One of the biggest obstacles to experiencing clarity is fear. And I don’t mean the healthy kind of fear like reacting to a snake crawling up your leg. The kind of fear that blocks clarity shows up as self-criticism (a harsh inner voice), assumptions based on past painful events, fault finding in others, over- focusing on all the possible negative outcomes…you get the picture! If you have a normal human brain, you do all of those things too.

Photo by Marco Bellucci, shared via flickr

In life coaching, we use curiosity as the antidote for the kind of fear that keeps you stuck.  When you are in a state of curiosity, you are more open, expansive and willing to see all the possible options. As a matter of fact, it is very difficult to be overly critical or paralyzed by fear while in a curious mindset because you are using a different part of your brain! Think about the inquisitiveness of a child as they are encountering something interesting; likely they are engaging playfully instead of anxiously.

Here are some curiosity-inspiring questions that you can use to shift into a more expansive mindset when you find yourself blocked by fear:

• If my body could speak, what message would it be giving me?
• What else could be true besides what I am assuming?
• If I was (insert the name of someone you respect), how would I approach this situation?
• What is the most loving way I can view myself (or someone else) right now?
• What do I really care about here?

Let me know what you discover!

As I sneezed my way to the office one morning, I wined to myself about how uncomfortable and inflamed I felt. It was hard to breathe or even think, much less be the centered, present person I chose to be with my life coaching clients. And then in my first session, something interesting happened. I heard my client reporting a very similar feeling but from her own personal growth process.

She said something like this: “I just feel so uncomfortable, like I can’t really stay present with what I am doing. I keep getting distracted by all the changes in my life and I am thinking about them all the time. I know it is good stuff, right? So why I am so fuzzy right now?”

Photo by Katie Szczypinski, shared via flickr

My client was having a life transition allergy attack. Even though the new blooms in her life (a new dating relationship, a big career shift) were beautiful and positive, her system needed time to adjust. She was getting “stuffed up” with analyzing every detail of the way her life was changing and this was giving her fuzzy brain.

Just because something makes us uncomfortable or even scared does not mean it isn’t good. As a matter of fact, we usually have lots to learn from the ways we react to change and growth. And just like those glorious Cherry trees, often what’s sending out those painful pollen signals is a thing of beauty if we only look carefully.

The cure for my seasonal allergies was a cleaner diet, some antihistamines for a couple of days and regular local honey. I have completely recovered. The cure for my client’s life transition allergies?  A cleaner thought diet when it came to how she was ingesting her own worries. Otherwise, just acknowledging the discomfort and focusing on being more present is helping. She says she feels less fuzzy this week too

Change can be scary, heartbreaking, anxiety-producing, and exhausting. As a matter of fact all growth processes can feel a bit like having your skin peeled away. And yet, change can also be very clarifying and nourishing. As a life coach, I have the honor to be an ally with my clients in the change process and I learn every day from their wisdom and grace.

In the words of the wise Pema Chödrön, “Whatever is happening is the path to enlightenment.”

Moment by moment we can choose to see what occurs as a problem or as an opportunity for growth. Guess which one leads to greater empowerment and happiness?

I do hope you will visit me in my new office space at 7911 SE Stark, Suite E!  I will be having an open house in mid-May, stay tuned! Thank you to Angela Austin, the very talented Space Coach for designing, decorating and organizing my new space!

My clients are smart, conscious individuals who would “logic” their way out of their challenges if they could…but they can’t. That is why the end up on the sweet brown wicker couch in my office.  They need more than just better application of the three pounds of meat between their ears. They need perspective. They need compassion. And they need a key to get out of the small cramped box they have put themselves inside.

By TZA, shared via Flickr

One way we play together is by setting up experiments to try in life outside of sessions. By mindfully gathering evidence about their habits and self-organization, my clients gain a new level of clarity about how they have been stuck and what they need to truly reach their desires.

The lovely Geneen Roth said about her work (and this aptly applies to my coaching as well): “Our work is not to change what you do, but to witness what you do with enough awareness, curiosity and tenderness that the lies and old decisions upon which the compulsion is based are questioned and fall away.”

When I get to sit with an individual as they realize the absolute perfection of their own essence, even while living an imperfect human existence, I feel overwhelmed with gratitude.

By Brewbooks, shared via Flickr

This snippet of a poem by Roethke speaks to witnessing the sacred self beautifully:

Near the rose, in this grove of sun-parched,
wind-warped madrones
Among the half-dead trees,
I came upon the true ease of myself,
As if another person appeared out of the depths of my being,
And I stood outside myself,
Beyond becoming and perishing.
A something wholly other,
As if I swayed out on the wildest wave alive,
And yet was still.
And I rejoiced in being what I was.

