Not That Shoe~

words of twilight, from me to you.

2009-11-23T15:15:00.000+11:00

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb"

"What a stupid lamb."
"What a sick masochistic lion."

And I offer myself to be the lamb, if the lion is you.

So what you're saying is, I'm your brand of herion?"

"Yes, you're exactly my brand of herion"

and i would love to be your heroin...because you are mine, and it is so addictive, I could my ways in life to ever throw it away....

"If I could dream at all it would be about you, and I'm not ashamed of it" -Edward-

How I wish to be dreamed of, at least for once, in your lifetime.

"The sound of your heart is the most significant sound in the world." -Edward-

And yours, are mine.

"Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget; it was a hard line to walk." -Bella-

And even so, I walking on that line.

"Your hold on me is permanent and unbreakable. Never doubt that." -Edward-

And yours on me.always.

"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were starts--points of light and reason...And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was n fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changes, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars any more. And there was no more reason for anything." -Edward-

And so I wish i could be your meteor, at least for a milisecond in life.

"i'm here, and I love you. I have always love you, and I will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind every second that I was away." -Edward-

And I am here, as he was there for her. and in my mind, is you...every second we're apart.

***Copyright
The words in quote are from Twilight and they're not mine.
Mine, are those in black bold and italic words.

And those words, are for you meine liebe.

jatuh cinta lagi sekali.

2009-11-23T10:30:00.000+11:00

have you ever have this hot and adrenalin rush in your body, looking at man? in simpler words = horny?

another confession. i never watch TWILIGHT up until few hours ago. yes yes. its true. tonight was the first time I watched twilight and heck, God knows why the world is so in love with Edward Cullen.

well, the first moment I saw Edward, my thought (I said to my sister out loud) was, "He's not that handsome. Why the heck people is so all over him?"

Then, (hahahhaha..laugh at me please), after few scene of him, I raised the white flag of surrendering. Heck, he's hot. (remember...I'm talking about EDWARD CULLEN, not Robert Pattinson)..

And yeah, I feel this sensual hot gush of feelings, and emotion, and sexual attraction towards his mysterious attitude and all sorts of un-explainable feelings and emotion. I does feels like falling in love again (only this time is towards a movie character and of course darling, I am still madly in love with you).

simpler words, in love and horny. the second feelings probably because of the hormones. the first, its just a magical attraction, mystery man have on them. Anyway, looking at Edward made me thinking and reminisce back on how I was so very attracted to mysterious, tarik tali guy.

one of the scene was when Edward was trying really bad restraining himself from getting close to Bella...in one of my posting about lelaki idaman, i did write about this. whereby a guy sangat super hot bila he is dalam keadaan menahan diri. when a girl flirt with him and tease him and dia mcm dgn sangat super berusaha utk tak get affected? owh..sangat comel dan SUPER HOT!

and tangan dia, those face, the way he speaks, those eyes...those states, the lips (gile hot)...definitely those chest...aaandddddd, dlm trailer new moon, edward without shirts on him...dem...i have some dirty thoughts on this. gile sinful..ooopsss!

anyway...i dont know how i end up like me, NOW. super annoying. and nosy and so not cool. I am attacted to mysterious guy because the need to know something about them, those side of them that is so unpredictable sometimes driving me into being someone i dont even know. its like an obsession. i need to control myself, and play a better strategy.

Probably, I'll end up like bella. aummmm... hot.

Girls and beauty toys

2009-11-23T05:28:00.001+11:00

Nilah dia.perempuan and their toys...errr, tp this one was given by my
brother.ahha.comel bila dia tny yong pernah pakai ni ke x...and ofkos
xpenah. Hopefully biji2 jerawat xtumbuh dgn jayanya lepas ni.

Ok.nak gi baring2.xleh ckp pape.nnt ada wrinkle..

Ta!~

ayah dan sydney.

2009-11-23T05:12:00.004+11:00

semalam dah start packing. not me lah.emak.

few days back, emak ada ckp. ayah cakap kat dia, ayah takde mood nak berjalan (to sydney lah). its because of the financial thing and whatnot. then mak cakap kat aku (kira reply dalam hati mak la), mak ckp, ala ayah tu, cakap di mulut je.

and today, he;s so comel (he's my dad and i can ckp dia comel la..hihi), he was polishing his shoe utk di pakai to my convo. so sweet. sangat comel dia duduk atas lantai berkain pelikat sambil polishing kasut dia.

and he bought few shirt too to wear ke sydney.

this is his first time going out of the country (tolak singapore la..singapore tak kira)...and it was my wish to take him to sydney since the first day i stepped my foot in sydney. insyaAllah, hopefully everything would go well.

kalau ikutkan, ayah dari dulu boleh senang. tapi ayah kahwinkan adik2, dahulukan adik2, support adik2, then keluarga. sambil kerja sambil belajar. will power yang i wont find anywhere else in this world. so determined and pengorbanan untuk semua orang instead of himself.

so, for this 5 days, i hope he will enjoy himself. he deserves this holiday.

counting days. oopss..counting hours la..44 hours to departure. yey.

ps: saye tanak too excited. takot ada drama air mata. so sedang light2 kan diri.

although...am so so missing him.

change is a good thing, i supposed..

