Noshing Confessions

One Week Later

2023-10-14T22:45:00.005-04:00

silence as though grief

sealed my tongue to its roof

broken open by the force of a rocket

and I wait for the dust to settle

fresh blood beneath my feet

and I see the list of children

cut down in their parents arms in Sderot

and I see the face of the child

drawn black from the rubble of her home in Gaza City

my heart aches for there is no end in sight

my sight clouds with anger and fear

like a wounded bird

stunned by hatred seeping through

like sap from a wounded cedar of Lebanon

grown tall and ancient

roots feeding on blood soaked earth

my heart is in the East

even as my feet wince

on nights of broken glass

left behind

trapped under rubble

born into anger and hate and all I wish is

peace and soft dew on a morning breeze

sunlit laughter as children are

born into morning

their bodies wrapped in gentle touch

instead of white shrouds

here muezzin's call mingles with chazzan’s chant

here God is Great and God is One and We are

brothers and sisters of human beings lifted up on chairs

instead of left like refuse on a roadside

instead of crumpled under concrete and rebar

all I wish for their children our children my children

children

to fall asleep safe and unafraid

to awake to hope

for this endless war to end

for Shalom is wholeness

for Salaam is whispered promise

for we are newly born into prayer

for we are not alone in grief

for we are not alone

Do I even dare to hope?

Found Poetry - Across All Forms

2022-06-21T21:50:00.008-04:00

the benefits of the Buddha's wisdom

are said to be realized

in hundreds of thousands of forests

you will see

lit candles illuminate

you will hear them chant

this invocation to the Buddha:

I offer respect to you, most high one who has achieved enlightenment by your own efforts.

the merits of all

beings

Across all

forms of practice

invoke

clarity,

emptiness, and compassion

inviting us to join

those who have:

Gone. Gone. Gone beyond. Gone beyond the beyond...

Found Poetry - Heartbeat

2022-06-21T21:40:00.005-04:00

Wherever traditions run strong

ordinary and extraordinary

pulsing, passionate rhythms

shimmer in the air

Today

the rows of candles

quietly chant

Compassion.

Found Poetry - The Gift

2022-06-06T23:47:00.004-04:00

I walked into this life

bringing to the world

a gift of music

to heal and awaken

(this won't make sense to you for a while,

but listen and you will see)

I listened

to the diaphanous voice of the sacred

and I had come home

I had been chanting all my life

Found Poetry - I Began a Book

2022-06-06T23:41:00.005-04:00

I began a book

but none believed

in this fundamental expression of life

neither practical nor inspiring

an esoteric energy

reserved for remote forests

For me, however,

there was far more to those

devoted utterances

the music of the cosmic spheres

the natural expression of our own

consciousness

an important tool used

to heal

bodies, quiet

minds, and

bring the sacred into lives

inspire hundreds of thousands

revive the power of prayer

Why? Because

it brings people together in

thought

intention

knowledge and love

Ulvade

2022-05-25T14:24:00.007-04:00

Pictures from yesterday’s horror in Ulvade, Texas, fly through our minds. There is no blood seen except in the anguished eyes of those who survive. Yet, we know there is blood on the walls of schools across the United States. As a country, we simply have not done enough to stop mass shootings from being seen as inevitable in America.

This morning, we woke to find that the number of dead children had risen overnight. Could we have stopped this searing reality? Together, we mourn these 19 lives and the lives of two of their teachers in the community of Ulvade. If we had fought harder, could we have kept a gun out of the hands of a human who murdered our children?

We need to remember that. We want to call this 18-year-old man a monster, but he was human. A man can be human and still kill children. It is outside our understanding, yet somehow this human being thought he could make his world better by ending the lives of children and their teacher. We ask ourselves, “How can I help to create a country where human beings have a harder time murdering the innocent?”

On the news today, there was the voice of a Tia weeping as she spoke of her nieces huddling in fear. The children had been taught to hide and be silent if a human with a gun walked into their school. Her nieces told their Tia that they were afraid because the shouting man was cursing. They heard loud bangs but did not know that those bangs were gunshots.

This all happened in the place where they had learned how to take turns, how to go up a slide, and to raise their hand to share at Circle Time. Here, they were exploring their world in safety with adults who cared deeply for them and their future. This Tia’s nieces survived. Their friends, their teachers, and their innocence did not.

In 2012, at Sandy Hook, the parents screamed when they heard their children were dead. They had been waiting in a firehouse, hanging on to hope that their babies had survived. The screams could be heard echoing into the night by reporters standing outside. These reporters shared the voices of Sandy Hook with a country that did not think the anguish loud enough to make change.

