"Notes from the Fatosphere" via Fat O'Sphere in Google Reader

Don't Fret

2012-05-27T16:51:31-07:00

It is an unfortunate truth that most mornings, I have a tendency to dither about what to wear. In some kind of neurotic ritual, I spend a good 15 or 20 minutes every day trying on multiple outfits: trading shirts, discarding pants (maybe it's a skirt day?), scarf... no-scarf.... different scarf. It is a round-robin of matching and re-matching until finally I either hit it just right, or I give up and decide to love myself in whatever my best attempt at not-too-dorky happens to be that day.

I think this ritual is a bit less sadistic than it used to be, but it definitely has its roots in a time when I was not at all nice to myself, and every day was a horror of self-loathing where I couldn't see that I would ever look good in anything. I am relieved to be a kinder, gentler friend to myself, now, but this morning ritual, even with more of a neutral eye, still carries over. What gives?

Yesterday, I was stopped in my tracks by my sweet husband, who, watching my torturous daily ritual, simply said to me, "Don't fret." It seems like not so big of a deal, but it was said with such softness, like he had kissed me with words. I had this sudden realization that probably nobody is looking at my daily clothing choices with as much scrutiny as I am, and that if they are, I really don't care. It dawned on me that "Don't fret" was really more like intimate code for "love yourself as I love you."

I often wonder what I would see if I looked at myself through the eyes of those who love and care about me. I think about how I see my husband, my kids, my friends, my sister, my family. I see these people with loving eyes. I don't give a poop what they are wearing, how their hair looks, or if their socks match. They could be wearing potato sacks, and I would see through to their person. The person I love, and in whom I see smart, loving, funny, or even just downright amazing. I want them to feel good about themselves. I want my kids to see themselves as the strong, sweet, hysterically funny little men that they are. I want my husband to see how much of a genius he is. I want my sister to see how her passion and joy are needed in the world. I can imagine that the people in my life, the ones I am choosing to be with, want the same for me - they want me to see myself with love.

This morning I made a conscious effort to dress myself with the kindness of a loved one's eyes. I tried to trust my first instinct, and just go with what I liked. I tried to have fun choosing what to wear! I tried to be present to the fact that, really, I am so much bigger than this material self. Yes, I want to feel beautiful, but the beauty I want to see (and remember!) is more multi-faceted than just the clothing I choose. I want to see my beautiful body, and my beautiful spirit. This can only come through when I release myself from the negative tension created by fretting, and make room for the joy. The world needs my joy. It doesn't need my fretting.

Praise for ExtraOrdinary: An End of Life Story without End

2012-05-27T07:00:00-07:00

"A must read! ExtraOrdinary: An End of Life Story Without End is at once unique and universal. With brilliance and depth, Michele Tamaren and Michael Wittner write of love, loss and the enduring human spirit. This is a book that...

Dear Fat Person: You’re Not Welcome

2012-05-26T14:32:36-07:00

Author’s note: Characters are purely fictional. Trigger warnings for the kind of rank hate and annoyance fat people put up with every day.

Dear fat person,

1. You’re not welcome to have this job, though you’re the most qualified applicant we’ve seen. Calories in = calories out is so simple, and so obviously true. You being fat means you’re stupid and lazy, despite your qualifications and experience. What we will do if we have to fly you places, pay double? We also can’t afford someone like you on the company insurance plan. I mean, you’ve got to be pretty unhealthy being so big, right? But we’d be happy to have you as long as you sign a contract to be part of our voluntary Biggest Loser program.

2. You’re not welcome at the reunion. Don’t you realize fatness means you’ve failed, regardless of what you’ve accomplished since high school/college? I mean, look at your old best friend–she’s still super hot. What, you won a Pulitzer? Neat. Whatever. Isn’t your friend hot?

3. You’re not welcome in this fertility clinic. Don’t you realize people like you shouldn’t get pregnant? That you’re putting your baby at gigantic risk at all stages of its development? You will surely get diabetes and have a huge baby and need a c-section, and later you’ll overfeed your child and let it watch TV all day. People like you are ruining the next generation. However, we will sterilize you.

4. You’re not welcome to respond to my online dating profile. What made you think I’d be okay with dating a fat person? You need to make your profile all about how you’re fat, otherwise it’s false advertising, baby. You’re just trying to trick awesome people like moi into dating you. Like that would ever happen. I’ll still have sex with you, though. But only because I’m in a dry spell. You know how it is.

5. You’re not welcome at this audition. It doesn’t matter how good your acting/dancing/singing/modeling is. You’re an eyesore. Who wants to look at you jiggling up there, too-large, lacking so much grace by virtue of your fat (though your form is impeccable)? It’s unfair to the other actors and singers, darling. How can you expect them to be able to work with someone of your…proportions? You’re talented, so I’ll make a deal with you: come back when you’ve lost some weight, and we’ll talk. Kisses!

6. You’re not welcome to exist as fat, especially if you want to walk around in public, or to comment on the kinds of blogs or articles I like to comment on. What would happen if a workaday troll like me didn’t harass you, didn’t let you know how unwanted you are? You might get to thinking you’re, I dunno, accepted or something, like you’re not some big ugly problem, or that–heaven forfend–you have the same right to respect as nonfat folks or dieters. Hey, don’t blame me. It’s your fault for daring to be fat at us.

7. You’re not welcome to decide how to take care of yourself, if that decision doesn’t place weight loss first and foremost. I know. I’m a doctor.

8. You’re not welcome in this society, though we expect you to keep making contributions to programs you’ll be barred from using, and paying taxes for a war against people like yourself. Oh, and I’ll appreciate your vote this November, thanks!

Meet Herman Liss in ExtraOrdinary: An End of Life Story without End

2012-05-26T07:00:00-07:00

"ExtraOrdinary is a page-turner! Although I never met Herman Liss, I feel I now know him and am inspired by his modesty, goodness, and ability to delight in life, even at its most difficult. Written with clarity and insight, this...

