Understanding Self

Insecurity: the Fruit of Low Self-Esteem

2016-11-05T15:30:00.000-07:00

When the word relationship comes to your mind, do you often think about your self-esteem, insecurities, your control over jealousy or the lack of it? To maintain a long lasting, fulfilled, and sustaining relationship, requires hard work. But at the inception of any relationship, it all boils down to what it is that you are on the lookout for, or what it is you are prepared to give.

Insecurity

However, when a relationship becomes chaotic, I promise you, insecurity is frequently the culprit. Nobody can understand your insecurity. As a matter of fact, the human nature is not simple to understand. That is the reason why no meaningful relationship will always get the job done flawlessly all of the time. It is worth noting that insecurity stems from quite a few reasons, the top reason being low self-worth or self-esteem.

The feelings of insecurity can by no means assist you in your bid to conserve your relationship. Therefore, it is critical, in every circumstance to always concentrate on the decent stuff about you, instead of your shortcomings, and allow the positives outshine the negatives. Because you will notice that insecure individuals start looking for indicators of what is not working, instead of looking the other way.

Because you think and believe that you are worth everything you would like to have, does not mean that the universe will send you a person who thinks the same way. That heart of yours, there is no telling who it might fall in love with. But for your sake and the sake of your sanity, do not make the mistake of accepting everyone in your life prepared to accept you, even if they are obviously not appropriate for you.

Jealousy

Insecurity produces jealousy. Jealousy is not easy to defeat, and demands a great quantity of patience to get over. Jealousy has ruined many excellent marriages and leads to a couple to experience agony and anxiety.

In a typical relationship, jealousy can spring up at any point, but the best way to handle jealousy is to simply acknowledge that you are both attractive, you are both going to meet interesting, good-looking folks, and that the crucial issue is you have chosen to be together.

In the case where you lose your partner, perhaps as a result of your insecurity or other reasons, jealousy is very easy to creep up on you, even when you are no longer together. There are tested and proven ways to get back your ex-, if you really want to. But if you choose to move on, then it might take a while to get over it, depending on how deep the relationship was. During this season, you must try to do regularly the things that you always love to do.

Security By Obscurity Doesn't Work

Trying to get security through obscurity does not work. So Stop the obscurity! It only exposes your state of insecurity. Although competitiveness is a part of a healthier emotional makeup, but over-competitiveness is an indication of an issue. Among the best approaches to understand relationship insecurities is to understand the source of the issue. Being insecure is an entire bunch of hard work. Obviously, no relationship is totally trouble free, but a good deal of people have fair idea about what a fantastic relationship actually is.

The absolute most insecure men and women will always discover a means to lay out awful and random specifics about other folks' lives at your feet when you are not prepared for it. See, the issue in your relationship should not be a spin off of the lives of others who are not a part of it. Over-competitiveness and laying blame on others outside your relationship shows a sense of insecurity. It is just not worth losing a relationship because of your own self-esteem difficulties.

Distrust

Another thing that insecurity causes is distrust. In any prosperous relationship, trust is an important quality needed. If you believe self-esteem issues may be negatively affecting your relationship, think about seeking for ideas and help with highly trained and knowledgeable relationship counselors. A proof of your commitment to a relationship is doing whatever it requires.

Unloved

Insecure people are not able to withstand change. When the slightest change comes they suspect that the commitment or level of love earlier shown to them by their partners is completely gone.

Even the worst people among us are loved, yes someone, somewhere really loves them; and we are not able to say there are people who do not deserve to be loved, all of us deserve to be loved. If you adore a man today, then you have to realize that in the future, the individual may not be the exact same, but you have to accept that change. In this manner, somebody's brain also becomes free of previous experiences and becomes prepared to absorb and process the more recent ones. Same goes for the man. Insecure people can still feel insecure even when they are told they are loved.

Conclusion

Insecurities result into emotional traumas. Addressing an emotional trauma resulting from insecurities is usually more challenging than any physical pain, because it is almost like a self-inflicting wound.

Once again, if you really want to get your ex- back, there are various tested and proven ways to do so. But whether you want to get them back or not, if insecurity is plaguing your life and relationship, think about seeking for ideas and help with highly trained and knowledgeable relationship counselors.

