Not For All The Tea In China

Give me your phone number!

2008-02-02T13:32:00.000+08:00

Obviously there are many culture differences, between western countries and China. But one little difference worth mentioning is the giving of phone numbers. Now in most western countries we wait a while before asking for a persons number, but not so in China, you can have just met the person and within five minutes they may ask you for your number, and it's considered a little bit rude if you refuse!

The reasons are quite simple, in China creating social connections that may help you in the future is considered all important. And really Chinese culture does work that way, the beurocracy of the system actually makes it difficult to do things which should be simple. An example, not so much related to buerocracy, would be if I meet a doctor whilst teaching, you can be sure I will get the doctors phone number. "Why?", you may ask, well the reasons go like this: in China the healthcare system leaves a lot to be desired and also when prescribing a medicine a doctor will often prescribe the most expensive one in order to suppliment his salary with commsions. So obviously when going to a hospital it's natural to be a little worried at the very least, but if you 'know' a doctor then they will have your best interests at heart.

When I first arrived in China I made the mistake of giving my phone number to a student that had asked for it, then some days later was woken at 6:30 in the morning by another student I hadn't given my phone number to! This is a common practice, with the idea that phone numbers are public property. It's fine in some fields and not a problem, but when your an English teacher it means you can be inundated with calls to your mobile just so one of the students can practice English! Not much fun at 6:30 in the morning I can tell you!

It's Black And White

2007-02-10T09:56:00.000+08:00

In China, for reasons I've yet to fathom, Chinese people have a way of trying to reduce everything to a simplistic black or white viewpoint, that there may be some shade of grey viewpoint is generally beyond them, more to the point, it is actively rejected.

One that always makes me shake my head in disdain is the view that black people are dirty, are black people dirty because they don't wash? No, Are black people dirty because their culture is different? No? Are they dirty because of their body odour? No. According to many of my 'adult' students black people are dirty because they have black skin, and that 'looks' dirty...therefore that means they are dirty!

Such a viewpoint is beyond stupid, it would be almost be better if the students were just plain racist. Another belief, that has sprung up from I don't know were, is that in India when Indian people say yes, it means no, and when they no, it means yes. Why any culture would waste it's time with such a riduculous practice is beyond me; and surely if 'no' means 'yes' and vice-versa then obviously it would mean the word in the Indian language for 'yes' is actually 'no', so therefore yes doesn't mean no! Try as I might to explain that perhaps this comes from a cultural form of politeness ie. they don't want to say no to someone in a 'specific' situation that maybe Indian people would rather be polite and say yes but not really mean it; as much as I explain it, it falls on deaf ears, I even have Indian friends that find this idea laughable, does that change my students minds? No, of course not(or maybe I mean yes), 'cos they read it in a book or magazine somewhere, so it must be true!

In almost all classes I will have a few students who like basketball; so popular in China is basketball, that you would be forgiven for thinking it's their national sport. Even in America, basketball is only the 4th most popular sport. So, as is usually the case, basketball, will at some point become a topic of conversation. This frequently happens when I ask students to tell me something they would like to change about themselves, almost always one student(but usually more)will say they want to become taller, they will do this, they inform me, by playing basketball more often. Perhaps the rational goes like this, all proffesional basketball players are tall, therefore, playing basketball makes you tall. Now, it may be the case that all that jumping up in the air straightens the spine a tad, but that is a far cry form it making one 'tall'. As with the former cases, my explanations fall on deaf ears. My quaint ideas of genetics are obviously far behind the times.

Crash Your Car

2007-02-04T16:37:00.000+08:00

On my way to teach English at the school everyday it's a fairly common occurance for me to see a car crash. This mostly is due to the fact that Chinese people drive like nutters, many of them having bought their licence instead of taking their test, but this is by no means the only reason. When Driving in China it's perfectly acceptable to overtake on the inside or to dangerously cut in front of another car. As for having some distance between you and the other car in front, well, that's non-existant.