2009-11-21T14:55:00.003+11:00

someone told me that my emotion kalau suka...sukaaaaa sangat mcm terlebih. mcm kalau air best letak dlm gelas sampai melimpah tertumpah. kalau tak suka or sedih or benci, tak sukaaaaaa sangat sampai macam gelas kering takde air sampai merekah retak menanti belah.

i have a really extreme emotion and i find it hard to conceal it from other. I used to hide my feelings. I used to be this girl, sweet and lovable that never really have any problems. kak mona used to say, "kamu ni yong, dulu gelakkk aje. suka aje. takde susah hati. kalau nanges pun sebab kena sakat dek adik2..lepas kena pujuk, terus ok main2 gelak2...lupe dah".

even maksu nisah pernah ckp, "kecik2 dulu suka tanya2 main2 gelak2..senang aje..nak jaga dia...cuma tak tahan suka tanya tanya..."

haihs. camne nak buang habit suka tanya2 ni? sebab omputih cakap, curiosity kills the cat. i know, sometimes the thing that i asked doesnt makes any sense. tak important pun. just for the sake of asking.

i have the tendency asking sebab i care. semalam masa kat NZ wangsa maju, ada mamat ni gaduh ke hape tengking2 ada perempuan ni. orang lain sibuk2 tengok nak tahu kenapa. i dont give a damn. why? i dont care about them. it is none of my business. i dont even care orang depan rumah ni nak sibuk tgk kitorg buat ape. lantak lah dia nak tengok. tak sakit hati pun.

the thing yang akan efek me apabila ada kena mengena dengan person that i love, that i care. i have been living all my life being a carer. i learned to cook when i was 8. i took care of my siblings when i was 10. mak masuk hospital, ayah kerja and mengulang hospital., and adik masa tu kat rumah nenek.

and i came back from school, masak nasi, goreng sayur goreng telur. it might look like a simple dishes, but i feed my brothers for days. i took care of them. basuh kain, sidai kain, angkat kain lepas sekolah.

i call my siblings once in a while asked how are they doing. i keep do things to keep the family tight. i make it a tradition for us untuk pergi keluar sama2 tengok wayang. it is like a family thing. makin besar makin sukar sebab masing2 have life of their own. but i make the effort. sedih kalau org mcm endah tak endah, nak tak nak pergi. but i have to strong sebab if im not, sape lagi?

if later, i get married and i akan jadi milik husband totally. nak balik rumah mak kena mintak izin and all. if i get a good husband yang understanding and faham that im the eldest and i have to keep the family tight, alhamdulillah.

but if not, i dont know. so the least i can do, is now...when i have the capability.

the thing is, i asked things. i required answer and then baru it satisfy me. i keep thinking of things until i understand it. but ones find it boring of me to be curious all the time.

and so, that is what it need to interesting, then so be it. so be it.

i never thought it would be the boring part of me. i thought my inability to enjoy jokes and my blurriness would make the point of me being boring. tapi salah rupanya. ini tepat ke batang hidung bila omputih buat kata2 curiosity kills the cat.

well the cat aint dead yet. lets hope the cat will live forever. and coming to my sense, although ia sangat menyedihkan, my sense told me to change for the better.

just one thing, would anyone love me enough to change diri mereka for me?

hmm.i wonder.

from choking to hurting to calm and ANGER.

2009-11-21T14:08:00.003+11:00

For the first time in life, after 26 years, some one told me that I am a boring person. walaweh...that is a great discovery. boleh masuk buku fatin Guinness book of record ni...Now..knowing that I am a boring person, overhauling it is my highest priority over everything.

I have been thinking on stuff that I could do to overcome that matter. Maybe I could be more open and entertain random guy more nicely and gently rather than ignoring them. Or maybe i could join those forums to meet interesting people and be more interesting person.

Maybe I could be crazier than before. Drink few beers or wine or whatever alcohol crap yang ada atas bumi ni. Maybe went out to the club and be wilder. Wear bikini to the beach (mcm dlm previous posting).