Fatty Family Holiday Survival Guide

2012-05-26T03:03:09-07:00

This Memorial Day weekend in the US, families will gather to thank our Veterans. Those family BBQs often come with an unhealthy side of body shaming and food policing. If you’re headed to a family feast for the holiday, here’s an oldie but goodie post to help you through:

Your body is amazing – it breathes for you, pumps blood around all the time and does all kinds of cool things. It deserves respect and admiration. If people don’t recognize that, it’s 100% their problem and a big flaming sack of not yours.

Everything that people say to you is a reflection of where they are in their life – if people are engaging in body shaming, food policing or other inappropriate behavior, remember that it’s about them, not about you. You do not have to take it personally or internalize it.

That doesn’t mean that you have to allow it to happen either. You decide how people treat you and then you teach them how to treat you that way. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries and consequences and then follow through. It’s ok to stand up for yourself, it’s ok to leave the room, it’s ok to leave the State. It’s also ok to just get through it, but if you take that path may I suggest that you spend a lot of energy making sure that you aren’t internalizing those messages.

Good intentions do not negate bad behavior unless you decide that they do.

People are allowed to be on diets, but if they feel the need to be incredibly vocal about it consider that they may have some issues that they are dealing with. Again, this is a big flaming sack of not your problem. Other people’s choices do not invalidate your choices, and vice versa. Some dieters have a hard time with this – they need everyone to buy into dieting so that they can feel comfortable about their decision. That doesn’t obligate you to buy in.

Once more with feeling: Your body is amazing – it breathes for you, pumps blood around all the time and does all kinds of cool things. It deserves respect and admiration. If people don’t recognize that, it’s 100% their problem and a big flaming sack of not yours.

If you need some comic relief there’s new hate mail (with my witty retorts) up on my hate mail page. Enjoy!

Pre-order my book (for you and/or that food policing family member) and get an autographed copy and free shipping!

Fat: The Owner’s Manual – Navigating a Thin-Obsessed World with Your Health, Happiness, and Sense of Humor Intact, with foreword by Marilyn Wann is now available for pre-order. A book about living life in the body that you have now, making decisions about what you want in the future, and how to get there. Whether you want to change your body, fight for size acceptance, just live your life, or understand and support your fat friends and family, this book was written to provide the insights, aha moments, humor, and hard facts to help.

Join the Club, Support My Work!

I do HAES and SA activism, speaking and writing full time, and I don’t believe in putting corporate ads on my blog and making my readers a commodity. So if you find value in my work, want to support it, and you can afford it, you can become a member (it works like a fan club – you get extra stuff, discounts, and you’re always the first to know about things) or a you can support my work with a one-time contribution. The regular e-mail subscription (available at the top right hand side of this page) is still completely free. If you’re curious about this policy, you might want to check out this post. Thanks for reading! ~Ragen

QOTD: Health

2012-05-25T12:00:53-07:00

The debate about what exactly health means goes back to ancient Greece. Does health just mean living a long time? Does it mean feeling strong? Are athletes the epitomy of health? In fact, athletes suffer more injuries and illnesses than the rest of the population because they push themselves so hard. So who represents health? What about spiritual health? Ethical health? It’s amazing how much we project onto body type these days, through our grossly oversimplified idea of health.

— Ben Spatz

Filed under: Exercise, health, Media, OtherBlogs, quotes

Happy Friday!

2012-05-25T09:47:49-07:00

My last post/conversation on Facebook is still generating conversation which is awesome, but what's not awesome is more people jumping on the 'but you can't deny that our food is garbage now and kids run around less than they did before!' bandwagon. I think part of this weekend is going to be devoted to a complete rebuttal, even though evidence shows that the more facts you show, the less a person wants to listen. Cognitive dissonance ftw!

What are you up to this weekend, folks? I believe in the States it's Memorial Day weekend so I hope everyone takes a few to remember the fallen and honour the living. War is hell, an awful reality, and I don't support war in any form, but I *do* support those who feel they need to fight, the people on the ground who put their lives on the line for what they believe in.

Poetry is for Beautiful People?

2012-05-25T07:23:13-07:00

Start spreading the news…

Here is a fascinating interview with poet Eduardo C. Corral, who touches on the beauty paradigm (which in this case also means thin paradigm) in the queer poetry community in New York City. It’s sad that fat seems to automatically equal not-beautiful, or that physical beauty is a requirement to fit into an arts community.

A quote from the end of the interview with Corral:

EC: Beauty is on my mind these days. The queer poetry community in New York City is full of beautiful people, which makes me an outsider. I’m not beautiful. I’m overweight. I’m unfashionable. I live in the wrong neighborhood. But let me add: I’m happy. I love myself. I love my life in New York City.

I’m disappointed in many of my queer peers. So many of them want to be part of the hipster crowd. So many of them value looks over talent. The cool kids form clubs, become gatekeepers. So many of my peers are clamoring to be let in. I don’t want in. I want to write poems, I want to read, I want to support others. I believe in community, but I’m hesitant to reach out to some of my peers because I’ve already been spurned by a few. One young man told me, “You don’t look like the rest of us.” But I’m not going to let narrow minds ruin my time in the city. I will continue to show up at readings, at poetry events. I’m here. I’m queer. I’m big. Get used to it! (bold mine)

The interview started a firestorm of sorts when Jameson Fitzpatrick responded to inform Corral that beautiful poet Anne Sexton is awesome and it concerns him when people in the poetry community want to devalue his beauty and style…or something:

Though I’m impressed by Corral’s candor, and lament his experience of exclusion because of his appearance, I bristled when I read this. I found myself worrying that this sort of attitude, taken a bit further, could lead to the devaluation of something important to me—namely, fashion and beauty. Moreover, I’m afraid such an attitude sets up a false dichotomy: looks or talent, style or substance. I refuse to settle for one or the other. Silly as it might sound, I want to be beautiful and I want to write beautiful poems.