The Chinese have an interesting practice of just leaving the cars that have crashed right in the middle of the road, no matter what the time of day, or how busy it is. They just stand there arguing with the people they have crashed into, waiting for the police to come..........and trust me....the police come very very slowly, especially if it's dinner time.

One time I went to work at about 5pm and saw two cars crashed into each other on one of the main roads in the city; about four hours later on my way home the very same cars were still there blocking up the road, with the drivers still arguing with each other.

The driving in the winter snow is even more dangerous, having said that, the worst drivers are not the people driving too fast, it's the rich women with a brand new mercedes driving at ten miles an hour the wrong way down a one way street(very common).

Rainman

2007-01-30T16:12:00.000+08:00

The Chinese don't leave anything to chance. Least of all anything that would be likely to cause loss of face.

For example, here in the north of China the winter Asian Games have just begun, but the day before, embarassingly, there was not a flake of snow; difficult to host a winter games without snow...not impossible mind you.

So what did they do? Well, they made it snow of course. I don't mean they had a snow machine, i mean they actually made it snow...ie. from the sky. In the west I have never heard of this practice but in China it's a fairly frequent occurance. Planes will be sent up and they will drop 'bombs' into the clouds, when i say bombs I mean exploding devices that disperse certain chemicals(or something)into the clouds, stimulating heavier rain fall or snowfall.

They haven't quite 'made' rain yet, but it seems pretty close to me, they do need the clouds first though, no clouds, no go.

"How can I improve my blah blah blah"

2007-01-21T11:22:00.000+08:00

As an Esl teacher I can't tell you how many times whislt I've been in China that I have been asked the same question by Chinese students: "How can I improve my English quickly?". Now, don't get me wrong, this is a completely valid question, that of course, is my job and responsibility to answer. But.......

.....The thing is, it's so often the lazy student that asks this question, the very same student who for the past two hours in my Oral English class hasn't said a word, but then chooses the time when the class has finished and I want to go home, to ask me this question.

To be honest it never seems to occur to many students that this question should be a 'no brainer', I mean, if you want to improve at anything then the least requirement is, obviously, practice. But does the penny drop? No it certainly doesn't! Even when I use the analogy of 'how to improve your swimming skill' ie. 'swim!', not spend endless hours studying books about swimming but never getting into the pool. But no, this logical awnswer is always met with disappointed faces, the idea that actually 'working' to develop a skill is not a 'happy thought' in China.

To be honest there are other ways a student can improve their English and I have explained this to students, but, it's the rare student that actually implements the techniques. I remember in one class being asked this very same question and then telling the students, with a straight face, that a new magic pill had been invented that helped with learning English quickly; they were all delighted with this and asked where they could buy it, they were sooooo disappointed when I told them not to be so silly and actually do some work practicing.

"just say no"

2007-01-09T00:05:00.000+08:00

In China fake drugs can be fairly common, which isn't great if your ill and need the real ones. As for the recreational kind, they are quite common, but that's another story.

Watching T.V in China you will be constantly bombarded with advertisements for some new wonder drug, the fact is, almost all, if not exactly all of these so called drugs are fake, if not fake then they certainly can't do what they say they can. How is this possible? Well there are laws in China about this kind of thing, but if the price is right a fancy certificate legallising your useless drug can be produced for you, which is then ostentatiously shown on the TV advertisement also.

That's not to say all the drugs in China are fake, but to be honest the dosage in most of them is reduced, although you have no way of knowing this.

I'll give an example of what happened to me the other day. In China, for example, you can buy anti-biotics over the counter; and since recently I had contracted a rather nasty gum infection(painful)I went and bought the appropriate ones as I had often taken for the same condition in my country(I don't like dentists as you may have guessed). After taking these for four days there is no improvement whatsoever, in fact I can say it has gotten worse.

