First impressions count
The very first thing that people are going to know about you when they first see you is…well, how you look. Once they move past your gorgeous face they are going to move towards your attire. Now, I don’t think that you should present yourself as someone that you are not, however, you should choose to dress as a better version of yourself. Suiting up is ridiculous if it is not something that you normally do. You will just feel uncomfortable and out of place. Just remember to wear something that makes you look like a responsible human being. Perhaps leave the creased pants and shirt with the sauce stain on it at home. Girls, choose an appropriate skirt length and a demure neckline. Remember the basics; wash and brush your hair and make sure that you smell nice.

Meet the parents

Come bearing gifts
Putting some thought into your outing and bringing a gift for the host is a nice gesture. If you are heading out to dinner then take a nice bottle of wine. Ask your partner for recommendations so that you know whether they like red or white…or perhaps they don’t drink alcohol. Knowing these things beforehand will better prepare you. It also makes a good conversation starter: ‘Oh, I have heard that this merlot is really good. It won an award at the bla,bla,bla’. You get the point. Maybe you could bring a box of after dinner mints or chocolates to a dinner party at someone’s house. If you are attending a barbeque then offer to make a salad or starter. If you are visiting grandparents then maybe take a small bunch of flowers to win them over. Ask your partner for suggestions; they will know better than you will.

Smile, smile, smile
You need these people to think that you are a nice person…although hopefully you are a nice person! Try and leave the nerves behind and give a genuine smile. Don’t fake smile; people can see straight through them.

Engage in eye contact
You don’t want to come across as shady so make sure that you couple your smiles with eye contact. Also, if your parents-to-be are huggers then give a nice strong hug back to them. If you are offered a handshake, make sure that you have a good grip and firm shake. You need to exude confidence. You are in charge of their son/daughter’s future happiness after all.

Listen half as much as you talk (and actually pay attention!)
People love to talk about themselves so ask, ask away. It helps if you have some information on them already, so that you can say: ‘Carol tells me that you recently went to Thailand, how was your trip?’, or ‘Simon mentioned that you are huge football fans, who do you barrack for?’ Genuinely listen when people talk, and follow up with questions that relate to their answers. Pause for a second and think before speaking when a question is asked of you so that you don’t burst out with something stupid. Also, I shouldn’t need to say this, but just in case—do not swear! It is disrespectful and you will immediately seem uncouth. Perhaps you should ask your partner if there are any taboo subjects so that you don’t bring up a controversial topic. The last thing that you want are awkward silences. Look around the house for good conversation starters too: ‘Oh, I see that you are reading Kathy Reich’s latest book. Do you enjoy mystery novels?’

Compliment the chef
If you are invited into someone’s home then it is certain that someone has made an effort for you. Make sure that you say the obvious ‘Thanks for inviting me over for dinner, I really appreciate it’. Also remember to acknowledge how good the food is (even if it’s not). Be polite and offer to collect the dirty dishes or take the leftovers to the kitchen. Even if they tell you that you don’t have to…do it.

Leave a lasting impression
Make an effort to repeatedly thank your partner’s parents for having you over. If you really want brownie points then tell them that next time they have to come around to your house and let you cook for them. Reiterate what a pleasure it has been to have met them, and say that you hope to see them again soon.

As people get older they develop more habits. They can be positive or negative and mental or physical. Cigarette smoking is one example of a physical habit that traps a lot of people. They become so accustomed to the habit that they fail to see how it is affecting every other aspect of their life (health, finances, etc). It is a physical addiction, but the longer a person smokes the more the metal habit develops as well. The reason a lot of people fail to quit smoking is because their mental groove identifies them as a smoker.

Bad habits - smoking

These mental grooves need to be changed in order for a person to move on in their life. There is no shortage of activities that a person can do to shake up their daily routine, but unless the mental side of it is also shifted, more likely than not, the person will find themselves stuck back in their same old rut. It is quite common to hear people talk about what they can’t do. This is just an old habit which they have worn in their brain and is holding them back from their full potential, as well as, keeping them in a rut.

