Notes In My Lunchbox

May The Fourth Birthday Be With You! Happy 4th Birthday, Sebastian!

2017-03-08T06:00:00.000-05:00

Wow. Four whole years have passed? I'm not sure why this number seems especially hard to wrap my head around.

My dearest boy, you have changed my whole life.

This past year has been a crazy one!

You learned just how important a job it is to be a big brother. I learned how to be a mom of two kids! You fell in love with your baby sister and have helped her grow and learn. You also grew and learned a lot of amazing things. You took gymnastics and swim lessons and excelled at both.You made new friends and enjoyed playing with them every chance you had.

You spent time at the beach and the lake soaking in that warm weather as much as you could. You got me out there too, which was great. Sometimes you're a good excuse to do things I normally wouldn't do!

You took us on imaginary speedboat rides that sometimes never left the dock, but at least we made sure to pack "everything we would ever need".

You painted pictures, you dug in the dirt, you sprayed the hose for as long as we would let you. You went for long walks, collecting rocks and sticks and leaves.

We had breakfast dates and movie nights. You became actually helpful in the kitchen and around the house with various chores and tasks.

You continued to avoid vegetables and only eat the center, squishy part of the bread (just like your mom), but you made sure to eat your weight in peanut butter.

Your excitement for things is contagious and you remind us what it's like to be a kid and to enjoy life without worry. You are a brave superhero and I'm glad I have you around to save me from all the bad guys out there!

You got to go on your first amusement park rides this summer at Canobie Lake Park and it was the best day! The day inspired you to come up with the greatest Halloween costume of all time - The Jungle Bounce!

You learned to use the potty!

You joined your Daddy on a few of his book tour stops and continued to write your own books for months after.

You dislike pants. You love donuts. You love books, the longer the better. You love to make your sister laugh. You love to talk about the attic. You want to know how every little thing works.

Your favorite color is green. You love movies! Toy Story 1, 2 and especially 3, Beauty and The Beast, Star Wars, and The Bee Movie have been in heavy rotation this year.

Though sometimes it seems like one more thing at the end of a long day, you always require that someone "lay with you" at bedtime. I want you to know that though sometimes I try to get out of it so that I can have 5 minutes alone or do some chore, your Daddy NEVER does. He always gladly lays down with you. Sometimes you pick me over him, but just know that those times you pick Daddy over me he's jumping at the chance (okay maybe not jumping). I listen to you sometimes over the monitor. Laughing and playing "trash compactor" together. It's the freaking best.

The world is a strange place. I know my job as your Mommy is super important, but over this past year I've realized that there is a lot of good in you that I don't need to teach. You just do it. Without prompting or learning how. You welcome new friends into the group. You hold your sister's hand when she needs help. You watch her closely as we climb stairs or walk in a parking lot. You know when someone needs a hug, or a cup of pretend tea. You care about people and you show it. We will continue to guide you along this path, but it fills me with hope that you've already got all the important stuff down.

I am so proud to be your Mommy!We love you ever so much, Sebastian! Happy 4th Birthday!

Lyra at 18 Months Old!

2017-03-06T21:45:00.000-05:00

Hoo boy, time sure does fly. Checking in with Lyra at 18 months old proves it. So much has changed with our little gal in 6 months. She has a personality and it is strong! Tantrums are officially on the scene.

She has some hair now and it is curly in the back. Hoping this will be my curly haired child, but we shall see. Eyes remain blue like Mommy's.

She loves to dance and has some serious dance moves. It is the most fun.

Wants to watch Beauty and the Beast 24/7/365!

Loves dogs. Her own especially but also any that come on tv or that she encounters. Possible future vet?

She is sassy like her Mommy, and loves to sleep like her Daddy.

Finds her brother to be the most hilarious, interesting person in the world. Follows and copies him at all times.

Lyra at 18 months

Favorite Food: pickles, yogurt, cake, apples, brother's leftovers
Favorite Toy: Little People Doll house, anything that makes music, any ball of any size or style (she has a great throw and kick already. family athlete maybe?), her brother's stuff.
Favorite Activities: dancing, reading, hopping, swimming, smothering Luna.
Things she says: "Oh my!" "Lulu!" (Luna), "Knock Knock, (who's there?), Daddy! (Daddy who?), Knock Knock!" "Butt" (for button), "Hellloooooooo" (while holding a phone up to her ear), BEAST? (requesting Beauty and the Beast videos)
Skills: firm grip, sixth sense for knowing when you're in the bathroom or about to take the dog out, climbing, escaping your grasp, amazing dance moves.
Pet Peeves: diaper changes, eating, not eating, having to stay still in any capacity, getting dressed, car seats, leaving daycare.

Happy First Birthday, Lyra Sophie Grace!