From “The Rose” by Theodore Roethke

Every kind word you speak or action you take, every time you let go of judging yourself and others and each moment you chose to be present and aware, you are creating more peace in the world.

Lucky for you and I, our bodies come equipped with this powerful tool. Breathing is the only thing your body does that is both unconscious (you don’t have to tell yourself to breathe) and conscious (but you can change your breathing rate and rhythm). Because it is a window into your nervous system, it has the ability to change your anxiety level, send you helpful (or harmful) hormones and help you access inner wisdom.

Photo by AlicePopkorn, shared via flickr

“The solution to stress lies within us. Nature has given us a defense mechanism with which to combat the physical effects of stress: parasympathetic nervous system activity catalyzed by diaphragmatic breathing. While breathing alone may not resolve the issue stressing us, it can empower us to healthfully adapt on mental, emotional, physical, and even spiritual levels.” Heart MD Institute

Here is a simple exercise to try the next time you want to shift out of stress-mode:

1. Find a relaxed position to sit or stand. This only takes a few moments and you can do it virtually anywhere.
2. Place one hand on your low belly. Take a deep inhale, letting your belly under your hand expand to the count of 5.
3. Hold your breath to the count of 5.
4. Exhale fully to the count of 7, feeling your belly move back toward your spine.
5. Repeat a few times until you feel more relaxed. Keep your mind focused on the breath and the counting.

This may seem too easy to cause a profound change, but I promise if you use it regularly, it will create an instant relaxation response as well as other health benefits like lowering blood pressure, helping to regulate hormones, reducing insomnia, carrying more oxygen to your muscles which decreases pain and tension and calming your mind!

One thing I have learned about us humans (and yes, that includes me) is that we hide our fears and darkest feelings behind the  superficial mask that we display as our outward identity.

Photo by lobstar28, shared via Flickr

What aspects of yourself do you regularly refuse to accept? What deep feelings and fears do you stuff into an inner closet and try to forget about? These are your shadow selves and they beg for your love and attention. They get displayed just like a movie projector right out of your dark inner closet and on to people around you. Anyone that you have a strong reaction to is likely a projection of  some disowned aspect of yourself.

The opinionated uncle who you clench your teeth around? He is showing you that you have some opinions that you are stuffing. Do you get uncomfortable when someone gets upset or angry? Perhaps you learned to hide your own anger behind a happy face. That greedy politician that gets you in a lather? There might just be greedy parts of yourself that you don’t want to openly admit to (like the way you snack emotionally).

And, these shadowy, spooky parts are also a precious treasure. If honored and welcomed, they bring you back to a state of wholeness. I am not suggesting you should become the opinionated, angry, greedy person you dislike, but I believe that if you acknowledge these parts of your own human nature, you can be more honest with yourself and others about your vulnerabilities.

So strip off the costumes of perfection, “I’m fine”,  and “I don’t need/feel x and y” and get ready to feel more connected and at peace.

“It is by going down into the abyss that you recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble, there lies your treasure.” -Joseph Campbell

Linda is committed to exploring a different job most every week for a year (some paid, some volunteer) as she discovers more about her passions, flexes her strengths and connects with interesting people along the way.

We have laughed and cried together in our life coaching sessions but I laughed (and cried) even harder when I read her recent blog post about me (where she calls me both a goose and a fairy godmother)! Please take a moment to read more about Linda and her journey and spread the word so that she can get the sponsorship she needs to make her vision a reality!

So Monday morning I was headed to my favorite Vinyasa yoga class, dedicated to nourishing myself through mindful movement. Except I was late. And I was grumpy after a “get dressed for school” battle with my youngest son. Gripping the steering wheel, I blazed through a just-turning-red light and then tailgated a too-slow station wagon.

Photo by Andrew Kalat, shared via Flickr

Staring at the back of the wagon with laser-beam anger in my eyes I heard myself say: “Get the frack (insert even harsher word) out of my way!” It was then that I noticed the bumper sticker on the back of the snail-paced wagon: “Dangerous woman inside.”

Those words immediately softened my grip. You see, part of my message for women is to pay attention to the very important question: “Who are you being?”

Moment to moment we each have many options. Am I going to be the clear, empowered ME or this raging, “dangerous” woman I can be when I am stressed?

And what is the point of going to yoga if the journey there causes me this much stress? It would be better to sit home and watch a soap opera. You see, it isn’t the activity that you are doing that really counts. Rather, it is the attitude, the WHO you are being, that matters most.

Lucky for me, the slow moving wagon gave me a much needed attitude adjustment. I talked down the urgent, crazy woman inside and arrived at yoga (a couple of minutes late) in a more true-to-me state of being.

In this next moment of your own precious life, who are you being?