Sad Panda Should Know Where They Are

, , , , , | Right | July 16, 2018

(The phone rings a couple of minutes after closing.)

Customer: “Hey, are you anywhere near me?”

Me: “I don’t know where you are.”

Customer: *talking to friends in the background* “Where are we?” *to me* “Someplace starting with T…” *relates suburb about five minutes’ drive away*

Me: “Yes, you’re about five minutes away but—”

Customer: *interrupts* “Sweet! What time do you close?”

Me: “Actually, we closed about five minutes ago.”

Customer: “Oh, man! My favourite store is closed! I’m a sad panda.” *click*

If You’re White You Can’t Be An Immigrant

, , , | Right | July 16, 2018

(I work in a state call center for tax and finance, mostly dealing with questions regarding tax return statuses. As this is a government office, we get many people complaining to us about government issues that they are unhappy about, as if we had any power to change them. I have answered all of this taxpayer’s relevant questions; however, she has decided to vent to me. I am attempting to end the call, without much luck, as she isn’t giving me a chance to talk. Unfortunately we are not allowed to hang up on callers.)

Caller: *after venting about the governor and the amount of taxes she has to pay* “You know, none of this would be that bad if it wasn’t for all these immigrants, taking our jobs and demanding benefits. Isn’t it just awful, all these people coming in from other countries? Why can’t they just stay in their own countries? It just makes it harder for hard-working Americans like you and me. Don’t you agree?”

Me: “Ma’am, with all due respect, I am an immigrant; my family moved from Germany when I was little. I am not an American citizen, so I guess I am one of those immigrants taking jobs from Americans.”

(We moved when I was very young, so I speak English with a General American Accent — no hint of a German accent.)

Customer: “Well, obviously I don’t mean you; you’re not really an immigrant.”

(Luckily, she was too embarrassed to keep ranting, and allowed me to properly end the call soon after.)

Time Waits For No Pizza

, , , , , | Right | July 15, 2018

We have a system at our franchise where everyone who calls in or orders online gets a call-back before we make their pizzas. No exceptions. Even phone orders.

A timed order comes in to be picked up at four pm. No problem. Then, a few moments later, it is voided: “Did not answer, could not confirm. Do not make.”

The boss recognises the lady — she’s a regular — so on the off chance this was just a mistake, we make the pizzas but put them in the cooler, ready to go in.

Four pm rolls around, and she’s not there. Four fifteen, not there. We are about to use the pizzas for other orders when she comes in at about 4:25. When we explain we don’t have the pizzas in because of lack of confirmation, she gets upset — not at us, mind you, but at the situation. She has a birthday party! She’s in a hurry!

I explain that pizzas were made, and we can have her order ready in seven minutes. After a few moments of reassurance, she departs, to return in “exactly seven minutes.”

The pizzas come out — we bumped them ahead of a few others — we cut them, box them up, and put them on the heater as fast as we can. By now it is about 4:35.

And we wait… and wait… Finally, at around five, she strolls in, just as I am about to mark the pizzas for “immediate sale.”

So much for being in a hurry.

The Returner Versus The Couponator

, , , , , | Right | July 15, 2018

(I work at a craft store that accepts competitor coupons. After closing time the manager waits by the door to let out customers who stay late.)

Last Customer: “I have a coupon from [Competitor].”

Me: “All right!” *applies coupon* “You total is [total].”

(Finishes transaction.)

Last Customer: *irritably* “Can I have that coupon back?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Last Customer: “So I can use it at [Competitor], too?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; I can’t return a coupon that’s already been used.”

Last Customer: *to my manager on her way out* “Your employee was very rude!” *leaves*

Manager: “What did you do to her?”

Me: “She wanted me to give back her used coupon.”

Manager: “Pshh!”

The Couponator 6: The Coupon Awakens
The Couponator 5: Online Decline
The Couponator 4: Deadly Discounts
Return Of The Returner: The Buyback
Return Of The Returner: Jeans Of Justice
Return Of The Returner: The Return

Not Enough Meat Between Their Ears

, , , | Right | July 15, 2018

(I work evenings, sometimes alone at the pizza store. I don’t mind. It’s fun, and I prefer working alone. I have two young gents come in, about sixteen or so years old. They ask me about doing a half-and-half pizza, and I say yup, they just have to tell me which things are on which side!)

Customer #1: “Okay, can I have a meat-lover’s on one side and deluxe Hawaiian on the other?”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t split a specialty pizza. Just gets too complicated. But I can do, say, pepperoni-bacon on half and ham-pineapple on the other.”

Customer #1: “Oh, okay.”

(A few more minutes of discussion happen. I try to excuse myself as I hear the printer popping out deliveries, but they insist that they are ready to order. Then, the other asks.)

Customer #2: “Half and half, right?”

Me: *smiling as I nod patiently*

Customer #2: “Okay. Can I get half meat-lover’s, half deluxe Hawaiian?”

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