In order to develop new habits that allow a person to live life to the fullest they need a whole new way of thinking. Change is often uncomfortable; however, change by choice is far more preferable than having to change because a drastic event occurs in a person’s life. Change does not have to be radical although some people do choose that route. I had one friend who sold everything she owned and moved to Argentina. She is now traveling solo throughSouth East Asia. She wanted to do this her whole life, but her mental rut prevented her from thinking she had what it took. She needed that drastic change, but she also had to change her mental habits so she could keep traveling and seeing the world like she always wanted to do.

It is not so difficult to create new patterns. The first step is to be conscious of what is holding you back. When you hear yourself utter, “I can’t do that.” Stop whatever you are doing and say, “I can do that.” It may seem simplistic but this is exactly how people get stuck in a rut, by limiting their own abilities. With a little practice new mental grooves are formed, and a person can live their life to the fullest while reaching their maximum potential as a human being!

Money tree

1. Track your weekly spending

   You likely remember the big-ticket purchases in your life, but what about your everyday spending? Taking notes of your spending—whether it’s filling up the petrol tank or picking up an item at the supermarket—will make you better aware of your spending habits, as well as how much cash is actually leaving your hands. For instance, that bagel and iced coffee you stop for every morning may not seem so bad at $10 total, but multiply that by five days and you’ll realise that’s $50 blown on breakfast alone. Multiply it by a month…or even a year, and you will be shocked to find out just how much you are spending. By observing where your money goes you can then craft a budget that will help you spend less.

2. Take an overall look at your finances

   Open every financial statement that you have—credit card, tax returns, superannuation, mortgage and so on. Only when you see where you are financially can you set your priorities straight. Then, if you haven’t already, sign up for an online banking account. With online banking you can schedule recurring bills, leaving you more time for the fun stuff. You will also be able to see your statements instantly, without having to wait for them to arrive in the mail, making it easier to keep track of your money.

3. Make saving a habit

   A lot of people wait for a bonus or tax refund to set aside money for the rainy days; don’t. Instead, automate your savings in to an account with a better interest rate—this forces you to save and your nest egg will grow quicker than you think.

4. More on saving – build an emergency fund

   The job market is volatile, and so is the economy in general. The best way to protect your family in these uncertain times is to build an emergency fund that you can fall back on. The goal is to make this fund big enough to cover living expenses for the next 6 to 9 months. That should hopefully be enough time if, heaven forbid you did lose your job, to find another and get yourself back on track.

5. Adopt a sure-fire credit card strategy

   Up to your neck in credit card debt? Tackle credit card woes now! You have no control over the housing and stock market, but you have complete control over your credit card debt. Each time you pay off your plastic with a 12% interest rate, you’re actually getting a 12% return on your cash! Here are other things you can do:

   • If you can, go for a balance transfer card that comes with a zero percent or very low interest rate for the first few months. If you get a good deal on this card, move your higher-rate debt to it. Don’t use the card for new purchases, and challenge yourself to pay off the balance as soon as you can.
   • If you don’t qualify for a balance transfer card, no worries. Just be sure to pay the minimum amount due on time every month.
   • When possible, send extra money to the card with the highest interest rate. The goal is to pay off the costliest balance first. Once this is cleared, direct your next payments to the card with the next highest rate, and keep doing this until you’ve zeroed out card balances.
6. Cut your workweek spendingA few lattes’ here, a bought lunch there, and those frequent trips to the smoothie bar can put a serious dent in your wallet. Challenge yourself to cutting back on your workweek spending in little ways. You could, for instance:
   • Make your own coffee - skip the café line and save $5 a day by making your own.
   • Avoid the vending machine - everything in the vending machine at the office is cheaper at the grocery store. So, buy your snack there and stock it in your office drawer.
   • Take advantage of specials - Pay only half of your usual bill by going to your favorite spots during happy hour. Don’t forget to check Twitter and Facebook for after-work specials, discounts, and coupons that are not advertised elsewhere.

