I took to it like a duck to any non-viscous fluid, because -- let's face it -- I'd done this kind of work for years. It's boring, but at least it's daytime-only, and pays pretty well.
My family has what we now call "The Day From Hell", wherein we:

End up waiting in line for America's Got Talent so my daughter can audition with a friend. We show up at oh-dark-thirty, freeze our butts off, and are treated like cattle by the faux-Los Angelians running the show.
After two hours of waiting, my daughter's friend's family flakes-out on us. No, there wasn't even an apology offered.
Starving and aggravated, we hit a local eatery. For reasons that continue to baffle us, we get treated like second-class citizens by the too-pretty-for-her-own-good waitress.
Stressed-out, but not interested in staying home and playing video games, we decide to go out to play trivia at a local club
Apparently, this is a popular choice, as we wait in line for thirty minutes at said club to get a seat. Drunks stagger in, wink at the seating girl, and end up landing nice spots, while we're forced to wait. Yes, really.
Eventually, we get seated, and start to play trivia. We get two questions into the game before the trivia feed is shut off so that a local DJ can start pumping tunes.
Determined to relax, we decide to try dancing. We learn, instead, that young Minnesotans think a dance floor is for standing with a drink in hand so they can try to chat over the eardrum-splitting din.
Not everybody stands around: I nearly got kicked in the face by a dancer on the floor. His apology? "Dude!" Yes, really.
After we're treated rudely by a couple of drunken women, I have to restrain SpousalGoddess from nearly kicking the crap out of them on the dance floor.
When we finally decide to leave, our car is blocked in by a limo. I ask the drive to move, but he gives me attitude. I then couch my request in far less polite terms, and he finally hauls his ass away.

Yes, that all really happened over the course of one day

The Dude and I try out "DC Universe Online". It's fun, but is over even before it's begun. We quit within a month.
I turn down an assignment from Videomaker magazine. I realize that I've said everything I need to say about the microbudget film field, and have nothing compeling or interesting to offer.

February 2011:

Cabin-crazed, lonely, and desparate for a change of scenery, we take a whirlwind trip to San Francisco, California. The Dude can't come, due to college, but SpousalGoddess and Sporty Girl fall desparately in love both with the city and the region
I got offered a short 3D gig to create some nebulas for a video game. The pay is crap, the timelines are insanely short, and the contact is intensely rude. Already stressed by work and life, I turn it down. Life is too short for needless stress.
I decide to resurrect the Cranky Gamers online comic. This time, however, I decide I want more control over the images,and purchase PoserPro2010 to get my hands on some assets.
Spousal and I try to enjoy World of Warcraft again, but the magic is gone. We don't log in again for the rest of the year.
The NerdPod "Cuts the Cord" and cancels cable TV service. Instead, we take to watching TV on Hulu Plus on our new Roku, our Xbox360, and on AmazonPrime. We quickly adapt, and soon don't miss TV at all.

March 2011:

I create my first test frames of Cranky Gamers. Though the images look good, the process is far too time-intensive for the final product. The issue: Problems with Poser's LightWave exporter. I decide to go another direction with the production process.
Unhappy with the control, the file management, and the renderer in PoserPro, I opt to return the product for a full refund. This is the first and only time I have returned a CG package after use.
I attempt to purchase Quidam Pro, but its Web Store is down. As of December, 2011, the site is still up, but the webstore is still down.
I finish Fallout: New Vegas. It's a dud on the XBox, and I trade it in for store credit.
Spousal and I decide to try out City of Heroes again. After re-upping our accounts, and spending the better part of a day patching the title, we barely play three hours. The game that once captured my entire family's imagination feels boring, repetitive, and pointless. We quit and uninstall in no time flat.
I'm rushed to the Urgent Care, and then the Emergency Room, due to an uncontrollable bloating of my intestines. I'm diagnosed with diverticulis, and barely avoid surgery. I'm lucky that it's only bloating, and not a tear in my colon. It's a real wake-up call.
The combination of lonliness (we hadn't seen our local friends for five months at this point), cold climate, and even colder strangers finally broke our will. SpousalGoddess and I make the decision to move the NerdPod out west.

April 2011:

SpousalGoddess asks her company if she can transfer her job to the Cypress, California location. They look into it, but tell her it shouldn't be a problem.
I contact the DAVE School again to ask for more representation. I get some notes on my Demo Reel, update it, and am immediately in consideration for a position with Rhythm and Hues. I don't land the job, but I'm flattered that I was even in the running.
I finish prototyping another character using LightWave. I model, surface, and rig her with the intent to have her "act" in Cranky Gamers. The result is more-or-less satisfactory.
I shut down the Cranky Gamers project due to my day job. I work forty-five hours or more per week in front of a PC. As it turns out, the last thing I want to do is spend more time in front of a monitor. Besides, the seasons are changing, and it's time to go outside again.
After a brutal winter, the Spring thaw finally starts in earnest. The collective sigh of relief can almost be heard throughout the Twin Cities area.
Spousal celebrates the second anniversary of her diagnosis with MS by going for a four mile walk with me after work. She's holding up amazingly well, and has a terrific attitude.
My mother goes in for yet another back surgery. It's becoming a regular thing, and her pain is not diminishing.
Spousal and I start our pre-move heavy cleaning and detritus removal. More video games, books, and DVDs are sent to Half-Price Books, and even more clothing is sent on its way to GoodWill. The experience of removing the clutter is amazingly freeing.
Scully's position with Ron Thorton's Red Earth VFX evaporates as the company goes under.
GeminiTwin puts me up for a job at SteroD again. It doesn't happen.
With the thaw well under way, I start my four-mile-per-day hiking habit.

May 2011:

I apply for a job as a Render Wrangler on Battlestar Galactica: Blood and Chrome. I land a Skype interview, and have the VFX coordinator for season four of Galactica tell me he really likes my reel. I decide that, regardless of the outcome, the experience is alreay a huge win.
I'm glad I have that attitude, because I don't land the job.
SpousalGoddess' workplace tells her she has an office in Cypress, California when she wants it. We're ecastatic.
SpousalGoddess' workplace then drops a bomb on her: They want to promote her. It's a better position, but it would mean staying in Minnesota even longer.
The Dude finishes his first year of college. He's loved learning, but tells us in no uncertain terms that he does not like either UND or Grand Forks. He wants to transfer somewhere else ASAP.
Scully lands a job with Digital Domain. I'm jealous: That's a company I really wanted to work with.
The Dude's long-term (nearly two year) girlfriend dumps him literally upon stepping off the plane after six months in Europe. Within days she regrets the decision, and tries to get back with him, but he's having none of this. "I was a good boyfriend," he says. "I deserve better than that."Considering all of the mistakes I made at his age regarding women, I'm incredibly proud of his confidence and determination.
Upon return from college, The Dude tries to go back to his job at the local cheap theater. Despite regularly being one of the hardest workers in the place, they refuse to bring him back. Instead, they staff the place with stoners who literally don't know how to work. He's insulted, but decides to look for another job.
I call Saveau on my drive home from work, as I'm wont to do two or three times per month. It's a nice chat, and we hang up with the promise to talk again soon. I don't know it at the time, but it's the last time I'll speak to him all year.

June 2011:

Kate's friend's father passes away suddenly. We're all shocked and saddened.
I'm invited to review the Art Institute's first year studen projects as a VFX pro. I'm flattered, humbled, and terrified all at the same time.
After much deliberation, The Dude decides that an Associate's Degree in VFX will serve him fine, and opts to go to the DAVE School after the summer is over.
I contact the DAVE School to check on the new program and to confirm details. I'm told the Associate's Degree is still there, though "...it won't transfer anywhere...", and that the placement rate post-graduation is over eighty-five percent. I'm skeptical, but still excited.
GeminiTwin surprises me by quitting StereoD, and heading back home to New York State. The grueling conditions (sometimes topping over 100+ hours per week, often with no days off for nearly a month) have finally caught up with him. He parts with the company on good terms, but is relieved to be done.
We see Garrett for the first time in over five months. He stops by to play games, but ends up having to leave early, as his workplace called. We can't help but enjoy the irony that many people cut off contact with us for supporting him despite his crime, and yet we never really even see him.
The Dude and I discover an amazing hobby store in Minneapolis. It's one of the best model shops I've ever seen, and is filled with the kind of kits that would have sent my twelve-year-old self into apoplectic fits of delight. We're ecstatic.
SpousalGoddess' promotion comes through, just as she finishes a three week run of work with nearly no time off. It's an exhausting period that leaves nerves frayed.

July 2011:

LersTherin's family comes down for a trip over the Fourth of July weekend. They're rude and awkward the moment they walk in the door, and make my entire family miserable while they take up space in our house. They're so unpleasant, in fact, that Spousal and I decide to do something we've never done before: Ask guests to leave. We steel ourselves to tell them to go, only to have them tell us that they are leaving early anyway. (Ironically, they do so while giving us the distinct impression that we'd somehow insulted them.) They leave early, and we don't see them again.
I realize with a start that it's been six years since I wrote Pray for Daylight, and four years since it had its big screen premiere. Somehow, it seems like much more time has passed.
During our guest's visit, we take them to observe CONvergence. Surprisingly, upon arrival, both Spousal and I realize how much we would have like to have gone, just to nerd-out this year. After their departure, we head back down just to sit in the lounge and chat with people about all the things we never get to talk about in our day-to-day lives.
My job starts to get to me. It's utterly dead-end, and though it pays well, a layoff would leave me far worse-off than ever before. I start to look for another position.
The Dude and I discover the Kerbal Space Program video game. It inspires me to create some cartoonish characters and videos just for fun.
The NerdPod heads south to Orlando to tour the new-and-improved DAVE School. Though the trip turns out to be great for providing me closure, it's a bust for his education: DAVE School is no longer accredited, and as such would not grant him a degree. He opts to look for another institution.
Salvaging the trip as a family vacation, we hit NASA to see the sights again. As luck would have it, the visitor's center is hosting a Science Fiction event. Among the props and costumes is a replica of the bridge of the U.S.S. Enterprise from the original series. I finally get to live a life-long dream, and sit in the captain's chair of my favorite fictional ship. It's just plain awesome.

August 2011:

I try to contact Saveau to talk to him about The Dude's DAVE School experience. He won't pick up the phone. So begins a six-week long attempt to communicate with him. I'm finally informed by a mutual friend that he's unable to communicate with us because of his spouse, who insists that communicating with us would amount to "infidelity." (This from a woman who saddled him with credit card debt, who walked out on a couples therapy session when the therapist told her that her husband was doing all of the work, and who has full control over who her husband can have as a friend.) The entire NerdPod is deeply saddened.
The Dude attempts to transfer into a local Community College to finish out his General Education courses for his degree. He ends up being too late, and opts to start in January, 2012.
I throw The Dude some 3D work from clients. Despite a much more active market, I end up taking practically no work. The reason: The pay stinks. I find myself unwilling to subject my son to no-notice Friday-Afternoon-Need-By-Monday client work for the equivilant of McDonald's wages.
The Dude and I play occasional games of Star Trek Online together. It's not a great game, but it's also not terrible, and it's something we can do together.
My mom goes in for yet another surgery.
I'm interviewed for Tech Writer jobs, but they're all six-week-or-less assignments. I walk away from them in disgust.
The Dude decides to build as accurate a mesh of the NX-01 as he can. It turns out to be a monumental task, but he never gives up.
Spousal and I are saddened to see a marked decline in the quality of food, entertainment, and -- frankly -- clientele at the place we'd called our "Bronze" in 2010. Once a somewhat sophisticated suburban center that housed comedy shows and good bands, it now caters to bingo, all-day "Happy Hours", and to a crowd that seemingly wears nothing but hunting clothing. Add in a loss of good servers in favor of nastier barfly types, and we strike it off of our list.
After an entire summer of trying, The Dude lands a job at two local workplaces: A major pizza place as an order-taker, and a clerk at a local Software Slinging Shop. Sadly, his hours at the pizza place get reduced to zero almost immediately, and he ends up just working at just one job, despite technically being in two.

September 2011:

It's now been a year since I've been part of the new group at work, and I'm feeling increasingly lost.
The Dude finishes his NX-01. It generates some nice commments on a couple of forums, and on Facebook -- particularly from some pros -- but oddly is treated with hypercritical scrutiny on our old standby online 3D hang-out. He's a little taken aback, but presses on.
I knock out a motion-capture animation of one of my Kerbal characters. It's received well, but gets no response from the game developers. I begin to get the distinct impression that my entire VFX-focused work desire is a case of a baying up the wrong Sequoia.
Spousal and I make a point of going out more, just to be more social. We no longer push to meet people, and instead just relax in the moment. Ironically, we end up in some lovely conversations with many strangers, but don't make any new friends.
I'm actively head-hunted for a job with a local firm. I do my first interview, and am told to wait for another call.
Despite having seen our local friends more over the summer, SpousalGoddess and I decide we need to broaden our social circle. We sign up for a number of "MeetUp" groups, and decide to attend different events.
A frightening report about the health dangers of diet soda makes me quit drinking that bevarage cold turkey. I go from knocking back a twelve-pack of diet coke every couple of days to one regular pop per day.

October 2011:

I have my second interview for the other firm. It's sounding promising. I'm told I'll hear more in the coming weeks.
The Dude and I head to one of the local MeetUp gaming events at The Source, but, after getting the stink-eye from the players, decided to stop at the Fantasy Flight Game Event Center instead. We end up having a terrific time.
Dropping diet soda from my beverage list has resulted in shocking changes in my health. I lose weight almost instantly, my mood elevates within days, and I find myself calmer than I have been for years. I find myself wondering what permanent harm that crap has done me.
I pick up the Star Trek: Fleet Captains board game, and The Dude and I play it a number of times. It's a terrific title.
We spend my birthday weekend at the "Arkham Nights" Event at the Fantasy Flight Gaming Center. It's a blast.
The Dude and I attend an After Effects, a Modo, and a Maya User's Group event in Minneapolis. It's time to broaden our personal 3D circle, and this seems like the best way to do it.
After spending some weekeneds with his friend at the University of Minnesota, The Dude decides that's where he wants to attend post-Community College.
The entire NerdPod, MagicMarmot, and two of his friends hit the various haunt crawls around Minneapolis. It's a nice way to enjoy the season.
Spousal and I dress up as Romans for Halloween, and hit various night spots around town. We end the evening dancing at a local bar and its costume party, and have a great time.

November 2011:

The weather in Minnesota remains unusually warm through the early part of November. Not only does this allow us to continue hiking the four mile lake trail longer than ever before, it actually results in a marked increase in friendliness and warmth from people on the street. We accept this change with open arms.
Spousal and I attend two different MeetUps in one day: A hiking group, and a "Bad Movie" group. The hiking group is nice, if a bit intense on their pace, and the movie group, while amusing, turn out to be more focused on drinking than anything else. We close out the evening with board games with Magic Marmot.
The swift pace of the hikers and uncomfortable fit of my clothing force me to realize that I once again need to adjust my exercise level. I'm none too happy about this turn of events.
We pick up the Fortune and Glory board game, and are excited to try it out.
I decide to build a starship mesh that I'd always wanted to try since I first touched LightWave. I knock it out in a week, and release it for free to a nice online response.
SpousalGoddess, the Dude, and I try out the Star Wars: The Old Republic. We love, love, love it.
The weather finally chills below real comfort levels, and I take my last four mile lake hike of the season. It's the longest stretch of time since I've lived in my city that I was able to make the hike a daily event.
The entire NerdPod heads out to Northern California for a week. Thanks to the kindness of a former sixth-grade classmate who happens to live near the base, and has access, I finally get to see Beale AFB for the first time in 27 years.
Arriving on base, I'm saddened to see my entire childhood neighborhood has been torn down due to mold and pest issues. Regardless, it still smells the same, and I find myself bewildered and overjoyed that I was finally able to show my family my "home town".
The week in California is spent driving up to Grass Valley, spending time in Sacramento, seeing the Muir Woods, boarding the U.S.S. Hornet, going to Alcatraz, and eating better food than we have in years.
Upon return from California, the NerdPod signs up for an "Anytime Fitness" membership. I start working out immediately, and attend five days per week afterwards.
Thanksgiving is held at the NerdCave this year. Spousal's parents come down for a visit, and we enjoy a nice four-day break.
The company that had been pursuing me makes me an offer. Unfortunately, it's not at all related to what we had been talking about over the last two months. I ask to take some time to think about it, as I don't want to rush my decision. My contact seems taken aback by this answer.
I carefully consider the offer, and finally agree to the new challenge.
The next day, I'm told by the new company that my lack of enthusiasm made them re-think their offer. They want to make sure they put me in the right role, and tell me they'll contact me in the near future. I try to not be annoyed by the time wasted, and fail.