Sneaking out of the house, stealing the car key and get a date under the moon at 1 am at night. Or maybe had random sex. How is that sounds like? Maybe i could contact Paris Hilton and ask her to teach me to be like her because it seems like she is having a wonderful luxurious life. But of course I need to get a father that own hotels around the world first before I can be her. Oh, I have to wear dresses that shows off cleavage and panties...right?

all in all. it is just a blabbing of a person that had gone through all those below phases of emotions:

1) choked and shocked.

2) hurt and sad

3) calm and steady

4) ANGRY!!!!

when I choked and shocked, pretending like nothing had been said was sort of easy. Ignoring that it was never happened could actually made me emotionless. and living the moment like it was nothing. and when I started breathing, the reality checked in and letting all those emotion coming in my heart without saying hello, it fills my heart with hurt and sadness.

hurting and sadness was all over my head. it was like someone cut my heart and leaving it to bleed so bad without any bandage. but i couldn't cry not even an ounce of tears. never thought it would be that painful not to cry...and when i tld my self not to cry, it actually made me calm and steady.

and again...other feelings start flowing in. I AM FREAKING ANGRY. because I am so angry, i do things to challenge all the moral aspect in life that you could never think i would. well..its all words. not really an action. I am angry so angry that I would do things against my own will and the people that I love's will. and i am saying absurd things.

and so, this posting is just another one of it.

and i know, the solution to avoid being boring is shutting my fat mouth up and be a good girl. probably nicer of i be a sexy DOLL and a silent mouth.hmmm...interesting kan?

so, who wants to be my ventriloquist?

bikini anyone?

2009-11-21T13:48:00.002+11:00

i never that i would be so painful.

never thought that not crying is so painful. when i dont even flinch, or shaking, or angry, or in tears, the pain inside just static. like its not moving. tak kurang. tak bertambah. it stays there like nothing could change it.

and when i actually takes action by doing something, the pain increase, constance with the action.

ah. i am talking in circle. i suppose, i should rather than mumbling this.

but heck,this is my blog. if i want to post a naked picture of me, than so be it. it;s mine. or maybe i could make it private and invite people who would want to see me in bikinis. ahaks.

kinda intimidating and interesting to know, if there is anyone out there who would want to see me in bikini. i am not in my best shape, definitely not jessica alba or angelina jolie or demi moore to be posted in my panties over the twitter....but hey... i do have boobs to be shown off, right?

so...anyone? anybody? am i that ugly sampai nobody wants to see me in bikini?

xoxo.

spaceship.

2009-11-18T15:26:00.003+11:00

Semalam tgk 2012.

ps: aku tak buat review ye.

Again.

Semalam tengok 2012. Then teringat betapa kecik2 dulu, aku selalu nak hidup dalam spaceship. Macam cerita star wars or sea quest (dulu sangat gilekan jonathan brandis)..pastu akan berangan jadi kanak2 yang ada kelebihan dan hidup dalam spaceship or submarine atau ape2 la mesin canggih. pastu aku sorang je yg kanak2 dalam tu.

pergh...best. pastu aku berangan jadi mcm minah dalam ocean girl yg boleh berenang macam ikan. bestnye life camtu (masa kecik la rasa best).

gile kentang la kalau hidup atas spaceship je. bwhahahaahah. nnt nak dating kat mana?

ngeh3x.

bosan.

2009-11-16T15:49:00.002+11:00

bosan.

means saye bosan.

i told u hoping u have some words or some stuff that can cheer me up.

not ignoring me...

kalau nak di ignore, baik saye ckp dgn anak patung....

sob sob.

you are...

2009-11-13T20:37:00.004+11:00

i cried like there were no tomorrow listening to this song. and watching the clips making me cried even harder. when the apple meets the other half, things just as perfectly imperfect.

you are the apple of my eye...

and let's give it a try...

EVE - The Apple of My Eye

You left it, I sent it
I want it back
You left it, I sent it
I want it back

If I had you here, I'd clip your wings
Snap you up and leave you sprawling on my pin
This plan of mine is oh so very lame
Can't you see the grass is greener where it rains

You left, I died,
I went and you cried
You came, I think
But I never really know
I've served my time
I've watched you climb
The wrong incline
But what do I know

Accept it, Don't let it
Turn the screw
Accept it, And let it
Scream back at you

Now this applies both equally to you and I
The only thing we share
Is the same sky
These empty metaphors
They're all in vain
Like can't you see the grass is greener where it rains

In the garden Snake was a charmin'
And Eve said let's give it a try
Now lead us not into temptation
But no matter how hard I try
When in the garden and
Snake is a charmin'
And Eve says let's give it a try
Eve is the apple of my eye

And I lie behind you
And a cradle you in the palm of me
And I pat your hair down
I think will we sink or swim?
'Cause we could do either on a whim

nak main jauh2.

