Oh, Liz Jones.

I have discussed my issues with food before - the resentment of the time and energy it takes, the hatred of how ill it makes me when I haven’t been eating for a while. It makes this article difficult for me in more ways than just the unexpected sadness for a woman who cannot allow herself to, in her words, take part.

And at the same time, I recognize a life of mine that could have been. If I hadn’t found my own stubborn way to fat acceptance, there is no doubt in my mind that I would still be denying myself the world out of some misguided sense that I did not deserve it. I doubt I’d be thin - my body just doesn’t seem cut out for that. But the mind set? Oh, yes.

That manta - “I’d rather be thin than healthy or happy” - would be my watchwords and, from this distance, I feel a sharp pain for the me that might have been, for the other people who are still caught in that, for the people who, like Liz Jones, feel it is too late for them.

There is another anguish right now, too - it is the knowledge that, and I’ve already seen comments and posts to this effect, there are people who will admire her self-restraint, her “healthy” thinness (at 5′8″ and about 114 pounds). Because, you know, all fatties are fat because we live to eat and do nothing but and we’re all going to die after having limbs amputated due to diabetes. *sigh*

This is the world we live in, the world that views as admirably thin and healthy a woman who has clear and precise memories of the first time she refused to eat butter, who VOMITS up food that is not vegan on command and in public, a woman who herself exhorts people to stop being crazed about the beach bikini body. This is the world that ignores Liz’s voice and sees only what it wants to see - a thin woman who eats the way we are supposedly all supposed to be eating, a woman incapable of allowing herself even the indulgence of being happy.

ETA: One of the other things that immediately struck me as I read this article is how similar Liz’s experience with her sister was, in many ways, to experiences Harriet Brown has related, particularly the refeeding process. I have to wonder if Liz’s sister hasn’t read some of Harriet’s work. One can hope.

However.

This is really just another example of “Acceptable Fat is the fat I want to fuck.”

And, lemme tell you: You acceptability and worth as a person is NOT determined by whether or not some random dude would tap that.

I mean, I don’t usually bust out with the feminist polemics but when men try to offer that reassurance - or try to insist that fat is unattractive because of hip-to-waist ratio and that means it is unhealthy and socially unacceptable (while inviting reasoned arguments to the contrary - yes, spammed comment, I am looking at you) - it really grosses me out.

That sort of thing makes too many assumptions. Assumptions like, oh, I don’t know, the value of women being determined by their fuckability. And not their fuckability in general - their perceived fuckability by white, middle class, mainstream guys.

Do I even have to throw the word patriarchy out there?

It also assumes that all women are performing attractiveness for the benefit, specifically, of the mens. Maybe that’s why lesbians are both super attractive and scary to so many straight men? The idea that men are not, strictly speaking, necessary?

In any event, it is not the job of women to be attractive. We have shit to do that does not include providing, for example, entertainment for construction workers as we walk down the road. We have things to accomplish that are more important than being eye/arm candy, than being fantasy objects, than being representations of what the dominant cultural paradigm tells us we should be even if that image is completely unrelated to the reality of our physical being.

And, you know, this is not to say that women need to reject “looking nice”, for whatever value of nice they prefer, out of hand! I mean, I love me the hell out of some makeup, which I may have mentioned a time or two here. And I like pretty dresses and fancy shoes and I spend more time thinking about shoes than I do about, like, calculus.

But I also don’t NEED that stuff to make me acceptable. None of us do.

So if I don’t meet up with some random guy’s notion of fuckable, that’s actually okay.

Because you don’t have to want to have sex with every woman in the world, dude. Women have value that is not tied to your penis.

I’m not offended that you don’t want to pork me. (See what I did there?)

In fact, I probably don’t want to have sex with you either.

And that’s okay - you still have value as a person. I’m not going to harass you or make assumptions about your lifestyle or try to force you into a mold that would make you more sexually attractive to me (I’m just saying, men in black eyeliner = A++). I’m not going to treat you as though you are subhuman or somehow a waste of space and societal resources. Hey, we can even hang out in a friendly fashion and then go back to our respective personal spaces and have sex with people who DO find us each attractive and whom we find attractive in return! Our personal relationship doesn’t have to involve that dynamic - or the desire for that dynamic.

