And so I embarked on a clean-up effort. Out came the mini handheld hoe and the red plastic mulch. Somewhere along the way I decided to redo the greenhouse bed borders with some cinderblock I had lying around. This meant moving and leveling soil and reworking the sad, one-size-doesn’t-fit-all irrigation system into something more appropriate for the new layout.

I’m 5’10” and the peak height of my greenhouse is approximately 5-foot-10-and-an-eighth-inches tall. Working on the side-beds, digging under the sloping roof, requires some extreme hunched-back bending over on my part.

It is four thousand degrees inside the greenhouse. I am, naturally, still wearing the sweats I slept in and sweat is rolling in great torrents into my eyes and down my back. For good measure I have gotten about a cubic foot of gritty garden soil down my bra and with every twist and turn it abrades off another thin layer of my nipples.

Picture my sore, stooped back as I squat-tuck in a decidedly non-ergonomic posture while hoisting cinder-blocks into position around tomato plants and balancing precariously so that I don’t stumble and – horror of horrors – end up stepping into my garden bed and crushing something. Cat-like, I am balanced, placing ciderblocks like I’m a reject from a failed Cirque du Soileil.

It is at this moment that my son, a 35-pound-atomic-fireball of speed and never ending energy, runs down the short walkway of the greenhouse, leaps, and hurls himself onto my back. His little monkey arms close around my neck, his little legs seek to curl around my flank and scramble for purchase, knees crashing into my kidneys.

“I gotchoo mama!” he yells, thrilled with the wild, bucking piggie-back ride that ensues for a few terrifying seconds as I simultaneously hurl parts of my body in opposing directions in an effort to not fall teeth-first into a stack of concrete blocks. One hand goes out to break my fall. The other has wrapped behind me and is pulling my son against me so that he won’t be thrown to the floor should I topple.

There is a sickening crunch. I’m not sure my left kneecap will ever be the same.

Oliver giggles with delight and drops lightly to the ground. “I’m gonna getchoo again mama.”

Two
He is quiet. That’s usually a bad thing. I’m finally getting some work done on this cinder block border and I tell myself whatever he is yanking up, whatever newly-seeded bed he has opted to dig in, it is worth it to let him do his thing if I can just get this greenhouse done.

But he’s too quiet. When I can’t hear him I worry. When he wants to he can move like a panther, silent and swift, and in two seconds he can be out the front gate and in the street while I’m left spinning around, mistakenly thinking he is still right next to me.

I bound to the greenhouse door, eyes scanning for his little blonde head in the distance.

“OLIVER!!!!!!! Where ARRRRRRE YoUUUUU?”

He is right there, waiting for me, looking up.

“Mama, come see! Come see mama what I found!” He is holding out his hand for mine, expectantly. “I found beeeee-uful fwowers, mama! Dey red ones! Dey RED ones!”

Red is his favorite color.

He leads me to a raised bed only a few feet away and sure enough several of the self-seeded nasturtium clumps are blooming a rich maroon. He half-hops, half-climbs up onto the edge of the raised bed and scooches his little butt along the edge until he is sitting right next to the clump of red flowers.

He reaches down, grabs a bloom in his strong, small fist and pulls.

I think how this must look from his height, not so much taller than the raised beds. Huge swaths of billowing plants everywhere and overhead. One day a plant is green and dull, the next day it has bright red flowers. Like magic.

It is all a jungle to be explored in his eyes. There is no differentiation between crops and weeds, no judgement as to what needs tidying up or isn’t growing well, no sense of failure if the broccoli buttons or the lettuce bolts. When he is hungry he grabs strawberries and cherries and peas. He started harvesting raspberries when he was nine months old. He thinks all omelets have chives in them and he is the official chive picker.

Fist held up and out, a mashed single-bloom bouquet held out just for me.

“I got you a fwower. A red one, mama!”

Nasturtiums have never looked so beautiful to me.

First, I am a featured farmer in the new book Backyard Roots by photographer/author Lori Eanes. My little backyard homestead is one of thirty-five West Coast gardens and backyards farms in the book, each well described and gorgeously photographed.

If you have plenty of “How To Grow It” type books but could really use some visual inspiration for growing your garden, this is the book for you. Truly, Lori did a great job.

Check out some of these pictures from Backyard Roots. There’s something for everyone: bees, chickens, goats and lots and lots of gardening.

This one is my kid! She’s in a book! Wowza!

Me in the garden:

Free Year Round Gardening Seminar

Second thing – Lori and I are joining forces on Monday, June 17th at 5 PM at Sky Nursery in Shoreline, WA, just north of Seattle. She’ll be presenting slides from her book and talking about the many different ways people can be backyard farmers.

Then I’ll take the podium and talk about How To Grow Vegetables Year Round – this is the time of year when serious year round veggie gardeners are starting their fall and winter crops, and I’ll give you some specific steps for this area to help make sure you are still eating homegrown when everyone else is battling crowds at the supermarket.

Full Details:

Where:
Sky Nursery
18528 Aurora Avenue North
Shoreline, WA 98133

When:
Monday, June 17th, 2013
5 – 6:30 PM

How Much:
Free! Did I mention? Backyard Roots will be available for sale for $21.95. Sky Nursery is fully stocked with all kinds of awesome gardening stuff, seeds and quality starts that tend to separate me from my money. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Are you coming? I’d love to see lots of readers there! Hope you can make it!

It’s an interesting thing. The very best strawberries will always be warm from the garden, unwashed and literally seconds from stem to mouth. A little dirt? A little funny looking? No matter. The flavor sends kids and otherwise perfectly respectable grown-ups alike onto their knees, hunting for another bright red jewel.

