Notes by Blue........... "Bits of Blue".........

Checkout

2026-08-11T19:08:28.411-04:00

When you are my age, you spend a lot of time at various doctors. After finishing my exam at the doctor yesterday, he said, “Follow the signs to check out.” As I walked through the medical maze I found “the checkout desk” with a big CHECKOUT sign above the opening in the wall.

As expected, there was a small line to checkout. After taking my place in line, I laughed to myself. Soon, it was my turn. When the clerk looked up, she said, “are you ready to checkout?” I said, “NO. I’m nearly 80 years old, but I’m not ready to “checkout” and actually, I’m a little concerned as it appears that the doctor may have forgotten to tell me something.” She looked confused and then smiled and said, “not that checkout.” I thanked her, and smiled. She thanked me for the smile as she was having a tough day.

Try to make someone smile every day because it means you will as well.

Please follow me on X @slblue. If you have a moment, I would love to hear from you, either add a comment in the section below or send me an email to: steveblue22@gmail.com Please be sure to forward the blog to your co-workers, family and friends.

Much too happy…Autobiographical

2026-07-30T16:04:31.866-04:00

In April of 1994 I had been divorced for 13 years and traveling the country as a National Account sales representative for a major technology company. I had recently ended a 3 year long distance relationship because she couldn’t get her children out of her state and I wasn’t leaving my son in Georgia. Shortly afterwards a friend I played tennis with asked if I would like to meet a friend of hers. My only comment was, “she has to live in Georgia.” Having been fixed up once before, I was very skeptical. Previously a friend had fixed me up and after the uncomfortable date, all I could think of, is this is who you think I’m like? Really? I mean, REALLY??? To say I was apprehensive would be an complete understatement, but what did I have to lose?

Even with my previous blind date experience, I agreed to meet her friend. We arranged to meet at a bar, (I don’t drink) near one of my favorite Italian restaurants. If I like her, we can walk to dinner. If not, dinner alone. We each sat in our car in the parking lot, trying to get up enough courage to see what this was going to be like. I went in and got a table outside where we could hear the piano player in the background and still be able to talk and hear each other. She on the other hand was talking to her sister on her phone who trying to convince her to go in and meet me. Little did we know that from that day in April,1994 we would be together for the next 20 years and I will have met my new best friend and laughter partner.

When she joined me at the table, I was shocked. Here was a beautiful woman, full of personality and one of the funniest women I have ever met. What an incredible wonderful surprise! She was pleasantly refreshing as not only was she beautiful, she shared my sense of humor, our outlook on life and lust for fun. Finally, it was nice not having to be the date’s main source of entertainment. We shared it equally.

We laughed for the next 20 years about everything. Once, after visiting a Target, we decided to walk through the store making improv jokes about things we found along the aisles. It got to be so funny we had to leave our cart and leave the store because we couldn’t look at each other without hysterically laughing.

We knew we had found our “once in a lifetime” and we wanted to share the rest of our lives together. After a year of dating and speaking every day, her lease was up on her rental house and she moved into my home.

On the 4th of July, 1997, I married my best friend, Leslie Reight Blue. We called it, "The Lack of Independence Day." A small party of our parents, some of our children, family and a few very close friends gathered in the living room of the home I’ve been living in again the last 11 years.

I recently put the house up for sale where were married, and it generated all the memories of what the house created. It makes your heart swim through the roller coaster of flowing emotions.

During the past 30 years, our parents and many friends have passed away, as well as my Leslie Reight Blue. She joined them a little over 12 years ago. Her passing left a hole in my life, as it will never heal. Every day it gets easier to live without her smile, but it never gets easy.

Everyday I make it an opportunity to remember and celebrate what some never experience, being truly happily married. We truly appreciated each other, played and learned what love can be, when done correctly. Both of us being previously unhappily married as both our spouses had cheated on us. Trust was paramount to each of us. After some time, patience, and trials we found trust returned. It was monumental for both us after being hurt so badly.

I will forever be grateful to experience those special 20 years. I pray each of you who read this, find your special person, and have the kind of relationship we had. They come around once in a lifetime.

So when they leave the toilet seat up and you land in the cold toilet water in the middle of the night, or if they take their clothes off in a pile on the floor and leave it there, and it pisses you off. If they are constantly talking to themselves, more like incoherent babbling and driving you crazy because you never know if they are actually talking to you. Stop and put it in perspective. Is it really that offensive or important to you? Will it end the war in the Ukraine? Will it stop Iran from making nuclear weapons? Is what they do critical to keeping world peace? What you need to as yourself, “do they have qualities that out weigh those dramatic concerns?” Get your priorities straight.

Be cognizant, it's rare to find someone that you can tolerate, lol. Appreciate every day with this special person as it can end unexpectedly. So, tell each other of the love you share, everyday. It will keep it strong. Add laughter to the love, which makes it all immeasurable and is crucial to be happy every day. You can never have too much “happy”! It will be stored in your memories with you the rest of your life. And be sure to make someone smile everyday.

Laughter Formula

2026-07-18T18:35:52.730-04:00

I’ve lost 3 friends in the last 2 months. It sucks! They were friends of 40-50+ years. Some I spoke to regularly, some, not in years. It doesn’t really matter, they were in my life at different points, as a real friend… is a friend for life.

One common thread with each of these men, we laughed together every time we were together. About what? I have no idea, actually it’s not important. What is paramount, is we laughed. Those priceless memories will always be with you.

Lessons I’ve learned from life: Laugh every day as often as possible. More importantly, make someone else smile everyday. It’s a winning formula! Life is short, make it a happy one.

2026-02-21T15:04:00.001-05:00

Bugs……..

Living in the South and in the woods means from time to time you will get bugs and spiders. No matter how clean you keep your house, no matter what pest prevention company you use….you periodically will get one that will get past the barrier.

But there is a way to get satisfaction from the varmint! When you reach for that fly swatter, Kleenex, can of Raid, or step on the creepy bug, do this…… as you swat, smother, spray or squish, just say these words as they will give you great satisfaction and feeling of accomplishment and pleasure.

I give each bug a name, the same name for each bug, and say, “I got you you POS!”. The name? I call each one “Trumper”. The satisfaction of doing away with a trumper is exhilarating and you won’t go to jail! And there will be one less bug/trumper to deal with!

Please follow me on Twitter @slblue. If you have a moment, I would love to hear from you, either add a comment in the section below or send me an email to: steveblue22@gmail.com Please be sure to forward the blog to your co-workers, family and friends.

Christmas, alone.._

2025-12-20T08:09:00.001-05:00

I wrote this 10 years ago, but never published it in my blog. Hope it hit’s your heart……

The strangest thing happened this morning. Let me say up front, I'm not a person that believes in talking to the "beyond" or superstitious in any way. But what happened today, got my attention.

I swear this happened and makes me smile every time I think about it. But let me put it in perspective so you too can appreciate the significance.

I lost my wife to two colon cancers a year and a half ago. She loved Christmas, she would actually “glow” as bright as the tree in Rockefeller Center for weeks as the special day approached!

She was the type of person that always had boxes of Christmas wrapping paper, gift tags, gift bags, bows, etc, year round. Why? Because she never knew when she would find that special gift for the special person in her life. She was childlike during her favorite days of the year. It was beautiful and transformational, as she contagiously put you into her happy, loving “Christmas Extravaganza” attitude.

That said, and it was only the 2nd season now alone, I was feeling melancholy, missing her and her aura, as would be expected on her Christmas Day.

But it was Christmas morning and my procrastination caught up with me and I needed to wrap my son's gift as I was going to have brunch with he and his then girlfriend (now wife of 8 years) and I hadn’t wrapped anything.

So I went to the guest room this morning, where the Christmas wrapping stuff was still hiding. I found it, still taped up from the move here over a year ago. I had moved from the house I “bought for Leslie” 15 years prior. But it was too big, too far out of town, and too many special memories. So I moved back to a house I’ve owned for 30+ years ago, which my son had been living, but had been empty for some time.

I quickly cut the “moving tape” from the long Christmas colored container and flipped open the long green cover. Inside were a plethora of various colored/sized bows, unopened rolls of wrapping paper, and 100’s of package tags spread throughout the container.

In the bottom left corner of the box was a small Minnie Mouse overstuffed make-up bag with its price tag still attached. I picked it up, and unzipped it open. It was filled with crammed with various name cards, about 50 of them squeezed into the bag. I blindly picked out one to use and about lost it. Of all the cards in the bag and box, literally 100’s, I chose the most precious card imaginable. When I flipped it over to write on it I froze. I picked the only card that had already been written on. What it said, made me a believer.

When I turned it over, it read, "To Steve- With all my love for a Merry Christmas, Les". I freaked!

I don't like to read into things, but to find this 1 in 100’s of cards on Christmas Day, seems more than coincidental.

It was not uncommon for Leslie to “forget” or add someone to her ever growing list. My guess, is one of the gifts she had for me went to someone else in a crisis moment. All it needed was a new card. I turned out to get the best gift of all………the tag.

I just couldn't keep this to myself. I'm not crazy, this really happened! Have a Very Merry Christmas 🎁

IT’S OKAY TO HATE…….HATE SMART!

2025-12-04T09:58:00.010-05:00

Okay, Hate…

Wait……What?!

Yep, you heard me. Sounds weird, right? We have been told, since we were children, that hate is a bad word and feeling.

But after watching our country slide into a nonstop “we vs they” smackdown, especially lately, it’s clear the hate isn’t going anywhere and continues to fester and spread like a California wildfire. So if we’re going to hate, maybe we should at least aim it in the right direction. Let’s look at hate closer…maybe we can use it positively.

Hate homelessness, not the homeless.

Hate how we burn mountains of money on political campaigns, not how much money goes to our less fortunate.

Hate hunger, not the hungry.

Hate the lack of quality education, not folks who never had the opportunity to get one.

Hate bigotry, and yes, that means anyone of any color who’s convinced everyone else is the problem.

Don’t hate acceptance. That’s literally the stuff our country was built on.

And if you absolutely must hate some actual human beings? Fine. Hate the ones who could fix homelessness, hunger, bigotry, and broken schools… but don’t do anything.

Hate the politicians who talk a good game, but do nothing, and then ask you for donations. Hate the politicians who don’t stand up to the president when he is hurting their constituents. Hate them all the way to the voting booth.

