Notes from the School Psychologist

Educational Solutions Expo--Free Knowledge!

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca) — Sat, 13 Feb 2016 03:51:00 +0000

Hi everyone! How many of you school psychologists are coming off a week long beignet, hurricane, and knowledge-fest at the NASP conference in New Orleans? Don't worry, I'll was here all week working on reports. SAD FACE.

On the bright side...if you didn't get a chance to NASP it up in NOLA, there is some free knowledge that you can take part in in the next week and half! From February 13-21st, 2016, there is a free online summit with 25 experts who will be talking about strategies for struggling learners. Even if you went to NASP, you can never get enough knowledge, so you can join too!

I will be hosting a talk on ways to support students with executive functioning challenges on Friday, February 19th at 1pm PST, and it would be swell if you'd join me! Just click on this link to register and you will be sent all the great details.

Some other goodies include experts on:

Bullying Prevention, ADHD, Family Conflict, Anxiety, Autism, Learning Disabilities, Grief, Hearing and Visual Impairments, Dyslexia, Dysgraphia, Tourette Syndrome, Irlen Syndrome, Traumatic Brain Injury, Nutrition, Learning Styles, Employment, Behavior Problems, Improving Self-Esteem, and Parenting.

Hope to have you join me and the other fabulous experts! Sorry, no beignets or hurricaines will be served. #sosadImissedNASPinneworleans!

5 Things for School Psychologists to Do this Summer

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca) — Fri, 03 Jul 2015 16:44:00 +0000

July is the best month for school psychologists and you know it. June still has some lingering thoughts of the 60-day dash to get everything done before summer and August is tainted by thoughts of sitting in professional developments about how to fill out your timesheet or Medi-cal billing or some such fun. But July...oh sweet July...there's time to do whatever you want.

Pathetically, I decided to start off July by cleaning my garage. I heard a rumor that people put cars in garages instead of all the boxes they didn't have time to unpack from the previous 2 moves. I was intrigued by this concept. And so while kids were simultaneously napping* I tore through our garage on an organizing frenzy. I came across this gem:

You guys. It was full of sentence completion tasks, completed by 8 year old me. It's a projective time capsule! I died. So instead of cleaning out the garage, I read about my hopes and dreams as a yoot. I thought it would be full of poignant stuff and I was not disappointed. On a section about goals, I wrote:

I wish...I had long hair.

My goal is to...grow out my hair

This summer...I am going to grow out my hair.

That is single-handedly the best goal ever. It's so simple, mindful, easy to do, and requires no effort. And with that, my summer goals were reset. I have been reading up a lot about mindfulness and how to be calm in your mind when you live in a fast paced busy world and I think this goal is just what the doctor ordered for the summer. I'm going to drop all my ambitions for a month and focus on growing out my hair. Here are some other goals we can all try to recharge for the next round of The Amazing School Psych Race in the fall:

1) See Pixar's Inside Out. Pixar has always been great about tapping into ways to teach about feelings. What if cars had feelings? What if fish had feelings? What if toys had feelings? And now: What if PEOPLE had feelings? It's a goldmine for teaching kids and adolescents (and ourselves!) about emotions. It's CBTastic. Here is an amazing list of the themes in Inside Out and a link to videos. Gracias, The Helpful Counselor!**

2) Forgive. You may have some residual grrrr feelings from the end of the school year. What about that colleague that said something hurtful? What about that parent who you bent over backwards for who didn't appreciate it? That hideous IEP? The list goes on. But holding onto those moments can make you feel worse and if you forgive the people involved, you can reduce your stress and let go. It sounds easy, but it's not always easy. Check out this great tutorial on how to forgive for suggestions. On the flip side, its also worthwhile reflecting on someone that made your life better throughout the school year. Maybe you send them a quick text or email thanking them, or just be thankful for them in your mind. Either way, it'll bring you happiness to think of the positive people in your life.

3) Be Mindful. I know, I know, I am a late adopter of mindfulness, but I'm hooked now. The research is overwhelming that mindfulness activities improve basically everything--focus, appreciation, happiness, health, executive functions, younameit. So I bought a little app to try it out: Headspace. Its full of 10 minute activities you can do and cute little animations explaining the concepts. And to boot, it's this British guy narrating. I don't know what it is about the British accent, but it's rather soothing. There's a free version to try. I bought the full version, and it has activities beyond meditation, such as mindful commuting, eating, walking, etc. Because I'm a gal on the go, I appreciate having alternatives to sitting and meditating. Plus, when will a toddler and a baby let you sit peacefully for 10 minutes? That's reserved for my dream journal.

4) Instagram (or photograph) Your Happy. Okay, in my spirit of late adopting (Facebook? Who is going to use THAT?), I just joined Instagram. I think my elderly uncle joined before me, but whatever, we are all on our own path. Some butterflies fly high and far and some fly low and we are all beautiful butterflies. Or whatever. Back to my point. I have been taking pics of the things I am in awe of, things that are meaningful to me, little things I appreciate, and things that make me smile or laugh. Then I reflect on the end of the day why these things mean something to me. Now that I'm not stuck in a depressing special ed office building or a tiny holed up office, I can get out there and remind myself of the big, beautiful world and the little moments that bring joy (tiny baby feet, anyone?)

5) Get a Hobby. Or perhaps reconnect with that hobby that went by the wayside all year. I think school psychs can sometimes get so wrapped up in helping others and having their identity wrapped up in their job, because it's often a passion, not just a paycheck. But take time this summer to learn something new or bring back something you haven't done in a while that gives you joy. Go ahead, read a book for fun. Take a Mandarin class. Go back to that hip-hop dance class. Take a road trip. Unplug from your phone and computer (after reading this blog of course) and do things you love to do.

And now, if you excuse me, I have very important things to do this summer. If you need me, I will be back in the fall, a rested, whole, and happy. Rapunzel-eque school psychologist.

*BOTH were napping at the SAME time. I wrote it down in my dream journal.
**Oooh...who else can't wait to buy the little feeling characters for their office or mobile play therapy kit?!? Far better than my current Amazon recommendations to "get yourself a little something," offering up Elsa's coronation dress or a steam vacuum as suggestions.

In Defense of Helicopter and Snowplow Moms…sort of.

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca) — Sat, 11 Apr 2015 16:07:00 +0000

I think of my life in two phases: now and B.C. (before children). Before having my own children, I rolled my eyes at the so-called “Helicopter parents” who rescued their children from disappointments and frustration. Or, if we are keeping up with the latest judgmental term for moms, I would have rolled my eyes at the “Snowplow” moms who move all obstacles out of the way of their precious unique snowflakes.

To be sure, as a school psychologist, I have stories of extreme parental hyper-involvement that evoke the collective societal eye roll. One time, I had a mom burst into my office while I was counseling a girl. She screamed, “I was listening outside this door and my daughter is lying! I never said that!” Um…no. Or there was the time when I was doing an assessment with a middle school boy for learning differences and the mom came in my office in advance to make sure the desk was ergonomically correct. She straight plopped into the chair and measured the distance to the worktable. And I kid you not, I left to go to the restroom and when I came back, she was on a chair with some sort of Volt-o-Meter making sure that the lighting was correct.

I’ve also observed parenting being treated like an Olympic sport. I have had parents tell me they are worried about their kid’s speech evaluation getting into their file for Harvard and the kid is like 4 years old. Ummmmm…relax. And just a few weeks ago, my neighbor told me of an Easter egg hunt that was like Lord of the Babies, with parents running ahead and pushing other parents to make sure their kiddo got an egg, leaving the toddlers in the dust. Ummmmm…it’s a plastic egg. I can get you like 40,000 for a dollar at Walgreens. It’s going to be okay.

You might have your own story of a mom swooping in like a helicopter or plowing her way in her child’s life to make sure everything is perfect. And you would be right to think that she was doing too much.

And yet…now that I have my own kids, I can sort of understand the impulse. I mean, I don’t own a Volt-o-Meter, and I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t trip a toddler so mine could win the egg hunt, but you know what I’m saying. Once you hold your child in your arms for the first time, your worldview changes. You want to do everything to protect your child from harm—psychological and physical harm alike. In fact, recent studies show that women’s brains actually change when they become mothers. So those familiar maternal feelings of overwhelming love, fierce protectiveness, and constant worry begin with reactions in the brain. Basically, just looking at your infant sets your amygdala on fire to protect him or her, so this might explain why when you first become a mom, you might start entertaining doing things that you used to mock other moms for doing.

I’ll be the first to admit that as a parent with a blazing amygdala, you sometimes just can’t help but let fear take over your imagination. While you are holding that precious baby bundle in your arms, you start to worry about 18 years from now, thinking, “Hmmm…maybe I should home college her so she doesn’t ever go to a party and make foolish life changing decisions. Perfect! If she is home colleged, she’ll never go on Spring Break and meet a tattooed guy named Bubba and do the Macarena on a bar with him (not that I did that of course). Hmmm…that’s cruel to keep her sheltered, so maybe I’d let her live it up at the Science Museum for a week over break”* Wait, what am I thinking?!?