Yup, if you want the best strawberries, you have to grow them yourself. Fortunately this is easy to do. Strawberries are a high-reward, low-work crop. Here are five easy steps to the most delicious strawberries you’ve ever tasted.

1. Cultivar

The first step in growing really delicious strawberries is to select really delicious cultivars. Not all strawberries are bred for taste über alles. Some are better for processing, some hold up better to shipping. In my region, I’m particularly fond of Hood and Shuksan for delicious fresh eating quality.

Different areas often grow different cultivars so if you aren’t in the Maritime Northwest, check with your local Agricultural Extension agency or Master Gardener’s association for a list of locally popular strawberries ranked by flavor.

If you are in the Pac NW, as many of my readers are, this is a fantastic guide to good strawberries for this region with notes on flavor, disease resistance, yield and many other qualities.

2. Sunlight

Like all fruits, strawberries need sunlight and relative heat to develop the highest sugar content. In the Pacific Northwest they’ll take all the heat we can give, and early cropping can even be encouraged by growing strawberries in a greenhouse or under cover, but things might be different in the South and Southwest.

All else being equal, a strawberry plant grown in full, strong, all-day sun (8+ hours per day) will be more sweet and flavorful than one grown with, say, 5 hours of sun. In shade, berries might grow, but they just will not reach their flavor potential. If you only have dappled sun, look at the Woodland Strawberry (Fragaria vesca), also called the Alpine Strawberry or Fraises des Bois. It’s not a big prolific fruit-maker like the Garden Strawberry (Fragaria x ananassa), but it’s got an amazing perfume and depth of flavor that’s been winning people over for thousands of years.

3. Soil

Strawberries like well drained soil. In my seaside home town, Coastal Strawberries (Fragaria chiloensis) are a common ground cover at public beaches. They are bulletproof and happily grow all over sand dunes. Garden strawberries aren’t going to thrive in pure sand, but the fact that their wilder relatives do tells you something about the drainage needs of your garden berries.

Raised beds are a good idea, especially if, like me, you like in an area prone to late-spring sogginess. In heavy clay soil strawberries tend to sulk. Their roots won’t be able to dive down easily, their crowns will be prone to rot, and they will be more susceptible to the numerous viruses and funguses that can infect strawberries. Needless to say, these aren’t plants that will be pumping out the most delicious berries.

Amending with lots of compost to increase the airiness of the soil is a good idea if your soil is heavy. You might think incorporating sharp sand would help with drainage, and it can if you are willing to really go for it with the sand. But be careful if you are dealing with pretty severe clay – clay plus sand plus mixing can form a concrete-like soil that will cause you to totally give up, sell your home and try gardening somewhere else. Compost is the safer bet.

Strawberries prefer a slightly acidic soil pH (right around 6 to 6.5 keeps them happiest). Here in the Pacific Northwest, where native soil tends to run quite acidic, we generally have to lime to bring soil pH up to this level, but this won’t be true for much of the country.

4. Fertilizer

For the best flavor, you have to make sure your strawberries have the minerals they need to make tasty, tasty flavor compounds, acids and sugars. A balanced slow release organic fertilizer (5-5-5) or a fruit and flower fertilizer (5-6-5 or similar) is good for strawberries unless your soil is quite mature and very rich.

I like to add fertilizer to my soil when I initially set up a new strawberry patch, working the fertilizer into the top 6 inches of soil. Base your application on the directions for your specific fertilizer, but take into consideration your existing soil fertility. If you are also adding in a bunch of compost, for example, you may want to cut back on the initial fertilizer application.

Strawberries are shallow rooted and moderately heavy feeders, which means slow release organic fertilizers (including manure and compost) will best sustain them for long-haul tasty berry making. But pay attention and if your strawberries seem hungry, side-dress them with additonal balanced or fruit and flower fertilizer. When side-dressing, little and often (or as needed) is far, far better than a big application once or twice a year.

Your strawberries will tell you if they are hungry. Look for yellowing leaves, a lack of lush growth, few or no runners and poor berry set. These are all signs of a strawberry patch that might need a meal. Before you solve the problem with the fertilizer bag, confirm that the plants aren’t thirsty or sunburned or besotted with a virus, then go ahead and side-dress.

5. Water

Up until now these steps have been pretty basic: give the strawberry plant what it needs to thrive. With water, I take the opposite approach, and this is where all the difference is made.

A strawberry plant that is healthy, upright through the heat of the day (not wilting) and putting out consistent berries should be slightly underwatered. Along with cultivar choice and liberal amounts of sunshine, being stingy with the water does more to create that amazing concentrated strawberry flavor than anything else I know of.

Now I’m not suggesting you desiccate your berry plants, and here in the Northwest there’s only so much we can do to control rainfall. But if you cut back on your irrigation a bit your berries will taste far the better for it.

Fair warning: strawberries grown with less water will be smaller, too, because they won’t be pumped up full of a flavorless liquid. If I wanted giant, flavorless berries I’d just keep buying the quick-chilled, week-old imports driven up from California. But those just can’t compare to the flavor of a warm, sun-kissed, undiluted Hood at the peak of ripeness.

My goal is unsurpassed fresh-eating flavor, and keeping the strawberry plants just a little thirsty encourages the most intense, concentrated strawberry flavor.

Psst….Don’t Forget Booze

Now that fresh strawberry season is upon us, we have an obligation to use up last year’s strawberry jam. Fact. And the easiest / drunkiest way to do that? The Strawberry Jam Margarita. If you haven’t read it, check out my happy investigation into combining jam and blender drinks, plus a rather amazing mason jar trick, here.

How do you grow your best strawberries? What cultivar are you partial to? Let’s learn from each other – add any growing tips in the comments.

