People say Granderson would be a “perfect fit” for the Chicago Cubs and while I don’t really agree, he would certainly be welcomed.  Granderson is the center fielder the Cubs have dreamt of.  He roams a patch of grass in Comerica Park that has more empty space than just about any other park in the league, he steals bases, hits for power, gives full effort every night, and is about the best ambassador for the game you could imagine. 

Much like Soriano however, he isn’t the ideal lead-off hitter.  He strikes out a lot, had a terrible average this year, can’t hit left handed pitching at all, and really doesn’t get on base at a good clip.  It would be fun to watch him lead off against righties and Soriano against lefties though.  You’d see a record number of lead-off homers I’d be willing to bet. 

Granderson to the Cubs sounds great, but will it really happen?  Hendry would have to pay a pretty steep price for the young star.  Carlos Marmol is the name I’ve heard thrown around the most.  I wouldn’t expect Detroit to want anything to do with Milton Bradley either.  This would likely be a deal involving an established player at a position of need for the Tigers (2b, cf, rp) and at least one top prospect. 

I have no doubt that Curtis would be a fan favorite on the North Side.  His batting average and merits as a lead-off hitter might not wow anyone, but he’s a damn exciting player to watch and a kid you want on your team.  I can tell you that there is a large contingent in the Detroit area expressing some outrage at the thought of this trade.  Granderson is arguably Detroit’s most popular athlete, so at least you could hold that over our head for a while.

According to StevieY19, this dunk was over “my boy”. Tyson Chandler? Let’s set the record straight real quick. That guy is not my boy. He sucks and I enjoyed watching him get posterized by Bynum.

h/t: Detroit4Lyfe

Rick Morrissey drives the Joakim Noah bandwagon after eating his words the other day.

Before I start in on this post (which is mostly going to be about how Noah should be an all-star this season), I just want to throw out a huge “I told you so”.  I have loved Noah since day 1 (yes Ethan, I’m happy we took him over Spencer Hawes), and now that everyone else has joined in, I feel vindicated.

Anyways on to Noah’s amazing 2009-2010 campaign.  He has improved in all three aspects of the game: Offense, Defense, and Rebounding.  Clearly the kid has hit the gym hard, putting on some added muscle and bulk.  The great thing about that muscle is that whether he appears that much stronger or not, he actually is playing stronger.  He is being more aggressive on the offensive end and seems to be able to tear balls out of other big men’s hands way more this season.  His rebounding numbers reflect that difference, as he is averaging about 12 rebounds a game.

On the offensive end, its not like he became Amare Stoudemire all of a sudden.  In fact he is still a very shaky player on that end.  The difference this season is he has gone from totally unreliable and clogging up the offense, to serviceable with a bit of a hook shot around the rim and an inexplicably decent 10-12 foot jump shot (where the hell did that come from?)  He’s never going to average 20 points a game, but if he can finish strong around the rim and make a shot from more than 5 feet out a few times a game, he will be very effective.  As it stands, he is averaging 11.5 points per game so far this year.

Defense has been huge.  This relates back to his conditioning, as he seems to be bullied around significantly less this season than in years past.  As great as that has been, he has also seemed to learn what it means to rotate on defense.  As simple as that sounds, he seemed a little lost the last couple years knowing when to slide over to help cut off penetration or rotate out on a shooter.  The ferocious play by him on the boards and at the defensive end is giving the Bulls the identity of a great rebounding and defensive team.  This is especially important with the team’s shooting in the crapper so far.

So should he be an all-star?  Well look at the other candidates.  Although Noah is not on the ballot, that is almost irrelevant.  The ballot is only to select the starters and Dwight Howard is a lock to get that spot in the East.  Most all-star coaches carry 3 centers though, and the only possible competition in the East (outside of Shaq, but he has no shot), is Brook Lopez.  As good as Lopez has been (18.5 points, 8.5 rebounds), his team is 0 for the season.

I’ve been on the bandwagon all along, but I welcome the rest of you to join in.  Noah All-Star Campaign at NQTC starts today!

What’s Quidditch, you ask? Well its a dumb fake game that J.K. Rowling made up for her Harry Potter fiction books, a series about a bunch of children training to be wizards.  Would you believe if I told you that this is not a new development?  Northwestern is not the first school to start a Quidditch program; in fact there is an entire association for this fake game:

“There’s actually an Intercollegiate Quidditch Association that organizes teams across the country,” said Marc Bourgeois, a sophomore who’s trying to put together an NU Quidditch team. “It started at Middlebury College in Vermont and has really caught on.”

Our friend Mr. Bourgeois (what a fitting name, right? Idle rich Northwestern student has time and money to play fake game, I love it) is looking to get funding from the University for equipment and uniforms, which include purple capes.

