Not Fat Just Extra Fluffy

Short but to the Point

2013-04-24T12:59:00.000-07:00

A month ago I injured my toes from walking in shoes that were to small lol - Yes I know most people go for knees or ankles... I went big and injured both big toes :) ... it took almost a month for them to heal and they still look pretty icky.. this week was the first time I was able to walk again for a good speed and distance... even though my numbers have declined on the scale my inches are kicking butt - this is a picture from last month vs last night... Take tons of pictures - they are the seeing is believing when your scale looks @ you cross eyed ;) - I also had to hold on because of the exertion... no more!!! I love my Isagenix and I can help you get to your goals!! I have been inspired by so many others I want to pay it forward!! Leave me a message or visit me on facebook or if that is to personal feel free to visit IsaFitForLife :D a wonderful group that will share daily results, recipes, encouragement and more!!!

The group addy is https://www.facebook.com/groups/442381235839667/

and to add me as a friend on facebook... https://www.facebook.com/LanaRedmond

and of course seeing is believing!! #isagirl72

How Did I Get Here

2013-04-20T07:16:00.002-07:00

I saw a post yesterday on facebook it was a friend commenting on another persons photo a person like me severely obese... and it said something along the lines of how can someone let themselves get so big, surely there is some stopping point of enough is enough.

Let me explain being fat to you from my perspective... I think it's close to any lifestyle that may be negative - when you compare it to gambling, drugs, alcohol, sex addicts - most people think that they have this under control and can stop @ anytime the truth is they can't.... not alone - and even so that perfect plan is still a struggle... and there are falls whether it be losses, stress, pain, anger, celebrations, boredom whatever that may be a trigger.. and one may turn to those things for a temporary fix/pacification... and then when it's met and we have a chance to look @ ourselves - the guilt sets in and a few things happen from there .... we convince ourselves that we are fine we have this or that for an excuse for the way we are and embrace it not willingly but enough to accept it as what it is. We build walls up around us, limit the people we allow to touch our lives and pretend to enjoy where we are at... it's much easier then failing again @ trying to succeed. We even believe that our situation isn't that bad - I remember about 15 yrs ago seeing a woman coming out of a Ryans Steak House Buffet .... her tummy hung to her knees... I thought to myself I would never let myself get like that... as I went in and ate to my delight ... out of tasty foods ... not from hunger - and I ate and ate. I haven't been eating like that for over 10 years as it would make me sick... however it did lead to where I am @ today so I packed on all this weight over time and it just sat - I made southern home cooked meals that were DELICIOUS but were definitely not something you would be eating if you were trying to lose weight, or in general watch your health etc....

So I had my family - they loved me and I convinced myself that's all I needed in life, however it's incredible how well we can deceive ourselves... I omitted myself from things like visiting my kids @ lunch ... because I didn't want their friends picking on them with fat jokes about their mother, all of the photo's over the years... are of the kids and dad my excuse was - well I was the one who was always taking the picture... truth is .. I didn't want to see myself in those photos... :( who was I hurting here? Amusement parks - I couldn't enjoy... I couldn't ride anything with my kids I still took them but as an observer... not a participant - and then the water park this past summer I sat in the kiddie pool with our adopted 2 yr old while our teen daughters and foster kids went on all the slides, they would ask me to go... but the steps to get to the top I knew would be excruciating on my knees and ankles.... not to mention being out of breath - and most of the slides I exceeded the weight limit - thank God I have not had to ride on an airplane because I already know... that would be another slap that would sting silently inside.

I don't know why every other fat person is fat... I don't know why they do not do something about it - I can only answer for myself - and that is I never found something that worked consistently... something that fit me - not only am I losing weight but have been inspired to help others reach their potential for health whether it be weight loss, building lean muscle, gaining energy and detoxing along the way... if you came across this, maybe you too have had the similar experience or moment where you just want to... but it's so hard for one reason or another - please join my facebook group and we can talk about your goals and how to get there!! https://www.facebook.com/groups/442381235839667/

Just to show you how successful Isagenix has worked for me here are my latest results from my 9th week!

I have a long way to go... but I am okay with that everyday my body feels stronger and healthier, my hair strangely is returning to it's natural blonde color ... without chemicals - never thought that was possible - my skin is vibrant and so soft- no more mid-day power naps with the toddlers.... I can work a whole day and not dream about laying down... when I sleep - I am ASLEEP! I have energy to keep up with all my children - right now that's 6 but can be as many as ten @ times. The best part about isagenix is that it's 100% guaranteed or your money back!

Kicking Butt and taking names!!!

2013-04-04T12:27:00.001-07:00

Ha well you know I feel amazing !!! So I am about to show you my small but huge transformation in only 6 WEEKS!!!! I still have a long way to go but I am 40 lbs closer!!! I want to inspire others on this journey and help them get there the way I have been helped, losing weight alone can be hard or even discouraging, but when I set my skepticism aside and plunged into this... well It's not hard I have tons TONS of support - i mean it;s ridiculously unlimited, several new friends, it just doesn't in - I feel like I am running a marathon and the crowd??? They are cheering ME ON, ME???!!!! So here goes, If you are a fellow fatty like me I want to help you detox that body! YOU are worth it!!! It doesn't have to be hard and you certainly do NOT have to do it alone! on that note...Check me out!!!

