The barbershop king

Beejay Diona, Hollow Ground, 1053 Bloor West, 416-551-8929

A self-taught barber who’s been cutting hair since he was a teen, Diona is one of Hollow Ground’s co-owners and the go-to guy for a straightforward cut that looks hot. He does long hair, short hair, ethnic hair and particularly prides himself on his straight-razor shaves. Diona isn’t gender-exclusive either – he’s behind some of the city’s best female head shaves.

Photos by Tanja Tiziana Burdi

The houdini of hair colour

Violet Volovik, Bob + Paige Salon, 239 Danforth, 416-850-9719 bobandpaige.com

Volovik doesn’t mess around: she’s a semi-finalist in the Canadian master colourist category in this year’s Contessa Canadian Hairstylist of the Year Awards. In addition to rocking the world of hair shows and competitions, where styles can admittedly be a bit avant-garde for the average person’s taste, Volovik excels at creating perfect colour for everyday wear. From subtle highlights to an electric pop of colour, she can give you the look minus the damage.

Photos by Tanja Tiziana Burdi

The makeover magician

Darren Kwik, Cheveux, 955 Queen West, 416-361-1016, darrenkwik.com

Kwik’s makeovers are the physical manifestation of the saying “go big or go home.” If you need a major style overhaul, this is your guy. He can cut, colour and work with extensions to give your hair new life. Does change make you nervous? Take a deep breath and relax with coffee, tea or wine served to clients on site. You’re in good hands.

Photos by Tanja Tiziana Burdi

The scissors nerd

Greg May, Greg May Hair Architects, 88 Scollard, 3rd floor, 416-920-8892, gregmayhair.com

May applies design principles he learned from his dad, an architect, to the mop on top of your head. The former creative director of the Holt Renfrew Salon opened his own shop in 2003 and since then has become a go-to stylist for celebs and fashion editors. The man knows his way around a pair of scissors and has even designed his own line. Of course, he’ll readily explain all this to you once you’re in his chair. May knows what a client wants and doesn’t stop until he gets it just right.

Photos by Tanja Tiziana Burdi

The brow boss

Kira Thompson, the Brow House, 80 Scollard, 647-351-7078, thebrowhouse.com

The formerly NYC-based makeup artist realized her true calling when the rich and famous started flying her around for private brow appointments. She moved back to Toronto and founded the Brow House 10 years ago. An appointment with Thompson goes far above and beyond your typical wax or threading appointment – neither of which she does, by the way. She claims both methods are inaccurate at best and damaging at worst. Thompson prefers tweezers and uses them with superior precision to ensure perfect symmetry and shape for your face. She also offers brow tints, lash perms and personalized makeup tutorials. Coming soon: brow extensions.

Photos by Tanja Tiziana Burdi

I convinced Matthew Collins, celebrity hairstylist and co-owner of Brennen Demelo Studios (316 Adelaide West, 416-301-1072, brennendemelo.com), to teach me three easy-to-craft ponytails that look like pro updos. The guy has a four-month wait list, so I figure giving away a few secrets won’t hurt his bottom line too much.

The 4-D braid ponytail

1. Start with slicked-back ponytail.

2. Separate hair into four sections.

3. Take two sections and cross them vertically.

4. Take the other two sections and cross them horizontally.

5. Continue the pattern of crossing vertically then horizontally.

6. Secure with elastic and loosen the braid with a comb.

The sci-fibumpy ponytail

1. Start with slicked-back ponytail.

2. Backcomb a section of the ponytail, then comb softly over the surface to make a smooth bump.

3. Secure with elastic.

4. Use the end of your comb to pick the bump into a more rounded shape.

5. Repeat with more sections of your hair until you have the desired number of bumps.

The knotted ponytail

1. Start with slicked-back ponytail.

2. Take two small pieces from the back and tie a knot around the ponytail the way you would begin to tie your shoes.

3. Gather two more pieces of hair into the original two pieces and repeat the tying motion.

4. Repeat until you’re happy with the look.

5. Secure with an elastic at the base of the knots.

Photos by David Hawe

Chris Rock’s movie Good Hair exposed the business and politics behind black hair. It’s a million-dollar industry with massive trade shows, yet in our fairly diverse city, it’s still difficult to find a salon that can cut so-called ethnic hair.