2016-09-07T00:11:00.000-04:00

Lyra at 1 year old

Lyra and Mama on day one

Dear Lyra,

You are an entire year old now! It has gone by in a flash for me. Way too fast. It has been an adventure being your Mama so far. Being the second kid you'd think I would be a pro at this by now, but I'm not. Your birth was such a healing moment for me. I remember it so well! How right before you came out the thought "why didn't I just opt for a C-section" ran through my mind, but it was too late then, and in that crazy, hectic moment, I was healed. All that baggage I had been carrying around for so long. All of it vanished the minute you were here. You have an amazing gift, Lyra. You calmed me that very first second of your life and you have continued to have a peaceful effect on all of us since. You are an absolute joy to have in our lives.

I hope you hold on to that joy forever. That you'll find your tribe of people in this world that will help you bring it back out if you forget. If I could bottle it right now for you to have later, I would.

This first year has obviously brought a lot of changes and adventures. You hit so many milestones and as the typical second child, we didn't document them with nearly as many photos and videos as we did with your brother. Trust me, we were there. We enjoyed them with you and we cheered and smiled and laughed. We held you close as much as we possibly could and we didn't stress about where and when you slept (it helped that you were a fabulous sleeper!). We breathed you in and sometimes that meant putting the camera down. Sometimes my arms where just too full, with two beautiful babies. My babies. The ones I still can't really believe I created inside of my own body.

My dear sweet girl, we love you so very much. You will bring the world so much joy. We will continue to love watching you grow and change over this next year and beyond. I have no doubt that you will do even more great things.

Every atom of me and every atom of you, my sweet Lyra.

Happy Birthday, baby!
Love, Mama

And the 3.5 year old. Moody, Broody and Awesome.

Lyra - 11 Months

2016-08-06T13:48:00.003-04:00

I can't believe she's almost one!

Lyra at 11 months old

loves to climb the stairs. I made a fabric gate. It fell apart. back to square one.
loves the bath. hates getting out of the bath.
loves bananas.
can cruise while holding on to something. no standing or steps on her own yet (which is OKAY by me)
had her first taste of ice cream. loved it.
has been to the splash park and loves to play in the kids gym once a week at the Y.
loves walks in the stroller.
is really good at stacking things.
has had trouble sleeping lately due to some more teeth coming through.

Deal Us In, Hillary!

2016-07-29T08:49:00.002-04:00

Dear Lyra & Sebastian,

There is something that happens when you have kids. A switch that flips. You can never again view the world through the eyes of anything other than a parent. Every news story, every movie that puts a child in peril. All I think is "What if that were my kids?"

This year a lot has happened in the world that has made me fear for your future. For your safety in this world. I've questioned if all parents have felt this way through time, or if this really is a bad time to be raising kids. My anxiety gets the best of me some days. However, there is hope.

There is always hope.

I have so much to tell you when you're old enough to understand. It is such an awesome time to be alive! We are on the verge of our first female president! I didn't realize until last night how much that would mean to me. How much pride in being a woman I had as she took that stage. I can't even get it all into words yet, but the phrase "GIRL POWER" keeps repeating in my head. Which sounds cheesy, but completely appropriate too.

My loves, I have some mighty proof to back up my next statement; You can be ANYTHING you want to be.

Love, Mama

Lyra - 10 Months

2016-07-12T08:35:00.003-04:00

Lyra at 10 Months

says "hi", "Uh oh," "Ow" and things that resemble "MaMa and Dada"
crawls! a lot and all over the place! We are still not used to her mobility. "how did you get there?!"
pulls up to stand. I caught her at the bottom of the stairs the other day. UGH! I'm not a fan of the dangerous mobility phase.
moved her into her brother's old crib with the mattress down low for safety. SNIFF! (still have to take apart the old one)
loves music and playing drums or xylophones or anything like that.
DANCES!
has started actually playing with her brother lately. they do a version of peek a boo that makes them both laugh hysterically and makes me get a little emotional. They also started making food in Sebastian's kitchen while I make real dinner and I LOVE that they are playing together even on a small scale.
climbs all over the dog. Luna is still a saint and I find she ends up hanging out much closer to Lyra than I believe she did with Sebastian.
Lyra has shown some signs of separation anxiety and some deeper emotions that she had yet to really experience until now. It's very heartbreaking, but she's still a lot more easy going than Sebastian ever was so things are okay with that.
Growing so fast! In 9-12 month clothes and could honestly bump up to 12 month on one piece items now. I need to go buy her some summer stuff because we don't have much that fits her. PRO TIP for new moms you never get enough 9-12 month clothes as gifts/hand me downs. Reason #1 being that this is when food gets SUPER messy.
Eating more real foods! Chicken, rice, eggs, pasta, veggies, fruits. Her favorite food is still bread though.