Look at the rolls on my back!!! and my tummy Oh my goodness, I have a beer belly and I don't even drink beer oh wait... nooo I HAD a beer belly ;o) - So you see the pictures and the numbers, but I can't even begin to show you or explain how incredible INCREDIBLE I feel - it's uuuuuhhhhMAZING! I have so much energy I feel like I am going to pop with excitement! I am excited for the potential of someone else being lost as me, settling for being fat, or well this is just who i am, or here's one I have a large frame - whatever!! ANYONE that is done talking about their excuses hit me up! So we can get you going - this is not about losing weight - it's about Detoxing your body and with that the fat gets released!

Please hit me up on facebook and I will share with you what you want and need to know!
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6 week goal met!

2013-04-03T06:20:00.002-07:00

So here I am 6 weeks later, and I am 40 pounds lighter!!! What's more important is I feel incredible, everyday I wake up I am at it - ready to take on whatever comes my way and believe me with over 400 animals to maintain and 6 kids in the house, a lot of things can happen ;)!

I have to say one of the most things I love about the weight I have lost is not my body on the outside (although it's nice) is what it's doing for my insides... I have lost my need for blood pressure medicine.... my heart is on the way to self repair as I was having left ventricular hypertrophy issues at a mild stage, my left leg and foot no longer swollen is telling me that I am moving in the right direction!!! My energy is above normal, I feel high on life - I am able to wake up @ 5 am and run to 10 pm doing full blown activities with all of my kiddos, and at the end of the day yes I am ready to power down, but only to catch enough winks so I can do it all over again the next day. My kids are ecstatic, my husband is cheering me on - and my hugest support group is my friends I have met along my short journey thus far that are all users of isagenix!

I want to help others meet their goals, if you are interested please visit me on my Facebook group page , or my weightloss fan page and if you just want to be friends find me Here! I love meeting new people! . Later today I will be updating my stats and adding pictures! See you later!

At it again!

2013-03-24T19:05:00.004-07:00

So it's been almost 2 years... TWO Bleeping Years since I posted and I am still fat ... actually I am not to far from where I left off when I was doing HCG - So just to knock some dust of this baby... I am now doing Isagenix and because this is so short... I will just tell you being on this for 4 weeks - I lost ... well lets say I lost the weight of my 3 year old and more than that in inches on him... come back soon and I will share the details!!!

Not gaining but not losing

2011-03-01T17:58:00.000-08:00

FDA - Seriously ... is just not my friend. I understand that the FDA "makes laws" for "our best interest" however there have been many drugs that have been deemed as safe only to find out that... they are not! They are stating that these drops are placebo like effective - I am annoyed with this, I have "starved my self" with out the drops in the past to lose a little but not like I have with my drops, not the amount of weight loss I have in the short amount of time. I feel like my right to achieve a healthier me is being attacked...

I apologize for not updating February has been indeed nutzo and I have not stuck to the protocol to the T - and I am almost out of drops and on the search for drops ... since ebay is no longer my provider ~ whimper. On the upper note I am in the lower 360's which is extremely good considering my lack of obedience and craziness going on - tomorrow included, I have a funeral to attend my dear uncle Leo has passed, and there will be food... argh - I relish on the day where I can go somewhere and what will be there as far as food won't fall over on me like a ton of bricks...

I saw something earlier and I love it - it's true

Losing weight is HARD
Being FAT is HARDER

til next time ;o)

Self Flogging

2011-02-07T06:59:00.000-08:00

ugh... Okay I haven't posted like everything I do in life when I am unhappy with something I withdraw... I cheated this entire last week, and I put on a ridiculous amount of weight back on...

I am not thrilled about it obviously, and wasn't even going to blog about it... because of the admittance factor that food over rules my mind @ times. How ridiculously embarrassing..

So here I am back at 372 ~ WTH did I eat that compiled so much weight??? actually yesterday I was at 376.8 but We went to Jamba Juice because I have been freaking constipated like you would not believe... I got a double detox shot of wheat grass...which is supposed to be equivalent to eating 5 lbs of veggies @ only 15 calories! smelled like my donkeys poop... literally like fresh cut grass and poop ~ tasted like what I would imagine juiced grass would taste like icky but well worth what came out of me later that eve... I woke up to being 4 lbs lighter ... and I still feel blocked - :/ so today I kick back into full gear, my cheat was it worth it? No... of course not, all that hard work and dedication what took a week to gain will take who knows how long to lose , again I am not sure how I put on so much aside the fact it was the week of my period.. which is finally stopping - (maybe i have some retention there) dunno? but I didn't eat cakes, cookies, candy, soda, breads, I did have a couple of my fave coffee drinks which I know are fattening... I had a lot of meat and veggies ~ I do need to say this, "normal food" made me miserable every time I ate I felt sick ~ my tummy ached and I just felt icky... I am okay with this, food is a blessing from above , and should be used to nourish our bodies, and celebrate HIM, not the fact... that I can cook and eat and eat and eat...

I don't expect any pity I sure the heck don't deserve it nor WANT IT - I just need to be honest with myself - and with those of you who have cared enough to see how I am REALLY doing.

So on that note, lets see if I can undo this damage and get back on track on where I need to be heading!

Self flogging session now over!

Weight Loss By Date

2011-01-31T05:34:00.000-08:00

January 3, 2011 - 390.8

January 4, 2011 - 389

January 5, 2011 - 380.4

January 6, 2011 - 377.6

January 7, 2011 - 376.4

January 8, 2011 - 374.2

January 9, 2011 - 367.4

January 10, 2011 - 369.6

January 11, 2011 - 369.2

January 12, 2011 - 368.2

January 13, 2011 - 367.2

January 14, 2011 - 366.6

January 15, 2011 - 365.8

January 16, 2011 - 364.4

January 17, 2011 - 362.6

January 18, 2011 - 362.8 went up a few ounces here not sure why...

