Your Printer Requires Some Hyper-Ventilation

, , , | Right | November 13, 2018

(I’m a customer in this. A woman comes up to me with her arms loaded with printer cartridges. She drops them on the floor before addressing me.)

Woman: “Can you help me? I’m trying to find the right cartridge for my printer. It’s all so confusing!”

Me: “It can quite a bit daunting. Sure, I can help.”

Woman: “I get all in a panic and have to sit down.”

Me: “Really?”

Woman: *nodding frantically* “I’m on pills for it. The stress is. Just. Too. Much!”

Me: “Okay… Which printer do you have?”

Customer: *company and model* “I have my used one with me. They have a bin for them!”

(She hands me the cartridge, with the label and number associated with that particular model still attached. None of the ones she dumped are right, so I head to the shelves. I find it quite quickly and hand it to her. She looks are me like I’ve sprung from the underworld.)

Woman: “How… How did you do that?!”

Me: *pointing at the cartridge* “That number is on every colour cartridge you buy for your printer. You use that to find the right one.”

(Dumbfounded, she looked at the number, before hyperventilating. I started panicking myself until she grabbed a bottle from her bag and dropped whatever was inside into her mouth. She headed to the checkout, noticeably calmer, mumbling a “thanks” as she chewed. I see her pretty much every time I go in to buy something, and when she notices me she points at whatever cartridge she’s holding and guffaws. I can’t fathom why should would need so much ink, but I hope she tries to get a better printer, as it must cost her a fortune!)

Wish You Could Just Drop This

, , , | Right | November 13, 2018

(I work at a popular cosmetics store. Our company is known for its generous return policy, where clients can return products for a full refund within 30 days with their receipts, and after 30 days they can still come in for an exchange or store credit. We can also look up their receipt from their membership card. This happens when a newer cashier calls me over to the register.)

Cashier: “This client wants to exchange this product, but since we don’t have it in stock, she’s wondering if we can give them a refund.”

Me: “That should be fine.” *to the client* “Hi. What was the reason for exchanging this product?”

Client: “I bought this powder compact last week, but I dropped it and it shattered into pieces. I wanted a new one, but you don’t have it in stock, so I want a refund.”

(The compact is indeed broken, but most people that use makeup know that powder will shatter if you drop it, especially softer ones.)

Me: “Unfortunately, since you dropped the product and it broke, we can’t give you a refund. Refunds are only given to used products if you’re sensitive to it or if you’re not satisfied with the performance of the product.”

Client: “So, you can’t replace broken products?”

Me: “The only time where we will replace broken products is if they came broken during shipment and it wasn’t your fault.”

Client: “Well, what if I tell you it came broken?”

Me: “Ma’am, you just told me otherwise, so unfortunately, that’s not possible.”

Cashier: *showing me the other two powder compacts on the counter* “The client would also like to get store credit for these two products.”

(Seeing that the outside of the compacts look very dirty and used, I proceed to open one of them. The powder is used to the point that you can see the bottom of the metal pan.)

Me: “I’m sorry but this product is extremely used, and I cannot return it.”

Client: “Why? But your store accepts used products for returns!”

Me: “As it says on our return policy, we can accept gently used products. This product has been used for many times, and I cannot return it.”

Client: *clearly frustrated* “Okay, how about the other one?”

(I open the other one, and it’s been used quite a bit, as well, but not as bad as the first one. Since the client doesn’t have her receipt, I ask the cashier to look up her receipt from her membership card.)

Cashier: “I can’t seem to find her receipt for this product.”

Me: “How long ago did you purchase this?”

Client: “About a year ago.”

Me: *cannot believe she’s returning a one-year-old product* “Unfortunately, our system can only track the last 25 transactions you had in the last year. This product was purchased over a year ago, so we wouldn’t have record of the receipt, and I cannot return a product if we don’t have proof of purchase.”

Client: “But that’s not how it was! Your store should be able to return the product even if I don’t have the receipt!”

Me: “That would be true if it were before we changed our return policy, but we’ve since then modified it, and we do need proof of purchase now.”

Client: “When did that happen?! Why did you guys change it?!”

Me: “It was changed a year and half ago, and we changed it because people were abusing the system.”

Client: *appearing flustered* “Well, whatever. Are you sure you can’t replace my broken compact, then?”

Me: “Yes, I’m sure. We can only refund products if you’re not satisfied with it or it caused sensitivity.”