To make problems worse, these days, moms are bombarded with terrifying information about everything that could hurt, maim, psychologically damage, or kill your babies.** When you watch the news, every child is suddenly your baby and OMG my baby is going to go on spring break in Aruba and never come back!!! It’s terrifying and insidious. Here is a sample of the information I learned in my Facebook feed just this week:

-Plastic thermoses will KILL YOUR BABY (eventually)!

-One kiss to your baby when she is in the hospital CAN KILL HER!

-If you don’t label your child’s car seat with her name, when you are both unconscious in a car accident, the paramedics won’t be able to identify her or know her blood type!

-If you don’t give your child a pacifier, she will DIE OF SIDS!

-Your child will walk to school by herself and NEVER COME BACK.

-If you go to Disneyland, your immune-compromised child will DIE OF THE MEASLES

Of course, I’m all for public service announcements and getting the word out there to help parents make safe choices. Finding missing kids? Um, hell yeah, of course, blast everyone’s feed, Facebook. I admit, my kids’ car seats are labeled and I can’t wait to give my second baby her first birthday vaccination present. Happy Birthday, sweetie! You get not-Measles! Obviously, I appreciate education about how to keep kids safe, but my point is that the sheer volume of products and choices you make that can possibly murder your child makes childhood seem über-perilous. And I consider myself relatively free from DSM-5 anxiety disorder diagnoses, but it’s enough to want to put your child in a bubble.

And not to be that in MY day gal, but I seem to have a fair few memories of getting disappointed, hurt, and putting myself in stupid situations and I do believe I survived relatively unscathed. I recently asked my mom if she was secretly looming around when I was riding my bike all over town without an electronic leash (cell phone) for hours and hours with my sister, and she said, “No, we trusted you.” My own mom mind immediately thought, “Yeah, but how can you trust everyone else?!?” Is the world significantly more dangerous than 30-some years ago, or do we just have information about every perilous thing at our fingertips now, clogging our Facebook feed with fear?

As a school psychologist, parenting has become a constant Me vs. Me battle, fighting the urge to over-protect my offspring. I can remember so vividly the first time my own Toddler B got hit by another child. I had dropped her off at preschool and I peered in the window to see my darling happily engaging in…wait what the heck is that kid doing to her!?! Some kid was slapping my girl repeatedly, laughing maniacally, and she was just standing there, crying, and no teacher was nearby to intervene. And here the battle happened in my mind:

School Psychologist Me: “Let your child experience discomfort, work through problems on her own, and experience hurt and disappointment in order to build adaptability and coping strategies. This incident will teach her how to self-advocate and be assertive.”

Mama Me: “OMG that kid is straight up hitting my child and laughing about it! Someone please get that little sociopath to off my baby!”

School Psychologist Me: “The teachers will take care of her and process this appropriately if I let them.”

Mama Me: “F-it. It takes a village, I’m getting that monster child off my baby!” (*lunges toward junior psychopath*)

School Psychologist Me: “Okay, the teacher has put the child in time out and we will now debrief this whole incident appropriately. The aggressor probably has some lagging social-emotional regulation skills and is in need of nurturing intervention.”

Mama Me: “WHAT? That evil little boy is crying because HE is in time out? Like he’s the victim here? I’m going to have to call his parents and tell them to keep that psycho kid away from my baby.”

Oh, it’s embarrassing to admit that Mama Me has a secret little helicopter-snow plow looming in my thoughts. But having my own kids does make me more empathetic and less judgmental of parents than I used to be. Obvi, you can still be empathetic without having kids of your own, but for me personally, that was the turning point in my career that gave me a deeper understanding of how hard it really is to parent in today’s climate. Perhaps as professionals and educators, we can encourage each other to at least pause before we roll our eyes at an anxious parent and acknowledge that our culture bombards parents with messages that fuel the little helicopters and snowplows in our minds.

* Yes! Yes! They can go to "The University of Rebecca"! My daughters could major in Maternal Resentment with a minor in Zero Independent Living Skills.

**They will ALWAYS be my babies, I don’t care how old they get.

SPAW! SPAW! Burning Question, Answered.

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca) — Sun, 16 Nov 2014 22:54:00 +0000

And so concludes School Psychology Awareness Week (SPAW! SPAW!) Every year, I alternate between making a screeching sound in my head and mentally adding an “N” to SPAW when I see it written down. It’s a pretty awesome acronym. At least this year I remembered it before it was totally over. What? School psychs are busy people.

I get quite a few emails from people asking my opinion on whether or not school psychology is the correct profession for them. I really do try to write everyone back, but sometimes the questions would take 382947982 hours to write back (like, “What is the difference between school psychology, clinical psychology, and counseling psychology?” Or “What is school psychology really like?”)* Important questions, but these 382947982 reports for work aren’t gonna write themselves. And I'm also nursing a baby and my todder is demanding to know why she can't have a brother named Hansel, or some other randomly awesome question. And so my friends in cyberspace are left wondering. Well, fear not, cyberfriends! I am going to periodically post questions I get for all to read! I’ll even tackle some of the big questions. It’ll be like my very own “Ask Rebecca” column for a suuuuper specific demographic.

So without further ado, today’s question comes from a graduate student in school psychology, who is wondering:

You mentioned in the first chapter of The Survival Guide that school psychologists have many responsibilities. What is your favorite role in the profession? Your least favorite?

Ooh. I get another chance to plug my book! Thank you, grad student friend. In my book, I mention there are four primary roles of the school psychologist: assessment, counseling, prevention/intervention, and consultation. So which is my fave? Difficult to say, because I like some aspects of all roles, BUT, in the school setting, I have to say it’s a toss up between assessment and counseling. Here’s the cliché part: I love working with the kiddies directly. Assessment and counseling allow me that precious one-on-one time when I can really get to know a student and put together the various pieces of the bigger puzzle as to why the child is struggling in school. Often, there is an X-factor that is discovered in assessment that gives the child’s support team a new lens for interpreting behavior or school performance. I love being a part of the team that solves the puzzle for the student so that targeted interventions can be generated to support him or her.

In assessment, even though the tests are the same, it never is the same experience. I recently told a student I was so excited to use the new WISC-V** because they only make new ones every 10 years or so and I’ve been giving the same test for 10 years, and the kid says, “Dang! That’s gotta get boring!” The thing is, it doesn’t because each kid approaches the tasks so differently, and every once in a while, you get a hilarious new answer to one of the questions. I wish I could post some, but I fear the WISC Test Security Police.

So what’s the worst? It’s also assessment. The absolute worst is writing the report. It’s painful and tedious. And it’s so important to do it right because it is forever in a child’s file and life. Also, I have this problem where I want to explain everything in super detail, so my reports in the school setting tend to be around 15-20 pages long.*** So each report takes me around 6 hours to write, and sometimes, I’m looking at writing a handful of them all at the same time. Also, no one leaves you alone in the school to peacefully write reports, so you’re constantly interrupted and end up having to take those buggers home with you to ruin your weekend. In the school setting, there is also a time pressure to write them, as you can’t very well show up to a feedback meeting without the feedback. So there’s a time crunch on top of it. Boo.

Then again, I do enjoy the feedback meetings in which I present the key findings of the assessment. It's especially rewarding when the student is present and can hear about his or her strengths and areas of need. Without fail, students who are assessed typically feel globally “stupid” and when you can show them in black and white scores that they have some areas of strength or even super-strength, you can almost see their relief.

So there’s a snippit of my thoughts on the most rewarding and most difficult parts of a school psych’s job. And because it’s fun, I’m going to offer a free copy of my book to a lucky winner who comments on this page or the Facebook page what their favorite and least favorite part of the job is. Wheee! Freeeee! Now there’s a happy end to SPAW. Contest will end on 11/23/14. Annnnnnd go!

*I have mega guilt about not writing people back because of an early childhood experience in which Molly Ringwald never wrote me back about how to become an actress. Not even a form letter. RUDE.

**Fed Ex guy is officially scared of me, because I totally nerded out big time when the new WISC-V came. He prob thought it was a box of diamonds by the way I reacted. To be fair, it was almost the same price…

***In private practice, I give many more tests in my assessment battery, so I’m rocking the 25-30 pagers for those. I tell parents that many of the pages are recommendations and data tables, so they don't freak out that I wrote a whole chapter on their child.

Feed Your Happy Wolf

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca) — Tue, 11 Nov 2014 04:26:00 +0000

My psychologist license for private practice requires renewal every three years, and with that comes a ton of courses I have to take to keep current. Of course, the theory is you do a little over three years, but of course I consistently have executive functioning fail and am scrambling to find a live seminar at the last minute. To my credit, the timing of this renewal has been right when I’ve given birth. Twice.