Now is the time to take charge of your money. Stop living from paycheck to paycheck, and give yourself and your family the financial security you deserve. A little self-discipline and a few tweaks to your daily routine could be all it takes to get you out of that financial rut and onto a more responsible money path.

Now, the thing with demotivation is that it can stem from a variety of causes, ranging from boredom to mistrust, from a lack of challenge to good, old-fashioned burnout. Whatever the reason, demotivation has absolutely no place in any working environment. This is because motivated workers are not only more productive and energetic; they are also happier, plus they exhibit more enthusiasm in their jobs. Motivation is contagious, which is particularly important when working as part of a team. Motivation is the powerful driving force that causes us to act and change and move and get on in life. Suffice it to say, motivation is the very force that allows us to accomplish anything in our lives.

How, then, can we keep motivation in and demotivation out? Let us do so in 10 ways:

1. Make a list of clear, bite-sized objectives
You will be surprised at how well a to-do list can keep you focused and motivated. Indeed, there’s nothing more motivating than seeing your list dwindle into nothing, item by item. However, a to-do list can be a double-edged sword, too. If you’re not careful, you may actually end up with one that will make you go running for the hills. The key is in how the to-do list is crafted. Broad, all-encompassing items are an absolute no-no because these make tasks seem a lot more daunting than they really are. It is a good idea to break down bigger tasks into small, manageable ones. Instead of writing down the outcome or deliverable as a whole, list the tasks and milestones involved in making it happen. Not only will you be able to monitor your progress more effectively; prioritising will become a lot easier, too.

2. Take a break…or two…or three
As I’ve already mentioned, burnout causes demotivation. Overreaching yourself can do more harm than good to your productivity. The best way to counter this is by taking regular breaks – and by ‘break’, I don’t mean switching windows and checking your Facebook. Get up and walk away from your computer and immediate workspace. Fix yourself a snack, run an errand, take a walk, work out—whatever tickles your fancy. Do it regularly. Do it often. BUT only after you’ve completed an x amount of work within an x amount of time because taking a break every two minutes just won’t cut it, either.

3. Maintain a healthy work/life balance
It is very easy to get demotivated and jaded with work when it is all that you do. When you know that there are other things waiting for you beyond the workspace— family, friends, the sweater you’re knitting for your cat…you will find that you become significantly motivated to get tasks done at work.  It is important to have something to look forward to at the end of the working day. You can spend quality time with your family, or meet friends for a nightcap. You can even take up a cooking course, or just indulge in some therapeutic window-shopping. The fact is that there is more to life than your job. Embrace it.

4. Positive in, negative out
It’s not rocket science: a positive mindset keeps you motivated and productive. That is why it is essential to surround yourself with positive people, especially co-workers. If you’ve ever experienced that one whiny colleague, you’ll know why this is so important. Negativity is contagious, so best stay well clear of it. The same should be applied to inane office politics that really do nothing but breed discord.

Think positive

5. Create a comfortable working environment
You’ll be surprised at how greatly comfort contributes to motivation. A nice chair adjusted to your ideal incline, for one. Or a desk decorated with your favorite knick-knacks, for another. Which leads us to our next point…

6. Always be inspired
To be motivated, you have to be inspired. Surrounding yourself with things that inspire you will no doubt keep you focused and productive. One easy way to do this is by keeping little inspirational things within eyeshot. This could be anything from adorable photos of your kids to that miniature Eiffel Tower statuette you’ve had since high school. Positive quotes and posters of beautiful scenery are also great motivating objects. Music is also another thing that can very much inspire the demotivated soul. Create your own playlist of songs that inspire you, and listen to it while you work. Try to find music that is instrumental or chilled out so that you don’t get too distracted by the lyrics and want to sing along instead of working. You can even visit blogs that speak to you during your downtime, or watch short YouTube videos that resonate (search for ‘Paul Potts sings Nesum Dorma’; it has 90 million views for a reason).

