Let's Move!

2012-02-11T10:00:34-05:00

This makes me so happy, and it starts to wash away [some of] the hate of that Gawd Offal Party and those disgusting, bigoted One Million Moms.

Do You Read Margaret and Helen?

2012-02-10T11:23:04-05:00

I've been getting emails and comments asking if I'm OK, where I be at with the blog, and such. Well, thank you for your concern. I do miss you and miss the blog, but a) I've been very happily busy with work, and b) I've been spending probably way too much time in Facebook and Twitter, getting all het up about current affairs and such. Important things like honest rape. You know what that is, right? Right??

Today I'm off from work for a few days, and I come back to the blog with a bang. I hope it lives up to your wishes and expectations, because it's... well. It's me at my (almost) most fed up.

I'm reprinting Margaret and Helen's latest blog post at the bottom of this post. I don't have their permission, but I'd like to think they'd give it to me if I asked. And I'm linking and giving attribution like a good blog neighbor, just because -- this week especially -- they have continued to make me feel just a little bit lighter, just about every day, when the news of those right-wing nutcases keeps on making my blood boil.

I'd like to share their blog with you if you don't know about it. I subscribe to it and get notified by email when they post anew.

I apologize for this being such a link-to-outside-reading-material-heavy post, but I just had to get some of this off my chest.

I'm very glad to see Rick Santorum, emboldened by his recent wins, start to truly reveal himself, what with his crazy talk about "in the Netherlands people have to wear 'do not euthanize' bracelets so they don't get put down when they go to the hospital E.R.," (Because yes, of course! What do we think when we think Netherlands? Tulips, windmills, and euthanizing the elderly -- am I right?!) And President Obama is going to have Christians on the guillotine like during the French Revolution.

And don't even GET me started on his, "consider it a blessing that your rapist impregnated you" bullshit. And there is so much more. The shit he spews just never ends. He is the gift that keeps on giving.

I'd love to go into a psychological analysis of his poor wife. It doesn't take a licensed psychologist to see that she is either batshit crazy (and in need of lots of love) herself, or she is paying some sort of weird self-penance for, I don't know, maybe this?

Rick Santorum, the Church Candidate. Just exactly what we don't need. Note to Rick: Read the fucking U.S. Constitution, sir.

So I'm glad that he is on this self-destructive path of insanity, because even among the most right-wing, there are certainly many of those women who do not want to turn the clock back to 1899.

Aren't there?

There is a poster going around online that says, "Choosing between the GOP candidates is like trying to decide which STD do I want." Thankfully, I don't have to choose from that rotten lot.

So here I give you Margaret and Helen. Go and subscribe to their blog here.

100,000 Gay Kids Secretly Watch Ellen

HELEN:

Margaret, I think that religious freedom means that we have freedom for religion as well as freedom from religion. Now I know you don’t worry about this stuff. You have never questioned your religion and you never worry about the day you will eventually meet your maker. I question my religion regularly and worry all the time. I guess that’s why I have a fat ass and you look like a zipper when you stick your tongue out. Which reminds me, dear, did you check on that cake recipe I sent you? I am not sure about the ingredients and Betty’s daughter is kind of mad at me about that Komen stuff so I can’t ask her right now.

And speaking of being mad, I watched that sweet Ellen – like I do every day – and discovered that one million mothers are mad at JCPenney and they are trying to get Ellen fired because she is one of those lesbians. That sweet little girl never did anything but make people laugh and dance a little. Every time she comes on the TV I have to get up and do a little step doodle-ditty step with her. I just love her. Who are these million moms anyway? Mothers should know better. Statistically speaking a hundred thousand of those moms are raising a child who secretly watches Ellen and would one day make a fine spokesperson for JCPenney.

All of this hatred in the name of Jesus is alarming. It’s alarming from a million moms and it is particularly alarming from presidential candidates like Rick Santorum. He was in Texas this week talking about his faith… which always leads him to talk about abortion and gay marriage. I swear that man worries more about vaginas and who is sleeping with whom than any normal person should. I don’t think he is right in the head. He told his audience that his faith is a part of who he is and it will guide him in his presidency. Well good for him.

There is nothing wrong with a little faith keeping you on the straight and narrow as they say. But here’s the problem I have when it is the only consideration for a presidential candidate. My faith guides me too. And my church has no issue with contraception and understands that sometimes abortion is a moral and scared decision that a women might make in her life. And every week when I go to my church there are these two women who are raising two beautiful little girls and nobody in my church has an issue with their little family. I even heard that they all went up to Canada and got married. Now I get that Rick Santorum's and Newt Gingrich's church, the Catholic Church, feels differently about these things. And I respect that. But which church should our government follow? Your church or my church? What about Mitt Romney’s church?

My late husband, Harold, was a Catholic. He went to mass every Sunday until the day he left this earth. But I can promise you that he didn’t tell me what I could and couldn’t do with my lady parts and I’m sure as hell not going to let Newt and Rick start telling me now.

And while we are on the subject, let me say a few words about all those Catholic Bishops who say they would prefer to deny healthcare to everyone rather than include coverage for contraception. That law does not force the church to give birth control to women. Churches and houses of worship are exempt. This is about hospitals and universities that serve and employ the broader public, not to mention they receive federal funding. I am sure those Bishops are clueless about these things but the typical woman spends five years pregnant, or trying to get pregnant, and 30 years trying not to get pregnant. So you’re telling me that a bunch of nurses have to resort to the rhythm method for 30 years just because the hospital they work at has some saint’s name above the door? If those Bishops get their way a female professor at Notre Dame can’t get insurance coverage for her monthly birth control but her male counterpart can slap down a $15 co-pay and get all the Viagra he wants. Well that’s the dumbest thing I’ve heard all day.