2009-11-13T17:26:00.003+11:00

rasanya aku patut duduk jauh2 dari orang lain sekarang ni sebab aku sangat teruk. betul tak tipu. jadi, jauhkan diri anda dari aku sebelum aku buat kesalahan yang membawa padah. eh? ke sebelum aku di benci? entah.

sekarang emo. emo melampau.

jauh2 je la.aku nak pergi sukaria sampai kiok. bwahahahhaahaahaha..

tengok movie, jalan2 merayau, karaoke...sedut angin malam...

tapi best gak kalau dpt merempit mlm ni...menari tertarik..

bwahahahhaahhaaha.....

2009-11-13T10:30:00.001+11:00

masih masih sakit...

mcm makin tinggi rasa xmau ke sydney.

12 days to go..

2009-11-12T15:52:00.004+11:00

tiba2 excitement merudum. kenapa? tak tahu. maybe sebab too scared to put high hopes which will end up with tears and sadness kot.

i dont know. maybe i ought to tune down the excitement. maybe i am not excited anymore sebab it seems like i'm the only one yang excited. betul ke? i am the only one yg excited?

if its true, then...*sigh*

takde perkataan nak cakap lagi lah.

just that, i hope that my parents will have a great time there. I love sydney so much, that i hope they love sydney themselves too.

tengok harbour bridge, teringat 24/6/09...rindu la plak...(source: here)

er..on the other hand...

do i really love sydney that much? or i love someone in sydney? if i love sydney javascript:void(0)that much, no matter what happen, i will always love sydney.

i always love the beach. and dreaming to go to the beach with "you". "you"..yes "you"..tp impian masih tak kesampaian..:(

(source: here)

but if i love sydney because of the person in sydney, i probably gonna end up loving sydney, hating sydney, loving sydney again, and hating sydney again...until..the story ends with some sort of hate/love ending.

owh crap. i am talking like sh*t.

whatever it is...i am still loving sydney. cuma ada one tiny weeny part in my heart that is hurting. why? oh why?

any clue? any answer? any cure?

bai.

entah hati difahami, entahkan tidak.

2009-11-12T03:31:00.001+11:00

mcm dah lama.

sayu dan merindu..tapi masih tak dicomfort.

tunggu punya tunggu.masih tedo dengan syahdu.

tunggu punya tunggu...masih tak cakap2 juga.

tunggu dan tunggu lagi.

tedo pun dengan air mata.

haihs.

penatlah kalau nak cakap.

tapi tak cakap, hati jugak susah...

penat juge, kalau tidur perlu pujuk2 hati supaya tidur...

pujuklah hati.lelapkan mata.

plis.

bile nak obatkan hati saye? -_-'

2009-11-10T04:35:00.004+11:00

esok tak boleh nak update sangat rsaya.

will be super busy the whole day.

will update the thing tomorrow.

tujuan blogging ni nak cakap...

I HATE EXAMINATION.

seriously i mean it. sebab exam buat org semua jadi macam monster garang yg horror buat hati saye jadi sedih pilu down and lonely. pffft.

cepat2lah pergi encik exam.tinggalkan dunia saye supaye saye boleh senyum ceria semule.plis.

saye sakit. sakit sangat2. sakit yang obatnye tak boleh dapat dari dokter biasa mahupun dokter pakar ataupun farmasi. obatnye ada satu je dalam donia and sampai sekarang tak bisa diperolehi. jadi tanggung je la sakit selagi boleh tanggung. kalau dah tak boleh pun terpaksa buat2 boleh sebab memang tak dapat obat selagi obat itu tidak dioffer. sob sob sob.

sedut painkiller sambil layan blues.

Ruth Sahanaya - Kaulah Segalanya

Mungkin hanya Tuhan
Yang tahu segalanya
Apa yang ku inginkan
Di saat-saat ini

Kau tak 'kan percaya
Kau selalu di hati
Haruskah ku menangis
Untuk mengatakan yang sesungguhnya

( korus )
Kaulah segalanya bagi ku
Kaulah curahan hati ini
Tak mungkin ku melupakan mu
Tiada lagi yang ku harap
Hanya kau seorang

Kau tak 'kan percaya
Kau selalu di hati
Haruskah ku menangis
Untuk mengatakan yang sesungguhnya

( korus )
Kaulah segalanya bagi ku
Kaulah curahan hati ini
Tak mungkin ku melupakan mu
Tiada lagi yang ku harap
Hanya kau seorang

Kaulah segalanya untuk ku
Kaulah curahan hati ini
Tak mungkin ku melupakan mu
Tiada lagi yang ku harap
Hanya kau seorang
Tiada lagi yang ku harap
Hanya kau seorang

bai...:(

layout blog

2009-11-09T13:20:00.001+11:00

dah boring la dengan layout blog ni. tapi mls nk tukar. ada tak cara nak tukar layout blog yg tak payah copy satu satu link dan segala side bar function kat sebelah ni?

letih la nak letak balik satu2 link dan segala mak nenek kat sebelah ni.

sape tahu cara tolong ajar.aku ni bengap sket mende2 pasal bahasa computer yg html bagai. tahu copy paste code template pastu buat la manual satu2...huaaa...

nak tapi malas.

kalau ada cara mudah tolong bgtau pliss?

tenks.

gile kentang blog saye masuk???