Just… Guys, get it through your heads. Your cock doesn’t determine my worth as a person. Not if you think I’m hot and not if you think I’m disgusting.

But I can’t stand Adele’s music.

There, I said it. Also? I don’t like Mika’s music one little bit.

Whew.

I do like the Gossip for the most part, at least. *grin*

Ultimately, I am so so glad that we do not have to all like the same things - I just feel kind of bad that I have the chance to support a fat musician and I can’t do it because the music itself just isn’t working for me on any level.

Are there fat icons that you want to love but just can’t because you don’t enjoy their artistic product?

But the reason I was there in the first place was to go to Kate’s reception - which I did, which was great. And on Saturday, as part of getting ready for the evening reception, I went and had a manicure and pedicure.

Now, maybe I’m just more self-indulgent than most, but it always surprises me when someone I know has never had a manicure or pedicure (for reasons other than economic - this is, unfortunately, a self-indulgence that is only accessible at a price). And the reason it surprises me is because it’s kind of totally awesome.

It’s a moment (or a couple of hours) when you have to sit still and let someone do something for you, something specifically to and for your body. For a lot of people, not just fatties, this can be really stressful because how many times are we told we don’t deserve that sort of thing, how often are we grossed out by something as simple as our own feet?

I know I’ve written about this in a massage/spa treatment context before - at least I think I have. And the tips for that sort of thing remain the same: call ahead to inquire about robe sizing and get a sense of the fat-friendliness of the spa, request a specifically gendered massage therapist if that aids your comfort level, rule of thumb: most massage tables are rated to at least 500 pounds and you can ask if you aren’t sure.

Going in for a manicure and pedicure doesn’t even require that kind of pre-req work, as a general thing. If you’re going for a super fancy pedicure, you can always call and inquire about the seat sizing ahead of time, but for most regular spa pedicures, at least as far as research and personal experience have led me to believe, you’ll be just fine. Let the nail tech know if you are nervous or ticklish or particularly sensitive or anything like that.

Getting a mani/pedi is not an imperative. You don’t have to pay someone to polish your nails - or do them yourself or care one whit. But if you’re into this sort of thing, being fat (or being nervous because of inexperience or perceived class differences) shouldn’t stop you. It’s the nail tech’s job to put you at ease. You can get recommendations from friends, you can call and talk to people on the phone beforehand. You can throw caution to the wind and grab a walk-in appointment (which is actually what I generally do).

Though I can totally recommend Juliana at the Ivy Spa Club in Minneapolis, Minnesota as someone who did not make me feel like I was imposing my unshaven legs and tragically neglected cuticles on her. *grin*

I just…. I see so many people walking through the world who think they do not deserve nice things. Often, it is because they are fat. Because a lifetime of abuse has left them with a certain attitude. It’s the sort of thing where we are all too good at policing each other for things Fat People Just Don’t Do - like when we get catty about “well, fat girls just shouldn’t wear skinny jeans” or whatever the latest hot nonsense is.

Let me tell you this: being fat is no good reason not to do something nice for yourself. I’d put together a fatty pedicure party if I were able - a bunch of fatties all hanging out while this little piggy gets polished Russian Navy and this little piggy gets a french manicure.

How many studies do we need before it's okay to have meat on our bones or understand that being fat isn't evil.  Another study from last year said that being fat didn't necessarily mean being unhealthy, and thin doesn't always mean healthy.

To me a dangerous message is sent when fat is associated with unhealthy and thin is associated with health.  A fat person might resort to dangerous diets and surgery just to lose weight (say the author of this blog), even if that fat person has no health issues.  A thin person may think "It's okay, I'm thin" to not engage in healthy habits.  

It means I’m on my way to Minnesota! I hope to see some of you at the Sunday reading in Minneapolis - Sunday at 6pm at Magers & Quinn!

I PROBABLY won’t wear the shiny purple leggings but I packed them JUST IN CASE.

Purple Lamé Leggings

I has them. And I have a few outfit ideas. But I thought it’d be fun to throw it out there to y’all - especially since, yes, I know some people think they are horrifying (LESLEY, I AM LOOKING AT YOU).

Honestly, that’s half the point.

I like my fatshion to be performative, half whoooo, yay, I like awesome colors, and half Try To Make Me Invisible, Punk. Obviously not everything I own is so… aggressively in people’s face, but I like fashion that is a challenge.