Our charge is to demand that our country to listens closely to Ulvade, that all of us hear the screams of a community who must bury those they love. It is time to lift our voices with them. Together, we will make change.

Here are a few organizations that are working for gun safety. Please do everything you can:

https://www.sandyhookpromise.org/

https://momsdemandaction.org/

https://www.everytown.org/

https://marchforourlives.com/

http://protectourschools.com/

Photo: Getty Images

Say the names outloud:

Uvalde Robb Elementary School

Thurston High School.

Columbine High School.

Heritage High School.

Deming Middle School.

Fort Gibson Middle School.

Buell Elementary School.

Lake Worth Middle School.

University of Arkansas.

Junipero Serra High School.

Santana High School.

Bishop Neumann High School.

Pacific Lutheran University.

Granite Hills High School.

Lew Wallace High School.

Martin Luther King, Jr. High School.

Appalachian School of Law.

Washington High School.

Conception Abbey.

Benjamin Tasker Middle School.

University of Arizona.

Lincoln High School.

John McDonogh High School.

Red Lion Area Junior High School.

Case Western Reserve University.

Rocori High School.

Ballou High School.

Randallstown High School.

Bowen High School.

Red Lake Senior High School.

Harlan Community Academy High School.

Campbell County High School.

Milwee Middle School.

Roseburg High School.

Pine Middle School.

Essex Elementary School.

Duquesne University.

Platte Canyon High School.

Weston High School.

West Nickel Mines School.

Joplin Memorial Middle School.

Henry Foss High School.

Compton Centennial High School.

Virginia Tech.

Success Tech Academy.

Miami Carol City Senior High School.

Hamilton High School.

Louisiana Technical College.

Mitchell High School.

E.O. Green Junior High School.

Northern Illinois University.

Lakota Middle School.

Knoxville Central High School.

Willoughby South High School.

Henry Ford High School.

University of Central Arkansas.

Dillard High School.

Dunbar High School.

Hampton University.

Harvard College.

Larose-Cut Off Middle School.

International Studies Academy.

Skyline College.

Discovery Middle School.

University of Alabama.

DeKalb School.

Deer Creek Middle School.

Ohio State University.

Mumford High School.

University of Texas.

Kelly Elementary School.

Marinette High School.

Aurora Central High School.

Millard South High School.

Martinsville West Middle School.

Worthing High School.

Millard South High School.

Highlands Intermediate School.

Cape Fear High School.

Chardon High School.

Episcopal School of Jacksonville.

Oikos University.

Hamilton High School.

Perry Hall School.

Normal Community High School.

University of South Alabama.

Banner Academy South.

University of Southern California.

Sandy Hook Elementary School.

Apostolic Revival Center Christian School.

Taft Union High School.

Osborn High School.

Stevens Institute of Business and Arts.

Hazard Community and Technical College.

Chicago State University.

Lone Star College-North.

Cesar Chavez High School.

Price Middle School.

University of Central Florida.

New River Community College.

Grambling State University.

Massachusetts Institute of Technology.

Ossie Ware Mitchell Middle School.

Ronald E. McNair Discovery Academy.

North Panola High School.

Carver High School.

Agape Christian Academy.

Sparks Middle School.

North Carolina A&T State University.

Stephenson High School.

Brashear High School.

West Orange High School.

Arapahoe High School.

Edison High School.

Liberty Technology Magnet High School.

Hillhouse High School.

Berrendo Middle School.

Purdue University.

South Carolina State University.

Los Angeles Valley College.

Charles F. Brush High School.

University of Southern California.

Georgia Regents University.

Academy of Knowledge Preschool.

Benjamin Banneker High School.

D. H. Conley High School.

East English Village Preparatory Academy.

Paine College.

Georgia Gwinnett College.

John F. Kennedy High School.

Seattle Pacific University.

Reynolds High School.

Indiana State University.

Albemarle High School.

Fern Creek Traditional High School.

Langston Hughes High School.

Marysville Pilchuck High School.

Florida State University.

Miami Carol City High School.

Rogers State University.

Rosemary Anderson High School.

Wisconsin Lutheran High School.

Frederick High School.

Tenaya Middle School.

Bethune-Cookman University.

Pershing Elementary School.

Wayne Community College.

J.B. Martin Middle School.

Southwestern Classical Academy.

Savannah State University.

Harrisburg High School.

Umpqua Community College.

Northern Arizona University.

Texas Southern University.

Tennessee State University.

Winston-Salem State University.

Mojave High School.

Lawrence Central High School.

Franklin High School.

Muskegon Heights High School.