If you’ve got hate to give, at least upcycle it. Make it constructive, not destructive. Hate with purpose. Hate with style. Hate, with a plan. Don’t hate to hate.

The Hat…….

2025-09-17T09:42:00.000-04:00

The Hat……

My son lives in Alabama, so I only see him about once a month. Yesterday, we met up for lunch at a local sandwich shop. I was wearing my "Trump hat" in a very red state, but a purple county, and we sat at a back table, minding our own business.

This hat is a genuine conversation starter. People take pictures, ask where to buy one, and make comments about how they love it. Rarely do I get any pushback. The experiences I've had with it are funny, and yesterday was no exception.

The restaurant was about half full, with a mix of families, businesspeople, and laborers. As we were leaving, we passed a large group of women, a grandmother, her daughters, and a couple of teenage grandkids, sitting near the exit door. The daughter, who looked to be in her mid-40s, stood up and started speaking.

"When we first saw your hat from across the room, we were so annoyed," she said. "We couldn't quite read it, but we thought we knew what it said, and it really upset us. But as you got closer, we saw it wasn't what we thought, and it made us smile!"

Then, they all jumped up, shouting, "We love your hat!"

I explained that I had the hat fixed so I could wear it, and we all laughed. The woman gave me a big bear hug and told me she was visiting family from Spain. She went on to say that Trump and the U.S. were widely disliked in Europe because of his tariffs and actions on the world stage.

My son just smiled and asked, "Does this happen often?"

I just laughed and said, "Almost every time it”

Finding Laughter in Tumultuous Times

We can't change what happened last November, at least not yet. But we can still find moments to laugh. It's a way to cope when his actions make life harder for everyone who isn't a billionaire. We can't let our sense of humor die, not with all the hate, antisemitism, and bullying going on. This, too, shall pass—hopefully with the midterms.

At 78, I've been fortunate enough to travel all over the country and the world. I've seen a lot. And if I've learned anything, it's that laughter can be the antidote to what feels like "Kryptonite." I've found it's stronger than chemotherapy, stronger than grief, and, fortunately, stronger than the Trumplicans.

Please don't waste your energy trying to make sense of what they spew. It's a pointless endeavor. Instead, they make for great material for comedians on late-night TV and shows like SNL. While they're trying to dismantle networks and organizations that don't reflect their extreme right-wing views and their distorted version of Christianity, we have to stand firm.

Since when do Christian values include lies, bigotry, racism, antisemitism, and bullying, all the while taking away lifelines from the less fortunate just so the privileged can get a tax break? That's not what this country stands for.

While the rest of the world might think we're a fascist country, it hasn't happened yet. We have to pray that we regain our strength and stop them from further dividing us. Get involved, prove them wrong, and don't let them succeed.

So keep laughing, and remember: this too shall pass, like a diarrhea fart. We will clean up this mess. In my own small way, I'll continue to point out the hypocrisy of how the former Republican Party has morphed into the fascist Trumplican party. Have I lost people whom I considered friends? Yup. But as a retired 78-year-old, I don't care. At my age, I can say whatever I want, just as they can, thanks to our current constitution.

Vaccinations

2021-02-25T12:47:00.004-05:00

A year ago when you asked someone, “What’s new?” The answer most likely would be about a trip with the family, or a recent party, or even a ballgame. Then, of course, there are always those conversations about meds, operations and medical procedures.

By the way, do you know the official difference between an operation and a medical procedure? An operation means you slept overnight in the hospital after they “practiced on” you vs being “practiced on” and sent home. There is much more sympathy for an operation. This is very important as you don’t want to tell someone you had a “procedure” when you could get the full sympathy of an operation!

I digress. Today, the conversation is more like, “Did you get your shots yet? Any reactions to it?” This is what, after nearly 1 year in our self-imposed semi-seclusion, our conversations have been delegated to very low levels of boredom. Sad, but true.

But, I just got my second shot. It means I’m certified Covid Tough! Watch out world! I’m going to “party-on” with Wayne and Garth, I’m going to hug everyone I know, I’m going to actually go into a restaurant and sit down.....and then I remembered, not much is going to change. I still have to wear a mask, keep my distance and continue to continuously disinfecting my hands.

But here is what it does. If I am exposed to Covid, because of my underlying health issues, I go from a 100% chance of death by Covid related complications to only a 5% chance of getting sick. It’s the 5% part is the reason nothing changes. But I can deal with it.

Now, I have peace of mind, priceless! I also have a piece of paper. A very valuable piece of paper.

I now have a document that is nearly as important as my passport, my official “CDC Vaccination Card”. It’s even more important than my decoder ring from a Crackerjacks box! I felt like I just received my college diploma, again.

I had the painless second shot and I then began waiting the required 15 minutes following the shot to see if I had any reactions. Which is why I am writing this.

While waiting I noticed a bulge where there normally isn’t much of a bulge. At first I was very happily concerned. I thought I had a reaction to the shot. I had this bulge in my sweatpants, what should I do? Do I say something to the nurse? Could I be on my death bed?

Apparently, the washer/dryer hid a sock in the sweatpants during the cleaning process. Turns out my “special reaction” to the shot, ended up being an orphaned sock.

After I realized I was okay, I rushed home to put this little white card in my wall vault and married it with my passport in the soft leather zippered passport pouch. Ahhhhhh, it’s safe! I thought, it’s like my dog groomer’s requirement that my dog is current on her shots, or they won’t groom her. I’m now current on my vaccinations. I can do anything! Oh, wait, I still have to get that second shingles shot! Does it ever end?

Yes, but then it’s too late. Not getting your Covid shots is like playing Russian Roulette with yourself, your family and your friends. Get your shots!

Darkness, like never before.....

2017-08-21T14:43:00.002-04:00

The Solar Eclipse, 2017.... Darkness

Today is capitalism and marketing at its best. Today is "Eclipse Day". The day, we as a country, observe darkness, at the wrong time. Really? ABC is devoting 120 minutes of airtime to a moving 2 1/2 minute.........of Darkness. People have paid months in advance to be in the path of.....darkness. Am I the only one that knows Darkness comes every......night?

People are spending up to $15.00 for a pair of paper glasses that are good for about 2 1/2 minutes, but hold on to them because in 2024 you'll be able to use them again. And they make such a wonderful fashion statement, "Hi, am I too early for Halloween?"

Some sat in traffic jams for the opportunity to see it. Schools delayed the ending of school so that students, who never listen anyway, are going to look at the solar eclipse without these "Versace-like" glasses and burn their eyes out.

There are millions of people fascinated with this phenomenon..........Darkness in the middle of the day. Hey, it happens to me, nearly every day about this time. It's called a nap. Which is exactly what I'm going to do during this exciting event. Good Darkness, y'all.

Black Friday.......

2015-11-28T08:21:00.000-05:00

Today is Black Friday. Historically, retailer's most revered day of the year. I understand, it's when they begin to make money. It's the top buying season of the year. What continues to amaze me, are the crazy people that wait in line in the cold before the store is open. It's like tailgating at a department store. Have you absolutely have nothing to do? One person is so proud they are #1 in line and had been there for 42 hours. This is fun? Some make it an annual event with family and friends after stuffing themselves! Why? There is obviously some sub-culture or "condition" I am unaware of and obviously can't identify with by any-way-shape or means. It's not the "spending money" aspect I don't like, I'm actually very good at that.

Let me explain, as many males, there isn't anything I dislike more than shopping. I am the worst, I admit it. When I buy clothes, I find one item that fits and then buy them in multiple colors or fabrics. I'm done and proud of it. I have new clothes. To wait and rush in with others to a store to shop, (in an unscientific study it appears this disease affects women more than men in a nearly 9:1 ratio to men afflicted with this terrible, debilitating condition) seems to neatly knock me unconscious every year. Why would anyone stand in line for hours with all those raging real and synthetic hormones? All those mass emotions surrounding you at once and nowhere to escape? Why would I subject myself to that? So watching people stand in line (another one of my favorite things to do) both gives me shivers and a smile at the same time.

Then I started thinking. I'm single and unattached. Wait, I think I just figured it out. This might be better than computer dating. What a great place to meet women! They are in their "Happy Shopping" mode, and there's 9:1 women to men. Sorry, I have to end this now, I have to go shopping!

Have a great holiday season!

Things to do in an Elevator, Part Three

2012-12-18T09:08:00.000-05:00

Because "Things to do in an Elevator, Parts One and Two", recieved such a great response to put us over the 50,000 hits plateau, here is Part Three. Some are mine, some were sent in by readers. If you have some of your own, please send them to me and it may make Part Four.

Twenty More Things To Do In An Elevator - Part Three

Start a sing along, singing the Christmas Carols or “Row-Row-Row your boat”.

Raise your phone over your head and start taking pictures of all in the elevator.

Press all the floors and announce you aren’t sure which one you need so I am going to need to stop on all until I see the one that’s mine. Sorry”

Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

Start pushing buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!"

Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they will open again!"
Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
Bring a flat plastic sheet and place it on the floor of the elevator and then tap dance when people are in the elevator.
When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.
Ladies, passionately eat a banana.
Gentlemen, passionately eat a chocolate covered strawberry.
Lean in the corner and pretend to go to sleep, then pass your floor and wake up and announce, “I hate when I sleep past my floor!”
Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.

Please follow me on Twitter @slblue. If you have a moment, I would love to hear from you, either add a comment in the section below or send me an email to: steveblue22@gmail.com Please be sure to forward the blog to your co-workers, family and friends.

"Guaranteed"........

2012-08-03T06:22:00.000-04:00

Bits of Blue.....

Over the weekend, I was putting two 50 pound bags of my dog’s food in my cart at an unnamed, large national pet warehouse store. As I was trying to get the second 50 pound bag, of what I know I will have to clean up in the yard later in the week, into the cart. When a dog food mfr. rep came up to me and said, "Have your dogs ever tried our treats? We GUARANTEE they will like them!"

In a dead pan face, I looked at her and said, "You Guarantee they will like it?" She replied quickly with a full-face smile loudly, "GUARANTEED!"

I replied in the same "You have to be kidding me face," and said, "My dogs eat sticks! They think fallen tree branches are "Gifts from God that fall from the sky". I said, "I'm sure we won’t need your GUARANTEE."