Hey, Lyra - SLOW DOWN! I'm not ready for all this baby stuff to be over with. I love you. Now to start planning a birthday party for a one year old.. GAHHHH!

Oh brother.

Lyra - 9 Months

2016-06-14T09:28:00.001-04:00

Lyra at 9 months old

19.6 pounds, 28.5 inches tall and a 17.5 inch head
says "hi" and waves - with her left hand mostly...
has two teeth (possibly another on the way)
almost crawls, but prefers to roll half way across america
loves to dance and clap
hates getting dressed
loves to swim
loves to eat new foods, but prefers toast to most things.
makes fart noises with her mouth.
wants to eat your glasses, and your hat, and your beard, and your necklace.
belly laughs at her brother, almost exclusively when he's doing something he shouldn't.
pats you on the back a little when you pick her up. it kills me.

This girl can not possibly be three months away from her first birthday! She has now been out of my tummy as long as she was in there. It has all seemed to happen in the blink of an eye.

My sweet girl, I love you so very much.

40 weeks out!

Lyra - 8 Months

2016-05-19T07:23:00.002-04:00

Here I am late again. Sorry second child. She's at 8.5 months now, but here are her 8 month stats.

Lyra at 8 months old.

Claps her hands
Rolls like a champ and kicks, still no crawling, but she seems very close.
Loves food and eating in general.
Encourages her brother's bad behavior by completely belly laughing at him.
Can sign "more".
Is taking swim lessons and seems shocked by the water at first, but loves it. Kicks like a little frog.
Just started getting her first two teeth this week (at 8.5 months)
Really loves Luna these days and shows that love by dropping her food.
Continues to really love her brother and watches him constantly. I think he likes her too.

Sebastian in his natural state, a blur.

Big brother brooding

I might as well not even be in the room.

Lyra - 7 Months

2016-04-22T11:15:00.003-04:00

Lyra at 7 Months - this is about 2 weeks late. Pictures with my iPhone because otherwise I would just not post this. Life.

16 pounds 6 oz, 26 and 1/2 inches long (at her 6 month appointment, so add some to this)
Loves to talk. lots of new sounds.
eating solid foods
sleeping in her crib, in her own room (finally!)
really into books lately. wants to hold them, chew them.
Peek-a-boo is still her #1 activity.
Doing great on her tummy but no real moves to crawling just yet. (which I'm okay with).
has discovered Luna.
will grab your face with a death grip and scratch your skin off with her talons no matter how often I trim/file them.
we are supplementing with formula and might have to switch to it completely if my supply continues to tank. we will do what she needs us to do.

I love you baby girl.

Thick as thieves

he insisted on holding her hand

Happy 3rd Birthday, Sebastian!

2016-03-08T06:00:00.000-05:00

Dear Sebastian,

Today, you turn 3 years old!!! I can not believe it. It has been one busy year for us. You became a BIG BROTHER and you are doing such a great job at that! You are so gentle with Lyra. Always making sure she's okay and singing ABCs to her when she cries to calm her down. She notices you every time you're in the room. She looks up at the sound of your voice and smiles at her big brother. I LOVE that. I love seeing the two of you together.

You've also had some struggles this year. Being 2 was not easy. There were a lot of big feelings to process and then having this new baby come on the scene probably didn't help too much. There were a lot of tantrums this year. A lot of stalling at bedtime and a lot disagreements. We tried to guide you through them, and sometimes we didn't do a great job at staying calm with you. I hope you'll forgive us. We're still learning. You are strong-willed. That's a quality that will serve you well in life. Let's just not hash it out at bedtime anymore, okay?

You had some serious adventures this year. You went out on a boat with Grandma and Grandpa Krpata (TWICE), you jumped off the dock a million times at Grammie and Buppa's lake house and even spent a few nights with them while Mommy and Daddy were away. You did a LOT of swimming this summer and got to go to the "ice cream place." We went blueberry and strawberry picking with our friends and took a trip into Boston on the train! We went to see scoopie dumpies at Touch a Truck, and visited the hospital more times than I would have liked. You made new friends. You got a new couch and a new minivan. You helped carve a pumpkin (you hated the smell!) and visited the fire station. You got your first (and second and third) haircut! You learned the Whip Nae Nae! You invented some "tricked out moves".

You continue to amaze me every day. You are so smart and have such an active imagination.

You give Luna too many treats, mostly so she will chase you around the house. She's definitely starting to consider you her favorite.

You still run to the door yelling "DADDY!" every time he comes home.

You INSIST on hugging and kissing your sister every night before you go to bed. You always ask me to "keep an eye on you" when I tuck you in.

Your favorite color is green. Your best friend is your cousin Caz.