I really appreciate your Comments, Feedback and Suggestions!

Your Fight Against Self-Esteem

2016-10-24T17:00:00.000-07:00

There are many people who are involved in bad relationships, but they could never appear to escape it, since they get addicted. But more often than not, it is because due to their low level of self-esteem, they could not envisage themselves deserving something or someone better. Difficulties with self-esteem and self-confidence can impact relationships, can result in a deficiency of self-care and can place a person at heightened risk of self harm.

When relationships fail, it usually means that there's no trust or bond between either side of that relationship. You may develop an inclination to constantly seek out affirmation from others as a way to feel that you are a worthwhile individual. As I believe I might have alluded to in previous posts, self-esteem is an essential part of private happiness, fulfilling relationships and achievement.

When someone's self-esteem is low they will devote a great deal of time comparing themselves to others so as to validate their private value. It is not difficult to realize how an absence of self-esteem can influence how someone behaves, not to mention the things that they achieve in their lives.

Self-esteem and relevant conditions like depression and social anxiety are a few of the most frequent reasons individuals enter counseling.

Shyness And Social Anxiety System - Sean Cooper!

ORIGINS OF SELF ESTEEM

Nature and Nurture

There are a lot of factors which can affect your self-esteem but generally, it is an item of nature and nurture.

Nature

When talking about nature, in relations to self-esteem, it simply means that your level of self-esteem has something to do with your genes, that is, your heredity. It would be what your parents have passed on to you simply because you are their offspring.

Nurture

However, when the consideration is based on nurture, then your environment, the culture in which you grew up, and the method with which your parents raised and treated you had significant influences on your level of self-esteem.

For example, between 10-12 months old, infants start to actively communicate their feelings. The way the parents respond to them at this very young age will constitute the development of their experiences in life. Infants start building self-esteem when they are born.

Factors in a child's environments, like their homes and child care centres, can impact the evolution of a wholesome self-esteem, because by age two or three, toddlers have started to realize they're separate individuals.

Mental Image

During this developmental stage, a mental image is developed. A person who believes they are a failure will discover a means to fail merely to demonstrate the accuracy of the negative mental image.

PROBLEMS

Meanwhile, a child look up to his or her parents and/or other parental figures in his or her life to help improve his or her self-esteem. This is not a bad thing at all. However, if any or all these figures spend a great deal of time criticizing the child then a wholesome self-esteem is not likely to develop. The self-esteem a little one builds by pursuing interests will assist them in their academics also. Individuals who believe they can accomplish targets and solve problems are more inclined to succeed in school.

More Problems

Fast forward to the future, as grown ups, some men and women find it challenging to make requests because they have heard to much ‘no’s’; this results into them judging, before even making a request, that they would eventually get a no for an answer.

Some men and women on the other hand are afraid to say ‘no’ when they are requested to do something because they worry that they might somehow offend the person making that request of them, so they unconsciously make themselves slaves. Sometimes you need to learn to say no to people, of course, politely.

Even More Problems

All men and women feel inadequate or imperfect occasionally. However, that should not cause them to see themselves as utterly useless. The truth of the fact is that the race for perfection sometimes could kill motivation and greatly affect self-esteem, when one realizes that they can never reach some sense of perfection due to their human flaws. It is advisable to aim for progress as opposed to perfection. Some men and women become paralyzed by perfection.

The World Health Organization (WHO) defines mental health as a state of well-being where the person realizes his or her own abilities, can manage the normal stresses of life, can do the job productively and fruitfully, and has the ability to earn a contribution to his or her community.

If you feel as though you are not (good) enough, you will find yourself exerting an excessive amount of effort to appear good facing others; trying out things like improving the way that you present yourself, purchasing a fine outfit, obtaining a trendy haircut, or merely anything that makes you look good. It is unfair to suppose that simply because you stay in a wonderful house and have a great deal of things you have no troubles with self-esteem.

INDICATORS OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM

Behavioral indicators of low self-esteem is that you have a difficult time communicating with different people and you've got poor social skills.

Another indicator might be that you are being too sensitive, which is among the more painful facets of low self-esteem. Many are perfectionists with a rather low amount of self-confidence.