Plan & Purchase:

Shocking, isn’t it, that it’s time to plan the fall and overwintering garden? Gets me every year. If you are into the year-round harvest thing, now is when you get your gameplan together and start planting for things as far away as next May’s cauliflower.

My new favorite at-a-glance guide to Fall and Winter Gardening comes from West Coast Seeds. They are kinda like the Canadian version of Territorial Seeds. Check out their Fall & Winter Harvest Planting Chart For Coastal BC. It’s applicable to us US-side Maritime NW gardeners too. You can download a printable PDF of the chart here.

Sow Indoors:

Mid June is when start the first wave of fall and winter crops. Brussels sprouts take forever to grow, so if you want them for Thanksgiving (and I always do) you’ve got to start them now. Fall and winter cauliflower, winter cabbage and broccoli and kohlrabi (the big winter-keeper types) should all be started about mid-month.

At this time of year, if you have a greenhouse or sunny porch, you can start the fall crops outside, either in a nursery bed or in little pots. They will dry out quickly, though, so be diligent about watering. You can also turn the seed lights back on and start them indoors.

Be aware of what varieties you are planting. Spring brassicas aren’t bred to hold up in winter weather, so seek out varieties that will work for when you plan to harvest them. Territorial Seed’s Fall and Winter Seed Catalog and the West Coast Seed Fall & Winter Gardening Guide both have great, varietal specific info. I also list varietal suggestions on my free Year Round Vegetable Planting Guide (scroll down, it’s on there somewhere).

Plant Outside:

• Beans – I’ve got several plantings of beans up and climbing.
• Summer & Winter Squash – My squashes are all in. It’s getting late for Winter Squash, so if you plant now pick a faster maturing variety, but a sowing of summer squash can still go in reliably.
• Melons – Plant a short season variety.
• Cucumbers – Sow directly and try trellising! Cucumbers are easy to grow vertically and you get more in an area and get much straighter cukes that way. Cukes are pretty tender so give them a bit of protection for a few more weeks to get them off to a good start.
• Brassicas – Broccoli, cabbage, cauliflower, brussels sprouts, collards and kale and Asian greens like pac choi and Chinese cabbage, etc. can all be direct sown now but at this time of year you must think about days to maturity. Super fast maturing brassicas (many of the Asians) that would come mature in the heat of August aren’t necessarily the best idea because these crops favor cool weather. With those, waiting a couple of weeks or a month so that maturation happens in cooler September is a good idea. On the other hand, long-maturing brussels sprouts started this month will give you sprouts for Thanksgiving, whereas waiting a month may mean missing that window.
• Root Vegetables – You will have the best results in loose open soil and I encourage you to cover your carrot and parsnip seedlings with row cover to prevent the carrot root maggot from destroying your veggies as they do mine with some embarrassing frequency. A last crop of potatoes can also be put in at the beginning of this month if you sow short-season varieties like Yukon Gold. Mid-to-late June is a good time for your main fall/winter sowing, along with parsnips (last chance on these), beets, rutabaga and turnips. If you are plum out of room in the garden, these crops can be sown through July but yield and harvest size will be smaller.
• Corn – ASAP.
• Salad Greens – lettuce, (every month a new sowing!) warm-weather New Zealand spinach, mustards, arugula, etc . can all be sown. Plan on harvesting arugula and mustards as baby greens. They will bolt rapidly in warm weather. Rapidly.
• Swiss Chard – There’s still time to plant Swiss chard for bountiful late summer and fall harvest. Get it in now so it’s big and lush by October.
• Onions – green onions and overwintering leeks can be sown. Chives and garlic chives can be started in a nursery bed for a harvest next year.
• Herbs: Chives, parsley, mints, marjoram, oregano, dill, fennel, borage and the like can all be sown out. Cilantro, fennel, dill, and of course basil can all be grown. Plant lots of basil if you haven’t already! Everyone loves pesto.

Transplant Out:

All your warm weather transplants: tomatoes, peppers, eggplant, etc. should be fine going out now. It’s been a warm spring and overnight lows have been hovering around 50-55 in my neighborhood. This means, with a bit of protection (especially for peppers and eggplant), the tender stuff is ok to get in the ground if you haven’t already moved them out.

Be sensitive to where and how your transplant out. Harden your transplants gently if they are coming from a nice cozy greenhouse and be particularly gentle with eggplant and peppers, giving them a warm microclimate in which to snuggle, heat sinks (like wall-o-waters or big rocks) and extra attention, particularly if night time temps dip, which they still can at this time of year.

Harvest:

The season of major bounty is nearly upon us! I was a bit late getting most of my spring crops seeded, so the real fresh from the garden eating is just now really getting moving.

• Peas and favas – Snap peas are on and wonderful my bush peas. Pole peas and favas aren’t far behind.
• Lettuce and other greens for lots of salads. Eating a lot of arugula.
• Brassicas – I’ve had a few sad little broccoli heads, but the major brassica harvest is right around the corner. Summer cabbage is nearly there, caulis and decent size brocs are about to head.
• Favas
• Roots – Radishes, baby beets and a few overwintered carrots
• Earliest potatoes
• Strawberries
• Cherries (!) – my Early Burlat Sweet Cherry is living up to it’s name with our first batch of ripe cherries picked on June 3rd.
• Herbs of all kind
• By the end of the month, there is a good chance we’ll be eating the first of the summer squash. I got that seeded a bit late this year but I’m sure by September we’ll have had our fill.

How does your garden grow?

The MEN Fair is an interesting gathering place. Walking through the big, gravel parking lot across from the Puyallup Fairgrounds where the MEN Fair is held, you pass pick-up trucks and minivans festooned with Conservatarian bumper stickers that say things like Make Yourselves Sheep and The Wolves Will Eat You and Invest In Precious Metals: Buy Lead. These are parked right next to Priuses and Nissan Leafs with their own declarative slogans: My Other Car Is A Bike, Dirt Worshipping Tree Hugger, and of course, Think Globally Act Locally.

