Caller: "Oh wow! That's like, Asia, right? What time is it there?"
Me: "Two in the morning."
Caller: "Craaaazy! It's like, eleven in the morning here. Do you sleep in the day?"
Me: "Yes, I spend the day sleeping, running errands, playing my PlayStation."
Caller: "Oh wow. Philippines gets PlayStation?"

Read A Call Center Powered Entirely By Sarcasm

The new guy was a contractor earning over $1000 per day. His boss didn’t want to provide him with a company PC as "they cost too much" (around $1200). So, the new guy was using his MacBook. He couldn’t access any corporate systems at all.

Read $15,000 Later…

Me: "So, the subfloor is weak and needs to be strengthened in order to hold the weight of the refrigeration cabinets plus products."
Store Owner: "But… what about the empty refrigeration cabinet? Will the floor support that?"
Me: So yes, it will. But once you fill the cabinet, it will be heavier."
Store Owner: "No, you are mistaken. The products will be placed on shelves."

Read A Load Of Nonsense

I'm lip-syncing to a Beyoncé song when my current customer (the epitome of Old Black church lady) looks at me with concern.
Customer: "You shouldn't sing along to her music. She's of the Devil."

Read And Whatever You Do, Don’t Drink The Lemonade!

Customer: "I'm looking for a book. It has a tiger on the cover."
My coworker immediately walks the customer over to Fiction and pulls out 'Life of Pi'.
Customer: "Oh my God! That's the one! Thank you!"

Read The Strategy Is A Roaring Success