December 2011:

We upgrade The Dude's former desktop, and now the family's "gaming system", to Windows 7, in order to ready for three of the four NerdPod members' entrance into Star Wars: The Old Republic.
Working out has resulted in clothes fitting better, in being able to run 1.5 miles per day, and in feeling more energetic than I have since 2009.
I get contacted with even more of my former DAVE School classmates. The picture isn't pretty: Only three are working in the field. There is a tremendous amount of disillusionment from my friends, and I can't help but empathize.
Despite a couple of snow falls, the weather in mid-December hits the high forties. It feels less like Minnesota, and more like Northern California, and I love it.
I look ahead to another year in Minneapolis, with the hope that things will improve for us in the coming months.

8. What were your biggest achievements of the year?

Taking care of my family
Sticking with my job, despite its shortcomings, to ensure our financial security
Modeling and rigging several characters
Learning MotionBuilder
Hiking four miles per day for seven months
Weight lifting, and recovering my strength far more quickly than I expected.
Running 1.5 miles per day
Keeping my 3D CG skills honed
Staying in contact with my DAVE School friends
Modeled and rendered numerous objects in LightWave

9. What were your biggest failures?

Not landing a better, more career-focused job
Losing contact with Saveau
Not writing. It's becoming a real personal issue for me now.
Did not focus on learning Maya
Did not push myself with MudBox
Did not meet more people
Was less social than I should have been

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Diverticulitis
Back strain from 9 hours per day in front of a computer

11. What was the best thing you bought?

SpousalGoddess' medicine
Gym membership
Star Trek: Fleet Captains
New running shoes
Three out-of-state vacations
iPad2
XBox Live Membership
Netflix membership

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

SpousalGoddess: When she was diagnosed with MS in 2009, we were confronted by the frightening prospect that she would not be able to work. Who would have guessed that two years later not only would she still be working, she'd be promoted? I'm amazed by this woman.
Our son: He's finding himself, and that's okay. More importantly, he didn't let his emotions get in the way of his life choices. I'm proud of him.
Our daughter: She's focusing on school now more than ever before. Her grades are up, and she wants to succeed.
My company. Yes, my job sucks, but they allow me to work from home three days per week. Any way you look at it, that's awesome.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled, or depressed?

Appalled:

Police Response to the "Occupy" Movement

Yes, when the protestors broke the law, they should have been detained. What they didn't deserve was random macing, pepper-spraying, and physical brutality for actually speaking out against the country's financial lord's and masters. The officers in question should be ashamed of themselves.

Depressed:

Saveau:

I've already written that I understand his decision. Unfortunately, that doesn't make me miss him any less. I've wanted to chat with him countless times over the past few months, and I miss his counsel more than I can say. Worse, my wife and kids miss him. Any way you look at it, losing contact with him was a real blow to my entire family.

14. Where did most of your money go?

College Tuition
Travel Expenses
Medical expenses
iPad2

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Spousal's continued remission
Seeing Beale AFB for the first time in twenty-seven years
The Dude's return from College
Two trips to San Francisco
Hiking, running, and lifting weights
3D modeling when I got a chance

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2011?

"California Girls", by Katy Perry

(What can I say? I have a teenaged daughter now.)

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder?

Happier. I know who I am, and I actually like me.

ii. thinner or fatter?

Thinner, and more fit.

iii. richer or poorer?

Richer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Exercised
Animated
3D Modeled
Written.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Worried about my corporate job. It's a paycheck, nothing more.
Sitting on my butt in front of a TV.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

At home, hanging out with the family, and some friends.

22. Did you fall in love in 2011?

As always, with SpousalGoddess.

23. How many one-night stands?

None.

24. What was your favorite TV program?

Fringe

Yes, I'm a late-comer to the show, but I'm enjoying the heck out of it. The NerdPod is working its way through the seasons together, so it's been teat.

Community

How did I miss this show? Funny, sweet, and goofy, I swear it was plucked from the more tender parts of my psyche.

24b. Shows that let you down?

DOCTOR WHO:

Yes, I went there.

Without spoiling anything, the sixth season of the resurrected Doctor Who started with a literal bang, and ended with a lot of charming hand-waving.

There's only one problem: I expect more from my Doctor Who.

Worse, I'm actually tired of Amy Pond. Though I think the actress is both talented and lovely, I just feel that the petulant Pond has worn out her welcome. (Not Rory, though. Rory is fantastic.)

Fortunately, the season gave us the Neil Gaiman episode, which is easily in my top three best episodes since 2005. Unfortunately, I felt like devoting an entire year to the question "Who Is River Song?" was pushing it all a bit too far.

Here's hoping that the next season recaptures a little bit of the old spark.

SMALLVILLE:

The "Smallville" series finale managed to make me feel like every hour I'd wasted on the show and its premise was somehow toxic. The problems?

Non-sensical plot
Lame super-villain fight
Welling's refusal to wear the tights
Did I mention the insulting plot?
Chloe's Smallville comic book. So, does that mean everybody knows Clark is Supes now?
Dear lord, who crapped out the story? I've passed better ideas after having too much Indian food.
The effects
The craptastic, written in a cocaine-and-Red-Bull-haze plot

...okay, enough. Smallville turned out to be an enormous waste of my time. I actually regret the years I watched the show.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Who has the energy to hate?

26. What was the best book you read?

"The Romulan War"...mostly because it was the only book I had the time to read. Frankly, it wasn't very good at all.

27. What was/were your greatest musical discoveries?

Lady Gaga.

No, really.

Think I'm kidding? Listen to her duet with Tony Bennet. That woman is seriously talented.

28. What did you want and get?

A steady paycheck
Time to unwind

29. What was your favorite film of this year?

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

This was the movie that surprised me. Good plot, compelling characters, and -- best of all -- a fresh new take on the venerable Planet of the Apes franchise. Loved it.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Attended the "Arkham Nights" gaming event at the Fantasy Flight Gaming Center, and I'm forty-five.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Getting a technically creative job.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?

Business casual.

33. What kept you sane?

My kids
My wife
My parents
Building and animating stuff in LightWave
Working out
My friends, both near and far

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Gillian Jacobs. Growr.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?

Occupy Wall Street:

Despite the media outlet's trumpeting to the contrary, there never seemed to be any ambiguity about the message of that movement: People want the bastards who caused the financial crisis of 2008, who have bought and paid for not only our politicians, but for our media outlets as well, to be held accountable for their actions. That this wasn't blindingly obvious to anybody who just looked at this news baffles me.

Did the protestors misstep, and play the "Hipster" card too hard? Yes. Were some of the protestors just there to protest because it was trendy? Undoubtably. Were some of them utterly unemployable? Absolutely. Regardless, the core message -- that the gulf between the ultra-rich, and the rest of the population -- still remains true.

Worse, the coordinated crackdows, and casual acts of brutality our police officers displayed were utterly reprehensible.

We're looking at troubled times ahead, folks. Time to batten down the hatches.

36. Who did you miss?

Saveau
Penmaster and Raven
Girder
GeminiTwin
MadMartian
RedFro
Scully
LewsTherin

37. Who was the best new person you met?

Met a lot of nifty people this year, but it was all in passing.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011:

Trust your instincts.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

Regrets
I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention

I did
What I had to do
And saw it through
Without exception

...

I did it
My Way

Halfway to Ninety

noreply@blogger.com (Avindair) — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 18:06:00 +0000

I didn't celebrate my forty-fifth birthday. Weighed against all of the other life-changing events of the past few years, passing from forty-four to forty-five was just no big deal.

I did take some time off, though. I kept busy by helping The Dude with some of his chores, playing Arkham Horror at the local Fantasy Flight Games Event Center convention, and finally just going
for walks. All in all, it was nothing too strenuous.

When it comes right down to it, all I wanted for my birthday was to relax. Nothing more. Not only did it afford me the opportunity to learn the right way to play Arkham Horror, it gave me a chance to reflect. I haven't had much time for that lately, either.

As it turned out, I needed the time to reflect much more than I needed time to relax.

NO SPRING CHICKEN

I'm no longer a young man. I say that not in an ironic way, nor in a feeble attempt to garner sympathy. It's just a matter of fact. The average male life expectancy in this country is a mere seventy-five years old. Assuming I make it that far -- and, having survived my bout with sleep-deprivation psychosis, I know that it's no guarantee that I will -- that means I may only have roughly thirty years left on this planet.

Thirty years.

Huh.

To someone in their twenties, thirty years sounds like a long time. To a man of forty-five, though, it's nothing more than a very short trip down the corridors of his memory.

A lot can happen in thirty years, though. It is, quite literally, a life time. Consider me, for example. I am a product of my time. Everything that I am -- my tastes in entertainment, my career, even my creative hobbies -- was shaped by being alive in the past three decades.

Consider my nerdy pursuits. Star Wars -- the real one, not the watered down marketing behemoth that it's become -- turned thirty-five this year. Star Trek is only a month older than I am, while my favorite of the films -- The Wrath of Khan -- will cross the three decade mark this coming June. Dungeons and Dragons was first published in 1974, Gamma World in 1978, and Star Fleet Battles in 1979. All of these things that I love came into being within the past thirty years.

My career is no different. I make my living using a technology that was literally science fiction in 1960. The National Science Foundation's network (NSFNET) opened to other networks in 1988, tying a collection of different networks into something called an "Internet". In 1989, Tim Berners-Lee, a physicist at CERN, proposed a hypertext mark-up language that gave birth to the World Wide Web. In 1993, a web browser called "Mosaic" was released to the Amiga platform, allowing users to browse the web from a dial-up line at home. Those three technology infrastructures bought our house, and put food in my kid's bellies. I cannot imagine my life without them.

I could never have made my movies had it not been for technological advances that have all just passed the three decade mark. Pixar was founded by Lucasfilm in 1979, and helped drive the push towards photoreal 3D graphics. Another Lucasfilm spin-off company -- Droid Works -- created a non-linear editing program called "Edit Droid", that allowed video editors to work on a computer screen, rather than with with film, glue, and razors. Finally, word processor called "WordPerfect" hit the market in 1986 that forever changed how writers crafted their articles.

I could bring up Space War as the first video game, or Axis and Allies as the first modern mass-market wargame, but my point has been made: Had I been born in any other time, I would likely not be the same person I am today.

Still, when I look back over everything I've seen in the past thirty years, it doesn't feel like a long time at all. In fact, it all seems to have gone by too quickly. .

A very real part of me is still that twelve year old kid who laid eyes on a TRS-80 in a Radio Shack back in the 1979. I'm still that kid who dreamed of flying, of computer graphics that would fool the eye, and of going into space. I'm still connected to that kid, and for that, I'm happy.

All it takes to remind me that I'm not that kid any longer, though, is one glance in a mirror.

I'm not twelve. I'm forty-five. If I'm lucky, I have thirty years ahead of me. That begs the question: What will those years bring?

I don't know. How could I?

I can still make a few guesses, though.

THE SLOWING PACE OF TECHNOLOGY

I grew up in the dawn of the Information Age. I saw the 8088 processor evolve over time into the multi-core desktop computers people can purchase for less than the cost of a month's groceries. I've seen networking go from a squealing, slow, dial-up process to an always-on torrent of data flowing non-stop into my household. My son has grown up in a world that always had the Internet, and my daughter has always used her phone more for texting than for talking.

Given the wonderous changes I've seen in my lifetime, it only follows that I can expect to see some miraculous things ahead, right?

Not so fast.

First off, we've approached the end of Moore's Law. Microcomputers are no longer getting exponentially faster with each generation. This isn't because the engineers aren't trying; it's because we've reached size limitations for circuit board printing. Put simply, building computers the way we do today -- pressing circuits onto wafers of silicon -- will likely not see any significant improvements in the years to come.

There are some neat areas of research -- quantum and optical, in particular -- but it would be a real shock if those pan out in the next three decades.

Secondly, computer use is evolving. When my family moved to Minneapolis fourteen years ago, computer users either bought branded machines, or -- almost as often -- built systems from components they purchased online. A computer user had to be a technician, a system administrator, and an application manager all rolled into one. The purpose: To be able to write a few emails and play a lot of Everquest.

There is one major flaw with that model, though: Most people don't want to do those jobs. They just want a device to use as a tool. They want a computer to help them, not hassle them.

It's at this point that you see the rise of distributed computing.

Consider your smart phone. That's a computer you have in your pocket. With it you can check your email, update your Facebook status, tweet, and even -- if you have a good enough screen, and enough thumb dexterity -- perform actual business work on it. For many, the smart phone has replaced the laptop computer. Why haul a big device around when all you need is box the size of a pack of cards?

One of the reasons smart phones get away with being so small is that they don't actually do all of the computing on their own devices. Instead, they merely run small clients that in turn communicate to remote servers. The heavy lifting is done by a classic computer, while the phone acts as a delivery mechanism.

The upshot of all of this is that you can expect this kind of technology model in the coming years: Smaller and smaller devices that provide services. Computers will be more ubiquitous than they are even now, but much more seamlessly integrated into your life. The days of being a "mouse potato" will finally be behind us. Nevertheless, what they do for you will likely not be that different than what you already have in your pocket right now.

The future, it seems, has arrived. Now we just have to get used to living in it.

THROTTLE BACK

I've already explained my skepticism about "Peak Oil" doomsayers. Though oil is a finite resource, exploitation of the Bakken Formation in North Dakota, additional off-shore drilling, and an increase in fuel-efficient hybrid usage on the roads makes me believe we have a few more decades of the black stuff in our lives.

Unfortunately, it's not the supply that's the issue: It's the demand.

We have seven billion people on the planet now. That's three billion more than just twenty-five years ago. China is an emerging super-power, and with it has voracious energy needs. Other emerging nations only complicate matters. Suddenly, that resource pool we're talking about is going to be stretched very thin, very quickly.

Guess what happens when nations all want the same resource at the same time, but there is only so much of it to go around?

Fortunately, I don't think we're looking at World War III over oil. Instead, I expect research into biofuels, Thorium reactors, both land-based and space-based solar power systems, and tidal generators to help alleviate the oil needs of first world countries. In short, I hope that we will defuse any energy conflicts by lowering the demand dramatically.

Yes, I used the "hope" word here.   I did because there are technological hurdles on the path to real energy independence. Nevertheless, I'm deciding to be optimistic in this regard.

Either way, though, I expect the short-term squeeze on oil demand -- seen by the average person as increase at the pump, and in travel costs -- to further alter the average person's behavior. Recall, when oil prices spiked in 2008, people stopped traveling as frivolously, or as often. They kept their everyday movement to a minimum. Expect this kind of behavior to become the norm over time.

Fortunately, that's not necessarily a bad thing, either. Distributed computing has made the "home office" a thing of fact, rather than theory as it was in 1994. I expect more reliance on telecommuting in many careers, with a corresponding emphasis on local rather than distributed living.

Lastly, demand for public transportation will inevitably rise. Most metro areas will call for options like those seen in London, San Diego, and across the European continent. Trains will once again move most people to and from the places they want to visit.

I'm okay with all of these changes. I actually like the idea that we may have to spend more time at home, getting to actually know our neighbors, and traveling to-and-fro without driving as a good thing. Yes, I'll miss some of my independence, but if it means we don't have to kill each other over oil, I'm all for that option.

Of course, I could be dead wrong. We could end up in more nasty conflicts over rights to get more of the black stuff in the ground. In this case, though, I'm choosing to be hopeful.