Sometimes, a "Guarantee" is a marketing trick, as in this case, because most dogs are food and smell driven, so I doubt if they will payout much in GUARANTEES. But, I thought to myself, there better be a "Guarantee" that those "treats" won't kill my dogs.

While it's a guarantee for the product, there are two totally different interpretations of what's important in the guarantee.

Why? Because we all personalize what we hear, and read. What is said, or worse yet, or typed, can many times be taken in very different ways. Make sure what you say or type is what you mean and how you meant it to be understood. Be it professionally on a sales call, a chat with your best friend and with most of all, your spouse or partner.

Everyone will be happier, GUARANTEED.

Dear Readers......

2012-04-27T20:20:00.001-04:00

Thank you for reading Notes by Blue. I have had a great time writing it, but I have taken a sabbatical. I have been traveling a lot and haven't had any free time. But I have some good ideas and have started a few and should be back with a new blog soon.

Please, look at a few of the old posts for a good laugh or two.

Follow me on Twitter @slblue. If you have a moment, I would love to hear from you, either add a comment in the section below or send me an email to: steveblue22@gmail.com Please be sure to forward the blog to your co-workers, family and friends.

Interviewing.....Part One

2012-02-14T12:16:00.001-05:00

What's the funniest thing that has ever happened to you in an interview? If I have space, I may use it in Part Two of Interviewing.

Interviewing for a job can be very intimidating today. Employers are being inundated with applicants as unemployment and under-employment are at record highs. Not long ago, a friend told me he would place a help wanted ad in the local newspaper and receive maybe 25 applicants for an open position. Today, for the same position, he receives over 600 applications.

If you think about it, interviewing is like a reality game show. The first thing you must do is to get recognized in a crowd of thousands. So how is this done? First, the basics… prior to actually getting an interview, you must create a document: a CV, a résumé, or a history of your triumphs that will represent you when you aren’t there, outlining the great person that will be joining their team. A good attention-getting resume sometimes will work to get you to the next plateau.

Now that you have organized your background in a way that will represent you (when really you are just another candidate), it’s time to start looking for opportunities (or reality shows) in which you would like to participate.

The easiest method is to ask friends and family, former work associates, and neighbors if they know of any openings. Here in the South, we call it “The Good Ole’ Boy Network,” as positions many times are not published, because they either want someone they already know or they don’t want headhunters hounding them (or to pay their fee).

Let’s assume you get a lead for an opportunity (or show), and now it’s time to show what you really are all about. So you send in your resume, and luckily you are chosen to continue to the interviewing process. If you have been convincing, in a subtle professional manner, and if you are chosen you move on two Round Two, the phone interview.

The phone interview is a game in which you can be called at anytime, usually while in the checkout line at Costco, or at the beach, or on a golf course, so it is difficult to speak openly, but you need to speak with them when you “get the call.” How creative you are on this call with the Human Resources Department will determine if you make it to Round Three (or if you are “going to Hollywood!”

During this phone call is when you try to convince the HR interviewer that you are worth the investment, during a conversation with a complete stranger that knows everything about you, and that you know virtually nothing about them. If you are successful, it will lead to a “face to face” interview with the person that will (hopefully) ultimately become your immediate boss.

Or as known on other reality shows, “You’re going to Vegas, baby!” There you will be up against a select few peers that are as hungry and determined to get the job as you are. As your competition says or does something that makes the judges disqualify them, the finalists are dwindled down for the “Live Show” where you have the face to face interview with your potential new boss.

There is a line in the movie “Pretty Woman” when Julia Roberts is on Rodeo Drive buying clothes with Richard Gere’s character’s response when asked “how things were going,” by the sales person, Richard Gere replied, “I think we need some major sucking-up.” As, “The Live Show” is where the applicant agrees with most everything the interviewer says, always being very positive along the way. Never, of course, describing what a terrible boss you previously had, or how the company was poorly managed.

Sometimes you will need to take an aptitude test to see if you have the same mindset as successful employees currently in the position for which you are applying. It’s nothing you can study for, but if you know what they are looking for, you can answer it accordingly. While this is somewhat scientific, nothing will insure success, but it will give them an indication of your potential success performing in this position.

If you have been convincing enough, you will make it to the “Finals” to interview with your boss’s boss. Now they can see if you can handle the pressure and if you are the type of individual that the previous “Judges” said you were. Now it’s your audience that will decide if you are the one for their company.

There are outside influences that you have no control over, no matter how perfect you are for the position. It may depend on how much time the boss has for your interview and what challenges or problems they may be dealing with just prior to the time of your meeting. Did they just have a disagreement with their spouse or child at the time? Did they just lose or win their largest customer? Even though it has nothing to do with who you are, it can still affect the interview and you will never know at the time.

If you have the good fortune to win and you are still interested in their company and compensation, you now have a new career. Should you come in second or third, you are still out looking again for the next opportunity. Unfortunately, only one person wins the job.

Be sure to check back Friday, for part Two of Interviewing. What's the funniest thing that has ever happened to you in an interview? If I have space, I may use it in Part Two of Interviewing.

So You Want a Puppy.....

2011-12-19T05:37:00.003-05:00

I wrote this about three months ago and never published it. I looked back at it and thought this was a good time to share, it being close to the holidays, and many people getting dogs for Christmas. At the end, I updated it so you could see where she is today. I hope you enjoy it.

Two and a half years ago, we purchased an eight week old Golden Retriever; she was a cute as could be. It was at about the same time that my wife started getting ill, but the doctors couldn’t seem to identify exactly what she was dealing with, so I ended up being with the little puppy all the time as my wife felt ill. Biscuit attached to me like a shadow, and she became “my dog.”

For the last six months, my wife has been battling cancer and wanted a puppy, so that she could raise it to be “hers.” She goes on the internet and finds a cute female that has been taken away from the owners as they couldn’t afford what it took to raise 5 puppies.

So, we rescued a puppy. Not that we needed another animal as we already had a Golden Retriever, an outside/inside cat, and a pair of swans with four additional cygnets on our stocked pond. As you can tell, we have quite a menagerie.

She wanted to do the right thing and rescue a puppy so after finally convincing me she would help take care of the puppy, I agreed. She looked at many rescue shelters in the area and finally saw a beautiful female she fell in love with that was three months old.

Now this isn’t your normal “Heinz 57” mutt. We have raised Golden Retrievers for over 35 years and love the breed. We know what to expect with a golden retriever puppy. She of course picked out a dog neither of us has ever raised before, so we have no experience with this breed.

So, we did our homework on the internet and found what we were in for with this breed. Did I mention, the breed is a Saint Bernard? Yes, the as an adult, up to 200 pounds of dog, a female Saint Bernard. We thought we were crazy before, but now this will certify that we are, without a doubt, certifiably crazy.

We arranged to pick her up in the middle of Absolutely Nowhere, Georgia, which is about 45 minutes from our home. The owner of the rescue has been saving dogs from euthanasia for over 30 years.

We called and let her know we were on our way and thanks to my trusty GPS, we found her place. As we get out of our car, a little pipsqueak mutt about the size of a football, starts barking at us as she is checking us out and continues until the owner shouts out to us that she’s drying the puppy and will be right out.

Out the owner comes with a clothes basket full of dog. Adorable and sweet and scared about what is happening. She’s in a basket and we don’t let the puppy on the ground as she still needs the rest of her shots. We were impressed as being a dog owner, is the right way to do it as she hasn’t had all her shots yet. We were impressed.

After our greeting this gorgeous 3 month old female Saint Bernard we named Graci her weight was 22 pounds. As my wife went to get sign all the papers and pay for our new pup, I could see Graci was hot, as it does in August in Georgia, so I thought putting her in the backseat and blasting the air conditioning.

In that we already have a large dog, I already have a protective cover for the back seat, it’s like a dog hammock, in the back seat. Within 30 seconds of being placed there, she winds up and pees in the car. We’re not talking short little puppy pee, we’re talking St. Bernard pee. There was a lake in my back seat immediately. Actually we picked her up just after she had been bathed, so it’s not a real surprise as most pups drink the bath water as the bath is being filled. Nice way to greet your new owners.

So, as it didn’t take long to christen the car, we quickly cleaned it up without any real hassle. I am so glad I had that cover on the back seat. We got it clean and took an old blanket out of the trunk and placed it over the cover, so she didn’t have to sit in the wet cover. Less than 30 seconds later, she christened the back seat with pooping on the blanket. All I could think of was “What have we gotten ourselves into?” A large Peeing Pooping Machine?

So this was our introduction to our new Saint Bernard. We cleaned it up and got another blanket from the rescue lady and now we were waiting for her to vomit, as it was the only thing she hadn’t done yet to the backseat of my car. Fortunately, she didn’t.

Now, we were finally on our way to the vet to have her checked out. She passed with flying colors. We then went to one of the national pet warehouses and picked up puppy food and puppy treats and of course a toy. Between what we bought for the puppy and the dog food for our retriever, I walked out over a hundred dollars lighter.

Finally, we made it home. She had been exposed to a lot in the past 3 hours and we were glad to finally get her home. We get her out of the car onto the cool cement of the garage and she was like a soft cuddly rock that was glad to lie down and chill.

That soon became a problem as we needed to get her accustomed to our house and surroundings and we don’t normally live in the garage. But that cold cement floor sure felt good. Now what incentive could we give her to walk around? Those puppy treats, or course.

While she liked the treats, she wasn’t going to get off her butt to walk for one. She just wanted to chill. Eventually, we gave up and had to carry her, all 22 pounds of dead weight, into the house. Now on the cool kitchen tiles she became a lump of coal again.

I have actually found an animal lazier than I am and much cuter! Later, we got her outside on the front yard and she proudly did her business where dogs are supposed to do their business. She was running around and having a great time as she became acquainted with her new surroundings.

Our cat (Roy D. Mercer) came home as it was dinner time and you could almost see him look at us and say, “You have to be kidding! Another animal I have to contend with? Let’s not forget I was the first one here and have seniority over all these other animals.” Actually, he could less.

Now it was time to introduce her to our Golden. They went to the normal introduction of smelling butts, a dog ritual that fortunately has not been passed on to humans. The new sisters had a great time as they got to know each other. Our Golden is bigger now, but in a few months she will be the smaller of the two.