2009-11-08T17:00:00.001+11:00

oh. nak cerita sket la.pengakuan ikhlas ni. sebenarnye, sebelum2 ni selalu tengok menatang kat bwh blog tu. ala, yg ada rss feed tu. sebenarnye aku tak paham pun ape kebende nye rss feed tu.mcm main agak2 sendiri la. selalu jugak cam terfikir, ish, takdenye blog aku layak nak masuk nuffnang punya rss feed.

skali, ada org masuk pastu komen kat chat box tepi tu *ha, ape lagi..pegi la skodeng..^__^* first of all, thanks firhan for the compliment. secondly, wooo...aku nye blog masuk rss feed nuffnang? biar betik. betik pun tak biar mcm ni.gile kentang la weh.

bawahahaha...*peghak gile saye*. tapikan. terima kasihler pada yang jengok. macam malu2 beruang pulak rasanya. pada follower. maceh atas kerjasama anda.*ewah* rasa mcm kasi speech menang award. gile kentang.

kesimpulannya, terima kasih la. ai shy shy bear la.auwwwww....ammm.

itu je nak cerita. keterujaan tiba2. ok la. tee heeee.

tata.

Panas

2009-11-08T16:25:00.000+11:00

Kesian budak gebu yg baik ni.kesian jugak kat auntie "cikyong" dia
ni.sebabnya, kesian dia demam. Kesian saye sebab jaga dia demam.dia
merap aje.xnk org lain.saye dok dukung dia dan bangun beberapa kali
malam tadi. Oh adik sayang...cikyong ngantuk...

pelamin dan bertunang.

2009-11-08T11:50:00.000+11:00

browsing punya browsing, tersangkut kat satu forum ni, yang tengah discuss pasal tunang dan patutkah bertunang ada pelamin. i was not browsing pasal tu, tapi biasala, bukak itu, bukak ini, terkait sana sini. well, since depa sentuh isu tu, i sendiri terpanggil untuk berikan pendapat SENDIRI.

first of all, it depends pada that individu tu la. kalau mampu go ahead. kalau tak mampu tapi nak buat jugak, go ahead la. your prob not mine.

the thing is, this is my own opinion senses. for me, bertunang pun tak payah to begin with. nikah terus je. tapi if ada la bertunang nak ikut adat la *kononnye*, ikutkan family aku, sang lelaki tak patut berada di situ. datang pun tak boleh. patut duduk lepak2 di rumah main ps3 or psp or membongkang tedo berdengkur pun tak apa, yang pasti jangan jejak kaki la ke rumah perempuan.

itu one thing.

another thing, itu bertunang aje la.takde la nak payah berpelamin bagai siap mcm nak kawen. baik kawen sanding terus. huish. kerja 2-3 40 kali. penat je.penat tu bole tahan lagi. buang duit. baik pakai duit pelamin tu beli barang makan ke, cuti2 ke, tiket flight ke. lagi best beli tv plasma. wah. mengujakan.

kalau tunang tu jadi sampai kawen, alhamdulillah la. tapi kalau putus di tengah jalan..siap dengan hutang bank yang amek sebab nak sewa pelamin, memang lepas tu nyanyi lagu pelamin anganku musnah la *azie kot pnynyi dia*.

tapi kalau tanya aku le, memang tak payah. dari bazir2 segala itu semua, baik saving duit utk kehidupan selepas kawen. takde la rela dah abis kawen dengan grandnye, lepas tu bila malam nak makan balik umah mak sebab kecapitan fulus nak beli barang makan. peh. buang karan.

baik simpan duit dari dibazirkan,beli tv plasma pastu bole duduk berduan manja2 kat rumah sambil berperang pasukan bola mana akan menang. wah. itu lagi mengujakan dari buat pelamin yang pasang utk sehari pastu bukak, tadaaa...bayarla ribu2. oh sekian. aku kirim salam tak mahu je la.