If you have curly ethnic hair, you can’t just walk into any old salon with a good reputation. The shape of hair follicles in curly hair, along with the fact that it’s often drier, make it more prone to breakage. Hair with loops, waves and curls doesn’t lie flat, making it more complicated to cut and style.

The bottom line is you need a stylist experienced with ethnic hair or you’ll end up with a regrettable J.Lo look, pre-straightened and lightened. Last time that happened to me, I spent a year growing out my overly thinned curls.

Journalist Diane Campbell knows this first-hand. “After a salon hair-straightening experience that resulted in severe damage, I was very wary about straightening or chemically altering my hair,” she says. “I decided to go natural around age 22 but didn’t start wearing my hair in my current natural style until about age 34.”

Stylist Tricia Hall went natural in high school. ”I discovered my natural curl pattern by accident when I went too long without getting it relaxed. I didn’t go to anyone. I just grew it out myself.”

Women straighten their hair for many reasons: they learn from the women in their lives who also do it; it’s easier to manage; society says straight hair is more acceptable. Many women of colour straighten and damage their hair for years before finding a way to work with their natural hair texture.

To find a hairstylist who knows how to work with ethnic hair, you usually have to rely on word of mouth. Many people trade recommendations on Twitter and Facebook. At NaturallyCurly.com, the grandmother of curly hair sites, contributors recommend salons and stylists who cater to clients with curly and ethnic hair.

Sometimes you just have to stop people on the street and ask where they go. I found my current hairstylist at Earth Salon in Yorkville by approaching a woman at Burger King.

Once you decide on a salon, always book an informational appointment and come armed with questions, like Campbell did when she tried Curl Ambassadors: “Can you trim my hair? How will you go about it? If I want to wear my hair in a natural style other than my everyday wash-and-go, what kind of looks can you suggest? If I need my hair pressed straight for a special occasion, can you handle that?”

A knowledgeable stylist will take the time to listen to your concerns, be ready with multiple solutions and offer an at-home regimen to maintain your mane between appointments.

Still, it’s hard to find the right fit. Hall still hasn’t found one she likes. She says you can’t walk into any “black salon” because even those don’t know how to handle all types of black hair.

As for me, after achieving straight, shiny hair with a flat iron for a year, I also suffered a lot of damage and had to cut off 6 inches. I immediately retired my flat iron and have embraced my curls and experienced stylist ever since.

It’s moustache time. Movember kicks off this week as hordes of men throw down their razors to raise funds and awareness for men’s health, and prostate cancer in particular.

The onslaught of facial fuzz can be a bit of an eyesore – but that’s not what really concerns me about Movember. I can’t help but wonder if reinforcing very traditional ideas about masculinity and facial hair in the name of a good cause does more harm than good.

Movember is all about manly men – the manlier and hairier, the better. Guys who join the cause are dubbed “Mo Bros” and are encouraged to compete to become the “Ultimate Mo.” If you’re “facial follically challenged,” you can compete for the “Lame Mo” encouragement award. Not exactly the most flattering (or politically correct) title, is it?

Not to mention the irony that many men who’ve actually undergone prostate cancer treatment can no longer grow facial hair due to hormone therapy. This perceived loss of masculinity when it comes to hair growth along with other bodily functions is one of the greatest psychological struggles for prostate cancer survivors. 

Studies show that black and Latino men often shy away from rectal exams that detect prostate cancer because they see the test as emasculating. How does a month-long event that reinforces hyper-masculinity help change this?

Men who can’t grow facial hair and women have little role to play in Movember other than donating and cheering on their moustached heroes. Mostly, the role of a “Mo Sista” is to continue having sex with men participating in the month, no matter how badly his ’stache mangles her face. A Mo Sista is one of the cool girls who can drink and laugh along with the guys (see Amy Dunne’s “cool girl” speech in Gone Girl). God forbid a Mo Sista grows her own facial or body hair during No-Shave November. 

While growing a moustache this month results in back slaps and toasts at the bar for white cisgender men, the same can’t be said for trans people and men of colour. Trans people don’t fit into Movember’s neat separation of the genders, and the ones with facial hair are unfortunately still more likely to get stares than high fives while walking down the street. Non-white men face racist stereotyping that casts them as suspicious or intimidating when they grow beards or moustaches.