I know this story sounds as made up as the actual game of Quidditch, but it is completely true.  There is one unanswered question though (beyond Mr. Bourgeois’s connection with the real world).  How can you play Quidditch?  I have  distinct memory of it being a bunch of wizards flying around on brooms chasing magical balls.  Don’t worry, the rules have been adjusted for muggles (I looked this up, it means a non-wizard):

Here’s brief look at the game: Each player needs a broom. One hand must be kept on the broom between your legs at all times as players run around trying to throw a slightly deflated volleyball, known as the “quaffle,” past a goalie and into one of three goals, which are essentially Hula Hoops attached to PVC piping — all this while trying to avoid being hit by rubber kick balls, or “bludgers.”

“It’s also a contact sport, so it gets pretty intense. You can’t tackle somebody, but you can hip check and run into people while trying to steal the quaffle,” said Bourgeois, who added that players wear cleats — and mouth guards and athletic supporters are recommended.

Looking at the picture above and reading all this stuff, I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that our friend Mr. Bourgeois is a virgin.  I don’t see how it could be any other way, I mean the guy wants to wear a freaking cape.

NQTC gets mention again for the “Mr. Numb Existence Award” which goes to the five blogs that have the least divergence from the average ballot.  As the writer at CBS Sports has pointed out,

Yea, truly, the Mr. Numb Existence award has devolved to the teams that cause so much pain for their fans that all they can do when it comes time to put some teams in a top twenty-five is dully click the “chalk” button before moving on to the next pointless exercise in their meaningless lives.

Being a Michigan fan following Illinois, this is doubly true.  Anyway, here’s the poll, and I’m off to count ceiling tiles.

Rank	Team	PPB	StdDev	Delta
1	Florida (32)	24.0	0.8	–
2	Alabama (37)	24.0	1.0	1
3	Texas (24)	23.8	0.9	1
4	TCU (1)	21.4	1.0	1
5	Cincinnati	21.3	0.8	1
6	Boise State	20.0	1.4	1
7	Georgia Tech	18.9	1.3	3
8	Pittsburgh	15.8	2.8	5
9	LSU	14.6	3.4	–
10	Oregon	14.2	2.6	2

• The Texas Rangers seem to have the most interest in Bradley.  Considering that his stint there was pretty much the only stop in his career that can be considered a success, it might be a good fit.  The most likely player the Cubs would get in return is Kevin Millwood.  Unfortunately Texas is asking the Cubs to eat a huge chunk of Bradley’s salary, and Hendry will be unlikely to do that.
• So what about this 3-way deal that just popped up as a possibility between the Cubs, Blue Jays, and Mets?  Apparently the deal would send Bradley to the Jays and Luis Castillo to the Cubs.  Castillo is okay, but keep in mind the goal isn’t to get great value, but just to dump Bradley.
• That Tampa Bay rumor that had the Rays swapping Burrell and his bad contract for Bradley and his is still out there.  Meh.
• Sarge Jr. anyone?  Supposedly the Cubs have talked to the Angels about doing a swap of Bradley for Gary Matthews Jr.  Didn’t we already do that dance though?
• There is always the possibility Bradley will stay.  Hendry has been trying to cover his ass on that one recently, making statements that re-open the door to a Bradley return.  I’m on board with that, but only if the Cubs front office and management take a proactive approach to helping Bradley feel comfortable and learn to deal with his issues.

So none of those situations is ideal, of course, but we knew all along it was going to be a tough situation to unload Bradley.  In terms of the things that make the most sense, I think the Texas deal makes the most sense for all parties.  The Cubs would get a 5th starter, Millwood, they could throw in the rotation to replace Harden.  Also Millwood’s contract only has one year left on it, so the money would be all off the books after 2010.  For Bradley and the Rangers, they would be going back to a formula that has worked for them before.  Stay close to your internets people, today might be the day Hendry makes a move.

So here’s the clip, you tell me what you think (keeping in mind the call on the court was a made basket):

Here is my problem, all the angles look like it was out of his hands except one, which looked like it could have gone either way.  So how does that result in anything but a bucket and a win?

Well not only did he talk the talk, he walked the walk.  He literally slathers his column with salsa and then proceeds to eat it with Noah getting his respect throughout.  Fast-forward to 5:00 if you want to see less bitching from Morrissey and more newspaper eating.

Earlier today when I heard it, I thought the stunt was a bit over the top and gimmicky. I still feel that way, and I still hate Morrissey, but that was hilarious. They should literally sit down all the great sports “journalists” out there and force them to do this with all their columns. I’m looking at you Mariotti!