ROUGH ROAD AHEAD

I'm not all sunshine and roses, though. I see some very dark, very disturbing times ahead for our country. The needlessly acidic rhetoric in the media, the pointlessly combative relationship between the political parties, and the virulent anti-intellectual movement leads me to believe that the United States stands on a knife's edge. We either deal with these disagreements rationally, or we succumb to our baser natures and fall into darkness.

At this point, it's a coin flip as to which direction we'll go.

I worry about the state of the nation. I worry that we might fall into another Dark Ages, fueled by theological rhetoric and anti-intellectual furor. I worry if I should take the signs I see in the media more seriously, and opt for the same path that many Jews did in Germany in the 1930s: Emigration. I worry that my neighbors -- never comfortable with our choice to raise our kids as secular humanists, and not in a church -- would, with the right prodding, turn on us. I worry...

That's when I stop. All I can do is watch our country. I can add my voice to the discourse, and try to stay true to my ideals and beliefs. I can donate to the causes I believe in, and volunteer for those things for which I have the strongest conviction. In the end, that's all I can do.

I just hope that it's enough.

I don't hope for my country, though. My hope is focused on something far dearer to me.

PUGNACIOUS PERSPECTIVE

When I turned forty, SpousalGoddess threw me a Star Trek-themed birthday party.   Though I wrote my blog entry about that event, one thing I didn't share was why I dreaded the date. It wasn't turning forty; I honestly couldn't care less about turning the big four-oh. No, what worried me was whether the fallout from making the movie in 2005 would impact who would come and share the day with me.

I was right to be concerned. The people about whom I worried were not among our guests that night. I didn't share it at the time, but their absence -- and their subsequent refusal to be part of SpousalGoddess' fortieth celebration only two months later -- hurt us deeply. It hurt for a myriad of reasons, but most of all because it was only then that we realized that these people had never been our friends because of who we were, but rather because of what we did for them.

That stung.

I've long since let go of my anger towards those individuals. They just turned out to be very different people than I had first believed. The fault for not recognizing that sooner is mine, and mine alone. Nevertheless, that experience had a lasting impact. I've become much more cautious about making friends. I no longer invite others into my home as readily, or offer to help in others' creative projects. I carefully gauge a person's interest in me and mine, and tend towards refusal, rather than acceptance. That day went a long way to making me a much more cautious, much more private man than I was before.

Much of this new behavior is from our experience with those people. Some of it was learning who our friends really were during Spousal's diagnosis with MS. Regardless, the experience made me a very different person than I was even five years ago.

In other words, I'm no longer a young man.

The world that I see before me belongs to my son, and to my daughter. My time as one of its billions of stewards, while not coming to an end, is waning. I want to hand a world to my children where they can succeed beyond my meager accomplishments. I want them to have all of the options I had, and more. That, in the end, has been the focus and purpose of my life.

More than that, though, I want my kids to learn from my mistakes. I want them to understand that happiness doesn't need to come only through exertion, but from acceptance. I want them to discern the difference between flattering acquaintances and respectful friends. I want them to comprehend that we can't always shape the world to our will, and often have to learn to love what we have in front of us.

Mostly, I want them to understand that the truest friends are those who respect who you are, not what you've done for them.

Fortunately, watching my kids deal with their friends over the past five years has proved to me that those lessons were well-learned. The skills they developed because of my errors are the same ones that will allow them to navigate the vitriolic waters of our current societal discourse.

For that peace of mind alone, my Stone Soup Films experience was worth every second.

DANCING IN THE RAIN

On the Sunday after my birthday, the entire NerdPod gathered at home. The 42" LCD hearth streamed episodes of Modern Family and Deep Space Nine, while The Dude and I played Star Trek Fleet Captains on the kitchen table. SpousalGoddess ordered in pizza, and poured me a thin drink to enjoy the day. We chatted, offered opinions, argued, and laughed in equal measure.

It was wonderful.

When my end approaches, I won't think of fretting over a shot schedule, or whether my job had any future. I'll remember the simple joy I felt that day, at home, with my family. It was the perfect way to enter my forty-fifth year.

I also know it's ephemeral. The Dude is living with home with us for college now, but in five years he'll be a graduate, and likely on to his first post-college job. In five years, SportyGirl will be a High School graduate, and into her first year of college. In five years we will likely not even be in the same house we live in today. In five years, Spousal's MS may have taken on another shape. In five years our world will be completely different, and in ways we can't imagine.

That's okay.

Fretting about the past is worthless. Worrying about what is to come is a waste of energy. All there is to do is what you can, for those who count the most. Everything else is negotiable.

Here's to another forty-five years.

The Fire In Which We Burn

noreply@blogger.com (Avindair) — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 20:58:00 +0000

"Jebediah Kerman", modeled in two hours, surfaced and rigged in another four.

WARNING: This is a long entry. No, I mean it; it's a really, really long entry. It's essentially my catching up with five month's of inactivity. You have been warned.

When I last touched this blog, the winter snows had yet to melt across the Minneapolis urban landscape. My son was still off in college in North Dakota, and my wife was still just a manager in her company.

Oh, yeah, and I was hinting at a big change for this blog.

Then life happened and everything changed.

HEADING OUT

We nearly moved from Minneapolis this spring. The combination of a brutal winter, lack of contact with any of our friends, punishing work schedules, and a general sense of ennui did us in. We'd had enough.

This wasn't idle talk. We had not seen Saveau, Garret, MagicMarmot, hell, anybody from the old days for months. MLRF had long since moved to Chicago, my Pirates cast mates were busy with their lives, and our attempts to meet new people through going out and saying "Hi!" had failed miserably. We were alone.

For those readers who have never lived through a long, snow-filled winter, let me assure that one thing makes the experience much, much worse: Solitude.

We realized then that we had a choice: Come up with a way of enjoying our lonliness, or change our lives for the better.

We chose the latter.

MOVING MOUNTAINS

Moving with pay turned out to be a non-issue. SpousalGoddess got her company to agree to let her transfer to her Southern California office, and my company concluded that I could continue my IT role remotely. We made our list of house-improvement to-do's and started calling contractors. Come what may, we were going to make this happen.

Since we were heading to LA-LA-land, I decided I might as well pursue the Visual Effects field in earnest, just in case my current job vanished. Within a week I interviewed for a Visual Effects job at Battlestar VFX. (I didn't land it, but the visual effects supervisor from season four of Battlestar Galactica told me that he liked my demo reel. That made the entire experience a "win" in my book.)

The demo reel that nabbed me an interview

That wasn't my only avenue. I applied to multiple studios, while at the same time GeminiTwin tried and failed again to get me an interview with StereoD. Lastly, I spoke with the new head of placement at the DAVE School to see about getting myself represented. One way or another, the NerdPod was headed west.

Then everything changed again.

MEET THE NEW BOSS

SpousalGoddess got promoted.

One week my wife was looking at continuing her role as a manager in sunny Southern California; the next, she was offered a promotion to Associate Director.

There was only one problem: The new job meant we couldn't leave. She'd have to stay in Minneapolis for the role.

We talked about it, and seriously considered saying "No." In the end, though, both professional and financial factors won out.

So, in the same month we'd meant to be putting the house on the market, SpousalGoddess accepted her promotion. She had staff of her own now, resources, and genuine leadership goals. This was a move up for her, and something of which we were both very proud.

Regardless, in the space of a couple of weeks, we went from getting ready to leave to settling in for an even longer run in Minnesota.

On the bright side, we did clear out a lot of useless crap from the house.

THE DUDE ABIDES

In the meantime, The Dude came back from his first year of college. He'd carried a respectable GPA, and had loved school.

Unfortunately, in his year freezing in the northern tundra, he'd made a very important decision: He did not want to go back to college in North Dakota.

The Dude was quick to point out that he didn't want to stop college; he just didn't want to go to North Dakota. The brutal weather, the lack of an actual game design program (the University should have been ashamed of itself for even having it in the course catalog), and and no way to get into the art programs he wanted to pursue, made the location a dead-end for his growth. He still wanted his degree, but he didn't want it at that institution.

Over the year he'd been away, he'd kept his eye on the new and improved DAVE School in Florida. In the three years since I'd attended, the school had replaced its owner, its facility, and even parts of its program. Once something of secret, the school now took out full-page color ads in industry magazines like 3D World and 3D Artist.

The Dude and I talked it over, and we decided that the getting an Associate's Degree in something he loved -- and, more importantly, had talent in -- was worth waiting on his Bachelor's.

Just like that, the DAVE School was back in our lives.

We got to work arranging his time at the school right away. Spousal priced new tires for the wagon he'd have to use in Florida. I called and confirmed that the Associate's Degree was still in place. ("Yes," was the reply, "But it really can't transfer to anything.") Lastly, we scheduled a tour for the end of July. Since it was the middle of summer, we decided to make it a mini-vacation. No matter what, we were going to have fun.

Rather than getting a hotel room on International Drive (a place she'd one referred to as "A de-militarized zone with Mickey Mouse ears,"), SpousalGoddes rented us an apartment at the same facility that I lived in during my months of school. I was in heaven. Though the purpose of this trip was for my son, I couldn't help but enjoy the trip down my particularly memory lane. This was going to be awesome.

Lastly, I pinged Scully, who now resided two hours from Orlando for her new industry job. I let her know we were on our way down, and she agreed to schedule a meet-up when we were down there.

Before we knew it, the weeks had gone by and we were boarding a plane for Orlando, Florida.

I couldn't help but grin: I was going to get to see the DAVE School again.

Sweet!

BACK IN TIME

It only took me a few minutes for me to get my bearings once I was back on Orlando's roads. Sure, it had been three years before, but those had been great times; I hadn't let go of their memory quite so easily.

Within minutes I drove up to my old apartment complex. My stomach fluttered. I felt like I'd stepped back in time. It only became worse as we walked up to the door of our rented condo. Spousal had managed to get us the same room number as I'd lived in before. Though I knew it was impossible, I half-expected to open the door and find RedFro sitting on the couch, playing his PS3, or GeminiTwin cooking his lunch.

I hadn't realized until that moment how much I'd missed those guys.

We opened the door the apartment and the kids both gasped. The place was much better furnished than in 2008, but aside from that it was still the same kind of condo I'd called home.

"I could definitely live like this," The Dude said.

"So could I!" Sporty Girl added.

We settled in that first night by eating at the same restaurant GeminiTwin and I had chowed-down at when I'd first arrived. We hit Harry Potter World in the park, and finally went to sleep before our tour.

YOU CAN'T GO HOME AGAIN

"Wow," SpousalGoddess said as we drove onto the Universal back lot towards the DAVE School. "That's a lot nicer than it was before."

I agreed. The new facility took up an entire sound stage, and gleamed with new coat of pale yellow paint. The entrance was no longer a collision of movie posters, spaceship models, and a small desk. Instead the entire facility was polished and professional. Even the break room was more corporate than my days with the operation.

We were escorted to our waiting area by a nice young woman who was utterly alien to me. The Dude shifted in his seat from side to side like a greyhound pressing against its starting gate. He had been on a tour of the school with me back in 2007, but this was different. Now he was convinced that this was where he was going to be for the next year. After that, a career in the Visual Effects field beckoned.

I smiled. I remembered feeling exactly the same way on the day I'd arrived in 2008.

I sat back and saw a Captain America poster on the wall. It was covered with signatures from DAVE School artists who had worked on the show. I stood up and looked at the names more closely.

There, along the right arm, was GeminiTwin's signature. As I looked I saw even more former classmate's names included on the sheet.

My gut twisted. My reasons for coming home had always been sensible, and I'd even been paid for the work in the years since. Nevertheless, I'd always hoped to have my name on a movie like the one I stared at now.

Oh, well.

Then our guide arrived. She shook my hand, and The Dude's, and gave us her standard intro spiel. Then she opened up the floor for questions.

I whipped out my iPad and pulled up the list of questions SpousalGoddess and I had compiled over the past few weeks. I decided to start with a softball:

"So, just to confirm," I said, "This is a terminal Associate's Degree program, correct?"

I expected her to reply in the affirmative, as she had on the phone only three weeks earlier. Instead, she shook her head.

"No, we've lost the Associate's I'm afraid."

What?

I didn't say the words, but I'm sure my face reflected the question. I turned to The Dude and saw the faintest flush fill his cheeks.

"So..." SpousalGoddess said, breaking the silence. "He won't get a degree?"

"No," she replied. She gave it her best go, but even she could tell that this was not welcome news to anyone in the room.

The rest of the tour took three hours. We saw the massive new green screen studio, the amazing new classrooms, and even met with the school administrator. He was very impressed with The Dude's demo reel that he'd assembled for the trip, and clearly wanted him there.

Given the face time, I asked the administrator about the accreditation. The school had actually opted to pull back from their earlier accreditation in order get a better, more accurate representation of the education the students received at the location. They would be accredited again, he assured us. It was just going to take some time.

I appreciated both his candor and his time, and thanked him. Then we were escorted to the door and were sent on our way.

Remember, this is what he brought to ask for admittance into the school.

The car door had barely closed when SpousalGoddess laid down the law: "I'm not spending thirty thousand dollars for a certificate."

The Dude sagged in the seat behind her.

We spent drive back to the park debating the issue. Yes, he'd do wonderfully in the school. Yes, he'd probably land a gig right after graduation. Still, that money could be used for a Bachelor's, and he could still continue his own personal training along the way.

The next two days were tough. The Dude was devastated by the news. Visual Effects was what he wanted to do for a living. He knew he could do incredibly well at the DAVE School, and had dreamed of going. He also, however, dreamed of getting a degree.

"I can do this," he said as we sat in the same outdoor hot tub I'd used only a few short years ago. "But I need to know that the money we're spending will go farther than just a couple of jobs."

I talked him through his problem. Honestly, I was just as conflicted. I knew how talented the kid was. I knew he would blow the doors off of the program. Unfortunately, I also knew at least three incredibly talented 3D artists who had never been hired for even a single job. It was a risk I knew all too well.

Given the bombshell of the school accreditation, the rest of the trip was spent in something of a haze. We ended up hitting NASA to see the sites there again. The Dude managed to sit in a replica of the Enterprise bridge. We crawled around some spaceships, and generally tried to make the best of time that, honestly, we'd rather all have spent in San Francisco.

This was still cool, though.

We never did meet up with Scully during our trip. I tried to reach her the entire time we were down there, but never got a response. I later learned she was under crunch time, but it still was disappointing to miss some time with an old DAVE School friend. RedFro, too, was out of state, (ironically much closer to Minnesota than to Florida), while GeminiTwin was settling back into life in upstate New York after leaving StereoD in June. Somehow, not seeing these folks made me sad.

Wandering through the City Lights of Universal Studios was even worse. Here was the spot where RedFro slammed his arms to his sides and yelled "I need an adult! I need an adult!" as Scully touched him. There was the overhang that Scully, GeminiTwin, and I had walked along after seeing the dreadful Hamlet2. I didn't remember the stress of Block One in those moments. I just remembered my friends.

I turned to family and sighed.

"You know," I said "When I lived here I was happy to be with my friends, but I missed you guys terribly."

"We missed you, too, Dad," The Dude offered.

"Thing is, now that we're here, I miss my friends. I wish they were here to see this with me again."

SpousalGoddess just nodded.

When we finally left the state again, I realized I didn't know when -- or if -- I'd ever see those places again.

Strangely, I was okay with that. Life is about change. Somehow, embracing it now seemed easier than even a few years before.

A ROAD....WELL, HONESTLY, PRETTY WELL-TRAVELED

The Dude announced his decision regarding the DAVE School not long after we returned. "I have to get a degree first," he said. "I'll look into either DAVE or another program post-graduation."

I knew it was a tough choice, but I was proud of him for making it. He called the school and let them know. They expressed some disappointment, but understood.

Unfortunately by the time we got back from our trip, it was too late for The Dude to re-register for UND, or for the local schools. He opted instead to finish out his generals at a local community college, and head out to the local University or one of the design schools when he's got those knocked out.

One wrinkle: That meant he'd be out of school until January. My son had, inadvertently, ended up scheduling a semester off.

Oh, well. He's not the first college student to do that. He won't be the last.