Now you might say I should give it more time, but remember I've done this many times before over the years, and it never takes this long. The other tell tale sign is that usually when I take anti-biotics my urine will become bright yellow and will also smell quite foul(more than usual I mean), neither of these have occured, and that's the first time ever since Ive taken anti-biotics since I was a child.

So I've been duped, and what's more I'm still in pain. It's so bad I may even have to go to the dentist, and generally speaking, that's not good in China! Still, that's another post.

"Eat this!"

2007-01-01T22:04:00.000+08:00

I think I should actually point out a few good things about Chinese culture, as up until know I've focused on mainly the negative things. China does have a lot of good points, obviously, as if it didn't there would be no reason for me to be here.

Firstly it has to be said that, by and large, the Chinese are a particularly friendly culture. They are so curious about foreigners that they will find any chance to talk to them. I've never known any other countries people so happy when you actually speak their language. All you have to say is 'ni hao' meaning 'how are you?'(lit. you good)and they will tell you your Chinese is really good, you don't have to be able to say anything else, your language skill must be superb if you can say 'ni hao'!

Also the Chinese will often give you random glasses of alcohol when your in a bar and toast you, but this does mean you have to 'down the glass' as they do, otherwise it's rude.

Other aspects include people who will be happy to help you do anything from helping you do your shopping to unblocking your toilet, although it would be most unfair to ask anyone to do the latter, unless you really don't like them of course.

At other times Chinese people will be more than happy to share any of the food they have with you, practically forcing you to eat even when you don't want to, this is particularly true in the north of China, where they are considered to be more generous than their southern counterparts, of course it's the northern Chinese that say so, I'm sure the southerns would be inclined to disagree.

All in all, you will find the general Chinese person to be friendly, affable and helpful. But you can completely reverse these three characteristics if they are your boss or in the service industry, bizarrly the 'service industry' in China means anything but service. The general ethos seeming to be 'treat the customer poorly, and then perhaps they will all go away and leave us alone so we can go to lunch'.

'The Law's The Law', or not as the case may be

2006-12-29T13:06:00.000+08:00

Being an English teacher of Chinese adults I have had the pleasure to meet various Chinese lawyers. It always fascinates me to be able to find out 'exactly' how the law system works in China. My conclusion, which is based purely on what Chinese lawyers have told me(with no interpretation on my part I might add)is that Chinese law is based on 'money', not justice, not fairness, not having a talented lawyer or any other thing ad-infinitum.

Let me start off with one story a student told me about her friend whos father was a judge, this family had a nice new car, a big house and anything their children wanted they got, but this girls friend wondered how it was possible that her family should have so many luxuries when her father didn't earn more than about $300 per month; her friend matter of factly replied "oh, because he receives bribes".

I should first point out that in China the judge makes the final decision as to the guilt or innocence of a defendant; in recent years they have established a kind of jury, but in fact that jury can only advise a judge on what, in their opinion, should be the verdict; the judge can completely disregard this as he chooses.

One former student of mine who owned a law firm told me that a lawyers job in China only in fact comes down to two things: 1. developing a good relationship with judges and 2. Giving the money to a judge that has been given to him by the defendant(presumably a guilty defendant). In his own words the actual lawyers skill has no true bearing on the case, in truth the whole court trial is therefore a charade.

Other lawyer students of mine have told me the exact same thing, and have expressed sadness because of this situation in China. If the crime isn't so serious you can actually just pay off the police before it even gets to court. This is another reason why Chinese people revere rich people, because they are, in effect, above the law.

Your So Fat

2006-12-27T16:07:00.000+08:00

In China appearances are all important, 'face' as it's called is foremost in most Chinese people's mind. As I mentioned in the previous post 'Your Ugly, Let's Get Married', being fat isn't really considered a down side for Chinese men, although unfortunatly it still is for women.

Telling someone 'your fat' doesn't have the weight of an insult in China, in fact it can sometimes even be considered a compliment, if you are fat that means you have enough money to be eating well, and in China their opinion is that if you eat well that means you are healthy. The idea of colesterol control hasn't quite reached China yet.