Inside, tee-shirts declare people’s personal political beliefs about raw milk, gun rights, soil fertility, heirloom seeds and more. What, you didn’t think it was possible to have a political perspective on heirloom seeds? I assure you it is.

It’s an interesting collection of people, is what I’m saying. A crowd with strong ideas and, in many ways, very polar worldviews. From the preppers and strongly conservative libertarian folks interested in unhindered living to the environmental activists who push for stronger regulation of industry and carbon neutral communities, most people who come to this Fair seem to have a real opinion about things.

People who, on the surface, seem to have very little in common with each other join this gathering of vendors and speakers and demonstrations because they want to learn how to live a life more in keeping with their own values.

This is something I see over and over again in this community – seemingly insurmountable political differences fade into the background when practical How To Live The Life You Want issues come to the fore.

Then, suddenly, there is common ground. Self-determination and frugality make natural bedfellows with green and sustainable living. Issues of food freedom – the right to grow your own food and choose what you’ll eat – bring people together over samples of pastured milk and Seed Saver’s Exchange catalogs.

The bearded hippie with the ear gauges and the tattered sandals and the crew-cut dude who almost certainly has a progressive reloader in his basement swap tips for mortgage-free living, cob home-building and DIY rocket mass heaters. The born-again Christian homeschooling mom and the Pagan herbal healer both support labeling GMOs.

The practical trumps the political, at least for awhile.

I just adore this aspect of the Mother Earth News Fair, and of the Modern Homesteader community in general. Diverse, passionate, disparate individuals all together, learning the common skills they need to live the life they want. Side-by-side, learning canning, gardening, herbalism, bokashi composting, animal husbandry, seed saving, solar cookery and more. It’s like a giant Fuck You from the DIY community to the divisive, pigeonholing soundbite-world of Fox News vs. MSNBC, elephants vs. donkeys, red states vs. blue states. (And honestly, I can think of little more deserving of an upraised middle finger than drummed-up conflict for conflict’s sake.)

It’s almost as if there is another axis, another spectrum, different and maybe more important than the Liberal-to-Conservative spectrum. Let’s call it Engaged-to-Apathetic. This axis represents just how much people care about what they see as the big picture issues. And though not everyone at the Mother Earth News Fair would agree on the exact ranking and criticality of those issues, there is a common vibe one gets from attendees: these people give a damn. They care about what’s going on around them.

And here’s the really important thing. These are not armchair activists, screaming at their TV in angry futility or leaving pointless, abusive comments on a news website. They care enough to put down the remote, to step outside, to learn, and to ask, and to investigate their own options for action. They are willing to do what they can, with what they have, in their own life.

What a boring place this world would be if we all looked at things the same way. But how nice it is that the different ways we look at things doesn’t have to compromise our ability to learn from and with each other.

Because you read this blog, it’s safe to assume that you give a damn, right? Do you ever feel like you’re the only one, or are you surrounded with fellow I-give-a-damn-ers?

Waffles are one of those foods people seem impressed by. If you are used to thinking of waffles as something that comes from a yellow box in the freezer aisle, those little crenulations probably do seem like something mysterious – the exclusive domain of industrial processes.

But in truth, as long as you have a good waffle iron (I’ve had very good luck with this one and recommend Waring Pro waffle makers in general) waffles are super easy, inexpensive crowd pleasers. And if you skip the yellow box and make your own you have a lot more control over ingredients. One final pitch for homemade waffles: you can make a big batch on weekends and freeze them, and then re-heating a homemade waffle is every bit as easy as re-heating a commercial one.

My go-to recipe is this Whole Wheat Yogurt Waffle adapted from Ms. Martha Stewart. It manages to cram a lot of good (and inexpensive) stuff like backyard eggs and homemade yogurt into a whole grain package my kids never balk at.

To make it even easier to get these waffles on the table, I pre-make four or five portions of Whole Wheat Waffle Mix at a time and store them in the freezer. With the mix on hand, waffles are just a bowl and a few eggs away.

Homemade Whole Wheat Waffle Mix

Ingredients

• 1½ cup whole wheat flour
• ½ cup thick-cut oats
• 1 teaspoon kosher salt
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1½ teaspoons baking powder
• 2 tablespoons brown sugar

Method

Combine all ingredients in the bowl of a food processor. Pulse for 10 seconds. Transfer to a jar with a tight fitting lid (a wide mouth pint mason jar fits this mix perfectly) or a plastic freezer bag. Store in freezer for up to 3 months. Makes about 2 cups mix.

Whole Wheat Yogurt Waffles

Ingredients

• Whole Wheat Waffle Mix
• 1½ cups plain yogurt
• 3 large eggs
• 4 tablespoons butter, melted

Method

In a large bowl, whisk together 1½ cup plain yogurt, 3 whole eggs and 4 tablespoons melted butter.

Add waffle mix to bowl and stir until just combined. Batter will be thick. Let batter rest while you heat waffle iron according to manufactures directions.

Pour ½ cup batter, or as much as directed by waffle iron manufacturer, into waffle iron. Cook waffle to golden brown and crisp. Makes about six, depending on your waffle iron.

Serve plain, or with butter, yogurt cheese, maple syrup, jam or fruit as desired.

Making The Mix Fancy

Once you try this easy-peasy waffle mix, you may decide never to buy a box of frozen waffles again. You might even want to share the good DIY waffle news with others.