I’m not, of course, arguing poets need (or should) be good-looking, nor do I advocate exclusion within the gay poetry community on any basis. I’m certainly not claiming the hunger for celebrity I share with [Anne] Sexton is noble. But this is the truth of my life: I’ve wanted to be famous longer than I’ve wanted to be a poet. And I’m apprehensive about what happens when we privilege one experience of the world over any other. I may be young, I may be an aesthete—I may one day recall my great longing to be desired as frivolous—but I don’t believe that makes my experience any less worthy of artistic representation. (bold mine)

Fitzpatrick is calling out Corral for privileging the lives of non-beautiful, non-stylish poets over the lives of beautiful, stylish poets. In so doing he cleanly misses the point of Corral’s critique: that men like Fitzpatrick are already privileged and that Corral thinks that’s a problem. Fitzpatrick’s is yet another (albeit beautifully written) example of the privileged biting back when someone has the temerity to point out their vaunted social status.

Fitzpatrick wants to be his version of beautiful and stylish and a poet — fine. But acknowledging a poetry community privileges one version of beauty and style over another isn’t about taking away one’s ability to be whomever he wants, but an attempt to broaden the space for other interpretations of what it means to look like a poet. Fighting against broadening a space is fighting for the status quo, the existing definition that privileges one set of people over another.

Not sure which way I’m heading

2012-05-25T07:00:36-07:00

I am questioning right now if this post belongs on the Fatosphere feed or not, because I’m exploring some thoughts that may be inconsistent with fat acceptance and size acceptance philosophies.

Is there ever such a thing as a healthy intentional weight loss?

Many outside of the Fatosphere and size acceptance circles believe so. Within the Fatosphere and fat acceptance philosophy, the belief is that no matter how well-intentioned, no matter how small the weight loss goal, no matter how sane and safe the methods used are, weight intentionally lost will be regained, and in the process, health in the broadest sense will be impacted in a negative way.

I am not sure I’m entirely on board with that philosophy.

I’m not advocating for widespread intentional weight loss. I am arguing for body autonomy, and the right for people to experiment with mixing up their health-related behaviors to achieve their own goals. I don’t think fat acceptance is opposed to body autonomy, but being anti-dieting does mean removing dieting from the tool kit an individual has at their disposal to work with to achieve their health-related goals. I’m not pro dieting, and I’m not aligned with the forces out there making money off of dieting. But I wonder about safe, sane changes to eating habits that might get lumped in with dieting.

I’m making many assumptions here. But let’s start with this made up case study. Let’s take for example someone with a family history of type 2 diabetes. Let’s say that over time, their weight has increased, due to many factors, but including some that have to do with being sedentary, and patterns of eating that are entirely normal in their cultural context. Let’s say that this person has had their fasting blood sugar tested annually. And let’s say that a recent fasting blood sugar test revealed an increase in the fasting blood sugar. And then when the test is repeated a few months later, it’s still higher than what’s considered normal. What’s the best course of action, within what this individual is interested in and willing to do? Let’s say this person decides to begin exercising, and to change up some eating habits, and also has the intention of losing some weight — not tied to some ideal weight, but would use that as one of a few outcomes to track the impact of her changes. So, over time, the change to eating patterns and to going from being sedentary to more physically active does lead to a return to the normal range of her fasting blood sugar. And, it has also led to losing perhaps 15 pounds. The new eating patterns and physical activity are feeling like a new norm, and not a constant struggle (but an occasional one), and there is minimal regaining of weight, and for a while at least, fasting blood sugar stays in the normal range. Let’s fast forward a few years, and perhaps all of the weight is regained, but the increased physical activity is maintained, but her fasting blood sugar again is up, and this time high enough to warrant a diagnosis of diabetes. Appropriate diabetes treatment is initiated, and there are again adjustments to physical activity and eating habits, as well as some medications added.

What role would I say the initial, intentional weight loss effort at the time of diagnosis of prediabetes played in the big picture for this individual?

I would say I don’t think it was harmful, given that it was driven by the individual, that the focus was on what she wanted to have happen, and with the hope that she did not tie her self-worth to the weight loss, or view herself as a failure for weight regain. That may or may not be what happens in the real world, but if that were so, I am left thinking that the intentional weight loss attempt wasn’t the wrong thing. It wasn’t the only possible response, but it was an okay one. Again, this is entirely made up — not a real person, so there are no real outcomes to report.

One of the problems I had with Linda Bacon’s book Health at Every Size: The Surprising Truth About Your Weight is that to me, it advocated the same behaviors that are encouraged with weight loss, but without tying these behaviors to weight loss. I don’t have a problem with it now, but at the time, I thought, why would I ever eat less unless I thought I would lose weight? These days, I can see that for me, there are benefits to eating less overall, and eating less of specific foods, whether or not weight loss happens, but at the time I read that book, it seemed hypocritical to me — like it was advocating dieting but not weight loss. Of course, right there in the book Dr. Bacon points out that it’s likely to feel that way when you first read it, especially if you still associate changing eating habits with dieting rather than action you may take as a form of self-care.

I am in favor of self-experimentation with physical activity and switching up what one eats. I can see that in some cases, this may lead to a decline in weight, at least in the short term.

There’s something that comes to mind that Dr. Jon Robison writes in his article “10 Things You Can Do Right Now to Ease Concerns About Your Weight and Improve Your Health” that appeared in a special report from the Wellness Councils of America (WELCOA). (You can download the whole article here.) He writes:

Because the concepts that thin equals healthy and weight
loss equals better health are so deeply ingrained into
the fabric of our culture, after examining this different
approach people will often still ask this final question:
If I do all of this will I lose weight? The answer to this
question goes straight to the heart of the difference between
the Health-Centered and Weight-Centered Approaches.
The answer is that, if people follow the suggestions outlined
here, there are three and only three possibilities:
1. They will lose weight
2. They will gain weight
3. Their weight will not change
What is wonderful about this answer, unlike almost any other
answer related to this topic, is that it is undeniably scientific
and unarguably true. If people are above their natural
weight, they may lose some weight. If people are below their
natural weight, they may gain. If people are close to their
natural weight, they may stay the same. Which one of these
outcomes will occur is often not predictable. What is
predictable is that people will end up healthier and much
less concerned about their weight and their health.