Since it’s the middle of the summer, I’m looking to pair these with some sort of swingy black top and maybe some black gladiator sandals.

What kind of outfit would you build with these? If any at all. *grin*

This is one of those crazy situations where I am finding the stuff I need - and Lane Bryant is even having their annual bra sale. This is the time to strike while the fatshun is hot!

That’s often how it goes - there’s good stuff and then nothing (these waves of plenty vary in timing according to personal taste); it’s one of the major problems with the inconsistent availability of basics. So, if they can, a lot of fats practice fashion hoarding. But if you’ve not got the available funds to stock up, you’re up the proverbial creek without a paddle.

In other words: Poorer fats can’t hoard.

Well, poorer fats can’t hoard as easily - I’ll offer the qualifier because there is always the person who comes in and says “well, they can save up!” as if it’s just that easy.

ETA: I am inserting a note about thrift stores: Fat clothes in thrift stores are like diamonds, dude. Hard to find, hard to recognize, impossible to count on. My personal theory is that because fats tend to hoard their clothes, fewer things get sent to thrift stores to begin with. And the larger you are, the scarcer the thrifting gets. Thrifting is also not a viable option in all areas.

At various points in my life, especially when I was fresh out of college, buying a new bra was an expense that I had to plan for months in advance. I lived in actual fear of my bras wearing out, of underwires breaking, of elastic giving up.

When I hear criticism of fashion choices made by fat people, especially when those criticisms are offered by young, smaller fats with some degree of economic privilege (which is not to dog on young, smaller fats with economic privilege - I’m just talking about my own issue here), I often wind up really angry. Not because there is a difference of taste but because that difference in taste eclipses and obscures the very real differences in available resources.

In the last few years I’ve had more resources at hand. But I remember with perfect clarity digging through big black garbage bags of second hand clothes that people would bring me - stuff their fat family members had dug out of their closets because they didn’t want it anymore. There’s a certain smell to clothes that have been bagged up and brought to you as charity, I tell you what. It isn’t precisely a bad smell but it’s there and it lingers.

It lingers in my outlook, too. I can afford to stock up on bras a bit more now. But that attitude of making do, that sticks around, too, and I think that’s why it can be so frustrating to hit the brick wall of “I need shoes” or whatever it is.

I realize this is kind of rambly, but I think it has to be because there are no easy answers to how to negotiate this. There is no magical source of stylish, well-made clothes that exist at an accessible price point for everyone (hell, sometimes that is true no matter what your price point, it seems). But the style standards for fatties - often enforced with particular stringency inside the fatty fashion community - are even more exacting that standards for straight sizes. I feel like there has to be a way to build our community with the understanding that socio-economics and class are real issues that intersect and complicate the already thorny issue of fatshion. Throw in other intersections of oppression and it gets even MORE complex.

And I think we should not shy away from that complexity. I don’t talk about fashion a lot here because my style is, to borrow a phrase from HGTV, taste-dependent. But also because a lot of my fatshion is built around clearance items and things scrounged from the back of my closet that are 10 years old. I mean, that sort of thing is not really useful to a lot of people.

But maybe it is. There are a variety of projects online, like The Uniform Project, Brown Dress, Wardrobe Refashion, and Wardrobe Remix that address the issue of sustainable fashion but none of them address the issue of sustainable FAT fashion.

Maybe it’s time we start talking about that for ourselves.

Another ETA: Unapologetically Fat has been posting a really great Sewing At Any Size series that I wanted to link to. I do want to emphasize, though, that sewing is not a cure-all. I totally recommend that people learn to sew but even gaining a new, resource-intensive skill can tax already stressed finances beyond the breaking point. Sewing used to be a far more economical way to outfit yourself but there’s a lot more emphasis on sewing as an indulgence, as a luxury - and that’s reflected in the cost of supplies. So, totally, if you have the resources, it will make a huge difference but please don’t assume it isn’t something anyone can just pick up.

Lilly makes the psychiatric drugs Cymbalta, Prozac and Zyprexa. Pfizer's website indicates it makes several medications for treatment of cancer.