Here’s an easy way to turn this mix into something gift-able. Just package the waffle mix in a wide mouth pint jar, cover the lid with something Pinterest-worthy (fact: burlap is always Pinterest worthy) and add a cute instruction tag so your gift recipient will know how to make these waffles.

You can download the Whole Wheat Waffle Gift Tags I used here on the Downloadables page. They print out on standard size printable business cards, like these Avery cards, or you can just print them on heavy paper and cut them out.

And if you want to take these tags and put them on your own Whole Wheat Waffle Mix, I think that’s just fine too. As regular reader’s know, I do enjoy labeling my homemade goodies. (See, for example, How To Martha-Up Your Jam Labels For Nearly Free In About 5 Minutes.) Sometimes it’s nice to give yourself the gift of convenience, after all.

Do you make homemade waffles? What’s your favorite way to eat waffles?

My amazing co-hosts, Roxanne, Sarah and I agreed that a children’s book theme shower would be appropriate for our well-read guests of honor. 

The Invitation

After cruising through Pinterest for inspiration, I designed the shower invite to look like an old fashioned library card. I downloaded some cool stamp-style fonts to get the right look, and color printed the invites on manilla-colored tagboard at a local copy shop. Certain details about this invitation have, obviously, been modified to protect people’s privacy, but this shows the layout.

The Sweets

The buffet was divided into a sweet section and a savory section. The sweet section also acted as a kind of decorative display, with a Cat In The Hat cake at the center.

Jo’s favorite flavor cake is Red Velvet with Cream Cheese frosting, so I made “Thing One and Thing Two” cupcakes in that flavor. My daughter helped me make blue fondant “hair” and edible white chocolate nametags for each cupcake. Children’s books were propped up everywhere, and formed a major part of the party decor as well.

For chocolate lovers, I had dark chocolate cupcakes with caramel Italian meringue buttercream. The buttercream was tinted then covered with decorator’s sugar and the cupcakes were arranged to make a Very Hungry Caterpillar display.

And finally, we had a platter of If You Give A Mouse A Cookie Cookies. I broke with the book just a bit and made chewey oatmeal chocolate chip cookies because they are some of my favorites.

The Cat In The Hat Cake

At some point in planning this shower, I got it in my head I wanted to attempt a really cool, children’s book inspired cake. Again with the Pinterest. Now, I am honestly not a particularly good baker, and I’d only worked with fondant twice before I made this cake, and it didn’t turn out that great – did you know fondant can melt right off a cake?

So there was a good chance this could have turned into a cake wreck situation, but I figured I’d give it a shot and just make lots of cupcakes in case the cake bombed. (Hence the multitude of treats on offer.)

I started by sketching a three-tiered Cat In The Hat inspired cake and got to work making a ton of marshmallow fondant, chocolate cake and chocolate ganache (bottom tier) and red velvet cake and vanilla buttercream (hat and teapot tiers).

Then, I just took it step by step and checked the intergoogles whenever I got confused. I’m pleased to say I think it turned out pretty great! Actually, not to brag, but I’m really proud of myself for pulling this off because I’d never made fondant before and I’d only made one multi-tier cake before this. It was so fun to learn those new skills.

Pretty cute, huh?

The fish jumping out of the teapot is pure marshmallow fondant that I made several days before the party and let kind of dry out at room temp. The black details on the fish (and the rest of the cake) are made with edible black marker – basically food dye in felt-tip form.

The hat was stacked and shaped deliberately to be crooked, but that was only obvious from certain angles. Bamboo skewers helped hold the tiers together.

After shaping and spackling the cake tiers with a mixture of buttercream or ganache and cake crumbs (depending on the tier), I had a smooth surface over which to apply my layer of fondant, tinted as appropriate to the tier. I did get a few minor cracks at the edges of the red fondant covering the hat, and on the hat “brim” but I tried to just take my time and all in all it went on pretty smooth.

The Food

All the food was designed to be children’s book themed. We had:

Green Eggs and Ham - Herbed Deviled Eggs topped with Prosciutto.

Very Hungry Caterpillar Fruit and Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs Chicken and Pineapple Teriyaki Meatballs. (Broke out the Crock Pot cause I’m not afraid of goin’ retro style, yo.)

Chicka Chicka Boom Boom Coconut Curry Grilled Chicken Skewers

Strega Nona Pasta Salad with Pesto, Spinach and Tomatoes

and The Very Hungry Caterpillar Cheese and Salami.

Decor – Children’s Book Inspired Paintings

I thought it would be cool to have really big, graphic decorations. I used to paint quite a bit, so I broke out the ol’ brushes and some large canvases I had in storage and created paintings inspired by iconic children’s books. I managed to get four done (The Very Hungry Caterpillar was planned, but I flat ran out of time).

I painted Oh, The Place’s You’ll Go by Dr. Seuss, a classic if ever there was one. (I just copied the cover.)

Two paintings (a sort of a diptych) were modeled after the illustrations in the adorable kid’s board book Quiet LOUD by Leslie Patricelli.

And the last painting was inspired by the absolutely charming book, Harold and the Purple Crayon by Crockett Johnson. My co-host Roxanne (a recent new mom herself!) liked this one so much I sent it home with her to use as decor in her baby’s room.

I also picked up a dozen potted gerber daisies from Costco. My dad ran all around town on the day of the party looking for the perfect covers for the pots, and found them! So we had these fun, high-color flowers in complementary pots dotted all around the house. It was very (and I can’t believe I’m about to use this word without irony) whimsical.

The Favors

I kept favors pretty simple. I bought new 4-ounce mason jars (this size is perfect for so many things!) and filled them with M&Ms. Then I made a cute label for the jars – “Food For Very Hungry Caterpillars” – and stacked the jars pyramid style by the front door so guest could take one on their way out. (I keep these inexpensive labels on hand for making labels for my home canned food. You can read more about that here if you want.)