I wrote the above on the day we got Graci. Today is over 3 months later and Graci is now six months old and larger than our Golden (Biscuit). Biscuit has, amazingly, taught Graci the rules of the house. Not to leave my office unless invited. Sitting at the base of the stairs until I get to the top and say it’s OK to come up the stairs, getting into the bath tub for a bath, etc. I teach Graci and Biscuit helps enforce it. She was house trained in about a week.

The two get along great, they wrestle and run together or after each other. If you stare consistantly at Graci, you can actually see her grow. She is going to be a very large dog. We are so glad that we rescued her and have added the Saint Bernard to our list of special dogs.

My wife is also officially in remission of her cancer, although she still must have chemo every 2-3 weeks. She’s even gone back to work part time and very glad to be back after the past 6 months of chemo every other week. She has fought hard and kept a great attitude. Graci has also helped her in that she can share her “mothering instincts” again and get an escape from the obvious.

Puppies have amazing healing ability and 100% escape ability. Even if it’s for a short time, it’s nice. Have a safe and wonderful holiday season and look for more from Notes by Blue in 2012.

Do we really need Passwords, User ID's and User Names? Part Two

2011-11-11T08:41:00.008-05:00

In our first month we had 1000 pageviews. In the following four months we are now over 45,000 pageviews. Thank you for making "Notes by Blue" one of the fastest growing blogs. I appreciate your support!

I also want to thank all those that wrote me or commented on Part One of Passwords, User ID's and User Names. Overwhelmingly, I seem to have hit on a subject that many feel the same way about Passwords, User ID’s and Names. It has become a necessary technology evil.

Some use the same password or variant throughout their secure life. Others carry a sheet with all the various information, while still others store them in an application on their phone, tablet or computer and need to only remember one user ID and password.

Whatever method you may use as I mentioned earlier, we have to keep too many passwords, user ID’s or user names to survive on the internet. There needs to be a better way. I think one of the more interesting password combinations I found is one a friend uses is: Idontknow and when it had to be changed they changed it to Istilldontknow.

Remember when business was done with a hand shake? Do you recall, or even ask your mother or father, that there was a time when there weren’t forms, more forms and forms for the forms to go along with the passwords, user ID’s and user names and various codes. Unfortunately today, we must always protect ourselves from law suits, theft and deceit today.

About twenty-five years ago the internet didn’t play a part in our business or personal life at all. Today, it has become the backbone of our life. Not having internet service, unthinkable? What has the world become?

Let’s not forget video surveillance, similar to the novel published in 1949, George Orwell’s “1984,” there are camera’s nearly everywhere we go. You would think it would deter crime, yeah right. Very few get away with anything forever. Eventually, most people get caught. But, sometimes they don’t. And each idiot thinks’ they can be the one to get away with it.

It comes down to, whom do you trust and how much do you trust them with? A lot of people trusted Bernie Maddoff and looked what happened. A lot of people put trust in our Congress and Senate and look what it got us. If we have a difficult time trusting, as we must now, then we must find a better protect ourselves, something we can trust for accuracy. That brings us to Passwords, User ID’s and User Names…..

It has become apparent why we have codes and passwords to protect us, but, there needs to be better alternatives and there are. Let’s look at a few.

There is technology that uses finger or palm prints, and others that have eye identification, still others with facial identification. These technologies will need to become affordable and much more accurate. Eventually these technologies will reach perfection, are more accurate and can’t be duplicated or manipulated. A universal identification standard program.

Most importantly in my case, we wouldn’t have to remember codes, passwords, user ID or name ever again. Most states, like here in Georgia, require a thumb print on your driver’s license so it’s nothing new to allow the government to have this information.

I hope that everything will, one day, go to a swipe of my finger for my finger print or stare into here for your eye print. We would then set a standard throughout the country. Any time you need to use a password and user name or ID, you just swipe your finger or palm or look into the camera or stare at this for your eye scan.

It could be attached to your computer as it’s the safest way to keep your computer only for you. It could be used along with credit cards or even replace credit cards, where the charge would still be sent to them but only after a scan. All you need in your wallet is your driver’s license, insurance identification with a required scan, and cash. Unfortunately, cash will always remain the hardest one to actually keep in your wallet.

If someone had a ski mask on or gloves, they aren’t getting through the security. Halloween, though, could be tricky. It would protect your credit card that was stolen and save the banks, and credit companies millions which could be passed onto the consumers. But you know they will then have a fee for each time you are scanned. LOL

Here’s an idea: Maybe Mr. Obama could invest our money in this technology for the good of the country and make every company provide one of these alternatives for their clients. It sure would make me happy! How about you? You have to admit, it would be a better investment than the green initiative company, Solyndra, loan turned out when they went bankrupt after our politician’s loaned the company $750,000,000 of our money!

It would save billions from those stealing Social Security Checks, Welfare, and Disability checks. As this is very common and it’s robbing those that need it the most. What if there was a kiosk in every grocery store (we all have to get food sometime) and it would print your check after you were scanned?

Today, most everyone has access to a computer via the library, friends, or senior’s park district centers, etc. If you are bed ridden, or in a hospital, this would not be a problem as hospitals and doctors could use them to insure each patient gets the correct dosage of their medicines and insure the person is who they say they are. No more "pill shopping" for patients trying to feed an addiction, because they will be scanned.

A scanner comes with every computer as part of the computer or a scanner, with a connection to the internet, could be used to confirm that you are getting your check which will be then credited to your account which will also require a finger, palm or face electronic ID to access.

It would save on postage and paper as well as government checks will no longer required to be mailed and those that are direct deposited, they bank would require a scan to get your money.

Those living in government subsidized housing, on Welfare or receiving Food Stamps, will get access to their money, right after they take the drug test for illicit drugs. The idea being, it is not the intent of any of these programs to be forever, the money is intended for food, clothing, and housing. Not much else, especially not harmful illegal or abusing legal addicting drugs.

So here we are over 60 years since George Orwell’s 1949 novel as he was a little early for its time and interesting how similar as it is today and as in his “1984”. Almost frightening how similar.

I am sure the cost would be much less than what our country loaned to the wonderful bankers and automobile companies in the recent bailouts or the subsidizing “green initiatives” companies that went bankrupt or “shovel ready” projects that haven’t begun yet.

Funding could come from all the monies that were set aside a few years ago, that still haven’t been spent on the projects that were to create jobs and help the economy. This would create jobs, promote technology and make our money and personal information more secure. It might even find some people that were able to get away with something illegal years ago.

The possibilities are endless. Airports, train stations, starting your vehicle...... What do you think?

See you soon in the next installment of Notes By Blue.

Do we really need all the Passwords, User ID’s, User Names? Part One

2011-11-02T06:38:00.000-04:00

Passwords, User ID’s, User Names…..These are all necessary evils of the internet. No matter where you go online, you need to have these to exist on the Internet. From the moment you sign on to your computer in the morning till you turn if off at night. What is confusing is to me is the more of these I have to know, the more I mix-up what each password is for which user name and for what application.

Some you need a number in it, some you need a Capital letter. Some will let you use symbols while others won’t. There are some passwords that won’t allow you to use anything that is close to your name while others require a number in the middle. And where do most people keep this secure information? My guess, is on their phone, the most lost or damaged item since another security item was invented, keys. Security is actually synonymous with lost and forgotten.

I would not be surprised if one day to get into your ATM you will need to do the following: hopping up and down on one foot, pull your left ear lobe while spinning clockwise and singing your high school “fight song.” Well, maybe not. But it sure would be funny to watch.

I started a new job less than a month ago (which is why I haven't blogged in a while) and the first information I received from my new company were the user ID’s and passwords for my laptop, for the VPN, for the intra-company web site, for the company’s mainframe computer, and of course for my new company email. Five new separate ID’s and five new unique passwords. I don’t remember what I had for lunch yesterday, let alone all these new security ID’s and passwords. To make things worse, I am required to change the passwords every ninety days! This is all in the name of our company’s security.

While it is important to keep company information secure from hackers, it has become apparently difficult to keep secure all the information we have at our fingertips. While it’s great to have access to all this information, I find it sometimes more challenging to remember all the User ID’s, User names or Passwords than the information I actually need.

Apple even has an “App” that will keep all your User ID’s, User Names and Passwords in one secure App. Of course you need a master User Name and Password to get to this information. In essence, you need a User Name and Password for your User Names and Passwords. Does that seem a bit redundant?

Nothing I have, behind all the security, is that interesting in the first place. They won’t get much, if they did break into my checking account, actually it wouldn’t be worth all the trouble to take the time to try to steal my identity.

Soon we may all need a user name and password to go to the bathroom. Maybe “they” will keep count how many times you relieve yourself during the course of the day. Now there’s real important interesting information. Those of you who have read this blog may remember the “key to the men’s room” in “Things that confuse me, Part One”. Same idea I guess.

With the major banks paying you virtually no interest on your accounts and now attempting to charge you a monthly fee to use your ATM to get to your own money. Fortunately, the consumers actually bonded together and virtually stopped this charge as the banks will need to get creative. But, have no fear, I believe the banks will get creative and will find a way to keep their stockholders happy at our expense.

I am thinking about going back to a banking method used in the old days. CASH, remember that paper stuff with pictures of dead president’s on them? I may just stick my money in my mattress or in a hidden hole in one of my home’s walls. It might be the most efficient way to keep my money. At least I won’t need a User ID or Password to get to it and I won’t pay any fees to get to it.

No need to speak to a teller or to use one of those chat things you do on line with “Bob” or “Sue,” which you know is a false name. In this way you won't know that they are really in India or somewhere else where labor is inexpensive. Having to answer security questions with "Bob" or "Sue" is also a bit concerning.

We have a security nearly everywhere we go. We have a security system on our home, of course with a password. A password to open the garage door, and as you can see, we can’t escape the process. It’s almost everywhere in our life.

Am I the only one that feels this way? On Friday, I will share with you one way we could put American’s back to work, invest in our country’s security for years to come and never have to remember a password, user ID or user name ever again.

See you Friday for more of Notes by Blue.