I think my point is that if people do lose weight as a result of changes to physical activity patterns and eating patterns — whether or not that weight loss is maintained — is that bad? I think not. I do try to disconnect the concepts of health and weight loss and the behaviors that could lead to improved health with or without weight loss. I do think that on an individual level, if a person decides to make changes to their eating patterns and physical activity patterns, they will do well to keep Dr. Robison’s three potential outcomes in mind, and try to be as detached as possible from any particular outcome.

This is me next to a blooming dogwood tree. Photo snapped by a 6-year-old.

For me, doing a variety of things to better control my type 2 diabetes has resulted in a weight gain that has stabilized. I’m getting about 3 hours of moderate physical activity per week right now, and I’m not cutting back on my food intake, although I’m experimenting with what and when I eat — and, yeah, I wish my weight was down back where it was when I began the medication changes I needed to make six months ago. But I’m also in pretty good health — although there are some things I wish were different that do appear to be related to weight gain. I’m considering trying some other routes to diabetes control that might make it easier to eat less overall, by my experiencing less hunger, but I’m certainly taking the best possible care of myself at my current size, and fighting hard against any internal or external pushes to devalue myself because I’m at a higher weight — whether this weight gain is temporary or here to stay.

Beth D looks up to me, and I look up to this lot

2012-05-25T06:33:10-07:00

I'm working hard trying to wind up my PhD. I spend most days grimacing at my computer for hours on end. There aren't many laughs round here at the moment.

A little bit of sweetness came my way last night, however. I was doing the washing-up from dinner and my girlfriend came in, she had been online and had seen a link to a new interview in which superstar of the universe Beth Ditto name-checked me as one of the fat activists she looks up to.

I get love mail from readers from time to time, it started when I published my first book in 1998 and it's never really stopped, so I know that there are people in the world who appreciate my work. I see my book in libraries, dog-eared, underlined, well-read. Because my life is not very glamorous or well-paid, and because I know and have known abuse, these little messages are a great boost. Coming from Beth, though, well, that's really excellent. I have met some of my heroes and they are generally disappointing, but Beth is in another league; she has heart, humanity and politics, she makes you want to dance, and she lights the way. To think that I do things that she respects is really exciting. Despite my current gloom and angst, I have allowed myself to crack a tiny, sneaky, proud smile.

This morning I was thinking about the people I look up to in fat activism. Fandom has little interest for me because it is dehumanising, it's kind of flat. What I seek is deep and rich mutual engagement with people's work and ideas. In this way, I think of myself as standing on the shoulders of giants, and I hope that people will use my shoulders too (though credit me if you use my work please!), and that in time there will be towers of us, interlinked. In 21st century Western culture there's a faith in this figure of the lone leader but in fat activism I think this is a myth and I would advise scepticism of anyone who claims to have invented this stuff, or is looking to be the spokesperson for the movement, because there are so many fantastic activists who came before the current generation and I want to see them name-checked too! More than scepticism, I would advise people to visit an archive, ask around, and bone up on fat activist histories. My Queer and Trans Fat Activist Timeline project can help with this.

So I thought I'd name some names. There are many people in fat activism that I respect, but these people are the bomb:

Llewellyn Louderback left fat activism almost as soon as he started it, but not without publishing an article and a book that had a big influence on the movement. Over 40 years later, Fat Power is still amazingly relevant. He had a vision and the means to realise it; we should all be so lucky.

The fat feminists. These women, often lesbians, developed a political analysis of fat that included intersectionality, community and culture. Their feminism enabled fat women to locate the sources of oppression and liberation in everyday moments. Their work is often painfully obscure, but they are heroes in my world, the muthas of the movement, I am indebted to them beyond belief for their work, which has enabled me and many others to thrive. Sara Golda Bracha Fishman, also known as Vivian Mayer and Aldebaran, Judy Freespirit and Lynn McAfee are the key people who come to mind. They developed The Fat Underground into an organisation that defined fat activism, and still does to a great extent. Judy and Lynn went on to develop other significant fat activist projects, Sara helped develop fat activism on the East Coast of the USA, and produced this excellent article: Life In The Fat Underground. Elana Dykewomon and Judith Stein were also associated with these women. Elana published the most startling essays and poems documenting early fat feminism; Judith was an important mover and shaker in Boston, pioneering women's health, fat activism, and Jewish lesbian feminist politics.

Heather Smith used fat feminism from the US to develop a fat feminist community in the UK in the late 1980s. Other women were involved with the London Fat Women's Group, but it is Heather's articles and appearances in the British media at that time that turned me onto fat activism. One day I hope we can sit down together over a coffee.

And then there are the queers! Kathleen LeBesco's work championing the queerness of fat bodies and fat activism is visionary. Allyson Mitchell's activism and art blows my mind, the same goes for Scottee's use of fat in performance, and Substantia's abundance of fat photoactivism. The NOLOSE Board have navigated tricky waters around race and gender with imagination and integrity. There's FaT GiRL too.

I have friends and loves whose fat activism moves me very much: hello Amanda, Devra, Kay, and Simon. There are people, too, that I will never know, but whose images spur me onwards: Divine, Fran Fullenwider, Judith Clarke's photograph of Banshee that I found in the GLBT Historical Society archive in San Francisco.

I know there are many names I have missed out, the more I think of people, the more names and faces pop up. But this is where I will leave it for now. Perhaps you might like to share your own giants, perhaps here in comments, or in posts of your own.

Thankful Thursday

2012-05-24T23:15:51-07:00

Because it can be helpful to think about what’s going right.

1) My carpool.
2) Converting a favorite out-of-print exercise tape to DVD.
3) Allergies doing better.
4) The last book of Mira Grant’s trilogy is out and I loved so much of it. (The titles, in order, are Feed, Deadline, and Blackout. Do read in order.)
5) My boss is pleased with my work. This makes me happy.
6) That the other worlds I visit in books can take me out of myself.
7) The man of the house, who reminds me to eat and gives me backrubs when I feel low.

Filed under: fat acceptance

Can We Really Change Things?