I also made bookmarks using office tags and business cards.

I printed a Dr. Seuss quote about reading, along with various Dr. Seuss clipart characters I found online, on standard printable business cards, laid out like this:

Then I just glued the business cards onto large manilla shipping tags.

Crafts and Activities

On the invite, we asked folks to bring a children’s book instead of a card, and I think everyone obliged. We had bookplate stickers set out so that people could tell the new baby why the book they selected for him was special.

My co-host, Sarah, procured a bookcase and a bunch of paint pens. We asked guests to sign the bookcase as a functional keepsake for Colin and Jo.

Co-host Roxanne set up a huge table of scrapbooking supplies, too, and guests took turns making ready-to-go scrapbooking pages for various events in baby’s life.

We didn’t play any games, per se, but we did ask guests to make some fun predictions about the baby:

I had a blast getting my Creative Girl on with the cake and the paintings and the graphic design stuff, the guests of honor were appropriately showered with gifts and love, Jo’s belly was rubbed about a million times, the guests had a good time, and everyone ate, drank and was merry – a successful event, I’d say!

Do you enjoy throwing parties and showers? What’s the most fun part of entertaining for you?

Years and years ago my husband treated me to a massage and spa facial for Mother’s Day. I had never had a facial before. I told the lady doing the facial, “I have really, really sensitive skin” and she said, “Good to know” and then proceeded to slather what I can only assume was battery acid on my face. (Later the Skin Sadist told me it was a “Vitamin C Ampule” which I think was code for “Orange Flavored Battery Acid”.)

Now I want you to picture the scene in Lord of the Rings where Sam puts the Elvish rope around Gollum, who begins to scream “It burns! It burns us!”

Pretty much that was what was going on inside my head during this “relaxing” facial. As a woman, I am of course well trained in the art of not offending people who are chemically burning my face off while I pay for the privilege, so out loud I said, “That’s really quite tingly. In fact it’s even burning a bit. Is it supposed to do that?”

And the Skin Sadist said, “Yes, that means it’s working, but I can wipe it off if you want.”

“Yes, I think that’s a good idea,” I said, panic just mixing with that ridiculous apologetic voice that women use when they are worried that they are inconveniencing someone by suggesting they do the obviously right thing.

So the Skin Sadist took a rough Kleenex and wiped most of the battery acid off my face. (She left it around my eyes, I guess figuring that the tears leaking down my cheeks at that point would rinse that area off eventually.) Then she put on some sort of “Calming balm” on my face – I’m positive it was Mentholatum in a $90 bottle. That overwhemed whatever facial skin nerve endings were still functioning and a painful, numbing cold took over. It was what I imagine frostbitten mountain climbers feel right before their toes turn black and all feeling goes away forever.

At the end of this tortuous 50 minute hour of spa service, the Skin Sadist asked me to buy the Battery Acid Ampule and the $90 Mentholatum.

I declined. I ran to the spa locker rooms and took a shower, truly shocked that my lips and nose did not literally sluff off down the drain of the shower as water ran over my face.

“How was the facial?” asked my sweet, earnest husband.

“Um, I don’t think I’d do it again.” I said.

My face was red for four days.

Fancy Face Goo

I wish I could say I learned my lesson from that facial, but the truth is that as I cruised into my late twenties I because convinced I needed The Goo That Would Turn Back Time. So I bought a lot of Fancy Face Goo. None of it did anything quite as bad as the Battery Acid Ampule, unless you count pointlessly parting me from hundreds of dollars over the years.

One day I had my Hope In A Bottle revelation and I just Stopped Buying Goo. I stopped all Undereye Serum Miracle Cream Rejuvenating Acid Peel Plumping Anti-Aging Toner Regimens.

The less Goo I used, the better my skin looked. Eventually I got rid of all Goo and all regimens. I don’t think faces should be on regimens.

Now, in my mid-30s, I think my skin looks pretty good. I get the occasional zit and I have those little crinkles around my eyes, but now that I’ve stopped doing most everything, it’s good enough for someone who spends most of her day chasing kids and chickens, that’s for sure.

These days I have only a few “products” that I use, and they are all very simple DIY type things. I’ve already written about my Lard Moisturizer, which I still think is the best for super dry, very sensitive skin.

But my current favorite product is a two-ingredient exfoliator using coconut oil and baking soda. It does an amazing but gentle job of removing dirt and rough skin from the face and lips (I stay away from my eyes and recommend you do to) and leaves skin super soft. And though my facial skin doesn’t do well with coconut oil as a straight moisturizer that you leave on, I’ve never had a problem with this exfoliator, because everything is gently rinsed off.

Facial Exfoliator Using Coconut Oil and Baking Soda

Ingredients

1/2 cup organic coconut oil, melted or very soft
1/4 cup baking soda

I use these:

Mix ingredients well, until thoroughly blended and creamy to frosting-like in appearance depending on how cold your coconut oil is. Coconut oil should be solidified.

Store at room temperature in a jar with a tight-fitting lid. I like these little 4 ounce mason jars for stuff like this. The exfoliator will keep for weeks at cool room temp.

To Use

Rinse face with warm water. Rub a tablespoon or so of the exfoliator between your hands to warm, then gently rub your face and lips with the exfoliator. Rinse skin well with warm water, and pat dry. I use this exfoliator several times a week, or as needed. I wouldn’t use it daily, but as I’ve established, I have pretty sensitive skin.

This exfoliator does a lovely job anywhere on the body, though it isn’t quite rough enough for my nasty gardener hands. You can even use it in lieu of toothpaste, if you want. It’s very versatile.