7. Embrace variety
More often than not, demotivation comes from being stuck in a rut. An unchallenging workload and repetitive tasks can inevitably lead to boredom, which makes working, quite literally, a real drag. Variety, therefore, is vital in maintaining motivation. It is, after all, the spice of life, a breath of fresh air, a change of scene – all that jazz. Consider regularly switching between projects, if you have the luxury to do so. You can also ask your boss for a different position, or a new workload, or even a transfer to another department. For a less drastic approach, you can simply change your work environment. Take your laptop into the kitchen, or pack up your gear and work at a coffee shop. You’ll find that change, no matter how small, is always welcome.

8. Ask for help
For help. For feedback. For support. Simply because knowing that you are not alone, and that other people are going through the same things that you are going through will make you feel less alone. It will be a lot like having your own personal network of perky cheerleaders. That’s a great motivation-booster right there.

9. Reward yourself.
Very similar to points 2 and 3, rewards will give you something to look forward to (and we’re not just talking about your paycheck, either, or even that hefty mid-year bonus). Promise yourself a trip to someplace exotic when you finish a big and very important project, or maybe just a couple of hours of pampering over the weekend when you meet all your deadlines for the week. You really do deserve it.

10. Keep things in perspective.
Work does not have to be all about the money. Remind yourself why you’re doing what you’re doing and why you chose to do it in the first place.  Whether you’re doing it because you wanted to contribute something to the community, or simply because you wanted to make use of your creativity, evoking the WHY is a sure way of finding your motivation all over again.

No drinking - scotch

I like to think that I live a healthy lifestyle; I work out, I eat well, and I don’t smoke. I do, however, enjoy a drink on occasions and by occasions I mean a red wine with dinner some evenings and a scotch or two celebrating the arrival of the weekend. I wasn’t drinking enough that I felt worried about it but like most ‘casual’ drinkers I’d considered what it might be like to not drink alcohol.

When I saw FebFast being advertised and all of the benefits of being alcohol free I figured it was a good opportunity to try going without alcohol for a month. I mean who wouldn’t want to free up some time, save some money, lose a little weight, increase their energy and ultimately feel better about themselves?  If you too are considering an alcohol free month but lack the motivation then doing it for a good cause might just be the incentive you need to see if through. Don’t worry if you missed FebFast, with other opportunities like Dry July, and Ocsober there’s the potential to go a quarter of the year while being sponsored to go without alcohol. FebFast is the easiest though because February, even on a leap year, is the shortest month of the year. Plus doing it early in the year gives you a better chance to recover from the holidays when you were likely over indulging.

February was fast approaching and I was still enjoying my red wine during the week and my scotch on the weekends. I let my family and friends know my intentions to raise some interest for the cause. Making an announcement like that also makes you accountable for your goals. The response was almost identical from everyone. It was just a smirk and a ‘good luck with that’ like the thought of me going without alcohol was impossible to fathom.  I never considered that I might have a dependence on alcohol and I wasn’t going to let their cynicism phase me. The first of February was on a Wednesday so I had already been a few days without booze when the countdown began. I had no red wine with dinner that week and when Friday rolled around I celebrated with a nice long pint of fresh tap water. Delicious! So far, so good, or so I thought until Monday happened… For the first working week since giving up the bottle I was genuinely edgy which was a little concerning. For someone who wasn’t a big drinker, I couldn’t believe how irritable I was. Where was the boost in energy I was promised?

Fortunately, the irritability was short lived and it wasn’t long until I found myself looking forward to the weekend…but that introduced the next challenge, surviving socially. It’s amazing how naked and awkward you feel at the pub without a drink. For starters you have nothing to do with your hands.  For the first week I was trying to avoid those situations all together. But not drinking doesn’t mean you’re entire social life should suffer. I was learning to go to the pub without having to drink. In one example I had some friends help me with a little manual labour. They helped me remove a tree from my vacant block. To thank them I took them to the local pub.  I ordered two pints of beer and a pint of water. Sure, it came with its fair share of sledging, ‘On the hard stuff are you mate?!’, but I actually felt a little smug that I was the ‘healthy’ one who wasn’t drinking.