Your favorite food is pizza. You love to make pretend broccoli, spinach, applesauce soup with a secret peanut butter and jelly sandwich in it. You hate broccoli and spinach in real life. You love juice, but only Big Bird (apple) or Grover (white grape) juice. You love to watch Team Umizoomi, Blaze and the Monster Machines, and Wallykazam. You finally sat through a movie and now we watch Monsters Inc. several times a week. We will keep trying to branch out.

Everyone you meet loves you. Your kindness to others makes me so proud. You are so outgoing and friendly. I hope you never lose that.

You are handsome, and smart and incredibly funny. Triple threat.

We love you so much buddy!
Happy Birthday!
Love, Mommy

Lyra - 6 Months Old!

2016-03-07T06:00:00.000-05:00

Dear Lyra,

You are now 6 months old. A half a year has already passed since you completed our family! In a lot of ways I can't believe it's been that long, in other ways it really feels like you've always been here. Right where you were meant to be.

You are such a smiley girl. You wake up happy, you go to bed happy and in between eating and sleeping it's rare that you cause much of a fuss. When you do, it's because you need something, but once that need has been met, here come the smiles again.

You love your big brother. I am pretty sure you love him the most of all of us. Listening to your laugh while he plays peek-a-boo with you is maybe the world's greatest sound. It is certainly good for my soul. I'll keep trying to bottle it up to have later in life when you're all grown up.

You love your Daddy. You are so content in his arms that you pretty much always fall asleep. He's a great snuggler, I know. I'm glad you figured that out early on. The smile you make with even just your eyes when you see him makes my stomach jump in a similar way that it did when I fell in love with him, so I get it. I can't wait to watch your relationship with him grow. Here's a hint, you can probably ask him for anything you ever want and he'll get it, buy it, do it. For the rest of his life. He may claim that's not true, but that's the magic of a girl and her Daddy. Use your powers for good and not evil, okay?

My daughter, how I love you so. You make me a better Mom. You have a way about you that I can't quite put into words. A way of calming me and bringing me peace. You are everything. A cuddle monster. A sweet smile. A giggle from your belly that spreads to you fingers and toes. You are strong and brave and I can already tell you will do fantastic in this world. I can't wait to watch it all happen.

You bring so much joy to this family. We love you!

Lyra at 5 Months - and Checking In On PPD

2016-02-08T10:56:00.001-05:00

Lyra at 5 months old:

Rolls over. Mostly tummy to back but we had one back to tummy too!
Freaking loves when you sing to her.
Wants to grab ALL THE THINGS now.
Thinks playing peek-a-boo with Sebastian is the world's funniest thing.
Her laugh is contagious.
Has had some fussing over night the past few nights. Tooth? Regression?
Is quite possibly addicted to her pacifier already. Should I ditch it now or just go with it? Sebastian never took to his. This is uncharted territory for me. I'm going with it for now.
Will probably move from the pack n play in our room to her crib in her room soon. We just need to get her a monitor.
Loves to stand in your lap. Not so happy sitting there anymore. Let's MOVE!
Is quite possibly cuter than I ever imagined a baby could be. sigh.

It was at this point in the game with Sebastian that I started seeing a therapist for Postpartum Depression and Anxiety. I recently re-read what I wrote on that and wow. These two babies are night and day. However, I still have a bit of work to do on my end. I had a much better birth experience with Lyra. I felt involved and informed. Even though things didn't go 100% the way I wanted them to (do they ever?) the way everything was handled was so much better this time. My doctor this time around was AMAZING and if you live anywhere near me I will give you her number! My doula was AMAZING (again, please contact me for her info, she's actually closer to Worcester)! I had a team I trusted to help me make tough decisions and I felt prepared and cared for even when things went off the rails. I think this helped VERY much in my recovery.

Even with all that, there have been some rough patches. Even with the best possible outcomes I have still felt a bit off. It is not nearly as bad as it was after Sebastian was born so I have been handling it on my own for now. I've taken steps to schedule self-care and time on my own. I've started trying to do some more creative projects and things that have absolutely nothing to do with my children. I'm also getting out of the house more. It's tough with two but I always feel better once I've done it. So, I'll keep an eye on it for now and hope that we continue to do well. Oh, that nasty beast depression, please stay away from this house for good. Thank you.

Also a lot of people have commented on Lyra's headbands. She rocks a pretty tight turban headband game and I actually have matching ones for myself. We have bought three sets from Mama Owl Shop on Etsy and I don't know this woman (other than via the internet) but she makes the softest most awesome headbands and has great deals all the time if you follow on instagram or better yet, become a VIP member by signing up for her newsletter. She has not at all paid me to say this, I am just a very big fan and highly recommend her products. Especially for babies, but also adult women. I'm wearing one right now. ha.