Having 'good face' relates to many things, but very often that means money or material goods. After the communist revolution in 1949, when religeons were banned, money became 'god'. So if you have expensive clothes, a nice car and a good house then you have 'good face'. Also 'good face' relates to the giving of expensive gifts, this gives you 'good face' and also gives the receiver 'good face' as you must hold them in high esteem.

The annoying thing with this is it usually results in endless rounds of having to buy expensive gifts you would rather not have to. In fact everyone in China feels the same way but still does it as it's polite. Chinese culture by and large is made up of a lot of people having to do a lot of things they don't want to, essentially for 'good face'. As a foreign teacher in China I can sometimes feign ignorance of cultural norms, as after all I'm not Chinese, but the longer you have been in China the less easy this is to do. Frankly it's a pain in the ass. If someone invites you to dinner in China, be careful, as most of the time this means they want you to do something for them, and it's real hard after someone has just paid for your lunch. In the west we would consider this rude, but in China this is the common form. steer clear of dinner if you value your free time, saying 'no' to them only means you want to negotiate more in their mind.

Lost in translation

2006-12-24T10:55:00.000+08:00

In China they do try to translate a lot of things into English, to be fair it is China and not England, America or Canada. The problem is they are just so bad at it. One problem is that they think they can translate the exact sentence structure from Chinese into English, this results in something they call 'Chinglish', or 'Chinese English'.

Sometimes the translations are reasonable as in 'spaghetti' which in Chinese is 'Itali Mien', exactly 'Italian noodles', and so no matter how many times you tell students to call it spaghetti they still say 'Italian Noodles'.

It's true the Chinese goverment are really trying to make most cities 'English friendly', especially in Beijing, but the big problem is that they get Chinese people to translate from Chinese into English the street signs and advertisements and so on. Even the English exams in China have been created by Chinese people. The problem is they really mess it up. For example I've seen some of the multiple choice exams and sometimes 3 out of the 4 answers are right; if I can't get the exam right how the hell is a Chinese person supposed to.

My favourite street sign in beijing has a translation exactly as follows: 'be careful the rise, the slippery are very crafty', this is actually a warning sign for a slope with a slight incline. Near my house there is a sign by a bank with the English 'no tweeting', presumably this is specifically for the birds, it's nice to know in China even the birds have to learn English, or perhaps it's directed towards the 'foreign' birds.

In one of the local restaurants you can take a look at a picture menu with English words, but try as you might it's difficult to choose between the 'Beacon Sandwich'(bacon) or 'Arsnic with mixed vegetables'(no idea). Everyday day you can see bad English everywhere, to be honest it's actually one of the major foreign forms of entertainment. At other times it's just simply the right English but in the wrong place. This is particularly common with fake DVD's. In China fake DVD's have the cover and everything, even when the film has only just come out; someone basically knocks up the cover with photoshop with random English unrelated to the actual film. A prime example and my all time favorite was 'shindlers list' with the quotation "I laughed so hard I nearly fell off my chair....".

'Move Ya Ass'

2006-12-23T04:45:00.000+08:00

Chinese universities are a bit of an enigma, they are not the same as western universities were everyone gets to get drunk and get laid and occasionally show up for class. Chinese students even when they are 23 are treated like children. A register is still taken, and at night the dormitory doors are locked at 10:30, so the students can't go out or come back in.

Another interesting thing is 'morning exercise', all students must do morning exercise which is predominantly running around a track or playing football at six thirty in the morning. If a student fails to turn up for morning exercise then money that has already been paid to their class fund for books and other things is deducted as a fine, so the whole class suffers.

Morning exercise of a military fashion is also common in restaurants. Every morning on the way to work I witness a group of cooks, waiters and waitresses having to stand to attention outside their place of work while they are bitched at by whoever is the official 'bitcher' that day, this is followed by a compulsary run around the block in temperatures of about minus twenty, and they occasionally sound off some incoherant crap that the lead runner shouts.