Schwitzer, a professor at the University of Minnesota health journalism program, notes that such actions are conflicts of interest and violate the SPJ code of ethics. He cites a 2008 article in the British Medical Journal warning that "Doctors should be wary of the increasing entanglement of medical journalists and the drug industry."

So should consumers.

Keep this in mind next time you come across news reporting of medical or mental health issues, especially when drugs are involved.

I mean, it sucks when I’m trying to find a new doctor or when I have to deal with ingrained anxiety about being treated for an actual symptom (because my doctor is great but I still have anxiety). And it sucks when I’m waiting to board the airplane that has obviously been oversold and I’m the fattest person at the gate. And it sucks when I’m trying to negotiate my lingering resentment towards food and my need to, you know, freakin’ just eat something already.

But it mostly sucks when it comes to clothes. In other words, I would go out tonight, but I haven’t got a stitch to wear*. In other other words, I’ve started calling this problem The Morrissey Dilemma.

BuffPuff talks about this a fair amount: if clothes are a form of self-expression and we are denied the means to express ourselves, what then? This topic comes up on the livejournal fatshionista community all the time, too. And the other day I was talking with Lesley about the highly performative nature of my own wardrobe.

See, I have been doing freelance and book promotion stuff for the last month - it means I don’t leave the house except to go do THINGS. And, really, the cats don’t care if I’m wearing the same black yoga pants that I wore yesterday. And the day before yesterday. Don’t you judge me.

The cats don’t need me to make a statement about my identity because they know me - and they have brains the size of walnuts so, you know, there is some debate about whether or not they would even care. *laugh*

So, in many ways, for me, getting dressed is the hardest part of being fat. And that is pretty much the most ridiculous thing ever. I mean, it’s CLOTHES. It’s one of those things we’re all taught is frivolous and a waste of our time and energy (especially when we’re running late or, you know, in high school).

But, in my experience, being fat means your clothes are never just clothes - they’re a political statement even if you don’t want to make one.

My cats don’t care if I wear the same black yoga pants but, you know, I’m not going to leave the house in them. And only part of that is about identity expression. The rest of it is because right now I don’t have the energy to deal with people judging me based solely on that. Sometimes I do and I run my errands dressed however the hell I want. And there’s a lot of political and personal power in that, too, in being able to brush off the looks of “oh, look, a fat person in baggy clothes”. But getting dressed is incessantly a tiptoe through the landmines of what energy I have, where I have to go, and what clothing is available to me.

With more and more plus lines being yanked from stores (most of which never went to a size that I could wear anyway), getting dressed is more and more a battle where a ceasefire is not going to be called.

I think this is why so many fatties pull together true personal style - working hard to find elements that work for them and then making those elements distinctly their own. I love it when people post about the look they have worked to achieve - a blend of personal style and political statement and ingenuity because it is damn hard.

My style? Is not that cohesive. *grin* And sometimes it just doesn’t come together because I don’t have the damn tools. I stopped going dancing entirely at one point because I can really only dance in flat-heeled boots and I couldn’t find any to fit my calves.

And that is the essence of The Morrissey Dilemma. I could go to the coffee shop, but what the hell am I going to wear? I could go out dancing, but what the hell am I going to wear? I could go to the fancy evening event, but what the hell am I going to wear?

It’s not a matter of having choices and discarding them as not good enough. It’s a matter of just not having any choices at all.

The Morrissey Dilemma means accepting invitations based on what’s available in a carefully hoarded closet full of things that almost work, things that don’t work at all, and a few golden objects - if you’re lucky - that are perfect but may not be appropriate.

The Morrissey Dilemma means that I’ve been putting off going jeans shopping for three months because I don’t have time to deal with not finding any options at all. The Morrissey Dilemma means I always pack my clothes in my carry on because if I lose my luggage, I’m left with nothing but the clothes on my back.

The Morrissey Dilemma means compromising between self-expression and just putting something on because it’s what you’ve got.

I would go out tonight, but I haven’t got a stitch to wear.

This is why I haunt etsy looking at clothes even when I have no intention of buying anything just yet - I need a stockpile of resources when it’s time to buy. This is why I haunt Ross looking at dresses that are not seasonally appropriate (in as much as Florida has seasons). This is why being able to sew is a lifeline.

This is all really hard and I know it gets people down. It’s such a fundamental thing - it’s getting dressed. And while I think the new Beth Ditto line and the new stuff from Faith 21 is great and all that? It doesn’t do anything for me .