January 19, 2011 - 361.8

January 20, 2011 - 360.8

January 21, 2011 - 360

January 22, 2011 - 358.2

January 23, 2011 - 356.8

January 24, 2011 - 355.8

January 25, 2011 - 354.2

January 26, 2011 - 353.2

January 27, 2011 - 351.6

January 28, 2011 - 351

January 29, 2011 - 349.6

January 30, 2011 - 349.8 My cycle is due here...

January 31, 2011 - 352.4 Still haven't started pffftt

Edited on Feb 11

February 1, 2011 – 355.6
February 2, 2011 – 354.4 Cycle started… also stopped drops went into a total relapse of cheating :/
February 3, 2011 – 358
February 4, 2011 – 360
February 5 & 6, 2011 – did not weigh self….
February 7, 2011 – 372.8 freaked out… for obvious reasons – started drops again
February 8, 2011 – 370.4
February 9, 2011 – 370.8
February 10, 2011 – 370.4
February 11, 2011 – 367 headed the right direction again…
February 12, 2011 - 366.6
February 13, 2011 - 365.4
February 14, 2011 - 365
Feb 15, 2011 - 364.8
Feb 16, 2011 - 365
Feb 17, 2011 - 364.4
February 18, 2011 - 362
February 19, 2011 -358.4
February 20, 2011 - 362
February 21, 2011 - 362
February 22, 2011 - 362
February 23 - 24, 2011 - no weigh
February 25, 2011 - 363.2
February 26 -march 1, 2011 - 363

I Can See It

2011-01-27T04:30:00.000-08:00

I can finally start to see the weight coming off... significantly- for instance in my car... I used to have to drive with the seat fully slid back so my stomach wouldn't hit the steering wheel... now I have to pull the seat 2 notches closer because I can't reach the pedals :D So width over all is shrinking... My clothes are all fitting different. I am concerned with the flabby skin on my belly but that is totally a cosmetic thing and I will live with it...

This morning I weighed in @ 351.6 ~ that's 39.2 pounds gone ~ Hello scale you are no longer my evil enemy, you are actually sorta becoming my best friend... and I no longer have to sing Stevie nicks , Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies when I step on you ;o).

I want to say this to anyone that has just begun the diet... you will have your rough days... hang in there find someone to talk to who understands the discipline it takes to do this, don't give up on it or yourself ~ the results will show and the reward of weight loss will come soon! I have days where I am just not even missing foods I love... and I have days that leave me totally frustrated... key thing is, You are bigger than a "feeling" or "craving" and more so GOD is bigger than anything and everything - for me - that alone is enough.

I can't believe I am almost under 350... another Huge number shrinking into the 340's :-) feels so awesome!

Off to grab me some water and pick up some baby chicks, have a great day everyone!

I Splurged =)

2011-01-24T13:10:00.002-08:00

So pretty much I have eaten mostly chicken breast... cucumbers and apples along this journey ~ I'm sorta BORED with it - however this is my own fault since I am such a finicky eater ~ red meat scares me - I mean I LOVE it but... I am afraid of it throwing me off or slowing me down? So this is how I splurged...

I Bought half a pound of Strawberries ;o) it was an extreme treat because this entire time I was refusing to pay 4.99 for some strawberries... but today my friend they had them sliced and washed heads removed for the same price @ HEB- I love you HEB even though you tempted me with all your yummy test drives (samples) it's what my almost 12 year old daughter calls samples.. but good grief that place will fill you up on samples - not me though... not today anyhow.

So where am I at? 21 days in as of today and free of 35 pounds of FAT! thats like 2 weeks worth of meat in my freezer for my family - UGH! So I am aiming for the 43 pound marker and then I need to see what P3 has in store for me as far as food and how much I can have - 8 more pounds ~ ! this morning I weighed in @ 355.8 can you believe 3 weeks ago I was almost 400 lbs, now I am almost half way away :D feels good to be making progress.

Some of you know I have struggled with wants and cravings... but I have resisted and here is an awesome Scripture to keep on my tongue every time I want something I need to say this verse...

Acts 20:24

However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.

the theme here is Live your Mission - while my mission is to serve God in my life how ever he wants me to - HE is my inspiration and the one I mutter my weaknesses to when I sit alone in the morning on the end of my bed... He just whispers it's okay, You can do it, I won't let you fall - and I have never in over 20 years ever lost this much weight in one period!!! My mission is to lose this weight to be healthy to praise the Lord along the way!!!

I walked through that grocery store with confidence today, I felt good about myself ~ so so very good, my one and only pair of Jeans that were once skin tight are now baggy and I love it - can't wait till I have to replace them :)

Before I go.. one of the tedious task I dislike is cooking up this little 3 oz piece of chicken every day... HEB sells some precooked Lemon and Herb chicken breast ~ no sugar! Picked those up for days I just dont feel like preparing 2 individual meals

Off to cook dinner for the family :-) Have a wonderful week!

I Did It!

2011-01-21T04:50:00.000-08:00

Morning of Day 18 of the HCG VLCD ~ I weighed in @ 360 pounds on the nose! Yesss!!! For those who have not been following - 360 lbs was my first short term goal ~ that is 30.8 lbs.... GONE! Praise the Lord for my endurance , as I have had my very very mind boggling days.