2012-05-24T23:02:01-07:00

I get a lot of e-mails and comments from people who are discouraged by the amount of fat hate that exists, and how intense it has become. People sometimes ask if really I think that we can change anything. I also get lots of e-mails and comments from people asking what we can do to help create that change. Today I want to talk about both questions:

I do believe we can change things, because I’ve seen it happen. If you read this blog you know I rarely compare oppressed communities because I prefer to avoid playing the Oppression Olympics. I’m not trying to say that the Queer community and the Size Acceptance community are the same, but hear me out on this one:

In the summer of 1969 GLBT people had a mountain of prejudice in front of them. They were kicked out of public places in sweeps made by the police. Homosexuality was listed in the American Psychological Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical manual as a sociopathic personality disturbance. Lists of “known homosexuals” and their friends were kept by the FBI. Those who went to gay bars risked arrest and those who were arrested had their identities published in the newspaper. The Post Office tracked addresses to which queer-themed publications were sent. GLBT people were publicly humiliated, physically harassed, fired, jailed, or institutionalized. Until June 28th of 1969, GLBT civil rights groups had been using a non-confrontational educational approach.

Then, on June 28th, 1969 when the police raided the Stonewall Inn, a group of the most disenfranchised members of the GLBT community decided that they had had enough. They picked up beer bottles and bricks and spiked heel shoes and rioted. For the first time in, GLBT people fought back.

Forty three years later Will and Grace was a hit. We have openly gay politicians, actors, singers, comedians. People from Jay Zee to the actor who plays Captain America have come out in favor of gay marriage. As a member of the queer community I understand that we’re not there yet, but the Queer community has made tremendous strides in a relatively short time.

They didn’t give up using education and non-confrontational approaches, but they stopped pretending that everything was fine when it wasn’t, or that it was ok for people to “compassionately” put them in mental institutions. They stood up, they fought back. That’s how we make change. Nobody is required to be an activist, but if you want to work for change the good news is that there are lots of ways to fight, and it doesn’t have to be complicated:

The first thing we can do is just live. By doing what we want to do (shop, go to the gym, eat, take a pottery class whatever) in our fat bodies we help to normalize the fact that bodies come in a variety of sizes for a variety of reasons.

Be vocal about loving your body. Be vocal about choosing Health at Every Size. I think that talking about my SA and HAES is important and I don’t feel bad about it because I have to hear about weight-loss and diet constantly. We deserve a voice and at least equal airtime. They may not give it to us, but we can take it for ourselves. For tips on talking about these things check here, here, and here!

Speak out against weight bullying, body shaming and stigma whenever you hear or see them. If your employer sends out a weight loss e-mail, send an e-mail asking them to provide evidence, or telling them how it affects you negatively. When you see fat hate on the internet leave a reply – even if it seems like you are the only one or that you’ll never change the mind of the poster or other commenters, you’re not necessarily posting for them. You’re posting to put another tangible piece of HAES/SA into the world and for the person like you who is reading the comments and will now have another point of view. (Then you can post it to the Rolls Not Trolls community on Facebook and we’ll ninja fat bomb it with positive comments!) If you hear a fat shaming comment speak up, if you’re feeling non-confrontational you might try something like “I wish we lived in a world where people saw the beauty in bodies of every size” or something similar.

Be a big fat role model for whatever you love to do – it gives other fat people the idea that they can be a big fat role model. Tell anyone who says you’re “promoting obesity” to fuck right the hell off.

But it starts with just you, by yourself somewhere, deciding that you have had enough, that’s it’s time to pick up a rock and throw it – not because you’re sure it will change the world, but because you’ve had enough and it’s time to fight back and that if they want a war, you will give them one. As for me, I refuse to become collateral damage in the war on obesity – I will be a Size Acceptance warrior and together we will change the world.

There’s still time to Pre-order my book and get an autographed copy and free shipping!

Join the Club, Support My Work!

What I Wore: “If You Should Ever Leave Me, Well Life Will Still Go On Believe Me”

2012-05-24T13:37:49-07:00

Hey Curvy Chicks!

Ok, I will be the first to admit that today I feel like some rock n roll/RainbowBrite/teenage rebellion version of a Sister-wife LOL. I think its the height of my pompadour and how it ended up setting itself today in a combination with the maxi dress which is a length I don’t typically venture to since I’m such a shorty. Whatever this look really is though, I am loving it and that’s what counts! Today is a pretty basic day for me, running some errands, hanging around the house working on a few things and I decided it was a perfect day to show off my new maxi dress sent to me by my lovely friends at IGIGI and embrace the style and the level of ease and comfort that comes along with it!

Spike Earrings: Fuego/Octopus Necklace: Gift From Mom/Antonia Dress In Lagoon Blue: IGIGI (Gifted)/

Bangles: Torrid/Animal Print Flats: Maurices

I have been dying to get my hands on a designer maxi dress perfect for Summer and when I saw the Antonia Dress in Lagoon Blue on the IGIGI site I knew I had found just what I was looking for. I instantly was attracted the fact that this dress was intended to hit the woman wearing it just above the ankle which made me feel like it would actually be a great maxi length for my 5’4″ frame. I WAS RIGHT! I love being right. While this dress would be fabulous just above the ankle on a taller woman it hits right at the floor on me making it perfect to wear with flats, which I never imagined I would be able to do. The second thing that caught my eye about this dress was the beautiful color. The Lagoon Blue is so majestic, bright and summery I thought it would be a perfect addition to my wardrobe to brighten things up with the ability to dress it up or dress it down. The quality of this dress is exactly what I have come to expect from IGIGI with high quality fabrics and special attention to detail. It is so soft and comfortable and is also so flattering with the short sleeves, v-neck, and of course the stunning princess knot that is the perfect addition to the waistline. Proof again that IGIGI is always bringing pieces designed with our curves in mind. I received the dress in a size 18/20 after following the size charts and it fits very true to size and honestly like a dream. I don’t think I could ask for a better dress for my shape and for the look I was after. To make the look a little bit more me I accessorized with some spike earrings, my octopus necklace, bangles and animal print peep toe flats. Such a fun look for me today thanks to IGIGI!