And now, for one more photo. The time Luna wanted in on the action.

Lyra - 4 Months

2016-01-13T14:14:00.000-05:00

These two, looking at each other. It truly doesn't get better than this.

Lyra at 4 months old is a ham and a half.

15.3 lbs 25 inches long
She "talks," giggles and wiggles.
Is ticklish on her belly
She has become aware of her hands and feet.
She loves looking at faces (I'm trying to teach her to grab Daddy's beard, it's working)
Favorite toys are ones that make noises or ones she can hold/put in her mouth.
Had her first Christmas and New Years!

Lyra did great at the holidays. She was passed around from relative to relative and didn't even flinch. She took a nice long nap on my friend Caroline on Christmas Eve and then Caroline fed her a bottle and changed her diaper. She didn't whine for me once. Everyone should have a Caroline, but everyone should have a Lyra too. She is just so chill. I'm constantly waiting for her to react to things the way Sebastian did as a baby, and she just doesn't.

She really brings so much joy to our family. It sounds so cheesy, but it's true. That girl completes us. I can't believe there was a time when I was certain we would just have the one kid. How could I possibly go through all that again? Things were good, why mess with them? But, oh. She is just so perfect for us. I love how Sebastian has to hug and kiss her goodnight every night. How he's so gentle with her and calls her "lil' cutie" or "Ly Ly."He's so in-tune to her even when it seems like he's ignoring her. I catch him comforting her when she's crying saying "it's okay baby sister, I'm here to keep you safe." Oh, boy, my heart.

She is so very loved.

The way she just gazes at him.

Lyra - 3 Months

2015-12-10T09:35:00.002-05:00

Lyra is now 3 months old!

13 lbs and 13 oz (which we found out due to a fever she had last week)
can reach out and grab toys
"talks" a lot
tries to push herself up to standing while in your lap
sleeps 8-9 hours at night, going right back down for another 5ish after that. (i know, you can slap me, but keep in mind this is not something I think for one minute is going to last)
Has been doing great at daycare!
LOVES her brother. She is always looking at him or looking for him if she hears him.

She is growing so fast! A friend let us borrow this fancy poofy dress and I just had to get pictures of her in it before she out grew it.

She really is a joy to all of us.

We can't wait to experience this Christmas season with her. Even though she will have no clue what is going on.

okay... one more...

Lyra - 2 Months

2015-11-07T21:04:00.000-05:00

Lyra at 2 months old (AH!)

12.8 lbs. and 23 inches long. 17 inch noggin which is in the 94th percentile. wow.
Sleeps a consistent 5-6 hours from 11:30pm on. Then eats and goes back for another 2-3 hours, then sleeps until about noon. I should nap during that last part, but I never do.
Loves smiling at all of us. I had a moment with her the other night and it was like she was truly seeing me for the first time. Just staring at me and I said "hey there" and her face lit up with the biggest smile and she laughed that adorable baby laugh where they just suck in all the air in the room in a squealing sound. I love that sound and I had forgotten how much.
Hates having a wet diaper, but also hates when you change it.
Is growing out of some of her 3-6 month size clothes and we will be bumping her up to size 2 diapers. Grow baby grow!
Has amazing head and neck control. I remember Sebastian did too. My kids have really strong necks. (because that's where you want your child to be advanced, neck control is the new Montessori you guys!)

I have to say it's been so different this time around. It's been so nice to not have crippling anxiety over this baby. She is a great sleeper and just a very easy baby. I wonder how much of this is her and how much of it is us just not sweating it as much this time around.

Not to say that there are not hard days. Adjusting to two kids has not been the easiest thing and it's all that uncharted territory that will always be the case. Though her milestones will constantly be compared to Sebastian's (he was only 9 pounds at one month old! She was 11!, etc.). He will always be hitting new ones. He will always go first. There will be things they do together for the first time and I'm so glad she has him to be by her side forever.

He's testing my patience and I've been trying to meet those moments with a soft voice and a hug instead of a firm (okay yelling) voice and a punishment lately, but it's hard. He does things that are just not safe - Mr. No Fear, and I just can't ignore it. It is amazing how he can make me so furious and then right at that moment make me melt and want to scoop him up in my arms. This, I guess, is being a parent. That balance between guiding them into good, strong people and trying not smother them with the sheer weight of the love you have for them. Gah.

she is totally looking at Sebastian here. ha.

Lyra Sophie Grace - A Birth Story

2015-10-14T13:29:00.002-04:00

She's here! (yeah, I know, old news right?)

Born September 7th, 2015 at 12:11 a.m.
8 pounds, 4 ounces, 21 inches long

Her name is pronounced LIE-RUH. We got the name from the Phillip Pullman His Dark Materials books (read them, they are some of Mitch and I's favorite books and Lyra is a very strong female lead character). It is also a constellation that is visible basically right above our house around this time of year. Sophie was my Dad's Mom and Grace was Mitch's Great Grandmother.