Independence High School.

Madison High School.

Antigo High School.

University of California-Los Angeles.

Jeremiah Burke High School.

Alpine High School.

Townville Elementary School.

Vigor High School.

Linden McKinley STEM Academy.

June Jordan High School for Equity.

Union Middle School.

Mueller Park Junior High School.

West Liberty-Salem High School.

University of Washington.

King City High School.

North Park Elementary School.

North Lake College.

Freeman High School.

Mattoon High School.

Rancho Tehama Elementary School.

Aztec High School.

Wake Forest University.

Italy High School.

NET Charter High School.

Marshall County High School.

Sal Castro Middle School.

Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School

Great Mills High School

Central Michigan University

Huffman High School

Frederick Douglass High School

Forest High School

Highland High School

Dixon High School

Santa Fe High School

Noblesville West Middle School

University of North Carolina Charlotte

STEM School Highlands Ranch

Edgewood High School

Palm Beach Central High School

Providence Career & Technical Academy

Fairley High School (school bus)

Canyon Springs High School

Dennis Intermediate School

Florida International University

Central Elementary School

Cascade Middle School

Davidson High School

Prairie View A & M University

Altascocita High School

Central Academy of Excellence

Cleveland High School

Robert E. Lee High School

Cheyenne South High School

Grambling State University

Blountsville Elementary School

Holmes County, Mississippi (school bus)

Prescott High School

College of the Mainland

Wynbrooke Elementary School

UNC Charlotte

Riverview Florida (school bus)

Second Chance High School

Carman-Ainsworth High School

Williwaw Elementary School

Monroe Clark Middle School

Central Catholic High School

Jeanette High School

Eastern Hills High School

DeAnza High School

Ridgway High School

Reginald F. Lewis High School

Saugus High School

Pleasantville High School

Waukesha South High School

Oshkosh High School

Catholic Academy of New Haven

Bellaire High School

North Crowley High School

McAuliffe Elementary School

South Oak Cliff High School

Texas A&M University-Commerce

Sonora High School

Western Illinois University

Oxford High School

I Walked Among Oaks

2022-05-24T13:47:00.007-04:00

I walked among oaks and found

I am fallen within loam

waiting to burst vivid green

I am broken branches sharp

under hardened skin reaching for filtered sun

I am fragmented aging leaf

watching ancient roots push wisdom

through soil catching in my throat

I am acorns fallen and pushed deep

under a progenitor’s heavy strength

I am rooting and seeking new life

in a dank forest floor

How to sink tangled threads

into mighty weight

How to breathe green shoots

into brilliant canopy

How to feel lost

and not forgotten

Song for Our Girls

2022-04-03T20:15:00.002-04:00

These are the lyrics of a song I wrote and recorded in 2012. They came all in one piece while watching my children play. The song was selected to be part of a CD compilation for the Coalition for Advancement in Jewish Education in 2013. A link to the music can be found at the end of this post.

The Hebrew is transliteration of The Priestly Blessing, conjugated into feminine singular vs. the traditional masculine singular. The words translate to: "May God bless you and keep you. May God's face shine upon you and be gracious to you. May God's face lift up to you and grant you peace."

My children touching a brick commemorating
their great-grandparents' 60th wedding anniversary

VERSE 1:

May you trust and follow the word of God

like Sarah walking towards her Land

May you build a plan for the future

like Rebecca guiding Jacob's hand

May you reach out and find your sister beside you

crossing over every deep divide

Rachael and Leah left a path to guide you

as you journey with your family by your side

CHORUS:

Y'varcheich Adonai v'yishm'reich
Ya'eir Adonai p'nav alai'yich v'yichuneich
Yisah Adonai p'nav alaiyich v'yaseim lach shalom

VERSE 2:

May your fear and doubt not stop you

like Esther, from doing what is right

May you raise your voice in truth to those who do doubt you

like Devorah, may you lead into the fight

May you ride out to meet challenges that confront you

like Avigail rode out to David

May you trust in the strength of your heart to guide you

and speak the truth to any king you meet

BRIDGE:

Here's a song for our girls
A song for all generations
Here's a song for our girls
May they be a light unto nations

VERSE 3:

May you lead the dance like Miriam

May you raise your voice in song

May your feet walk towards a Promised Land

May you have faith though the journey might be long

May you pray for things that do not end

like Hannah at the end of her life

Like the rush of waters and the prayer of man

though the thunder crashes in your darkest night

Song for Our Girls by Leah Wolff-Pellingra, ft. Sam Glaser and Saul Kaye

Letter to the One Most High

2022-03-28T17:36:00.008-04:00

Dear Almighty One,

One whose Greatness Outnumbers the Stars

One whose Thunder Ricochets

among the Heaven’s Clouds

across the Great Plains of Earth

One whose Womb Gives Birth Daily

to Butterflies and Elephants

to Rattlesnakes and the Great White Shark

One whose Eyes

Blink the Shuddering Cough of

the Woman Under the Overpass and

the Reverberating F Sharp from

the Singer’s Throat

You spit forth malaria and

brilliance to heal

with equal splendor and astonishment

You mate seahorses for life and

turtledoves nest each year

in an undivided pair

Holy, Holy, Holy are You

O Lord of Hosts

but

You couple insanity with

belief in Your Existence

in ways that serve

to deny the very words

a Believer would speak

Who among your Creations

would wish to know

that a Broken Mind finds Your Presence

in the Rain, Your Hand

in the Beating of an Unborn Fist

all discovered while

a Fractured Heart sings

Hallelujah

who would deny your Creations

a Name freely given

when You Dreamed them into Being

who will remember to call them by their name:

Child of God

Let the rain come down,

O Unfair One

Make Great Blue Whales and

Hummingbirds darting in my Garden

Make Your Waves crash upon my Shores as

Injustices large and small abound

You Who Sends

Great Horned Owl Soaring

on her nightly rounds

knowing she is wise and

knowing the Small Brittle Bones

she must crush before

Morning Light

Tell me

if we stopped blinking

might we glimpse Your Pattern

we Children of You

Catching Fireflies in the Dark

Sincerely

Yours

Shema Koleinu: Hear Our Voice

2022-03-23T19:12:00.003-04:00

My grandfather, Jonas Wolff, z"l,
and his mother, Mina Wolff (ne` Spier-Holstein), z"l

“We cried out to HaShem, God of our fathers,

and HaShem heard our voice and saw our plight,

our misery, and our oppression.”

From the Haggadah, Deuteronomy 26:7

my grandfather’s voice

read from the Haggadah

with break and rumble

Heaven opened and

He began to cry

still a lamb

spared the slaughter

still one who witnessed

the blood of his fellows

splashed on doorways

that the Angel of Death might

pass over.

we are commanded:

Tell the story

of Exodus

first person singular

generation to generation

Tell the story

in Order

that it might be understood

Tell

of my mother ewe,

and I, her lamb

my mother's voice

cried out to God

God of her fathers and

God heard her voice and

placed me, her first-born lamb,

on trains to safe havens

where I lived

where I thrived

all the while knowing

pharaoh placed

the ewe that was my mother

in a boxcar for cattle

all the while knowing

her voice

cried out to God

as her fists beat

on gas chamber walls

what misery is survival

what oppression born

to earn a moment in time

to sit at a Seder

with a first-born granddaughter

to hear her voice

tell her lamb

God saw my plight

and listened

Mallet for a Birthright

2022-03-22T19:27:00.003-04:00

When the nations warred inside Rebecca

how heavy was birthright on her hips?

When one twin caught the ankle of the Other,

leaving her warmth,

did that seal what followed?

My Father says

Your Mother does not understand

the truth of the world

she retains the privilege of believing

we will not be alone

when the Oppressor comes

Your Mother does not understand

you have been seared by Birthright

Child

you must be prepared

to use a mallet to drive a tent peg

into the head of the Tyrant

when he comes to your home

seeking destruction.

My heart stands tethered

between safety and despair

Lungs breathe sweet faith

Tongue tastes bitter fear

Yael's mallet hangs heavy from my clenched fist

The warmth of my mother’s womb

fades

Found Poetry - Hoofbeats

2022-03-10T16:44:00.004-05:00

you wish you could ride the horses

you can sense them somewhere

deep within you

they're never far away

they trouble and

tempt

reminding you

that something crucial is missing

we're told

to go after what we love

to abandon our lives and

live in garrets or on mountaintops

crush our dreams without giving them

love

When my life

gets quiet for a moment, I

hear the

voice of

unfinished dreams.

Found Poetry - Nothing About You

2022-03-08T16:27:00.002-05:00

until you force it

choose it

pull together memory

when you love

pay attention

your ears perk

up instinctively, you

it's a way

become

aware of it.

Nothing about you is irrelevant.

All this began with

everything you loved

Nothing about you is irrelevant.

design a life you'll love

pay attention to all the messages

that nature has left.

You see, we're like

children

lost in the woods

Imagine It's Christmas: A Reflection on the Tragic Events in Colleyville, Texas

2022-01-18T00:40:00.032-05:00

Imagine it's Christmas Eve and every church has a security presence at its front doors to prevent violent attack.