What are you wearing today?

xoxo

Stiletto

Adipositivity 547

2012-05-23T17:00:00-07:00

Adipose: Of or relating to fat. Positivity: Characterized by or displaying acceptance or affirmation. MISSION: The Adipositivity Project aims to promote size acceptance, not by listing the merits of big people, or detailing examples of excellence (these things are easily seen all around us), but rather, through a visual display of fat physicality. The sort that's normally unseen. The hope is to widen definitions of physical beauty. Literally. The photographs here are sometimes close details of the fat female form, often without the inclusion of faces. One reason for this is to coax observers into imagining they're looking at the fat women in their own lives, ideally then accepting them as having aesthetic appeal which, for better or worse, often translates into more complete forms of acceptance. The women you see in these images are educators, executives, mothers, musicians, professionals, performers, artists, activists, clerks, and writers. They are perhaps even the women you've clucked at on the subway, rolled your eyes at in the market, or joked about with your friends. This is what they look like with their clothes off. Some are showing you their bodies proudly. Others timidly. And some quite reluctantly. But they all share a determination in altering commonly accepted notions of a narrow and specific beauty ideal. Bookmark adipositivity.com and check back often, as new photographs are added regularly(ish). And please help spread the message. The Adipositivity Project: Changing attitudes about the aesthetic validity of big women, one fat fanny at a time. ABOUT THE PHOTOGRAPHER: Substantia Jones’ photography has been exhibited in galleries and museums throughout the US East Coast, and has appeared in The New York Times, Time Out New York, and some other publications she can’t recall at this time, but you probably haven’t heard of them anyway. She is biographied in the 2006 Who’s Who in America (though under the name her momma gave her), and back in the day, she won some photography awards which would sound somewhat Mayberry if listed here, but at the time, they damn near made her cry. Still kinda do. She lives in Manhattan, where she also sometimes steps out (more like lays around) in front of the camera, and on some of those occasions, the snapping is done by her trusty sidekick, Dr. H, who also fetches her banana popsicles and maintains her muse, a certain pancake colored dog who’s asked that his name not be mentioned on the Internet. Ms. Jones likes crispy calamari, Squidbillies, and the ika okonomiyaki from Otafuku in the East Village, if only the lines weren’t so long. Thou shalt not reproduce without permission. Except for babies. Make all o' them you want. © The Adipositivity Project 2007-2012

Making sense of obesity dollar statistics. If you can.

2012-05-20T09:33:06-07:00

This morning I came across this article by David Katz on Huffington Post: Obesity, Be Dammed!

First, I love how the author is so proud of his clever title. He literally spelled it out for us, to make sure we got it. (Did you feel his elbow in your ribs?)

Second, this is really just another boring eat-less-exercise-more article with a belabored tie in to childhood drowning.

It was this sentence that caught my eye, though:

The novel elements that figured in the programming this time around included, for one, a new perspective on the price tag — the opportunity to save, or spend, over a half-trillion dollars on obesity between now and 2030.

It isn’t very well written, and I had to go to the link to get what he was trying to say. The report that Katz is talking about in this article suggests that finding a cure for obesity would save the US over half-a-trillion dollars. Apparently, Katz finds this a stunning turn around from talking about fat people costing the US over half-a-trillion dollars. Whatever.

But here’s where I wish I could raise my hand in front of my laptop and ask a question.

Does that half-a-trillion represent all the health care a fattie needs in a lifetime? Just the obesity-related diseases? How much does treatment for diabetes, heart disease, and . . . whatever . . . cost non-fat people? It’s so simplistic to throw a big scary number out there, without delving a little deeper.

Book Review: FAT KID RULES THE WORLD by K.L. Going

2012-05-18T08:33:26-07:00

Okay. I haven’t posted in months. I’m a bad, bad, blogger. It’s weird to jump back in with a book review, I guess. But I’m going there. Because I stayed up until two this morning finishing K.L. Going’s Fat Kid Rules the World, and it absolutely rocked my world.

In a nutshell, Fat Kid Rules the World, is about a kid named Troy Billings who is 17 and weighs 300 pounds. He’s standing on a subway platform contemplating suicide, when he is interrupted by a filthy homeless kid named Curt MacCrae who turns out to be a musical legend at Troy’s high school. A punk rock guitar god. And that fast, Troy’s world changes. Because Curt decides to start a punk rock band called Rage/Tectonic, and names Troy (who doesn’t know how to play the drums) his drummer.

Troy hates himself. His life revolves around deciding whether or not people are laughing at him (usually, he concludes that they are) and whether or not what they are laughing at is really funny. His hyper-self-consciousness is so real. His feeling of taking up too much space made my heart hurt. And then watching that unwind as he learns how to play the drums, and internalizes the idea that yes, the rock god wants to be his friend (in public even), is seriously great.

I love that the story starts with Curt saving Troy, and ends with Troy saving Curt. I love that the military dad who sends his kid to fat camp and nutritionists and obsesses over his weight, gets it at the end and turns out to be kind of a rock star himself. I love that the story doesn’t tie up in a pretty bow, but that the main feeling at the end is hope. I love that Troy starts and ends the novel at 300 pounds and that in the final scene he embraces his bigness.

Fat Kid Rules the World is strongly grounded in the real world. There’s child abuse, neglect, homelessness, suicidal depression, drug use, several F bombs. But one of the things that turned me on the most was the feeling that when Troy meets Curt, he might has well have been following the white rabbit. The punk rock world he finds himself in is his Wonderland. I think what I love most of all is that Going has created a world where the fat kid and the skinny neglected kid can be punk rock legends in their own time. I want to live in that world.

This book wasn’t perfect. In places, Troy’s inner self-bashing dialogue was a little heavy-handed. The book is less than 200 pages long, so I think there was room for the plot to unfold a little slower. Especially at the end, when the big revelations piled on each other. But these things are so small in comparison to the awesomeness that is this book as a whole. Please read it. And then give it to a kid to read. Share it with a friend.