The first time it came due, Toddler B was 5 months old and I had to go to downtown Oakland for an all day seminar. No prob, except as a first time mom, I was panicked about how I was going to pump milk for nursing while I was away. I called ahead to the hotel where the conference was and I was assured a private space could be found. At the lunch break, what ensued was a super awkward convo with a teenage boy at the main desk.

Me: I was told there would be a space for me to pump.

Boy: Pump?

Me: Yes, pump milk.

Boy (dying): Um, like pumping your…

Me: Don’t make me say it.

Boy (frantic): Let me call my supervisor. (To Supervisor on phone: Um, there’s this lady here who has a question. And it’s not a weird question, I just need…CAN YOU COME HERE RIGHT AWAY?)

And then I pumped in a conference room that looked out onto the hotel pool. Hello everyone, these are my breasts. Good times.

My renewal came up this year as my second baby turned 6 months. Luckily, I figured out that “live” webinars count as “live” seminars so I could finish up in the comfort of my home and spare some boy the mortifying task of having to say “pump” and “breasts” in the same sentence.

There is a point to this story that is actually related to school psychology, if you can believe it.

SO. I ended up taking this course on the “Science of Happiness” online and unlike most courses I take, this one actually had some practical application! Pet peeve #247 is when a course is titled, “Practical Strategies for ADHD!” and it’s one hour of outline what ADHD is and then 5 minutes of strategies like "sit the child at the front of the class."

So with that, I recommend having a look at this course if you’re at all interested in the latest research on positive psychology (and, it’s FREE)*! I want to share one practical thing that came out of this happiness course. It’s fairly common knowledge that happy people have happier thoughts. Optimists live longer, are healthier, and all that jazz. But can you train yourself to be an optimist? The short answer is yes…to a degree. There are genetic factors that predispose one to a certain baseline level of happy, and situational factors matter, but since nothing is purely genetic, habits of the mind can also boost your happiness.

With each week, there is a “happiness activity” to try and the first week’s one was something called “Three Good Things.” It’s exactly as it sounds. At the end of every day, you write down three good things that happened. But there’s a bit more work. You have to do the following along with it:

· Give the event a title (e.g., “a co-worker complimented my work on a project”)

· Write down exactly what happened in as much detail as possible, including what you did or said and, if others were involved, what they did or said.

· Include how this event made you feel at the time and how this event made you feel later (including now, as you remember it).

· Explain what you think caused this event—why it came to pass.

So the first week I tried it, I found myself searching for happy moments and filing them away for later. For me, happiness was discovered in unexpectedly tiny moments—the way my girls laugh in each others' faces for no apparent reason, the way the baby holds my hand, when my husband made dinner, chatting with a neighbor, an appreciative email from a parent. The happiness exercise made me more mindful of the good things in my life. And you know from previous posts, I’m a super late adopter of mindfulness practices.

For fun, I started having my students in counseling try it out. I bought them each a little notebook and cool pen (any excuse to go to Target, right? That bullseye keeps hypnotizing me to go back and spend a ton of cash). I did a modified version for their “homework” in which they have to write three good things that happened in relation to school. So many of my students either don't give themselves credit for their role in their successes or they laser focus on their weaknesses and forget their strengths.

To introduce the idea, I start my students off with telling a parable that was shared in one of the articles in the course—it’s a Native American story of a grandfather teaching his grandson about emotions. He tells the boy that inside everyone, there are two wolves that fight each other: one wolf is full of positive emotions—happiness, gratitude, thoughtfulness, joy, excitement—and the other is full of negative emotions—fear, sadness, anger, and jealousy. The young boy asks which wolf wins the fight inside people, and the grandfather says, “The one you feed.”

So with that, folks, I recommend you and your students feed your happy wolves and see how it goes. I printed up this beauty meme as a reminder. I never lose an opportunity to use a meme generator. It makes me…happy. ;)

*There’s always an asterisk after “Free”, right? It’s free to take, but if you want CEU credits, there’s a fee.

Back to Scho...

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca) — Tue, 02 Sep 2014 21:55:00 +0000

Yeah, no time to even finish that title. It's GO TIME, people. Professional development done (bleh--trust falls!), kiddies back in school, and the school psychologist's to-do list is having baby to-do lists at an exponential rate. *

SO, while I haven't the time to craft a meaningful blog post, I do have time to give away free stuff that will help you survive and thrive in the new school year!

Who wants a copy of The School Psychologist's Survival Guide?

Just post a comment here or on Facey Face with one back-to-school survival tip for fellow school psychologists and I'll enter you in a drawing to win the book, using a random number generator. And then I'll try to find time to drag an infant and a toddler to the post office and send it to the winner. That's how much y'all mean to me.

Happy New School Year!

*Not to mention the mama school psychs out there who are also trying to raise small humans of your own. Your to-do list is probably insane, especially if you are trying to keep up with Pinterest moms who make adorbs "First Day of School" chalkboard signs with handcrafted wood borders they whittled themselves and bento boxes of lunch food that look like woodland animals with carrot whiskers and whatnot.

Back to School Tips for School Psychologists

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca) — Thu, 14 Aug 2014 03:23:00 +0000

When one is on maternity leave, every day is a Saturday in an unknown month. And then one Saturday your Target store is super busy and you’re like, “What is going on?!? Why is my Target packed with people?” and you realize it is actually a Saturday. And it just might be back to school time. Oh, and your friends start posting adorbs photos of their kids getting ready for first day back. So I may be slightly late for my back to school tips, but here they are. Like IEPs and assessments, better late than never. In no particular order:

1) Go to the dentist and get your haircut. Seriously. Aint nobody got time for that once school starts. Or if you’ve already started school, book a Saturday appointment now, since the next available will be months from now. No one wants to be in October looking like the lovechild of Jafar and that Nicky girl from Orange is the New Black.

2) Get your forms and templates in order. You know how every year you vow to update your report templates or forms for parents/teachers and then never do it? Or is that just me? I have a fantasy of putting all my recommendations I ever have thought of into one master document, organized by theme (e.g. executive functioning, auditory memory) and then pulling recommendations into the reports, tailored for each child’s needs. And then the baby wakes up or the toddler NEEDS me to find Pinkie Pie Pony and it doesn’t happen. But if you don’t have kids, it’s go time. I will live vicariously through you.

3) Save time and print up organization, case management, and forms/templates from a book. Now what book would have such specific forms just for school psychologists? I just can’t put my finger on such a resource…oh wait! The School Psychologist’s Survival Guide! Shameless, I know. But tens of reviewers on Amazon can't be wrong.

4) Take a nap in the middle of the day. You will be wishing you could nap on demand once school starts. Live it up now. If you have kids, sorry you’re out of luck. Only once every Saturn Returns do kids nap at the same time when you are tired. And when they do, you have to make that phone call to your hairdresser. School psychs without kids: LIVE. IT. UP. For the rest of us, there’s no shame in calling grandma or a babysitter over to have an afternoon nap.

5) Make a New School Year Resolution. Every school year, I vow to improve my practice in one small way. Maybe it’s taking a few webinars on play therapy or learning a new assessment, or even vowing to actually take a lunch. Mix it up, learn something new, and prioritize something about the job that you love to do and infuse it into your daily practice. My resolution? Get ready for the new WISC-V by watching training webinars, which I am pathetically super excited about! NERD ALERT. I mean, what items are they going to change? Is the typewriter picture going away? I am on the edge of my nerdy, nerdy seat.

6) Go shopping. I hate to be predictable, but there is something so friggin’ exciting about getting a new planner, new organizational tool, new bag, new coffee mug the size of your head, or new school psychologist costume for the new year.

So whenever your school year starts, or if it has even started already, go ahead and post an adorable picture of yourself on your Facebook page with your million bags you carry for your first day back.* And I wish you a wonderful school year!

*For fun, I asked Toddler B what mommy did for work and she said, “Carries a lot of purses.” Correct.

We Interrupt This Blog.

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca) — Sun, 18 May 2014 03:07:00 +0000

So you know how lately my blog has been terribly infrequent and sometimes a secret mommy blog instead of blog about school psychology? I recently read a review on Amazon of my blog on Kindle that was entitled “Life gets in the way” and the reader lamented that after I had a baby my blog went downhill and asked me to “please get back on topic.” Ouch. I mean, it's true, but ouch.*

Well, fair warning…I’m not gonna be prolific or on topic for a while because I have a special announcement. I’ll give you a hint: It’s 8lbs, 12oz, and she has my eyes…

Yes, I made another person!

And so through sleep deprived haze, I write to you all to share the good news and let you know that I’ll do my best to keep the blog alive. But I’m loving how life has gotten in the way of my career right now. I mean, seriously. Teeny tiny baby feet are the cutest.