Here is her birth story (written under a severe lack of sleep, please forgive typos):

Saturday night September 5th, after spending the afternoon swimming in a friend's pool, I went to bed only to be awoken at 2 a.m. on Sunday, the 6th with painful contractions. I had been having contractions for weeks. Lots of false starts and lots of contractions that fizzled out as the day went on, but these, these were different and I knew it right away. They were 10-12 minutes apart for awhile then at about 4am we were calling our doula and Mitch's parents because they were coming faster and holy crap were they painful. We left for the hospital at 6:30 a.m. while Sebastian was still asleep. I seriously thought this baby was going to be born on the side of the road I was having so many contractions. I could not talk through them. That was the worst 18 minute car ride I've ever experienced. Worse than the kidney stones trip a month earlier (so there is the answer to that question, labor hurts worse than kidney stones).

We got to the hospital and I got checked. I was about 6cm dilated. I labored for hours scared to take any pain medication too early this time around. My goal was to get to 7cm first and since I was almost there I figured I could hang on. At about 1:30pm I was at 8cm and I was yelling that code word to get the damn drugs! "LUNA LUNA LUNA!!!" I started with IV pain medication so that I could still move around. Yeah, that didn't do much for the pain. They just made me able to rest between contractions. I then went to an epidural and surprisingly had a lot of mobility so they let me move around in the bed to get into some other positions like hands and knees over a birth ball, etc.

That really helped because baby girl was sunny side up just like her brother. To try and flip her we had an awesome dance party in the labor room to 90s hip hop and R&B hits like Blackstreet's - No Diggity. If anyone had video taped it I would be a YouTube sensation right now, I'm just saying...

My doctor was finally able to get there after being out of town and I was so glad to see her. At roughly 8:30pm we decided to break my water so baby girl would hopefully turn and move down the final bit. It worked!

I don't remember when I started pushing but I remember it got to a point where it hurt waaay more NOT to push. Holy cow. At some point they couldn't find her heart rate so they had to attach an internal monitor which is basically screwing a little node into her skull. Sigh. When her heart rate kept dropping and then started to not really come back up the whole room changed. More people showed up, lights were turned on, hazmat shield masks were put on and people were definitely rushing about. My doctor briefly explained that we had to get her out and she wanted to use the vacuum (basically a plunger they attach to her head) while I pushed. Ill be honest, it scared the crap out of me and I freaked. They kept trying to put an oxygen mask on me and I kept ripping it off. I may have pushed a nurse at one point.(I totally pushed a nurse at one point).

I didn't know it at the time but they can only attempt the vacuum three times. It popped off her the first two. Luckily she was out on the third try. 12:11am on September 7th. Labor Day. Her due date. She barely made a sound. Just a tiny squeak. She latched right on and started nursing.

...and just like that, our family was complete.

Lyra - One Month Old

2015-10-07T15:45:00.001-04:00

Well someday I'll post her birth story, more for my own benefit I'm sure, but right now this little bug is already a month old and I actually took pictures of her today, so here we are.

Lyra Sophie Grace, one month down...

She is up to 11 pounds and 22 and a half inches long. 90th and above percentile in everything. You go girl!

She loves her brother's voice (even when it's so high pitched only dolphins can hear him).

She loves to snuggle with her Daddy.

She hates diaper changes and being cold.

I find my days home with just her spent mostly on the couch snuggling even when I set out simple goals like washing my face. Ah well. As they say, she's only little for so long. It's all flying by much faster than I can even handle.

The days with both her and Sebastian are much more exhausting anyway.

Sleep isn't great, but we manage a few hours at a time and there's coffee, so we're surviving.

I am so excited to have her around for all the holidays coming up and Mitch and I have our first date night planned for next weekend which is MUCH earlier than we escaped when Sebastian was born so yay us!

Baby #2 - 40 Weeks

2015-09-04T20:32:00.002-04:00

40 weeks preggo. Take it quick before I go into labor!

Well here we are. Labor Day weekend and I am still very much pregnant.

The fun development this week is extremely itchy stretch marks at the bottom of my giant belly. I don't really care about the marks, but the itching is driving me mad.

I'm super uncomfortable. It's been hot and humid and my body is just hurting all over. I'm ready to be done being pregnant. I'm ready to meet this little girl!!

My to-do list is pretty short now, so that's good. I've had time to get my ducks in a row. Of course there will always be more I COULD do, but she can show up any time and I wont feel stressed that things aren't done at home.

Until then I'll be over here obsessively scratching my belly.

Goober!

Mitch lovingly took some that didn't include my swollen feet, but I'm keeping it real.