It was by the second week that I actually started to see and feel the benefits. I was sleeping better and because I was sleeping better I felt more attentive during the day. I didn’t feel as dehydrated as I used to (in fact I wouldn’t have even recognised that I was dehydrated most of the time without attempting this challenge). Drinking more water kept my energy levels up. The extra energy allowed me to push myself a little harder at the gym. It makes sense when you consider that alcohol actually prohibits blood flow to your muscles. To round that all out I wasn’t buying a bottle of scotch or bottles of wine on the way home from work anymore and suddenly I had an extra couple of hundred dollars at the end of the month that I wasn’t used to. To celebrate I decided to waste that money on something else counterproductive like a video game, but we all deserve these little treats after this kind of exercise. In the future I’ve promised myself, if I can continue to reduce what I drink, to put the money to better use.

No drinking - beer

Overall it wasn’t as hard as I thought and after the initial week I didn’t even miss it. I was proud of myself for being able to pull it off despite everyone’s lack of faith. They hadn’t spent the month without after all. It made me wonder if there were other things I could do without. Coffee? Sugar (no chance in hell as I have the biggest sweet tooth, but maybe I could at least try)? But where did I go wrong? I think I was a little anxious to celebrate, and a few special occasions didn’t help. I should have instead begun working on drinking in moderation and that is what I’ll be focusing on from here on in. Although the initial binge did help me realise that a lot of my alcohol consumption is due to routine. Sometimes I would drink even if I didn’t want one purely because it was put in front of me but now I have a new appreciation for alcohol. Now it seems to compliment a meal instead of being the meal. When I am around friends I appreciate the company and not the drink.

Suggestions to help you stay off alcohol

• Baby steps – the first week was well and truly the hardest but if you can push through it then it just seems to get easier and easier. Perhaps in the beginning don’t aim for a whole month, aim for a weekend, stretch that into a week and keep going from there.
• If you are out and about and perhaps a little nervous because you have nothing in your hands, try non-alcoholic alternatives. Most of the time these drinks are still quite sugary, or carb loaded, so you aren’t going to see the weight the falling off you but in the beginning they can help you to adjust.
• Find distractions. You might find that the longer you are off alcohol the more time and inspiration you’ll have. Use that new drive and invest your new time into a more productive outlet.
• Don’t do it alone – get a sponsor. My girl isn’t a big drinker either and she practically gave up at the same time I did which made it a lot easier on me.

Host a progressive dinner

Progressive dinner

I think that progressive dinners were big back in the 70s or 80s, and I remember accompanying my parents to a few in my local town. Haven’t heard of a progressive dinner? It is exactly as it sounds…the dinner location progresses to different locations. Fun! Get as many people involved as you want. You could stick to the entree – main course – dessert, or you could add a few more fun trips onto the agenda by including hors d’oeuvres (appetisers) at the beginning and coffee and chocolate at the end. Planning a whole dinner party is tricky, expensive and time consuming. Focusing on one dish means that you can put more time and effort into making something memorable. Imagine the trouble you could go to if you had the task of making coffee and chocolate. You could learn how to make fancy chocolates using moulds and different techniques and whip out some Irish coffee and hand crafted chocolates when your guests arrive. I have included a recipe for Irish coffee here for you to try:

Irish coffee (for one person)
Make up a cup of strong black coffee and dissolve a teaspoon of brown sugar and two tablespoons of Irish whiskey in the liquid. Pour into a glass (so that you can see the layers as it looks pretty!). Layer one tablespoon of Irish Cream over the coffee mixture by pouring the liquid slowly over the back of a spoon and down the side of the glass. It should sit perfectly on top of the other liquid to create perfect layers. Put a small dollop of whipped cream on top and sprinkle some grated chocolate and crushed coffee beans on top.

Please make sure that there is a designated driver though if there is alcohol involved.

Go Ten Pin Bowling

Bowling is a fun group activity and it is versatile in that you can take your friends, family or work colleagues…or even just go with your partner. It is kid friendly and relatively cheap. It is a great way to kill a few hours and there is usually some sort of cafe attached to the alley so you can grab a casual bite to eat afterwards. There are sometimes fun mini amusement areas where you can play childish games and skill-testers too. Bowling is an active form of recreation and it is good to get moving after being stuck inside your house all day.