kalau, ku bilang kalau ye, kalau nak buat la bagi aku, cukup la sikit la hias sket.pakai baju santek sket. tak banyak pun tak ape santek nye sebab aku dah memang cantik. bwhahahaaha. pastu sarung la tilam tempat nak duduk tu dengan sarung sulam tekad. nak hias2 sket dengan sulam tekad. itu turun temurun tu keluarga punya (oh, jimat super daripada beli cadar mak nenek segala baru. selamat fulus den..soping baju pun sodap)..lagipun, tradisional..comel dan simple.

ok. itu dah reveal aku punye plan. tolong jgn tiru. tp, aku bukan nak tunang pun. ahah. ini pandangan dan pendapat. tak tahu la kot2 dah sampai masa ada org nak sponsor baju bilik cadar pelamin segala bagai, buat aje la. bwahahaha.free aku nak.

makan free aku nak.

ada jual bodigad free tak? sehensem josh hartnett? teng teng teng *oiit. baru sedar. tadi ada org tiru teng teng teng saye...tiyuuuuu!! hepp. babap nnt*

ok. nak tedo la. bai.

uncle lagi best dari yeop atau chor.

2009-11-08T04:57:00.003+11:00

rasa macam nak blogging tapi bila dah bukak and nak type new entry, tiba2 blur. blank. terhilang segala idea mak nenek nak mencecer dalam ni.

oh ye.cerita sikit la keadaan sekarang. malam ni tedo seperti masa kecil2 dulu. dekat rumah opah punya ruang tamu. rumah ni rumah kayu perak, rumah depan la kiranya ni. kecil2 dulu tidur berbaris 6 beranak. emak, ayah and kami 4 adik beradik. seronok. tapi selalunya aku dan adik la berebut nak tedo sebelah mak. end up adik akan tedo sebelah ayah.

tapi malam ni, korum 6 org tu dah berubah. 3 lagi dah takde. yang ada kakak dan si kecil gebu. abg ayed dah balik ipoh dengan kak ikin, tinggalkan kakak dan adik di sini. so, mak and ayah and me tedo di depan sebab ruang besar sket. selalunya mak ayah akan tedo di katil permaisuri (queen size katil di belakang dan kami bentang la mana2, sepah). tapi hari ni, berbaris la ramai2. kakak tedo sebelah aku. then emak. si bayi kecil gebu comel tedo di antara emak dan ayah.

ahaha.tiba2 mak ayah ada bayi kecil semula? euwww. tak kena. tak boleh lah. anyway, tadi borak2, masa abg ayed and kak ikin ada. so sambil main2 dengan adik pastu nak bahasakanlah diri aku apa. sape tah sebut, "mak yong". pastu mak cakap la..."takde dia endak nye dipanggei makyong. dia cikyong" and i heard it la kan. pastu ofcourse la menjawab.

hello. takde takde. yong dipanggil cikyong okeh. ihiks. saye adalah yong yang palin muda dari yong yong sekalian. meh cerita sket. family belah mak, ada 4 orang anak sulung perempuan, so ofcourse la panggil yong la kan. tapi aku adalah yong paling muda. so, no way jose memanggil ku mak makyong ni. ihiks.

pastu masuk la tiba2 kalau ada pakcik nye nak panggil ape. abang ayed la.kalau tak mencarut tak sah. aku jawab spontan le, "kalau pakcik nye panggil yeop la. ape kelas panggil pakcik..euwww".

abang ayed dgn spontan juga cakap..."kalau nama brahim panggil yeop bra le yek..?"

bwahahaha..ok. kalau tak cakap tak senonoh tak sah dia ni. dapat tangkap x?

pastu dia sambung, "kalau namanya rosli, panggil cho..jadi cho-li.."

ceh sungguh. peh. kalau tak merapu tak sah. so aku jawab..ish.ape kelas itu semua. panggil "uncle" sudeyh...

uncle pun best kan? kena bawak yg rambut blonde la macam ni.

"come darling. come. here is your uncle. uncle ......" *terbayang muka josh hartnett masa ni. aci tak?*

uish. takboleh la bawak pakcik hensem mcm ni punya hot and sexy perkenalkan kat anak sedara. kang dorg drool dengan "uncle" dorang camne? bwhahaha.

ok.sopan sikit camni boleh la? oh before that. i hate blondie. so, tukar pada brunette kot? ape2 la asalkan bukan blonde.

ahahahaha.mimpi josh hartnett jadi uncle budak2 ni. meaning josh hartnett laki aku la? oh. *drool...slurpp..wOOt wOOt"

bai.

saye di kampung.