Once his plans were solidified, he spent the next few weeks building an incredibly accurate model of the NX-01. He rolled from that into an AT-AT Walker, which is still in progress. He's also worked with motion graphic projects with me, and is learning from our Digital Tutors membership. He's keeping busy. It may not be the DAVE School, but at least he's still honing his skills.

Yes, he really made that model, and that image.

Finally, he landed a good job at the local game software store. He's taken to the gig like the proverbial duck to a pond, and loves going to work. Sure, he's frustrated to be missing a semester, but at least he's making the best of his time.

LOSING TOUCH

The biggest kick in our collective gut was our loss of contact with Saveau. We hadn't seen each other face-to-face since May of 2010, due largely to issues to issues his spouse had with my family. Instead, I'd call him once every couple of weeks just to chat. It was nice to hear from him, and to know how he was doing. More than that, it was good to have a friend whose ear I could bend.

Then, one day, he stopped answering my calls.

At first I wasn't too worried. He was a busy guy, putting in lots of extra hours.

Then it kept happening. Call, two rings, right to voice mail.

Something was up.

I texted and emailed. No response. I called again. Nothing.

Finally, I learned through a mutual friend that Saveau's wife had apparently decided that any contact with my family was tantamount to infidelity. Faced with that ultimatum, Saveau had chosen his family.

Just like that, Saveau was out of our lives. Here one day, gone the next.

Surprisingly, losing contact with Saveau was less painful than I'd expected. Though I miss him, and he's always welcome in my home, I respect his decision. Family has to come first.

Besides, not being willing to let go of the friendship would be utterly hypocritical. We'd been ready to leave the state only weeks before. One way or another, we were going to part company. I just wish it had been on better terms.

THE FACE OF THE BLOG

Lastly, there were supposed to be "Big Changes" coming to this blog. What was up with that?

Simple: I was going to focus this space more on 3D work, and on a 3D comic I was developing. I prototyped characters, got rigging under control, and even started looking at tutorials to write.

I actually got pretty far in the prototyping phase:

I even experimented with a more comic book-like look:

Yes, this would have been in the same comic. Yes, it actually made sense.

So, what happened?

Two things:

I. Technology Issues

Okay, I'm not a half-bad 3D modeler and animator, but very realistic human characters still present an enormous challenge. Since I had a very specific look in mind for the comic, and I didn't want to get bogged down with the technical aspects of the work, I opted to use a tool that specialized in human figures: Poser Pro.

My workflow was to be as follows:

Create the character and its pose in Poser
Save the file
Open the file in LightWave with their custom exchange system
Light and render the scene in LightWave
Wash, rinse, repeat

It's pretty clear that the whole process hinges on step three above. That custom interchange allowed me to utilize both Poser's and LightWave's strengths.

Too bad it didn't really work.

Oh, I could open the files in LightWave -- including animations, surprisingly enough -- but it was a flawed system. The textures were improperly applied to the models. Everything was pale and de-saturated. Result: I ended up having to re-surface the character for every single pose. Yes, that means every time an expression changed, or an arm moved, or even a hair was twisted, I had to spend thirty minutes of my time re-surfacing my models.

It was a nightmare.

In the end, I actually did something I have never done before with an expensive application: I asked for a refund. Poser, it seemed, wasn't my answer.

Not to be deterred, I looked at another option: Quidam. Not only did this package have a direct interchange with LightWave, it also created sub-patch cages for me to build characters the way I was trained. I obtained an evaluation copy, and within a week of experimentation had created a character named "Gina" for the comic:

Gina and her attitude. (Not really happy with that pose...)

Gina showing off some of her morphs and her rig.

"Gina" was a fun project. She allowed me to not only work with Quidam and LightWave, but also with UVLayout and MudBox. Finally, she was rigged with RebelHill's insanely wonderful Rhiggit. What would have taken me days to knock out myself took me a matter of two hours with his tool, and that was only because I was being finicky:

If it looks complex, that's because it is. It really, really is.

Happy with my results, all that remained was to purchase my license of Quidam and get to work. Off I went to the store, credit card in hand, and clicked on its web store.

Huh. It was down.

I tried a couple of hours later.

Still down.

"Must be a glitch," I said. "I'll try later."

That was February. It's now October. The Web Store is still down.

Balls.

Frustrated, I went online to buy a used copy. So far, I've had no luck.

Unfortunately, by this point the second issue with my process had reared its ugly head:

II. Forty-Five Hour Work Weeks

Guess what, folks: I'll be forty-five myself in a few days. Try as I might, I just don't have the same amount of energy as I had ten years ago. The result is, at the end of a long day doing a fairly crappy job on a computer, the last thing I want to do is sit in front of a computer to do more non-paying work. Besides, as the stories formed in my head for the comic, and the amount of work required was scoped-out, I realized I'd be taking on another Pray for Daylight-level committment.

Sorry, folks. Not again. Not for free, anyway.

I decided to focus instead on smaller projects to keep my spirits up. The comic is still on my mind, but, at this point, the kind of characters -- and their setting -- is a far different animal:

Given my hectic schedule, these little Kerbals -- named for the amazing free Kerbal Space Program game -- were modeled entirely by me in less than the time that it took me to model "Darla Jean's" hair at the DAVE School. They're cartoony, they're silly, and they're fun. If the comic project goes forward, this will be its venue.

Heck, they've even been fun to animate:

Jebediah Kerman goes for a stroll...

In short, I've not given up; I'm just re-focusing my efforts.

MAKING TIME

Lastly, this blog has been ignored because I frankly haven't had the time. (I think this entire post is a testament to that fact.) Nevertheless, I don't want to shut it down. I've actually found my own musings helpful here, to remind me what is most important in my life: My family and my friends. Everything else? That's negotiable.

I hope to write more here in the coming weeks. I think I need to. I just don't feel like myself when I don't put words on a screen.

As for today? Well, I have another interview, I'm waiting on a job offer, I'm working from home, and I have a Modo User's Group meeting to get ready for tomorrow. I'm busy, and that's okay.

No, let me re-phrase that: I'm okay because I'm busy. It's just the way I'm wired.

And that's okay.

Not So Wonderful Worlds

noreply@blogger.com (Avindair) — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 13:26:00 +0000

The Massively Multiplayer Game market is on its way to an early grave. It doesn't matter that World of Warcraft has a subscriber base larger than the population of Belgium. New titles like DC Universe Online and the soon-to-be-released Star Wars: The Old Republic? They don't matter. The genre as a whole has creatively stagnated. Unless something happens very soon, the days of MMOs may become a fond memory far sooner than anticipated.

BYGONE ERA

Let's roll the mental clock back to 1999. The Internet was still a relatively big deal. Only fifty percent of households even owned a computer, and of them only a little over forty percent had Internet access. Venture capitalists poured money into any hare-brained scheme that had the suffix "dot-com" attached to it, and didn't think twice. This whole "online thing"? It was going to be the basis of the "new economy".

It was into that world that Everquest was released in March of 1999.

Even for its day, Everquest's graphics weren't cutting-edge. Players were forced into a seeing a world through a tiny on-screen window that limited their field of view. The controls were clunky, the animations basic, and the goal ephermeal. It really wasn't a very good game. By all rights, Everquest should have come and gone without making a wave in the then-thriving PC game market. Instead, it became a title so successful that it drove the creation of the MMO industry as we know it today.

What made the difference?

Simple: People saw other people playing the video game with them. Not just one, or two, or sixteen, but dozens at a time. Players were no longer sitting alone in front of their monitors, engaging in Walter Mitty-esque acts of pre-scripted heroism. No, they were individuals in a community, and there was a brand new world out there for them to conquer.

In a world where we text childhood friends on our phones with a swipe of our thumbs, the idea that players were dazzled by seeing another person's avatar seems as quaint as hearing our grandparents remenisce about the first time they saw a television. Being digitally connected to others is not only commonplace now, it's bothersome. Yet to a world not very long ago, playing a game with people from around the country was spitting-distance from magic.

The game wasn't only about meeting people, of course. Norrath was an entirely new world for players to explore. Better still, they could explore it together. What could be better than that?

Everquest was such a monster success that a whole parade of titles followed. Star Wars Galaxies, City of Heroes, Dark Age of Camelot, and others offered players new worlds to explore, and new people to meet. Eventually, the 800 lbs gorilla that was World of Warcraft entered the arena. MMOs were here to stay.

Too bad the games are pretty much all the same.

DON'T HATE THE PLAYER, HATE THE GAME

MMOs have become the victims of their own success. Fearful of making costly mistakes, publishers have shied away from innovation and instead stuck to tried-and-true formulas. The result is both ironic and sad; in a genre built around the idea of sweeping their players off to a magical otherworld, publishers have instead created a sea of homogeneous titles. It doesn't matter if a player is tromping through a Sword and Scorcery Fantasy world, or navigating a starship in the Final Frontier. The graphics might be different, but the gameplay is a cookie-cutter as a suburban neighborhood.

The publishers can't be blamed for being cautious. Making MMOs is an expensive endeavor. They're also -- and this is a really, really important point here -- businesses. This means they are first and foremost in in the business of making money. If that means they take a less-risky but well-established approach to being profitable this quarter, so be it. Given the Belgium-sized subscriber base of World of Warcraft -- a game that eschewed innovation entirely in favor of hardcore polishing of existing mechanics -- that strategy was sound.

That the dumbing-down of the MMO genre has been a success isn't much of a surprise. Most of their core demographic came of age in a world where the letters "M-M-O" are synonymous with World of Warcraft. The wild-and-wooly days of exploring the worlds and adventures without maps and plugin helpers is beyond their ken. No, MMOs mean "lead-you-by-the-nose" solo gameplay. No thought required; just follow the big arrow to your quest item, click the same buttons fourteen times, and get experience. Wash, rinse, repeat.

It's really sad. These worlds stop being living, breathing entitites, and instead become nothing but the world's saddest theme parks.

Worse, there is nothing inherintly social about them any longer. Games are designed to be played solo. Other players? They aren't allies. They're either hunting your drops or are griefing your faction. They are, in fact, a bit of the pain in the ass.

Wow, what a magical world.

The final blow to the innovation of the titles is the "Free-to-Play" (F2P) model of subscription. Players no longer need to buy a client, or even pay a monthly fee to enjoy the title. They can login and play the game without spending a cent.

Well, sort of.

You see, some of the best gear is going to cost you money. Not in-game gold pieces or credits; actual cold, hard cash. Sure, you can play without that gear, but the game is going to be a lot harder.

Oh, and remember how I said you could play for free? Well, depending on the title, that might not be the case. You can play to, say, level 11 for no charge. After that? Well, levels 11 through 21 are going to be $9.95, please.

As a business model, F2P has been a brilliant success. It's resurrected failing titles like Dungeons and Dragons Online, Lord of the Rings Online, and even Champions Online and allowed the companies to turn a profit. Better, for fans of those particular sub-genres, they get the title they want, and can decide how they spend their monthly money.

Unfortunately, the immersion into these magical worlds is shattered when the damned game keeps hitting you up for cash like those annoying card-hawkers who line the Vegas strip. Yeah, I get it, they need to make money, but can they stop being all up in our face about it for a second?

All in all, the state of MMOs is depressing. Those "Worlds of Wonder" I once wrote about have all devolved into theme parks and shopping malls..

What, then, is the incentive to even play?

CHANGING THE WORLD

I'm not the only blogger asking this question. Even industry websites are acknowledging this feeling of online ennui. The sense of genre fatigue is overwhelming.

If MMOs are to thrive and grow beyond their current state, they're going to have to break their habits. They're going to have do things radically differently in order to recapture at least some of that wonder of an artificial share space presented in 1999.

Some of these changes are going to be technological. Others are going to be philosophical. None of them are going to be easy.

Here, then, are a few ideas:

1. Seamless Worlds

When World of Warcraft premiered in 2004, it took a page from Chris Taylor's Dungeon Siege and made the world entirely open. No loading screens. Players transitioned from place to place with nary a loading screen in sight. (Well, until they crossed the ocean, that is.)

This one design choice made Azeroth feel more like a place than any other single aspect of the game design. Once I saw this, I was certain that this would be standard in MMO design going forward.

Now, in 2011? Not so much.

MMOs have not only not embraced these zoneless worlds, they've actually become far worse. Games like Star Trek Online are particularly aggregious. Players zone when they enter their starbases, zone into different parts of the same starbase, zone when they beam to their ships, zone if they want to walk around their ships, zone if they need to scratch themselves...

You get the idea.

Enough. No more zones.

Using the Star Trek example above, I want to walk my character around a starbase, and -- rather than beam to my ship -- walk into and pilot a shuttlecraft to my ship. I want to land in the shuttle bay, take the turbolift to the bridge, sit down, and keep playing.

No breaks. No interruptions. Just flow from one location to the next. A truly seemless, interconnected world.

Make it happen and players will come.

2. Connect the Player to the Avatar in Real-Time

Video cameras have become ubiquitous on PCs over the past five years. Real-time video chat is commonplace. Even more exciting, teams are developing ways to do real-time facial expression tracking for motion capture to transfer to animated characters.

What does this have to do with MMOs?

Imagine this: You're on the shores of a lake, working on building your newest merchant boat. You see a comely young female character approaching you. You walk over and say "Hi!"

You can do that now, of course. You just have to move your character to the other person, click on the other avatar, and type "Hi" into the chat window.

Imagine, then, a game where you just look at the character, move over, say "Hi!" with your mouth, and the other person both hears a digitaly altered version of your voice, but also sees your avatar's mouth move, and your expression mirrored on the character on screen.

Yes, your face actually drives the face of your avatar. Let that idea sink in for a second.

Laughing? That stops being the used-to-death "LOL", and instead becomes the sight of a person throwing their head back and actually laughing. Conversations become verbal, not typing exercises again. More to the point, your avatar becomes a reflection of you in more ways than your stats scores.

This one change alone would help reinvigorate the social aspect of MMOs once again. Make it happen.

3. Re-Bootable Worlds

If there is one complaint that classic pencil-and-paper role playing game players have with MMOs, it's this:

"Nothing I ever do matters. Sure, I can do the quest chain, but it doesn't mean anything because there is a line of fifteen other people behind you waiting to do it, too."

The response to this apt criticsm to date has been "It's the nature of MMOs." After all, with thousands of people playing, you have to keep them all entertained, don't you?

Still, wouldn't it be nice to play an MMO where what you did actually did change the world for everyone, if only for a little while?

One possible solution to this issue is to borrow the concept of "re-bootble worlds" from the multiplayer Flight Simulation market. In the simulation Aces High 2, pilots on all three sides of the war fight to take over several maps over the course of the campaign. Winners get better resources, faster repairs, and more airfields, and losers get boned.

Why do players keep playing then? If you're on the losing team, why would you put up with it?

Simple: Once the war is one, the world resets. A new campaign begins, and the players can try to change the outcome.

Of course, a flight sim combat environment doesn't have a tenth of the complexity of an MMO to deal with. Regardless, imagine:

A World of Warcraft server where Horde attacks could actually capture and claim Alliance territories...and their resources.
An Age of Conan server where your choices can actually lead you into heading up a large group of NPCs to disrupt the factions.
A City of Heroes server where you, as a Villain, turn entire blocks of pedestrians into your supporters with nothing more than an well-played PR campaign. This erodes hero's abilities to do their jobs unhindered in those zones, and impacts all players on a server.

When certain well-published conditions are met, the servers reset and the world starts over again.

Realistic? No. Doesn't matter. It allows users to have impact on their "worlds", if only for a while. Heck, you don't even have to worry aout the logic of the situation. Hand-wave the silliness away by calling it a temporal loop, a magical trap, or a karmic bubble, and you're good.

Lets try this out. You'd be amazed by what your players will do with a world they can really impact.

4. Character Aging & Death

I actually spoke about this idea years ago. I still stand by the idea that characters should age, and even allow there to be "family trees" of characters with inheritence, ownership, the whole shebang.

The one new idea I have is this: On selected servers, once characters get past a certain level, let them "run out of lives" and die.

Yes, die.

All good characters should see their end. I'd much rather see my toons die in battle than rot away on a database until they're archived.

Is this risky? Sure. But I think it's worth testing out.