I’m not super knowledgable about medicinal herbs or essential oils, but I know this basic formula can be tweaked to include chamomile and lavender and calendula and other soothing, calming things. Perhaps some of the herbalists in the audience will comment about the best way to customize with herbs and essential oils if you want.

Be honest! Are you still buying a lot of Fancy Face Goo? Or are you more likely to DIY your personal care products?

Every year, The Mother Earth News people put on the Mother Earth News Fair, which is a giant expo dedicated to urban and rural homesteading and greener, more thoughtful living.

There are hundreds of presentations and demonstrations from experts in, well everything: gardening, permaculture, food preservation, modern home economics, herbal medicine, animal husbandry, solar renovation, off-grid living, raising poultry, green and alternative building techniques, fermentation, farm financing strategies and more.

In fact, my biggest problem with the Mother Earth News Fair is that I inevitably miss presentations I’d love to attend because there are multiple compelling speakers at the same time – there are 14 speaker’s stages this year for goodness sakes!

To simplify the arduous selection process, I do have a few must-see speakers I recommend for new attendees:

Must See Speakers

Joel Salatin is one of the keynote speakers and you must go see him. I’m sure you know him as the “Grassfarmer” in Omnivores Dilemma, and maybe from his own fantastic and fascinating books too. In person, he is like watching a high-energy version, hilarious version of every anti-industrial food rant that’s ever popped into your head.

Jessi Bloom is a local-girl, garden designer and expert on chicken-keeping and systems-based gardening. She wrote what I consider to be one of the essential books on chicken keeping and she’ll be talking about “Easy Peasy Edibles” and how to combine chickens and gardening (“What The Cluck?!”) at the MEN Fair. Great, compelling speaker – make sure to seek her out.

Lisa Kivirist is a pro at combining economics and earth stewardship, both in and out of the home. She has written several books detailing how to move from a corporate life to a considered life. Her latest work is a cookbook inspired by the recipes she uses as the owner of an ecologically-focused Bed & Breakfast in Wisconsin. Last year I was highly impressed with her MEN News presentation “Farmstead Chef: Organic Eating On A Dime” so I’m very happy to see she’ll be doing that presentation again. If you are trying to eat well but your budget is tight, she has excellent tips.

Ira Wallace, owner of Southern Exposure Seed Exchange, has literally traveled the world building up an encyclopedic knowledge of edible plants and seed saving. She gives wonderful, fun and personal-knowledge-backed presentations and has cooler hair than probably any other presenter. She’ll be talking about “Extending The Harvest,” “Seed Starting Simplified” and “Growing Great Garlic.” Pick one or all, you won’t be disappointed. Just remember that her varietal suggestions will be based on her extensive experience growing in the Southeast, so Northwest gardeners may need to adapt the specific varietals.

Meet Up With Me (And My Super Cool Friends) to Chat Sustainability!

At past Mother Earth News Fairs, I’ve been lucky enough to run into readers of this blog and meet some the wonderful people who make up this community. This year, I thought it’d be fun to formalize a get together time.

So, I’ll be hanging out in the food court area (lots of tables) from 2:00 to 3:00 (ish) on Saturday afternoon, drinking coffee and talking to my inspirational friend, simple living expert Lisa Kivirist, about sustainability, women in agriculture, gardening, getting out of corporate servitude*, living a homesteady life and whatever else pops into our heads.

Drop in any time – if you come and join us, we can talk about whatever pops into your head too! Gardening questions? Composting? How to balance kids and  jobs and productive homekeeping? Whatever. It’s basically a coffee break.

I know a few other amazing writers and speakers who will be at the fair, and I’m going to try to sweet talk them into joining us, too, if their schedules allow. This could be a really fun group of folks!

All You Need To Know: The Mother Earth News Fair Basics

What – A giant weekend of modern hippie living awesomeness!

Where - Puyallup, WA at the Puyallup Fair Ground

• 110 9th Avenue Southwest
• Puyallup, Wash. 98371
• (map)

When – First weekend in June.

• Saturday June 1st, 9:00 AM-7:00 PM
• Sunday June 2nd, 9:00 AM-6:00 PM

Speakers & Demonstrators – too many to list.

• Full schedule here.

Tickets

• One day (Saturday or Sunday) tickets are $20 if you pre-order and $25 at the gate.
• Weekend tickets (both Saturday and Sunday) are $30 if you pre-order and $35 at the gate.
• Youth 17 and under free. Like, totally, totally free, so bring the kids.
• Or enter the giveaway and maybe you can go for free!

Everything Else – more info here.

Giveaway! Massive Giveaway!

I want as many people as possible to come to the Mother Earth News Fair and soak up this info. And Mother Earth News feels the same way, so they’re sponsoring this giveaway of five (FIVE!) pairs of weekend passes to the Mother Earth News Fair in Puyallup. Each of these five prizes is worth $70!

Each winner will have their two passes left at the will-call pick up window of the Puyallup Fairgrounds under their name.

This is a fantastic giveaway! I ask that you only enter if you are actually able to attend the Mother Earth News Fair in Puyallup, WA on June 1st and/or 2nd. It would be a shame for these free tickets to not get used, so if you live in New York or something and know you can’t fly out for this, please refrain from entering (check out the other locations the MEN Fair will be this year).

To enter to win one pair of free tickets to the Puyallup, WA Mother Earth News Fair, leave a comment below telling me what topic you are most interested in learning about at the Mother Earth News Fair, or which speaker you are most excited to see. Five winners will be picked at random. One entry per person, please. Additional entries will be disqualified.

Contest is open until Sunday, May 19th at 8:00 pm. Winners will be notified on Monday, May 20th by email. Winners must respond to my email by Wednesday, May 22nd at 8:00 pm or their prizes will be forfeited and another winner will be chosen. This is to make sure all winners have appropriate time to make any necessary travel arrangements.