Yesterday was my 13 year old Sabrina's birthday... we spent the day with grandma mostly, Sabrina wanted Mexican food for lunch, so we gave the Blue Iguana a try... (it's been there for 2 yrs, but never tried it) So of course today we do... it was me, mom, Sabrina and my youngest daughter Noel... ~ waiter comes up and takes our drink order... of course I order my water - comes back later for our food order, and I diligently declined to order anything... It was VERY hard... but these results are so very worth it. We spent the rest of the day shopping for clothes for both girls... and on the way home I stopped @ HEB grocery, to snag a cake for Bri and whatever she wanted for a birthday dinner... Sabrina wanted Belgian waffles again LOL ~ we just had these 2 nights ago... and man they were a butt kicker then to smell them and tonight I get to revisit that smell yay.... not only the waffles but saddle blanket hash browns... that would be ground breakfast sausage, sprinkled with cheese, hash browns on top both items cooked - then placed in the over for a light golden color that you desire then sprinkled with more cheese... Oh and one of those Huge thick slices of Ham... and of course the usual fixens, of butter, maple syrup, redi whip and strawberries... I sat there while they ate and tried to enjoy my apple... and you know I would have more so if I were even hungry, I only ate 1 and a half apples yesterday... let me tell you people this does not make a difference in the weight loss - so try and eat your menu for the nutrients if anything... I just have no hunger what so ever. to finish off the night Sabrina wanted an Oreo Ice cream cake! Which also looked divine... the night rolled down with my son playing the guitar for her and singing... oh so sweet.

So now that I have met my first goal of 30.8 lbs... I have decided to press on and go the full 42 days... I would like to lose another 30 but the weight loss has slowed down, but yet still coming off ~ realistically I think I can lose maybe another 15 pounds in this go around. I am almost out of drops as well... so I need to order more... I don't want to go back to what I was ... I will continue to weigh myself daily and do whatever it takes to continue to lose the weight :) ~ that's about it for now~

Thanks for stopping by!!

Reality Check

2011-01-19T05:19:00.000-08:00

So I am now @ 361.8 folks that is a total of 29 lbs released, gone, poof! That is also 1.8 lbs shy of my short term goal weight of 360 ... I am setting myself small goals to meet so I feel accomplished along the ~~weigh~~ way and not so overwhelmed by that HUGE number... When I started I had over 225 lbs to shed... 225 pounds Good Grief I ask myself how did I get here, honestly? The answer is I do not know ~ my best bet would be a sedentary life style, I web design, graphic design ... and have become more active over the last couple years with farming and outdoor extracurriculars ... but still I have no excuse aside... I was never content with myself, however I never had anything that would just move me along 1 pound at a time like this stuff. I want to also add that with out GOD, I could NOT do this - I remind myself daily when needed, I can do this with Christ I can do anything and everything - including THIS. I now have 196.8 lbs to lose for my long term goal... a smaller number but still Huge...

So reality set in about a week ago... temptations yeah they finally came around to visit me... especially last night... I made homemade Belgian Waffles along with maple syrup, real butter, Strawberries and Rediwhip (that yummy whipped cream in a can) oh my stars my home smelled so delicious... and the smiles and oh mom this is so good coming from the kids and my hubby told me enough - my husband tells me it's okay hon... have 1 bite and somehow (this is where GOD kicks in) I have the strength to say no... I have come too far!!! My womens group was also last night... and they always send me home with whatever goody was brought up there to share... for the kids ;o) last night Linda brought a butter cream iced 1/4 sheet cake, a marble bundt cake, and two packages of oatmeal raisin cookies - GOOD HEAVENS where were these on my loading days??? I set them all on my stove top - they all looked delish... I sent the bundt cake off with Joseph this morning for work ~ he drinks coffee like it's going out of style - so that will be a nice side kick companion.

But here is the big news - I not ONCE during this diet have cheated with a crumb of anything I am not supposed to have... I have stalled a few times (meaning not lose any weight) and I even gained a few ounces as well on a few occasions - these times did leave me down casted - because unless I am sleep walking/eating... I have not eaten anything that is not listed under protocol, and if anything I am falling short of my 500 daily calories. However I pray, and thank God for the weight I have lost and ask to keep focused on what I have accomplished so far and keep moving along. I am just not sure where the small weight gain comes from time to time?

I have contemplated @ stopping @ the 21 day marker instead of the 42... because I do feel myself wanting some of things I can't have... not just junk food but a loaded salad with sunflower seeds, boiled eggs, cheese, ranch, etc, soups, sandwiches and so much more... doesn't help that I am making a ten layer lasagna for dinner tonight - SIGH ~ BUT I am also driven on to see how much weight can I lose as well ~ I also would LOVE to be able to do wii fit - I can't I am too heavy @ this point... 330 I believe is the max weight, and thank GOD my wii fit scale can't talk to me, I could hear it now, "Seriously Lady?" If my bathroom scale can go to 450.. why can't wii make one to accept more poundage? Us big people want to use it too! So with that said... 330 will be my next goal once I meet 360... -

One last thing ~ I have this little giddiness I get every time I see a number change I am not talking like 1 number I mean like 390 to 387, to 375, to 360's it's amazing to get out of a range ... of numbers like I am so thrilled to getting closer to the 350's =D ~ it's sooo close... I also don't see too much of a physical change myself... not sure why, but my family comments on it... I really need to spend time getting the rest of this blog lined out so I can share my actually body shots ::eek::

coming soon, Pics of me! ;o) (Head to toe)

another pound gone!