Holding their children’s hands as they cross the parking lot of the church, congregants walk past what has been present every holiday season since they themselves were children. To many, this presence is so commonplace that the security personnel don’t register as any more out of place than the evergreen wreath hanging on the church door.

Imagine that the church’s doors are closed and locked on Christmas Eve. Ushers wait just inside, opening the doors to welcome congregants. The ushers then ensure that the doors close, remaining closed and locked until the next group arrives.

Each congregant who walks through these doors has registered for tonight’s service. Their names are checked off a list as they arrive. Everyone stands under the holiday decorations, dressed in their holiday best, prepared to show photo ID if asked.

Several ushers carry panic buttons around their necks that alert local emergency services in case of a violent attack. The ushers have all been trained in what to do in the event of such an attack. They have been trained in the treating of gunshot wounds.

As the service begins, ‘O Come All Ye Faithful’ drifts from the sanctuary. The ushers stand at those closed and locked front doors. They stand at every set of doors between the building entrances and the sanctuary. There are so many closed doors to walk through if you wish to worship.

Imagine that downstairs in the Sunday School classrooms, children are learning. Children too young to sit through the service upstairs are visiting with Santa Claus. The older ones are preparing for a Pageant. They practice in classrooms with heavy doors and phones that act as intercom in the event of an emergency.

The adults caring for the children have panic buttons, too. They, too, have gone through training to treat gunshot wounds.

Imagine this. Imagine being told every Sunday after the Opening Hymn what to do in the event of a violent emergency. Imagine laminated evacuation plans in the pews next to the hymnals. Imagine your community coming together to pray even though they know that entering into this holy place puts them at risk. Imagine raising your voice in prayer while your loved one is standing at those closed and locked front doors with a panic button hanging by a cord around their neck.

Please imagine it, for these are the security measures put in place at synagogues throughout the United States. If you are able to imagine it, then you will gain a glimpse of what it feels like to be a Jew living in America. In fact, you will gain a glimpse of what it feels like to be part of a minority in America - be it by virtue of their race, religion, gender, sexuality. You will grow in the knowledge of what it means to carry privilege in America and to not live in tangible fear simply because you are not a part of the majority. It is vital that we all use the privilege we carry to make powerful change in this country.

Each of us must work to make all free to live their lives in safety and peace. This is holy work. We must do it together.

Adirondack Morning

2021-01-27T23:14:00.005-05:00

When I am deep in the woods,

and the scent of pine and earth is in my nose,

I am transported whole into a realm of

filtered light through green leaves.

This nostalgia is for campfires and a two-room faded tent stretched between metal poles, blue

tarps to protect from rain that falls in the early morning quiet.
My father is up early (having already gone for a run), and he and my sister (too little to sleep in)
are making a mess with pancake batter and a propane stove. We go camping every summer until

we don’t anymore. We are too old and ornery as teenagers to be cooperative.

My mother

proudly revives our remembered skills for

The Family Cross Country Trip.

Yet, the wide, open plains,

they do not bring me peace.

Give me deciduous and pine.

Give me birch and maple.

Give me oak and sunlight filtered through leaves

turning yellow on a late August day.

Give me home and I will not stray.

Give me the sound of the loon

On the clear crisp morning.

I will breathe sweet air

And be content.

Echoes

2021-01-23T17:26:00.006-05:00

We cross electrons to create

connections to one another

Shooting across beams of holy light

United by 400,000 and more

Gone but not lost

Numbered yet incalculable

These rays of glimmering hope carry us

Where rafters reach

Where light shines through stained glass

And shadows curl in corners

Books lie closed

Well-worn and untouched

Words of penitence lie unread

Songs of praise slumber unsung

A pestilence has driven us away

But a whisper echoes inside

Are you there, God?

Are you waiting?

Did we take you with us?

Is this still where you dwell?

Where can we find you?

Where does that still small voice still dwell?

In our hearts, in our minds, in our souls

We would hear the echo, if only we could

Catch the hem of the garment

And if my own sanctuary is empty

Let me fill it once again

Let me open my throat

Let me dare to whisper

And fill my heart

For though it is broken

It still can hold

sacred song

Buttercup

2021-01-18T23:14:00.004-05:00

There are few mysteries more wonderous

than turning the underside of your friend’s chin

honey yellow

with a freshly plucked buttercup.

"Yes!" we exclaim

as it reflects that golden shadow,

"You do like butter, you must like butter!"

we laugh with delight.

Then, without a care,

we toss away the crumpled stem.