This isn't for every job, but for some strange reason it has taken hold in the restaurant business in China, and their are a LOT of those in China what with food being a cultural glue in this country. I sometimes wonder what the point is, only recently I realised China's secret, the waiters and watresses are in fact a secret crack military force, waiting in the wings for America to attack. When America makes its move this whole special, crack 'restaurant' force will be mobilised to destroy the capitalist scum that dares to threaten China, through the use of Chinese food cannons and other secret weapons, such as, 'The Fried Rice Flailer', 'The Sweet and Sour Sauce torture' and the infamous 'Dog barbecue Barricade'(and yes they do eat dog here, but it's actually a Korean dish)

I for one wouldn't want to test this secret commando unit as I like my food to be 'spit' free, I pity the ignorant capitalist who is foolish enough to test the Chinese culinary force; the things they can do with a wok and a spatular are trully horrifying.

Not so central heating

2006-12-21T09:54:00.000+08:00

A teacher in China has to put up with a lot of crap to put it mildly, the Chinese just have a different way of doing things, which often involves not bothering to do anything that needs to be done, unless you constantly harass them to do so, or there is something in it for them.

Apartments can become a major source of irritation for a foreign teacher in China, usually the school you work for will rent you an apartment, but it may not be exactly what you expect. I remember coming back to China from Thailand to work for a school I had briefly worked for before leaving. Supposedly they had my apartment all set up for me. I had just got off the plane and had to wait a couple of hours before the school actually took me to the apartment.

Arriving at the area with some of the staff, I was surprised to see I had arrived at what looked like the Chinese ghetto; the funny thing was so were the staff who were with me, as they had just delegated the job of finding an apartment to someone else. Upon enetering the apartment which was supposed to be furnished and with cooking facilities I was more than a little shocked to see not a bone of furniture, a wooden frame for a bed with no mattress and dirt everywhere. Actually this is quite common in China, especially the dirt part. People leave the mess for the next person to clean.

Anyway I had to change the apartment myself, but not before having to forfeit some money to the landlord due to the fact that the school had already paid three months in advance. It is true that at least it had a hot shower(uncommon in chinese apartments)the only problem was the water was only turned on twice a day for about an hour at a time, I was either alseep or at work.

My current apartment is quite nice, I chose it myself and pay for it myself; the problem in Northern China is that it gets seriously cold in the winter, Central heating isn't common in China; I have radiators, but the local goverment decides when to turn them on, ie. when the workers start shoveling coal into a furnace to heat the water that goes into the radiators. I have to pay for this privelage. I wouldn't mind if it actually meant my house was nice and warm, but it's not! I have to use other electric heaters to make up for it which costs me a fortune.

So the men from the shoveling heat bureau came round the other day, several times, you see if the temperature isn't above a certain level they have to give me my money back. Of course no such thing occured they just promised to shovel quickly in the future. Obviously it won't change anything.

A friend of mine in the south of China lived in a university campus on the ground floor and was rather cold in the winter, so he asked the school for a heater, which surprisingly they gave him, upon hearing this another foreign teacher on the third floor decided to also ask the school for a heater as he was also cold; their response: "You don't need one because your on the third floor and therefore closer to the sun".

Your Ugly But Lets Get Married Anyway!

2006-12-17T11:43:00.000+08:00

In China marriage is seen as a natural progression, much like graduating from university, it's just something you simply must do. In the North of China daughters will start to get to get pressure from their parents to marry at around the age of 25. This is the time Chinese girls go husband hunting for fear of getting left on the shelf.

So many of the girls I've taught have suddenly had a boyfriend and in all seriousness have told me when they plan to marry them after only being with them for a few weeks. It's backwards in China compared to the west, we take a few years to make sure everything will hopefully workout in the future when we do marry, Chinese people on the other hand think that talking about marriage after maybe only the first week is the normal thing to do.