2011-01-13T12:12:00.000-08:00

So today I woke up . weighed in and I weighed in @ 367.2 - I'm pleased with this so much, a pound a day is awesome! Today I was picking up some items from the store and miss Sabrina my almost 13 yr old.. asked if she could get some chocolate milk - sure hon, oy ~ not only did she get herself some... but she got the Promise Land Midnight Chocolate milk this is like the tajmahal of chocolate milks ~ and the bakery was fired up - make a mental note not to shop in the morning hours.... but aside all of that I am not struggling @ all it's so nice to be in the middle of week two and not have cheated one time! Praise God for strength and endurance!

1 Corinthians 10:13

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

Take that fat!

2011-01-12T09:29:00.000-08:00

Wednesday - okay so here I am on day 9 I Have released a total of 22.6 lbs, I have to look @ the big picture than just the daily picture, Tuesday I weighed in @ 369.2 which was a 4 ounce difference, and today I weighed in @ 368.2 which is a 1.2 lb release, that's what I'm talking about! that makes me want to get up and dance ;o) ~ what I did different - made sure I got my 68 ounces of water - I actually consumed around 80 ounces... today I have already drank 108 ounces - I am just forcing it down me, I am also forcing the food dang-it - why haven't I ever had this issue before??? lol ~

Today's lunch ~

3.5 ounces chicken breast with Lawry's seasoning

celery sticks

apple

Dinner -

3.5 ounces chicken (yes i know I am supposed to rotate these meats but I had issues when I brought in the steak... will try it again this weekend

1/2 a cucumber

orange

A lot of people are like aren't you tired of the food, no really and what it has allowed me to do... is play in the kitchen! I am preparing different foods that I won't eat or haven't before because I am blessed with a household of non-picky eaters! Sunday was Loaded Baked Potato Soup, Monday was seafood Gumbo, and last night was slap your mama hot tortilla soup (my son added the slap your mama hot) I dunno - I couldn't taste all I know is every one's nose was running and they raved every night on each soup, YES!

I have never had so much energy, Lord knows I need it - we are going through the process of becoming licensed to become a foster home - and it will be fun yet energy challenging to have itty bitty ones in the house again :D

I feel like I also have this new confidence kicking in, I am happier - and If I feel like this after 22 lbs Ha what's going to happen after 50?100, 150? 200? 200 freaking pounds of blubber I can't wait to get to that point!!! I am going to do this one way or another! and I thank each and everyone of you for your encouraging comments they keep me coming back to share this journey and documenting the progress... Promise Pictures to start being posted soon!

Can we just get down to business here...

2011-01-10T16:00:00.000-08:00

Well Phooey ~ and pooie - first of all this entry may not be for everyone I will try not to be so graphic but then again I want to be graphic enough for those who are going through the same thing, or thinking about it - so there will be some poo talk in this posting. Feel free to click that little X up there in the corner if this is going to be bothersome.

Weighed in today and some how I gained 2.2 lbs... whimper ~ So of course I'm not ecstatic but I am not horribly distraught or discouraged... let me bring you up to date since I haven't blogged in a few days.

SATURDAY WEIGH IN ~ 374.2

Saturday My husband and I attended a P.R.I.D.E. class in Austin ~ that's about 3 hours from us... this training included a pot luck lunch, and pizza for dinner, I was GOOD!!! I brought my little cooler, lunch I had a 3 oz piece of steak, cucumbers, and an orange, dinner I had a boiled egg, an apple, and some mixed greens but just a pinch of those I felt funny nibbling on pieces of lettuce in front of everyone while the devoured their gooey cheesy meat covered pizza :P I also drank... 3 liters of water!!! Joseph had to stop 4 times on the way to Austin for me to well... you know :D Sometime that evening @ the event I swear I was doing a remake of aliens there was about 30 minutes left of the training and I thought I was going into labor and that some alien life form was about to rip me a new one, I some how manage to hold on for dear life with no one noticing my death grip fist clenching every time I had a cramp.. why didn't I go? because brilliant me likes to sit in front everywhere, and the way they had these tables set up ~ there was no room to move between other chairs once occupied. Boo! I finally made it to the bathroom and I'm just saying, It wasn't nice but praise God that I made it in time... what came out was probably compared to Wasabi sauce and lava ... I dunno, maybe I'm pooing out my fat? If so I should take stock in toilet paper :D because the clean up lady is gonna need to restock that stall.

SUNDAY WEIGH IN ~ 367.4

Ha that's no shocker, I am pretty sure I flushed those 6 pounds back in Austin. Anyhow I failed to drink much water in the morning... because we had Sunday school & Church and I didn't want to have to pee every 30 minutes... so lunch was forced on myself - meaning I have no DESIRE to eat whatsoever ... I had a boiled egg for lunch, an orange no veggies..., then dinner I had 2 deli slices of Roast Beef and 2 or 3 slices of cucumbers and my apple... again this meal was literally forced. I may have drank 50 ounces of water... but not my goal :/ ~ ooohh and no poo @ all (probably none left from the night before)

MONDAY WEIGH IN 369.6

Ut-oh this is where you see me do the on and off the scale dance... for a good 5 minutes, why in the world did I gain weight? I am pretty sure that was a 5 lb plus alien I gave birth to rectally Saturday eve, and I haven't had ANYTHING to eat really to speak of, but wait I have not pooed either... which makes me wonder if there is an apocalypse brewing in my colon... whatever it is I hope it doesn't have the same acid burning effects it did Saturday night - I do know that these foods are supposed to have chemical compounds that support eachother in the weight loss, and if I'm farting around trying to decide if I am going to eat or not cause I'm not hungry this could very well be an issue - I dunno hands up in there on this one! Any Input would be appreciated on to why I may have gained a little bit?

