No Cable Makes You A Cry-Baby(sitter)

, , , | Related | September 20, 2017

(A customer has a bad signal issue that we have to dispatch a technician for during a busy part of the year.)

Me: “We have an opening in two days.”

Customer: “Two days?! No cable for two days? Well, who’s gonna watch my kids?!”

Parenting Takes All Six Of Your Senses

, , , , , | Related | September 20, 2017

(I am about eight years old, and my mom has allowed me to pick something out from a dollar store with money I’ve earned. I have a dollar and a few pennies in my wallet, and am excited to pick out a brand new toy. I quickly find one I like and approach the cash register.)

Cashier: “That will be one dollar, plus seven cents sales tax.”

Me: *not understanding why my toy isn’t one dollar* “Uh, seven cents?”

(The cashier nods politely as I pull out one dollar and six pennies from my wallet. Seeing that I am one penny short, I burst into tears.)

Cashier: *a bit startled* “Are you okay?”

Me: *trying to calm down* “I just need to talk to my mom for a minute.”

(I rush to my mom, flat-out sobbing. My mom isn’t even fazed as she hands me a penny from her own wallet without even asking what happened. I dry my eyes and buy my toy from the very confused cashier.)

Me: *as cheerfully as if nothing had happened* “Bye! Have a good day!”

Cashier: “Bye…”

(I learned two things that day. For one, parents are literally telepathic. And two, cashiers that have to put up with people like my younger self deserve lots of respect in return!)

Sure Beats A Shot In The Arm

, , , , , | Related | September 19, 2017

(My father lives in an Alzheimer’s care facility. My youngest sister, who is a nurse and his healthcare contact, gets called that he has fallen and the facility has had him transported to the nearest emergency department. When my sister arrives at the hospital, she’s told that although Dad doesn’t seem to be injured, they have taken x-rays, as he is almost completely nonverbal and the staff wants to be sure there are no injuries. Dad is an Army veteran and sustained several combat wounds during WWII. Battlefield surgery being what it was in 1945, he will go to his grave carrying a few bullet and shell fragments that are still lodged in his arms, legs and torso. My sister is sitting with Dad in the exam room when the duty physician walks in, holding the x-rays and looking puzzled.)

Doctor: “Can you tell me… has your father ever been shot?”

Sister: *matter-of-factly*  “Oh, yes. Lots of times.”

Louisianapathy

, , , , | Related | September 19, 2017

(My husband is from Louisiana, and he has a very thick Cajun accent. Usually he’s good about enunciating, so most people don’t have any trouble understanding him, but when he’s very tired or drunk, he’s harder to understand. We are camping with our families, and his sister is sharing our tent. One morning, I get up early to make breakfast. I wake my husband up to ask him how many pancakes he’ll want.)

Husband: *still half-asleep, says something completely unintelligible*

Me: “What?”

Husband: *repeats himself*

Me: “Babe, I can’t understand you.”

Sister-In-Law: “He said he wants four, and that he had to put the powdered milk in the green ice chest instead of the red one because it wouldn’t fit.”

Me: “…[Sister-In-Law], you have a superpower.”

Sister-In-Law: “Uh-huh.” *goes back to sleep*

They’re Not A Tight Family

, , , | Related | September 19, 2017

(My husband is doing our shared flat’s laundry when he finds a pair of black tights.)

Husband: “Honey, are these yours or your sister’s?”

Me: “They don’t look familiar. Sis, are they yours?”

Sister: “Nope. [Female Roommate], are these yours?”

Sister’s Roommate: “No, definitely not mine.”

Me:“If they don’t belong to any of us girls, how did they get in there?”

(Then my brother, who was in dance school, walked past and grabbed them out of my hands without saying a word.)

Page 1/1,58012345...Last
Next »