SOLUTIONS

It is enough to know the whys and the detriments of self-esteem, but I would just be leaving you hanging if I do not present you with a couple of solutions to help you deal with it. There are a few actions and activities you need to get started on if you want to win the fight against self-esteem problem. Sincerely, if you are experiencing a struggle with self-esteem, seek help.

1. Self-Hypnosis

This is a self help activity that a lot of people find useful and fast. If there is something you want to modify in your life you have to start with boosting your self-esteem.

The Power of Conversational Hypnosis

2. Therapy

This may be terrific help if you are experiencing problems with low self-esteem. Therapy is actually a collaborative course of action. Healing low self-esteem will allow you to pay attention to your aspirations.

A few examples such as hypnotherapy and hypnoanalysis are among the very best approaches to boost your confidence and boost self worth. It is absolutely natural you might have questions regarding hypnotherapy. Therefore, for more information on self help activities and some therapeutic aids that you could really benefit from, please visit this link: Therapy Aid

Read About The Ultimate Self-Esteem Formula

Also, I greatly recommend checking out some of the books below and pick one or a few of them up. I do not want you to just take my word for it, in case you are skeptical, I want to give you the opportunity to absorb the best information from experts.

BE POSITIVE: You Must Speak It Out

2013-04-19T09:31:00.002-07:00

"Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers."~Ephesians 4:29

I am an avid facebook user. I'm very active on it. Living far away from home and family, and being alone where I am, I try as much as possible to keep in touch and facebook comes very handy. It helps me connect with family, old friends and even new ones. So whenever I'm not using my phone to make calls or texts, I use facebook to catch up with loved ones. This is the beauty of technology, the beauty of computer intelligence. It gives a great feel of outstanding experience!

Being an active facebook user, I have read some amazing posts that have blessed my heart so greatly. I have some friends on this social media whose timelines I visit each day to glean some encouraging words from their posts. If facebook timelines can track the accounts of visitors, some of these people will get lots of hits and majority of them will be from me. I am a sucker for awesome posts!

Verse 29a Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth:- In the above verse, Paul, talking about speech, says that we should be very careful with what comes out of our mouths. Words are potent! If you have nothing good to say, you may say nothing at all. Evil or corrupt communication cripples faith, it breaks hearts and kills hope. It messes up relationships and destroys lives. Therefore, unless your words have the potential to positively influence, please keep them to yourself and do not add to the mishaps bad words have caused to the lives of many. Think before you talk. Speak wisely!

Knowing what to say and the time and place to say it requires discipline. It is not one of the things that come natural to people. It cannot be inherited genetically. It requires hard work, consistency and discipline.

A question to ponder: If a friend talks to you the way you talk to yourself daily, will you still be friends with them?

Verse 29b But that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers:- Meanwhile, if you have something good to say, you must speak it out! Do not keep it in, do not keep it to yourself, because someone probably needs to hear it. You must speak it out, let it encourage someone, please speak it out, let it revive cripple faiths; you must speak it out, let it restore dead hopes, please speak it out, let it mend broken hearts. You must speak it out, so it can destroy the effect of evil words in the lives of many. Please speak it out and let it minister grace to its hearers.

Instead of speaking evil words and destroying the lives of those around you or even your own life, why not decide today to start speaking positive words. You can never have a good day if you always have a bad attitude every morning. Likewise, your words have a great influence on your life, unless you stop speaking negative things to yourself daily, you can never live a positive life much less have a fulfilled one. Think before you talk, speak wisely.

You Will Never Go Astray

2013-04-14T10:44:00.001-07:00

“Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”~(Psalms: 119:105)

The decisions you made yesterday, whether consciously or otherwise, have greatly influenced what you are experiencing today, also the decisions you make today will have an effect on the outcome of your tomorrow and future. In life there will be lots of decisions to make and many actions to take. Your life and future depends heavily on the decisions you make and the actions you take, whether directly or indirectly. No one can escape that.

Many factors determine our decisions in life. We make decisions based on gain, pleasure, pressure or coercion. But whether we choose to make decisions based on our feelings, on God's word or on any other reason, we must not forget that these decisions will determine our actions and in turn affect the outcome of our experiences tomorrow and ultimately our future.