Shop Til You Drop: New City Chic Favorites ON SALE!

2012-05-24T06:21:24-07:00

Hey Curvy Chicks!

Last night I was having a hard time sleeping so I of course spent the wee hours of the morning doing what I do best, SHOPPING! I visited some of my tried and true retailers that I hadn’t checked out in a few weeks and came across not only some awesome new pieces at preferred retailer City Chic but also realized that all of the items on the site are currently marked down for some steals on Spring and Summer fashions! Check out my favorites:

Ombre Dream Maxi Skirt (btw I totally bought this!)

Hi-Lo Wrap Dress

Graphic Dip Dye Tunic

Wild Dyed Maxi Dress

As I mentioned before EVERYTHING is marked down at City Chic right now which is great for stocking up on some awesome new pieces for Summer. Also if you are looking for plus size shorts that are made with your curvy curves in mind I highly recommend the shorts from City Chic, as I have quite a few pairs of them that I LIVE IN all summer long. Free shipping as always is some extra icing on the shopaholic cake, thanks City Chic!

What do you think of the items I selected? See anything else that caught your fancy?

xoxo

Stiletto

Dieting and Logic Make Poor Bedfellows

2012-05-24T00:36:57-07:00

There are a couple of things that I see used as “proof” of why we should continue to cling to the idea that intentional weight loss is a good idea that involve some seriously questionable logic.

The first and most obvious issue is that, while most people can lose some weight on almost any diet, almost everyone gains it back in the long term. We have no idea how to make people permanently thin. But we get fooled into believing that if temporary weight loss is possible then permanent long term weight loss must also be possible by just doing the same things for longer, or forever. There’s absolutely no reason to believe that. In fact, the evidence shows the opposite.

The evidence we have says that nearly everyone regains the weight within 5 years no matter how they lost it. So a lot of studies stop follow up after a few months or a year and say “See, look – it worked!” I’ve actually seen studies where the researchers said “we assume that if the weight stays off for a year then it will stay off permanently.” That’s a completely ridiculous thing to say in general for a researcher, but especially when the data we DO have says that weight is regained in 2-5 years. The diet industry has refused to study long-term efficacy of dieting because it would be “too depressing for their clients”. That’s like giving women thalidomide for morning sickness but not tracking the incidence of birth defects because it’s “too depressing for future moms.” How is this defensible? If you can’t get funding for a study with 5 year follow up then any study that you do on weight loss at this point is a waste of money.

The next faulty logic they employ is the belief that losing weight will make people healthier. This weight loss = health idea is based on the assumption that becoming “normal weight” is the same thing as having always been “normal weight”. There’s no proof that’s true – that assumption has never been tested. People come in lots of different sizes for lots of different reasons. In some cases illness causes weight gain, or medication, the person’s natural body size, or something else. Not to mention that the weight loss/ weight cycling process itself could cause health issues, weight loss causes a host of physiological reactions that change the body’s metabolism and athletic potential, sometimes permanently.

By far the most common outcome of weight loss attempts is weight gain, that much is clear. Weight loss attempts have the exact opposite of the intended effect a staggering percentage of the time. It’s possible that fat people have shorter life spans than thin people, or have more illness than thin people (though I think the evidence shows that is mitigated by healthy habits) but if being fat is bad for us then dieting is the absolutely LAST thing anyone should be recommending since the most likely outcome is that we’ll be fatter. It’s like saying that the only way we know how to help joint pain is for people to fly, so everyone with some knee pain should grab a sheet and jump off their roof. If they don’t want people to be bigger than they are now, then recommending weight loss is the worst idea.

Based on the weight loss industry’s numbers, the more dieting we’ve done the bigger we’ve become (since they tell us that obesity has increased at the same as their profits) Yet the recommendation that we keep hearing is that we should keep trying to lose weight. This is just nuts! Anyone can see that it’s not going to work. Putting bunches of people on diets sets us up for years and years of “obesity epidemic” rhetoric since dieting will reliably create bigger people. The only people who benefit from this are the ones selling the diets…hey, wait a minute – you don’t suppose that’s what this is about do you? They have over 50 years of data to say that their product will work in the short term, fail in the long term, but that people will just keep coming back from more. Plus they get to use the money we paid them for the product that didn’t work to sell it to us again (including celebrity endorsers who get paid more than 30,000 a POUND to lose weight) to sell the product back to us. What the hell?

I wonder how much encouragement of weight loss there would be if we all stopped giving money to the weight loss industry. No weekly Weight Watchers fees, no $20,000 stomach amputation surgeries. If we de-funded the diet industry there wouldn’t be anyone left to spend millions of dollars (to make billions of dollars) selling us magic beans that, in billions of tries over half a century, have never reliably produced beanstalks.

If you’re looking for some inspiration, a slideshow that a number of us have been working on for a while is finally up on NBCs iVillage! Thirty Three women who said “I quit” to dieting and are happier and healthier for it!

Don’t Forget to Pre-order my book and get an autographed copy and free shipping!

Fat: The Owner’s Manual – Navigating a Thin-Obsessed World with Your Health, Happiness, and Sense of Humor Intact, with foreword by Marilyn Wann is now available for pre-order. No diet tips, no magic beans. Just a book about living life in the body that you have now, making decisions about what you want in the future, and how to get there. Whether you want to change your body, fight for size acceptance, just live your life, or understand and support your fat friends and family, this book was written to provide the insights, aha moments, humor, and hard facts to help.

Join the Club, Support My Work!

I do HAES and SA activism, speaking and writing full time, and I don’t believe in putting corporate ads on my blog and making my readers a commodity. So if you find value in my work, want to support it, and you can afford it, please consider a paid subscription (it works like a fan club – you get extra stuff, discounts, and you’re always the first to know about things) or a one-time contribution. The regular e-mail subscription (available at the top right hand side of this page) is still completely free. If you’re curious about this policy, you might want to check out this post. Thanks for reading! ~Ragen

Facts are Bullshit

2012-05-24T19:25:10-07:00

Who needs facts when you've got prejudice and 'common sense' on your side? Obviously not this guy. Trigger warning for diet and weight loss talk, classism and fatphobia. A conversation courtesy of an image on Facebook on a friend's wall. The D00D is not my friend, thankfully, but a friend of a friend.