Ice skating

No, ice skating is not just for the kiddies. Embrace your inner child, slip on some thick socks and legwarmers and get moving. Some ice skating rinks even hold disco nights, complete with shiny disco ball, pop music and flashing lights. Once again, this is fun with a big group of people, but a duo works fine too.

Host a board games evening

Invite some of your mates around for a good old fashioned games night. An even number of people is usually preferable as games normally require you to go in teams. Cranium is a super fun game that kind of combines the best aspects of all classic games. You have to perform and act out clues to your partner (like charades). You have to answer trivia questions (like Trivial Pursuit). You have to draw and guess pictures (like Pictionary). You also have to hum out tunes for your partner to guess, play word association games and even sculpt things out of play-doh. Cranium has won the exclusive ‘Game of the year award’ from the Toy Industry Association so other people obviously think it is as awesome as I do. It is best played with a outgoing bunch of people, however, after a few casual drinks people will come out of their shell and will be humming ‘Somewhere over the rainbow’ in no time.

“University is expensive and there is no guarantee that you will be offered a job once you finish your degree whereas if you sign up for an apprenticeship you will be paid to train. So if the average university degree takes three years full time to complete then a university graduate will be fiscally three years behind someone who has just completed an apprenticeship over the same amount of time and that is not even taking the cost of tuition in to consideration.”

College fund

University may be expensive, however, throughout my degree I participated in work experience and paid casual work that was relevant to my prospective career which not only gave me a little spending money but increased my chance of being employed once I had graduated. The old saying: ‘It’s not what you know, it’s who you know’ applies to University as it provides you with a chance to network with potential employers.

If you are like my partner, she made her way through a degree doing seasonal work and had no student loans at the end of it. I on the other hand did have some debts to pay off which resulted in a lower salary to begin with but it was less than five years before I had my loans paid off and by that stage my salary had more than doubled since graduating so I didn’t consider myself behind at all.

To increase your chances of being employable after you graduate you need to be smart choosing your degree. Not all courses and universities are created equal. I hear too often about people who finish a degree and have very few job prospects or end up working in fields that are completely unrelated to their field of study. You should focus on sectors that are in high demand. I studied Information Technology and didn’t feel as concerned about finding a placement after university in comparison to a few of my fellow graduates with arts degrees.

“For most courses the curriculum is too broad and not on par with industry standards and by the time you have finished your degree what you have learnt is already out of date.”

Differing occupations

I took more away from uni than what was covered in the syllabus. It was hands on and I improved my skills with a computer as well as developing my communication skills. True, Five years down the track I am only using 5% of what I learned at uni, but that is likely because I work in the IT industry where technologies and standards are constantly evolving.

“University is stressful. Many people disliked studying at school and are not keen to subject themselves to more of that tension and pressure.”

University is hard work and we all put a lot of pressure on ourselves to do well. But going to university is still one of the best experiences of my life. Some of my fondest memories involved running amuck on campus. I met so many new people, many of who are still my friends today.

Ultimately the decision to attend university needs to revolve around what is best for you. Make sure you do it for the right reasons. Going to uni because your parents told you to, or because all of your friends are going are not good enough reasons. Your indecision should not be a driving factor in your choice either.  Don’t go to university because you can’t think of anything else to do. If you are unsure then perhaps you should take a sabbatical. Work a little, save some money, and go for a holiday overseas and enjoy yourself. That will give you a little time for some soul searching and find out what it is that you really want to do. Meeting with a career advisor is another fantastic idea as they will go through your strengths, weaknesses, likes and dislikes with you. They can then offer you some suggestions on what kind of career would be suitable for you. Maybe you could take some short courses to see if studying is for you, and to feel out whether or not you like the subject. At the end of the day, strive to find the path that leads to the career you love.

