But this new company wants to charge me a $14.95 "convenience" fee to take a payment online. This is absolutely stupid. I can make a payment over the phone and pay another fee, or I can mail a check/money order for no fee.

Read The Loan Ranger

I work at the woodcutting counter. Customers bring me lengths of lumber that we sell to cut down to size.
A customer places a long fluorescent light tube down on my counter.
Customer: "Can you cut this down to three feet?"

Read A Light Trim

Me: "What happened here?!"
Customer: "I was installing software. It started fine, but then it asked me to insert disk two, and it wouldn't go in."
Me: "Did disk one eject okay?"
Customer: "Eject?"

Read Do They Think The Insides Of A PC Are Non-Euclidean Space?

He gets an iPad from his bag and starts typing, talking about all the ways his team has helped people. I nod politely, cash in hand, waiting for my opportunity.
Man: "So here are our options. Take a look and see what suits you best."
He shows me a generic screen with a couple of monetary values to select.
Me: "Options? I just wanted to give you some cash."

Read Operation: Guilt Trip

I used to work at a Tim Hortons.
Customer: "Get me a Gretzky."
Me: "Sorry… a what?"
Customer: "A Gretzky. Nine creams, nine sugars."

Read Sweetness To The Ninety-Ninth Power