That isn’t a stylistic complaint. It’s a practical one. None of that stuff comes in my size. Even Target’s new line (which is not available in any of the local stores I have visited in an effort to at least look at it) stops at a 24.

The options are looking kind of grim, y’all. But I’m not staying in. And I hope you won’t either. We can go out tonight and we’ll figure out something to damn well wear. The alternative is just balls and we deserve better than that.

Whether it’s etsy or DIY or vintage, or some option that we don’t know about yet, we’re going to figure this out. No more staying in.

*From This Charming Man by The Smiths

It seems that Japan has done a study that shows that people in the "overweight" BMI category live the longest. And that it is more dangerous to be underweight than obese.This study was done on Japanese people between the ages of 40 to 79.  So much for dropping dead before 60.  This study was similar to ones done by the CDC which also said that people in the overweight category lived the longest.

But I say eat well and move and don't worry about your size whether it be big or small.

Check out fellow members of the Fatosphere Marianne Kirby of the Rotund and Gabrielle Gregg of Young, Fat and Fabulous on Good Morning America.  Many shots were filmed at my favorite store: Re/Dress. While Marianne and Gabrielle rock, there are some negatives aspects of the segment including the unflattering belly shots.

The Bad

Study Finds Higher Suicide Risk in Teens Who See Themselves as Overweight. This disturbs me because it's not just fat kids who are at risk but kids who think they are fat.  We keep saying we must make our kids thin, this is the result.

The Funny. (I decided to change this to give a more upbeat end).

I don't really like giving opportunist MeMe Roth any airtime.  However I just had a chuckle reading about her crusade against junk food at her children's school.  
"Her extreme methods have earned her attention before: The police were called to a Y.M.C.A. in 2007 when she absconded with the sprinkles and syrups on a table where members were being served ice cream."

MeMe Roth, sprinkle thief. Madame, if you must resort to theft, be bold: steal an ice cream truck.

But what finally got me today, what finally cut through me being mopey for no good reason, was this snippet that was linked to on the Fatshionista Twitter feed.

The idea that fat women would DARE to feel good about their bodies to the extent that they’d wear fitted clothing…. *GASP* *SHOCK* *THE HORROR*

And then I read the comments. The usual concern trolling, of course, popped right up. And then this: “Fats shouldn’t be pretty.”

That’s when I laughed.

Because, ooooooooooooooooh. It might be cloaked in the guise of “I’m just concerned about their health” but what it really boils down to is that the existence of fat women who look good seriously screws with people’s comfortable paradigms of rigid boxes and categories of who is okay to hate.

It’d be possible to draw parallels between that sort of behavior and lots of other oppressive, hate-filled behavior but I think it’s obvious enough - this is the sort of person who cannot handle anything they perceive as a threat to their own constructed identity.

That’s totally a bit of arm-chair psychology right there. But I think just a bit of critical analysis is useful here. We can even just look at the first two words and know rather a lot. Come on, deconstruction is not really our enemy. *grin*

Fats - we use that term but I don’t get the sense from the context that it’s quite the affection collective noun that we’ve turned it into. No, this is meant to be a negative usage.

Shouldn’t - Should and could are interesting words. I used to have an English teacher, when I was in grade school, who would correct students who asked if they COULD go to the bathroom with “Of course you CAN - the question is, are you allowed?” COULD and COULDN’T indicate ability. SHOULD and SHOULDN’T indicate responsible, one might even go so far as to say moral, courses of actions. It isn’t that fat people lack the ability to be pretty, it’s that they should not as a moral course of action.

I mean, if fat people were to run around feeling good and looking confident, ordinary people might get confused and find them attractive and treat them like actual humans who are autonomous beings! And, well, that would lead to dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria.

Maybe this is the real fear that rests below so much fat hate (and so much hatred of anyone who is “different” - whether it be people of color or transpeople or gay people or people who like show tunes or whatever) - the fear that they might have to question what they thought they knew about themselves, might have to feel their way through unfamiliar territory to be their actual selves instead of relying on media and pop culture to define what is acceptable.

Bah. Screw that.

Fats should be whatever the hell they want to be. They should be pretty or they should reject the very concept - either way, they should know that they don’t owe anyone anything when it comes to aesthetics.