5. Meaningful Non-Combat Gameplay

One of the best parts of Star Wars Galaxies in its heyday was that it had player-created cities. There were player-run, player-managed locations where my avatar could rest up, heal-up, and resupply before went out into the wastes of Tatooine again.

We need to see that kind of innovation in MMOs again.

Imagine a game where you could level your avatar doing nothing more than running a city, managing NPCs, and generating income for yourself and others.
Imagine a game where you can build a boat and level just by sailing and exploring.
Imagine a game where combat is something that may happen, but doesn't have to happen.

We need that kind of innovative thinking applied to MMO titles again.

6. Living NPCs

MMO developers, listen up. I've had it with human-shaped vendomats. When I wander into a city, I want to see NPCs doing things. I want to see the shopkeep cleaning, the baker baking, and the blacksmith hammering. More to the point, I want them to have to stop to talk to me. If there are a lot of people around, I should have to wait in line.

Aggravating? Sure, a little. But it also makes the world memorable, and living.

Even better, I want to be able to hire NPCs. Not to adventure with me, but to handle other tasks. Tend my gardens, maintain my ships, that sort of thing. Even better, I want my avatar to have a relationship with these characters.

For guidance I recommend playing the latest Bioware titles. They've got the right idea. Add in the self-motivated NPC logic from Bethesda for Oblivion and Fallout3, and you've got the idea.

7. Real World MMO

Imagine a nature hike where, half-way through the two mile trail, you get jumped by creepers from Minecraft.

The creepers aren't there, of course. They're only visible on your display glasses connected to your smart phone. The phone, in turn, is connected to an MMO server that allows you to play scenarios based on hiking trails around the country.

Silly? Sure. A neat way to make hiking even more fun? Yep.

Barring that, with devices like the Kinect entering the house, MMO developers can't ignore the "get-your-ass-off-of-the-couch" demographic of MMO players out there. I've said it before and I'll say it again: If the averag World of Warcraft player was forced to actually walk on a treadmill to make their Avatars move on screen, there would be a marked decrease in obesity in that demographic.

So, there's your challenge: Make an MMO that gets people to move, gets them fresh air, and gets them healthier.

Good luck.

BOTTLED LIGHTNING

These might all sound like pie-in-the-sky ideas, but they're made for a serious reason: MMOs are stagnating. It's time to shake up the status quo and do something different.

As for me? Well, after a brief flirtation with World of Warcraft last winter, I'm off of the MMO bandwagon again. I just have too much on my plate. Sure, I'm excited by Star Wars: The Old Republic, but aside from that, I'm non-plussed. (It probably doesn't help that my job actually plays like the dullest MMO in the world, but that's a topic for another rant.)

MMOs offer a terrific chance for people to blow off steam in ways that few other forms of entertainment provide. Unfortunately, they're caught in development mindset that is acting against the genre's growth. Only by accepting that things have to change will they change.

A FAREWELL TO FAR HORIZONS

As with my entry about Pray for Daylight, this post marks my last entry about MMOs. With this piece I've said nearly all I have to say on the matter.

I've enjoyed talking about these titles on this site. I hope that this piece, and my Worlds of Wonder series entertained my readers.

As for me? Well, Avindair the Night-Elf is sleeping in an inn somewhere. Avindair on Star Wars Galaxies is asleep aboard his ship orbiting Tatooine, and Dark Ashaman in City of Heroes is still sleeping with the fishes.

Fitting ends for heroes? Not really. But they are endings. For that at I'm grateful.

PRAY FOR DAYLIGHT: FIVE YEARS LATER

noreply@blogger.com (Avindair) — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 22:17:00 +0000

If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't have made Pray for Daylight.

Well, not the one we made, anyway.

Stone Soup Films' Big Movie was a compromise from the moment I started writing the script:

I wanted to make a Science Fiction Film, but funding fell through, so I opted to make another vampire flick
I wanted to make a 30 minute short, but features got festival play, so I pushed for a feature instead
I wanted to make Blood Fugue, the feature-length script I wrote in 2002 after Steve, but didn't know if I'd get the locations.

With so little going for the project, why did I even bother trying to make it?

Honestly, I very nearly didn't.

MISSED OPPORTUNITY

I nearly canceled production of what would become Pray for Daylight before we even shot one scene.

It was July of 2005. I had written and re-written the script for what was then-titled Prey, and just wasn't happy with it. I couldn't tell if the story made any sense, if our take on vampire lore played, if the characters were likeable, and if the dramatic needs of the lead were obvious and compelling. I was too close to it, and I knew it.

I put the script out for read-throughs on the Stone Soup Films board. I got some good feedback, and updated the script accordingly. It didn't help. Constrained by budget, location, and lack of stunt performers, the script felt flat, talky, and lifeless. It wasn't working for me at all.

There was something else, too: I was tired of vampires, Their whole schtick was just played out. Worse, I was tired of playing in somebody else's sandbox. I wanted to make something that was really mine.

Determined, I pressed on. I went through another revision, then another, and finally sat down and gave the script a read.

It didn't work. It was too talky, too serious, and a general downer. When I found myself missing the creepy charm of Steve the Vampire I'd had enough. I couldn't do it. Prey would not be made.

Relieved, I headed down to a LAN party with the cast and crew intent on breaking the bad news to them. I decided I'd tell folks about my decision about half-way through the night. That way people would be relaxed, and would be able to blow off steam afterward.

At the mid-point of the night, I headed up from my table downstairs and sat with ConradZero, Gamma Dragon, and Saveau himself.

Before I got to open my mouth, Saveau said "You've got to hear this!" He gestured to ConradZero, who clicked on a .wav file on his system.

A piece of music floated out. It was a little haunting, a little dark, but had a hint of hope to it.

"What is that?" I asked.

"That's the start to Saveau's theme," Saveau said. "Isn't that fucking cool!?"

I was stunned. Saveau? A musical theme? Really?

ConradZero then went on to play a few more pieces of music that were very much works-in-progress. It didn't matter. All I knew was these guys were already pre-composing music for the then-titled Prey. How could I say "No" to them now, and dissapoint their efforts?

So I didn't.

That one decision led to everything that followed: I lost Gamma Dragon and ConradZero as friends because of his wife's friend. I don't see Saveau any longer, either, because his wife has long-standing issues with SpousalGoddess and I partially based on that same incident. In short, by sparing my friend's feelings that day, I ended up losing them all anyway.

More than any other reason, that is why I regret making the movie.

TOO LITTLE BUTTER, TOO MUCH BREAD

That day lost me a Production Assistant and put the load of the movie back on my shoulders. I was very quickly overextended.

I tracked the work I put into the movie on this site. When I see those articles now, all I read is a catalog of how not to make a movie. Let's face it: I took on too much of the work. I needed to let go and have others handle more aspects of the project.

Unfortunately, that bad day had yet another reprecussion: I just couldn't trust that I wouldn't be left hanging again. Feeling like I had no other choice, I did everything that needed to be done.

With so much to do, no aspect of the project got my full attention. The result? The entire movie suffered.

TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE

One of the more embarrassing events associated with Pray for Daylight was a chidlish pissing contest I got sucked into back in October of 2006. For those who don't want to follow the link, here are the Cliff's Notes: I wrote a post asking why another film made in the Twin Cities that summer had been getting tons of festival play, while mine hadn't. It seemed like a straightforward enough question, and one I hoped to get some feedback on.

Before I knew it, rival cast and crew members hopped on my blog and bad-mouthed my movie in favor of their project. Since I hadn't said anything negative about their film, the attack seemed oddly hostile for so innocuous a question.

What I should have done at that point was walk away. What I did, though, was respond in kind. That was absolutely the wrong thing to do, and a decision I regret.

Regardless, one thing did come from that discussion: I understood that the other filmmaker completely stood behind his project. The Monster at Phantom Lake was exactly the movie he wanted to make, and he was proud of the final product. So proud, in fact, that he was willing to spend the money to promote it.

Which brings things back to Pray for Daylight.

Why didn't Pray for Daylight not get much festival play?

Simple: I didn't submit it to too many festivals because, frankly, it wasn't a festival-ready movie.

Pray for Daylight had a lot going against it. It defied genre, it played like a Soap Opera, and it avoided anything too edgy. Add in uneven sound, lack of real visual effects, and no nudity or real blood, and it didn't have a single "hook" to generate an audience.

Despite all this, though, I did submit to some festivals. I was careful to shoot for venues where I thought it would have a chance of being selected. I shouldn't have bothered. All in all, I only landed the movie in a handful of showings. Even then, it was always scheduled either late at night, or opposite big premieres. It was buried, and I knew it.

So why didn't I do more? Why didn't I call festivals, travel, badger people, and generally schmooze to get the title more play? Simple: I didn't believe in the final product. The movie just wasn't good enough to fight for.

I don't like writing those words. After all, a group of us put a tremendous amount of work into the project. But the only way to learn from a failure is to admit that it is, indeed a failure.

Of course, that was back in 2006 and 2007, when I was still mired in the post-shoot politics. Surely that impacted my opinion of the movie. How would the film play to me now?

PRAY FOR DAYLIGHT: LOOKING BACK

I wish this could be the point where I get to say "You know, it doesn't play that badly!" That's not the case. If anything, half a decade has been very cruel to Stone Soup Films' final product.

First off, a couple of things: I won't critique any performances in the movie. If there was a failure of any actors on screen it was due to the director -- me -- being too busy being a Line Director, cameraman, and line producer to actually engage them. Every misstep is one I own, not the actors.

Let's break this down.

The Script

Just as I feared in July of 2005, the script was confusing. My attempts to establish Cassie Banning as a vampire hunter in flashbacks were awkward at best, painful at worst. The result is a staid, stuttering story that only starts to find its own feet late in the second act.

Hamstrung by a tiny budget, the story also feels small when it should be epic. Where are the shots of vampires hunting humans in the streets of Minneapolis? Where are the creepy images of vampires wandering outside on a snowy day, safe from the sun's UV rays? Where are the shots of the Dhampir cutting into her victims? The movie needed all of those things, and had none.

Lastly, lack of a real script roundtable hurt the internal logic of the story. Why didn't the vampires just rush Cassie en masse when she was in Lucretia's lair? (Because they could only come so close to her without her sensing them is the answer that showed up nowhere on screen.) Why did vampires need human hunters? (For political reasons, this time barely hinted at in the script.) What did the police say about having vampires running around in the city? Really, all of this should have been on the screen. That I didn't construct a script that held up to any scutiny is a real shame.

That being said, the theme of the story is still one I find appealing. I like the idea of a dark character trying to escape their sins. In this case, though, the execution was wildly off.

In the end, I have to acknowledge that the script for Pray for Daylight was not ready for production. It needed at least four or five more re-writes. Or, honestly, it should have been shelved in favor of Blood Fugue.

Cinematography

Pray for Daylight is a pretty movie. It has some lovely lighting, some terrific framing, and appealing actors. Add in surprisingly good locations, and the movie looks far better than it had any right to.

Unfortunately, its look is hopelessly out-of-date. Shot on a 3CCD TRV-950, its resolution is poor by today's standards. For audiences used to the crisp lines of HD projects in even the smallest of amateur efforts, its quality just doesn't stand up.

Regardless, if there is something I like about the movie, it is the way it looks.

Sound

The sound was very uneven. Where we ADR'd it was pretty good; where we did digital clean-ups it was tinny at best, distorted at worst.

In retrospect, we should have ADR'd the entire movie.

Additionally, the threatening sound effects don't work. We needed to perform our own foley work. Going with freely available stuff worked for Steve, but for Pray for Daylight? Bad call.

Music

The music was always the best part of the film. It gave it a character that the script couldn't. The soundtrack is the one real big win of the movie.

Editing

If there was one aspect of the movie that surprised me with how badly it's aged, it would be the editing.

There is slow, there is languid, and then there is what I did to the cut of Pray for Daylight. The title could have lost 4 minutes of playtime without cutting a single line; all I needed to do was trim transitions and cuts.

That being said, the editing was competent. Moreover, the way the camera moved through coverage was still surprisingly dynamic.

If I ever make another movie, though, I'm letting someone else cut it. I think it would give me the perspective to make a better movie.

Fight Choreography and Photography

We never should have used our actors for fights. We needed stunt doubles, and we needed a fight director to shoot the combat. Asking our actors to do that part of the job on top of their normal duties was just too much.

There also wasn't enough time built into the schedule for fight rehearsal, and practice. The result was rushed combat scenes that did not play well on camera.

Lastly, the "Wheel of Death" desperately needed blood, and a full day devoted to photography. Rushing the physical climax of the movie was a dumb move, and one I'll regret forever.

(Ironically, in my post-DAVE School years, I realize how I could have added a lot of blood in post that would have looked great. Hell, Syeira could have cut people in half, and we could have had arterial spray everywhere. Doesn't help me now, though. Oh, well.)

The Movie as a Whole

If someone had showed me Pray for Daylight and told me it was a student's graduation project, I would have given it a B+ or A-. Not good enough for prime-time, mind you, but a solid effort. Unfortunately, Pray for Daylight was not a student project; it was a movie meant to stand on its own two feet. As much as it pains me to say it, it doesn't do that at all.

Pray for Daylight is a movie that suffered from a rushed script, ultra-short deadlines, and a tiny budget. Though it made a valiant attempt to be more than its pedigree, it still doesn't quite make it.

With so many flaws, there is little point in making the movie available on BlipTV, or any of the other myriad of sites on the web. Best to let it fade out of memory.

GOOD FROM BAD

Despite all of the negatives, Pray for Daylight did give me the confidence to go to DAVE School, to write for Videomaker magazine, and to shoot videos for pay. For those reasons alone, the experience was worth it.

There's also something to be said for seeing the movie on the big screen. It really felt like a movie that day. The theater masked the sound issues, the projection made it look like it was shot on film, and the whole story played like a piece of theater. For that experience alone, I'm almost glad we made the movie. Almost.

WAYBACK MACHINE

So, if I could go back in time, what would I tell myself?

First, I would tell myself to stick to short projects. They were more fun, and would have played great. But if I insisted on making a feature, here is what I would tell myself:

Take out a loan and do it right.
Get A&O insurance.
Shoot on anything but a TRV-950a.
Make Blood Fugue. It was always a better script, and would have played great.
Hire stunt people, fight photographers, and professional choreographers.
Hire a crew. Doing it all yourself is a bad thing.
Hire (or troll the art schools) for post-production people for VFX work.
Hire (or hit up the art school again) for marketing work.
Let someone else do the first cut.
ADR the whole thing.
Get an assembly within six weeks to identify pick-up shots.

In other words, I would tell myself that, if I wanted to make a movie, to do it the way others had. Frankly, it would have made for a much better product.

CLOSING THE DOORS

Why write this? After all, the movie was finished five years ago, and had its big-screen premiere in 2007. Why bring it up at all?

Simple: Because this blog was the Pray for Daylight production blog for a very long time. It was a defacto Stone Soup Films diary, whether I realized it or not. Pray for Daylight is in Northern Misfit's DNA.

It's time to put that in the past. The group that once was Stone Soup Films will never make another movie. I won't pen another Cassie Banning script, nor shoot either Rick or Kristi as Saveau and Cassie again in my lifetime. That chapter is closed.

To all of my current and former friends who helped make the movie happen: Thank you. We didn't need to make a movie, but we did. For that, you'll always have my gratitude.

To Saveau, to Cassie, and to Garrett, I say good night, farewell, and thanks for letting me play in your world for a while. Now I turn it back to you.

Under New Management

noreply@blogger.com (Avindair) — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 17:58:00 +0000

Northern Misfit is seven years old, and it's in the middle of an identity crisis.

When I started this blog back in 2004, it was on a whim. I never had a real purpose for it. I just wanted a place to jot down my thoughts and puzzle over whatever struck my fancy at the time.

A funny thing happened on the way to nowhere, though: The site actually became about something. Several things, in fact:

The Making of Pray for Daylight
My Move Out of IT and Into Technical Writing
My Experiences in Corporate America
My Experiences in Minnesota
My MMO Comic
My Adventures at DAVE School

Since coming back from DAVE School, though, a couple of things happened: First off, there is Facebook. Facebook -- and now Twitter -- have become my "Cheese Sandwich" refuges. When I want to gripe, joke, or even share a funny video, I do it on my wall, or I tweet a thought. It's just easier to share those flash-in-the-pan emotions that way.