Strange College Football Rituals.... Part Two

2011-09-30T05:59:00.001-04:00

On Tuesday we discussed some of the strange college football rituals. Tailgating and painting your body with the team logo or an alphabet letter are ritual activities which are done prior to the game. Now it’s time to actually go to the college football stadium. This is a place that can hold as many as 100,000+ fans. Most are in a similar “Happy” condition and are ready to watch their favorite team try to legally beat the crap out of the opposing team and not have to go to jail.

Players are cheered when they knock someone on their butt. They are also cheered if they are knocked unconscious and get back up. Seems strange, but they call it “Good Sportsmanship.”

Drinking is not permitted in the stadium. Amazingly, as you go to your assigned seat, all you can smell is the sweet aroma of bourbon and beer. One of the oldest and common rituals is nearly everyone at the game will have a flask under their coat filled to the brim with Jack Daniels.

Usually the team’s fans are grouped together in their team’s colors. The visiting team’s fans have a certain number of seats set aside for them in the home team’s stadium. These will always be a few select, less desirable seats, with the worst view of the field of play. They call this the home team advantage.

The visitors are usually out numbered 500 to 1 and if you are a visiting team and given tickets in that are in the home team section, it is wise not to wear your team's colors. You will be subjected to verbal harassment during the entire game and especially after the game. In essence, you take your life in your own hands if you are wearing the visiting team’s colors.

Almost every college football game is sold out, that’s a given. Come rain or snow, it’s always difficult to get tickets to a game. Some people are left season tickets in family wills to insure they keep their seats and remain a family tradition.

They are like gold and will be passed down from generation to generation. Someone could probably make a case with that fact that these rituals have become a genetic problem. No actual research has been done on this problem to prove this to be a fact, but it’s under consideration at this time.

The ritual of “flipping of the coin” with both team’s captains gathered at the center of the field will be the last time the players will be civil to each other until the end of the game. For the next 48 minutes of playing time, each team will try to legally physically destroy each other.

The half-time show program allows time to give the warriors a chance to relax, catch their breath, and be screamed at by their coaches, . It also appears that all 100,000+ fans have the need to go to the bathroom at this time. They have just enough bathrooms that each line will take longer than the half-time show to get through.

During half-time each team’s band, usually with a lame theme, will march around on the field forming patriotic and team visuals. While they can only be truly appreciated if you are in the cheap seats, which are the final few rows at the top of the stadium, better known as the “Nose Bleed Section.”

To those with seats close to the field, it looks more like people running around with instruments trying not to smack into each other while playing music so loud it can be deafening. It can be particularly confusing to watch if the fans have kept that “tailgate buzz” or if they have already emptied the flask we spoke about earlier.

Let’s not forget those wealthy or politically connected, that have the honor of watching the game in one of the expensive private suites. They are climate controlled, there is a TV so you can watch the replays, and it’s always catered with the finest food you can afford.

There you can get buzzed with a few of your friends without having to stand out in the cold while drinking a cold one. These boxes are purchased, many times by companies to entertain the owner’s family and company’s clients and are also passed down from generation to generation. These people usually don’t tailgate as they tailgate in class in these special suites and don’t end up smelling like a fire.

Many times these people have names like Biff and Buffy, or Tre and Junior, and their Daddy gave them their seats or are members of their team’s Booster Club. They give their hard earned money to the athletic department in support of their team and are greatly appreciated by the university as college football is one of the greatest financial supporters of the school. Some supporters have even been known to give current or potential players summer jobs to “assist” both current and potential players to coerce them into going to their school.

Boosters who get caught doing this can go to jail, but they look at it as "supporting their team and giving a kid a chance to earn some money for his family." While illegal, many supporters find ways to beat the system that discourages this behavior. The NCAA does its best to monitor this kind of behavior, but it still takes place because of systematic loop holes in the process.

As the game ends and hopefully the home team wins, another ritual is to “tear down the goal post.” This is usually left to championship games and is when drunken students feel the need to shimmy up the goal post and stand on it while other loyal fans shake it to bend it and bring it down to the ground. While this is as interesting to watch as it was to watch as the statues of Saddam were when they came down in Iraq. It has no known real purpose.

But the goal post being broken and taken down is the casualty and costs the University thousands each time a group of students brings it to its knees. It has no social or economic value other than it must be replaced at the expense of the school.

So there you have it from a Midwesterner whose college was so private it could barely fill a classroom, let alone a football stadium. These strange college football rituals that occur on a weekly basis, ultimately, have no real effect on the outcome of the game. But are what keep the game unique.

It’s all about tradition and bragging rights. Not always the smartest things to do on a Saturday, but are done by each team’s loyal fans most Saturdays. Why are these rituals done, many ask? In a word, Tradition. Unfortunately, many times it’s because they just don’t know any better. While still another brilliant reason is “because it’s fun to do. And my Daddy did it when he went here.” Go figure.

See you next Tuesday with the next edition of Notes by Blue, have a great weekend and hope your team wins on Saturday.

Strange College Football Rituals.... Part One

2011-09-27T08:33:00.004-04:00

It took a month for the blog to hit the first 1000 hits, now after four months it has hit 35,000 hits. 11,000 hits in the last month alone, A Special Thanks to you, for reading and making Notes by Blue one of the fastest growing blogs on the internet. When I wrote this piece, last month, I wrote "In our first three months, we have now had over 24,000 hits from all over the world! Thank you again for your loyal support."

I want to thank you all for your support and on Tuesday it will be a brand new blog on "Passwords". Please come back on Tuesday if you have ever been frustrated by all the passwords and user ID's we have to keep track of these days.

Steve

As we all know, the college football season began recently. Here in the South, college football is nearly a religion. It is a very personal matter and many times spectators take it to extremes. After all, who you root for is either based on where you were educated, or where a family member was educated or it’s where you currently live. Either way, sometimes you have no choice as to who you will be a fan. But nearly everyone is supports at least one team, it’s a given if you live here in the South. After all, this is considered the “Bible Belt.”

As I discuss this subject, please take my observations as someone that is from the Midwest and didn’t participate in these rituals while I was in college. Primarily my feelings were based on the fact that my alma mater didn’t have a football team. Actually they didn’t have an athletic department, let alone a team. So when I moved here 35 years ago, I thought these people were crazy. Now, after living here so long, and understanding the rituals of college football, it’s been confirmed. They are crazy.

Generally speaking, in preparation to attend a game, there are many rituals that take place. Probably the most common is “tailgating.” For those of you just coming out of your cave, this is a ritual in which a group of people gather, sometimes the morning of a game or sometimes even the night before a game, to share food and spirits in a parking lot. Yes, people hang out in a parking lot or an open field near the football stadium.

The location of the actual spot, in the parking lot to have this weekly feast, becomes very competitive and squatters win out. You read that correctly, you become a squatter in a parking lot. Not that you actually have to physically squat the entire time you are there, but a squatter in the sense you have secured your location from others jockeying for position. Like in the early 1800’s when people would go prospecting for gold and when they found a good location, they claimed it as theirs. The feeling is, “Don’t mess with my spot.”

The intent is your group needs to be seen by others, and squatter’s rights have become important. Superstition becomes paramount, a group must have a certain spot and always the same spot in the parking lot party. The belief is their team always wins when the group is in “their spot” and if they don’t have that spot, the team will obviously lose the game. It is not uncommon for some people to feel the need to stand in the cold and cook meals, sometimes all night, while standing around a fire to insure they have their sacred spot.

By the time the game starts, all those standing around the fire will smell like a fire. As usually there are no showers close to the parking lot. There’s nothing like smelling like a fire to get someone fired up for a football game. While many will bring their prepared dishes and make it a feast and beer festival in a parking lot across from the stadium. After stuffing themselves with burgers and hot dogs, BBQ, beans, coleslaw and other southern delicacies, while finishing off a keg of beer or a fifth of bourbon, they will then attempt to go to the actual game.

Some who tailgate, don’t even have tickets to the game and will watch it with a generator and a TV. Just to have the “feeling of the game.” Some I think do it because there is a keg of beer, a bottle of Jack Daniels, and a TV with a safe place to pass out.

OK, now back to the football crazy fans. They tend to become football maniacs and will almost anything to show support for their team. They lose all sense of sanity. Now, I’m not sure if it’s the booze, they may wake up this way, or it is a learned talent. But, I have always wondered about those that will paint their bodies and stand around in freezing weather.

That’s right, grown adults paint their faces, sometimes their bodies with their team’s colors and logos. Will it guarantee a win? NO. But, no one has told them that, so the ritual continues from generation to generation. Small children are subjected to body painting under the guidance of their parents. So the whole family wakes up and paints each other prior to the game. But, I must be totally honest; I personally have never prepared to see a football game by painting my body with my team's colors, logos or the alphabet, whether it’s warm or cold. Maybe it’s me that’s crazy, but I don’t think so.

Then they have to walk around the rest of the day looking like a total loser that painted their body. Even stranger, if you think about it, as I obviously have done. Why do a group of guys (women are usually much smarter) paint one letter on their bare chest? What would happen, especially after tailgating and a lot of beers, they become dyslexic and can’t spell?

They must nominate someone sober, like a “designated speller”, to put them in the correct order so they spell their team correctly while sitting in the stands. Some of the various people get to a point where they aren’t sure where they are, let alone know how to spell. It can be pretty funny to watch them from a distance.

What if painting your body the school colors was extended to other college experiences? Could you see people painted up at a college debating team match? I think not. Or what about a college tennis match? I sure hope I never see it, it would always seem out of place for me. This process seems to primarily center on football.

Personally, I prefer to watch it on TV in the comfort of my “Man Cave” at home with my female dogs. This way I can sit in my comfortable leather chair and ottoman. Sleep during half time and be with my girls, as they are sleeping too. The temperature and weather is always perfect. I have never been rained on or felt frozen in the Man Cave. The best part, is I never have to wait in line to go to the bathroom. I am always first in line. I can drink whatever I want and not worry about driving home or traffic. As Martha Stewart would say, “It’s a good thing.”

The dogs aren’t real big fans of any sport, but will watch whatever I decide. I have found that they truly don’t care who wins, either way they are happy. Then again, they are always happy, just to be with me. They don’t interrupt by talking during an exciting play and don’t ask me to do something for them while the game is going on. They can use their doggy door if need be.

