Knowing The Future Should Be A Walk In The Park-ing

, , , , | Right | February 18, 2019

(I work in a hotel in a small town that often struggles for parking, especially when the weather is nice or there are big golf events. There are free and pay places to park throughout the town, but most hotels don’t have designated parking.)

Guest: “I am checking in today and I wanted to know where your parking was.”

Me: “The hotel doesn’t have designated parking, but there are free and pay-to-park locations around us. You can park on the street just across from us, and it’s free 24 hours a day.”

Guest: “So, do you think I’ll get parked there? Are there spaces?”

Me: “Well, I can’t see the road from here, and I couldn’t tell you what it will be like whenever you arrive tonight, so I have no idea.”

Guest: “No, but what is the likelihood that I’ll get parked there tonight?”

Me: “I really couldn’t tell you.”

Guest: “Well, that’s not very helpful of you, is it?”

You’re Always The Cream Of The Crop When You Have ALL The Cream

, , , , , | Right | February 18, 2019

(I am working for a well-known coffee chain. A woman comes in to place her order.)

Woman: “Can I get a skinny cinnamon iced latte? Please make sure you use fat-free milk and sugar-free syrup. I have to watch my sugar intake.”

(I make her order exactly as she asked for. She takes a sip and makes a funny face.)

Woman: “Umm, this doesn’t taste sugary enough. I’ll just fix it myself.”

(I watched as she walked over to where we keep cream and sugar for people who order plain coffee. She dumped out most of her drink and refilled it with about half a canister of half-and-half and about ten packets of sugar.)

No Amount Of Chlorine Can Wash Away That Kind Of Hate

, , , | Right | February 18, 2019

(I work at a beautiful, open-air pool and spa complex, often frequented by a visiting international A-Grade sports team. We currently have one unwinding in one of our public, open-air spas. Another customer approaches me.)

Me: “Good afternoon, and welcome to [Pool]. How many children and adults will you be paying for today?”

Customer: “Just me, my child, and my friend here.” *motions to her friend*

Me: “All right, then. That’ll be [price]. The changing rooms are immediately left for women and right for men.”

(She pays, changes, stores her things in one of the lockers, and walks out, towel in hand. I should have called for help as I saw her on her way back. I stupidly didn’t.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but there’s a problem with your pools! They’re filthy and filled with s***!”

(Panicked, I look at the team leader, who hears this. She shakes her head no and continues on her path watching the rest of the pools.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but our lifeguards would have immediately noticed if there was that issue and closed the pool down. There isn’t any way this could have been missed.”

Customer: *immediately starts screaming at the top of her lungs* “NO! I MEAN THEY’RE FULL OF FILTH! YOU NEED TO GET THEM OUT OF THE POOLS AND CLEAN THEM IMMEDIATELY.”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Customer: *with her friend in the back with a s***-eating smirk on her face* “THOSE FILTHY F****** [RACIAL SLURS] IN THE SPAS UP THERE!” *referring to international sports team* “I REFUSE TO HAVE A SPA IN THOSE POOLS; THEY’RE FILTHY AND THEY NEED TO LEAVE SO I CAN HAVE MY SPA! THEY’RE DISGUSTING. FILTH. SCUM. THEY SHOULDN’T BE ALLOWED IN PUBLIC SPACES! THEY’RE MAKING THE WATER FILTHY! GET THEM OUT! I WANT MY MONEY BACK!”

(I am completely stunned, but wary of her getting physical, I call up to the personal trainers in the attached gym for security and manpower:)

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t do refunds, and we are not making anyone leave. This is a public pool for the public and they have just as much right to be here as you do, and if you don’t accept that, then you can leave.”

(Two fairly bulky PTs have turned up by now, along with the complex manager.)

Customer: “I WANT MY MONEY BACK! CAN’T YOU MAKE THOSE FILTHY [SLURS] LEAVE?”

Me: “I’m sorry, no. We don’t do refunds, and I’m going to have to ask you to leave. Now. Your behaviour is not acceptable for this establishment, and you will be trespassing if you try to come back in.” *looks at the complex manager for approval, she nods and motions to the PTs to remove her*

(The customer screamed and bellowed horrific abuse and racist insults all the way out the door. We wound up giving the sports team free access to all parts of the complex and a voucher for dinner at the attached restaurant. They seemed to think it was hilarious and were incredibly kind and good-natured about it all, much to my relief.)

She’s Giving You Her Two Cents

, , , , | Right | February 18, 2019

(A customer who has just purchased a lot of items comes back up to the counter to show me her receipt.)

Me: “Hello. Is everything okay?”

Customer: “There was a deal on the sellotape, and it hasn’t come off my total.”

Me: “Okay, could you tell me what the deal was?”

Customer: “Yes, it said they were two for £5.” *points to a display that says two for £5*

(I look at her receipt to see that the sellotape was individually priced at £2.49, meaning the total for 2 comes to £4.98.)

Me: “Oh, they were £2.49 each, which comes to under £5, so you were charged £4.98.”

Customer: *beginning to sound annoyed* “Why did it say 2 for £5?! That’s false advertising!”

Me: “I’m sorry, that might have been an old deal; the head office always changes prices and deals and doesn’t always tell us. Luckily, you weren’t overcharged.”

Customer: “I still want a refund. I don’t like giving my money to false advertisers.”

Me: “Sure… Okay.”

(I went ahead and processed a refund for £4.98.)

They’re A Sandwich Shy Of A Picnic

, , , | Right | February 18, 2019

(I am working at a sandwich restaurant with just one other person, and we have about fifteen customers. I’m having to put veggies on customers’ orders and work the till. I’ve just rung out four customers when I wash my hands and put on gloves to start with veggies.)

Me: *while putting on gloves* “Hi. What veggies can I get on your sandwich?”

Customer #1: “Lettuce, pickle, and mayo.”

Me: “All right. Is that it for you today?”

Customer #1: “LETTUCE, PICKLE, AND MAYO!”

Me: “Yeah, I got that. Is that it for you today?”

Customer #1: “Oh… Yeah, that’s it.”

Me: *moves on to the next customer* “Any lettuce or tomato?”

Customer #2: “Lettuce, tomato, pickles, and mayo, please.”

(I finish both orders and wrap them up. I’ve just taken off my gloves to ring them up.)

Customer #1: “No, she and I are not together; don’t add her to my total!”

Me: *internally facepalms* “Yes, ma’am, I know this.”

Customer #1: “SHE AND I ARE NOT TOGETHER!”

Me: “I KNOW! Your total is $6.54. Your order is in front of you. Hers is off to the side here. So, stop trying to grab both, or I will charge you for hers, too.”

Customer #1: *quietly swipes card*

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