Secondly - and more importantly -- is the fact that I've changed. I no longer feel the need to share as much of myself as I once did. I've come to value my privacy more than in the past. That reason more than anything else has allowed this site to go fallow.

So, what's to become of Northern Misfit?

Simple: It's time to change. More to the point, it's time to give the place a purpose.

Before I do, though, there is some things I think need closure on this site. As such, I'm kicking off a series of articles to recap some of the most common themes I've covered here. After that, the site's new direction will be revealed.

Stay Tuned!

Artificial Living

noreply@blogger.com (Avindair) — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 17:19:00 +0000

Jan 2010

The sounds that come from the sixth floor cubicle maze remind me of a college library. A whispered conversation here. An exasperated sigh there. Nothing that can be mistaken for the spoken word escapes their padded walls. Only muted emotion makes it past.

I adjust the laptop case in my right hand as I pass the central monitoring room. A single operator sits surrounded by a bank of nine LCD displays and an equally impressive array of keyboards. A heavier man, he favors me with the glassy stare of someone who has been awake all night.

I nod. He doesn't respond. He just follows me with his eyes until I pass beyond his doorway.

I've never seen him before. Chances are I'll never see him again. That's just the way things are around this company.

I weave my way through the cubicle passages so that I can walk along the sixth floor windows. The view outside is something from a Sterling-esque Steampunk novel. Dirty snow blankets the empty top tier of the parking ramp, while the horizon is dotted with smokestacks belching steam. Cars caked with salt slip their way over slush-covered streets, trailing gray exhaust as they pass.

I'd just spent over an hour working my way over twenty-five miles of Minneapolis highway just like those roads to get to my workplace. I didn't need to see that again so soon.

I turn away and turn my gaze to the people who share the floor with me.

There is the woman in her cube, bedecked with pictures of herself in her Tae Kwon Do dobucks and black belt, and a few of her family. She's huddled as she often is with the other women in her cube row. One of the members of the clique -- a heavier woman whose mouth is etched into a bitter inverted "C" on her face -- catches my eye.

I nod and smile.

She glares in return.

I quickly pass them by.

Next up is the two techs in their small cubes that are so filled with equipment and pinned-up data that they look less like an office workspace and more like a crazed technological hermit's cave. Ironically, both men are well dressed.

They actually nod at me as I pass. No words are exchanged, though. We just acknowledge that the other is there.

I finally make my way to my row. I slip into my cube, hang up my jacket, slide my laptop computer out of its case, and pop it into its docking bay. A plug-in of my cell phone and iPod later, and I'm ready to face my co-workers.

It doesn't take long for them to get my attention. A few moments after I login a chat window pops up.

"Good morning," it reads. "Can you look at 1194767?"

"Sure," I type back. My co-worker is in St. Louis, and his workday is already an hour ahead of mine.

I navigate my way through the labrynthine maze of the corporate Intranet, and find the trouble ticket in question. Within minutes I have the issue resolved.

"Done," I type to my comrade.

"k" he responds.

Nothing happens for some time. I check my email, and answer a few that are addressed to me. I knock out a couple of minor to-do items on my list -- send an email here, close a trouble ticket there -- before another co-worker pings me.

"Can you unlock me on a server?" He's a member of the Linux team that I used to work with, based in Orlando, Florida. Though he's been my co-worker for almost a year and a half, I couldn't pick him out of a police lineup.

"Sure," I respond.

I login to the server in question and start working. After all, what else would I have to do? Might as well pass the time.

***

The eight hours go by in fits and starts. One moment I'm pinged by three or four people at once needing help. The next? I'm left alone with my thoughts.

Only once during the workday do I need to actually need to speak. A local cubicle farm mate taps me on my shoulder to drag my attention from my iPod headphones.

"What's up?" I ask. I try not to sound excited and fail. Human interaction? I'm all for that.

"Do you still schedule changes for the Linux team?" he asks.

"No," I reply.

"Oh," he says. He walks away without another word.

That is the highlight of my workday.

***

I pack up eight and a half hours after I arrive. Though I ate at my desk, and worked during that time, I try to give the company the amount of time they expect.

I dont' tell anyone that I'm leaving. I used to do that, as a courtesy. I was quickly told that it wasn't necessary. The tone of that message made it clear that others found it a nuisance.

I walk out the same way I came in. Most of those that I saw as I came in are gone. Only a couple of workaholic stragglers remain. They favor me with a disapproving gaze as I leave after only a little more than a normal work shift.

As always, I smile at the workaholics.

They look away.

***

It takes me almost fifteen minutes for me to drive the five miles to pick up SpousalGoddess from her workplace. This is a good day. I've seen it take twice that time. I count my blessings as she hops into the car, laptop bag in hand.

We leave her workplace and ease onto the highway onramp. The line of metro traffic looks like a giant has arranged his matchbox car collection end-to end. It barely moves, inching forward only when able.

SpousalGoddess pulls up the road maps on her smartphone. There is no accident slowing us down. It's just too many drivers on too little road.

SpousalGoddess and I pass the time by talking about our days. Hers is filled with management meetings, problems she's solved with website launches, and general triumphs. Mine consists of technical ticket work I would have found dull a decade ago.

As always, Spousal gets frustrated. "We have to get you out of there," Spousal says. "You're wasted in that job."

"I know," I reply.

She's right. The job doesn't play to my strengths, but to my weaknesses. I have to leave. But where, and how?

The car slips in a rut and nearly fishtails. I put my focus on the road. I need to get us home in one piece.

It takes us eighty minutes to get home.

***

I switch into my sweat pants and t-shirt the moment I get home. Sporty Girl is downstairs doing homework. SpousalGoddess rummages through the cupboards in the kitchen to make dinner.

I turn on the XBox360 and stand in front of the Kinect sensor. The login process moves by at a glacial pace, but eventually I'm ready to start my workout.

My digital "personal trainer" -- though male in appearance -- has the voice of a perky Canadian voice actress.

"Let's start this first set with some tap-side, tap-backs!" She's as enthusiastic as a person in a recording booth who doesn't actually have to do the workout would sound.

I don't mind. I look forward to my workouts all day.

I match my moves to the digital trainer on screen. As always, the Kinect only reads about three quarters of my exercises.

It doesn't matter. I'm working out. That's all that counts.

I finish the set with a whopping 76% accuracy.

"Great job," my digital trainer says, reading from her script. "Let's move on to the power jog."

I raise my hands and start to run.

SpousalGoddess starts pasta for dinner.

***

I finish my workout in thirty minutes. One hundred and fifty calories. Just over five thousand calories burned since starting on the software. Not too bad.

I shut down the XBox360 and step into the kitchen. My shirt is sweat-drenched and my heart hammers against my sternum. I feel alive. It feels good.

I grab a glass of Crystal Light iced tea and move into the home office. Time to start the evening ritual.

First is Facebook. I click "Home" and scan through my "friend feed". Friends and acquaintances from as far back as a quarter century ago offer up insights, humors and updates in equal measure. Where appropriate, I "like" a status here, or leave a comment there.

One catches my eye. A girl I'd known in England has just lost her grandfather. I offer my condolensces immediately. It's become an increasingly common activity these days to see friends lose loved ones. The offer of support has become a reflex now. Sadly, I know it's one I'll be using more and more throughout my life.

A message pops up from my latest 3D client. Can I make minor change to an architectural pre-visualization image I'd done for him?

By way of answer I make the changes, and email the new image with its associated invoice in under fifteen minutes.

I can't help by smile. I love that work.

My email chimes again. I have an interview request for more 3D work on oDesk. Would I be interested in performing some 3D modeling and animation work?

I open my oDesk account and look over the interview request email. It takes a few moments to parse the offshore English missive, but eventually I get the gist.

The work is worthwhile, so I offer my rate. The ball is their court now.

Since I'm on the site, I decide to scan for other freelance opportunities. Nothing noteworthy. I then switch to studio searches. Is anyone hiring for a full-time 3D generalist?

I spot three good matches. I gather my application packet (resume, cover letter, and demo reel link) and fire them off. I know I'll probably never hear back from them. I also know that, unless I try, I will never get a break.

Just like that, I'm done.

My day is finished. All of my work -- corporate, freelance, prospecting, and fitness -- is completed.

I look outside. It's barely seven thirty, and the sky is as black as death.

I close the shade and leave the office to see my wife.

***

"Do you remember when we, you know, were busy?" I ask SpousalGoddess.

"We're not busy now?" she responds, laughing.

"You know what I mean," I say. "Back when we used to have people over? Whatever happened to that?"

She sighs. It's an old conversation. For a moment I expect her to answer as she has before:

"Life happened," she's said when she's felt fatalistic.

When she's introspective she's said "We were ourselves. We stood up for ourselves and didn't go with the crowd. That was enough to lose friends here."

Other times, when she's had a little to drink, or if she's in a foul mood, she's just shrugged and said "Once we stopped making movies, we stopped feeding egos and weren't worth knowing."

Tonight is different. Rather than speak, she just sighs.

I look over at her. Tears well in her eyes.

"We aren't from here," she says with a shrug. "And I'm tired of that. I'm so very, very tired of that."

I walk over and fold her into a hug. I want to say that things will get better, that we'll be able to meet new people soon. I can't, though. I've been here too long to be able to say that and mean it.

"So am I," I say instead. "So am I."

SpousalGoddess straightens up and wipes her eyes. "I have to switch out laundry," she says.

Within moments she's grabbed the laundry basket and headed downstairs.

***

The next day I work from home. I'll be up at 5:45 AM to start my day at 7:00 AM.

Nothing will change in my work at all. I'll be every bit as efficient as I was after the two hour commute the day before. I will spend my days working with virtual co-workers, following up on virtual friends, and working out with an artificial personal trainer until it's time to go to bed.

This is the life that we lived in 2010.

This is how our lives have started in 2011.

This is not the life we intend to lead.

***

Late last year, a transplant couple we knew in the local area surprised their Facebook friends with an announcement:

"We're leaving," they said. "We just can't handle the winters."

We'd only met them a handful of times in the three years they'd been in the region, but they'd been pleasant every time. They, too, had experienced many of the same issues we had with the region, and had shared our exasperation.

We'd not got to know them too well for a variety of reasons: Work, Spousal's MS attack, and conflicting schedules were the biggest culprits. We'd always felt bad that we hadn't been able to connect more with them while they were here. Nevertheless, we parted company on good terms.

After they had moved to their new city, the husband of the couple posted this status on his Facebook account:

"If you don't like your situation in life, change it. Only then will things get better."

Those words hit me like a blow to the chest.

I'd tried to do exactly that in 2008. That trip to DAVE School had always been intended to end with our moving from the region. That was always the end-game scenario.

The Great Recession, a dead housing market, and Spousal's diagnosis changed those plans. After all, we had medicine to pay for, a roof over our head, and jobs. What did we have to complain about? All we had to endure was soul-crushing solitude. We could handle that, right?

No longer.

We have too much to offer as professionals to be sequestered away in cubicles, communicating to co-workers only through chat windows and emails.

We have too much to offer as people to connect with others only through artificial means.

We have too much to offer as friends to be treated as the gathering spot of last resort.

We've lived like this for too long. Our reasons for allowing it to continue may have been good -- even admirable -- at first. No longer.

Life is too short to allow yourself to be lonely. Life is too short to settle for less, or to always play it safe.

Life demands risk. Life demands emotion. Life demands that you live it.

We intend to live our life.

All that is required to change our lives is that we take a first step.

That step has been taken.

Time to see where the next one takes us.

Am I The Only One?

noreply@blogger.com (Avindair) — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 20:33:00 +0000

Am I the Only One Who Feels Like We're Living in the Waning Days of the Western Roman Empire?

In Rome's heyday, the Empire produced great works. Its roads, its aquaducts, its military, and its sheer expanse was built on the back of Roman citizens, and the slaves they controlled.

Near the end of the Western Roman Empire's reign, though, Rome itself no longer produced much of anything. Its provinces actually made its goods. Even the defense of the Empire -- once a way for the common man to literally "earn his salt", and for wealthy families to train their sons for leadership -- was outsourced to provincial tribes. The Rome of old was dead; it its place was a population that was spoiled, entitled, and ripe for a severe ass-kicking.

Eventually, the Goths -- one of those tribes charged with defending the Empire -- asked for a little something as payment for for all of their dying in the name of the Glory of Rome: They wanted citizenship. The words "I am a citizen of Rome," meant something even then, and they wanted to utter them proudly. What with all of the dying and stuff, they figured they had earned that right.

The Romans disagreed. The Goths? Citiziens? Pshaw!

The Goths didn't take this news lightly. They marched on Rome, and parked an army at its gates. Once camped, they asked for citizenship again. Slowly. They even enunciated rea; clear-like, lest they be misunderstood.

"Nope!" said the Romans.

"Really?" the Goths asked. "Dudes, we have a fricking Army out here. Just give us citizenship and we'll be happy. If you don't, we'll show you what this army can do? Capiche?"

"We said 'No!'" the Romans replied, annoyed. These pesky Goths were interrupting them from learning the latest juicy gossip about the powerful families of Rome. Now that was worth their attention!

The Goths threw up their hands. "Okay," they said. "We warned you."

The Goths then delivered an ass-kicking so brutal that the world still talks about it over sixteen hundred years later.

If this scenario doesn't sound even a little bit familiar to you, don't worry. You're not alone.

By the way, can you answer the door? I understand there are some people knocking who want something from us...

Am I the Only One Who Thinks That Instant Communication Technology is Actually Making Us More Distant?

I love the Internet. When my best friend MadMartian introduced it to me back in June 1990, I was utterly amazed. Here was a place where I could send a message through something called "email" to someone in Australia, and see it delivered in fifteen seconds. I could discuss politics, science, history, heck any subject I wanted on the many USENET forums to my heart's content. It was -- and is -- utterly amazing.

Unfortunately, in the twenty-one years I've been online, I've seen a real change in the average person's communication methods. Many people consider technological communication methods more important than something as wacky as, oh, talking to the person right in front of them.

Ask yourself this: How often have you been talking to a friend or family member in the past two years, only to see the other person pick up their cell phone to answer a text? Worse, how often have you ignored the person you were right across from to send or receive a text yourself?

That's what I thought.

Somewhere along the line, the communication enhancements provided by SMS communication, email, and Instant Messaging stopped being a luxury, and started being a necessity. The average person can't imagine not being connected to family and friends at all times via their smart phone. After all, how would they know where everyone was if they didn't?

Rather than make people closer, the technology has resulted in a dramatic cooling in interpersonal relationships. People don't take the time to look each other in the eye. Instead, they see individuals as avatars, or as images on social networking sites. Who has the time to get to know someone? After all, there are dozens of statements out there that I have to "like" right away.

Worse, discourse has suffered. No one bothers to make cogent arguments any longer. How can they? The attention span of the average person has plummetted. Real insight has given away to pithy comments that are no longer than one hundred and forty characters in length. (That no one has connected the fact that it takes approximately eight to nine seconds to read a sentence that length -- and that this is also the exact length of the average media "sound bite" -- is both sad and disturbing.)

The result is a world that is utterly Kafkaesque: People are drowning in communications technologies, yet are somehow saying even less to each other than ever.

Am I the Only One Who Thinks the Internet is Our Library of Alexandria?

Carl Sagan's Cosmos amazed me when I was a kid. Here was a brilliant man who was taking the time to share his love of the natural world with anyone and everyone. Sure, his diction may have been a bit unusual, and yeah, his "Spaceship of the Imagination" was corny, but the facts he taught have stuck with me all my life.

The story that sticks with me the most from his series wasn't about space travel, or aliens. Not the one that haunts me to this day was the loss of the Library of Alexandria.

Alexandria boasted the world's first true library. Not only did the Ptolemeic Dynasty ensure that its knowledge was gathered there, it brought in works from beyond Egypt's own borders. Knowledge was what mattered, not its point of origin. The information contained within its walls purportedly went back to the dawn of civilization.

Then, in 48BC, Julius Caesar accidentally burned it down.