My boys.

A Letter To The Next Big Brother

2015-08-31T13:57:00.001-04:00

Photo by Anelise Paduch Tubinis Photography

Dear Sebastian,

Oh my lovie, things are about to change pretty drastically around here. Your Daddy and I have done what we can to try and prepare you, but to be fair, we're not quite sure we're prepared ourselves. Adults rarely have anything figured out. Maybe you already know that.

Your sister should arrive over the next week or so. We are not sure when and we are not sure exactly how this will all play out, but she'll get here and you will have a very important job as her big brother. You seem ready. You seem ready to share your toys and books. Ready to tickle her baby toes and make her "so happy!" I hope you stay this excited about her once she's here. I hope you don't think we love you any less. Our goal is to not have you feel like you're losing anything by this new addition to our family, only gaining something. I'm sure there will be jealousy and frustrations. We'll handle it. But I hope, over all, that you are your gentle, welcoming self and fall right into awesome big brother. Because we know you will be.

I know you're a bit anxious about me going to the hospital. You keep asking about it and wondering when it might happen. I wish I could give you a date and time so you could prepare (your mother's son). We promise to leave you in very good hands no matter what.

I guess, mainly I just want you to know that through all these adjustments that we love you. We love you just as we always have, with all we have. How another little person will fit into this mix, well I'm not exactly sure just yet, but I know she will and soon we wont really recall a life around here without her.

Until then, know that my arms are always open for you. Even if they are filled with a tiny baby at the moment. I'll find a way to hug you both. I'm kind of sad to see our time with you as our only child come to an end, but I'm sure she'll make it worth it in an instant.

Sebastian, we love you. Welcome to big brother-hood. You're going to be great at it.

Love, Mommy

Baby #2 - 36 Weeks

2015-08-07T21:19:00.001-04:00

36 weeks

We have a month to go. We hope.

It's been a bit crazy around here recently. Monday night I started having terrible pain on my right side. We ended up at the hospital and after a lot of worry thinking this baby was coming early finally around 4am they were pretty sure it was kidney stones. I had to wait until morning (noon actually) to get ultrasounds to confirm. After 16 hours overnight in the hospital we got to come home. I'm already 4 cm dilated. I apparently like to walk around in early labor for weeks and weeks with my babies. blah!

So, now I am seriously trying to take it easy and not push myself too much. It's VERY hard with a two year old, but I'm doing the best I can. I'm bringing in the troops this weekend to finish putting together furniture and my list of projects has been slashed in half to something much more manageable. So no, I wont be painting the crib and the wardrobe and the side table to match. They will just have to be what they are for now. I will probably not be prepping a ton of food for our freezer, but we have numbers for pizza and chinese food so I think we'll survive.

I REALLY hope she waits until September, but I think our trial run went pretty well with everything going completely not according to plan. So, hey little one, you can show up whenever you're ready.

my sidekick was actually trying to push me out of the frame so he could do this...

Baby #2 - 28 Weeks

2015-06-23T15:03:00.001-04:00

28 Weeks Pregnant - in a bathing suit.

A lot has happened since my last post. We had a bit of a pre-term labor scare at about 27 weeks. I had some really frequent and intense Braxton Hicks contractions and both my doctor and doula wanted me to get checked out at the hospital. The hospital staff was awesome, even giving Sebastian a popsicle to keep him busy while they ran a dozen tests. Turns out I was dehydrated and I just need to make sure I'm getting a lot of fluids. The heat of the summer is already taking it's toll.

I've been seeing a chiropractor for my sciatica pain and it's been working wonders! I feel so much better!

We also got a MINIVAN! We purchased a 2012 Toyota Sienna and honestly, I was totally against it from the start, and now I'm IN LOVE. It is the most comfortable ride ever. Also it doesn't feel like you're driving a big honking boat of a beast like I thought it would. It's first big trip was for our babymoon last week to Portland, ME.

We dropped Sebastian and Luna off with Grammie and Buppa at the lake - stopped to take these photos and have a quick dip of course - and we were off! We stayed at the Mercury Inn where Tim and Jake took VERY good care of us and fed us well each morning. We even ran into some fellow Emerson College alums there. We ate our way across the town stopping into Congress Street Bar & Grill, The Holy Donut, Eventide Oyster Co., Duckfat, and Fore Street. We also spent some time out of the rain at the Cryptozoology museum where we met bigfoot. The best part was waking up (albeit at 7-8am anyway) and not having to rush to take out a dog or get a toddler a new diaper and some milk or tend to anyone else's needs for a few days. Mitch and I had FULL and COMPLETE conversations! It was glorious. I didn't watch a single minute of PBS kids, or Nick Jr. or Disney Channel!