Most marriages are probably doomed to failure, not necessarily divorce, as the idea of the family unit is imbedded deeply within the Chinese psyche, but more often than not, unhappiness is the result. You see the thing is in China love is not a prerequisite for marriage. Only in recent years has the idea of marrying for love become more popular, but most girls still settle for security. Traditionally in China women married 'up', meaning as a way to improve status, men could marry 'down' but women certainly couldn't as this would be a big loss of face for her whole family.

There is a plus side for men it must be said, in the west for the most part, pretty girls don't go out with fat guys, girls in the west care to a great extent about appearances, but in China it's not the main factor in choosing a husband or for that matter a boyfriend. Not a day goes by where I don't see a fat guy with a hot girl walking arm in arm down the street. You see fat men are considered 'lucky' in China almost. The reasoning goes like this: he's fat = he's living well, living well = he has a lot of money, he has a lot of money = he can use some of that money to buy me expensive presents.

There is also the 'domino effect', once one girl out of a group of girls get married then within a year almost all the friends will be married too. To some degree you can't blame them. Most men if they meet an unmarried girl 27 or above will think there must be something wrong with her, otherwise why isn't she already married. This has another knock on effect in relation to foreign teachers and expats in China, the older man with the younger girl.

When I first came to China I was 29, but you try to find a girlfriend in China at around that age and unmarried, it's almost impossible, and besides....the unmarried one's at that age must have something wrong with them ;) just kidding. Also in China, as I think in most of the world, girls prefer older guys, but in the China ten years age difference is perfectly acceptable. To be frank you can't actually blame the girls, guys at around the age of 21/22/23 really don't have too much to offer most girls in the way of character, most this age display the maturity of a 15 year old in western countries and that isn't just my personal view but the view of almost every foreign English teacher I have ever met here.

You can find girls here that are different to the rest in their views toward marriage but it takes some time to seperate the wheat from the chaff, but if you are fat or 'not that good looking', don't worry, come to China and you can have a hot girl on you arm an hour after your plane lands. But leave your wallet at home when she wants to go shopping!

Hitting Women

2006-12-14T21:25:00.000+08:00

In China domestic violence is common, sadly. In the rural areas of China it is even more common. Smacking your wife in the mouth isn't considered such a big deal. Recently whilst teaching some adult students(age 23-55)they were surprised when I told them I wouldn't hit a woman, they where really surprised that in western countries it wasn't as common as in their country.

Teaching in China your likely to see a lot of strange things, including things you don't really want to see. Recently a friend of mine witnessed a man punching and then repeatedly kicked his girlfriend while she was on the ground, by the time I actually arrived the security guard from the body was helping the man carry his unconscious girlfriend into the taxi so he could take her home. The mans friends mearly stood around doing nothing(another common phenomena in China).

So what reason did the man have to hit her? Who knows, although their is no good reason to hit a woman in my view Chinese men are really serious when it comes to loss of face, perhaps the girl had only talked to another guy or maybe said some bad words to her boyfriend making him feel he lost face. Why did no one do anything? A simple reason, in China you never know who someone is, for example it's highly likely that that group of men where Chinese mafia, or Triads if you like. Many of them go to the bars as a big group and it is wise to avoid them if you value your life, and I'm not exagerating. This could also be the reason that the guard did nothing except help the man put his girlfriend in the car.

It's common in China to see a man shouting at his girlfriend or wife in public, people usually gather round just to watch, a kind of entertainment if you will. If it esculates you can be sure no one will intervene. This is a common Chinese characteristic, 'don't get involved'. Recently I saw a taxi driver get out of his cab and then punch a fellow taxi driver in the face, upon walking past the taxi to my shock I noticed that the driver punched was a woman! Of course everyone just watched.