Fats should dress however the hell they want. They should have the brio to wear fitted clothes or trapeze dresses or skinny jeans or phat pants or anything that expresses what they want to express.

Fats should make their own rules. Because fats? Can do anything they damn well want.

How cute is that?

Etsy is surprisingly awesome when it comes to clothing the fatties. And it’s especially awesome when it comes to clothing the fatties with custom-made clothing that is not as expensive as you might expect.

Who are your favorite sellers for clothes? There are scads of great jewelry sellers but I’m thinking specifically of clothes this time around.

Here’s some shops I dig:

Cupcake and Cuddlebunny
Jane Bon Bon
Jibri
Persephone Plus
Hissyfitoly
Selena Eon

ETA: Just found another one! I’m in love with the reconstructed denim ray gun jacket.

Vigilante Labs

In the end WLS is nothing but enforced anorexia and bulimia if you eat too much.  You are forced to eat a lesser volume of food. Unlike other starvation diets, bingeing can't happen because it will probably result in vomiting (and that's not bulimia how?)  

It's toted as a cure all but what you get in exchange for the possible remission of certain diseases (the surgery has no guarantees regarding permanent remission) are higher incidences of new diseases such as malnutrition, vitamin deficiency, supplements for life, gallstones, repeat surgeries, and a new one: a double risk of fracture (although this study needs to be repeated with a larger group). Oh and weight regain and death. 

MSNBC reports that risks of getting this hack-and-slash gut reduction are often underreported.

Yet many people get the surgery knowing that it could kill them.  Is it the new lease on life they are looking for or is it freedom from a fat hating world?  Is it really health or just the appearance of it?  There is so much pressure to be thin.  And I will be honest with you.  For my entire 17 years dietitng, I said I wanted to be healthy, but really I wanted to be "pretty". 

I can't stop anyone from getting it, but please at least ignore celebrity endorsements, pushy doctors and medical companies.  Read everything about the side effects before you do it. Please remember that your stomach and intestines are major organs, the side effects may be worse than whatever medical issues you have now.

ETA: Video’s up!

REDWOOD CITY, CA -- On Saturday, August 1, 2009 the Association for Size Diversity and Health will host special guest speaker Susie Orbach as part of their annual international conference in Washington.

Orbach, most famous for her 1978 book Fat Is a Feminist Issue , will discuss and sign her newest book, Bodies, published earlier this year. The evening event is open to the public, with eating disorders and health professionals especially encouraged to attend.

Bodies brings into sharp relief the startling trend of seeing our bodies as a site of production, something to “work on” rather than something that “works for” us. In the past several decades a globalized media has overwhelmed us with images of an idealized, westernized body and conditioned us to see any exception to that ideal as a problem. Orbach reveals the true dimensions of the crisis, and points the way toward healing and acceptance.

Orbach is an author, analyst and activist, co-founder of The Women’s Therapy Center in London and New York, and co-convener of the website www.any-body.org.

Conversations with Susie Orbach will be held from 5:30-7:30 p.m. Saturday, August 1, 2009 at the Dulles Airport Marriott Hotel, 45020 Aviation Drive, Dulles, VA 20166. Tickets are $35. Hors d’oeuvres will be served and books will be available for purchase and signing. Pre-registration is required by July 24.

Also included that evening will be the East coast premiere of The Body Positive DVD “Discover your Healthy Weight,” presented by filmmaker and The Body Positive co-founder Connie Sobczak.

The Association for Size Diversity and Health promotes Health At Every Size principles supporting education, research, and the provision of services that enhance health and well-being and are free from weight-based assumptions and weight discrimination.

For more information or to register visit www.sizediversityandhealth.org or call the toll-free number 877....

Truth is, I think they don't want fat people in their stores.  Fatties are for the discount stores, they aren't chic.  And retailers aren't interested in changing.

So I say, don't cater to us.  That's right, Bloomies, Old Navy, Macy's, Ann Taylor, please continue to cater to the small (pun intended) supermodel population.  I'll be at Re/dress, Torrid, Lane Bryant, Marshalls, Igigi, Lee Lee's Valise.  They can have all my hard earn money.   

I'll sit back and laugh while I watch the stores that won't cater to 66% of the population struggle to survive.