Join me on Thursday when I finish “Strange College Football Rituals Part Two.” Do you have any special ritual you and your friends have before or at a game? Let me know, and if I have space I’ll add it to the blog. See you on Thursday.

Please follow me on Twitter @slblue. If you have a moment, I would love to hear from you, either add a comment in the section below or send me an email to: steveblue22@gmail.com Please be sure to forward the blog to your co-workers, family and friends.

Many Of Us Would Rather Drop, Than Shop Part Two

2011-09-08T09:33:00.010-04:00

A Special Thanks to you, for reading and making Notes by Blue one of the fastest growing blogs on the internet. In just over the first two months, we have had over 18,000 hits from all over the world! Thank you again for your loyal support.

Steve Blue

Shopping is an art form, I think. I obviously must have absolutely no artistic ability at all. I guess it all depends on what you are shopping for. Let me explain further.

I know a guy who also hates to shop, but goes shopping with his wife to prevent her from buying the entire store. If his wife shops, without her husband, she will bring home 10 items that she bought “on sale” to see which of the stuff he likes. Her ploy is, if she returns 8 of the 10, assuming he will think she’s saving him money by bringing most of the items back, while still getting two new ones in the process. She’s even “shopping” him to get a deal for herself. That’s why he tries to always go shopping with her, he figured it out.

She’s also the type that must buy something, every day, as long as it’s on sale. It might only cost $25, but she must bring something home every day. She gives true meaning to the word “ Sale Shopaholic.” He has tried for years to get her to stop, to no avail. It frustrates him to death, but as he reasons it, it’s cheaper than a divorce.

This same wonderful woman has always wanted a lake house, in addition to their current home. They are empty nesters and don’t need the size house they have been in for the last 20+ years, and she wants more to decorate. She loves to decorate and is very good at it. After each home decorating project, she usually decides that they now need that summer home.

Guys love to tease him by asking her, “When are you going to buy that new summer home you’ve been talking about for years?” It’s fun to watch him roll his eyes and then have to think of a way to get out of it.

What it usually means, to divert her thinking of an additional home, he suggests she redecorate another room in their current home. He told me once, “It usually works every time and it’s much less expensive than another home.” So she continues to change a room’s décor in most every room constantly. I think in the long run it has probably cost him the cost of another home, but it at least delays the inevitable.

Now, they stay with their friends, who have second homes or condos, so she gets the “Second Home Syndrome” out of her system. They will spend a long weekend or a week at a friend’s place “To get to know the area and see if they should buy there as well.”

He’s happy so he doesn’t have to keep up another home and he knows he can eventually talk her out of it. They have been doing this for years and it seems to work, except when they are there she wants to go house hunting and drags him along even though he knows it will never happen.

It’s kind of like taking one of the “Free Offers” given by time sharing companies as long as you sit through their sales pitch. Instead, he has to look at “potential second homes” to fulfill his commitment to the trip. So far, his system has worked.

While shopping can be a pain, sometimes the negotiating can be fun. I have a friend that would love to shop at small, family-owned stores and negotiate price with the owner. This could never be done in large corporate-owned chain stores, as they don’t give this authority to anyone at the store level.

He did this not to actually save money as he was very wealthy, he would do it to see if he could actually get away with it. Let me give you an example. Let’s say he went into a small clothing boutique, family owned, and bought $500 of clothing. He would ask to speak to the owner.

When the owner would meet his new customer, my friend would say, “What a pleasure it is to meet you and I really like the selections you have at your store. While I am about to purchase one of your $750 suits on sale for $500, I will pay you cash and I only will pay you $480.”

The owner would usually say, “I’m sorry sir, the suit is already on sale and the price is $500.” My friend would reply, “So you would rather me use a credit card, you would then wait for your money from them and pay them the 4% fee the credit card companies charge you. Versus me paying you cash right now, and giving me, your new customer, the 4% additional savings?”

Nine times out of ten, it would work and he saved himself an additional $20 by doing it. More importantly, as far as he was concerned, he got away with it and thought it was fun to do.

When my wife and I were shopping for a home, I like the negotiating that makes shopping fun. We purchased our current home a little over ten years ago, I (negotiating contracts is part of my business) explained to her that whatever happens as we are negotiating, if the deal is not right, we must just walk away from it. Emotions could not play a part of our negotiations. This is a business deal, nothing else. There are many other homes we can purchase. She said she understood.

Unexpectedly, I found our dream house we wanted very much. During the process, we were about $10,000 apart from the owner’s latest offer. My wife said, “What if they don’t take our offer? I really want this house!” I reminded her of what we talked about early into our negotiations about walking away. She replied, “ Yes, I remember and agreed with it. But I REALLY REALLY REALLY want this house!!!”

She went on to say, “I’ll give you the $10,000, if you get the house” After I stopped laughing, I told her it wasn’t necessary, let’s just see what they say. The sellers eventually agreed on our offer and we lived happily ever after, with an additional $10,ooo in our pockets, not theirs.

While shopping can also be a vice, it can be fun and rewarding. But most of us, most men that is, don’t enjoy the process. Most men don’t want to touch everything before I buy it, or try it on with no real intent on purchasing it. Usually, we just want to buy it, get out and go home.

One reason I don’t like to shop with my wife is because she nearly always does this to me. It’s usually, it’s in large warehouse member stores where this occurs. After we have stood in the long check out and as we are starting to unload our basket, she inevitably remembers she forgot something. She leaves and gets lost in the store.

This drives me nuts, as all those others in line now have to wait for her to return so the cashier can finish our tab. I know all of them are thinking, “Oh no, this is going to take forever.” One by one they move to another line and give me a dirty look as I stand there helplessly.

I finally would say, “If you aren’t here when they finish ringing us up, you can stand in line again.” I have said it more than once, unfortunately, it hasn’t worked as she still does it to me. I think it might be personal, as she knows it will get me every time.

Now, I just refuse to go shopping with her. This way it keeps our marriage together and I don’t have to go. I am very happy about not going and she is happy as she loves to shop. Recently, she has been very ill and I have had to do all the shopping. It’s amazing how sometimes you do what you hate to do because you are a husband, but you do them anyway. If I didn’t, I probably wouldn’t be a husband any more….not a good idea.

I can’t wait until she is better and she can do what she loves to do, shop til she drops. I would rather drop than shop, any day!

See you next Tuesday at Notes by Blue.

Many Of Us Would Rather Drop, Than Shop Part One

2011-09-06T08:46:00.003-04:00

While some people enjoy shopping til they drop. Many would rather drop than shop. Going to a mall, a grocery store, or one of the big box discount warehouse stores has always been one of my least favorite things to do. It’s always turns out to be very time consuming, especially in the big box stores, I always spend more than I thought I was going to spend, and I buy things I didn’t really need in the first place.

We still need the essentials, like food and clothing. But, do I really need an outdoor butane space warmer in the summer because it’s on sale? Because it was a deal, do I really need it? Honestly, I hate being in the cold and cooking on the grill in the cold is even a worse thought. Why would I make it more convenient for myself to do something I dislike? I know I will never use it, because I can’t see myself cooking on a grill when it’s 20 degrees outside. That’s why we have a kitchen in our home, right?

It’s never going to happen. I know it, but, I still bought it because it was on sale in this summer. It’s still in the box and has finally made it up to my garage attic for safe keeping and because we kept tripping over it. I know when it gets cold, I will think about using it, but actually going into the attic to get it? Who am I kidding?

Shopping for clothes is my least favorite of all shopping. I have never been a GQ type of a guy, which I am sure surprises most of my close friends. I hate to try on clothes. Now, I must admit, I have clothes for many sizes, as my weight does tend to fluctuate, usually larger than the previous year. But I never throw anything away.

You never know, I may lose those extra pounds and get back to my old playing weight. Recently, my wife became very ill and for about two months I didn’t eat much as I was in a very worrisome time in my life. My clothes were finally too large and I could actually pull my jeans off without undoing the zipper or button.

I thought to myself, "ah, it’s a good thing I kept those old jeans." I searched the closet and lo and behold I found some that fit. They still had the cleaning tag on them so I pulled it off and discovered they were last cleaned in September of 1999. While I felt good about being able to wear them again after 12 years, it confirmed why I never throw clothes away. Most importantly, it saved me from going clothes shopping.

Think about it. To go shopping for clothes for me at a mall requires patience, something I honestly lack. First, I have to finally finding a place to park in the massive parking lot, with all the other shopping professionals, (and you know who you are). I walk into a building with hundreds of different stores on two or three stories. This is one of the few times I go with my wife, as she is definitely a professional. She has a good eye for knowing what looks good on me, as not much does, but I think it has more to do with my body that it does of the clothes. After going through the maze, of stores we finally find one that carries men’s clothing.

She will lead me around and help me pick out a few things to “try on.” For me, I try to first find a few garments I would actually wear in public. Then after gathering a few, I am led to an area full of separate booths with a sliding curtain. It’s like changing your clothes in a shower with no water. This is all done to try them on to see if I can get my body into them.

Then the “Clothes Guard” hands me a large card with a number that represents the total number of items I am going into the booth. This is done to insure I come out with the same number. Like, I want to go to jail over stealing a pair of pants or shirt. But, I understand the theory behind it. Usually, the clerk – oops – The Clothes Guard – is unhappy with the world because they have to put back all the crap you just brought and put on the pile to restock. They usually don’t count the items, and all they do is wonder where and the world did you find this stuff in the first place?

Then I must go out and model them for my wife, and every other woman standing close waiting for her idiot husband or boyfriend to come out to do the same thing. I was never meant to be a model, for a lot of reasons.

I am a salesperson’s delight. Why? Because when I go I already know it will be a cold day in hell before I go again. So when I find something that fits and I like, I buy them in most every color it comes in. Because I don’t want to ever do it again anytime soon.

I will never go clothes shopping with my wife, never ever, never ever! I would rather put a stick in my eye, than go shopping with my wife. I have done it, and regret to this day.

Shopping for clothes for my wife is an all day affair. Besides being totally bored, I don’t care what she wears as she has good taste and looks great in everything she wears. Her only lack of taste exception, is of course, in men as she chose me, but that’s another story for another day.

