Less Than A Fifty-Fifty Chance That Would Have Worked

, , , , | Right | March 23, 2018

(I’m alone in the small shop where I work when a customer comes in. Right away I get a bad feeling from him; he’s avoiding eye contact and acting nervous. After a few minutes he comes up to the counter with a couple of random items. I ring up his purchases, keeping an eye on him. I give him his total and he gives me a twenty-dollar bill. With my left hand, I reach into the cash drawer, take out his change, and hand it to him.)

Customer: “Hey! I gave you a fift…”

(He trails off when he notices that I’m still holding up the twenty in my right hand.)

Customer: “Oh.”

Me: “Yeah.”

(I have never seen anyone leave a store so quickly in all my life.)

Armed With A Single Sentence

, , , | Right | March 22, 2018

(It is a couple weeks after a shooting at a theater only two hours away from ours.)

Customer: “That ‘No Weapons Allowed’ sign is stupid. People are going to bring in guns, anyway.”

Coworker: *rips her ticket* “Maybe, but that doesn’t mean weapons are allowed, and we have security measures in place to ensure everyone’s safety. Your movie is in theater two, on your left.”

Customer: “Well, I should be allowed to bring in a gun. If someone wants to shoot up the place, I should be able to shoot them first!”

Coworker: *not wanting to get into an argument about gun control* “Theater two, on your left.”

Customer: “I have the right to come in here with a gun to defend myself and my family. It’s not right that you want me to come in here without one!”


The Origin Of Free Pizza

, , , , | Right | March 22, 2018

(There is a football match, called the State of Origin, between two of the Australian states — Queensland and New South Wales. It is taken quite seriously. I work in a pizza shop in New South Wales, but I am a Queenslander born. The customer in this story has come in later on in game time, ordered his pizza, and paid. After I have made his pizza and put it in the oven, he begins talking to me.)

Customer: “Do you know the score for the game?”

Me: “No. Sorry, mate, we don’t have a television here. Besides the fact that I volunteered to work this evening because I don’t watch football, I would be cheering for Queensland if I was watching.”

(He stares at me.)

Customer: “I don’t want a pizza made by a Queenslander.”

(He walked away. He never came back, and I got free dinner.)

Know When To Hold ‘Em And When To Fold ‘Em

, , , , , | Right | March 22, 2018

(I work on the tills at a well-known cheap clothing shop in the UK. I am packing the clothes that a customer has just bought into her bags.)

Customer: “No, no, stop that at once!”

Me: “What is the problem?”

Customer: “You’re packing that bag too haphazardly! My clothes will be wrinkled and ruined when I get them home!”

(At this shop, we are literally trained in how to pack bags to ensure that the clothes are folded neatly and the heavy items are on the bottom and the light ones are on the top. I have been following this training to the letter. I start to pack the bag exactly the same way as I was before, just slower.)

Customer: “There. That’s better! You’re actually folding the clothes now!”

Arabian Plights

, , , , | Right | March 22, 2018

(I work at a hotel, in the United States. A customer with a heavy scowl thrusts his tablet at me.)

Customer: “You fix Internet!”

Me: “Umm.”

(I take the tablet, and it’s ALL in Arabic.)

Me: “Uh, this is in Arabic. I can’t read it.”

Customer: “You fix!”

Me: “I can’t; I can’t understand Arabic.”

Customer: “No, you fix!”

(I try to explain to him that I can’t fix his Internet because I can’t understand his tablet. He doesn’t listen. I give up and press a few things here and there. The screen turns a weird dark color, and it looks as if viruses are being downloaded.)

Me: “Er… Sorry, I can’t.”

(He took the tablet back and stormed off, looking upset. Later, he wrote an email to the general manager, all in Arabic. The general manager didn’t bother translating it, thank goodness.)

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