XBOX360 - gaming addict

My XBOX360 was only 18 months old when it suffered the notorious ‘red ring of death’! For those who are not in the know, that basically meant your XBOX was experiencing a general error and that if it turned out to be irreparable and out of warranty then it meant saying bye-bye to your console. Mine was one of the few deemed not worthy of repair and I had been playing it less and less anyhow so I decided just to let it go entirely. It wasn’t a big deal; in fact I was more upset that I had nothing to watch movies on than not being able to play games. Besides, considering the time and money I’ve spent on consoles over the years, it was probably for the best.

Everything was going fine. I was busy with work and I had met a great new girl so video games were really the last thing on my mind. I had a few friends that had started playing Battlefield III online and told me that I should get involved and be a part of their platoon. That was not enough to convince me. It wasn’t until I saw a trailer for Skyrim at the cinema that I knew I might be in a bit of trouble. I thought it was just another movie trailer until I saw the ‘now on XBOX360’ message at the bottom of the screen. I was amazed! Even my girlfriend, who was sitting next to me at the time, said ‘Wow that looks epic’. So what choice did I have but to invest in a new console? I went down to my local gaming store during the week, bought anXBOX360, a few games including Battlefield III and Skyrim, a nice headset for chatting with my friends, and an XBOX Live subscription. It was a fair sized bundle which cost me nearly a thousand dollars but it was totally worth it! Or so I thought…

I warned my partner that this might be last time she would see me for a few months. She thought that I was joking and at the time I thought I was joking too… but after a while I was actually starting to worry myself. I would check the clock (conveniently located in the console menu) and realise that the whole day had passed by and I had done nothing but level up in my games! I tried to justify it to myself: ‘Hey you work hard and you’ve been to the gym a few times this week; you deserve a little game time’. But then I considered what I could have accomplished elsewhere in the same amount of time and it actually made me feel a little depressed. I could have done a little more work, something that I actually get paid for? Maybe I could have done something productive like updating this blog? But instead all I had to show for my time were a few dragon bones in Skyrim and a sergeant’s rank in Battlefield III.

Skyrim dragon

Apart from being unproductive I also realised that I was neglecting more important things. Sometimes I avoided doing chores because I was half way through a level. Other times I would skip catch-ups with my friends because I had stayed up late the night before playing games and I was either too tired or just couldn’t be bothered heading out. But worst of all I wasn’t giving my partner the time and attention that she deserved.  I’m lucky, my girlfriend likes games too and while I’m battling dragons in Skyrim she is on the couch next to me shuffling her busy little characters around in the Sims. But it became evident how terrible I was being when she would ask for favours—simple things like putting the bin out—but I would actually prioritise the game over helping her…even though there is a pause button.

The Solution
In moderation, gaming is a great way to relieve stress. It gives you a chance to leave real life behind for a while and be the marine, the dragon slayer…the hero. There are no deadlines, no meetings, and no office politics. But the keyword here is ‘moderation’. How much time in front of your games is too much time? That really depends on your situation. If you are in a relationship then obviously it is something that needs to be discussed with your partner. Come up with a schedule that works for everyone. How about playing just a few times a week for a few hours at a time? If you play online with friends then perhaps organise a dedicated ‘games night with your mates’ and let your partner know beforehand. Your partner needs to realise that your game time is important for you because it lets you unwind but don’t forget to take them out for dinner from time to time to remind them how much you appreciate them.

For most of us playing games is just a hobby like woodworking or stamp collecting but for others a gaming addiction can be a serious problem. How can you tell if you are addicted to games? If you answer yes to any of these questions it might be an indicator of a bigger problem.

• When you aren’t playing games are you still constantly thinking about them?
• Do you need to spend more time playing games to get the same level of satisfaction you used to from just a few hours?
• Do you have a hard time putting down the controller?
• Do you become irritable when you are prevented from playing games?
• Do you lie to you friends and family about the time you spend playing games?

Fortunately there is help available. Try talking with friends and family but if that makes you uncomfortable there are treatment centres and clinics established that offer similar help like those provided for substance abuse. Oftentimes games are a means of avoiding other problems.