Sebastian had a great time with his grandparents and hasn't stopped talking about it since.

Flash back to 25 weeks pregnant with Sebastian in this same bathing suit!

Here are some bonus pictures of me in a bathing suit because I'm sure you're dying for those!

Baby 2 - 25 Weeks

2015-05-24T21:53:00.002-04:00

25 weeks. Taken on my 34th birthday.

Baby is now the size of a rutabaga...which apparently means about a pound and a half and about 9 inches long.

She kicks a lot more now. Differently than Sebastian. She mostly does little fish like moves or giant flips. No in between.

My low back is hurting A LOT. I get stuck if I sit on the floor to play with Sebastian and sometimes I really can't lift him, which breaks my heart.

I had a nasty sinus infection for about two weeks which knocked me around, but I'm feeling better these days.

Sebastian will nod his head yes if you ask him if he's excited about his baby sister. I really can't wait to see the two of them together.

Baby #2 - 20 Weeks and The Gender Is Revealed!

2015-04-25T14:27:00.000-04:00

at 20 Weeks - HALFWAY!

Here we are at 20 weeks! The halfway point (already!!)! These pictures are a week late because it took me that long to find my camera cable. The camera cable that was right under my freaking nose. This is the kind of pregnancy brain I'm dealing with.

I have back pain and trouble sleeping. I'm borderline anemic and my placenta is a little close to my cervix, so I have to go get that checked out at 28 weeks to make sure it's moving out of the way. Those things and the backne are really the only downsides. Other than that I feel pretty good. Bonus I've apparently only gained two pounds this pregnancy (what the heck is all that belly then??). I may eat a whole pie to celebrate.

The other big news (in case you haven't already heard) is that we found out the sex of Baby # 2 this past week. Mother's intuition was right this time around. IT'S A GIRL!!!!

We are VERY excited to add baby girl to our brood and Sebastian is already being a great big brother. The trouble with knowing the sex of the baby (and I did this with Sebastian too) is that this is the point when I start buying things. Out of control spending. SIGH.

I got TWO sidekicks this time.

Baby #2 - 16 Weeks

2015-03-22T16:00:00.000-04:00

16 Weeks!

Here I am at 16 weeks preggo. Strangers are commenting on my belly so it's pretty clearly unhideable at this point.

Felt a few little movements in there over the past weeks. Nothing regular, but little pops. I remember feeling those around this time with Sebastian too.

I'm exhausted. We've all been sick and not getting as much sleep and my 1am wake up each night to go pee isn't helping. My butt and boobs are huge (for me) and nothing fits the way it used to. It's going to be a long summer. Anyone have good links to some exotic kaftans?

I'm leaning girl this time around because it's been a lot different than Sebastian, but I guess you never know. We find out next month! Should we start a poll?

My sidekick didn't really want to pose today.

Happy 2nd Birthday, Sebastian!

2015-03-08T07:00:00.000-04:00

Sebastian, Seabass, Love Bug, Bug, Goose,

Holy crap, you're 2!

I have had a BLAST with you this past year. We got into a good groove as a family and we had some genuine FUN. You have come a long way since last year. You've grown lots of hair and learned a million words. You know your ABCs and can count to 20. You speak in full sentences! You retain so much information that when you rattle stuff back to me, I am constantly shocked that you remember it. Sometimes you think faster than you can talk and the words get hung up in your brain and I can see it working and you figuring out how to form the sentence you want to say and it is the cutest thing ever.

You are kind. You always ask if "baby [can] kiss it?" when I stub my toe or something hurts. When I cry you duck your little head down to look me in the eyes and say "Mommy?" so sweetly it makes me instantly feel better and cry more at the same time. You're such a good soul. You are so friendly. You wave to everyone when we're out and about. You even start up conversations about french toast with strangers. You love making friends. You love tickling baby toes. You are going to make the most AMAZING big brother to your little sibling.

Family is very important to you. You are constantly asking where your grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins are. You giggle when you talk about them. I know you make your grandparents very happy. You love your dog, unless she's in your way. "WATCH OUT LUNA!" You tease her a lot.

You make us laugh. You tell jokes. Good ones. You laugh at the appropriate times when other people tell jokes. You get what's funny. You're a total goober and we absolutely love it.

You probably watch too much TV.

You throw a LOT of tantrums.

You are a black belt in bedtime stalling.

You would compare a diaper change to torture.

I know there will come a day that you wont need me. At least not in the way you do now. I know there will come a time when hugs and kisses are no longer cool or at least not given quite as freely. Just know, that through it all, I will always love you. Just as you are. Even if I can't be right beside you. If you ever feel lost and alone, you're not. I'm there. My dear, sweet boy. I never knew I could love this much.

Here's to year 3! On to the next adventure, love bug!
Love, Mommy