2009-11-07T17:43:00.002+11:00

after updating the blog so frequent for the past few days, hari ni tiba2 sunyi kan? sebenarnya malam tadi gerak balik kampung. semalam tedo rumah mak ut kat batu gajah, and tadi balik ke kg selboh parit. pagi tadi abg ayed sampai dari ipoh bawak si gebu. lepas saye bagi gebu makan nestum, dia tedo. jadi abang ayed tinggalkan la gebu di rumah mak ut.

sekarang abg ayed pergi amek kak ikin balik dari kerja and si gebu di rumah mak ut nak bawak ke sini. yey. tak sabar nak main dengan si gebu. si gebu adalah adik kepada kakak. kalau perasan, gambar tuan punya blog ni adalah kanak2 perempuan memakai helmet. itu adalah kakak aka sharipah norasilah. dia adalah anak buah saye. anak kepada abg ayed, sepupu saye. dan si gebu adik dia bernama syed rifqi zharif. huhu.

sekarang saye tengah tunggu gebu sambil sambil online. nanti gebu sampai saye amek gambar dan tepek gambar ok.

oh ye, before that, menakjubkan tak? internet di parit laju woo oh. ahahaha. maybe sebab tak ramai orang balik kampung dan menyesakkan line celcom di sini. hari tu masa raya maybe sesak line celcom kan. hopefully line celcom berterusan begini. although broadband tak dpt 3G, dapat EDGE yang laju pun dah cukup.

korang makan ape tadi? aku makan kepsi aka kfc, lepas tu dorg semua makan nasi, tapi i didnt take any rice. kan dah berazam no rice sampai konvo. tak dpt kurus, dpt turun few kg pun dah cukup. uhuks. ok.sekarang berehat tengok astro sambil tunggu gebu. kejap lagi nak sambung baca jurnal. haish. banyak nak katam ni.

btw, alhamdulillah, opah dah beransur sihat. balik kg ni tengok dia. hari tu dia demam. dia cakap dah rasa nak pergi dah ni ke. haihs. tanak tanak. aku tak sedia lagi. nak opah tengok aku kawen ada cucu ape semua. amin...

ok la.dah berapa banyak ok. saye rehat dulu. taa.

mimpi yang bukan mimpi ngeri.

2009-11-06T23:00:00.000+11:00

several days ago, aku ada mimpi. mimpi pelik. aku mimpi aku pregnant. perut aku besar sangat, tapi aku tak rasa ada apa2 pada perut aku, means perasaan tu sama macam sekarang. tapi pinggang aku sakit. ish. perasaan yang sangat pelik.

lepas tu, aku ada baby, aku tak bersalin normal mahupun c-sect. aku punya baby keluar dari perut aku mcm perut kangaroo. boleh bukak celah perut tu, dan keluarkan baby. it's a girl. and ada nama. nama dia maryam. ahah. weird dream kan?

comel la nama maryam (source: here)

no no. takde la mula benda2 pelik ni. i am not thinking towards that way, whatever way it is lah kan. just weird. so i interpreted the dream by myself. ada a friend tanya about adopting baby and since i have the knowledge sikit2, so i shared the info with her. maybe because if discussing that matter with her and my mother (she is my informer pasal adoption tu), so sampai termasuk dalam mimpi cumanya penyampaian yang pelik dengan cara birth seperti kangaroo. siap tak ada darah and perut cepat kempis mcm pocket doraemon.huhu.

anyway, nama maryam pun sedap kan? ahah. maybe nama mariam sebab in the dream takde plak muncul husband ke ape. oh, tapi ada a friend sama2 jalan with me. reck tak silap i. and she was pregnant in the dream too. besar gile perut dia but dia tak beranak la dalam mimpiku itu.

ahah. what a weird dream, eyh?

creepy la plak kalau baby besar ni. and this gambar, baby ni ada chocolate. creepy and rasa tak best kan? (source: here)

kasih dia.

2009-11-06T17:00:00.000+11:00

Kita biasa tengok macam mana seorang ayah find it hard to show their compassion terhadap anak2 mereka. for those yang ada bapa2 yang memang tunjukan their compassionate terhadap anak2, bersyukur la.

as for my father, he is a loving man. cuma part meluahkan memang bukan dia. sarcasm is his word, his way nak encourage and menaikkan semangat anak2. kena take it as a challenge and positive way lah.

tapi kalau salah ambil memang boleh pedih hati. cara dia mengajar pun agak kasar, sebabnya he learned through the hard way because he was not from a wealthy family and his background sendiri, he grew up memang through hardness and though-ness of kehidupan.

tapi tadi, masa bawak kereta nak ambil mak from her office, lalu dekat pasar malam and he said "eh..ada pasar malam. patut jem"

"ajid dulu sebut...eh, pacar malam...(menyebut seperti kanak2 kecil sebut pelat2)"

and i asked him again, "ape dia ayah?"

