With Or Without U2

, , , , , | Romantic | February 20, 2018

Husband: “You don’t know who David Bowie is!”

Me: “Yeah, I do! He’s the Goblin King! Admittedly, I’ve never seen that movie.”

Husband: *scoffs*

Me: “He was a singer, too.”

Husband: “Was? He’s still a singer!”

Me: “No… He died.”

Husband: “Oh, yeah… I forgot. He didn’t seem that old. Man, I forgot the lead singer of U2 died.”

Me: “WHAT?!” *hysterical laughter*

Husband: “What?”

Me: “THAT’S BONO!

Alarm C(l)ock

, , , | Romantic | February 19, 2018

(As I’m a compulsively early riser, my husband has asked that I wake him at six am if he hasn’t gotten up himself. I don’t hear his alarm at six, so I go up and “wake him the best way.”)

Husband: “I think I’ll just conveniently forget to set my alarm from now on!”

Husband, You Wound Me

, , , , , , | Romantic | February 18, 2018

(I am looking at Pinterest when I find a pin on how to do subcutaneous sutures. I am looking at it when my husband comes in, glances over my shoulder and issues the following pronouncement:)

Husband: “You don’t get to practice on me. We’ll get you a side of pork if you really want to try.”

(I have no medical background, whatsoever; I was just looking out of curiosity.)

Sick Of Your Compliments

, , , , , | Romantic | February 17, 2018

(My husband has been sick with a fever for a few days, and I have spent the weekend taking care of him. On the second morning, I feel his forehead.)

Me: *encouragingly* “You’re not as hot as you were yesterday!”

Husband: “Give me a break! Lots of people aren’t as attractive when they’re sick.”

(Nothing wrong with his sense of humor!)

This Marriage Is Not Dead

, , , , , | Romantic | February 16, 2018

(I’m listening to a movie as I’m sewing. Right as a creature in the movie lets out a blood-curdling scream, I get a video call from my husband. I answer and tell him to hang on a second while I find the remote so that I can turn off the movie. After I’ve turned off the movie, I hold up the phone to apologize and notice my husband’s horrified expression.)

Me: *sheepishly* “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you! The remote was on the other side of the room.”

Husband: *wide-eyed* “What was that god-awful sound?”

Me: “It was one of the creatures on Evil Dead II. I figured since [Son] is asleep I’d watch something that wasn’t a kids’ movie or show.”

Husband: *visibly relieved* “Oh, good. For a minute there, I thought I called you while you were in the middle of murdering someone!” *pause* “For the record, if you had been, I’d have just hung up and called back when it was more convenient.”

Me: *laughs* “You wouldn’t have tried to contact the proper authorities?”

Husband: *scoffs* “No. But I might have given you a few suggestions of who to off next.”

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