Thanks to everyone for your patience and I will return to the regularly scheduled blog when I’m not disabled by fatigue. :)

*Go through the archived posts. I was a hoot B.C. (Before Children). In related news, I also think I should post a new headshot because that perky gal in my profile pic mocks me with her pre-children energy.

How Do I Tell My Readers I Have No Inner Monologue? I Hope I Didn’t Say That Outloud.

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca) — Fri, 09 May 2014 19:03:00 +0000

I once saw this horrible made-for-TV movie about a boy with Autism who was instrumental in solving a murder because he was a witness and he had a penchant for repeating things, and this is how he revealed the killer. Only instead of the classic Autistic echolalia of just repeating what is heard in one's own voice, the boy in this movie took on the ACTUAL voice of the killer and it was comical as the voice of the killer was transposed on this lip syncing boy actor. Um, that’s not really how echolalia works, guys.

I also used to work in a group home with teens on the Autism spectrum who would echo random things back, like “OJ’s going to jail!” or the old jingle to the Ross commercial.* On occasion, I would hear a child echo back a command I had given earlier, and I got to hear how I sounded through their ears. Hint: naggingly annoying.

Now that I have my own little one, I am fascinated by language development. While Toddler B doesn’t have echolalia, anyone who has a toddler knows that they are little mynah birds and will repeat ANYTHING. Be careful, parents who drop a dish and say something in colorful language in front of their toddler. Because one day, that kiddo will use that language in the correct context at preschool and you will die of embarrassment. So I’ve heard.

I get a window into how language shapes cognition and memory every night, as my girl recaps her day and I get to eavesdrop on her through the monitor. I am stunned by what she replays in her mind, her young mind not yet able to tap into Vygotsky’s inner monologue skills.** I hear myself through the voices of her teddy bears. “Oh no, Teddy, we don’t put jackets on dogs, okay?” or “Oh, you fell? I’m so sorry, mommy will kiss it” Or “I need you to pick up your toys NOW!” If you’ve ever gotten the recap of your parenting played out with stuffed animals, you will be SHOCKED how much is getting into that little spongy brain. Just when you think that little one isn’t listening, they show proof that they remember EVERYTHING.

I see her do it during her play too. Piaget was spot on when he said that, “We can be sure that all things in a child’s life, pleasant and unpleasant, will have repercussions on her dolls.” Toddler B plays out when a kid hit her at preschool and how she reacted, shares her feelings about mommy going to work with lots of bags (school psychs, you hear me?!?), and plays “school” by making all the monkeys raise their paws to talk (tear…playing school just like her mama did when she was little. Sniff sniff).

As a parent, it is a daily reminder that what you say to your child is shaping who they are. As a school psychologist, it reminds me that the kids we work with obviously have inner speech now, so we can't be as sure as when a toddler repeats everything, but we can be reasonably sure that what we say to them can still become a part of who they are and how they think about themselves.

*Only instead of the full jingle, this gal always left off where she got her great clothes. “Do you love it? I love it! I got it at…Do you love it? I love it! I got it at…” After 3 years of hearing this jingle, part of me wanted to fill in “ROSS!” you got it at “ROSS!” I guess I just like a sense of completion in a world of chaos. But I digress.

**I have a coworker like this too. She likes to narrate everything she does. “I’m going to put this folder here…now what was I going to do next? Ah, that’s right, go to the bathroom…” Not having private speech is cute in a toddler, not so much in a grown woman.

Win Nerdy Stuff!

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca) — Mon, 02 Dec 2013 05:11:00 +0000

I wonder if the day will come when I start a new blog post without a sheepish apology for the mega-lag time between posts. Perhaps when Toddler B is in college.

ANYHOO. As some of you may know, my new book, The Everything Parents Guide to Children with Executive Functioning Disorder, just dropped! If you want to get your hands on a copy, now is your chance to win one for freeeeeeee! Perhaps you want a copy because you are a school psychologist looking for fresh recommendations for your kiddos with executive functioning challenges. Or you might be a parent who has a kiddo who could use some strategies. Or, perhaps you might have a friend or relative you want to give the book to, in an awkward holiday moment in which you basically imply he or she needs a book to help with their child. ;) In any case, you want the book? It's easy to win. You can either:

a) Comment in this post about why you want the book
b) Comment on the Facebook page for the blog about why you neeeeeeed the book.
c) Tweet @studentsgrow about why you want the book and use hashtag #schoolpsychology

Aaaaaaand go.

It's Pre-order Time!

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca) — Thu, 19 Sep 2013 23:06:00 +0000

Hi friends,

You know what takes a lot of executive functioning skills? Writing a book on executive functioning. For those of you who follow my Facebook page for the blog, you probably got my random posts about how I was ironically stuck on the chapter on task completion, or couldn't get started on the chapter on task initiation.

I should back up. I guess I assumed you all have your finger on the pulse of my writing career. I wrote a book about how to support children's executive functioning skills (all the planning, organizing, and self-regulation skills kids need to reach their goals). The fine folks at the "Everything" Guides contacted me with an idea to write a book that would explain executive functioning to parents and give them practical day-to-day advice about how to support executive functioning. The book covers how to support and develop the "Top Ten Executive Functions" including:

Task Initiation
Response inhibition (controlling impulses)
Focus
Time management
Working memory
Flexibility
Self-regulation
Completing tasks
Organization

Just think of all the recommendations you can pull out of the chapters and put in your school psych reports! Imagine all the tips you will be able to share at team meetings! So without further ado...the world's longest titled book....I present to you:

The Everything Parent's Guide to Children with Executive Functioning Disorder: Strategies to help your Child Achieve Time Management Skills, Focus and Organizational Skills to Succeed in School and Life!

This might be the best part of the writing process...publishing time! So check it out on Amazon.com and pre-order today!

Horrible Books for Children

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca) — Wed, 28 Aug 2013 22:53:00 +0000

-->

Sometimes, I have poignant posts about school psychology that are woven into a delightful tale from working with a student. Other times, you get my ramblings about random stuff that occurs to me and happens to be loosely related to school psychology. This is one of those posts. What can I say, I’m still adjusting to being back at school and I need some time to dust off the thoughtful reflection part of my brain.

My mom was a teacher for 30 million years and just retired. She has about 300 million books she doesn’t know what to do with. Oh wait, yes she does—send them to her granddaughter, Toddler B! We have the world’s most extensive library and the good news is that Toddler B can’t get enough of shared book reading. She is practically exhibiting Kindergarten common core standards for retelling. Brings a tear to my eye. My baby is growing up so fast. Sniffle.

The only problem is that some of the beloved books I remember from my childhood actually suck. I usually realize it about half way through reading out loud to my girl.

Take Little Red Riding Hood, for example. I remembered it was a cute little tale of a girl who takes goodies to her grandma and outsmarts a wolf. What actually happens:

Me: So little red riding hood and her grandmother got eaten up…um…by the wolf and..erm..the hunter…[reads silently: CUTS OPEN THE WOLF AND RED RIDING HOOD AND GRANDMA COME TUMBLING OUT]

Me: the hunter…um, The End! Pass me Curious George!

Or when I read The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. I remembered it as a cute little tale of a boy’s nice relationship with nature. Turns out, the kid is a greedy little taker and takes everything from the poor tree until it is a sad, sad stump and dies. Neat. Nice message.

The worst so far is the poem Waltzing Matilda. I remember it as a jaunty little poem about an Australian bushman doing…um…I don’t really know. Perhaps waltzing. But no, it is a charming tale of an Australian bushman stealing sheep and then KILLING HIMSELF AND HAUNTING PEOPLE. Well that’s a nice one for right before bed, isn’t it?*

Looks like a fun and jaunty little tale, right?

Note to self: preview all children’s books before my daughter turns into a wolf-slaying, greedy, nature-hating, sheep stealer with suicidal ideation. Or, should I just realize that I read twisted books as a kid and turned out to be a pretty darn snazzy individual? Even though I use the word “snazzy” to describe myself, I think you get my point. I just can’t help but analyze children’s literature themes when reading to my child. It’s a sickness. I might just have to have a psychological debriefing after the sketchy ones. Or stick those guys in the garage. Haven’t decided yet.

At least I warned you this post was going nowhere. You’re welcome.

* And don’t even get me started on the pre-teaching of vocabulary I had to do to enhance comprehension in this one. Jumbuck? Billabong? Swagman? I should have given up on this poem from the start.

Winnnnnnnnners!

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca) — Thu, 15 Aug 2013 23:50:00 +0000

Alright kittens, I am ready to give away The School Psychologist's Survival Guide, as promised. YOU ARE ALL WINNERS!*

Actually, I ranked your comments here and on the Facebook page for the blog and put them into a random number generator (nerd alert!) and the winner of the book is......