Here's looking to tomorrow and hoping that scale is gonna behave for me :D and show a 1 pound or 2 gone!

Mondays meal has been thus far...

Lunch -

boiled egg (1)

orange

cucumbers

Dinner will be

3.5 chicken boneless skinless chicken breast

Apple

and either celery or cucumbers

it sucks I am a very picky eater... and only like certain things when they are dipped in ranch , peanut butter or cheese ...

I can't do seafood, I do very little veggies, I am good on the fruit!

Okie I am out, have a wonderful evening!!!

Booo!

Feeling Pretty Good

2011-01-07T05:35:00.000-08:00

Well it's Day 4 my total weight this morning is 376.4 I lost another 1.2 pounds in the last 24 hours! I need to eat on a better schedule... meaning I need to eat lunch at noon and dinner around 4:30 ~ I have been eating when everyone else does and sometimes that's not til 8pm... I also have taken Night Quil the last 3 nights which contains corn syrup - a definite NO NO on this protocol and not thinking last night I caked on some vicks vapor rub - doh! I also need to go get different meats and veggies to rotate the meals... this is suppose to help the weight loss as well. Regardless I am thrilled with how much weight I have lost thus far! If you are sitting there needing to lose a few pounds but tired of little or slow results - I am telling you this is amazing!! If you scroll to the bottom of my blog, you can see I have tickers set up to show my progress and goals ~ my first goal is to lose 30 pounds on the first session I am on morning of day 4 and have lost 14.4 lbs which means I am almost half way there with 16.4 lbs to go!! The awesome thing is I am not stressing it because I know it's going to come off! In case any of you are wondering what a meal entails on this weight loss protocol I took a picture last night :D

Not to shabby eh? I can say this much I have had more apples this past week than over the last year maybe even 2 yrs, that is SAD - I love fruits and veggies... just it's not what I am grabbing when I am hungry - hello at this wake up call... I am also adding a playlist to this page some good tunes to encourage myself on this journey feel free to scroll down to stop it from playing if it annoys you :D ~ it's almost @ the bottom of the page...

So anyhow that is it for the last 24 hours!

Some more scripture to chew on for the mind body and soul!!

Romans 14:17: "...for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit."

Stereotypes and things that bugged me in the past.

2011-01-06T05:32:00.000-08:00

Let me start off by saying this morning I weighed in @ 377.6 that's another 2.8 pounds ~ Yippee!! I wasn't going to post full body pictures of me, then I was then I wasn't .... and this morning I tried on a pair of jeans I couldn't wear a week ago... and they fit, what an awesome feeling... so I said you know I'm failing to want to post these pictures because they convict me visually - not just inside - and it also exposes me to other people as well - those who may have just known me shoulder up - in order for me to do this I had to reflect on some serious stuff... and I'm putting it here because I need to be reminded if I get weak, or hit a bump, slip, gain a pound back etc...

My weight is my demon I have to live with, the difference between mine and others is I wear it on the outside before someone even knows my name, they have measured themselves up with all sorts of thoughts of - you ready?

I would never let myself get that fat, she must eat a lot, man she is FAT, I would be embarrassed to be that big, Her husband must really love her - look how fat she is, wonder if she smells bad or funny, fast food junkie ,lazy, slob, disgusting, must have terrible hygiene, she has such a pretty face if she lost weight she would be beautiful, she is a really nice person, poor ... she must be miserable, she must not care about herself, her ~~sex~~ life must be non existent, if she did care about herself she would lose the weight ---- arghhhh I could just sit here and do this all day because it has been my life for more than 25 years!

But in reality here is the real deal -

a) I know I am fat
b) I know there are those who are disgusted by people who are fat
c) most of us fatties will do our darnedest to entertain you so you don’t rip on us too hard once this social interaction has come to a close

And, in grand fat tradition, if someone makes some sort of fat joke or comment, it behooves us to find it just as funny as everyone else because – all together now – ”I DON’T MEAN YOU”. aha thanks I feel better now that your comment about Fat people didn't include me - seriously?

I don't have Fat Cooties - it's okay to be my friend, it's okay to go have a bite to eat with me, I won't pick off of your plate (pinky swear), it's okay to invite me to your Christmas Party - I won't wear a moo moo, or eat all of the appetizers, or plop my fat butt on your precious sofa and break it or accidentally sit on your yorkie poo and it vanish forever.

Stereotypically when people see me I am "The Fat Woman" NOT Lana or that lady who volunteers for whatever, or will help you clean your house, Make a meal for your family when you are too sick to, run errands with you because I know you need or would like a friend to pal around with or to vent to, will drop what I am doing to listen or help others, even if I have a deadline...etc etc/

I know that sounds extreme but it is true on many instances okay okay to be fair some people think they are being nice by saying large, or big, or ha they break out with the physical gestures like my name was drawn in a game of charades....

I so need to spit all of this out, but I need to also make my point first back to what I was saying, My weight is my DEMON, everywhere I go I have to battle with it - and deal with it looks, stares, comments whatever... Let me ask you this what are your demons??? Would you wear your demons on the outside everywhere you went so you could be judged, ridiculed, laughed at, left out, unapproachable or whatever??? Don't understand? How's this would you hold a sign up and carry it every where you go that expresses your demon? Like this - I am addicted to barnyard porn, I am a sex addict, I am an adulterous man or woman, I am a hoarder, I beat my children and verbally abuse them, I Gossip about you, you and yes you, I am on welfare, I have AIDS, I don't know... you fill in the blank with I AM or I HAVE your biggest hang up, issue, or SIN.. would you wear it everywhere you went, what if you didn't have the ability to make it vanish over night and had to wear it for years before it would go away??? Would it change where you went, what you did, how people treated you?