Me: Besides crap food being more readily available and cheaper than the nutrtional stuff, obesity is a 70% inheritable trait. Fat kids likely have fat parents and other close family.

D00D: buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuullshit. fat kids are fat because they eat crap and dont excersise. 70% inheritable through lifestyle perhaps, but dont give me the genealogy thing here.

Me: Call buuuuullshit all you want, I'll show you the NYT article that quotes the study, buddy. The calories in/calories out, fat just because of diet argument wont fly with me, because IT is bullshit. I strongly recommend you read this article and educate yourself before you further embarass yourself on V's facebook wall. (Fatstronauts 101 by Melissa McEwan at Shakesville)

D00D: so let me get this straight, you dont think that a dramatic change in the types and style of food consumption, coupled with the dramatic changes in our lifestyle habits has much to do with the rampant obesity in children? kids are fat asses today because they traded home cooked staples full of vitamins and nutrients for quick fix costco ready made meal, and thats when they are not eating at McDonalds. they traded in exercise in the streets with their friends for wii tennis and world of warcraft. they traded in moderate eating habits for eating massive amounts of food because it gives them something to do during their sedentary, boredom filled day. Im tired of hearing politically correct reasons for why our new generations are failing biologically and cognitively - it is of our own construct and it is time we take ownership of it. put down the fries and pick up some greens... and do some sit ups - problem solved.

Random Friend: Yay! Classism and fatphobia! MY FAVESIES! (I had to 'like' her comment because damn, spot on.)

Me: "put down the fries and pick up some greens... and do some sit ups - problem solved" LOL FOREVER. If there was a guaranteed way to make fat people thin, we'd be all over that, but there isn't, so the diet and weight loss industries get to keep making billions of dollars a year off of fat people's insecurity and the OMGOBESITYEPIDEMIC!!!! 95% of diets fail, and I'm not talking the fad diet kind. Every time someone diets, 95% of the time the weight comes back with friends. D00D, did you even read the entire article? Noone is saying that some people aren't fat because of poor diet and/or bad excersise habits. My point is, and same with the article, is that it's a much more complicated situation, and 'put down the french fries and go run some laps' is not, and has never been, the solution. If it WAS there wouldn't be a fat person on the planet-there are no social, emotional or mental benefits from being fat. Many fat folk would trade their existance of constant ridicule and mockery in a heartbeat if simply moving more and eating less would do the trick. IT DOESN'T.
Sorry, V, but your buddy there obviously has no idea what he's talking about and while he's entitled to his own opinions, he's not entitled to his own facts.

(I posted up a couple of more links to data and such, hoping he'd either read and change his mind (HA!) or at least shut up gracefully, but to no avail.)

D00D: no i did not read the article fully. in fact, i did not read it at all. i didnt read it for the same reason i wouldnt read christian science articles explaining away fossil records of dinosaurs. because its bullshit. kids are fatter than ever, and its not because of genes. and yes, there is a miracle cure - diet and exercise. and no, not everybody would jump on it because it implies work and dedication to a healthy lifestyle. putting down french fries and doing laps is definitely a solution, and one that works a hell of a lot better than accepting a false fact that you are per-disposed to being fat and then eating whatever the hell you want. lets put it this way - there were no fat cave men, in developing nations where food is not scarce and an active lifestyle is had there is very low levels of obesity.

Me: Your need to hang on to your own prejudices in the face of evidence is telling. I'm sad for you. Since you wont bother to educate yourself, this convo is indeed over.

A 50-75% Chance of "Needing" a Cesarean?

2012-05-23T21:53:28-07:00

Another gem from My OB Said What?!?

“You Have A 50-75% Chance Of Needing A Cesarean Section Next Time…”

“You have a 50-75% chance of needing a cesarean section next time, because you are short and overweight.”

– Perinatologist to mother during preconception meeting...after the mother had already had a successful vaginal birth

This is how many doctors perceive us because of our size (both height and weight). They simply conclude that there is virtually no way for us to birth a baby vaginally, never considering that their own biases around size and their common interventions with short/fat women (inducing early, having a low threshold for surgery) influences these outcomes.

The kicker here is that this woman has already had a vaginal birth, and despite difficult conditions too. Once you've had a vaginal birth, your chances of having another is greatly increased....yet in his eyes, this doesn't really count at all if you are fat and short.

Older women get the same kind of grief. And so do VBAC moms. And it's all nonsense, frankly.

Yes, there is some research showing higher c-section rates in fat women, older women, short women, blah blah blah. But RARELY do they consider whether it's really that "risk factor" or instead the way they manage the labors of these women and the fear they have around these risk factors that increases the cesarean rate more than the risk factor itself.

In obstetric research,the problem is always assumed to be with the woman. Not the care provider's management or perceptions of risk, but somehow the fault of the woman herself (or her obesity, or her age, or her shortness, yadda yadda). I almost never see studies raise the question of provider perception or management at all.

It's time for care providers to recognize that their management of women is an integral part of high c-section rates in certain groups...not the only factor, but a much stronger factor than is generally acknowledged.

I have a dear online friend who is currently having a difficult time finding a provider who will support her for a VBAC. This despite the fact that she has already had TWO VBACs. It doesn't matter; they just see that she's fat and had a prior cesarean.

This is really pissing me off. Especially since I'm all of the above. I'm short, "morbidly obese", old, and a VBAC mom. Most doctors would look at me and tell me I had NO chance of having a vaginal birth because of these four risk factors....and yet I did. Twice.

Risk factors are not absolute sentences. MOST women, even with risk factors, can birth just fine, if they can just get care providers to "let" them have an adequate chance at it.

It's long past time for care providers (and researchers) to recognize that the way providers manage and perceive women with risk factors has a lot to do with the outcomes associated with them.