Ashley (Sweet Carolina Belle)

Message me for your pressie, Ashley! You are guaranteed the best school year EVAH.

*In my heart. Not actually winners of an actual prize.

GAK. It's August.

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca) — Thu, 08 Aug 2013 04:23:00 +0000

The second the calendar turns to August, I feel like my summer is over.* But school psychs (and teachers) know what I am talking about...June is basically a detox month, July is the relaxing one, and August is the gearing up month. Even though I have a few weeks before we report back, August 1st starts a month of mental preparation to go back to school. There are a few rituals I have in order to psych (pun intended) myself up for going back.

Of course, back to school shopping helps ease the transition, because who doesn't love a good trip to Office Depot for pencils and nerd supplies? I went today, and I was lucky that Toddler B was over it in 10 minutes or I could have spent a bajillion dollars. Once your toddler starts running down the aisles screaming, "Chase! Chase!" it sort of ruins the zen moment of selecting the perfect ballpoint pens for writing poignant notes to parents and teachers.

Next, I make a new school year's resolution, like "I won't take more than 3 reports home per semester" or "I will start a girls' counseling group disguised as a knitting club."** Making a new school year's resolution helps me set a positive intention for the school year and helps me pick a manageable improvement goal.

So how can I help ease your transition back to school? I'm not Oprah, so I can't put a Nordstom's gift card under your chair and declare "Evvvvvvverybody gets a new back to school wardroooooooobe!" But I can offer a little book I like to call, The School Psychologist's Survival Guide.*** Evvvvveryone gets a copyyyyyyyyyy! Oh wait, I have Oprah generosity on a school psych budget. Okay, I can offer ONE lucky reader a copy of my book for back to school preparation! You can vow that this is the year you get organized and shape up your forms and report templates and all that jazz, and my book can hopefully help you with that. Or you can enjoy your last precious weeks and just put the book on your shelf for October when your back to school enthusiasm has fizzled out and you have a hojillion IEPs overdue.

So, how do you win the book? Just comment here or on the Facebook page for the blog about how you gear up for back to school, or a new school year's resolution and I will input your names into a random generator and announce the winner. Yippee!

*I know, boo-frickin-hoo, at least I get summers off. I'm pretty sure my non-school employee friends with their sad little 2 weeks off a year stopped reading this post after the first sentence.

**I actually did this a few years ago. It was super fun, but my principal had concerns. I believe her quote was, "You want to introduce sharp objects with those mean girls?" I am proud to say it was a gouge-free zone all year.

***Because that is what it is called.

My blog is not dead.

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca) — Thu, 11 Jul 2013 03:52:00 +0000

Hello kittens! My blog is still alive. Sort of.

Anyone here have a toddler? I am currently watching mine through my video monitor, talking about her day in a Faulkner-esque stream of consciousness and pushing her baby doll around in her stroller instead of sleeping. I figure as long as she's no longer screaming, "MAMA!!!! HUG!!!!!" over and over again, she'll be fine.

I can hardly blame Toddler B for my lack of writing. I can blame only myself. It is true that the second I pull out my laptop, no matter how engaged she is in something, there are requests for videos of The Count or Elmo, banging on the keyboard, and it turns out it's a bit hard to ignore a small person crawling all over you to get a better view of the screen. And I DIE when she laughs maniacally like The Count after every number. ONE! AH HA HA. TWO! AH HA HA. Plus, I'd much rather be playing dress up or teaching her phonological awareness and concepts of print skills* than looking at a computer screen, so I barely dust off the old girl.

Actually, the real reason I've been MIA is because mama is writing another book! I am on Chapter 19 of 20 and in an ironic twist, I am procrastinating writing the chapter on task completion even though I am so close. A girl gets tired after 18 chapters, what can I say?

So stay tuned for your regularly scheduled blog in a few weeks. And very soon, get ready for a book on executive functioning that will rock your nerdy world! NERDS....UNITE!!!

*I know you're wondering it. Yes, Toddler B has fantastic concepts of print. Also, the other day I'm pretty sure she was using textual evidence to support inferences within a non-fiction text.

Car Seat Wars.

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca) — Sun, 05 May 2013 04:30:00 +0000

They (the royal “they”) say to write about what you know. Lately, I have been learning a lot about behavior modification. I will write about that. No, I haven’t learned about behavior mod through a great professional development or fabulous new book for school psychologists. I have been engaging in battles with a tiny tyrant I made myself.

Look how happy this toddler is in her car seat. This is not Toddler B.

The car seat is basically a toddler’s Battle of Little Bighorn, alá Custer’s Last Stand. It has become the battleground for all age-appropriate fights for independence with Toddler B. And even though I have extensive training in behavior modification, it turns out it is really hard to apply to your own kid. I have tried the following strategies, in order from my highest level of patience to my lowest form of parenting. I think teachers and school psychs may be able to relate, if they have ever engaged in a battle of wills with a child before…

1) Preparing for the Transition and Providing Anticipatory Guidance

It goes a little something like this:

Mama B: Toddler B? Want to go to the zoo? Won’t that be FUN? Wouldn’t you like that?

Toddler B: Zoo! Choo choo! giraffe! Carousel! Up and down!

MB: Yes, let’s go! We will have to get in the car seat to go.

TB: Car seat!

MB: Whhheeeeeeeee! Car seat! How fun! Mama’s gonna click you in! Click, click, click! Then off to the zoo. Ready?

**puts TB in car seat. TB arches back and screams NOOOOOOOO!**

MB: Honey, we have to go in the car seat to go to the zoo. Don’t you want to go to the zoo?

TB: NO!

MB: Really? You don’t want to go see the giraffes?

TB: NO!!!!!!

MB: Hm.

2) Trying to Make it A Game: The Countdown

MB: Let’s play a game! Mama’s gonna count to five and then let’s see if you can have your buns in your seat by five! Ready? 1…2….

TB: *smiling*

MB: 3…4….

TB: NO!

MB: 5! Wheeeee! Buns down!

TB: All done car!

3) ~~Bribing.~~ Incentives.

MB: Well, mama has a treat in her bag if you want to sit down.

TB: Treat!

MB: If you sit down mama will give you the treat.

TB:

4) Providing a Clear Expectation and Rationale

MB: Sit down please.

TB: No sit.

MB: I need you to sit down so we can go to the zoo. It’s for safety. We can’t drive to the zoo if you’re not in your seat because if we get in an accident, you’ll get an owie.

TB:

MB: If you don’t sit down, we can’t go to the zoo.

5) Providing a Consequence

MB: Okay, fine we are not going to the zoo then.

TB: ZOO!

MB: You need to sit down then.

TB: No.

**takes TB out of car**

TB: Waaaaaaaaaaa! ZOO!

MB: Okay, well if you want to go, you have to get in your car seat. That’s the rule.

TB: Car seat.

MB: Okay, here we go!

**Tiny Tyrant screams and arches back so as to make it impossible to get her buckled in**

6) Getting Angry

MB: OMG. How are you so strong? You are only 19 lbs! I need to go to the gym…You need to GET. IN. YOUR. SEAT.

TB: Nooooooooo!

MB: Mama is getting angry. Look at mama’s face. I need you to get in your seat!

TB: NO!

7) Hand Over Hand Assistance

MB: You had your chance, now mama is going to put you in.

**Wrestles tiny freakishly strong toddler into seat**

TB: Waaaaaaaaa!

Now you can imagine how much worse it is when we aren’t going some place as fun as the zoo. Most days, thankfully, we only get to step 2 (fun game) or 3 (incentives). Some days, we get to 6 (Mama losing it) and 7 (hand over hand assistance)—doesn’t that make it sound like loving guidance? It’s more like trying to wrangle a tiny screaming alligator. But I usually only get to step 7 when someone is waiting for my parking spot and probably judging my parenting. Sigh.

The experience of the Car Seat Wars does make me appreciate the nuance and challenges of trying to change a behavior. As a school psychologist, when I give behavior modification advice to parents and teachers, I always ask what have they tried already and empathize with the struggle to keep it together while you are teaching a new skill to a kiddo. I acknowledge there are times when the best strategies don’t work. But most times, with consistency, they end up working. The frequency, intensity and duration of the Car Seat Wars are all reducing with my mental behavior support plan for Toddler B. And you can bet that whenever she sits those buns down, we throw a positive reinforcement party. It’s working.

In related news, I am starting a new self-defense program called Toddler-Kwon-Do in which you will learn the strategies of back arching, stiffening your arms and legs, and/or melting into a puddle on the floor. Very effective passive resistance strategies.

Keep Calm and Just Keep Swimming.

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca) — Thu, 14 Feb 2013 22:12:00 +0000

Does anyone remember a show where Bill Cosby sat down with kids and asked them questions and the studio audience laughed as they said the “darndest” things? I remember seeing it in high school and being annoyed at the phrase “darndest.”* But the kids were pretty cute.