Centuries of knowledge evaporated in smoke. The world lost part of its soul, all because of clumsy fire ships. How far back, Sagan wondered, did this event set the human race?

As a child, I contended myself by thinking it could never happen to our world. After all, libraries were everywhere now. Sure, some might have a book or two that others lacked, but the core knowledge that built our civilization -- engineering, mathematics, biology, chemistry, and literature -- was well-preserved. We'd never have to worry about a clumsy brute and a bit of tinder.

That was, until the Internet really moved into our world.

Consider this: Where do you go if you need to find a fact? The local library, or Google?

Where do you read your news? In a print newspaper, or online?

Where is most of your correspondence with family and friends kept? In drawers in your home, or on your email and social networking account?

Where are most of the pictures you've taken in the past five years stored? In an album, or on a rotating wallpaper on your desktop's screen?

Of course, it's easy to remind ourselves that professionals always make backups. Unless, you know, they forget to, or if the backups are corrupt. And it's good to remember that magnetic media has a really lousy long-term lifespan for data, and that optical media is better. As long as, you know, you can read the format that the data is contained within.

So now I worry. What happens if we get hit with an electromagnetic pulse? What happens if a malicious group manages to hack key systems? Who, then, will protect our data?

Meanwhile, Scientologists are protecting L. Ron Hubbard's writings on stainless steel writings and encasing them in titanium capsules.

Is this really the picture of our society that we want to leave for future generations to discover?

Ah, well. I've rambled on too long. I have to get back to my job (where I work with individuals around the country), work on 3D client work (for people out of the country) and then catch up with people on Facebook. And hey! Did you see that video on YouTube where that skateboarder crushed his nads on a handrail? It was awesome.

Five Things -- 2010 List

noreply@blogger.com (Avindair) — Thu, 16 Dec 2010 15:20:00 +0000

Name Five Good Things That Happened to You in 2010:

I was paid for 3D modeling and animation work
I got a surprisingly good review at my corporate job
I saw my son graduate high school
I sent my son to his first semester of college
I saw my parents again

2. Name Five Bad Things That Happened to You in 2010:

Saw too many of my friends and associates become seriously ill, or die
Was cut out of the local filmmaking community
Got moved from a role I liked to a role I have no interest in due to my sleep issues at work
Seriously injured my back
Had Pertusis / Bronchial Asthma for two solid months

3. Name Five People Who Have Touched You in a Special Way in 2010:

SpousalGoddess: Many people facing her challenges would be depressed, worried, or unable to function. Instead, she just punches through life like a fighter. I am in awe of this woman.
My kids: They amazed me yet again this year. I feel truly blessed.
LewsTherin and his family: Reconnecting was wonderful
My Parents: Even with my mom's continuing health issues, she's always available to talk
dl8rms: Got me another job offer that I sadly had to reject. That effort is something I won't forget

4. Name Five Things You Achieved in 2010:

Created my first super-large 3D render for a paying client
Learned more Blender 2.5x
Got more writing published
Wrote a pencil-and-paper dynamic RPG campaign generator that actually works
Learned to slow down

5. What Were The Results Of The Five Things You Wanted to Achieve in 2010?

Get off of on-call work:

Did it in January. Will never, ever do on-call work again.

Land more and better paying 3D gigs:

Did less of this than I'd hoped, mostly because of my corporate job.

Won't make that mistake again.

Fortunately, since LightWave is becoming a hotter commodity again, I've been getting more options every single day.

Help my son move to college:
Did it, and am happy with how it went. It's been a great experience for all involved.

Finish the "Boreas" trailer:

Three things killed this project:

Key personnel showed a real lack of interest in working on a SF-related project.
Key performers weren't able to be available even for the minimal time required for a trailer shoot, due to family issues.
The initial target market for this project -- CONVergence -- finally became something not work pursuing.

I did add some of the shots I'd made to my 2010 demo reel, but many of those would have to be rebuilt.

Get my family together for a final NerdPod Big Trip Somewhere:

Emergency trips to Virginia and Grand Forks -- to say nothing of major car repairs -- ended up stopping this effort. I'm hoping to make it happen in 2011.

6. Name Five Things You'd Like to Achieve in 2011:

Achieve my PMP:

I'm not crazy about being a Project Manager, but I'm good at it. Getting a PMP would only make me more marketable.

Leave the IT Field:

If there is anything my corporate gig has done for me, it's that it has allowed me to forgive myself for leaving The Job I Never Should Have Left in 2004. Turns out I actually had to leave that job after all.
Additionally, Corporate IT is no longer an environment where nerds like me thrive. You really can't go home again.

Grow my 3D Business:

I'm back to making money in 3D. More to the point, it makes me happy to work my butt off in that field.

Time to embrace who I really am and make things work that way.

Come up with a post-work medication plan for SpousalGoddess:

We're fortunate that SpousalGoddess can work full-time. Her medical benefits are covering her MS meds. Though she's doing great today, we really need a plan to get those meds that won't bankrupt us, should she not be able to work in the coming years.

We're attending the MS convention in January, 2011, and talking to the MS Society going forward. The roadmap will be drawn. Time to make that happen.

7. What was your new year's resolution for 2010, and how did it turn out?

"Health for my wife"

I am so happy with the way her MS meds are handling her disease I can't even believe it.

I am worried, though, that she stresses herself too hard at work. Telling her "ENOUGH" at the end of her workday is once again becoming a full-time job.

"A good college for my son"

The Dude ended up going to our Alma Mater. Sadly, though, the program he entered -- Computer Game Design -- is so new as to be non-existant. He will likely transfer next year.

"A more stable, more balanced work-life balance"

I got that in January of 2010. The cost was incredible animosity from some of the Hairshirt Workaholic engineers with whom I'd worked.

I'm no longer with that team. Good riddance.

8. What is your new year's resolution/what would you like from 2011?

Really, not much of a difference this year, either:

Health for my wife
A more appropriate college for my son
More and better-paying 3D and animation work
A better idea of how we can achieve our long-term goals
A silly one: Level 85 for my "Main Toon" on World of Warcraft. I've played this character alongside SpousalGoddess' druid since 2006. I'd love to see it finally hit its level cap.

2010: A Year in Review

noreply@blogger.com (Avindair) — Tue, 14 Dec 2010 18:42:00 +0000

NOTE: This marks the Seventh time that I've answered these questions at the end of the year.

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?

Created a 2.4m x 2.0m 300 DPI render for a client. Fun technical and creative challenge
Stood up to a bullying co-worker who kept insisting that my sleep issues were "all in my head"
Sold some models on Turbosquid.com
Learned a part, rehearsed, and performed in a show in under three weeks

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions?

Nope.

3. Will you make more for next year?

Nope.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Not very close, but close enough to be upsetting.

Tim Gage, my co-star in "Pirates of the Great Lakes", succumbed to skin cancer at the age of 30 in March of 2010. He was far too talented, and far, far too young to die. His visitation was very hard to take.
My wife's Godmother Kathy McGrath succumbed to cancer in August. Kathy had always been full of life, quick to laugh, and caring. Cancer took that all away from her. I'm just happy I knew her.

5. What countries did you visit?

None. Again. This is getting ridiculous.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

A full-time 3D or VFX-related job
An understanding of how we'll pay for Spousal's meds, should she lose her corporate job
A regular gaming group
A real idea of where we'll live next

7. What date(s) from 2010 will remain etched your memory, and why?

January 2010:

I informed my boss at my big Corporate Gig that I could no longer work after-hours, and that I was seeking accomodation under the Americans with Disabilites Act.

I fully expected to be fired. I was surprised to have the company move me into a role that was better for my skillset.

Not so surprising, however, was their intention to have me do three jobs for the price of one:

1. Project Coordinator2. Technical Writer3. Daytime Linux Support

Even less shocking was the instant animosity I incurred from a co-worker I've since referred to in this blog as "Sandy Vagina". He had no understanding of my sleep issues, nor did he care. After all, he worked sixty-plus hours per week; why couldn't I?

March 2010:

My co-star from "Pirates of the Great Lakes" passes away at age 30 from cancer
The NerdPod discovers the new Fantasy Flight Game Center in Roseville. We're initially excited by the place, but soon stop showing up. The drive is just too much of a pain in the butt
I'm completely cut out from the filmmaking panels at CONVergence 2010. I ask for an explanation, and learn that it's a "specific group" (i.e., the same local filmmakers I've run afoul of since 2002) who are doing this. When I reach out to them, I'm ignored. I decide that my time trying to make nice with the CONVergence crowd is done.

April 2010:

My son is accepted into the University of North Dakota.

April 2010:

Spousal celebrates her one year anniversary of her diagnosis with MS by noting how great she feels.

May 2010:

Spousal raises over $2,000.00 for the National MS Walk. The NerdPod does the entire 6.5 miles itself
Spousal's one year MRI shows that her lesions have faded. She's responding very well to her medication, and her neurologist is very pleased with her results
I pick up an F4U Corsair RC Airplane for the summer. I initally fly it quite a bit, and am very pleased with the plane. Sadly, I end up being too busy to fly it very often as the summer progresses
The NerdPod reconnects with LewsTherin's family for the first time in a decade. It's wonderful.

June 2010:

My son graduates from High School. He isn't an honor grad, but he's survived. I'm proud of him
LewsTherin's family comes down to visit us for a weekend. It's a blast.
Sold off a huge number of DVDs and games that we no longer watch or play

July 2010:

The NerdPod does not go to CONVergence. It feels great to spend the Fourth of July outside, in the sun again
I receive my Corporate Yearly Review. Much to my shock, I'm rated in the top 20% of the company. I even get a bonus. Meanwhile, co-workers whom I know are busting their rear-ends are getting rated poorly. This makes no sense. Sadly, it's also par for the course with this company
Some of my 3D Models on Turbosquid sell. I find this out when I receive a check in the mail
I write another article for "Videomaker" magazine.

August 2010:

Sandy Vagina's attitude with my no-after-hours work schedule comes to a head during a team call. I have to stand up and make it clear that he's harassing me for a medical issue that I can't control. I escalate the issue to my boss, as I'm ready to file a formal complaint. Nothing is done.
Ticked off by my run-in with Sandy V., I work in the yard to cool down. I end up injuring my spine. This results in three weeks of re-hab, and months of recovery
I'm informed by my boss that I'm being moved from my Project Coordinator role to, essentially, a Help Desk position. I am not pleased
My former DAVE School roomie GeminiTwin lands a full-time job with StereoD in LA. He dashes cross-country, and starts working on 2D-to-3D conversion for major motion pictures
GeminiTwin tries to get me into the studio. Sadly, they don't bite
My son fails his driver's test because he didn't know where the defrost was on my car. Upset at this, I take him to a local flying club and buy him an exploration flight in a Piper Warrior with an instructor. He ends up taking off and flying 90% of the flight. I'm extraordinarily proud of him
I spend the next two months looking into flying again. I end up dropping the effort. It would be extremely expensive to get the medical waivers for my sleep issues, and even more expensive to fly again. Time to let it pass
We attend "W00tStock". It's amazing. The most genuine, non-politicized Nerd Fun we've had in years
Spousal and I let our son overnight babysit our teenaged daughter so we can go out of town to see LewsTherin and his wife for a weekend. It's a lovely trip, and marks a real change in our freedom since first having kids
We drop off our son at college. For the first time since Sporty Girl was born, the NerdPod consists of only three people. Much to my surprise, my sadness is overcome by the sense of pride I have in my son, and at the excitement of what lies ahead.

September 2010:

I am transferred out of the Linux team in my Corporate Job, and into the Help Desk role. Despite being assured of the contrary by my now-former boss, my new management is completely unaware of my Sleep Disorders, and has to be brought up to speed
After reviewing my new duties, I inform my new manager that I have zero interest in the role. Much to my surprise, they don't fire me, but instead look forward at how they intend to leverage my skills
After reaching out to my friend dfl8rms, I am offered a contract job as a UNIX admin with another company. After visiting my doctor about fatigue issues, I'm informed in no uncertain terms that I cannot with my condition accept any job that requires on-call or after-hours responsibilities. I'm forced to decline
I remove "UNIX Administration" from any of my job searches. It is no longer a job I can realistically perform. It's time to put it behind me
A new local tavern that we nickname "The Bronze" becomes our new escape spot
Spousal bought her first new car in over twelve years: A TARDIS-blue 2011 Ford Fiesta.

October 2010:

My mother goes in for emergency back surgery. I fly out to see her. I end up meeting with two of my three sisters. It's the first time I see one of my sisters since 1983.
I turn 44. Spousal and I hit the Bronze, then re-connect with another co-star from "Pirates". We end up going out for drinks and karaoke. It makes for a lovely birthday
I get a copy of "Fallout: New Vegas" for my birthday gift
I start to come down with cough, and deep, deep fatigue. I initally think it's just a flu. It turns out to be pertusis, which then turns into bronchial asthma. It takes me until December to recover.

November 2010:

I start being approached for 3D contract work. Better, it's specifically because of my background with LightWave
Bought a "Kinect" for our XBox360. Started working out for 30 minutes per day, seven days per week. Feels great
Surprise layoffs hit my corporate gig. My favorite: A co-worker who the week before had been flown out to St. Louis as a runner-up for "Employee of the Year". She doesn't win, but gets a lovely parting gift. Then, on the following Tuesday, she and the winner get another surprise: lay-off notices
We learn that the company is off-shoring vast swaths of our IT work. Our jobs are now temporary at best
I turn down several 3D gigs, due to the time committment involved, but finally accept one. Work begins on Thanksgiving week
Spousal and I return to "World of Warcraft". After so long a break, the game is once again fun.

December 2010:

I learn that my closest friend since childhood has been diagnosed with a serious disease. He's doing fine, but it's yet another wake-up call
Spousal's cousin, who is near her age, is rushed in for triple-bypass surgery
Wall-mounted my LCD computer monitors monitors to free up even more desk space
I restart my 3D business in earnest
I identify a PMP course to take
Spousal decides its time to take on some freelance writing gigs as well. We combine our efforts into one company for the freelance sites.

8. What were your biggest achievements of the year?

Taking care of my family
Standing up for myself in a hostile work environment
Remaing relevant with my 3D CG skills
Staying in contact with all of my DAVE School buddies
Modeled a Helicopter in LightWave, and surfaced it in MudBox
Being sought after as a LightWave artist

9. What were your biggest failures?

Abandoning the "Boreas" trailer, due to personnel issues
Did not focus on learning Maya
Did not push myself with MudBox
Did not create environments for my reel
Passed on a chance to create 3D environments for a project associated with William Shatner, due to my corporate gig
Did not write fiction of any kind

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Injured my back badly in August. Still in recovery, but able to work out.
Pertusis / Bronchial Asthma for two months

11. What was the best thing you bought?

SpousalGoddess' medicine
Kinect
YourShape Fitness Evolved
XBox Live Membership
Netflix membership
World of Warcraft: Cataclysm

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

SpousalGoddess: She doesn't let MS slow her down. She just amazes me every day
Our son: He's embraced college life, and is anxious toget his degree
Our daughter: She's turning into a caring, powerful young woman. I couldn't be more proud
My neighbors: They define the phrase "Good Neighbors". They are always, always there when we need them, and never ask for anything in return. They're amazing.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

The American Voting Public:

So, we have a recession, largely brought on by eight years of out-of-control spending, and exacerbated by a bail-out of the same criminals that down our business world. Do you go after the businesses that are profiting off of your misery? Do you ask hard questions of your elected officials as to why we can't bring these people to justice? Do you question how we ended up in this mess in the first place?

Nope. You just buy into the same soundbite logic that got us into this mess, and vote for the programs and representitives who support the same idiots who profited from this quagmire. Worse, you call it a victory.

President Obama:

To quote one of the best movies of the past century, "Show a little backbone, will ya?"

The Democratic Party:

You had a golden opportunity to really make changes that aligned with your professed ideals.

Did you grab it?

Nope.

You pissed away an opportunity to finally "Walk the Walk" by instead politicking.

Thanks for nothing.

The Republican Party:

After the childish hissy fit that I saw the Republicans pull after the 1992 election of Bill Clinton, I privately characterized the party as a bunch of rich kids who only liked to play ball if they got to make up the rules.