Men’s health is undoubtedly a cause worthy of our support. Prostate cancer is the most common cancer and also the leading cause of death from cancer in Canadian men. There must be a more inclusive way to raise money and get the message across.

Share your thoughts in the comments section.

For Her

If your hair knows a thing or two about damage, Arbonne Pure Vibrance fortifying crème conditioner is for you. It’s botanically based (no animal products) and maximizes colour longevity while preventing any further breakage ($40, arbonne.ca).

Bumble and Bumble hairdresser’s invisible oil adds shine to your hair without weighing it down. Say goodbye to frizz, fly-aways and tangles ($50, Sephora).

Indeed Laboratories Peptalash actually fulfills its promise to give you longer, thicker lashes and eyebrows over time. The formula uses three peptides to stimulate growth, without any of the scary side effects of other chemical-laced products ($24.99, Shoppers Drug Mart, 180 Danforth, 416-466-5698, and others, indeedlabs.com/peptalash).

All-natural local favourite Consonant teams up with indie Fuzz Wax Bar for this skin-perfecting body scrub that smoothes and hydrates skin before hair removal. Ingrown hairs will be a thing of the past ($30, Fuzz Wax Bar, 488 Bloor West, 647-748-3899, and other, consonantskincare.com).

Schwarzkopf Osis Elastic flexible hold hairspray is one of the best hairsprays around, providing all of the hold with none of the stiffness ($20.39, canadabeautysupply.ca).

For Him

This locally made, all-natural Urban Beard oil keeps your beard soft, healthy and smelling good ($25, Grateful Head, 231 Roncesvalles, 416-915-4323, and other, urbanbeard.ca).

Made in Canada and free of parabens, artificial fragrances, sulfates, phthalates and silicones, Schaf ultimate comfort shave cream’s blend of coconut oil and aloe-based emollients ensures a close shave minus nasty nicks and irritations ($25, Likely General, 389 Roncesvalles, 647-351-4590, schaf.ca).

Baxter of California has been around since 1965 and is still made in California. This hard water pomade uses elastic fibres to give hair strong hold without stiffness ($20, MenEssentials, 412 Danforth, 1-800-833-1055, menessentials.com).

Jack Black body-building hair gel is an alcohol-free styling product and treatment in one that tops the best-of lists of just about every men’s magazine ($16, Sephora, 220 Yonge, 416-595-7227, and others, sephora.com).

In addition to giving you super-soft hair, the peppermint in John Allan’s mint invigorating hydrating conditioner stimulates your scalp and is especially effective for fine and thinning hair ($20, 176 Yonge, 416-861-6307, johnallans.com).

SMIFFY’S

Starts off promisingly enough listing natural castor oil and beeswax on its label. But it degrades quickly from there into lots of petroleum-based ingredients and some ghastly parabens, including butyl and propyl parabens that have been banned from children’s items in Denmark thanks to their endocrine-disrupting potential. Lots of Smiffy’s products come with warnings about not applying to damaged, inflamed or sensitive skin or on eyes or lip area. Really. Made in China. 

SCORE: N

SUPER VALUE MAKEUP KIT 

This made-in-China kit has it all – fake blood, skin, glitter. It also has lots of petrol-derived ingredients, destructively mined talc as well as a few parabens, though they no longer use the butyl and propyl type, which is a slight improvement. Either way, no thanks. 

SCORE: N

SNAZAROO FACE PAINTING KIT

Sure, these guys say they’re “non-toxic” and compliant with EU and U.S. FDA toy and cosmetic regs, which means the products, which are made in the UK, should be low in heavy metals like lead. But they’re still full of other crappy petrochemicals, PEGs and dodgy butyl and propyl parabens. Fine print warns they’re not suitable for eyes and lips but image on the box infers otherwise. At least Snazaroo Face Painting Sticks are paraben-free.