As a school psychologist, I get some awesome answers to questions from kids, many of which I can’t post because they are confidential and/or answers to IQ test questions which are secure. I really don’t want the WISC police contacting me, thankyouverymuch. What I can share is a random assortment of metaphors and mantras that my kiddos have come up with over the years that have helped me help other kids. I love metaphors and mantras. I love using the ones kids come up with in counseling sessions to help make sense of things. I throw out all kinds of metaphors and mantras to explain grief, attention problems, friendship issues, behavior control, learning disabilities, you name it. The ones that stick become therapeutic.

So, courtesy of my yoots, here are a few metaphors and mantras that I use regularly:

1) For Procrastination: “Get it done, then have your fun!”

This one came from a middle school gal who was combating procrastination. I so wish someone had worked with me in middle school on that, so I could have saved myself a ton of late nights in high school and college (and beyond, let’s face it.) We drew “Procrastination Monsters” and talked about what “feeds” them (Facebook is a delicious and common one…). We talk about how to quiet the Procrastination Monster with our thoughts. She came up with “Get it done, then have your fun!” and I have to admit, when writing reports, this has come in handy for me. Take that, P-Monster! Btw, my P-Monster is purple and looks just like the Weight Watchers monster, only instead of dangling donuts, he dangles Pinterest to tempt me.

2) For Test Anxiety: “Just keep swimming!”

If you haven’t seen Finding Nemo, what is wrong with you? It is the top selling DVD of all time (thanks, Wikipedia). Oh, sorry, didn’t mean to judge. Anyhoo, for those of you who haven’t seen it, there is this fish named Dory, who gives advice to Marlin, a fish who is nervous, to “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.” One of my high schoolers I work with once told me he chants this when he starts to get worry thoughts about finishing tests on time, and it refocuses him. Adorbs, right? I personally have used this in finishing reports, modified to “Just keep writing, just keep writing…” Have we noticed a theme here about me having to write a lot of reports? Sorry newbies, it’s not all P-monsters and clownfishes in this job, there’s a hot mess of paper too. Wheeeee! Just keep writing, just keep writing…

3) For Self-Esteem: “The Casino Effect”

We all have little friends we work with (and probably some adults too) who are a little down on themselves about their abilities. Working with kids with learning challenges brings out a lot of negative self-statements, like “I’m not smart because everyone finishes their work before me.” These kids are classic “fixed mindset” kiddos, ála Carol Dweck’s theory, in which you believe your talents and abilities are set in stone—either you have them, or you don’t. In that case, you have to prove to yourself over and over again, and are constantly trying to look smart and talented without effort or mistakes.

So I was working with this high school girl at this fancy schmancy high achieving school where many of the kids bragged about not having to work hard (thus, they're smart!). Kids would whip out their A papers and tests to show off their achievements and compare results to others. Girlfriend worked her tail feathers off and got Bs, and felt badly about herself. She didn't understand why she had to work so hard and no one else did. One day, she came into session beaming. She had figured it out! She told me she was watching a TV show in which a woman won a bunch of money at a slot machine. With great fanfare, the machine went off with lights and sounds, balloons fell down from the ceiling, and the woman jumped up and down with joy as everyone looked on. But my gal said she noticed the people in the background were also playing the slots and not saying anything. She deemed it “The Casino Effect”—people don’t brag about when they lose. They say nothing. She reasoned that there were a lot of kids in her class who maybe didn’t do so well, but she never noticed them. She only noticed the “winners” with the A papers. And she didn't know what it really took for them to get that A. It reminds me of a quote I saw on Facebook when I was procrastinating one day: “Don’t compare your behind the scenes work to someone’s highlight reel.” You never know what others had to do behind the scenes to earn success.

So there’s a few goodies to try out in your work with kiddos this week (that is, if you’re not off in Seattle, gallivanting around the NASP conference without me this week). Feel free to share any other mantras or metaphors you have used in working with kiddos. Share the love. After all, it is Valentine’s Day. :)

*Once a grammar nerd, always a grammar nerd. I refuse to use the elliptical machine where I have to stare at the sign with the grammatical error. I spend 30 minutes mentally scratching off the apostrophe in the phrase “Sound is to be turned off on all TV’s except when a major sporting event is on.” Many things are wrong with this, including the apostrophe. First, please don’t assume I like sports and want to hear them, even if it is a “major” event. Secondly, I don’t think golf counts as a “major” sporting event. Please turn Rachael Ray back on so I can go home and ruin the workout I just did by making a buttery risotto.

An Empty Nest in my Heart...

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca) — Fri, 11 Jan 2013 05:41:00 +0000

I don’t remember when I first met J. I do remember the last time I saw her alive though. I had worked with her for 3 years, and she was about to graduate from 8^th grade. I was 8 months pregnant and she and her older sister, who I had also worked with, were taking bets on whether or not I was going to have a boy or a girl. I remember vividly her beaming smile, saying, “It’s a girl, Dr. B. I know it!” She will never know she was right. J. was always one of my favorite students. I know we aren’t supposed to have favorites, but there are some kids who just make a little nest in your heart. I always held a special place for J.

She was, by no means, a quiet and compliant girl. She personified sassiness and she spoke her mind. Like many middle school kiddos, she sometimes didn’t know when it was a good time to speak her mind, and she got in trouble. I have always liked working with brazen, saucy young ladies like J. though. I feel they have leadership potential written all over them. As such, she was “nominated” in 6^th grade to be a part of my "Talent Group." She was one of the few girls in my group who demonstrated true empathy for other girls. I remember one day, the whole group, except J., ganged up on this one girl and started telling her off. The girl sat there, quietly crying and J. was the one to stop it. She said, “Guys, think of what it is like for her right now to have everyone gang up on her. I wouldn’t like that and neither would any of you.” I was taken aback at her maturity and expressiveness.

Over the years, J. would breeze in and out of my life at the middle school. I always enjoyed our chats in the hall or at lunch. When she needed more support for her challenges in school, I had the chance to work with her one-on-one and get to know her even better. She loved to dance and jump rope.

J. was shot and killed while walking on the street last Sunday afternoon with a group of friends and her sister. Police believe she was caught in gun crossfire. She was the 12^th young person to be killed by gun violence in my city in 2012. Typically, when I hear news reports of shootings, I hear the age of the victim and wonder if it will be one of my students. This is the first time it was.

On the heels of the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting, this is beyond heartbreaking. It is a sad realization that there are dozens of kids killed by guns in the inner city where I work every year, and in inner cities across the country. And every one of the victims is somebody’s baby. Instead of crawling into a hole of depression and keeping my daughter safe at home for the rest of her life, I am trying to help make change.

In the period of 2 weeks following the shooting in Connecticut, my Facebook page was filled with posts ranging from outrage and grief to demands for gun control. I had hope that this shooting was the last straw for people and that we would finally take the route of countries like Australia, whose gun control measures have reduced gun-related deaths by over 50%. However, this week, people are posting pictures of their pot stickers they had for lunch and the funny things their co-workers are doing. The outrage and grief may not be gone, but it is fading from our collective attention span. I totally get it. I’d rather think about happy things too. But when mothers and fathers have to live life without their child for no good reason, I think we have a responsibility to act.

And you all know I rarely get political on this blog, but for those who share my desire for gun control, I would like to recommend joining the Facebook Page “One Million Moms For Gun Control.” They post things you can do if you believe in sensible gun control policies. Like many of you, following the Sandy Hook shooting, I deeply wanted change--more mental health and less guns--, but I only talked about it with my husband and friends. After joining the group, in two minutes, I was able to email my representatives. And each day, I have gentle reminders on my feed that I can do something other than be disgusted that we live in a society where children are gunned down in their homes, streets, and schools. You don’t have to be a mom to join the group. And it gives me a small glimmer of hope that there are tens of millions of moms in the country that could make an impact. Maybe this group can do what MADD did for raising awareness about drunk driving.

There was only one J. And she will always be in my heart. I wish I had something more profound to say. I just feel heartbroken, once again. Something has to change.

All finished!

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca) — Mon, 31 Dec 2012 22:16:00 +0000

I typically end the year with a "Year in Review" post, and re-post links to the most popular blog posts of 2012 by month, but this year, not so much...I shamefully only wrote 19 posts all year. I am going down a blog shame spiral.

But in my defense, I did spend most of the year raising a small human, teaching her to do basically everything and helping to set the blueprint for all her future relationships. It's no small task, raising a small one! So most of my highlights of 2012 were not professional, but personal. Seeing Baby B cross mid-line and visually track an object for the first time, her first signs (shockingly, not "more" or "milk," or "all finished," but the very useful "gorilla" and "hat"--for all those times you want to say, "Hey mama! Look at that gorilla wearing a hat!" but you are pre-verbal and have to use sign), her first "real words," first steps, and first text-to-self connection (not text like I'm texting you, but like text as in literature-text connections. Yes, I count My First Shapes and Colors as literature). So many wonderful "firsts" came from Toddler B. Yes, she is no longer my Baby B. The official transition from baby to toddler was marked by the time she melted flat as a pancake in puddle of tears in the middle of the sidewalk because she wanted to walk in the street and I wouldn't let her. Mean mommy.