For more Chicago Bulls coverage from this author, check out Pippen Ain’t Easy.

h/t: TPS

Rank	Team	Delta
1	Alabama	1
2	Florida	1
3	Texas
4	Boise State
5	Cincinnati
6	TCU	1
7	Georgia Tech	3
8	LSU	1
9	Pittsburgh	5
10	Oregon	2
11	Southern Cal	1
12	Ohio State	5
13	Iowa	7
14	Houston	1
15	Utah
16	Miami (Florida)
17	Penn State	6
18	Oklahoma State	1
19	Arizona	1
20	Wisconsin	3
21	Brigham Young	3
22	Virginia Tech	3
23	West Virginia
24	Oregon State
25	Stanford
Last week’s ballot

A few things:

• Florida moves down to #2.  I did this a long time after everyone else did, and a lot of people have moved Texas up and have gone back to the Gators, but Bama has so many quality wins that they’ll likely keep this spot until they play Florida in the SEC Championship.
• Georgia Tech soars to #7.  Bow to the triple option!  Bow to it!
• Iowa couldn’t make it through their brutal home games against Indiana and Northwestern, as their hopes for a NC blew out in the endzone with Stanzi’s ankle/knee. 
• Ohio State and USC are creeping back toward the top 10.  The Buckeyes will probably return with a win over Iowa Saturday. 

One of those idiots is Rick Morrissey.  Now you might be sitting there thinking that I’m the one starting this battle, that us bloggers are the ones that initially waged war on the mainstream media.  With Morrissey you would be wrong.

Anyways, he made one of his more ridiculous statements a few years ago, and now it has come back to bite him in the ass.  According to Mike McGraw of the Daily Herald:

Tribune columnist Rick Morrissey showed up at practice carrying an old copy of his sports section and a jar of salsa. Apparently on draft night 2007, he wrote that if Joakim Noah becomes a useful player within three years, he’ll eat his column with salsa.

Well, Noah had 21 points, 16 rebounds and 4 blocks in Saturday’s win over Charlotte, so Morrissey actually showed up to eat the column. I didn’t see it happen, but the stunt was videotaped and I’m sure the two-year old newsprint was delicious.

Come on Rick!  You thought there was no possibility at all that Noah would even be “useful” within 3 years?  We all thought he would be useful.  At 5 pts and 5 rebs a game he would be useful.  99% of Chicago were way ahead of your idiotic prediction about him being completely worthless on draft day.  We knew he would be a decent rebounder and perhaps a solid role player off the bench (which definitely would have counted as useful).  Most of the reasonable-minded Chicagoans following the Bulls were more concerned that he would take the next step to double-double guy.

(Sidenote: Noah is an all-star so far this year.  Only Dwight Howard is playing better than him at the center position in the East.  You could argue Brook Lopez deserves it, although he plays for a losing team, but even then many all-star teams carry three centers.)

And what’s with the salsa stunt?  I know business is bad, but really?  I don’t see how that’s necessary.  Just admit that another stupid column of yours was completely moronic and wrong and move on.

Dammnit Tommie.

• Before rolling the Ravens this week, Ochocinco of the Bengals gave them gift baskets with deodorant in it.  So they wouldn’t sweat of course. Classy. [Ingamenow]
• My Bulls weekly roundup.  I love writing those when the Bulls go 3-0 on the week.  Awesome. [Pippen Ain't Easy]
• Free beer with every “bat-free” Spurs win.  Seriously. [BDL]
• Any story involving Marbury, Twitter, and strange comments is always going to be funny.  Now he claims the NBA is fixed and Stern should be replaced.  Great plan for getting back in the NBA, idiot. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• I know I haven’t really addressed the Blackhawks blackface issue, so here’s a little story on it for you. [Tribune]
• The top ten worst haircuts in sports.  Topping the list? Our boy Noah of course. [Fansided]
• What is Troy Aikman’s problem?  How is he going to insult Cutler during yesterday’s game?  Of all things to criticize, I’d say Cutler didn’t really deserve it. [Jay Cutler Superstar]
• It looks like that new Cubs triangle building is starting to go up.  I’m against it, but I’m a former resident of the neighborhood, so I’m a little biased. [BCB]
• The Lions lost.  Again. But the funniest part of this article is the headline in the local paper at the very end of the post. [Detroit4Lyfe]
• Some people just find a way to kill all the fun.  This week: Champagne goggles are bad.  Next week: who knows? [Bootlegger]
• The woman in this new Reebok commercial is unreal. [Guyism]
• Chicagoans are laughing at Sammy Sosa.  Seriously, a poll done shows that is most people’s reactions. Ouch. [Midwest Sports Fans]
• Aaron Rodgers and the Pack didn’t exactly have a good day either.  Its only a matter of time until he gets hurt. [I94 Sports]

As many of you have seen and heard, Sammy Sosa showed up at the Latin Grammys Person of the Year event recently looking a little different.  The Dominican Dracula, as I am now calling him, claims he has had some sort of treatment on his skin that makes it look lighter than before:

“He is going through a rejuvenation process for his skin,” Polihronis said. “Women have it all of the time. He was surprised he came out looking so white. I thought it was a body double. Part of (the photo appearance) is just the lighting.