Sadly Chinese girls sometimes don't do themselves any favours, in arguments they really give as good as they get, often goading the guy into punching them, not a wise move when the guy is likely to lose face in public. One foreigner I heard of actually stood between a girlfriend and boyfriend arguing to prevent any violence occuring only to have the girlfriend get angry at him! The problem is domestic violence is taken rather lightly in China, it's not really considered much different to them than a verbal argument; for example in the class I mentioned above a 55 year old lawyer admitted to having hit his wife on various occasions. In the west we consider the act of hitting a woman cowardice and weak, in China they think no such thing....well at least the men don't anyway.

The trouble with padded bra's

2006-12-13T10:35:00.000+08:00

It is a fairly well known fact that Asian girls arn't much cop in the breast department, and nor should a woman be necessarily judged by the size of her breasts. BUT when a girl goes out to decieve a man into believing she has a set that would make a Jersey cow jealous then that's surely a different story.

In China it's hard to find a bra that isn't seriously padded, so desirous of larger breasts, Chinese girls actualy would have some difficulty finding a normal bra.....not that they are trying. How disapointed the men must be at the point of whipping that bra off only to discover not the alps but instead the Serengetti plains.

I myself have had such an experience and must say it's one hell of a disapointment. Don''t get me wrong, I'm not actualy looking for that in a woman but when I do expect to get it that's another story!

There should be some kind of law against it, a trades description act or something; since China has joined the W.T.O surely something can and should be done. It should be one of the stipulations of China joining the W.T.O that over some years China has to reduce the amount of padded bra's in circulation and make a smooth transition to fake breasts.

Still I might have it all wrong, as my ex-girlfriend commented to me when I told her of this travesty :"well, thats your problem isn''t it, your'e the ones attracted to them". She has a good point.

'It's been a long time'(New Interchange, book 2 lesson 1)

2006-12-11T23:08:00.000+08:00

Today is the anniversary for the first time I came to China three years ago. Now I haven't lived here for 3 years, because I lived in thailand for about eight months, but it certainly feels like I have.

So what's so great about China you might ask that makes me not only stay here but return here again after I left Thailand. Well I sometimes think it's just a case of getting used to bad manners and a culture that firmly believes in the mentality of a sheep. In China everyone wants to be the same, parents want their children to look 'normal' ie: no strange haircuts, no strange friends, no wild clothes ad infinitum. So great is the worry "what will people think?" that the whole of Chinese culture seems to be based on worrying what others think of you and the way they think of you. This is why to very large extent money is God in China, because with money you can buy lots of expensive shiny things that other people can admire you for having.

It's a rather pointless persute in many foreigners opinion, but by the same token you have to have something to strive for in life. Here Chinese call your shoes your 'second face', which means they should at the very least be spotlessly clean, I mean they are shoes for christs sake, shoes get dirty, it's the nature of the shoe! How many times students have commented on my dirty shoes I can't tell you, and I find myself looking down at my shoes before I go out wondering what people will think of me and then rushing to the bathroom to clean them up a bit....not completely of course, I haven't totally lost my culture ya know.

So here I still am, and happy to be here also, it's not Thailand with it's beautiful beeches and warm weather all year round but it's.......how can I say...different. And different is good when you have spent most of your life in only one country. When I go back to England for a visit no doubt I will find time to chastise people on the state of there shoes and when I see people obviously not from my country(no mean feat in a multi cultural society)I can point at them and say "foreigner" as loudly as possible, just like the Chinese do to me on a daily basis. And If I should happen to see a Chinese person I will make sure to say hello in Chinese to every single one of them and laugh loudly when they reply in their own language, after all what goes around comes around. Happy anniversary to me.

Crashing Motorbikes In China

2006-12-11T13:09:00.000+08:00

Today whilst riding my friends Motor scooter to work(I borrowed it as he took a holiday in America)I managed to deftly crash it on the wet roads.
In China the roads can be apalling, every year they work on the same roads they did the year before due to the general bad state of them. It comes down to the fact that someone somewhere down the line is getting back handers out of the work contracts and also the fact that the correct amounts of materials arn't used as someone is usually skimming off the top. It's common to see a pavement being put down all nice and the next day see it cave in as it hasn't been done properly.