Professionally, I grew as a school psychologist, not by any workshop or event at my job, but because I now have some first hand experience with how nuanced parenting is. There are "easy" suggestions from others that you apply to your own kid and they just don't work without a lot of tweaking to the situation. For example..."Just let them cry it out!" Riiiiiiight. Well what do you do when they cry so hard they throw up? Hmmm? What about when they fall asleep standing up, cheek pressed on the edge of their crib? Nuance. Very important. I have become a better listener to what parents have tried already and under what circumstances they experience success.

Finally, I know that 2012 is also a year marked by the tragedy in Newtown. I know that America's attention span is like that of a gnat, but I hope that people don't lose momentum on pushing for sensible reforms to make our kids and educators more safe.

So with that, I say goodbye to 2012--the good and the bad. Or as my daughter would say (as she did the second she sat on Santa's lap via sign language) ALL FINISHED! I wish everyone a wonderful new year...and as always, thanks for reading.

I Can’t Stop Thinking About It.

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca) — Wed, 19 Dec 2012 23:03:00 +0000

I wrote this the day after the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School. I couldn’t finish it until today…

I first reacted to the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting as a mom of a 15 month old little girl. Though she is not old enough to go to school yet, I still pictured her, 6 years old, with pigtails, wearing a pink dress and tights, excitedly carrying a backpack with a gorilla on it--her favorite animal. I transposed myself as one of those parents, frantically looking for my daughter after hearing the news. I imagined the horror of waiting and waiting, only to find out my baby was murdered. I’ve been trying to stop my mind from going to that dark and unfathomable place, but I can’t. And I just hug my baby girl so tightly. She looks up at me with such innocence, happily doing the sign language sign for “gorilla!” in an effort to get me to read her favorite book, and I am saddened again at how this community’s children have lost their innocence forever. And every kid who hears about this has lost a part of his or her innocence as well. I want to snap freeze my daughter at this age and never expose her to cruel realities in the world. I want her biggest concern to be whether or not I remembered to give her her gorilla at nap time. I know I can't shelter her forever. I just want to.

I then reacted as a school psychologist. What would I have done if I were at that school that day? Would I have thrown myself in front of the shooter, as the brave school psychologist and principal did? I replay the scene in my head, happening in my school, and processing how to make it not happen. I replay it at my other school, with a different cast of characters, planning out how to prevent it. I then play it in my head from the little information I know about the campus at Sandy Hook. Each time, I think of how I could protect the children. I am sure the school psychologist acted on her instinct to protect. It’s what we do. I can only imagine if I would have done the same. No one knows such things for sure.

My job as a school psychologist has exposed me to the dark underbelly of under-resourced schools and an overly-armed community. I have worked with kids who have murdered. I have worked with kids who I fear will murder someone without proper mental health services. I have called the police when there are kids with guns outside my school, only to have them say they’re too busy to come unless shots have been fired. I have found guns in backpacks of 11 year olds, because kids are afraid of walking to school. I have seen chronically traumatized kids come to school, numb to the near daily gunfire in their neighborhoods. I have seen mental health cut from our schools. I have been in districts where school psychologists, social workers, and counselors have impossibly high caseloads. I have lived through lockdowns at our schools, where gun violence on the streets threatens our safety in school. I have seen gun violence strike in all communities, including in my home state of Colorado. And this week, I have seen the footage of parents in Connecticut burying their children and my heart breaks.

I also reacted as a sister and friend. My sister is a principal, and I have so many wonderful teacher friends. I know every one of them is a hero, and not just in times of extreme crises. The teachers at Sandy Hook showed us all what true heros teachers really are. It is humbling to know that in our society, our teachers literally would take a bullet for our kids. So can we stop bashing on them and blaming them for societal ills please? Can we take pause and reflect on how amazing these people are? Can we treat them with the respect they deserve, instead of demanding more and more from them and not giving them any resources with which to do more?

Finally, I am now reacting as a citizen. I feel pressed to do more. Do something. Anything. I know that “More mental health and less guns please” is a battle cry I’ve had in my heart for a long time. It’s simple, and I know it lacks the nuance and complexity of the issues, but it is from that basic premise I think we can make reasonable changes in our society.

I can only hope that the public rises up and asks our government to do more to protect our kids. Like President Obama said, “ Our first task is caring for our children. It’s our first job. If we don’t get that right, we don’t get anything right.”

From the Mouths of Babes...What is a School Psychologist?

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca) — Tue, 13 Nov 2012 05:48:00 +0000

Happy School Psychology Awareness Week! (SPAW! SPAW!)*

Our profession is a difficult one to explain. When I tell people I'm a school psychologist, I often get "Oh, you're a counselor!" Then, in order to avoid taking up that person's hour with all the roles of a school psychologist, I simply say, "Kind of! But more like if a counselor and a teacher had a baby. And that baby grew up and helped figure out what is getting in the way of learning for students and works with students, parents, and teachers to develop and implement a plan." And because this year's SPAW theme is knowing your strengths, I'm going to add that I help figure out what is getting in the way of learning and what is helping learning. And how zeitgeisty am I for picking my new school resolution to do a strengths survey? Toot toot! (my own horn).

In honor of this week (which I actually remembered this year!) I asked my lovely Facebook Page school psychologists what kids have said about what it is we do. Here's a sample of the responses.

I love.

You're the lady that reads people's minds!
The one who comes in and takes kids when they don't do their work.
One of my kiddos I tutor told me that I was the person who "made sure she wasn't forgotten".
School psychs "do plans to help kids."
One kid asked me if I could move things with my mind.
"They 'testis' kids with the 'Wiscer' 4."
I asked my 6 year old son: "They be nice to each other every night and they do nice kind things for kids and teachers. Ya know - that kinda stuff."
Several third graders recently asked the learning specialist, "Who is that girl?" (referring to me). She said, "Oh, that is the school psych." and one kid said, "Oh, the person who digs up bones?" and then the other kid said, "The school psychopath? I didn't know our school had one of those!" She came to tell me this later - it totally made my day. Sometimes I feel like the school psychopath...
I've had a preschool boy say "Hello, Officer" to me several times this week. It must have been the Teacher-I mean School Psych-Look I gave him when he was acting out during nap time a few days earlier.
I had students obviously trying to discuss and decide who I was, then one asked, "You're a spy aren't you?!"
One time I had a few kids refer to me as being with the FBI because I kept "snooping" around in their classroom taking notes and observing everyone
The answer I get most often is "they help people." Yes, we do!
Several times kids asked me if I owned the school.
"Helps special needs kids and helps out teachers when they need a little help"-- says my savvy son!
The "brain teacher".
I have been called the "behavior police" and the "thumbs up lady"
I've heard kiddos say that our school psychologist's job is: "to type on the computer all day" and "the school counselor's assistant"
I had a kid tell me last year I was, "The lady for when you're sad."

And my personal favorite:

"The teacher that walks around the school!"

So as you are walking around the school this week, feel proud of all the things you do--spy, help, dig up bones, type, teach about the brain, own the school, and give the Wiscer 4! Or keep it simple...as one of my kiddos said when I asked what a school psychologist does, "I don't know, but I think they love kids."

Indeed.

*Every year. I cannot help myself from cawing like a bird when I say it's "SPAW."

Five!

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca) — Wed, 03 Oct 2012 03:55:00 +0000

Today is an important day. I'm certain it is on your calendar....

It's my FIVE YEAR BLOGIVERSARY!

What better way to celebrate than to post a picture of a meerkat wishing me a happy day? I think that's a meerkat, anyway.

Now is the time when I reflect on my writing craft or something, right? I'll just put it this way: I cannot believe that all y'all are still reading after five years, and that I've had something decent to say for half a decade. Not to be all toot! toot! (my own horn), but I'm pretty dang proud of myself. It sounds cliche, but I truly would not be still blogging if it weren't for all my fabulous readers and "likers" on the Facebook page for the blog. You all continue to inspire me and your comments and support are like blogger crack. Can't get enough.