SCORE: N

KISS NATURALS FACE PAINT KIT

Finally, a made-in-Canada option. This indie Quebec company offers up all sorts of naturally derived DIY kits. The base is a lotion made with sunflower, soybean, coconut and palm oils. Wish the soybean oil were organic and that they’d drop the controversial palm oil, but the product is non-toxic and nut-free, with paperwork to prove it passes heavy metal and phthalate testing. The paints do contain a little synthetic phenoxyethanol preservative. Available at Treasure Island Toys, through Indigo online and Kissnaturals.com

SCORE: NNN

GLOB

This California-made brand skips the artificial dyes, parabens and iffy talc and instead uses certified organic jojoba oil and (allergy alert) organic almond oil as a base with mineral/veggie pigments and nano-free zinc. More good news: products are mica-free and tested for heavy metals to make sure they’re compliant with Cali standards. They come with a bamboo applicator for convenience. Some Glob face paints, like Kiss Naturals, contain phenoxyethanol. Available at Big Carrot, 100 Mile Child and Herbs & Nutrition. globiton.com

SCORE: NNNN

Get creative in the kitchen by whipping up face paint that can literally be licked off at the end of the night. Mommy magazines say you can make your own by mixing lotion with food colouring, but I’m not wild about the synthetic FD&C food dyes used in store-bought stuff. Truly natural food colouring is hard to come by in Canada, so what’s the alternative? Start with an all-natural face cream (the thicker the better, or thicken with a little arrowroot powder) or you could use (fair trade) cocoa butter as your base. Then mix in DIY blueberry or raspberry juice (mash and strain your berries) or ¼ teaspoon turmeric, cocoa, spirulina, kale or beet juices – the list goes on. For an au-naturel zombie look, try mashed avocado on your face. Yes, some of these will stain, but if you can’t get dirty on Halloween, when can you?

Aries Mar 21 | Apr 19 If you live in Gaza, you don’t have easy access to Kentucky Fried Chicken. The closest KFC restaurant is 35 miles away in the Egyptian city of El-Arish. But there was a time when you could pay smugglers to bring it to you via one of the underground tunnels that linked Egypt to Gaza. Each delivery took four hours and required the help of two taxis, a hand cart and a motorbike. (Alas, Egypt destroyed most of the tunnels in early 2014.) I recommend, Aries, that you be as determined and resourceful to make your longed-for connections as the KFC-lovers in Gaza were. Halloween costume suggestion: smuggler, bootlegger, drug-dealer, black-marketeer.

Taurus Apr 20 | May 20 It’s urgent that you expand your options. Your freedom of choice can’t lead you to where you need to go until you have more possibilities to choose from. In fact, you’re better off not making a decision until you have a wider selection. To playfully drive home this point to your subconscious mind, I suggest that this Halloween you consider disguising yourself as a slime mould. This unusual creature comes in more than 500 different genders, at least 13 of which must collaborate to reproduce. Here’s a photo: bit.ly/yellowslime.

Gemini May 21 | Jun 20 In the animated sci-fi TV sitcom Futurama, Leela is the mutant captain of a spaceship. In one episode, she develops an odd boil on her hindquarters. It has a face and can sing. The actor who provides the vocals for the animated boil’s outpouring of song is Gemini comedian Craig Ferguson, whose main gig is serving as host of a late-night TV talk show on CBS. Telling you this tale is my way of suggesting that you consider going outside your usual niche, as Ferguson did, to offer your talents in a different context. Halloween costume suggestion: Kim Kardashian as a nurse wearing ebola protective gear; science educator Neil deGrasse Tyson as a male stripper; a cat wearing a dog costume, or vice versa.

Cancer Jun 21 | Jul 22 Native American hero Sitting Bull (1831-1890) was a renowned Lakota chief and holy man. He led his people in their resistance to the U.S. occupation of their land. How did he become so strong and wise? In large part through the efforts of his doting mother, whose name was Her-Holy-Door. Let’s install her as your exemplar for now. May she inspire you to nurture beauty and power in those you love. May she motivate you to be adroit as you perform your duties in service to the future. May the mystery of her name rouse you to find the sacred portal that ushers you to your next big gift. Halloween costume suggestion: a sacred portal, a divine gateway, an amazing door.