This is what happens, we go into a store and she knows exactly where to go for her size and style. Now begins the hunt. Why am I there? I am certainly not going to go through the racks of clothes with her. So I go to the “I was dragged here” to the men’s “Circle of Stupidity.” These are all the men that weren’t quick enough to come up with an excuse to get out of going shopping with their wife or girlfriend. I have never seen a woman in this area, I wonder why? Could it be they are shopping and won’t sit down as they may miss something on sale?

Once in a while a store will set aside a corner of their store for one of these areas and put a TV with ESPN. They figure the longer a guy can be amused, the longer she will shop and buy stuff. It will have soft chairs or a sofa to keep you comfortable. Some of the upscale boutiques will even bring you a cup of coffee, a bottle of water or a soda to keep the morons happy and content.

Then I have to magically retrace my entrance into the mall so I can possibly remember where I parked my car. Not always an easy task. And I love walking around with packages trying to find my car and I finally resort to pushing the key fob that locks the car and listen for where it's coming from. It means I am close to it. I have been know to even pop the trunk during the hunt.

See you on Thursday for Part Two of “I Would Rather Drop, Than Shop.”

As those who have read the blog previously, I like to keep my blog interactive. Do you have any famous shopping stories? Send them to me at steveblue22@gmail.com If they are funny and I have room, I will try to get it into the Thursday’s “Notes by Blue” Blog.

Crazy Things People Do In Traffic - Part Two

2011-09-01T06:25:00.004-04:00

Now to where were we when we left off on Tuesday, oh yeah, I remember. Blondie was driving down I-75 on a summer Friday afternoon with her long hair blowing in the wind. She had her sunroof down, beach music blasting, singing and seat dancing while cruising in her white Mercedes. She had just put her bikini top on and taken off her blouse to catch some rays as she was driving.

Next off was her skirt, that’s when it got funny. I was watching her wiggle and squirm, as she first threw her shoes in the back seat. Her skirt went next, and finally her panties. This was all at about 60 MPH. At this point all she had on was her bikini top and she apparently had a towel in her lap covering herself. Now it appeared she tried to get her bikini bottom on.

Unfortunately, in her quest to change quickly, she didn’t notice that a large semi had pulled up next to her on the driver’s side of her car. When those good ole boys first saw what she was doing, they slowed down to get a glimpse and stayed along right with her.

They must have let one of their fellow truckers know what was going on, as now she had big rigs on both sides of her and me laughing behind her. I wasn’t about to let go of my spot, as I thought to myself, this is amazing and no one will ever believe me.

With two large trucks on either side of her she must have thought they blocked out everyone’s view of her. Not a smart move, as each truck driver slowed down to get the best view possible.

That’s when the good ole boys pulled the chain on their air horns long, loud, and in unison, letting her know they were watching the whole thing. They got an eyeful as she was sitting and trying to scoot the bikini under her. She jumped as it must have scared her half to death. It was then, I think, she realized she wasn’t alone.

As she jumped up, her bottom part of her bikini must have dropped on the floor. Those boys about ran off the road. You could see her trying to get the bikini with her feet and finally had to bend over and grab it as she’s driving down the highway.

I started laughing as she again scrambled to try and put it on. Traffic then began to move faster, and the faster traffic was moving, the more difficult it became for her to get into that bikini and the more I laughed.

It was then she spotted the guy, riding shot gun in the truck on her left, hanging out of the truck filming her quick change artistry on his cell phone. Now, I was laughing with tears running down my face thinking, she turned what is normally the worst trip home, into a very memorable one.

You could almost visualize when those guys went to a bar that night with their buddies. It probably started out, “Y’all are not going to believe what we saw today, even have it on my phone to show you.”

So, whether it’s texting on your cell to your friends, or ladies when you are putting your make-up on as you drive to work, and guys when you have your knuckle up your nose, remember: you are never alone while driving. Somebody can see you and is probably watching you in traffic. They could even be filming you.

As I mentioned on Tuesday, sometimes I like to include my readers in writing the blog and make it an interactive blog and include your comments. Thank you all for sending me your comments, they were very funny! Below are the top three, I could print.

Here are the top three comments sent to me by my readers of the “Craziest Things.”

1. One of the funniest was an article sent to me by Dan Boehm written by author and syndicated columnist, the very funny, Celia Rivenbark on March 27, 2010 in the StarNews Online. Thank you, Dan, this is a classic!

http://www.starnewsonline.com/article/20100327/columnist/100329716

2. "The Online Journo" wrote me of two experiences he had that were crazy:

a. “I was driving between Al Khobar and Riyadh in Saudi Arabia when I was overtaken by a large black BMW doing around 150Kmh and the reader had a broadsheet newspaper spread over the steering wheel, reading while he was driving.”

b. “In Jakarta I saw a delivery guy on the back of a small motorcycle. Not unusual except that this guy was holding a pane of glass about 1.2m wide across his body. He would have been eviscerated had they hit anything.”

3. Richard Frisbie also commented: “Traffic was very erratic on a 4 lane highway in Upstate NY, I saw the cause of the craziness was an emu running up the yellow line in front of me, darting in front of cars when there was a brief break in traffic. The bird was panicked and confused by all the cars, but there was no way to help it. I was lucky not to hit, or be hit, by other surprised drivers.”

Thank you all for being part of the over 10,000 hits we have had over the last two months, as Notes by Blue continues to grow in readership. Be sure to return to Notes by Blue on Tuesdays and Thursdays for the next editions.

If you need to laugh, just click on one of the previous posts on the right hand collumn. If you have a moment, please send me your email address to steveblue22@gmail.com and I will add you to our mailing list to let you know what going on.

Please follow me on Twitter @slblue. I would love to hear from you, either add a comment in the section below or send me an email to: steveblue22@gmail.com Please be sure to forward the blog to your co-workers, family and friends.

Crazy Things People Do In Traffic - Part One

2011-08-30T06:25:00.002-04:00

While driving I am always amazed at what people do sitting in a traffic jam, sitting at a stop light, or even while going 70 MPH on an interstate highway. Today multi-tasking has risen to new levels and for some reason people feel that absolutely anything can be done while driving in traffic.

Some people seem to think they are all alone and totally invisible on the road. Idiots have been seen driving on the highway, reading a book at night, with the dome light on. Accidents have dramatically increased since cell phones became inexpensive so everyone has one attached to their hand and head. Some states have banned holding a phone and talking, you must use it with "hands-free" to talk. But talking and texting on their phone is not the only stupid thing people do, sometimes they go much further.

Throughout the years I have seen people having a “Bill Clinton-Monica Lewinsky moment” while driving and another time I saw a couple having going to it in the back seat while another couple chauffeured. But one of the funniest was when I was innocently driving home after a long business day in downtown Atlanta.

I made the mistake of having an appointment downtown on a Friday summer afternoon. I know better than to do that as it will take me forever to get home, because of our well known traffic. But, a client needed to see me and that was the only time he had before he went on vacation. Atlanta traffic is at its worst on Friday afternoon, as everyone heads to the various lakes we have within an hour or two (except of course on Friday afternoons) of our city. Most people change clothes at the office so they can be ready to get on their boat immediately when they finally get to the lake. Others will change their clothes as soon as they get to the lake.

At least one, I happened to witness, must have been late and didn’t want to obviously loose time changing at the office or change once she at the lake. I swear, this actually happened as I was sitting in traffic on Interstate I-75 at about 5 PM on a sunny warm summer afternoon.

I was behind a young strikingly beautiful woman in a white Mercedes. She had the sun roof open and her long beautiful blonde hair blowing in the summer breeze. To obviously get her into the mood, she had her stereo blasting with beach music. She was singing and dancing in her seat, during her “TGIF” drive. She was a happy lady!

As I was sitting in a typical Atlanta traffic jam, I was upset with how slow traffic was moving, when I couldn’t believe my eyes. Blondie had obviously decided to change clothes from her business suit to a bikini suit before she got to the lake. I was amazed she thought she could do it without drawing attention of others, but she did. Did I mention she was blonde, ah yes I did.

I was finally moving along at the speed limit right behind her car, so I had a great seat. With absolutely nothing else to do, I just kept up behind her and to see what played out. Traffic quickly slowed down to stop and go. Watching her drive and disrobe was fascinating to watch as I innocently drove home. Now I ‘m sure I mentioned she was blonde.

First, this young beauty attempted to put her bikini top on as she was driving. She took her navy blue suit coat off and threw it in the back seat. She was wearing a billowy white blouse, so it was easy for her to take her bra off and flip it with the suit coat. It was equally easy for her to put her swim top on under her blouse. I just laughed to myself as I sat there. Now, with her bikini top on, she then must have decided to slip out of her blouse, so she could get some sun.

Return here for Part Two for the rest of the story…… You won’t believe what happens next!

Those of you that have read my blogs in the past know, many times, my blog is interactive. I love when my readers get to participate in the blog. I know you have stories or funny experiences similar to mine in similar situations. Do you have a good story about what you have seen in traffic? Please share it, as it may make it into my blog. Please write me at steveblue22@gmail.com

So you want to be a Swan Keeper..... Part Two

2011-08-25T07:47:00.000-04:00

For the first couple of years our swans didn’t mate or nest. It was wonderful. I had them eating lettuce out of my hand. I was surprised how tame and gentle they were to me and my wife. I spent most of my business career on the road covering the Southeastern and sometimes the Southwestern states. To come home after the craziness of the road to these beautiful calming gentle birds was wonderful. It was the best medicine for a road warrior who needed some quiet time.

In the third year, I was on the patio and I heard this screech coming from the pond. I had no idea where it was coming from in the pond so I went closer to see what was going on. Turns out, they were mating. They have a ritual they go through and I am not going to take the time to discuss what it is, but they follow it every time they mate. It lasts about 20 seconds and then it’s over. In that they only do it at one time of the year, they do it many times a day, every day.

Once I videoed it to show my wife and family as the ritual is very interesting. I thought about putting it in one of those sex books or on the internet, “Swan Porn, See Duke Do Duchess” but I didn’t think it had much of a market.

Soon they built a nest near the pond. We were very excited as they were finally going to have cygnets for the first time. That’s when we found out how aggressive a male swan can be towards humans, in particular, me. The female would just puff up her feathers and hiss. He, on the other hand, would come after me with a vengeance. The first time he came after me it totally caught me off guard and I just took off in another direction and hid behind a tree.