I remember when I first started posting into the ether, I would be fearful of pushing the "publish" button, in case someone was going to be critical of my writing. I would write, rewrite, fact check, cite others, and rewrite again. I rarely wrote about anything controversial. I could relate to kids who didn't want their teachers to read their writing. Writing is the personal made public. Over the years, I've grown to be more true to my writing and put things out there even if they aren't safe, warm and fuzzy, or let's face it, not even remotely poignant.*

I think of the evolution of the blog over the past 5 year as similar to the evolution of group therapy--at first, it's about the content, and then its really more about the process. I try to balance a bit of both, giving you all some good content through research and resources while still remaining true to the hardest part of being a school psychologist--that despite having the knowledge, good intentions, and energy, there are times when the process wears you down. But like my baby-not-so-baby-anymore who is learning to walk could teach us all, when you fall flat on your face and are laying there like an injured pancake, you just gotta get back up and try again. Each fall is a learning moment. And I thank you for being with me during my career as I share with you both the successes and pancake-like falls in my journey in the profession of school psychology.

So in the spirit of keeping you all coming back for the next 5 years, I offer to you a Blogiversary gift of another give-a-way of my book, The School Psychologist's Survival Guide! Just comment here or on Facey Face about anything on your mind--meerkats, blogiversaries, lessons from the field, how long you've been reading the blog, thoughts on the blog's next five years, the writing process, or survival tips for your colleagues. It's a free-for-all, people. I just want to hear from you. :) I'll order your comments and use a random number generator to pick us another winner. Good luck!

And seriously, thanks so much for reading these past five years.

*There is still a part of me that fears my blog will jump the shark and I will be writing to crickets. Until you all drop off the Facebook Fan Page though, I'm just gonna keep going.

Tweeeeeet! We have a winner.

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca) — Sun, 16 Sep 2012 20:20:00 +0000

Hello my fellow tweety birds! I loved my first twitter contest (@studentsgrow) because I got to read why all y'all NEEEEEEEDED to win the School Psychologist Basket o' Survival. I wish I had a basket for everyone, you folks need it! Loved seeing what posts resonated with you all as well. My fav shout out was from Krista:

@MissCellaneousy: One of my (related) favorite posts - Day in the Life of SP ... bc 6 minutes to wait for a hot pocket is just TOO long @studentsgrow

Yes, 6 minutes for lunch is terribly luxurious for our profession, dontchathink? ;) Well, one lucky reader will get the Basket o' Survival, which is equipped with high protein on-the-go snacks as well as my book, "The School Psychologist's Survival Guide," which will help with time management to carve out time for lunch. Using the random number generator, the winner is.....

Kassandra Aristizabl @k_aristizabal

She recently tweeted she loved getting packages, so her wish has been fulfilled (as soon as I can wrangle a newly walking Baby B and get to the post office, of course)! Kassandra, private message me on Twitter with your address so I can get you your prize!

All non-Kassandras, don't cry. Mama will be doing another giveaway for my 5 Year Blogaversary in October. And fret not, twitter-phobes, you won't have to join to enter in this one. :)

You Want This Prize.

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca) — Fri, 07 Sep 2012 19:35:00 +0000

Ah, back to school....how are we all doing? Things are gettin' real, right? No more icebreakers and settling in, it's go time for school psychologists. You start having days at your school site where everything that could go wrong does and you run around putting out a hojillion fires and then you look at the clock, ready for lunch and its 3pm.

That is why all school psychologists neeeeeeeed a survival kit. Now is your chance to get one free! That's right, for just Free-99 you can win this Basket O' Survival!*

What do you get in your Basket O' Survival?

-An autographed copy of my book, The School Psychologist's Survival Guide!

-Pencils (seriously, where do they all go?)

-Crayons (classic)

-Peet's Coffee (it's the strongest in the world, I think)

-A bottle of Ibuprofin (you just need this on some days, am I right?)

-Hand sanitizer (for those great moments when a kid waits until halfway through testing to say, "I think I have pink eye/lice/the flu/strep!")

-~~Margarita Mix~~ Sorry, inappropriate! You'll have to sponsor your own happy hour.

-A pack of trail mix for when it's 2:29 pm and you haven't had lunch yet and you have an IEP meeting in one minute. Easy to snarf down on the go for quick protein.

-Stickers and a reward chart (for the little friends who need a little extra sumthin' sumthin' to get through the Test of Auditory Perceptual Skills or the CTOPP).

You want this Basket, right?!? How do you get it? Enter my Twitter contest! Each of the following things will enter you into the contest, and then I will count them up and use my random number generator to pick the winner on September 15th, 2012:

1) Follow me on Twitter @studentsgrow and post why you neeeeeeed the School Psychologist's Survival Guide Basket. Be sure to tag me in the tweet at @studentsgrow. If you are already a follower, the just post n' tag.

2) Post a link of you favorite post from the history of the blog on twitter to your followers and tag me @studentsgrow.

Go forth and enter to win! Your very survival depends on it!

*Thanks to Musings of An Urban Psychologist for the fab idea to put my book in a basket of other survival goodies!

The Teacher Look.

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca) — Tue, 04 Sep 2012 02:52:00 +0000

When you’re a school psychologist, you hear a lot of uncensored statements made by kids:

"Hey! Get away from me, I ain’t no #$%*ing special ed!”

“You’re fatter this year, are you pregnant?”

“Is that a big zit on your nose?”

Kids don’t always censor. It’s a fact. And each time they say something socially inappropriate or unintentionally mean, I use it as a teachable moment to build social skills. Or if a kid who lacks verbal skills to mediate conflict takes a swat at a kid during playtime, I see it as a chance to swoop in and teach them what to say next time instead of hitting. I think this inclination to turn transgressions into learning opportunities applies to parenting as well as an educating. It's kind of common sense, no? Apparently not.

Last week, a little boy took a swat at my Baby B in baby Spanish class when she had a toy he wanted. Oh no he di'nt! I looked expectantly at the mom to correct the behavior, and she did nothing. Nothing! Not a word in English OR Spanish. Grrrrr. It was all I had not to turn all Mama Oso right then and there.

Then this weekend, I was at the grocery store and Baby B and I kept running into this mom and her toddler in many aisles. Each time, Baby B waved at them, because that’s her new thing. She likes to do "the royal wave" to no one in particular, as if in a parade of her subjects. Anyhoo, after running into each other for like the 3^rd time, the mom and I exchanged the perfunctory “Ha ha, fancy finding you in the cereal aisle too” smiles and the kid screams, “I don’t want to see that lady again! I don’t like her!” Wowza. Okay so whatevs, four year olds don’t censor and are very capable of saying stuff like that on a daily basis.* But the mom didn’t even take that opportunity to say anything. She just pretended like it didn’t happen and shuffled away, eyes downcast. Okay, fine. Teachable moment, gone. But you know, I’m off duty, so I didn’t say anything. Plus, I know it takes a village and all, but most parents don’t appreciate when you try to socialize their kid in the cereal aisle.**

Then, later on I was walking in the neighborhood with Baby B and my neighbor’s elementary school aged kid and the dad were in their front yard so I did the "stop and chat," as you do:

Me: Hi there! [to kid] Looks like you have a book! What are you reading?

Kid: [without eye contact] I don’t want to show it to you.

Me: [cheerily] Okay then, perhaps another time!

Kid: [screaming in my face] I SAID I DON’T WANT TO SHOW IT TO YOU!!!

Dad:

I mean, come on! Can we at least say something here? I can only hope the dad addressed it later. I am not trying to be judgy, it is sometimes difficult to come up with parenting pearls of wisdom on the spot when your kid says something rude. But how about the classic, “That’s not polite.” Have that one in your back pocket, maybe.

Of course, as a school psychologist by trade, it is tempting to bust out the Second Step socialization curriculum on my neighbors or grocery patrons (I have it in the trunk of my car!), but I'm guessing it's not really my role to instil pro-social behavior in random children. But in the schools, I definitely see my role as helping children and adolescents practice kind words and expressing themselves appropriately. My go-to statements when a kid says something a bit rude and I’m taken off guard are usually "That’s not polite” or "That's not kind" with a dash of the disapproving "Teacher Look." I was, in fact, raised by a teacher, so I think I inherited a pretty good one.

It’s not always easy though on a day-to-day basis, especially walking through middle or high school hallways, as there are a thousand little decisions to be made about which rude comments to address and which to let go. I have fallen into the trap of trying to intervene and getting cursed at by a pack of middle school boys, which is no fun at all. I suppose my general rule is that if a comment is sexist, racist, or homophobic, I definitely say something, even at the risk of verbal retaliation. Run of the mill cursing? It depends on the age, context, and if I have a relationship with the kid or not. Usually a warning with my teacher look is enough.

Oh, and another piece of advice: Don't use google images with the search term "Teacher Look." There's some erm...interesting stuff there. I went with a picture of kid in shopping cart for this post because this is a PG-13 blog, people.

*You have to follow @preschoolgems on Twitter for a sample of things preschoolers say. Classic stuff. One of my recent favorites: "Babies are kind of pets."

**By the way, I'm fully prepared to write a post at a later date when I detail how I inappropriately handle a situation with Toddler B in a grocery store. It happens to the best of parents.It is only a matter of time, really.