I know you think I am over-reacting, Margaret, but you need to understand that it’s not just about the stupidity of some Bishops or the whining of a million clueless moms. There are real dangers when religion gets into bed with politics.

Gingrich would outlaw all abortion with no exceptions. He signed the Republican candidate pledge which would give all human zygotes from the moment of conception the same rights and constitutional protections as human beings. He would oppose any legislative, judicial or bureaucratic efforts to define marriage as anything other than a relationship between a man and a woman… or in his case a man, a woman and another woman.

Santorum opposes all abortion including abortion for rape victims or for women who would die from continuing a pregnancy. He considers contraception "dangerous" and favors allowing the states to ban it altogether. According to Rick, gays are such second class citizens that they don’t deserve the privilege of marriage which is kind of odd considering those gay marriages reduce the number of abortions opting instead to adopt a lot of those unwanted kids.

Romney said Roe v. Wade should be reversed. He says he would support a federal constitutional amendment defining marriage as between one man and one woman. He would allow gays already married to remain married but would bar any new gay marriages. Those gay marriages are kind of like his view on abortion – at one time they were fine. Now they are not.

Those are alarming statements and positions because all of them are based on the candidate’s personal religious beliefs and yet all of them would have devastating effects on millions of American citizens who might not share those same beliefs. I’m pretty sure letting gay people get married isn’t going to stop Rick Santorum or any of those million moms from following their faith. And it would be nice if those Bishops would realize having insurance coverage doesn’t mean you have to use birth control.

I wrote once that love is about the heart not the body. Trust me, if it was about the body a lot of us would be in a world of trouble. You can’t legislate love between two consenting adults. You just can’t no matter how hard you try. If you want to save marriage, marry someone you love. And if you don’t believe in contraception, don’t use it – and please don’t date my granddaughter.

So to any of those million moms out there who might read this, I say: Leave Ellen alone. Ellen hasn’t done anything except bring a little happiness into my world every day at her new time slot of 3:00 now that Oprah is gone. You would be lucky to have your child grow into such a wonderful young woman as Ellen DeGeneres.

What a week. On Sunday I went to church. On Monday I made a donation to Planned Parenthood. And today, I told my son to buy my granddaughter a cute new outfit at JCPenney so that Ellen won’t lose her job. And, just like you Margaret, I am pretty sure that God and I are right with one another. I mean it. Really.

MARGARET:

Well I’ll let you worry about all that, dear. I am working on that recipe you asked about for the cookbook. Betty drinks so I question her notes about how much butter to use. By the way, Ellen comes on at 4:00 here in Maine which makes it hard because Howard likes to eat dinner at 4:30.

Terrier Mondy/Tuesdy - Nice Walk [Never Happened] Edition

2012-02-06T18:52:56-05:00

Dear Readers,

Alpha and I want to take this opportunity to thank you for all the emails of concern over the past little while. We are here, and we are well and happy -- let's just get that out of the way right off the bat.

We've been busy, but that is kind of just a lame excuse. There have been times in our lives together when we have been much more busy, but we have still managed to put a blog post up every single day. And now, the raw, unvarnished truth is that we just have gotten out of the habit. We are both going to try to improve in the near future, but we've been saying that for weeks now, so take that as you will.

Today, Alpha drove home from Burlington and she was all excited and happy when she got home. She said, "It's really nice outside, and it's still daylight! Let's go to the [sports] complex for a Nice Walk!" "Nice Walk" means a really good serious long walk where she gets a lot of nice air-breathing exercise and I get a lot, too. It also means that I get to stop a lot of times and do the thing that little boy dogs like to do best. I think you know what I mean by that. And then I come home and I cuddle up on her down pillow and have a nice, deep nap while she gets back to work. It's the best.thing.ever. I feel so sorry for dogs and people who don't get to have Nice Walks.

So I waited patiently while she quickly changed her clothes and her shoes, and we went outside.

But the sun had gone down faster than she could change her clothes. It had beat us, and it was already too dark to go for a Nice Walk.

I don't know if I ever told you, but I've never really been a huge fan of the dark. Well, it's been ESPECIALLY true since that episode with the skunk last fall. So I took one look out there, and I said, "Um, Alpha. Can I take a raincheck, please?"

Now that I'm all tucked up inside the house, I kind of wish I hadn't said that. It's nice in here and all, but I really do miss my Nice Walks. I'll be glad when winter is over, won't you?

Love,

Mr. Jefferies

Because It's FUN!

2012-01-21T16:20:20-05:00

Norma

Terrier Tuesday -- Problem-Solver Edition

2012-01-17T00:45:00-05:00

Dear Readers,

Yesterday Alpha gave me a marrow bone, but she took it from the freezer. Which... you know... meant it was FREEEEEEEEEZING for my mouth and my teeth. I tried to ask her to warm it up a bit for me, but she just ignored me, saying she had to get to work. (Offshore medical schools don't observe American holidays, ya know.)

So I thought and I thought, "How am I going to make this thing warm enough that I can chew on it without hurting my teeth?"

Then I remembered: My heated bed!

I brought it there and left it for a while, until it was nice and room-temperature. And then, when it was all nice and ready, I chewed it and chewed it, and ate all the delicious organically raised beef marrow out of it.

Alpha says she is starting to get afraid of me coz I'm too smart. But why, exactly, is that news? What did she think?!