Leo Jul 23 | Aug 22 This is one of those rare times when it’s okay for you to just throw out the dirty dishes that you are too lazy to wash. It’s also permissible to hide from a difficult person, spend money on a supposedly foolish indulgence, eat a bowl of ice cream for breakfast, binge-watch a TV show that provokes six months’ worth of emotions in a few hours and lie in bed for an extra hour fantasizing about sex with a forbidden partner. Don’t make any of these things habits, of course. But for now, it’s probably healthy to allow them. Halloween costume suggestion: total slacker.

Virgo Aug 23 | Sep 22 Our evolutionary ancestors Homo erectus loved to eat delicious antelope brains. The fossil evidence is all over their old stomping grounds in East Africa. Scientists say that this delicacy, so rich in nutrients, helped our forbears build bigger, stronger brains themselves. These days it’s harder but not impossible to make animal brains part of your diet. The Chinese and Koreans eat pig brains, and some European cuisines include beef brains. I’m confident, however, that your own brain will be functioning better than ever in the coming weeks, even if you don’t partake of this exotic dish. Be sure to take advantage of your enhanced intelligence. Solve tough riddles! Think big thoughts! Halloween costume suggestion: a brain-eating Homo erectus.

Libra Sep 23 | Oct 22 “The egromenious hilarity of psychadisical melarmy, whether rooted in a lissome stretch or a lusty wobble, soon defisterates into crabolious stompability. So why not be graffenbent?” So said Noah’s ex-wife Joan of Arc in her interview with St. Crocodile magazine. Heed Joan’s advice, please, Libra. Be proactively saximonious. I’M KIDDING! Everything I just said was nonsense. I hope you didn’t assume it was erudite wisdom full of big words you couldn’t understand. In offering it to you, I was hoping to immunize you against the babble and hype and artifice that may soon roll your way. Halloween costume suggestion: a skeptic armed with a shock-proof bullshit-detector. (For inspiration, check out these visuals: bit.ly/bsdetector.)

Scorpio Oct 23 | Nov 21 In AMC’s famous TV drama, a high school chemistry teacher responds to his awful luck by turning to a life of crime. The show’s title, Breaking Bad, refers to what happens when a good person cracks and veers over to the dark side. So then what does “breaking good” mean? Urbandictionary.com defines it like this: “When a criminal, junkie or gang-banger gets sweet and sparkly, going to church, volunteering at soup kitchens and picking the kids up from school.” I’m concerned that you are at risk of undergoing a similar conversion, Scorpio. You seem so nice and kind and mild lately. I guess that’s fine as long as you don’t lose your edge. Halloween costume suggestion: a criminal with a halo, a sweet and sparkly gang-banger or a Buddhist monk junkie.

Sagittarius Nov 22 | Dec 21 I’ve got two possible remedies for your emotional congestion. You might also want to make these two remedies part of your Halloween shtick. The first remedy is captured by the English word “lalochezia.” It refers to a catharsis that comes from uttering profane language. The second remedy is contained in the word “tarantism.” It means an urge to dance manically as a way to relieve melancholy. For your Halloween disguise, you could be a wildly dancing obscenity-spouter.

Capricorn Dec 22 | Jan 19 You are at a point in your astrological cycle when you deserve to rake in the rewards that you have been working hard to earn. I expect you to be a magnet for gifts and blessings. The favours and compliments you have doled out will be returned to you. For all the strings you have pulled in behalf of others’ dreams, strings will now be pulled for you. Halloween costume suggestion: a beaming kid hauling around a red wagon full of brightly wrapped presents.

Aquarius Jan 20 | Feb 18 Two physicists in Massachusetts are working on technology that will allow people to shoot laser beams out of their eyes. For Halloween, I suggest that you pretend you have already acquired this superpower. It’s time for you to be brash and jaunty as you radiate your influence with more confidence. I want to see you summon reserves of charismatic clout you haven’t dared to call on before. Costume suggestion: the X-Men mutant named Cyclops or the legendary native America creature known as the thunderbird, which emits lightning from its eyes.

Pisces Feb 19| Mar 20 The African nation of Swaziland has passed a law prohibiting witches from flying their broomsticks any higher than 150 metres above ground. That will a big problem for Piscean witches. There is currently an astrological mandate for them to swoop and glide and soar as high and free as they want to. The same is metaphorically true for all Piscean non-witches everywhere. This is your time to swoop and glide and soar as high and free as you want to. Halloween costume suggestion: high-flying witch, a winged angel, the Silver Surfer or a mythic bird like the Garuda.