My fat is not contagious, I don't enjoy it, I do work @ losing it but it is freaking hard, it's not a one day battle it is ongoing 24 - 7 ~ and when some feels they need to comment or have a say about the size of my body it does not really encourage me to lose weight okay?

This suits me so well...

I was filling out one of those surveys that floats around Facebook and other social online places, and I came across this question: what stereotype are you? My answer was swift, somewhat bitter, and got longer than I thought it would. I also thought it probably deserved an entry of its own, so here it is:

I am a fat woman.

This means that I am lazy, greedy, gluttonous, stupid, selfish, and have questionable personal hygiene habits. I have no friends and have never had a romantic relationship, and am jealous of those who do. I am desperate to be liked, and even more desperate to be loved. If, by chance, I have found love, it is a desperate love. If I am heterosexual, it is with a man who could not do any better than me. If I am homosexual, it is because no man would have me. If I am bisexual, it is because I am so desperate for love that I'll take it anywhere I can find it. If I am asexual, it is because I have given up.

I am clumsy, and do not know my own strength, weight, or size. I often sit on things accidentally and not even notice. I break chairs and floorboards and make elevators creak and sway alarmingly. I get stuck in doorways and narrow passages because I am incapable of understanding or judging how large I am in relation to my environment.

I openly eat ten times as much as the next person, none of it healthy, and sneak even more when I think nobody's looking.

I am often both overbearing and oversensitive, meaning I am both bossy and weepy at the same time. I am incapable of success in business, industry, family, romance, or any other sphere I lend my hands and mind to, unless it is cooking or baking. These I am natrually gifted at, obviously.

It is perfectly acceptable to make fun of me, discriminate against me, or abuse me because I am fat and have chosen to be so, and could choose not to be. I could choose to be thin, but I do not because I am lazy, gluttonous, and stupid. Therefore I deserve to be fat, and thus deserve to be made fun of, discriminated against, and abused. It is, in fact, better to be unkind to me because of my fat, for my own good. If I get enough abuse it may overwhelm my natural laziness and cause me to choose to be thin. The world does me a favour by abusing me. It is my fault. I deserve it.

My worth is inversely proportional to my weight.

Everything I do is either the cause of my fat, or because of my fat. If I eat a carrot stick, it is not because I like them; it is because I am fat and am obviously trying to lose weight. If I eat cake, it is not because it is somebody's birthday; it is because I am fat, and thus I obviously eat a lot of it. If I take the escalator, it is because I am fat, and thus lazy. If I choose to take the stairs instead, it is because I am fat, and thus am trying to lose weight through exercise. If I walk past a doughnut store, it is because I am fat, and am resisting temptation. If I walk into a doughnut store, it is because I am fat, and have no self-control. If I take the bus, it is because I am fat and am too lazy to walk. If I walk, it is because I am fat, and am trying to lose weight. I never read books because I enjoy the mental stimulation; I read them to escape from my awful life. I don't watch television because it's entertaining; I watch it because I am too lazy to read, and do not wish to get up off the couch. If I drink a can of pop, it is the cause of my fat. If I drink a can of diet pop, it is because I am fat and am trying not to be. If I wear something formless and ugly, it is because I am fat and given up on looking pretty, because it is impossible. I never wear a skirt because I think it looks pretty; I wear it because it disguises my fat. I never spend time with my husband because I genuinely love him; I do it because he's the only one in the world who would settle for me, can do no better for himself, and otherwise I'd be desperately alone.

Everything I read, drink, eat, wear, watch, or do is defined by my fat.

The world has decided that I am lazy and greedy and useless because I am fat, and also that I am fat because I am lazy and greedy and useless. That is all they see. Anything I do that fits the image is confirmation of why I'm fat. Anything I do that contradicts it is seen as confirmation that I am trying to not be fat. Nothing I do is neutral: all actions either contradict or confirm. There is no middle ground for me, even though there may be for others. Because I am fat.

I am a fat woman, and according to the world, fat is all there is to me.

That is what stereotype I am.

And for the record I could totally go for a yummy breakfast with my friend Sharon but not today, for today I am trying my best to do my best. So if you happen to see me shoving a piece of cake down my throat in the near future it may be that ~~I have no self control~~ or could it be that my four kids and husband have birthdays lined up 1/20, 2/18, 3/8, 3/16, 4/11 and not to mention my son graduates high school 5/2011.

If you made it this far thanks... and if anything I have said in this entry offended you, just remember (I wasn't talking about you) it was the other ones ;)

Holy Toledo Batman!

2011-01-05T07:17:00.000-08:00

Can I just tell you I am just WOWWWWWW remember yesterday i was @ 389 lbs even? Check this out :D

Impossible ??? Well I thought so too I was like is my scale broken? So my brain raced and thought hey grab a gallon of milk and test it... good idea, no poop I have no earthly idea how much a gallon of milk weighs with out googling it, then tada ... weeee theres a new bag of taters sitten less than 5 feet from me a 5 pound bag to be exact! lets test this scale shall we?

Totally doing the snoopy dance here people! I'm also impressed that these potatoes weigh exactly 5 lbs way to go produce man, anyhow ... I am unsure how any of this is possible... I mean that's a lot of fat to release in a 24 hour period! BUT YESSSS Thank You Jesus for the endurance and strength you give me!!! I am overwhelmed here, I would have been delighted with 1 pound but seriously!!