Fresh green sap runs through fingers,

Running off into sunlight,

yellow petals trampled underfoot.

Sanctuary

2021-01-15T23:10:00.005-05:00

Sunlight filters through the colors in stained glass

streaming into darkness wind

pushes me through the open door I see

my steps stretching out in shadows

across the floor the prayer book lies

open with parchment catching on the air hands

tremble on the page I read the letters one by one

they fly and float but cannot form words

I am reminded of the fable of the child

who knew no prayers by rote

But knew the letters

She said them one by one and

the angels arranged them into praise

that showed the intention of her heart

Oh, that I might be a child again and surrender

my prayer to an angel that I might

step out of the shadows and find words

worthy of the Divine

If I were to stand in this empty room with

light shining through into darkness and

surrender

would it be such a terrible thing?

Prout's Neck

2021-01-08T21:17:00.005-05:00

To find peace in that which is thunderous

for waves that break against rocks scarred only by time

for an aching Moon to call up the waters

for them to make war against a quiet sacred shore

for an eternal wind howling with an open throat

all on a coastline in Maine

in the heart of Winter’s storm.

The Capitol

2021-01-06T19:21:00.003-05:00

I tried to seek out a prayer for my country

From sacred text

And I've found I'm at a loss for words.

This is not because there has never been a day like today.

Rather it is because days like today have always come

Throughout the ages.

And yet, we have endured.

And yet, goodness, justice and mercy have endured.

And yet, compassion and hope have endured.

So, this is my prayer:

May we be safe.

May we be whole.

May my children have enough to eat and a warm place to sleep

And may your children, too.

May they have people to love and to love them back

For these things are all riches beyond measure.

I pray for my country.

I pray for you.

May we all be safe.

And let us say, Amen.

Grandma's Cloverleaf Rolls

2020-11-28T18:40:00.006-05:00

This year's Thanksgiving saw our family landing in many different directions, as was true for many across the country. It's hard to put into words what it felt like, except to know that you went through your own version of it, too. On my side of our family, we are normally 20+ folk piled around a table. Everyone talks and makes noise and passes the third bowl of stuffing under the second platter of turkey while the generations laugh and kibitz. On my husband's side, the gathering is usually smaller, but the food is just as plentiful.

When my girls learned that we were going to be spending Thanksgiving away from my in-laws this year, the food they were missing most was their Grandma's Rolls. I called up my mother-in-law, who happily shared the recipe, explaining that it was the The Pioneer Woman's Cloverleaf Roll recipe. My attempt at these rolls went from being almost done to a tad bit toasted very fast. They were still delicious.

My mother-in-law shared a neat trick: the balls of dough can be frozen individually. Then, on the afternoon of a day you want rolls for dinner, drop your balls (still frozen) into a buttered muffin tin. Allow them to defrost and rise over the course of the afternoon. You can then bake them according to the recipe just before dinner and enjoy hot, fresh rolls.

Something I like to think about is that the different members of our family made this recipe in different parts of the country on Thursday. Grandma's rolls were made here in upstate New York, Louisiana, Florida, and Denver. We wanted to be a little be closer together.

Given, we also made it because it is a phenomenal cross between a roll and monkey bread that is exquisite split open with butter and homemade cranberry sauce, but still. It feels good and my kids asked for seconds.

The Pioneer Woman's Cloverleaf Rolls

With notes from Leah. Original recipe can be found here.

4 cups whole milk
1 cup canola oil
1 cup sugar
9 cups all purpose flour divided into 4 cups, 4 cups, 1 cup
2 pkgs (2 1/4 tsps each) active dry yeast
1 heaping tsp baking powder
1 scant tsp baking soda
1 Tbsp salt
Melted butter for the pans

Combine milk and canola oil in a large pot (our Dutch oven worked a treat). Stir in the sugar. Scald the milk by heating it almost to a boil. Turn off the heat and let it cool until warm to the touch.
Add 4 cups of the flour and the yeast to the milk mixture. Combine well. Add 4 additional cups of flour. Cover the pot with a lid or dishtowel and let the dough rise for 1 hr or until double in size.
When it has risen sufficiently, add the remaining cup of flour, 1 heaping tsp baking soda, 1 scant tsp baking soda, 1 Tbsp salt. Stir to combine (I found that kneading it briefly here worked well to incorporate everything).
To make the rolls: Drizzle a small amount of butter into 36 muffin cups. Pinch off walnut sized balls of dough and rolls into neat balls (a great job for kiddos). Place 3 balls in each muffin cup.
Send the pans in a draft-free, slightly warm place and allow the rolls to rise until light and puffy, 1 to 1 1/2 hrs.
Preheat your oven to 400 F.
Bake until deep golden brown 18 to 20 minutes. Serve piping hot. (I dare you not to take seconds.)