"ajid, dulu..kecik2 kalau nampak pasar malam mesti sebut...eh, pacar malam.."

dah 25 usia ajid and ketika ajid boleh bercakap begitu, probably 22 years ago and he still remembers. ayah ingat, ayah notice dan ayah sayang. cumanya..dia tak menunjukkan terangan.

kalau ingat dia suap makan, tiga jari je dia gunankan sebab jari besar dan mulut kami kecil. tapi dia suapkan, mandikan, pakaikan baju, bawa jalan2...dukung aku..ingat lagi when i had my asthma attack (cant remember my exact age, maybe around 8-9 years old), dia dukung bawa pergi sedut di klinik. kalau tertidur dalam kereta masih dukung.

in fact, few days ago, ayah baru balik kerja..super tired. passtu i was so hungry yg dah menggigil sebab didnt have anything solid the whole day, pergi grocer nak cari roti, and my brother said he was tired...so ayah offer to teman me to the grocer. he didnt want me to go alone.

ayah pergi kerja, pagi2 mak hantar sampai lrt, and he will take the lrt sampai ke masjid jamek, then switch to star to BTS. 50+ and still riding the lrt to work. dengan rambut putih dan perut "seksi", penat2 naik train. kesian, tp dia ckp lagi rela dalam train dari naik kereta drive sebab ngantuk nanti. suppose dah boleh rehat di rumah by his age. but i still cant afford to tanggung dia.

still have things to settle and all. doa2 la cepat abis belajar, dan cepat stabil and can jaga them. i hope adik2 tak le lemak sangat. if i got to further my study, i hope i can count on them to jaga my parents.

haihs.

kasih ayah. kasih ayah.

nak pergi peluk perut ayah la.

bai.

i am awake. now.

2009-11-06T11:30:00.000+11:00

After several posting of marriage, babies, and relationship, i think i've settled with my own way. i am still finding my focus point. still struggling to get my concentration on the right place, but i am getting better.

i've put the stress on a flight back to the future when the right time comes, i'll buy the ticket back home to where "it" belongs so the stress could be converted into something good (i hope..ahah..dem weird analogy)..

to friends who is getting married, lily, siti, zura, my lovely cousin amy, abo, en N.manja, dan lain2 yang maybe i lupe to say it, congratulation. i will try my best to be there (makan free sapo tanak?).

to those yang dah pun kahwin, reck, dayah, bayah, ina, congratulation jugak. sorry cant make it (except reck and cousin kak lin dan chali). semoga cepat2 dapat junior2 anda sekalian.

to those yang pregnant and dah deliver, kakyong and baby aisyah, evy dan baby qassih, nyah ida and baby girl, mommies-to-be emy..tahniah...welcome to mommy-hood.

and to you, yes you. dont worry. am not talking about anything near to marriage, or family-ising anytime soon.lets just go-flow, take it easy, enjoy this nice thing we are having. let us be what we are. and what we're good at...^_^ and when the right time comes...we'll see and talk about what we shall talk about.

(source: here)

and people..i am not stop thinking about it. i am holding it somewhere safe, somewhere calm so i can cope up with life, enjoy life, and stay FOCUS.

and sekarang, am gonna go and get my-not-so-be-a-u-ty schleep. toodles.

PJJ yang bukan pendidikan jasmani.

2009-11-06T05:30:00.000+11:00

LDR = Long distance relationship or PJJ = Perhubungan jarak jauh.

i bet loads of you guys/girls out there is in it. One thing I realize yang boleh break the PJJ is communication. Some, can go on days without communicating (was respek la lu kakak), and some can't. The thing is, kalau ada macam sort of ketidakpuasan hati or taksebulu/sefaham, and then kan, macam terjauh, ada gap and distance, its either boleh buat you makin rindu pada your partner, or buat you makin jauh and makin independent and dont need the person anymore.

Me, i think part of me, make myself cling to it because I am afraid that if I'm being lose on the road by myself, I might be too comfortable alone again, because I have been on my own two feet for years, bila let go pun, it is actually not a problem. So, bila again, being comfortable, terasa takot macam tak ada different of being alone.

gambar takde kena mengena dengan posting. sekadar selingan sebab i look curvy-licious and fair in this. ^___^

I myself lah takot. Part of it, I mmg clingy and needy and sebenarnye, need to be needed. want to be wanted.

Maybe la jugak, i could be ok.sebab we never know. But for now, selagi ada daya, selagi ada tenaga, selagi ada will power, I will put my ego down, and need "it" because i am not coonfident and am afraid that i will drift away on my own.

maybe, when i am stronger, or us become more stronger, i'll cling to that strength to not being needy.

i hope you will hold on to it, as tight as you can...

amin.