I could hardly believe the little bastard wanted to bite the hand that fed him. I warn him from time to time that Thanksgiving was not far away and he could replace our turkey. From that point on, when they were in season, I carry a broom or an oar from my canoe for defense. Finally they had their first eggs around the end of March. Each is a bluish grey, larger than the size of a man’s fist, and weighs about a pound, as you can see in the picture below.

After about 36 days, or early May, we had our first 3 cygnets. They were adorable. It takes about 2 days before they all hatch and Mom immediately takes them in the pond for their first swim as it’s the safest place. This way coyotes, dogs and cats, as well as other wild animals can’t get to them. Normally she will have 3-4 eggs at a time. Once she laid eight eggs, only 5 were fertile.

During their first week of life, we have to catch the cygnets to pinion them. Now this is an interesting experience. The little cygnets can dive down about 10 feet to get away, but they ultimately have to come up for air, usually in our net. It takes 10 seconds to pinion them and put them back into the water.

Initially, it took up to 4 people, two in each canoe – one in the front to catch them and one in the back to battle Mom and Dad. The one in the back has the toughest job because the parents don’t give up. After falling in the pond a few times and getting smacked by Dad more than once, we finally figured out a process that works.

Once, I was mowing the lawn and down the driveway comes a “congo line” of swans. Mom in front, followed by the cygnets, then the enforcer, Dad. Turns out they were taking the kids on a walk around the yard. I had to direct the “line” back to the pond. It really is funny to see them do this.

From time to time a stray cat will come to the pond to check out the birds as a potential dinner. They never get close enough as the birds spend most of their time in the middle of the pond. The swans with their body warmth will keep a small area defrosted so they can have access to the water.

Once when the pond froze, as it does a couple of times a year, a stray cat thought “now is my opportunity.” He slowly crept up to them on the ice, Duke of course was watching him the entire time. When the cat got about 5 feet away, Duke stood up and extended his five foot wing span.

That cat turned around, and like in those old cartoons we saw as kids, tried to get away on the slippery iced pond. It was very funny to watch. Interestingly, the cat never came around again to bother the birds.

Once, my wife came down to the pond to see the swans and to give them some lettuce. She didn’t see them at first and then out of nowhere came Duke and literally scared her to death. She began to run and fell as he was biting her and hitting her with his wings. She heard this loud scream and she wasn’t sure where it came from, until she realized it was coming from her. She eventually got away. But to this day, is frightened and won’t get near her pets that she so desperately wanted.

This year’s swans were born on the day of my wife’s first chemo treatment. She was very excited as it was something good on a very rough day. The following day I went to feed the swan babies (cygnets) and the male attacked me, as usual. Unfortunately, I didn't have my broom to protect me so I took off when he headed for me.

I know better than to be around them without an oar or a broom. As I was running away, I tripped on an ivy vine and fell onto a fallen branch. I scraped and cut myself to the tune of 6 stitches in my hand. What a klutz!

As I was on the ground holding his neck with my bleeding hand and with my leg on his body (so he couldn’t hit me with his wings), I had an interesting conversation with Duke. My exact words were, “You could be dinner tonight if you don’t stop it and leave me alone. I could wring your neck very easily and I am very tempted to do just that.” For those keeping score it's now Humans -1 Swans - 2 LOL

What I found interesting is just before mating season the male will kick their children out of the pond and not let them back. Each year we bring the year old cygnets up to a beautiful Golf-Spa Resort in north Georgia called Barnsley Gardens. They help keep the Canada Geese off the grounds.

Don’t you wish you could do that with your children at a certain age, like when they are teens? If you haven’t read one of my previous blogs, “Our Children,” please make it your next read.

So if you are thinking you would like swans as pets, think twice. Or purchase two females so they can’t mate and go after you. While cygnets are cute, as all young can be, the protective parents are not worth the trouble.

See you next Tuesday when the subject will be, “People Do Interesting Things While Sitting In Traffic.” Have any interesting experiences while you were sitting in traffic? Drop me a line and if there's room, I'll put it in the blog.

Please follow me on Twitter @slblue. If you have a moment, I would love to hear from you, either add a comment in the section below or send me an email to: steveblue22@gmail.com

Please be sure to forward the blog to your co-workers, family and friends.

So you want to be a Swan Keeper..... Part One

2011-08-23T05:56:00.007-04:00

When we moved into our current home we inherited an English Mute swan. You read that correctly, a swan. The family that owned our home previously had a pair of swans, but the male and their last clutch all died unexpectedly prior to our purchasing the house. Part of the attraction to the house, at least for my wife, was the swan. She thought she was beautiful and how nice it was to have her outside our backyard pond.

We obviously never had a swan as a pet and we didn’t know what to expect in keeping a swan. Actually, as I child the only pet I had was a goldfish. Shortly after we moved in, the swan unexpectedly died. My wife was heartbroken that her new pet had died.

A few months went by and she started checking around to see where she could get a pair of swans. Being a very determined woman, she found who we call the “Swan Lady” about 50 miles from our home just south of the airport in Atlanta. I came home from a trip one week and she announced that she had found someone that sold swans and we were going to meet the “Swan Lady.” on Saturday.

Saturday came and off we went. After going down a long winding road, in the middle of nowhere, we came up to her house. There were animals everywhere. Llamas, geese, ducks, various types of swans, and most every kind of parrot I had ever seen. It was like being at a private zoo.

She and her husband obviously knew what they were doing in keeping all these animals that were in beautiful condition. She got us, hook line and sinker. We put a deposit down for a pair of swans and she said that she would receive them in a few months.

My wife was so excited, and all I could think of was that I would end up taking care of them. At the time, we had a Golden Retriever (Nick), a Cocker Spaniel (Buck) and an outside cat (Roy D. Mercer) that were more than a handful to keep up with. But, this is what she wanted, so this is what we got. Little did I know what was about to happen to me next.

When the time came, I drove out to the Swan Lady with one of our dog crates to bring them back to our house. When I got there, the price went up from the time we put our deposit down. I knew I’d better pay the new price or not come home. Now I knew how they paid for all those animals.

Reluctantly, I followed her to the two large pens she had on the property. Each had about a dozen swans. She explained to me the males had a tag on the right leg and the females had a tag on the left leg. The only way I can remember which is which is: Right Leg = Ricky or Left Leg = Lucy. She showed me how to hold them when I caught one. “No problem,” I thought to myself.

Now I had to go and catch mine. If you can imagine trying to catch a greased pig, it is probably the equivalent. I wish my wife had joined me in this swan experience so we could have videoed the adventure. As I look back, it was pretty funny.

After getting nipped at, swung at, and spending a lot of time on the ground, I finally caught the female and put her in the crate. Each swan weighs between 30-35 pounds and contrary to what you may have seen, they are very fast runners, and very efficient fighters.

Now it was time for the male. He was bigger, faster and meaner than the female. I finally lunged and caught one as I was on the ground after missing one, I was able to grab both his neck (so he wouldn’t bite me) and his large body (so he couldn’t take a swing with his wing at me).

All this time thinking to myself, why is a guy from the suburbs of Chicago trying to catch a swan? I must be crazy. None the less, I got him into the crate with her and off we went on our merry way back home to deposit them in our acre pond.

Being scared, as these birds were large and not happy being in a crate, I brought them to the edge of the pond and opened the door and ran as far away as I could. Eventually, they figured out that only one could get out at a time and they wandered into the water and their new home.

I must admit, they were beautiful as they elegantly swam around in the pond. Now we were swan keepers. Or more accurately I should say, I was now a swan keeper.

When I picked them up from the Swan Lady they were already pinioned (for those that are unaware, pinion means that a muscle was severed in one wing during their first week of life, before any blood vessels grew, so they were unable to fly away). In that each is about the same cost as a pedigree dog, we were glad they couldn’t fly away. We were amazed that they never stray far from the water, if they can’t fly.

Now, how and what do I feed them? I was told by the Swan Lady, I could get food at any Feed Store. What’s a Feed Store? Being from Chicago, I had never been in a feed store in my life. I saw them in old western movies, but me in a Feed Store?

Turns out over time, I was there often when I walked in they would yell out, “Hey Blue, the usual?” In my wildest dreams I never thought I would be known at the local Feed Store.

Not knowing any better, I bought a gravity fed dog feeder for the swans so they could have their food as they needed. After a while I found out I was feeding every living animal on our property, especially the chipmunks and squirrels. I posted this on YouTube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WTn63U6gpY

I had to figure out a way to stop these food thieves from eating all the expensive swan food. So I went to the local sporting goods store and asked one of the salesmen if they had anything to stop squirrels from eating all the swan’s food.

He said, “What you need is the “Equalizer” son. Follow me and I’ll set you right up.” I had no idea what he was talking about, so like a little puppy, I followed him to the back of the store. Then he got behind the counter and brought out a pellet rifle.

I quickly explained, the only time I ever shot a rifle was in the Army and I wasn’t very good. He assured me it was no problem as he attached a scope to the rifle. Not wanting to show my complete ignorance and stupidity, I bought it.

My wife thought I was crazy and very concerned I would either shoot myself or a neighbor’s windows. Actually, I didn’t do either. But let me tell you about my one and only time firing the rifle.

I figured as long as I purchased it, I better shoot it. I positioned myself behind a tree about 50 yards from the feeder. I loaded the rifle with pellets and I was ready.

Soon after sitting next to the tree quietly for about ten minutes, one of those pesky squirrels started snooping around the feeder. Here was my chance. I had him in the crosshairs of the scope, or so I thought. I found out later it’s a good idea to take practice shots and zero in the scope.

I gently pulled the trigger and I bagged my first game on the very first shot. I killed the feeder dead. I blew it to bits actually. I scared the squirrel and he took off. I scared myself pretty good as well.

To this day, that was the only shot I made with the rifle. I think my wife may have been closer to the truth when she said I was crazy. I thought I would quit before I actually hit something or someone. Anyone need a pellet rifle with a scope?

Then we bought what we call the Swan Bible. It was written by a vet in Lakeland, Florida on how to raise swans. I bought a different kind of feeder, put it next to my dock on the water with a lock on it, and never had a problem with squirrels again.

Tune in Thursday for the rest of the story and learn more about some of the weird experiences we’ve had with these birds.

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