Homework: What Halloween costume would help you activate a secret or dormant part of your potential? Testify at FreeWillAstrology.com.

My son is 15 going on 16, and he’s been experimenting with masturbation. At the moment, I pretty much just think, fine, whatever. He’s a teenager – there’s very little I can do about it. So long as he doesn’t get porn-obsessed and start letting his grades slip, it’s fine. 

The issue is that a few months ago, his younger sister found one of her tampons in the garbage, and it was covered with poop. She brought it up to me and my wife, and we didn’t think much of it – until a couple of months ago, when my wife discovered, again, a used, shitty tampon in the garbage. We had a talk with our son and told him that we understand he is maturing sexually and we don’t care how he explores his sexuality. However, we also don’t want to find shitty tampons or whatever else in the garbage. 

Then, a couple of days ago, we were going to bed and we heard a noise coming from his bathroom. We checked it out and found his toothbrush in the sink, butt-end being rinsed with the water running full blast for who knows how long (he was downstairs). We asked him why he was doing that, and he said the cat had pissed on his toothbrush. We think his story is bullshit, as although the cat does piss on the floor, the cat has never peed on a counter before.

We are fine with him exploring his sexuality, but at the same time, we don’t want to find tidbits of what he’s doing out in the open. As I’ve explained to him, he needs to do a better job of hiding it, because if a friend had come over and found a shitty tampon in the garbage can, what would they think? However, it looks like shaming him to hide it better might be the only way. What are your thoughts on this? Are we in the wrong here?

Perplexed Over Progeny’s Sexuality

You haven’t found any more shit-covered tampons in the trash since you spoke to your son about it months ago, POPS, so either he’s doing a better job of hiding those shit-covered tampons – he’s honouring his father and mother – or he’s not putting his sister’s tampons up his ass any more. And your concern for the delicate sensibilities of your friends is a bit of a reach. A true friend wouldn’t paw through the trash in your bathroom, and anyone who did dig through the trash in your bathroom deserves to find not just one shit-smeared tampon, but a handful.

As for the toothbrush, POPS, it wasn’t left “out in the open.” You found it in the sink in his bathroom. You discovered it because he stupidly left the water running full blast, it’s true, but it wasn’t out in the open in a shared communal space. If you had texted me the moment you found the toothbrush, I would’ve immediately texted you back and advised you to turn the water off and refrain from asking your son about the toothbrush. If you had to say something to him about it, POPS, I would’ve advised you to go with this: “Don’t leave the water running in your sink.”

Your son would’ve figured that you saw the toothbrush, figured that you figured it had been in his ass and never made that mistake again. (Just as he’s never made the tampon mistake again.) But you made the mistake of asking your son for an explanation (“Why are you doing that?”) in a context where 1) your son isn’t going to tell you the truth (“The cat pissed on it, Pops!”), and 2) you can’t handle the truth (“I was fucking myself in the ass with it, Pops!”).

Zooming out for a second: A boy who’s almost 16 isn’t “experimenting with masturbation.” He’s perfecting his technique. And we can deduce from the tampons and toothbrushes that your son likes ass-play. That’s not a problem. Inconsideration used to be a problem (disposing of shitty tampons where his family members might find them), but he’s knocked that off, right? So the only remaining problem is that he’s putting things in his ass that aren’t designed for ass-play.

If you don’t want your son abusing any cucumbers or mixing spoons or Oscar statuettes that might be lying around your house – and if you don’t want to have to rush him to an emergency room in a few months to retrieve something that gets stuck in his ass – consider purchasing a few ass-appropriate toys for him, i.e., one or two small silicone butt plugs with flared bases. He’ll be mortified when you give them to him, POPS, but no more mortified than you were when you found those shitty tampons.

Buying sex toys for kids is a hurdle most parents can’t clear. If it’s not something you can do, then you’ll have to turn a blind eye to any toothbrushes you might find in sinks over the next few years.

You’ll also want to thoroughly wash cucumbers before consuming them.

He may not be Mr. Right

Say your boyfriend has a spanking fetish and he spanks other women with one particular belt – but not you, because you don’t like it, but you’re okay with him making dates to spank others – and he wears that particular belt all the time, even though you’ve asked him not to. What’s going on here?