“He is in the middle of doing a cleansing process to his skin. The picture is deceiving. He said, ‘If you saw me in person, you would be surprised. When you see me in person, it is not going to seem like the picture.”

Okay, I buy it.  There has also been some speculation that the steroids may have caused it.  I could buy that too.  No explanation has come out yet regarding the green contacts, though.

I would like to posit a few theories about the “new” Sammy.

Sosa Theory 1: When he was hit by a baseball in the head, he didn’t actually survive that.  A bat bit him and he was reborn as a vampire.  After realizing he couldn’t play during the day anymore, he was traded to a team that had significantly more night games and where he could play DH and not have to stand out in the sun.  The zombie theory is similar to this as well.

Sosa Theory 2: He’s an alien.  This theory was out there for Michael Jackson too, but is it so crazy?  His eyes magically changed colors and his skin has mysteriously gone back to its original pale alien color and you’re telling me the guy is human?  And even if he did take steroids, what he did with his bat in the 1990s was pretty out of this world (you see what I did there? I’m the king of the shitty double entendre).

Sosa Theory 3: Sammy Sosa is a robot.  He never was a real living being.  The Tribune company created him in 1996 and named him after some skinny light-hitting White Sox player who mysteriously disappeared after a brief stint in Texas.

Sosa Theory 4: Or the skin treatment thing I guess, but that theory is lame as hell.

Jerry Angelo: Trading more picks for useless garbage?  I have yet to see Gaines Adams do anything.  And remember how we used to love this guy for drafting so much defensive talent so late in drafts?  Been a few years since that happened, huh?

Lovie Smith: This is the official beginning of NQTC turning against Lovie.  I think he’s a great guy and his Cover 2 was a great system.  The problem with that sentence? WAS! Everyone gets it now.  The seams are huge, you don’t have the best personnel to run it, and you are too stubborn to mix in a few other packages to at least keep offenses a little off-balance!  If he can’t adjust to the NFL the way it is played today, then he needs to go.  There, I said it.

Bob Babich: I’m still unclear about what this guy’s role is, but whatever he is supposed to be doing I’m pretty damn sure he’s not doing it well.

Rod Marinelli: Fire up the goddamn defensive line!  Our front four get absolutely no pressure.  That is the main reason you were brought in to Chicago, to make the line play with more energy and intelligence.  Haven’t seen that in a month, at least.

Tommie Harris: Cut him.

Anthony Adams and Marcus Harrison: You were supposed to be run-stoppers.  That means you fill gaps and allow the linebackers to come in and make tackles.  Why are offensive linemen upfield laying blocks on our linebackers?!

Ogunleye, Brown, Anderson: DO SOMETHING! Honestly it looks like they aren’t trying, agreed?  They don’t run hard, and the second they get blocked, that’s it.  They are out of the play.  Keep f#$%ing fighting to get to the QB! After the snap, I could go make a panini on my George Foreman, come back and sit down and look up, and Kurt Warner would still be standing there looking downfield for receivers in a sparkling clean jersey.

Hunter Hillenmeyer: Gets the system, has ZERO talent.

Nick Roach: Has the talent, doesn’t get the system.  Oh and eat some Wheaties or something, you are way too small to be a linebacker in the NFL.

Lance Briggs: Step up!  Why can’t you play the middle?  Why? I don’t understand.  Do you not understand the Cover 2?  Are you that bad in coverage?

Afalava and Payne: I get it.  You guys are both run-stopping safeties and that’s why you SUCK in coverage.  Here’s the bigger problem than the coverage: You aren’t stopping the run.  Figure that out, okay?

Vasher and Tillman: Cut. Cut.

Danieal Manning: The best athlete on the team, huh? A smart football player, huh?  Stop going for the strip on every f#$%ing play, how about that? Here’s some advice: if a running back has both hands on the ball wrapped up tight and you are the only one in his way, go for the tackle.  I’m sick of hearing the announcers go “so-and-so dragged Manning on his back for an extra 9 yards on the play” because he was going for the strip.  Make the goddamn tackle!

Any other things that pissed you off?  I have about 20 more but I’m already in a bad enough mood.  The season is basically over and the most amazing thing about it is not how bad we are, but that somehow we have a 4-4 record even though we have an 0-8 defense.