Good luck! Hope to see you at the Fair!

Giveaway is now closed. Congratulations to Deon, Kristina, Nicole, Tanaya and Ginelle. Please check your email for instructions on claiming your prize.

*hat tip to Sarah at Dogs or Dollars for introducing me to the phrase “corporate servitude.”

She wants chickens. She wants them bad. She wants the experience of fluffy little chicks and she wants hens to weed for her and she wants her daughter to have that mini-backyard-petting-zoo experience.

She has, up until now, not given into her chicken-keeping desires. For this I am so proud of her.

You see, there’s a reality to chicken keeping that doesn’t show up when you are scanning Pinterest for gorgeous coops. (I maintain a Pinterest board of chicken keeping and coop inspiration, by the way, if you are into that kind of thing.)

A continuous supply of plentiful eggs requires a continuous supply of hens at laying age. For us non-commercial chicken-keepers, a good rule of thumb is that hens will lay pretty consistently (with periods off for molting, reduced day length and broodiness) from about 6 months old until about 3 years old. Although you will hear a lot of anecdotes about individual hens that keep pumping out eggs until they are 5 or 6 years old, the general consensus is that three years old is usually the beginning of the end for consistent egg laying.

Call it Henopause.

“Woh. Was That A Hot Flash?!”

A well-kept backyard hen, protected from hawks, raccoons and Fido, can easily live to be 8 or 10 years old, and ages of twice that are not unheard of.

Bear with me here as I do some Urban Homesteader math. One layer hen eats about 1.5 pounds of layer feed per week. (Pastured birds will eat less purchased feed – yet another good reason to buy this book and study it before you design your coop and run.)

If a chicken starts laying at 6 months old (this is a bit later than average but it makes my numbers easy) and has essentially stopped laying by 4 years old, and lives naturally to be 8, a backyard chicken keeper is looking at 3.5 years of egg production time, and 4.5 years of Pets Without Benefits time. That’d be 351 pounds of feed going to a hen that isn’t making eggs!

Current, local prices for the layer rations I feed my hens is $28 per 40 pound bag, or $.70 a pound. Admittedly, this is a bit spendy, but I get the locally produced, happy-hippie, GMO-free feed from the lovely folks at Scratch & Peck. At those prices, it costs $245.70 to maintain a hen into theoretical old age and natural demise while you aren’t getting any eggs.

Which means those half-dozen cute peeping balls of fluff you take home from the feed store in spring could cost you $1474 during the time when they are not giving you eggs. And of course I’m not including the cost of bedding, a fractional share of the coop, potential vet bills, etc.

Meanwhile, if you live in a city or suburb, you have an even bigger problem: your now non-laying hens are taking up your legal urban chicken quota which could be filled with younger, laying hens, and you are stuck. You can’t just keep adding to your flock indefinitely when you live on 1/12th of an acre in Seattle. So now you are a Backyard Chicken Keeper without any Backyard Eggs.

If your hens are pure pets, this is all totally fine. These are very reasonable amounts of money to spend on a pet, and if you are not resentful in the least at having to buy both chicken feed and grocery store or farmer’s market eggs, then Chickens As Pets is a wonderful path to take.

There is another option, of course. This is the option you won’t tend to run into on Pinterest. It’s not the solution of a soft heart so much as a calculating head.

You can make the decision to cull your birds when they are past prime lay. This is what all commercial egg operations do, and what “real” (as opposed to “urban”) farmers do, and what everyone who makes a living and not just a hobby from animal husbandry does.

Culled laying hens aren’t good for roasting or frying but they make unbeatable stock and stewing birds.

So basically those are your two choices: you continue to pay and care for chickens that barely give you eggs or you cowboy up and you deal with the slaughter of no longer profitable hens.

Back to my friend who really, really wants chickens.

Could she kill her chickens?

Oh no. Absolutely not.

We both agree, she doesn’t have that in her. Fine, I’ve no problem with that, and I’m glad she knows herself.

Does she want to pay for chickens even if she gets no eggs?

Well, not really.

Fine, I wouldn’t either – I totally understand.

I told her quite bluntly (as is my way) that she should not get chickens.

Can I give them to a chicken sanctuary when they get too old to lay? Some place that has a no kill policy?

No. No. You cannot do that.

She can’t, and no one reading this can. You know why? Personal responsibility. Your chickens, your adoption, your decision, your responsibility to see it through to the end. You do not get to embrace the idea of a more intimate relationship with your food chain and then make that food chain – the food chain you specifically set up – someone else’s problem when shit gets real.

There is a local urban farming message board that is filled – filled – with people trying to give away their three year old chicken to a “good home.”  Are you kidding me? You own the chicken. Your home is a good home. And once it’s not, your soup pot is a good soup pot. I once joked to a good friend that I could stock my freezer for the entire year off no-longer-laying hens being given away free “to a good home.”

This pisses me off, as you can probably tell. There is absolutely nothing ethically superior – and quite a bit that is ethically dubious, if you ask me – about enjoying the benefits of a young laying hen and then turning over the care or slaughter of that hen to someone else once it stops laying.

That is not how animal husbandry works and it’s not how pet ownership works, and those are your two choices. I don’t care which path you take with your chickens, but pick one. Playing Little Suzy Farm Girl until it’s time to get the axe and then deciding you aren’t up for chicken ownership just doesn’t fly with me.

Normally I am a Rah-Rah Cheerleader for this quirky way of life, and I think any fair assessment would deem me particularly encouraging to beginners. But a chicken is not a seed packet, it’s an animal and a responsibility. If you can’t cull your own birds or can’t provide for them all the way into their Chicken Social Security, then please, do not get chickens.