Now? Now I characterize them as a bunch of rich kids who only like to play ball if they not only get to make the rules, but also own the ball, the field, and the other team.

A Dear Friend's Spouse:

We only got to see one of our dearest friends three times over the entirety of 2010. We always knew his wife had some issues with us -- it was obvious -- but if finally ballooned to the point where he could no longer see us.

That alone would be depressing, but nothing to be concerned about.

Sadly, there is more. Some of it has to do with why the Boreas trailer was abandoned. Some of it is more personal. Much, much more. None of it, however, belongs on this site.

We've said our piece to our friend. We just hope things either improve for him soon, or that he decides to take action to make his situation better.

14. Where did most of your money go?

College Tuition
Train tickets
No-notice emergency travel
Major Car Repairs
Medical expenses

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Spousal doing so well
Working in 3D
Matt Smith as The Doctor in "Doctor Who"
The end of "Supernatural" Season 5
Hiking
Biking
Seeing LewsTherin and his family

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2010?

Two songs:

"Carry on Wayward Son" -- Kansas
"Back in Black" -- AC/DC

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder?

Happier. I'm more content with who I really am than I have been in years.

ii. thinner or fatter?

Fatter. Though I'm working out again regularly, the months of recovery from my back issues followed by steroids to get through my asthma did my weight no favors.

iii. richer or poorer?

Financially richer, spiritually poorer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Exercised.Animated3D ModeledWritten.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Worried about my corporate job.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

At home hanging out with the kids.

22. Did you fall in love in 2010?

As always, with SpousalGoddess.

23. How many one-night stands?

None.

24. What was your favorite TV program?

"Supernatural": Somehow, the new season has managed to be fantastic. That's a neat trick after the story was finished in Season Five.

"Doctor Who": It took me a bit to adjust to both Smith as The Doctor, and Moffat's re-tooling of the show. Now, though, I love it.

24b. Shows that let you down?

THE BIG BANG THEORY:

I hate to say it -- I really do -- but the show is sliding right into classic Sitcom Failure territory. Characters -- Sheldon, in particular -- have been boiled down to their most popular "crowd-pleasing" elements. The stories are getting "wackier", and have less to do with the premise.

Lastly, since Leonard and Penny's break-up (which, as I understand it, coincided with the actors themselves breaking up), the romantic spark at the heart of the series is missing.

Time to put it out to pasture while it's still got some goodwill in it.

SMALLVILLE:

This show gets ten years, but "Firefly" got thirteen episodes. Justice, there is none.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

I just don't have the time and energy to hate any longer. It's best just to forget.

26. What was the best book you read?

"The Mall of Cthulhu"

27. What was/were your greatest musical discoveries?

I finally get AC/DC. Better late than never.

28. What did you want and get?

A steady paycheck
Time to unwind

30. What was your favorite film of this year?

"Red"

This was the film "The Expendibles" should have been.

And hey! Helen Mirren. Growr!

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I went out for karaoke and drinks. I'm forty-four.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Getting a technically creative job.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?

Business casual.

34. What kept you sane?

My kids
My wife
My parents
Building and animating stuff in LightWave
My friends, both near and far

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Helen Mirren: My god, how can that woman still be so drop-dead sexy?
Carrie Keagan: She capture my, um, heart when I saw her dressed as "Power Girl" on "Attack of the Show". Yow. Za!

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

The constant slide into entrenched extremism in our political discourse. How can we expect to actually get anything done if neither side is willing to compromise?

37. Who did you miss?

Saveau
MagicMarmot
Penmaster and Raven
GeminiTwin
RedFro
Scully

38. Who was the best new person you met?

Who has time to meet people?

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:

Be true to yourself. If you try to live your life as someone you're not, you'll be miserable.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

"It's the End of the World As We Know it
And I Feel Fine"

A Return to Relevance

noreply@blogger.com (Avindair) — Mon, 29 Nov 2010 21:02:00 +0000

As recently as six weeks ago, I nearly shut down this blog.

Let's face it; I haven't had a lot to say lately. Between work, and adjusting to life with a house down one child, introspection hasn't been high on the old priority list.

It should have been, though. Worse, I knew it should have been. I just didn't want to admit it.

All it took to shake me awake, though, was yet another change of fortune.

HERE WE GO AGAIN

For most of the past year my job hasn't been that bad. Ever since letting management know that I couldn't do the after-hours work, I'd been relegated to Project Coordination for the Linux team. This meant I managed work for a team of three Linux admins. It wasn't technical at all, and instead leveraged those things I do well:

Communicate
Coordinate
Collaborate

I liked what I did, and even got rated in the top twenty percent of my company when it came to review time.

Of course, it couldn't go smoothly. One of the Linux engineers vehemently resented the fact that I didn't work after hours. Since he was one of the two engineers who habitually worked sixty-hours-per-week plus (because, in his words, "I owe everything to my company,") his word carried weight. Sure, I was doing a really great job, but it didn't matter. Workaholic Engineer had sand in his vagina, and we'd all endure hell until he got his cleansing douche.

So, after nearly nine months of having a fairly decent job, I was unceremoniously dumped into another team. My new job?

Tech support.

Yes, I complained. Yes, I had to fight against the whole after-hours thing again. Yes, I made it clear that I had zero intention of staying where I was. A lot of noises were made, telling me how it would work out, that I was a great resource, and...

Yeah, you get the idea. I was being glad-handed and I knew it.

Then finally, only two weeks before this entry was written, I came into the office to learn of massive layoffs. Outsourcing. India. The same old story. I survived this cut. Barely. Next time I will not be so lucky.

I now face an uncertain future again. My goal of staying with this job for the next few years? Gone. My hopes of sticking with the same career until I retire? Dashed.

Thank god.

CHAFED PEG

When I took this job back in IT, my goals were noble. Spousal was newly-diagnosed with MS, and I was willing to do whatever I needed to in order to make ends meet. Who cared if I loathed IT when I left it in 2005? What mattered was her health.

The problem with that logic, of course, is that it's short-sighted. Good intentions aside, I can't be what I'm not. Asking myself to rewire my personality to like facing an IT career until the end of my days was about as realistic as asking myself to be a pro basketball player. Sure, I could work my ass off and drive myself into the hospital, but the best I could hope to be was really, really bad at my job.

Even before the change of position (excuse me; that's "Re-org" in current Corporate-Speak) and the first round of layoffs, SpousalGoddess had made it clear that I needed to re-think my strategy. "You're angry, bitter, and unhappy," she told me on a rainy Sunday morning in September. "Do you really think I want to live with that?"

If Spousal's words weren't enough, my body was once again pulling its trick of converting stress into ailment. Ignoring the slew of colds -- the likes of which I hadn't seen since 2005 -- and the body aches, I even injured myself. Badly.

The genesis of the injury was simple: I'd busted my butt planning a project for my teammates. I'd written the plan, scheduled the work, coordinated the walk-through, and even sent reminders to my teammates in the form of Outlook Calendar entries. Imagine my surprise, then when the team utterly missed their windows.

"What happened?" I'd asked Mr. Sandy Vagina. I'd spent almost two man days planning the work, and was stumped as to how they'd missed actually performing it.

"Dude," he grumbled, "You know it's a lot easier to plan this stuff and pass it off than to do it, right?"

I'd looked at my phone, incredulous. "Actually, no, it isn't." I finally said. "It took hours to get all of the paperwork done, to coordinate the validation resources, to represent the changes, and, hell, to even write up the step-by-step plan for you. The actual work? Takes twenty minutes."

"Then why don't you do it?" he snapped, petulant.

"Because," I said, "I can't. Medical condition. Remember?"

"Shya," he grumbled.

This hadn't been the first time Sandy Vagina had pulled this crap. Ever since being pulled off of on-call, I'd been a liability in his eyes. It didn't matter than I'd done three jobs for the team; all that mattered to him is that I wasn't working after-hours. Normally I just blew it off, but today? It got to me.

I was in a black mood by the time I got home. Rather than stew, I decided to work in the yard. I needed to move some bigger rocks to better places along the front. I bent down, lifted with my knees...

...and my lower right-hand back just went twang!

I nearly fell over. I managed to work my way to the mini-van, where I leaned against it. The pain was breath-taking. By the time The Dude and his girlfriend drove up, I was wondering how I'd get up the stairs.

It ook six weeks, plenty of meds, and three trips to a physical therapist before I was able to move comfortably again. Even now, it twinges when it gets a little moist outside. I hurt my back, badly, all because some little punk didn't want to respect what I could do for his team.

Later, I thought I'd try to clear the air with Sandy. I got him on the phone and explained that, though I couldn't do the after-hours work, I knew I was providing a lot for them.

"Yeah, whatever," he replied, utterly unimpressed.

When I had my one-on-one with my boss, I explained my frustrations. He listened, and finally offered up this bit of wisdom:

"Can you work any after hours schedules? Because that would help?"

This. Again.

"You mean, on top of my doing everything else?" I asked.

"Of course," he replied. "It would mean a lot to the team."

"The team that currently just gets a list of changes with fully-written change plans from me on Mondays?" I tried not to sound pissed, and failed. "The team that only has to follow the steps on those plans? That's not enough for them?"

"Well, they are a man down for after-hours support," he replied.

I just sighed. Enough. This was not working out.

FX WIZARD

In the meantime, my old roomie GeminiTwin finally landed a job in the VFX field. With next to no money in his pocket, he hauled his cookies out to LA to start with his new company. The hours were long -- thirteen hours per day, six days per week -- and the normal non-overtime pay wasn't that great, but he didn't mind. He was happy.

"You have to get out here!" he told me. After my back's injury, and the obvious lack of respect for what I did for the team, I knew I had to find options. With the hope that having an "in" with the company would help, I applied for the job in California.

I didn't do this lightly. Spousal and I were so convinced it would happen that we started making soft plans for how I'd get out there.

It didn't, of course. Their hiring flurry ended. I was left here.

GeminiTwin and I keep in contact regularly. He's still trying to get me out there. So far, it hasn't worked out.

At the same time, Scully in New Mexico kept throwing me leads. Her job had finally become both steady and paying, and she was hoping to get me out there. "You can't work from there," she told me. "You need to leave Minnesota if you want to be taken seriously!"

Truer words were never spoken.

ATROPHY

I also faced the hard reality that, should I ever want to make a movie again, it would be starting from the ground up. The entity that had been Stone Soup Films was long dead.

It didn't help that I no longer saw the people who made Stone Soup a reality in the first place. Some -- like Fluffy and Klem -- had fallen off of the face of the planet back in 2005. (A brief email exchange with Fluffy in 2009 ended abruptly when I informed her of Spousal's diagnosis. No surprise there.) Others, like Saveau's former roomie, had proven to be a genuinely mean-spirited and harmful person to know.

What I hadn't counted on was no longer seeing Saveau. His wife had an issue with Spousal and I, apparently, which meant he could only come over to see us when she was otherwise occupied. The result: As of the end of November, 2010, we had seen him face-to-face only three times in the entire year.

Artemis stopped coming over back in 2009. There had been an exchange of emails between she and Spousal about the upcoming vote on the Health Care Bill, and that had caused some sparks to fly. I didn't think much of it at the time. Once again, I was wrong.

MagicMarmot had, of course, been working on Transylvania Television, and had been settling into a new job. Without a project to work on, his visits to our abode became less and less frequent. We haven't seen him in a couple of months.

MLRF moved to Chicago in May. She's been busy with theater and extra work in the Windy City, and seems happier. The biggest change in her life was that, to the surprise of no one, she finally broke it off with her long-time boyfriend. She's currently living her dream of being an actress.

In the past, I would have lamented this falling-out-of-touch, and complained of the lonliness I felt. Now? I consider it par for the course for life over forty.

BRIGHT SIDE

Things aren't all bad, of course. Spousal's medicine is doing a wonderful job keeping her healthy. Her lesions have faded, and she's been in a good, long remission. The Dude is learning programming at school. It's not what he wants to learn, mind you, but it's better than a kick in the teeth.

We also get out now more than we have in years. We have a new favorite bar only five minutes from our front door. Between dancing, comedy shows, costume parties, and much-needed I-need-a-drink nights, it's been a blast.

We're also not entirely lonely. We see Garrett now and again. Our college friends see us every quarter, either coming out to us, or our going to their home. We also hang out with a couple of people from the show I performed in prior to heading down to DAVE School in '08. Add in just being more social in public, and it's actually quite nice.

Strangely, this sort of limited socialization works out just fine. Though I do miss seeing big groups of people on occasion, it doesn't last. All I have to do is remind myself of the drama of the past decade. Once I remember the yelling, the questioning, and the utterly baffling behavior we observed, the quiet suddenly feels very nice indeed.

POLESTAR

In the meantime I have to navigate the rough waters ahead. Fortunately, I have a plan:

Get my PMP certificate
Grow my client list

Both steps are already under way. Heck, now that I'm getting more pings on my reel -- to say nothing of landing clients, and the resurgence of LightWave as an industry tool -- I'm actually feeling better about things than I did in '09.

Aside from that? I'll live. I'll do what I need to do to watch out for my son, my daughter, and my wife.

Everything else? That's negotiable.

That's where this blog comes in again. Clunky or not, it helps me think. With the challenges ahead, I think I'll need that.

Time to tighten the mainsail.

Minus One

noreply@blogger.com (Avindair) — Tue, 14 Sep 2010 14:24:00 +0000

My son is away at college and I feel fine.

I dreaded him going. His entire Senior year was a long series of knotted stomachs and coughed-back tears. This? This would be his Last Fall at Home as a Public School Student. That? That was his Last Musical in High School. Add in his Last Dance at School, his Final School Projects, and the Last Month at home, and I worked myself into an emotional pudding.

Then the day came, and I didn't shed a tear.

Moving him in to his dorm was no different than settling into a hotel room. The parade of family-related activities came and went in a flash. Then that first day ended and the NerdPod Minus One headed back to my wife's parent's home. The Dude settled in for his first night in his new home.

That was how it should be.

The only time I got choked-up was on the Saturday before we left. It was a big family and student's picnic and "carnival" (one bouncy castle thing constituted a carnival, apparently), and the NerdPod sat together and ate dry burgers while we watched kids mingle.

It was awkward.

One one side you had the parents, either anxious to be on their way, or frightened to leave their Special Snowflake behind. On the other you had the kids desperate to start having their own experiences.

These two things were never meant to mix in a "party" atmosphere.

I was amused at first, but then I saw The Dude. He was uncomfortable. He was pulling like a greyhound at the gates, while we were there blocking his way. Then he looked down at me.

"Dad," he said, "I think I want to mingle here." It wasn't a question. It wasn't a request. He wanted to do his own thing. The rest of his family? They weren't invited.

So I did the only thing a parent can do in a situation like that. I stood up, gave him a quick hug, gathered my family, and we left.

Walking away from him was hard. I felt my guts twist like they had on the day I'd left for Florida. This was worse, though. Unlike that day, I knew that I'd never again have him at home in the way that I left him. This was the end of our journey together and the beginning of his own.

I looked back more than a few times as I moved away. I spotted him there, amidst kids laughing at the ludicrous nature of the event, and parents either checking their watches or wiping away tears. He looked confident and quiet in a way I had never felt at eighteen.

That made me smile.

The following morning's brunch and drop-off was no worse than leaving our son at camp. I told him I loved him, told him to be safe, and then we drove away. There were no tears. No sighs. Just a lot of smiling and a sense that this moment was right.

In the weeks since his departure, SpousalGoddess and I have re-connected in a way we haven't since, well, there were only three of us in the house. We found a nice restaurant and bar a hop, skip, and a jump from our front door with live music and good food, and have taken to going dancing there every Friday. We talk more, read more, and relax more.

All in all, not too bad.

Even better, our son texts constantly. So, though he's hours away, we're connected on a fundamental level. It's fantastic.

To all of those parents out there who are dreading their kids taking off, let me just assure you that things will be okay. Your kids will still be your kids. You just have to let them discover life on their own. That, after all, is part of being a parent.

I miss my boy, of course, but I couldn't be more proud of where he is today. In the end, that's all that matters.