Comfort Food

2020-11-09T16:26:00.002-05:00

If we are lucky, we have something in our lives that transports us to someplace safe. Maybe it's someplace warm. Hopefully, it's where we have enough of everything we need, even love. One of the amazing things about food is that the right dish has the power to do just that. It transports us somewhere we've never been before or calls us back somewhere familiar. Food is a tool we can use when seeking comfort.

We sometimes give negative connotations to 'comfort eating' and 'eating for comfort.' I'm going to ask you to put those down for a minute and to think about one dish that brings you joy. It might be associated with a specific memory, a time and a place, or maybe a collection of them all rolled into one.

For me, this comfort food is my mother's chili.

I suppose I should specify that it is a vegetarian chili. I have never seen her make a meat one, though. So, for me, this is just my mom's chili. It is one of my favorite foods on the entire planet.

It is not elegant. It would probably not win any Michelin stars or New York Times accolades, but it tastes like my mother's kitchen. I know it is what she's cooking from the moment I step out of my car, far down the crowded driveway, because I smell it on the crisp air. This chili is what I request for my birthday dinner or when I'm sick. It is what she makes when all of us are getting together or when we've all been apart too long.

It tastes like comfort.

When I asked my mother if I could share the recipe here, she assured me that there is no 'real' recipe. It is built from what is available, what is fresh, what is in the cupboard and needs to be used up.

I don't buy it. Having eating this chili over a lifetime and attempted to replicate it myself over the years as an adult, there is a certain ratio to the spices that is a magic formula of sorts. It is spiced without being spicy. It is rich and smoky without being heavy. It stands its ground as a full flavored vegetable based alternative for your next cold day in need of a warm bowl.

So, here is a recipe more flexible than most. Dave and I have tinkered with it a bit, but it's still my mom's. I hope it brings you comfort.

Linda's Vegetarian Chili

2 large onions, chopped

1/4 cup olive oil

1 large green bell pepper, chopped

1 large red bell pepper, chopped

1 poblano pepper, chopped (A Noshing addition. Optional, but encouraged)

4 cloves garlic, minced

1/4 cup chili powder

2 tsp ground cumin

2 T oregano (Mexican, can be found at many grocery stores)

1 T paprika

1 6 oz can tomato paste

2-3 lbs kidney beans

1 lb cannelini beans

1 28 oz can crushed tomatoes

1 28 oz can diced tomatoes

2 T balsamic vinegar

salt or soy sauce

Sauté onions in olive oil over medium high heat until translucent. Add green, red and poblano peppers. While peppers are cooking, mix together chili powder, cumin, oregano and paprika. Open and prepare any beans or tomato cans.
Continue to cook at medium high until peppers have softened and have some color. Add garlic and sauté for 15-30 seconds until it becomes fragrant.
Add spice mixture. Incorporate the spices until they also become fragrant and open - 15-30 seconds.
Add tomato paste. Stir continuously until paste begins to take on color, about 30-60 seconds at medium high heat. Quickly, deglaze it pan using crushed and diced tomatoes. Add all beans. Add balsamic vinegar.
Simmer on the stove on in a crockpot for as long as possible. Cook uncovered to thicken at the end of cooking. Season with salt or soy sauce (salt alternative) to taste.

Serve with whatever suits your family - with plain yogurt or sour cream, cheddar cheese or queso fresco, corn bread or tortillas! Avocados, lime, fresh cilantro - my mom suggests you give it all a try and see what suits. We hope you enjoy!

Pumpkin Mousse Trifle

2020-10-30T18:09:00.004-04:00

My husband will not eat anything pumpkin spice related. We think it has something to do with an aversion to nutmeg. That being said, he was a brave, brave soul and gave this trifle a try. The verdict?

If you love all things pumpkin spice, plus Cool Whip creaminess, plus fudge brownie deliciousness, plus crushed Oreos - have at it and be thoroughly satisfied. However, if pumpkin spice is just not your thing, you should probable steer clear of this dessert.

This recipe originally came from delish. Their Spider Trifle called for chocolate cake and a top layer of Cool Whip perfectly patterned with a chocolate syrup spider web. My pantry had brownies instead of cake. Additionally, ending with a layer of Oreo crumbs means that this delectable concoction can be served with gummi worms on the top, with the crumb acting as the creepy Halloween dirt - or not, if you're feeling moderately civilized and/or mature.