I am surrounding my weight loss with scripture because it is HE who strengthens me... so here one to chew on (0 carbs 0 cal 0 fat)

Hebrews 4:16 Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Our God is a wonderful God and he has given us His words to live by in any instance, any trial, any goal you can achieve through His Grace giving Him ALL the glory along the way!

Thinking on joining a weightloss blogger community to make some friends to join along the weight to encourage and be encouraged!

I can do all things through Christ who Strengthens Me

2011-01-04T09:14:00.000-08:00

That verse alone has gotten me through SO much... I need to inscribe this verse on my weight loss journey upon my lips and never forget it when I struggle ~ I did a video blog of myself so I can see the changes in my appearance as I begin to release my weight. I am definitely not liking the vlogging ... but I feel it's a real visual evidence of my progress and failures as soon as I set up a youtube channel for my weightloss I will share that with you :) anyhow todays report....

389.0 lbs! I have lost 1.8 pounds in 24 hours :D oh man that's pretty awesome and worth all the annoyances of not eating what I wanted yesterday!

it's 11:10 am and I have had 1 apple today and 2 sessions of the oral drops @ 20 drops.

My cycle also started last night... and here's hoping it doesn't effect my first week into this thing. I'm a bit sleepy but I am sure it's because of being sick and the red zone as my 12 year old calls it...- I need to measure my inches and will ask Joseph to help me do that when he gets home anyhow... thats what's up for day 2 of phase 2 :)

It's been almost 20 years...

2011-01-03T13:39:00.000-08:00

Well hello there if you know me by one of my other blogs please bare with my intro... I decided to make a separate blog for my weight loss success, trials, slip ups, etc... Basically I am a mom to 4 (thus far) I live in Texas and I serve the Lord whenever I can, web design, graphic design, rescue birds and other livestock and home school my 2 youngest daughters. This is mostly about my weight issues and hang ups.

Let's just cut to the chase - I am FAT sure I could pretty it up and say curvy, voluptuousness, thick, plus size (ewww hate that term) or we can go with Fat... It's been almost 20 years since my scale has dipped under 300 pounds - go ahead OMG (ohmygosh) is okay here... and today I am actually a few pounds away from 400 pounds. I'm 38 years old and just to a point to where I know health wise I am going to rapidly decline... I need to fix this and I can't with out God, and journaling. You see between all the harsh insults, laughter, and just rude stares of others there is no one NO ONE, quite more convicting and cruel than myself when looking @ my pictures... or reflection ~ can't begin to tell you how many pictures I have deleted off the camera... or videos ~ how many family pictures I opted out of just because I can't stand my weight. For years I have convinced myself I am okay with it, it's who I am - I was wrong My weight is not who I am It's a part of me yes, I have let it consumed me and control me but it's not who I am... I have let it intimidate me, silence me, and become number 1 @ excuses at why I can't do something which by the way (my weight was never given as the excuse...I would find other things that never placed the weight for blame) - Yikes I became a defendant and protected my weight and never admitted that till now.

So why now? God has done a complete transformation inside my soul and very existence... I want to do so many things to make a difference, that will involve constant activity. I need to make the exterior shell transform. I have lived with Sleep Apnea, Edema, Asthma, High Blood Pressure - and who knows what else due to my weight. So I am confused on what approach to take - I am starting with the HCG - strict protocol no tweaking - I started phase 1 Saturday & Sunday as my loading days, basically I ate whatever I wanted as much as I wanted the more fattening the better - I have read where some gained as much as 10 pounds in phase 1 lol - I managed to gain 6 ounces... so day one consisted of

Starting Weight - 390.2
Belgian waffle with 5 little sausage links with cranberry pomegranate juice

Lunch - uhm handful of various chocolates.... left over from Christmas

Dinner - ohh la la, I had fajitas on flour tortillas loaded (sour cream shredded cheeses etc) also had 3 cheese enchiladas -

no dessert ^ no room obviously

Sunday starting weight I freaked out cause I got on the scale and it said 397 of course I was fully dressed for church down to the shoes... so that was not accurate pfft ~

but anyhow for breakfast I had

left over fajitas & rice (not loaded)

lunch -

more left overs fajitas ~ w/lemonade

Dinner - Porcupine Balls served with white rice, and white dinner rolls, then I had a nice sized slice of apple pie w.snicker doodle ice cream on the side... oh and a glass of milk this one tbs of milk a day is gonna suck....

but anyhow thats what I loaded on - not very impressive compared to the other stories I read.... let's hope it was enough to jump start whatever.

Monday Morning weigh in @ 390.8 up 6 ounces this is supposed to be a good thing from what I have read... so here is where the fun begins

for breakfast I had 22 oz. of water and an apple.

for lunch I had half a cucumber and 3.5 oz of skinless chicken breast (weighed before cooked)

dinner I will have the same as lunch but maybe an apple too...

I better have lost 6 ounces when I wake up because my body is already threating me, my brain is much stronger than my will power... I did good though, went and did laundry and picked up some cheeseburgers for the kids and Joseph for lunch, i didn't even take a sesame seed... much less a bite. came home and Tre heated up left over pie, oh man... and then the Christmas popcorn canister and candy singing my name- and it was then I realized I seriously have an issue with food restriction - I can walk past all those things on a daily basis with out needing any but tell me I can't and I want it :( or I'm hungry knowing I'm not how can I be drinking a bathtub full of water through out the day :P

So this in a nutshell is where I am at feel free to follow comment ~ see you tomorrow.