However it wasn't exactly the road that was my problem today, it was one of the man hole covers that had subsided which was the main problem. trying to avoid an oncoming car and then trying to avoidng the subsided drain I failed to appreciate the fact that it was also wet and the wheels slid...and so did I. The damage to the bike was fairly minimal but i got a deep gash filled with dirt on my elbow with blood pouring out(and the dirt in china is dirtier than in most countries). Crashing outside a large hairdressers the girls ran out and started fussing over me, a little worrying bearing in mind that in china prostitutes and hairdressers go together(sometimes). Well I wasn't exactly in the mood for a 'special massage' and so politely declined their offer for me to wash inside.

Getting to the school I was quite the attention grabber(blood and dirt usualy has that effect)and proceeded to attempt to clean my wound. I decided cleaning it was relativly pointless as I just couldn't get the dirt out so asked to cancel my class as I looked like a right state. My boss on the other hand had other ideas "please just do the class, the students are already here", I asked her if she really thought it was appropriate what with blood and dirt all over me, but it seemed it was, no consideration that I needed to clean the wound or my arm might fall off in the future, just "do the class".

Not wanting my arm to fall off I declined the offer and went downstairs where there was a small clinic and a kind Chinese nurse cleaned it for free. No doubt I will have to make up that class another time, perhaps when I crash a car. I also hope my friend likes his bike with more 'character' when he comes back.

Annoying 'Hello's'

2006-12-10T12:00:00.000+08:00

Being English and being in China it''s natuaral to try to be polite. The thing is Chinese people arn't exactly known for their manners. The Chinese themselves will tell you it's a shame because in their history of five thousand years(it's not really 5 thousand years)there was a time when manners were of the utmost importance. Still, anything is possible with five thousand years history.

The common annoyance which is experienced by most foreigners in mainland China(I don't mean Hong Kong) is the daily staring as soon as you walk out the door. This happenes to a greater or lesser extent depending on which part of China you are staying in. In Beijing or Shanghai it's minimal but in more remote locations it's constant, and when I say remote I dont mean only in the countryside but in more developed cities also.

But by far the most annoying thing is the constant stream of people saying "hello!", now this would be nice, and was a novelty, for the first month or so, except for the fact that they are doing it for their own amusement. If you do respond with the like, they will laugh and giggle with their friends, not so bad you might say, but you try having that twenty times a day! Always the same word and the same reaction. Sometimes I feel like a combination of a trained monkey and Miner bird. If your just not in the mood and don't respond the hello''s will just get louder and louder until you do.

The other morning when leaving my apartment I was shocked when a guy from the building said "good morning" to me in English, it was so uncommon that it threw me and for a brief moment I had no idea how to respond, I almost said "hello". Perhaps 'good morning' will now become the fashionable phrase to say to foreigners. I for one will welcome the change!

Chinese Privacy(or lack thereof)

2006-12-09T19:44:00.000+08:00

The Chinese don't really know the meaning of the word privacy, and I mean they don't really know the true meaning in their own language either! When teaching English in China one of the things that never ceases to shock you when is the fact that the Chinese have no real concept of privacy, at least not the way most people do.Everday you can face the same question from taxi drivers and everyday people on the street "how much money do you make per month?". other questions range from "where are you going?" to "when will you marry your girlfriend?" the later question usually gets you involved in an argument if your not planning to marry your girlfriend in at least a weeks time.

But bar far the most annoying breach of privacy is at the internet cafe's. I can't tell you the amount of times I've had people standing over my shoulder and just reading(or trying to)my emails, a suttle look to try to tell them to piss off just doesn't do the trick, they are bare faced, no shame, and they just continue to keep reading. The only solution I have found is to be outright rude in their own language, Chinese, and even then they think you joking, so uttering a few expletives is usualy a good measure. My hat goes off though to the student who asked me in a class full of students "when was the first time you had sex?".