Speaking of mature, a great thing about this recipe was that something seemingly complex and requiring assembly was accessible for my kids. While I made the brownies ahead of time (accessible, just time consuming), the mousse was both straight forward and fun for my almost 11 and 13 year old to help with. The result was luxurious, rich and worth repeating. I can totally see this no-bake deliciousness as a stand alone concoction to be served proudly as a dessert contribution from my girls at the family Thanksgiving.

So, well done, delish. We will be repeating this one.

Pumpkin Mousse Trifle
a.k.a. Spider Trifle from Delish

2 boxes brownie mix, plus ingredients called for on the box to make brownies 'cake like' (cake like brownies will better absorb other layers, but use to your family's preference)
12 oz. cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup sugar
16 oz. pumpkin puree
1/3 cup sour cream
1 tsp. vanilla
1/2 tsp. pumpkin pie extract
6 cups Cool Whip, divided
1 pkg. Oreos, crushed

Cook brownies according to package directions. Set aside to cool. When cool, break into bite sized pieces.
Make the pumpkin mousse. Using an electric mixer, combine cream cheese and sugar, beating until smooth. Add the pumpkin puree, sour cream, vanilla and pumpkin spice and beat again until smooth. Fold in 2 cups of Cool Whip.
Assemble the trifle: place a layer of chocolate on the bottom of your dish. Top with your pumpkin mousse. Follow this with Cool Whip, then with the crushed Oreos. Repeat.
End with Oreos if you'd like to top it off with gummi worms. End with Cool Whip if you'd like to try your hand at a spider's web. Either way, demand that your diners be spooky, watch 'The Nightmare Before Christmas' at least once, and thoroughly enjoy themselves.

Happy Halloween!

Old World Apple Cake

2020-10-27T16:06:00.006-04:00

It is crisp fall days and the sun's warmth is catching my hands when I take the picture. All I can think is, "I wish the photo could catch this smell. This smells AMAZING."

Apple Honey Cakes are traditional in Ashkenazi Jewish culture for the High Holy Day season, with apples and honey being eaten together as part of the holiday ritual, symbolizing a sweet new year. As friends were coming to call, and we were planning to sit outside for the sake of social distancing, I thought there could be time to sneak in one more taste for fall on this chill day.

I originally wrote this recipe back in 2010, based on ideas from my Aunt Carol - a master baker - and my friend's grandmother, z"l. The recipe has since been adapted further, most recently with molasses partially substituting in for the original recipe's buckwheat honey. If you are not a fan of molasses, feel free to leave it out. However, this recipe calls for a full two cups of honey, so I encourage you to find the best honey you can to flavor your cake.

I also recommend you find great honey from a great local farm or beekeeper. In the Capital Region of New York, I highly recommend The Farm at Kristy's Barn for your honey needs. Wherever you are in the country, check out the Local Honey Finder for more information.

Old World Apple Cake

3 cups all purpose flour plus additional for flouring the pan
1/2 tsp salt
2 1/2 tsp baking powder
2 cups buckwheat honey or 1 3/4 cup honey + 1/4 cup black strap molasses
4 eggs, beaten
1 cup butter, melted and cooled plus additional for greasing the pan
1/4 cup lemon juice
2 tsp vanilla extract
6 medium apples, peeled, cored, sliced
5 T brown sugar
2 1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
optional: 1/2 cup raisins

Preheat the oven to 350. Grease well and flour a 9 inch tube pan. In a small bowl, combine cinnamon and brown sugar. Set aside.
In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, salt and baking powder. In a separate bowl, blend honey, molasses, eggs, melted butter, lemon juice and vanilla. Fold wet ingredients into dry ingredients until well combined.
Pour half the batter into the tube pan. Add half the apple slices, along with the raisins, if using, and sprinkle with half the cinnamon sugar. Pour the second half of the batter on top. Cover with the remaining apples and cinnamon sugar.
Bake at 350 for 60-80 minutes, until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Allow to cool for 20 minutes. Remove from pan and allow to cool on a wire rack for at least 2 hrs prior to serving.

A final note: this needs to cook for a long, long time, low and slow. Longer than you think it needs to cook, it needs to cook. Serve it warm with vanilla or cinnamon ice cream or simply whipped cream.

Awe and Wonder

2020-10-25T23:03:00.016-04:00

I bundled you up as for snow,

when it was against waves

and wind that would break

over shores and soft cheeks,

rosy red and not yet two.

Cresting the dune,

you stood up on my back, and said

in awe and wonder,

"Wow!"

“Nice!”

That entirety sufficed

A holy encounter with this world

Your two words

more than the number of years to your name

You now thirteen years

and I would give all of mine

For

You