Ass Spared, Feelings Hurt

Equal parts inconsideration (on his part) and insecurity (on your part) are combining to create unnecessary drama. If spanking is so central to his identity that he has to wear his spanking belt every day, you may be the wrong girlfriend for him. If seeing an easy-to-overlook reminder of his fetish leaves you hurt, you’re less okay with those spanking dates than you pretend to be, ASFH, and he may be the wrong boyfriend for you.

Keep the sex memento

I recently came across a pair of my ex-girlfriend’s lacy panties in an old pair of shorts I haven’t worn in years. I love wearing women’s panties, and I almost hit the floor when I found them. I was a mess after this girl dumped me. I was devastated. To this day, I have not found closure. This is where it gets tricky. A part of me wants to keep them because it’s so hot that they’re hers. I’m happy with my current girlfriend – I love her—but these panties really turn me on. The other part tells me to “show some respect” and get rid of them. Is this an ethical or moral issue? By keeping them, am I driving a wedge between me and my girlfriend? Any advice?

Old Panties Protocol

You’re entitled to your memories and your keepsakes. And if a pair of panties can drive a wedge between you and your current girlfriend, OPP, then your relationship is made of pretty flimsy stuff. If an old pair of panties doesn’t destroy it, the next strong breeze will.

Keep the panties, I say, but put them away somewhere that isn’t easily accessed – in a box in your storage space, on a high shelf in a closet – so you aren’t tempted to haul them out every time you want to have a wank. But now and then, maybe when the girlfriend is out of town, I don’t see the harm in retrieving your ex-girlfriend’s panties and enjoying a nice, long, leisurely wank down memory lane.

And finally, OPP, closure isn’t something you find. It’s something you do.

On this week’s Savage Lovecast, Dan chats with writer Katha Pollitt about reframing attitudes about abortion: savagelovecast.com.

mail@savagelove.net | @fakedansavage on Twitter

KIDS’ COSTUMES LACED WITH TOXINS

Disconcerting levels of toxins are still sneaking into seasonal costumes, accessories and party supplies despite government crackdowns, according to a new report issued by Healthystuff.org.

The non-profit tested more than 100 items from big-box stores in the U.S., including Walmart and Target. Some 5 per cent contained levels of lead illegal in children’s toys and around 10 per cent had brominated flame retardants. One costume in particular, a toddler Batman “muscle” costume, had levels of lead and phthalates considered illegal in toys.

Healthystuff.org’s research director, Jeff Gearhart, recommends that parents avoid vinyl products, opt for natural fibres and tell retailers to stick to non-toxic supplies.

MUZZLED CANADIAN SCIENCE

While the feds were officially celebrating national Science and Technology Week and trumpeting the Harper government’s leadership on research and innovation, Canada was being castigated around the globe for gagging scientists.

Over 800 scientists from 32 countries signed an open letter to the pm calling for Canadian science funding and freedom to be restored (see quote of the week). The letter, which appeared as an ad in the Ottawa Citizen last week, was drafted by the u.s.-based union of concerned scientists. here are a few numbers that prompted the global scientific community to get on board: 

85% Federal departments that scored a sad C or lower when it comes to openness and protection against political interference for government scientists, according to a recent report by Simon Fraser University and the non-profit Evidence for Democracy. Four, including the Department of Natural Resources, flat out failed.

$2.6 billion Federal cuts to 10 science-based departments between 2013 and 2016. According to the Professional Institute of the Public Service of Canada (PIPSC), 5,064 jobs are also being axed in that time.

90% Federal government scientists who feel they can’t speak freely to media about their work. (Just don’t ask them to talk to you on record about this.)

48% Federal scientists who have seen information withheld, causing the public or government to be “misled or misinformed,” according to polling by PIPSC and Environics. 

43% Federal scientists who have been asked to exclude or alter information in government documents for non-scientific reasons.

An excerpt from an open letter signed by more than 800 international scientists urging Harper “to remove excessive and burdensome restrictions and barriers to scientific communication and collaboration faced by Canadian government scientists.” It pointedly references a recent New York Times editorial that called communications restrictions on government scientist “an attempt to guarantee public ignorance.”

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