The story of Samson and Delilah is a very popular one. Growing up as a Christian, in my children Sunday School class, we had a series on the notable stories of the Bible. Almost every year, we were told the story of Samson. Apart from his strength, we learned that he was arrogant and he made some pretty bad decisions.

Now Samson went down to Timnah, and saw a woman in Timnah of the daughters of the Philistines. So he went up and told his father and mother, saying, "I have seen a woman in Timnah of the daughters of the Philistines; now therefore, get her for me as a wife." Then his father and mother said to him, "Is there no woman among the daughters of your brethren, or among all my people, that you must go and get a wife from the uncircumcised Philistines?" And Samson said to his father, "Get her for me, for she pleases me well.(Judges 4:1-3)

Samson was a strong man but his decisions were not in accordance with God's (Word) command. He made wrong decisions in his life, especially in marriage relationships. He got married to the daughter of the Philistines, enemies of Israel. In which he was later betrayed. As if that was not enough, he entered into another relationship with Delilah and this was the relationship that cost him his life. He was captured, after making another wrong decision of telling Delilah the source of his strength. He was blinded and made a laughingstock. Eventually he died in his prime. Conclusion: his life was cut short because of the decisions he made based on his feelings rather than on God's Word.

The story of Samson, just like other Bible stories, was written for us to read and learn from it, so we know to make the right decisions, based on God's Word and not our feelings. If Samson could make such bad decisions in his life, we are not exempted. We also can make similar mistakes or even ones that are more serious that his.

So before you start judging him, think about all the wrong decisions you have made and the wrong lanes you have turned into in the journey of life, and ask yourself this: Am I better than Samson? The fact is that you could be much better than him, if you will learn from his mistakes and apply the lesson learned to your life. Feelings are like spoiled children: the more you indulge them the more they will control you. You should not suppress your feelings or deny them, but you must not indulge them either. Do not let them lead you.

The Word of God is the written heart of God. You have to learn to trust in it. When you do this you will be holding unto His hand and walking side by side with Him as He leads you to your desired end.

Let the Word of God rule your life, let it lead you. Make the Word of God your consultant, that which you can confide in to help you make every decision of your life. Let His Word be your light and make sure you walk in that light. Simply trust God's Word and not your feelings. Rather than let your feelings ruin you, let God's Word rule you. If you do this, you will never be misled, much less, go astray.

Relationship Advice for Singles

Draw Nigh To God

2013-04-13T22:51:00.003-07:00

If there is one attribute of God that I love to declare tirelessly, it would be this: God is amazing!

He walks with us and reveals His deepest desires to us in amazing ways. Whenever we come into His presence, He is ever ready to fellowship with us. He created man to have fellowship with him (Genesis 3:8). When man sinned, this fellowship was broken, but because God so loved us and His desire was to fellowship with us, He sent Jesus Christ to go through all He went through to bring us back in fellowship with Him. This ought to give us a revelation that God is not against us, He has never been against us, He is always for us. God wants to be our companion. He is forever faithful. Whenever we look back at the past, when our fellowship with Him was severed, we would realize that the fault has never been from God but from us. We are always the ones who stray away. God is constant, never changing.

James 4:8:- The song, "Draw Me Close" is a very interesting one and it has an amazing message. I love it! I play it on my Spotify every now and then and I sing along. Thank God for technology, thank God for apples, thank God for computer intelligence, music is now made readily available and easily accessible.

One day, while listening to the song, my mind went off to the passage of the scripture I've quoted above. It says, "Draw nigh to God, and He will draw nigh to you." As that thought came to mind, I got my Bible and went on to open to the passage. But while I was doing that, another track in the album I was listening to began to play. The title of the song was, "The Heart of Worship." Immediately, a seed was sown into my heart---If I want God to "Draw Me Close," then I must come to Him with "The Heart of Worship."

When I got this in my mind, I realized how amazing our worshiping and praising God is. I began to imagine how God stirs up the minds of Christian artists to write great spiritual songs. What basically happened with these songs is this: The first song asked, "God please draw me close to You", and the other replied to the previous song, in the same album, "You have to come back to Me with the heart of worship." Such an amazing revelation!