Client: “Okay, well, I’m not satisfied with this product! I dropped it and it just broke!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you drop something, there’s a chance that it will break! It happens to all kinds of products! That is not a valid reason to be dissatisfied with the product!”

Shopping With Dr. Sheldon Cooper

, , , , , | Right | November 13, 2018

(I have an autistic friend. We are actually both autistic but in very different ways; I’m much better at dealing with practical household things — like setting up a TV or 5.1 sound system–  than he is, whereas he is much better at the everyday essentials like work, money, and bills than I am. Between us, we manage okay. Like many on the spectrum, my friend finds certain everyday environments, such as his workspace, cold and distressing, so I’ve been helping him make a “safe space” for himself at home. Basically, it’s a lot of relaxing mood lighting with speakers and a monitor so he can watch video or listen to music from his media devices in a space he finds soothing. It’s my first attempt, so I’ve initially been using cheap Chinese equipment ordered online until I’m sure it’s what he wants and it all works, and, as is often the case with cheap Chinese imports, some of it fails pretty quickly. We decide to go shop at a local high street store that sells similar items, now that we know for sure what it is we need. In the store, a smiling assistant approaches us:)

Me: “Oh, hi. We’re just looking for your home lighting section.”

Friend: “We’d normally order things like this from China for a fraction of what you guys sell it for here, I’m sure, but we need it quickly today, so we came here, instead!”

Me: *embarrassed* “Oh.” *laughs* “[Friend], yes, well, I don’t think this gentleman really needs to know that. Let’s just go get the things we need today, shall we?”

(The store assistant looks a little wide-eyed, but duly directs us. My friend is easily distracted by all the flashing, beeping technology on display, but I manage to get us over to the correct section. We find what we need and head off to the counter. My friend is paying, so he is talking to the cashier now.)

Friend: “We need these because ours broke, so we need more. Before, my friend here got them all from China for half the price you guys sell them for here, but they’re all the same things, really, I think, aren’t they? You guys probably just put your logo on them and charge double the price; I know how things like this work. But still, you charge a lot more for them here, don’t you?!”

Me: *losing it a bit now* “Ahahaha! Yes, well, as I said, [Friend], I don’t think he needs to know all that. Let’s just pay the poor man and then go, shall we?!”

(The now rather put-upon-looking cashier dutifully bags and charges our items as my friend continues to “make small talk” in this vein. Other customers begin to take an interest, and a small crowd is forming; however, somewhat relieved on my part, we get the receipt and head for the door, but unfortunately not before my friend spots another rather large and particularly expensive item we both recognise from the same Chinese site.)

Friend: *loudly* “Oh, look! Another thing you could get for less than half the price from [Site] online! I bet that’s the exact same thing, just with their logo on it again. Boy, they charge a lot more in here than [Site], don’t they?! You could get that for [price] on [Site], couldn’t you?”

(I stopped for a moment to look at it with him as he continued in this vein. Frankly, I died a little inside, as other customers mentally jotted down the site name and price; one actually got out his smartphone and seemed to be checking the site out. I rolled my eyes at the store assistants apologetically, but very quickly, and at my insistence, we headed off out to the car, leaving the store assistants to deal with the aftermath. Guys who attended to us that day, if you’re reading this, I am so sorry! If we have to come back for any more things soon — I’m pretty sure we will — if it helps at all, he’s actually a scientist in a very well-paid job — yes, just like Sheldon Cooper — and so has lots of disposable cash to spend in your store. He just isn’t very good at thinking before he speaks. Next time, I’ll try and stop him yelling out that site name and the entire price range he’s got memorised in his head at your potential customers, if I possibly can. Trust me, I will try.)

Uh… It Computes Things?

, , , , | Right | November 13, 2018

Customer: *slams item on my counter* “So, what can you tell me about this product?”

Me: *slightly confused* “What would you like to know?”

Customer: *in clear disbelief* “I don’t know! You tell me!”

What A Sweet Price!

, , , , , | Right | November 13, 2018

Me: “Hey, can I please have a large earl grey?”

Barista: “Yes. Sweetened?”

Me: “No.”

Barista: “What?”

Me: “No, not sweetened. Thanks.”

Barista: “Okay. Sweetened?”

Me: “No, I don’t want it sweetened.”

Barista: “You ordered the earl grey, right?”

Me: “Yes.”

Barista: “Sweetened.”

(At this point, I’m looking around at the other barista because this is getting ridiculous.)

Other Barista: *comes to the register* “It’s $3.10.”

(Yup, I felt very stupid.)

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