Do you want God to draw you close to Himself, then you have to come back to Him with the heart of worship. He has said it, and He always keeps His own end of the bargain. That's His nature, He is faithful and true. "If you draw nigh to God, He will draw nigh to you."

Also Verse 8 went further to say to "cleanse your hands." This implies that whatever you have been holding unto that is destroying your fellowship with God, you have to let go of them. Relationships, emotional attractions, lusts, wicked motives among other things, let go of them. Give them up. By so doing, you are cleansing your hands and are ready to receive from God.

Finally, it states that you have to "purify your heart." How do you purify your heart? You do this by placing it in the realm of worship. How do you worship? You do not worship only by singing hymns or songs. You do worship also by reading God's Word and obeying it. By taking care of those you have the opportunity to take care of, and by serving others, that is worship. Let God speak to your heart through His Word and let His Spirit have full effect in your life. Purify your heart with the Word of God.

World Ugliest Woman: Beauty Goes Beyond The Physical.

2012-09-14T16:21:00.001-07:00

Rivers flow irregularly until they carve out a path for themselves, and sometimes these paths become streams. In short, when rivers carve out paths for themselves, they form a regular path and flow through it, with much ease. Words have a way they affect each and every one of us. Sometimes the speakers may not intend for them to come out the way we get them, regardless, these words end up splashing on us. Words come sometimes like a river that is yet to carve out an even path for itself, but we can as well channel out harsh words, or comments, into constructive factors to build up our confidence and zeal, to be the best we ever can be.

It saddens my heart to see how people sometimes react to other's situation. Some people hate on others to make themselves look better, of which in the intricate sense of it, they are awful inside-out; morally and other aspects of their lives. Such was the case of Lizzie Velasquez who was Dubbed ‘World’s Ugliest Woman’ On YouTube.

True Confidence

In her own words, she explained what she did to weather through the storm of challenges she came across while growing up. She also stated how she motivated herself to take control of her own life, instead of sitting and just watching others decide the course of her life for her.

"I think the biggest things I have to deal with is constantly people staring at me as soon as I walk into a room. Recently, it’s been a lot of adults I’ve been having to deal with who will slowly walk in front of me and turn their heads, and look me up and down. So the stares are what I’m really dealing with in public right now.

..Instead of just sitting by and watching these people judge me, I’m starting to want to go up to these people and introduce myself, or give them my card, and say, “Maybe you should stop staring and start learning.”

Although she was faced with various challenges, in the hands of bullies and sharp-talkers, she didn't let their evaluations of her determine her worth. I love to write a lot and I know it's not so easy, sometimes, to put words down in writing. However, I am deeply inspired by the courage and confidence Lizzie has taken to write a couple of books. And in addition to that, she went on to become a motivational speaker, for seven years now and counting. I doubt if she knows anything about me, but among those who she has inspired and motivated with her zeal and tenacity, to overcoming condemnation, public shame, cruelty and bullies, I am one.

Beauty Is Of The Heart

One of the books she wrote is titled, “Be Beautiful, Be You," and I, for one, truly believe that the best you can ever do for yourself is to be yourself. Truly, sometimes, when we achieve the things we strive for, we find they are not very fulfilling. As we look back we realize that our greatest joy was not in the goal we reached, but in the growth we experienced on the way to it. I believe when she look back at her life, she will tell the world that the greatest thing she has ever done for herself is being herself, and also learning from life's experiences, and growing through them. Her words and the things she does has greatly influenced the lives she comes in contact with. Her inner beauty will always illuminate wherever she stands.

Paradigm Shift: Change the Way You Think

In Addition To Commendation, Fame Has Its Condemnation.

I have learned in my few years of living that if no one envies you at some point in your life, then you have not really done anything worthy of commendation. I believe every fame not only comes with its commendation but also has its bits of condemnation. Whoever you are, whatever you are doing and whatever you have achieved, people will hate on you. They only hate on you because that's the BEST they can ever do. They are not creative enough to think of anything better, neither are they wise enough to do something worthwhile. Let them hate. You just have to remember that it can never hurt to be yourself.

Beauty goes beyond the physical. Please submit your comments.